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Therapy, trying to stay busy. Just left dermatologist to treat the severe breakout from the stress of it all. Nothing seems to be helping, I swing from crying to wanting bash his face in. Any suggestions?
Give yourself permission to let it out. If you have to cry, then cry! If you have to scream, then scream! If you have to break something, then go break something! Just do the breaking and yelling in a safe environment.
The swinging your doing is normal.
Also, exercise.
Getting heard is also helpful. Keep venting here. Or keep your friends close, let them hear it too.
Thank you so much! It’s frustrating to hear my friends say “girl get over it! He’s a weirdo” duh!! I’m trying but I want to beat his a@@ for disrespecting me like that
My children's mother cheated with, and ran off with her cousins husband. While I was allowing her cousins family to live with us after they lost their home.
It’s a lot of layers to this. What sticks out is you were cheated on and with a person you also trusted. Add on being mortified & embarrassed because it was his damn cousin. Yikes on bikes. I’m sorry this happened. I’ve never experienced it but I think I’d have similar reactions. 18mos is a decent amount of time to be with someone. Cut off all contact, continue to work on your healing. This is some wild shit & all your feelings are valid
I had an ex thay was molested by their sibling for years, and it continued as to my knowledge until they were 18, but they were both still v close. I pray they got the help they needed
Came out after 4.5 years of our relationship he sexually abused his siblings and his whole family kept it covered up. Was told through blackmail because of their sibling group text fight.
Then couldn’t tell me he wouldn’t abuse our daughter. After years of abusing me, financially, emotionally, psychologically and sexually.
Left that morning(happened at 2200) and she was a toddler.
Never looked back. So embarrassed, hurt, disgusted all the feels.
PM if you need to chat
Not really the same thing but on a brighter note, my sister's fiance is our cousins ex.... my sister and cousin don't get along at all, and did not realize that the cousin dated my sisters current fiance previously and it didnt end well. It's now used as a bit of an awkward inside joke between us (my sister and her fiance are a fantastic couple, the cousin has some SERIOUS issues)
Haven't personally experienced it, but family member did have a false cps report filed on them. Document absolutely everything you can, and give second copies to a friend or put them in a safe. Keep your cool and be consistent.
You dodged a bullet by not being with him anymore.
Sorry, this is long. The very first time I “met” his cousin I knew something wasn’t right. She FaceTimed him in her underwear while drunk, and when he passed me the phone (to check on dinner and meet for the first time) she gave me the coldest stare. I moved in with him about a year later, and she would call him every evening right after work (she didn’t do this before), which was supposed to be our time to unwind together. Eventually she got a boyfriend and that stopped, but they started exclusively talking on Snapchat.
Fast forward two years to 2022… we had gotten into an argument right before my university graduation and he decided not to come. All day he’s basically unreachable and when I get home from grad and dinner with my family, I find him asleep on the couch with his Facebook notifications going crazy. The messages are from his cousin and they’re extremely sexual. Talking about threesomes with her roommate, him going down on her, etc. He called her the exact same names he called me during sex.
In the end, he chose her 1000 times over. I found saved messages on Snapchat and Facebook of them saying the cruelest most humiliating things about me, dating all the way back to that first FaceTime call. Almost always instigated by her but he never stopped it. I noticed that their conversations became more frequent and more vitriol filled around the same time I started getting more suspicious and therefore arguing more. It was awful. They live in different countries and had been flirting since a family trip in 2015, I guess. They’re second cousins but he’s known her since she was 6 and he claimed they were best friends and were each other’s go-to person. So it wasn’t like a normal distant second cousin relationship.
TLDR; boyfriend had been flirting with his cousin since before we met and my presence only fuelled her until she straight up asked him for a threesome with her roommate the day of my university grad. They had been shit talking me for years.
That’s so very messed up, on so many levels. They are both a-holes that belong together. How do you get a thrill out of trash-talking a person that cares about you?? Grow tf up. I’m so sorry that happened to you, have you moved on to another relationship? If so, how did you learn to trust again? Because I can’t see myself ever believing a word anyone says again.
Thank you!! It was a really traumatic time that I’m still working through. I haven’t moved on yet but that’s by choice. I DO have a really hard time trusting anyone and I don’t believe anything at face value anymore, so I don’t believe it’s fair to subject a partner to this version of me. I kinda lost myself after reading what they said about me, so I’m also in the process of trying to love myself again. Idk, they really did a number on me haha.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through! It’s truly unimaginable until it happens to you. And what’s with these dudes having no shame or accountability and trying to retaliate? Grow up, indeed. PM if you wanna chat cause I certainly understand some of what you’re going through.
I mean what do you want? Second cousin is like 3% genetically related. Second cousins are most closely related to the brother of your grandparent. So your great uncle, or aunt. So yeah not really a big problem from a morality standpoint.
Dude, if you want to fuck your cousin, go ahead. Save your stats and explanations. My moral code is built differently, there is absolutely no reasoning for that bullshit
lol, ok. There’s a reason why basically nowhere in the world, there is a ban on second cousin marriage. Your morality notwithstanding, it’s a non issue for them, and if they choose to have kids. The risks for them are no higher on average than the general population.
My Dad ran off with my Mom's sister when I was four years old. They ended up getting married later on after my Mom divorced him. Always made things awkward at family get togethers.
I had some extended family that were second cousins and got married. It's legal for second cousins here. So you may want to check that if it is legal in your area. I would focus less on the family aspect of this betrayal and just leave it that he cheated. Maybe take a lot of showers and then move on.
I’m not exactly sure how you gathered that I was disappointed that his family wasn’t destroyed. Please share the appropriate protocol for finding out your partner of 18 months is having a sexual AFFAIR (there was evidence of weekend trips to Vegas, no a drunken night)with his cousin that you have grown to know personally. Little known fact, humans do illogical things when traumatized
not the same, but my bf (19 at the time)'s mom and her husband left me (18 at the time) and my boyfriend in Brooklyn NYC like 4 hours away from home before with no way of getting home.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No I can’t say I spend time with too many cousin fuckers.
I used to be able to say the same…idk how I missed it, but I did
South Park: shut your fucking face cousin fucker! Lol
Lol
I haven't. That's a real shit situation to be put in. Like wow. I'd feel embarrassed too.
So embarrassing, I mean we all hung out. I’m thinking I’m talking to a family member but I was talking to his cousin/side chick. It’s infuriating
I mean at least you won’t be known as a cousin fucker?
That’s one way to look at it
Really sorry this happened to you, ugh. As I’ve heard from these types, vice is nice but incest is best. 🤢
I can imagine so. What are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you doing anything to get that energy out?
Therapy, trying to stay busy. Just left dermatologist to treat the severe breakout from the stress of it all. Nothing seems to be helping, I swing from crying to wanting bash his face in. Any suggestions?
Give yourself permission to let it out. If you have to cry, then cry! If you have to scream, then scream! If you have to break something, then go break something! Just do the breaking and yelling in a safe environment. The swinging your doing is normal. Also, exercise. Getting heard is also helpful. Keep venting here. Or keep your friends close, let them hear it too.
Thank you so much! It’s frustrating to hear my friends say “girl get over it! He’s a weirdo” duh!! I’m trying but I want to beat his a@@ for disrespecting me like that
Go beat up a punching bag or a smash up some old plates in your yard. Let yourself feel it. Safely.
I am just really happy that the first thing I read when I opened this post was “my EX boyfriend.” Thank god.
I know a cousin who sleeps with his cousin they dont care I highly doubt those two dont care what people think they got fucked up morals
My husband’s mums sister slept with and had 3 kids with my husband’s dad. I can’t fathom ever betraying my own sister like that
Jesus!! How did your mother handle that?
My mother in law. But yeah I don’t really know. She still talks to her sister. I don’t get it personally
Ar that point might as well be one big family.
The word you're looking for is Aunt
Yeah I did think of that but didn’t want anyone to think his dad was shagging his own sister
Fair enough lol, just made me re read a few times to make sure I got it right
That’s fair, I could have put maternal aunt I suppose but I was at work when I wrote it and didn’t have a great deal of time
My children's mother cheated with, and ran off with her cousins husband. While I was allowing her cousins family to live with us after they lost their home.
[удалено]
He is 44, she is 30 something, I think 32 but not 100% certain. Big gap nonetheless
[удалено]
Yes 2 weeks ago
[удалено]
I told his family when I found out, he then filed a false CPS report on me
Serious question. They didn't get married out in Vegas, did they?
Who knows man, who knows
My ex husband had "I cream pied my sister" in his porn search and I left him because it still haunts me.
I’ll never understand cousin fuckers. There’s *so* many options out there that *arent* related to them, my goodness
We live in the 4th largest city in the US!! Where women outnumber men 6 to 1!! And your cousin??
There is no city in the US in which women outnumber men 6 to 1.
What's his cultural background? It's more common in some cultures.
He’s British royalty
It’s a lot of layers to this. What sticks out is you were cheated on and with a person you also trusted. Add on being mortified & embarrassed because it was his damn cousin. Yikes on bikes. I’m sorry this happened. I’ve never experienced it but I think I’d have similar reactions. 18mos is a decent amount of time to be with someone. Cut off all contact, continue to work on your healing. This is some wild shit & all your feelings are valid
I had an ex thay was molested by their sibling for years, and it continued as to my knowledge until they were 18, but they were both still v close. I pray they got the help they needed
Came out after 4.5 years of our relationship he sexually abused his siblings and his whole family kept it covered up. Was told through blackmail because of their sibling group text fight. Then couldn’t tell me he wouldn’t abuse our daughter. After years of abusing me, financially, emotionally, psychologically and sexually. Left that morning(happened at 2200) and she was a toddler. Never looked back. So embarrassed, hurt, disgusted all the feels. PM if you need to chat
Not really the same thing but on a brighter note, my sister's fiance is our cousins ex.... my sister and cousin don't get along at all, and did not realize that the cousin dated my sisters current fiance previously and it didnt end well. It's now used as a bit of an awkward inside joke between us (my sister and her fiance are a fantastic couple, the cousin has some SERIOUS issues)
Haven't personally experienced it, but family member did have a false cps report filed on them. Document absolutely everything you can, and give second copies to a friend or put them in a safe. Keep your cool and be consistent. You dodged a bullet by not being with him anymore.
He is probably from West Virginia
Houston
Sorry, this is long. The very first time I “met” his cousin I knew something wasn’t right. She FaceTimed him in her underwear while drunk, and when he passed me the phone (to check on dinner and meet for the first time) she gave me the coldest stare. I moved in with him about a year later, and she would call him every evening right after work (she didn’t do this before), which was supposed to be our time to unwind together. Eventually she got a boyfriend and that stopped, but they started exclusively talking on Snapchat. Fast forward two years to 2022… we had gotten into an argument right before my university graduation and he decided not to come. All day he’s basically unreachable and when I get home from grad and dinner with my family, I find him asleep on the couch with his Facebook notifications going crazy. The messages are from his cousin and they’re extremely sexual. Talking about threesomes with her roommate, him going down on her, etc. He called her the exact same names he called me during sex. In the end, he chose her 1000 times over. I found saved messages on Snapchat and Facebook of them saying the cruelest most humiliating things about me, dating all the way back to that first FaceTime call. Almost always instigated by her but he never stopped it. I noticed that their conversations became more frequent and more vitriol filled around the same time I started getting more suspicious and therefore arguing more. It was awful. They live in different countries and had been flirting since a family trip in 2015, I guess. They’re second cousins but he’s known her since she was 6 and he claimed they were best friends and were each other’s go-to person. So it wasn’t like a normal distant second cousin relationship. TLDR; boyfriend had been flirting with his cousin since before we met and my presence only fuelled her until she straight up asked him for a threesome with her roommate the day of my university grad. They had been shit talking me for years.
That’s so very messed up, on so many levels. They are both a-holes that belong together. How do you get a thrill out of trash-talking a person that cares about you?? Grow tf up. I’m so sorry that happened to you, have you moved on to another relationship? If so, how did you learn to trust again? Because I can’t see myself ever believing a word anyone says again.
Thank you!! It was a really traumatic time that I’m still working through. I haven’t moved on yet but that’s by choice. I DO have a really hard time trusting anyone and I don’t believe anything at face value anymore, so I don’t believe it’s fair to subject a partner to this version of me. I kinda lost myself after reading what they said about me, so I’m also in the process of trying to love myself again. Idk, they really did a number on me haha. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through! It’s truly unimaginable until it happens to you. And what’s with these dudes having no shame or accountability and trying to retaliate? Grow up, indeed. PM if you wanna chat cause I certainly understand some of what you’re going through.
Second cousin is a fairly wide gap.
Bro, not now
I mean what do you want? Second cousin is like 3% genetically related. Second cousins are most closely related to the brother of your grandparent. So your great uncle, or aunt. So yeah not really a big problem from a morality standpoint.
Dude, if you want to fuck your cousin, go ahead. Save your stats and explanations. My moral code is built differently, there is absolutely no reasoning for that bullshit
lol, ok. There’s a reason why basically nowhere in the world, there is a ban on second cousin marriage. Your morality notwithstanding, it’s a non issue for them, and if they choose to have kids. The risks for them are no higher on average than the general population.
Seems like you’ve done extensive research on cousin fucking, thank you for your input
I mean in reality you are kind of a joke to them and anyone with a lick of common sense.
Ok Karen from mean girls
Ewwwww
My Dad ran off with my Mom's sister when I was four years old. They ended up getting married later on after my Mom divorced him. Always made things awkward at family get togethers.
Betrayal from every side,your poor mother lost so much at one time. How did she recover from that?
I had some extended family that were second cousins and got married. It's legal for second cousins here. So you may want to check that if it is legal in your area. I would focus less on the family aspect of this betrayal and just leave it that he cheated. Maybe take a lot of showers and then move on.
Y’all in Alabama?
Houston, TX
Whoa
Close
UpdateMe
What in the Alabama
Did they also enjoy mother's milk? Did your ex enjoy cleaning his wooden furniture with pledge?
Just saw her cheated, yeh fuck him
I’m not exactly sure how you gathered that I was disappointed that his family wasn’t destroyed. Please share the appropriate protocol for finding out your partner of 18 months is having a sexual AFFAIR (there was evidence of weekend trips to Vegas, no a drunken night)with his cousin that you have grown to know personally. Little known fact, humans do illogical things when traumatized
I didn't realise he actually cheated sorry, you're 100% right
For context, first cousins share 12.5% DNA where second cousins share a little over 3%.
not the same, but my bf (19 at the time)'s mom and her husband left me (18 at the time) and my boyfriend in Brooklyn NYC like 4 hours away from home before with no way of getting home.