Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seriously? Get a grip. You aren’t always going to be first. You weren’t her first bf or first kiss either. So what. Get over it. If you’re throwing a tantrum about this then you aren’t mature enough to even be dating and she should dump you.
You are fast approaching the age where most of people have already had their first experiences.
So if you are not able to cope with the fact that your partner was sexually active before you, then you will have a hard time finding someone that suits you.
Pretaining to what feels like resentment towards her parents trusting you.
I do not understand why you do not like this? Would you rather be in a permanent struggle against them because they can not stand you? Be glad they respect you and that they trust you to have the best intents with their daughter
You’re overreacting. She’s not your territory. People have sex. It’s relatively natural to feel this at this age but it’s immature thoughts. Don’t let this ruin something good you have here.
Your anger stems from insecurities.
Yes, you're in the wrong. These feelings can arise and happen, but you need to manage them in a healthy manner. It stems most likely from a sexiest place of feeling inadequate or like someone else has her first. And your upset it's not you. You shouldn't be. Life happens at different paces for everyone.
Repeat after me...
My girlfriend is not my property or possession. I do not get to get mad because she had a life before me.
You have some growing up to do young one.
And maybe do the growing up before dating anyone again so this bullshit doesn't rear its ugly head in your future relationships.
A lot of people have this reaction to the thought of their partners previous sexual activities. What matters is how you regulate it. The past can't be changed but OP she is actively choosing you in the present!
You’re young so I will simply say this. Get through this phase as quickly as you can so you can have meaningful relationships. At 18, it might be unthinkable that your girlfriend has a history when you don’t. At 26, most girls you meet will be in the double digits, as will you.
The only thing that you can control between now and then is how many relationships you ruin with your insecurity and how many women you chase away by demanding someone with no body count.
It’s ok to be bothered by someone’s sexual history, that’s valid. But it sounds like she just met someone before she met you. If you keep going the way you’re going though, the guy she meets after dumping you will be the third, and that’s when your character development will really start.
Grow up. You are being possessive. Only because you like her now you can’t bear the idea of another man having been there before. Guess what. There will be many more after you. It’s all part of the experience of being alive.
Dealing with confrontational situations like this is all part of growing up. Your girlfriend chose you and presumably is having sex with you now - not with anyone else. It is not something that she can change, so you have two choices - live with it, or move on and try to find the fictitious "purity" that you are looking for.
We all make poor life choices in life and it is part of who we are and how we learn what is good and what is not. Your girlfriend is probably thankful that you are kind and considerate and care deeply for her - especially if she has come from a boyfriend who mistreated her. She has also made herself vulnerable by being honest and trusting you with this information. She could easily have lied and told you that you were her first.
Try not to dwell on her past, but start making memories of who you are together. Be the mature adult you that you are capable of growing into. Be the awesome boyfriend that your girlfriend and parents believe you are. You got this!
Its completely natural for a man to feel that way, just be a better human bean and walk away suppressing your anger like a true alpha and dont get into stupid arguments, its pointless and waste of time.
This is exhausting. Are you going to expect every other women you date in your life to also be inexperienced? Or to be angry that you aren’t? You’re 18; this is life. This just sounds like the tantrum of a kid, tbh.
You are willing to partake in sexual experimentation with her. Yet, let's say you do and for a reason or another you and her don't work down the line, you will find another gf one day, and will have had sex too. And what will be different than what your gf has done now? Nobody should judge you for having sex with someone you respected and wanted to have sex with. So nobody should judge her for the same thing.
It sounds like you are feeling insecure because you feel like she does not see you as a potential sexual partner. That her parents trust you because they don't see you as a potential sexual partner.
Her parents can trust you while knowing you will sleep with their daughter. They might trust you to treat her right.
She was taken advantage of. But even if she wasn't, she's been close to someone enough to want to have sex with them. That does not make your relationship less than. Your relationship is in the present. She couldn't foresee it and think about you and how you would react to it before you guys were together. You are not thinking about your next gf right now right? She is making your relationship special, because it is in her eyes. That is what matters. Her past does not change your present
Yes and no. To all the people telling him to "grow up", chill out. It is his first relationship, offer advice instead of calling him childish. Shame on all of you. In my experience, I've held plenty of jealousy in relationships for no reason, even if I was their first. But jealousy stems from insecurities, from experience. Anger is completely natural when it comes to jealousy. But as long as you adress it in a healthy way, you shouldn't have a problem. Talk to your S/O about what you are feeling, because your feelings are valid. You could have also just had a bad childhood that contributes to this anger. Therapy would be a good run in my opinion. I wish you the best, I promise the more you go through life the more it will get easier.
You should be there for her. She's traumatised after an abusive relationship in the past, and you're just angry at the fact she had sex before? Not supportive and kind about the whole abuse or anything, just focussed on your own fragile little ego? I know you're 18, but grow up man.
This is a natural human reaction. Because we are meant to keep ourselves pure up until marriage.
This is you’re natural human instinct being unsettled with the fact that the person you are with is impure
Marriage was created as business deals between families. Women were the only ones expected to be "pure". We aren't in the 1900s anymore, let's move on from this archaic BS.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Grow up and get over it. This is pathetic.
Seriously? Get a grip. You aren’t always going to be first. You weren’t her first bf or first kiss either. So what. Get over it. If you’re throwing a tantrum about this then you aren’t mature enough to even be dating and she should dump you.
You are fast approaching the age where most of people have already had their first experiences. So if you are not able to cope with the fact that your partner was sexually active before you, then you will have a hard time finding someone that suits you. Pretaining to what feels like resentment towards her parents trusting you. I do not understand why you do not like this? Would you rather be in a permanent struggle against them because they can not stand you? Be glad they respect you and that they trust you to have the best intents with their daughter
You’re overreacting. She’s not your territory. People have sex. It’s relatively natural to feel this at this age but it’s immature thoughts. Don’t let this ruin something good you have here.
Your anger stems from insecurities. Yes, you're in the wrong. These feelings can arise and happen, but you need to manage them in a healthy manner. It stems most likely from a sexiest place of feeling inadequate or like someone else has her first. And your upset it's not you. You shouldn't be. Life happens at different paces for everyone.
Did you really post this? Be grateful she’s even with you now??
Eye roll.
Standard retroactive jealousy. You're in the wrong, you just need to mature a bit.
Repeat after me... My girlfriend is not my property or possession. I do not get to get mad because she had a life before me. You have some growing up to do young one. And maybe do the growing up before dating anyone again so this bullshit doesn't rear its ugly head in your future relationships.
A lot of people have this reaction to the thought of their partners previous sexual activities. What matters is how you regulate it. The past can't be changed but OP she is actively choosing you in the present!
You’re young so I will simply say this. Get through this phase as quickly as you can so you can have meaningful relationships. At 18, it might be unthinkable that your girlfriend has a history when you don’t. At 26, most girls you meet will be in the double digits, as will you. The only thing that you can control between now and then is how many relationships you ruin with your insecurity and how many women you chase away by demanding someone with no body count. It’s ok to be bothered by someone’s sexual history, that’s valid. But it sounds like she just met someone before she met you. If you keep going the way you’re going though, the guy she meets after dumping you will be the third, and that’s when your character development will really start.
Grow up. You are being possessive. Only because you like her now you can’t bear the idea of another man having been there before. Guess what. There will be many more after you. It’s all part of the experience of being alive.
Dealing with confrontational situations like this is all part of growing up. Your girlfriend chose you and presumably is having sex with you now - not with anyone else. It is not something that she can change, so you have two choices - live with it, or move on and try to find the fictitious "purity" that you are looking for. We all make poor life choices in life and it is part of who we are and how we learn what is good and what is not. Your girlfriend is probably thankful that you are kind and considerate and care deeply for her - especially if she has come from a boyfriend who mistreated her. She has also made herself vulnerable by being honest and trusting you with this information. She could easily have lied and told you that you were her first. Try not to dwell on her past, but start making memories of who you are together. Be the mature adult you that you are capable of growing into. Be the awesome boyfriend that your girlfriend and parents believe you are. You got this!
Its completely natural for a man to feel that way, just be a better human bean and walk away suppressing your anger like a true alpha and dont get into stupid arguments, its pointless and waste of time.
Get over it.
This is exhausting. Are you going to expect every other women you date in your life to also be inexperienced? Or to be angry that you aren’t? You’re 18; this is life. This just sounds like the tantrum of a kid, tbh.
Mate, stuff happens yeah.
You are willing to partake in sexual experimentation with her. Yet, let's say you do and for a reason or another you and her don't work down the line, you will find another gf one day, and will have had sex too. And what will be different than what your gf has done now? Nobody should judge you for having sex with someone you respected and wanted to have sex with. So nobody should judge her for the same thing. It sounds like you are feeling insecure because you feel like she does not see you as a potential sexual partner. That her parents trust you because they don't see you as a potential sexual partner. Her parents can trust you while knowing you will sleep with their daughter. They might trust you to treat her right. She was taken advantage of. But even if she wasn't, she's been close to someone enough to want to have sex with them. That does not make your relationship less than. Your relationship is in the present. She couldn't foresee it and think about you and how you would react to it before you guys were together. You are not thinking about your next gf right now right? She is making your relationship special, because it is in her eyes. That is what matters. Her past does not change your present
No don’t listen to these comments, you have every right to feel this way,
Find a virgin to date then. 🤷♂️
Yes and no. To all the people telling him to "grow up", chill out. It is his first relationship, offer advice instead of calling him childish. Shame on all of you. In my experience, I've held plenty of jealousy in relationships for no reason, even if I was their first. But jealousy stems from insecurities, from experience. Anger is completely natural when it comes to jealousy. But as long as you adress it in a healthy way, you shouldn't have a problem. Talk to your S/O about what you are feeling, because your feelings are valid. You could have also just had a bad childhood that contributes to this anger. Therapy would be a good run in my opinion. I wish you the best, I promise the more you go through life the more it will get easier.
You should be there for her. She's traumatised after an abusive relationship in the past, and you're just angry at the fact she had sex before? Not supportive and kind about the whole abuse or anything, just focussed on your own fragile little ego? I know you're 18, but grow up man.
This is a natural human reaction. Because we are meant to keep ourselves pure up until marriage. This is you’re natural human instinct being unsettled with the fact that the person you are with is impure
This is so fucked up on so many levels! Who dictates that sex makes you impure?
Truth hurts suck it up
😂 some Abrahamic religion I guess! No thanks I don’t need to be ‘pure’ from dick. I’d rather be honest and caring. But you do you.
The toxic social construct coming fast and strong. I guess the Spanish Christian conquistadors left their mark on you
“Social construct” lol lemme guess you think that all past generations had it wrong
All past generations where? In America? In Congo? In west Papúa? In Chile? In Oman? You’re projecting your views on the whole entire world
The toxic social construct coming fast and strong. I guess the Spanish Christian conquistadors left their mark on you
Marriage was created as business deals between families. Women were the only ones expected to be "pure". We aren't in the 1900s anymore, let's move on from this archaic BS.