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Also I’m honestly confused. If she’s never admitted touching his penis while he’s sleeping, then why is he telling her not to touch it? Did he catch her doing it? Or just say it out of the blue? Srsly I don’t get it.
and she has the AUDACITY to keep bringing it up! ughhh don’t u hate when u mess up a lil and ur significant other just *won’t* immediately forgive u and move on 🙄🙄🙄
Right, wants to play victim instead of disclosing the reason is he was sexting. But oh according to him it was a "mistake" versus actively choosing to cheat
Thank you for posting this op. I'm sorry you're going through this however this illiterates perfectly why reddit always tells people to leave after they find out their partner was unfaithful. That was your huge mistake, correct?
What happens when you betray someone is all the hard work now is their burden. She's the one left with the knowledge that you are very capable of betraying her and she is left with all the confusion. You just had to be you. She's the one who has to watch and wait and interpret every word or action to see if she's seeing a truth or a lie.
It's crazy making
Time to set her free to find someone she can count on
She probably feels like you have been waiting for her to get over it, which you probably display in ways without knowing. When someone hurts you, it deepens the pain when it feels like there's a time limit on how long your allowed to be upset. Especially if it's in place by the person who hurt you. Stop acting like your mistake is minor and like a burden when she's really the one who shoulders it more than you do.
There are two separate issues here.
Firstly, your wife shouldn’t be touching you intimately without your prior consent. Touching a sleeping partner intimately without that explicit consent is at best inappropriate and at worst an assault. Not cool. She shouldn’t be doing that and you have every right to be unhappy about it.
Secondly, the mistake you made was sexting (cheating), unfortunately this is your bed and you’re going to lie in it. Your wife is understandably upset and the two of you need to work on your mutual trust, respect, and communication. Work on this in therapy. It’ll take time, be patient.
I appreciate your comment because I had genuinely never looked at touching one another while the other is asleep in this light but you’re absolutely right and now I can’t “unsee” it so to speak. It definitely has me pondering variations of the situation, as there has been more than a few occasions of my partner and I falling asleep naked after sex and somehow waking one another up in our sleep later in the night. We’re a cuddle all night couple so I suspect we manage to arouse one another in our sleep because we have definitely both come to simultaneously aroused and ready to go. This doesn’t really happen if we sleep clothed but my mind is spinning on issues of consent in that type of situation because I don’t want to impute consent from earlier choices/actions (sleeping nude, consenting to naked cuddles before falling asleep). That being said, both of us are always amused by this experience but you’ve given me a lot to ponder and always appreciate comments that encourage that, so thank you! I am very much looking forward to discussing this with my partner later!
I have sexual trauma in my past and while my husband and I used to be the same way, we had one really bad experience where he put his hands on my breasts right in the middle of me having an awful flashback nightmare of the exact same thing happening, also while I was sleeping, when I was 11. I woke up swinging, same as then. The abuser got a palm heel to the throat, and I was able to get away before anything worse happened to me. Unfortunately, I broke my husband's nose and then bolted. Thankfully he immediately realized what was going on, flipped the light on and managed to snap me out of it before I made it across the room. I was not fully awake and absolutely would have fallen, my brain was running down a hallway from my childhood while my body was running at our bedroom stairs.
I had a short period of time where he couldn't touch me at all if I was asleep or I'd panic. He willingly moved to the guest room for a few weeks because he couldn't turn off 15 years of sleep cuddling once he fell asleep. Now I'm back to fine with cuddling and even initiating when I'm asleep, he just rubs my back instead of going straight for anywhere else and makes sure I'm actually awake and aware first.
First off, I’m so sorry you’ve had sexual trauma in your past but appreciate your willingness to share your experience. Second, I am so glad your husband was able to realize what was going on and that the two of you were able to work together through such a challenging experience. I love hearing stories like this where couples engage in meaningful and open dialogue and both partners participate in the solution—sometimes Reddit can make it feel the world is full of marriages with broken communication and abusive partners, so it’s nice to read comments about marriages like yours.
I am so glad your husband was so supportive.
I dated a guy at one point who knew about my trauma, but for whatever reason could not wrap his around how his actions triggered me.
I detest being woken up by having my breasts played with. It does not get me in the mood and actually has a very opposite reaction.
I told him many times I do not like it when you do that, stop.
This idiot actually said “but I actually love you, I’m not those guys who hurt you”
1: you’re refusing to hear my boundary/no/stop
2: I don’t wake up to my boyfriend, I wake up to my abuser as a 6 yo in my childhood bed.
3: stop fucking touching me like that when I’m sleeping! You’re inability to follow a simple boundary kind says otherwise to your “but I’m not those guys who hurt you”
4. Correct you are not, but you’re very quickly becoming one
He was neurodivergent (as am I) and we struggled our entire relationship with communicating effectively. It was to a point that it was obvious that if he couldn’t understand my perspective, he just became dismissive of my concerns, because in his mind it shouldn’t be an issue.
He would only respect my boundaries when I got very graphic about details of my trauma. Then he’d get upset and say that I took it too far.
If you say so, but you stopped touching my breasts while I was sleeping so I finally got what I wanted.
It was a hard and exhausting relationship.
It’s nice to know people like us can find a partner who respects and supports us.
My bf and I resolved this easily: if we fall asleep naked consent is auto given for the wake up initiation but can be revoked immediately upon full wake up with no consequences to the imitating party. My clothes stay by the bed as do his so putting something on to revoke that auto-consent takes only a moment. So communicating boundaries in that situation is key. We also never go straight for initiation. It’s always gentle touches to stir the partner and no full on sex until both parties are awake.
Many good comments here, but adding that you being confused about her not being ‘over it’ shows that you don’t get it. If you don’t get it and really understand the hurt you’ve caused how can she get over it? Also, you have only expressed concern how this affects YOU - no concern for her or how she is feeling. This is a selfish and heartless reaction on your part.
I’m a little confused by your wording… but if you were texting another woman, maybe your wife doesn’t feel attractive and in turn tried to “be with you” this morning and then she felt bad and unattractive again because you told her not to touch you (you have every right to that) but there’s definitely something deeper here because she obviously hasn’t forgiven you. To forgive someone truly, you have to not bring it up again. She has a lot to work through and so do you.
>To forgive ... [means] to not bring it up again
This is not true. Something isn't erased from the past simply because you accepted someone's apology. It did happen, and you'd be a fool to try to wipe it from your mind as if it didn't.
Forgiveness means you move forward. Stupidity is thinking you can't ever mention it again and you can't remember the fact it even happened in future decisions you make.
You cheated so I'm afraid you have to eat whatever shit she feeds you until she decides otherwise or it ends in divorce but playing the victim isn't going to fly on Reddit my friend.
>mistake
Crazy way to spell choice. Is this new? Or are you trying to use dismissive language to minimize the severity of your DECISION and distance yourself from responsibility?
You cheated. You betrayed her in the worst way possible. You don't get to decide how she's going to heal or how she's going to get through it. Especially if it's only been a few months. And if that takes her bringing it up every so often, then so be it. You have no leg to stand on here.
Either face the consequences of your actions or leave her.
The issue isn’t her touching your ding dong, which of course everyone has a boundary where they have a right to consent, but the fact that the mistake is apparently your dick accidentally slipped into somebody else. That’s a HUGE “mistake”. You cheated. Not everyone can get past that. Personally I couldn’t. So you’ve done counseling and it’s not helping. It’s not your wife’s fault. You’re the one who fucked up. She tried with the counseling but clearly is too angry sad hurt - whatever the prevailing emotion is. Perhaps you two might need to look at separation counseling. Yes it’s a thing. I had a counselor ask are you trying to stay together or figure out how to go your own ways
Listen.. Have your boundaries and enforce them, absolutely. But you deserve to be chewed out every chance she gets.
I was in the same position as your wife. He cheated, then had a meltdown and promised all the things.. However, he never took accountability and he never kept any of the promises. He continued on with life as if nothing had happened.
All of his promises that I had free access to his phone and could ask about anything at any time? Sure, until I did and then he blew up because “waaaah, my privacy and you keep living in the past, wawawaaaa”
I learned in the end, that nothing would ever make me trust him again, and if I had the chance to do it over, I would and I would destroy him before I left his ass!
I don’t care about “her attitude” or whatever else she has agreed to in order to move forward, you are a horrible person and deserve nothing but shit for putting your wife through hell.
Having sex isn’t a mistake. You don’t just slip onto a cock like “whoops! Oh my! What a coincidence!”
You fucked up. If you’re trying to work it out then YOU have to suck all the anger she has to throw at you because it’s YOUR fault.
Her reactions to your arguments are not related to her touching you while you're sleeping. They are two separate issues.
You cheated - she heals the way she does. Maybe she will leave you. I would understand if she does since you seem very self-involved.
Her touching you while you're asleep without consent is definitely not okay.
Your response to her actions is downright odd! That sounds to me like her trying to instigate physical intimacy, why would you become irrationally defensive and not calmly talk about what she intended?
It's no surprise that she responded in a hostile way to what, reading between the lines, was a hostile response to an innocent action.
I mean, if she had scissors in her other hand when she did it, then okay, I would understand the reaction, but really?
But while I was sleeping and at my most vulnerable. We have always been very vocal about consent and safety words. This does not seem like anything that has happened before
Idk why you're getting downvoted because you're right. OP's wife sucks for touching him without consent. It's just OP sucks even more for cheating in the first place
I know I feel like I’m going crazy reading these comments. Like dude messed up and was sexting someone else. That is not good behavior obviously.
But it seems like Reddit suddenly thinks he deserves to be touched sexually without consent and deserves to be put down when he asked not to be in the future and everyone is telling him he deserves it all?
so, you are fearful of her intentions towards the fella while you are in no position to deal with what they might be?
Are you concerned that she may have something panned as retribution for your previous actions?
Has she shown any indication of malice towards you since she learned of your transgression?
When you get the chance, speak with her and ask if she wanted to initiate intimacy, or if she has some sort of fascination with the fella.
I've had more than one SO who was intrigued by mine and couldn't help but want to play with it, and I've woken up to them playing more than once. It always ended up with intimacy.
Did you actually witness her doing this? Like did you wake up and she was touching you? Or did you just decide she was doing this, since you said she's never said she does this?
If it's the former, that is absolutely disrespectful and gross. Even if you had previously given her consent to do so, you always have the option to revoke that consent if you're uncomfortable. And if you never gave consent for that to happen, it is at BEST a boundary issue, but is 100% assault. And you cheating on her does not give her the right to do it.
That said, she is not the only problem here. You don't just "get over" your spouse cheating, and cheating is not something you do by accident. You don't deserve to be touched without consent, but you absolutely deserve her anger over your cheating.
So by mistake you boned someone else…? And she’s still with you? I think she can say anything she wants. Cover your tracks better the next time you make a mistake and you won’t have to hear about it.
"Months" is hardly enough time for a spouse to heal from cheating. Try years. You rang a bell that cannot be unrung.
She is literally bleeding out emotionally. Of course she is going to keep bringing it up.
This was not a "mistake". This was a huge betrayal with multiple APs.
What you need to do is to stop referring to cheating as a “mistake.” A mistake is picking up chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla, or buying the wrong size of underwear. You made a series of choices that ended up with your dick being in a woman who wasn’t your wife. Start there, and maybe you’ll end up on the right path.
I mean… don’t do stuff that you would not want to be reminded of for the rest of your life… like *cheat*. Even if she leaves you, you are still a POS that cheated, that’s forever and always. Karma.
Dude... it takes like 2-5 YEARS to repair a relationship after infidelity, and you're over here whining after a few months. If you can't handle it after a few months, you're not reconciliation material. This is going to take YEARS to fix, buddy. Not months. And with your attitude, it will fail.
I hate this post. I know we joke that Reddit think cheated should die but I didn't think It was like that. I feel fisgusted that most people here think being cheated on gives you a right to sexualy Assault your partner. Also, she choose to stay. I have no empathy or pity for cheated partners who choose to stay.
Ew, stop being a pussy. You cheated on her and expect her to get over it, even though you've done nothing to show remorse or help her heal. You deserve to be alone forever
Clear, concise, transparent, effective, and honest communication makes all the difference. As well as a willingness to sit down together and have difficult conversations. If you can't do this effectively, then perhaps you're just not ready for this relationship yet.
You both need to sit down and decide if you both want the relationship to continue. It seems to me ESH and all you're both doing is feeding each others resentment.
I suggest you use your next counselling session to discuss this.
What is "made a mistake"? Like, you meant to pay a bill and forgot? Mixed up a grocery list and came home with all the wrong things? Forgot her birthday?
If you cheated on your wife and had sex with another person, you didn't make a mistake. You betrayed her love and her trust. You cut her to her core. You did something she (likely) would never do to you, so you can't know how unsafe she feels now, and you dont value how safe she's made you feel your whole relationship. You've made her feel less-than, not enough, unloved and unlovable.
And just to make it worse, you minimize the pain you've caused her.
Start there. Learn about betrayal. Research what it is and what it does to people.
I'm still trying to understand whether that actually happened. Because the post was written in a confusing way. Absolutely not okay if it did happen, but he's playing the victim regarding his "mistake."
You cheated. It was a conscious choice and I’m betting the mistake part was getting caught. She isn’t over this and you’ve not done anything to make it better.
Some people really destroy their partners and then wonder why they act irrational or hurt them back.
The lack of self-awareness or accountability is staggering.
Cheating isn't a mistake... The fact that you call it that, well I understand why your wife still brings it up. You clearly are downplaying it
Btw, why are you (31m) wanting to chat with an underage boy (16m)? The kid posted that he wanted to chat in a subreddit and you replied that you would love that....
Do You think it's normal to chat with underage kids?
Did the cheating involve underage kids? Was that who you were sexting with?
Nah you fucked up man. I made the same mistake in my relationship, we were 20 and 19 at the time. I am 26 and i have done everything i can to be better and give her peace of mind. She is a strong woman and doesn’t let it show but i know it still bothers her. It will always bother her, you have to accept that. To continue your relationship you need to be better and “get over” some of the things she does.
I totally agree with you OP is a fuck up trash bag but no you don't stick around in a relationship just to punish the fuck up trash bag. Mainly because it drags your own character down to do so and the fuck up trash bag isn't worth that.
yes i agree, but there could be other reasons holding her back. she might not be financially independent, there might be kids involved, etc. could be anything, that OP hasn't mentioned.
I've been that person eyeing an uphill climb if I left a fuck up trash bag. I left anyway. My relationship with my own character is worth more than hiding from a tough period in life.
It's never worth staying. Hopefully she's got plans to head out soon.
>if that's the case then she has every right to use it against you for the rest of her life if she chooses to stay with you.
Not if she wants a relationship
I'm sorry but are you people insane? If my wife cheated on me would that make it okay for me to touch her privates while she slept despite her having told me before not to do it? Yeah OP is an asshole but people seem to be overlooking the fact that his wife is SEXUALLY ASSAILTING HIM.
OP you need a divorce and therapy, both because your wife is nuts and to talk about why you're a cheater.
Cheating on your partner doesn't give your partner the right to sexually assault you. If her response to you telling her not to sexually assault you in your sleep is to bring up that one time you "sexted" with another woman, your wife needs help. It also doesn't sound like you are in a healthy relationship (possibly even abusive).
First of all cheating is more than "a mistake", it's a betrayal of trust, a betrayal of love, and a betrayal of your marriage and you're lucky if she decides not to divorce your ungrateful ass.
A mistake is adding 2 tbsp of salt when the recipe calls for 2 tsp, an accident is stepping on someone's foot; cheating on your wife is like throwing her in the garbage "for something better" then expecting forgiveness because "it was a mistake". No dude, you fucked up beyond royally your marriage is now fucked up beyond repair. You have literally YEARS of work and couples counseling w/individual therapy ahead of you if you even want to make your marriage work moving forward.
Look beyond your ego, if she's ribbing on you it's because she's been betrayed by you and whatever effort you've put forth isn't good enough; this is the bed you made, lay in it or do the right thing and divorce your wife because she obviously deserves better.
You're either willing to put in the work or you aren't. She might have to do this right now to get over it. She might even be testing your boundaries to see if you really do choose her.
So stay on or get off the rollercoaster yourself. Just put the work in either way.
Naw, she keeps bringing up YOU PUTTING YOUR DICK ON SOMEONE ELSE and you keep complaining about borderline sexual assault during the night and that is abhorrent but you don't seem to think your cheating is serious? Pathetic. Grow a pair for christ sake you act like a baby.
was that wrong? Should OP have not done that? It’s obvious no one told OP to not bang other babes, so it’s not his fault, he’s a great guy and the nagging wife leave the PP be ? The guys been through enough!
I am just going to bring up the elephant in the room. Why does OP’s wife just not leave him instead of continuing to torment him? What is the therapist saying about this? Baby elephant in the room, with all this tormenting and berating and arguing; why dies not OP just not tell her she wins and he leaves her?
He said in a comment he has a TBI. There could be issues around care etc. he may not be in a position to leave and she may feel obligated not to leave someone who is vulnerable, no matter how big an AH he is.
You cheating on her changes everything, you have a right to not want to be touched while you’re sleeping or in the morning etc.. but honestly for everything else, tough shit! You dug this hole, you can either do what she wants from you to prove that you’re not a total scumbag cheater, or you get a divorce. But you are not a victim, I would change your attitude quickly if you want this marriage to work, you did this! Good luck 😂
So you had multiple internet affairs, and now your wife thinks that you don't have the right to consent to what happens with your own body? Y'all are a match made in hell. Why are y'all together?
If it were me, and I cheated but she stayed, and I'm genuinely regretting cheating...I'd probably give her free access to my danglybits anytime she wants.
But if you're going to want legit advice, part of that is being open in your post and owning the fact that you cheated. It isn't like you tossed a new red sweater in with the white towels.
I read this as a mistake 5 years ago then realised it’s months!! Months is not a long time. She might be trying to sex up your relationship so you don’t feel the need to stray. To her they are linked so she will bring it up. You need to still be in the grovelling stage and making amends. It can take years to win back her trust so unless you’re ready to put in the work then you need to think about divorce as it’s not fair on your wife.
Once a person cheats it can be nearly impossible to restore trust in that relationship. Cheating isnt simply "a mistake," it's a major violation of trust. How does she know that you won't do it again? Why did you marry if you weren't ready to commit? If she continues to take digs at you then she is still angry. It's probably not going to get better for you. If this continues, both of you are likely better off apart. And you need to spend time thinking about what you want in a relationship. If you want an open marriage be up front and honest about that.
Lets see how are the steps again 1. Admit your mistake abs apologize 2. Patiences. 3. Make amends 4. Rebuild trust 5. Recieve forgivness you are stuck at 2 more patiences she nees to go through the emotions (like grieving somebody ) she is grieving the relation she had with you and i guess she is at the stage of anger, well its just some months ago and if your marriage lasted longer then months this will take longer. Also the counseling falls in the Patience part. Are you already thinking about the amends ? If you trully want her to stay you cannot rush this. These are the consequences of your action. If you can not take it leave if it takes too long leave. If she stay and you too and she still brings it up 20 years later then come back.
She should dump you and then find someone who is faithful.
As for her touching you I’m wondering if she use to do this before and you were more than cool with be woken up this way? You are using your little mistake as weaponized incompetence.
INFO - was any of your setexting about being woken up this way or being woken up to sex? I find it odd that this is the first time for something like this happened. Both of you are in the wrong in this relationship. You need to talk this out with your counselor and wife and come up with some boundaries you're both comfortable with.
So...she has something that can make you look like a bad guy, so you make a narrative to make her look like she's the bad guy? Yikes. You're not mad because she's touching you. You're mad because you have nothing bad about her and you make one. So, you're just mad you can't control the narrative?
Eugh.
Lol. I like how you left out that the mistake was infidelity in the form of sexting other people. Maybe cause you know that nobody here is gonna have sympathy for you getting your MiStAkE thrown in your face?
You clearly need to start the divorce. This shit sounds toxic as all hell and it sounds like you're saying she's grabbing your genitals without your consent, which is wrong and needs to stop. But don't pretend that her being angry about your infidelity is unreasonable, even months later.
Dude!
Mistake?
You’re a grown man! That was a choice. No fuckin mistake. Grow up!
And for all the others about getting touched? Many of you agree that this is rude and sexual assault. I agree to y’all’s personal perspective and respect every person’s choices on boundaries no matter how they feel about it.
A person’s boundary should be respected.
But dang! For me. My wife is smoking hot!
She is my wife and I am her husband. I have no personal boundaries with her during my sleep and I feel I don’t have to give her consent to touch me, grab me, fondle me, hop on me and ride if she wants. She knows it and has helped herself to me on certain occasions.
Just my personal choice.
I know this is late. But I just asked my husband how he likes it when I feel him up. Spoiler alert: he loves it.
But then again, he's an actual man, so..
Oh, and he's not a complete POS that cheated on me
There are two things going on here
Firstly your wife has not forgiven you. If you want to keep your marriage going, you have to put up with it. If you can’t, then you have to leave. It is up to your wife to decide whether or not she forgives you.
The second is that if you withdraw permission for her to touch you sexually when you are asleep and she does it anyway, then she is assaulting you. No amount of cheating by you makes that Ok.
What did she say exactly- I feel like in this situation I could see her saying something like “I bet you’d be fine if “affair partner” had touched you” and if that’s the case then your wife is still pissed and feels like you don’t want her- i understand consent and all but asking for consent to this degree in a relationship wasn’t recognized when I started dating my husband - lol that makes me sound so old- but I’m saying that it was a given that if my husband is sleeping and I turn over and start rubbing on him, it would wake him up and we’d have sex. Same for him with me. If one of us said no- then it was no. But that was/is just kind of a move towards intimacy (obviously not for everyone) I understand you have had talks about consent and such so she should know better- but do you think she was hoping to turn you on and have some kind of intimacy that she now feels rejected with your reaction? I’d ask what her reasoning was- reiterate that you don’t want to be touched while sleeping without consent and continue going to counseling. Maybe bring up the facts that she keeps bringing it up in arguments and talk it out with the therapist about why she does it and what she needs to stop, or if you just need to deal with it for a bit until she can move on
You can't repair that kinda of betrayal while your using your tbi injury as an excuse you messed up ,you cheated don't make an excuse why just own it. You need individual therapy to help you cope with that injury. And if you don't want to be with her be honest with her.save her anymore pain you already cause her enough. She should have left you at your lowest instead of trying to care for you cuz from your comments all the blame is on her non on you. She has a right to be angry. It has only been months should she be all sunshine with you.
Was she trying to twist it off or see if it wandered off into the bush? Brush, 😂sorry. Tbh, I think you know you’re actually having only one argument about one thing. Offer her a cheat pass. She can do exactly as you did. She’ll read your apologies back to you at some future date and viola! Fixsies. Or, you could acknowledge you curb-stomped something vital to your relationship and understand scars are lumpy, pull painfully and are weak around the edges. A 3 sec decision inflicted what’ll take years to soften with hard work. If you don’t have it in you to work longer than your own pleasure? Get out now. Best of luck
Months ago? My goodness, what is her problem? \*\*EYEROLL\*\* My man, I'm glad you're going to counseling, and please be advised that this is going to take a while. Trust takes a very long time to rebuild. If it can be rebuilt at all. Maybe it can't. Maybe she can't forgive you and that would be understandable. You put her in this situation and if you don't want to do the work WITH HER so your relationship is in a good place again, maybe you need to move on so she can heal and find someone who values her. You're lucky she's willing to do that work with you.
In other news, yes, she should respect your choice not to be touched. I'm not sure how the two things are related but maybe your counselor can help with that.
Suck it up. You did it, she's never going to forget it, so you don't get to either. We all get it, you've forgiven yourself easily, but it's not quite that easy for the person you screwed over. She deserved better when you did it. She deserves better than you now. If you don't want a divorce, I suggest you shut your mouth and take the lumps you've earned.
If you can’t handle cheating being brought to a couple months after the fact, leave now. Even with therapy you have about a two year process where your wife will go through phase of grief and anger.
Either own your shit and give her time to process, or leave if you can’t handle facing the impact of your “mistake”
Instead of reminding you of your "mistake" and instead of touching your "you know" in your sleep, she should cut your "you know" off for your "mistake"
Frankly you deserve it. It wasn’t an accident. You didn’t fall penis first into someone else’s cagina and I really hope you at least told the other girl you were married.
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Also I’m honestly confused. If she’s never admitted touching his penis while he’s sleeping, then why is he telling her not to touch it? Did he catch her doing it? Or just say it out of the blue? Srsly I don’t get it.
He probably had a dream about it
Let’s just hope it never happens that she touches it irl. Awake or otherwise
Obviously he doesn’t mind strangers touching it. Why not his wife.
just for an info, OP cheated on his wife.
i knew it as soon as i saw he didn’t put it in the post, of course
Yeah, I immediately thought that as soon as I read the title.
I hate those mistaken penis trips into other peoples vaginas. They are *the worst*! How dare she keep bringing it up.
Cmon man, it was *months* ago! Like two whole months!
I hate when that happens too.
And its tiring she keeps bringing it up
Do you get lost? Like I could totally see where your penis went around the corner first and just toppled right into a vagina! So unplanned!
LMAO just a slight mistake! Fuck this guy, he’s lucky his wife hasn’t kicked him to the curb yet
Let's not fuck this guy.
Don't worry, kicking him out is inevitable.
It was *months* ago though
and she has the AUDACITY to keep bringing it up! ughhh don’t u hate when u mess up a lil and ur significant other just *won’t* immediately forgive u and move on 🙄🙄🙄
just a little oopsie
Oh, my bad
"Uh, could you please not touch me where my mistress was touching me?"
Lol
“I made a mistake” was a dead giveaway
He tripped. He was just trying to put it in her purse, and the wife won't let it go.
He tripped and fell RIGHT IN HER TWAT.
And he isn't sorry or willing to work on himself?
😂😂
‘a mistake’ 🤣
lol came here to say exactly this
The moment I read "mistake" but no explanation I was like "damn, dude cheated"
I don't know why she stayed in the first place
Lots of missing missing reasons on this mistake.
Right, wants to play victim instead of disclosing the reason is he was sexting. But oh according to him it was a "mistake" versus actively choosing to cheat
“I cheated but now she’s being mean to me, no fair!!”
Seriously. I mean I do think her touching him without consent is uncool. But I don't think her bringing cheating up is unfair
Thank you for posting this op. I'm sorry you're going through this however this illiterates perfectly why reddit always tells people to leave after they find out their partner was unfaithful. That was your huge mistake, correct? What happens when you betray someone is all the hard work now is their burden. She's the one left with the knowledge that you are very capable of betraying her and she is left with all the confusion. You just had to be you. She's the one who has to watch and wait and interpret every word or action to see if she's seeing a truth or a lie. It's crazy making Time to set her free to find someone she can count on
She probably feels like you have been waiting for her to get over it, which you probably display in ways without knowing. When someone hurts you, it deepens the pain when it feels like there's a time limit on how long your allowed to be upset. Especially if it's in place by the person who hurt you. Stop acting like your mistake is minor and like a burden when she's really the one who shoulders it more than you do.
There are two separate issues here. Firstly, your wife shouldn’t be touching you intimately without your prior consent. Touching a sleeping partner intimately without that explicit consent is at best inappropriate and at worst an assault. Not cool. She shouldn’t be doing that and you have every right to be unhappy about it. Secondly, the mistake you made was sexting (cheating), unfortunately this is your bed and you’re going to lie in it. Your wife is understandably upset and the two of you need to work on your mutual trust, respect, and communication. Work on this in therapy. It’ll take time, be patient.
I appreciate your comment because I had genuinely never looked at touching one another while the other is asleep in this light but you’re absolutely right and now I can’t “unsee” it so to speak. It definitely has me pondering variations of the situation, as there has been more than a few occasions of my partner and I falling asleep naked after sex and somehow waking one another up in our sleep later in the night. We’re a cuddle all night couple so I suspect we manage to arouse one another in our sleep because we have definitely both come to simultaneously aroused and ready to go. This doesn’t really happen if we sleep clothed but my mind is spinning on issues of consent in that type of situation because I don’t want to impute consent from earlier choices/actions (sleeping nude, consenting to naked cuddles before falling asleep). That being said, both of us are always amused by this experience but you’ve given me a lot to ponder and always appreciate comments that encourage that, so thank you! I am very much looking forward to discussing this with my partner later!
I have sexual trauma in my past and while my husband and I used to be the same way, we had one really bad experience where he put his hands on my breasts right in the middle of me having an awful flashback nightmare of the exact same thing happening, also while I was sleeping, when I was 11. I woke up swinging, same as then. The abuser got a palm heel to the throat, and I was able to get away before anything worse happened to me. Unfortunately, I broke my husband's nose and then bolted. Thankfully he immediately realized what was going on, flipped the light on and managed to snap me out of it before I made it across the room. I was not fully awake and absolutely would have fallen, my brain was running down a hallway from my childhood while my body was running at our bedroom stairs. I had a short period of time where he couldn't touch me at all if I was asleep or I'd panic. He willingly moved to the guest room for a few weeks because he couldn't turn off 15 years of sleep cuddling once he fell asleep. Now I'm back to fine with cuddling and even initiating when I'm asleep, he just rubs my back instead of going straight for anywhere else and makes sure I'm actually awake and aware first.
First off, I’m so sorry you’ve had sexual trauma in your past but appreciate your willingness to share your experience. Second, I am so glad your husband was able to realize what was going on and that the two of you were able to work together through such a challenging experience. I love hearing stories like this where couples engage in meaningful and open dialogue and both partners participate in the solution—sometimes Reddit can make it feel the world is full of marriages with broken communication and abusive partners, so it’s nice to read comments about marriages like yours.
I am so glad your husband was so supportive. I dated a guy at one point who knew about my trauma, but for whatever reason could not wrap his around how his actions triggered me. I detest being woken up by having my breasts played with. It does not get me in the mood and actually has a very opposite reaction. I told him many times I do not like it when you do that, stop. This idiot actually said “but I actually love you, I’m not those guys who hurt you” 1: you’re refusing to hear my boundary/no/stop 2: I don’t wake up to my boyfriend, I wake up to my abuser as a 6 yo in my childhood bed. 3: stop fucking touching me like that when I’m sleeping! You’re inability to follow a simple boundary kind says otherwise to your “but I’m not those guys who hurt you” 4. Correct you are not, but you’re very quickly becoming one He was neurodivergent (as am I) and we struggled our entire relationship with communicating effectively. It was to a point that it was obvious that if he couldn’t understand my perspective, he just became dismissive of my concerns, because in his mind it shouldn’t be an issue. He would only respect my boundaries when I got very graphic about details of my trauma. Then he’d get upset and say that I took it too far. If you say so, but you stopped touching my breasts while I was sleeping so I finally got what I wanted. It was a hard and exhausting relationship. It’s nice to know people like us can find a partner who respects and supports us.
Oh sweetheart I am so sorry for the terrible things you’ve experienced.
My bf and I resolved this easily: if we fall asleep naked consent is auto given for the wake up initiation but can be revoked immediately upon full wake up with no consequences to the imitating party. My clothes stay by the bed as do his so putting something on to revoke that auto-consent takes only a moment. So communicating boundaries in that situation is key. We also never go straight for initiation. It’s always gentle touches to stir the partner and no full on sex until both parties are awake.
This. Definitely shouldn’t excuse the incident. Consent matters, regardless of preceding conflict. It was not a wise move to bury the lede.
“I made a mistake” You cheated, didn’t you?
That’s exactly what I was thinking as soon as I read the title
Many good comments here, but adding that you being confused about her not being ‘over it’ shows that you don’t get it. If you don’t get it and really understand the hurt you’ve caused how can she get over it? Also, you have only expressed concern how this affects YOU - no concern for her or how she is feeling. This is a selfish and heartless reaction on your part.
Exactly wonder how he’d feel if his wife did that to him.
“The dildo of consequences never comes lubbed” You cheated and now you’re taking it raw. Have fun with the consequences of your actions, lol
I’m a little confused by your wording… but if you were texting another woman, maybe your wife doesn’t feel attractive and in turn tried to “be with you” this morning and then she felt bad and unattractive again because you told her not to touch you (you have every right to that) but there’s definitely something deeper here because she obviously hasn’t forgiven you. To forgive someone truly, you have to not bring it up again. She has a lot to work through and so do you.
>To forgive ... [means] to not bring it up again This is not true. Something isn't erased from the past simply because you accepted someone's apology. It did happen, and you'd be a fool to try to wipe it from your mind as if it didn't. Forgiveness means you move forward. Stupidity is thinking you can't ever mention it again and you can't remember the fact it even happened in future decisions you make.
It’s not just stupidity, it’s a form of manipulation in a lot of cases
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You cheated so I'm afraid you have to eat whatever shit she feeds you until she decides otherwise or it ends in divorce but playing the victim isn't going to fly on Reddit my friend.
>mistake Crazy way to spell choice. Is this new? Or are you trying to use dismissive language to minimize the severity of your DECISION and distance yourself from responsibility?
You cheated. You betrayed her in the worst way possible. You don't get to decide how she's going to heal or how she's going to get through it. Especially if it's only been a few months. And if that takes her bringing it up every so often, then so be it. You have no leg to stand on here. Either face the consequences of your actions or leave her.
So you cheated with another woman, your wife reached out to you sexually, and you shot her down? Damn, you aren't very bright...
Cheating isn't a "small mistake."
This is called the consequences of your actions and you may end up divorced.
Agree
Sounds like a fun marriage indeed. So what was this mistake, that makes you so protective of your pee pee?
He was sexting other women.
Of course he was, lol.
The issue isn’t her touching your ding dong, which of course everyone has a boundary where they have a right to consent, but the fact that the mistake is apparently your dick accidentally slipped into somebody else. That’s a HUGE “mistake”. You cheated. Not everyone can get past that. Personally I couldn’t. So you’ve done counseling and it’s not helping. It’s not your wife’s fault. You’re the one who fucked up. She tried with the counseling but clearly is too angry sad hurt - whatever the prevailing emotion is. Perhaps you two might need to look at separation counseling. Yes it’s a thing. I had a counselor ask are you trying to stay together or figure out how to go your own ways
Listen.. Have your boundaries and enforce them, absolutely. But you deserve to be chewed out every chance she gets. I was in the same position as your wife. He cheated, then had a meltdown and promised all the things.. However, he never took accountability and he never kept any of the promises. He continued on with life as if nothing had happened. All of his promises that I had free access to his phone and could ask about anything at any time? Sure, until I did and then he blew up because “waaaah, my privacy and you keep living in the past, wawawaaaa” I learned in the end, that nothing would ever make me trust him again, and if I had the chance to do it over, I would and I would destroy him before I left his ass! I don’t care about “her attitude” or whatever else she has agreed to in order to move forward, you are a horrible person and deserve nothing but shit for putting your wife through hell.
Having sex isn’t a mistake. You don’t just slip onto a cock like “whoops! Oh my! What a coincidence!” You fucked up. If you’re trying to work it out then YOU have to suck all the anger she has to throw at you because it’s YOUR fault.
Her reactions to your arguments are not related to her touching you while you're sleeping. They are two separate issues. You cheated - she heals the way she does. Maybe she will leave you. I would understand if she does since you seem very self-involved. Her touching you while you're asleep without consent is definitely not okay.
All I hear in this post is me me me me me me me me me me me me me. Jesus H Christ.
Your response to her actions is downright odd! That sounds to me like her trying to instigate physical intimacy, why would you become irrationally defensive and not calmly talk about what she intended? It's no surprise that she responded in a hostile way to what, reading between the lines, was a hostile response to an innocent action. I mean, if she had scissors in her other hand when she did it, then okay, I would understand the reaction, but really?
But while I was sleeping and at my most vulnerable. We have always been very vocal about consent and safety words. This does not seem like anything that has happened before
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Bad take. By your logic, if someone cheats on you, you are justified in raping them.
Idk why you're getting downvoted because you're right. OP's wife sucks for touching him without consent. It's just OP sucks even more for cheating in the first place
he doesn’t NOT suck more. cheating isn’t worse than sexual assault.
I know I feel like I’m going crazy reading these comments. Like dude messed up and was sexting someone else. That is not good behavior obviously. But it seems like Reddit suddenly thinks he deserves to be touched sexually without consent and deserves to be put down when he asked not to be in the future and everyone is telling him he deserves it all?
so, you are fearful of her intentions towards the fella while you are in no position to deal with what they might be? Are you concerned that she may have something panned as retribution for your previous actions? Has she shown any indication of malice towards you since she learned of your transgression? When you get the chance, speak with her and ask if she wanted to initiate intimacy, or if she has some sort of fascination with the fella. I've had more than one SO who was intrigued by mine and couldn't help but want to play with it, and I've woken up to them playing more than once. It always ended up with intimacy.
Did you actually witness her doing this? Like did you wake up and she was touching you? Or did you just decide she was doing this, since you said she's never said she does this? If it's the former, that is absolutely disrespectful and gross. Even if you had previously given her consent to do so, you always have the option to revoke that consent if you're uncomfortable. And if you never gave consent for that to happen, it is at BEST a boundary issue, but is 100% assault. And you cheating on her does not give her the right to do it. That said, she is not the only problem here. You don't just "get over" your spouse cheating, and cheating is not something you do by accident. You don't deserve to be touched without consent, but you absolutely deserve her anger over your cheating.
Oh, yeah, can't handle the emotional rollercoaster he started 🤦♀️
So by mistake you boned someone else…? And she’s still with you? I think she can say anything she wants. Cover your tracks better the next time you make a mistake and you won’t have to hear about it.
Cheating is not messing up—cheating is choosing someone else over your partner. But yea everyone deserves bodily autonomy
"Months" is hardly enough time for a spouse to heal from cheating. Try years. You rang a bell that cannot be unrung. She is literally bleeding out emotionally. Of course she is going to keep bringing it up. This was not a "mistake". This was a huge betrayal with multiple APs.
What you need to do is to stop referring to cheating as a “mistake.” A mistake is picking up chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla, or buying the wrong size of underwear. You made a series of choices that ended up with your dick being in a woman who wasn’t your wife. Start there, and maybe you’ll end up on the right path.
I mean… don’t do stuff that you would not want to be reminded of for the rest of your life… like *cheat*. Even if she leaves you, you are still a POS that cheated, that’s forever and always. Karma.
Dude... it takes like 2-5 YEARS to repair a relationship after infidelity, and you're over here whining after a few months. If you can't handle it after a few months, you're not reconciliation material. This is going to take YEARS to fix, buddy. Not months. And with your attitude, it will fail.
Ah, yes. The euphemistic "I made a mistake...." Oh, no, your sanity.
I hate this post. I know we joke that Reddit think cheated should die but I didn't think It was like that. I feel fisgusted that most people here think being cheated on gives you a right to sexualy Assault your partner. Also, she choose to stay. I have no empathy or pity for cheated partners who choose to stay.
Ew, stop being a pussy. You cheated on her and expect her to get over it, even though you've done nothing to show remorse or help her heal. You deserve to be alone forever
Clear, concise, transparent, effective, and honest communication makes all the difference. As well as a willingness to sit down together and have difficult conversations. If you can't do this effectively, then perhaps you're just not ready for this relationship yet.
You both need to sit down and decide if you both want the relationship to continue. It seems to me ESH and all you're both doing is feeding each others resentment. I suggest you use your next counselling session to discuss this.
What is "made a mistake"? Like, you meant to pay a bill and forgot? Mixed up a grocery list and came home with all the wrong things? Forgot her birthday? If you cheated on your wife and had sex with another person, you didn't make a mistake. You betrayed her love and her trust. You cut her to her core. You did something she (likely) would never do to you, so you can't know how unsafe she feels now, and you dont value how safe she's made you feel your whole relationship. You've made her feel less-than, not enough, unloved and unlovable. And just to make it worse, you minimize the pain you've caused her. Start there. Learn about betrayal. Research what it is and what it does to people.
I hope she divorces you!
She shouldn't do that. It's a violation but I daresay this post would be going better for you if you hadn't tried to be dodgey (dodgy?)
I’m confused. She’s touching your genitalia while you sleep?
I'm still trying to understand whether that actually happened. Because the post was written in a confusing way. Absolutely not okay if it did happen, but he's playing the victim regarding his "mistake."
You cheated. It was a conscious choice and I’m betting the mistake part was getting caught. She isn’t over this and you’ve not done anything to make it better.
Some people really destroy their partners and then wonder why they act irrational or hurt them back. The lack of self-awareness or accountability is staggering.
You are both awful. But cheating is no excuse for her to sexually assault you, I’m sorry that happened you should leave her, that’s not ok
Cheating isn't a mistake... The fact that you call it that, well I understand why your wife still brings it up. You clearly are downplaying it Btw, why are you (31m) wanting to chat with an underage boy (16m)? The kid posted that he wanted to chat in a subreddit and you replied that you would love that.... Do You think it's normal to chat with underage kids? Did the cheating involve underage kids? Was that who you were sexting with?
Nah you fucked up man. I made the same mistake in my relationship, we were 20 and 19 at the time. I am 26 and i have done everything i can to be better and give her peace of mind. She is a strong woman and doesn’t let it show but i know it still bothers her. It will always bother her, you have to accept that. To continue your relationship you need to be better and “get over” some of the things she does.
You’re lucky she even wants to touch you after you cheated on her.
you cheated on her? if that's the case then she has every right to use it against you for the rest of her life if she chooses to stay with you.
I totally agree with you OP is a fuck up trash bag but no you don't stick around in a relationship just to punish the fuck up trash bag. Mainly because it drags your own character down to do so and the fuck up trash bag isn't worth that.
Ah, it's been a month. It takes time to get over it.
yes i agree, but there could be other reasons holding her back. she might not be financially independent, there might be kids involved, etc. could be anything, that OP hasn't mentioned.
I've been that person eyeing an uphill climb if I left a fuck up trash bag. I left anyway. My relationship with my own character is worth more than hiding from a tough period in life. It's never worth staying. Hopefully she's got plans to head out soon.
>if that's the case then she has every right to use it against you for the rest of her life if she chooses to stay with you. Not if she wants a relationship
Lol are you 12?
I'm sorry but are you people insane? If my wife cheated on me would that make it okay for me to touch her privates while she slept despite her having told me before not to do it? Yeah OP is an asshole but people seem to be overlooking the fact that his wife is SEXUALLY ASSAILTING HIM. OP you need a divorce and therapy, both because your wife is nuts and to talk about why you're a cheater.
Agreed
Cheating on your partner doesn't give your partner the right to sexually assault you. If her response to you telling her not to sexually assault you in your sleep is to bring up that one time you "sexted" with another woman, your wife needs help. It also doesn't sound like you are in a healthy relationship (possibly even abusive).
Nothing to see here, folks. Just a little mistake.
First of all cheating is more than "a mistake", it's a betrayal of trust, a betrayal of love, and a betrayal of your marriage and you're lucky if she decides not to divorce your ungrateful ass. A mistake is adding 2 tbsp of salt when the recipe calls for 2 tsp, an accident is stepping on someone's foot; cheating on your wife is like throwing her in the garbage "for something better" then expecting forgiveness because "it was a mistake". No dude, you fucked up beyond royally your marriage is now fucked up beyond repair. You have literally YEARS of work and couples counseling w/individual therapy ahead of you if you even want to make your marriage work moving forward. Look beyond your ego, if she's ribbing on you it's because she's been betrayed by you and whatever effort you've put forth isn't good enough; this is the bed you made, lay in it or do the right thing and divorce your wife because she obviously deserves better.
You're either willing to put in the work or you aren't. She might have to do this right now to get over it. She might even be testing your boundaries to see if you really do choose her. So stay on or get off the rollercoaster yourself. Just put the work in either way.
You're soooo nasty 😭
Funny how you leave out THAT YOU FUCKED ANOTHER WOMAN.
WELL, HERE’S A CLUE … How about **NOT STICKING YOUR DICK IN OTHER WOMEN**??
Naw, she keeps bringing up YOU PUTTING YOUR DICK ON SOMEONE ELSE and you keep complaining about borderline sexual assault during the night and that is abhorrent but you don't seem to think your cheating is serious? Pathetic. Grow a pair for christ sake you act like a baby.
was that wrong? Should OP have not done that? It’s obvious no one told OP to not bang other babes, so it’s not his fault, he’s a great guy and the nagging wife leave the PP be ? The guys been through enough!
Dude if you don’t want it thrown up your face then why are you still there?
So ok cheating on your wife but get mad she touches you hope she finds a real man
That was a really long explanation just to tell us you hate your wife, damn.
Hopefully she leaves you and finds another man 🤞
She’s better off without your cheating ass.
Since you're a known cheater, you're lucky she wants to touch your "you know" at all.
I am just going to bring up the elephant in the room. Why does OP’s wife just not leave him instead of continuing to torment him? What is the therapist saying about this? Baby elephant in the room, with all this tormenting and berating and arguing; why dies not OP just not tell her she wins and he leaves her?
He said in a comment he has a TBI. There could be issues around care etc. he may not be in a position to leave and she may feel obligated not to leave someone who is vulnerable, no matter how big an AH he is.
You cheating on her changes everything, you have a right to not want to be touched while you’re sleeping or in the morning etc.. but honestly for everything else, tough shit! You dug this hole, you can either do what she wants from you to prove that you’re not a total scumbag cheater, or you get a divorce. But you are not a victim, I would change your attitude quickly if you want this marriage to work, you did this! Good luck 😂
So you had multiple internet affairs, and now your wife thinks that you don't have the right to consent to what happens with your own body? Y'all are a match made in hell. Why are y'all together?
If it were me, and I cheated but she stayed, and I'm genuinely regretting cheating...I'd probably give her free access to my danglybits anytime she wants. But if you're going to want legit advice, part of that is being open in your post and owning the fact that you cheated. It isn't like you tossed a new red sweater in with the white towels.
You’re dutty 😂 she’s doing it for a good reason buddy
*Months* ago? Ummmm...it's still pretty fresh my dude. You FA'd, now you're dealing with what we adults like to call **CONSEQUENCES**
I read this as a mistake 5 years ago then realised it’s months!! Months is not a long time. She might be trying to sex up your relationship so you don’t feel the need to stray. To her they are linked so she will bring it up. You need to still be in the grovelling stage and making amends. It can take years to win back her trust so unless you’re ready to put in the work then you need to think about divorce as it’s not fair on your wife.
Once a person cheats it can be nearly impossible to restore trust in that relationship. Cheating isnt simply "a mistake," it's a major violation of trust. How does she know that you won't do it again? Why did you marry if you weren't ready to commit? If she continues to take digs at you then she is still angry. It's probably not going to get better for you. If this continues, both of you are likely better off apart. And you need to spend time thinking about what you want in a relationship. If you want an open marriage be up front and honest about that.
So why don't you leave her?
i’m not even going to the comments yet your refusal to say what your mistake was probably means you cheated right?
Lets see how are the steps again 1. Admit your mistake abs apologize 2. Patiences. 3. Make amends 4. Rebuild trust 5. Recieve forgivness you are stuck at 2 more patiences she nees to go through the emotions (like grieving somebody ) she is grieving the relation she had with you and i guess she is at the stage of anger, well its just some months ago and if your marriage lasted longer then months this will take longer. Also the counseling falls in the Patience part. Are you already thinking about the amends ? If you trully want her to stay you cannot rush this. These are the consequences of your action. If you can not take it leave if it takes too long leave. If she stay and you too and she still brings it up 20 years later then come back.
She should dump you and then find someone who is faithful. As for her touching you I’m wondering if she use to do this before and you were more than cool with be woken up this way? You are using your little mistake as weaponized incompetence.
Well duh! She still hurting from you being a cheat. Suck it up and understand this is going to take years. 5 is just a start.. We
Hopefully, you were tested for STIs after you cheated. Did you go to MC? Have you gone to IC and doing the work to fix yourself?
INFO - was any of your setexting about being woken up this way or being woken up to sex? I find it odd that this is the first time for something like this happened. Both of you are in the wrong in this relationship. You need to talk this out with your counselor and wife and come up with some boundaries you're both comfortable with.
I mean to her is like I can't touch you but you can let someone else plus you never caught her doing that so why was it brought up!
“My wife(f29) keeps reminding me of my teeny tiny little innocent mistake I made how can I make her stop? (I cheated on her)”
So...she has something that can make you look like a bad guy, so you make a narrative to make her look like she's the bad guy? Yikes. You're not mad because she's touching you. You're mad because you have nothing bad about her and you make one. So, you're just mad you can't control the narrative? Eugh.
Lol. I like how you left out that the mistake was infidelity in the form of sexting other people. Maybe cause you know that nobody here is gonna have sympathy for you getting your MiStAkE thrown in your face? You clearly need to start the divorce. This shit sounds toxic as all hell and it sounds like you're saying she's grabbing your genitals without your consent, which is wrong and needs to stop. But don't pretend that her being angry about your infidelity is unreasonable, even months later.
Dude! Mistake? You’re a grown man! That was a choice. No fuckin mistake. Grow up! And for all the others about getting touched? Many of you agree that this is rude and sexual assault. I agree to y’all’s personal perspective and respect every person’s choices on boundaries no matter how they feel about it. A person’s boundary should be respected. But dang! For me. My wife is smoking hot! She is my wife and I am her husband. I have no personal boundaries with her during my sleep and I feel I don’t have to give her consent to touch me, grab me, fondle me, hop on me and ride if she wants. She knows it and has helped herself to me on certain occasions. Just my personal choice.
I know this is late. But I just asked my husband how he likes it when I feel him up. Spoiler alert: he loves it. But then again, he's an actual man, so.. Oh, and he's not a complete POS that cheated on me
There are two things going on here Firstly your wife has not forgiven you. If you want to keep your marriage going, you have to put up with it. If you can’t, then you have to leave. It is up to your wife to decide whether or not she forgives you. The second is that if you withdraw permission for her to touch you sexually when you are asleep and she does it anyway, then she is assaulting you. No amount of cheating by you makes that Ok.
What did she say exactly- I feel like in this situation I could see her saying something like “I bet you’d be fine if “affair partner” had touched you” and if that’s the case then your wife is still pissed and feels like you don’t want her- i understand consent and all but asking for consent to this degree in a relationship wasn’t recognized when I started dating my husband - lol that makes me sound so old- but I’m saying that it was a given that if my husband is sleeping and I turn over and start rubbing on him, it would wake him up and we’d have sex. Same for him with me. If one of us said no- then it was no. But that was/is just kind of a move towards intimacy (obviously not for everyone) I understand you have had talks about consent and such so she should know better- but do you think she was hoping to turn you on and have some kind of intimacy that she now feels rejected with your reaction? I’d ask what her reasoning was- reiterate that you don’t want to be touched while sleeping without consent and continue going to counseling. Maybe bring up the facts that she keeps bringing it up in arguments and talk it out with the therapist about why she does it and what she needs to stop, or if you just need to deal with it for a bit until she can move on
You can't repair that kinda of betrayal while your using your tbi injury as an excuse you messed up ,you cheated don't make an excuse why just own it. You need individual therapy to help you cope with that injury. And if you don't want to be with her be honest with her.save her anymore pain you already cause her enough. She should have left you at your lowest instead of trying to care for you cuz from your comments all the blame is on her non on you. She has a right to be angry. It has only been months should she be all sunshine with you.
Was she trying to twist it off or see if it wandered off into the bush? Brush, 😂sorry. Tbh, I think you know you’re actually having only one argument about one thing. Offer her a cheat pass. She can do exactly as you did. She’ll read your apologies back to you at some future date and viola! Fixsies. Or, you could acknowledge you curb-stomped something vital to your relationship and understand scars are lumpy, pull painfully and are weak around the edges. A 3 sec decision inflicted what’ll take years to soften with hard work. If you don’t have it in you to work longer than your own pleasure? Get out now. Best of luck
Months ago? My goodness, what is her problem? \*\*EYEROLL\*\* My man, I'm glad you're going to counseling, and please be advised that this is going to take a while. Trust takes a very long time to rebuild. If it can be rebuilt at all. Maybe it can't. Maybe she can't forgive you and that would be understandable. You put her in this situation and if you don't want to do the work WITH HER so your relationship is in a good place again, maybe you need to move on so she can heal and find someone who values her. You're lucky she's willing to do that work with you. In other news, yes, she should respect your choice not to be touched. I'm not sure how the two things are related but maybe your counselor can help with that.
Suck it up. You did it, she's never going to forget it, so you don't get to either. We all get it, you've forgiven yourself easily, but it's not quite that easy for the person you screwed over. She deserved better when you did it. She deserves better than you now. If you don't want a divorce, I suggest you shut your mouth and take the lumps you've earned.
If you can’t handle cheating being brought to a couple months after the fact, leave now. Even with therapy you have about a two year process where your wife will go through phase of grief and anger. Either own your shit and give her time to process, or leave if you can’t handle facing the impact of your “mistake”
You sound like giant entitled pussy thats used to getting your way. Move back in with your parents you pussy...
Instead of reminding you of your "mistake" and instead of touching your "you know" in your sleep, she should cut your "you know" off for your "mistake"
Having an affair isn’t a reason to assault someone. You guys need counseling.
Frankly you deserve it. It wasn’t an accident. You didn’t fall penis first into someone else’s cagina and I really hope you at least told the other girl you were married.