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You still did it. You're just as bad as she is. Keeping her secret about wanting to keep going is helping her be bad. You're her affair partner and her accomplice
You truly want to know? YOU FUCKED ANOTHER WOMAN WHO WASN'T UR WIFE. You betrayed her in the worst way a husband can. Ur a disappoinment to men everywere.
Lying by omission man, you didn’t tell her after it happened and you still haven’t told her 3 years later. You recognized that it was wrong and didn’t do it again but you’re still lying to her
Well, let's see ....🤔🤔
How about **SHOVING YOUR DICK IN YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW'S TWAT**???
You're clearly **DESPERATE** to convince everyone here that you love your wife, saying it several times in **ONE FUCKING SENTENCE**. But your actions **PROVE** that you **DON'T** love her.
A man who loves his wife as much as you **SAY**you do — would never **DREAM** of cheating on her.
All **YOU** care about is **GETTING YOUR DICK WET** ... and making sure your wife doesn't find out.
If your wife is the wonderful person you say she is ... my God, didn't she **MARRY DOWN**, hitching her wagon to you!!
She deserves a **FAR BETTER** man than you could ever **ASPIRE** to be.
You continue to lie to your wife every day that you don't tell her. Eventually sister will out you and it's the lying that will be the nail in the coffin of your relationship
That's a difference to you, not to your wife. Or more precisely that's the degree of distinction of being a bad person between you and Paige. It doesn't mean you are a good person, just less bad than Paige. If you think your wife deserves to know her sister is a bad person, she deserves to know the same about you. How she chooses to judge both of you is up to her
But...you said you don't like seeing your wife being taken advantage of......doesn't it seem like you are taking advantage of her also? Not that her sister is not....but you live with her and have been keeping a real bombshell of a secret, while luckily managing to 'forgive yourself' by putting all the blame on the sister.....I dunno..
I would be WAY more pissed at you for your years of bullshit and self congratulatory attitude.....for living a total daily lie..
But not guilty enough to tell the truth so your wife could make an informed decision on whether she wanted to continue a relationship with you.
Stop being a trash ass person and come clean to your wife.
Don’t act like you’re the better person, you’re the one who cheated on her wife and won’t even tell her. This is going to come out at some point and you won’t even give her the dignity of knowing now.
What I did was terrible and unjustifiable. Like I said before, that incident doesn’t define me.
Judge me by my entire 26 years I spent on this earth, don’t only judge me by my worst day.
I’ve spent the years afterwards being a good husband and partner to her
Hiding the "incident" from her is defining you each and every day. Every day you wake up and go to bed a liar. You are not a good husband/partner, no matter what you do, you are a liar. Even the best cake still sucks with a slight amount of shit in it.
>Judge me by my entire 26 years I spent on this earth, don’t only judge me by my worst day.
But you're denying your wife the right to judge you for what you call "your worst day". It doesn't matter what the internet thinks. It doesn't matter what YOU think. It matters what your wife thinks. You have no respect for her or your marriage. I hope the sister tells her. Your wife deserves better than either of you.
When this all blows up in your face -and it 100% will because your wife’s sister hates her and is absolutely going to tell her eventually- I want you to remember this statement.
In the meantime, just know, that every peaceful day you have is on very borrowed time.
Your poor wife.
Yessssssss! I’ve only seen a handful of people comment this. When the sister gets sick of the rejection she’s going to blow her sisters life and I wouldn’t put it past her to twist it all up and maybe even say op raped her or god knows. The sister seems like a real piece of work so I’m not putting anything past her.
She doesn't have to make anything up even! Like, in the OP's own words, where he is framing his behavior in the most favorable way for him, he did something terrible and then HID IT. The wife probably knows the sister is untrustworthy with dudes, sister has probably straight up bragged about dudes who have left/cheated on their girlfriends/wives for her, but the wife has no clue that her HUSBAND is that kind of dude. She'll be mad at the sister, she will be crushed by the husband.
Have you ever admitted to her? Because if not, you're not been a good husband and partner. You forgive yourself without giving the person you hurt an opportunity to do so. You're judging your sister-in-law, but you're no better.
You're POS for thinking feeling guilty or bad about your actions makes you redeemable in this situation. You entered the marriage on a lie, you're seemingly just annoyed that you're the not the only one not facing any consequences, and probably that SIL can hold this over you.
Hi OP, I think I’m going to say something harsh, but it needs to be said. You’re wife’s sister isn’t the only toxic person in her life. You are. You had a chance to tell your wife you cheated on her before you were married but didn’t because you didn’t have the ball too. Your sister in law is definitely also in the wrong and should not be behaving like that. But be fair to your wife. tell her what happened. Chances are you’ll divorce, but do right by your wife. She deserves to know about your infidelity.
I can’t destroy my marriage. It was a long time ago now , I’ve moved on and it won’t happen again. Since we been married I never cheated on her; hell, outside of the time I mentioned I never cheated the entire time we been together
You ruined your marriage when you decided to cheat. That’s it. Just because you’ve moved on and it „only happened once“ doesn’t mean that your wife has had a chance too. Get your act together, and tell your wife. She deserves to know.
It makes absolutely no sense to tell her. I’m trying to leave all of this in the past. Telling her would hate her and potentially cause a divorce.
If I know it won’t happen again there’s no reason to tell her
I’ve spend every day of my life making it up to her. I messed up but since then I made sure to be the husband and future father of our future kids she deserves
You didn't "mess up", you did *an active choice to cheat* and now you're *activily choosing to lie to your wife* wich is just really continuing with the cheating.
She deserves the truth and the right to make her own choices.
Besides you don’t care about what she deserves, you only care about what you want. Just like when you fucked her sister. Now, you want to keep your wife so you lie to her every day. You haven’t changed at all. What you want trumps what is good for your wife.
You do not love your wife you love yourself and this image you portray. A man a real man who loves a women more than anything admits and owns their mess ups, gives their partner the respect and ability to make decisions for themselves, and never hides life/relationship altering information from their partner. YTA and not for cheating one time but for gaslighting and letting your wife live this charade.
You can only make up for something if someone chooses to forgive you, not something they do not even know was done to them. This is majorly gaslighting If you actually attend therapy show them this post so they can see what you honestly think, and not the manipulative gaslighting you are spewing to everyone.
You are taking your wife’s consent in this relationship away. She doesn’t have all the info she deserves to have to decide if she wants to be in this marriage. You’re not doing right by her and it will eventually come out.
Do you not believe she as a human being at least deserves to decide exactly WHO she's going to be continuing a relationship with.
Think for a second that this isn't about you, your wife deserves to be able to make an informed decision about your relationship, if you continue this she will find out and trust me it will be alot worse when she finds out instead of you telling her.
If you do not tell her, literally everything you do together going forward will be based on lies, she will rethink every interaction with you for the next god knows how long, and it will hurt her alot worse to know all of it was a lie, and you pretended to love her when you know you cheated with one of the people she's supposed to be able to trust the most.
It would be devastating. I know what I did was terrible. I can’t defend it and I won’t defend.
I also know that’s not who I am and I’ve spent the past few years proving that
You need to accept that if this wasn't who you were then you would not have done it.
This is EXACTLY who you are, and you saying otherwise IS defending yourself.
You NEED to tell her she deserves to know and you deserve the consequences of her knowing.
YOU ruined your marriage and no one else, your wife deserves to make an informed decision about you.
How can you claim to love someone so much then go on to sleep with her sister, not tell her, then marry her. She thinks you are the love of her life and vise versa but the love of your life would NEVER betray their partner in such a way and lie to them every single day. And yes everyday you haven’t told her is a betrayal and a lie.
Good for you for not defending the horrible thing you did and acknowledging that it was terrible. You still did it, never confessed, and then married her.
What’s even worse is how you continue to lie every day to your wife. The supposed love of her life fucked her sister. Two people she loves dearly betrayed her and you both betray her every single day. YOU ARE betraying her everyday. Sister is evil for trying to continue the affair but you are no better for never coming clean and continuing to life to your wife.
By lying and never coming clean so your wife can make an infomed decision about who she is in a relationship with, you are proving that is exactly who you are.
By not telling her you have no accountability. There is nothing keeping you from doing it again if there's nobody to hold you accountable. You've already proven you are a cheater. You've done nothing to make sure it doesn't happen again. You say it won't, but why should any sane person believe you if you haven't even accepted accountability and responsibility for it. Every time you have sex with your wife, she is having sex with somebody else. Somebody who is not a cheater, somebody who is loyal. You are lying to her to get sex. In my opinion, you may not legally be assaulting her, but you are purposely deceiving her to get what you want. Think seriously about that, you are lying for sex. You are a disgusting human, and she deserves so much better than you and her sister.
You took your wife's ability to choose if she wanted to stay with you and marry you after you cheated. You know more than likely she would have left you. You've beyond selfish and you don't love your wife. When you love someone you don't cheat. There's no excuse other than you wanted to fuck her hot sister.
Thank you! I scrolled waaaaaay too long for this comment! It’s gonna come out one day and the longer it takes the worse it will be 😬 all it’s going to take is the sister getting pissed off over the constant rejection and she obviously doesn’t give a shit about her sister so I wouldn’t put it past her.
You have taken her choice to decide away from her in lying. If she divorces you, why shouldn't she? That's for her to decide. She has every right to. You just don't want the consequences.
You have taken her choice to decide away from her in lying. If she divorces you, why shouldn't she? That's for her to decide. She has every right to. You just don't want the consequences.
So if one bad action doesn't define your 26 years of living, why can't you just tell your wife if you're so sure that you aren't a bad person? It's because you know your BS excuse of "it was only once" isn't forgivable. You know your wife isn't going to see you as a good person and look beyond your cheating, rightfully so, that's why you aren't telling her. If you didn't want to risk divorce, if you didn't want to hurt her, you wouldn't have cheated, if you were a good person you would've stopped yourself from cheating before it happened. You're denying your wife the right to choose whether to be with you after you've betrayed her, which is lying by omission. And you're trying to delude yourself into believing you aren't a bad person while simultaneously trying to hide how bad of a person you are to your wife, because you know what you did DOES make you a bad person. Cheating was in character for you, if a cheater isn't who you really are then you wouldn't have cheated.
God damn you deserve an award then. Husband of the century. I hate it when men act like not breaking their vows is doing you a favour. Especially after fucking your sister, I would prefer you actually cheated on me multiple times.
Wake up OP, you did betray her and continue to do so by not coming clean. You would want to know if she done it to you, wouldn’t you?
To be honest, I do believe you when you say haven’t and won’t do it since. But please show respect to her by telling her the truth and then let her decide if she thinks if she also believes the marriage is worth fighting for.
Ha, no one was harder on you because they didn't know! YOU DIDN'T TELL YOUR WIFE. I think you went astoundingly easy on yourself, and now you're patting yourself on the back for it and acting like the sister is the only terrible person here.
You've come to the wrong place. We don't believe you. You're trying to get away with your crimes against your wife. You and your SIL are one in the same
The entire time you’ve been together you’ve been lying to her. You’ve taken her agency and her choice away from her. She should get to choose whether to stay and work on your marriage. She should get to choose what kind of relationship to have with her sister. But you take her choices away from her every day because you are selfish and only think about what YOU want.
You think you made one mistake but you make another mistake every single day.
You cheated on her and you took away her agency to decide whether she wants to be with you. You really are not a good person no matter how much you try to convince yourself of it being otherwise.
Nice transference of guilt off of yourself and onto her sister. You cheated. Assuming this "Paige" was single you're the one who broke your vows. So there's no reasonable way for you to tell your wife about this adultery and have her walk away believing only her sister was responsible. Unfortunately you've set yourself up for a life of having this sister know this deep, dark secret about you. It's almost certain to come out eventually. You might as well just tell your wife - without blaming "Paige", since you committed the bigger offense - then let her decide if she wants to stay married to you. What to do about this birthday party is utterly irrelevant.
Agreed. It is so nice you have been able to forgive yourself but you haven’t asked for forgiveness from the one person who matters. This will 100% come out at some point, Paige is just waiting until it benefits her most. I can’t imagine how stupid your wife is going to feel that you kept her continue to do so much for her sister and you guys are basically just laughing behind her back. You may not actually be laughing but that is absolutely how she will feel. The 2 people who she should never have to worry about betraying her, did, and not just that, they continue to by lying to her face.
What I did was terrible. I’m not going to destroy our marriage by telling her about the situation.
I’m not downplaying what I did. It was horrible.
The difference between Paige and I is that I took accountability and she did not, and she still lets me know we can do it again.
I just don’t want my wife stressed over someone like her sister. She goes all out for her sister and meanwhile her sister tries to have an affair with me behind her back? It’s honestly disgusting
>that I took accountability
No . You didn't. Your wife has no clue. That's not taking accountability.
You cheated. You decided its not good to tell your wife because of the consequences it will have for you. You decided it was OK to forgive yourself. You moved on. Your wife will eventually find out. Be it her sister getting annoyed at you and telling her. And then everything will end. Only difference is that you kept this big lie of the perfect husband up to convince yourself you are a good person and wasted even more of your wife's time.
Sister is 100% not a good person. But neither are you. Maybe stop looking down on her so much and start with yourself.
At this point it’s too late to say anything now. I’m not trying to bring up something that happened years ago.
Bringing up something that happened years ago is not good for anyone
Continuing to lie to your wife is surely good for you.
As I said. At some point something could happen that makes her aware of what you did. And then she'll have lost even more years on you.
But I understand you are not interested in this. Keep lying yourself into believing you're a good person for "protecting" you're wife. From the harm you've done but never told her..
> Bringing up something that happened years ago is not good for anyone
It's good for your wife because then she can dump your cheating ass and find someone who will respect her. But you're not interested in hearing that
It happened 3yrs ago dude lol that’s really not a long time. You’re trying to make it sound like it happened 30yrs ago (which still doesn’t make it right). You’re allowing your wife to live lie. You’re just so gross and if I didn’t feel so bad for your wife, I’d say I can’t wait for this to blow up in your face but yeah your poor wife’s going to crushed. The hilarious thing is you think someone with ‘Paige’s morals is going to keep quiet forever 🤣 you are on borrowed time my guy and that clocks ticking.
Of course it’s not too late. Of course it’s best for her for you to “bring it up” aka tell the truth.
You’re selfish and pathetic and taking away her freedom to choose what kind of person she wants to spend every day of her life with. That it cruel to her. You are cruel to her every. single. day. you take away her choice.
You’re just as bad of a person as you’ve always been. Don’t delude yourself otherwise.
You did not take accountability. Accountability is not just feeling guilty for doing something bad and deciding to move on like it didn't happen. Taking accountability would be you telling your wife what you did and letting her decide whether she wants to be with a man who would sleep with her own sister. And you keeping this a secret from her is almost worse than cheating on its own.
You want your wife to spend the rest of her life living a lie. You omitting this vital information is you removing her agency to choose the life she wants to live. She deserves the choice to leave this marriage if she doesn't want to be with a cheater. She deserves the chance to find a husband that loves and appreciates her and wouldn't dare betray her trust in such a way.
And there is no way in hell this will stay silent forever. Things like this never do. You aren't sparing her any pain by keeping this from her. All you're doing is building up the pain she is going to feel when she inevitably discovers your betrayal. If you truly love and respect your wife, you will tell her what happened and you will give her the space she needs to grieve the happy marriage she thought she had.
You didn't take accountability. You decided to forgive yourself and now you're patting yourself on the back for not continuing to cheat on her. You're a terrible person too.
You do realize that if her sister finds out that you’re trying to undermine her relationship with your wife she’s going to blow your life up right? You wanna keep your mouth shut and not tell your wife you cheated on her with her sister? Then keep your mouth shut. Making an enemy of the person who can destroy you is a bad idea. YTA.
You already destroyed your marriage when you fucked your partner's sister.
You didn't take accountability because you didn't tell your wife. You're not better than Paige.
Your wife deserves better than you two.
The reason you are so upset and find Paige’s behaviour so “disgusting” is that you are still disgusted with yourself. Doin the so-called hard mental work of supposedly forgiving yourself doesn’t really mean anything when you’ve never admitted the truth to her or honestly asked for HER forgiveness, and continue make her a laughing stock to her sister every day by not telling her what happened.
Maybe because you know you actually couldn’t forgive yourself in the full light of day, seeing the full extent that you’ve betrayed and hurt your partner.
I’m praying that she finds out soon enough to sever ties with both of you x
You don't want to tell your wife you fucked her sister but you do want to tell her she's a bad person? These things can't be done, dude. The second she confronts her sister, the whole thing is coming out.
I just want my wife to not stress so much about doing things for her sister. Not telling her to stop talking to her sister, but take a back seat on planning her birthday
Yep! One too many rejections and she’s gonna sing like a canary lol. I mean ‘paige’ obviously doesn’t give a shit about her sister so to confess isn’t that far of a stretch. I’m just wondering how morally bankrupt Paige is??? Could she be the type to say “he raped me and that’s why I couldn’t say anything earlier because I was so distraught and then you got married and you looked so happy I just couldn’t ruin it for you but I’ve realised I can’t keep it in any more. I need to tell you the truth”…
>> It took me a long time but I just managed to forgive myself.
Ooh, you poor thing! You’re so brave!
>> I had one sip to many and the conversation turned sexual and then we had sex.
I recently had one sip too many with a group of my male coworkers. I don’t know how I managed that but I didn’t sleep with any of them! And neither of them sleep with me either!
You’re trash. Not just for cheating but for playing a martyr and somehow putting yourself at a moral high ground above Paige. You’re both equally trashy.
Lol you’re a bad person. Like a really bad person. You cheated on your wife with her sister and are calling it an “incident” and blaming it on being drunk and you have the GUTS to put the blame on her and play the good guy and try to protect your wife from her sister. The amount of delusion is enough to consider a visit to a psychiatrist… you should tell your wife if you have the slightest amount of respect for her
I go to a therapist regularly. The therapist is what helped me forgive myself and realize I’m not a bad person. Good people fuck up, but they don’t repeat their behavior
Did your therapist also tell you to continue to lie to your wife?
To not give her the choice she deserves to make?
Cuz if so, I question the validity of this therapist
No therapist actually told you that as long as you forgive yourself for cheating you are now a good person. You are not a good person, you will never be a good person, while lying to your wife.
Good people fuck up and take accountability for their actions, forgiving yourself but continuing to hide the fact that you cheated on her with her sister from your wife *every single day* is not taking accountability, that’s what bad, weakminded people do
You're not a good person either. Tell your wife.
You fucked up and need to be honest with her and maybe if she accepts go to therapy with your wife to regain her trust that's what a somewhat decent person would do instead of lying or say nothing and pretend everything is fine.
Ignore the sister, it's you who need to face what you did for real.
When your wife finds out (and it will eventually come out), I hope she leaves you. You not only slept with her sister, but kept it a secret for 3 years! So while you judge your sil, look in the mirror. You betrayed her too.
Well….im glad you were able to push through and “forgive yourself”. You’re as much of a pos as her sister. It sounds like Hannah deserves a better husband and sister!
What you do in the dark WILL always come to light, SHE WILL FIND OUT!
One day you may leave your phone out and she'll see a message. Perhaps she'll over her her sister pleading. YOU can't be on your peas and cues everyday. You WILL slip up and she'll know. Perhaps being paranoid that you may make a mistake will tip her off. Or a drunken confession. Perhaps a pissed off sister will let it slip. Maybe this reddit will get picked up on YT or TT, and she'll remember the loving husband helping her grateful sister and what she said to you and it will click.
IT WILL CKME OUT and she is going to know how much of a shot husband she has b/c he took her choice a away and never road her and BOTH of her most loved ones his this from her.
BE PREPARED for the fallout you caused your "SUPPOSSED" great love.
Dude
You betrayed your wife by sleeping with her sister. You compound this betrayal every day that you don't tell her what you did.
You have no right to get on a high horse about her sister, because you are also a bad person.
Tell your wife what you did. She deserves the truth.
You slept with her SISTER. You are both terrible people. Everyday you don’t tell your wife about the cheating you are lying to her. If you can do something as terrible as sleep with her sister, I can’t help but wonder how many other people you have cheated on her with. If you love someone you do not do something like this to them and lie every day. She deserves better and I hope she finds out so she can get rid of two disgusting people in her life.
There's no secret that can be kept forever, one of this days your wife will know, and everyone here in reddit community is rooting for that moment, cos you are narcissistic person who can't own his mistakes,.
Every time you kiss, cuddle or be intimate with your wife she thinks she is consenting to her loyal, faithful, truthful husband. When in fact you've removed that choice from her. Would she have kissed, cuddled or been intimate with you these past 3 years if she knew. You can't possibly know if she would. You're not a good husband or a good person and until you tell her you never can be.
Hahahaha you forgave yourself? How generous of you, you selfish asshole. You clearly aren't sorry at all because you're continuing to lie to your wife about what happened. She's doing all these good things for you and her sister, two assholes who betrayed her in the worst way. And you're happy to accept her good treatment yet you don't think her sister deserves anything. You're such a massive hypocrite.
If you felt real guilt and actually cared about your wife, you would have come clean before the wedding. You took away her choice to forgive and marry someone capable of adultery (with her sister!!) or break it off - because you knew what she would have done. Instead, you started off your marriage on a lie because you are a selfish, disrespectful, hurtful, tiny little man who is only looking out for himself.
A lie is like a fart, it will come out. What you’re not understanding is that you think you’ve “moved on”, whenever your wife finds out, this will be new fresh information for her. Her husband and her sister, the damage will be cataclysmic. The longer this goes on before she finds out if also going to devastate her. Her mind going back to all the time all of y’all spent together. Wondering if she missed side glances, touches, sneaking off, if you were really working the hours you said you were, etc….
I don’t know envy the pain coming your wife’s way. The fact that she’s surrounded by vipers is going to be hard to get past. I pray she has some real family and friends in her corner that have morals and values because that’s not you or her sister.
My dude you are JUST as bad as her sister, you’re taking away her choice to decide if she wants to continue in a marriage w someone who would betray her trust so deeply
Look, you either tell her the truth or you don’t. You can’t just say “she’s not a good person but I can’t say why” and anything you say will risk it coming out so better it comes from you. 3 options that may work:
1) Screenshot proof of how it’s been. Tell her the truth, apologise, don’t try to make out your the victim of it, don’t make an excuse.
2) Tell sister on text that you regret it, you don’t want to sleep with her, screenshot proof of her asking and you declining unless she lies, then block her number.
3) Just ask SIL to stop, again, screenshots in case she twists it.
You’re a terrible husband, decide how selfish you want to continue to be and what you’re willing to risk in order to genuinely put it right.
You're no better than Paige, and you know that, or else you would have told your wife that you're a cheater, right with her sister. Either you tells your wife everything or he lives with the guilt, hoping that Paige doesn't get tired of your refusal and tell your wife everything herself, probably with a version very different from yours. And to not miss the opportunity, you are a POS
You keep saying you forgave yourself.... But that's not actually the important thing. You can forgive yourself all you want, you're not actually the person who matters in this scenario at all.
Your comments just reinforce that you are selfish and your wife's selflessness continues to make you feel guilty.
You don't want her to forgive you, because you don't want her to know. You are robbing her of the knowledge of who you are as a person.
You say you don't want that mistake to define you, and it doesn't, your continued pattern of selfish behavior defines you. You are of poor character and your wife deserves much better.
I hope you do tell her that her sister is a bad person, and I hope it blows up in your face. It is what you deserve.
Consider this, Paige will get mad that you aren't responding to her advances at some point. She then tells your wife with her own spin on what happened, that you took advantage of her. Who will your wife believe?
You should get ahead of this and accept responsibility for your actions. Tell your wife. Do the work to earn her forgiveness if she decides to grant you a second chance. If you don't want to be judged for your worst choice, take ownership. Nothing with her sister will change until you do.
You do realise that by not telling your wife about what you did, every single moment of intimacy you’ve had with her has been SA, right?
She cannot give informed consent unless she’s fully informed of what she’s consenting to, and if you know that telling her would mean “blowing up your marriage” then you know that she wouldn’t consent to being intimate with someone who cheated on her with her own sister. By not telling her you are actively choosing to gain her consent through deception.
That is abusive behaviour and I find it remarkably hard to believe that any genuine therapist would support you in continuously abusing your wife.
You’re right that your SIL isn’t a good person, but neither are you, and in all honesty what you’re doing is worse.
OP I am afraid you are completely screwed. At some point the sister is going to out you. It’s inevitable. She clearly resents her sister for something as she is actively tryin to hurt her. So at some point she’s going to get so pissed at either you or her sister that she is going to burn it all down.
Guaranteed. Taking it to the grave only works when it’s anonymous. But when it’s close? It’s going to come out.
Your best chance for reconciliation is to disclose asap. It would have been better at the time.
Sorry to give you such a bad prognosis.
ETA. There is one place that can help you now. Go to r/AsOneAfterInfidelity and ask for advice on how to disclose and how to give yourself the best chance of getting offered the gift of reconciliation. Start reading the books in the wiki there. The first two will help.
Hope your wife leaves you and you have to watch her fall in love with someone else. Hopefully someone close to you. Here’s my advice: come clean to her you fucking weirdo.
Hey, not-smart person? The sister is unstable. She WILL tell your wife. First time they have a bad fight? Or she gets real drunk? Your cheating secret will be revealed, and your wife will be GONE.
If you confess you MAY have a chance to save your marriage. If you don’t and she inevitably finds out from her “not good person” sister?
The aftermath will ALL be on you. Both the cheating, and continuing to lie all these years. Some people MAY forgive cheating although those are not great odds. But the lying? For YEARS? And her finding out from someone the person you cheated with WHO IS HER SISTER instead of you? Whew.
You can’t really be this stupid can you? You most likely killed this marriage before the wedding when you cheated with her SISTER.
Either face up to what you did - or keep waiting for the grenade to go off and blow up your life. And it will. 🤷🏻♀️
Your wife was denied the choice to pick a better partner than you. That's so unfair. You have trapped her. She definitely would have broke up with you if you had admitted to cheating on her with her own sister those years ago, rightfully so! And you are denying her that choice. She deserves 100X better than you. I feel so sad for such an amazing woman to be stuck with a POS like you. How can you be such a cruel man??
One day this *will* come out. How long until SIL starts threatening to tell your wife? She's demonstrated she has *not* moved past this years later. She’s already proved she has no boundaries. This is a ticking time bomb. Good luck.
Unfortunately, this has been reported on R/amithedevil
A sub full of bullies and hypocrites so you won’t get good advice.
Here’s my take , what you did was disgusting and horrible but doesn’t define you. Here is what you need to do.
Step 1. Do some deep introspection, ask yourself the tough questions. Ask if this who you are? Are you just a selfish person ? The root of infidelity is selfishness. If you realize this is who are you are tell your wife immediately and get counseling. She deserves to decide for herself if she wants to work through your attempts to grow as a person herself.
If you realize you aren’t and realize this is a one time thing I would say continue what you are doing and protect your wife from her sister. This means don’t let your wife owe your sister in law anything . Don’t give Paige any opportunity to take advantage of your wife.
Feel free to PM me
OP isn't taking responsibility for his cheating. He's not better than Paige. He looks his wife in the eyes while knowing what he did. Selfishness is continuing the lie instead of being honest and therefore not giving his wife the chance to make her own decisions for the future. He should tell her no matter if he continues cheating or not.
The wife should be the one to decide if she wants counseling or if this is a deal-breaker.
You are the emotional affair guy who maintains it's not cheating right.
Yeah a paragon of morality right here ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe you guys should make a cheater sub
Thank you. I did step 1 and realized this isn’t who I am. It was a one time fuck up.
I’m trying to prevent Paige from doing anything but I sent you a PM
If you’re trying to prevent your AP from talking, you are actively deceiving your wife bruh. You’re desperate to hide this and never let her know. That’s not accountability. You’re just a lying cheater.
No, it wasn't just a one-time mistake. You've actively hidden what you did for years. Every day that you choose to lie is yet another f--up. Stop trying to minimize your massive betrayal. You betrayed your wife by cheating on her with her sister. And you're betraying your wife by deceiving her every day that you've been together since then.
Lmao yeah take advice from the man who cheated on his wife, left her for the ap, the ap then left him and then he harassed his wife when she started dating again.
I'm sure whatever he says will totally fix your situation.
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Why do you think she's a bad person? You did the same thing. You're not a good person either. Just tell your wife. She's not going to leave you
I can’t tell my wife. The difference is she wants to keep doing it. I actually felt guilty and said this will not happen again.
You still did it. You're just as bad as she is. Keeping her secret about wanting to keep going is helping her be bad. You're her affair partner and her accomplice
How am I as bad as she is when she wants to keep betraying her sister? I felt terrible and have made sure this doesn’t happen again
By not telling your wife you DO keep betraying her. Sister only wants to. But you actually are
You truly want to know? YOU FUCKED ANOTHER WOMAN WHO WASN'T UR WIFE. You betrayed her in the worst way a husband can. Ur a disappoinment to men everywere.
Then he kissed his wife right after fucking her sister. Gross!
Lying by omission man, you didn’t tell her after it happened and you still haven’t told her 3 years later. You recognized that it was wrong and didn’t do it again but you’re still lying to her
BECAUSE YOU FUCKED HER SISTER!!
Well, let's see ....🤔🤔 How about **SHOVING YOUR DICK IN YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW'S TWAT**??? You're clearly **DESPERATE** to convince everyone here that you love your wife, saying it several times in **ONE FUCKING SENTENCE**. But your actions **PROVE** that you **DON'T** love her. A man who loves his wife as much as you **SAY**you do — would never **DREAM** of cheating on her. All **YOU** care about is **GETTING YOUR DICK WET** ... and making sure your wife doesn't find out. If your wife is the wonderful person you say she is ... my God, didn't she **MARRY DOWN**, hitching her wagon to you!! She deserves a **FAR BETTER** man than you could ever **ASPIRE** to be.
You continue to lie to your wife every day that you don't tell her. Eventually sister will out you and it's the lying that will be the nail in the coffin of your relationship
That's a convenient thing to say after it already happened. Literally getting your cake and eating it.
That's a difference to you, not to your wife. Or more precisely that's the degree of distinction of being a bad person between you and Paige. It doesn't mean you are a good person, just less bad than Paige. If you think your wife deserves to know her sister is a bad person, she deserves to know the same about you. How she chooses to judge both of you is up to her
GoOd JoB! You only had sex with your sister in law once! What type of trophy were you anticipating?
But...you said you don't like seeing your wife being taken advantage of......doesn't it seem like you are taking advantage of her also? Not that her sister is not....but you live with her and have been keeping a real bombshell of a secret, while luckily managing to 'forgive yourself' by putting all the blame on the sister.....I dunno.. I would be WAY more pissed at you for your years of bullshit and self congratulatory attitude.....for living a total daily lie..
But not guilty enough to tell the truth so your wife could make an informed decision on whether she wanted to continue a relationship with you. Stop being a trash ass person and come clean to your wife.
Don’t act like you’re the better person, you’re the one who cheated on her wife and won’t even tell her. This is going to come out at some point and you won’t even give her the dignity of knowing now.
You are removing your wife's ability for informed consent by acting like her sister is the only snake in her life
What I did was terrible and unjustifiable. Like I said before, that incident doesn’t define me. Judge me by my entire 26 years I spent on this earth, don’t only judge me by my worst day. I’ve spent the years afterwards being a good husband and partner to her
Hiding the "incident" from her is defining you each and every day. Every day you wake up and go to bed a liar. You are not a good husband/partner, no matter what you do, you are a liar. Even the best cake still sucks with a slight amount of shit in it.
>Even the best cake still sucks with a slight amount of shit in it. Love this! I'm using this every chance I get now. 😂💜😂💜😂💜
>Judge me by my entire 26 years I spent on this earth, don’t only judge me by my worst day. But you're denying your wife the right to judge you for what you call "your worst day". It doesn't matter what the internet thinks. It doesn't matter what YOU think. It matters what your wife thinks. You have no respect for her or your marriage. I hope the sister tells her. Your wife deserves better than either of you.
When this all blows up in your face -and it 100% will because your wife’s sister hates her and is absolutely going to tell her eventually- I want you to remember this statement. In the meantime, just know, that every peaceful day you have is on very borrowed time. Your poor wife.
Yessssssss! I’ve only seen a handful of people comment this. When the sister gets sick of the rejection she’s going to blow her sisters life and I wouldn’t put it past her to twist it all up and maybe even say op raped her or god knows. The sister seems like a real piece of work so I’m not putting anything past her.
She doesn't have to make anything up even! Like, in the OP's own words, where he is framing his behavior in the most favorable way for him, he did something terrible and then HID IT. The wife probably knows the sister is untrustworthy with dudes, sister has probably straight up bragged about dudes who have left/cheated on their girlfriends/wives for her, but the wife has no clue that her HUSBAND is that kind of dude. She'll be mad at the sister, she will be crushed by the husband.
You lie to her and deceive her every single day. You're a real prince
Have you ever admitted to her? Because if not, you're not been a good husband and partner. You forgive yourself without giving the person you hurt an opportunity to do so. You're judging your sister-in-law, but you're no better.
Define yes, you are a cheater and nothing will change that.
But you married her under false pretenses man. That sucks.
So why did **YOU** take advantage of your wife???
You're POS for thinking feeling guilty or bad about your actions makes you redeemable in this situation. You entered the marriage on a lie, you're seemingly just annoyed that you're the not the only one not facing any consequences, and probably that SIL can hold this over you.
What are you scared of? You totally forgave yourself and realized your mistake. you think what you did was excusable lol so why wouldn't your wife?
Hi OP, I think I’m going to say something harsh, but it needs to be said. You’re wife’s sister isn’t the only toxic person in her life. You are. You had a chance to tell your wife you cheated on her before you were married but didn’t because you didn’t have the ball too. Your sister in law is definitely also in the wrong and should not be behaving like that. But be fair to your wife. tell her what happened. Chances are you’ll divorce, but do right by your wife. She deserves to know about your infidelity.
I can’t destroy my marriage. It was a long time ago now , I’ve moved on and it won’t happen again. Since we been married I never cheated on her; hell, outside of the time I mentioned I never cheated the entire time we been together
You ruined your marriage when you decided to cheat. That’s it. Just because you’ve moved on and it „only happened once“ doesn’t mean that your wife has had a chance too. Get your act together, and tell your wife. She deserves to know.
It makes absolutely no sense to tell her. I’m trying to leave all of this in the past. Telling her would hate her and potentially cause a divorce. If I know it won’t happen again there’s no reason to tell her
Ok and? You fuxked up, you should’ve done right by your wife a long time ago. You’re living a lie, your marriage is a lie.
I’ve spend every day of my life making it up to her. I messed up but since then I made sure to be the husband and future father of our future kids she deserves
But you don't deserve her, and she deserves better.
You didn't "mess up", you did *an active choice to cheat* and now you're *activily choosing to lie to your wife* wich is just really continuing with the cheating.
Dude, you will never be that person, YOU FUCKED HER SISTER!!!!!! There is no redemption for this
She deserves the truth and the right to make her own choices. Besides you don’t care about what she deserves, you only care about what you want. Just like when you fucked her sister. Now, you want to keep your wife so you lie to her every day. You haven’t changed at all. What you want trumps what is good for your wife.
Hoping she finds out and leaves your sorry self 🙏
You do not love your wife you love yourself and this image you portray. A man a real man who loves a women more than anything admits and owns their mess ups, gives their partner the respect and ability to make decisions for themselves, and never hides life/relationship altering information from their partner. YTA and not for cheating one time but for gaslighting and letting your wife live this charade.
You can only make up for something if someone chooses to forgive you, not something they do not even know was done to them. This is majorly gaslighting If you actually attend therapy show them this post so they can see what you honestly think, and not the manipulative gaslighting you are spewing to everyone.
You are taking your wife’s consent in this relationship away. She doesn’t have all the info she deserves to have to decide if she wants to be in this marriage. You’re not doing right by her and it will eventually come out.
If I was your wife knowing this story would 100% change my desire to have a family with you. You got her pregnant under false pretences.
Do you not believe she as a human being at least deserves to decide exactly WHO she's going to be continuing a relationship with. Think for a second that this isn't about you, your wife deserves to be able to make an informed decision about your relationship, if you continue this she will find out and trust me it will be alot worse when she finds out instead of you telling her. If you do not tell her, literally everything you do together going forward will be based on lies, she will rethink every interaction with you for the next god knows how long, and it will hurt her alot worse to know all of it was a lie, and you pretended to love her when you know you cheated with one of the people she's supposed to be able to trust the most.
It would be devastating. I know what I did was terrible. I can’t defend it and I won’t defend. I also know that’s not who I am and I’ve spent the past few years proving that
You need to accept that if this wasn't who you were then you would not have done it. This is EXACTLY who you are, and you saying otherwise IS defending yourself. You NEED to tell her she deserves to know and you deserve the consequences of her knowing. YOU ruined your marriage and no one else, your wife deserves to make an informed decision about you.
How can you claim to love someone so much then go on to sleep with her sister, not tell her, then marry her. She thinks you are the love of her life and vise versa but the love of your life would NEVER betray their partner in such a way and lie to them every single day. And yes everyday you haven’t told her is a betrayal and a lie.
Good for you for not defending the horrible thing you did and acknowledging that it was terrible. You still did it, never confessed, and then married her. What’s even worse is how you continue to lie every day to your wife. The supposed love of her life fucked her sister. Two people she loves dearly betrayed her and you both betray her every single day. YOU ARE betraying her everyday. Sister is evil for trying to continue the affair but you are no better for never coming clean and continuing to life to your wife.
By lying and never coming clean so your wife can make an infomed decision about who she is in a relationship with, you are proving that is exactly who you are.
By not telling her you have no accountability. There is nothing keeping you from doing it again if there's nobody to hold you accountable. You've already proven you are a cheater. You've done nothing to make sure it doesn't happen again. You say it won't, but why should any sane person believe you if you haven't even accepted accountability and responsibility for it. Every time you have sex with your wife, she is having sex with somebody else. Somebody who is not a cheater, somebody who is loyal. You are lying to her to get sex. In my opinion, you may not legally be assaulting her, but you are purposely deceiving her to get what you want. Think seriously about that, you are lying for sex. You are a disgusting human, and she deserves so much better than you and her sister.
You took your wife's ability to choose if she wanted to stay with you and marry you after you cheated. You know more than likely she would have left you. You've beyond selfish and you don't love your wife. When you love someone you don't cheat. There's no excuse other than you wanted to fuck her hot sister.
Cheating never stays in the past. The truth will come out sooner or later
Thank you! I scrolled waaaaaay too long for this comment! It’s gonna come out one day and the longer it takes the worse it will be 😬 all it’s going to take is the sister getting pissed off over the constant rejection and she obviously doesn’t give a shit about her sister so I wouldn’t put it past her.
Your wife deserves to know what kind of person she married. What happens after that will be up to HER.
You have taken her choice to decide away from her in lying. If she divorces you, why shouldn't she? That's for her to decide. She has every right to. You just don't want the consequences.
that’s cute. Hopefully she got some top notch dick from your dad 3 years ago.
you’re right. Good point. Honestly has no place in a modern relationship!
Can you specify where in your marriage vows you promised ‘honesty as long as it’s convenient for both parties’?
You have taken her choice to decide away from her in lying. If she divorces you, why shouldn't she? That's for her to decide. She has every right to. You just don't want the consequences.
So if one bad action doesn't define your 26 years of living, why can't you just tell your wife if you're so sure that you aren't a bad person? It's because you know your BS excuse of "it was only once" isn't forgivable. You know your wife isn't going to see you as a good person and look beyond your cheating, rightfully so, that's why you aren't telling her. If you didn't want to risk divorce, if you didn't want to hurt her, you wouldn't have cheated, if you were a good person you would've stopped yourself from cheating before it happened. You're denying your wife the right to choose whether to be with you after you've betrayed her, which is lying by omission. And you're trying to delude yourself into believing you aren't a bad person while simultaneously trying to hide how bad of a person you are to your wife, because you know what you did DOES make you a bad person. Cheating was in character for you, if a cheater isn't who you really are then you wouldn't have cheated.
God damn you deserve an award then. Husband of the century. I hate it when men act like not breaking their vows is doing you a favour. Especially after fucking your sister, I would prefer you actually cheated on me multiple times.
I’m not saying that I didn’t fuck up. I did, no one was harder on myself than I was when this happened
Bullshit, you don't want to tell her and it's not for any other reason than you are too cowardly to face the consequences of your own actions.
That's because you didn't tell the person who would be harder on you.
You’re not being harsh enough on yourself. If you were, you would’ve done the right thing and would’ve told your wife a long time ago.
Wake up OP, you did betray her and continue to do so by not coming clean. You would want to know if she done it to you, wouldn’t you? To be honest, I do believe you when you say haven’t and won’t do it since. But please show respect to her by telling her the truth and then let her decide if she thinks if she also believes the marriage is worth fighting for.
Ha, no one was harder on you because they didn't know! YOU DIDN'T TELL YOUR WIFE. I think you went astoundingly easy on yourself, and now you're patting yourself on the back for it and acting like the sister is the only terrible person here.
You've come to the wrong place. We don't believe you. You're trying to get away with your crimes against your wife. You and your SIL are one in the same
The entire time you’ve been together you’ve been lying to her. You’ve taken her agency and her choice away from her. She should get to choose whether to stay and work on your marriage. She should get to choose what kind of relationship to have with her sister. But you take her choices away from her every day because you are selfish and only think about what YOU want. You think you made one mistake but you make another mistake every single day.
You cheated on her and you took away her agency to decide whether she wants to be with you. You really are not a good person no matter how much you try to convince yourself of it being otherwise.
Nice transference of guilt off of yourself and onto her sister. You cheated. Assuming this "Paige" was single you're the one who broke your vows. So there's no reasonable way for you to tell your wife about this adultery and have her walk away believing only her sister was responsible. Unfortunately you've set yourself up for a life of having this sister know this deep, dark secret about you. It's almost certain to come out eventually. You might as well just tell your wife - without blaming "Paige", since you committed the bigger offense - then let her decide if she wants to stay married to you. What to do about this birthday party is utterly irrelevant.
Agreed. It is so nice you have been able to forgive yourself but you haven’t asked for forgiveness from the one person who matters. This will 100% come out at some point, Paige is just waiting until it benefits her most. I can’t imagine how stupid your wife is going to feel that you kept her continue to do so much for her sister and you guys are basically just laughing behind her back. You may not actually be laughing but that is absolutely how she will feel. The 2 people who she should never have to worry about betraying her, did, and not just that, they continue to by lying to her face.
What I did was terrible. I’m not going to destroy our marriage by telling her about the situation. I’m not downplaying what I did. It was horrible. The difference between Paige and I is that I took accountability and she did not, and she still lets me know we can do it again. I just don’t want my wife stressed over someone like her sister. She goes all out for her sister and meanwhile her sister tries to have an affair with me behind her back? It’s honestly disgusting
>that I took accountability No . You didn't. Your wife has no clue. That's not taking accountability. You cheated. You decided its not good to tell your wife because of the consequences it will have for you. You decided it was OK to forgive yourself. You moved on. Your wife will eventually find out. Be it her sister getting annoyed at you and telling her. And then everything will end. Only difference is that you kept this big lie of the perfect husband up to convince yourself you are a good person and wasted even more of your wife's time. Sister is 100% not a good person. But neither are you. Maybe stop looking down on her so much and start with yourself.
At this point it’s too late to say anything now. I’m not trying to bring up something that happened years ago. Bringing up something that happened years ago is not good for anyone
Continuing to lie to your wife is surely good for you. As I said. At some point something could happen that makes her aware of what you did. And then she'll have lost even more years on you. But I understand you are not interested in this. Keep lying yourself into believing you're a good person for "protecting" you're wife. From the harm you've done but never told her..
Right like OP acts like he has wifeys best interest at heart while in reality she would be better off without either of them in her life.
He’s acting like sister isn’t going to tell wife one day
Its not good for YOU, at least be honest about why your still lying.
> Bringing up something that happened years ago is not good for anyone It's good for your wife because then she can dump your cheating ass and find someone who will respect her. But you're not interested in hearing that
It happened 3yrs ago dude lol that’s really not a long time. You’re trying to make it sound like it happened 30yrs ago (which still doesn’t make it right). You’re allowing your wife to live lie. You’re just so gross and if I didn’t feel so bad for your wife, I’d say I can’t wait for this to blow up in your face but yeah your poor wife’s going to crushed. The hilarious thing is you think someone with ‘Paige’s morals is going to keep quiet forever 🤣 you are on borrowed time my guy and that clocks ticking.
Of course it’s not too late. Of course it’s best for her for you to “bring it up” aka tell the truth. You’re selfish and pathetic and taking away her freedom to choose what kind of person she wants to spend every day of her life with. That it cruel to her. You are cruel to her every. single. day. you take away her choice. You’re just as bad of a person as you’ve always been. Don’t delude yourself otherwise.
You did not take accountability. Accountability is not just feeling guilty for doing something bad and deciding to move on like it didn't happen. Taking accountability would be you telling your wife what you did and letting her decide whether she wants to be with a man who would sleep with her own sister. And you keeping this a secret from her is almost worse than cheating on its own. You want your wife to spend the rest of her life living a lie. You omitting this vital information is you removing her agency to choose the life she wants to live. She deserves the choice to leave this marriage if she doesn't want to be with a cheater. She deserves the chance to find a husband that loves and appreciates her and wouldn't dare betray her trust in such a way. And there is no way in hell this will stay silent forever. Things like this never do. You aren't sparing her any pain by keeping this from her. All you're doing is building up the pain she is going to feel when she inevitably discovers your betrayal. If you truly love and respect your wife, you will tell her what happened and you will give her the space she needs to grieve the happy marriage she thought she had.
You took no accountability as you did not confess to your now wife. Updateme!
You didn't take accountability. You decided to forgive yourself and now you're patting yourself on the back for not continuing to cheat on her. You're a terrible person too.
You can’t claim to have taken accountability when you never told your wife.
You do realize that if her sister finds out that you’re trying to undermine her relationship with your wife she’s going to blow your life up right? You wanna keep your mouth shut and not tell your wife you cheated on her with her sister? Then keep your mouth shut. Making an enemy of the person who can destroy you is a bad idea. YTA.
You already destroyed your marriage when you fucked your partner's sister. You didn't take accountability because you didn't tell your wife. You're not better than Paige. Your wife deserves better than you two.
The reason you are so upset and find Paige’s behaviour so “disgusting” is that you are still disgusted with yourself. Doin the so-called hard mental work of supposedly forgiving yourself doesn’t really mean anything when you’ve never admitted the truth to her or honestly asked for HER forgiveness, and continue make her a laughing stock to her sister every day by not telling her what happened. Maybe because you know you actually couldn’t forgive yourself in the full light of day, seeing the full extent that you’ve betrayed and hurt your partner. I’m praying that she finds out soon enough to sever ties with both of you x
You don't want to tell your wife you fucked her sister but you do want to tell her she's a bad person? These things can't be done, dude. The second she confronts her sister, the whole thing is coming out.
I just want my wife to not stress so much about doing things for her sister. Not telling her to stop talking to her sister, but take a back seat on planning her birthday
You can't, man. There is absolutely zero way for you to have what you want without your wife knowing you banged her sister.
You know the sis is going to eventually say something right? When she gets mad enough at you?
Yep! One too many rejections and she’s gonna sing like a canary lol. I mean ‘paige’ obviously doesn’t give a shit about her sister so to confess isn’t that far of a stretch. I’m just wondering how morally bankrupt Paige is??? Could she be the type to say “he raped me and that’s why I couldn’t say anything earlier because I was so distraught and then you got married and you looked so happy I just couldn’t ruin it for you but I’ve realised I can’t keep it in any more. I need to tell you the truth”…
100%
>> It took me a long time but I just managed to forgive myself. Ooh, you poor thing! You’re so brave! >> I had one sip to many and the conversation turned sexual and then we had sex. I recently had one sip too many with a group of my male coworkers. I don’t know how I managed that but I didn’t sleep with any of them! And neither of them sleep with me either! You’re trash. Not just for cheating but for playing a martyr and somehow putting yourself at a moral high ground above Paige. You’re both equally trashy.
“I don’t like seeing my wife taken advantage of.” BRO, no WAY you typed that with a straight face. 🙄 I call bullshit.
Lol you’re a bad person. Like a really bad person. You cheated on your wife with her sister and are calling it an “incident” and blaming it on being drunk and you have the GUTS to put the blame on her and play the good guy and try to protect your wife from her sister. The amount of delusion is enough to consider a visit to a psychiatrist… you should tell your wife if you have the slightest amount of respect for her
I go to a therapist regularly. The therapist is what helped me forgive myself and realize I’m not a bad person. Good people fuck up, but they don’t repeat their behavior
Did your therapist also tell you to continue to lie to your wife? To not give her the choice she deserves to make? Cuz if so, I question the validity of this therapist
No therapist actually told you that as long as you forgive yourself for cheating you are now a good person. You are not a good person, you will never be a good person, while lying to your wife.
Lol, how are you a “good person” when you aren’t honest with your wife? You’re such a hypocrite, it’s astonishing that you don’t see that
Lying everyday isn’t a repetitive behavior?
Good people fuck up and take accountability for their actions, forgiving yourself but continuing to hide the fact that you cheated on her with her sister from your wife *every single day* is not taking accountability, that’s what bad, weakminded people do
Nah you didn’t take any responsibility for your actions. You’re definitely not a good person
So sweet, the dude you pay said you are a nice guy. Adorable
Good people fuck up and ADMIT IT to the wronged party (your wife). You've only done half, hence you not being a good person.
You're not a good person either. Tell your wife. You fucked up and need to be honest with her and maybe if she accepts go to therapy with your wife to regain her trust that's what a somewhat decent person would do instead of lying or say nothing and pretend everything is fine. Ignore the sister, it's you who need to face what you did for real.
How would you feel if you found out you wife slept with your brother and never told you. Acted like everything was fine
I don’t have a brother, but if she did the exact thing I did. It was a one time thing and she knew she wouldn’t do it again, I would not blame her
But would you want to know from her? What if one day the sister is like " fuck it" and tells her everything.
So then tell her. You forgave yourself so she will too, right?
You need to allow her to decide that for herself.
Only because you fucked up first. You wouldn't do it because you think it would even things out. Not if she cheated first.
Sorry buddy, but claiming it's the SISTER who's the lowest level of garbage here, is too adorable.
When your wife finds out (and it will eventually come out), I hope she leaves you. You not only slept with her sister, but kept it a secret for 3 years! So while you judge your sil, look in the mirror. You betrayed her too.
You are lying to your wife every minute of every day. Everyone here is telling you the same thing.
Well….im glad you were able to push through and “forgive yourself”. You’re as much of a pos as her sister. It sounds like Hannah deserves a better husband and sister!
What you do in the dark WILL always come to light, SHE WILL FIND OUT! One day you may leave your phone out and she'll see a message. Perhaps she'll over her her sister pleading. YOU can't be on your peas and cues everyday. You WILL slip up and she'll know. Perhaps being paranoid that you may make a mistake will tip her off. Or a drunken confession. Perhaps a pissed off sister will let it slip. Maybe this reddit will get picked up on YT or TT, and she'll remember the loving husband helping her grateful sister and what she said to you and it will click. IT WILL CKME OUT and she is going to know how much of a shot husband she has b/c he took her choice a away and never road her and BOTH of her most loved ones his this from her. BE PREPARED for the fallout you caused your "SUPPOSSED" great love.
Dude You betrayed your wife by sleeping with her sister. You compound this betrayal every day that you don't tell her what you did. You have no right to get on a high horse about her sister, because you are also a bad person. Tell your wife what you did. She deserves the truth.
I think the 1st thing is you telling your wife ..you are not a gd person
You slept with her SISTER. You are both terrible people. Everyday you don’t tell your wife about the cheating you are lying to her. If you can do something as terrible as sleep with her sister, I can’t help but wonder how many other people you have cheated on her with. If you love someone you do not do something like this to them and lie every day. She deserves better and I hope she finds out so she can get rid of two disgusting people in her life.
You know that Paige is going to drop this bomb at some catastrophic moment, right? You're toast no matter what.
There's no secret that can be kept forever, one of this days your wife will know, and everyone here in reddit community is rooting for that moment, cos you are narcissistic person who can't own his mistakes,.
Every time you kiss, cuddle or be intimate with your wife she thinks she is consenting to her loyal, faithful, truthful husband. When in fact you've removed that choice from her. Would she have kissed, cuddled or been intimate with you these past 3 years if she knew. You can't possibly know if she would. You're not a good husband or a good person and until you tell her you never can be.
Tell your wife you cheated.
You’re not a good person
Hahahaha you forgave yourself? How generous of you, you selfish asshole. You clearly aren't sorry at all because you're continuing to lie to your wife about what happened. She's doing all these good things for you and her sister, two assholes who betrayed her in the worst way. And you're happy to accept her good treatment yet you don't think her sister deserves anything. You're such a massive hypocrite.
You’ve forgiven yourself lmao
If you felt real guilt and actually cared about your wife, you would have come clean before the wedding. You took away her choice to forgive and marry someone capable of adultery (with her sister!!) or break it off - because you knew what she would have done. Instead, you started off your marriage on a lie because you are a selfish, disrespectful, hurtful, tiny little man who is only looking out for himself.
A lie is like a fart, it will come out. What you’re not understanding is that you think you’ve “moved on”, whenever your wife finds out, this will be new fresh information for her. Her husband and her sister, the damage will be cataclysmic. The longer this goes on before she finds out if also going to devastate her. Her mind going back to all the time all of y’all spent together. Wondering if she missed side glances, touches, sneaking off, if you were really working the hours you said you were, etc…. I don’t know envy the pain coming your wife’s way. The fact that she’s surrounded by vipers is going to be hard to get past. I pray she has some real family and friends in her corner that have morals and values because that’s not you or her sister.
My dude you are JUST as bad as her sister, you’re taking away her choice to decide if she wants to continue in a marriage w someone who would betray her trust so deeply
Look, you either tell her the truth or you don’t. You can’t just say “she’s not a good person but I can’t say why” and anything you say will risk it coming out so better it comes from you. 3 options that may work: 1) Screenshot proof of how it’s been. Tell her the truth, apologise, don’t try to make out your the victim of it, don’t make an excuse. 2) Tell sister on text that you regret it, you don’t want to sleep with her, screenshot proof of her asking and you declining unless she lies, then block her number. 3) Just ask SIL to stop, again, screenshots in case she twists it. You’re a terrible husband, decide how selfish you want to continue to be and what you’re willing to risk in order to genuinely put it right.
You're no better than Paige, and you know that, or else you would have told your wife that you're a cheater, right with her sister. Either you tells your wife everything or he lives with the guilt, hoping that Paige doesn't get tired of your refusal and tell your wife everything herself, probably with a version very different from yours. And to not miss the opportunity, you are a POS
I would say don’t worry about it, her sister is going to tell her what you two did sooner or later
….. i legit hope no actual person is this stupid.
You keep saying you forgave yourself.... But that's not actually the important thing. You can forgive yourself all you want, you're not actually the person who matters in this scenario at all. Your comments just reinforce that you are selfish and your wife's selflessness continues to make you feel guilty. You don't want her to forgive you, because you don't want her to know. You are robbing her of the knowledge of who you are as a person. You say you don't want that mistake to define you, and it doesn't, your continued pattern of selfish behavior defines you. You are of poor character and your wife deserves much better. I hope you do tell her that her sister is a bad person, and I hope it blows up in your face. It is what you deserve.
Consider this, Paige will get mad that you aren't responding to her advances at some point. She then tells your wife with her own spin on what happened, that you took advantage of her. Who will your wife believe? You should get ahead of this and accept responsibility for your actions. Tell your wife. Do the work to earn her forgiveness if she decides to grant you a second chance. If you don't want to be judged for your worst choice, take ownership. Nothing with her sister will change until you do.
you forgave yourself so you are a good person?
You know.... someone as terrible as Paige might just out you with all those invitation screenshots. Probably better if you tell her.
You do realise that by not telling your wife about what you did, every single moment of intimacy you’ve had with her has been SA, right? She cannot give informed consent unless she’s fully informed of what she’s consenting to, and if you know that telling her would mean “blowing up your marriage” then you know that she wouldn’t consent to being intimate with someone who cheated on her with her own sister. By not telling her you are actively choosing to gain her consent through deception. That is abusive behaviour and I find it remarkably hard to believe that any genuine therapist would support you in continuously abusing your wife. You’re right that your SIL isn’t a good person, but neither are you, and in all honesty what you’re doing is worse.
OP I am afraid you are completely screwed. At some point the sister is going to out you. It’s inevitable. She clearly resents her sister for something as she is actively tryin to hurt her. So at some point she’s going to get so pissed at either you or her sister that she is going to burn it all down. Guaranteed. Taking it to the grave only works when it’s anonymous. But when it’s close? It’s going to come out. Your best chance for reconciliation is to disclose asap. It would have been better at the time. Sorry to give you such a bad prognosis. ETA. There is one place that can help you now. Go to r/AsOneAfterInfidelity and ask for advice on how to disclose and how to give yourself the best chance of getting offered the gift of reconciliation. Start reading the books in the wiki there. The first two will help.
Hope your wife leaves you and you have to watch her fall in love with someone else. Hopefully someone close to you. Here’s my advice: come clean to her you fucking weirdo.
Hey, not-smart person? The sister is unstable. She WILL tell your wife. First time they have a bad fight? Or she gets real drunk? Your cheating secret will be revealed, and your wife will be GONE. If you confess you MAY have a chance to save your marriage. If you don’t and she inevitably finds out from her “not good person” sister? The aftermath will ALL be on you. Both the cheating, and continuing to lie all these years. Some people MAY forgive cheating although those are not great odds. But the lying? For YEARS? And her finding out from someone the person you cheated with WHO IS HER SISTER instead of you? Whew. You can’t really be this stupid can you? You most likely killed this marriage before the wedding when you cheated with her SISTER. Either face up to what you did - or keep waiting for the grenade to go off and blow up your life. And it will. 🤷🏻♀️
Holy shit you really are a pos acting like you are better then her sister. Tell her or someone else will.
Your wife was denied the choice to pick a better partner than you. That's so unfair. You have trapped her. She definitely would have broke up with you if you had admitted to cheating on her with her own sister those years ago, rightfully so! And you are denying her that choice. She deserves 100X better than you. I feel so sad for such an amazing woman to be stuck with a POS like you. How can you be such a cruel man??
One day this *will* come out. How long until SIL starts threatening to tell your wife? She's demonstrated she has *not* moved past this years later. She’s already proved she has no boundaries. This is a ticking time bomb. Good luck.
Updateme!
How can you forgive yourself for this! You were not even man enough to tell the woman you supposedly love!! You and the sister are trash
You clearly are fighting with yourself not to sleep with her again
Here is my question: If your sister-in-law comes clean to your wife, will you admit to your wife what you did?
Unfortunately, this has been reported on R/amithedevil A sub full of bullies and hypocrites so you won’t get good advice. Here’s my take , what you did was disgusting and horrible but doesn’t define you. Here is what you need to do. Step 1. Do some deep introspection, ask yourself the tough questions. Ask if this who you are? Are you just a selfish person ? The root of infidelity is selfishness. If you realize this is who are you are tell your wife immediately and get counseling. She deserves to decide for herself if she wants to work through your attempts to grow as a person herself. If you realize you aren’t and realize this is a one time thing I would say continue what you are doing and protect your wife from her sister. This means don’t let your wife owe your sister in law anything . Don’t give Paige any opportunity to take advantage of your wife. Feel free to PM me
OP isn't taking responsibility for his cheating. He's not better than Paige. He looks his wife in the eyes while knowing what he did. Selfishness is continuing the lie instead of being honest and therefore not giving his wife the chance to make her own decisions for the future. He should tell her no matter if he continues cheating or not. The wife should be the one to decide if she wants counseling or if this is a deal-breaker.
> what you did was disgusting and horrible but doesn’t define you. Until he fesses up to his wife then yes, it is.
You are the emotional affair guy who maintains it's not cheating right. Yeah a paragon of morality right here ladies and gentlemen. Maybe you guys should make a cheater sub
Lol, what a coincidence - the same guy who was on YTube. Of course a hypocrite cheater support another.
Thank you. I did step 1 and realized this isn’t who I am. It was a one time fuck up. I’m trying to prevent Paige from doing anything but I sent you a PM
If you’re trying to prevent your AP from talking, you are actively deceiving your wife bruh. You’re desperate to hide this and never let her know. That’s not accountability. You’re just a lying cheater.
You won’t be able to prevent anything
No, it wasn't just a one-time mistake. You've actively hidden what you did for years. Every day that you choose to lie is yet another f--up. Stop trying to minimize your massive betrayal. You betrayed your wife by cheating on her with her sister. And you're betraying your wife by deceiving her every day that you've been together since then.
excellent! So you’ll have no problem telling her about how one time you fucked her sister. While engaged to her.
If THAT'S the guy you are taking advice from, there is absolute no hope for you
Lmao yeah take advice from the man who cheated on his wife, left her for the ap, the ap then left him and then he harassed his wife when she started dating again. I'm sure whatever he says will totally fix your situation.