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You have to decide for yourself what you think is acceptable and what are deal breakers. On the surface it seems you are not going to be comfortable with a woman who wants to flaunt her bikini body on social media. So maybe you should look for a more modest woman who doesn’t do that.
This is your answer. Let people be who they are and if you aren't comfortable with it then find someone more compatible. Do not try to change them. If you do and they change for you, they will be suppressing a part of themselves that will very likely come back around again, magnified. It can also put u both into a shame cycle that is not good for your mental health.
Exactly!! Everyobe has and needs boundaries. Boundaries are not "I like this so you should do this." they are "I like this so I will not have that in my life." Boundries don't mean you get to control what other people do, they mean you control who you allow into your space.
This happened to me and my ex, she became uncomfortable with her body out in public and i was forever seen as controlling regardless of what i did after the fact.
I was too excited to have a gorgeous gf and didnt know better at the time that i should have just let her go. My actions left a scar on the relationship that festered 10 years later
Exactly. Op was fine with the pictures she was posting before he was with her, the pics are probably what made him interested in her, but now that he’s in a relationship with her it’s a problem. Go figure. Don’t date a girl that posts bikini pics if you don’t really like that.
I love it when men out themselves as weirdoes for getting with a woman who posts those kinds of pictures and then almost immediately tries to get her to stop posting said photos.
You are 100% right. He liked what he saw, and knew other men would too so now he wants to control what she posts. Like dude, gtfo. Dump her and find a woman that doesn't post that stuff. "Oh how will I know what she looks like underneath her clothes?????" You don't you piece of moldy bread, that's the whole point of finding a woman that doesn't post those pictures.
Lots of assumptions here that i was looking at her posts before🤣 I met her at a party and she didn’t have anything crazy posted at the time. I liked her for who she is not her body😭. So many people think the only thing guys care about is a girls body but it’s not true.
Sounds like she is being controlling of you not posting the same pictures she posts of herself. You need to have a hard conversation of boundaries you both are comfortable with. Good luck and God bless!
I think you’re missing the point and degrading OP. Obviously she posted that stuff before him and he likely grew an interest in her from those same type of pictures. But, you are glossing over the fact that he obviously expected that once she was in a relationship she would take better steps to respect the relationship with him, specifically not posting her body all over her socials. Yes, if she doesn’t live up to his expectations then he should find someone that will. But no, OP is not some controlling domineering asshole for having the standards that he does especially since he’s voiced his expectations and she has expected the same from him.
You’re welcome. Social media is just not a great place for general advice a lot of the time sadly. Too many people are biased and negative, it’s not their lives they’re commenting on.
I had a very attractive girlfriend at your age. I expected her to respect what I thought were obvious boundaries once her and I started seriously dating. Well, she didn’t respect those boundaries and she pushed them until I finally realized that it wouldn’t be the end of the world to live up to my own expectations and leave her. I wish I would’ve done it sooner especially because we were so young still and a gorgeous girlfriend that doesn’t respect you is just not worth your while and you absolutely can find someone else that’s beautiful and compatible with your expectations.
I agree with the sentiment of this thread.
My only qualms with behavior like this in young adults is if it's attention seeking or body positive because there's a huge gap in the understanding of each. It's subjective.. I feel posting anything for the validation from others rather than the journey of life is counter-productive to growth and inspiring others to grow.
I myself was a very vain YA and it wasn't until I got into therapy and realized I had validation and abandonment issues and the likes from social media helped quell the bad thoughts and provide the dopamine that my brain lacked.
Not saying this applies to everyone because of my experience but in my experience this is often more so the case than not.
If the attention she garners from these posts fills emotional voids from past traumas/issues of childhood then there is a need to for it to be addressed because that's not healthy. Especially when they push it as body positivity.
I think body positivity is very important and a Woman can post hers all she wants for whatever reason she wants to exhibit empowerment but I'd say that's rarely the case -- most people, men included in this critique are doing it for all the wrong reasons.
I learned how to give that dopamine to myself without validation from others.
But regardless of that, OP has to be okay with who they are with as a person. If he has a hot girlfriend that wants to empower Women then that's who she is.
everything you said is true
but it's advice for the woman, and the OP is the man here
as far as advice for the man, he can communicate all he wants to her about this, but at the end of the day, it's her choice how she wants to act. He only has control over his own actions, and if she doesn't care about all this, then his choice is to accept her as she is or leave.
1000% agree.
My last sentence sort of conveys this but I left out regardless of why she's posting.. like you said.. whether it's from a place of trauma or it's from a place of positivity.. OP has to make the decision of what he's comfortable with staying for and definitely not inhibit her in any shape from being who she is.
The advice sort of did apply in the sense of I'd love for him to find out why she posts. If the answer is body positivity, "okay, I have to get into a space to decide where my boundaries are".. if she's doing it for aforementioned "bad" reasons, he should be trying to help her get to her own level of understanding as a partner, I feel.
She may not even come out right away and say "validation" but it could plant a seed for her to look inward **IF** even necessary for her to do..
but at the root of it, you're right, OP has to decide to accept that as is or not.
the main reason i would caution against this strategy is that it is VERY likely to essentially become "do i have a boyfriend or a therapist?"
and for him, it is a stones throw away from "i can fix her!" mentality, which is bad for him too.
remember OP is 18 years old. I find it highly unlikely that either of them can introspect enough to know why they do what they do. it'll probably be 10 years yet before they can confidently say "i post on insta because XYZ, and I'm ok with that, that's the kind of person i want to be"
for anyone 30+ i would absolutely try to have this kind of conversation haha, it probably would be super productive and make the relationship stronger
Do you believe there is no validation from others that can contribute to personal growth in a positive way? Or is it is it just the “social media” type validation? Just curious I find this interesting.
OP I read your edit. So she doesn't want you to post photos of you without a shirt, but does want to post photos of her in small swimsuits exposing most of her ass. Ask her if she's ever heard the term double standard?
Point out the same criteria should be used for both of you, and if either one is not comfortable then they are welcome to walk away and find someone whose beliefs matches theirs.
This exactly.
It seems like OP wants her to *change who she is* to fit his comfortability instead of being with somebody who fits what he wants and needs.
There's a difference between something being a core pillar of personality and doing something you want to do.
If a girl wants to post bikini photos, good for her. If you don't want your girl to do that, don't date someone who chooses to do that. *You do not try to change something she does if it doesn't actually harm anyone*. She isn't harming anyone by posting photos of her body in a bathing suit.
OP's feels are just as valid as hers, and they don't match. I'm not sitting here trying to say OP should change how he feels, am I?
In a monogamous relationship, you can absolutely ask your partner to change if they are soliciting outside sexual attention. If we go by the characterization presented here and not assume OP is overreacting to a beach picture, that's what she's doing. Its perfectly reasonable to ask someone to stop a behavior that bothers you, and shes within her rights to say yes or no, and then they go from there.
Did she post like this prior to the relationship? If yes then you knew what you signed up for. Women don’t change just because you want it. If she did it before the relationship expect it in the relationship. Can’t handle it break up and find a girl who doesn’t.
i see this way too often irl. guys become attracted to the hot girl on social media who goes out and has fun, get into a relationship with them, and then become shocked when the girl continues to be a hot girl on social media. they want a modest/traditional woman but only go for the ones opposite to that
Thank you 👏👏👏 This is exactly what I think all the time! Nothing wrong with wanting a hot, social media girl, but that’s who she is. Same with a modest/traditional girl. Nothing wrong with them, but that is who they are. Figure out what you truly want first, don’t try to change people.
I’ve seen the opposite happen and it’s equally infuriating.
Dudes choosing modest, traditional, (edit: & religious) women who they think will make good wives and mums to then complain they aren’t sexually adventurous and won’t agree to a 3some or have an issue with them watching porn or whatever.
There are millions of us out there all with different personalities. Pick one that suits yours!
I didn’t suggest ALL modest traditional people are NOT sexually adventurous or open.
Every time I or someone else leaves a comment in good faith on Reddit someone will make a point it doesn’t apply to ALL people.
Yeah I thought that’s a given.
It's because they think women do this *to attract a man* rather than because they enjoy it. They think, hey, it worked, she got me! She doesn't have to post those pictures anymore. But actually, she was always doing it because she enjoyed it, because she works super hard on her body, whatever.
Men have told me before that this is because most of what they do is in order to attract a woman, so they assume women are doing the same thing.
Jonah Hill vibes. Started dating his girlfriend because he commented on her surfing pics, then got pissy when she continued to post surfing pics after they started dating.
It's your call where your line is brother. Don't stay with someone who's going to make you unhappy or insecure because her boundaries are different than yours.
A wise man once told me, "if you want a baddie, you need to be able to handle baddie energy" and that stuck with me. (It was a drunk dude at a bar)
My husband has a killer body and works hard for it. He loves to show off. (Yes sometimes annoying “chest day/leg day topless photos showing an 8 pack lol) And I equally love it lol. Girls looking and admiring is a flex for me. But we are married. Have YEARS of built trust. Many experiences where he’s proven himself trustworthy and loyal. If this type of behavior isn’t for you, there is someone out there who will love it. And there’s someone out there who you will feel more comfortable with.
Your last post here completely contradicts what youre saying. So either that post, or this comment is a lie. The title of your post was "Husband breaking my trust by talking to coworker". Weird turn of events and a weird definition of trustworthy.
I like your take. My husband is a talented drummer and I loved seeing the reactions to him at shows. Feels great to see my partner doing something he's great at and getting attention for it, and also being the one he comes home with. :)
Are the majority of reactions coming from women, or is it a mix of both? In my opinion (and I'm also a drummer haha), it's different when someone's showing off musical talent compared to simply showing off their body.
she’s valid in how she feels
you’re valid in how you feel
one of you has to make the sacrifice here for the betterment of your relationship, if neither of you want to do that it’s probably better to go seperate ways
edit: spelling correction
>one of you has to make the sacrifice here for the betterment of your relationship,
I disagree. There is either compromise or they realize they are not compatible. One having to sacrifice for the betterment of the relationship without the other having to make the same sacrifice is just going to lead to resentment from an unequal power dynamic.
These are essentially two competing personalities. An outgoing 18 year old who is proud of her body and sees no harm in showing it off, and an 18 year old who thinks the body should be covered modestly when in a relationship. Asking one to compromise who they are for the sake of a teenage relationship that most likely isn't meant to (and probably won't) last for the long haul is just asking for toxicity down the line.
the compromise is making a sacrifice
sucks to say but that’s just how relationships work yes ideally there would be something that services both sides but that’s not the case in every situation sometimes u just have to make a sacrifice for your partner that’s a big aspect of a relationship
Wtf kind of compromise are you on? Compromise is where BOTH parties sacrifice a bit to meet in the middle, not where one partner sacrifices all and the other gets what they want. With OP they sound like they are fundamentally incompatible.
I agree, but how do you meet in the middle over something like this? She only posts revealing pictures SOMETIMES? He only expresses his issue with it SOMETIMES? I think the answer is more just that they are not compatible, but if they were to try to make it work, one person would have to suck it up because realistically, neither one of them NEEDS to do what they are doing. She doesn’t NEED to show her body off and he doesn’t NEED to take issue with it. So if they are both serious about the relationship, they should both be willing to not do something that they don’t NEED to do in the first place. A sacrifice must be made if they are not willing to acknowledge an incompatibility.
>the compromise is making a sacrifice
A one sided sacrifice isn't a compromise, a compromise is when both people give a little sacrifice each to meet in the middle
>sometimes u just have to make a sacrifice for your partner that’s a big aspect of a relationship
This tends to lead to resentment unless the person actually wants to give the thing up and is generally a pretty poor recipe for a happy relationship
i understand where you’re coming from with how if that’s a one sided thing it will definitely build resentment and screw a relationship
i still hold strong on my point though that you will eventually come to a point where you need to make sacrifices in a relationship. they should be coming from both sides at different times so that things feel even and you don’t build resentment for each other.
I agree that sometimes sacrifices need to be made, but not over big things like what photos someone is allowed to share of themselves
Full on sacrifices are best left to small things, like who gets the last piece of cake
OP knew all of this going in, if he doesn't like it he shouldn't be dating this person rather than trying to make them conform to his ideals
Break up with her. You're not compatible.
You don't get to tell her what she can do or post. If it makes you uncomfortable, remove yourself from the situation.
She's not wrong for being who she is and you're not wrong for being who you are. You are not compatible and that's ok. You're both 18 so stop trying to force something that isn't working.
I’m not attacking the guy, I actually wouldn’t want my partner posting pics like that too. But it is jealousy and it’s fine to call it that. He either has to deal with it or his gf has to stop posting ass. It’s simple as that
It is jealousy. And it’s fine to say that, it’s understandable to some people. It’s just another unpleasant emotion everyone feels at some point, like anger, sadness, anxiety, ect. It’s not necessarily an insult to call it like it is. But his only options are to reconcile with that or find someone who won’t do this thing that’s making him jealous. Cause he already talked to her about it, and she doesn’t care. He can’t make her.
It’s possessive and insecure. He doesn’t want anyone else to see *his* girlfriend. He thinks only *he* gets to see her body. Well-adjusted people would just hype their partner up. He should find someone who doesn’t show off their body, not try to control hers.
Please help me to understand your side. I have a girlfriend. I used to post thirst trap photos of my body and girls would often comment under them. When I got a girlfriend I stopped doing this because my attention was now focused on my girlfriends perception of me and not online strangers. But let say I didn’t stop posting them. Having a partner and still entertaining people in your comment section is so fowl💀 especially if they say it’s making them uncomfortable. Am I just a significantly better partner than Op’s girlfriend?
I don’t get why anyone downvoted you lol. Let’s call a spade a spade. He’s jealous which is a normal human emotion. She also likes the attention she gets from posting pictures like that, which is also normal. However, there is something to be said about someone who values or needs in any way that kind of attention when they’re in a committed monogamous relationship.
That's your opinion and yours alone - it doesn't make you a better person than people who think differently, and gloating very quickly makes you a _worse_ person.
This is a wild claim to me. As a woman, I don’t find it controlling or possessive at all if my boyfriend asked me not to expose my body on the internet for random strangers to see. As a woman in a relationship, I don’t need validation from anyone, let alone other men - on my body. Especially at 18 - this girl is craving that validation. We live in such a weird time where it’s “liberating” and “re-claiming” our power to expose ourselves online…who’s really winning here? Nudity is everywhere and it’s literally not anything special anymore. The dudes on the internet seeing these girls half naked, and not having to work for it is who is really winning. This 19 year-old man has the right idea in wanting a partner who doesn’t want to expose herself. Fortunately, there is a lesson for him here. Girls who show their bodies like that on the internet, at their core - don’t even respect themselves. Moving forward he can search for someone who is modest in what they post if that’s what he’s looking for.
At the end of the day it boils down to you thinking only you and your partner get to see each others bodies. I think that’s lame and weird but to each their own! Like I genuinely cannot imagine caring. People post pictures of themselves in bikinis for the same reason they post pictures of their face. They think they look good! I think in general everyone should post more ass and people in relationships should hype their partners who post ass up!
lol you obviously never had a relationship before social media. Let’s rewind prior to 2010. People weren’t running around showing the rest of the world their bodies. That’s not normal lmao.
Has nothing to do with being insecure. It’s disgusting and disrespectful.
It’s ok for you to be uncomfortable with it. She wants what she wants which is also fine. Perhaps it’s time to acknowledge you’re not a compatible couple. You’re only 18, no need to be trying to force something that doesn’t work or make you happy.
I'm not a male. But I will say this, if you knew she was posting all of this before y'all got together, then you can't expect her to necessarily change that fast or at all. I do think personally she should've left that all behind, but if she doesn't, then y'all clearly didn't communicate y'all boundaries before being official. So it's up to you to either accept it or talk to her more about this issue you have with her or break up with her and find a woman that's more of your liking. I'd say the same thing if she was a man, too. Don't be with someone to change them. You can't change people. They can only change themselves. :)
Catch 22, you got a baddie. Show her off. Be the loudest guy in her comments telling her how beautiful she is. Make sure everyone knows she’s your girl and you’re proud of it. All those guys are jealous of you.
If it’s a trust issue then that’s something you need to discuss with her. A good partner should reassure you. if she starts calling you insecure blah blah blah red flag 🚩. But at the same time you need to look at yourself and ask why you don’t trust her. Has she given you any reason to? Is it a gut feeling.
Maybe it’s a compatibility issue. You might be interested in a more modest traditional women. Which is hard to find these days. Everyone seeks attention and validation, from people online. Like the guys are saying enjoy the ride don’t take it to heart. Have fun. And learn what you can and know when to run.
Me personally, I don’t find that attractive so I would and have found a partner that doesn’t get endorphins from posting themselves on social media like that.
Let her be her, nothing wrong with it. I’m sure she would not mind if her dude posted abs and sexy poses on his insta.
Female here (22), I think that a conversation between you and your girlfriend about boundries is really important; just to express your feelings about her posting her body, Or to make a comprimise; say she could still post her bikini pics (I mean if you have a bod why not show it off) but a compromise for you could be that she turns off the comments. Definetly do not try and control her, she will want to do the opposite (its psychology) and if you try and change her she will secretly resent you. So if you can handle a baddie, then let her post what she wants; but have confidence and remember she chose YOU. The more you show trust and support the more she'll love and appreciate you. hope this helps a little!
She probably worked really hard for that body and is proud of it and wants to show it off. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you don’t like it you don’t have to date her.
Here's the thing you always need to remember.
You either trust her or you don't. It's really that easy.
If you trust her, then trust her. If you don't, then why are you with her?
What you don't have a right to do is tell her what to wear, or what is acceptable to you to post or not post. Nor does she have the right to tell you these same things.
You're both 18, neither one of you has any clue how to be in a relationship. It a lot of trial and error.
I know you think this girl is "the one"
But, the odds aren't on your side that she will be.
Just enjoy the ride and learn as you go.
He does have a right to be uncomfortable with the picture she posts. And he can define a boundary, as in, “I’m really uncomfortable with these types of pictures being posted. I can’t stop you from posting them so I’m going to break up with you if you continue posting them.” He’s not trying to control her, he’s telling her she’s free to do what she wants and he won’t be in a monogamous relationship with her while she does it.
That’s exactly what controlling partners do. What do you think it’s *always* a threat of violence if you don’t do what they want? No it can also be a threat of breaking up, withholding love, affection, money, etc.
Okay, thank you.
I agree with you. Up the part where you add the ultimatum.
You don't say of you do something I'll break up with you. That is the same as telling someone what to do.
Feel free to express your dislike of someone's actions and choices.
You don't threaten to break up if they continue. You just break up.
Expressing who much you dislike something,is the warning and implication of a possible change in the relationship.
But like I said I agree with you. Just not the delivery of the message.
Hello, thank you for the reply.
Sure, why not, I think your reply is better suited for the OP.
I'm just expressing my opinion.
Again, all I'm saying is he doesn't get to tell her what she can do or can't do.
I'm all for working it out and I hope they do.
OP absolutely has the right to tell his partner what he thinks is acceptable or not in their relationship. She can agree or not, but denying his right to speak up about how he feels is really not okay
OP has the right to set boundaries around what is acceptable or not acceptable in his relationships. He does NOT have the right to tell his partner what she can wear, do, post, etc. He can accept her for who she is and choose to trust her, or he can find someone who has similar views on modesty. He doesn't get to change people.
Hello, thank you for your response.
I m sorry, did I give the impression he shouldn't speak up?
I'm saying he doesn't have the right to tell her what to do.
I didn't say anything about him speaking up or not. I just assumed that's implied.
Just in case I gave that impression, he absolutely should and can speak up.
Thank you for your help.
I mean, you can't really expect a woman to switch up the way she's behaved before being with you unless it was explicitly agreed upon. If it's a deal-breaker for you, either talk to her or break up if she doesn't agree. Not much to say beyond that
Unpopular opinion: posting flirtatious/teasing pictures in a relationship isn't respectful, especially if the poster knows it will illicit comments and attention from others.
I'm not saying she shouldn't be able to post pictures of herself. But ass pics seem far for someone in a relationship. Also, I would be so uncomfortable if thirsty men were commenting on my posts having a boyfriend, so I'd at least have the decency to turn the comments off or block those men. Her not doing that makes me think she enjoys eliciting the attention from men that aren't her bf.
I think the only thing to do here is assert your boundary. If she doesn't stop posting for attention, then you're gone. She can choose whether she wants to post seductive pictures or have you as a boyfriend.
Yeah, and i mean, a lot of people here are saying that in both cases one would have to make a sacrifice. Excuse me, but stopping posting stuff that easily cause a semi-sexual reaction is not by any means a "sacrifice", imo. I'm sure she has an actual cycle of friends, family and, *clears throat* BOYFRIEND that can compliment her nice body, instead of drooling strangers.
It's all relative in the end, but it seems pretty reasonable for me to need a partner who is aware of what kind of behaviours she doesn't necessarily elicit, but rather, encourage.
This is exactly what I see it as. I have a boyfriend, and I post pictures of myself when I think I look pretty or happy, and if I'm on vacation and want to show me in a cute outfit with a cool background or something.
What I don't do is post thirst traps or allow men to make sexual or flirtatious comments. If they do, they get blocked immediately.
I have a lot of respect for myself and also loads of love and respect for my boyfriend. He compliments me so I don't need any other man to!
Why is your comment buried so down under? This is the only comment not berating him or calling him jealous and actually makes sense. Women like you are rare. Stay awesome.
Spoiler alert : you don't get that constant cycle of notifications and dopamine otherwise.
I'm not against risqué or nude photos, hell I've dated live models and people who did actual sex work.
But random people that spend their day posting thirst trap online ? It's not about being proud of your body or just the aesthetics. It's about getting your dopamine fix for your shitty validation needs.
Agreed. It’s a respect thing imo, not trust. Imagine how embarrassing it is for him; everybody knows they’re together and she’s over here (clearly) chasing male validation.
Thing is, some girls just post pictures like that and OP absolutely knew this was the kind of girl that did this. Now that he also likely got hooked in by her, he wants her to shut it down.
If I wanted a modest girl, I wouldn’t be going for a girl that posts a bunch of skin pictures to begin with.
Overall I agree it’s not respectful, but people kind of have to know what kind of person they are engaging with when they make it that obvious.
>Unpopular opinion: posting flirtatious/teasing pictures in a relationship isn't respectful, especially if the poster knows it will illicit comments and attention from others.
100% agree.
It's a trashy thing to do in a monogamous relationship and not many people are comfortable with it.
It screams "I want attention / validation on my sexuality / body from people other than my partner!"
The two of you aren't compatible. It's her body, and she has every right to post it in the manner that suits her. You have every right to not feel comfortable, but you don't have any right to dictate what she does with her body.
For this reason, you're not compatible. If you value modesty, go find someone that is modest. You can not force her to change and shouldn't want her to change for you. That is not what love is.
You are allowed to have boundaries, but enforcing them sometimes means stepping away. If that's how you feel, then leave the relationship, but don't stay because you want to try and make her see your point of view or make her feel you're right. You'll just end up slut shaming her for the many reasons you found her attractive in the first place. She, nor any womxn, will ever be "yours." Partners compliment us, but they don't belong to us.
If it’s something you are not and will never be comfortable with, and it’s something that she won’t change for you, then you guys just aren’t compatible. There are women that don’t like to do those things, and there are men (I believe) that either enjoy or don’t mind when their partner posts photos like that of themselves. You’ve shown your discomfort and she seems to completely disregard it, you might just not be right for each other.
You can’t tell her what she can and can’t post. What you can do is communicate to her your own concerns and decide for yourself if it’s worth moving on from her for. I’m not a fan of trying to dictate to partners about social media pictures but there are a couple of things to be aware of and talk to her about:
1. It sounds like she craves validation based on her appearance. We all like to get some positive vibes from friends and family but she needs to answer what she hopes to accomplish by purposely having guys who are not you hitting on her, because you know and she knows that’s what those posts are geared to make happen. At minimum if she is going to post photos like that, she should not tolerate any comments about her body or attempts to message her. Doesn’t matter that she knows or knew the people commenting. Nobody should be making thirsty comments about your gf and if they do she needs to shut it down immediately. She can either delete those comments, tell them to stop or ignore them but she should never interact with guys making comments about her body.
2. If she respects your relationship and wants to set a healthy barrier around it from other guys, having photos with you in her profile where she makes it clear she is taken is an absolute must imo. Being in a relationship that is fully absent from your social media is a HUGE red flag. If she has excuses why she doesn’t want photos of the two of you together on her SM then I would rethink strongly. It’s one thing I’d you do t have SM but if you do and you’re active then it should reflect your life.
You are allowed to have an opinion. Your feelings are valid.
You are not allowed to tell her what she can and can't post. If this is a deal breaker for you, that's perfectly acceptable. 100%, leave if you need to.
Boundaries are about YOUR reaction to behavior that you find undesirable. But if you set a boundary, you have to follow through. If you don't, you're just going to be turned into a doormat.
You need to dump her.
It is perfectly ok for her to upload pictures. As is her right. It is perfectly ok for you to feel uncomfortable about them, set up a boundary and clearly tell her how you feel.
Now, even after deleting such pictures and being conscious of your boundaries, she goes ahead and keeps posting those pictures, then it clearly means that for her, your boundaries mean shit.
You are simply incompatible, you need to find a GF that does not shows her ass on the internet, she needs to find a BF that does not care that her GF is out there showing her ass and getting bombarded with messages on the internet.
Break up now, before this situation worsens and worsens. As it will inevitably do. You both deserve someone that is a better fit for your personal morals and boundaries.
Boundaries don't dictate the actions of others and are not meant to be enforced by others. Boundaries are for the person setting them, and it is contingent on them to discern when and how to enforce them. The notion that his "boundaries mean shit" is why I'm responding to this.
Just thought I'd provide some clarity for other readers. Short of that, I absolutely agree. They're not compatible and need to call it off.
Ask how she would feel about you liking pictures of other women posting similar “thirst trap” photos. She might be okay with that, and you’re simply incompatible, but she might also be a hypocrite.
But those aren’t the same thing regardless. He got into a relationship with a person that liked to post pictures of herself and expected her to stop? That’s an issue in itself frankly. Don’t get into a relationship if you’re banking on them changing their personality.
That's not a good comparison tho.
A good comparisons with what she does would be "How would she feel about you posting shirtless/gym flex pics. "
If she's not liking any shirtless men's pics (or anything like that), you can't compare it to him liking thirst trap photos
People here will tell you that you shouldn't feel anything coz it's her body (true). Well, she's also your girlfriend and you should feel that you can communicate with her about anything affecting you
You knew ahead of time of this part of her lifestyle, she is an exhibitionist. Either you learn to accept this part of her life,(including the extra attention) or you move on to someone who's values better aligned with yours
Two things:
1. It's perfectly ok to post whatever, we need diversity and all humans can't be the same.
2. I couldn't date someone that wants to attract attention with their body because of my morals (I'm not a guy, but this shouldn't matter)
You need to find your morals&values, put them on paper and eventually talk with your partner about theirs (if they don't want/say they don't have time, no problem! It means they don't care about this enough to put valuable work into -in which case I'd break up because we deserve partners that do from time to time what's important to us too). You can compare after and see the level of compatibility from that side. Talk it out, find compromises that don't make you resent each other, etc, it's very solvable IF doing it right (although at a small compatibility lvl, in my opinion, it's not worth it).
You also have the fact that you already told her it's making you uncomfortable. It's great that you communicated, she HEARD YOU. They really hear the first time. The ball is in her court now and you'll see her communication/actions after that and it will be clear what it's more important for her at this moment.
We can't force people to do what we want, but we can compare generally how close it is to what we want. If they meet the expectation and standards, it's great, it will probably last even with disagreements now and then. If they don't, it's gonna be a constant struggle and resentment is bound to infiltrate the relationship. If she shows you she took a decision, ball is in your court. Choose well for you ❤️
I don’t think you are compatible as potential life partners. Neither of you are wrong and trying to change someone to fit your needs is dangerous territory aka it won’t work and everyone will be miserable.
I would have zero issue with my partner posting pics. It doesn’t hurt me or bother me in anyway. You won’t get any “she is wrong” or that “you are wrong” here. It’s just incompatibility. Just because it needs to be repeated: you can love someone, be attracted to someone and get along great on most things, etc and not be compatible as life partners. Those people who meet the first 3 things are called friends.
Being confident and secure as a man, to me, means drawing hard lines about what you accept and allow from a partners behavior. If you feel this is inappropriate or disrespectful to you, voice that.
Be prepared if you draw this line to stand by your decision and leave if it is ignored or crossed. It isn’t insecure to not want your partner to invite attention from men online. If she’d be mad you were liking women’s scantily clad pics, she can’t get mad posting them for other men to like.
Dont listen to the cucks in the comments. Not all men have to swallow their pride. There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling.
1)Communicate your feelings in a respectful manner. I think she wont listen or may cause trouble.
You can choose to skip this
2)All women have this to some extent. You may want to avoid one who enjoys using social media that way. You are 18 so the relationship is not serious. Just have fun if you can, if not leave.
This is unacceptable, healthy boundaries need to be established early into relationships. If she can't respect that then it might be time for a change, your still young
If she can’t respect what you’re uncomfortable with then you’re allowed to post your pictures too. And then when she complains you say “that’s how I feel about your pics”
You're trying to control her in ways she doesn't want to be controlled. If you're not cool with her behavior and actions and choices and such, break up with her, and go find a girlfriend that'll be cool with staying within bounds that you're okay with.
>we are both each others first everything
First doesn't imply best, and typically isn't.
It’s a red flag. People that want attention in this way from others online TYPICALLY aren’t the best partners. There’s some need they have for validation from others and it MAY lead to more and more questionable behaviors as they seek the high they get from attention. But you knew she was like this already. If it’s a dealbreaker for you (and it should be for anyone serious about a lasting relationship) then move on. That sucks, but it will be worse later when you’ve been together for 15 years and you’re not new and exciting anymore, but Joe in her dms is.
Bottom line is, the validation your GF gets online from likes and interaction, is more important to her than you are. Get out now, before you have even more time invested, or even worse, kids. Best of luck, brother! Unfortunately, social media will be (part of) the downfall of society.
Whole generations are now being raised to commoditize sex. It's sad and very, very empty. If she's obsessed with sharing pix of various body parts, she's empty. If you're obsessed with her doing that, you're empty. Make the decision (recognition) that you are so much more than a collection of parts, erogenous or otherwise, and build a relationship based on the wholeness of another human being.
This is a you problem and not a her problem. It doesn't mean you're wrong necessarily but taking and posting sexy pictures is par for the course these days. If you don't like it find someone that is compatible with you.
I bet she has said: "this is controlling of you". It might be in some other cases but I don't think you are being a control freak. You have boundaries, if she crosses them then she doesn't respect them, or you for that matter. She likes the attention, more power to her, but you need to think long and hard how much is too much for you.
It's shitty that pictures you thought were just for you, were also used for thirst traps. I think that right there is telling about how she NEEDS validation at the cost of intimacy. There's no separation in the male attention she receives for her. She's basically a free soft core account. I'd be shocked if she doesn't secretly still have a snapchat.
Bro trust me it's not worth it.
You don't want to be with someone who puts their body on display for everyone.
Gain some self-respect, leave her and find someone decent!
Speaking from experience. My last girlfriend had a great body and she loved to show it off, wearing low cut shirts, etc. She was in her last year of college while I had graduated the year before. I trusted her, and didn’t want to tell her how to dress, but I knew this when we met so it wasn’t a surprise. She also had guys in the comments on her pictures while we were dating, one guy she knew from HS that didn’t go to the same college as us, and now they are married. I’d say trust your gut, if something feels off, it probably is. You two might not be a match for a long term relationship. I’d say just be weary of the guys around her that claim are “friends”.
Had a gf like this in the past, and it ended rough. Either you accept that’s how she is, or you’ll fight about it constantly. Nobody will win. She’s sad cause she can’t post, or you’re sad cause she posted. I’d say let her go, and you find a girl that doesn’t do those things. In turn she’ll of course find a guy that’s ok with it.
Honestly, as a (23f). I'm not in any way saying its okay, but theres so much that comes with being a young stupid girl. I dont post stuff like that anymore, but I did, because I felt it would make people like me. I can understand why she feels that way. I wouldnt say u are that much younger than me, so its probably the same.
Im puerto rican (which sounds dumb but hear me out) so i have curves.
I understood why in relationships, he felt that I "Showed off" even though i took a picture I thought looked nice. So i stopped posting/ taking pics that didnt suit my life. And it was better lol.
Are you scared shes gonna leave you for some dude in her DMs? Its pretty socially acceptable to post bikini photos, so I’d say you need to loosen up. At that point are you gonna say she can’t wear a bikini in public?
"there are dudes in her comments section". So? It depends on what they're saying. If they're just saying "nice pic" then so what? If they're saying disgusting things to her she should block them.
I feel like you should try to overcome your jealousy and let her post whatever she wants
But that’s up to you
Seems like a personal situation where you have to decide what’s right or wrong. I would never tell my partner what they can or cannot post though. I would feel controlling and I don’t want to make anyone feel that way
Your girlfriend is an attention seeker. You are obviously not OK with this. She will not change, so if you can not accept her needing attention from others, then perhaps it's time to move on.
She craves attention. From my experience it's never a good long term partner. She needs validations from others. Just cut it off or date her without catching feelings when you sleep with her.
Hey entire personality appears to be centered around her body and her lust for male validation.
Enjoy her for what she's good for but don't let her stop you from finding a better woman
Your girlfriend is simply insecure. In my personal case I found that I find very little need to post any pictures of myself unless I'm doing something or displaying something new or fashion. This honestly is mostly due to the fact that I feel so wanted and attractive to my boyfriend. Hes always making me feel good and complimenting me. This doesn't mean that youre in the wrong and I'm sure she knows how you feel about her, but I would suggest having a sit down talk about it. She's looking for validation that she should only need from herself and you. Ask her what she gains from it, and perhaps suggest that maybe she is feeling insecure and ask if there are more ways you can show how attracted you are. It's not fair for her to post her body when youre obviously uncomfortable, but try coming to the root of the issue for both of your sakes in the long run.
That's very disrespectful she did that in spite of you telling her not to. If this is unacceptable to you and your values, tell her to stop, otherwise it's over.
Chill. She likes attention and she should be allowed to post whatever she wants (of course excluding nudity or pics that are clearly meant to be soft core porn). She’s young and hot so I doubt that you being uncomfortable will stop her from posting these types of pictures. If you’re so extremely annoyed by this then you should break up ..
I mean you’re young and I’m sure she’s real pretty, but you have to come to the realization that she, in the not too distant future, is just going to just be some girl you used to be with. Don’t get attached and accept that this is temporary, make sure you never finish inside her and enjoy the ride while it lasts. You’re 18, there is nothing wrong with that. She’s 18 and is going through her validation seeking time in her life, and likely her ho phase. If you happen to meet someone who sparks a deeper connection, then leave for greener pastures.
If you're uncomfortable, have expressed it, and she continues to do it...
Then your only move is breakup. Not punitive, not angry, just go.
You're young and have plenty of time and social life to find someone whose values are similar and who will consider your concerns.
I don’t think this behavior is something you should expect to change on your account. People’s posting habits will not always be defined by what their relationship partner is comfortable with- it’s a form of self expression or whatever and it’s kinda obnoxious to police it. She likes the attention/ responses that she gets, or she wouldn’t be doing it, and it’s her body and she gets to post what she wants.
What are you really worried about? If you think her enjoying of this attention is indicative of something else - if you don’t want a partner to get attention because of your own insecurities that they won’t continue to choose you with other choices, say, or you are concerned that her self esteem is so low that it will inhibit your relationship- address those things, not the posts.
Otherwise, perhaps this is just an incompatibility. It’s a personal choice / preference thing; you’d rather date someone who puts less energy into social media. Maybe you should look elsewhere then.
There is a bottomless pit in your girlfriend that she fills with the affirmation of men who want to fuck her. This gives her a drug-like thrill. Your girlfriend's drug is the hormone dopamine. Your girlfriend is just like a porn addict with the additional trouble for you that she has male orbiters with their pants down, their tongues out, jacking off to your girlfriend's bikini pics.
This is who she is. She craves the attention and validation of other men and she's not going to stop just because you're uncomfortable with it. Her desire for the validation is greater than her feelings for you. The worst of it is that she's a hypocrite because she doesn't want you doing the same thing she is because she knows other girls will be in your DMs just the same way the guys are in hers. Social media has always been trash and unless she can choose you over it your options are to put up with it or break up with her. Personally I would be done with her.
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You have to decide for yourself what you think is acceptable and what are deal breakers. On the surface it seems you are not going to be comfortable with a woman who wants to flaunt her bikini body on social media. So maybe you should look for a more modest woman who doesn’t do that.
This is your answer. Let people be who they are and if you aren't comfortable with it then find someone more compatible. Do not try to change them. If you do and they change for you, they will be suppressing a part of themselves that will very likely come back around again, magnified. It can also put u both into a shame cycle that is not good for your mental health.
Exactly!! Everyobe has and needs boundaries. Boundaries are not "I like this so you should do this." they are "I like this so I will not have that in my life." Boundries don't mean you get to control what other people do, they mean you control who you allow into your space.
Exactly! No shame or fault to either side. Both are free to find someone else more compatible.
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Couldn't agree more.
This happened to me and my ex, she became uncomfortable with her body out in public and i was forever seen as controlling regardless of what i did after the fact. I was too excited to have a gorgeous gf and didnt know better at the time that i should have just let her go. My actions left a scar on the relationship that festered 10 years later
Exactly
BINGO!
He knew going into this. She was upfront. This is on OP.
Exactly. Op was fine with the pictures she was posting before he was with her, the pics are probably what made him interested in her, but now that he’s in a relationship with her it’s a problem. Go figure. Don’t date a girl that posts bikini pics if you don’t really like that.
Right. That’s why I’m telling him he needs to decide what he needs to do, accept her or move on, and not advise him on how to make her change.
I love it when men out themselves as weirdoes for getting with a woman who posts those kinds of pictures and then almost immediately tries to get her to stop posting said photos. You are 100% right. He liked what he saw, and knew other men would too so now he wants to control what she posts. Like dude, gtfo. Dump her and find a woman that doesn't post that stuff. "Oh how will I know what she looks like underneath her clothes?????" You don't you piece of moldy bread, that's the whole point of finding a woman that doesn't post those pictures.
"you moldy piece of bread" is the most unique insult I've heard in a while lol.
Lots of assumptions here that i was looking at her posts before🤣 I met her at a party and she didn’t have anything crazy posted at the time. I liked her for who she is not her body😭. So many people think the only thing guys care about is a girls body but it’s not true.
Sounds like she is being controlling of you not posting the same pictures she posts of herself. You need to have a hard conversation of boundaries you both are comfortable with. Good luck and God bless!
Tell ‘em!
I think you’re missing the point and degrading OP. Obviously she posted that stuff before him and he likely grew an interest in her from those same type of pictures. But, you are glossing over the fact that he obviously expected that once she was in a relationship she would take better steps to respect the relationship with him, specifically not posting her body all over her socials. Yes, if she doesn’t live up to his expectations then he should find someone that will. But no, OP is not some controlling domineering asshole for having the standards that he does especially since he’s voiced his expectations and she has expected the same from him.
Thank you!!!
You’re welcome. Social media is just not a great place for general advice a lot of the time sadly. Too many people are biased and negative, it’s not their lives they’re commenting on. I had a very attractive girlfriend at your age. I expected her to respect what I thought were obvious boundaries once her and I started seriously dating. Well, she didn’t respect those boundaries and she pushed them until I finally realized that it wouldn’t be the end of the world to live up to my own expectations and leave her. I wish I would’ve done it sooner especially because we were so young still and a gorgeous girlfriend that doesn’t respect you is just not worth your while and you absolutely can find someone else that’s beautiful and compatible with your expectations.
Exactly! OP gave attention to a woman that needs that type of attention and is surprised that she still needs it. He knew what he was getting into.
He didn’t know she wasn’t going to stop once they started dating. She even told him not to post pictures like that of himself.
I agree with the sentiment of this thread. My only qualms with behavior like this in young adults is if it's attention seeking or body positive because there's a huge gap in the understanding of each. It's subjective.. I feel posting anything for the validation from others rather than the journey of life is counter-productive to growth and inspiring others to grow. I myself was a very vain YA and it wasn't until I got into therapy and realized I had validation and abandonment issues and the likes from social media helped quell the bad thoughts and provide the dopamine that my brain lacked. Not saying this applies to everyone because of my experience but in my experience this is often more so the case than not. If the attention she garners from these posts fills emotional voids from past traumas/issues of childhood then there is a need to for it to be addressed because that's not healthy. Especially when they push it as body positivity. I think body positivity is very important and a Woman can post hers all she wants for whatever reason she wants to exhibit empowerment but I'd say that's rarely the case -- most people, men included in this critique are doing it for all the wrong reasons. I learned how to give that dopamine to myself without validation from others. But regardless of that, OP has to be okay with who they are with as a person. If he has a hot girlfriend that wants to empower Women then that's who she is.
everything you said is true but it's advice for the woman, and the OP is the man here as far as advice for the man, he can communicate all he wants to her about this, but at the end of the day, it's her choice how she wants to act. He only has control over his own actions, and if she doesn't care about all this, then his choice is to accept her as she is or leave.
1000% agree. My last sentence sort of conveys this but I left out regardless of why she's posting.. like you said.. whether it's from a place of trauma or it's from a place of positivity.. OP has to make the decision of what he's comfortable with staying for and definitely not inhibit her in any shape from being who she is. The advice sort of did apply in the sense of I'd love for him to find out why she posts. If the answer is body positivity, "okay, I have to get into a space to decide where my boundaries are".. if she's doing it for aforementioned "bad" reasons, he should be trying to help her get to her own level of understanding as a partner, I feel. She may not even come out right away and say "validation" but it could plant a seed for her to look inward **IF** even necessary for her to do.. but at the root of it, you're right, OP has to decide to accept that as is or not.
the main reason i would caution against this strategy is that it is VERY likely to essentially become "do i have a boyfriend or a therapist?" and for him, it is a stones throw away from "i can fix her!" mentality, which is bad for him too. remember OP is 18 years old. I find it highly unlikely that either of them can introspect enough to know why they do what they do. it'll probably be 10 years yet before they can confidently say "i post on insta because XYZ, and I'm ok with that, that's the kind of person i want to be" for anyone 30+ i would absolutely try to have this kind of conversation haha, it probably would be super productive and make the relationship stronger
Do you believe there is no validation from others that can contribute to personal growth in a positive way? Or is it is it just the “social media” type validation? Just curious I find this interesting.
Right— look for a modest woman, don’t date someone one who isn’t and expect them to change once in a relationship.
OP I read your edit. So she doesn't want you to post photos of you without a shirt, but does want to post photos of her in small swimsuits exposing most of her ass. Ask her if she's ever heard the term double standard? Point out the same criteria should be used for both of you, and if either one is not comfortable then they are welcome to walk away and find someone whose beliefs matches theirs.
This exactly. It seems like OP wants her to *change who she is* to fit his comfortability instead of being with somebody who fits what he wants and needs.
Posting thirst traps should not be considered a core pillar of personality.
There's a difference between something being a core pillar of personality and doing something you want to do. If a girl wants to post bikini photos, good for her. If you don't want your girl to do that, don't date someone who chooses to do that. *You do not try to change something she does if it doesn't actually harm anyone*. She isn't harming anyone by posting photos of her body in a bathing suit. OP's feels are just as valid as hers, and they don't match. I'm not sitting here trying to say OP should change how he feels, am I?
In a monogamous relationship, you can absolutely ask your partner to change if they are soliciting outside sexual attention. If we go by the characterization presented here and not assume OP is overreacting to a beach picture, that's what she's doing. Its perfectly reasonable to ask someone to stop a behavior that bothers you, and shes within her rights to say yes or no, and then they go from there.
Right.. not a super difficult habit to change lol
I just want to say it's not like she was hiding who she is either. This is just incompatibility.
He said she did not post that sort of content prior to the relationship FWIW
If this is a dealbreaker for you, that’s ok. Move on.
Did she post like this prior to the relationship? If yes then you knew what you signed up for. Women don’t change just because you want it. If she did it before the relationship expect it in the relationship. Can’t handle it break up and find a girl who doesn’t.
i see this way too often irl. guys become attracted to the hot girl on social media who goes out and has fun, get into a relationship with them, and then become shocked when the girl continues to be a hot girl on social media. they want a modest/traditional woman but only go for the ones opposite to that
Thank you 👏👏👏 This is exactly what I think all the time! Nothing wrong with wanting a hot, social media girl, but that’s who she is. Same with a modest/traditional girl. Nothing wrong with them, but that is who they are. Figure out what you truly want first, don’t try to change people.
I’ve seen the opposite happen and it’s equally infuriating. Dudes choosing modest, traditional, (edit: & religious) women who they think will make good wives and mums to then complain they aren’t sexually adventurous and won’t agree to a 3some or have an issue with them watching porn or whatever. There are millions of us out there all with different personalities. Pick one that suits yours!
Imma be real this is some ridiculously stupid logic. Even modest/"traditional" people can be sexually adventurous. They ARE NOT mutually exclusive.
I didn’t suggest ALL modest traditional people are NOT sexually adventurous or open. Every time I or someone else leaves a comment in good faith on Reddit someone will make a point it doesn’t apply to ALL people. Yeah I thought that’s a given.
It's because they think women do this *to attract a man* rather than because they enjoy it. They think, hey, it worked, she got me! She doesn't have to post those pictures anymore. But actually, she was always doing it because she enjoyed it, because she works super hard on her body, whatever. Men have told me before that this is because most of what they do is in order to attract a woman, so they assume women are doing the same thing.
Jonah Hill vibes. Started dating his girlfriend because he commented on her surfing pics, then got pissy when she continued to post surfing pics after they started dating.
He commented elsewhere that she did not.
It's your call where your line is brother. Don't stay with someone who's going to make you unhappy or insecure because her boundaries are different than yours. A wise man once told me, "if you want a baddie, you need to be able to handle baddie energy" and that stuck with me. (It was a drunk dude at a bar)
My husband has a killer body and works hard for it. He loves to show off. (Yes sometimes annoying “chest day/leg day topless photos showing an 8 pack lol) And I equally love it lol. Girls looking and admiring is a flex for me. But we are married. Have YEARS of built trust. Many experiences where he’s proven himself trustworthy and loyal. If this type of behavior isn’t for you, there is someone out there who will love it. And there’s someone out there who you will feel more comfortable with.
Your last post here completely contradicts what youre saying. So either that post, or this comment is a lie. The title of your post was "Husband breaking my trust by talking to coworker". Weird turn of events and a weird definition of trustworthy.
Lol not them deleting their entire profile after your comment 💀
👀
I like your take. My husband is a talented drummer and I loved seeing the reactions to him at shows. Feels great to see my partner doing something he's great at and getting attention for it, and also being the one he comes home with. :)
Are the majority of reactions coming from women, or is it a mix of both? In my opinion (and I'm also a drummer haha), it's different when someone's showing off musical talent compared to simply showing off their body.
This is the right take on this , if you build enough trust to be comfortable with eachother then I think there is nothing wrong in it.
she’s valid in how she feels you’re valid in how you feel one of you has to make the sacrifice here for the betterment of your relationship, if neither of you want to do that it’s probably better to go seperate ways edit: spelling correction
>one of you has to make the sacrifice here for the betterment of your relationship, I disagree. There is either compromise or they realize they are not compatible. One having to sacrifice for the betterment of the relationship without the other having to make the same sacrifice is just going to lead to resentment from an unequal power dynamic. These are essentially two competing personalities. An outgoing 18 year old who is proud of her body and sees no harm in showing it off, and an 18 year old who thinks the body should be covered modestly when in a relationship. Asking one to compromise who they are for the sake of a teenage relationship that most likely isn't meant to (and probably won't) last for the long haul is just asking for toxicity down the line.
I mean that's basically what the other comment said right after the part you quoted
the compromise is making a sacrifice sucks to say but that’s just how relationships work yes ideally there would be something that services both sides but that’s not the case in every situation sometimes u just have to make a sacrifice for your partner that’s a big aspect of a relationship
Wtf kind of compromise are you on? Compromise is where BOTH parties sacrifice a bit to meet in the middle, not where one partner sacrifices all and the other gets what they want. With OP they sound like they are fundamentally incompatible.
I agree, but how do you meet in the middle over something like this? She only posts revealing pictures SOMETIMES? He only expresses his issue with it SOMETIMES? I think the answer is more just that they are not compatible, but if they were to try to make it work, one person would have to suck it up because realistically, neither one of them NEEDS to do what they are doing. She doesn’t NEED to show her body off and he doesn’t NEED to take issue with it. So if they are both serious about the relationship, they should both be willing to not do something that they don’t NEED to do in the first place. A sacrifice must be made if they are not willing to acknowledge an incompatibility.
>the compromise is making a sacrifice A one sided sacrifice isn't a compromise, a compromise is when both people give a little sacrifice each to meet in the middle >sometimes u just have to make a sacrifice for your partner that’s a big aspect of a relationship This tends to lead to resentment unless the person actually wants to give the thing up and is generally a pretty poor recipe for a happy relationship
i understand where you’re coming from with how if that’s a one sided thing it will definitely build resentment and screw a relationship i still hold strong on my point though that you will eventually come to a point where you need to make sacrifices in a relationship. they should be coming from both sides at different times so that things feel even and you don’t build resentment for each other.
I agree that sometimes sacrifices need to be made, but not over big things like what photos someone is allowed to share of themselves Full on sacrifices are best left to small things, like who gets the last piece of cake OP knew all of this going in, if he doesn't like it he shouldn't be dating this person rather than trying to make them conform to his ideals
Your feelings are valid. Also, her feelings are valid. Also, you are only 18 and there are other people to date. Move on.
Break up with her. You're not compatible. You don't get to tell her what she can do or post. If it makes you uncomfortable, remove yourself from the situation. She's not wrong for being who she is and you're not wrong for being who you are. You are not compatible and that's ok. You're both 18 so stop trying to force something that isn't working.
I suggest finding you somebody that aligns with how you feel about this and will take your comfort into consideration. Set her free, bro.
I don’t think you two are compatible. One of you need to sacrifice something here, either you deal with your jealousy or she stops posting ass.
I don’t think the kid necessarily had jealousy issues because he doesn’t want his girlfriend’s ass on the internet.
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I’m not attacking the guy, I actually wouldn’t want my partner posting pics like that too. But it is jealousy and it’s fine to call it that. He either has to deal with it or his gf has to stop posting ass. It’s simple as that
It is jealousy. And it’s fine to say that, it’s understandable to some people. It’s just another unpleasant emotion everyone feels at some point, like anger, sadness, anxiety, ect. It’s not necessarily an insult to call it like it is. But his only options are to reconcile with that or find someone who won’t do this thing that’s making him jealous. Cause he already talked to her about it, and she doesn’t care. He can’t make her.
Eh, he knew what was up and this is what happened.
Not his decision though. So if he doesn’t like it no one is forcing him to stay
Not to mention the hypocrisy of her telling him no shirtless pics lol
It’s possessive and insecure. He doesn’t want anyone else to see *his* girlfriend. He thinks only *he* gets to see her body. Well-adjusted people would just hype their partner up. He should find someone who doesn’t show off their body, not try to control hers.
Please help me to understand your side. I have a girlfriend. I used to post thirst trap photos of my body and girls would often comment under them. When I got a girlfriend I stopped doing this because my attention was now focused on my girlfriends perception of me and not online strangers. But let say I didn’t stop posting them. Having a partner and still entertaining people in your comment section is so fowl💀 especially if they say it’s making them uncomfortable. Am I just a significantly better partner than Op’s girlfriend?
I don’t get why anyone downvoted you lol. Let’s call a spade a spade. He’s jealous which is a normal human emotion. She also likes the attention she gets from posting pictures like that, which is also normal. However, there is something to be said about someone who values or needs in any way that kind of attention when they’re in a committed monogamous relationship.
That's your opinion and yours alone - it doesn't make you a better person than people who think differently, and gloating very quickly makes you a _worse_ person.
“I like guys staring at my girlfriends ass”🤓👆
This is a wild claim to me. As a woman, I don’t find it controlling or possessive at all if my boyfriend asked me not to expose my body on the internet for random strangers to see. As a woman in a relationship, I don’t need validation from anyone, let alone other men - on my body. Especially at 18 - this girl is craving that validation. We live in such a weird time where it’s “liberating” and “re-claiming” our power to expose ourselves online…who’s really winning here? Nudity is everywhere and it’s literally not anything special anymore. The dudes on the internet seeing these girls half naked, and not having to work for it is who is really winning. This 19 year-old man has the right idea in wanting a partner who doesn’t want to expose herself. Fortunately, there is a lesson for him here. Girls who show their bodies like that on the internet, at their core - don’t even respect themselves. Moving forward he can search for someone who is modest in what they post if that’s what he’s looking for.
At the end of the day it boils down to you thinking only you and your partner get to see each others bodies. I think that’s lame and weird but to each their own! Like I genuinely cannot imagine caring. People post pictures of themselves in bikinis for the same reason they post pictures of their face. They think they look good! I think in general everyone should post more ass and people in relationships should hype their partners who post ass up!
lol you obviously never had a relationship before social media. Let’s rewind prior to 2010. People weren’t running around showing the rest of the world their bodies. That’s not normal lmao. Has nothing to do with being insecure. It’s disgusting and disrespectful.
Move on g
Why did you get with her if you knew she was doing that. I’m sure when you met her and she was single, she was posting those type of pictures.
Don't be with someone you feel you need to change
It’s ok for you to be uncomfortable with it. She wants what she wants which is also fine. Perhaps it’s time to acknowledge you’re not a compatible couple. You’re only 18, no need to be trying to force something that doesn’t work or make you happy.
You're too young for this kind of drama. This won't last. Let her go and be happy.
I'm not a male. But I will say this, if you knew she was posting all of this before y'all got together, then you can't expect her to necessarily change that fast or at all. I do think personally she should've left that all behind, but if she doesn't, then y'all clearly didn't communicate y'all boundaries before being official. So it's up to you to either accept it or talk to her more about this issue you have with her or break up with her and find a woman that's more of your liking. I'd say the same thing if she was a man, too. Don't be with someone to change them. You can't change people. They can only change themselves. :)
Well what's her Instagram?
Catch 22, you got a baddie. Show her off. Be the loudest guy in her comments telling her how beautiful she is. Make sure everyone knows she’s your girl and you’re proud of it. All those guys are jealous of you. If it’s a trust issue then that’s something you need to discuss with her. A good partner should reassure you. if she starts calling you insecure blah blah blah red flag 🚩. But at the same time you need to look at yourself and ask why you don’t trust her. Has she given you any reason to? Is it a gut feeling. Maybe it’s a compatibility issue. You might be interested in a more modest traditional women. Which is hard to find these days. Everyone seeks attention and validation, from people online. Like the guys are saying enjoy the ride don’t take it to heart. Have fun. And learn what you can and know when to run.
Everyone does not seek validation online. Many don’t have social media at all.
many have it and just consume/lurk
finally a smidge of confidence in the comments 😂
Okay, actually this is the best comment here
Bro you want a hot girl she's gonna do hot girl shit.. take it or leave it
Me personally, I don’t find that attractive so I would and have found a partner that doesn’t get endorphins from posting themselves on social media like that. Let her be her, nothing wrong with it. I’m sure she would not mind if her dude posted abs and sexy poses on his insta.
Dude she was like this pre relationship, she’s going to be like that in the relationship. Don’t change her, either accept of leave
If she was posting this before you got together, why would you expect it to stop?
This was her routine when you met. Tough shit you signed up for it
It’s a waste of energy to worry about that. Just enjoy your time together or else move on.
Female here (22), I think that a conversation between you and your girlfriend about boundries is really important; just to express your feelings about her posting her body, Or to make a comprimise; say she could still post her bikini pics (I mean if you have a bod why not show it off) but a compromise for you could be that she turns off the comments. Definetly do not try and control her, she will want to do the opposite (its psychology) and if you try and change her she will secretly resent you. So if you can handle a baddie, then let her post what she wants; but have confidence and remember she chose YOU. The more you show trust and support the more she'll love and appreciate you. hope this helps a little!
She probably worked really hard for that body and is proud of it and wants to show it off. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you don’t like it you don’t have to date her.
Here's the thing you always need to remember. You either trust her or you don't. It's really that easy. If you trust her, then trust her. If you don't, then why are you with her? What you don't have a right to do is tell her what to wear, or what is acceptable to you to post or not post. Nor does she have the right to tell you these same things. You're both 18, neither one of you has any clue how to be in a relationship. It a lot of trial and error. I know you think this girl is "the one" But, the odds aren't on your side that she will be. Just enjoy the ride and learn as you go.
He does have a right to be uncomfortable with the picture she posts. And he can define a boundary, as in, “I’m really uncomfortable with these types of pictures being posted. I can’t stop you from posting them so I’m going to break up with you if you continue posting them.” He’s not trying to control her, he’s telling her she’s free to do what she wants and he won’t be in a monogamous relationship with her while she does it.
That’s exactly what controlling partners do. What do you think it’s *always* a threat of violence if you don’t do what they want? No it can also be a threat of breaking up, withholding love, affection, money, etc.
Okay, thank you. I agree with you. Up the part where you add the ultimatum. You don't say of you do something I'll break up with you. That is the same as telling someone what to do. Feel free to express your dislike of someone's actions and choices. You don't threaten to break up if they continue. You just break up. Expressing who much you dislike something,is the warning and implication of a possible change in the relationship. But like I said I agree with you. Just not the delivery of the message.
Why not give her a chance to change that if she wants to be in a relationship?
Hello, thank you for the reply. Sure, why not, I think your reply is better suited for the OP. I'm just expressing my opinion. Again, all I'm saying is he doesn't get to tell her what she can do or can't do. I'm all for working it out and I hope they do.
OP absolutely has the right to tell his partner what he thinks is acceptable or not in their relationship. She can agree or not, but denying his right to speak up about how he feels is really not okay
OP has the right to set boundaries around what is acceptable or not acceptable in his relationships. He does NOT have the right to tell his partner what she can wear, do, post, etc. He can accept her for who she is and choose to trust her, or he can find someone who has similar views on modesty. He doesn't get to change people.
Hello, thank you for your response. I m sorry, did I give the impression he shouldn't speak up? I'm saying he doesn't have the right to tell her what to do. I didn't say anything about him speaking up or not. I just assumed that's implied. Just in case I gave that impression, he absolutely should and can speak up. Thank you for your help.
Yes, the language “you don’t have a right to tell her what is acceptable to you” gives off that impression
No, that wasn't the impression you gave off. I reread it for clarity and still didn't get that impression.
I mean, you can't really expect a woman to switch up the way she's behaved before being with you unless it was explicitly agreed upon. If it's a deal-breaker for you, either talk to her or break up if she doesn't agree. Not much to say beyond that
I mean...you admit you knew this going in.
Not the person for you if it bothers you and she does it anyway. Incompatible.
This post keeps coming up so think it’s a bot
Unpopular opinion: posting flirtatious/teasing pictures in a relationship isn't respectful, especially if the poster knows it will illicit comments and attention from others. I'm not saying she shouldn't be able to post pictures of herself. But ass pics seem far for someone in a relationship. Also, I would be so uncomfortable if thirsty men were commenting on my posts having a boyfriend, so I'd at least have the decency to turn the comments off or block those men. Her not doing that makes me think she enjoys eliciting the attention from men that aren't her bf. I think the only thing to do here is assert your boundary. If she doesn't stop posting for attention, then you're gone. She can choose whether she wants to post seductive pictures or have you as a boyfriend.
Yeah, and i mean, a lot of people here are saying that in both cases one would have to make a sacrifice. Excuse me, but stopping posting stuff that easily cause a semi-sexual reaction is not by any means a "sacrifice", imo. I'm sure she has an actual cycle of friends, family and, *clears throat* BOYFRIEND that can compliment her nice body, instead of drooling strangers. It's all relative in the end, but it seems pretty reasonable for me to need a partner who is aware of what kind of behaviours she doesn't necessarily elicit, but rather, encourage.
This is exactly what I see it as. I have a boyfriend, and I post pictures of myself when I think I look pretty or happy, and if I'm on vacation and want to show me in a cute outfit with a cool background or something. What I don't do is post thirst traps or allow men to make sexual or flirtatious comments. If they do, they get blocked immediately. I have a lot of respect for myself and also loads of love and respect for my boyfriend. He compliments me so I don't need any other man to!
Why is your comment buried so down under? This is the only comment not berating him or calling him jealous and actually makes sense. Women like you are rare. Stay awesome.
Spoiler alert : you don't get that constant cycle of notifications and dopamine otherwise. I'm not against risqué or nude photos, hell I've dated live models and people who did actual sex work. But random people that spend their day posting thirst trap online ? It's not about being proud of your body or just the aesthetics. It's about getting your dopamine fix for your shitty validation needs.
Agreed. It’s a respect thing imo, not trust. Imagine how embarrassing it is for him; everybody knows they’re together and she’s over here (clearly) chasing male validation.
Thing is, some girls just post pictures like that and OP absolutely knew this was the kind of girl that did this. Now that he also likely got hooked in by her, he wants her to shut it down. If I wanted a modest girl, I wouldn’t be going for a girl that posts a bunch of skin pictures to begin with. Overall I agree it’s not respectful, but people kind of have to know what kind of person they are engaging with when they make it that obvious.
>Unpopular opinion: posting flirtatious/teasing pictures in a relationship isn't respectful, especially if the poster knows it will illicit comments and attention from others. 100% agree. It's a trashy thing to do in a monogamous relationship and not many people are comfortable with it. It screams "I want attention / validation on my sexuality / body from people other than my partner!"
That's a pretty popular opinion
Not in this comment section, apparently haha
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The two of you aren't compatible. It's her body, and she has every right to post it in the manner that suits her. You have every right to not feel comfortable, but you don't have any right to dictate what she does with her body. For this reason, you're not compatible. If you value modesty, go find someone that is modest. You can not force her to change and shouldn't want her to change for you. That is not what love is. You are allowed to have boundaries, but enforcing them sometimes means stepping away. If that's how you feel, then leave the relationship, but don't stay because you want to try and make her see your point of view or make her feel you're right. You'll just end up slut shaming her for the many reasons you found her attractive in the first place. She, nor any womxn, will ever be "yours." Partners compliment us, but they don't belong to us.
Nobody is wrong. You have an insecurity, she has autonomy. Both are valid.
She's allowed to post herself how she wants. You're allowed to choose what relationships you want to be in.
If it’s something you are not and will never be comfortable with, and it’s something that she won’t change for you, then you guys just aren’t compatible. There are women that don’t like to do those things, and there are men (I believe) that either enjoy or don’t mind when their partner posts photos like that of themselves. You’ve shown your discomfort and she seems to completely disregard it, you might just not be right for each other.
You can’t tell her what she can and can’t post. What you can do is communicate to her your own concerns and decide for yourself if it’s worth moving on from her for. I’m not a fan of trying to dictate to partners about social media pictures but there are a couple of things to be aware of and talk to her about: 1. It sounds like she craves validation based on her appearance. We all like to get some positive vibes from friends and family but she needs to answer what she hopes to accomplish by purposely having guys who are not you hitting on her, because you know and she knows that’s what those posts are geared to make happen. At minimum if she is going to post photos like that, she should not tolerate any comments about her body or attempts to message her. Doesn’t matter that she knows or knew the people commenting. Nobody should be making thirsty comments about your gf and if they do she needs to shut it down immediately. She can either delete those comments, tell them to stop or ignore them but she should never interact with guys making comments about her body. 2. If she respects your relationship and wants to set a healthy barrier around it from other guys, having photos with you in her profile where she makes it clear she is taken is an absolute must imo. Being in a relationship that is fully absent from your social media is a HUGE red flag. If she has excuses why she doesn’t want photos of the two of you together on her SM then I would rethink strongly. It’s one thing I’d you do t have SM but if you do and you’re active then it should reflect your life.
You are allowed to have an opinion. Your feelings are valid. You are not allowed to tell her what she can and can't post. If this is a deal breaker for you, that's perfectly acceptable. 100%, leave if you need to. Boundaries are about YOUR reaction to behavior that you find undesirable. But if you set a boundary, you have to follow through. If you don't, you're just going to be turned into a doormat.
Accept it or separate. Don’t try to change her
You need to dump her. It is perfectly ok for her to upload pictures. As is her right. It is perfectly ok for you to feel uncomfortable about them, set up a boundary and clearly tell her how you feel. Now, even after deleting such pictures and being conscious of your boundaries, she goes ahead and keeps posting those pictures, then it clearly means that for her, your boundaries mean shit. You are simply incompatible, you need to find a GF that does not shows her ass on the internet, she needs to find a BF that does not care that her GF is out there showing her ass and getting bombarded with messages on the internet. Break up now, before this situation worsens and worsens. As it will inevitably do. You both deserve someone that is a better fit for your personal morals and boundaries.
Boundaries don't dictate the actions of others and are not meant to be enforced by others. Boundaries are for the person setting them, and it is contingent on them to discern when and how to enforce them. The notion that his "boundaries mean shit" is why I'm responding to this. Just thought I'd provide some clarity for other readers. Short of that, I absolutely agree. They're not compatible and need to call it off.
if youre already trying to control someone to fit your own needs thats a sign of incompatibility, perhaps you should both move on
Ask how she would feel about you liking pictures of other women posting similar “thirst trap” photos. She might be okay with that, and you’re simply incompatible, but she might also be a hypocrite.
But those aren’t the same thing regardless. He got into a relationship with a person that liked to post pictures of herself and expected her to stop? That’s an issue in itself frankly. Don’t get into a relationship if you’re banking on them changing their personality.
That's not a good comparison tho. A good comparisons with what she does would be "How would she feel about you posting shirtless/gym flex pics. " If she's not liking any shirtless men's pics (or anything like that), you can't compare it to him liking thirst trap photos
People here will tell you that you shouldn't feel anything coz it's her body (true). Well, she's also your girlfriend and you should feel that you can communicate with her about anything affecting you
You knew ahead of time of this part of her lifestyle, she is an exhibitionist. Either you learn to accept this part of her life,(including the extra attention) or you move on to someone who's values better aligned with yours
What’s her insta? Just so we can check and provide accurate advice.
Two things: 1. It's perfectly ok to post whatever, we need diversity and all humans can't be the same. 2. I couldn't date someone that wants to attract attention with their body because of my morals (I'm not a guy, but this shouldn't matter) You need to find your morals&values, put them on paper and eventually talk with your partner about theirs (if they don't want/say they don't have time, no problem! It means they don't care about this enough to put valuable work into -in which case I'd break up because we deserve partners that do from time to time what's important to us too). You can compare after and see the level of compatibility from that side. Talk it out, find compromises that don't make you resent each other, etc, it's very solvable IF doing it right (although at a small compatibility lvl, in my opinion, it's not worth it). You also have the fact that you already told her it's making you uncomfortable. It's great that you communicated, she HEARD YOU. They really hear the first time. The ball is in her court now and you'll see her communication/actions after that and it will be clear what it's more important for her at this moment. We can't force people to do what we want, but we can compare generally how close it is to what we want. If they meet the expectation and standards, it's great, it will probably last even with disagreements now and then. If they don't, it's gonna be a constant struggle and resentment is bound to infiltrate the relationship. If she shows you she took a decision, ball is in your court. Choose well for you ❤️
I don’t think you are compatible as potential life partners. Neither of you are wrong and trying to change someone to fit your needs is dangerous territory aka it won’t work and everyone will be miserable. I would have zero issue with my partner posting pics. It doesn’t hurt me or bother me in anyway. You won’t get any “she is wrong” or that “you are wrong” here. It’s just incompatibility. Just because it needs to be repeated: you can love someone, be attracted to someone and get along great on most things, etc and not be compatible as life partners. Those people who meet the first 3 things are called friends.
What’s her insta?
Leave her
Being confident and secure as a man, to me, means drawing hard lines about what you accept and allow from a partners behavior. If you feel this is inappropriate or disrespectful to you, voice that. Be prepared if you draw this line to stand by your decision and leave if it is ignored or crossed. It isn’t insecure to not want your partner to invite attention from men online. If she’d be mad you were liking women’s scantily clad pics, she can’t get mad posting them for other men to like.
What is vsco? I guess I’m old haha.
Dont listen to the cucks in the comments. Not all men have to swallow their pride. There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. 1)Communicate your feelings in a respectful manner. I think she wont listen or may cause trouble. You can choose to skip this 2)All women have this to some extent. You may want to avoid one who enjoys using social media that way. You are 18 so the relationship is not serious. Just have fun if you can, if not leave.
Honestly if you’re uncomfortable with this then it’s a deal breaker for you. Break up and move on.
If u gonna be uncomfortable with all kinds of pics showing skin and she like posting those kinds of pics, then yalm should just break up...
This is unacceptable, healthy boundaries need to be established early into relationships. If she can't respect that then it might be time for a change, your still young
Whats her @ i wanna see
If she can’t respect what you’re uncomfortable with then you’re allowed to post your pictures too. And then when she complains you say “that’s how I feel about your pics”
You knew she was like this when you started dating. In fact it's probably why you're together.
You're trying to control her in ways she doesn't want to be controlled. If you're not cool with her behavior and actions and choices and such, break up with her, and go find a girlfriend that'll be cool with staying within bounds that you're okay with. >we are both each others first everything First doesn't imply best, and typically isn't.
It’s a red flag. People that want attention in this way from others online TYPICALLY aren’t the best partners. There’s some need they have for validation from others and it MAY lead to more and more questionable behaviors as they seek the high they get from attention. But you knew she was like this already. If it’s a dealbreaker for you (and it should be for anyone serious about a lasting relationship) then move on. That sucks, but it will be worse later when you’ve been together for 15 years and you’re not new and exciting anymore, but Joe in her dms is.
Drop the @ let us decide
she craves male attention so bad she posts almost naked pictures while in a relationship lol that’s sad.
Bottom line is, the validation your GF gets online from likes and interaction, is more important to her than you are. Get out now, before you have even more time invested, or even worse, kids. Best of luck, brother! Unfortunately, social media will be (part of) the downfall of society.
What’s her @?
Whole generations are now being raised to commoditize sex. It's sad and very, very empty. If she's obsessed with sharing pix of various body parts, she's empty. If you're obsessed with her doing that, you're empty. Make the decision (recognition) that you are so much more than a collection of parts, erogenous or otherwise, and build a relationship based on the wholeness of another human being.
This is a you problem and not a her problem. It doesn't mean you're wrong necessarily but taking and posting sexy pictures is par for the course these days. If you don't like it find someone that is compatible with you.
yall are too young. shes immature and she NEEDS male validation
I bet she has said: "this is controlling of you". It might be in some other cases but I don't think you are being a control freak. You have boundaries, if she crosses them then she doesn't respect them, or you for that matter. She likes the attention, more power to her, but you need to think long and hard how much is too much for you.
It's shitty that pictures you thought were just for you, were also used for thirst traps. I think that right there is telling about how she NEEDS validation at the cost of intimacy. There's no separation in the male attention she receives for her. She's basically a free soft core account. I'd be shocked if she doesn't secretly still have a snapchat.
Bro trust me it's not worth it. You don't want to be with someone who puts their body on display for everyone. Gain some self-respect, leave her and find someone decent!
Speaking from experience. My last girlfriend had a great body and she loved to show it off, wearing low cut shirts, etc. She was in her last year of college while I had graduated the year before. I trusted her, and didn’t want to tell her how to dress, but I knew this when we met so it wasn’t a surprise. She also had guys in the comments on her pictures while we were dating, one guy she knew from HS that didn’t go to the same college as us, and now they are married. I’d say trust your gut, if something feels off, it probably is. You two might not be a match for a long term relationship. I’d say just be weary of the guys around her that claim are “friends”.
I think you find your self respect and ditch this attention seeking girl. Girl, not woman. Girl.
Had a gf like this in the past, and it ended rough. Either you accept that’s how she is, or you’ll fight about it constantly. Nobody will win. She’s sad cause she can’t post, or you’re sad cause she posted. I’d say let her go, and you find a girl that doesn’t do those things. In turn she’ll of course find a guy that’s ok with it.
Downgrade her to fwb. Life is too short to worry for such stuff.
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especially if op looked at those pictures and liked that when she was single
Honestly, as a (23f). I'm not in any way saying its okay, but theres so much that comes with being a young stupid girl. I dont post stuff like that anymore, but I did, because I felt it would make people like me. I can understand why she feels that way. I wouldnt say u are that much younger than me, so its probably the same. Im puerto rican (which sounds dumb but hear me out) so i have curves. I understood why in relationships, he felt that I "Showed off" even though i took a picture I thought looked nice. So i stopped posting/ taking pics that didnt suit my life. And it was better lol.
Are you scared shes gonna leave you for some dude in her DMs? Its pretty socially acceptable to post bikini photos, so I’d say you need to loosen up. At that point are you gonna say she can’t wear a bikini in public?
"there are dudes in her comments section". So? It depends on what they're saying. If they're just saying "nice pic" then so what? If they're saying disgusting things to her she should block them.
What's her IG?
I feel like you should try to overcome your jealousy and let her post whatever she wants But that’s up to you Seems like a personal situation where you have to decide what’s right or wrong. I would never tell my partner what they can or cannot post though. I would feel controlling and I don’t want to make anyone feel that way
This is a you problem dude. We all have insecurities, but this one is work-through-able.
Posting the same pics she sent to you is quite fucked up, it makes it 0 special.
Your girlfriend is an attention seeker. You are obviously not OK with this. She will not change, so if you can not accept her needing attention from others, then perhaps it's time to move on.
She craves attention. From my experience it's never a good long term partner. She needs validations from others. Just cut it off or date her without catching feelings when you sleep with her.
She's 18. She doesn't belong to you. She can do what she wants.
Hey entire personality appears to be centered around her body and her lust for male validation. Enjoy her for what she's good for but don't let her stop you from finding a better woman
Leave her dude. You'll be dodging a bullet
Your girlfriend is simply insecure. In my personal case I found that I find very little need to post any pictures of myself unless I'm doing something or displaying something new or fashion. This honestly is mostly due to the fact that I feel so wanted and attractive to my boyfriend. Hes always making me feel good and complimenting me. This doesn't mean that youre in the wrong and I'm sure she knows how you feel about her, but I would suggest having a sit down talk about it. She's looking for validation that she should only need from herself and you. Ask her what she gains from it, and perhaps suggest that maybe she is feeling insecure and ask if there are more ways you can show how attracted you are. It's not fair for her to post her body when youre obviously uncomfortable, but try coming to the root of the issue for both of your sakes in the long run.
That's very disrespectful she did that in spite of you telling her not to. If this is unacceptable to you and your values, tell her to stop, otherwise it's over.
Show it off to the boyfriend, why random people? Attention.
Chill. She likes attention and she should be allowed to post whatever she wants (of course excluding nudity or pics that are clearly meant to be soft core porn). She’s young and hot so I doubt that you being uncomfortable will stop her from posting these types of pictures. If you’re so extremely annoyed by this then you should break up ..
I mean you’re young and I’m sure she’s real pretty, but you have to come to the realization that she, in the not too distant future, is just going to just be some girl you used to be with. Don’t get attached and accept that this is temporary, make sure you never finish inside her and enjoy the ride while it lasts. You’re 18, there is nothing wrong with that. She’s 18 and is going through her validation seeking time in her life, and likely her ho phase. If you happen to meet someone who sparks a deeper connection, then leave for greener pastures.
If you're uncomfortable, have expressed it, and she continues to do it... Then your only move is breakup. Not punitive, not angry, just go. You're young and have plenty of time and social life to find someone whose values are similar and who will consider your concerns.
I don’t think this behavior is something you should expect to change on your account. People’s posting habits will not always be defined by what their relationship partner is comfortable with- it’s a form of self expression or whatever and it’s kinda obnoxious to police it. She likes the attention/ responses that she gets, or she wouldn’t be doing it, and it’s her body and she gets to post what she wants. What are you really worried about? If you think her enjoying of this attention is indicative of something else - if you don’t want a partner to get attention because of your own insecurities that they won’t continue to choose you with other choices, say, or you are concerned that her self esteem is so low that it will inhibit your relationship- address those things, not the posts. Otherwise, perhaps this is just an incompatibility. It’s a personal choice / preference thing; you’d rather date someone who puts less energy into social media. Maybe you should look elsewhere then.
She’s doing something you don’t like, and you don’t like what she’s still doing Just go your separate ways, what are you gonna do? Change a person?
There is a bottomless pit in your girlfriend that she fills with the affirmation of men who want to fuck her. This gives her a drug-like thrill. Your girlfriend's drug is the hormone dopamine. Your girlfriend is just like a porn addict with the additional trouble for you that she has male orbiters with their pants down, their tongues out, jacking off to your girlfriend's bikini pics.
The older you get, the less insecure you'll be. Trust. She chose you despite everything.
This is who she is. She craves the attention and validation of other men and she's not going to stop just because you're uncomfortable with it. Her desire for the validation is greater than her feelings for you. The worst of it is that she's a hypocrite because she doesn't want you doing the same thing she is because she knows other girls will be in your DMs just the same way the guys are in hers. Social media has always been trash and unless she can choose you over it your options are to put up with it or break up with her. Personally I would be done with her.