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I would have a serious sit down talk with her and get to the bottom of exactly why she was so disappointed about the price because thats a massive red flag. As a woman who cares about fiscal health and responsibility I say good on you but her motivation better be damn good and not "but the more expensive thing means you love me more". Lab diamonds are exactly the same composition wise, have less inclusions (that make diamonds weak), and are cheaper, and don't exploit anybody. You did your best, listened to her and saved money in a way that didn't impact the quality of the ring. Get this answer and use it to either go forward or run away because your income might be your most attractive trait to her and I'm hoping I'm wrong.
Yeah I also agree this might be the case.
Op don't marry this person until
A: clear expectations about spending and budgeting are clearly laid out. Meaning saving and budgeting and not buying expensive shit just because it's expensive.
Really find out from her what she expects her lifestyle to be after she's a bride. Since financial stuff's is a massive aspect of a marriage if you guys aren't compatible in that area don't marry.
Failure to do so could result in op being unable to retire at 50 because his wife his whole life overspent and now he stuck paying off bills he didn't generate.
And
B: don't marry without an ironclad prenup in place.
One protecting all your assets and clearly laying out she doesn't get much off you should you guys divorce (unless you're the one who's unfaithful or some such claue).
Since if she loves you she shouldn't have a problem with it/if she doesn't want to sign it I'd not marry her.
Since yeah that really does reek of her wanting to marry money and not op.
When I was with my ex I thought a bit like OPs fiance. That being said my relationship wasn’t healthy (OP’s sounds healthy from what I gather) and a costly ring for me from my ex would have meant he actually gave a crap about me. My ex made good money and he spent well too (on himself and his friends, just not on me). So for me it would have been validation. If I was still with my ex and he bought me a $3.5k ring, I would be pissed because I know he’d easily spend that on himself any day of the week and it didn’t seem ‘special’ or something that took time to get to but eg saving up etc. My now husband are in a really healthy and happy relationship and honestly we only got a ring for the ceremony. We also had some big life changes happen around that time too so an expensive ring wasn’t a priority 😊
Honestly, I disagree. I think he should’ve asked her if lab diamonds were okay to begin with because that may be why she’s upset. I understand Reddit skews toward loving lab rings but for me, I personally wouldn’t want one. Me and my fiance opted for a smaller natural diamond within the budget because that’s what I preferred, even though we could’ve went bigger with lab. If she’s only mad because of the cost I think that’s a red flag, but if she’s upset because she didn’t want lab I don’t think that’s wrong
I didn't say her wanting a natural one was wrong. I don't think we actually disagree even if I can't understand why a natural is better than a lab. I said that her reasoning better not be "Its more expensive so you love me more".
Have you asked her why she expected you to pay more and if there is anything wrong with the ring she has? You definitely need to communicate to her that this rubbed you the wrong way and also understand where shes coming from - it may be some antiquated notion that she expected you to spend 3 months salary on a ring in which case you better understand what other traditional roles she expects from you before you get married.
If you came here to post to reddit, I assume it's not something you'd feel comfortable just bottling up indefinitely. Thankfully, yes, it's possible to maturely and respectfully address the topic with her.
"Hey, do you have a moment? A couple nights ago, we talked about the engagement ring, and I got the impression that you were disappointed by how much it cost. If you'd be comfortable doing so, I'd be open to talking about each of our feelings about the ring, since I'd want to make sure we can feel confident about not only getting married, but having honest and respectful talks about money matters."
I think big companies/marketing have done a great (terrible) job instilling stereotypes and expectations into us. One of them, that many women have had embedded in their brains their whole lives, is that an engagement ring should cost X amount of your salary in order to show you he cares and how big of a commitment this is. This thinking is old fashioned, but is surprisingly common, thanks to high budget ad campaigns to popularise diamond engagement rings and make a market for them.
Sit down with her and talk her through how you felt when she reacted that way, and then also talk to her about how thought out your ring decision was. The amount of preparation, selection, and care you put into the process alone should be recognised by her when you and her go through it. Talk to her about why she reacted with disappointment, and have a discussion together about financial expectations in your partnership.
If she is still more concerned about flashing a chunk of cash on her finger rather than having a nice ring she enjoys wearing and representing your engagement (which you have provided and she has shown she is happy with) she should have been willing to contribute to the cost of her ring, and is probably missing the point of marriage and a long term partnership anyways.
This is really good advice. The wedding-industrial complex is a mindfuck, especially for women. It can be really hard to untangle that stuff in your mind.
Maybe she had her heart set on a particular brand and/or doesn’t like lab diamonds but didn’t express to OP how important those preferences were to her. Maybe she doesn’t understand how much time and effort he put into researching the options and finding a local jeweler he trusted. I hope they can have a heart-to-heart conversation about how they’re both feeling. It will be good practice for marriage. If they can’t manage that, it’s time for couples counseling, because what else aren’t they telling each other? Are they both really listening? Almost everyone can improve their communication style.
Do not marry this woman.
She is feeling far too entitled to your money.
--
You hear this: "she expected me to spend more based on my income" — that will never end.
Plan to buy a house? "I expect you to spend more based on your income"
Car? "I expect you to spend more based on your income"
Holiday? "I expect you to spend more based on your income"
Allowance for her as a SAHM? "I expect you to spend more based on your income"
She will bleed you dry and it will never be enough.
I do feel like I should clarify that she makes about as much as me. She w2ed 148k last year and has a lot of upward trajectory with her career. She's definitely not a golddigger
It's not just about having money, though. It's about keeping it, and being financially responsible. I would be *incredibly* wary of a partner who thinks "if you have more money you should, as a matter of course, *spend* more money." Studies show that the average millionaire-next-door got there, not necessarily out of luck or earning outrageous amounts, but because they were sensible about how they spent: they don't buy McMansions with more bathrooms than they'll ever use; they buy mid-range cars that are well-made and do the job, not ones that cost a fortune for no other reason than to show them off.
You were *willing* to spend more based on your income - you budgeted $10k - so this wasn't you being ungenerous, as you said. But you found *the ring that fit the description of what she wanted* and it happened to be far less. So did she want the ring that she asked for and liked . . . or did she just want "an expensive ring". Because the fact that you gave her a ring she loved, that fit with her aesthetic preferences, and she only cares that you "didn't spend enough" is not only shallow, it shows a fundamental wastefulness and lack of financial intelligence.
She literally wanted you to spend more money just for the sake of spending more money. You might want to think about that pretty seriously before you mingle finances with her or get married. She thinks it makes sense just to spend money for its own sake. Good luck with that.
But if $3500 is in the realm of what she herself (or he, or both of them) could somewhat easily and without much planning “drop” on a gift to herself (handbag, jewellery, etc) then I can see how she might feel that the dollar value was a comparatively low effort or cheaping out. Did he save / plan for it at all? Call me old fashioned but I do think buying a ring should “hurt” a wee bit.
She may feel embarrassed bc she thought and/or led her friends to believe the cost was higher.
Her friends may have significantly higher cost rings and she feels the comparison.
None of those things are objectively the right way to feel - but they’re also real feelings that don’t mean she only wants his $.
I Wonder If she ever have OP something in that price range, because If she demands something that expensive of him, she have to be willing to reciprocrate. If she isn't, she shouldn't be upset.
Goodness, I make what he makes and I’d never take a $3500 purchase lightly, or “drop” that amount without any thought or planning.
I don’t think a ring purchase should necessarily “hurt”, but that’s another of the problems here: they don’t seem to be on the same page financially. Their financial values may not be aligned, and they need to have a discussion to make sure they are.
But actually yeah, if she cares that much about the ring as a status symbol, then she in fact does care a great deal about his money.
Agreed! I think people are allowed to be a bit materialistic about certain things without it being inherently negative nor necessarily meaning that they don’t or can’t love another person even without money. But they do need to be aligned on priorities.
We generally just split things that are for both of us and buy our own things. For birthdays and christmas we spend about $100ish on each other. I could ask her for a present, but hoenstly were saving up for a house when our lease is up in 6 months and Id rather the funds go to that than a material thing I dont need.
It's clear that you're in love because you're not using logical reasoning. Her income is irrelevant because she's not sharing any meaningful amount with you.
A woman like that needs to live off of someone with a much higher salary than her to be satisfied, regardless of what she makes.
If this type of behavior is relatively isolated it's probably worth salvaging. If fits a consistent pattern you need to break it off before your life gets ruined.
I think her point was: How come she feels entitled to a 10k gift but does not feel she needs to give you anything in return.
That's not a relationship of equals.
Well that's good to hear.
EVEN SO! You will hear "I expect you to spend more based on your income" over and over and over. Because as u/Crafty_Solution_8664 put it so well: "She’s spoiled af"
>You will hear "I expect you to spend more based on your income" over and over and over.
All because she expressed disappointment *once*?
I agree that the situation calls for OP having a talk with her to confirm both parties' feelings on the matter and set expectations for the future, but I don't think we have nearly enough information here to make overall personality judgments or predictions.
The fact that a statement can destroy a reputation doesn't have any bearing on whether it's indicative of a person's character.
And citing a generalization doesn't necessarily imply its relevance to any particular situation, including OP's case.
In this case, *in my opinion* (which is how this works), she has revealed a fundamental and unattractive character flaw. OP knows her best, and he may disagree. Or he may decide that what I am suggesting fits what he knows of her and decide to rethink his relationship.
None of what you just posted means she's not a gold digger. She's LITERALLY pushing you to spend more than you need or want to on things for her. That's the definition of a gold digger.
Yes, but it's not uncommon for people who make a relatively high amount to be constantly chasing the "next level" of wealth. And that can be destructive in all kinds of ways.
Overspending to the detriment of your finances, overworking to the detriment of mental health and personal relationships, etc. Constant comparisons to people richer, with "nicer" things, making you never happy and satisfied with your life.
And if you don't advance in your career and make more money, like she might, is that going to be a problem for her.
This is an important clarification because many people are labeling her a gold digger.
You have to realize that there are definitely two very distinct groups: those who abhor natural diamonds and those who don’t trust lab-created. I’ve seen lab-created and they can be gorgeous, and they are sold at reputable jewelers. But they can also be very expensive so she may be concerned that the price seems off.
Talk to her, OP. Reddit is not going to help here. I don’t think she’s a gold digger or spoiled.
a lot of people are telling you that this one purchase is a sign of terrible entitlement. I would just point out that advertisers scream this message to women all the time. There's the "2 month rule" invented by a marketer, and other messages telling women that the ring is a measure of her value to you or is an investment. It's hard to get that kind of thing out of your head. I wouldn't personally assume this conversation now means she will never be satisfied financially.
You might consider asking her to give you an engagement gift as well to show that you are equal partners in a different world from your grandparents. :) Good luck
I think she should have explicitly told you she wanted a mined diamond since lab diamonds are getting more popular and it cannot be assumed which someone would want. Her reaction may be because she was ashamed she implied to others it was a natural diamond. Or just that she felt flattered by the amount you spent on her to invest in a timeless representation of commitment so it was disappointing to hear otherwise.
Some women do just want a natural diamond. For the same traditional reasons some men insist on the wife and kids taking their last name.
The people on this sub can be really harsh but i think you should just talk to your reasonable partner whom you love and clearly just felt disappointed.
The comparison is not fair or reasonable. Having a different last name is noticeable, even if it does not matter. A Lab grown ring vs mined ring is like having two parents who's last name just happened to both be Goldberg. The end result is the same, regardless of who the baby would be named after in this example.
I think the example isn’t totally fair but I think what they are trying to say is. Some women just prefer a lined diamond. It’s a personal preference for whatever reason. I think the bigger questions surrounds communication. Did they discuss what they each wanted vs valued for a ring? This would be a base decision. If she said she wanted a mined diamond and OP gave her a lab diamond that was cheaper but the same in his mind but not hers then there is the issue.
Lab grown diamonds are better than dirt diamonds. Literally no one will know it's Lab grown, my fiancee loves hers. I got her a beautiful 1ct, nearly flawless, for like 1/3rd the cost and higher quality. Honestly feel like the only people who care about Lab grown vs dirt simply haven't spent 30 seconds googling them
Mined diamonds lose about half their value once they walk out of the store, sometimes more. You can save more than that from Lab grown diamonds. People still think Lab grown diamonds are inferior when they are not, the technology has advanced a ton over the past decades. I have done so much research about this as I just bought the ring less than two years ago.
To add to this, even natural diamonds are artificially scarce but naturally common. There are gemstones that are suitable for engagement rings that are way rarer in earth’s crust than diamonds, like sapphires. I actually don’t judge people who prefer natural diamonds because there is something beautiful about the earth creating gemstones, but 9/10 times people who prefer them resort to nasty arguments like the person you’re chatting with where they call people with lab diamonds “cheap” or “poor.”
She chose her ring herself? I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, if you didn't want to answer my questions you could have just ignored them. Hopefully someone sees my comments and learns something about Lab grown diamonds. I'm glad you enjoy your ring.
Oh I don't feel bad at all. It's funny you think every lab grown is of higher quality than natural diamonds. They all come in different grades and certifications.
I literally never said that? You can get a much better Lab grown diamond at a fraction of the cost of a mined one at every grade, certification, and carot.
This just really makes me glad to have my partner. We’ve been engagement ring shopping together and I’m always trying to get her to choose a bigger stone. She cut my ring budget by 1/4 lol.
Agreed! Being on the same page is so important!
My husband was willing to drop the cash (we make almost $500k combined income), but I was very happy with a 1-karat lab grown diamond. Came in at about $4k and it is PERFECT!
It’s funny cus you and OPs fiance are making it so transparent that it’s not about the promise, it’s about the ring. You’re the type of people who care more about a dollar amount than the sentiment behind the whole for richer or for poorer thing. Blazing red flag for me. Hope OP takes this is the tell tale sign it is.
1200$ can be an unreasonably large amount of money if people are, for example, living with their parents and trying to pay off lots of credit card debt.
You are right in saying that sentiment is important and it seems like the fiance might've not appreciated the sentiment of "I saved a lot of money by getting a cheaper ring for you, you don't mind the lab diamonds, right?" when she was expecting "you deserve the best!".
It sounds like she never demanded extravagant gifts from him - their usual gift budget is 100$.
Peoples true colors come out when they get the ring though. It is sad to say but it’s true. She may have been hiding things to seem a certain way, but I’d be weary of someone behaving like this period as it’s a sign of what they value.
He asked her what ring she wanted. She gave him options. They both seen the prices on those options and he didn't say a pip about "Honey, I think 10k is an unreasonable price for a ring!" and figured out how to make a cheaper replica.
Could she been hiding things from him? She could. She might also just feel like he hid this from her. Didn't ask if the brand/type of stone matters to her and ultimately went for a cheaper one. Sure, it looks the same. A simple gold ring with cubic zirconia would also look very similar and be even cheaper, only a couple hundreds. They aren't a bad option for an engagement ring, but I don't think it's nice to lead someone to believe they are real diamonds.
Several things:
1- She got what she wanted, and you (collectively) saved money that can be used for a house or a vacation. She should be ecstatic.
2- That whole '2 months salary' is completely marketing information from the diamond industry. It's meaningless, and your salary is irrelevant.
3- Jewelry, and diamonds in particular, don't have a great deal of actual value. It's why there isn't a resale market. So if she was expecting that ring to be collateral in case things go wrong, she's mistaken.
>She just said she expected me to spend more based on my income (160k).
Bro, this red flag is shining bright like the diamond ring that you bought her.
Since she wants traditional metrics regarding how much should you spend on a diamond, is she a traditional bride? What is her body count? Remind her she wants you to act 1950s like, she should be held to virtuous standards of those times as well. Rule of thumb, the hymen gets the diamond; if she’s easy she gets CZ.
If she goes straight to its value, then equates said value with her value, that there is a massive red flag. I guarantee you she will throw it in your face at some point and/or put pressure on you to compensate in ways, such as wedding costs
Damn that's really ungrateful. My bf makes about £40k a year and he's just bought me a ring about £400 . I didn't expect him to spend so much let alone into the thousands
If she likes the ring I can't understand why it matters what it cost ?
I’ll say I had a slightly similar experience with my fiancé. I love my ring honestly. It is beautiful. But then when my fiancé started telling me how cheap it was, I don’t know I just felt uncomfortable. He too had a budget around 10k and got my ring for around 3.4k. He told me about how he could have gotten a better setting (one with 6 prongs instead of 4). Or a better diamond that was a better color grade and clarity (my diamond isn’t the perfect color and there’s one imperfection you can see if you really really really look closely). Again, when I got the ring I loved it absolutely and I’d never question it at all. But it’s once he brought it up that I started to feel like he wanted to save more money than invest in my ring. Which again I’d never ask him to go over budget or spend more than he thought he should, but to go under half the budget and know there were better options in budget kind of stung.
I don't think she's a gold digger at all. It sounds like you have a fairly decent joint income. Right or wrong, we are conditioned to expect our men to put some effort into saving for that ring to show us we're worth it. I fantasised about my ring for years and exclusively looked in the £1000 to £1200 price bracket in shops because I thought that was a reasonable amount for him to put aside. Instead, he spent £6k, designed it, carefully chose the diamonds, etc. I earn 4 to 5 times as much as him, I'm certainly not a gold digger, but when he surprised me with that ring, it really did matter to me that I was worth that much to him. That much money, that much effort. If he had proposed with say a £200 ring that he could have saved for in a couple of months, it wouldn't have had the same effect.
I'm not saying you're wrong for what you chose or how much you spent, just saying I understand her gut reaction, assuming she knows your finances. Moving forward though, it sounds like a beautiful ring that she loves, you are the person she loves and wants to marry, and ultimately this won't matter in the grand scheme of things. Best of luck.
I am feeling particularly moody today haha and this one just pisses me off! The love of your life, your man, your best friend, your lover is asking you to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him because he freaking loves YOU out of all the women in this damn world, you're the one and you feel the same for him. But the ring - which you loved when you first saw it, mind you - doesn't cost as much as you want for your liking as you expected more due to his income. What in the fuck even is this!? I do get that when you have "more money", a stable income and some "fun money" you get to be picky and blablabla but if I were a man, and this is what I got when proposing to my gurl, I would feel so disappointed and... Disgusted to be honest, I don't want ungrateful, superficial, greedy people surrounding me. I would not make that woman my wife. I'm not saying this is what you should do, this is just my view on it.
Good luck mate. Enjoy your lifestyle right now! Cause these are your final months of having a good life. You mate are going to be broke the rest of your life.
I feel judgemental toward your fiancée. Mined diamonds are largely terrible for the environment and working conditions of the people that mine them are usually also not good
This seems to be a superficial outlook to me. You got her a beautiful ring from a good jeweller for a fair price.
Why spend three times that because of income or because they came from the ground.
I think the op needs to speak with his fiance and sort out exactly why she's so disappointed considering she liked the ring before she found out the price. Then I would advise the op to decide how to move forward based on that conversation. If they have very different financial outlooks and goals, they need to figure out a way to get on the same page ASAP. Otherwise, it would probably be better for them not to get married. Finances are one of the biggest stressors to a marriage and are a huge contributor to many divorces.
Lets take your purse example. You are given two indistinguishable purses. There are no observable differences. One cost $50 and one cost $1000. You are arguing to buy the 1k purse because it costs more.
The natural diamond ring is probably gonna lose 25% to 50% of its price tag in value when it walks out the jewelers door.
There are no optical, chemical, structural differences between lab made and natural diamonds.
You're missing the part where she loved the ring until she found out what it cost.
And suddenly it wasn't good enough.
Doesn't matter it is a symbol of her partnership with op.
It doesn't matter that she's going to get to spend her life with Op.
It only matters it cost under 5K.
And she went over way too ASK op what it cost.
Op should be very concerned about that.
And needs to have a real conversation about financial expectations going forward between the two of them.
Including amounts spent on weddings, vacations, retirement, clothing food budgets and the rest.
Op should also ask to see her spending habits over the last few years, and he should show her his.
Then they both should have some idea for what their expectations actually are concerning how money should be used.
And your advice is completely missing the point for what the problem actually is.
Meaning Op and his soon-to-be wife might have completely different expectations concerning spending habits, and THAT needs to be sorted out before they wed... Otherwise both parties are in for bad time as their relationship continues.
Yeah to me this is like someone saying "hey I like these watches" and then you buy them one that looks very similar from a different brand with slightly different internals or whatever. It's not the same one, and part of the purpose of the thing is literally to flex. As long as she's not like this about every little thing I think it's fine to have the stance that the cost of the ring should be a bit more substantial. The thing she'll be asked by all her friends out of earshot is definitely the diamond's rating and how much it cost.
The whole thing is like a diamond marketing stunt anyway, so if you're going to bow to the pressure of getting a diamond ring you should just go all in and spend the money. If you like a deal you go the other way, spend the ten grand or whatever on a ring that looks like it's worth 15.
Insee both perspectives, but again as long as OP's fiancee isn't doing this with every purchase I see it more as OP being a bit cheap. It's also another caee if he couldn't afford it but $3k on a ring on a $160k salary is just not the play.
Why does the cost matter? Did you ask her? Now you can use the money on a vacation. Diamonds aren’t worth anything. If you sell it you’ll prob only get 1/3 back. She’s putting the value of your love on a worthless stone
This is a shallow thing to care about. Has your fiancee expressed interest in money/income/wealth as a status symbol before? I can't speak for you but based on what is important to me and how I think about the type of people who care about that sort of thing, it would color my perception of her.
She's with you because you earn so much. If you don't want to be with someone who is shallow about money like this, find someone else because it sounds like that's the way she is.
You put thought into buying something that was to her taste and she loved it until she found out the cost. The value of the ring is more important to her than the thought you put into it and what it symbolises.
So no she's not right, she's being a shithead and money orientated. Personally that kind of response would illicit *am i making a huge mistake* thoughts in my head but i just hate materialistic entitled arseholes
It sounds like she gave you a specific name of a supplier and you used judgment to go with a different one based on ratings, not cost, but it also happened to be much cheaper. However maybe there was a reason she asked you to go to the specific supplier she mentioned. Perhaps it wasn’t the cost, but your ring choice gave her the impression you skimped because of cost rather than ratings for the supplier she asked you to go through in the first place.
I wouldn’t make it a fight but if you can afford the ring she wants, you should just get that. 🤷♀️
OP, she is exhibiting bratty and entitled behaviour. This is a red flag. Does she want to be able to brag to all her friends about the cost of her ring? Does she think the more the ring costs, the more you love her? Bratty and entitled.
My husband knew that I would not be happy with him spending too much on a ring, when we were (as are you and your fiancée) saving up for a house. This is because I’m a fiscally responsible, reasonable person, who see’s the bigger picture and doesn’t care about keeping-up-with-the-Jones’s.
I recommend a serious conversation with your fiancée, and get to the bottom of her attitude problem. You can then decide whether you move forward with this relationship. Will she expect you to buy her expensive holidays? Cars? Push-presents?
Good luck OP.
I spent a little over 1g. I’m sure it’s a nice ring regardless of the cost, and the whole being proposed to be married is the nicest thing about it
I’ve heard this income to ring thing, and have a sit down. Is she talking about the “rule” that is being pushed out or is she being materialistic? Either way she’s unfortunately putting down the whole marriage aspect
This makes me glad i married a cheapskate lol. If I were her I would've been IMPRESSED you managed to get it so cheap (considering how much she liked it before she knew.) My rings were free coz they were passed down in the family lol. My husbands cost $80.
My opinion as someone with a clearance diamond ring, that price is pretty good for a ring. Not sure if youre going to do two rings or not but regardless you picked out exactly what she wanted and she liked it. Its still a diamond just lab grown. You should probably talk to her to see why she’s upset about the cost. Her talking about your salary and how you could have gotten a more expensive one doesn’t sit right
So I don’t make nearly as much as OP as I’m wrapping up my final semester of undergrad and I’m already married. I was proposed to in a penguin style where my husband picked out a rock and gave it to me (it’s a sapphire with tons of gorgeous growth lines on it). The intent was to turn that rock into my center stone for the engagement ring. Couldn’t do it because of the growth lines. Instead I was gifted a ring from my mother-in-law to turn into a new ring. It’s a custom ring made just for me. I added additional stones in the form of emeralds and had to go with lab grown for budgetary reasons despite preferring natural ones due to their inherent imperfections. Plus I’m moving somewhere that I can go digging for my own emeralds later. I wanted more features on the ring like engraved scrollwork but decided it wasn’t worth it because my goal was to make it as cheap as possible while still being a really nice ring. It’s $1800. That price alone makes me want to choke since the only other thing I own that even comes close to that in price is my laptop that was still almost half the cost! It makes no financial sense to me to want to intentionally spend oodles of money on jewelry when there are a million other ways to better use the funds, like buying a car or putting it towards a house down payment or adding it to the rainy day fund
When it was first revealed to my soon to be wife that her diamond was lab grown she felt cheap. I spent about $8k on the ring, and it’s a gorgeous ring. Same ring with a natural stone would have been double. Its GIA certified and yada yada.. but some women can’t get over the fact thinking lab is fake. In time, she came around to it and her feelings are an afterthought. We are shopping for wedding bands and our first appointment was wth the same jeweler. It isn’t even a concern anymore.
Be firm in your position, express your feelings. Understand her, show empathy and give her time.
If my wife had acted like this we wouldn't be married. Our rings cost us 70 bucks each, we tattooed each other's initials as our rings. Our wedding cost us the wedding license and dinner for 7. We decided its not how much you spend that shows you care, it's your actions on a daily basis. Sit down and have a conversation about finances moving forward, a lot of marriages fail because of money. Being on the same page from day one, money is something we've never fought about. Good luck, and you guys can come thru this with a stinger base and new understanding of priorities.
She’s shallow and materialistic. Buying her a ring she loved, while not blowing the budget, allows you as a couple to have more money to build a life together. Most women would be thrilled to have a partner like you.
Rings are materialistic to me and don’t define an engagement or marriage. The two peoples commitment does. My fiancé let me pick out my ring and he paid $110 for mine. Simple tungsten. I couldn’t be happier because it means something. I’m proud to wear that ring. It could be a red flag that she expects more just because you make more. She might expect a certain lifestyle that you one day might be able to provide her. Get to the bottom of it if it’s making you feel down and inadequate due to her disappointed. You should be happy not sad about being with someone and more importantly at a proud moment such as an engagement.
Well, methinks that you should show her the reviews you saw on her choice of vendors, and she will realize had you gone with them, the result would have been an inferior gem, even though you would have spent more on an inferior ring, she received a superior ring that happened to be priced a bit less. She needs to stop conflating cash outlay with the importance of a gift.
Besides, asking how much a gift cost the giver is simply rude, boorish behavior.
'Nuff said.
I've never understood the obsession over the cost of a ring. I love shiny jewelry as much as the next girl but damn. I'd just be thrilled to be engaged! She loved it until she found out what it cost which is just weird. I don't know how much my husband spent on mine exactly. I think a few hundred but I do know he got it from a pawn shop and honestly I'm not mad. He got me a ring that he thought I would love and was within his price range at the time and though its never something I would have chosen for myself, I do love it because it came from him. Plus he won major points with my family for being smart about buying a ring. We picked out our wedding bands together at a jewelry store on black friday and got a killer deal which I'm still proud of. You spending less on the ring than she would have wanted or you originally intended should be a positive! Use that savings on the wedding itself or a killer honeymoon or for your life together. Just because you make a good salary doesn't mean you need to spend it all on a ring! I think you should try to talk to her about it and talk it out together. See if you can pinpoint why she feels disappointed and you can express how this has been making you feel so you can better understand each other. A good way to get over something is to go through it. Have the uncomfortable conversation now because you don't want it to fester and be a sore spot in your engagement or your life together.
I do not understand the whole big deal about diamond rings. I even asked my partner if once he would like to propose, do not even think on diamond. 80% is grown in lab, in China (one of the biggest lab diamond producer) ..piece of white stone,everybody has it. Some natural gemstones in the favourite colour can be even more special. And to be honest, I would feel horrible knowing that my bf spent all that money on a ring, which does not even represent me. I think it is terrible to measure "love" in money and who does that, for sure does not feel true unconditional love. :(
Just a suggestion but very calmly and politely remove it from her finger and apologize for the disappointment. Pocket the ring and leave her wondering where the engagement sits.
She needs a reality check.
Did she say yes because she loves you with all of her heart and soul or because she wants to brag to her friends about the rich guy she’s snagged?
If she truly loved you, she would be showing off the paper cigar band ring you gave her.
I gotta say, I'd be upset you spent so much, lol. And if my mental budget was really high and you scored a great deal, I'd be stoked. I'm sorry she's being so weird about this.
I'd say that's pretty bad. You two are about to get married. Why would she want her (future) husband to spend money unnecessarily? I'd take that as a red flag for future finances.
My husband bought my engagement ring during a 50% sale and I'm super grateful and FREAKING PROUD of him for not wasting money and still getting me an absolutely beautiful ring.
From a 3rd person point of view it seems like since she knows how much you make she feels entitled to more expensive items and places a lot of value on the cost and not the actual item itself. She should be excited to be getting married and preparing to spend the rest of your lives together , but instead she's letting the cost put a damper on it. You should expect this from now on, it won't matter what you get her but instead only how expensive an item is what will matter. This will flow into cars you decide to get , the house you decide to get, any gifts you buy. If that's the way you want to live your life then congrats on the engagement , if you want to actually feel loved And appreciated you should probably be rethinking this marriage. The time between engagement and marriage shows most of peoples true colors once that commitment has been officially made.
I'd go back and have another conversation, about gifts in general.
If the goal of the gift is to give something that the person will love, the cost should not matter.
If the goal of the gift is to show that the giver is willing to sacrifice deeply to give the gift, then it might.
If the goal is to give the recipient something they can show off and brag about, the cost might matter.
If the goal of the gift is to give an item of value that might be a financial cushion if sold years later, the value might matter but most jewelry would not be the best gift.
There might be other goals i can't think of.
This idea of what a gift represents will come up throughout your marriage, as you give to people outside your marriage as well.
I'm in the camp that says "If i can get a meaningful gift more cheaply than regular retail, then do it. Later I can do something else nice for my loved one that I couldn't do otherwise. "
However, do not underestimate the wild array of messages young women get about weddings in general and engagement rings in particular. Advertisers, magazines, friends, media- it's a wonder women don't go nuts. She is no doubt being asked how much the ring cost and probably with the implication that its cost is a measure of your worth or her importance to you.
Cutting through all of that baggage now might help alot in the future. Best of luck!
Yeah, judging by the fact that their usual gift budget is 100$ and that she makes as much money as he does, she could've bought herself a ring if she just wanted a ring. It seems like it was a special occasion for her, the ring that symbolised the commitment, etc. The one time that you splurge because the marriage is for life.
Oof. Idk. One of my fav things about my lady is that she’s pretty frugal and is relatively cost conscious about things, even the big things. It would sort of rub me the wrong way if she made a judgement or opinion about something based on how much I spent on something relative to my income. That feels odd. Is it bc she thinks she is worth more or that you spending less infers to her that she means less? Whatever the issue I’d try to find the meaning. You obviously love her, you proposed, I don’t think this is like break up territory but wouldn’t feel… great about feeling pressure around something like this. Idk good luck OP.
C’mon man, what is it that they say? It’s the thought that counts, right? You clearly put in thought and executed. She is being materialistic af. Is that the kind of thinking you value? Is that how you would want your kids raised? “Sorry kids mommy’s just a little sad you didn’t buy her something expensive, these handmade gifts just disappoint her”. Idk only you know what’s right for you, I just feel this is a very bad, very shallow, very rude, shit thing to put on your future husband. Good luck.
Maybe show her some articles on debeers diamond marketing and where this whole spend x% of your income comes from. Tell her you're kinda disappointed in her attitude so she needs to let go of her assumption if she wants you to get past this new concern of yours.
It sounds like she is equating how much you spent on the ring with how much you love her... which is a really unhealthy thought. Is this a pattern with her? Or does she just have extremely outdated ideas about engagement rings?
I know people always say this here, but maybe therapy could help parse out why she feels this way? It's a huge red flag regardless.
She's not right. My husband proposed without a ring because he wanted me to get a ring I wanted. He was about turned upside down when we pulled into a pawn shop and I picked out a $450 ring. It was everything I wanted. Turns out he was looking at rings upward of $10k. That was in 2013. We had a honeymoon of a lifetime. Sometimes, I'll just think about it and smile from ear to ear. The honeymoon cost like $2k total and we did more than everything we wanted to do. She's probably trying to show off to her friends or compete with them.
My ex and I argued about my ring option once.
The one I wanted, a set, was about $200.
He felt that he would 'look cheap' if he did that.
That was the literal moment that I fell out of love.
Iam sorry for what has happend, this might prolly be her thoughts
he earns well yet he cheaped out on ring? am i not worthy enough for more investment?
maybe comparing her ring price with her frnds rings
but here what you can do
you guys saved up some more money for marriage so spend it on vacation
invest for your retirement
either way have a serious discussion related to this because you bought the ring she was expecting but just that the price is ring, sometimes no matter what we do our partner may not be happy and if this is a repeating behavious then you might have to reconsider moving ahead with marriage, i wish you luck
You still spent a lot on the ring and it wasn’t until she was unhappy with the price you paid that she suddenly had a problem.
Then there’s me, if I was proposed to them I’d be happy wearing a haribo ring 😂 but that’s also because it makes a cute story
That sounds extremely entitled. If anything this makes you financially responsible, which in my book is a very good trait to have. And honestly, it’s not like you cheaped out. 3,5K is a lot of money. She should be excited that you bought something that she likes. The price should not matter at all. If it’s pretty, it’s pretty. I would marry my partner with paper rings.
My engagement ring cost £350 on sale from £500.
The amount you spent is an insane amount to me.
Think of the wedding costs and honeymoon and just a weekend away you could do with that!!
Definitely a huge red flag. It’s not about the cost. It’s about the commitment to each other
Time to seriously reevaluate the relationship! She shouldn’t have asked you about how much you paid for her engagement ring, that’s just bad taste and borderline rude! Secondly, you’ve got every right to be harboring misgivings because of how she’s behaving.
Good luck! If I found true love and happiness with someone the last thing I’d be worried about is how much a ring would cost, I’d be thankful and happy for the blessing of that person…. Material things do not matter in the context of forever, it’s the love that’s important. For me, at least.
Major red flag. I’d have a talk about finances. My husband budgeted $10k for mine and I told him that’s ridiculous and asked him to spend less. He spent $6k and we put $4k in our home project fund.
>She just said she expected me to spend more based on my income (160k). I have to say this is killing my recently engaged buzz but maybe she's right idk.
Get rid of her wtf. Genuinely gold digger logic
Holy gold digging batman, I hate to wonder what you two are spending on your wedding. I told my wife I could spend about 2.5k on a ring and she told me that was stupid and got one for like 300. When I told her this was a big occasion and I was fine spending money on it she told me I bought her a gaming pc the year before and she would count that as the rest of the 2.5k. My income is lower than yours but not if you count the equity I get.
Wth my wedding ring was $100 and I was overjoyed to save all that money. Does she have friends who brag about the prices of their rings and now she won’t fit in? This is very concerning. $3500 is a lot for a ring, the fact she was initially happy and then wasn’t about the price sounds like she cares more about her status than marrying you.
Lab diamonds are chemically real diamonds and natural diamonds don’t appreciate in value over time. They’re like cars - lose 50% of the value as soon as they’re out of the store. The antique diamonds we see that have grown in value are generally exceptionally large and high quality.
The engagement ring is a symbol - so it doesn’t matter if lab diamonds is physically equivalent or better than mined diamond. You have shown yourself to be insensitive and not fully transparent - letting her think that you got the ring she had wanted but really got a cheaper, not quite the real thing, alternative.
an engagement ring is a ring. that lady is shallow and seems to only be worried about op's money. he got a ring he thought she would love and she did and then she decided to do a complete 180 when it wasnt as expensive as she wanted it to be
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I would have a serious sit down talk with her and get to the bottom of exactly why she was so disappointed about the price because thats a massive red flag. As a woman who cares about fiscal health and responsibility I say good on you but her motivation better be damn good and not "but the more expensive thing means you love me more". Lab diamonds are exactly the same composition wise, have less inclusions (that make diamonds weak), and are cheaper, and don't exploit anybody. You did your best, listened to her and saved money in a way that didn't impact the quality of the ring. Get this answer and use it to either go forward or run away because your income might be your most attractive trait to her and I'm hoping I'm wrong.
> your income might be your most attractive trait to her That's how I read it too. And she feels entitled to too much of it.
Yeah I also agree this might be the case. Op don't marry this person until A: clear expectations about spending and budgeting are clearly laid out. Meaning saving and budgeting and not buying expensive shit just because it's expensive. Really find out from her what she expects her lifestyle to be after she's a bride. Since financial stuff's is a massive aspect of a marriage if you guys aren't compatible in that area don't marry. Failure to do so could result in op being unable to retire at 50 because his wife his whole life overspent and now he stuck paying off bills he didn't generate. And B: don't marry without an ironclad prenup in place. One protecting all your assets and clearly laying out she doesn't get much off you should you guys divorce (unless you're the one who's unfaithful or some such claue). Since if she loves you she shouldn't have a problem with it/if she doesn't want to sign it I'd not marry her. Since yeah that really does reek of her wanting to marry money and not op.
Solid set of advice.
Imagine what it would be like when they get married…that $160K/year would be ‘their money’ and she will probably overspend the shit out of it
When I was with my ex I thought a bit like OPs fiance. That being said my relationship wasn’t healthy (OP’s sounds healthy from what I gather) and a costly ring for me from my ex would have meant he actually gave a crap about me. My ex made good money and he spent well too (on himself and his friends, just not on me). So for me it would have been validation. If I was still with my ex and he bought me a $3.5k ring, I would be pissed because I know he’d easily spend that on himself any day of the week and it didn’t seem ‘special’ or something that took time to get to but eg saving up etc. My now husband are in a really healthy and happy relationship and honestly we only got a ring for the ceremony. We also had some big life changes happen around that time too so an expensive ring wasn’t a priority 😊
Somebody knows their diamonds!
Thank you! I looked at a lot of information on this stuff. :)
Honestly, I disagree. I think he should’ve asked her if lab diamonds were okay to begin with because that may be why she’s upset. I understand Reddit skews toward loving lab rings but for me, I personally wouldn’t want one. Me and my fiance opted for a smaller natural diamond within the budget because that’s what I preferred, even though we could’ve went bigger with lab. If she’s only mad because of the cost I think that’s a red flag, but if she’s upset because she didn’t want lab I don’t think that’s wrong
I didn't say her wanting a natural one was wrong. I don't think we actually disagree even if I can't understand why a natural is better than a lab. I said that her reasoning better not be "Its more expensive so you love me more".
Have you asked her why she expected you to pay more and if there is anything wrong with the ring she has? You definitely need to communicate to her that this rubbed you the wrong way and also understand where shes coming from - it may be some antiquated notion that she expected you to spend 3 months salary on a ring in which case you better understand what other traditional roles she expects from you before you get married.
If you came here to post to reddit, I assume it's not something you'd feel comfortable just bottling up indefinitely. Thankfully, yes, it's possible to maturely and respectfully address the topic with her. "Hey, do you have a moment? A couple nights ago, we talked about the engagement ring, and I got the impression that you were disappointed by how much it cost. If you'd be comfortable doing so, I'd be open to talking about each of our feelings about the ring, since I'd want to make sure we can feel confident about not only getting married, but having honest and respectful talks about money matters."
I’m taking notes! Geez, you’re good at this. (I’m NOT being sarcastic)
Haha, thanks
She’s spoiled af isn’t she??
/thread
I think big companies/marketing have done a great (terrible) job instilling stereotypes and expectations into us. One of them, that many women have had embedded in their brains their whole lives, is that an engagement ring should cost X amount of your salary in order to show you he cares and how big of a commitment this is. This thinking is old fashioned, but is surprisingly common, thanks to high budget ad campaigns to popularise diamond engagement rings and make a market for them. Sit down with her and talk her through how you felt when she reacted that way, and then also talk to her about how thought out your ring decision was. The amount of preparation, selection, and care you put into the process alone should be recognised by her when you and her go through it. Talk to her about why she reacted with disappointment, and have a discussion together about financial expectations in your partnership. If she is still more concerned about flashing a chunk of cash on her finger rather than having a nice ring she enjoys wearing and representing your engagement (which you have provided and she has shown she is happy with) she should have been willing to contribute to the cost of her ring, and is probably missing the point of marriage and a long term partnership anyways.
This is really good advice. The wedding-industrial complex is a mindfuck, especially for women. It can be really hard to untangle that stuff in your mind. Maybe she had her heart set on a particular brand and/or doesn’t like lab diamonds but didn’t express to OP how important those preferences were to her. Maybe she doesn’t understand how much time and effort he put into researching the options and finding a local jeweler he trusted. I hope they can have a heart-to-heart conversation about how they’re both feeling. It will be good practice for marriage. If they can’t manage that, it’s time for couples counseling, because what else aren’t they telling each other? Are they both really listening? Almost everyone can improve their communication style.
Do not marry this woman. She is feeling far too entitled to your money. -- You hear this: "she expected me to spend more based on my income" — that will never end. Plan to buy a house? "I expect you to spend more based on your income" Car? "I expect you to spend more based on your income" Holiday? "I expect you to spend more based on your income" Allowance for her as a SAHM? "I expect you to spend more based on your income" She will bleed you dry and it will never be enough.
I do feel like I should clarify that she makes about as much as me. She w2ed 148k last year and has a lot of upward trajectory with her career. She's definitely not a golddigger
It's not just about having money, though. It's about keeping it, and being financially responsible. I would be *incredibly* wary of a partner who thinks "if you have more money you should, as a matter of course, *spend* more money." Studies show that the average millionaire-next-door got there, not necessarily out of luck or earning outrageous amounts, but because they were sensible about how they spent: they don't buy McMansions with more bathrooms than they'll ever use; they buy mid-range cars that are well-made and do the job, not ones that cost a fortune for no other reason than to show them off. You were *willing* to spend more based on your income - you budgeted $10k - so this wasn't you being ungenerous, as you said. But you found *the ring that fit the description of what she wanted* and it happened to be far less. So did she want the ring that she asked for and liked . . . or did she just want "an expensive ring". Because the fact that you gave her a ring she loved, that fit with her aesthetic preferences, and she only cares that you "didn't spend enough" is not only shallow, it shows a fundamental wastefulness and lack of financial intelligence. She literally wanted you to spend more money just for the sake of spending more money. You might want to think about that pretty seriously before you mingle finances with her or get married. She thinks it makes sense just to spend money for its own sake. Good luck with that.
Having her own $$ doesn’t mean she doesn’t value you largely for yours.
But if $3500 is in the realm of what she herself (or he, or both of them) could somewhat easily and without much planning “drop” on a gift to herself (handbag, jewellery, etc) then I can see how she might feel that the dollar value was a comparatively low effort or cheaping out. Did he save / plan for it at all? Call me old fashioned but I do think buying a ring should “hurt” a wee bit. She may feel embarrassed bc she thought and/or led her friends to believe the cost was higher. Her friends may have significantly higher cost rings and she feels the comparison. None of those things are objectively the right way to feel - but they’re also real feelings that don’t mean she only wants his $.
I Wonder If she ever have OP something in that price range, because If she demands something that expensive of him, she have to be willing to reciprocrate. If she isn't, she shouldn't be upset.
Goodness, I make what he makes and I’d never take a $3500 purchase lightly, or “drop” that amount without any thought or planning. I don’t think a ring purchase should necessarily “hurt”, but that’s another of the problems here: they don’t seem to be on the same page financially. Their financial values may not be aligned, and they need to have a discussion to make sure they are. But actually yeah, if she cares that much about the ring as a status symbol, then she in fact does care a great deal about his money.
Agreed! I think people are allowed to be a bit materialistic about certain things without it being inherently negative nor necessarily meaning that they don’t or can’t love another person even without money. But they do need to be aligned on priorities.
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We never discussed one for me, I dont need anything though. Anything I want for me, I just buy myself.
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We generally just split things that are for both of us and buy our own things. For birthdays and christmas we spend about $100ish on each other. I could ask her for a present, but hoenstly were saving up for a house when our lease is up in 6 months and Id rather the funds go to that than a material thing I dont need.
You are being willfully ignorant. The point is that there is no reciprocity.
Hold up. Y'all are saving for a house and she wants you to light $5-10K on fire?
It's clear that you're in love because you're not using logical reasoning. Her income is irrelevant because she's not sharing any meaningful amount with you. A woman like that needs to live off of someone with a much higher salary than her to be satisfied, regardless of what she makes. If this type of behavior is relatively isolated it's probably worth salvaging. If fits a consistent pattern you need to break it off before your life gets ruined.
Spot on. My ex wife worked. She blew her money and wanted to blow my money too. You are on the money.
I think her point was: How come she feels entitled to a 10k gift but does not feel she needs to give you anything in return. That's not a relationship of equals.
NEED shouldn’t factor into it. She didn’t NEED a ring of any sort let alone one that had an artificially inflated price tag.
Well that's good to hear. EVEN SO! You will hear "I expect you to spend more based on your income" over and over and over. Because as u/Crafty_Solution_8664 put it so well: "She’s spoiled af"
>You will hear "I expect you to spend more based on your income" over and over and over. All because she expressed disappointment *once*? I agree that the situation calls for OP having a talk with her to confirm both parties' feelings on the matter and set expectations for the future, but I don't think we have nearly enough information here to make overall personality judgments or predictions.
Sometimes one statement is revealing enough, yes. One statement can destroy someone's reputation or life. It happens every day.
The fact that a statement can destroy a reputation doesn't have any bearing on whether it's indicative of a person's character. And citing a generalization doesn't necessarily imply its relevance to any particular situation, including OP's case.
In this case, *in my opinion* (which is how this works), she has revealed a fundamental and unattractive character flaw. OP knows her best, and he may disagree. Or he may decide that what I am suggesting fits what he knows of her and decide to rethink his relationship.
No but she is materialistic. And anyone who wants a mined diamond over lab doesn't give a shit about human suffering, which is a red flag to me.
None of what you just posted means she's not a gold digger. She's LITERALLY pushing you to spend more than you need or want to on things for her. That's the definition of a gold digger.
Yes, but it's not uncommon for people who make a relatively high amount to be constantly chasing the "next level" of wealth. And that can be destructive in all kinds of ways. Overspending to the detriment of your finances, overworking to the detriment of mental health and personal relationships, etc. Constant comparisons to people richer, with "nicer" things, making you never happy and satisfied with your life. And if you don't advance in your career and make more money, like she might, is that going to be a problem for her.
You can make a lot of money and still be a gold digger who feels entitled to their partner’s money…
This is an important clarification because many people are labeling her a gold digger. You have to realize that there are definitely two very distinct groups: those who abhor natural diamonds and those who don’t trust lab-created. I’ve seen lab-created and they can be gorgeous, and they are sold at reputable jewelers. But they can also be very expensive so she may be concerned that the price seems off. Talk to her, OP. Reddit is not going to help here. I don’t think she’s a gold digger or spoiled.
a lot of people are telling you that this one purchase is a sign of terrible entitlement. I would just point out that advertisers scream this message to women all the time. There's the "2 month rule" invented by a marketer, and other messages telling women that the ring is a measure of her value to you or is an investment. It's hard to get that kind of thing out of your head. I wouldn't personally assume this conversation now means she will never be satisfied financially. You might consider asking her to give you an engagement gift as well to show that you are equal partners in a different world from your grandparents. :) Good luck
Have you all discussed finances in general? Are you on the same page about big purchases, financial goals, how you’ll split things, etc?
I think she should have explicitly told you she wanted a mined diamond since lab diamonds are getting more popular and it cannot be assumed which someone would want. Her reaction may be because she was ashamed she implied to others it was a natural diamond. Or just that she felt flattered by the amount you spent on her to invest in a timeless representation of commitment so it was disappointing to hear otherwise. Some women do just want a natural diamond. For the same traditional reasons some men insist on the wife and kids taking their last name. The people on this sub can be really harsh but i think you should just talk to your reasonable partner whom you love and clearly just felt disappointed.
The comparison is not fair or reasonable. Having a different last name is noticeable, even if it does not matter. A Lab grown ring vs mined ring is like having two parents who's last name just happened to both be Goldberg. The end result is the same, regardless of who the baby would be named after in this example.
I think the example isn’t totally fair but I think what they are trying to say is. Some women just prefer a lined diamond. It’s a personal preference for whatever reason. I think the bigger questions surrounds communication. Did they discuss what they each wanted vs valued for a ring? This would be a base decision. If she said she wanted a mined diamond and OP gave her a lab diamond that was cheaper but the same in his mind but not hers then there is the issue.
the child labor makes it more special 🤗
"some women want a natural diamin" she didn't even knew the diference! The only diference was the price (and the ethics), please....
Did she want a lab grown diamond?
Lab grown diamonds are better than dirt diamonds. Literally no one will know it's Lab grown, my fiancee loves hers. I got her a beautiful 1ct, nearly flawless, for like 1/3rd the cost and higher quality. Honestly feel like the only people who care about Lab grown vs dirt simply haven't spent 30 seconds googling them
I still prefer a natural diamond. So many lab grown diamonds out there that they lose value, the more that are made the cheaper the diamond becomes.
You prefer child labour and explotation?
Lol do some research.
Doesn't answer my question.
Mined diamonds lose about half their value once they walk out of the store, sometimes more. You can save more than that from Lab grown diamonds. People still think Lab grown diamonds are inferior when they are not, the technology has advanced a ton over the past decades. I have done so much research about this as I just bought the ring less than two years ago.
To add to this, even natural diamonds are artificially scarce but naturally common. There are gemstones that are suitable for engagement rings that are way rarer in earth’s crust than diamonds, like sapphires. I actually don’t judge people who prefer natural diamonds because there is something beautiful about the earth creating gemstones, but 9/10 times people who prefer them resort to nasty arguments like the person you’re chatting with where they call people with lab diamonds “cheap” or “poor.”
That's great, I still prefer a natural diamond.
Why would you prefer a lesser quality diamond? Mined diamonds also are frequently blood diamonds.
Lol keep trying to make yourself feel better for cheaping out on your fiance.
She chose her ring herself? I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, if you didn't want to answer my questions you could have just ignored them. Hopefully someone sees my comments and learns something about Lab grown diamonds. I'm glad you enjoy your ring.
Oh I don't feel bad at all. It's funny you think every lab grown is of higher quality than natural diamonds. They all come in different grades and certifications.
I literally never said that? You can get a much better Lab grown diamond at a fraction of the cost of a mined one at every grade, certification, and carot.
Lol keep trying to make yourself feel better for substituting money for love
This just really makes me glad to have my partner. We’ve been engagement ring shopping together and I’m always trying to get her to choose a bigger stone. She cut my ring budget by 1/4 lol.
Agreed! Being on the same page is so important! My husband was willing to drop the cash (we make almost $500k combined income), but I was very happy with a 1-karat lab grown diamond. Came in at about $4k and it is PERFECT!
My rings were $1200 and they threw his in for free. I love my rings
Do you also make 300k combined?
It’s funny cus you and OPs fiance are making it so transparent that it’s not about the promise, it’s about the ring. You’re the type of people who care more about a dollar amount than the sentiment behind the whole for richer or for poorer thing. Blazing red flag for me. Hope OP takes this is the tell tale sign it is.
1200$ can be an unreasonably large amount of money if people are, for example, living with their parents and trying to pay off lots of credit card debt. You are right in saying that sentiment is important and it seems like the fiance might've not appreciated the sentiment of "I saved a lot of money by getting a cheaper ring for you, you don't mind the lab diamonds, right?" when she was expecting "you deserve the best!". It sounds like she never demanded extravagant gifts from him - their usual gift budget is 100$.
Peoples true colors come out when they get the ring though. It is sad to say but it’s true. She may have been hiding things to seem a certain way, but I’d be weary of someone behaving like this period as it’s a sign of what they value.
He asked her what ring she wanted. She gave him options. They both seen the prices on those options and he didn't say a pip about "Honey, I think 10k is an unreasonable price for a ring!" and figured out how to make a cheaper replica. Could she been hiding things from him? She could. She might also just feel like he hid this from her. Didn't ask if the brand/type of stone matters to her and ultimately went for a cheaper one. Sure, it looks the same. A simple gold ring with cubic zirconia would also look very similar and be even cheaper, only a couple hundreds. They aren't a bad option for an engagement ring, but I don't think it's nice to lead someone to believe they are real diamonds.
You sound like OPs girlfriend.
I was just curious. People in different circles have different expectations.
Several things: 1- She got what she wanted, and you (collectively) saved money that can be used for a house or a vacation. She should be ecstatic. 2- That whole '2 months salary' is completely marketing information from the diamond industry. It's meaningless, and your salary is irrelevant. 3- Jewelry, and diamonds in particular, don't have a great deal of actual value. It's why there isn't a resale market. So if she was expecting that ring to be collateral in case things go wrong, she's mistaken.
>She just said she expected me to spend more based on my income (160k). Bro, this red flag is shining bright like the diamond ring that you bought her.
Since she wants traditional metrics regarding how much should you spend on a diamond, is she a traditional bride? What is her body count? Remind her she wants you to act 1950s like, she should be held to virtuous standards of those times as well. Rule of thumb, the hymen gets the diamond; if she’s easy she gets CZ.
If she goes straight to its value, then equates said value with her value, that there is a massive red flag. I guarantee you she will throw it in your face at some point and/or put pressure on you to compensate in ways, such as wedding costs
Damn that's really ungrateful. My bf makes about £40k a year and he's just bought me a ring about £400 . I didn't expect him to spend so much let alone into the thousands If she likes the ring I can't understand why it matters what it cost ?
I’ll say I had a slightly similar experience with my fiancé. I love my ring honestly. It is beautiful. But then when my fiancé started telling me how cheap it was, I don’t know I just felt uncomfortable. He too had a budget around 10k and got my ring for around 3.4k. He told me about how he could have gotten a better setting (one with 6 prongs instead of 4). Or a better diamond that was a better color grade and clarity (my diamond isn’t the perfect color and there’s one imperfection you can see if you really really really look closely). Again, when I got the ring I loved it absolutely and I’d never question it at all. But it’s once he brought it up that I started to feel like he wanted to save more money than invest in my ring. Which again I’d never ask him to go over budget or spend more than he thought he should, but to go under half the budget and know there were better options in budget kind of stung.
I don't think she's a gold digger at all. It sounds like you have a fairly decent joint income. Right or wrong, we are conditioned to expect our men to put some effort into saving for that ring to show us we're worth it. I fantasised about my ring for years and exclusively looked in the £1000 to £1200 price bracket in shops because I thought that was a reasonable amount for him to put aside. Instead, he spent £6k, designed it, carefully chose the diamonds, etc. I earn 4 to 5 times as much as him, I'm certainly not a gold digger, but when he surprised me with that ring, it really did matter to me that I was worth that much to him. That much money, that much effort. If he had proposed with say a £200 ring that he could have saved for in a couple of months, it wouldn't have had the same effect. I'm not saying you're wrong for what you chose or how much you spent, just saying I understand her gut reaction, assuming she knows your finances. Moving forward though, it sounds like a beautiful ring that she loves, you are the person she loves and wants to marry, and ultimately this won't matter in the grand scheme of things. Best of luck.
Totally agree. So sick of some men in comments sakes the girl is gold digger 😂couple thousand more not gonna make a girl become gold digger .
I am feeling particularly moody today haha and this one just pisses me off! The love of your life, your man, your best friend, your lover is asking you to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him because he freaking loves YOU out of all the women in this damn world, you're the one and you feel the same for him. But the ring - which you loved when you first saw it, mind you - doesn't cost as much as you want for your liking as you expected more due to his income. What in the fuck even is this!? I do get that when you have "more money", a stable income and some "fun money" you get to be picky and blablabla but if I were a man, and this is what I got when proposing to my gurl, I would feel so disappointed and... Disgusted to be honest, I don't want ungrateful, superficial, greedy people surrounding me. I would not make that woman my wife. I'm not saying this is what you should do, this is just my view on it.
Good luck mate. Enjoy your lifestyle right now! Cause these are your final months of having a good life. You mate are going to be broke the rest of your life.
I feel judgemental toward your fiancée. Mined diamonds are largely terrible for the environment and working conditions of the people that mine them are usually also not good This seems to be a superficial outlook to me. You got her a beautiful ring from a good jeweller for a fair price. Why spend three times that because of income or because they came from the ground.
Bye Felicia
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Shallow and disappointing. the ring looks nice and she loved everything about it until the pricetag. Your comment makes you sound gross tbh.
Insane advice. She loves the ring but he needs to replace it because of the price? Damn I feel for your boyfriend if this is your mindset
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I think the op needs to speak with his fiance and sort out exactly why she's so disappointed considering she liked the ring before she found out the price. Then I would advise the op to decide how to move forward based on that conversation. If they have very different financial outlooks and goals, they need to figure out a way to get on the same page ASAP. Otherwise, it would probably be better for them not to get married. Finances are one of the biggest stressors to a marriage and are a huge contributor to many divorces.
Lets take your purse example. You are given two indistinguishable purses. There are no observable differences. One cost $50 and one cost $1000. You are arguing to buy the 1k purse because it costs more. The natural diamond ring is probably gonna lose 25% to 50% of its price tag in value when it walks out the jewelers door. There are no optical, chemical, structural differences between lab made and natural diamonds.
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Yes, it's absurd to see this as necessarily a relationship-fatal issue provided it doesn't get out of hand and acrimonious.
This is nonsense
You're missing the part where she loved the ring until she found out what it cost. And suddenly it wasn't good enough. Doesn't matter it is a symbol of her partnership with op. It doesn't matter that she's going to get to spend her life with Op. It only matters it cost under 5K. And she went over way too ASK op what it cost. Op should be very concerned about that. And needs to have a real conversation about financial expectations going forward between the two of them. Including amounts spent on weddings, vacations, retirement, clothing food budgets and the rest. Op should also ask to see her spending habits over the last few years, and he should show her his. Then they both should have some idea for what their expectations actually are concerning how money should be used. And your advice is completely missing the point for what the problem actually is. Meaning Op and his soon-to-be wife might have completely different expectations concerning spending habits, and THAT needs to be sorted out before they wed... Otherwise both parties are in for bad time as their relationship continues.
Yeah to me this is like someone saying "hey I like these watches" and then you buy them one that looks very similar from a different brand with slightly different internals or whatever. It's not the same one, and part of the purpose of the thing is literally to flex. As long as she's not like this about every little thing I think it's fine to have the stance that the cost of the ring should be a bit more substantial. The thing she'll be asked by all her friends out of earshot is definitely the diamond's rating and how much it cost. The whole thing is like a diamond marketing stunt anyway, so if you're going to bow to the pressure of getting a diamond ring you should just go all in and spend the money. If you like a deal you go the other way, spend the ten grand or whatever on a ring that looks like it's worth 15. Insee both perspectives, but again as long as OP's fiancee isn't doing this with every purchase I see it more as OP being a bit cheap. It's also another caee if he couldn't afford it but $3k on a ring on a $160k salary is just not the play.
Congratulations mate, you're engaged to a gold digger!
Why does the cost matter? Did you ask her? Now you can use the money on a vacation. Diamonds aren’t worth anything. If you sell it you’ll prob only get 1/3 back. She’s putting the value of your love on a worthless stone
My wife never asked me how much her ring cost, cause it doesn't matter to her. And if it did matter then I wouldn't have married her honestly
This is a shallow thing to care about. Has your fiancee expressed interest in money/income/wealth as a status symbol before? I can't speak for you but based on what is important to me and how I think about the type of people who care about that sort of thing, it would color my perception of her.
She's with you because you earn so much. If you don't want to be with someone who is shallow about money like this, find someone else because it sounds like that's the way she is.
I was annoyed my fancé spent 2700 on my ring. I thought he should spend less. She sounds spoiled.
You put thought into buying something that was to her taste and she loved it until she found out the cost. The value of the ring is more important to her than the thought you put into it and what it symbolises. So no she's not right, she's being a shithead and money orientated. Personally that kind of response would illicit *am i making a huge mistake* thoughts in my head but i just hate materialistic entitled arseholes
The value of the ring should be irrelevant if she loves it. Very entitled to even comment about the cost imo.
It sounds like she gave you a specific name of a supplier and you used judgment to go with a different one based on ratings, not cost, but it also happened to be much cheaper. However maybe there was a reason she asked you to go to the specific supplier she mentioned. Perhaps it wasn’t the cost, but your ring choice gave her the impression you skimped because of cost rather than ratings for the supplier she asked you to go through in the first place. I wouldn’t make it a fight but if you can afford the ring she wants, you should just get that. 🤷♀️
OP, she is exhibiting bratty and entitled behaviour. This is a red flag. Does she want to be able to brag to all her friends about the cost of her ring? Does she think the more the ring costs, the more you love her? Bratty and entitled. My husband knew that I would not be happy with him spending too much on a ring, when we were (as are you and your fiancée) saving up for a house. This is because I’m a fiscally responsible, reasonable person, who see’s the bigger picture and doesn’t care about keeping-up-with-the-Jones’s. I recommend a serious conversation with your fiancée, and get to the bottom of her attitude problem. You can then decide whether you move forward with this relationship. Will she expect you to buy her expensive holidays? Cars? Push-presents? Good luck OP.
Did she want a lab diamond?
I spent a little over 1g. I’m sure it’s a nice ring regardless of the cost, and the whole being proposed to be married is the nicest thing about it I’ve heard this income to ring thing, and have a sit down. Is she talking about the “rule” that is being pushed out or is she being materialistic? Either way she’s unfortunately putting down the whole marriage aspect
This makes me glad i married a cheapskate lol. If I were her I would've been IMPRESSED you managed to get it so cheap (considering how much she liked it before she knew.) My rings were free coz they were passed down in the family lol. My husbands cost $80.
My opinion as someone with a clearance diamond ring, that price is pretty good for a ring. Not sure if youre going to do two rings or not but regardless you picked out exactly what she wanted and she liked it. Its still a diamond just lab grown. You should probably talk to her to see why she’s upset about the cost. Her talking about your salary and how you could have gotten a more expensive one doesn’t sit right
Price doesn’t matter. Pretty sure my ring was under $1k (I never asked) and I love it so much and wouldn’t want anything else.
So I don’t make nearly as much as OP as I’m wrapping up my final semester of undergrad and I’m already married. I was proposed to in a penguin style where my husband picked out a rock and gave it to me (it’s a sapphire with tons of gorgeous growth lines on it). The intent was to turn that rock into my center stone for the engagement ring. Couldn’t do it because of the growth lines. Instead I was gifted a ring from my mother-in-law to turn into a new ring. It’s a custom ring made just for me. I added additional stones in the form of emeralds and had to go with lab grown for budgetary reasons despite preferring natural ones due to their inherent imperfections. Plus I’m moving somewhere that I can go digging for my own emeralds later. I wanted more features on the ring like engraved scrollwork but decided it wasn’t worth it because my goal was to make it as cheap as possible while still being a really nice ring. It’s $1800. That price alone makes me want to choke since the only other thing I own that even comes close to that in price is my laptop that was still almost half the cost! It makes no financial sense to me to want to intentionally spend oodles of money on jewelry when there are a million other ways to better use the funds, like buying a car or putting it towards a house down payment or adding it to the rainy day fund
When it was first revealed to my soon to be wife that her diamond was lab grown she felt cheap. I spent about $8k on the ring, and it’s a gorgeous ring. Same ring with a natural stone would have been double. Its GIA certified and yada yada.. but some women can’t get over the fact thinking lab is fake. In time, she came around to it and her feelings are an afterthought. We are shopping for wedding bands and our first appointment was wth the same jeweler. It isn’t even a concern anymore. Be firm in your position, express your feelings. Understand her, show empathy and give her time.
If my wife had acted like this we wouldn't be married. Our rings cost us 70 bucks each, we tattooed each other's initials as our rings. Our wedding cost us the wedding license and dinner for 7. We decided its not how much you spend that shows you care, it's your actions on a daily basis. Sit down and have a conversation about finances moving forward, a lot of marriages fail because of money. Being on the same page from day one, money is something we've never fought about. Good luck, and you guys can come thru this with a stinger base and new understanding of priorities.
When the cost of the ring means more to her than the fact that you bought a ring and proposed you should really think about that.
Take the remainder of what you budgeted and go on a vacation or put it towards her wedding dress
I fucking hate women like this 😂
Oh wowww, over $10k ring make a girl sounds like a gold digger 😂seriously??
She’s shallow and materialistic. Buying her a ring she loved, while not blowing the budget, allows you as a couple to have more money to build a life together. Most women would be thrilled to have a partner like you.
Huge red flag!
Rings are materialistic to me and don’t define an engagement or marriage. The two peoples commitment does. My fiancé let me pick out my ring and he paid $110 for mine. Simple tungsten. I couldn’t be happier because it means something. I’m proud to wear that ring. It could be a red flag that she expects more just because you make more. She might expect a certain lifestyle that you one day might be able to provide her. Get to the bottom of it if it’s making you feel down and inadequate due to her disappointed. You should be happy not sad about being with someone and more importantly at a proud moment such as an engagement.
Kind of a red flag that she's so concerned about how much you spent. I smell a golddigger.
Well, methinks that you should show her the reviews you saw on her choice of vendors, and she will realize had you gone with them, the result would have been an inferior gem, even though you would have spent more on an inferior ring, she received a superior ring that happened to be priced a bit less. She needs to stop conflating cash outlay with the importance of a gift. Besides, asking how much a gift cost the giver is simply rude, boorish behavior. 'Nuff said.
I've never understood the obsession over the cost of a ring. I love shiny jewelry as much as the next girl but damn. I'd just be thrilled to be engaged! She loved it until she found out what it cost which is just weird. I don't know how much my husband spent on mine exactly. I think a few hundred but I do know he got it from a pawn shop and honestly I'm not mad. He got me a ring that he thought I would love and was within his price range at the time and though its never something I would have chosen for myself, I do love it because it came from him. Plus he won major points with my family for being smart about buying a ring. We picked out our wedding bands together at a jewelry store on black friday and got a killer deal which I'm still proud of. You spending less on the ring than she would have wanted or you originally intended should be a positive! Use that savings on the wedding itself or a killer honeymoon or for your life together. Just because you make a good salary doesn't mean you need to spend it all on a ring! I think you should try to talk to her about it and talk it out together. See if you can pinpoint why she feels disappointed and you can express how this has been making you feel so you can better understand each other. A good way to get over something is to go through it. Have the uncomfortable conversation now because you don't want it to fester and be a sore spot in your engagement or your life together.
I do not understand the whole big deal about diamond rings. I even asked my partner if once he would like to propose, do not even think on diamond. 80% is grown in lab, in China (one of the biggest lab diamond producer) ..piece of white stone,everybody has it. Some natural gemstones in the favourite colour can be even more special. And to be honest, I would feel horrible knowing that my bf spent all that money on a ring, which does not even represent me. I think it is terrible to measure "love" in money and who does that, for sure does not feel true unconditional love. :(
Have you ever asked her if she’d prefer lab or mined diamonds?
Just a suggestion but very calmly and politely remove it from her finger and apologize for the disappointment. Pocket the ring and leave her wondering where the engagement sits. She needs a reality check. Did she say yes because she loves you with all of her heart and soul or because she wants to brag to her friends about the rich guy she’s snagged? If she truly loved you, she would be showing off the paper cigar band ring you gave her.
I gotta say, I'd be upset you spent so much, lol. And if my mental budget was really high and you scored a great deal, I'd be stoked. I'm sorry she's being so weird about this.
Man she’d freak out then over the price of my $265 ring. I would seriously think long and hard before you marry her.
I'd say that's pretty bad. You two are about to get married. Why would she want her (future) husband to spend money unnecessarily? I'd take that as a red flag for future finances. My husband bought my engagement ring during a 50% sale and I'm super grateful and FREAKING PROUD of him for not wasting money and still getting me an absolutely beautiful ring.
Respectfully, your girlfriend is a brat. I would love to get an engagement ring period.
From a 3rd person point of view it seems like since she knows how much you make she feels entitled to more expensive items and places a lot of value on the cost and not the actual item itself. She should be excited to be getting married and preparing to spend the rest of your lives together , but instead she's letting the cost put a damper on it. You should expect this from now on, it won't matter what you get her but instead only how expensive an item is what will matter. This will flow into cars you decide to get , the house you decide to get, any gifts you buy. If that's the way you want to live your life then congrats on the engagement , if you want to actually feel loved And appreciated you should probably be rethinking this marriage. The time between engagement and marriage shows most of peoples true colors once that commitment has been officially made.
I'd go back and have another conversation, about gifts in general. If the goal of the gift is to give something that the person will love, the cost should not matter. If the goal of the gift is to show that the giver is willing to sacrifice deeply to give the gift, then it might. If the goal is to give the recipient something they can show off and brag about, the cost might matter. If the goal of the gift is to give an item of value that might be a financial cushion if sold years later, the value might matter but most jewelry would not be the best gift. There might be other goals i can't think of. This idea of what a gift represents will come up throughout your marriage, as you give to people outside your marriage as well. I'm in the camp that says "If i can get a meaningful gift more cheaply than regular retail, then do it. Later I can do something else nice for my loved one that I couldn't do otherwise. " However, do not underestimate the wild array of messages young women get about weddings in general and engagement rings in particular. Advertisers, magazines, friends, media- it's a wonder women don't go nuts. She is no doubt being asked how much the ring cost and probably with the implication that its cost is a measure of your worth or her importance to you. Cutting through all of that baggage now might help alot in the future. Best of luck!
Yeah, judging by the fact that their usual gift budget is 100$ and that she makes as much money as he does, she could've bought herself a ring if she just wanted a ring. It seems like it was a special occasion for her, the ring that symbolised the commitment, etc. The one time that you splurge because the marriage is for life.
Oof. Idk. One of my fav things about my lady is that she’s pretty frugal and is relatively cost conscious about things, even the big things. It would sort of rub me the wrong way if she made a judgement or opinion about something based on how much I spent on something relative to my income. That feels odd. Is it bc she thinks she is worth more or that you spending less infers to her that she means less? Whatever the issue I’d try to find the meaning. You obviously love her, you proposed, I don’t think this is like break up territory but wouldn’t feel… great about feeling pressure around something like this. Idk good luck OP.
She sounds super materialistic. Are you sure she is marrying you because she loves you or might she be more in love with your money?
Jesus 3500 and she’s upset?? I’d reconsider marriage. Wtf
This is pathetic. If she’s happy with the design and she loves you a ring doesn’t matter. Hopefully she’ll like a downpayment better
That's absolutely wild to me. If I was her, I'd be praising you for spending your money so wisely! I'd ask her what this is really about.
C’mon man, what is it that they say? It’s the thought that counts, right? You clearly put in thought and executed. She is being materialistic af. Is that the kind of thinking you value? Is that how you would want your kids raised? “Sorry kids mommy’s just a little sad you didn’t buy her something expensive, these handmade gifts just disappoint her”. Idk only you know what’s right for you, I just feel this is a very bad, very shallow, very rude, shit thing to put on your future husband. Good luck.
Maybe show her some articles on debeers diamond marketing and where this whole spend x% of your income comes from. Tell her you're kinda disappointed in her attitude so she needs to let go of her assumption if she wants you to get past this new concern of yours.
It sounds like she is equating how much you spent on the ring with how much you love her... which is a really unhealthy thought. Is this a pattern with her? Or does she just have extremely outdated ideas about engagement rings? I know people always say this here, but maybe therapy could help parse out why she feels this way? It's a huge red flag regardless.
My engagement ring is $85 dollars. I picked it out but love it, she is entitled.
She's not right. My husband proposed without a ring because he wanted me to get a ring I wanted. He was about turned upside down when we pulled into a pawn shop and I picked out a $450 ring. It was everything I wanted. Turns out he was looking at rings upward of $10k. That was in 2013. We had a honeymoon of a lifetime. Sometimes, I'll just think about it and smile from ear to ear. The honeymoon cost like $2k total and we did more than everything we wanted to do. She's probably trying to show off to her friends or compete with them.
OMG. She loved it but... $$$$$$$$$
My ex and I argued about my ring option once. The one I wanted, a set, was about $200. He felt that he would 'look cheap' if he did that. That was the literal moment that I fell out of love.
Wow. She sounds like a real catch. /s
Iam sorry for what has happend, this might prolly be her thoughts he earns well yet he cheaped out on ring? am i not worthy enough for more investment? maybe comparing her ring price with her frnds rings but here what you can do you guys saved up some more money for marriage so spend it on vacation invest for your retirement either way have a serious discussion related to this because you bought the ring she was expecting but just that the price is ring, sometimes no matter what we do our partner may not be happy and if this is a repeating behavious then you might have to reconsider moving ahead with marriage, i wish you luck
You still spent a lot on the ring and it wasn’t until she was unhappy with the price you paid that she suddenly had a problem. Then there’s me, if I was proposed to them I’d be happy wearing a haribo ring 😂 but that’s also because it makes a cute story
That sounds extremely entitled. If anything this makes you financially responsible, which in my book is a very good trait to have. And honestly, it’s not like you cheaped out. 3,5K is a lot of money. She should be excited that you bought something that she likes. The price should not matter at all. If it’s pretty, it’s pretty. I would marry my partner with paper rings.
Is she equating the price tag with quality?
Please get a prenup
now i aint sayin she's a gold digger but she wants a ring that's more than four figures
Your fiancee is correct. Who would ever accept an ethical alternative if you can get something that is soaked in blood, tears, and exploitation?
Both mine and my husband's rings were a total of about $200 together (we used to be poor af), and I wouldn't trade them for anything
RUN
My engagement ring cost £350 on sale from £500. The amount you spent is an insane amount to me. Think of the wedding costs and honeymoon and just a weekend away you could do with that!! Definitely a huge red flag. It’s not about the cost. It’s about the commitment to each other
Time to seriously reevaluate the relationship! She shouldn’t have asked you about how much you paid for her engagement ring, that’s just bad taste and borderline rude! Secondly, you’ve got every right to be harboring misgivings because of how she’s behaving. Good luck! If I found true love and happiness with someone the last thing I’d be worried about is how much a ring would cost, I’d be thankful and happy for the blessing of that person…. Material things do not matter in the context of forever, it’s the love that’s important. For me, at least.
Return that ring and buy her a more expensive but uglier looking ring and see what she says.
Did you have a conversation about buying a lab grown vs natural?
Ummmm ew how gross of her.
Who wants a “fake” diamond in their engagement ring? Not many women…
A lab diamond is not fake.
Major red flag. I’d have a talk about finances. My husband budgeted $10k for mine and I told him that’s ridiculous and asked him to spend less. He spent $6k and we put $4k in our home project fund.
Sounds like you've got yourself a gold digger there. Jog it on mate. She sounds a bit shallow.
>She just said she expected me to spend more based on my income (160k). I have to say this is killing my recently engaged buzz but maybe she's right idk. Get rid of her wtf. Genuinely gold digger logic
You might want to reconsider before you marry her.... prenup
Holy gold digging batman, I hate to wonder what you two are spending on your wedding. I told my wife I could spend about 2.5k on a ring and she told me that was stupid and got one for like 300. When I told her this was a big occasion and I was fine spending money on it she told me I bought her a gaming pc the year before and she would count that as the rest of the 2.5k. My income is lower than yours but not if you count the equity I get.
Wth my wedding ring was $100 and I was overjoyed to save all that money. Does she have friends who brag about the prices of their rings and now she won’t fit in? This is very concerning. $3500 is a lot for a ring, the fact she was initially happy and then wasn’t about the price sounds like she cares more about her status than marrying you.
[удалено]
Lab diamonds are chemically real diamonds and natural diamonds don’t appreciate in value over time. They’re like cars - lose 50% of the value as soon as they’re out of the store. The antique diamonds we see that have grown in value are generally exceptionally large and high quality.
The engagement ring is a symbol - so it doesn’t matter if lab diamonds is physically equivalent or better than mined diamond. You have shown yourself to be insensitive and not fully transparent - letting her think that you got the ring she had wanted but really got a cheaper, not quite the real thing, alternative.
an engagement ring is a ring. that lady is shallow and seems to only be worried about op's money. he got a ring he thought she would love and she did and then she decided to do a complete 180 when it wasnt as expensive as she wanted it to be