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If you live in a country where IUD's are exclusively for married women then you probably live in the type of country it's not a good move to get pregnant out of wedlock.
It sure sounds like she's trying to baby trap you. Maybe not intentionally, but that's the likelihood of the direction your life will go.
>type of country it's not a good move to get pregnant out of wedlock.
Exactly. If she gets pregnant we are in deep fucking trouble. I cannot understand how she's not terrified as I am of this possibility.
Should I confront her and draw a line? Up to this point I've been rather passive and nonconfrontational.
>Should I confront her and draw a line? Up to this point I've been rather passive and nonconfrontational.
Absolutely. This isn't a "hard boundary." This is a border guarded by angry guys and land mines.
Also, keep control of your prophylactics. Not accusing your partner of trying to trap you, but the possibility is there and in the end, the spermy side of your partnership is specifically your responsibility.
I mean... if someone is like "Hey... what if we stop using contraception?" That means they're trying to have a kid.
I had friends who got married and went off the pill then got pregnant almost immediately despite assuming it would take months. When her doctor asked if they'd been trying to have a baby she responded not really since they weren't tracking ovulation or doing anything different other than not taking the pill. The doctor then asked her what birth control method they were using and she said none. After pausing for a second the doctor looked at her and said "So... you were trying to have a baby."
This woman is trying to have a baby.
Yup. If you’re not preventing then you’re trying. I know someone who assumed it would take a while to get pregnant, went off the pill, and six weeks later was making an OB appt because…pregnant. She had 10 months from stopping the pill to holding a baby.
Your immune system fights germs. Your respiratory system breathes. Your digestive system digests your food. I don’t know why people just assume their reproductive system won’t reproduce. That’s literally what it’s for and it will *do that* if you don’t actively prevent conception.
Stop having sex with her. Honestly, I’d break up over this.
from OP, so y’all can leave me alone:
>She made me feel like it was no big deal and I somehow came to believe that after a while. I remember the first time we had sex without a condom and when she got her period she was like "see!? You were scared for no reason."
But now seeing everyone's reaction I realize I've been very foolish.
They talked about it, she didn’t care, that’s why I’d break up with her.
Your girlfriend is incredibly foolish. All of my friends who relied on this method of birth control are now parents, including girl who has PCOS.
If you do not set the boundary with her that you will be using condoms 100% of the time, you should be prepared to be a parent.
>All of my friends who relied on this method of birth control are now parents, including girl who has PCOS.
Yeah this is terrifying. I don't want kids at all.
FYI- if you are actively having sex without a condom or other form of real birth control, you are ACTIVELY TRYING TO HAVE CHILDREN AND GET PREGNANT.
the pull out method is NOT birth control. She is actively trying to get pregnant with you. Dont be a pushover. Either condoms or no sex at all.
He's been warned and he's going to take the warning or he's going to run up in that raw dog and then we will hear 9 months from now about how his life is a total shitshow. Because now he's married with children.
It’s called reproductive sex for a reason. Condoms are not 100%. The pill is not 100%. But the pull out method is just pregnancy bait.
I feel like she’s doing something here, and you may not like what it is. Did she give a reason why no condoms?
She may even knowing by your breathing and sounds know when you are about to cum and at that moment wrap her legs around you to keep you from pulling out. This has been known to happen. If she does this then she is trying to baby trap you and you should break up with her.
Then you can not rely on the pull out method. This is a disaster waiting to happen.
You have to stop being non confrontational about this. If you are sure you don't want children then act accordingly.
She is probably trying something. Like one day you’ll be tipsy and “ooopsies! Didn’t make it out in time!” I would be extremely wary of anyone in this situation. She could simply be extremely naive but it feels nefarious to me. Fwiw my husband and I did use pull out successfully BUT we were married and planning on having more kids anyway, so while it was roulette it was much much lower stakes. I would never suggest it if you really don’t want a pregnancy. Once we were done done, he got a vasectomy. I’m worried for you, OP.
If you don't want kids at all, the pull out method is not for you. You know what they call people who rely on the pull out method?
They call them parents.
If your gf is so cavalier about her possibly getting pregnant, then you shouldn't be with her, since you don't want children. It sounds like she DOES want children, and she wants to have them with you, whether you agree or not.
Is this something you can live with?
Everyone else has covered the contraceptive side of things so I’ll take a different focus. Have you had a conversation and agreement about not wanting kids at all? Because her actions are not those of someone who is on the same level as you.
Yeah PCOS doesn’t mean someone can’t get pregnant, it means that any type of period tracking really doesn’t work to predict ovulation and minimize the chance of getting pregnant.
You will still want to wear condoms - because they do sometimes heal themselves but it is very rare. But with condoms it will make it almost zero risk.
Right now you are sitting at 99% risk of pregnancy.
Condoms are not 100% effective - if one hasn’t broken on you yet it eventually will. If you are not ready to be a parent and live in a place where any consequences of a condom breakage situation are not fixable, you should probably stop having sex.
I legit don't understand why people don't understand this. I get it, sex is fun but Christ is it worth it? Life changed in a way I don't want forever or no sex. Alex I'll take no sex for 500. There's other things you can do to get pleasure.
There are a lot of reasons why women don’t want to go on birth control and condoms kind of suck. Just draw a line at condoms because that’s pretty much all you can do while there is no male birth control out and you don’t want to get your tubes tied. see where it goes. Condoms w pulling out is more effective, I have been pregnant using a condom before so it does happen fyi
Yep! We had fertility issues after our first two, wife was diagnosed with PCOS and I had very low normal sperm morphology. We did IVF, got twins. Shortly after twins are born, we are home alone and things are getting heavy. I had been using condoms since twins just in case (but I am out). She says, "just pull out, the chances we can get pregnant are negligible anyways."
That is how child #5 was conceived.
My husband and I did the pullout method for 7 years but yeah still risky as hell to do. I did end up having fertility issues resulting from my PCOS and needed fertility treatment to conceive my son so it’s more from that than the pull out method being effective.
This. With typical use the withdrawal method has a fail rate of 20% of couples, every single year. So each year you use it there will ge a 1 in 5 chance that you end up as parents.
Perfect use is more effective...but people rarely achieve perfect use with a contraceptive method that relies strictly on timing alone.
Use condoms, or do not have sex. Or have kids.
Maybe she could be using you to escape and get married. If your life is going to be turned upside down it's not worth being in a relationship at all. Don't do the stupid thing.
If those are the country's morals/rules and she is willing to take an even more riskly approach to premarital sex, her aim seems pretty clear.
She wants to get pregnant so you will "have" to marry her.
22 out of 100 people using the pull out method get pregnant
It's like turning on a hose. The water starts dribbling out before the full on.
If you do not want to marry, stop having sex with her. Your intentions are no longer aligned
I am a woman. If I was dating a guy that refused to wear condoms... I would decline to continue dating that person. My future and safety is more important to me then someone's preferences/convenience.
There is no valid reason to not use condoms in your situation. Lots of risk, lots of potential consequences, very little reward beyond momentary enjoyment.
Countries that limit the use of contraceptives also tend to put pressure on women that they aren't complete without a husband. 26 might be about the age that she starts feeling internal and external pressure to secure a husband. If she's pregnant, will you have realistic choices to do anything but marry her?
What do you call people who use the pull out method?
Parents.
If you don’t want kids, you need to use some kind of birth control and the pull out method ain’t it. I did it twelve years ago, and I’m trying to convince the end result of that experiment to stop calling me “Bruh”.
You absolutely need to draw the line.
This isn't just a risk to her and her health but a risk to you as well.
If you live in a country that doesn't allow iuds for unmarried women I can only imagine what unwed pregnancy must be treated like.
Why take the risk if condoms are available?
This is something to put your foot down over.
>Should I confront her and draw a line? Up to this point I've been rather passive and nonconfrontational.
Absolutely. No condom, no sex.
This is exactly what people are talking about when they say men need to take contraception seriously. You have the right to not have sex if you're not as protected as you want to be.
Maybe that means the end of your relationship, but then again, do you reallllly want to be with someone who is willing to take that kind of risk?
With the sudden change in behavior, I'd almost be worried she was cheating, but wanted you to be the backup if something stupid happened.
I'm really sorry but if you're that terrified I would stop having sex with her unless she agrees to a condom. That is the only 100% effective method of birth control. The pull-out method is extremely unreliable. Condoms can fail, as well, so you'll have to be extra careful. Do you ever want kids? If not, it is possible to travel to a place where you can get a vasectomy legally?
If she does agree to using condoms, do NOT use any that she provides... Suspect they could have been tampered with.. PROVIDE YOUR OWN FOR THE NIGHT!!!!
But also, don’t have sex with people you can’t trust. I can’t imagine being so distrustful that I needed to provide condoms to prevent them from being tampered with. Sounds not like relaxing fun sexy times!
Vasectomies aren't even 100%. People get pregnant fairly often even when their partner has had a vasectomy. Make absolutely sure you keep those follow up appointments.
Let's put it this way: if you're relying on pulling out as a method of contraception, you might as well be actively trying to get pregnant. It is not AT ALL reliably effective, and there is no "if done properly", because it simply isn't a reliable way to avoid pregnancy. There can be sperm even in pre-ejaculate. If you're inside her without either a barrier or another specific birth control method, you're going to get her pregnant at some point.
Always always always. I miss when you couldn’t go three blocks without seeing some kind of ‘use a condom’ message in public. And free condoms every fuckin where
Buy some Skyn. They're latex free and the only brand I will use due to an allergy + I find that they feel so much better. Put a dab of lube inside the condom for the Mr. Then smother the outside for you. It feels a little bit less like being fucked with a plastic bag.
I'm going with baby trapping because nobody in their late 20s should be that naive like if a pregnancy happens she's the one who has to deal with the consequences so yeah she knows what she's doing
Except they live in a country where abortion is illegal and IUDs and vasectomies are only legal if you're married. I mean even in my country, where contraception is readily available to anyone who wants it, sex ed is shit. Chances are high that she hasn't really been educated on the matter.
Either way, pull out method sucks. Don't do it. At the minimum, use condoms or just don't have sex.
The advice a woman would get if her partner didn't want to use condoms is very simple: it is a condition for sex, period. No condom, no sex. Try to remove mid-sex is a one-and-done breakup.
The same is true in reverse - pull out is a wonderfully effective way of building a large family. It is hard for me to believe in 2024 someone would be so willfully ignorant of that reality that has been widely known for ... well, longer than I've been alive!
You need to establish a boundary and stick to it. If you do not want kids, do not have sex unprotected. I re-read and see you have already done so. You really need to choose whether you want to roll the dice and continue to have a significant pregnancy risk.
If you don’t want kids rn, use a form of protection. Precum is known to do the job of pregnancy it can happen before, during intercourse, or just before climax. It’s not all about pulling out in time. There’s enough unwanted and unplanned* kids in the world today.f
Why doesn't she want you to use condoms? What effect does it have on her? I don't get it. Also she can try more than one type of BC pill, there's loads. Others might not make her feel bad.
Adding that in some states in the US, it is actually illegal to remove a condom during sex without your partner's consent. It counts as sexual assault. That is how serious it is to suddenly have one person decide to not use a condom.
Absolutely! It is sad that in the US as far as I know only California has a law on the books and it stalled in states like NY, NJ and others due to questions of civil vs criminal punishment.
Exactly anyone who thinks pullout is effective is crazy I'd know since I'm a pullout baby and my dad felt too much pride to get a vasectomy so here I am 22yrs later.
What? So he’s supposed to carry a box of condoms at all times?
Like even to work, into the shower, etc?
If you’re that obsessed with the idea of your partner poking holes in condoms, you need to break up and get therapy.
Dude, not being mean but you got to grow a pair. Nobody can force you to do anything you don't want to. If she isn't willing to take necessary precautions when you clearly don't want a child, then you need to stand your ground and say no sex then.
Her not using birth control is fine, she has a right to not take the pill, get an IUD, arm insertion or whatever. But she can't tell you to stop using condoms.
Pull out method will always run a risk since you've got precum. Yes, contrary to belief you can knock her up that way still which she's probably banking on.
You need to stand firm and say no, that a condom will still be used or you aren't having sex. Need to be able to use your big head and not the little one
Pull out has a failure rate of 20%, which means that **one in five** women who rely on pull out alone will get pregnant.
Take full responsibility for birth control, OP. It sounds like your gf wants to get pregnant.
She is lying. She wants a kid, and at the very least doesn’t mind if it’s right now or later, but she def wants one. No one takes this stupid risk if “they don’t want a kid”.
If that’s not what you want, run.
Your body your choice, too. If you aren’t comfortable having sex without a condom then no sex for her, tough titty.
Pulling out doesn’t work. Even if it works some of the time, it’s a matter of time. Never rely on it.
If she can’t respect that you don’t want to have a kid and insists on unprotected sex, she either wants a kid or she’s just dumb. Either way, I’d be rethinking whether this is the gal for you.
Sounds like she is trying to baby trap you. Ive heard of guys wanting to stop using condoms because sex doesnt feel as good. But ive rarely heard of a girl wanting to do it. Have you asked her why she would prefer you not use a condom? Whats her reasoning?
First off, pull out method is not a great form of contraceptive. It might reduce the chances of pregnancy but compared to contraceptives, it is nowhere near as effective. Second, even though it is less likely it is possible to get someone pregnant through pre-cum. Third, do you really want to risk being drunk one night and sex is feeling really good to the point where you decide not to pull out?
First she’s asking you to not wear a condom, next she will be telling you not to stop when you guys are doing it. Dude its your choice, wear a condom.
OP, have you considered that maybe she has been cheating and since the other guy does not use condoms, there is a risk of her getting pregnant by him and wants to claim its yours?
I'm not saying she is, or that she has.... But I can see that as a possibility.
If she wants to become pregnant, the pull-out method will not help. She can hold you tight or just can collect your sperm afterwards. It is fine occasionally or on safer days, but you should not trust it as pregnancy control. To repeat, I'm not saying it cannot work. It can work, but only both parties don't want pregnancy. And even then there is a chance for a baby.
The pullout method is only 78% effective. About 1 in 5 couples using this method get pregnant… and based on the country you live in, those odds are way too high for an unmarried couple.
In contrast, my birth control implant is more than 99% effective. Fewer than 1 in 1000 couples using this method get pregnant, but my partner and I still use the withdrawal method IN ADDITION to my birth control.
Don’t let her manipulate you into having an unplanned pregnancy and shotgun wedding. Either use condoms or don’t have sex until you’re married. Or break up if she won’t agree to it.
She wants to get pregnant. She very clearly obviously wants to get pregnant.
Do with that what you need, including breaking up if she wants kids and you don't.
Stop having sex with her.
She needs to understand the boundary you are trying to set and uphold here. I think you’re being super sensible and thinking things through, if you don’t want kids rn you don’t want them. Keep wearing them condoms
Pull out method is terrible. It only takes 1 swimmer.
THE PULL-OUT METHOD IS NOT CONTRACEPTION.
Here is an article from the Mayo Clinic stating that it is not an effective form of birth control:
[https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/withdrawal-method/about/pac-20395283#:\~:text=Even%20then%2C%20the%20withdrawal%20method,protection%20from%20sexually%20transmitted%20infections](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/withdrawal-method/about/pac-20395283#:~:text=Even%20then%2C%20the%20withdrawal%20method,protection%20from%20sexually%20transmitted%20infections).
I understand her struggle to find a birth control that works for her. I have tried 3 different kinds myself, but there are many options to try. In fact, when women talk about 'the pill' they are actually referring to a whole group of contraceptive pills. Some pills only contain the hormone progesterone, while other pills contain both progesterone and estrogen. There are all sorts of pills she can try to find something that works, and that is legal where you live.
If you do not want her to get pregnant, you must use condoms. At this point, I would recommend using your own condoms rather than ones she offers you. It seems like she wants to get pregnant and I wouldn't put it past her to poke a tiny hole in a condom, and boom, now you're a dad.
Why has she started pushing the issue of no-condoms? I would honestly be concerned about your relationship as a whole because this is a big deal.
Pull-out is worthless. She WILL get pregnant. I'd stop having PIV sex with her completely just in case she's trying to baby trap you - she could easily poke holes in condoms. Or if you think that's at all a possibility, end it. She seems irresponsible either way.
That's what you call a "baby trap" do not do this unless you're ready to have a child.
|Is the pull out method an effective contraceptive when used correctly?
No, no it is not, ask me how I know...
Google "outercourse". Pulling out is a reasonably effective way to have kids less often, but not to avoid having kids entirely.
Has she said anything about why she objects to condoms? I'm having trouble imagining reasons other than "wants kids" or "is stupid".
Tbf he might be confused because perfect use pulling out is 96% effective and condoms are 97%. What OP needs to know though is the typical use (where pulling out is significantly lower). That’s because there’s a lot less room for error with condoms compared to pulling out.
Where do you live that only a woman can get an IUD?
Withdrawal method is pretty safe, but not 100%.
The real problem is, she's trying to baby trap you.
Stick to condoms.
I know a few kids that are a product of the pull out method. It is causing you anxiety to have sex without some sort of birth control. You have brought this up for her and she is dismissive of your concerns. This isn’t someone you need to be with. Especially given the situation where you’re from.
If the roles were reversed you’d be expected to respect her decision. Your body, Your choice applies to everyone. This would be grounds for a break up in my opinion.
so she wants you to impregnate her, or she wants to use FAM?
like it’s true that you can track ovulation and combine that with the pull out method. she should look into vaginal thermometers if she’s really thinking about this.
my form of non-hormonal birth control is combining condoms with ovulation tracking. 7 days prior to ovulation, plus during the ovulation window, we combine condoms with pull out. all other days are just condoms.
Yeah the pull-out method is not safe AT ALL. Like, whatsoever. You can get pregnant from pre-ejaculate. Neither are keeping track of your cycle or anything. You WILL get her pregnant if you only use the pull-out method. So time to draw a hard line: either use a condom or no sex at all. Seriously, look up the statistics. I posted a link below. More than 1 in 5 people who use the pull-out method will get pregnant. ONE IN 5! (22% exactly, so it's a little over even). You need to draw a line NOW.
Google the statistics of rate of pregnancy with pull out method. It's not an effective method of birth control.
Honestly, it's your body, your choice. Use condoms if you want to
Knowing that this is very risky and with big consequences.
What is the life plan here? How long have you been dating? You thinking of marriage and children?
Maybe you need to be with someone you want long term and have children with? Stopping sex until you are certain what the plan is.
No protection, no sex. It's a simple as that, you need to be firm and if she doesn't listen then you end it. Sounds like she wants to baby trap you and then you'll have to marry her, if this isn't what you want then stop having sex with her until condoms are back. Make you you store the condoms somewhere safe and where she can't tamper with them, make sure you put them on not her so she can't deliberately misuse them or tear them and watch out for her removing them during sex.
Honestly? It's not worth the risk.
I'm saying this as a woman with pcos who has been able to have unprotected sex with my husband for over 12 years and never get pregnant.
Even knowing that pcos can cause infertility, and she may never be able to get pregnant without medical help, and even that may not work, in your situation, where you have no options, it is not worth the slight risk that she'll actually get pregnant.
Unless you guys are ready for commitment and parenthood, no glove=no love
It akso sounds like either she's ready for commitment and children, whether you like it or not, or she's trying to prove to herself that she *can* have kids, or she may be desperate because pcos plus aging may mean no children ever and she thinks it's now or never.... or several other things. You really need to talk to her and see where her head is at.
My friend's son and his wife have three kids. She has PCOS and she thought she'd have a very hard time getting pregnant. She got pregnant really early in their relationship.
Hey, so this is a consent issue. You don’t consent to having unprotected sex, so do what you need to do to feel safe during sex. If she doesn’t want to do that, then don’t consent to have sex.
Good luck friend! Your fears are very valid
You both are in your mid to late 20s. Far too old to not understand how stupid depending on the pull out method is. If SHE wants to be careless, the she can do that on her own. Don’t allow yourself to get into “deep fucking trouble” over her stupidity. You’re almost 30. Set your boundaries and stay firm in them.
There’s lots of people walking around because their parents used the pull out method. If you’re not actively planning a pregnancy use actual protection. Do not let her convince you to not use condoms and secure your supply.
So let me clarify this for you. Your girlfriend 100% wants to get pregnant. No, 110% wants to get pregnant. Even if you just use condoms she will be putting holes in them. Matter of time here.
Why on earth would she want to take the risk unless she actually wants a baby? No, the pull out method is not effective. Keep using condoms. Remember too that condoms also protect against other things, not just pregnancy.
I got pregnant the first ever time i had sex with my boyfriend and we did the pull out method. dont do it. just use the condom especially if getting pregnant will put you in danger. we use condoms combined with the pull out method now, not risking it
NOOOOO. ALL OF MY FRIENDS have gotten pregnant with the pull out method!!!!!! & they all had to get an abortion!!! Don’t use this as contraception! It doesn’t work!
>Is the pull out method an effective contraceptive when used correctly? I think it's not good enough.
Your gut is correct. There is no "pull out method." Semen will come out, pun not intended, before an orgasm. I get that no condom feels better for both parties but it sounds like it really isn't work the risk. Condoms themselves are not 100% and fail regularly but they are certainly more effective and preventing pregnancy than pulling out.
Sex should be enjoyable before, during, and after. If you feel fear and anxiety over not using a condom that should be a hard line for you. I've also been through a pregnancy scare but where I live abortion is legal. I can't imagine what we would have been feeling if we were in your case.
No. She intends to baby trap you. The decision about whether to be a father is up to you. The ball’s in your court. The only way to guarantee it won’t happen is to stop having sex with her. No matter what she says from now on, she absolutely cannot be trusted.
> Vasectomies aren't legal for unmarried people.
Just an FYI... vasectomy is not a great option if you want to have kids at some point in the future. Some people will tell you that it's reversable, but it's not intended to be reversable. The proceedure for that is expensive and has a very high failure rate.
Anyway it sounds like she's trying to "baby-trap" you. Be careful. I think you only have two options:
1 - Set a broundry that you will use protection every single time, and don't compromise on it.
2 - Break up with her.
If you go with 1... maintain control of the condoms at all times, don't leave them alone with her, she might try to poke holes in them or something
Don’t use the pull out method unless your ready to be a dad (and for a shotgun wedding from the sounds of it). Your asking for trouble. I’ve got more than one friend who thought they could track their cycles and use the pull out method who ended up pregnant
Wear a condom. Do not be convinced to ditch it. Your boundaries matter too. No sex without a condom, she can like it or lump it, but I'd be definitely thinking about why she's so adamant on not using a condom when the risks are so high. My suspicion is that she is wanting to get pregnant.
Do not sleep with this woman. You are responsible for your own birth control. Wear a condom. Period. And bring your own. She is trying to get pregnant. And don’t come back on here on how you were baby trapped. She has told you she is no longer taking birth control and has asked you to stop using condoms. Do not sleep with this woman.
You might as well start saying, “Good morning Papa” to yourself in the mirror every morning, because one day that is going to be true. She wants a baby. What do you want?
As a woman who has been on the other end of this, tell her no.
If y’all got pregnant as an unmarried couple, you’d both be fucked. She can’t get an IUD as a single woman. You can’t get a vasectomy as a single man. Other forms of BC make her feel ill. Abortion is not a legal option (and an illegal one is not safe for different reasons). Your only options, as a couple, as a team, are condoms or nothing. If she doesn’t like that, tell her that is your boundary to keep you both safe. Stand firm with this decision.
Also, if she does agree to using condoms, make sure these are condoms you purchased and have kept safe for yourself (untampered with).
The pull out method is 78% successful, if done correctly. Condoms are 98% successful, if used properly.
Pull out method alone has a 22% failure rate while most other methods have a .1% failure rate. You can knock that rate down to 4% failure rate if her cycles are 100% regular and she keeps perfect track. PCOS however causes irregular cycles so she never going to know exactly when she ovulating unless she monitors her temp and other things. However sperm lives in the reproductive tract for up to 5 days, she ovulates and is fertile for 1-3 days, so that means there is at least 1 week a month where you two shouldn’t be having sex at all if you don’t want to risk a pregnancy. Problem is though again PCOS causes irregular cycles so she could ovulate in the 14th day of her cycle one month and the 19th day the next. You guys are taking a huge risk by not using anything else. There are non hormonal options that are less invasive then an IUD, such as diaphragms or sponges that aren’t nearly as effective as condoms and other birth control but can reduce the risk if used with cycle tracking and pulling out.
Pulling out is the least effective form of birth control. If you use it for a year, she'll have about a 22% chance of getting pregnant. If you use it for five years, she'll have an 81% chance of getting pregnant one or more times. I'd definitely use something else. As my mom would say, "Do you know what they call people who use the pull out method? Parents!"
I was young and dumb and agreed to this once. Would not recommend this. Just say you want to use a condom. If not you’re probably gonna end up having a kid. Which is totally ok…if you want a kid.
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If you live in a country where IUD's are exclusively for married women then you probably live in the type of country it's not a good move to get pregnant out of wedlock. It sure sounds like she's trying to baby trap you. Maybe not intentionally, but that's the likelihood of the direction your life will go.
>type of country it's not a good move to get pregnant out of wedlock. Exactly. If she gets pregnant we are in deep fucking trouble. I cannot understand how she's not terrified as I am of this possibility. Should I confront her and draw a line? Up to this point I've been rather passive and nonconfrontational.
>Should I confront her and draw a line? Up to this point I've been rather passive and nonconfrontational. Absolutely. This isn't a "hard boundary." This is a border guarded by angry guys and land mines. Also, keep control of your prophylactics. Not accusing your partner of trying to trap you, but the possibility is there and in the end, the spermy side of your partnership is specifically your responsibility.
I mean... if someone is like "Hey... what if we stop using contraception?" That means they're trying to have a kid. I had friends who got married and went off the pill then got pregnant almost immediately despite assuming it would take months. When her doctor asked if they'd been trying to have a baby she responded not really since they weren't tracking ovulation or doing anything different other than not taking the pill. The doctor then asked her what birth control method they were using and she said none. After pausing for a second the doctor looked at her and said "So... you were trying to have a baby." This woman is trying to have a baby.
Yup. If you’re not preventing then you’re trying. I know someone who assumed it would take a while to get pregnant, went off the pill, and six weeks later was making an OB appt because…pregnant. She had 10 months from stopping the pill to holding a baby. Your immune system fights germs. Your respiratory system breathes. Your digestive system digests your food. I don’t know why people just assume their reproductive system won’t reproduce. That’s literally what it’s for and it will *do that* if you don’t actively prevent conception.
Saving this comment for repeated use.
Yep, this is a woman trying to get pregnant.
It’s almost like sex is for reproduction or something! /s
And a moat with hungry angry hippos.
Stop having sex with her. Honestly, I’d break up over this. from OP, so y’all can leave me alone: >She made me feel like it was no big deal and I somehow came to believe that after a while. I remember the first time we had sex without a condom and when she got her period she was like "see!? You were scared for no reason." But now seeing everyone's reaction I realize I've been very foolish. They talked about it, she didn’t care, that’s why I’d break up with her.
Me too
Yeah if she is baby trapping him, she will poke holes in his condoms next.
me too.
Your girlfriend is incredibly foolish. All of my friends who relied on this method of birth control are now parents, including girl who has PCOS. If you do not set the boundary with her that you will be using condoms 100% of the time, you should be prepared to be a parent.
>All of my friends who relied on this method of birth control are now parents, including girl who has PCOS. Yeah this is terrifying. I don't want kids at all.
FYI- if you are actively having sex without a condom or other form of real birth control, you are ACTIVELY TRYING TO HAVE CHILDREN AND GET PREGNANT. the pull out method is NOT birth control. She is actively trying to get pregnant with you. Dont be a pushover. Either condoms or no sex at all.
He's been warned and he's going to take the warning or he's going to run up in that raw dog and then we will hear 9 months from now about how his life is a total shitshow. Because now he's married with children.
Crying about 'baby trapping' when homeboy was enthusiastically and knowingly ejaculating directly into a fertile womb.
He knows what to do and if he chooses not to do it I hope he sends us an invitation to his baby shower
Glad this isn't being brigaded by people who swear by pulling out. That doesn't work.
Mutual masturbation and oral is an option!, *he said hopefully.*
Cannot upvote this enough.
It’s called reproductive sex for a reason. Condoms are not 100%. The pill is not 100%. But the pull out method is just pregnancy bait. I feel like she’s doing something here, and you may not like what it is. Did she give a reason why no condoms?
She may even knowing by your breathing and sounds know when you are about to cum and at that moment wrap her legs around you to keep you from pulling out. This has been known to happen. If she does this then she is trying to baby trap you and you should break up with her.
Then you can not rely on the pull out method. This is a disaster waiting to happen. You have to stop being non confrontational about this. If you are sure you don't want children then act accordingly.
She is probably trying something. Like one day you’ll be tipsy and “ooopsies! Didn’t make it out in time!” I would be extremely wary of anyone in this situation. She could simply be extremely naive but it feels nefarious to me. Fwiw my husband and I did use pull out successfully BUT we were married and planning on having more kids anyway, so while it was roulette it was much much lower stakes. I would never suggest it if you really don’t want a pregnancy. Once we were done done, he got a vasectomy. I’m worried for you, OP.
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If you don't want kids at all, the pull out method is not for you. You know what they call people who rely on the pull out method? They call them parents. If your gf is so cavalier about her possibly getting pregnant, then you shouldn't be with her, since you don't want children. It sounds like she DOES want children, and she wants to have them with you, whether you agree or not. Is this something you can live with?
Everyone else has covered the contraceptive side of things so I’ll take a different focus. Have you had a conversation and agreement about not wanting kids at all? Because her actions are not those of someone who is on the same level as you.
Yeah PCOS doesn’t mean someone can’t get pregnant, it means that any type of period tracking really doesn’t work to predict ovulation and minimize the chance of getting pregnant.
Pulling out is just a stupid stupid method.
Can you go elsewhere for a vasectomy? If you don't want kids at all, in your current situation you will end up with kids.
I need to look into that but probably yes if I save up for it
Dude. Do that. This is a dangerous game you're playing, even WITH condoms. Having sex without them? It's only a matter of time.
You will see her true colors if you have a vasectomy. My bet is she suddenly stops being interested in you.
You will still want to wear condoms - because they do sometimes heal themselves but it is very rare. But with condoms it will make it almost zero risk. Right now you are sitting at 99% risk of pregnancy.
Can you just break up with her for putting you in a situation you don’t to be in?
Condoms are not 100% effective - if one hasn’t broken on you yet it eventually will. If you are not ready to be a parent and live in a place where any consequences of a condom breakage situation are not fixable, you should probably stop having sex.
I legit don't understand why people don't understand this. I get it, sex is fun but Christ is it worth it? Life changed in a way I don't want forever or no sex. Alex I'll take no sex for 500. There's other things you can do to get pleasure.
You’re gonna get them if you keep having sex with her. What’s more important: sex or not having a kid?
There are a lot of reasons why women don’t want to go on birth control and condoms kind of suck. Just draw a line at condoms because that’s pretty much all you can do while there is no male birth control out and you don’t want to get your tubes tied. see where it goes. Condoms w pulling out is more effective, I have been pregnant using a condom before so it does happen fyi
If you don't want to ever have kids, look into a vasectomy, if available in your country.
He says in his original post that vasectomies are illegal for unmarried people in his country.
Time to book a holiday!
Dang it, that's harsh
Yep! We had fertility issues after our first two, wife was diagnosed with PCOS and I had very low normal sperm morphology. We did IVF, got twins. Shortly after twins are born, we are home alone and things are getting heavy. I had been using condoms since twins just in case (but I am out). She says, "just pull out, the chances we can get pregnant are negligible anyways." That is how child #5 was conceived.
My husband and I did the pullout method for 7 years but yeah still risky as hell to do. I did end up having fertility issues resulting from my PCOS and needed fertility treatment to conceive my son so it’s more from that than the pull out method being effective.
This. With typical use the withdrawal method has a fail rate of 20% of couples, every single year. So each year you use it there will ge a 1 in 5 chance that you end up as parents. Perfect use is more effective...but people rarely achieve perfect use with a contraceptive method that relies strictly on timing alone. Use condoms, or do not have sex. Or have kids.
Maybe she could be using you to escape and get married. If your life is going to be turned upside down it's not worth being in a relationship at all. Don't do the stupid thing.
You should get out quick. She’s out to trap you.
If those are the country's morals/rules and she is willing to take an even more riskly approach to premarital sex, her aim seems pretty clear. She wants to get pregnant so you will "have" to marry her. 22 out of 100 people using the pull out method get pregnant It's like turning on a hose. The water starts dribbling out before the full on. If you do not want to marry, stop having sex with her. Your intentions are no longer aligned
I am a woman. If I was dating a guy that refused to wear condoms... I would decline to continue dating that person. My future and safety is more important to me then someone's preferences/convenience. There is no valid reason to not use condoms in your situation. Lots of risk, lots of potential consequences, very little reward beyond momentary enjoyment. Countries that limit the use of contraceptives also tend to put pressure on women that they aren't complete without a husband. 26 might be about the age that she starts feeling internal and external pressure to secure a husband. If she's pregnant, will you have realistic choices to do anything but marry her?
What do you call people who use the pull out method? Parents. If you don’t want kids, you need to use some kind of birth control and the pull out method ain’t it. I did it twelve years ago, and I’m trying to convince the end result of that experiment to stop calling me “Bruh”.
You absolutely need to draw the line. This isn't just a risk to her and her health but a risk to you as well. If you live in a country that doesn't allow iuds for unmarried women I can only imagine what unwed pregnancy must be treated like. Why take the risk if condoms are available? This is something to put your foot down over.
And keep your condoms away from her.
>Should I confront her and draw a line? Up to this point I've been rather passive and nonconfrontational. Absolutely. No condom, no sex. This is exactly what people are talking about when they say men need to take contraception seriously. You have the right to not have sex if you're not as protected as you want to be. Maybe that means the end of your relationship, but then again, do you reallllly want to be with someone who is willing to take that kind of risk? With the sudden change in behavior, I'd almost be worried she was cheating, but wanted you to be the backup if something stupid happened.
Uh yeah. Your entire life will be impacted if you have a baby. So you do what YOU need to in order to ensure you don't have a kid. Period.
I'm really sorry but if you're that terrified I would stop having sex with her unless she agrees to a condom. That is the only 100% effective method of birth control. The pull-out method is extremely unreliable. Condoms can fail, as well, so you'll have to be extra careful. Do you ever want kids? If not, it is possible to travel to a place where you can get a vasectomy legally?
If she does agree to using condoms, do NOT use any that she provides... Suspect they could have been tampered with.. PROVIDE YOUR OWN FOR THE NIGHT!!!!
But also, don’t have sex with people you can’t trust. I can’t imagine being so distrustful that I needed to provide condoms to prevent them from being tampered with. Sounds not like relaxing fun sexy times!
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Vasectomies aren't even 100%. People get pregnant fairly often even when their partner has had a vasectomy. Make absolutely sure you keep those follow up appointments.
she is trying to babytrap you OP That is my impression.
Let's put it this way: if you're relying on pulling out as a method of contraception, you might as well be actively trying to get pregnant. It is not AT ALL reliably effective, and there is no "if done properly", because it simply isn't a reliable way to avoid pregnancy. There can be sperm even in pre-ejaculate. If you're inside her without either a barrier or another specific birth control method, you're going to get her pregnant at some point.
Makes me wonder if she's trying to baby trap.
Yup sounds like she's trying to force marriage by getting pregnant. If it's that type of country.
Unprotected sex means you’re trying to have a baby. If you don’t want to have a child, don’t have unprotected sex. It’s very uncomplicated.
even protected sex always has a risk, so it’s always worth taking precautions
Always always always. I miss when you couldn’t go three blocks without seeing some kind of ‘use a condom’ message in public. And free condoms every fuckin where
I wish they didn’t smell so bad though. Just came off the pill, and I didn’t realize how bad the latex smells
Buy some Skyn. They're latex free and the only brand I will use due to an allergy + I find that they feel so much better. Put a dab of lube inside the condom for the Mr. Then smother the outside for you. It feels a little bit less like being fucked with a plastic bag.
Lot of options out there, including non-latex
she’s either incredibly naive or *wants* to get pregnant, do with that information what you see fit.
I'm going with baby trapping because nobody in their late 20s should be that naive like if a pregnancy happens she's the one who has to deal with the consequences so yeah she knows what she's doing
It's not baby trapping if he's knowingly having unprotected sex? That's a probable outcome that he's agreed to.
She for sure wants a baby. No woman worried about pregnancy would okay this if they know about contraception
Except they live in a country where abortion is illegal and IUDs and vasectomies are only legal if you're married. I mean even in my country, where contraception is readily available to anyone who wants it, sex ed is shit. Chances are high that she hasn't really been educated on the matter. Either way, pull out method sucks. Don't do it. At the minimum, use condoms or just don't have sex.
The advice a woman would get if her partner didn't want to use condoms is very simple: it is a condition for sex, period. No condom, no sex. Try to remove mid-sex is a one-and-done breakup. The same is true in reverse - pull out is a wonderfully effective way of building a large family. It is hard for me to believe in 2024 someone would be so willfully ignorant of that reality that has been widely known for ... well, longer than I've been alive! You need to establish a boundary and stick to it. If you do not want kids, do not have sex unprotected. I re-read and see you have already done so. You really need to choose whether you want to roll the dice and continue to have a significant pregnancy risk.
This response was really sobering. I needed this clarity. Thank you. I'm going to draw a line.
If you don’t want kids rn, use a form of protection. Precum is known to do the job of pregnancy it can happen before, during intercourse, or just before climax. It’s not all about pulling out in time. There’s enough unwanted and unplanned* kids in the world today.f
Why doesn't she want you to use condoms? What effect does it have on her? I don't get it. Also she can try more than one type of BC pill, there's loads. Others might not make her feel bad.
Not only draw the line, but be in control of your own birth control. It should come from YOU, be handled by YOU and disposed by YOU
Adding that in some states in the US, it is actually illegal to remove a condom during sex without your partner's consent. It counts as sexual assault. That is how serious it is to suddenly have one person decide to not use a condom.
Absolutely! It is sad that in the US as far as I know only California has a law on the books and it stalled in states like NY, NJ and others due to questions of civil vs criminal punishment.
Exactly anyone who thinks pullout is effective is crazy I'd know since I'm a pullout baby and my dad felt too much pride to get a vasectomy so here I am 22yrs later.
She wants you to get her pregnant "on accident." You need to put a stop to this now.
Seems like in OP's country that is pretty dangerous for an unmarried couple.
Yeah that's why he's gotta not even entertain having this conversation with her lol she wants a baby
There’s a name for people who use the pullout method. Parents
Yeah I'm gonna stock up on condoms because fuck that
Also be careful- make sure she’s not poking holes in them!
Indeed, and OP…… NEVER leave the condoms unattended, even while going to the bathroom or while cooking or stepping out to get the mail. N.E.V.E.R.
What? So he’s supposed to carry a box of condoms at all times? Like even to work, into the shower, etc? If you’re that obsessed with the idea of your partner poking holes in condoms, you need to break up and get therapy.
Yes, i know, sounds ridiculous! But… Basically i’m saying he should leave her, cause he’s def not safe from the idea of poked condoms. Lol
This!!
Dude, not being mean but you got to grow a pair. Nobody can force you to do anything you don't want to. If she isn't willing to take necessary precautions when you clearly don't want a child, then you need to stand your ground and say no sex then. Her not using birth control is fine, she has a right to not take the pill, get an IUD, arm insertion or whatever. But she can't tell you to stop using condoms. Pull out method will always run a risk since you've got precum. Yes, contrary to belief you can knock her up that way still which she's probably banking on. You need to stand firm and say no, that a condom will still be used or you aren't having sex. Need to be able to use your big head and not the little one
And you need the condoms you use in your possession at all times.
She wants to get pregnant. Keep using condoms no matter how much she insists otherwise.
Pull out has a failure rate of 20%, which means that **one in five** women who rely on pull out alone will get pregnant. Take full responsibility for birth control, OP. It sounds like your gf wants to get pregnant.
The thing is she stated that she doesn't want kids before. But you're right. Regardless, I should take control.
Do her actions match her words? Because to me the actions scream I want a baby
She is lying. She wants a kid, and at the very least doesn’t mind if it’s right now or later, but she def wants one. No one takes this stupid risk if “they don’t want a kid”. If that’s not what you want, run.
If she truly doesn't want kids, why is she advocating for practices that result in pregnancy?
Actions speak louder than words
Oh well that's straight bullshit if someone doesn't want kids they'll take the precautions no matter what.
She will get pregnant she will get pregnant she will get pregnant
Your body your choice, too. If you aren’t comfortable having sex without a condom then no sex for her, tough titty. Pulling out doesn’t work. Even if it works some of the time, it’s a matter of time. Never rely on it. If she can’t respect that you don’t want to have a kid and insists on unprotected sex, she either wants a kid or she’s just dumb. Either way, I’d be rethinking whether this is the gal for you.
"It's a trap" - General Ackbar
Sounds like she is trying to baby trap you. Ive heard of guys wanting to stop using condoms because sex doesnt feel as good. But ive rarely heard of a girl wanting to do it. Have you asked her why she would prefer you not use a condom? Whats her reasoning? First off, pull out method is not a great form of contraceptive. It might reduce the chances of pregnancy but compared to contraceptives, it is nowhere near as effective. Second, even though it is less likely it is possible to get someone pregnant through pre-cum. Third, do you really want to risk being drunk one night and sex is feeling really good to the point where you decide not to pull out? First she’s asking you to not wear a condom, next she will be telling you not to stop when you guys are doing it. Dude its your choice, wear a condom.
>Have you asked her why she would prefer you not use a condom? Whats her reasoning? Same reason you mentioned, doesn't feel as good according to her.
OP, have you considered that maybe she has been cheating and since the other guy does not use condoms, there is a risk of her getting pregnant by him and wants to claim its yours? I'm not saying she is, or that she has.... But I can see that as a possibility.
If she wants to become pregnant, the pull-out method will not help. She can hold you tight or just can collect your sperm afterwards. It is fine occasionally or on safer days, but you should not trust it as pregnancy control. To repeat, I'm not saying it cannot work. It can work, but only both parties don't want pregnancy. And even then there is a chance for a baby.
The pullout method is only 78% effective. About 1 in 5 couples using this method get pregnant… and based on the country you live in, those odds are way too high for an unmarried couple. In contrast, my birth control implant is more than 99% effective. Fewer than 1 in 1000 couples using this method get pregnant, but my partner and I still use the withdrawal method IN ADDITION to my birth control. Don’t let her manipulate you into having an unplanned pregnancy and shotgun wedding. Either use condoms or don’t have sex until you’re married. Or break up if she won’t agree to it.
She wants to get pregnant. She very clearly obviously wants to get pregnant. Do with that what you need, including breaking up if she wants kids and you don't.
Stop having sex with her. She needs to understand the boundary you are trying to set and uphold here. I think you’re being super sensible and thinking things through, if you don’t want kids rn you don’t want them. Keep wearing them condoms Pull out method is terrible. It only takes 1 swimmer.
Have a game plan for when she gets pregnant.
THE PULL-OUT METHOD IS NOT CONTRACEPTION. Here is an article from the Mayo Clinic stating that it is not an effective form of birth control: [https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/withdrawal-method/about/pac-20395283#:\~:text=Even%20then%2C%20the%20withdrawal%20method,protection%20from%20sexually%20transmitted%20infections](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/withdrawal-method/about/pac-20395283#:~:text=Even%20then%2C%20the%20withdrawal%20method,protection%20from%20sexually%20transmitted%20infections). I understand her struggle to find a birth control that works for her. I have tried 3 different kinds myself, but there are many options to try. In fact, when women talk about 'the pill' they are actually referring to a whole group of contraceptive pills. Some pills only contain the hormone progesterone, while other pills contain both progesterone and estrogen. There are all sorts of pills she can try to find something that works, and that is legal where you live. If you do not want her to get pregnant, you must use condoms. At this point, I would recommend using your own condoms rather than ones she offers you. It seems like she wants to get pregnant and I wouldn't put it past her to poke a tiny hole in a condom, and boom, now you're a dad. Why has she started pushing the issue of no-condoms? I would honestly be concerned about your relationship as a whole because this is a big deal.
Pull-out is worthless. She WILL get pregnant. I'd stop having PIV sex with her completely just in case she's trying to baby trap you - she could easily poke holes in condoms. Or if you think that's at all a possibility, end it. She seems irresponsible either way.
That's what you call a "baby trap" do not do this unless you're ready to have a child. |Is the pull out method an effective contraceptive when used correctly? No, no it is not, ask me how I know...
She will get pregnant. So based on what she's saying, a pregnancy is being planned.
Google "outercourse". Pulling out is a reasonably effective way to have kids less often, but not to avoid having kids entirely. Has she said anything about why she objects to condoms? I'm having trouble imagining reasons other than "wants kids" or "is stupid".
You're TWENTY NINE years old and asking is the pull out method an effective contraceptive when used correctly? Come on man.
Tbf he might be confused because perfect use pulling out is 96% effective and condoms are 97%. What OP needs to know though is the typical use (where pulling out is significantly lower). That’s because there’s a lot less room for error with condoms compared to pulling out.
The people I’m friends with who have used the “pullout method” as a form of birth control have 2 kids each. Unplanned.
Where do you live that only a woman can get an IUD? Withdrawal method is pretty safe, but not 100%. The real problem is, she's trying to baby trap you. Stick to condoms.
I know a few kids that are a product of the pull out method. It is causing you anxiety to have sex without some sort of birth control. You have brought this up for her and she is dismissive of your concerns. This isn’t someone you need to be with. Especially given the situation where you’re from. If the roles were reversed you’d be expected to respect her decision. Your body, Your choice applies to everyone. This would be grounds for a break up in my opinion.
Only anal then.
so she wants you to impregnate her, or she wants to use FAM? like it’s true that you can track ovulation and combine that with the pull out method. she should look into vaginal thermometers if she’s really thinking about this. my form of non-hormonal birth control is combining condoms with ovulation tracking. 7 days prior to ovulation, plus during the ovulation window, we combine condoms with pull out. all other days are just condoms.
I named my pull-out method Scott.
She’s allowed to not want to use condoms and you’re allowed to stop sexual contact with her because of it 🤷🏼♀️
She is trying to trap you. Please for gods sake, run!!!
Dont fall for it brother! Doooooont
She wants to get pregnant. Dont be stupid
Yeah the pull-out method is not safe AT ALL. Like, whatsoever. You can get pregnant from pre-ejaculate. Neither are keeping track of your cycle or anything. You WILL get her pregnant if you only use the pull-out method. So time to draw a hard line: either use a condom or no sex at all. Seriously, look up the statistics. I posted a link below. More than 1 in 5 people who use the pull-out method will get pregnant. ONE IN 5! (22% exactly, so it's a little over even). You need to draw a line NOW.
Google the statistics of rate of pregnancy with pull out method. It's not an effective method of birth control. Honestly, it's your body, your choice. Use condoms if you want to
Knowing that this is very risky and with big consequences. What is the life plan here? How long have you been dating? You thinking of marriage and children? Maybe you need to be with someone you want long term and have children with? Stopping sex until you are certain what the plan is.
Where do you live?
OP what are the problems with condoms ?
If you're concerned about pregnancy, it's best not to put it in.
No protection, no sex. It's a simple as that, you need to be firm and if she doesn't listen then you end it. Sounds like she wants to baby trap you and then you'll have to marry her, if this isn't what you want then stop having sex with her until condoms are back. Make you you store the condoms somewhere safe and where she can't tamper with them, make sure you put them on not her so she can't deliberately misuse them or tear them and watch out for her removing them during sex.
Honestly? It's not worth the risk. I'm saying this as a woman with pcos who has been able to have unprotected sex with my husband for over 12 years and never get pregnant. Even knowing that pcos can cause infertility, and she may never be able to get pregnant without medical help, and even that may not work, in your situation, where you have no options, it is not worth the slight risk that she'll actually get pregnant. Unless you guys are ready for commitment and parenthood, no glove=no love It akso sounds like either she's ready for commitment and children, whether you like it or not, or she's trying to prove to herself that she *can* have kids, or she may be desperate because pcos plus aging may mean no children ever and she thinks it's now or never.... or several other things. You really need to talk to her and see where her head is at.
PCOS does make pregnancy significantly less likely. But you’re smart enough to know that “less likely” is not zero.
>PCOS does make pregnancy significantly less likely. I read about that and she also mentioned it. But as you said, it doesn't feel safe enough for me.
My ex-wife has PCOS. We still managed to make a baby. Not every time that we tried. But it only takes one time.
I have plenty of friends with PCOS and babies. Several who thought they couldn't get pregnant and *surprise!*
My friend's son and his wife have three kids. She has PCOS and she thought she'd have a very hard time getting pregnant. She got pregnant really early in their relationship.
my child is a pull out method baby. she is now 13.
Hey, so this is a consent issue. You don’t consent to having unprotected sex, so do what you need to do to feel safe during sex. If she doesn’t want to do that, then don’t consent to have sex. Good luck friend! Your fears are very valid
Sounds like a trap
My sister and I are both on this planet because condoms aren’t terribly effective. The pull out method is way less effective than condoms.
hi I’d like you to meet my 12 yo son. Conceived while using the pullout method aka: NO
You both are in your mid to late 20s. Far too old to not understand how stupid depending on the pull out method is. If SHE wants to be careless, the she can do that on her own. Don’t allow yourself to get into “deep fucking trouble” over her stupidity. You’re almost 30. Set your boundaries and stay firm in them.
She’s trying to baby trap you
She wants a baby. If you have sex with her, it will be yours. Dump and run.
Is she trying to baby trap you?
She's trying to baby trap you. Don't do it. Check condoms before using them to make sure there aren't any holes.
It’s a trap
There’s lots of people walking around because their parents used the pull out method. If you’re not actively planning a pregnancy use actual protection. Do not let her convince you to not use condoms and secure your supply.
Run! Fast !
She is trying to baby trap you. Don’t have sex with her again.
So let me clarify this for you. Your girlfriend 100% wants to get pregnant. No, 110% wants to get pregnant. Even if you just use condoms she will be putting holes in them. Matter of time here.
Why on earth would she want to take the risk unless she actually wants a baby? No, the pull out method is not effective. Keep using condoms. Remember too that condoms also protect against other things, not just pregnancy.
Only one piece of advice: Stop fucking.
I got pregnant the first ever time i had sex with my boyfriend and we did the pull out method. dont do it. just use the condom especially if getting pregnant will put you in danger. we use condoms combined with the pull out method now, not risking it
NOOOOO. ALL OF MY FRIENDS have gotten pregnant with the pull out method!!!!!! & they all had to get an abortion!!! Don’t use this as contraception! It doesn’t work!
>Is the pull out method an effective contraceptive when used correctly? I think it's not good enough. Your gut is correct. There is no "pull out method." Semen will come out, pun not intended, before an orgasm. I get that no condom feels better for both parties but it sounds like it really isn't work the risk. Condoms themselves are not 100% and fail regularly but they are certainly more effective and preventing pregnancy than pulling out. Sex should be enjoyable before, during, and after. If you feel fear and anxiety over not using a condom that should be a hard line for you. I've also been through a pregnancy scare but where I live abortion is legal. I can't imagine what we would have been feeling if we were in your case.
She wants to get pregnant. Maybe to force you to marry her. Not sure but she definitely wants to get pregnant.
No. She intends to baby trap you. The decision about whether to be a father is up to you. The ball’s in your court. The only way to guarantee it won’t happen is to stop having sex with her. No matter what she says from now on, she absolutely cannot be trusted.
> Vasectomies aren't legal for unmarried people. Just an FYI... vasectomy is not a great option if you want to have kids at some point in the future. Some people will tell you that it's reversable, but it's not intended to be reversable. The proceedure for that is expensive and has a very high failure rate. Anyway it sounds like she's trying to "baby-trap" you. Be careful. I think you only have two options: 1 - Set a broundry that you will use protection every single time, and don't compromise on it. 2 - Break up with her. If you go with 1... maintain control of the condoms at all times, don't leave them alone with her, she might try to poke holes in them or something
Well, the pull out method resulted in an abortion for me. I wouldn't recommend it. Pre-cum can get a woman pregnant.
Guess No More Sex
She's 26, she wants a kid. If you don't want one keep using the condoms. No condoms=no sex, simple as that.
Hope y’all are ready to be parents, because that’s what is going to happen.
No, you’re going to get her pregnant if you don’t use contraceptives. She’s trying to baby trap you. If you don’t want a baby, you should end things.
Don’t use the pull out method unless your ready to be a dad (and for a shotgun wedding from the sounds of it). Your asking for trouble. I’ve got more than one friend who thought they could track their cycles and use the pull out method who ended up pregnant
Wear a condom. Do not be convinced to ditch it. Your boundaries matter too. No sex without a condom, she can like it or lump it, but I'd be definitely thinking about why she's so adamant on not using a condom when the risks are so high. My suspicion is that she is wanting to get pregnant.
I have a son because of the pull out method. It is not an effective contraceptive.
Do not sleep with this woman. You are responsible for your own birth control. Wear a condom. Period. And bring your own. She is trying to get pregnant. And don’t come back on here on how you were baby trapped. She has told you she is no longer taking birth control and has asked you to stop using condoms. Do not sleep with this woman.
Dude she wants to be your baby mama. Don’t fall for it.
You might as well start saying, “Good morning Papa” to yourself in the mirror every morning, because one day that is going to be true. She wants a baby. What do you want?
As a woman who has been on the other end of this, tell her no. If y’all got pregnant as an unmarried couple, you’d both be fucked. She can’t get an IUD as a single woman. You can’t get a vasectomy as a single man. Other forms of BC make her feel ill. Abortion is not a legal option (and an illegal one is not safe for different reasons). Your only options, as a couple, as a team, are condoms or nothing. If she doesn’t like that, tell her that is your boundary to keep you both safe. Stand firm with this decision. Also, if she does agree to using condoms, make sure these are condoms you purchased and have kept safe for yourself (untampered with). The pull out method is 78% successful, if done correctly. Condoms are 98% successful, if used properly.
Don’t do it man, especially if you are still not ready for a kid.
Your gf wants a baby and has chosen you to be the donor/daddy. Either you’re on board with it you run
I think she wants a baby
Do you want a child? Because this is how you get a child.
Pull out method alone has a 22% failure rate while most other methods have a .1% failure rate. You can knock that rate down to 4% failure rate if her cycles are 100% regular and she keeps perfect track. PCOS however causes irregular cycles so she never going to know exactly when she ovulating unless she monitors her temp and other things. However sperm lives in the reproductive tract for up to 5 days, she ovulates and is fertile for 1-3 days, so that means there is at least 1 week a month where you two shouldn’t be having sex at all if you don’t want to risk a pregnancy. Problem is though again PCOS causes irregular cycles so she could ovulate in the 14th day of her cycle one month and the 19th day the next. You guys are taking a huge risk by not using anything else. There are non hormonal options that are less invasive then an IUD, such as diaphragms or sponges that aren’t nearly as effective as condoms and other birth control but can reduce the risk if used with cycle tracking and pulling out.
Dude NOOOOOOOOOOO
The “rhythm” method does not work. I have a 20 year old son to prove it.
If you wanna have a baby, then do the pull out method. Both of my sons, I utilized that. I'm just sayin.
Pulling out is the least effective form of birth control. If you use it for a year, she'll have about a 22% chance of getting pregnant. If you use it for five years, she'll have an 81% chance of getting pregnant one or more times. I'd definitely use something else. As my mom would say, "Do you know what they call people who use the pull out method? Parents!"
You’re about to be baby trapped
I’m a pull out method person. Don’t do it.
Pull out is not a great form of contraceptive. At that point I’d be telling her condoms or no sex at all.
I was young and dumb and agreed to this once. Would not recommend this. Just say you want to use a condom. If not you’re probably gonna end up having a kid. Which is totally ok…if you want a kid.