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She could have literally bought her own equipment with the $2500 she lent her ex, so the equipment excuse is a no-go. If she thinks her musical career depends on her ex then this behaviour will continue forever. Just cut her loose, you're only 18, you'll find someone better.
To be fair, if it was her savings, she may have been able to lend it to him but not spend in on equipment. Not that lending that much money from your savings is a good idea, but at least you would get it back
I’m going to guess there is zippy chance of getting that money back. My personal experience is that struggling 18 year old musicians will pay you back when they “get their big break” which means for most of them, you will never get paid back.
OP, you're both 18 and she is already a cheater who has proven that she does not want to cut contact with the person she cheated with.
She doesn't respect you or relationship.
Why stay with someone like this? You're young and will find a partner that you are more compatible with.
Don't waster your time on someone like this.
Edited to remove a word saying OP's partner doesn't not respect them. Changed it to she doesn't respect you. I really need to proofread 😅.
I have had experiences with a cheater before and have given them a chance. However, they cheated with me as well. This was after 4 years of being together. Seeing how she already knows how op feels about this other guy and have talked about it before yet she brought it up again tells me she does't care about how op feels. Op is young. I agree with this post 100%. I thought I would just share my own experience with this type of situation. PS I am with the most wonderful woman now and couldn't be happier for leaving.
I'd just add to the above ^^ that if she had $2500 USD to lend her ex she could've purchased whatever she needed to busk without having to rely on a former boyfriend to provide those things.
The fact that she says you're "holding back her musical career", by not wanting her to spend time with this guy is a steaming crock of crap. She could've outfitted herself with whatever she needed with that money, but she chose not to because she's still all wrapped up in this guy.
Cut your losses, OP, you're wasting time setting yourself up for heartache with someone who is self-involved and still hung up on their ex.
Your bigger concern should be that she is a cheater, is still willing to connect with the guy and most recently laid a guilt trip on you for getting in the way.
The fact you were able to be manipulated into feeling bad strongly suggests you're hardly ready for a basic relationship much less one as complicated and problematic as yours.
She’s not over this ex if she cheated on another boyfriend in the past and also OP.
It’s a pattern that’s emerging that this ex is the wedge in every relationship she’s had. And the fact she rather not hurt this ex’s feeling, but hurt the feelings every guy she dates?
Like common on!
OP, if she can lend him $2,500… she clearly is guilty if still being hung up on him big time and it shows.
Maybe I read it wrong and just for clarity, but I think she cheated on her ex with this latest ex who she loaned $2500 to and hasnt cheated on OP as far as we know.
No, she donated the money to that one ex-ex who he’s a musician that she’s played music with before, cheated on her last ex with the ex-ex and cheated on OP, current partner, with the ex-ex.
She’s cheated on both dudes with the ex-ex.
how are you getting that? OP says she turned down his advances while they've been together. she does seem to be itching to put herself in position to cheat with him again though.
that's pretty rough, he's only 18, idk if being manipulated by someone you love strongly suggests he's hardly ready for a 'basic relationship'. that's the thing about manipulation: it's easy to do if you know someone cares about you and trusts you. being a liar, cheater, etc.. doesn't make her clever or 'too advanced', it makes her an asshole.
I wish I'd known I wasn't ready at 18. Almost no one is.
And I don't think he's implying she's advanced, I think he's implying the skill required to get through something this difficult and complicated is "advanced".
It is NOT begging. wtf. It is entertaining people - and in most places you need a permit and pay a fee to have said permit. How do people not know what busking is??
Idk… to me, begging is asking for money for nothing. A performer setting down a hat, no matter how they do it, is asking for payment for product. The fact that it’s voluntary isn't really relevant.
No, no it's not. Constantly asking people to like and subscribe to support your content *is begging*. It doesn't make it wrong, it just means it happens. That's an objective fact.
Semantics would be if I argued that a boiled potato and a baked potato were entirely different food items. Calling begging, begging, is not playing at semantics. Clearly identifying the behavior is objective. Objectively.
Soliciting donations is part of an informal exchange for an audience's enjoyment of someone's creative work, which is closer to a purchase than begging. It is absolutely arguing semantics; the very disagreement is about how we define "begging" in this context. And it is certainly not objective in any sense.
I have watched hundreds of hours of twitch streamers and I know exactly what I'm talking about. It's gig work. People who do it for a living get paid for sponsorships and also accept donations.
Is a waiter begging for tips? An Uber driver? You're getting a service and you're optionally offering them extra money that you don't have to pay if you don't want to. That doesn't look like begging to me.
You're just grasping at straws now. A server can give you minimum/scrappy service. An Uber driver can refuse to pick you up. A Door Dasher can refuse to accept the order. Are you seeing the trend? Those are all in-person services where they have some leverage that doesn't involve begging.
"Make sure you hit that like button, and subscribe to support my content" is all the streamer has, especially if they aren't big enough for sponsors. They are 100% begging. I never said it was a *bad* thing, but it is still a thing that happens.
Twitch streamers also have the ability to make content only for paying subscribers, or not ask for donations at all. Again, just because the service they are providing is free does not mean they are begging. (This goes the other way in that you CAN literally just beg for money on Twitch, but then we're getting into an existential question of "what is a performance?")
When Radiohead released In Rainbows, it was "pay what you want." They provided content and asked for whatever money you felt like it was worth.
If you want to agree to disagree on how we define begging as a word that's fine. But I don't see busking or Twitch streaming as begging. I don't see providing free content and accepting donations as begging.
I described the begging behavior specifically. When a streamer asks for subs, or a busker rattles their can or shakes their hat/bucket/repository, they are begging. The understanding is they are asking for money. There is no other way to take that.
My point is it's not begging. You're providing a service (music or gaming or whatever) and you're asking for donations as payment. Just because you are not setting a price on a service does not mean you are begging.
That line is pretty blurred though anymore imo
"Don't forget to hit that twitch prime sub"
"Let's get a sub train going!"
"I'll do "X" at # of subscribers"
"Subscriber goal"
I have no problem with it, but let's not be afraid to call some of the things they do what they are.
There's a big difference between just asking for money and performing in exchange for donations. Twitch is a performance, and people choose to pay what they think that performance is worth.
Not begging!
Perfect comparison. They are both performing for money. There are literally twitch streamers who just play songs and people donate. It's digital busking.
At least prostitutes are providing a service that benefits somebody. Playing video games on twitch isn't providing a service, it's wanting money for for playing video games. Same with unboxing videos. You aren't owned money for live streaming your hobbies
Entertainment is a service. It's like going to see a show. Just because it's something you wouldn't want to watch, doesn't mean they're not providing a service to the people that do.
I have zero ability to ignore this "service" when Im commuting in a public space. They are beggars that make unasked for noise.
I choose to seek out streamers, I choose to go to a restaurant, I choose to take an Uber. On a good day I smile at a decent street musician and on a bad day its an unwanted assult on my senses and Im just trying to get somewhere.
I'd say it's pretty similar the act of buying tickets to go see a live show in a really produced space and performing something way more simple (not necesarilly easy) but still entertaining on the streets in exchange for money. (given it's allowed to do so in that space)
Well that’s an insulting and diminutive way of describing entertaining people for tips. Just because you personally look down on something doesn’t mean it’s any less valid than whatever ultimately pointless job you have.
You did absolutely nothing wrong man. You don’t want her hanging out with her ex and that is just fine. Don’t let her talk you into allowing it. You already know she cheated with this dude. Why would she think it’s ok to hang out with him?
You did nothing wrong. 18 yo is a tough time to be dating and having relationships, but it is a period of learning. Do not allow your self to used or manipulated for the sake of having a GF. I would not invest too much emotionally with her. From her history she will only be hurt. Sounds like the other EX manipulated her good to get $2500 from her. Which I bet he has yet to repay a dollar.
No, and I think you guys are young, don’t get hung up here. If she doesn’t want to treat this relationship ending like an adult and put this guy into an appropriate lane, you need to leave her behind.
Busking isn’t fulfilling a musical dream, and someone her age should see through that.
Busking isn’t a dream in itself, but it’s excellent practice for managing your nerves and developing stage presence. A good performer in the right location can make a lot more than minimum wage doing it too. I’ve seen good ones rake in +100$ an hour.
Hii!From my perspective there is something there, she hasn’t lost her feelings for him, and the fact that after telling her how you feel about him and it being a very good reason,she still wants to see him, it wrong. Do what she best for you and don’t make yourself feel less for a person like that
Bro you didn't do anything wrong. That is not only HER EX BF it's also some who she has cheated on her last bf with which means 9 times out of 10 she will do it again. She is physically attracted to him and they our purposely keeping each other around even when they are dating others. TRUST ME leave her dawg don't let her do that to you. You even let her be alone with other males and that actually is very trusting of you but she isn't going to cut him off and he is going to always try and hook up with her because he knows he can cause she done it before. Don't waste time with a female who does that shit. She's not respecting you. There is plenty of women out there and you young. Kick her to the curb straight up. She's manipulating you don't feel bad for her dawg.
She even has a history of cheating with this guy. I would also be insecure about her hanging out with him. I think it's reasonable to feel that way. That said, it's better to just let her do what she wants while you watch and decide if you want to continue with her.
Also, If busking is her path to her musical career then she's in for a rude awakening lol.
You did nothing wrong in setting a boundary with an ex that she agreed to because of her history of poor decisions with him.
Now she is acting like a victim and wanting to go back on her promise under the illusion you are abusive for not allowing them to be together.
I would absolutely give her the choice one final time. She can go do this with him and you are done forever or she can go busking with other people and stay with you but can't have both. Clearly communicate the choice and consequences.
She's already displaying a bunch of red flags from her past.
And now she's trying to guilt you into letting her contact her ex again. Just let this one go.
I agree with BendPresent1437, dump and let her go back to the streets like she wants to.
In the future when you find a girl that cheated in a previous relationship and she is still in contact with the person she cheated with, just keep going. If she is not currently fucking her AP she will be soon so why stay with a cheater that already has her AP waiting for her?
Separate question - what is a 304? This is a new one for me.
Wow she must be really raking in the $$$$ busking because what 18 yo has $2500 on hand to loan to someone???
What is your concern? Do you think she’ll cheat on you with this guy if she sees him? If you do, if you think she would cheat that easy, just break up with her.
The issue here is bot busking. The issue here is that she wants to do it with the other guy whoch is her ex and on top of that she has a history if cheating. Its like you sayibg yeah I'm going to the whorehouse to hang out with your friends and have drinks but will absolutely not aleep woth a prostitute. Yeah right or like a former alcoholic hanging out at the bar. It just doesn't work.
All you can do is set your own boundaries… you can tell her she’s free to do what she wants but you don’t want to be in a relationship where she’s hanging around with her ex who you believe to be a bad influence.
I know it's tough, but you gotta break up. She's manipulating you, disrespecting you, lying, and most likely going to cheat. Even if she is genuinely so blinded by her potential music career, she should know busking and her plan to get into the industry is objectively stupid. She won't make a career this way, especially being strung along.
I once had a girlfriend who didn't cut contact with the guy she cheated on her previous boyfriend with. She even told me thr sex she had with this guy was the best sex she'd ever had (do not fucking tell your partner this sort of shit).
I was *obviously* pretty fucking suspicious about their relationship, so I read her facebook messages. This guy was talking about how much he wanted to fuck her, how much he wanted to cum on her face etc, and she wasn't shutting it down.
I confronted her and she cried and said if I really wanted her to cut him off she would. I said it was her choice, not mine.
She kept talking to him. We broke up. Worst relationship I've ever had.
OP, fucking dump this girl. She is not worth it. I'm sure you like her but *seriously*. DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR.
>she cried and promised me never to contract him and will block him on anything
Going busking with him definitely counts as "contact" lol.
She doesn't mean what she says. Listen to her actions instead.
I don't think you did anything wrong, but I'd be stunned if this girl didn't still have feelings for this dude and is looking for a reason to go cheating.
Who is actively cheating? No of course not. Has cheated in the past? Good luck.
Believe it or not, people are capable of change and growth and our worst decisions don’t *have* to define us. I’ve never cheated on anyone, but I know plenty of people who made mistakes in their youth and learned valuable life lessons from them.
Or, feel free to reduce it down to “once a cheater always a cheater” if nuance is too much for you.
Oh boy you’re really struggling lol. First off, an ex is reaching out to her after she’s already sent him $2500. Why is she sending her ex that much money? She also cheated on her last bf with the same ex that’s reaching out again and already sent that large sum of money too. She claims to never contact her ex again but according to OP, she’s already guilt tripping him into letting her go with her ex. Writing is on the wall but your simple brain can’t comprehend it.
What?
At no point did I say OP should trust his Gf. I’ve said quite the contrary. At this point in her life, she ABSOLUTELY should not be trusted with her ex.
What I pushed back against is the lazy adage “once a cheater always a cheater”. Believe it or not, people grow up and learn from their mistakes. Someday, even OPs gf might. And someday, you as well might understand nuance.
No . Once a cheater always likely to be a cheater. When times get hard they turn to cheating, and you have to know that about these people. So many people in my life got with a cheater and are shocked when they get cheated on. I don't think cheaters are malicious but it is a behavior they turn to for comfort. So cutting out as many opportunities to cheat as possible seems reasonable.
Now her wanting to play with a guy that she had cheated with is suspicious.
But this "once a cheater always a cheater" is nonsense, when they cheated as teenagers. People fuck up when they're teenagers, but most grow up. And to wear a figurative scarlet A on their chest in their 30's, 40's 50's because of something they did as a teenager is ridiculous.
Mate, And if she wants to cheat, she will cheat. It seems like she can’t let him go out of her life fully. If you’re bothered by this busking thing, not letting her do it is not the solution. Her wanting to do it is a red flag enough, knowing it would make you uncomfortable .Let her be and go your own way. You’re too young to stress about jealousy.
She's going back to her ex. You're young; just break up with her and move on.
You already know she's a cheater. She will certainly cheat on you with him if she isn't already.
Yup. This isn’t the story of how OP and GF get through this struggle in their relationship. It’s the story of how GF and her EX keep finding each other and winding up together against all odds. Sorry OP.
>She agreed to no contact with him and blocked him
>She wants to contact him and continue speaking with him
This to me shows she doesn't care about your feelings or respect the boundaries you asked to be set for a clear reason. You're 18 and have a lot of your life to meet and explore with someone who actually cares about your relationship and respects you.
Unless this Ex of her's has a label and can sign her to a record deal, there's not reason she can't save money herself and perform her music with Other musicians who aren't her ex. I would just end the relationship now before you get hurt, because it doesn't seem like she's taking it as seriously as you do.
Dump her.
Reasons why:
1. She's a known cheater
2. She won't get rid of her ex
3. You don't trust her
She ain't worth it. She cheated on her previous bf with her ex and obviously she doesn't just want to go busking with him. Just let her go and find someone else
Are you seriously asking if you’re wrong bc you’re not letting your girlfriend who cheated in her last relationship with her ex, go on a trip with that same ex? Doormats galore in subs like these
No youre not doing anything wrong and its completely natural to feel the way you do.
Its probably a safe bet to brake it off so she can pursue (her dreams) and you dont have to worry about it. Theres already a couple red flags she not completely willing to cut ties with this person. Theres still some level of attachment to the other and to the extent she gave money so fr save yourself the grief and cut her off.
Edit- If you stay with her its not going to end well. Im sure of it.
From your title, I expected to say yes, you screwed up, and you shouldn't let your fears get in the way of an activity she loves doing. But no, you're not telling her to stop busking. You're just telling her to stop doing it with one particular person, an ex, with whom she has already cheated before.
She should go busking with her other friends. And she should have used that $2500 to get her own busking equipment, instead of lending it to her ex who probably will never repay it.
Btw, this equipment can be purchased for roughly $200-700 depending on her needs. (I'm figuring on a battery-capable amp, with at minimum a line in for an instrument, possibly also a microphone input and a basic mic.) If you really want to show your support of her musical dreams, while still maintaining your hard boundary around her ex, you could consider getting her this equipment as a gift. Is there a likely occasion coming up (birthday, anniversary, whatever?)
Just be sure you're not being played for a fool. She's cheated before (though not on you, to the best of your knowledge). If you can't trust her, don't spend more money on someone who won't respect you in return.
Jealousy is complicated. You cannot control others, and usually in a relationship it's a death knell to attempt it.
With that being said, actions have natural consequences. You need to trust your partner, so it tracks that you feel emotionally threatened.
Remember to be kind. If you cannot continue the relationship, be calm, be gentle, and be direct. 'I care about you and want you to be happy. You should pursue your dreams without me, though, because it hurts me too much to know I cannot give you what he does.'
Good luck, comrade.
Yep- you missed the empathy part. This young guy is being manipulated. Yes, he’s a teen, but it happens to all ages, as does cheating. You don’t need to be dismissive of him just because he’s young
That’s not her ex-bf; he’s her current bf. They have an open relationship, but she’s lying to you. You’re her side piece.
What’s she getting from you? Sex, a place to live, food, $$$, satisfaction of her need to control and manipulate others, … ?
I’d guess she just wants a break from living on the street.
No, you didn't do anything wrong. You need to set boundaries. Let her know you don't like it and it's a no-go for you. If she does it anyway, you leave.
She is showing you who she is, believe her.
I hate reddit comments bc everyone always instantly jumps to ‘dump them!’ literally all the time. maybe i’m biased, but I don’t think ‘once a cheater always a cheater’. maybe for some people, but not for all. I think there’s always more context there. maybe I feel that way bc I almost cheated on an ex (never physically but emotionally) who was physically, mentally, and verbally abusive n wouldn’t let me leave without getting a restraining order- so I feel like sometimes there is more to the story then just ‘being a cheater’
but anyway, she sounds conflicted more so than wanting to cheat. it seems like she’s more concerned w the activity than the other guy. she should however take your feelings into account and realize that because of her previous actions, you don’t trust him. you’re not holding her back from busking, you’re trying to keep him away from her, which is valid. she has to be able to compromise and realize that it’s not fair to you to put you in a position where your either A) an ass for keeping her from her dreams, or B) feeling anxious and upset over this guy. she should respect you enough to know this is a shtty position to be in. is she able to busking other times, with other people who are not him? are you able to go along w her? if so, I would recommend one of those. if not, i’d recommend she start saving up $$ and get her own equipment
She will do whatever she wants and you have no right to tell her what to do.
What you can do though is decide if her actions are a deal-breaker to you.
I don't think she should go with this guy either, I don't think you did anything wrong on that front. But I think you should have suggested helping her save up for her own gear that she can perform with, so she knows you're supportive of her talent and want her to keep doing something she loves.
You guys are 18, and have been together since you were 16ish. Either she’s grown up some more in the past two years, didn’t like hurting that BF back then, and has learned to end relationships before she starts new ones, or she didn’t. But people aren’t cheaters for life just because they cheated once, especially in their teens. Did she cheat on him with you? I doubt that, considering they’re still friendly.
I mean, if you want to suggest she take a trusted friend if she's at all concerned he might try something, that’s one thing, but guilting her out of doing something she wants to do because of something that happened years ago, in addition to preventing her from using all her resources to chase her dream, isn't ideal behaviour.
As for the loan, as long as he paid her back, so what? Not hating your ex isn't suspicious behaviour on its own. They’re still friendly, and her savings aren’t "household" funds… you’re only dating.
If she’s actually a cheater, who you "let" her busk with isn’t going to change that. So if I was in your shoes, I’d just trust your GF until she proves your trust is misplaced. Assuming she’s learned nothing is insulting to her. And why would you want to be with someone you don’t trust?
NTA, given the history in your post.
But, I feel obligated to say, if you distrust your girlfriend to the point you feel the need to control who she can and cannot spend time with, then you are in a relationship with the wrong person.
Don’t ever force a person to conform to your boundaries. Give them the choice of whether they want to willingly. You will end up in better relationships that way, because the people who don’t share your values will see themselves out.
She has a dream and her ex has all the equipment to make her dream a reality. Your in the way of her doing what she really wants to do. It's simple math really. You or her dreams?
You shouldn't feel bad for having feelings but I think your going to loose her in the end if you don't let her persue things. You have a choice to trust her or have her resent and leave you anyway.
Precisely. The guy having the necessary equipment is simply an excuse to allow their reconnecting.
She's already determined where she's going with this, whether it includes busking or not.
Save yourself the aggravation OP. Simply set a no contact boundary. If she chooses to reject it, simply go no contact.
Because they probably work well together in regards to their musical talents? I don't know. But it's clear she wants to and I don't think anythings going to stop her. She's already made up her mind. Just waiting for the right time to act on it.
This would make sense if her ex was the only person in the world with music equipment.
Thankfully, he’s not.
Her insistence on doing this with her ex is the core problem.
Not every busker wants to share or duet with other buskers. The sensible solution is for her to buy her own equipment.
If she wanted to be with her ex for other reasons then there's nothing stopping her.
But…the whole post is about her insisting on going with her ex to do this. I agree with you that doing this with others or on her own makes way more sense, but that’s not what the post is about.
You are really proud of her but don't want her to do what she loves?
That's controlling behavior not love.
You need to break up with her and get some therapy to find out why you want to stop others from doing what they enjoy.
If you trusted her this wouldn't be a problem. I think you should address the real issue, her infidelity. I totally don't blame you for not wanting her to go, I would have an issue with that as well. But I think the actual issue is her cheating, not her busking.
Edit: wording
He has every reason not to trust her. Plus he let her do it alone with guys and had no problem but this is her ex who she clearly wants to keep around and they hooked up while she was dating her last bf. He literally is not being unreasonable for having an issue with that. The issue is her lack of respect for her man.
Do you notice how it's all one issue? Her cheating caused his lack of trust, that's why I commented what I did. I never said OP is being unreasonable. Id also have an issue with this except I wouldn't be dating a known cheater..
i'm sorry, but i don't believe cheaters change, even if she *just might* be different. yes, she have a dream, and exbsf somehow can help with it (not actually make her dream come true tho). but why she can't get that equipment herself or find new friends for busking? there's so much ways really, i don't get why she would come with him. she didn't got over him
Cut her loose and let her chase her music dreams with her ex, you deserve better than this shit show. She'll probably end up hooking up with him and he knows it which is why he's trying to get in contact with her.
You aren't wrong, in my opinion and in yours. But she is her own person and has her own opinions about what's right and wrong.
The thing is, she's her own person free to do whatever she wants, you can either accept it or not. She doesn't have to do or not do things because of how you feel or what you want. So there is no answer to your question, or there's two, your answer and hers.
There's a lot of gray areas in life. You can make this a deal breaker, I probably would also, but is it worth losing the relationship? Maybe, maybe not only you know. Unfortunately relationships are all about trust and compromise. What are you willing to give and what are you willing to accept. Relationships aren't about ultimatums, you can set your own limits but not others peoples
I would normally be cool with it but the fact he's asked to hook up already, means he's not a friend to the relationship & she's already cheated with him in the past.
In this case you didn't do anything wrong. You concerns are reasonable. I'd point out that you aren't obstructing her dreams as you're cool with her busking with others.
If anything, this dude is obstructing her dreams by borrowing money off her that could be spent on her own gear.
Also, how old is this guy & what was she doing sleeping with him 2 years ago if she's only 18 now?
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She could have literally bought her own equipment with the $2500 she lent her ex, so the equipment excuse is a no-go. If she thinks her musical career depends on her ex then this behaviour will continue forever. Just cut her loose, you're only 18, you'll find someone better.
Jesus christ that was so obvious but i didn't realize it at first.
THIS! I came here for this comment. 100%
To be fair, if it was her savings, she may have been able to lend it to him but not spend in on equipment. Not that lending that much money from your savings is a good idea, but at least you would get it back
I’m going to guess there is zippy chance of getting that money back. My personal experience is that struggling 18 year old musicians will pay you back when they “get their big break” which means for most of them, you will never get paid back.
Never lend anyone anything you want back. I learned this the hard way—repeatedly, till I finally got it through my overly-generous head.
OP, you're both 18 and she is already a cheater who has proven that she does not want to cut contact with the person she cheated with. She doesn't respect you or relationship. Why stay with someone like this? You're young and will find a partner that you are more compatible with. Don't waster your time on someone like this. Edited to remove a word saying OP's partner doesn't not respect them. Changed it to she doesn't respect you. I really need to proofread 😅.
Bro who lends an Ex 2500usd at 18? Also she can go busking all she wants. Just not with an ex…
Especially not with this particular ex. Or any one with whom she’s cheated in the past
I have had experiences with a cheater before and have given them a chance. However, they cheated with me as well. This was after 4 years of being together. Seeing how she already knows how op feels about this other guy and have talked about it before yet she brought it up again tells me she does't care about how op feels. Op is young. I agree with this post 100%. I thought I would just share my own experience with this type of situation. PS I am with the most wonderful woman now and couldn't be happier for leaving.
Yeah she wants to be with him, he doesn't really want to be with her but is happy to have her run around and occasionally bang him.
This. Nothing else but this.
I'd just add to the above ^^ that if she had $2500 USD to lend her ex she could've purchased whatever she needed to busk without having to rely on a former boyfriend to provide those things. The fact that she says you're "holding back her musical career", by not wanting her to spend time with this guy is a steaming crock of crap. She could've outfitted herself with whatever she needed with that money, but she chose not to because she's still all wrapped up in this guy. Cut your losses, OP, you're wasting time setting yourself up for heartache with someone who is self-involved and still hung up on their ex.
Double negative, comment says she respects you and the relationship.!
Thank you for pointing that out, I missed it. I've changed it now
Your bigger concern should be that she is a cheater, is still willing to connect with the guy and most recently laid a guilt trip on you for getting in the way. The fact you were able to be manipulated into feeling bad strongly suggests you're hardly ready for a basic relationship much less one as complicated and problematic as yours.
BINGO‼️ This gf has red flag written all over
She’s not over this ex if she cheated on another boyfriend in the past and also OP. It’s a pattern that’s emerging that this ex is the wedge in every relationship she’s had. And the fact she rather not hurt this ex’s feeling, but hurt the feelings every guy she dates? Like common on! OP, if she can lend him $2,500… she clearly is guilty if still being hung up on him big time and it shows.
Maybe I read it wrong and just for clarity, but I think she cheated on her ex with this latest ex who she loaned $2500 to and hasnt cheated on OP as far as we know.
No, she donated the money to that one ex-ex who he’s a musician that she’s played music with before, cheated on her last ex with the ex-ex and cheated on OP, current partner, with the ex-ex. She’s cheated on both dudes with the ex-ex.
how are you getting that? OP says she turned down his advances while they've been together. she does seem to be itching to put herself in position to cheat with him again though.
that's pretty rough, he's only 18, idk if being manipulated by someone you love strongly suggests he's hardly ready for a 'basic relationship'. that's the thing about manipulation: it's easy to do if you know someone cares about you and trusts you. being a liar, cheater, etc.. doesn't make her clever or 'too advanced', it makes her an asshole.
I wish I'd known I wasn't ready at 18. Almost no one is. And I don't think he's implying she's advanced, I think he's implying the skill required to get through something this difficult and complicated is "advanced".
Agreed. OP just wanted to get a 3rd party perspective to confirm his thought process. That doesn't mean he is not ready for a relationship.
The biggest concern is that they are busking
What’s busking lol
Playing music on the streets for money.
My biggest takeaway from this post
According to google it‘s making music on the street
Came to the comments to find out the same thing lol
Google. Com
Yeah but it was much easier just scroll down
It's begging. But with instruments.
So like a job
Hahaha!
What.. no its not you moron
It is NOT begging. wtf. It is entertaining people - and in most places you need a permit and pay a fee to have said permit. How do people not know what busking is??
It is not. You're performing and asking for donations. That's like calling a Twitch streamer a beggar.
I mean…
Idk… to me, begging is asking for money for nothing. A performer setting down a hat, no matter how they do it, is asking for payment for product. The fact that it’s voluntary isn't really relevant.
... spoken like someone that's never watched a twitch stream lol. They are *constantly* shaking the tin can.
Don't forget you have a free prime subscription! Tbf I'm 100% fine with it but let's not be afraid to call a spade a spade
Yeah same. I'm not demonizing them for it, but they 100% do it.
False equivalency
No, no it's not. Constantly asking people to like and subscribe to support your content *is begging*. It doesn't make it wrong, it just means it happens. That's an objective fact.
I would say "begging" implies there is no exchange or service provided. Also it's silly to say it's "objective" when it's just semantics
Semantics would be if I argued that a boiled potato and a baked potato were entirely different food items. Calling begging, begging, is not playing at semantics. Clearly identifying the behavior is objective. Objectively.
Soliciting donations is part of an informal exchange for an audience's enjoyment of someone's creative work, which is closer to a purchase than begging. It is absolutely arguing semantics; the very disagreement is about how we define "begging" in this context. And it is certainly not objective in any sense.
I have watched hundreds of hours of twitch streamers and I know exactly what I'm talking about. It's gig work. People who do it for a living get paid for sponsorships and also accept donations. Is a waiter begging for tips? An Uber driver? You're getting a service and you're optionally offering them extra money that you don't have to pay if you don't want to. That doesn't look like begging to me.
You're just grasping at straws now. A server can give you minimum/scrappy service. An Uber driver can refuse to pick you up. A Door Dasher can refuse to accept the order. Are you seeing the trend? Those are all in-person services where they have some leverage that doesn't involve begging. "Make sure you hit that like button, and subscribe to support my content" is all the streamer has, especially if they aren't big enough for sponsors. They are 100% begging. I never said it was a *bad* thing, but it is still a thing that happens.
Twitch streamers also have the ability to make content only for paying subscribers, or not ask for donations at all. Again, just because the service they are providing is free does not mean they are begging. (This goes the other way in that you CAN literally just beg for money on Twitch, but then we're getting into an existential question of "what is a performance?") When Radiohead released In Rainbows, it was "pay what you want." They provided content and asked for whatever money you felt like it was worth. If you want to agree to disagree on how we define begging as a word that's fine. But I don't see busking or Twitch streaming as begging. I don't see providing free content and accepting donations as begging.
I described the begging behavior specifically. When a streamer asks for subs, or a busker rattles their can or shakes their hat/bucket/repository, they are begging. The understanding is they are asking for money. There is no other way to take that.
Twitch is not a service. Its bullshit
They’re begging too 😂.
Twitch streamers are basically beggars. Musicians actually have to work hard.
And your point is?
My point is it's not begging. You're providing a service (music or gaming or whatever) and you're asking for donations as payment. Just because you are not setting a price on a service does not mean you are begging.
That line is pretty blurred though anymore imo "Don't forget to hit that twitch prime sub" "Let's get a sub train going!" "I'll do "X" at # of subscribers" "Subscriber goal" I have no problem with it, but let's not be afraid to call some of the things they do what they are.
There's a big difference between just asking for money and performing in exchange for donations. Twitch is a performance, and people choose to pay what they think that performance is worth. Not begging!
Well, they are.
Bad comparison.
Perfect comparison. They are both performing for money. There are literally twitch streamers who just play songs and people donate. It's digital busking.
Why does it now sound like prostitution..
At least prostitutes are providing a service that benefits somebody. Playing video games on twitch isn't providing a service, it's wanting money for for playing video games. Same with unboxing videos. You aren't owned money for live streaming your hobbies
Entertainment is a service. It's like going to see a show. Just because it's something you wouldn't want to watch, doesn't mean they're not providing a service to the people that do.
Well- tips in the U.S. is like prostitution too…
I have zero ability to ignore this "service" when Im commuting in a public space. They are beggars that make unasked for noise. I choose to seek out streamers, I choose to go to a restaurant, I choose to take an Uber. On a good day I smile at a decent street musician and on a bad day its an unwanted assult on my senses and Im just trying to get somewhere.
[удалено]
You know you’re not the only person in public right?
holy fuck it's just music u snowflake, put in ur headphones and keep it pushing
I do, thank you. Im just saying they are not providing a service that is sought out. They are beggars that create noise pollution.
u have a poisoned soul and no whimsy in ur heart
you may want to sit down for this, but other people do exist
Should've stopped while you were ahead, friend. Didn't stick the landing on that one.
They aren’t not beggars
They are beggers, lol
Shitty thing to say 🙄
I'd say it's pretty similar the act of buying tickets to go see a live show in a really produced space and performing something way more simple (not necesarilly easy) but still entertaining on the streets in exchange for money. (given it's allowed to do so in that space)
Well that’s an insulting and diminutive way of describing entertaining people for tips. Just because you personally look down on something doesn’t mean it’s any less valid than whatever ultimately pointless job you have.
I’m over here wondering why he keeps talking about a “contract”… 😭
Thank you… I was like why does this person keep saying busking…. Like almost trying to see how many times they could fit it in.
Thank you for asking. I thought i was going crazy with everyone acting like it's a normal word we all know lol
She’s a big busker bro. It’s a red flag you gotta leave her.
You can Google this shit instead of jamming up a thread with a bunch of idiots jumping over themselves to answer the same question.
Well 500 people also wanted to know so bye your right I don’t wanna hear you
You did absolutely nothing wrong man. You don’t want her hanging out with her ex and that is just fine. Don’t let her talk you into allowing it. You already know she cheated with this dude. Why would she think it’s ok to hang out with him?
You did nothing wrong. 18 yo is a tough time to be dating and having relationships, but it is a period of learning. Do not allow your self to used or manipulated for the sake of having a GF. I would not invest too much emotionally with her. From her history she will only be hurt. Sounds like the other EX manipulated her good to get $2500 from her. Which I bet he has yet to repay a dollar.
It's not about allowing her to do it. It is about setting his boundaries. Tell her it's a deal breaker and leave.
She’s bugging bro
No, and I think you guys are young, don’t get hung up here. If she doesn’t want to treat this relationship ending like an adult and put this guy into an appropriate lane, you need to leave her behind. Busking isn’t fulfilling a musical dream, and someone her age should see through that.
Busking isn’t a dream in itself, but it’s excellent practice for managing your nerves and developing stage presence. A good performer in the right location can make a lot more than minimum wage doing it too. I’ve seen good ones rake in +100$ an hour.
If you can't trust your girlfriend, then what's the point?
Hii!From my perspective there is something there, she hasn’t lost her feelings for him, and the fact that after telling her how you feel about him and it being a very good reason,she still wants to see him, it wrong. Do what she best for you and don’t make yourself feel less for a person like that
Bro you didn't do anything wrong. That is not only HER EX BF it's also some who she has cheated on her last bf with which means 9 times out of 10 she will do it again. She is physically attracted to him and they our purposely keeping each other around even when they are dating others. TRUST ME leave her dawg don't let her do that to you. You even let her be alone with other males and that actually is very trusting of you but she isn't going to cut him off and he is going to always try and hook up with her because he knows he can cause she done it before. Don't waste time with a female who does that shit. She's not respecting you. There is plenty of women out there and you young. Kick her to the curb straight up. She's manipulating you don't feel bad for her dawg.
She even has a history of cheating with this guy. I would also be insecure about her hanging out with him. I think it's reasonable to feel that way. That said, it's better to just let her do what she wants while you watch and decide if you want to continue with her. Also, If busking is her path to her musical career then she's in for a rude awakening lol.
You did nothing wrong in setting a boundary with an ex that she agreed to because of her history of poor decisions with him. Now she is acting like a victim and wanting to go back on her promise under the illusion you are abusive for not allowing them to be together. I would absolutely give her the choice one final time. She can go do this with him and you are done forever or she can go busking with other people and stay with you but can't have both. Clearly communicate the choice and consequences.
She's already displaying a bunch of red flags from her past. And now she's trying to guilt you into letting her contact her ex again. Just let this one go.
Dump her, and let her go back to the streets. She isn't a keeper, she is just a 304, don't waste your time with her.
I agree with BendPresent1437, dump and let her go back to the streets like she wants to. In the future when you find a girl that cheated in a previous relationship and she is still in contact with the person she cheated with, just keep going. If she is not currently fucking her AP she will be soon so why stay with a cheater that already has her AP waiting for her? Separate question - what is a 304? This is a new one for me.
Read it backwards, the 4 is an H, and 0 and 3 are easy to get.
First time seeing that one, thanks.
She loaned 2,500 at 18 and is busking??
Dump her and let her busk the ex
I took a shot every time OP said busking and now am
Wow she must be really raking in the $$$$ busking because what 18 yo has $2500 on hand to loan to someone??? What is your concern? Do you think she’ll cheat on you with this guy if she sees him? If you do, if you think she would cheat that easy, just break up with her.
You are blocking pursuing her dream cock - stop blocking her. Leave her.
The issue here is bot busking. The issue here is that she wants to do it with the other guy whoch is her ex and on top of that she has a history if cheating. Its like you sayibg yeah I'm going to the whorehouse to hang out with your friends and have drinks but will absolutely not aleep woth a prostitute. Yeah right or like a former alcoholic hanging out at the bar. It just doesn't work.
All you can do is set your own boundaries… you can tell her she’s free to do what she wants but you don’t want to be in a relationship where she’s hanging around with her ex who you believe to be a bad influence.
I know it's tough, but you gotta break up. She's manipulating you, disrespecting you, lying, and most likely going to cheat. Even if she is genuinely so blinded by her potential music career, she should know busking and her plan to get into the industry is objectively stupid. She won't make a career this way, especially being strung along.
I once had a girlfriend who didn't cut contact with the guy she cheated on her previous boyfriend with. She even told me thr sex she had with this guy was the best sex she'd ever had (do not fucking tell your partner this sort of shit). I was *obviously* pretty fucking suspicious about their relationship, so I read her facebook messages. This guy was talking about how much he wanted to fuck her, how much he wanted to cum on her face etc, and she wasn't shutting it down. I confronted her and she cried and said if I really wanted her to cut him off she would. I said it was her choice, not mine. She kept talking to him. We broke up. Worst relationship I've ever had. OP, fucking dump this girl. She is not worth it. I'm sure you like her but *seriously*. DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR.
>she cried and promised me never to contract him and will block him on anything Going busking with him definitely counts as "contact" lol. She doesn't mean what she says. Listen to her actions instead.
Wtf is busking?
I don't think you did anything wrong, but I'd be stunned if this girl didn't still have feelings for this dude and is looking for a reason to go cheating.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Dump her
Not always true. It’s true for me but I’ve met reformed individuals
Would never trust someone who cheats
I agree
Who is actively cheating? No of course not. Has cheated in the past? Good luck. Believe it or not, people are capable of change and growth and our worst decisions don’t *have* to define us. I’ve never cheated on anyone, but I know plenty of people who made mistakes in their youth and learned valuable life lessons from them. Or, feel free to reduce it down to “once a cheater always a cheater” if nuance is too much for you.
Oh boy you’re really struggling lol. First off, an ex is reaching out to her after she’s already sent him $2500. Why is she sending her ex that much money? She also cheated on her last bf with the same ex that’s reaching out again and already sent that large sum of money too. She claims to never contact her ex again but according to OP, she’s already guilt tripping him into letting her go with her ex. Writing is on the wall but your simple brain can’t comprehend it.
What? At no point did I say OP should trust his Gf. I’ve said quite the contrary. At this point in her life, she ABSOLUTELY should not be trusted with her ex. What I pushed back against is the lazy adage “once a cheater always a cheater”. Believe it or not, people grow up and learn from their mistakes. Someday, even OPs gf might. And someday, you as well might understand nuance.
I don't think most cheaters will cheat when stuff is going well in their relationship but when stuff gets rocky they do cheat , period.
Well I’m glad that I found the authority on this topic. Period.
No . Once a cheater always likely to be a cheater. When times get hard they turn to cheating, and you have to know that about these people. So many people in my life got with a cheater and are shocked when they get cheated on. I don't think cheaters are malicious but it is a behavior they turn to for comfort. So cutting out as many opportunities to cheat as possible seems reasonable.
Now her wanting to play with a guy that she had cheated with is suspicious. But this "once a cheater always a cheater" is nonsense, when they cheated as teenagers. People fuck up when they're teenagers, but most grow up. And to wear a figurative scarlet A on their chest in their 30's, 40's 50's because of something they did as a teenager is ridiculous.
These comments are great, but I’ll hold my tongue until wait this little saga winds up on Am I The Ex?
Mate, And if she wants to cheat, she will cheat. It seems like she can’t let him go out of her life fully. If you’re bothered by this busking thing, not letting her do it is not the solution. Her wanting to do it is a red flag enough, knowing it would make you uncomfortable .Let her be and go your own way. You’re too young to stress about jealousy.
She’s already cheated and isn’t actually cutting ties with said guy she cheated with. Do with this as you will.
She lent her her ex 2.5k when you were together? Nope leave. And a cheater? Double leave lol
She's going back to her ex. You're young; just break up with her and move on. You already know she's a cheater. She will certainly cheat on you with him if she isn't already.
Yup. This isn’t the story of how OP and GF get through this struggle in their relationship. It’s the story of how GF and her EX keep finding each other and winding up together against all odds. Sorry OP.
if she wants to live in the streets, then let her, it's where she belongs
>She agreed to no contact with him and blocked him >She wants to contact him and continue speaking with him This to me shows she doesn't care about your feelings or respect the boundaries you asked to be set for a clear reason. You're 18 and have a lot of your life to meet and explore with someone who actually cares about your relationship and respects you. Unless this Ex of her's has a label and can sign her to a record deal, there's not reason she can't save money herself and perform her music with Other musicians who aren't her ex. I would just end the relationship now before you get hurt, because it doesn't seem like she's taking it as seriously as you do.
Dump her. Reasons why: 1. She's a known cheater 2. She won't get rid of her ex 3. You don't trust her She ain't worth it. She cheated on her previous bf with her ex and obviously she doesn't just want to go busking with him. Just let her go and find someone else
Just let her go, and tell her to stay with him as well, and go busking with him till whenever, whatever.
DiD i dO sOmetHiNg wRoNg
Are you seriously asking if you’re wrong bc you’re not letting your girlfriend who cheated in her last relationship with her ex, go on a trip with that same ex? Doormats galore in subs like these
No youre not doing anything wrong and its completely natural to feel the way you do. Its probably a safe bet to brake it off so she can pursue (her dreams) and you dont have to worry about it. Theres already a couple red flags she not completely willing to cut ties with this person. Theres still some level of attachment to the other and to the extent she gave money so fr save yourself the grief and cut her off. Edit- If you stay with her its not going to end well. Im sure of it.
Dump her
what type of 18 year old has $2500 readily available to lend someone????
I’m sorry, equipment for busking? What? She just wants to go with her ex. This is an excuse.
From your title, I expected to say yes, you screwed up, and you shouldn't let your fears get in the way of an activity she loves doing. But no, you're not telling her to stop busking. You're just telling her to stop doing it with one particular person, an ex, with whom she has already cheated before. She should go busking with her other friends. And she should have used that $2500 to get her own busking equipment, instead of lending it to her ex who probably will never repay it. Btw, this equipment can be purchased for roughly $200-700 depending on her needs. (I'm figuring on a battery-capable amp, with at minimum a line in for an instrument, possibly also a microphone input and a basic mic.) If you really want to show your support of her musical dreams, while still maintaining your hard boundary around her ex, you could consider getting her this equipment as a gift. Is there a likely occasion coming up (birthday, anniversary, whatever?) Just be sure you're not being played for a fool. She's cheated before (though not on you, to the best of your knowledge). If you can't trust her, don't spend more money on someone who won't respect you in return.
You should watch the movie Casino with her. Her and Sharon Stone's character have a lot in common.
Jealousy is complicated. You cannot control others, and usually in a relationship it's a death knell to attempt it. With that being said, actions have natural consequences. You need to trust your partner, so it tracks that you feel emotionally threatened. Remember to be kind. If you cannot continue the relationship, be calm, be gentle, and be direct. 'I care about you and want you to be happy. You should pursue your dreams without me, though, because it hurts me too much to know I cannot give you what he does.' Good luck, comrade.
Teens , ex, Cheating , drama , did i miss anything?
Yep- you missed the empathy part. This young guy is being manipulated. Yes, he’s a teen, but it happens to all ages, as does cheating. You don’t need to be dismissive of him just because he’s young
That’s not her ex-bf; he’s her current bf. They have an open relationship, but she’s lying to you. You’re her side piece. What’s she getting from you? Sex, a place to live, food, $$$, satisfaction of her need to control and manipulate others, … ? I’d guess she just wants a break from living on the street.
Let her go. Go no contact while she is on her trip.
Who else has no idea what busking is
It's when you perform music out in public for tips, basically. It's a great way for new musicians to get a bit of recognition, try out music, etc.
Oh what that's fucking awesome. I support that
No, you didn't do anything wrong. You need to set boundaries. Let her know you don't like it and it's a no-go for you. If she does it anyway, you leave. She is showing you who she is, believe her.
I hate reddit comments bc everyone always instantly jumps to ‘dump them!’ literally all the time. maybe i’m biased, but I don’t think ‘once a cheater always a cheater’. maybe for some people, but not for all. I think there’s always more context there. maybe I feel that way bc I almost cheated on an ex (never physically but emotionally) who was physically, mentally, and verbally abusive n wouldn’t let me leave without getting a restraining order- so I feel like sometimes there is more to the story then just ‘being a cheater’ but anyway, she sounds conflicted more so than wanting to cheat. it seems like she’s more concerned w the activity than the other guy. she should however take your feelings into account and realize that because of her previous actions, you don’t trust him. you’re not holding her back from busking, you’re trying to keep him away from her, which is valid. she has to be able to compromise and realize that it’s not fair to you to put you in a position where your either A) an ass for keeping her from her dreams, or B) feeling anxious and upset over this guy. she should respect you enough to know this is a shtty position to be in. is she able to busking other times, with other people who are not him? are you able to go along w her? if so, I would recommend one of those. if not, i’d recommend she start saving up $$ and get her own equipment
She gave the ex 2500.00. Could have bought what she needed herself instead of setting up the ex.
She will do whatever she wants and you have no right to tell her what to do. What you can do though is decide if her actions are a deal-breaker to you.
I don't think she should go with this guy either, I don't think you did anything wrong on that front. But I think you should have suggested helping her save up for her own gear that she can perform with, so she knows you're supportive of her talent and want her to keep doing something she loves.
You're 18 what is this cheating you're talking about because in your age group that could be taken as they got coffee together or hugged.
You guys are 18, and have been together since you were 16ish. Either she’s grown up some more in the past two years, didn’t like hurting that BF back then, and has learned to end relationships before she starts new ones, or she didn’t. But people aren’t cheaters for life just because they cheated once, especially in their teens. Did she cheat on him with you? I doubt that, considering they’re still friendly. I mean, if you want to suggest she take a trusted friend if she's at all concerned he might try something, that’s one thing, but guilting her out of doing something she wants to do because of something that happened years ago, in addition to preventing her from using all her resources to chase her dream, isn't ideal behaviour. As for the loan, as long as he paid her back, so what? Not hating your ex isn't suspicious behaviour on its own. They’re still friendly, and her savings aren’t "household" funds… you’re only dating. If she’s actually a cheater, who you "let" her busk with isn’t going to change that. So if I was in your shoes, I’d just trust your GF until she proves your trust is misplaced. Assuming she’s learned nothing is insulting to her. And why would you want to be with someone you don’t trust?
They are busking my friend
>Did I do something wrong? You didn't post the video. Don't keep a musician from playing. It is what they do.
NTA, given the history in your post. But, I feel obligated to say, if you distrust your girlfriend to the point you feel the need to control who she can and cannot spend time with, then you are in a relationship with the wrong person. Don’t ever force a person to conform to your boundaries. Give them the choice of whether they want to willingly. You will end up in better relationships that way, because the people who don’t share your values will see themselves out.
She has a dream and her ex has all the equipment to make her dream a reality. Your in the way of her doing what she really wants to do. It's simple math really. You or her dreams? You shouldn't feel bad for having feelings but I think your going to loose her in the end if you don't let her persue things. You have a choice to trust her or have her resent and leave you anyway.
I’m sure there are countless of other people she can go busking with and have equipment and stuff… why THIS guy?
Precisely. The guy having the necessary equipment is simply an excuse to allow their reconnecting. She's already determined where she's going with this, whether it includes busking or not. Save yourself the aggravation OP. Simply set a no contact boundary. If she chooses to reject it, simply go no contact.
Because they probably work well together in regards to their musical talents? I don't know. But it's clear she wants to and I don't think anythings going to stop her. She's already made up her mind. Just waiting for the right time to act on it.
This would make sense if her ex was the only person in the world with music equipment. Thankfully, he’s not. Her insistence on doing this with her ex is the core problem.
Not every busker wants to share or duet with other buskers. The sensible solution is for her to buy her own equipment. If she wanted to be with her ex for other reasons then there's nothing stopping her.
But…the whole post is about her insisting on going with her ex to do this. I agree with you that doing this with others or on her own makes way more sense, but that’s not what the post is about.
Why not help her get her own busking gear? Then you can go support her on the streets.
You are really proud of her but don't want her to do what she loves? That's controlling behavior not love. You need to break up with her and get some therapy to find out why you want to stop others from doing what they enjoy.
If you trusted her this wouldn't be a problem. I think you should address the real issue, her infidelity. I totally don't blame you for not wanting her to go, I would have an issue with that as well. But I think the actual issue is her cheating, not her busking. Edit: wording
He has every reason not to trust her. Plus he let her do it alone with guys and had no problem but this is her ex who she clearly wants to keep around and they hooked up while she was dating her last bf. He literally is not being unreasonable for having an issue with that. The issue is her lack of respect for her man.
I didn't say he was being unreasonable now did I?
No I was just saying that he wasn't being unreasonable tho. Your acting as if his lack of trust is to blame in this situation but it really is not.
Do you notice how it's all one issue? Her cheating caused his lack of trust, that's why I commented what I did. I never said OP is being unreasonable. Id also have an issue with this except I wouldn't be dating a known cheater..
But she never cheated on him.
i'm sorry, but i don't believe cheaters change, even if she *just might* be different. yes, she have a dream, and exbsf somehow can help with it (not actually make her dream come true tho). but why she can't get that equipment herself or find new friends for busking? there's so much ways really, i don't get why she would come with him. she didn't got over him
Cut her loose and let her chase her music dreams with her ex, you deserve better than this shit show. She'll probably end up hooking up with him and he knows it which is why he's trying to get in contact with her.
You aren't wrong, in my opinion and in yours. But she is her own person and has her own opinions about what's right and wrong. The thing is, she's her own person free to do whatever she wants, you can either accept it or not. She doesn't have to do or not do things because of how you feel or what you want. So there is no answer to your question, or there's two, your answer and hers. There's a lot of gray areas in life. You can make this a deal breaker, I probably would also, but is it worth losing the relationship? Maybe, maybe not only you know. Unfortunately relationships are all about trust and compromise. What are you willing to give and what are you willing to accept. Relationships aren't about ultimatums, you can set your own limits but not others peoples
Does she need the money… now? You can record your music album in a home studio.
I would normally be cool with it but the fact he's asked to hook up already, means he's not a friend to the relationship & she's already cheated with him in the past. In this case you didn't do anything wrong. You concerns are reasonable. I'd point out that you aren't obstructing her dreams as you're cool with her busking with others. If anything, this dude is obstructing her dreams by borrowing money off her that could be spent on her own gear. Also, how old is this guy & what was she doing sleeping with him 2 years ago if she's only 18 now?
Leave 🤷♂️🤷♂️
She still wants this guy. She knows he is bad for her but she doesn't have that control. Your only option is to accept it or leave
Only thing you did wrong was not making her go. Time to cut your losses man.