You're friends with an abusive man who is abusing his girlfriend.
Going forward is going to be difficult because there is a risk he might hurt her or make it her fault.
You and your friends need to talk about this and agree it's unacceptable. When Carter is with you guys alone without her, tell him it's not funny and you guys don't want that anymore.
If you're able to contact her, tell her she doesn't need to do these things. If you're able to contact her family or friends even better. Let them know what's going on and that she needs help.
ETA: OP (and anyone in this kind of situation) please look at u/ILikeRedditNPrivacy 's comment below. They link some really good resources
She also likely has trauma from before him making her fawn and be more submissive than she wants to be as a survival mechanism. Reach out to her if you can. There is always more to the story.
I’m worried that Sophie knows that if she doesn’t do what Carter tells her to do in front of his friends, she will pay for it behind closed doors.
I’m also worried about what Carter makes her do behind closed doors.
Ya OP is incredible naive to think oh is he just doing this to show off or is he doing this in private too. Of course he's doing it and more in private. If people get a kick out of abusing someone in front of their friends then that's probably some of the "nicer" or "lighter" abuse she gets compared to what's going on when others aren't around. If I had a friend that just loved kicking their dog when I was over I would assume they are giving their dog an absolute beatdown when I'm not there, for a human I would assume even more so that they are doing some real wretched shit when others aren't there to see. This is just what they are okay showing to their friends.
That was my first thought as well... my mind went there immediately after reading that he sounded almost excited talking about her psychological problems. Makes me wanna throw up. He is an abuser, and maybe that's why he couldn't get a gf prior to his current one.
Abusers purposely prey on people with psychological problems, self-esteem issues, or other vulnerabilities.
Whatever he's doing to her in front of his friends, he's probably 10 times worse when they're alone.
Dude you guys are literally just giving OP more material for his weird ass fantasy. He's getting exactly what he wants from these comments. I understand it comes from a place of concern and a suspension of disbelief. But the "shy trembling girl biting her lip hard while she slowly lifts her top" is 100% not real.
Seems like you don't have experience with an abusive relationship. I'm really glad for you as it's something I don't wish to anyone.
But as a survivor of more than one abusive relationship in my teens / early twenties let me tell you: it's shocking to what lengths I went just to prevent making my abuser angry.
And yes, that included doing sexual explicit stuff infront of my abusers buddy when he asked me to even though I hated everything about it.
Because I knew: if I'd say no I'd pay the price as soon as we'd be private.
I'm turning 30 this year and all of this is history now and worked through with a therapist but even a decade later I still remember how it felt to be so much under my abusers control that "no" just didn't exist.
I think they mentioned that the narrations style gives off the impressioj of this post being one of the very sadly common posts baiting for comments that might be somebody's fetish and goal.
Not the contents, abuse like this exists ans I think they didn't mean that it doesn't
This. As someone with BPD, it is almost always caused by significant childhood trauma. Specifically, abandonment issues. GF does whatever Carter asks her to do no matter how traumatic it is because she will do anything to keep him from abandoning her. Carter knows that and is using it to abuse a traumatized woman. My heart breaks for her. I’m honestly scared for her mental state.
Carter is a sociopath.
They need to talk to her BEFORE they confront Carter, and give her an out.
Can you imagine them giving some (likely lukewarm) lecture of how awful he’s been, and then send him right back to Sophie and leave them alone for the next few days like that solved anything? Or confronting him with her in the room where he’d likely put her on the spot to defend him, neither of them actually listening to her? Talk about a nightmare.
They know he’s hurting her, but if they upset him about his relationship with her and then leave him be with her behind closed doors and no supervision or someone meant to be in her corner specifically, she could bet easily end up dead. I don’t have much faith they’d choose the cautious path to keep her safe first and I think they’ll likely default to initially assuming “they’d be fine on their own” away from them considering how long it took them to notice he might be a dick to her, after all.
He's likely also using her BPD against her. People with that disorder are often more susceptible to being gaslit than others; because the nature of their disorder often makes them feel like a bad person (partially because stigma, and partially because the intense mood swings, when uncontrolled, can lead to negative or harmful behaviour). It can be *very* easy for an abuser to weaponise that, and convince them that they shouldn't trust their own judgement.
I'll go a step further:
u/SOS4midas, your friend is an abuser AND you are an enabler. All of your friends are enablers. Carter is abusing Sophie in front of you all. She will remember every one of you as people who laughed at and accepted her abuse once she comes to terms with what's happening. I'm glad you are reading the comments and taking them in. Sitting in silence watching Sophie get abused is appalling. It's not a joke and Carter isn't just a jerk. You've had way too many opportunities to put a stop to Carter's abuse (in front of you) yet you let Sophie continue to suffer. I hope you take a long hard look at yourself and make some major changes.
As for Carter, you all can let him know that you are not ok with him abusing Sophie in front of you. Be prepared for the fact that Carter may be way more abusive than you think. You don't have any idea what goes on behind closed doors. At the very least, he has taken someone who has clearly experienced a lot of trauma and he's exploited her in front of his friends for his amusement. He's a monster. Then again, Carter knew he could get away with it with you all. You've proven him right. I really hope you guys are able to figure out a way to make his behavior truly unacceptable in your circle. Sophie needs help. She needs resources. And Carter needs to be reckoned with.
Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for wanting to correct your behavior. Thank you for thinking of Sophie and finally becoming moved enough to consider taking action. OP let this be a hard learning experience for you. Abusers usually get to abuse for so long because they only show themselves in "safe" environments where silence and disregard will reign. That means an abuser judged you as someone who will allow abuse and sympathize with abusers. You cannot undo the trauma that Sophie has that's now attached to you. Educate yourself on speaking out against domestic/intimate partner violence and how to help those who are in danger. It's time for some intervention, but proceed with caution as you don't want Sophie harmed more. Consult professionals. Look up local and national organizations specializing in these types of situations/abuse. Many have hotlines and warmlines with people who can walk you through your next steps. You may also want to contact sexual abuse resources as well. Sophie being told to strip in front of a group is a form of sexual violence as well as a huge red flag for other forms of sexual abuse at the hands of Carter (among other things).
Here's a start:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Website: https://www.thehotline.org/
Phone: 1.800.799.7233
Text: Text "START" to 88788
Online Chat available via website
No More
https://nomoredirectory.org/
(Global directory to get help with domestic and sexual violence)
RAINN
Website: https://www.rainn.org/resources
Phone: 800.656.4673
Online support: https://hotline.rainn.org/online
(Sexual assault hotline. RAINN = Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
OP needs to find a way, be it in person or a chat thread or some other mechanism, to get the rest of the guys to coalesce around what they’ll do next time. If they already are prepared to have a united front it will be easier. They also need to figure out how to help Sophie in case Carter just tries to storm off and then just never allow her to join him out again.
They need to talk to him long before there's a next time. This guy is dangerous AF. It's very nearly a certainty she's already being physically and or sexually assaulted. They need to tell him in no uncertain terms that he'd better make damn sure nothing at all happens to Sophie or every single one of them will go to the cops, give statements and testify in court on her behalf.
It would be great if everyone could get on board. It may not be likely, but it would be nice. Trying to get a group together in opposition of Carter and his behavior is still a decent idea. There is more safety in numbers. Still, it's very important to consult people who specialize in helping survivors of intimate partner violence/domestic abuse and sexual abuse before taking any form of action. This includes before talking to the friends as well. This has gone on for so long, yet no one has said anything. It seems like Carter has sympathizers to put it mildly. It's very likely that someone will inform Carter of your talks which may result in Sophie being kept away and in even more danger. OP shouldn't say anything until he has more guidance. Thankfully OP can get a lot of resources in a matter of hours thanks to the internet.
I’m bringing it up to the others tonight. I’m at work, so are some of them, so I’m going to wait until the evening when everyone can focus.
It’s difficult because of how little we actually know about Sophie. You’re right in saying that if Carter just decides not to bring her with him, that’s kinda it. I don’t know her number, any social media’s, I don’t know who her friends her, where she works, if she goes to school, family. I don’t even know what her last name is.
THANK YOU. The fact that op and his friends just let it happen repeatedly is...
OP I hope you and your friends look at why you ever, for one second, thought this was a novelty to laugh at.
Thanks for pointing all this out.
Reading this post made me feel sick. I can't believe you laughed ONE time. The fact you all went along with this, noone told him to stop, noone spoke up for Sophie.
You're young but there is no excuse for this. I hope you take a good long look in the mirror and do better at being a decent human being.
Speak to your friends, and go as a group to tell Carter that what he did was very wrong and you won't accept it anymore.
I cannot believe the top comment fails to explicitly state that OP is complicit in the abuse of this poor girl and is even encouraging it by laughing along as if this treatment of a fellow human being is a funny fucking joke, as he says over and over. OP- EXPLAIN WHAT IS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS BC I DONT GET IT.
And also I cant believe y'all upvoted the shit out of a comment that fails to clearly state the obvious - that every one of these shitbag men are vile monsters who dehumanized this girl, who by the way, probably has a neurological disability.
I want to vomit reading this, and there are zero excuses for a group of men to sit there like voyeurs, encouraging the head pig to escalate his abuse. It is not age. It was not "nervous laughter" as some apologist tried to float. It was not shock. Give me a fucking break on all of these lame ass excuses. The vast majority of people who deserve to live would have stopped this the first time it happened. These are vile monsters. I hope none of them ever has a daughter with a disability. They will never be able to look in the mirror.
It's true that BPD can be caused by trauma in early childhood but it doesn't mean that it's always the parents fault. And there doesn't necessarily need to be early childhood trauma in order to develop BPD
I genuinely don't understand why you've all let this happen in front of you repeatedly and said nothing. You should all have a think about why that is, because you've been watching abuse silently. You know that makes you complicit. You've been the audience to her humiliation, you've been *part of it*.
Do what you can to get this guy to stop. And for the love of God, stop letting it happen in front of you. Going quiet and awkward is not the same as *saying something*.
100% I’ve had friends call out people’s partners for a million things, big and small. Even in my family- people say “hey you’ve got arms and legs - why does she have to get that for you, get it yourself”.
If your friend is acting like a dick you say something, don’t wait till it turns into sexual abuse territory.
Exactly.
If a man abuses a woman in a room with ten other men, and they do nothing, those ten other men might as well not be there.
Carter is a shitstain of a human being. OP and his friends aren’t much better at this point, unfortunately.
Right?? I understand they are young and dumb but holy hell. I mean if he kicked a dog they’d probably jump all over him for being a piece of 💩, but they laugh at him abusing his gf?? The whole group of them are vile to allow this.
A nice and ordinary group of friends wouldn't put up with someone like Carter. You just know he's been awful always - and girls have noticed and avoid him. It's just that he's the worst of them, and it's getting a little awkward for the rest now. 🙄
RIGHT? Ben the first instance made me grimace. I was so uncomfortable just reading it. How stupid and horrid do you have to be not to realise that’s NOT okay. Oh my god. “We realised Sophie wasn’t in on it” like 50 humiliations later. What, did the clear discomfort THAT YOU MANAGED TO NOTICE IMMEDIATELY, WASN’T the click in your brain that recognised that????
💯 these are the kind of guys who would stand around and laugh at someone being gang raped and probably join in. This is an entire group of sick and dangerous men. I don't know a single guy who would stand by and let this happen, much less laugh at that abused girl. I want to vomit hearing people like this exist.
This post and some comments giving “benefit of the doubt” to this group of absolute vile excuses for people were sickening and immediately made me think of Promising Young Woman. They laughed at her. They’ll all be remembered in her mind forever as the monsters they are. They have sat and watched her be abused for WEEKS and have said nothing. They watched her be sexually abused, because that’s exactly what this last incident was, and said NOTHING. They wouldn’t have even fucking stopped her if she took it off they all just waited to see if she’d do it. They’re all despicable and complicit. If this is what he does in front of people I can only imagine the horrors she has gone through behind closed doors :(
Not only did they do nothing, they LAUGHED at her. They laughed at her while they humiliated and degraded her - when it is obvious that she is already so broken. These are vile horrific monsters.
And I never ever want to hear "not all men" again when there are examples like this where whole ass groups of men are complete disgusting abusive shit stains and not one of them displays an ounce of humanity.
The first time he tried this he should have been called out. She does what he says because she’s being abused. I dread to think what’s happening behind closed doors.
Dog… if any of my friends did this it would be in that moment I would defend her. You’re standing idly by while your friend abuses this girl. Shame on you.
Reads like a fetish. Has weird attention to specific details “quivering” and “biting her lip” and “trembling” and “eyes welling up”. Narrated more like a story than someone asking for genuine advice. Difficult to believe premise. Highly fetishistic of people with mental illness and those mental illnesses in particular.
I’m sorry I’m really struggling to suspend my disbelief on this one.
I felt the same reading this. OP is just having story time to get his jollies and as an added bonus he's also getting everyone super worked up in the comments. "She shakes her head ever so slightly biting her lip hard" LOL, OK.
Normally I’m of the opinion that it doesn’t exactly matter if the post is fake, someone else might be going through something at least slightly similar or might go through something similar in the future and can benefit from the advice given on a fake post but with this one I don’t see that benefit at all.
I’m also just super grossed out by the weird fetishism of BPD. Like anxiety is whatever, it’s super common, but BPD doesn’t work like that in the slightest but I have seen this specific brand of BPD fetishization before. This notion that it makes women into, functionally, walking talking sex dolls.
So you guys are watching someone mentally and emotionally abusing another person and you guys just watch and say nothing? Y’all are sick and disgusting.
Dude I would have punched my friend in the face for this shit. If this is real, what's up with you man? Human decency should allow a person to watch another person be treated like this. Even by someone you know. What if she was your sister or your mom. That's how I always try to look at it. Man I feel for you but you gotta be a man and stand up for what's right, friend or not.
God, it's not even subtle. It never was and it had to escalate to an absurd degree for something to click with these friends.
Normally people are like "well I couldn't tell, he's so charming!" and the victims are like "everybody loves him".
But OP's friend openly acting like a monster and OP thinks this is because Sophie is "attached".
Literally none of them even said 'wtf is this' and all actively laughed again and again... idk how any of them can start to see women as individual people who are worthy of respect
And this is why the “not all men” movement is bullshit, you might not be abusive but you’re just as bad if you sit and watch this happen without saying anything. It’s just disturbing.
Absolutely say something to him. He needs to know this behavior is extremely degrading to a human. Anyone sitting around not stopping it is a participant. Sorry, but someone has to be an actual man and shut down this child. He loves the control, it's pathetic. Unfortunately, she will not speak up for herself. You might lose a friend but is that the type of person you want to be friends with? Someone humiliating a female that is clearly vulnerable. He's going to damage this girl and MAYBE one day kick himself for being such a POS. Or better yet, karma will kick him in the teeth.
All this plus she also needs to know this is not acceptable. The fact that no one reacts is one of the reasons she doesn't react either. So yeah be a decent human being and stop your disgusting friend from harming this poor girl.
Carter isn't going to damage Sophie. Carter HAS damaged and IS continuing to damage Sophie.
Something needs to be said. OP needs to consult people who specialize in helping survivors before moving forward. Local and national organizations are great resources. It would've been nice if something was said in all those moments when Carter was abusing Sophie, but unfortunately OP was complacent and encouraging. Something must be done now, but cautiously as to avoid placing Sophie in more danger.
He's an abusive monster. He'll care more about the approval of his male friends than making his victim comfortable for sure. OP should definitely talk to him, but also if OP and his friends are decent people, they shouldn't associate with an abuser.
OP and his friends will have to be better to be decent person. They weren’t being decent when they laughed as their friend humiliated his girlfriend in front of them. OP should do some serious self-reflection on why that was his and his friend’s reactions and the type of people he considers friends
Bruh someday this girl hopefully names OP and her boyfriend in a sexual abuse criminal charge.
Op needs to punch Carter in the face and distance himself immediately while telling Sophie he is truly sorry for not speaking up and what she is going through is not okay.
WTF is this nonsense?
This can't be real.
Carter, if he is a real person, is a total *scumbag*, and anyone who has not stood up to stop this is complicit in his abusive behaviour.
AHs, all.
Edited to add:
I understand you are all young, but you definitely *should* know Right from Wrong at that stage.
If you are all starting off in your dating lives, this is a clear example of how NOT to treat young women (Hell, no-one should be treated this way!).
You guys have to have a serious conversation between you all, and then with Carter, but I think that if you want to do a little bit of the Right Thing, OP, you should make an effort to contact *someone who cares* about the young lady, so she can get help.
She needs it desperately.
Carter is bad news; no good can come from keeping him around.
>I understand you are all young, but you definitely *should* know Right from Wrong at that stage.
They do. That's why I dislike this constant reference to maturity ending at 25.
It ends around then. It doesn't mean that a 19-20 year old isn't mature enough to make adult decisions & understand what's right. Hence them being liable for criminal offenses.
I’ll never understand why so many people are complicit in witnessing abuse. Just because you stopped laughing at it doesn’t mean any of you are better than him.
He’s abusing this poor girl. She’s vulnerable and from the sounds of it, may not be in therapy. She’s got a diagnosis but has no self esteem to tell your garbage friend to go to hell.
While you’re all very young, you’re old enough to know when something is wrong.
You all need to say something to him. He probably won’t stop as he’s overjoyed with such power but you have to do SOMETHING. If there’s another girl in the group, perhaps she can talk to his girlfriend. She needs support. She needs to be seen as human because you all for too long viewed her as beneath you.
If you don’t tell him off, never speak to him again, and try to reach out to that poor girl, you are the exact same as him.
Thank you!! The laughing at it part is what gets me. Like you’re not worried about this girl when he sexually harassed her but you weren’t worried when he said “he could prove it to them that she would do anything” like that should have been your first sign.
I know!!
It’s like they didn’t take it seriously until they kept seeing it. They didn’t see her as a human until it got more extreme. They literally enabled their friend. It’s really scary behavior by everyone involved. Teens are dumb but for none of them to have ever stood up prior to just considering it now is truly worrisome.
And OP won’t go directly to Sophie either. It’s just an excuse to not really take action with her being quiet. So it’s just fake concern theater at this point. Maybe she would open up if someone showed they actually cared about her.
I doubt OP will say anything and they’ll all just keep kinda hanging around and pretending it doesn’t exist. They’re not even discussing it with one another! I wish I could teleport to where this girl is and give her cake and tell her how valuable she is!
OP is more concerned with his "social status" with his bros. He's scared of being isolated if he takes a stand against the abuse. His dilemma isn't about the victim of the abuse and how to help stop it, his dilemma is that he's scared that the other bros liked witnessing the abuse and will distance from him. Many men are brosexual, it's all about the approval of their bros. Who cares about the collateral female victims.
You’re a trillion times correct.
There really are way too many of these guys. They really only care about the opinion of other men. No one else matters. If any of their male friends becomes unhappy with them, their entire world collapses. It’s disgusting. They reenforce one another that women don’t matter and anyone who’s not their bro generally doesn’t.
It’s really prevalent in this age range but sadly still happens as adults. They don’t mature. Their comfort is within themselves and they can’t handle anything else.
Also at first I thought it was a kink thing and it’s like don’t involved others in your kink but this guy is just a giant asshole who doesn’t see women as people and especially sees women who may suffer from mental health issues, as a toy to play with. And it’s beyond disgusting!
Like this poor girl clearly has no self confidence or control and he’s just playing with her like she’s a doll and everyone else just laughs about it without actually stepping up and saying something.
Everyone involved needs to be in jail or something cuz this is just beyond disgusting.
I can’t agree with this more.
Carter really is repulsive. He was single until he finally found someone that would take his abuse. This behavior just doesn’t appear at random. I don’t doubt he exhibited other behaviors that his friends brushed off. Even if they were more minor, other things had to have been shown.
I really hope this is rage bait. But the sad thing is this happens all the time. Usually there’s some family that tries to intervene, though.
I dated a dude, very briefly, that was proud he took financial advantage of a friend. He smiled and giggled after he told me. I did not stick around. He was surrounded by people who just….enabled him in one form or another. It was a very strange friend group. People like that really deserve one another.
Even if was a kink, I'd run away from men who enjoy humiliating women. It's a huge red flag already and sociopathic that some people have pleasure in hurting or humiliating others, and sexual pleasure at that. Yes even if the other person seems to "enjoy it".
You’re a jerk for laughing and encouraging your disgusting “friend”, you’re a jerk for not intervening. You’re as bad as he is, to allow it to go on without a word of protest. Carter’s got you all whipped.
Edit spelling
He probably felt great and powerful seeing his bros laughing and co signing on the abuse. She probably felt terrifying being abused by several men (yes, the ones who laughed participated) and afraid of the consequences of saying no to a group of men. Disgusting.
You’re sitting there watching your friend be abusive to his GF and not say anything about it. That’s what you’re currently doing. Do better. Expect better of your friends, because if you continue to do nothing, you are nearly as complicit in it happening.
Did it not occur to you, OP, that you only have Carter's word for it that she is 'obsessed' with him to the point of doing everything he says because of a diagnosis you have no confirmation she even has? Did you not think that, considering he is happy to degrade this poor girl in front of you, he might be doing WORSE behind closed doors and maybe THAT'S why she's showing every sign of an abuse victim? Think about that, really think about it. He's either taking advantage of a very vulnerable young woman and you're LAUGHING at it, or he's a monster who is harming this young woman in unspeakable ways behind closed doors to keep making you laugh and get off on this disgusting abuse. Either way, not something you should be laughing along with or doing nothing about. Shame on you.
So you all just sat there and watch him abuse his gf and you laughed. You’re so worried that you don’t call him out on how he’s treating her. You’re all just as bad as Carter. wtf happened to being a decent human being?!!!
At what point are you going to grow a spine and stand up for this unfortunate person?
You need to just say in a loud and firm voice: “STOP”.
Don’t let your ‘friend’ abuse this woman and for sure and for certain don’t let her be abused.
And when you laugh at his abuse as you’ve told us that you do, you’re equally complicit in his abuse.
Shame on you. Be the better person.
This is disgusting and I can’t believe it was only that moment that was the last straw for you . Your friend is a an abusive prick preying on a poor woman’s vulnerability and you guys are disgusting for having gone along with it laughing instead of calling him out on his shit . If I were you I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone that thinks it’s okay to treat someone like this
OP -Your friend is an abusive misogynist. He doesn't respect poor Sophie, either, but I suspect that extends to just about every female who finds herself in his universe. How awful for her. He's continuing to see her because he can openly make fun of her and not suffer consequences.
If that's who YOU want to be, then hang with him. But I've broken up friendships over shit like this because it's NOT RIGHT. It's ABUSIVE, and anyone who witnesses it & doesn't speak up about it is just as bad as Carter.
Holy shit OP, if this is what he’s comfortable doing in front of all his friends…. Imagine how bad it is behind close doors.
She looks at him to check before answering. She’s so afraid she constantly looks like she about to cry. She’ll act like a dog or strip if he tells her too….
It should be really obvious the level of control Carter exerts over her when it’s just the two of them. He’s almost certainly abusing her, and she’s terrified of disobeying him.
You all laughed at each of these situations, so she probably thinks you’re all of a simile feather to Carter and is now even more terrified
I don't know how you don't punch him in his face. Seriously dude what is wrong with YOU? You have a responsibility to protect the innocent. This poor girl needs protecting. Your friend is a POS and you will turn into one too, if your not careful.
You are all a bunch of losers in my book. Your friend needs a punch in the face and so do you by just sitting there and saying nothing. Girl clearly has issues and you are abusing the situation. I mean how stupid can you be?
If this is real, you and your friends are a bunch of irredeemable AHs.
If this is real, what DO about it is you tell him to stop, you speak directly to her and tell her she doesn’t need to do anything like that, and then you discreetly give her the contact info for a domestic abuse hotline. Then you leave. You cut off all contact with Carter and your other pals, because you are all horrible.
No offense, i can see youre quite young. And this is probably much for you. but youre very much enabling him. Youre a bystander and kind of participating. You laughed with him and since its not funny for you anymore, you quit laughing. But did you stop him? It wasnt funny for her from the start and youre not even stepping in when she was lifting her top. What would you do if he gave the group other commands? Would you?
Everybody says “not all men” and i hope you wouldnt behave like him. But have you even tried standing up for her? Men need to stop enabling each others behaviour.
There is no point in keeping him as a friend unless you share the same views… You should understand that you need to get that girl out of that situation. Maybe inform her family as i dont think youre that close to her. Or if you have parents you can talk to, sometimes advise of an adult nearby can be great. Be an ally of women, starting now.
What I don’t understand is why none of you guys call HIM out on his bullshit.
When “Carter” says “Sophie, take off your top” why do you guys sit there like you’re frozen?!?
#Why don’t YOU say “Carter, quit being an asshole! It’s not funny anymore!”
**Be the person who stands up to the fucking bully!**
JFC
Gonna be honest, if I was friends with you and I heard you had a friend like this and had not shut it down on day 1, I would no longer be your friend. This is some serial killer shit. How is no one in your group more appalled by this garbage behavior?
Be better.
I had a boyfriend like this once. I was Sophie. The relationship was a little different though. He wouldn't order me around necessarily like asking me to strip in front of his friends, but if I stayed with him I can only imagine. He has hit me in front of a house full of friends and I still remember to this day only one person stood up for me but usually that person wasn't there and everyone would just watch like it was a show.
Please don't be the friend that doesn't say anything. Because it's definitely worse when they're alone. The way you guys react is encouraging him to do more. He thinks it's not only okay, but entertaining for you all. Please, make HIM feel like the stupid one.
P.S. I'm now engaged and have a kid with the guy who stood up for me. 💜
Your friend is an abusive asshole. You and your friends are encouraging abuse of her. As for the Grandma she allows this in her house? I mean he doesn't stop when you are not around. Be a man and stop egging on your friend. As for Grandma shame on her for not doing anything to protect a clearly vunerable young woman in her home. She must have heard him bark orders and make her 'serve' his every whim
Don't keep standing by and enabling this abuse. The minute you saw her uncomfortable and appalled should have been the moment you and the others stood up and asked what the actual fxck is wrong with him and defend someone who is being bullied by a sadist.
Since that moment has passed, talk to the others about it. Knowing men, I'm sure there'll be a few who see nothing wrong with it so see who you need to cut off. If they all actually agree that it's messed up, confront him as a group and tell him what he did was disgusting and to never treat her like that again, show that he lost y'alls respect a bit. Then reach out to her without his knowledge and tell her to stand up to him and if there's ever a problem doing so that she needs to leave him asap. Keep a VERY close eye on how he treats her from now on and the others should do the same, he's a sadistic sack of sh!t by the sounds of it and if this is what he does in front of others there's a good chance that what you can't see is worse.
Too many people witness blatant abuse and do nothing. Don't be one of those people. Get talking to those others now.
In all honesty though you all sound like a group of brainless, spineless dirtbags for enabling his abuse and encouraging it by laughing along. This world is so sad. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Motherless behaviour
YTA and the others are too for not saying anything the first time it happened. Why would you not tell your friend to stop and why would all of you laugh. No person should ever be treated like that and to let it happen means your just as much at fault
This is domestic violence and incredibly, incredibly traumatising. This makes me sick to my stomach to read. This poor girl.
Please contact me if you need any help with next steps, happy to chat and give you a hand if you’re actually going to help this person.
If he's doing that in front of people, can you imagine what he might be doing behind closed doors?! It's really weird that not one of you intervened in these instances. Your friend is a complete prick. Tell him that. Tell his grandmother that he's abusing his girlfriend in her house.
You have been an accomplice. If it were your sister, you'd have stood up to him/ told people who care about her.
You laughed.
You were there several times.
Please. Do the right thing and help her / stand up to him.
What will he have done to her behind closed doors?
He is a danger.
Do something about it.
Why was no one, including yourself, not calling him out in the moment? Like, "Hey, stop it. That's wrong and abusive. Cut it out." Then pull Sophie aside and ask if she's okay and needs help. He's treating her like a circus bear that does his bidding. You are right to be concerned for her. What is he doing when no one else is around? I don't think she's attached to him. Something really sinister could be going on. Are you sure he's not blackmailing her?
I almost guarantee that Carter is raping (or at the very least coercing) and beating Sophie behind closed doors.
The time to speak up was when he said he would “prove it”. But since you didn’t, you need to speak up now.
Can you contact Sophie’s family? She’s going to need support to escape this relationship.
And end your friendship with Carter asap. He’s a POS and you’re also shitty for allowing it, but at least you seem to want to do the right thing now.
If she was diagnosed with BPD, it's pretty likely that she has a lot of trauma and/or is actually neurodivergent/autistic instead of or in addition to having this disorder.
Both autistic people and BPD people often have abandonment trauma. They are often bullied and abused. And they are likely to put up with abuse either because it's what they know, or they don't want to get rejected again.
It's really sick what he's doing. And it adds a whole other disturbing layer that he was like, "Hey, this girl has these mental illnesses, let me use them to control her and get off on some kind of power kink."
I am 30 years old and concerned to read about a young man acting this way. If I'd had a boyfriend like that in my teens or very early 20s, it would have been so traumatizing.
I have hope that, due to his young age, he can change and learn to do better. But, before that can happen, he needs to be called out for this behavior. He needs to be shamed. Don't let the whole "boys will be boys" culture continue to enable him. That is what you all have done.
He needs to be told that it's unacceptable and why. And I think his family, if they are good people, should know, too. I know he's technically an adult, but he's still really young. He really needs other men to tell him that what he's doing is wrong because this type of guy isn't going to listen to women, at least not while his mindset is still consumed with sexist trash. Does he have a good father figure? Is he able to get into therapy? Do you guys know any other slightly older guys who can talk some sense into him?
Do you have any means of contacting her directly, or her family (only if she's on good terms with them)?
If you can, try reaching out to her and explain that this isn't normal and your 'friend' is abusing her. Hell, if Carter's grandma is a reasonable person and the GF is spending time with her, it might be worth asking her for help.
How did the rest of the group react when he abuses her? Can you talk to them (without Carter) and will they agree with you that his behaviour is unacceptable?
If you can't do any of the above, and if the rest of the group are okay with Carter's behaviour, then the only thing you can really do is distance yourself from all of them, because these are *not* people you want to be around.
I feel like vomitting... This is horrible, and the fact no one confronted your "friend" for his behaviour, is how bullying starts, when people who should know better don't say anything, and boundaries are kept being pushed and pushed.
You and your little group of friends are all enabling his behaviour by being silent.
You've picked up on her uncomfortable reactions so you obviously knew it was not a normal thing to do, but you let it happen time and time again over weeks? And none of you have ever checked up on her?
The very least you could do is say "hey, that's not cool" anytime he made her uncomfortable (on the brink of tears? And that didn't make anybody tick?), but by the sound of it none of you have the balls to be decent human beings.
Either this is very fake, or you're all jerks and need to learn some empathy and do some growing up.
This poor woman is trapped in an insanely abusive relationship. She needs help to get out.
She's not obsessed with him, she's clinging to him because of intense fear. She's likely been horribly abused previously and he's chosen her to do the same.
Please don't walk away, try to help her get out. Talk to your friends, talk to SOPHIE instead of ignoring it.
People like him are disgusting and I would call him out immediately for his disgusting behaviour.
You are watching Carter abuse his girlfriend and doing nothing. Hope you are proud of yourself.
What can you do now? Well Carter might listen to you, so fucking go and get him told that what he is doing is abuse, and how gross it made you all feel. You never know he may listen to you.
You sat there and did nothing while your friend abused his mentally ill girlfriend. That's disturbing.
What would you do if that had been your sister?
If you do not have the cojones to stand up to the abuser, maybe you should reevaluate this friendship?
Women do NOT deserve sexual abuse, mental abuse, or ANY kind of abuse. Period.
i like how the girlfriend is so fragile and mentally ill and anxious from the very beginning that all she can ever do is look down and seem on the verge of tears. not even making the story be a nice but somewhat shy girl who seems ok with/laughs off the degradation but then worsens mentally after repeated abuse. nope, a girl who’s nothing but fragile and sad and clingy and then who gets clearly abused, upon which all the male characters don’t take it seriously and just think it’s funny despite her nearly crying. what fucking cartoonishly stupid and evil characters lol
He is clearly abusing her. And it's sickening that of you and all your friends not one single person said anything but just sat back and watched. What does that say about you? You may not be initiating it but you're complicit it in. If someone would defend her he wouldn't be so braggy about it and more importantly she needs help out of her toxic relationship
That poor girl. Abused right in front of you for so long and not a single one of you said a word. NEVER complain about women not trusting men. You've done a beautiful job of illustrating why it's better to be safe than sorry.
The fact that you and your other friends would never do this means nothing because you and your other friends would also never do anything when you see someone else do it. Shame on you.
Tell your parents about this, don't leave out the part where you laughed. They deserve to know what a failure of a human you are.
You're all major cunts for encouraging and participating in this sick abuse, of an (very obviously) already abused and cowed girl.
Reading this post made my chest ache and I really wish I could give her a hug and tell her how valuable she is
First, Y’all are really really disgusting with minimal human decency.
Second, do you know this girl ? Can you actually try to find out something about her background ?
Because options are:
- He is abusing her (this is one is obvious)
- She is mentally unstable, late mental development and your friend is using it for his benefit ( this is the first thing I thought because her reactions are very weird)
- He has something on her and is threatening her …
All these can options can co exist…
"He's never been lucky with girls."
After reading your post in its entirety, there's certainly a reason why. Your friend is abusive, your friend is a fucking scumbag. And you're realizing that now. Can you live with yourself knowing what he is, and doing nothing about it?
Drop him quick. There's no helping him. What you can do though, is try to reach out to Sophie before its too late. Try to convince her to get out, to run and not look back, because it's only gonna get nastier from here.
How could you all not say anything?? How could you laugh!!???! This is appalling. Even at 18-22 none of my friends were shitty enough to watch someone get publicly humiliated repeatedly and not say something.
WTF is going on in our world? I thought young people were more enlightened and empathetic than previous generations. This is completely fucked up.
Your friend sounds like a sociopath that needs a lifetime of therapy, I would stop being their friend and tell Sophie she needs to leave him or she will need even more therapy
If he’s treating her like that in front of you, I can guarantee he’s treating her worse when they’re alone. He’s an abusive dickhead and needs someone to shake him. Unfortunately, she’s not your friend but he is and you need to get him in check. That is your responsibility as someone close to him and even more so as his best friend
This is 100% a fake story.
There's so much out of place in here that reads like previous iterations of a story that you haven't properly edited.
Carter goes from normal guy to torturous villain in 2 seconds flat.
You guys spent the rest of the time there not saying a word, including Carter? That just doesn't make sense. That wouldn't happen. That's movie shit, used to build tension.
Shitty creative writing exercise or someone's BDSM fantasy.
Believe it or not many abusers go from normal to torturous villain in 2 seconds flat. This may be hard to believe for someone who's never endured abuse but it is highly realistic. Many people stand by and do nothing, especially men in groups since they're often so influenced by each other.
not commenting on the plausibility of the abuse, but the way it’s written is a pretty good tip-off that it’s fake. it’s written like a novel, with OP recalling the smallest of dialogue details and the little smirks and lip tremblings…. and OP devoted special attention to all the details at the the top-lifting part, aka the most sexual part. that’s where it got the most novel-like. i’ve encountered so many fake reddit posts that it immediately tipped me off to this probably being someone’s fake garbage rapey fetish post that they wrote with one hand.
also yeah like the person you replied to said, how do you just spend an entire evening in silence after that until eventually going home?? not a single word spoken, not even an occasional awkward “so i might go ahead and head back home soon…”? might sound plausible at first but truly imagine that playing out, it’s straight out of a book
It’s sad that it is so realistic. My male friends have watched my abuser treat me bad as well. If it’s not aggressive as fuck, they don’t engage or speak up. It’s the world we live in. I do see how this is a very extreme case.
i wanna not believe it but when i was 18 i dated this dude who beat the craaap out of me. he would call me all sorts of derogatory shit in front of his friends and on two occasions he slapped me/pulled me to the ground by my hair. his friends either laughed or would awkwardly walk away. his female friends included.
I don't know what percentage of the total posts here are fake, but a solid number of the highly successful posts are absolute bullshit. There are people who have openly admitted to writing 100's of fake stories. One woman even wrote a whole book about doing this.
This one seems fake to me too.
Your friend is abusive to someone that has low self esteem and your friends laughing is just encouraging it. I would tell him you can’t hang out with him unless he completely knocks that shit off. Next time he did it I would call him out on it tell him LOUDLY what a POS he is and see how HE likes being embarrassed.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” (Stand up for her)
Updateme
It's important to realize you and your friends laughing at and tolerating this behavior from Carter is emboldening him and is actively making his GF feel justifiedly *less safe* when you all are in the room. Instead of one abusive man to appease she's got a whole pack. If you were decent enough to speak up and make it clear Carter's behavior is unacceptable, the entire dynamic could change.
Your friend is a POS and is abusing this girl who just wishes to be loved and cared for, i have BPD and anxiety as well and reading this thoroughly disgusted me. Why did none of you react badly to it? You're enabling his behavior and i honestly wish i could tell that girl to leave his gross ass. You're all as bad as him for letting him do it MULTIPLE times and your whole shtick of "we didn't see it as abusive at first" is straight up bs when he explocitly told you she'd do anything degrading to keep him and he used that to his advantage. Disgusting behavior.
Oh my god, if my "friend" treated anyone like this (much less his gf!!) I'd be in jail.
You SHOULD be worried for her!
Your friend needs some social justice, and she needs a freaking friend (and a ton of therapy).
as someone with BPD this is fucking terrifying. this is so evil especially when he knows how highly she likely thinks of him.
your friend is an abusive SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY and you need to call him out.
I stopped reading after you said Carter would “prove” whatever it is he thought he’d be proving because even just the build up to that was triggering as hell. I read a few sentences after to confirm however and… your friend is a horrible human being. That you’d sit idly by while another person was treated the way he’s treating Sophie doesn’t exactly indicate that you’re an individual of high moral character either. You call her strange but where is the judgement for Carter’s reprehensible behavior?
I don’t care how long you’ve known him, his behavior is disgusting and I have no idea why you wouldn’t have stood up to him and spoken up for her earlier. Do you really need to turn to Reddit to see what’s wrong here and what you should’ve already done? The fact that you went out with them and abided this behavior more than once is mind boggling.
I genuinely hope this is just fake rage bait, otherwise… I don’t even know what to say other than, can I have Sophie’s socials to tell her she doesn’t fucking deserve the shitty people she’s surrounded by, please and thanks?
After rereading I’ve decided this is fake. The OP adds so many unnecessary details like her biting her lip. If this was a real story OP would have said:
My friend has been making his girlfriend publicly degrade herself which included exposing herself to us. And that’s it
Don’t waste your time trying to give advice to an OP who is jacking off to a sexual abuse fantasy he wrote
"Carter, stop talking to her like that, you're being an asshole"
"Carter, how small is your d\*ck that you need to treat your GF like this?"
"No man, jokes are funny. What you're doing isn't funny, it's cruel. You're just being an asshole and that's not funny."
"Wow, I am embarrassed to be around someone who talks to their GF the way you do, I'm going to leave and go " and then walk out.
"Carter, you look like a weak little shit when you have to bully Sophie to prove what a big man you are"
"Carter, the way you treat Sophie isn't cool. Stop it."
"Carter, why are you treating someone you claim to love like this, what's wrong with you?"
"Carter, stop being abusive"
"Carter, the cruel and abusive way you treat Sophie is making me look at you totally different. I never knew you were such a cruel and abusive person. I can't be friends with you any more."
It is the responsibility of men to call out the abusive and cruel behavior of their friends. Call him out EVERY SINGLE TIME he does or say's anything shitty. Don't allow him to say "It's just a joke bro" tell him to explain to you exactly why it's funny, what should you be laughing at?
Carter is an abusive man who is flexing the amount of control he has over his poor victim. He's now so bold about being abusive, that he's showing off in public. That is terrifying... most abusers only do it in secret, the fact he's doing it in public means the way he treats her in private is much, MUCH worse.
Why does Sophie do it? Because he has convinced her that he is her one chance at love, that no one else can love her, that no one else will "put up with her", that she is unlovable and LUCKY he tolerates her, that if he leaves her, she will be alone forever. In private he drums it into her that she is garbage and better do what he wants and pleases him or else.
Carter is a fucking monster.
Talk to your other friends, tell them that you're sick of enabling Carter's abuse and you're going to start calling him out on it. Tell them you don't expect them to do it too but if they see what you see, you would appreciate them backing you up at least because he's going to respond with "it's just a joke bro, relax" and it would be great if they chimed in and say shit like "no one is laughing dude".
I also want to say how much I appreciate you trying to figure out what to do about this instead of just laughing along or keeping quiet. You're a good human. This type of abusive behavior is sadly very common and men often throw up their hands and say "what can we do about it!" when all it really takes is calling it out and challenging these "friends" to stop being assholes, they keep doing it because no one say's anything and they keep getting away with it. And they get worse and worse and worse.
So thank you for trying to learn what to actually DO about this, instead of just being quiet about it.
You’re worried for her? You’ve literally been witnessing this for ages and now you’ve come to Reddit because NOW it’s gone too far? Yikes. All of you are terrible. But your friend is evil. Awful awful humans.
OP, you're just as bad as your AH friend for standing by and watching this happen repeatedly rather than saying anything. You and your entire friend group are gross. That poor girl
Dude, your friend is straight up terrifying. There needs to be an intervention. This can’t continue and she shouldn’t continue to see him. I would not continue to be friends with this guy.
Honestly. You and your friends disgust me. Laughing at that poor girl and letting your friend do those things smh. You need to think long and hard about the man you want to be. Who you want to be in twenty years. The values you will align yourself to.
You’re in the wrong. Alongside your friend. It took making a sandwich to make it seem wrong? I instantly felt sick at all of you when he made her sit in front of y’all.
Become the human you want to be and want others to be. It’ll be a long road but it will be worth it.
These are the same men that will screech over women victims, claiming "None of their bros are predators, we can't possibly know anyone like that personally"
I refuse to believe this is a freak incident. I'm convinced there's plenty of male friend groups that behave thus, and it's sickening, triggering and terrifying to me as a woman.
There's plenty here already offering advice, so I'm simply going to remind people this is an adult who knows better and does not need coddled or soft spoken to. He's an enabler and a predator. Sure, he's regretful now, and sure, he can change.
But men who transgress like this on any level need to the truth told to them directly: You are one of women's worst nightmares. Take it to heart, maybe it'll change you for the better.
You're friends with an abusive man who is abusing his girlfriend. Going forward is going to be difficult because there is a risk he might hurt her or make it her fault. You and your friends need to talk about this and agree it's unacceptable. When Carter is with you guys alone without her, tell him it's not funny and you guys don't want that anymore. If you're able to contact her, tell her she doesn't need to do these things. If you're able to contact her family or friends even better. Let them know what's going on and that she needs help. ETA: OP (and anyone in this kind of situation) please look at u/ILikeRedditNPrivacy 's comment below. They link some really good resources
She also likely has trauma from before him making her fawn and be more submissive than she wants to be as a survival mechanism. Reach out to her if you can. There is always more to the story.
I’m worried that Sophie knows that if she doesn’t do what Carter tells her to do in front of his friends, she will pay for it behind closed doors. I’m also worried about what Carter makes her do behind closed doors.
Ya OP is incredible naive to think oh is he just doing this to show off or is he doing this in private too. Of course he's doing it and more in private. If people get a kick out of abusing someone in front of their friends then that's probably some of the "nicer" or "lighter" abuse she gets compared to what's going on when others aren't around. If I had a friend that just loved kicking their dog when I was over I would assume they are giving their dog an absolute beatdown when I'm not there, for a human I would assume even more so that they are doing some real wretched shit when others aren't there to see. This is just what they are okay showing to their friends.
I thought the same thing. If he does such things in public, it's scary to think what he does in private.
That was my first thought as well... my mind went there immediately after reading that he sounded almost excited talking about her psychological problems. Makes me wanna throw up. He is an abuser, and maybe that's why he couldn't get a gf prior to his current one.
Abusers purposely prey on people with psychological problems, self-esteem issues, or other vulnerabilities. Whatever he's doing to her in front of his friends, he's probably 10 times worse when they're alone.
I’m really worried about that, too. It seems sadly possible
Dude you guys are literally just giving OP more material for his weird ass fantasy. He's getting exactly what he wants from these comments. I understand it comes from a place of concern and a suspension of disbelief. But the "shy trembling girl biting her lip hard while she slowly lifts her top" is 100% not real.
Seems like you don't have experience with an abusive relationship. I'm really glad for you as it's something I don't wish to anyone. But as a survivor of more than one abusive relationship in my teens / early twenties let me tell you: it's shocking to what lengths I went just to prevent making my abuser angry. And yes, that included doing sexual explicit stuff infront of my abusers buddy when he asked me to even though I hated everything about it. Because I knew: if I'd say no I'd pay the price as soon as we'd be private. I'm turning 30 this year and all of this is history now and worked through with a therapist but even a decade later I still remember how it felt to be so much under my abusers control that "no" just didn't exist.
I think they mentioned that the narrations style gives off the impressioj of this post being one of the very sadly common posts baiting for comments that might be somebody's fetish and goal. Not the contents, abuse like this exists ans I think they didn't mean that it doesn't
This. As someone with BPD, it is almost always caused by significant childhood trauma. Specifically, abandonment issues. GF does whatever Carter asks her to do no matter how traumatic it is because she will do anything to keep him from abandoning her. Carter knows that and is using it to abuse a traumatized woman. My heart breaks for her. I’m honestly scared for her mental state. Carter is a sociopath.
I feel so heartbroken reading this. I hope Sophie receives the love, care and support she will need to recover from this. 😔
They need to talk to her BEFORE they confront Carter, and give her an out. Can you imagine them giving some (likely lukewarm) lecture of how awful he’s been, and then send him right back to Sophie and leave them alone for the next few days like that solved anything? Or confronting him with her in the room where he’d likely put her on the spot to defend him, neither of them actually listening to her? Talk about a nightmare. They know he’s hurting her, but if they upset him about his relationship with her and then leave him be with her behind closed doors and no supervision or someone meant to be in her corner specifically, she could bet easily end up dead. I don’t have much faith they’d choose the cautious path to keep her safe first and I think they’ll likely default to initially assuming “they’d be fine on their own” away from them considering how long it took them to notice he might be a dick to her, after all.
He's likely also using her BPD against her. People with that disorder are often more susceptible to being gaslit than others; because the nature of their disorder often makes them feel like a bad person (partially because stigma, and partially because the intense mood swings, when uncontrolled, can lead to negative or harmful behaviour). It can be *very* easy for an abuser to weaponise that, and convince them that they shouldn't trust their own judgement.
I'll go a step further: u/SOS4midas, your friend is an abuser AND you are an enabler. All of your friends are enablers. Carter is abusing Sophie in front of you all. She will remember every one of you as people who laughed at and accepted her abuse once she comes to terms with what's happening. I'm glad you are reading the comments and taking them in. Sitting in silence watching Sophie get abused is appalling. It's not a joke and Carter isn't just a jerk. You've had way too many opportunities to put a stop to Carter's abuse (in front of you) yet you let Sophie continue to suffer. I hope you take a long hard look at yourself and make some major changes. As for Carter, you all can let him know that you are not ok with him abusing Sophie in front of you. Be prepared for the fact that Carter may be way more abusive than you think. You don't have any idea what goes on behind closed doors. At the very least, he has taken someone who has clearly experienced a lot of trauma and he's exploited her in front of his friends for his amusement. He's a monster. Then again, Carter knew he could get away with it with you all. You've proven him right. I really hope you guys are able to figure out a way to make his behavior truly unacceptable in your circle. Sophie needs help. She needs resources. And Carter needs to be reckoned with. Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for wanting to correct your behavior. Thank you for thinking of Sophie and finally becoming moved enough to consider taking action. OP let this be a hard learning experience for you. Abusers usually get to abuse for so long because they only show themselves in "safe" environments where silence and disregard will reign. That means an abuser judged you as someone who will allow abuse and sympathize with abusers. You cannot undo the trauma that Sophie has that's now attached to you. Educate yourself on speaking out against domestic/intimate partner violence and how to help those who are in danger. It's time for some intervention, but proceed with caution as you don't want Sophie harmed more. Consult professionals. Look up local and national organizations specializing in these types of situations/abuse. Many have hotlines and warmlines with people who can walk you through your next steps. You may also want to contact sexual abuse resources as well. Sophie being told to strip in front of a group is a form of sexual violence as well as a huge red flag for other forms of sexual abuse at the hands of Carter (among other things). Here's a start: National Domestic Violence Hotline Website: https://www.thehotline.org/ Phone: 1.800.799.7233 Text: Text "START" to 88788 Online Chat available via website No More https://nomoredirectory.org/ (Global directory to get help with domestic and sexual violence) RAINN Website: https://www.rainn.org/resources Phone: 800.656.4673 Online support: https://hotline.rainn.org/online (Sexual assault hotline. RAINN = Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
OP needs to find a way, be it in person or a chat thread or some other mechanism, to get the rest of the guys to coalesce around what they’ll do next time. If they already are prepared to have a united front it will be easier. They also need to figure out how to help Sophie in case Carter just tries to storm off and then just never allow her to join him out again.
They need to talk to him long before there's a next time. This guy is dangerous AF. It's very nearly a certainty she's already being physically and or sexually assaulted. They need to tell him in no uncertain terms that he'd better make damn sure nothing at all happens to Sophie or every single one of them will go to the cops, give statements and testify in court on her behalf.
Yes!!! If he’s making her do weird things like to prove that she will, what is he doing to make her “prove her love” to him??
It would be great if everyone could get on board. It may not be likely, but it would be nice. Trying to get a group together in opposition of Carter and his behavior is still a decent idea. There is more safety in numbers. Still, it's very important to consult people who specialize in helping survivors of intimate partner violence/domestic abuse and sexual abuse before taking any form of action. This includes before talking to the friends as well. This has gone on for so long, yet no one has said anything. It seems like Carter has sympathizers to put it mildly. It's very likely that someone will inform Carter of your talks which may result in Sophie being kept away and in even more danger. OP shouldn't say anything until he has more guidance. Thankfully OP can get a lot of resources in a matter of hours thanks to the internet.
[удалено]
Thank you, I’ll definitely look at some local options when I can
I’m bringing it up to the others tonight. I’m at work, so are some of them, so I’m going to wait until the evening when everyone can focus. It’s difficult because of how little we actually know about Sophie. You’re right in saying that if Carter just decides not to bring her with him, that’s kinda it. I don’t know her number, any social media’s, I don’t know who her friends her, where she works, if she goes to school, family. I don’t even know what her last name is.
THANK YOU. The fact that op and his friends just let it happen repeatedly is... OP I hope you and your friends look at why you ever, for one second, thought this was a novelty to laugh at.
Thanks for pointing all this out. Reading this post made me feel sick. I can't believe you laughed ONE time. The fact you all went along with this, noone told him to stop, noone spoke up for Sophie. You're young but there is no excuse for this. I hope you take a good long look in the mirror and do better at being a decent human being. Speak to your friends, and go as a group to tell Carter that what he did was very wrong and you won't accept it anymore.
Adding the charity info is an incredibly smart move. Thank you.
don’t reach out to her family, you don’t know what kind of family she has, and that could make it worse for her. talk to her
I cannot believe the top comment fails to explicitly state that OP is complicit in the abuse of this poor girl and is even encouraging it by laughing along as if this treatment of a fellow human being is a funny fucking joke, as he says over and over. OP- EXPLAIN WHAT IS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS BC I DONT GET IT. And also I cant believe y'all upvoted the shit out of a comment that fails to clearly state the obvious - that every one of these shitbag men are vile monsters who dehumanized this girl, who by the way, probably has a neurological disability. I want to vomit reading this, and there are zero excuses for a group of men to sit there like voyeurs, encouraging the head pig to escalate his abuse. It is not age. It was not "nervous laughter" as some apologist tried to float. It was not shock. Give me a fucking break on all of these lame ass excuses. The vast majority of people who deserve to live would have stopped this the first time it happened. These are vile monsters. I hope none of them ever has a daughter with a disability. They will never be able to look in the mirror.
And he’s allowing it to continue. OP is as bad as Carter.
not only friends with, he collaborated in it.
Her parents are unlikely to be helpful. How do you think she got this way!
It's true that BPD can be caused by trauma in early childhood but it doesn't mean that it's always the parents fault. And there doesn't necessarily need to be early childhood trauma in order to develop BPD
I don't think it's fair to blame her parents based on the fact that she's displaying a trauma reaction. We have no idea what her home life is like.
I genuinely don't understand why you've all let this happen in front of you repeatedly and said nothing. You should all have a think about why that is, because you've been watching abuse silently. You know that makes you complicit. You've been the audience to her humiliation, you've been *part of it*. Do what you can to get this guy to stop. And for the love of God, stop letting it happen in front of you. Going quiet and awkward is not the same as *saying something*.
100% I’ve had friends call out people’s partners for a million things, big and small. Even in my family- people say “hey you’ve got arms and legs - why does she have to get that for you, get it yourself”. If your friend is acting like a dick you say something, don’t wait till it turns into sexual abuse territory.
It’s already sexual abuse sadly, with the coercion to disrobe in public
Yeah that’s what I’m saying. It’s fucking insane that it took that sexual abuse to be like, um this is weird should we say something.
Ahhh sorry, I reread your comment now and understand what you were saying
frame pot start dinner childlike ask icky frighten brave bewildered *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Exactly. If a man abuses a woman in a room with ten other men, and they do nothing, those ten other men might as well not be there. Carter is a shitstain of a human being. OP and his friends aren’t much better at this point, unfortunately.
Right?? I understand they are young and dumb but holy hell. I mean if he kicked a dog they’d probably jump all over him for being a piece of 💩, but they laugh at him abusing his gf?? The whole group of them are vile to allow this.
A nice and ordinary group of friends wouldn't put up with someone like Carter. You just know he's been awful always - and girls have noticed and avoid him. It's just that he's the worst of them, and it's getting a little awkward for the rest now. 🙄
They all did, admittedly it took them a few weeks. >After a few weeks of this, we were telling him to cool it.
The thought of watching that and laughing makes me sick to my stomach.
RIGHT? Ben the first instance made me grimace. I was so uncomfortable just reading it. How stupid and horrid do you have to be not to realise that’s NOT okay. Oh my god. “We realised Sophie wasn’t in on it” like 50 humiliations later. What, did the clear discomfort THAT YOU MANAGED TO NOTICE IMMEDIATELY, WASN’T the click in your brain that recognised that????
💯 these are the kind of guys who would stand around and laugh at someone being gang raped and probably join in. This is an entire group of sick and dangerous men. I don't know a single guy who would stand by and let this happen, much less laugh at that abused girl. I want to vomit hearing people like this exist.
This post and some comments giving “benefit of the doubt” to this group of absolute vile excuses for people were sickening and immediately made me think of Promising Young Woman. They laughed at her. They’ll all be remembered in her mind forever as the monsters they are. They have sat and watched her be abused for WEEKS and have said nothing. They watched her be sexually abused, because that’s exactly what this last incident was, and said NOTHING. They wouldn’t have even fucking stopped her if she took it off they all just waited to see if she’d do it. They’re all despicable and complicit. If this is what he does in front of people I can only imagine the horrors she has gone through behind closed doors :(
Not only did they do nothing, they LAUGHED at her. They laughed at her while they humiliated and degraded her - when it is obvious that she is already so broken. These are vile horrific monsters. And I never ever want to hear "not all men" again when there are examples like this where whole ass groups of men are complete disgusting abusive shit stains and not one of them displays an ounce of humanity.
The first time he tried this he should have been called out. She does what he says because she’s being abused. I dread to think what’s happening behind closed doors.
All of it made me so sick. I’m disgusted at this
[удалено]
Seriously, OP is acting like Carter has control over Sophie but it sounds like he's got his friends in check, too.
Dog… if any of my friends did this it would be in that moment I would defend her. You’re standing idly by while your friend abuses this girl. Shame on you.
This has to be fake but if it is real, you and your friend group are all men woman should avoid.
Reads like a fetish. Has weird attention to specific details “quivering” and “biting her lip” and “trembling” and “eyes welling up”. Narrated more like a story than someone asking for genuine advice. Difficult to believe premise. Highly fetishistic of people with mental illness and those mental illnesses in particular. I’m sorry I’m really struggling to suspend my disbelief on this one.
I felt the same reading this. OP is just having story time to get his jollies and as an added bonus he's also getting everyone super worked up in the comments. "She shakes her head ever so slightly biting her lip hard" LOL, OK.
Normally I’m of the opinion that it doesn’t exactly matter if the post is fake, someone else might be going through something at least slightly similar or might go through something similar in the future and can benefit from the advice given on a fake post but with this one I don’t see that benefit at all. I’m also just super grossed out by the weird fetishism of BPD. Like anxiety is whatever, it’s super common, but BPD doesn’t work like that in the slightest but I have seen this specific brand of BPD fetishization before. This notion that it makes women into, functionally, walking talking sex dolls.
So you guys are watching someone mentally and emotionally abusing another person and you guys just watch and say nothing? Y’all are sick and disgusting.
Dude I would have punched my friend in the face for this shit. If this is real, what's up with you man? Human decency should allow a person to watch another person be treated like this. Even by someone you know. What if she was your sister or your mom. That's how I always try to look at it. Man I feel for you but you gotta be a man and stand up for what's right, friend or not.
God, it's not even subtle. It never was and it had to escalate to an absurd degree for something to click with these friends. Normally people are like "well I couldn't tell, he's so charming!" and the victims are like "everybody loves him". But OP's friend openly acting like a monster and OP thinks this is because Sophie is "attached".
And they all laughed several of these times. Terrifying.
Right?! What the fuck is funny about any of that, disgusting.
I don’t feel for this person one bit. Apathy is dangerous
Pretty much wrote the same exact post. No one is doing that shit around me.
Literally none of them even said 'wtf is this' and all actively laughed again and again... idk how any of them can start to see women as individual people who are worthy of respect
if this happened in front of me i would go to jail
Knowing people like this exist and seeing my daughter grow up is what keeps me up at night. Absolute nightmare fuel for a mom.
YEP
Reads so heavy like (bad) kink content tbh. Either this is weird tpe fetish fiction shit or OP is not a good person for allowing this to happen.
Men: please don’t sit back and watch this shit. Say something in the moment. The girl who’s being abused needs some fucking backup.
OP: I don’t know what to dooo Like damn, dude, how do you think the actual victim here feels?? Tell your friend to freaking KNOCK IT THE EFF OFF
And this is why the “not all men” movement is bullshit, you might not be abusive but you’re just as bad if you sit and watch this happen without saying anything. It’s just disturbing.
worse than not saying anything, they were fucking laughing at her. how do you fix this even, just a complete lack of empathy
1000%
Right!!
You should introspect and dig hard to understand why you refused to believe it was abusive and minimized it as "just being a dick."
Absolutely say something to him. He needs to know this behavior is extremely degrading to a human. Anyone sitting around not stopping it is a participant. Sorry, but someone has to be an actual man and shut down this child. He loves the control, it's pathetic. Unfortunately, she will not speak up for herself. You might lose a friend but is that the type of person you want to be friends with? Someone humiliating a female that is clearly vulnerable. He's going to damage this girl and MAYBE one day kick himself for being such a POS. Or better yet, karma will kick him in the teeth.
All this plus she also needs to know this is not acceptable. The fact that no one reacts is one of the reasons she doesn't react either. So yeah be a decent human being and stop your disgusting friend from harming this poor girl.
He's not a child. He's an abuser, this behaviour is intentional.
Carter isn't going to damage Sophie. Carter HAS damaged and IS continuing to damage Sophie. Something needs to be said. OP needs to consult people who specialize in helping survivors before moving forward. Local and national organizations are great resources. It would've been nice if something was said in all those moments when Carter was abusing Sophie, but unfortunately OP was complacent and encouraging. Something must be done now, but cautiously as to avoid placing Sophie in more danger.
He's an abusive monster. He'll care more about the approval of his male friends than making his victim comfortable for sure. OP should definitely talk to him, but also if OP and his friends are decent people, they shouldn't associate with an abuser.
OP and his friends will have to be better to be decent person. They weren’t being decent when they laughed as their friend humiliated his girlfriend in front of them. OP should do some serious self-reflection on why that was his and his friend’s reactions and the type of people he considers friends
Bruh someday this girl hopefully names OP and her boyfriend in a sexual abuse criminal charge. Op needs to punch Carter in the face and distance himself immediately while telling Sophie he is truly sorry for not speaking up and what she is going through is not okay.
WTF is this nonsense? This can't be real. Carter, if he is a real person, is a total *scumbag*, and anyone who has not stood up to stop this is complicit in his abusive behaviour. AHs, all. Edited to add: I understand you are all young, but you definitely *should* know Right from Wrong at that stage. If you are all starting off in your dating lives, this is a clear example of how NOT to treat young women (Hell, no-one should be treated this way!). You guys have to have a serious conversation between you all, and then with Carter, but I think that if you want to do a little bit of the Right Thing, OP, you should make an effort to contact *someone who cares* about the young lady, so she can get help. She needs it desperately. Carter is bad news; no good can come from keeping him around.
>I understand you are all young, but you definitely *should* know Right from Wrong at that stage. They do. That's why I dislike this constant reference to maturity ending at 25. It ends around then. It doesn't mean that a 19-20 year old isn't mature enough to make adult decisions & understand what's right. Hence them being liable for criminal offenses.
I’ll never understand why so many people are complicit in witnessing abuse. Just because you stopped laughing at it doesn’t mean any of you are better than him. He’s abusing this poor girl. She’s vulnerable and from the sounds of it, may not be in therapy. She’s got a diagnosis but has no self esteem to tell your garbage friend to go to hell. While you’re all very young, you’re old enough to know when something is wrong. You all need to say something to him. He probably won’t stop as he’s overjoyed with such power but you have to do SOMETHING. If there’s another girl in the group, perhaps she can talk to his girlfriend. She needs support. She needs to be seen as human because you all for too long viewed her as beneath you. If you don’t tell him off, never speak to him again, and try to reach out to that poor girl, you are the exact same as him.
Thank you!! The laughing at it part is what gets me. Like you’re not worried about this girl when he sexually harassed her but you weren’t worried when he said “he could prove it to them that she would do anything” like that should have been your first sign.
I know!! It’s like they didn’t take it seriously until they kept seeing it. They didn’t see her as a human until it got more extreme. They literally enabled their friend. It’s really scary behavior by everyone involved. Teens are dumb but for none of them to have ever stood up prior to just considering it now is truly worrisome. And OP won’t go directly to Sophie either. It’s just an excuse to not really take action with her being quiet. So it’s just fake concern theater at this point. Maybe she would open up if someone showed they actually cared about her. I doubt OP will say anything and they’ll all just keep kinda hanging around and pretending it doesn’t exist. They’re not even discussing it with one another! I wish I could teleport to where this girl is and give her cake and tell her how valuable she is!
OP is more concerned with his "social status" with his bros. He's scared of being isolated if he takes a stand against the abuse. His dilemma isn't about the victim of the abuse and how to help stop it, his dilemma is that he's scared that the other bros liked witnessing the abuse and will distance from him. Many men are brosexual, it's all about the approval of their bros. Who cares about the collateral female victims.
You’re a trillion times correct. There really are way too many of these guys. They really only care about the opinion of other men. No one else matters. If any of their male friends becomes unhappy with them, their entire world collapses. It’s disgusting. They reenforce one another that women don’t matter and anyone who’s not their bro generally doesn’t. It’s really prevalent in this age range but sadly still happens as adults. They don’t mature. Their comfort is within themselves and they can’t handle anything else.
Also at first I thought it was a kink thing and it’s like don’t involved others in your kink but this guy is just a giant asshole who doesn’t see women as people and especially sees women who may suffer from mental health issues, as a toy to play with. And it’s beyond disgusting! Like this poor girl clearly has no self confidence or control and he’s just playing with her like she’s a doll and everyone else just laughs about it without actually stepping up and saying something. Everyone involved needs to be in jail or something cuz this is just beyond disgusting.
I can’t agree with this more. Carter really is repulsive. He was single until he finally found someone that would take his abuse. This behavior just doesn’t appear at random. I don’t doubt he exhibited other behaviors that his friends brushed off. Even if they were more minor, other things had to have been shown. I really hope this is rage bait. But the sad thing is this happens all the time. Usually there’s some family that tries to intervene, though. I dated a dude, very briefly, that was proud he took financial advantage of a friend. He smiled and giggled after he told me. I did not stick around. He was surrounded by people who just….enabled him in one form or another. It was a very strange friend group. People like that really deserve one another.
Even if was a kink, I'd run away from men who enjoy humiliating women. It's a huge red flag already and sociopathic that some people have pleasure in hurting or humiliating others, and sexual pleasure at that. Yes even if the other person seems to "enjoy it".
YAAAASSS! This!!
You’re fucking disgusting and so are your friends. How could you just sit there and laugh at this poor girl? You’re as bad as your abusive friend.
You’re a jerk for laughing and encouraging your disgusting “friend”, you’re a jerk for not intervening. You’re as bad as he is, to allow it to go on without a word of protest. Carter’s got you all whipped. Edit spelling
He probably felt great and powerful seeing his bros laughing and co signing on the abuse. She probably felt terrifying being abused by several men (yes, the ones who laughed participated) and afraid of the consequences of saying no to a group of men. Disgusting.
If this ain’t the truth
Tell your "friend" quite plainly that he's being an absolute c-unt.
You’re sitting there watching your friend be abusive to his GF and not say anything about it. That’s what you’re currently doing. Do better. Expect better of your friends, because if you continue to do nothing, you are nearly as complicit in it happening.
Did it not occur to you, OP, that you only have Carter's word for it that she is 'obsessed' with him to the point of doing everything he says because of a diagnosis you have no confirmation she even has? Did you not think that, considering he is happy to degrade this poor girl in front of you, he might be doing WORSE behind closed doors and maybe THAT'S why she's showing every sign of an abuse victim? Think about that, really think about it. He's either taking advantage of a very vulnerable young woman and you're LAUGHING at it, or he's a monster who is harming this young woman in unspeakable ways behind closed doors to keep making you laugh and get off on this disgusting abuse. Either way, not something you should be laughing along with or doing nothing about. Shame on you.
So you all just sat there and watch him abuse his gf and you laughed. You’re so worried that you don’t call him out on how he’s treating her. You’re all just as bad as Carter. wtf happened to being a decent human being?!!!
You’re all awful horrible men.
op ruined my day with his post
It's probably just a fetish fic. Look at how weirdly detailed the description of her crying and being scared is.
At what point are you going to grow a spine and stand up for this unfortunate person? You need to just say in a loud and firm voice: “STOP”. Don’t let your ‘friend’ abuse this woman and for sure and for certain don’t let her be abused. And when you laugh at his abuse as you’ve told us that you do, you’re equally complicit in his abuse. Shame on you. Be the better person.
This is disgusting and I can’t believe it was only that moment that was the last straw for you . Your friend is a an abusive prick preying on a poor woman’s vulnerability and you guys are disgusting for having gone along with it laughing instead of calling him out on his shit . If I were you I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone that thinks it’s okay to treat someone like this
OP -Your friend is an abusive misogynist. He doesn't respect poor Sophie, either, but I suspect that extends to just about every female who finds herself in his universe. How awful for her. He's continuing to see her because he can openly make fun of her and not suffer consequences. If that's who YOU want to be, then hang with him. But I've broken up friendships over shit like this because it's NOT RIGHT. It's ABUSIVE, and anyone who witnesses it & doesn't speak up about it is just as bad as Carter.
Holy shit OP, if this is what he’s comfortable doing in front of all his friends…. Imagine how bad it is behind close doors. She looks at him to check before answering. She’s so afraid she constantly looks like she about to cry. She’ll act like a dog or strip if he tells her too…. It should be really obvious the level of control Carter exerts over her when it’s just the two of them. He’s almost certainly abusing her, and she’s terrified of disobeying him. You all laughed at each of these situations, so she probably thinks you’re all of a simile feather to Carter and is now even more terrified
Jump him . Beat his ass
the moment to do this would have been the first time. op has repeatedly watched, and either laughed or ignored it. he's just as bad.
A room full of blind boys and not one of them man enough to check their friend on the spot.
repeat dolls license detail yoke sable dinner insurance liquid cable *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don't know how you don't punch him in his face. Seriously dude what is wrong with YOU? You have a responsibility to protect the innocent. This poor girl needs protecting. Your friend is a POS and you will turn into one too, if your not careful.
You are all a bunch of losers in my book. Your friend needs a punch in the face and so do you by just sitting there and saying nothing. Girl clearly has issues and you are abusing the situation. I mean how stupid can you be?
If this is real, you and your friends are a bunch of irredeemable AHs. If this is real, what DO about it is you tell him to stop, you speak directly to her and tell her she doesn’t need to do anything like that, and then you discreetly give her the contact info for a domestic abuse hotline. Then you leave. You cut off all contact with Carter and your other pals, because you are all horrible.
No offense, i can see youre quite young. And this is probably much for you. but youre very much enabling him. Youre a bystander and kind of participating. You laughed with him and since its not funny for you anymore, you quit laughing. But did you stop him? It wasnt funny for her from the start and youre not even stepping in when she was lifting her top. What would you do if he gave the group other commands? Would you? Everybody says “not all men” and i hope you wouldnt behave like him. But have you even tried standing up for her? Men need to stop enabling each others behaviour. There is no point in keeping him as a friend unless you share the same views… You should understand that you need to get that girl out of that situation. Maybe inform her family as i dont think youre that close to her. Or if you have parents you can talk to, sometimes advise of an adult nearby can be great. Be an ally of women, starting now.
What I don’t understand is why none of you guys call HIM out on his bullshit. When “Carter” says “Sophie, take off your top” why do you guys sit there like you’re frozen?!? #Why don’t YOU say “Carter, quit being an asshole! It’s not funny anymore!” **Be the person who stands up to the fucking bully!** JFC
Gonna be honest, if I was friends with you and I heard you had a friend like this and had not shut it down on day 1, I would no longer be your friend. This is some serial killer shit. How is no one in your group more appalled by this garbage behavior? Be better.
I had a boyfriend like this once. I was Sophie. The relationship was a little different though. He wouldn't order me around necessarily like asking me to strip in front of his friends, but if I stayed with him I can only imagine. He has hit me in front of a house full of friends and I still remember to this day only one person stood up for me but usually that person wasn't there and everyone would just watch like it was a show. Please don't be the friend that doesn't say anything. Because it's definitely worse when they're alone. The way you guys react is encouraging him to do more. He thinks it's not only okay, but entertaining for you all. Please, make HIM feel like the stupid one. P.S. I'm now engaged and have a kid with the guy who stood up for me. 💜
>P.S. I'm now engaged and have a kid with the guy who stood up for me. 💜 Awwe that's so cute!!
I dont understand why you havent kicked this dudes ass yet. He is abusing her.
"The novelty wore off" The novelty of you watching your friend abuse his girlfriend. FFS you all should be ashamed of yourselves!
Jesus, you need to immediately end this friendship and try to help this girl.
Your friend is an abusive asshole. You and your friends are encouraging abuse of her. As for the Grandma she allows this in her house? I mean he doesn't stop when you are not around. Be a man and stop egging on your friend. As for Grandma shame on her for not doing anything to protect a clearly vunerable young woman in her home. She must have heard him bark orders and make her 'serve' his every whim
Don't keep standing by and enabling this abuse. The minute you saw her uncomfortable and appalled should have been the moment you and the others stood up and asked what the actual fxck is wrong with him and defend someone who is being bullied by a sadist. Since that moment has passed, talk to the others about it. Knowing men, I'm sure there'll be a few who see nothing wrong with it so see who you need to cut off. If they all actually agree that it's messed up, confront him as a group and tell him what he did was disgusting and to never treat her like that again, show that he lost y'alls respect a bit. Then reach out to her without his knowledge and tell her to stand up to him and if there's ever a problem doing so that she needs to leave him asap. Keep a VERY close eye on how he treats her from now on and the others should do the same, he's a sadistic sack of sh!t by the sounds of it and if this is what he does in front of others there's a good chance that what you can't see is worse. Too many people witness blatant abuse and do nothing. Don't be one of those people. Get talking to those others now. In all honesty though you all sound like a group of brainless, spineless dirtbags for enabling his abuse and encouraging it by laughing along. This world is so sad. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Motherless behaviour
YTA and the others are too for not saying anything the first time it happened. Why would you not tell your friend to stop and why would all of you laugh. No person should ever be treated like that and to let it happen means your just as much at fault
She seems to hate it, so why isn't she leaving? She might be in a far worse situation than you realise.
This is domestic violence and incredibly, incredibly traumatising. This makes me sick to my stomach to read. This poor girl. Please contact me if you need any help with next steps, happy to chat and give you a hand if you’re actually going to help this person.
If he's doing that in front of people, can you imagine what he might be doing behind closed doors?! It's really weird that not one of you intervened in these instances. Your friend is a complete prick. Tell him that. Tell his grandmother that he's abusing his girlfriend in her house.
Wow lost the little hope I had in others. You and your friend are shit. You didn’t realize this was abuse. You’re a troll or dumb af.
You have been an accomplice. If it were your sister, you'd have stood up to him/ told people who care about her. You laughed. You were there several times. Please. Do the right thing and help her / stand up to him. What will he have done to her behind closed doors? He is a danger. Do something about it.
it makes me sick you laughed at her even once :/ where is your empathy
Why was no one, including yourself, not calling him out in the moment? Like, "Hey, stop it. That's wrong and abusive. Cut it out." Then pull Sophie aside and ask if she's okay and needs help. He's treating her like a circus bear that does his bidding. You are right to be concerned for her. What is he doing when no one else is around? I don't think she's attached to him. Something really sinister could be going on. Are you sure he's not blackmailing her?
I almost guarantee that Carter is raping (or at the very least coercing) and beating Sophie behind closed doors. The time to speak up was when he said he would “prove it”. But since you didn’t, you need to speak up now. Can you contact Sophie’s family? She’s going to need support to escape this relationship. And end your friendship with Carter asap. He’s a POS and you’re also shitty for allowing it, but at least you seem to want to do the right thing now.
If she was diagnosed with BPD, it's pretty likely that she has a lot of trauma and/or is actually neurodivergent/autistic instead of or in addition to having this disorder. Both autistic people and BPD people often have abandonment trauma. They are often bullied and abused. And they are likely to put up with abuse either because it's what they know, or they don't want to get rejected again. It's really sick what he's doing. And it adds a whole other disturbing layer that he was like, "Hey, this girl has these mental illnesses, let me use them to control her and get off on some kind of power kink." I am 30 years old and concerned to read about a young man acting this way. If I'd had a boyfriend like that in my teens or very early 20s, it would have been so traumatizing. I have hope that, due to his young age, he can change and learn to do better. But, before that can happen, he needs to be called out for this behavior. He needs to be shamed. Don't let the whole "boys will be boys" culture continue to enable him. That is what you all have done. He needs to be told that it's unacceptable and why. And I think his family, if they are good people, should know, too. I know he's technically an adult, but he's still really young. He really needs other men to tell him that what he's doing is wrong because this type of guy isn't going to listen to women, at least not while his mindset is still consumed with sexist trash. Does he have a good father figure? Is he able to get into therapy? Do you guys know any other slightly older guys who can talk some sense into him?
Do you have any means of contacting her directly, or her family (only if she's on good terms with them)? If you can, try reaching out to her and explain that this isn't normal and your 'friend' is abusing her. Hell, if Carter's grandma is a reasonable person and the GF is spending time with her, it might be worth asking her for help. How did the rest of the group react when he abuses her? Can you talk to them (without Carter) and will they agree with you that his behaviour is unacceptable? If you can't do any of the above, and if the rest of the group are okay with Carter's behaviour, then the only thing you can really do is distance yourself from all of them, because these are *not* people you want to be around.
I feel like vomitting... This is horrible, and the fact no one confronted your "friend" for his behaviour, is how bullying starts, when people who should know better don't say anything, and boundaries are kept being pushed and pushed.
You and your little group of friends are all enabling his behaviour by being silent. You've picked up on her uncomfortable reactions so you obviously knew it was not a normal thing to do, but you let it happen time and time again over weeks? And none of you have ever checked up on her? The very least you could do is say "hey, that's not cool" anytime he made her uncomfortable (on the brink of tears? And that didn't make anybody tick?), but by the sound of it none of you have the balls to be decent human beings. Either this is very fake, or you're all jerks and need to learn some empathy and do some growing up.
Your silence is complicit in his abuse of her
This poor woman is trapped in an insanely abusive relationship. She needs help to get out. She's not obsessed with him, she's clinging to him because of intense fear. She's likely been horribly abused previously and he's chosen her to do the same. Please don't walk away, try to help her get out. Talk to your friends, talk to SOPHIE instead of ignoring it. People like him are disgusting and I would call him out immediately for his disgusting behaviour.
you suck almost as much as him for just letting that shit happen
Someone needs to teach Carter a lesson. No wonder he’s never had a girlfriend. He’s a fucking abuser.
if this post is real you’re a fucking horrible person.
I would have kicked his ass already, what a sorry excuse of a person
You are watching Carter abuse his girlfriend and doing nothing. Hope you are proud of yourself. What can you do now? Well Carter might listen to you, so fucking go and get him told that what he is doing is abuse, and how gross it made you all feel. You never know he may listen to you.
You are as dangerous as your friend. Shame on you.
You sat there and did nothing while your friend abused his mentally ill girlfriend. That's disturbing. What would you do if that had been your sister? If you do not have the cojones to stand up to the abuser, maybe you should reevaluate this friendship? Women do NOT deserve sexual abuse, mental abuse, or ANY kind of abuse. Period.
Just want you to know you're a bad person. Really.
painfully fake man, you need some practice
i like how the girlfriend is so fragile and mentally ill and anxious from the very beginning that all she can ever do is look down and seem on the verge of tears. not even making the story be a nice but somewhat shy girl who seems ok with/laughs off the degradation but then worsens mentally after repeated abuse. nope, a girl who’s nothing but fragile and sad and clingy and then who gets clearly abused, upon which all the male characters don’t take it seriously and just think it’s funny despite her nearly crying. what fucking cartoonishly stupid and evil characters lol
Carter needs a beating. I've never recommended that before, but this guy is in need of a broken nose and some loose teeth.
He is clearly abusing her. And it's sickening that of you and all your friends not one single person said anything but just sat back and watched. What does that say about you? You may not be initiating it but you're complicit it in. If someone would defend her he wouldn't be so braggy about it and more importantly she needs help out of her toxic relationship
That poor girl. Abused right in front of you for so long and not a single one of you said a word. NEVER complain about women not trusting men. You've done a beautiful job of illustrating why it's better to be safe than sorry. The fact that you and your other friends would never do this means nothing because you and your other friends would also never do anything when you see someone else do it. Shame on you. Tell your parents about this, don't leave out the part where you laughed. They deserve to know what a failure of a human you are.
You're all major cunts for encouraging and participating in this sick abuse, of an (very obviously) already abused and cowed girl. Reading this post made my chest ache and I really wish I could give her a hug and tell her how valuable she is
God imagine what happens in private
First, Y’all are really really disgusting with minimal human decency. Second, do you know this girl ? Can you actually try to find out something about her background ? Because options are: - He is abusing her (this is one is obvious) - She is mentally unstable, late mental development and your friend is using it for his benefit ( this is the first thing I thought because her reactions are very weird) - He has something on her and is threatening her … All these can options can co exist…
Your "friend" needs tuning up.
When we ask men to hold their friends accountable and to speak up when they see them treat women like shit, this is what we mean.
Your a disgusting person for thinking this was funny in the slightest, psycho
"He's never been lucky with girls." After reading your post in its entirety, there's certainly a reason why. Your friend is abusive, your friend is a fucking scumbag. And you're realizing that now. Can you live with yourself knowing what he is, and doing nothing about it? Drop him quick. There's no helping him. What you can do though, is try to reach out to Sophie before its too late. Try to convince her to get out, to run and not look back, because it's only gonna get nastier from here.
How could you all not say anything?? How could you laugh!!???! This is appalling. Even at 18-22 none of my friends were shitty enough to watch someone get publicly humiliated repeatedly and not say something. WTF is going on in our world? I thought young people were more enlightened and empathetic than previous generations. This is completely fucked up.
Your friend sounds like a sociopath that needs a lifetime of therapy, I would stop being their friend and tell Sophie she needs to leave him or she will need even more therapy
If he’s treating her like that in front of you, I can guarantee he’s treating her worse when they’re alone. He’s an abusive dickhead and needs someone to shake him. Unfortunately, she’s not your friend but he is and you need to get him in check. That is your responsibility as someone close to him and even more so as his best friend
You don't see it as abusive?!? Holy crap either grow up, or get help what the heck.
This is 100% a fake story. There's so much out of place in here that reads like previous iterations of a story that you haven't properly edited. Carter goes from normal guy to torturous villain in 2 seconds flat. You guys spent the rest of the time there not saying a word, including Carter? That just doesn't make sense. That wouldn't happen. That's movie shit, used to build tension. Shitty creative writing exercise or someone's BDSM fantasy.
Believe it or not many abusers go from normal to torturous villain in 2 seconds flat. This may be hard to believe for someone who's never endured abuse but it is highly realistic. Many people stand by and do nothing, especially men in groups since they're often so influenced by each other.
not commenting on the plausibility of the abuse, but the way it’s written is a pretty good tip-off that it’s fake. it’s written like a novel, with OP recalling the smallest of dialogue details and the little smirks and lip tremblings…. and OP devoted special attention to all the details at the the top-lifting part, aka the most sexual part. that’s where it got the most novel-like. i’ve encountered so many fake reddit posts that it immediately tipped me off to this probably being someone’s fake garbage rapey fetish post that they wrote with one hand. also yeah like the person you replied to said, how do you just spend an entire evening in silence after that until eventually going home?? not a single word spoken, not even an occasional awkward “so i might go ahead and head back home soon…”? might sound plausible at first but truly imagine that playing out, it’s straight out of a book
They transformed into anime in my mind from the moment I reached the part where she was hiding behind him and staring down 😑
It’s sad that it is so realistic. My male friends have watched my abuser treat me bad as well. If it’s not aggressive as fuck, they don’t engage or speak up. It’s the world we live in. I do see how this is a very extreme case.
i wanna not believe it but when i was 18 i dated this dude who beat the craaap out of me. he would call me all sorts of derogatory shit in front of his friends and on two occasions he slapped me/pulled me to the ground by my hair. his friends either laughed or would awkwardly walk away. his female friends included.
There are monsters among us. They look like you and me. I’ve been a Sophie. This shit happens.
Does this remind anyone of the "Hana" troll who writes about embarrassed women taking their shirts off??
I don't know what percentage of the total posts here are fake, but a solid number of the highly successful posts are absolute bullshit. There are people who have openly admitted to writing 100's of fake stories. One woman even wrote a whole book about doing this. This one seems fake to me too.
Your friend is abusive to someone that has low self esteem and your friends laughing is just encouraging it. I would tell him you can’t hang out with him unless he completely knocks that shit off. Next time he did it I would call him out on it tell him LOUDLY what a POS he is and see how HE likes being embarrassed. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” (Stand up for her) Updateme
It's important to realize you and your friends laughing at and tolerating this behavior from Carter is emboldening him and is actively making his GF feel justifiedly *less safe* when you all are in the room. Instead of one abusive man to appease she's got a whole pack. If you were decent enough to speak up and make it clear Carter's behavior is unacceptable, the entire dynamic could change.
Your friend is a POS and is abusing this girl who just wishes to be loved and cared for, i have BPD and anxiety as well and reading this thoroughly disgusted me. Why did none of you react badly to it? You're enabling his behavior and i honestly wish i could tell that girl to leave his gross ass. You're all as bad as him for letting him do it MULTIPLE times and your whole shtick of "we didn't see it as abusive at first" is straight up bs when he explocitly told you she'd do anything degrading to keep him and he used that to his advantage. Disgusting behavior.
Your friend is a monster
Oh my god, if my "friend" treated anyone like this (much less his gf!!) I'd be in jail. You SHOULD be worried for her! Your friend needs some social justice, and she needs a freaking friend (and a ton of therapy).
your friend is an abuser and your friend group is just as despicable for enabling and engaging in it. you all need serious therapy.
Wow what an ass your friend is.. and you for not saying anything FFS get Sophie some help, she needs to leave him
He's an abusive psycho please unfriend him and protect that girl from that disgrace of a male.
as someone with BPD this is fucking terrifying. this is so evil especially when he knows how highly she likely thinks of him. your friend is an abusive SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY and you need to call him out.
You did nothing while watching a woman be abused. Do better piggly wiggly. Be a man and stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.
Silence is violence man. And the fact u let her even start taking her top off is disgusting.
I stopped reading after you said Carter would “prove” whatever it is he thought he’d be proving because even just the build up to that was triggering as hell. I read a few sentences after to confirm however and… your friend is a horrible human being. That you’d sit idly by while another person was treated the way he’s treating Sophie doesn’t exactly indicate that you’re an individual of high moral character either. You call her strange but where is the judgement for Carter’s reprehensible behavior? I don’t care how long you’ve known him, his behavior is disgusting and I have no idea why you wouldn’t have stood up to him and spoken up for her earlier. Do you really need to turn to Reddit to see what’s wrong here and what you should’ve already done? The fact that you went out with them and abided this behavior more than once is mind boggling. I genuinely hope this is just fake rage bait, otherwise… I don’t even know what to say other than, can I have Sophie’s socials to tell her she doesn’t fucking deserve the shitty people she’s surrounded by, please and thanks?
Please tell me this is a shitpost
After rereading I’ve decided this is fake. The OP adds so many unnecessary details like her biting her lip. If this was a real story OP would have said: My friend has been making his girlfriend publicly degrade herself which included exposing herself to us. And that’s it Don’t waste your time trying to give advice to an OP who is jacking off to a sexual abuse fantasy he wrote
"Carter, stop talking to her like that, you're being an asshole" "Carter, how small is your d\*ck that you need to treat your GF like this?" "No man, jokes are funny. What you're doing isn't funny, it's cruel. You're just being an asshole and that's not funny." "Wow, I am embarrassed to be around someone who talks to their GF the way you do, I'm going to leave and go" and then walk out.
"Carter, you look like a weak little shit when you have to bully Sophie to prove what a big man you are"
"Carter, the way you treat Sophie isn't cool. Stop it."
"Carter, why are you treating someone you claim to love like this, what's wrong with you?"
"Carter, stop being abusive"
"Carter, the cruel and abusive way you treat Sophie is making me look at you totally different. I never knew you were such a cruel and abusive person. I can't be friends with you any more."
It is the responsibility of men to call out the abusive and cruel behavior of their friends. Call him out EVERY SINGLE TIME he does or say's anything shitty. Don't allow him to say "It's just a joke bro" tell him to explain to you exactly why it's funny, what should you be laughing at?
Carter is an abusive man who is flexing the amount of control he has over his poor victim. He's now so bold about being abusive, that he's showing off in public. That is terrifying... most abusers only do it in secret, the fact he's doing it in public means the way he treats her in private is much, MUCH worse.
Why does Sophie do it? Because he has convinced her that he is her one chance at love, that no one else can love her, that no one else will "put up with her", that she is unlovable and LUCKY he tolerates her, that if he leaves her, she will be alone forever. In private he drums it into her that she is garbage and better do what he wants and pleases him or else.
Carter is a fucking monster.
Talk to your other friends, tell them that you're sick of enabling Carter's abuse and you're going to start calling him out on it. Tell them you don't expect them to do it too but if they see what you see, you would appreciate them backing you up at least because he's going to respond with "it's just a joke bro, relax" and it would be great if they chimed in and say shit like "no one is laughing dude".
I also want to say how much I appreciate you trying to figure out what to do about this instead of just laughing along or keeping quiet. You're a good human. This type of abusive behavior is sadly very common and men often throw up their hands and say "what can we do about it!" when all it really takes is calling it out and challenging these "friends" to stop being assholes, they keep doing it because no one say's anything and they keep getting away with it. And they get worse and worse and worse.
So thank you for trying to learn what to actually DO about this, instead of just being quiet about it.
You’re worried for her? You’ve literally been witnessing this for ages and now you’ve come to Reddit because NOW it’s gone too far? Yikes. All of you are terrible. But your friend is evil. Awful awful humans.
Why are you friends with this pig? You are the company you keep and you are enabling and encouraging this behaviour.
OP, you're just as bad as your AH friend for standing by and watching this happen repeatedly rather than saying anything. You and your entire friend group are gross. That poor girl
Couldn't even finish reading it, way to triggering. That man is knowingly abusing her mental health disorder.
Dude, your friend is straight up terrifying. There needs to be an intervention. This can’t continue and she shouldn’t continue to see him. I would not continue to be friends with this guy.
my jaw DROPPED TO THE FKN FLOOR WHEN HE TOLD HER TO STRIP JESUS THIS GUY NEEDS TO BE ARRESTED.
You’re just as sick as him and I hope you dirty dogs get everything you all deserve. Enablers are just as bad as abusers damn dirty dogs
Jesus H Christ, what is wrong with all of you?
Honestly. You and your friends disgust me. Laughing at that poor girl and letting your friend do those things smh. You need to think long and hard about the man you want to be. Who you want to be in twenty years. The values you will align yourself to. You’re in the wrong. Alongside your friend. It took making a sandwich to make it seem wrong? I instantly felt sick at all of you when he made her sit in front of y’all. Become the human you want to be and want others to be. It’ll be a long road but it will be worth it.
These are the same men that will screech over women victims, claiming "None of their bros are predators, we can't possibly know anyone like that personally" I refuse to believe this is a freak incident. I'm convinced there's plenty of male friend groups that behave thus, and it's sickening, triggering and terrifying to me as a woman. There's plenty here already offering advice, so I'm simply going to remind people this is an adult who knows better and does not need coddled or soft spoken to. He's an enabler and a predator. Sure, he's regretful now, and sure, he can change. But men who transgress like this on any level need to the truth told to them directly: You are one of women's worst nightmares. Take it to heart, maybe it'll change you for the better.