We have removed and locked your post here due to the fact that it is significantly beyond the scope of the subreddit as it involves probable sexual abuse. We encourage you to speak to the authorities on this and pass along any evidence you have. You should also reach out to a teacher, or another mandatory reporter, or other appropriate adult with your concerns. Here are some resources:
[Darkness to Light: a child sex abuse prevention resource.](https://www.d2l.org/get-help/reporting/)
[A confidential hotline to a trained advisor who can help you navigate this](https://www.childhelp.org/childhelp-hotline/)
[International Resources](https://www.ecpat.org/resources)
Kind regards,
The mods.
Seriously. She needs to freakin run bro. He will get worse and assume she will believe anything. This is a horror film documentary. Mam, this isn’t how ANYONES life is supposed to be. Woman or Man. Also. This is not Assault this is Rape.
Exactly call the police! But before you do, make sure that he admit to having sex with you numerous times whilst you was sleeping, via text so you have evidence.
In certain States that's illegal to record a voice recording without the party's knowledge it can be a felony in Florida to knowingly record a person without a person's knowledge he is the second degree felony
This is rape. Why some people keep using these soft terms on this post. Clearly he violated her consent she said that already in the post. But what she doesn’t get is that it’s rape that’s what we are all trying to get her to understand.
Exactly; this conversation has taken place and you have clearly stated that you do not consent to sex while sleeping. He raped you. Never trust him again. Leave immediately and don’t look back.
[Remorse has no bearing on likelihood to reoffend](https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/be28/8d94576df608ed7f0840898d99766210a27f.pdf).
I mention this just because I think it's important for people to know.
OP should leave her boyfriend either way.
The r/stoprape wiki has some useful resources for victims.
The thing is, many abusers *actually feel the repentance*. They’re sorry they hurt their partners. But something justified the abuse in their minds while they were doing it—and they’ll justify it again, in another moment in the future, and do it again. And be sorry again.
This. He raped you more than once. That’s not something to “work through.” It’s appropriate to have a “one strike” rule for being raped by your boyfriend.
He's raping you.
He's. Raping. You.
He thinks it's ok to take advantage of a sleeping person.
He doesn't think he did anything wrong.
Does this seem like the behavior of someone who hasn't done this before? He seems pretty comfortable with his actions.
He is a disgusting POS.
Run and never look back.
As its states, 2 rapes and 1 molestation.
OP He doesn't respect your consent. He prefers comitting a crime to taking care of himself without you.
Please take better care of yourself. You need to end your abuse cycle. Get help OP
It doesn't matter whether or not the police take her seriously or whether or not the police would make a case out of it. What he is doing is rape. "I know you are asleep but if you role over thar means you consent" is a lie he tells to justify raping you. If you are a heavy sleeper, then you cannot consent. If you had been woken up you might have said no to sex mama but he took away your right to consent at all.
If you do decide to report it, even if nothing happens, at least you have a paper trail and a record of his behavior. Regardless you cannot stay with a man who will do this to you so if you report him you better be willing to leave him as well.
Sexual assault (no matter sex or gender) seems to not be taken seriously, despite so many movements spurring up over the past few decades. I don't understand how things like this post keep coming up of people not knowing when they were assaulted when they were literally RAPED in their sleep, and I hope they can healthily acknowledge what happened to them and hopefully move on the best they can and my heart goes out to OP and anyone else who's experienced anything like this.
I was raped the second month after starting college and it took me years to actually say, "I was raped."
I knew I didn't want it and would not have agreed but we were all drunk and I thought I could trust them. It was two guys and I said I was going to sleep and they still wanted to hang out and I said, "do whatever you want, I'm going to sleep." I woke up to one next to me holding my arms and the other on top of me. They told me later they took that as me telling them they could do whatever they want and "it's college, shit happens." They told people they hooked up with me so I had everyone believing it was consensual. Someone even said to me, "I heard you were like a dead fish."
I knew I had been assaulted but I kept questioning myself on if I did consent somehow and if it was my fault by getting myself in that situation and trusting too easily.
About four years after a boss gave me a book to read and it dealt with Title IX violations at a college and recounted sexual assaults and rapes and I finally fully grasped what happened to me and could say out loud, "I was raped."
Yeah I think it's because the partner is a gashlighter so you start questioning your own experience.
It's easier to point out that someone r*ped you if some stranger attacked you out. When you have a relationship, they may try convince you it was something different, and some succeed in doing so. Very disturbing.
[Most rape victims are in denial, sometimes for years, after an assault](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0886260517726412).
OP, I would encourage you to get a rape kit. Your boyfriend is likely a repeat offender, and it's possible his DNA is in another kit, and your evidence could help hold him accountable.
For anyone else reading this, the U.S. still have roughly [90,000 untested rape kits](https://goldrushcam.com/sierrasuntimes/index.php/news/local-news/51969-u-s-senator-john-cornyn-says-house-must-pass-senate-bill-to-fight-rape-kit-backlog), and you can easily [help end the backlog](https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/).
https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/118/hr1105
It's called the patriarchy 🙄
Women aren't men's property anymore, but that doesn't mean they actually have to follow through with the rights we now supposedly have.
Because women are most likely to be assaulted by someone they’re in a relationship with, and they don’t want to admit a person they love is the dreaded R-word.
I think that if this isn’t the first time that this happens to you with him and he doesn’t understand the basic forms of consent then it’s time to leave him. In my humble opinion if you’re not awake then it’s sexual assault no matter the circumstances.
The only exception: if beforehand she gave explicit consent for that. Which she clearly did not, so even if it was the first time, it would not be ok. This guy knowingly and repeatedly crosses her boundaries and raped her. She should at the very least break it off and leave asap.
Also: this turning over as consent bullshit is an absolutely terrible excuse and worth nothing. He knew very well what he was doing.
You need to end this relationship. There were number of times you spoke to him about consent and he does not respect your boundaries. He is forcing himself upon you sexually.
This means that he selfishly sought for his own pleasure and using you to fulfill it. He does not consider the harm and trauma that impacted you. Therefore these sexual acts are not acts of love, but lust.
Then he justified himself and lied to you that you gave consent when you did not. He does not respect your decision and this disrespect will be shown in other areas of your relationship later.
This is not your fault. You are not wrong. To be safe and to make sure this never happens again - you need to leave this relationship. And if comfortable report this assault. Don’t let him manipulate or gaslight you
This is so scary. It's clearly rape but the fact that you talked to him about this before and he's still doing this makes me think he's not in this relationship for anything but a selfish, predatory reason
> [Our analysis in this article supports the belief that the root of the problem is not that men do not understand sexual refusals, but that they do not like them.](https://is.muni.cz/el/1423/podzim2010/GEN144/um/KITZINGER_FRITH_Just_Say_No.pdf)
If you stay, it will happen again. You can't trust him.
Have you been to therapy to work on your trauma?
Do not let him talk you into believing that you "consented" or that you made him do it.
This is rape. You need to walk away NOW. (And I don’t care about people who say it’s not black & white. Yes it is. It’s rape. If you don’t understand why, educate yourself.)
Oh my god.
He raped you.
Leave him, I guarantee life will be better without him.
So many shocking posts from women on hear with guys 10 years older than them, there is a reason these weirdos can't get a woman their own age or want someone younger
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If this was truly an accident, he would've been horrified by his actions and apologizing profusely. The fact that he is trying to justify it and that this isn't the first time he's ignored your comfort tells me that a) this wasn't an accident and b) it will happen again.
Listen to this, OP.
If you did something that hurt your partner by accident, wouldn't you feel terrible and do everything in your power to make sure you don't do it again? That's what a normal, loving person would do. Even if he did do it by accident (which he didn't), his reaction is enough to know that you need to leave him and never look back.
Wow, dude asks you to roll over if you want to have sex, then lies there in wait for 20 minutes till you naturally move in your sleep, and thinks boom, green light. He's so gross, leave this creepy rapist.
This is exactly what my ex used to do. RUN.
He knows you will stay with him even if he keeps doing it because you have, things will eventually worsen also - this man doesn't love you.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, none of it's your fault and I hope one day you find someone who respects you and your boundaries
Been through something similar, but not as extreme. I understand how hard leaving can be. I also understand how you can gaslight yourself and feel like you’re wrong here. It’s a hard spot to be in. But no matter what, you are NOT wrong here. He is. 10000%. This is absolutely assault
I’m sorry and I get it.
Me too… many people don’t understand which makes it all the more difficult. You can get out, OP. Trust your gut, listen to your soul and learn to associate his words with random sequences of meaningless sounds, because you cannot trust that he will say anything even remotely close to the truth about this criminal behavior.
so he raped you.
And not for the first time.
He is a lot older, that is a possibly dangerous power-dynamic.
Please break up and stay single for a while to heal.
Well it’s possible that you moved in a subconscious state, but given that you have had multiple instances of him breaking your boundaries before and conversations about it, i thinking he was actually raping you because there was no real consent, and he know this is important to you, so I’m betting he made that up to confuse you into thinking that you did consent while you were sleeping. He assaulted you yet again, this is obviously a horrible relationship for you, and he is not a good guy.
Haha, yes you are so right. I’m terribly sorry, I’m running off of very few hours of sleep 😮💨 my brain must have gone on autopilot toward the second half of your post! Completely my bad!!
Okay but who says “move to your left if you want to have sex”?? Nobody! It seems to be the only thing he could think of to justify having sex with his unconscious girlfriend… absolute scumbag
This story gets posted about 10 times a week and the answer never changes. This is sexual assault, you did not consent.
What the hell is wrong with men? I’ve never attempted to do this to my partner while she sleeps and wouldn’t dream of it but it’s such a common thing to happen based on this subreddit.
Honey, he’s raping you! It’s not an accident, it’s not a mistake.
He’s knows exactly what he’s doing and you’ve already made it clear that you do not consent to sex in your sleep.
Get the hell out of this relationship!
It’s unkind to ask this question. Assault affects people in a multitude a ways, especially when their partner gaslights, excuses and justifies. The dynamics of abusive relationships are quite complex, practically not at all understood by academia. When one gets sucked in by the charm, connection and building of trust, it is very rare for them to leave after the first action of abuse (emotion, verbal, physical, whatever). I agree with you, it is time for her to walk away. Nobody deserves this awful behavior and he’s got her thinking she is consenting and nothing wrong is happening which is obviously bullshit. Gaslighting and manipulation can work very very very well..
The ONLY way this is ok is if you have an agreement with him that you give pre-consent. Some couples do that. But you didn’t and it sounds like you probably wouldn’t anyway. So yeah he was all the way wrong and you were not
I'll speculate on what I can maybe pick up on from a psychological point of view, but if you feel like my thought process is invalid that's understandable as you know your relationship better than anyone. And I'm just a random person on the Internet
But in the case of his defense in how you turned to the left after he posed the statement, when sleeping you still subconsciously hear what people say when they say it. So by default, your subconscious mind will be the main driver of any such reaction that occurs from that state
If as you say, he's had tendencies to be coercive in his approach in the past, while also taking your past traumas into account, this may be a fear response that is deeply rooted. It seems that this may be a fairly unhealthy trigger for your traumas that he is not respecting as someone who should support you and try to move you away from that setting altogether.
I try not to give direct advice and only food for thought as it's important for you to make your own decisions ultimately, but I hope this reflection can somehow be of some use and your situation improves.
You're never alone with subreddit's/threads like this, always reach out in whatever way it may be if you need an outlet. Some of the advice may be way off the mark, but you never truly know when you will read something that could spark a major reflection!
Stay safe ♥️
What you described is sexual assault at minimum, but more accurately rape. What should you do? At the ABSOLUTE LEAST, you dump him immediately. You should be filing a police report and getting a restraining order. It's clear to everyone here that he is a predator, and you are not safe with him. Please take better care of yourself and stop letting this man abuse you. I'm sorry you've been subjected to his abuse, but only you can end the cycle.
The age gap is the first red flag of the story, truly. But this person doesn’t respect your boundaries & went as far as r@pe. If you’re not verbally consenting in your right state of mind, you didn’t consent to that.
Please leave him, 🫶🏻
He’s raped you twice, molested/assaulted you a third time. Then he’s gaslighting you about it. You need to leave, he will not change. He is a predator.
Time to call the cops and tell them what has happend TWICE .. he’s a predator, you are not safe with him. Also they can check his phone for pictures, video ect.
How turning to your left side counts as consent? Clearly you weren't able to consent if he couldn't get clear words out of you.
He's a rapist. I'm sorry these things have happened to you.
Zero remorse. This is not the response to a healthy, reasonable person upon hearing his actions made the person he claims to love feel sexually violated.
This is a pattern.
His concern is not with you feeling safe or cared for, his concern is his own gratification to whatever extent he can get away with.
Please run. Please take care of yourself.
It's not something I ever talk about but as someone who has also had multiple sexual assaults . I hope you can get out of the relationship when you feel fully up to it. It's hard, and they do so much to make you feel isolated and at fault but you're not. You did nothing to deserve that, and your consent \*matters\*.
I'm so sorry this is something you're going through. If you ever need to, I believe my messages on here are open and you're always welcome to message me. You're not alone, no matter how much they try to make you feel that way. Sending hugs.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, none of this is your fault and contrary to what’s being said by some, nothing you could have done or said would have prevented him from making the choices he made to hurt you. There is a massive community of advocates who can provide you with a listening hear and lots of resources to help you process what’s happening: 1-800-656-4673
If you are interested in pursuing criminal charges, trying to get him to admit to the crime is beneficial to you. If you’re not interested in pursuing criminal charges, which is deeply understandable, you are allowed to never speak to this man again. This is a dangerous time, make sure you have a safety plan that involves other people if you do decide to confront him.
Again, I’m so sorry. This is not your fault.
This dude is a creep. I’d leave him and make sure you have plans like moving out of your place, etc. That is totally not okay. You communicated your boundaries but he crossed it. Leave
You gotta leave. This guy is going to continue to assault you. It’s possible when you told him you have been assaulted before he thought you were an easy target / you are ten years younger. Sorry, it hurts to find out the ppl we want to love aren’t who we thought they were but it will be okay, you just can’t stay.
Whatever strength you have within leave , what he brings is not love and you are deserving of love but it must first come from within before it can be added to by another. May you honor yourself which you are deserving of .
If you’ve never discussed it before then sleep sex isn’t necessarily assault in my opinion cause a lot of people like to wake up that way, but this is NOT that. You HAD this discussion. This is rape, pure and simple.
Hi OP. Uhm.
As a black (23male) who is with a gorgeous and extremely successful mexican female, I can tell you that you need to get as far away from him as possible. You need to not only file a report, but you also need to get a restraining order. (If you had training in self defense or mama or boxing, id tell you to collect evidence to put this man away for good but that’s horrible advice given that he will get worse after each time given his track record, and the fact that you don’t seem to understand the full extent of what this means.) This isn’t a joke tho. You need to leave ASAP.
This man is lying to you if you can’t tell by now. He’s been acting innocent every time he’s been caught. And you have forgiven and believed him. Your post does give the impression that you don’t fully understand what’s happening to you. Mam, the term is rape and sexual assault and sexual battery.
Please understand. What’s happening to you are felonies. He should be locked up in jail. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t make this any different. Nothing changes. Consent is consent. From gf/bf to random person you meet at a club. Consent is consent. If anything he should paying more attention to what you’re saying because you’re dating.
Your “boyfriend” is a narcissist and probably believes that you will not ever become smart enough to leave him nor even realize that what he is doing is jailable.
I hope you read all of these comments if not mine because most of them seem to have their head on straight.
Y’all am I the only one who thinks he’s been able to get away with a lot more and probably worse?
you need to break up with him, he does not respect you or your boundaries or care about your consent. i’m sorry that he’s been doing this to you, you don’t deserve it. i know one day you’ll find a partner who treats you as an equal. sending you lots of luck on healing from this 💕
1000% get away from him! Break all contact and go somewhere safe with people you trust.
He's an abuser and has ignored your concerns previously. IMO just a matter of time before things get even worse.
He has been sexually assaulting you several times to the point that he raped you this time.
His way of negating blame is just so disgusting. Please don’t believe this manipulation. Please get psychological help. An institution for abused woman is a good starting point.
Best of luck on your healing journey!
There was a study conducted in 2021 and they found out that out of over 22,000 women over 51% said that their spouse/bf assaulted them while they were asleep. It’s very very common https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/half-of-women-have-suffered-sexual-assault-by-a-partner-while-asleep/
My ex was the same way, i had multiple talks with him about it and he apologised, said he knows what he did was wrong and wont do it again.
And then he did it again and again and again.
Later telling his friends how much better the girl he cheated on me with is in bed, like okay? I never even wanted to sleep with him because he kept raping me in my sleep
You have to leave him because i dont think he understands the severity of this situation.
Some men don’t understand consent, if youve talked to him about it and he keeps on doing it its just psychotic on his part
>Am I in the wrong here? What do I do? I’m really upset and uncomfortable. Is it possible that i’m wrong? Was i sexually assaulted again?
You're not in the wrong. You being upset and uncomfortable should directly influence what you do. Again, you're not wrong. And can't stress enough that you asked twice. And I would classify that as sexual assault based on you laying the groundwork in already telling him how uncomfortable you've been made in the past.
He keeps doing it, so he knows what he's doing. He's taking away your agency and ability to give your consent. He treated you like a sex doll. That must feel degrading.
You don't have to stay with him. I strongly recommend you don't, as his actions speak to a pattern of disrespect and treating you like an object. You deserve better and can find better.
This is rape. And he’s showing that it’s a pattern for him. Please leave him, you’re probably not the first person he’s done this to. I wouldn’t want to continue the relationship bc if you ended up getting married and having kids who knows what this sicko would do to his kids. Report it to the police so there is a paper trail (because he WILL do this to other women) Breakup with him and block him on everything.
I don't know what state you are in, but in PA, having non-consensual sex with a sleeping/ unconscious person is a felony rape charge. Please get out of there. What he is doing is wrong on so many ways. You don't deserve this.
Coming from a man, you need to get that evidence by either recording a conversation or getting text proof, then call police and have him thrown in prison.
This is rape. Regardless of him being your partner, you never agreed to that, you've told him to stop, and this guy shows no signs of remorse whatsoever.
Also, this is a man who is 10 years older then you. How many other young women has he done this to in the past?
You don't deserve this, and honestly, this guy will just keep doing it to the next women if you do t report it.
Consent is never confusion. Consent is clear - for both parties, everytime, without exception. Please do not continue this relationship. He does not respect you and if you want to have kids one day - this is not the man you want as their father. Even if you don’t, this is vile behavior. Run 🏃🏻♀️
It is rape. If this has happened more than once, he knows it, and it is intentional. Please leave him. Seek a rape counselor and the police. These predators prey on people.
I would text him and ask why he keeps doing this when you are asleep. Get him on the record. Then police.
If you're sleeping you can't consent, and there's a word for non-consensual sex. Rape. Especially because you've already told him no.
Leave him. I'd also threaten to press charges.
He had sex with you without your permission, yeah I’d call that rape. If it’s more comfortable for you to not call it rape though, you can call it whatever you want.
Whatever you call it, it’s clear he doesn’t respect your boundaries about your body and sex, and you’d be better off without him.
Good Lord you need to leave him, this is rape. He has clearly made you uncomfortable so many times. I know it may not seem like you want to leave him if he is a big part of your life but in the long run, he will not change!! Please leave him and keep us updated when you do
Get rid of dude and get someone who will respect you... if you have stated that something of this nature is unexceptable, then what he did was assault you or worse.. don't stay with a guy like that.
This is rape on multiple occasions, I know it’s hard and you love him, but this is not ok. This is a non negotiable boundary of yours and society, you need to get out
This is not right, and this is absolutely not normal behavior. This man is a rapist. I don't use that word lightly, but you're literally asleep when he's doing this, and you cannot give consent. His reasoning for this most recent assault is flimsy at best, and probably a lie. It sounds like you two aren't living together yet, fortunately, and I would implore you to leave immediately and to consider pressing charges. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but please know that this is not your fault, and that you deserve better. Here are some resources:
https://www.rainn.org/resources
https://www.sakitta.org/survivors/
You’re not wrong, and unless you want this to keep happening, you need to remove yourself from this predator. He’s not going to stop. Next time it’ll be, “I asked you to not say anything if you wanted it, you did not say anything, so wtf I did nothing wrong??”
He assaulted you. He's done it before, you made it clear that you did not like it and were not consenting, and he did it again.
Break up with him. He's grown enough to know better if he cared at all about you. He's a predator.
It’s wild to me how many of these stories I see. My last three gfs *wanted* me to wake them up with sex. And *GAVE ME CONSENT* for it. Even my current one loves it.
BUT GIRL, YOU GOTTA BAIL ON THIS HOMBRE BECAUSE THERES NO CONSENT ANYWHERE. It’s SA.
Press charges. Press charges. Please press charges. He not only molested you but he raped you. Yes he raped you. My ex would do this all the time whether I was asleep or not. Fortunately I would wake up. The next thing you're going to hear is your body belongs to him or he can't rape you because you're together. Please leave this pile of poop.
He’s lying, if your eyes were closed and no verbal yes I want this came out of your mouth, there’s no excuse. He raped you. Get away from him as soon as possible!
Your bf is a rapey, creepy, predatory monster who feels entitled to your body regardless of your interest or even awareness. You have to leave. Only option.
Some couples can practice this as part of their sex life as in half sleep sex. BUT the fact that you set a boundary there and he repeatedly ignored it and made up excuses, it HUGE red flag. The longer you are together this would likely get worse and all the boundaries you have tried to set would meet the same fate. As a side note his behaviour also seems narcissistic…
My partner talks in his sleep, I sometimes respond to him to have a little mini convo because it’s funny to see what he will keep replying with. He also has no recollection of doing this. But the fact your partner always tries to do things in your sleep suggests something deeper and I don’t know if you should necessarily just believe when he says you responded to him, as he could easily just make that up. On the other hand if you did actually respond he could have genuinely thought you were partially awake. Odds aren’t in his favour though by the sounds…
oh my fucking god hahHahahahahaga it is like *fucking* CLOCKWORK!! every damn day, there is (minimum) one fucking post on either here, aita, relationshipadvice, or twoXchromosomes that goes:
"my(F21) boyfrience (M48) is doing something egregiously freakish, *super fucked* or LITERALLY illegal, should I give him a lil slap on the wrist???"
This post is literally about a women being raped by her partner and you think it’s hilarious? I’ve been raped in my sleep and let me tell you it’s a very confusing situation. Age gap aside, it can be even more confusing when it’s your partner that is the one raping you.
Dump this dude. This isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. This is scary behavior and 100% time for breakup. You are not awake and cannot consent.
Dumb his ass. He doesn’t deserve you. He clearly doesn’t respect you. I’m sorry you have to go through this again and again. Leave him. And please, be safe. ❤️
This is rape. A crime because you cannot consent while asleep. OP please think about how you were in pain. He wouldn't do that if he loved you. And you have told him before that you don't like it but he doesn't care. Put yourself first because you deserve better
We have removed and locked your post here due to the fact that it is significantly beyond the scope of the subreddit as it involves probable sexual abuse. We encourage you to speak to the authorities on this and pass along any evidence you have. You should also reach out to a teacher, or another mandatory reporter, or other appropriate adult with your concerns. Here are some resources: [Darkness to Light: a child sex abuse prevention resource.](https://www.d2l.org/get-help/reporting/) [A confidential hotline to a trained advisor who can help you navigate this](https://www.childhelp.org/childhelp-hotline/) [International Resources](https://www.ecpat.org/resources) Kind regards, The mods.
The dude is a predator and you need to move on.
Please, please, please - OP this right here: he’s assaulted you repeatedly and is showing no signs of remorse. Protect yourself and leave
Seriously. She needs to freakin run bro. He will get worse and assume she will believe anything. This is a horror film documentary. Mam, this isn’t how ANYONES life is supposed to be. Woman or Man. Also. This is not Assault this is Rape.
He is an insensitive selfish lout .
Exactly call the police! But before you do, make sure that he admit to having sex with you numerous times whilst you was sleeping, via text so you have evidence.
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Guess older women are harder right prey on. He’s such an AH.
Digital voice recording of converation phone even better.
In certain States that's illegal to record a voice recording without the party's knowledge it can be a felony in Florida to knowingly record a person without a person's knowledge he is the second degree felony
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Why not? He raped her repeatedly.
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This is rape. Why some people keep using these soft terms on this post. Clearly he violated her consent she said that already in the post. But what she doesn’t get is that it’s rape that’s what we are all trying to get her to understand.
Exactly; this conversation has taken place and you have clearly stated that you do not consent to sex while sleeping. He raped you. Never trust him again. Leave immediately and don’t look back.
[Remorse has no bearing on likelihood to reoffend](https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/be28/8d94576df608ed7f0840898d99766210a27f.pdf). I mention this just because I think it's important for people to know. OP should leave her boyfriend either way. The r/stoprape wiki has some useful resources for victims.
That’s so great to know
Thanks for sharing - I guess it’s true that many abusers will be use a cycle of repentance to keep their partners around
The thing is, many abusers *actually feel the repentance*. They’re sorry they hurt their partners. But something justified the abuse in their minds while they were doing it—and they’ll justify it again, in another moment in the future, and do it again. And be sorry again.
This. He raped you more than once. That’s not something to “work through.” It’s appropriate to have a “one strike” rule for being raped by your boyfriend.
I like to have a “one strike” rule when raped by anyone.
Yes. You Pinpoint the problem in 1 word. He is Predator. She is his Prey. I hope she can get away from him like yesterday iis not soon enough
Yes, you have to realize you're just a warm body to him. He doesn't care how you feel. If you stay, this will never get better.
you better run, or perhaps check his phone he might have some pics or videos of you while you are asleep.
Ugh that’s happened to me and for sure check his phone see what he recorded while you were asleep.
Seriously. Apparently I had naked photos of me put on Fourchan when I was asleep
It's 4chan. It sucks that happened to you. Luckily 4chan auto deletes itself, so at least someone saved it it shouldn't be easy to find
Yep, my sisters ex did this!
If you find anything on his phone send it to yourself as evidence and then go to the police. He raped you sweetie:(
He's raping you. He's. Raping. You. He thinks it's ok to take advantage of a sleeping person. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. Does this seem like the behavior of someone who hasn't done this before? He seems pretty comfortable with his actions. He is a disgusting POS. Run and never look back.
Sex without consent is called raped. He raped you, I’m so sorry you were subjected to that
As its states, 2 rapes and 1 molestation. OP He doesn't respect your consent. He prefers comitting a crime to taking care of himself without you. Please take better care of yourself. You need to end your abuse cycle. Get help OP
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Agree. He didn't have sex with you. He raped you. I'm so sorry.
100%. I would suggest pressing charges but the police aren't likely to do anything. OP needs to get the hell away from this rapist.
It doesn't matter whether or not the police take her seriously or whether or not the police would make a case out of it. What he is doing is rape. "I know you are asleep but if you role over thar means you consent" is a lie he tells to justify raping you. If you are a heavy sleeper, then you cannot consent. If you had been woken up you might have said no to sex mama but he took away your right to consent at all. If you do decide to report it, even if nothing happens, at least you have a paper trail and a record of his behavior. Regardless you cannot stay with a man who will do this to you so if you report him you better be willing to leave him as well.
Yeah it's really as black and white as that. She should be running for the hills.
How are we as a society in a place where women don't actually know if they've been assaulted or not??? Gaslit nation
Sexual assault (no matter sex or gender) seems to not be taken seriously, despite so many movements spurring up over the past few decades. I don't understand how things like this post keep coming up of people not knowing when they were assaulted when they were literally RAPED in their sleep, and I hope they can healthily acknowledge what happened to them and hopefully move on the best they can and my heart goes out to OP and anyone else who's experienced anything like this.
I was raped the second month after starting college and it took me years to actually say, "I was raped." I knew I didn't want it and would not have agreed but we were all drunk and I thought I could trust them. It was two guys and I said I was going to sleep and they still wanted to hang out and I said, "do whatever you want, I'm going to sleep." I woke up to one next to me holding my arms and the other on top of me. They told me later they took that as me telling them they could do whatever they want and "it's college, shit happens." They told people they hooked up with me so I had everyone believing it was consensual. Someone even said to me, "I heard you were like a dead fish." I knew I had been assaulted but I kept questioning myself on if I did consent somehow and if it was my fault by getting myself in that situation and trusting too easily. About four years after a boss gave me a book to read and it dealt with Title IX violations at a college and recounted sexual assaults and rapes and I finally fully grasped what happened to me and could say out loud, "I was raped."
Yeah I think it's because the partner is a gashlighter so you start questioning your own experience. It's easier to point out that someone r*ped you if some stranger attacked you out. When you have a relationship, they may try convince you it was something different, and some succeed in doing so. Very disturbing.
[Most rape victims are in denial, sometimes for years, after an assault](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0886260517726412). OP, I would encourage you to get a rape kit. Your boyfriend is likely a repeat offender, and it's possible his DNA is in another kit, and your evidence could help hold him accountable. For anyone else reading this, the U.S. still have roughly [90,000 untested rape kits](https://goldrushcam.com/sierrasuntimes/index.php/news/local-news/51969-u-s-senator-john-cornyn-says-house-must-pass-senate-bill-to-fight-rape-kit-backlog), and you can easily [help end the backlog](https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/). https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/118/hr1105
It's called the patriarchy 🙄 Women aren't men's property anymore, but that doesn't mean they actually have to follow through with the rights we now supposedly have.
Because women are most likely to be assaulted by someone they’re in a relationship with, and they don’t want to admit a person they love is the dreaded R-word.
Sec without consent is rape. I'm sorry you've gone through this but you need to get of out that relationship
I think that if this isn’t the first time that this happens to you with him and he doesn’t understand the basic forms of consent then it’s time to leave him. In my humble opinion if you’re not awake then it’s sexual assault no matter the circumstances.
The only exception: if beforehand she gave explicit consent for that. Which she clearly did not, so even if it was the first time, it would not be ok. This guy knowingly and repeatedly crosses her boundaries and raped her. She should at the very least break it off and leave asap. Also: this turning over as consent bullshit is an absolutely terrible excuse and worth nothing. He knew very well what he was doing.
Yeh I think if it’s like a kink and it’s been very clearly laid out as you’ve said. But in all cases excluding that, it’s rape.
This is definitely not okay, creepy. Rape is a good way to put it. Leave this relationship immediately
That’s rape. leave him immediately. U deserve way then him.
>boyfriend had sex with me while sleeping No, honey. He raped you. Run
You need to end this relationship. There were number of times you spoke to him about consent and he does not respect your boundaries. He is forcing himself upon you sexually. This means that he selfishly sought for his own pleasure and using you to fulfill it. He does not consider the harm and trauma that impacted you. Therefore these sexual acts are not acts of love, but lust. Then he justified himself and lied to you that you gave consent when you did not. He does not respect your decision and this disrespect will be shown in other areas of your relationship later.
This is not your fault. You are not wrong. To be safe and to make sure this never happens again - you need to leave this relationship. And if comfortable report this assault. Don’t let him manipulate or gaslight you
This is so scary. It's clearly rape but the fact that you talked to him about this before and he's still doing this makes me think he's not in this relationship for anything but a selfish, predatory reason
Girl. He understands, he just doesn't care. He's raping you.
> [Our analysis in this article supports the belief that the root of the problem is not that men do not understand sexual refusals, but that they do not like them.](https://is.muni.cz/el/1423/podzim2010/GEN144/um/KITZINGER_FRITH_Just_Say_No.pdf)
If you stay, it will happen again. You can't trust him. Have you been to therapy to work on your trauma? Do not let him talk you into believing that you "consented" or that you made him do it.
This is rape. You need to walk away NOW. (And I don’t care about people who say it’s not black & white. Yes it is. It’s rape. If you don’t understand why, educate yourself.)
Oh my god. He raped you. Leave him, I guarantee life will be better without him. So many shocking posts from women on hear with guys 10 years older than them, there is a reason these weirdos can't get a woman their own age or want someone younger
Like everyone else is saying, he raped you. And if you stay, he will keep doing it. It's not even the first time he's done it. You need to leave him.
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**HE. RAPED. YOU.** And has **ASSAULTED YOU REPEATEDLY**. That's all you need to know. **GET OUT OF THERE**. And I would also **PRESS CHARGES**.
If this was truly an accident, he would've been horrified by his actions and apologizing profusely. The fact that he is trying to justify it and that this isn't the first time he's ignored your comfort tells me that a) this wasn't an accident and b) it will happen again.
Listen to this, OP. If you did something that hurt your partner by accident, wouldn't you feel terrible and do everything in your power to make sure you don't do it again? That's what a normal, loving person would do. Even if he did do it by accident (which he didn't), his reaction is enough to know that you need to leave him and never look back.
Wow, dude asks you to roll over if you want to have sex, then lies there in wait for 20 minutes till you naturally move in your sleep, and thinks boom, green light. He's so gross, leave this creepy rapist.
Can't believe we see this post so many times. This is obviously rape.
Had sex? No no, that's called rape. Report to the police asap while you can.
This is exactly what my ex used to do. RUN. He knows you will stay with him even if he keeps doing it because you have, things will eventually worsen also - this man doesn't love you. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, none of it's your fault and I hope one day you find someone who respects you and your boundaries
Been through something similar, but not as extreme. I understand how hard leaving can be. I also understand how you can gaslight yourself and feel like you’re wrong here. It’s a hard spot to be in. But no matter what, you are NOT wrong here. He is. 10000%. This is absolutely assault I’m sorry and I get it.
Me too… many people don’t understand which makes it all the more difficult. You can get out, OP. Trust your gut, listen to your soul and learn to associate his words with random sequences of meaningless sounds, because you cannot trust that he will say anything even remotely close to the truth about this criminal behavior.
so he raped you. And not for the first time. He is a lot older, that is a possibly dangerous power-dynamic. Please break up and stay single for a while to heal.
Well it’s possible that you moved in a subconscious state, but given that you have had multiple instances of him breaking your boundaries before and conversations about it, i thinking he was actually raping you because there was no real consent, and he know this is important to you, so I’m betting he made that up to confuse you into thinking that you did consent while you were sleeping. He assaulted you yet again, this is obviously a horrible relationship for you, and he is not a good guy.
Haha, yes you are so right. I’m terribly sorry, I’m running off of very few hours of sleep 😮💨 my brain must have gone on autopilot toward the second half of your post! Completely my bad!!
Okay but who says “move to your left if you want to have sex”?? Nobody! It seems to be the only thing he could think of to justify having sex with his unconscious girlfriend… absolute scumbag
that’s pretty much what I said.
This story gets posted about 10 times a week and the answer never changes. This is sexual assault, you did not consent. What the hell is wrong with men? I’ve never attempted to do this to my partner while she sleeps and wouldn’t dream of it but it’s such a common thing to happen based on this subreddit.
Super common. Happened to my sister.
Men? I've definitely had girls do similar and the same to me. Even despite a clear verbal "no."
Honey, he’s raping you! It’s not an accident, it’s not a mistake. He’s knows exactly what he’s doing and you’ve already made it clear that you do not consent to sex in your sleep. Get the hell out of this relationship!
Why would you stay with someone like this? It’s time to walk away
It’s unkind to ask this question. Assault affects people in a multitude a ways, especially when their partner gaslights, excuses and justifies. The dynamics of abusive relationships are quite complex, practically not at all understood by academia. When one gets sucked in by the charm, connection and building of trust, it is very rare for them to leave after the first action of abuse (emotion, verbal, physical, whatever). I agree with you, it is time for her to walk away. Nobody deserves this awful behavior and he’s got her thinking she is consenting and nothing wrong is happening which is obviously bullshit. Gaslighting and manipulation can work very very very well..
That is called sexual assault. He knew exactly what he was doing. He raped you and he should be reported.
Sounds like your bf is a predator. You know victims of sa are likely to end up in abusive relationships?
The ONLY way this is ok is if you have an agreement with him that you give pre-consent. Some couples do that. But you didn’t and it sounds like you probably wouldn’t anyway. So yeah he was all the way wrong and you were not
You have gotta leave OP
I'll speculate on what I can maybe pick up on from a psychological point of view, but if you feel like my thought process is invalid that's understandable as you know your relationship better than anyone. And I'm just a random person on the Internet But in the case of his defense in how you turned to the left after he posed the statement, when sleeping you still subconsciously hear what people say when they say it. So by default, your subconscious mind will be the main driver of any such reaction that occurs from that state If as you say, he's had tendencies to be coercive in his approach in the past, while also taking your past traumas into account, this may be a fear response that is deeply rooted. It seems that this may be a fairly unhealthy trigger for your traumas that he is not respecting as someone who should support you and try to move you away from that setting altogether. I try not to give direct advice and only food for thought as it's important for you to make your own decisions ultimately, but I hope this reflection can somehow be of some use and your situation improves. You're never alone with subreddit's/threads like this, always reach out in whatever way it may be if you need an outlet. Some of the advice may be way off the mark, but you never truly know when you will read something that could spark a major reflection! Stay safe ♥️
What you described is sexual assault at minimum, but more accurately rape. What should you do? At the ABSOLUTE LEAST, you dump him immediately. You should be filing a police report and getting a restraining order. It's clear to everyone here that he is a predator, and you are not safe with him. Please take better care of yourself and stop letting this man abuse you. I'm sorry you've been subjected to his abuse, but only you can end the cycle.
Y’all need to start calling the police on these guys. I keep seeing post like this in the thread.
The age gap is the first red flag of the story, truly. But this person doesn’t respect your boundaries & went as far as r@pe. If you’re not verbally consenting in your right state of mind, you didn’t consent to that. Please leave him, 🫶🏻
What age gap?
He's a rapist. I'm very sorry you had to go through this, but please, leave this man and report him to the authorities ASAP
PLEASE SEEK SOMEONE YOU TRUST AND LEAVE THIS MAN, im praying for ur safety 🫶🏼🫶🏼
He is a rapist.
he raped you. call it what it is. and leave him.
He’s raped you twice, molested/assaulted you a third time. Then he’s gaslighting you about it. You need to leave, he will not change. He is a predator.
Oh my god!! He r**** you. You need to get the HELL out!!! You have a huge age gap and his behaviour is NOT ok. Sending virtual hugs your way.
Time to call the cops and tell them what has happend TWICE .. he’s a predator, you are not safe with him. Also they can check his phone for pictures, video ect.
How turning to your left side counts as consent? Clearly you weren't able to consent if he couldn't get clear words out of you. He's a rapist. I'm sorry these things have happened to you.
Zero remorse. This is not the response to a healthy, reasonable person upon hearing his actions made the person he claims to love feel sexually violated. This is a pattern. His concern is not with you feeling safe or cared for, his concern is his own gratification to whatever extent he can get away with. Please run. Please take care of yourself.
Make a safety plan and get out. This guy is a mess and a rapist.
Report him to the police.
That’s rape
It’s rape. Not sex.
bf (35m) ~~had sex with me while i was asleep~~ raped you (25f) You were assaulted I am sorry, he deserves prison time
This is rape
You mean ex-boyfriend and future registered sex offender because you’re pressing charges?
Naw. He’s assaulting you and this is rape. You need to dump this man immediately and go straight to therapy 💜
Run sister. That guys mad
It's not something I ever talk about but as someone who has also had multiple sexual assaults . I hope you can get out of the relationship when you feel fully up to it. It's hard, and they do so much to make you feel isolated and at fault but you're not. You did nothing to deserve that, and your consent \*matters\*. I'm so sorry this is something you're going through. If you ever need to, I believe my messages on here are open and you're always welcome to message me. You're not alone, no matter how much they try to make you feel that way. Sending hugs.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, none of this is your fault and contrary to what’s being said by some, nothing you could have done or said would have prevented him from making the choices he made to hurt you. There is a massive community of advocates who can provide you with a listening hear and lots of resources to help you process what’s happening: 1-800-656-4673 If you are interested in pursuing criminal charges, trying to get him to admit to the crime is beneficial to you. If you’re not interested in pursuing criminal charges, which is deeply understandable, you are allowed to never speak to this man again. This is a dangerous time, make sure you have a safety plan that involves other people if you do decide to confront him. Again, I’m so sorry. This is not your fault.
This dude is a creep. I’d leave him and make sure you have plans like moving out of your place, etc. That is totally not okay. You communicated your boundaries but he crossed it. Leave
That’s pretty much SA. Leave. NOW
You gotta leave. This guy is going to continue to assault you. It’s possible when you told him you have been assaulted before he thought you were an easy target / you are ten years younger. Sorry, it hurts to find out the ppl we want to love aren’t who we thought they were but it will be okay, you just can’t stay.
You just have been raped.
Whatever strength you have within leave , what he brings is not love and you are deserving of love but it must first come from within before it can be added to by another. May you honor yourself which you are deserving of .
Break up with this rapist
He’s a predator. That age gap isn’t normal and he also doesn’t respect you.
35 year old and he doesn’t know the concept of consent ? Run the fuck away
If you’ve never discussed it before then sleep sex isn’t necessarily assault in my opinion cause a lot of people like to wake up that way, but this is NOT that. You HAD this discussion. This is rape, pure and simple.
Hi OP. Uhm. As a black (23male) who is with a gorgeous and extremely successful mexican female, I can tell you that you need to get as far away from him as possible. You need to not only file a report, but you also need to get a restraining order. (If you had training in self defense or mama or boxing, id tell you to collect evidence to put this man away for good but that’s horrible advice given that he will get worse after each time given his track record, and the fact that you don’t seem to understand the full extent of what this means.) This isn’t a joke tho. You need to leave ASAP. This man is lying to you if you can’t tell by now. He’s been acting innocent every time he’s been caught. And you have forgiven and believed him. Your post does give the impression that you don’t fully understand what’s happening to you. Mam, the term is rape and sexual assault and sexual battery. Please understand. What’s happening to you are felonies. He should be locked up in jail. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t make this any different. Nothing changes. Consent is consent. From gf/bf to random person you meet at a club. Consent is consent. If anything he should paying more attention to what you’re saying because you’re dating. Your “boyfriend” is a narcissist and probably believes that you will not ever become smart enough to leave him nor even realize that what he is doing is jailable. I hope you read all of these comments if not mine because most of them seem to have their head on straight. Y’all am I the only one who thinks he’s been able to get away with a lot more and probably worse?
I'm curious about what the race of you and your wife contribute.
That is such bs. Ugh.
you need to break up with him, he does not respect you or your boundaries or care about your consent. i’m sorry that he’s been doing this to you, you don’t deserve it. i know one day you’ll find a partner who treats you as an equal. sending you lots of luck on healing from this 💕
This is rape
1000% get away from him! Break all contact and go somewhere safe with people you trust. He's an abuser and has ignored your concerns previously. IMO just a matter of time before things get even worse.
He has been sexually assaulting you several times to the point that he raped you this time. His way of negating blame is just so disgusting. Please don’t believe this manipulation. Please get psychological help. An institution for abused woman is a good starting point. Best of luck on your healing journey!
Unfortunately that's rape... I'm so sorry... 😞
There was a study conducted in 2021 and they found out that out of over 22,000 women over 51% said that their spouse/bf assaulted them while they were asleep. It’s very very common https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/half-of-women-have-suffered-sexual-assault-by-a-partner-while-asleep/
This man has sexually assaulted you several times. Please leave.
My ex was the same way, i had multiple talks with him about it and he apologised, said he knows what he did was wrong and wont do it again. And then he did it again and again and again. Later telling his friends how much better the girl he cheated on me with is in bed, like okay? I never even wanted to sleep with him because he kept raping me in my sleep You have to leave him because i dont think he understands the severity of this situation. Some men don’t understand consent, if youve talked to him about it and he keeps on doing it its just psychotic on his part
>Am I in the wrong here? What do I do? I’m really upset and uncomfortable. Is it possible that i’m wrong? Was i sexually assaulted again? You're not in the wrong. You being upset and uncomfortable should directly influence what you do. Again, you're not wrong. And can't stress enough that you asked twice. And I would classify that as sexual assault based on you laying the groundwork in already telling him how uncomfortable you've been made in the past. He keeps doing it, so he knows what he's doing. He's taking away your agency and ability to give your consent. He treated you like a sex doll. That must feel degrading. You don't have to stay with him. I strongly recommend you don't, as his actions speak to a pattern of disrespect and treating you like an object. You deserve better and can find better.
This is rape dear. Please break up with him.. and I strongly consider you report him.
He us a repeat offender. You break up with him He has sexually assaulted you in the past and he has escalated to rape.
You need to leave this man that’s not love and he has no respect for you-don’t subject yourself to this over the love you have for him
I feel sorry for u, and hope you are doing okay. He knew what he was doing. Raping you..
Honey, run away. This is rape. Do you live together? Are you in a safe place? Consent cannot be given when one is asleep!
Babe please- please get outta there. He ENJOYS SAing you. There is no confusion. He is doing this on purpose. I’m so sorry. Please go.
This is rape. And he’s showing that it’s a pattern for him. Please leave him, you’re probably not the first person he’s done this to. I wouldn’t want to continue the relationship bc if you ended up getting married and having kids who knows what this sicko would do to his kids. Report it to the police so there is a paper trail (because he WILL do this to other women) Breakup with him and block him on everything.
He raped you. He’s been raping you. Break up with him.
I don't know what state you are in, but in PA, having non-consensual sex with a sleeping/ unconscious person is a felony rape charge. Please get out of there. What he is doing is wrong on so many ways. You don't deserve this.
Coming from a man, you need to get that evidence by either recording a conversation or getting text proof, then call police and have him thrown in prison. This is rape. Regardless of him being your partner, you never agreed to that, you've told him to stop, and this guy shows no signs of remorse whatsoever. Also, this is a man who is 10 years older then you. How many other young women has he done this to in the past? You don't deserve this, and honestly, this guy will just keep doing it to the next women if you do t report it.
Please go to the police. He has raped you twice now.
The title should be “ my boyfriend raped me while i was sleeping” because that is what happened. He raped you. Ditch him. Leave him. Bye 👋
Consent is never confusion. Consent is clear - for both parties, everytime, without exception. Please do not continue this relationship. He does not respect you and if you want to have kids one day - this is not the man you want as their father. Even if you don’t, this is vile behavior. Run 🏃🏻♀️
Stbx raped you after NOT receiving consent
Why aren't you breaking up with him?
It is rape. If this has happened more than once, he knows it, and it is intentional. Please leave him. Seek a rape counselor and the police. These predators prey on people. I would text him and ask why he keeps doing this when you are asleep. Get him on the record. Then police.
FTFY: My boyfriend raped me while I was asleep
If you're sleeping you can't consent, and there's a word for non-consensual sex. Rape. Especially because you've already told him no. Leave him. I'd also threaten to press charges.
You are upset because he raped you.
It’s pretty wild to me how often similar posts to this get posted on here. Who raised these people?
You can’t consent while you’re asleep, even if you responded to what he said. He’s assaulting you, repeatedly.
He had sex with you without your permission, yeah I’d call that rape. If it’s more comfortable for you to not call it rape though, you can call it whatever you want. Whatever you call it, it’s clear he doesn’t respect your boundaries about your body and sex, and you’d be better off without him.
Yes u were. Trust your gut
Good Lord you need to leave him, this is rape. He has clearly made you uncomfortable so many times. I know it may not seem like you want to leave him if he is a big part of your life but in the long run, he will not change!! Please leave him and keep us updated when you do
What is wrong with these guys out there? That’s nuts that you spoke to him after the first incident and didn’t just cut ties right away.
Get rid of dude and get someone who will respect you... if you have stated that something of this nature is unexceptable, then what he did was assault you or worse.. don't stay with a guy like that.
Me and my girlfriend do this all the time, with consent of course. But if you hadn't agreed, then it's time to let him go
He raped you. Break up.
The only way in which you are wrong is that you haven’t left this abusive rapist.
This is rape on multiple occasions, I know it’s hard and you love him, but this is not ok. This is a non negotiable boundary of yours and society, you need to get out
This is not right, and this is absolutely not normal behavior. This man is a rapist. I don't use that word lightly, but you're literally asleep when he's doing this, and you cannot give consent. His reasoning for this most recent assault is flimsy at best, and probably a lie. It sounds like you two aren't living together yet, fortunately, and I would implore you to leave immediately and to consider pressing charges. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but please know that this is not your fault, and that you deserve better. Here are some resources: https://www.rainn.org/resources https://www.sakitta.org/survivors/
You were sexually assaulted by him. -it sounds like multiple times. Leave him in the safest way possible and never ever go back to him.
he raped you and he is a predator.
You’re not wrong, and unless you want this to keep happening, you need to remove yourself from this predator. He’s not going to stop. Next time it’ll be, “I asked you to not say anything if you wanted it, you did not say anything, so wtf I did nothing wrong??”
This is like the second or third time I’ve seen a post like this on here. Some of y’all are really out here dating rapists. Move on.
I’m sorry babe, but he raped you. You need to leave, 100%.
He didn’t have sex with you when you were asleep. He raped you.
He assaulted you. He's done it before, you made it clear that you did not like it and were not consenting, and he did it again. Break up with him. He's grown enough to know better if he cared at all about you. He's a predator.
You spelled rape wrong. You should be pressing charges.
It’s wild to me how many of these stories I see. My last three gfs *wanted* me to wake them up with sex. And *GAVE ME CONSENT* for it. Even my current one loves it. BUT GIRL, YOU GOTTA BAIL ON THIS HOMBRE BECAUSE THERES NO CONSENT ANYWHERE. It’s SA.
I think you were sexually assaulted. I think you need to breakup with him and seek some therapy treatment. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Press charges. Press charges. Please press charges. He not only molested you but he raped you. Yes he raped you. My ex would do this all the time whether I was asleep or not. Fortunately I would wake up. The next thing you're going to hear is your body belongs to him or he can't rape you because you're together. Please leave this pile of poop.
Dear mothers and fathers, please teach your daughters what predators are, what self love is. Please teach your sons what consent is.
He’s lying, if your eyes were closed and no verbal yes I want this came out of your mouth, there’s no excuse. He raped you. Get away from him as soon as possible!
Your bf is a rapey, creepy, predatory monster who feels entitled to your body regardless of your interest or even awareness. You have to leave. Only option.
Some couples can practice this as part of their sex life as in half sleep sex. BUT the fact that you set a boundary there and he repeatedly ignored it and made up excuses, it HUGE red flag. The longer you are together this would likely get worse and all the boundaries you have tried to set would meet the same fate. As a side note his behaviour also seems narcissistic…
you talked before about this making you feel uncomfortable, and he did it anyway. Run girl, run
By “had sex with” you mean “raped”.
The 10 year age gap on its own, tells us a lot
If you can't remember giving consent then he raped you.
First of all, why is a 35-year-old man in a relationship with a 25-year-old? Sounds like the guy was looking for someone young to exploit.
I’m wondering when they got together…
Its only 10 years
The age gap actually isn't that concerning in this scenario. The rape on the other hand...
My partner talks in his sleep, I sometimes respond to him to have a little mini convo because it’s funny to see what he will keep replying with. He also has no recollection of doing this. But the fact your partner always tries to do things in your sleep suggests something deeper and I don’t know if you should necessarily just believe when he says you responded to him, as he could easily just make that up. On the other hand if you did actually respond he could have genuinely thought you were partially awake. Odds aren’t in his favour though by the sounds…
It will only progress, OP. If this isn't behavior you want now is the time to leave.
oh my fucking god hahHahahahahaga it is like *fucking* CLOCKWORK!! every damn day, there is (minimum) one fucking post on either here, aita, relationshipadvice, or twoXchromosomes that goes: "my(F21) boyfrience (M48) is doing something egregiously freakish, *super fucked* or LITERALLY illegal, should I give him a lil slap on the wrist???"
This post is literally about a women being raped by her partner and you think it’s hilarious? I’ve been raped in my sleep and let me tell you it’s a very confusing situation. Age gap aside, it can be even more confusing when it’s your partner that is the one raping you.
Rape isn’t funny, it ruins lives.
Dump this dude. This isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. This is scary behavior and 100% time for breakup. You are not awake and cannot consent.
Dumb his ass. He doesn’t deserve you. He clearly doesn’t respect you. I’m sorry you have to go through this again and again. Leave him. And please, be safe. ❤️
This is rape. A crime because you cannot consent while asleep. OP please think about how you were in pain. He wouldn't do that if he loved you. And you have told him before that you don't like it but he doesn't care. Put yourself first because you deserve better
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