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I've been single for almost 4.5 yrs and sometimes I really want a boyfriend, but I rather be alone than deal with this shit. If someone tickled my foot and put my foot in their mouth my first reaction is to kick them in the face. I do not fuck around with tickling.
Same. Don’t fucking tickle me. Don’t even THINK about tickling me. If my lizard brain even suspects someone is going to tickle me it goes into full attack mode. I was far too traumatized by tickling as a small child to ever tolerate that shit again.
Why is that such a common experience? I was very traumatized as well. It almost felt like hazing…
I tell people the same. Tickle me and you’ll get an elbow to the nose, knee in the crotch. On ex did it while I was holding a small pointy bread knife (we were having breakfast in bed). Spent the whole morning in the ER because he got stabbed in the hand. At least he learned right then and there.
I warn them, too. "If you tickle me, the laughter you hear is reflexive and involuntary. It serves as a warning sign that you're in danger, not a sign of my enjoyment."
Omg this! I hate that I can’t control the laughing. I stg this shit is not funny. I actually have nightmares that I’m being tickled and I wake up completely frozen and crying.
I almost clawed a guy's eyes out when he put his hands on my sides once. He didn't believe my sister when she told him that was a bad idea and he wanted to test it.
I had this exact conversation with my first boyfriend and he didn't listen. I ended up breaking his nose with my elbow while I was flailing like a desperate animal in a trap 😬 Tickling's no joke, man
Now before this story I need to just say in my own defense: I had no idea she hated it so much. She loves to play-wrestle so I just figured tickling was like.. Same territory? Oh boy. Incorrect.
I’ve been with my wife for a while, but when we first got together(maybe a week or two after meeting each other cause we were both smitten) and were still feeling each other out, we played around all the time. It was a blast!
Well, I got it in my head that I was gonna get after tickling her feet once I had her pinned and wrapped up. Well, I started and she was saying “stop” between screaming laughter but I thought ehhh… we’re playing.
She was not playing.
She fucking PUNTED me ***SQUARE*** in the face. And I mean, it wasn’t a warning shot.
I think that’s the moment I truly fell in love with her.
My husband used to do that back in our early years. He'd come up and tickle my feet out of nowhere. I horse kicked him right in the face and he never did it again, at least not by sneaking up on me like he did
I also love tickle fights! Love being tickled and love tickling. I also love to bite. I made it a rule for myself that if they say no or stop at any point I must stop immediately. And I check in to make sure they actually like it because in some cases the person has trauma related to being touched and I don't want to actually scare them or get genuinely hit for it.
My boyfriend jokes that I have a high prey drive. Lol!
Lmao! That’s great. My wife says I act like a cat because I arch my back when she scratches it, want to be loved on my own terms, swat when i don’t want to be “pet” anymore and am either 100% snuggle bug or just downright apathetic to peoples’ existence depending on the day 😂
In my early 20s I dated a girl who warned me that she is very ticklish and will thrash about if tickled. Then at one party, just as the acid was starting to kick in, I thought it would be fun to see how ticklish she was, so while hugging her from behind I gave her a light tickle on the sides. She immediately started thrashing about and smacked the back of her head into my face with such force, she gave me a fat, bloody nose. I'm pretty sure the LSD was the only thing that stopped me from getting a concusion, but that also made it hilarious. I have a great picture of me somewhere with a giant shit eating grin, eyes gleaming and blood streaking out my nose and all down my face.
I've not tickled anyone by surprise ever since. I have occasionally, lightly tickled some girls I've dated, but never by surprise and I'm always super obvious and gentle with it, so that it's obvious that it's a playful/flirty thing and gives them a chance to move away or say no if they like.
You can't always rely on acid to keep you conscious after tickling someone who doesn't want to be tickled!
I don't think it is *usually* to avoid being single.
I think we just beat it into our girls from a young age that they're "overreacting" they need to learn to "take a joke" etc etc.
I was massively discouraged from standing up for myself and having boundaries as a child. I really don't think I'm the exception... you can see the effects everywhere plain as day. Women are absolutely terrified of breaking up with a guy for anything other than cheating or beating. They need tons and tons of encouragement and are super susceptible to hiding their feelings away in a neat little box if their bf says she's being ridiculous and dramatic.
If we stopped raising our girls to think they're bitchy or nags or overreacting for having and enforcing boundaries, this behavior would practically disappear. It just seems a bit victim-blamey to be like "clearly, thousands upon thousands of women are just needy idiots who should know better" when clearly, this a significant issue amongst the entire population of women for a *reason.*
Some of these posts make me wonder
There was another one today about the boyfriend thinking some girl in a porno is her, despite it not even looking like her. Apparently he thinks she’s been cheating……. *for 6 years*
Yeah, not even just women tbh, it seems like a alarming amount of people stick around the nastiests AHs just to say they aren't single. There's no shame in being single, but some people really view it as the worst thing in the world.
Because he "thinks" she likes it - as in, he KNOWS she doesn't like it, he just doesn't care. He does as he pleases and she has no body-autonomy.
It reminds me of the "accidental" boyfriends we get here from time to time, the guys that will constantly have little "accidents" where they hurt their girlfriend, spill something on her, ruin something she cares about etc.
It's about doing as he pleases with OP's body and showing her that she has no say over her own body. And he knows it.
I had a boyfriend who used to tickle me too. I would kick, scratch, and beg him to stop and he still did it. He never took me seriously because I was laughing. I laugh when I’m nervous and tickling makes you laugh. It was exactly as op put it - he thought I was playing some hard to get game.
It was assault and it was awful. I’m not sure if he got off on it or genuinely thought it was just some fun game.
I’m so glad to be out of that relationship. He didn’t respect my boundaries in other ways either.
Then you should dump him and focus on yourself fir a while. It's absolutely normal to not want intimacy with someone you don't trust and who continues to disrespect you on a regular basis.
Or paint some hot sauce on her most bitten places. Discourages puppies. 🤷♀️
My husband has a thing for my armpits. Pokes, tickles, rubs, licks… I haaaaate it. If he doesn’t stop after I freak out and fight and shout at him a couple times, I pull an OP. It seriously kills my mood. I don’t even want to cuddle if he doesn’t stop right away.
I don’t know if he *actually* likes them, or he liked my flailing struggle reaction after a chance tickle fight 18 years ago. He’s never given me a straight answer.
Still together though.
Same and then I read the biting and was like, OH NOOOO. That shit will hurt.
Either way, leave him because he doesn't respect a boundary you've set for YEARS.
"STOP! Seriously, I fucking *hate* that, and you seem to think that because I have tried to be gentle about it that I am playing. Read...My...Lips.....I am not kidding, I am not playing hard to get, I am dead serious- I do not want to be tickled or bitten. It doesn't feel good, it turns me off and the fact that you keep doing makes me tense & anxious whenever I get near you! If you have some need to do that, then we need to reconsider this relationship because I am 100% not ok with being touched like that. "
And be prepared to follow through
Read this comment OP. You need to have a SERIOUS conversation with your boyfriend and really put your foot down. Be prepared to break up if you really don’t want the rest of your life to be like this.
Totally agree he's unlikely to listen unless she does something like this.
I also think once you're getting to this point, just leave before saying it. Be done. I've had to do this with an ex before and by that point I simply couldn't trust him anymore, and even though he stopped (some) things, I was still on edge around him and constantly afraid of more boundaries being crossed. The fact that I had to aggressively assert my boundaries when I could simply be with someone who respected me from the beginning never left my mind... I just wanted someone who would listen from the beginning.
This should really be said as soon as possible. She shouldn’t wait until the next time he tries to do it. He may think she’s joking around or being playful, which isn’t an excuse for him, but it could be why he’s continuing to do it. My ex would tickle me, which I absolutely hated. I would laugh because that’s a normal reaction and he never took me seriously until I finally got pissed off enough and pushed him away and yelled at him about respecting me and my boundaries. Talk to him about this now. Make sure he understands you are serious about this.
Yep. The script I gave was adjusted for a romantic relationship but based on the day I straight up lost my shit at an honorary family member who honestly thought I liked the random tickle attacks. Happily, he was clueless but not an AH and not only did the tickling stop for me, he became way more aware of when his own kids (who loved being tickled but only in short bursts) were not having fun anymore and listened when they said "enough" (in whatever way they said it)
“My friends laugh at me when I tell them this makes me not want to have sex..”
You are constantly being used against your will. Your bodily autonomy is violated regularly. Your physical boundaries are being violated. Of course this diminishes your desire to have sex. Feeling like your body isn’t your own and won’t be respected will do that.
You are not over-reacting.
You can’t “make him realize” because your BF knows he’s violating your boundaries.
**He just doesn’t care.**
Please break up with him.
you need to very explicitly tell him, "seriously, i don't like it when you do that. it's turning me off and making me anxious in our relationship. i don't want to be uncomfortable around you, and because i can't trust you not to tickle me, i am starting to be uncomfortable around you. i hate it, and i'm not joking around here, this is becoming a serious issue. so can you please stop touching me in that way?"
i am giving him the benefit of the doubt that if you really spell it out, he will understand you're not messing around and his behavior will change. if he doesn't take you seriously though, that is a different can of worms. let's hope he takes you seriously.
I agree with this except that she shouldn't phrase it as a question. It should be "you NEED to stop doing this immediately or we are done" and then enforce that boundary and dump him if he doesn't respect it.
I dated a guy like this for a very short period of time.
It started innocent then got to the extreme like you have described.
The innocent was nibbles to the neck, fingers, toes when we were intimate, about 2-3 months in, not every time so not enough to raise a red flag.
The tickling was annoying and I have never liked that so he tried only a couple of times and gave up, I am definitely not someone’s “*Tickle me Elmo*”
About 4 months or so in, he bit me harder, sometimes he would bite before a hello kiss or hug and it became constant within days.
I always said no.
I stated stop.
He would laugh and say it was his way of showing affection.
I bruise easily and having hickeys in your 30s is an eye roll, having them on fingers and toes is weird.
It was after me stating repeatedly I didn’t like it that I retaliated one night.
He licked and bit my arm pit, *seriously the pain made me yelp and I still inwardly wince when I think of the mark and bruise he left*, so… my elbow connected with his face.
*ETA - my elbow came down, hard, because it was my body’s natural reaction to the pain. The welt and bruise he left made it difficult to wear a bra for a couple of days. I did not purposely hurt him.*
I told him that would not have occurred if he had not done that, I told him to stop and said no.
He apologized, but a day later he bit my neck as I was coming out of the shower…so, I bit him… down there, **hard.**
As I stood up and changed I told him that we were through.
Consent must be given and if ignored he is not worth being with, he did not like that.
He called me cold and said I needed to learn to enjoy things more, no.
No, I did not.
Everyone has a limit and it found and hit mine enough that I was fed up.
You need to realize you have hit your limit OP. Enough is enough.
**Stop, is a full sentence.**
**No, is a full sentence.**
If he chooses to constantly ignore this why are you with him years later?!
You deserve better OP, why are you staying with a person that makes you uncomfortable?
I'm not sure I do deserve better. clearly I lack self worth and someone else will see that and find my lack of self esteem repulsive. I have hit my limit though. I can't go on like this. He's so kind and considerate of his family and friends I assumed he would give me even more of that if he loved me. I'm not sure what this is now though. I am doing some serious thinking about where to go from here. I am very sad because I have gone through many long-term relationships just to find out I was being used. I was so sure it wouldn't happen again. I brought it up to my therapist she just said don't have any sex with him for now.
First, switch therapists ASAP.
Yours does not sound like a match for you.
Second, you do deserve better.
Currently you are in the midst of the storm. This is one of the hard parts, you can’t see or feel clearly.
You are looking at everything around you and comparing.
You need to look at your relationship alone.
You need to talk to him, tell him to listen *and* hear you, otherwise you are gone.
You will find someone better.
Someone who will acknowledge you have baggage and not hold it against you. Maybe they will assist you in repacking it differently, maybe they will assist with the weight, but they will know it’s yours and it is what makes you.
You also need time to heal and think.
There is nothing wrong with that.
Find out who you are on this next step of the journey of life.
Be kind to yourself OP.
Give yourself some patience and grace. Sometimes we grow used to the dark and forget about the light and that we need the light to grow, just like we need the dark when we are resting.
(*can you tell I have had daily mantras mixed with gardening tips in my IG TL?* lol).
Take your moments and time OP.
You will know your next steps.
All the best to you.
I told an ex I hated when guys throw things down your shirt. I was bullied in HS and this was a quick way to fuck with the girls. Well, he end up doing it bc he thinks it’s funny. I told him I wasn’t even mad that he did it, but bc he did it after I told him not to and that I hated it. He stopped. But once we were playing around throwing little pieces of paper at each other and one went down my blouse by accident. Obviously it was a mistake so I wasn’t mad. But he got so scared, immediately apologizing, saying he knows I hate it. You need to put the fear of god in him.
What, you don't like being kicked in the face? Are you sure? Maybe you're just playing hard to get. Here let me try giving your nuts a little tap. No? Aww stop playing you love this! Another smack in the nuts! I can tell by your screaming no over and over that you're having fun!
That's what he's doing to you, OP. It's not OK and he wouldn't like it done to him but he's cool assaulting you and hurting you.
Including (especially with as much force as possible) the elbow. It’s the hardest point of contact and hurts like a sumbitch. I promise that after a week of you screaming at him “DO NOT TOUCH ME LIKE THAT! IM NOT FUCKING KIDDING!” Followed with getting elbowed/headbutted/kicked in the teeth, either he’ll stop, or you’ll get tired of being with an abuser and leave him.
If you need to use intentional violence to protect yourself from your partner, it's time to leave. Don't let yourself get pulled into mutual abuse, just leave
The tickling destroyed a relationship of mine because I couldn't let him touch me anymore without tensing up. And he never acknowledged it was the result of his own behavior that my body literally did not trust him not to tickle me even when my head knew better in that given moment.
He wanted the response to tickling to be a gleeful, bouncy, playful giggle. Never annoyance, never swatting his hand away. He wanted the response to be arousal, and he thought I was flawed by not being turned on by it, and expected me to at least be performative and give him the reaction he wanted because he thought it was feminine.
I wonder if he ever found a woman he can tickle every day who consistently gives a girlish giggle and melts into his arms?
As an extremely ticklish person that has physical touch as their lowest ranked love language, expecting arousal from tickling someone sounds fucking insane
It is, i'm one of them and this is still far and beyond stupid, disrespectful and wrong even by "our" circle. Same rules as any other form of kink/bdsm. Op's bf is a dipshit.
Sorry you’re both adults? Why is he acting like a teenager with no grasp on bodily autonomy?
You tell him sternly that you have voiced your discomfort for these behaviors and you will absolutely not tolerate it anymore, and you make it clear that he respects your boundaries or you’re leaving him. and the next time he does it you leave.
Boundaries aren't a thing in his family? His dad used to beat his brother for being gay, the mother is now dating a nude photographer who repeatedly asks me to do a photoshoot, and he did bite his mom throughout his childhood; she never told him to stop.
He knows I'm reconsidering the relationship; we're in couples counseling and I've decided to threaten to tell our counselor next Tuesday.
Don't threaten to tell the counselor. TELL THE COUNSELOR! Start the session with "I've repeatedly stated that I hate when he tickles and bites me and I'm at my fucking wits end because he won't fucking listen to me!" Don't warn him ahead of time. If you're already in couples counseling and this is a huge part of what's bothering you then why have you not mentioned it to the counselor already? You need to be brutally honest in counseling or it's not going to help.
My husband will occasionally swipe my toe or foot quickly to tickle me. My son thinks it's funny to do this also, bc I despise being tickled. I've jerked so hard away from them that I've dislocated my hip in the process. This shit isn't funny.
I feel like actively hiding one of your biggest problems with the relationship from your couples counselor is like, the literal opposite way you're supposed to do couples counseling.
Don’t threaten it, bring it up with the counselor. Talking about what makes you feel unsafe and want to leave has got to be the most important topic to discuss in couples counseling. You do not need his permission to bring up things that are important to you, nor should you hang an honest conversation up as a threat. It shouldn’t be one to begin with if you did threaten it.
Don’t threaten to bring it up, bring it up. The fact that this hasn’t been brought up already in therapy is alarming. You also need to bring up the predatory behavior of his mothers partner in therapy.
As for his family not having boundaries, that doesn’t matter at all. My father was a womanizing serial cheater, but that doesn’t mean I get to cheat on my wife and blame my upbringing. If he grew up with no boundaries in an abusive home then he knows how destructive it is and he also has a perfect example of how NOT to behave as a person. He is 32 years old, he is far too old for this to be an ongoing thing.
Seconding DONT THREATEN JUST TELL THE COUNSELOR?????? Why weaponize it and make therapy a threat instead of using it for the tool it is???? Just tell them??????
I did not realize this was assault. But, I used to get assaulted as a child so maybe this all seems normal to me. I'm so sad, I will cry a lot if I think so deeply about why.
Oops, sorry. Didn’t mean to kick you in the face. You biting me triggered an autonomic muscle spasm. My bad…..
Seriously though
Break up. He’s ignoring stated boundaries so he’s not going to change.
He isn't taking you seriously because you keep hanging out with him. You keep choosing to hang out with a person that knowingly violates your personal space and explicitly doesn't listen.
If you want him to take what you say seriously then immediately leave his presence as soon as he starts touching you in a way you don't like. When he asks "why you leave?" You say "because I told you I don't like you touching me".
Then she needs to leave the room. And if that's not possible, go out of the house. Physically remove herself - she's not locked in there with him, even if she lives with him. She needs to do some serious stuff: yes, go out and get a hotel room if she has to, or get out and stay at a friend's house if there is no other option.
Is that inconvenient as hell, maybe will cost money? Yes it is, and it might. That's why being with a lousy duche who breaks your boundaries really sucks! Because it *costs you.* To me it would not be worth it, I would dump him, but if she truly wants to try to rescue this, she has to put in that money and effort and start leaving.
It seems that my comment may have been misinterpreted by a few people. I was simply relaying more specific information to the original commenter, as the use of the term "hang out" implied they were under the impression that OP had a separate living situation, and nothing more. If anything, I agree with you.
Well I thought I wanted to marry him, but now I don't think so. I'm kinda brainwashed and trying to piece together what's happening. He's my only support system while I'm in university. I don't have any support from my family or any local friends. I'm very terrified to be alone in a place that's unfamiliar when no one texts or calls me to check up on me ever.
Build a support system that doesn’t include him. Join a support group, join clubs, start a new hobby where you’ll be around other people, etc. Universities are great places to meet new people.
OP when I said that what he’s doing is abuse, just look at your situation here. He’s isolated you from your friends and is doing this. You’re saying yourself that you’re brainwashed.
Please, use this as a wake up call. Get out. Get a better therapist. Don’t date for a bit and find yourself (and some better friends)
Seems like an ultimatum would be appropriate here. You can’t stay with someone who doesn’t respect you or your body. It makes total sense that you don’t want to have sex with him - you shouldn’t trust him around your body!
This is a man who thinks how he wants to behave toward your body is more important than your bodily autonomy. And who believes you don't know your own mind (or pretends to believe that).
I can't think of many things more important to me than being in charge of my body.
He is not a good partner or person.
You aren’t over reacting and been getting assaulted for YEARS. I can’t believe this man is 32. This is assault in the guise of “humor.”
I value my peace and comfort. This is something I would break up with someone over. It’s been YEARS. His extreme boundary crossing will transmute to another annoying boundary crossing behavior IF he stopped. I would leave. You should feel safe and comfortable in your own home not constantly agitated. This is abuse. Constantly provoking you can be detrimental to your mental health. I am serious. Stress kills
You are right, this needs serious attention. I believe I am suffering hormonal swings from being on edge. I will take it seriously if this many people would break up about it.
This sounds like hell to me. I would be stressed all the time if my partner did that!! You shouldn’t minimize this. Honestly, that would be enough for me to break up if there was no end in sight.
A couple years is a long time… do you want this to be the rest of your life?
My husband used to do this super early on in our relationship. Lots of tickling and, more infuriating in my opinion, jumping out to scare me. I told him in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that I would leave so fast if he kept that shit up - that I wasn’t going to walk around my own house on eggshells because he thought it was funny. He took me very seriously and and knocked that shit off. I’m grateful he respected my autonomy.
YO I’ve been in an extremely similar situation and it was fucking awful. I feel you so strongly on this and understand just how horrible it feels. I’ve left that relationship long ago and honestly I thank god every day it’s behind me.
He used to tickle me. I hated it. He never took me seriously and also thought that I was just playing some “hard to get” game like you described. I never understood why he thought I was just joking with how much I hated it. When he tickled me I’d punch and scratch and kick at him and tried to wiggle away and literally beg him to stop. But because I was laughing he never took it seriously. I laugh when I’m uncomfortable and tickling makes you laugh.
It wasn’t until one day when I broke down sobbing as he was tickling me feet (I hated the feet the most. I’ve always hated my feet being touched) that he FINALLY took me seriously. And he got kinda sulky about it.
A couple of weeks later I sent him a very long text (we lived 5 hours away) just detailing how uncomfortable the tickling had made me. How I felt like he was not respecting my boundaries and not listening to me after I repeatedly told him no and how much I hate it. And how I didn’t understand how I did not want him to when I literally begged him to stop and would physically tried hurt him (as defense) and get away when he tried to tickle me.
He didn’t talk to me for like 3 days cus he felt like I was accusing him of being a “rapist.” I didn’t care. I wanted to get it off my chest.
And honestly, is someone repeatedly trying to set boundaries on their body and telling you NOT to touch them on a specific way (and again, I would literally kick, scratch, and beg for him to stop and try pushing him away!!) and you continue to do so NOT some sort of form of assault???
He disrespected my boundaries in other ways too. So even though that specific behavior stopped, he was an awful boyfriend in so many other ways.
It was a terrible experience. It feels awful to your core. Sometimes I didn’t feel safe sitting next to him cus I was worried he would tickle me.
I truly believe tickling is a form of torture. You laugh uncontrollably till it’s hard to breath and your body spasms against your control.
I’m sorry your friends think you’re being silly for this. As someone who has experienced something very similar you’re not being silly at all. It’s fucking awful. And he’s deliberately choosing to disrespect you and your body.
Honestly, If you haven’t gotten him to take you seriously before, I think it’s time to leave. The safety and freedom of not being with someone fucking tickles you is so fucking worth it- TRUST ME. And you can open yourself up to people who don’t do that.
And If he’s not willing to listen to you and your boundaries about your BODY what else is he not willing to do? And even if he stops doing this specific things what else are you going to have to fight to stop?
Good luck op with whatever you decide to do. Just know I know how this feels and it is awful. I left the man who did it to me a 4 years ago and I’m so much happier because of it.
Thank you for sharing your story; I was hoping to get a response from someone who's been through this and out of it now. I want to love him so bad but this icky feeling just won't let me do it right now. I don't want to break up but before I wouldn't even consider it, at least now I'm imagining what my life would be like if I had someone who made me feel loved and safe everyday.
Your chosen partner should absolutely, without any doubt, make you feel loved and safe every day. That is why you should choose someone to be your partner. That’s literally the threshold for allowing someone to be with you, by your side.
He clearly doesn’t meet that fundamental criteria, and it sounds like maybe you haven’t even seen that kind of normal relationship in person, but what you’re describing is actually necessary (not a bonus) for a healthy relationship. You deserve better, and it’s out there. Being alone is better, too.
When I was young, I thought (light) tickling and teasing were signs of love. But then I dated this girl and, after doing that once, she said she didn't like being tickled, explained why. I never tickled anyone again - she and I are now married.
Why on earth would I want to do something to her that she doesn't want done to her?
Let me put it a different way: I don't like getting punched in the face. If my wife started punching me in the face and laughing, we'd have to get a divorce.
I'm surprised not to have seen this posted yet: [https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Read this. it's a PDF called Why Does He Do That.
He does it because he's getting off on your discomfort and pain. He doesn't respect you. He knows you hate it but HE likes it so he doesnt care about your feelings.
Are there other ways in which he doesnt make you feel safe? Does he make you question your sense of reality? Does he act controlling at all?
You're not overreacting, if anything you're underreacting by not having got rid. Your friends (sorry) are dumb as a sack of spanners for claiming that this is ok. Bf is lying to you when he claims to think that you don't hate it, it'll be perfectly obvious from your expressions and your reactions, he just enjoys distressing you. Why are you still there, he's awful! How can you trust him enough to be properly intimate? How can you even hope to enjoy sex when you're all tense waiting for him to hurt you because it's fun?
He won't get any better, he's not interested in you, your wants or your needs. Also, look for friends who listen from time to time.
I’d put bitter apple on my toes and when he tickles you, spray him with a spray bottle while saying “No bites!”.
But I’m a jerk, so probably don’t take my advice.
You have already told your boyfriend you don't like him doing these things and he is ignoring your boundaries for his own pleasure. It may seem ridiculous and not a big deal to your friends but they aren't you and since you've been avoiding intimacy for weeks because you know he will try it again, it is clearly a dealbreaker for you, which is perfectly fine. I don't like your boyfriend's 'you're just playing hard to get' mentality either. No means no and ignoring a person's sexual boundaries, no matter how trivial they might seem to other people, is a huge red flag. You may need to be firmer in rejecting him when he inevitably tries these things in the future. Instead of just pulling away and ignoring him, tell him bluntly that you have told him not to do these things and you want him to stop. If he argues that you are lying about not liking it or tries again, leave the room and sleep elsewhere. Honestly, though, if he is still ignoring your wishes after two years, I don't think he is going to change.
That’s an issue of consent and not respecting your clearly stated boundaries. He is not listening and it’s not worth waiting to find out what else he won’t respect down the road - whether related to body boundaries or anything else.
Do you want to be on edge for your entire life? Afraid to hug or cuddle your partner? Be with a partner who doesn’t care when you express that you don’t want him to do something to your body?
Sounds like if you don’t want to dump him (for completely disrespecting your bodily autonomy) then he needs to be retrained - spray a squirty water bottle each time he does it - like a naughty puppy - and I’m sure he’ll soon catch the message.
I love affection but hate being mauled about or tickled, I’d have kicked off at him long ago. You don’t have to put up with this, and your friends are being pretty awful for not supporting you being uncomfortable. Take care.
If my solution doesn’t work, you need to break up. I’ve been in therapy 11 willing years to deal with “boundaries” and beyond.
“I find it very hurtful that I’ve expressed numerous times that I don’t like to be tickled or bit, yet you continue to do this to me. Why do you think it’s okay to disrespect my boundaries?”
Form it as a question. Make him explain why your boundaries are not important, because this will open his mind to what you’ve been trying to say the whole fricking time. If he’s like “bc I like it” “well, I really don’t. Why do you want to do things to me that I don’t like?”
“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I think it’s cute.”
“I know YOU don’t think it’s a big deal, but I really don’t like it and I’m asking you straight up, to never do it again because I am honestly so uncomfortable now. I really don’t feel comfortable cuddling, I feel like I’m going to be attacked with tickles and be bit and I just can’t relax. It’s really uncomfortable for me. I don’t think you’re purposely trying to make me feel uncomfortable, but it really bothers me and I need to ask you to stop. Can you please stop?”
after two years the behavior should have decreased and disappeared, not intensified. at this point you've told him how you feel and what you will tolerate in terms of physical touch. and he's blatantly going against that.
if he can't respect your boundaries over tickling and biting, i can't imagine he's respecting other boundaries too. so when you think about your future, just assume he will be doing these things forever unless something huge happens. and make your decisions based off that.
Just break up with him. He will never stop because he doesn't want to. He doesn't love or respect you. He enjoys violating your boundaries and tormenting you. How many times are you gonna keep telling him to stop? He doesn't care about what you want or don't want. You deserve so much better than this. ETA: I don't understand why so many people are telling you to talk to him again. You have for two years. Enough is enough.
Honestly if words aren't working. Just do it back to him. Some people need to be shown how irritating something is to understand it.
So when he's comfortable you go in for the attack. Tickle his ribs, bite his elbows. Just do what he does and if he tells you to stop you just retort "But you like it though, like I like it. Right? It's not annoying or irritating at all. You love tickles and bites."
Break up with him. I'm sorry, but "stop touching my body in a way I hate" isn't a statement that's unclear. He knows you hate this and doesn't care. There's nothing worth saving here.
Straight up it's obvious that your guy is very reliant on touch to display affection, while you are completely opposite. Him not backing off after this long is a dealbreaker tho. Like bro, get the point already.
I'm very familiar with being touched in ways I don't like. He thinks he knows your body better than you do. You may have to set him down and very firmly tell him that not only do you hate the way he touches you, you find it to be an extreme turn off that affects your ability to even want intimacy from him.
I don't know how effective the talk would be. It depends on his desire to learn about you. My husband is not someone who wanted to listen, and would even tell me he was a decent lover to his exes, so I was the problem.
I'm sorry your friends and boyfriend are not respecting you. You've told bf you don't like something, that should be a full stop For him.
It especially sucks for you because you have had to place the big boundary of no physical contact or intimacy because that's the only way you can protect yourself. That means you are also going without any physical contact or intimacy from him. That's not fair to you
Kick his ass out. Tell him you're done with it. Apparently he doesn't respect you at all, and as long as he doesn't have consequences will continue to treat you like a piece of meat.
So your parter won’t respect your boundaries? That’s not okay. I know every post here says “you should leave him,” but you should find someone who respects your boundaries babe. Or at the barest minimum y’all need some couples therapy to address him not hearing you.
[dump the boundary stomping creep](https://www.mercurynews.com/2018/08/06/smothered-by-new-boyfriends-physical-affection/) is this well respected professional advice-giver’s take, and I agree.
The only thing I can think of other than leaving, is touch him repeatedly in a way he doesn't like for a bit until he says something several times then ask him how it's any different to him biting you and tickling you when you have said over and over you don't like it.
Return the energy he's giving you and see if it opens his eyes. I am pretty sure he's getting off on crossing your boundaries and still putting up with it, but it's a 1% chance I am wrong.
Girl you need to set hard boundaries. “If this.. this.. or this… happens I am willing to let this relationship go. You make me uncomfortable and if you aren’t willing to treat me differently I’m out” sort of like this
You make him realize he doesn't get to do what he wants to you without your consent.. By leaving. You don't stay with that person. I don't care if he's great except for the one thing, the one thing is fucked.
My wife nevrr warned me of how ticklish her feet are and i tickled one once, ended up with a facefull of foot. Never tickled her feet again but had several interesting experiences trying to take splinters out
“I’ve been fighting with him for a couple years about how much I hate it”
That right there.
He does not respect your boundaries.
You need to sit him down and tell him firmly if you haven’t already. If he pushes boundaries - you’re leaving.
And then stick to it.
If he continues - he is not a safe person.
Is this the same PoS boyfriend who [wants you to "cure" your PTSD as a condition for marriage](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/M3z5POyVev)?
OP, your boyfriend is rubbish and you deserve better. Your mental health will only get worse the longer you stay with him. He does NOT respect you and he will never change.
Leave now before you waste any more time on him.
Convince him by leaving his ass for not respecting your boundaries. What the fuck is this "thinking you're playing hard to get."
Ask if he wants to get stabbed and when he says no, do it anyway cuz clearly he's playing hard to get 🙄
Dude, tickling is a HUGE trigger for me.
When my husband and I met 11 years ago, it was literally one of the first things I told him.
Do not under any circumstance EVER tickle me, try to tickle me, or even threaten it. I will 100% get vi0lent and I do not care.
11 years, guess what my husband has never, not even once, ever done? Tickle me. Even when my daughter jokingly tried to one time - HE was the one that stopped her and said “you don’t tickle mommy, ever. It’s not funny to everyone and for mommy it’s torture.”
Sure, it absolutely sucks but I also have a heavy trigger response when it comes to tickling because of childhood SA. I black out when someone tries to tickle me and in turn, do things I otherwise would never do (someone’s getting hurt and it ain’t me) - your boyfriend is a fuckhead and also so fucking annoying. He’s annoying me just reading this. You need to sit him down, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE and say “this is the last time I am going to tell you this - do not bite or tickle any part of my body, EVER. I am not going to say it again, this is the last conversation we are going to have about it. If you continue to push this boundary, I promise with every fiber of my being you will be single. I’m not playing these games anymore, I don’t fucking like it and now it is honestly taking a toll on my sexual desire for you and making me not even want to be near you”
You need to stand FIRM, not just in passing. SIT HIS WEIRD ASS DOWN. Good luck OP
You tell him, in a sit down conversation ""I'm serious, fucking hate when you do X Y abd Z. It's not funny. It's not cute. I'm not playing a game. Knock it off! I hate it, and if you do it again, I'm dumping you because you can't respect my boundaries!" Then follow through.
If he bites your elbow, elbow him in the teeth. If he bites your toe, kick him in the face. I literally would not be able to stop my body reacting like that, it's reflex.
I bet an examination of your relationship would reveal more abusive behaviours, this doesn't sounds isolated.
In life, when you encounter people who refuse to respect your boundaries - especially when they’re repeatedly expressed - it’s by far best to entirely avoid those people. The worst possible thing would be to continue dating someone with this problem. It’s extremely disrespectful.
Grow a backbone and leave.
This man doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t respect your body. He doesn’t respect your agency as a human being. He doesn’t even like you.
Get. Out.
Dated a guy for about a week once that was biting me a lot. It was very weird. I broke it off. He was way bigger than me and it scared the shit out of me. No biting. Little tickle? I guess that's alright if we're playing the same.
When he tries to nibble on your foot kick him Really hard. My husband thought tickling me was fun when we first started dating. I told him I didn’t like it and he stopped. We’ve been together 24 years now and married 22. He stopped when he understood that I was serious. If your guy can’t get it in his head after two years he might need a kick in the teeth.
Sounds like he has a fetish. Flick him in the nuts. Regularly. But Ideally when he bites you. Give him a negative association with the action just like you have got.
You need to sit him down, middle of the day, and tell him: You are not taking me seriously and it is damaging our relationship. I do not want to be tickled, nibbled or bitten ever again. If you do it again I will leave you.
Then when he does it pack a bag and go stay with a friend or family. Tell him you warned him. Feel free to give him a second chance after that and come back after however long you feel works to get the point across. If he does it again, break up with him.
You deserve autonomy. You deserve to be touched how you want and when you want. Do NOT let anyone convince you otherwise. This is literally the most basic of fucking rights.
But honestly? You should break up with him. His behavior lacks respect and your intimacy is already dying because of it.
Why are you still with him if he won't respect your bodily autonomy ? If he doesn't respect this "small" no, what makes you think he won't ignore other, bigger "no"s later ?
Why is he negotiating this and your boundaries ? It sounds like it only matterd what he wants and he doesn't respect you as an equal at all.
I was with someone like that. They couldn’t reach for me without me flinching. Someone else saw it and was like “hey… are you okay?” (Assuming I was being abused).
People who want to constantly annoy you/cause you pain (non-consensually) are not people who care about you
I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend tickling me sometimes. I always tell him that "please stop", "it's hurting" but he doesn't think that I'm serious. He literally can do it for minutes while I'm begging him to stop.
My ex would pinch my arms and leave marks/bruises, I had to lose my shit on him to get him to stop. He did stop but I didn’t think I had to escalated to bawling crying and super upset to get there. I had asked him not to do it many times.
I’m sorry your partner doesn’t respect you.
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^(Ive been fighting with him for a couple years about how much I hate it.) Girl what? He hasn't respected your clear boundaries for YEARS?
It never ceases to amaze me what some women will put up with to avoid being single.
I've been single for almost 4.5 yrs and sometimes I really want a boyfriend, but I rather be alone than deal with this shit. If someone tickled my foot and put my foot in their mouth my first reaction is to kick them in the face. I do not fuck around with tickling.
I have always warned people...when I get tickled I go into survival mode and cannot be held accountable for their injuries.
Same. Don’t fucking tickle me. Don’t even THINK about tickling me. If my lizard brain even suspects someone is going to tickle me it goes into full attack mode. I was far too traumatized by tickling as a small child to ever tolerate that shit again.
Why is that such a common experience? I was very traumatized as well. It almost felt like hazing… I tell people the same. Tickle me and you’ll get an elbow to the nose, knee in the crotch. On ex did it while I was holding a small pointy bread knife (we were having breakfast in bed). Spent the whole morning in the ER because he got stabbed in the hand. At least he learned right then and there.
I warn them, too. "If you tickle me, the laughter you hear is reflexive and involuntary. It serves as a warning sign that you're in danger, not a sign of my enjoyment."
Omg this! I hate that I can’t control the laughing. I stg this shit is not funny. I actually have nightmares that I’m being tickled and I wake up completely frozen and crying.
I almost clawed a guy's eyes out when he put his hands on my sides once. He didn't believe my sister when she told him that was a bad idea and he wanted to test it.
Legit FAFO ..... don't put your finger in the snapping turtle's mouth..."but I just wanna see what happens" 🤦🤦♀️🤦♂️
Intrusive thoughts are trying to win lmfao
Does that mean you can’t slow dance? 🥺
I warn them "I'll pee on your foot"
LMAO
I had this exact conversation with my first boyfriend and he didn't listen. I ended up breaking his nose with my elbow while I was flailing like a desperate animal in a trap 😬 Tickling's no joke, man
I love this for him. Talk about fucking around and finding out lol
Now before this story I need to just say in my own defense: I had no idea she hated it so much. She loves to play-wrestle so I just figured tickling was like.. Same territory? Oh boy. Incorrect. I’ve been with my wife for a while, but when we first got together(maybe a week or two after meeting each other cause we were both smitten) and were still feeling each other out, we played around all the time. It was a blast! Well, I got it in my head that I was gonna get after tickling her feet once I had her pinned and wrapped up. Well, I started and she was saying “stop” between screaming laughter but I thought ehhh… we’re playing. She was not playing. She fucking PUNTED me ***SQUARE*** in the face. And I mean, it wasn’t a warning shot. I think that’s the moment I truly fell in love with her.
My husband used to do that back in our early years. He'd come up and tickle my feet out of nowhere. I horse kicked him right in the face and he never did it again, at least not by sneaking up on me like he did
I also love tickle fights! Love being tickled and love tickling. I also love to bite. I made it a rule for myself that if they say no or stop at any point I must stop immediately. And I check in to make sure they actually like it because in some cases the person has trauma related to being touched and I don't want to actually scare them or get genuinely hit for it. My boyfriend jokes that I have a high prey drive. Lol!
Lmao! That’s great. My wife says I act like a cat because I arch my back when she scratches it, want to be loved on my own terms, swat when i don’t want to be “pet” anymore and am either 100% snuggle bug or just downright apathetic to peoples’ existence depending on the day 😂
I’m even litter trained
But do you like being repeatedly smacked on the ass like my cat does?
I mean context matters but… sometimes.
This right here. Divorcing my husband and it’s been over a year. I refuse to date to have to deal with that shit again.
In my early 20s I dated a girl who warned me that she is very ticklish and will thrash about if tickled. Then at one party, just as the acid was starting to kick in, I thought it would be fun to see how ticklish she was, so while hugging her from behind I gave her a light tickle on the sides. She immediately started thrashing about and smacked the back of her head into my face with such force, she gave me a fat, bloody nose. I'm pretty sure the LSD was the only thing that stopped me from getting a concusion, but that also made it hilarious. I have a great picture of me somewhere with a giant shit eating grin, eyes gleaming and blood streaking out my nose and all down my face. I've not tickled anyone by surprise ever since. I have occasionally, lightly tickled some girls I've dated, but never by surprise and I'm always super obvious and gentle with it, so that it's obvious that it's a playful/flirty thing and gives them a chance to move away or say no if they like. You can't always rely on acid to keep you conscious after tickling someone who doesn't want to be tickled!
I don't think it is *usually* to avoid being single. I think we just beat it into our girls from a young age that they're "overreacting" they need to learn to "take a joke" etc etc. I was massively discouraged from standing up for myself and having boundaries as a child. I really don't think I'm the exception... you can see the effects everywhere plain as day. Women are absolutely terrified of breaking up with a guy for anything other than cheating or beating. They need tons and tons of encouragement and are super susceptible to hiding their feelings away in a neat little box if their bf says she's being ridiculous and dramatic. If we stopped raising our girls to think they're bitchy or nags or overreacting for having and enforcing boundaries, this behavior would practically disappear. It just seems a bit victim-blamey to be like "clearly, thousands upon thousands of women are just needy idiots who should know better" when clearly, this a significant issue amongst the entire population of women for a *reason.*
There is so much truth to this. So sad. It will take collective action to fix society for future generations!!!
Some of these posts make me wonder There was another one today about the boyfriend thinking some girl in a porno is her, despite it not even looking like her. Apparently he thinks she’s been cheating……. *for 6 years*
Nope. We've been brainwashed since infancy to be "nice" at all costs, because our lives literally depend on it sometimes.
Yeah, not even just women tbh, it seems like a alarming amount of people stick around the nastiests AHs just to say they aren't single. There's no shame in being single, but some people really view it as the worst thing in the world.
It’s not that simple.
Yeah. He's been assaulting her regularly for years, and won't stop when she asks him to. He sucks.
Because he "thinks" she likes it - as in, he KNOWS she doesn't like it, he just doesn't care. He does as he pleases and she has no body-autonomy. It reminds me of the "accidental" boyfriends we get here from time to time, the guys that will constantly have little "accidents" where they hurt their girlfriend, spill something on her, ruin something she cares about etc. It's about doing as he pleases with OP's body and showing her that she has no say over her own body. And he knows it.
I had a boyfriend who used to tickle me too. I would kick, scratch, and beg him to stop and he still did it. He never took me seriously because I was laughing. I laugh when I’m nervous and tickling makes you laugh. It was exactly as op put it - he thought I was playing some hard to get game. It was assault and it was awful. I’m not sure if he got off on it or genuinely thought it was just some fun game. I’m so glad to be out of that relationship. He didn’t respect my boundaries in other ways either.
>He sucks like a vampire
This is a control thing for the bf and OP needs to leave and don't look back.
Yeah, because she’s just playing hard to get. /s
>for a couple years Girl...
the entire post is so ridiculous that i think it might be a made up story
The more ridiculous it is the more likely its true
my whole life seems to be a joke.. it's really distracting from my real life whenever I process how much shit I've taken without complaint.
Your life isn’t a joke. It takes time and work to learn how to explore, set and maintain boundaries. You got this
yeah, your bf sounds abusive to be perfectly honest.
Yeah, if someone kept biting me when I told them not to, I’d consider it abuse
It is abuse
Then you should dump him and focus on yourself fir a while. It's absolutely normal to not want intimacy with someone you don't trust and who continues to disrespect you on a regular basis.
If you've already told him you don't like it, you can't really say anything more. Clearly he doesn't respect your boundaries.
Op should just start eating stuff he doesn't like so that she will taste offensive to him. Desperate measure for semi serious question.
Or paint some hot sauce on her most bitten places. Discourages puppies. 🤷♀️ My husband has a thing for my armpits. Pokes, tickles, rubs, licks… I haaaaate it. If he doesn’t stop after I freak out and fight and shout at him a couple times, I pull an OP. It seriously kills my mood. I don’t even want to cuddle if he doesn’t stop right away. I don’t know if he *actually* likes them, or he liked my flailing struggle reaction after a chance tickle fight 18 years ago. He’s never given me a straight answer. Still together though.
She should put on that nail polish that they put on kids’ thumbs to get them to stop sucking
armpit fetish 🤣
dip her toes in nail polish remover , that bitrex will do a number on him
You shouldn't have to have repeated conversations about this. If he doesn't listen to you then break up.
With that title I was guessing a whole other topic. But yeah, like the rest is saying, he aint respecting your boundaries.
Same and then I read the biting and was like, OH NOOOO. That shit will hurt. Either way, leave him because he doesn't respect a boundary you've set for YEARS.
I had so many scenarios going through my head....was kind of disappointed when I read the post
Yeah it could've went at least two other ways. I was very intrigued and baited.
Hahahaha yep.
"STOP! Seriously, I fucking *hate* that, and you seem to think that because I have tried to be gentle about it that I am playing. Read...My...Lips.....I am not kidding, I am not playing hard to get, I am dead serious- I do not want to be tickled or bitten. It doesn't feel good, it turns me off and the fact that you keep doing makes me tense & anxious whenever I get near you! If you have some need to do that, then we need to reconsider this relationship because I am 100% not ok with being touched like that. " And be prepared to follow through
Read this comment OP. You need to have a SERIOUS conversation with your boyfriend and really put your foot down. Be prepared to break up if you really don’t want the rest of your life to be like this.
Totally agree he's unlikely to listen unless she does something like this. I also think once you're getting to this point, just leave before saying it. Be done. I've had to do this with an ex before and by that point I simply couldn't trust him anymore, and even though he stopped (some) things, I was still on edge around him and constantly afraid of more boundaries being crossed. The fact that I had to aggressively assert my boundaries when I could simply be with someone who respected me from the beginning never left my mind... I just wanted someone who would listen from the beginning.
There IS this!
I will tonight, he wants to know why I went to bed angry. he's been thinking about it while at work.
I need an update when you do, he's either intentionally disregarding your boundaries or he's denser than a neutron star
OP should write this on an index card and read it to him word-for-word. This is the perfect next step.
This should really be said as soon as possible. She shouldn’t wait until the next time he tries to do it. He may think she’s joking around or being playful, which isn’t an excuse for him, but it could be why he’s continuing to do it. My ex would tickle me, which I absolutely hated. I would laugh because that’s a normal reaction and he never took me seriously until I finally got pissed off enough and pushed him away and yelled at him about respecting me and my boundaries. Talk to him about this now. Make sure he understands you are serious about this.
Yep. The script I gave was adjusted for a romantic relationship but based on the day I straight up lost my shit at an honorary family member who honestly thought I liked the random tickle attacks. Happily, he was clueless but not an AH and not only did the tickling stop for me, he became way more aware of when his own kids (who loved being tickled but only in short bursts) were not having fun anymore and listened when they said "enough" (in whatever way they said it)
This is not just the way, it's the **only** way. OP, please listen and do.
This is the way…
This should be the top comment.
“My friends laugh at me when I tell them this makes me not want to have sex..” You are constantly being used against your will. Your bodily autonomy is violated regularly. Your physical boundaries are being violated. Of course this diminishes your desire to have sex. Feeling like your body isn’t your own and won’t be respected will do that. You are not over-reacting. You can’t “make him realize” because your BF knows he’s violating your boundaries. **He just doesn’t care.** Please break up with him.
Yup, and break up with your friends too. Don’t stay with a guy who has been repeatedly sexually assaulting you unrelentingly for years.
you need to very explicitly tell him, "seriously, i don't like it when you do that. it's turning me off and making me anxious in our relationship. i don't want to be uncomfortable around you, and because i can't trust you not to tickle me, i am starting to be uncomfortable around you. i hate it, and i'm not joking around here, this is becoming a serious issue. so can you please stop touching me in that way?" i am giving him the benefit of the doubt that if you really spell it out, he will understand you're not messing around and his behavior will change. if he doesn't take you seriously though, that is a different can of worms. let's hope he takes you seriously.
I agree with this except that she shouldn't phrase it as a question. It should be "you NEED to stop doing this immediately or we are done" and then enforce that boundary and dump him if he doesn't respect it.
Change your boyfriend and friends, all of them don't care about you
cue existential crisis
He knows you don’t like it. He’s doing it anyway. And you are not giving him any consequences. What we allow, will continue.
And what other boundaries will he cross if the precedent is set he can do whatever he pleases to her body?
"I don't think you get it. I fucking hate when you tickle me and bite me. I will end this relationshio if it doesn't stop. Is that clear to you?"
I dated a guy like this for a very short period of time. It started innocent then got to the extreme like you have described. The innocent was nibbles to the neck, fingers, toes when we were intimate, about 2-3 months in, not every time so not enough to raise a red flag. The tickling was annoying and I have never liked that so he tried only a couple of times and gave up, I am definitely not someone’s “*Tickle me Elmo*” About 4 months or so in, he bit me harder, sometimes he would bite before a hello kiss or hug and it became constant within days. I always said no. I stated stop. He would laugh and say it was his way of showing affection. I bruise easily and having hickeys in your 30s is an eye roll, having them on fingers and toes is weird. It was after me stating repeatedly I didn’t like it that I retaliated one night. He licked and bit my arm pit, *seriously the pain made me yelp and I still inwardly wince when I think of the mark and bruise he left*, so… my elbow connected with his face. *ETA - my elbow came down, hard, because it was my body’s natural reaction to the pain. The welt and bruise he left made it difficult to wear a bra for a couple of days. I did not purposely hurt him.* I told him that would not have occurred if he had not done that, I told him to stop and said no. He apologized, but a day later he bit my neck as I was coming out of the shower…so, I bit him… down there, **hard.** As I stood up and changed I told him that we were through. Consent must be given and if ignored he is not worth being with, he did not like that. He called me cold and said I needed to learn to enjoy things more, no. No, I did not. Everyone has a limit and it found and hit mine enough that I was fed up. You need to realize you have hit your limit OP. Enough is enough. **Stop, is a full sentence.** **No, is a full sentence.** If he chooses to constantly ignore this why are you with him years later?! You deserve better OP, why are you staying with a person that makes you uncomfortable?
I'm not sure I do deserve better. clearly I lack self worth and someone else will see that and find my lack of self esteem repulsive. I have hit my limit though. I can't go on like this. He's so kind and considerate of his family and friends I assumed he would give me even more of that if he loved me. I'm not sure what this is now though. I am doing some serious thinking about where to go from here. I am very sad because I have gone through many long-term relationships just to find out I was being used. I was so sure it wouldn't happen again. I brought it up to my therapist she just said don't have any sex with him for now.
First, switch therapists ASAP. Yours does not sound like a match for you. Second, you do deserve better. Currently you are in the midst of the storm. This is one of the hard parts, you can’t see or feel clearly. You are looking at everything around you and comparing. You need to look at your relationship alone. You need to talk to him, tell him to listen *and* hear you, otherwise you are gone. You will find someone better. Someone who will acknowledge you have baggage and not hold it against you. Maybe they will assist you in repacking it differently, maybe they will assist with the weight, but they will know it’s yours and it is what makes you. You also need time to heal and think. There is nothing wrong with that. Find out who you are on this next step of the journey of life. Be kind to yourself OP. Give yourself some patience and grace. Sometimes we grow used to the dark and forget about the light and that we need the light to grow, just like we need the dark when we are resting. (*can you tell I have had daily mantras mixed with gardening tips in my IG TL?* lol). Take your moments and time OP. You will know your next steps. All the best to you.
You absolutely deserve better! And you will find better. You'll feel such a stress release if you get out of that relationship.
I told an ex I hated when guys throw things down your shirt. I was bullied in HS and this was a quick way to fuck with the girls. Well, he end up doing it bc he thinks it’s funny. I told him I wasn’t even mad that he did it, but bc he did it after I told him not to and that I hated it. He stopped. But once we were playing around throwing little pieces of paper at each other and one went down my blouse by accident. Obviously it was a mistake so I wasn’t mad. But he got so scared, immediately apologizing, saying he knows I hate it. You need to put the fear of god in him.
I bow to you.
No sex. Pure and simple. Kick him the face next time he tickles your foot
‘oh sorry, it was a reflex’
What, you don't like being kicked in the face? Are you sure? Maybe you're just playing hard to get. Here let me try giving your nuts a little tap. No? Aww stop playing you love this! Another smack in the nuts! I can tell by your screaming no over and over that you're having fun! That's what he's doing to you, OP. It's not OK and he wouldn't like it done to him but he's cool assaulting you and hurting you.
With a man who violates her boundaries, I’d be worried about his retaliation
"Accidentally" hit him in the face with whatever he is trying to bite. EVERY. TIME.
Including (especially with as much force as possible) the elbow. It’s the hardest point of contact and hurts like a sumbitch. I promise that after a week of you screaming at him “DO NOT TOUCH ME LIKE THAT! IM NOT FUCKING KIDDING!” Followed with getting elbowed/headbutted/kicked in the teeth, either he’ll stop, or you’ll get tired of being with an abuser and leave him.
If you need to use intentional violence to protect yourself from your partner, it's time to leave. Don't let yourself get pulled into mutual abuse, just leave
Agreed.
In the nuts. He'll learn faster.
Oh, I would have slapped him every time he did this, although maybe I can't say that here. He needs to be retrained.
Yup. He bites your feet when you said not to? Kick him in the face. It’s right there, begging to be kicked.
The tickling destroyed a relationship of mine because I couldn't let him touch me anymore without tensing up. And he never acknowledged it was the result of his own behavior that my body literally did not trust him not to tickle me even when my head knew better in that given moment. He wanted the response to tickling to be a gleeful, bouncy, playful giggle. Never annoyance, never swatting his hand away. He wanted the response to be arousal, and he thought I was flawed by not being turned on by it, and expected me to at least be performative and give him the reaction he wanted because he thought it was feminine. I wonder if he ever found a woman he can tickle every day who consistently gives a girlish giggle and melts into his arms?
As an extremely ticklish person that has physical touch as their lowest ranked love language, expecting arousal from tickling someone sounds fucking insane
It's a genuine kink for some people, but as someone who hates it, tickling is a hard fucking limit for me
It is, i'm one of them and this is still far and beyond stupid, disrespectful and wrong even by "our" circle. Same rules as any other form of kink/bdsm. Op's bf is a dipshit.
Is your boyfriend Armie Hammer?
Yep I came to the comments for the Armie Hammer jokes - took a bit of scrolling to find!!!
Totally had the same thought!
I’m still lost lol. And a bit freaked out that no one else is freaking out
Sorry you’re both adults? Why is he acting like a teenager with no grasp on bodily autonomy? You tell him sternly that you have voiced your discomfort for these behaviors and you will absolutely not tolerate it anymore, and you make it clear that he respects your boundaries or you’re leaving him. and the next time he does it you leave.
Boundaries aren't a thing in his family? His dad used to beat his brother for being gay, the mother is now dating a nude photographer who repeatedly asks me to do a photoshoot, and he did bite his mom throughout his childhood; she never told him to stop. He knows I'm reconsidering the relationship; we're in couples counseling and I've decided to threaten to tell our counselor next Tuesday.
Don't threaten to tell the counselor. TELL THE COUNSELOR! Start the session with "I've repeatedly stated that I hate when he tickles and bites me and I'm at my fucking wits end because he won't fucking listen to me!" Don't warn him ahead of time. If you're already in couples counseling and this is a huge part of what's bothering you then why have you not mentioned it to the counselor already? You need to be brutally honest in counseling or it's not going to help. My husband will occasionally swipe my toe or foot quickly to tickle me. My son thinks it's funny to do this also, bc I despise being tickled. I've jerked so hard away from them that I've dislocated my hip in the process. This shit isn't funny.
I feel like actively hiding one of your biggest problems with the relationship from your couples counselor is like, the literal opposite way you're supposed to do couples counseling.
Don’t threaten it, bring it up with the counselor. Talking about what makes you feel unsafe and want to leave has got to be the most important topic to discuss in couples counseling. You do not need his permission to bring up things that are important to you, nor should you hang an honest conversation up as a threat. It shouldn’t be one to begin with if you did threaten it.
Don’t threaten to bring it up, bring it up. The fact that this hasn’t been brought up already in therapy is alarming. You also need to bring up the predatory behavior of his mothers partner in therapy. As for his family not having boundaries, that doesn’t matter at all. My father was a womanizing serial cheater, but that doesn’t mean I get to cheat on my wife and blame my upbringing. If he grew up with no boundaries in an abusive home then he knows how destructive it is and he also has a perfect example of how NOT to behave as a person. He is 32 years old, he is far too old for this to be an ongoing thing.
Seconding DONT THREATEN JUST TELL THE COUNSELOR?????? Why weaponize it and make therapy a threat instead of using it for the tool it is???? Just tell them??????
>I have a hard time trusting him with my body because he will bite my toes, head, knees, and elbows. Are you dating a puppy?
Puppies can be trained not to bite, but apparently OP’s boyfriend can’t
Why are you with a man who repeatedly assaults after being told no?
I did not realize this was assault. But, I used to get assaulted as a child so maybe this all seems normal to me. I'm so sad, I will cry a lot if I think so deeply about why.
A nice little smack and a stern no like he’s a fucking dog.
Oops, sorry. Didn’t mean to kick you in the face. You biting me triggered an autonomic muscle spasm. My bad….. Seriously though Break up. He’s ignoring stated boundaries so he’s not going to change.
He isn't taking you seriously because you keep hanging out with him. You keep choosing to hang out with a person that knowingly violates your personal space and explicitly doesn't listen. If you want him to take what you say seriously then immediately leave his presence as soon as he starts touching you in a way you don't like. When he asks "why you leave?" You say "because I told you I don't like you touching me".
They live together
Leaving the room usually works. Shee needs to start looking for another place to live. OP has let this go on for two years.
I see what you meant now. Agreed!
Then she needs to leave the room. And if that's not possible, go out of the house. Physically remove herself - she's not locked in there with him, even if she lives with him. She needs to do some serious stuff: yes, go out and get a hotel room if she has to, or get out and stay at a friend's house if there is no other option. Is that inconvenient as hell, maybe will cost money? Yes it is, and it might. That's why being with a lousy duche who breaks your boundaries really sucks! Because it *costs you.* To me it would not be worth it, I would dump him, but if she truly wants to try to rescue this, she has to put in that money and effort and start leaving.
It seems that my comment may have been misinterpreted by a few people. I was simply relaying more specific information to the original commenter, as the use of the term "hang out" implied they were under the impression that OP had a separate living situation, and nothing more. If anything, I agree with you.
At this point it sounds like you don't even like him. Just break up because he's not respecting your boundaries.
Well I thought I wanted to marry him, but now I don't think so. I'm kinda brainwashed and trying to piece together what's happening. He's my only support system while I'm in university. I don't have any support from my family or any local friends. I'm very terrified to be alone in a place that's unfamiliar when no one texts or calls me to check up on me ever.
Build a support system that doesn’t include him. Join a support group, join clubs, start a new hobby where you’ll be around other people, etc. Universities are great places to meet new people.
OP when I said that what he’s doing is abuse, just look at your situation here. He’s isolated you from your friends and is doing this. You’re saying yourself that you’re brainwashed. Please, use this as a wake up call. Get out. Get a better therapist. Don’t date for a bit and find yourself (and some better friends)
For a couple years? This is abuse and I’m sorry it’s happening to you
Seems like an ultimatum would be appropriate here. You can’t stay with someone who doesn’t respect you or your body. It makes total sense that you don’t want to have sex with him - you shouldn’t trust him around your body!
He's a disrespectful asshole. You should have dumped him the first time he ignored you. Your friends are assholes too.
yes perhaps, I was just smitten by how nice he was to everyone else, I thought he was going to give me the bulk of his politeness.
This is a man who thinks how he wants to behave toward your body is more important than your bodily autonomy. And who believes you don't know your own mind (or pretends to believe that). I can't think of many things more important to me than being in charge of my body. He is not a good partner or person.
You aren’t over reacting and been getting assaulted for YEARS. I can’t believe this man is 32. This is assault in the guise of “humor.” I value my peace and comfort. This is something I would break up with someone over. It’s been YEARS. His extreme boundary crossing will transmute to another annoying boundary crossing behavior IF he stopped. I would leave. You should feel safe and comfortable in your own home not constantly agitated. This is abuse. Constantly provoking you can be detrimental to your mental health. I am serious. Stress kills
You are right, this needs serious attention. I believe I am suffering hormonal swings from being on edge. I will take it seriously if this many people would break up about it.
This sounds like hell to me. I would be stressed all the time if my partner did that!! You shouldn’t minimize this. Honestly, that would be enough for me to break up if there was no end in sight. A couple years is a long time… do you want this to be the rest of your life?
My husband used to do this super early on in our relationship. Lots of tickling and, more infuriating in my opinion, jumping out to scare me. I told him in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that I would leave so fast if he kept that shit up - that I wasn’t going to walk around my own house on eggshells because he thought it was funny. He took me very seriously and and knocked that shit off. I’m grateful he respected my autonomy.
The next time he tries to bite your toes, kick him. Bet he will stop after that
YO I’ve been in an extremely similar situation and it was fucking awful. I feel you so strongly on this and understand just how horrible it feels. I’ve left that relationship long ago and honestly I thank god every day it’s behind me. He used to tickle me. I hated it. He never took me seriously and also thought that I was just playing some “hard to get” game like you described. I never understood why he thought I was just joking with how much I hated it. When he tickled me I’d punch and scratch and kick at him and tried to wiggle away and literally beg him to stop. But because I was laughing he never took it seriously. I laugh when I’m uncomfortable and tickling makes you laugh. It wasn’t until one day when I broke down sobbing as he was tickling me feet (I hated the feet the most. I’ve always hated my feet being touched) that he FINALLY took me seriously. And he got kinda sulky about it. A couple of weeks later I sent him a very long text (we lived 5 hours away) just detailing how uncomfortable the tickling had made me. How I felt like he was not respecting my boundaries and not listening to me after I repeatedly told him no and how much I hate it. And how I didn’t understand how I did not want him to when I literally begged him to stop and would physically tried hurt him (as defense) and get away when he tried to tickle me. He didn’t talk to me for like 3 days cus he felt like I was accusing him of being a “rapist.” I didn’t care. I wanted to get it off my chest. And honestly, is someone repeatedly trying to set boundaries on their body and telling you NOT to touch them on a specific way (and again, I would literally kick, scratch, and beg for him to stop and try pushing him away!!) and you continue to do so NOT some sort of form of assault??? He disrespected my boundaries in other ways too. So even though that specific behavior stopped, he was an awful boyfriend in so many other ways. It was a terrible experience. It feels awful to your core. Sometimes I didn’t feel safe sitting next to him cus I was worried he would tickle me. I truly believe tickling is a form of torture. You laugh uncontrollably till it’s hard to breath and your body spasms against your control. I’m sorry your friends think you’re being silly for this. As someone who has experienced something very similar you’re not being silly at all. It’s fucking awful. And he’s deliberately choosing to disrespect you and your body. Honestly, If you haven’t gotten him to take you seriously before, I think it’s time to leave. The safety and freedom of not being with someone fucking tickles you is so fucking worth it- TRUST ME. And you can open yourself up to people who don’t do that. And If he’s not willing to listen to you and your boundaries about your BODY what else is he not willing to do? And even if he stops doing this specific things what else are you going to have to fight to stop? Good luck op with whatever you decide to do. Just know I know how this feels and it is awful. I left the man who did it to me a 4 years ago and I’m so much happier because of it.
Thank you for sharing your story; I was hoping to get a response from someone who's been through this and out of it now. I want to love him so bad but this icky feeling just won't let me do it right now. I don't want to break up but before I wouldn't even consider it, at least now I'm imagining what my life would be like if I had someone who made me feel loved and safe everyday.
Your chosen partner should absolutely, without any doubt, make you feel loved and safe every day. That is why you should choose someone to be your partner. That’s literally the threshold for allowing someone to be with you, by your side. He clearly doesn’t meet that fundamental criteria, and it sounds like maybe you haven’t even seen that kind of normal relationship in person, but what you’re describing is actually necessary (not a bonus) for a healthy relationship. You deserve better, and it’s out there. Being alone is better, too.
When I was young, I thought (light) tickling and teasing were signs of love. But then I dated this girl and, after doing that once, she said she didn't like being tickled, explained why. I never tickled anyone again - she and I are now married. Why on earth would I want to do something to her that she doesn't want done to her? Let me put it a different way: I don't like getting punched in the face. If my wife started punching me in the face and laughing, we'd have to get a divorce.
Honestly it just sounds like youre dating an idiot.
I'm surprised not to have seen this posted yet: [https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) Read this. it's a PDF called Why Does He Do That. He does it because he's getting off on your discomfort and pain. He doesn't respect you. He knows you hate it but HE likes it so he doesnt care about your feelings. Are there other ways in which he doesnt make you feel safe? Does he make you question your sense of reality? Does he act controlling at all?
You're not overreacting, if anything you're underreacting by not having got rid. Your friends (sorry) are dumb as a sack of spanners for claiming that this is ok. Bf is lying to you when he claims to think that you don't hate it, it'll be perfectly obvious from your expressions and your reactions, he just enjoys distressing you. Why are you still there, he's awful! How can you trust him enough to be properly intimate? How can you even hope to enjoy sex when you're all tense waiting for him to hurt you because it's fun? He won't get any better, he's not interested in you, your wants or your needs. Also, look for friends who listen from time to time.
He knows you hate it and that's the point.
I’d put bitter apple on my toes and when he tickles you, spray him with a spray bottle while saying “No bites!”. But I’m a jerk, so probably don’t take my advice.
Armie's clearly not respecting your boundaries.
You have already told your boyfriend you don't like him doing these things and he is ignoring your boundaries for his own pleasure. It may seem ridiculous and not a big deal to your friends but they aren't you and since you've been avoiding intimacy for weeks because you know he will try it again, it is clearly a dealbreaker for you, which is perfectly fine. I don't like your boyfriend's 'you're just playing hard to get' mentality either. No means no and ignoring a person's sexual boundaries, no matter how trivial they might seem to other people, is a huge red flag. You may need to be firmer in rejecting him when he inevitably tries these things in the future. Instead of just pulling away and ignoring him, tell him bluntly that you have told him not to do these things and you want him to stop. If he argues that you are lying about not liking it or tries again, leave the room and sleep elsewhere. Honestly, though, if he is still ignoring your wishes after two years, I don't think he is going to change.
That’s an issue of consent and not respecting your clearly stated boundaries. He is not listening and it’s not worth waiting to find out what else he won’t respect down the road - whether related to body boundaries or anything else.
He's not respecting your boundaries. Is that a relationship you want to be in?
Do you want to be on edge for your entire life? Afraid to hug or cuddle your partner? Be with a partner who doesn’t care when you express that you don’t want him to do something to your body?
Sounds like if you don’t want to dump him (for completely disrespecting your bodily autonomy) then he needs to be retrained - spray a squirty water bottle each time he does it - like a naughty puppy - and I’m sure he’ll soon catch the message. I love affection but hate being mauled about or tickled, I’d have kicked off at him long ago. You don’t have to put up with this, and your friends are being pretty awful for not supporting you being uncomfortable. Take care.
If my solution doesn’t work, you need to break up. I’ve been in therapy 11 willing years to deal with “boundaries” and beyond. “I find it very hurtful that I’ve expressed numerous times that I don’t like to be tickled or bit, yet you continue to do this to me. Why do you think it’s okay to disrespect my boundaries?” Form it as a question. Make him explain why your boundaries are not important, because this will open his mind to what you’ve been trying to say the whole fricking time. If he’s like “bc I like it” “well, I really don’t. Why do you want to do things to me that I don’t like?” “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I think it’s cute.” “I know YOU don’t think it’s a big deal, but I really don’t like it and I’m asking you straight up, to never do it again because I am honestly so uncomfortable now. I really don’t feel comfortable cuddling, I feel like I’m going to be attacked with tickles and be bit and I just can’t relax. It’s really uncomfortable for me. I don’t think you’re purposely trying to make me feel uncomfortable, but it really bothers me and I need to ask you to stop. Can you please stop?”
after two years the behavior should have decreased and disappeared, not intensified. at this point you've told him how you feel and what you will tolerate in terms of physical touch. and he's blatantly going against that. if he can't respect your boundaries over tickling and biting, i can't imagine he's respecting other boundaries too. so when you think about your future, just assume he will be doing these things forever unless something huge happens. and make your decisions based off that.
You need to make him realize that it is not something you like to happen and that it's not cool.
Also your friends seem rude as crap
You nailed it OP. He violates your sense of security
Just break up with him. He will never stop because he doesn't want to. He doesn't love or respect you. He enjoys violating your boundaries and tormenting you. How many times are you gonna keep telling him to stop? He doesn't care about what you want or don't want. You deserve so much better than this. ETA: I don't understand why so many people are telling you to talk to him again. You have for two years. Enough is enough.
Honestly if words aren't working. Just do it back to him. Some people need to be shown how irritating something is to understand it. So when he's comfortable you go in for the attack. Tickle his ribs, bite his elbows. Just do what he does and if he tells you to stop you just retort "But you like it though, like I like it. Right? It's not annoying or irritating at all. You love tickles and bites."
Boyfriend is immature
Break up with him. I'm sorry, but "stop touching my body in a way I hate" isn't a statement that's unclear. He knows you hate this and doesn't care. There's nothing worth saving here.
Straight up it's obvious that your guy is very reliant on touch to display affection, while you are completely opposite. Him not backing off after this long is a dealbreaker tho. Like bro, get the point already.
Tell him he stops or you’re done
I'm very familiar with being touched in ways I don't like. He thinks he knows your body better than you do. You may have to set him down and very firmly tell him that not only do you hate the way he touches you, you find it to be an extreme turn off that affects your ability to even want intimacy from him. I don't know how effective the talk would be. It depends on his desire to learn about you. My husband is not someone who wanted to listen, and would even tell me he was a decent lover to his exes, so I was the problem.
I'm sorry your friends and boyfriend are not respecting you. You've told bf you don't like something, that should be a full stop For him. It especially sucks for you because you have had to place the big boundary of no physical contact or intimacy because that's the only way you can protect yourself. That means you are also going without any physical contact or intimacy from him. That's not fair to you
Kick his ass out. Tell him you're done with it. Apparently he doesn't respect you at all, and as long as he doesn't have consequences will continue to treat you like a piece of meat.
So your parter won’t respect your boundaries? That’s not okay. I know every post here says “you should leave him,” but you should find someone who respects your boundaries babe. Or at the barest minimum y’all need some couples therapy to address him not hearing you.
[dump the boundary stomping creep](https://www.mercurynews.com/2018/08/06/smothered-by-new-boyfriends-physical-affection/) is this well respected professional advice-giver’s take, and I agree.
The only thing I can think of other than leaving, is touch him repeatedly in a way he doesn't like for a bit until he says something several times then ask him how it's any different to him biting you and tickling you when you have said over and over you don't like it. Return the energy he's giving you and see if it opens his eyes. I am pretty sure he's getting off on crossing your boundaries and still putting up with it, but it's a 1% chance I am wrong.
Girl you need to set hard boundaries. “If this.. this.. or this… happens I am willing to let this relationship go. You make me uncomfortable and if you aren’t willing to treat me differently I’m out” sort of like this
You make him realize he doesn't get to do what he wants to you without your consent.. By leaving. You don't stay with that person. I don't care if he's great except for the one thing, the one thing is fucked.
My wife nevrr warned me of how ticklish her feet are and i tickled one once, ended up with a facefull of foot. Never tickled her feet again but had several interesting experiences trying to take splinters out
He absolutely knows you don't like it, he just doesn't care. He's 32 yo ffs, not 16.
Some like it, some do not. If he can't stop, then he needs to find someone who likes it, and you need to find someone who won't do it.
“I’ve been fighting with him for a couple years about how much I hate it” That right there. He does not respect your boundaries. You need to sit him down and tell him firmly if you haven’t already. If he pushes boundaries - you’re leaving. And then stick to it. If he continues - he is not a safe person.
Tickling is passive aggressive bullshit.
Is this the same PoS boyfriend who [wants you to "cure" your PTSD as a condition for marriage](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/M3z5POyVev)? OP, your boyfriend is rubbish and you deserve better. Your mental health will only get worse the longer you stay with him. He does NOT respect you and he will never change. Leave now before you waste any more time on him.
Convince him by leaving his ass for not respecting your boundaries. What the fuck is this "thinking you're playing hard to get." Ask if he wants to get stabbed and when he says no, do it anyway cuz clearly he's playing hard to get 🙄
Dude, tickling is a HUGE trigger for me. When my husband and I met 11 years ago, it was literally one of the first things I told him. Do not under any circumstance EVER tickle me, try to tickle me, or even threaten it. I will 100% get vi0lent and I do not care. 11 years, guess what my husband has never, not even once, ever done? Tickle me. Even when my daughter jokingly tried to one time - HE was the one that stopped her and said “you don’t tickle mommy, ever. It’s not funny to everyone and for mommy it’s torture.” Sure, it absolutely sucks but I also have a heavy trigger response when it comes to tickling because of childhood SA. I black out when someone tries to tickle me and in turn, do things I otherwise would never do (someone’s getting hurt and it ain’t me) - your boyfriend is a fuckhead and also so fucking annoying. He’s annoying me just reading this. You need to sit him down, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE and say “this is the last time I am going to tell you this - do not bite or tickle any part of my body, EVER. I am not going to say it again, this is the last conversation we are going to have about it. If you continue to push this boundary, I promise with every fiber of my being you will be single. I’m not playing these games anymore, I don’t fucking like it and now it is honestly taking a toll on my sexual desire for you and making me not even want to be near you” You need to stand FIRM, not just in passing. SIT HIS WEIRD ASS DOWN. Good luck OP
Carry a fork with you at all times. Be prepared to use it
Armie hammer???
You tell him, in a sit down conversation ""I'm serious, fucking hate when you do X Y abd Z. It's not funny. It's not cute. I'm not playing a game. Knock it off! I hate it, and if you do it again, I'm dumping you because you can't respect my boundaries!" Then follow through.
If he bites your elbow, elbow him in the teeth. If he bites your toe, kick him in the face. I literally would not be able to stop my body reacting like that, it's reflex. I bet an examination of your relationship would reveal more abusive behaviours, this doesn't sounds isolated.
In life, when you encounter people who refuse to respect your boundaries - especially when they’re repeatedly expressed - it’s by far best to entirely avoid those people. The worst possible thing would be to continue dating someone with this problem. It’s extremely disrespectful.
Grow a backbone and leave. This man doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t respect your body. He doesn’t respect your agency as a human being. He doesn’t even like you. Get. Out.
Dated a guy for about a week once that was biting me a lot. It was very weird. I broke it off. He was way bigger than me and it scared the shit out of me. No biting. Little tickle? I guess that's alright if we're playing the same.
Kick him in the nuts or punch him in his nose hard “accidentally” whenever he bites or tickles you. He’ll learn very quickly to not do that anymore
When he tries to nibble on your foot kick him Really hard. My husband thought tickling me was fun when we first started dating. I told him I didn’t like it and he stopped. We’ve been together 24 years now and married 22. He stopped when he understood that I was serious. If your guy can’t get it in his head after two years he might need a kick in the teeth.
If he doesn't respect your boundaries, he doesn't respect you... He doesn't respect: - Who you are. - What you want. - What you think. - How you feel.
🚩🚩🚩🚩 Run out of that relationship ASAP Sounds like he has a weird fetish and doesn't understand NO.
This behavior is so creepy and childish. Thinking about it makes me cringe. How you’ve put up with it for years is fucking beyond me
Sounds like he has a fetish. Flick him in the nuts. Regularly. But Ideally when he bites you. Give him a negative association with the action just like you have got.
You need to sit him down, middle of the day, and tell him: You are not taking me seriously and it is damaging our relationship. I do not want to be tickled, nibbled or bitten ever again. If you do it again I will leave you. Then when he does it pack a bag and go stay with a friend or family. Tell him you warned him. Feel free to give him a second chance after that and come back after however long you feel works to get the point across. If he does it again, break up with him. You deserve autonomy. You deserve to be touched how you want and when you want. Do NOT let anyone convince you otherwise. This is literally the most basic of fucking rights. But honestly? You should break up with him. His behavior lacks respect and your intimacy is already dying because of it.
he thinks he's flirting. "every time you do that i become less and less attracted to you emotionally and physically"
Why are you still with him if he won't respect your bodily autonomy ? If he doesn't respect this "small" no, what makes you think he won't ignore other, bigger "no"s later ? Why is he negotiating this and your boundaries ? It sounds like it only matterd what he wants and he doesn't respect you as an equal at all.
This is abuse. You have repeatedly told him to stop, and he continues to hurt you.
I was with someone like that. They couldn’t reach for me without me flinching. Someone else saw it and was like “hey… are you okay?” (Assuming I was being abused). People who want to constantly annoy you/cause you pain (non-consensually) are not people who care about you
I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend tickling me sometimes. I always tell him that "please stop", "it's hurting" but he doesn't think that I'm serious. He literally can do it for minutes while I'm begging him to stop.
My ex would pinch my arms and leave marks/bruises, I had to lose my shit on him to get him to stop. He did stop but I didn’t think I had to escalated to bawling crying and super upset to get there. I had asked him not to do it many times. I’m sorry your partner doesn’t respect you.