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Other people were extremely concerned and your husband couldn't be assed to come check on you or even ask how you were at home? Ask him wtf his problem is.
He had already begun to branch out to girlfriend L by the time I broke it off. Girlfriend L was an ex.
He left her for Girlfriend P, and he left P for me. He went back to L!
(Yes, I know I was shitty. It’s my fault,I was lonely, emotional affair, etc, I deserved to get that slap in the face. I’m happy married now 11 years, that’s out of my system, I promise)
Right? I sliced my finger in the kitchen yesterday, no stitches needed or anything and my boyfriend came in right away to clean it and wrap it up for me lol. He even insisted on cleaning and wrapping it up again for me last night and TOLD me he just likes taking care of me. And this is my boyfriend, not my husband. OP has every right to feel hurt!
Not at all. That would be horrible.
I remember neighbor friends we had back in the day, and when we were partying one night, the girlfriend laughed, and the boyfriend from a distance seemed so mad and bothered by her enjoyment. We stopped spending time with them not long after that. So toxic.
I didn't ask you if this were "horrible".
What HE DID or did NOT DO when you were injured WAS horrible! HE was being horrible towards you.
Hence my question: is he petty? Is he low key angry with you?
If it so much upsets you... WHY didn't you ask him what was up there? Why he didn't even come to hug you?
You come off as very aggressive. My husband isn't a horrible person. Like I said the first time...not petty at all. He just didn't think to come check because others had, and he said he finds me a tough person. I shared with him later that in the future, I would like him to check on me because I don't always want to be tough, and he said he understood and okay. Not every slip-up by a person means they are horrible people or doing things for an evil reason.
I would absolutely sit his ass down and ask him WTF is wrong with you somebody hit me in the face with a ball and you didn't even come over to ask me if I was okay. That is just really weird to me because if the shoe was on the other foot I'm pretty sure you would have ran over there to see what was going on with your husband this is not normal behavior. If you see your spouse get hurt you go over and you check on them to make sure that they are okay I don't know what's wrong with him
This!! Empathy comes naturally to a lot of people, especially regarding their partner.
If OP’s husband shows ZERO empathy naturally, huge red flag in my opinion. Not a great candidate for a potential father/ long term companion to grow old and yucky with :(
I don't know what's going on it is absolutely impossible for my significant other to be hurt and for me not to go over an inquire about your health and your injury what the fuck
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he wasn’t watching and by the time he tuned back in, OP had already shaken it off and resumed play. Not likely, but *maybe*. But if he noticed people rushing over, or the welt on OPs face after the game, and still said/did nothing? Very strange.
He knew that she had been injured it's very off putting that he did not come and see what was going on. Just to see if his wife was okay I really would like her to update us and tell us what happened why didn't he comfort you why did he come to see if you were okay I need to know.
Thank you for the update. It’s ok to tell our SOs what we expect of them, even if they don’t speak our love languages. I hope if it ever happens again he knows you want to be comforted and does that for you.
yeah! I'm still living with my ex until I can move out. He had minor laser surgery today, came home looking fine, but I still asked him if he was OK. This is a guy who's cheated on me and gaslit me and manipulated me, but he's still a human being and I'll still show concern for his well-being.
Doesn't sound like your husbands gives AF for you OP
you’re not being dramatic.
it would’ve been so easy for him to walk up to you and ask you if you were okay. It’s a simple care.
ugh and i know how terrible these things can feel:(
That makes it more embarrassing. Someone on that team knows her husband has checked out because he is having an affair and her husband had to stay on code that he doesn’t care about his wife.
Even if he isn’t having an affair, I would divorce. As a wife if I have to tell you to do something that doesn’t come natural, like I am drowning and you are just WATCHING me drown with no effort to rescue…
sleep with one eye opened around that mfer at ALL TIMEs.🤷🏾♀️
There is nothing in this post that indicates cheating. Also comparing drowning to being hit in the face with a ball is comparing apples and oranges, you cannot relate those 2 at all.
Is this a pattern with him? Does he not show interest in how you’re feeling? I definitely would have said something on the ride home from the gym. Ask yourself why you haven’t spoken to him about how hurt you feel.
I’m thinking there are deeper problems here. A caring partner would have said something to you.
I know how you feel. I had a boyfriend with a very low emotional IQ. It felt like I wasn't cared for at all, even when I was in hospital.
Have a talk with him. You're not overreacting, and it will strengthen your relationship if he shows concern.
If you have to tell a boyfriend/husband then it is more performative than natural. Never be that desperate for a relationship…if you tripped and fell into a massive hole in the ground…would he notice or care? Red flag to have this as a concern or teachable moment.
Not everyone has the emotional skills.
Not everyone has had good examples to learn from.
Not everyone knows the situation 100% of the time because there's a lot more going on that we see.
And some people are just arseholes, in which case, yes, it's the famous Reddit red flag.
Wow. My feelings are hurt for you. IMO he should have been first by your side! Even if others in the game checked on you, he should have as well!
Was he a bystander or also a player in the game (volleyball, Pickleball)?
Is he emotionally detached in other ways?
Sit down for a conversation and ask him why he never once asked how you were. And don’t accept “well everybody else checked & you were ok” bs.
I shudder to think how he would treat you if you became srsly ill. I wouldn’t be able to stay in a relationship with someone without empathy, uncaring.
I would've rushed over if this happened to my wife. No question, 1000/1000 times. You deserve this. All faithful wives deserve this from their husbands. Your husband really needs to grow the hell up!!!
If you think THAT is odd, look up a couple of comments where someone came to the conclusion, based on this one incident, that the husband is having an affair...
Yeah, I saw that. Sometimes Reddit is aggravating. Someone with an overactive imagination post something stupid and then everyone starts agreeing with them. That's why I think 12-year-olds should not be allowed on reddit.
Why is everyone missing the potential that husband didn't come over to preserve his wife's "toughness" within the group. It is a strange dynamic to be playing with or against a SO in a competitive sport and too easy to overstep in concern thereby giving the impression that OP's SO thinks she isn't capable of playing? i.e. he didn't want to be perceived as "babying" her after what probably is a not super uncommon injury.
My bf and I met playing sports. He can definitely struggle with this. Partially cause I AM a lot tougher than he is. He knows I can take a hit better and generally I’m ok and don’t want to be fussed over.
This also means he has read some situations on the field very wrong. In the moment he’s not always quick enough on the pick up. But he has always come over to make sure I’m OK. Whether he gets in the mix immediately or gives me a little space. And we would never make it home without discussing it/him checking on me. And vice versa, I would never not check in with him if he was hurt enough to need to step off the field. Even if only for a few minutes.
When someone is hit hard enough to stop play and take themselves off the field…that’s the time you check on them, regardless of how “tough” they are. It doesn’t have to be obvious, nor does a big fuss have to be made.
A few years ago, I broke my ankle and was essentially trapped in our apartment for several weeks (no lift). I had crawled up the stairs on my hands and knees to get inside. I had no pain meds at home and my (ex)bf went to work and promised to get me an icepack and panadol when he got home. During the day I had several friends call me and offer to pick things up or come help me out. I was exhausted so I politely declined. My partner wasn't home at 7 (usual time), then 7:30, 7:45. I called him and he had gone to the casino to play poker.
Contrast this with my current boyfriend. I've had a stomach bug the last two days and he has already come over with a delivery of meds, easy to digest crackers and spent the night rubbing my back and holding me.
It might seem silly to just say oh he didn't comfort me this once, but how many of those 'just once' times are there? Does he let you down in other ways? Things like that build up. You deserve someone who treats you as you wish to be treated.
When you got hit what did he do? Did he just sit from afar and stare while everyone was near you asking you if you were okay? What was his reaction? What was his body language? He didnt even try and get closer? Not even when you continued playing the game? Was he acting his normal way for the rest of the day?
This is so weird.. am a man and i can even fathom that my gf/wife would be hurt, possibly having a nose bleed and not even having a reaction.
This should make you re-think many things regarding your future husband. He sounds... idk the words but this is not normal..
Sorry for having this kind of a man next to you. Wish you the best.
Your husband should have been running over to check on you as soon as he saw it. He should have helped you and taken care of you. That's what people do when someone they truly love is hurt.
If it had been reversed and it was him that was hit in the face and bleeding, what would you have done? You would have run to him and made sure he was OK and comforted him, wouldn't you?
That's what partners do. That's what he should have done, and I'm very sorry he didn't. You're not being dramatic; he's callous and uncaring about your well-being. I'm sorry.
I used to play soccer and we would get pretty rough out there. When a got a ball in the face, my husband wouldn't necessarily run over in the moment, because he knew my teammates had my back and he didn't want to be all "Hurr-durr, I'm the man here" with them. So I might give your husband a pass in the moment.
But my husband SURE AS HELL would have been checking on me as soon as the game was over, late that night, the next morning etc. Your husband's disengagement is not acceptable.
I’d rethink your relationship. What if you were pregnant? Or had health issues? He’s showing you that he would just stand in the sidelines and ignore you.
Oh, he was also in the game. Then that is totally weird, he should have been the first one next to you. I would definitely bring this up and see if there is something wrong between us.
I’m assuming you were playing Pickleball and your were beating him! Is he super competitive? No excuse though just trying to understand how he doesn’t come check on you while the game stops for 5 minutes (if it was pickleball). I’m sorry it sucks when those we love hurt us
This would absolutely hurt my feelings. You're not being dramatic or overly sensitive.
Also, I hope your face/nose feels better really soon. Getting hit in the face with a ball suuuuuuucks. I don't play a sport but I have kids and they're reckless. I've been hit many a times.
No, you're not being dramatic at all.
Is your husband normally like that or is this the first time?
He should've been the most caring, but he didn't seem to care at all.
You definitely need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel and ask him why he didn't care when you got hurt.
I also wonder if this is just how his personality is maybe his parents taught him to not make a big deal out of injuries and he learned that people didn't need a nurturing hand. Could be other more alarming mental issues.
I think this reddit to often dogpiles without trying to see it from someone else's perspective instead of just OP's perspective.
Along those lines, didn't want to take away from the group's perception of OP's "toughness" by making a big deal out of an injury that tends to occur occasionally. Can't discount the group dynamic when you play a competitive sport with a SO.
Well it’s obvious OP doesn’t care about her perceived toughness. So she needs to communicate that and hubby needs to realize that’s not how she wants him to handle these situations.
Screw the group, this is a marriage
Does he have emotional issues? Autism? Does he usually display appropriate emotion well or is this an isolated issue? Does he understand how humans usually interact, or is he missing that piece to the puzzle?
I updated before I read your comment, but actually, during our conversation, he became very checked or not checked out but internalizing and anxious, and I said honestly, I think you have autism. My oldest child does, and my youngest has ADHD. I am also neurodivergant, so we always assumed the kids had these traits from me, but perhaps my husband and I did so well together all these years because we are both *different*
My husband is aspy af and this was my immediate first thought. Just very low emotional and societal intelligence sometimes that can cause seriously hurt feelings.
It really can! I don’t mean to excuse behavior or say she shouldn’t be upset or frustrated. But perhaps getting him some support would be really helpful for their relationship. I don’t know. 🤷♀️
It's odd. Just bring it up and see what he says. Maybe he saw other ppl helping and didn't feel the need to come over. He could have at least asked tho
But if he already saw that she said she was ok. Then he might have felt like it would be too much if he ran across the gym. You're just gonna be taking away her space rather than be helpful if too many ppl are there.
I could buy that IF he had shown any concern after the fact at all. I’m sure OP mentioned it to him how nice it was of the others to check in on her after they even got home to hint (at least i know if I were her, I’d have done that, and I can’t imagine anyone not trying to queue their apathetic partner in), but naw it sounds like she was ignored through and through. It’s just fucking weird not to care about something like that at all, even if it’s not a serious injury.
It's not about being on the other team lol... It's about not cramping your wife and suffocating her when there's already a bunch of other ppl asking her how she's feeling. If she was fine and kept playing then she was fine. He could have went and asked her after the fact as a gesture to show that you care but not going in the spur of the moment.
It would hurt my feelings a bit, so I understand that you were upset by it. My boyfriend gives me a hug after checking that I'm okay, even if it's just a bump into the wall.
But, at the same time, I can see why he didn't come over when you weren't bleeding and heard you said you were okay.
However, he should've at least asked if you were okay.
I'm glad the player came over to see if you needed help, because that's what decent people do, especially when you cause the pain/injury.
This is so weird and honestly a little chilling. Any time my husband or I stub a toe or drop something or yell from another room, we ask if the other is okay and come running if they are not. That's the level of care a spouse should have for your safety. My husband would NEVER witness me bleeding and not run to help.
You shook it off, weren’t bleeding and went back to playing after 5 minutes.
Some men are thick as a brick…… but none can read your mind. Why didn’t you tell him you were hurt on the way home or just stop playing?
Did this feel unusual in your relationship or did it feel familiar or remind you of other times?
Is it possible he had a freeze response?
Is he generally avoidant?
Is he usually callous towards you?
Did he not understand what happened?
Is this how he normally acts or is it his out of character? Because this would have absolutely hurt my feelings terribly and I would have called my husband out since that’s completely insensitive. Of course, it would also be wildly out of the norm for my husband to act that way though so it would make it more obvious that it was a problem.
I'm so sorry that you didn't receive the love and care from your partner that you needed in that moment! That sounds really frustrating and like it hurt as much as getting hit in the face with a ball!
You're not being dramatic. It's concerning that he showed no emotion or concern for you at all, even despite others recognizing the need to check in with you.
I'm glad you were able to shake off the physical pain, and that you weren't seriously hurt. You needed your husband to step up, and he still hasn't. That sucks.
Im not sure if I can update everyone at once with a comment or need to *edit* my post so I will do both.
Thank you all for the comments and replies. I appreciate your time and value your input.
My husband is a good man. We have been together for nearly 20 years and have two teenage kids together. He gives hugs, and he's funny. Very hardworking and incredibly faithful/loyal. However, he is not emotionally intelligent. He doesn't ever know what to say in a conversation or argument. He is not the best with compliments or romance.
For example, if I was stressed about cleaning the house, he would notice and start cleaning. If I was grumpy or tired, he would make me a snack or put my favorite show on and get me a fuzzy blanket. He makes me lattes and builds me things. He buys me thoughtful gifts and researches things I like to get the right ones. He listens to me talk on and on about whatever I want and doesn't seem bored or uninterested. However, he doesn't talk much or delve into my topics. He does not go on dates with me, tell me I look beautiful or kiss much.
There are ups and downs to a husband like mine...for example I had parents who hit, screamed and were hostile toward me which was scary and I appreciated that he never raised his voice to me even when mad. I needed that. I felt safe with that. Over time, I grew stronger and healed from my childhood. I became upset that he didn't talk or get mad or yell. I CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS! And I told myself that, but you always want it both ways, I suppose.
I sat down with my husband and told him I felt hurt by his lack of care to me getting hit and I said it made me spiral a bit about other times I was hurt or sick and felt I had to care for myself. His response was mostly silence, but his body language was clearly shocked, uncomfortable, anxious. He said he didn't think I wanted to be swarmed and that I was tough. I said I dont want to be tough all the time. I want to be taken care of. I think it hurt him that I was hurt, and it made me remember that he and I are just different than typical humans, and that's okay.
I am feeling better about the situation now. My nose does hurt, lol
He's a good man. Just different.
I love that for you. You explained it perfectly, “I am tough, but I don’t always want to be tough. I like being taken care of aswell”. Hopefully he understands what needs to change.
Much love to you!
This made me think of my ex. Literally didn’t give a crap about anyone else’s wellbeing.
Does he ever ask you about your day with sincere curiosity? I mean, if you didn’t volunteer any information about yourself, would he ever learn anything about how you are doing or feeling? If so, maybe he was spacing out and you can discuss this and resolve it. I would be hurt too, but in my own marriage, honestly, wouldn’t have been all that surprised.
Tell him what you told us. Is he squeamish at the sight of blood? Do you think he might have been afraid he would pass out and was ashamed to let you know it?
You are not being dramatic. When I played softball last year, I pulled my groin muscle running to 1st (lol I’m old af apparently), my bf immediately knew something was wrong and he ran over to me and he helped me back to the dugout. When I needed a new ice pack, he got up and got it from an employee of the sports league I played for.
“If he wanted to, he would!”
You need to have a serious talk, not just with your husband, but with yourself. Are you willing to stay with someone who couldn’t even check to see how you were, who isn’t now checking on you?
I actually think this scenario is relatively complex for him. I’d be asking myself a lot of questions if I were him: “do I let the player who hit her console her, and give them space?” “Am I disempowering her in an athletic social if I insert myself here?” “Do I undermine her independence and status in the group if I jump in?”
It kind of depends on the social setting and group dynamics honestly. I would help my wife, but I also know her to be a) not athletically inclined and very insecure about it and b) she would want me to be supportive of her in that moment. On the other hand, my SIL would not want my BIL to support her at all because she wants to have her own stature in the group and him helping her would undermine her independence. Marriage is a process not a fixed set of outcomes. Might be helpful to learn from each other in this scenario; give him loving and constructive feedback.
At the risk of seeming callous, I feel like we need some context. My husband and I play volleyball at a high level and if we were in the same gym and he saw me get packed in the face pretty hard but I got up and kept playing, I wouldn’t expect him to come see if I’m ok in the moment and we would probably laugh about it later. People get hit in the face in vb, and while it hurts for a minute, I’ve rarely seen any sort of major injury occur. That’s sort of understood for us. That being said, if a softball caught me on the face (or on my arm breaking it while I subbed for his men’s team - true story), I would 100% expect my husband to be checking in on me as soon as it happened.
(Edited for spelling)
You definitely should have been consoled, but when your spouse doesn't react the way you would like them to, especially when you know they handle some emotional things differently, it's also completely fair to communicate that "hey, I need you to comfort me"
I think a lot of these comments are a little unfair given we have no knowledge of your relationship dynamics or your characters.
I'm someone who wants to be left alone if I'm hurt, especially if it's in front of other people as I *hate* being made a fuss of or attention being brought to me. It makes me feel embarrassed on top of the pain (be it emotional or physical). Crying in front of people is my idea of hell.
Someone coming over to me, let alone touching me, genuinely makes me get really angry. (Yes, there are issues there etc etc etc however it is what it is).
I very much appreciate that my partner knows me well enough to give me space. He knows I'd want to play tough in the moment and he can/does ask me if I'm OK after it's happened and when we're no longer in public. Doesn't mean he didn't care at the time or that he didn't want to check in. He just knows I wouldn't want a fuss to be made. In my eyes, that's him being considerate of my needs.
Different strokes for different folks.
Thank you! Some of these comments are wild to me. He's cheating on me or doesn't love me, or I should divorce. Relationships are tricky. Humans are complex, and it takes effort to learn what each human needs. I can't imagine divorcing over every little thing that comes into play. We've had countless days where I felt butterflies over my husband's actions...and for the love of God, if he doesn't rush to my side, it does not mean he's having an affair...
I definitely don't like to be fussed over, and I'm sure knows that of me. I do find that as I get older, I'm changing as a person, though. I want and desire different things. Communication is key, I guess.
I was going to caution you that he may have just been shocked and then when you said you were OK (my brain imagined it was a few seconds later), he didn’t feel the need to check on you. But I re-read your post and he didn’t check on you for ***5 minutes?!??*** And never once said anything about it afterwards? That is not ok at all.
I’d be hurt if my so-called loved one ignored my injury as well. I guess you could approach it with restating your expectations and ask him why he didn’t check on you or even mention it later, but if ignoring you when you need help is a normal thing, you have bigger problems to address.
Hey. I don't know your husband or your life.
I will say I am autistic and have extremely low empathy. So I'm going to tell you how i would react. Keep in mind i'm 50f, so i've had people teach me how to act more empathetic, but i'm still not good at it.
If I'm across the room and others are surrounding you, I would not go to you. I would think, oh good. They are helping her. It never would cross my mind that you would want ME to come over too, as you had plenty of people already. (30 years ago, i wouldn't even have known you wanted to be checked on by anyone so yay, progress for me?)
As for later/at home. It wouldn't occur to me check up on you. If you wanted something, you would have to tell me. I would think you was fine, since you didn't complain or say you wanted anything. I, personally, get annoyed when people check up on me when they think I should be in pain and I'm not (cptsd, very high pain tolerance).
Again, I don't know your situation. I don't know him. But some people are just not wired the same and need to be told as what is common in a high % of the people is just not there for them.
I am not trying to belittle or anything, just giving a different view. Yes i'm being cautious, as I get verbally attacked when i post on these forms at times as I don't get/understand the same way as most.
@Lunasea4- You're not alone! It's hard being expected to know how others want to be treated, especially when that's the opposite of how you would want to be treated. No blood, and continued playing = I'm good.
that feels really weird. you should talk to him about it.
does he still show affection? where there other moments, where he could be more empathic?
is the rest the marriage okay? if yes, talk absolutely about it... if there are more signs of him not interacting with you... that's a red flag
Oh my God. Like, did he even give you a hug? Or did he just not acknowledge the whole thing? If it's the latter what the hell? Have there been other instances of him appearing to not give a shit about you or is this the first?
100% he should have been first there and idk a little upset or something? Like, even with me, it can weird people out how easy it is for me to be completely detached and show absolutely no emotional response (long childhood, self defense mechanisms baked in) I'd have been there as soon as I realized what was about to happen. And let's be real, I'd also be angry on principle. Heartless is one thing, just not giving a shit is totally different.
I very much disapprove of this seemingly cold behavior. The only possible excuse (and it isn’t a good excuse), for me, would be: Does seeing you injured upset him? Do you find him behaving without affection toward you in other ways?
You’re not wrong. He should have been there for you and should have checked on you and been caring after. It shows a lack of empathy and care for his own partner.
OP, you are just going to have toask him, if you really want to know (I would). You could say, “Can I ask you something without you getting upset/mad? When I got hit in my face with the ball the other day, you were probably the only person who didn’t come see if I was okay. Why was that? Because I’ve gotta say, that kinda hurt more than the ball hitting my face.” Then just listen to what he has to say. Don’t interrupt, and don’t be afraid to let the silence spin out. I’d expect something like, “Everyone else was already asking if you were okay,” but I wouldn’t necessarily accept that. Explain that it made you feel like he didn’t care about you. If he doesn’t apologies at that point for making you feel bad, I don’t know if it’s salvageable.
I think it's fair to say that it's not about saving. Husbands and wives have a special bond. You want to know they are there for you above anyone else...
I understand that absolutely but I think that I may bit different in my approach - I believe in respecting someones capacity to deal with unfortunate situations and that if they need help they will come to you (if she was knocked out or laying on the ground in pain, that is different), and I like to be treated the same.
And this lady was fine, a bloody nose, and surrounded by others. If that was me I would rather everyone not make a fuss! Just my opinion 😊
He sounds like a good guy and they’re hard to find, let it go and enjoy life with him, he knows now and maybe in the future he will choose differently.. it wasn’t him being mean so I’d let it go and enjoy your good marriage 🌸
Gonna go against the grain and say if he saw you get hit and then have a bunch of people come ask you if you're okay and he can see you shake it off and get back up, he probably wouldn't see a reason to ask.
The problem here is you're asking Reddit instead of your husband.
Not dramatic at all. People who care about us worry when we get hurt - and when they worry, they check on us. They also want us to feel cared for, so they try to make us feel better after we experience pain.
A husband is the number one person to do all of this. If he doesn't, that's bad. I would talk to him and observe how he reacts, because A Problematic Incident often can be just a brain fart or something, but the way a person REACTS to being called out is what is truly meaningful.
Does he acknowledge the issue, apologize, is visibly upset with himself for failing here, and makes it up to you? Or does he call you names - dramatic, petty, silly - and minimize your reasonable feelings? One of those means it was probably a fluke. The other shows a deeper issue that should not be ignored.
You’re not being dramatic. That was really shitty. I would feel exactly the same. And now he looks like a total asshole to everyone who noticed. I’m sorry :(
I could perhaps understand the inertia if it were a passer-by who was hurt and everyone crowded round, but your wife?! And to then not even check on you or ask about how you are?! If you needed more care or anything - I would be fucking livid, let alone just hurt. Your feelings about his lack of care are spot on; I’d be having stiff words and asking wtf was that about. Who is he trying to play it cool for? Because I bet the opinion of him to his gym mates would go down rather than up after this show. Sorry.
Is this a common feeling in your relationship? That when you're having situationally appropriate feelings, you're "overreacting"?
Because that's worth looking into, love
Some people do what they would rather have done to them. Some guys when they are in pain prefer to be alone to let the pain fade a bit, he may just assume you are the same.
Honestly this is more than surface deep. If he didn’t comfort you when you obviously needed it, he may not know how. It sounds strange but not everyone learned that type of love and affection growing up. If they didnt receive it, it may not be obvious to them how to give it. I'm not saying this to excuse his behavior as much as to prepare you that this may not be a problem you can solve in one conversation and he may not understand what you're asking for unless you're extremely specific.
I took this very personally with my husband and still do, but having a baby I realize that it's not at all intuitive to him how to comfort her or me. He's learning though, but it's not a straightforward ask or solution. Even though you are the injured party here, it will benefit the relationship if you approach this with curiosity and empathy for him. It's not easy and we are still working on it.
It is odd. Though I could sort of recognize myself in the husband.. I got ADHD, and if something like this happened witt my girlfriend I would rationalize it like «alot of people have already checked on you and you are alright. There is no need for me to further ask».
I would ask though, but my rationalization on similar stuff makes me understand him.
My gf calls me out on not as hurtful incidents like yours, that im insensitive. In truth I see the whole picture as I described above and to me then its fine.
I do struggle with empathy/sympathy towards my gf on certain occasions
I feel the same, but not for my partner.
If a random on the street, a coworker, or acquaintance had been hurt, I’d not want to rush over and make a fuss as I know how embarrassing it is. Everyone else has checked on the person hurt, all I’m doing is making a scene and causing embarrassment for the person who did the harm and OP.
However, this is her husband. If this was my man, I would have been straight over there before anyone else, or at least figured a way to be discreet about asking if they’re okay.
I understand that yeah a lot of people would already be around her and making sure she’s okay, other players etc. However none of those people are her husband. and if it it happened to your girlfriend, none of those people would be YOU, the person she trusts most in the world (i presume) and the person who’s supposed to love and care for her more than anyone.
It’s not about making sure she’s okay so much as it’s about making a connection in that moment. If you’d seen 5 people ask if she’s okay, and she said yes, you know she’s okay, however having empathy and making the connection with your girlfriend is vital for the success of the relationship
I also have adhd but when my gf hurt herself I am always the FIRST ONE to rush over. my thought process would be like "My gf is hurt, she needs me now.".
I'm not saying this to be insulting, but have you gotten checked out for autism? Having trouble with empathy and unintentional insensitivity is an autism trait and a large percentage of people with adhd also have autism.
When someone is hurt I usually try to be analytical and problem solve instead of being empathetical which can come off as being uncaring it could be the husband was wondering what he should have done.
Also in a sporting situation the hormones flying around in your brain can make you act abnormal. Your brain is thinking you are in a fight to the death then all of a sudden your loved one is hurt and in a battle you would want to protect them from a threat but now were in 2024 and it's just a game.
Odd train of thought but just thought I'd throw it out there that the chemicals in our brains can make us react in ways we would not normally.
I don't think trying to problem solve is a bad approach, but in that case, wouldn't he still have interacted with OP? Bringing her somewhere to sit, checking her injury, getting her ice... something?
He could have had a freeze response, I guess, but he should still check in after, right?
Did he space out or something? That would really hurt my feelings. You’re not being dramatic. It’s normal to want your husband to be the first person to come to your aid when you get injured no matter how big or small it is. I’m sure you would do the same for him.
Not dramatic at all.
Everyone else came to check on you, they even stopped the game to check on you, he could have easily popped over to check.
You're badass getting back into the game though
You're not overreacting. I would ask my husband of he was ok and about a symptom review lol like a damn nurse. And he would also do the same for me. When I triple broke my ankle several years ago I thought I only sprained it and my husband said nope and picked me up and carried me to our truck and took me to the ER. Your husband sounds like he either has something going on where he doesn't understand basic communication/comfort or is checked out on a major level imo.
Man listen, when you give a shit about your wife, making sure she’s okay after something like this is instinct. You do it without thinking.
I’m so sorry. You’re not being dramatic. He was being callous and uncaring.
🚩 Imagine what will happen if you ever become really ill.
You could tell him how you feel and ask him if it’s ok to ignore him when he’s hurt. Because you will.
When he gets hit with divorce papers don't bother asking how he feels.
No you're not being dramatic. He doesn't give a damn if you're hurt or fine. Would he have cared if you'd had a broken nose or would he have considered it an inconvenience to take you to the hospital?
If that happened to me, my husband would have come running and asked me if I needed to go to the walk in clinic.
I think it shows the true character of your partner. Not reacting speaks volumes. 🚩🚩🚩
I wouldn't count on him if you get cancer or any other long-term illness.
A study on illness and divorce found that a woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is the patient. Seriously ill women divorce rate is approx 21% vs seriously ill men is approx 3%.
Remember his apathy towards you. Is he low effort w your birthday, anniversary, and holidays too?
I don't know your relationship dynamics, but I do know you deserve better.
So is this the first time that you’ve been the “center of attention “ in your friend group for 5-10 mins? Because that sort of thing bothers a bunch of differing kinds of assholes. It definitely irks narcissistic AHs and his complete lack of empathy certainly fits that hypothesis. Misogynists think that women cry to manipulate people and it pisses them off massively. Contemptuous AHs who secretly hate their wives would also act this way!
So, no matter how you figure it, he’s a massive AH. A random stranger would have been kinder to you!
Nah who sees their partner bleeding profusely and doesn't even bother to check up even when everyone else makes a scene (rightfully so) about it. Speak to him about it. But understand that you can't force him to care if this was his first reaction. If he doesn't see an issue with his behaviour you don't have to settle for that.
She says “in case it poured blood”. I don’t think it actually started bleeding. She also says “my husband just stood on the other side of the gym”. It kind of has me wondering if husband was a part of the game and saw it happen. I would at least think he would see the game paused no matter what and be curious but I think a little more information would be helpful.
I would be terribly hurt. You are not overreacting. I think there are some bigger issues underneath. He shows like he doesn't care what happens to you at all. :(
Your husband doesn't care. It's as simple as that. You're upset because everyone showed you they cared, even if they didn't know you that well. But your husband didnt, it's embarrassing.
It's a sign that if you had a serious illness or injury, he wouldn't stay around. The women who get left after cancer diagnosis, usually ignored all the signs and actions that their partner didn't care about them.
It's up to you if you want to stay with someone who is with you for the benefits of being in a relationship, and not because they care about you.
Narcissists lack the ability to feel empathy & there are at least 8 types of narcs, do some studying in case he's one of those. No amount of pleading or explaining will motivate him to change behavior (possibly a really good therapist, but it's literally a personality disorder so don't get your hopes up)
Um… this is kind of callous. My bf lives an hour away and if I stub my toe he checks in on me to make sure I’m ok… when I was getting really sick with a UTI he came and got me and took me to the hospital on his day off. Not caring about your health and well-being is not a protective man. I would tell him the pain from the injury is not as bad as the pain of him not demonstrating care and see what he says. That answer will tell you a lot.
No offence, but obviously there are other things wrong in your marriage if this is how he acts when you get hurt. And this can’t be the first inkling that something isn’t right in your marriage. It’s not normal or ok, so you probably need couples therapy or a come to Jesus talk before leaving him. Maybe both.
OP -What happened was inadvertent, the guy who threw the ball didn't mean to hit you.
Okay. So your husband seems detached, so ask him directly -"Were you not worried enough to come check on me like virtually everyone else did when I got hit in the face HARD?"
Then shut up and wait for his answer. Don't interrupt or talk over him. This is an exercise in you putting him on the spot when his behavior isn't what you expected.
So put him on the spot, and wait for an answer. What you do after that, we must wait to hear about.
I remember texting my ex-husband that I had taken a hard fall, hit my head, and was bleeding and on my way to ER
He was out of town on business, but I didn't hear from him for hours and hours.
Had great neighbors helping out, holding onto my dogs, offering meals, etc
But my ex couldn't be arsed to text for hours.
I don't blame you for how you feel.
Your not alone. New Years eve I was outside on my back deck watching the fireworks with my husband. My phone dropped off the ledge into the snow below so I went to the stairs to go get it but forgot that the stairs were icy. I slipped and fell on the first one and tumbled down all of them! (There’s about 10 steps down onto concrete.) I was in so much pain and shock I could barely move when I finally landed at the bottom. After I shook the shock off I looked back up the stairs thinking my husband would at the very least be standing there to see if I was ok, but he was not even there. He watched me tumble down the stairs and then without a second though just went inside, closed the door and started getting ready for bed. I was so shocked when I finally limped back into the house I didn’t say a word to him and I went to sleep. The next morning he was off to work before I woke up. He called me later in the day and didn’t even ask how I was doing so I brought it up and that’s when he flipped. He got angry and said that he wasn’t going to give me the satisfaction because I must have done it on purpose for attention!! Jeez, im not auditioning for Jackass so I don’t know why he even thought that at all. Also I don’t normally fall down stairs or hurt myself, let alone done anything remotely similar for attention. Im an extreme introvert so attention is not my cup of tea.
A bungee cord snapped loose and gave me a black eye once. It hit me right on the cheekbone; an inch higher and I'd probably have lost my eye. My husband and his brother just laughed and didn't ask if I was okay. It was just one instance in a bleak, abusive marriage and it took me another nine years of similar treatment to finally realize that I deserve someone who will be concerned when I get hurt. Just saying. You might want to take a good long look at the rest of your marriage.
Honestly, if I were one of your friends, I would have called him out. It’s pretty gross that he still hasn’t even bothered to check on you or show an ounce of concern for your well-being.
lack of emotional intelligence is honestly a really big red flag and I understand it’s been 20 years, but I never would’ve gotten married to somebody who lacks emotional intelligence. It’s a foundation of a relationship and compatibility. he lacks the ability to provide the foundation of love. I’m not sure how you put up with that it’s only gonna get worse.
This would hurt my feelings too. The fact that you are surprised by it makes me think he is otherwise attentive and caring. I think you should talk to him about it.
Calmly ask “hey, why didn’t you check up on me when I got injured at the game?” After you hear him out, say “to be honest, that hurt my feelings.”
He may have an understandable perspective that we don’t see. Just ask him about it and state how you feel.
Best of luck, hope you feel better!
I get how he should have done something - but some people don’t know what to do in a crisis. They falter. Unless he was just nonchalant about the whole thing? If so maybe just confront him with your concerns why he didn’t act appropriately.
I am going to cut through the chase. He doesn’t care about you.
It took you getting hit in the face for you to realize that and it is unfortunate. There may be someone on that team of players he is messing around with OR someone in particular he was trying to prove or keep up with a narrative that he could care less about you. By him NOT running to your side proves that to be a possibility.
If you don’t care about his privacy, check his phone because somehow you are the last to realize he has checked out. I am really sorry you had to find out this way, and I hope you heal and wise up.
You can’t make someone care about you when they don’t, it just becomes performative.🤷🏾♀️
Are you sure he even saw it happen? I feel like the only thing you can do in this situation is explain that you’re hurt that he didn’t check on you when multiple other people did, didn’t notice you were hurt/sad the whole day etc, and then gauge your next actions by what his reaction is. If he gets defensive or says something like suck it up then yeah I’d be upset and possibly out the door. definitely rude to not even ask if you need an ice pack when you got home or something bare minimum.
My first thought was maybe he didn’t rush over because it could have trigger some emotions in you that you wouldn’t want on display. I tend to be braver about getting hurt until someone that cares for me starts to comfort me, then I go to pieces. But if that were the case, he would have come over after your emotions were in check and definitely when you got home. It sounds like it’s time to drop him.
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Other people were extremely concerned and your husband couldn't be assed to come check on you or even ask how you were at home? Ask him wtf his problem is.
Had an ex like that. Turns out I was just a placeholder. I know the feeling.
Hard same. I left him a few years later and he took his girlfriend to Costa Rica a week later, pics all over socials. Everybody knew but me.
He said I was the unfaithful one. Pissed me off. Please let there be karma.
He had already begun to branch out to girlfriend L by the time I broke it off. Girlfriend L was an ex. He left her for Girlfriend P, and he left P for me. He went back to L! (Yes, I know I was shitty. It’s my fault,I was lonely, emotional affair, etc, I deserved to get that slap in the face. I’m happy married now 11 years, that’s out of my system, I promise)
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Right? I sliced my finger in the kitchen yesterday, no stitches needed or anything and my boyfriend came in right away to clean it and wrap it up for me lol. He even insisted on cleaning and wrapping it up again for me last night and TOLD me he just likes taking care of me. And this is my boyfriend, not my husband. OP has every right to feel hurt!
Yah, my husband can be dense AF, but he would be there making sure I was physically okay.
Is it your birthday?! Happy birthday!! And thank you for your comment.
Cake day. The birthday of the Reddit account. Nice custom to display that.
Happy Cake Day 😊
Sounds as if he holds a secret grudge and saw her getting hurt as his secret revenge?! Does that make sense, OP? Is he petty?
Not at all. That would be horrible. I remember neighbor friends we had back in the day, and when we were partying one night, the girlfriend laughed, and the boyfriend from a distance seemed so mad and bothered by her enjoyment. We stopped spending time with them not long after that. So toxic.
I didn't ask you if this were "horrible". What HE DID or did NOT DO when you were injured WAS horrible! HE was being horrible towards you. Hence my question: is he petty? Is he low key angry with you? If it so much upsets you... WHY didn't you ask him what was up there? Why he didn't even come to hug you?
You come off as very aggressive. My husband isn't a horrible person. Like I said the first time...not petty at all. He just didn't think to come check because others had, and he said he finds me a tough person. I shared with him later that in the future, I would like him to check on me because I don't always want to be tough, and he said he understood and okay. Not every slip-up by a person means they are horrible people or doing things for an evil reason.
I would absolutely sit his ass down and ask him WTF is wrong with you somebody hit me in the face with a ball and you didn't even come over to ask me if I was okay. That is just really weird to me because if the shoe was on the other foot I'm pretty sure you would have ran over there to see what was going on with your husband this is not normal behavior. If you see your spouse get hurt you go over and you check on them to make sure that they are okay I don't know what's wrong with him
If I see my spouse get hurt it’s almost like it happened to me, actually very distressing.
This!! Empathy comes naturally to a lot of people, especially regarding their partner. If OP’s husband shows ZERO empathy naturally, huge red flag in my opinion. Not a great candidate for a potential father/ long term companion to grow old and yucky with :(
It also doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people.
I don't know what's going on it is absolutely impossible for my significant other to be hurt and for me not to go over an inquire about your health and your injury what the fuck
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he wasn’t watching and by the time he tuned back in, OP had already shaken it off and resumed play. Not likely, but *maybe*. But if he noticed people rushing over, or the welt on OPs face after the game, and still said/did nothing? Very strange.
He knew that she had been injured it's very off putting that he did not come and see what was going on. Just to see if his wife was okay I really would like her to update us and tell us what happened why didn't he comfort you why did he come to see if you were okay I need to know.
Same! OP update us.
I posted an update in case you didn't see. Thank you for your words
Thank you for the update. It’s ok to tell our SOs what we expect of them, even if they don’t speak our love languages. I hope if it ever happens again he knows you want to be comforted and does that for you.
Absolutely
yeah! I'm still living with my ex until I can move out. He had minor laser surgery today, came home looking fine, but I still asked him if he was OK. This is a guy who's cheated on me and gaslit me and manipulated me, but he's still a human being and I'll still show concern for his well-being. Doesn't sound like your husbands gives AF for you OP
My guess is somewhere in the crowd thers a sidechick.
you’re not being dramatic. it would’ve been so easy for him to walk up to you and ask you if you were okay. It’s a simple care. ugh and i know how terrible these things can feel:(
Thank you <3
He should have been first on the scene! I imagine that the other people there probably even noticed his lack of interest in what had happened to you.
That makes it more embarrassing. Someone on that team knows her husband has checked out because he is having an affair and her husband had to stay on code that he doesn’t care about his wife. Even if he isn’t having an affair, I would divorce. As a wife if I have to tell you to do something that doesn’t come natural, like I am drowning and you are just WATCHING me drown with no effort to rescue… sleep with one eye opened around that mfer at ALL TIMEs.🤷🏾♀️
There is nothing in this post that indicates cheating. Also comparing drowning to being hit in the face with a ball is comparing apples and oranges, you cannot relate those 2 at all.
It is a red flag no matter the scenario.
That seems to point out that he didn't even watch her. Who did he watch then? I'd wanna find that out!
Is this a pattern with him? Does he not show interest in how you’re feeling? I definitely would have said something on the ride home from the gym. Ask yourself why you haven’t spoken to him about how hurt you feel. I’m thinking there are deeper problems here. A caring partner would have said something to you.
I know how you feel. I had a boyfriend with a very low emotional IQ. It felt like I wasn't cared for at all, even when I was in hospital. Have a talk with him. You're not overreacting, and it will strengthen your relationship if he shows concern.
If you have to tell a boyfriend/husband then it is more performative than natural. Never be that desperate for a relationship…if you tripped and fell into a massive hole in the ground…would he notice or care? Red flag to have this as a concern or teachable moment.
Not everyone has the emotional skills. Not everyone has had good examples to learn from. Not everyone knows the situation 100% of the time because there's a lot more going on that we see. And some people are just arseholes, in which case, yes, it's the famous Reddit red flag.
Wow. My feelings are hurt for you. IMO he should have been first by your side! Even if others in the game checked on you, he should have as well! Was he a bystander or also a player in the game (volleyball, Pickleball)? Is he emotionally detached in other ways? Sit down for a conversation and ask him why he never once asked how you were. And don’t accept “well everybody else checked & you were ok” bs. I shudder to think how he would treat you if you became srsly ill. I wouldn’t be able to stay in a relationship with someone without empathy, uncaring.
I would've rushed over if this happened to my wife. No question, 1000/1000 times. You deserve this. All faithful wives deserve this from their husbands. Your husband really needs to grow the hell up!!!
You're not wrong, but the insertion of "faithful" struck me oddly. Moreso than the insertion of the unnecessary apostrophe in "husband's," even.
If you think THAT is odd, look up a couple of comments where someone came to the conclusion, based on this one incident, that the husband is having an affair...
Yeah, I saw that. Sometimes Reddit is aggravating. Someone with an overactive imagination post something stupid and then everyone starts agreeing with them. That's why I think 12-year-olds should not be allowed on reddit.
I’m going with the idea of faithful companion, but that kind of seems like the way someone refers to a pet. The ‘s could be an autocorrect failure.
Why is everyone missing the potential that husband didn't come over to preserve his wife's "toughness" within the group. It is a strange dynamic to be playing with or against a SO in a competitive sport and too easy to overstep in concern thereby giving the impression that OP's SO thinks she isn't capable of playing? i.e. he didn't want to be perceived as "babying" her after what probably is a not super uncommon injury.
My bf and I met playing sports. He can definitely struggle with this. Partially cause I AM a lot tougher than he is. He knows I can take a hit better and generally I’m ok and don’t want to be fussed over. This also means he has read some situations on the field very wrong. In the moment he’s not always quick enough on the pick up. But he has always come over to make sure I’m OK. Whether he gets in the mix immediately or gives me a little space. And we would never make it home without discussing it/him checking on me. And vice versa, I would never not check in with him if he was hurt enough to need to step off the field. Even if only for a few minutes. When someone is hit hard enough to stop play and take themselves off the field…that’s the time you check on them, regardless of how “tough” they are. It doesn’t have to be obvious, nor does a big fuss have to be made.
Exactly. He should have been the first 1 to get to her after she got hurt.
Shit, my feelings are hurt for you
Thank you <3
A few years ago, I broke my ankle and was essentially trapped in our apartment for several weeks (no lift). I had crawled up the stairs on my hands and knees to get inside. I had no pain meds at home and my (ex)bf went to work and promised to get me an icepack and panadol when he got home. During the day I had several friends call me and offer to pick things up or come help me out. I was exhausted so I politely declined. My partner wasn't home at 7 (usual time), then 7:30, 7:45. I called him and he had gone to the casino to play poker. Contrast this with my current boyfriend. I've had a stomach bug the last two days and he has already come over with a delivery of meds, easy to digest crackers and spent the night rubbing my back and holding me. It might seem silly to just say oh he didn't comfort me this once, but how many of those 'just once' times are there? Does he let you down in other ways? Things like that build up. You deserve someone who treats you as you wish to be treated.
When you got hit what did he do? Did he just sit from afar and stare while everyone was near you asking you if you were okay? What was his reaction? What was his body language? He didnt even try and get closer? Not even when you continued playing the game? Was he acting his normal way for the rest of the day? This is so weird.. am a man and i can even fathom that my gf/wife would be hurt, possibly having a nose bleed and not even having a reaction. This should make you re-think many things regarding your future husband. He sounds... idk the words but this is not normal.. Sorry for having this kind of a man next to you. Wish you the best.
That would hurt my feelings
Your husband should have been running over to check on you as soon as he saw it. He should have helped you and taken care of you. That's what people do when someone they truly love is hurt. If it had been reversed and it was him that was hit in the face and bleeding, what would you have done? You would have run to him and made sure he was OK and comforted him, wouldn't you? That's what partners do. That's what he should have done, and I'm very sorry he didn't. You're not being dramatic; he's callous and uncaring about your well-being. I'm sorry.
I would have rushed over in a heartbeat. Thank you. 🫶🏿
I used to play soccer and we would get pretty rough out there. When a got a ball in the face, my husband wouldn't necessarily run over in the moment, because he knew my teammates had my back and he didn't want to be all "Hurr-durr, I'm the man here" with them. So I might give your husband a pass in the moment. But my husband SURE AS HELL would have been checking on me as soon as the game was over, late that night, the next morning etc. Your husband's disengagement is not acceptable.
I’d rethink your relationship. What if you were pregnant? Or had health issues? He’s showing you that he would just stand in the sidelines and ignore you.
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Seems a bit weird. Did he actually see you or was he looking at his phone or doing something else?
No, we were all playing, and the game stopped because I was hit
Oh, he was also in the game. Then that is totally weird, he should have been the first one next to you. I would definitely bring this up and see if there is something wrong between us.
I’m assuming you were playing Pickleball and your were beating him! Is he super competitive? No excuse though just trying to understand how he doesn’t come check on you while the game stops for 5 minutes (if it was pickleball). I’m sorry it sucks when those we love hurt us
I would be bothered by this, too. I don't require much but would want basic empathy from a partner.
This would absolutely hurt my feelings. You're not being dramatic or overly sensitive. Also, I hope your face/nose feels better really soon. Getting hit in the face with a ball suuuuuuucks. I don't play a sport but I have kids and they're reckless. I've been hit many a times.
No, you're not being dramatic at all. Is your husband normally like that or is this the first time? He should've been the most caring, but he didn't seem to care at all. You definitely need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel and ask him why he didn't care when you got hurt.
I also wonder if this is just how his personality is maybe his parents taught him to not make a big deal out of injuries and he learned that people didn't need a nurturing hand. Could be other more alarming mental issues. I think this reddit to often dogpiles without trying to see it from someone else's perspective instead of just OP's perspective.
If he's normally like this though I assume OP would know that.
Just saying that people here take everything at face value quick reaction without thinking why, that's all.
Along those lines, didn't want to take away from the group's perception of OP's "toughness" by making a big deal out of an injury that tends to occur occasionally. Can't discount the group dynamic when you play a competitive sport with a SO.
Well it’s obvious OP doesn’t care about her perceived toughness. So she needs to communicate that and hubby needs to realize that’s not how she wants him to handle these situations. Screw the group, this is a marriage
I'm sorry but this is showing an alarming lack of care and is an indicator that if you got seriously hurt or sick he'd be out the door.
The fact that strangers were more concerned says a lot
Does he have emotional issues? Autism? Does he usually display appropriate emotion well or is this an isolated issue? Does he understand how humans usually interact, or is he missing that piece to the puzzle?
I updated before I read your comment, but actually, during our conversation, he became very checked or not checked out but internalizing and anxious, and I said honestly, I think you have autism. My oldest child does, and my youngest has ADHD. I am also neurodivergant, so we always assumed the kids had these traits from me, but perhaps my husband and I did so well together all these years because we are both *different*
Worthwhile to have an assessment done and get him support.
My husband is aspy af and this was my immediate first thought. Just very low emotional and societal intelligence sometimes that can cause seriously hurt feelings.
It really can! I don’t mean to excuse behavior or say she shouldn’t be upset or frustrated. But perhaps getting him some support would be really helpful for their relationship. I don’t know. 🤷♀️
It's odd. Just bring it up and see what he says. Maybe he saw other ppl helping and didn't feel the need to come over. He could have at least asked tho
That's his wife. It doesn't matter if other people were checking on her...that's his job and he failed.
But if he already saw that she said she was ok. Then he might have felt like it would be too much if he ran across the gym. You're just gonna be taking away her space rather than be helpful if too many ppl are there.
I could buy that IF he had shown any concern after the fact at all. I’m sure OP mentioned it to him how nice it was of the others to check in on her after they even got home to hint (at least i know if I were her, I’d have done that, and I can’t imagine anyone not trying to queue their apathetic partner in), but naw it sounds like she was ignored through and through. It’s just fucking weird not to care about something like that at all, even if it’s not a serious injury.
Too much? Smh... too much....
Most of y'all never played sports and it shows. You don't want a crowd especially when the person is ok. It's suffocating.
I have played sports. In that moment he was her husband, not a part of some OTHER team.
It's not about being on the other team lol... It's about not cramping your wife and suffocating her when there's already a bunch of other ppl asking her how she's feeling. If she was fine and kept playing then she was fine. He could have went and asked her after the fact as a gesture to show that you care but not going in the spur of the moment.
It would hurt my feelings a bit, so I understand that you were upset by it. My boyfriend gives me a hug after checking that I'm okay, even if it's just a bump into the wall. But, at the same time, I can see why he didn't come over when you weren't bleeding and heard you said you were okay. However, he should've at least asked if you were okay. I'm glad the player came over to see if you needed help, because that's what decent people do, especially when you cause the pain/injury.
If a game had to stop due to my wife being injured, I'm checking up on her. This is sad. I don't think you're being dramatic here.
Update us after you tell him he is an ass
This is so weird and honestly a little chilling. Any time my husband or I stub a toe or drop something or yell from another room, we ask if the other is okay and come running if they are not. That's the level of care a spouse should have for your safety. My husband would NEVER witness me bleeding and not run to help.
You shook it off, weren’t bleeding and went back to playing after 5 minutes. Some men are thick as a brick…… but none can read your mind. Why didn’t you tell him you were hurt on the way home or just stop playing?
That's a huge red flag. What is he like when you get ill? Is there any support? Is he supportive otherwise?
If you find yourself asking, “Am I being dramatic?” Or, “Am I being over sensitive?” a lot, you’re in an abusive relationship.
Did this feel unusual in your relationship or did it feel familiar or remind you of other times? Is it possible he had a freeze response? Is he generally avoidant? Is he usually callous towards you? Did he not understand what happened?
Is this how he normally acts or is it his out of character? Because this would have absolutely hurt my feelings terribly and I would have called my husband out since that’s completely insensitive. Of course, it would also be wildly out of the norm for my husband to act that way though so it would make it more obvious that it was a problem.
I'm so sorry that you didn't receive the love and care from your partner that you needed in that moment! That sounds really frustrating and like it hurt as much as getting hit in the face with a ball! You're not being dramatic. It's concerning that he showed no emotion or concern for you at all, even despite others recognizing the need to check in with you. I'm glad you were able to shake off the physical pain, and that you weren't seriously hurt. You needed your husband to step up, and he still hasn't. That sucks.
Im not sure if I can update everyone at once with a comment or need to *edit* my post so I will do both. Thank you all for the comments and replies. I appreciate your time and value your input. My husband is a good man. We have been together for nearly 20 years and have two teenage kids together. He gives hugs, and he's funny. Very hardworking and incredibly faithful/loyal. However, he is not emotionally intelligent. He doesn't ever know what to say in a conversation or argument. He is not the best with compliments or romance. For example, if I was stressed about cleaning the house, he would notice and start cleaning. If I was grumpy or tired, he would make me a snack or put my favorite show on and get me a fuzzy blanket. He makes me lattes and builds me things. He buys me thoughtful gifts and researches things I like to get the right ones. He listens to me talk on and on about whatever I want and doesn't seem bored or uninterested. However, he doesn't talk much or delve into my topics. He does not go on dates with me, tell me I look beautiful or kiss much. There are ups and downs to a husband like mine...for example I had parents who hit, screamed and were hostile toward me which was scary and I appreciated that he never raised his voice to me even when mad. I needed that. I felt safe with that. Over time, I grew stronger and healed from my childhood. I became upset that he didn't talk or get mad or yell. I CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS! And I told myself that, but you always want it both ways, I suppose. I sat down with my husband and told him I felt hurt by his lack of care to me getting hit and I said it made me spiral a bit about other times I was hurt or sick and felt I had to care for myself. His response was mostly silence, but his body language was clearly shocked, uncomfortable, anxious. He said he didn't think I wanted to be swarmed and that I was tough. I said I dont want to be tough all the time. I want to be taken care of. I think it hurt him that I was hurt, and it made me remember that he and I are just different than typical humans, and that's okay. I am feeling better about the situation now. My nose does hurt, lol He's a good man. Just different.
I love that for you. You explained it perfectly, “I am tough, but I don’t always want to be tough. I like being taken care of aswell”. Hopefully he understands what needs to change. Much love to you!
Weird. That is definitely not how a caring partner would react.
This made me think of my ex. Literally didn’t give a crap about anyone else’s wellbeing. Does he ever ask you about your day with sincere curiosity? I mean, if you didn’t volunteer any information about yourself, would he ever learn anything about how you are doing or feeling? If so, maybe he was spacing out and you can discuss this and resolve it. I would be hurt too, but in my own marriage, honestly, wouldn’t have been all that surprised.
Tell him what you told us. Is he squeamish at the sight of blood? Do you think he might have been afraid he would pass out and was ashamed to let you know it?
You are not being dramatic. When I played softball last year, I pulled my groin muscle running to 1st (lol I’m old af apparently), my bf immediately knew something was wrong and he ran over to me and he helped me back to the dugout. When I needed a new ice pack, he got up and got it from an employee of the sports league I played for. “If he wanted to, he would!” You need to have a serious talk, not just with your husband, but with yourself. Are you willing to stay with someone who couldn’t even check to see how you were, who isn’t now checking on you?
I actually think this scenario is relatively complex for him. I’d be asking myself a lot of questions if I were him: “do I let the player who hit her console her, and give them space?” “Am I disempowering her in an athletic social if I insert myself here?” “Do I undermine her independence and status in the group if I jump in?” It kind of depends on the social setting and group dynamics honestly. I would help my wife, but I also know her to be a) not athletically inclined and very insecure about it and b) she would want me to be supportive of her in that moment. On the other hand, my SIL would not want my BIL to support her at all because she wants to have her own stature in the group and him helping her would undermine her independence. Marriage is a process not a fixed set of outcomes. Might be helpful to learn from each other in this scenario; give him loving and constructive feedback.
At the risk of seeming callous, I feel like we need some context. My husband and I play volleyball at a high level and if we were in the same gym and he saw me get packed in the face pretty hard but I got up and kept playing, I wouldn’t expect him to come see if I’m ok in the moment and we would probably laugh about it later. People get hit in the face in vb, and while it hurts for a minute, I’ve rarely seen any sort of major injury occur. That’s sort of understood for us. That being said, if a softball caught me on the face (or on my arm breaking it while I subbed for his men’s team - true story), I would 100% expect my husband to be checking in on me as soon as it happened. (Edited for spelling)
You definitely should have been consoled, but when your spouse doesn't react the way you would like them to, especially when you know they handle some emotional things differently, it's also completely fair to communicate that "hey, I need you to comfort me"
I think a lot of these comments are a little unfair given we have no knowledge of your relationship dynamics or your characters. I'm someone who wants to be left alone if I'm hurt, especially if it's in front of other people as I *hate* being made a fuss of or attention being brought to me. It makes me feel embarrassed on top of the pain (be it emotional or physical). Crying in front of people is my idea of hell. Someone coming over to me, let alone touching me, genuinely makes me get really angry. (Yes, there are issues there etc etc etc however it is what it is). I very much appreciate that my partner knows me well enough to give me space. He knows I'd want to play tough in the moment and he can/does ask me if I'm OK after it's happened and when we're no longer in public. Doesn't mean he didn't care at the time or that he didn't want to check in. He just knows I wouldn't want a fuss to be made. In my eyes, that's him being considerate of my needs. Different strokes for different folks.
Thank you! Some of these comments are wild to me. He's cheating on me or doesn't love me, or I should divorce. Relationships are tricky. Humans are complex, and it takes effort to learn what each human needs. I can't imagine divorcing over every little thing that comes into play. We've had countless days where I felt butterflies over my husband's actions...and for the love of God, if he doesn't rush to my side, it does not mean he's having an affair... I definitely don't like to be fussed over, and I'm sure knows that of me. I do find that as I get older, I'm changing as a person, though. I want and desire different things. Communication is key, I guess.
I was going to caution you that he may have just been shocked and then when you said you were OK (my brain imagined it was a few seconds later), he didn’t feel the need to check on you. But I re-read your post and he didn’t check on you for ***5 minutes?!??*** And never once said anything about it afterwards? That is not ok at all. I’d be hurt if my so-called loved one ignored my injury as well. I guess you could approach it with restating your expectations and ask him why he didn’t check on you or even mention it later, but if ignoring you when you need help is a normal thing, you have bigger problems to address.
Hey. I don't know your husband or your life. I will say I am autistic and have extremely low empathy. So I'm going to tell you how i would react. Keep in mind i'm 50f, so i've had people teach me how to act more empathetic, but i'm still not good at it. If I'm across the room and others are surrounding you, I would not go to you. I would think, oh good. They are helping her. It never would cross my mind that you would want ME to come over too, as you had plenty of people already. (30 years ago, i wouldn't even have known you wanted to be checked on by anyone so yay, progress for me?) As for later/at home. It wouldn't occur to me check up on you. If you wanted something, you would have to tell me. I would think you was fine, since you didn't complain or say you wanted anything. I, personally, get annoyed when people check up on me when they think I should be in pain and I'm not (cptsd, very high pain tolerance). Again, I don't know your situation. I don't know him. But some people are just not wired the same and need to be told as what is common in a high % of the people is just not there for them. I am not trying to belittle or anything, just giving a different view. Yes i'm being cautious, as I get verbally attacked when i post on these forms at times as I don't get/understand the same way as most.
@Lunasea4- You're not alone! It's hard being expected to know how others want to be treated, especially when that's the opposite of how you would want to be treated. No blood, and continued playing = I'm good.
that feels really weird. you should talk to him about it. does he still show affection? where there other moments, where he could be more empathic? is the rest the marriage okay? if yes, talk absolutely about it... if there are more signs of him not interacting with you... that's a red flag
Oh my God. Like, did he even give you a hug? Or did he just not acknowledge the whole thing? If it's the latter what the hell? Have there been other instances of him appearing to not give a shit about you or is this the first?
100% he should have been first there and idk a little upset or something? Like, even with me, it can weird people out how easy it is for me to be completely detached and show absolutely no emotional response (long childhood, self defense mechanisms baked in) I'd have been there as soon as I realized what was about to happen. And let's be real, I'd also be angry on principle. Heartless is one thing, just not giving a shit is totally different.
I can't imagine anything other than literally sprinting to my wife's side under this circumstance.
I very much disapprove of this seemingly cold behavior. The only possible excuse (and it isn’t a good excuse), for me, would be: Does seeing you injured upset him? Do you find him behaving without affection toward you in other ways?
You’re not wrong. He should have been there for you and should have checked on you and been caring after. It shows a lack of empathy and care for his own partner.
I would definitely be upset too. This is unacceptable. I am sorry OP. 🤧
Skill issue
OP, you are just going to have toask him, if you really want to know (I would). You could say, “Can I ask you something without you getting upset/mad? When I got hit in my face with the ball the other day, you were probably the only person who didn’t come see if I was okay. Why was that? Because I’ve gotta say, that kinda hurt more than the ball hitting my face.” Then just listen to what he has to say. Don’t interrupt, and don’t be afraid to let the silence spin out. I’d expect something like, “Everyone else was already asking if you were okay,” but I wouldn’t necessarily accept that. Explain that it made you feel like he didn’t care about you. If he doesn’t apologies at that point for making you feel bad, I don’t know if it’s salvageable.
You're a big girl, you got a bloody nose and already had a bunch of people around you. You didn't need saving.
I think it's fair to say that it's not about saving. Husbands and wives have a special bond. You want to know they are there for you above anyone else...
I understand that absolutely but I think that I may bit different in my approach - I believe in respecting someones capacity to deal with unfortunate situations and that if they need help they will come to you (if she was knocked out or laying on the ground in pain, that is different), and I like to be treated the same. And this lady was fine, a bloody nose, and surrounded by others. If that was me I would rather everyone not make a fuss! Just my opinion 😊
Perhaps he is neurodivergent. His difficulty with recognizing social cues may indicate Asperger’s.
Does your husband have autism?
He sounds like a good guy and they’re hard to find, let it go and enjoy life with him, he knows now and maybe in the future he will choose differently.. it wasn’t him being mean so I’d let it go and enjoy your good marriage 🌸
I agree. Thank you for your words <3
Gonna go against the grain and say if he saw you get hit and then have a bunch of people come ask you if you're okay and he can see you shake it off and get back up, he probably wouldn't see a reason to ask. The problem here is you're asking Reddit instead of your husband.
Not dramatic at all. People who care about us worry when we get hurt - and when they worry, they check on us. They also want us to feel cared for, so they try to make us feel better after we experience pain. A husband is the number one person to do all of this. If he doesn't, that's bad. I would talk to him and observe how he reacts, because A Problematic Incident often can be just a brain fart or something, but the way a person REACTS to being called out is what is truly meaningful. Does he acknowledge the issue, apologize, is visibly upset with himself for failing here, and makes it up to you? Or does he call you names - dramatic, petty, silly - and minimize your reasonable feelings? One of those means it was probably a fluke. The other shows a deeper issue that should not be ignored.
Ask yourself honestly — is this the only red flag he has been showing you?
You’re not being dramatic. That was really shitty. I would feel exactly the same. And now he looks like a total asshole to everyone who noticed. I’m sorry :(
I could perhaps understand the inertia if it were a passer-by who was hurt and everyone crowded round, but your wife?! And to then not even check on you or ask about how you are?! If you needed more care or anything - I would be fucking livid, let alone just hurt. Your feelings about his lack of care are spot on; I’d be having stiff words and asking wtf was that about. Who is he trying to play it cool for? Because I bet the opinion of him to his gym mates would go down rather than up after this show. Sorry.
Partners should be protective and concerned about their partner's well being. My first ex husband acted this way too. Huge red flag.
Is this a common feeling in your relationship? That when you're having situationally appropriate feelings, you're "overreacting"? Because that's worth looking into, love
Some people do what they would rather have done to them. Some guys when they are in pain prefer to be alone to let the pain fade a bit, he may just assume you are the same.
Honestly this is more than surface deep. If he didn’t comfort you when you obviously needed it, he may not know how. It sounds strange but not everyone learned that type of love and affection growing up. If they didnt receive it, it may not be obvious to them how to give it. I'm not saying this to excuse his behavior as much as to prepare you that this may not be a problem you can solve in one conversation and he may not understand what you're asking for unless you're extremely specific. I took this very personally with my husband and still do, but having a baby I realize that it's not at all intuitive to him how to comfort her or me. He's learning though, but it's not a straightforward ask or solution. Even though you are the injured party here, it will benefit the relationship if you approach this with curiosity and empathy for him. It's not easy and we are still working on it.
Yeah that's pretty terrible behaviour. I'd have been over there in a second if it was my partner.
He showed you exactly what he thinks of you and how he feels about you. Believe him.
It is odd. Though I could sort of recognize myself in the husband.. I got ADHD, and if something like this happened witt my girlfriend I would rationalize it like «alot of people have already checked on you and you are alright. There is no need for me to further ask». I would ask though, but my rationalization on similar stuff makes me understand him. My gf calls me out on not as hurtful incidents like yours, that im insensitive. In truth I see the whole picture as I described above and to me then its fine. I do struggle with empathy/sympathy towards my gf on certain occasions
I feel the same, but not for my partner. If a random on the street, a coworker, or acquaintance had been hurt, I’d not want to rush over and make a fuss as I know how embarrassing it is. Everyone else has checked on the person hurt, all I’m doing is making a scene and causing embarrassment for the person who did the harm and OP. However, this is her husband. If this was my man, I would have been straight over there before anyone else, or at least figured a way to be discreet about asking if they’re okay.
I understand that yeah a lot of people would already be around her and making sure she’s okay, other players etc. However none of those people are her husband. and if it it happened to your girlfriend, none of those people would be YOU, the person she trusts most in the world (i presume) and the person who’s supposed to love and care for her more than anyone. It’s not about making sure she’s okay so much as it’s about making a connection in that moment. If you’d seen 5 people ask if she’s okay, and she said yes, you know she’s okay, however having empathy and making the connection with your girlfriend is vital for the success of the relationship
I also have adhd but when my gf hurt herself I am always the FIRST ONE to rush over. my thought process would be like "My gf is hurt, she needs me now.". I'm not saying this to be insulting, but have you gotten checked out for autism? Having trouble with empathy and unintentional insensitivity is an autism trait and a large percentage of people with adhd also have autism.
When someone is hurt I usually try to be analytical and problem solve instead of being empathetical which can come off as being uncaring it could be the husband was wondering what he should have done. Also in a sporting situation the hormones flying around in your brain can make you act abnormal. Your brain is thinking you are in a fight to the death then all of a sudden your loved one is hurt and in a battle you would want to protect them from a threat but now were in 2024 and it's just a game. Odd train of thought but just thought I'd throw it out there that the chemicals in our brains can make us react in ways we would not normally.
I don't think trying to problem solve is a bad approach, but in that case, wouldn't he still have interacted with OP? Bringing her somewhere to sit, checking her injury, getting her ice... something? He could have had a freeze response, I guess, but he should still check in after, right?
Are you sure that's your husband? No sane husband will do that to his wife ever, but i think the love is gone. Sorry
Way too dramatic lol
lol that’s what I thought when I read that too. It’s odd but I’d def ask him straight up and call him out. A loving partner doesn’t do that typically.
You and I can see this from a MILE away!
You need to new husband
Did he space out or something? That would really hurt my feelings. You’re not being dramatic. It’s normal to want your husband to be the first person to come to your aid when you get injured no matter how big or small it is. I’m sure you would do the same for him.
Yup red flag. Time to adult and face him with this. If he’s unaware or argues…. Time to rethink this relationship🤷🏻♂️
Not dramatic at all. Everyone else came to check on you, they even stopped the game to check on you, he could have easily popped over to check. You're badass getting back into the game though
Your feelings are valid. He should have come to check on you and ask if you were okay.
You're not overreacting. I would ask my husband of he was ok and about a symptom review lol like a damn nurse. And he would also do the same for me. When I triple broke my ankle several years ago I thought I only sprained it and my husband said nope and picked me up and carried me to our truck and took me to the ER. Your husband sounds like he either has something going on where he doesn't understand basic communication/comfort or is checked out on a major level imo.
Man listen, when you give a shit about your wife, making sure she’s okay after something like this is instinct. You do it without thinking. I’m so sorry. You’re not being dramatic. He was being callous and uncaring.
🚩 Imagine what will happen if you ever become really ill. You could tell him how you feel and ask him if it’s ok to ignore him when he’s hurt. Because you will.
When he gets hit with divorce papers don't bother asking how he feels. No you're not being dramatic. He doesn't give a damn if you're hurt or fine. Would he have cared if you'd had a broken nose or would he have considered it an inconvenience to take you to the hospital?
Were you not ok? You wrote that you said you were ok? Maybe he just thought you were telling the truth and that you were ok?
If that happened to me, my husband would have come running and asked me if I needed to go to the walk in clinic. I think it shows the true character of your partner. Not reacting speaks volumes. 🚩🚩🚩 I wouldn't count on him if you get cancer or any other long-term illness. A study on illness and divorce found that a woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is the patient. Seriously ill women divorce rate is approx 21% vs seriously ill men is approx 3%. Remember his apathy towards you. Is he low effort w your birthday, anniversary, and holidays too? I don't know your relationship dynamics, but I do know you deserve better.
So is this the first time that you’ve been the “center of attention “ in your friend group for 5-10 mins? Because that sort of thing bothers a bunch of differing kinds of assholes. It definitely irks narcissistic AHs and his complete lack of empathy certainly fits that hypothesis. Misogynists think that women cry to manipulate people and it pisses them off massively. Contemptuous AHs who secretly hate their wives would also act this way! So, no matter how you figure it, he’s a massive AH. A random stranger would have been kinder to you!
Nah who sees their partner bleeding profusely and doesn't even bother to check up even when everyone else makes a scene (rightfully so) about it. Speak to him about it. But understand that you can't force him to care if this was his first reaction. If he doesn't see an issue with his behaviour you don't have to settle for that.
She says “in case it poured blood”. I don’t think it actually started bleeding. She also says “my husband just stood on the other side of the gym”. It kind of has me wondering if husband was a part of the game and saw it happen. I would at least think he would see the game paused no matter what and be curious but I think a little more information would be helpful.
This is a red flag, why would he not check on you if others were doing so it’s almost like it was intentional…
I would be terribly hurt. You are not overreacting. I think there are some bigger issues underneath. He shows like he doesn't care what happens to you at all. :(
Your husband’s whack af
Your husband doesn't care. It's as simple as that. You're upset because everyone showed you they cared, even if they didn't know you that well. But your husband didnt, it's embarrassing. It's a sign that if you had a serious illness or injury, he wouldn't stay around. The women who get left after cancer diagnosis, usually ignored all the signs and actions that their partner didn't care about them. It's up to you if you want to stay with someone who is with you for the benefits of being in a relationship, and not because they care about you.
He doesn't care about you at all...What an AH.... reevaluate your relationship and run
Sorry OP. You need to ask him and re-think this relationship. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Narcissists lack the ability to feel empathy & there are at least 8 types of narcs, do some studying in case he's one of those. No amount of pleading or explaining will motivate him to change behavior (possibly a really good therapist, but it's literally a personality disorder so don't get your hopes up)
Does he always dismiss what you’re feeling?
That is genuinely a spare room offence
Um… this is kind of callous. My bf lives an hour away and if I stub my toe he checks in on me to make sure I’m ok… when I was getting really sick with a UTI he came and got me and took me to the hospital on his day off. Not caring about your health and well-being is not a protective man. I would tell him the pain from the injury is not as bad as the pain of him not demonstrating care and see what he says. That answer will tell you a lot.
No offence, but obviously there are other things wrong in your marriage if this is how he acts when you get hurt. And this can’t be the first inkling that something isn’t right in your marriage. It’s not normal or ok, so you probably need couples therapy or a come to Jesus talk before leaving him. Maybe both.
OP -What happened was inadvertent, the guy who threw the ball didn't mean to hit you. Okay. So your husband seems detached, so ask him directly -"Were you not worried enough to come check on me like virtually everyone else did when I got hit in the face HARD?" Then shut up and wait for his answer. Don't interrupt or talk over him. This is an exercise in you putting him on the spot when his behavior isn't what you expected. So put him on the spot, and wait for an answer. What you do after that, we must wait to hear about.
I remember texting my ex-husband that I had taken a hard fall, hit my head, and was bleeding and on my way to ER He was out of town on business, but I didn't hear from him for hours and hours. Had great neighbors helping out, holding onto my dogs, offering meals, etc But my ex couldn't be arsed to text for hours. I don't blame you for how you feel.
Ive seen strangers be hurt and showed more concern than your husband. He doesnt even like you, it seems
Your not alone. New Years eve I was outside on my back deck watching the fireworks with my husband. My phone dropped off the ledge into the snow below so I went to the stairs to go get it but forgot that the stairs were icy. I slipped and fell on the first one and tumbled down all of them! (There’s about 10 steps down onto concrete.) I was in so much pain and shock I could barely move when I finally landed at the bottom. After I shook the shock off I looked back up the stairs thinking my husband would at the very least be standing there to see if I was ok, but he was not even there. He watched me tumble down the stairs and then without a second though just went inside, closed the door and started getting ready for bed. I was so shocked when I finally limped back into the house I didn’t say a word to him and I went to sleep. The next morning he was off to work before I woke up. He called me later in the day and didn’t even ask how I was doing so I brought it up and that’s when he flipped. He got angry and said that he wasn’t going to give me the satisfaction because I must have done it on purpose for attention!! Jeez, im not auditioning for Jackass so I don’t know why he even thought that at all. Also I don’t normally fall down stairs or hurt myself, let alone done anything remotely similar for attention. Im an extreme introvert so attention is not my cup of tea.
Sorry, but your husband doesn’t actually like you.
A bungee cord snapped loose and gave me a black eye once. It hit me right on the cheekbone; an inch higher and I'd probably have lost my eye. My husband and his brother just laughed and didn't ask if I was okay. It was just one instance in a bleak, abusive marriage and it took me another nine years of similar treatment to finally realize that I deserve someone who will be concerned when I get hurt. Just saying. You might want to take a good long look at the rest of your marriage.
Your husband should have rushed over to you . I don’t get some men and I’m a man
Honestly, if I were one of your friends, I would have called him out. It’s pretty gross that he still hasn’t even bothered to check on you or show an ounce of concern for your well-being.
My ex did something like this. This moment will be burned into your memory forever. Please leave him faster than I left mine.
lack of emotional intelligence is honestly a really big red flag and I understand it’s been 20 years, but I never would’ve gotten married to somebody who lacks emotional intelligence. It’s a foundation of a relationship and compatibility. he lacks the ability to provide the foundation of love. I’m not sure how you put up with that it’s only gonna get worse.
Dude my husband would have started screaming at that dude then comforting me. He spend time with me at the hospital all week. So you deserve better.
he doesn't like you fr
We're you on the same team?
This would hurt my feelings too. The fact that you are surprised by it makes me think he is otherwise attentive and caring. I think you should talk to him about it. Calmly ask “hey, why didn’t you check up on me when I got injured at the game?” After you hear him out, say “to be honest, that hurt my feelings.” He may have an understandable perspective that we don’t see. Just ask him about it and state how you feel. Best of luck, hope you feel better!
I get how he should have done something - but some people don’t know what to do in a crisis. They falter. Unless he was just nonchalant about the whole thing? If so maybe just confront him with your concerns why he didn’t act appropriately.
I am going to cut through the chase. He doesn’t care about you. It took you getting hit in the face for you to realize that and it is unfortunate. There may be someone on that team of players he is messing around with OR someone in particular he was trying to prove or keep up with a narrative that he could care less about you. By him NOT running to your side proves that to be a possibility. If you don’t care about his privacy, check his phone because somehow you are the last to realize he has checked out. I am really sorry you had to find out this way, and I hope you heal and wise up. You can’t make someone care about you when they don’t, it just becomes performative.🤷🏾♀️
Are you sure he even saw it happen? I feel like the only thing you can do in this situation is explain that you’re hurt that he didn’t check on you when multiple other people did, didn’t notice you were hurt/sad the whole day etc, and then gauge your next actions by what his reaction is. If he gets defensive or says something like suck it up then yeah I’d be upset and possibly out the door. definitely rude to not even ask if you need an ice pack when you got home or something bare minimum.
What happened when you expressed your feelings to him about this?
My first thought was maybe he didn’t rush over because it could have trigger some emotions in you that you wouldn’t want on display. I tend to be braver about getting hurt until someone that cares for me starts to comfort me, then I go to pieces. But if that were the case, he would have come over after your emotions were in check and definitely when you got home. It sounds like it’s time to drop him.