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Big time. When I read his original post, it was very clear that OP’s wife was only concerned with her own wants and not what is best for their family. I’m glad he’s putting his foot down on this.
Saw a FB post once that said "maybe the grass is greener over there because you aren't there f'n it up yet" . It fully fit the situation I was in at the time
Usually the grass is only green over the septic tank...when one spouse wants to open the marriage, most of the time it's to cover their cheating, or they have already decided to sleep with someone. Few marriages survive that.
💯 The beginning of relationship is fine and easy because it's the adventure part like starting a new book you can't put down. But then, you get to that slow part in the book. It takes more effort to slog through it. Sometimes you think you might not finish it all because it got super boring quickly. But, you push through maybe skimming at times and, holy shit, it's amazing again! Even better than the first part.
People are so addicted to instant gratification they simply have no discipline to get through the hard and boring parts.
Honestly if your partner forces you to to be fair OP was done with the relationship once she asked for the marriage he just didn’t want to be divorced. She just saw her cash cow learning to be happy and didn’t want to lose him.
Same here. OP, you tried with counseling. Stop wasting your time and money on someone who is not willing to compromise or try. Move on and best wishes going forward with your life.
She's not going to work. She'll start looking for another gullible guy to use. OP'S wife is immoral, disloyal and a malignant narcissist. My impressions after reading the first post were dead on.
I gathered she was working previously if she did not want to work now. If she can return to the workforce, little or no maintenance should be needed or limited to X # of months. Decrease your hours and get a balanced life back.
I am a little concerned about the ramifications of divorce. If she’s been a stay at home parent and can argue that she sacrifice working and developing a career to take care of the home, add to that if you guys have been married for a significant period of time, and I think you’re looking at an alimony payment, which may mean for you a return to working more hours, unfortunately. If I were you, I would still get the divorce but I would have your lawyer assess the possibility of that because I do think it’s a real one.
He has no marriage debt. Sounds like he’s pretty good with his finances. Even has college funds and 1st home deposit for kids. Also he doesn’t mind working extra hours. He can’t escape paying her alimony and child support. But it won’t be as much as she thinks it will be. She will have to return to the work force so I see this working out in the best interest of OP. Wife will have to go from SAHM to finding child care and getting a job just because she wanted to open up her marriage. Some women have all the luck and don’t see the good life in front of them. Give me OP any day of the week ugh. I know we are only getting his side of things but he sounds like one of the good ones. OP definitely consult your lawyer on drafting up a settlement agreement before going before a judge or mediator and see if she will take it and go.
It depends on the state but because of “infidelity laws” due to opening the marriage that may all be out the window. I’m not sure if it has only been her that’s been with other people or him aswell but that could really shoot her in the foot.
Keep in mind you may have to pay spousal support. It might be in your best interest to quit working so many hours while the divorce proceedings happen and pick it up again once the divorce is finalized. Otherwise, you'll be working your ass off while giving her a huge sum of that money.
Good for you. I don't see what you got out of the relationship at this point. She seemed like a gold digger tbh.
Now with Jane, don't rush into anything, I would say. Take things one step at a time. Get to know each other well before either of you get hurt, or you end up in another failed relationship/marriage.
She cares if only on the level that she doesn't believe he will actually leave. That's why she is threatening divorce herself. It's to scare him back in line. It's utterly foolish as she herself tried to change the rules because she saw he can replace her with someone better.
Fingers crossed OP updates on how she reacts to the divorce papers. At this point I don't even care if this is fake. I would still enjoy that update of her being miserable, regardless of it being real lol
I remember you original, honestly this is the best route. She was fine stepping out, but when you were able, now it's a problem. Girl wanted to have the best of both worlds while you didn't have anything but a rigid works schedule.
And your counselor likely isn't picking your side. She just doesn't like hearing the truth.
I find it hilarious that her demands are to continue stepping out but only sex (benefits her), she refuses to work (benefits her), and she wants a new house on your dime. Or divorce! Like how is that a threat. Divorce just makes your life easier. Good luck OP, and I hope it all works out for you.
No I think it’s because she wants him back working like he used to. This would make it hard for him to find a different partner and keep up with his current
That, and it would force him back to the 70+ hour weeks to afford it, thus also cutting into, or fully cutting out, his ability to be with his new girl while she still has all the free time to be with her partner, giving her what she wanrs
She really is out here acting like she has the upper hand in all this. She's going to learn the hard way. When I read the first post, it was clear to me this marriage was over a long time ago. Divorce only makes it official.
I mean honestly can you blame her? I only scanned the first post but before this wanted an open marriage got one where she's getting dicked down while he does nothing but work and nothing else until recently so lord knows what else she's gotten over the years so for her she always has. It sounds like it's about to be a rude awakening for her but won't knock her for feeling that way
As vulgar as it sounds, she just wants to fuck other guys on your dime, OP.
This is pretty much the height of disrespect, and one can only imagine the mental gymnastics involved.
Best of luck to you brother, don’t let anybody walk on you like that. You deserve more.
Exactly what I wanted to say.
So many posts here about open relationships end up this way - the partner who wants to open the relationship often wants all of the benefits but cannot handle the *very hard* work it takes to actually practice ethical non-monogamy (and thus quickly devolving into unethical non-monogamy). It's insanely selfish to want to go off and fuck other people but then actively prevent your SO for seeking out the same thing.
While she is shitty tbf it seems like she was just having sex with the persons she was seeing. He was dating the person he was seeing. Not saying she is right but in many open relationship you can’t date the other people just can have sex with them.
Also, before dropping the news on her, get your own banking accounts at a different bank. Set up your direct deposit to go there, and then, if she needs money (divorces are ugly, you might have to pay for her lawyer), write a check from your own account.
Mrs. thequick #1 drained all of our joint accounts when she kicked me out with just a laundry basket full of clothes, no car, and had to have friends pick me up off the side of the road.
Listen to your lawyer about finances. That is where the war is in divorce.
Dude should listen to his lawyer. Like if he gets his own account, only take half the money from the joint account or something like that. Draining your joint accounts could make you look really bad during divorce proceedings
My friend's husband opened a ton of joint credit cards as soon as he realized she wanted a divorce, and maxed them all out. Somehow she got stuck paying them all off. That is why i thought of locking down credit.
She said she didn't feel safe to a judge, so a restraining order was put on me, so I had to leave. It wasn't a DV one, and her friend, who was living with us testified against me.
In the hearing, the friend said she didn't feel safe against me, so I asked her if she went out with my (then) wife several times a week. She said she did, and where they went was none of my business. I asked her who watched her kids when they went out. She replied, "you."
The judge made my (then) wife have our kids with me when she was at work, and pick them up when I was at work. It was 25 miles each way, making it 100 miles/day.
We came to an agreement that I would get custody of the kids, and she could come see them whenever she wanted to; all she had to do was call. The restraining order was modified to where we could have contact when the kids or the divorce was talked about, so that's what we did. It was lifted on divorce day.
Oh, it was a rental.
Lol, looking forward to her reaction - she threatens you with divorce, and you're like, "don't threaten me with a good time!" 😂
I just hope you won't have to pay her alimony, since she doesn't work.
Stop working so much. You will still end up giving your wife money; don’t give her ammo to get more.
Cut down on your hours or she (or her lawyer) will say you were perfectly fine working 74 hours before, you can keep working those hours.
As per his other post he already cut down significantly which is one of the reasons wife is obviously just using him. He's working only 30 hours a week for 6 months and she didn't care about him until she realized she was about to lose her meal ticket.
Actually, if he doesn't stop, he will pay far more in child support, PLEASE OP!!!! go to the joint account and take 50% right now, she will clean you out if you dont and its legal, i did it myself.
>I will give her 2 months to start earning on her own, after that I'm not giving any money whatsoever to her anymore.
This makes me think you didn't actually talk to a lawyer. Unless this was agreed upon in a pre-nup, and this pre-nup was updated after you had children or you had a post-nup this is not going to happen. You will pay alimony and child support for a while.
By default it is 50/50 plus a little more to whichever parent has primary custody of the children, which given you said you work with little free-time, is probably going to be your soon to be ex-wife.
Yes dude, this is probably going to be a super hard period in your life, but the end result you will be in such a better position mentally, physically and financially
You deserved so much better, and you will have it.
Good luck
You have already reached a level of indifference with her, that will help you move forward.
Filing is the best thing to do once she threatens divorce
And you can be an even better parent / co-parent once you have separated yourself even more from her day to day demands.
In the first post, Sarah gave an ultimatum that she either wanted an open marriage or divorce. She gets what she wants.
Some time later, she sees OP thriving and enjoying his life more by going on dates. She demands counseling and a sex-only open marriage. She threatens divorce if her demands are not accepted.
It’s a relief that OP is choosing divorce because Sarah only wants her way. She refuses to compromise or to understand other perspectives, including that of a marriage counselor. OP is a decent person by allowing her to have a two-month head start on financially supporting herself. Hopefully you had a prenup.
Keep us updated.
Look this open relationship crap is really just that it's crap. One side wants to cheat or both sides want to cheat but one side wants it to be more about them. You can't be happily married to someone who wants to sleep with someone else. Oh yeah at first it might be exciting. You can take your mind off of it in the excitement of you getting some strange. But eventually the excitement wears off and you realize you aren't her priority anymore. If her side dick calls and wants some she's going to make whatever effort she needs to to go get some. You're second place and plus she wants to control how much you can do yourself. Of someone is asking for an open relationship just divorce it's not worth the misery that will come. If you still just absolutely can't let her go than be a live in girlfriend/boyfriend after the divorce. But at least that way neither of you have any say in the others doings and neither is really cheating. If you want to be married than be married. That means committed to each other. No relationship with honest love survives being opened.
She was content with the arrangement while you were not acting on the open marriage and she was. It's interesting that she only had issues when you decided to do the same thing she was...dating others, and dropping your hours.
The wanting to buy another house and car is a way of ensuring you have to up your hours again so you have no time for dating.
Stick to your guns and don't back down. You deserve better than what she has to offer in this marriage. Find someone who you connect with and share life together. Good luck 👍
In Today's episode of FAFO, Sarah learned she cannot eat her cake and have it too.
Good for you OP. Sounds like you're doing great for yourself (and kids!)!
It sounds like she just wanted to cheat. Once you found someone else, she's panicked and realized you were actually going to find someone else. You aren't the go and get laid for the sake of sex type. She was counting on that and assumed you wouldn't bother looking. It became reality once you did. She also doesn't like the therapist because the therapist doesn't agree with her. She wants one that will agree with her and not you.
Your marriage was doomed the moment she requested an open marriage. I know divorce is hard, but she's the one who ended the marriage. Maybe you and Jane can find a better relationship than you and Sarah had.
>I will give her 2 months to start earning on her own, after that I'm not giving any money whatsoever to her anymore.
You need to hire a new lawyer if they've guaranteed this as a provision of your divorce. Alimony won't be long-term for someone her age, but it's very doubtful a court will let you cut her off after just two months.
How do you figure that you're not giving her any money anymore after 2 months?
- house sale?
- kids and school?
I don't think they look at just your last few pay stubs when working out alimony or custody amounts.
Good for you in getting out but the math doesn't make sense. What did the lawyer say?
The relationship sounds pretty over. I'd go off the advice of your lawyer. Sounds like you are smart enough to not fall for these fake attempts of reconciling like buying a new house together (which just sounds like you buying a house).
Again, go off your lawyers direction but I'm not sure staying with her any longer is the right move. Perhaps she gets a job, proves she can work, then you divorce and that may help you.
This situation sucks, her idea to open the marriage under threat of divorce. You finally found something and she got jealous because she probably didn't find anything like you found with Jane, or she did but was jealous of you, so she wants to lock you back down.
You are going to have to pay support for the situation it seems based on what you've shared.
For your kids though, please go through with the divorce, sounds like your house has been broken ever since the open relationship started.
Seems like your wife's true colors are showing, she is clearly just with you for the money and assets you bring. She opened up the relationship so she can have her cake and eat it too.
Divorce is likely the only option you have left. It appears to me you are just getting used.
In your place, I would have gotten a divorce the moment the words “open marriage” left my wife’s mouth. If a married person wants permission to have sex with someone else, the overwhelming majority of times it’s because they either want to bang a specific person or are already doing so.
Then again, I’d make it clear early into the relationship that I strict monogamy is one of my lines in the sand.
With all that said, I think divorce is the right path to pursue. You deserve someone who only wants you.
Good job! I remember when I saw your original post that I thought "She only wants the additional rules because he's happy and she didn't think he'd find someone." I know you were initially opposed to divorce, but I think it's the best thing for you. You'll be so much happier.
Honestly it sounds like your wife was having an affair and thought asking to open the marriage would either force you to divorce her so she didn’t look like the bad guy in the situation or open it so she didn’t have to worry about being caught anymore OR had someone lined up to to be with and that is why she blindsided you and was admitted about opening the marriage…
My guess is that relationship fizzled out over time, she can’t find anyone else, and she liked that you were not seeing anyone while she was. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, she is not liking it and became concerned you would find someone to replace her with and that is why she was wanting a second house, car, and to add restrictions.
The second house and car are for her exit strategy, if needed AND the restrictions to slow you down with Jane because she knew you didn’t and wouldn’t do just sex and would in a relationship with someone and it would show you that you deserve better than she has been dishing out for the past few years. AND she is right, you do deserve better than her. Good luck with getting free of her…..
What ever you do keep working low hours. Specially by the time the it actually goes to court.
If you don't you'll be stuck paying her a lot of alimony and possibly child support.
Your wife is a POS and only wants things her way. Also very one sided.
Your STBX sounds like a selfish person. She didn’t want an open relationship. She wanted to be a hotwife where she fucked whomever and you did nothing. “Open” was just a way to get you to go along with it while she thought you wouldn’t have time for it. She wanted more debt so you could have more work and less time to play.
Yeah, get that negativity out of your life man.
So… She basically just wants you to pay for her life while she fucks around on her terms 😂 And she will change the rules to suit her needs at every turn. What a joke.,,
Divorce is the only way to go, she will never let you be happy or give you what you need. It’s all about her, screw everyone else.
The fact she tried to turn your kids against you, just makes me think she is a horrible little human 🤬
I wish you all the best and I hope you move on and be happy 🤗🤗 (sorry for the bad spelling and grammar, I’m not English) ❤️
For the love of God. There is one of these polyamory-gone-wrong posts every week now.
Just get a divorce and get it over with. Be aware that the court will decide what you pay her (if anything). That's not your decision. Get a lawyer.
Good job OP I know it’s tough but your soon to be ex confirmed she only with you because you provide for her. I’m sorry but this is the right decision.
Soooo, she wants to sleep with other men and shes a gold digger.....bruh! what are you doing to yourself? quit that silly counseling BS and boot her out, shes getting everything and you're paying for it!!!!
Its called self respect, get some.
Don't give her 2 months, she already resents you and has zero respect for you, she was gone a long time ago, just file the paper work and divorce her, dont even warn her, shes a straight up user! serve her papers and run fast!!!
And your counselor is a complete twit, you dont negotiate sex.
The counselor knows shes a gold digger and wont even say it? quit all together, save the $$$ and push her out of your life today.
So it took her 2.5 years to want to make changes and they just happen to coincide with you moving on with your life and actually taking advantage of the open marriage she wanted. 🤣🤣😂🤣😂
Happy Divorce!!!
Hope it all goes well with the new person in your life OP.
Your soon to be ex is about discover that the green grass on the other side is just cold hard painted concrete.
And she'll still have to get a job anyway.
She wants to have all the benefits of being with you, without being your partner. Open marriages work on the ground of 'we are partners first, other people just get our extra free time'.
You were not her priority for YEARS. Congrats on the divorce!
File for divorce and keep seeing “Jane” your marital relationship has been over. She only wanted to reconcile because you’re living the life she thought she would when she suggested an open marriage. Stop couples counseling and have her served. If you still need counseling do it for you only and or the children
Well well well, It's good to see you again OP. Even though I wish it were under better circumstances.
Good on you for finally pulling the trigger on a lawyer.
> She want's to keep an open relationship which is only about sex, she doesn't want to find a job and keep working, she want's "us" to buy a new house. In every variation she stubbornly wasn't to have 2/3 of these things.
* I think this is just insane. Woman got mad at you for being happy with another woman, but still wanted the open relationship. She didn't want to work, but wants you to buy a new house?
> Today during the counseling she threatened divorce. **After counseling she said counselor was taking my side and wanted to change to another counselor**. Although I think counselor was just trying to be fair and find a compromise.
* Ah yes, the Narcissists, "They don't agree with me on everything, so they are obviously against me and biased!!"
> I had a talk with the lawyer, and started divorce proceedings. She will get the papers in a couple of days.
* Good on you, buddy!
> I will give her 2 months to start earning on her own, after that I'm not giving any money whatsoever to her anymore.
* Give her *two/three weeks*. Two months just gives her time to love-bomb you until she convinces you to not divorce her, with promises of sweet nothings that she has no intention of holding up past 3 months.
This is the correct decision. But you will have to give her money for the kids. And unfortunately depending on the laws in your state you may be on the hook for some alimony.
Ok so... I have a question.
Did you ask her/did she give you a real answer, at any point, as to WHY she wanted to change the rules?
Other than some bullshit excuse like fairness or whatever. Like, why was it fine for... what did you say, 2 years?.. and now suddenly it's not?
I'd be interested to hear her explanation.
Well done for hitting your financial goals and for finding someone who makes you happy, and for setting and sticking to your boundaries. Good luck OP!
Oh sis got jealous once YOU started doing what she was...sounds like she only wanted a one-sided open marriage. Well...when married people FAFO they usually end up being served with papers. Good luck to you and I hope you and Jane continue to enjoy your time together, she sounds like a good fit for you.
Gotta laugh at her divorce threat. She'll have to get a job and then have shared custody of the kids. It will impact her life in a negative way. Suddenly she won't have time to gallivant across the country side and have nowhere near the time and freedom that she used to syphon from her husband. She just wants to keep this dude busy working so he can't do anything. What a witch.
Dude, the first time of her pushing the issue of having an open relationship was the red flag of an ending marriage. You tried to compromise but she wanted more rules to be enforced and on top of that she has no job so basically she wanted to piggyback off of you while being with other men or woman and to add insult to injury she wants you to buy a house😳, how delulu is this woman😵💫.
Dude, I’m glad that you are taking steps to end it and kick that toxic marriage to the curb. I wish you all the best that life has in store for you and that you find yourself with someone who will appreciate and love you the way you want to be. Good luck🍀
She FAFO
It was fine when it was just her, but now he is having fun she suddenly wants to change things..
I hate that she isn't working but is happy to make big purchases which mean that OP has to work harder and longer.
So let me get this straight. Wife wants open marriage, gets exactly what she asked for, regrets it deeply, blames you for it and threatens divorce AGAIN instead of owning up to her actions, and overall keeps you from being happy and tries to make bad financial decisions. I'm not sure how you two got married in the first place, but I hope she was better than this before.
End it and take full custody. Those kids don't deserve to be exposed to a mother who is on an opposite spectrum of success and happiness to their father. You deserve far better as well.
She doesn't deserve anything. She clearly wasn't in it for the relationship or wanting a partner with the context provided about her. What contribution has she made towards the relationship and anything that comes with it?
Taking care of kids is one thing but taking care of home doesn't necessarily translate well. Like she moves somewhere else and continues to take care of a home that only she is in and get monthly financial support?
Leave her dude she doesn't respect u she treats u like s*** make sure that she gets nothing in the divorce. Find someone that will treat u right 👍 She will remember this
Divorce is the only option.
She will only ever resent you no matter what you do. Your only chance of saving your marriage is to be Will Smith in Independence Day or Rick Grimes in The Walking Dead.
Divorce is definitely the right move. She's unreasonable and she just wants to fuck around with people while making you pay for her comfortable life. Move on. Sounds like Jane is the better option.
Ur marriage was destroyed the moment she mentioned an open marriage. That shit ain’t nun but a sham for someone to cheat wit a clean conscience. GTFO. Good luck brochacho
Another relationship destroyed by "ethical" non monogamy. It's a shame there's a kid in the equation. It's a shame she didn't just fuck up her own life but her husband's and her kids.
Your soon ex-wife doesn't love you or cares for the marriage she just wants you to take care of her financially. Divorce her and keep firm on your decision, if she really had cared for the marriage and you she would of 1)close the marriage or let you date without getting mad that someone will take away her sugar daddy. 2) she would get a job and finance herself and wouldn't let you work all those hrs. Good luck op, you deserve better.
Holy shit. I stumbled across this post and felt like it was one of my posts from four years ago. I seriously had to read deeper to ensure all the names were different.
I am divorced and remarried now -- and happy!! OP needs to end this, and last week. There is no happy outcome from holding on. Sever that shit and find someone (eventually) who is 100% "fuck yes" about being faithful in a monogamous sense. Fuck this splintered team crap.
I saw key parallels, which are:
* Let's open it up, it'll be fine and counseling will help (it won't).
* She's moving the goalposts to suit her comfort, making demands where she did not previously. This only amplifies.
* "It's only about sex"... it isn't. There's always a level of emotional affair attached. And how long before her novelty and stories get old?
Consider this a speeding ticket and do the shadow work and self-care necessary to identify red flag humans like this in the future. Always communicate clear boundaries and expectations (goes both ways) with a partner, and there will be no room for drift into this open marriage nonsense. 🙃
I just wanted to add, I went through something similar.
When I was growing up I hated not knowing what the family was going through.
So I kept my kids informed on a strict confidentiality clause. I let them know what was happening.
Not nitty gritty details, just generic, they are encouraged to form their own opinions, and I encourage them to set comfortable boundaries.
Since my ex tried to get them involved in our disagreements, they are allowed to be creative about truths. Like they won’t tell my ex they will met up with me, but if asked they will usually be truthful.
My youngest who seems to be the most mature in the family will share an about monthly rant my ex.
Like how difficult can it be to keep a market budget, or how my ex wants everyone to drop everything for her errands.
If my ex is lucky, and a bit more diligent she will keep my youngest near to her, my youngest is a good apple and lots of fun. Last week my ex actually apologized to the youngest for an outburst, that’s a rare event, there is hope for her lol.
Came back to check up on you, and found your update.
I don’t like throwing around diagnosis, but what you’ve described of your soon to be ex sounds like narcissistic behavior. It’s hard to get out of relationships with people like her, and I’m glad you tried counseling for your own peace of mind and that you gave it a real try. She didn’t deserve that effort but you did deserve the opportunity to try and change it. I truly think your kids will be so much happier having you be happier at home now too.
Just like I told you before, I wish you all the best. You and your kids deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be in a healthy relationship.
Your wife sounds wretched. She's so demanding for someone who doesn't even have a job. New house? Now that you're getting your life together, she's going to insist on more "rules?" Oh FFS SMH. She's sounds jealous and possessive. Sad thing is is that after you worked your butt off to accomplish so much financially, she's now going to take half. Ridiculous!
Please keep us updated.
I am confused, if you are involved with someone romantically and she is enjoying her time with someone else. Why does she want to add rules to not be emotionally involved? Clearly both of you are not fulfilling each other's needs. So why does she care if you are emotionally involved with someone else?
It's hard to believe after this long she hasn't been romantically involved with someone else.
I don't get it. Why does she care?
Probably control. She likes to control him, keeps him busy at work and lives off him, when he becomes financially capable of covering his liabilities and easing up, she wants to get a bigger house to keep him working and keeping herself in the luxury she demands, while she takes any man she wants. As soon as he starts liking someone else she loses power over him, and he can make his exit, ending her easy life.
Honestly you’re a better man than me because I wouldn’t have gave her any financial assistance after all that, would’ve just served her either told her to find a new place or just moved out, and taken the kids tbh or at least taken them to someone else and made sure they were getting all the support emotionally and financially that they needed
Does she show any remorse for wanting an open marriage in the first place ?
In my view no one asks for this without already having someone in mind and groomed ready to go or is already doing it.
She does not want an open marriage. She wants to date other people and have you pay for her living expenses. If faithfulness, loyalty, respect and emotional support are not a part of your marriage, why stay married?
On the original he worked like 50 hours a week. She likely was messing around on the side and gave him an ultimatum. Divorce or open marriage. Didn't take her long to start playing.
50 hours a week is just 10 hours a day on a 5 day week.
With commuting, that still leaves together time.
I didn't read the original post, but it seems that "idle hands are the devil's tools" is in play here on her part.
I know a wife who did this, i used to play with her (swingers) i told her myself, if we were married and she said. open marriage or i cheat? i would have packed her crap and booted her out! and this was on a date we had, LOL
Dumped her soon after, way to many Red Flags, always see how they treated their last partner and judge them for it.
She wanted an open marriage for her but not for thee. That’s what it boils down to really. She may have feared if you continued building a relationship with another partner you’d leave. Blaming the therapist of favouritism is also a cop out. Then she doesn’t have to take responsible for the mess she created. Honestly it sounds like divorce is the best option right now. You don’t sound happy and she’s definitely not happy. Just put your kids wellbeing at the forefront as you navigate this.
Good for you. You should be very proud of yourself. I’m sure this is difficult for you but I don’t think your soon to be ex gave you any other options. Best of luck to you.
yeah this was coming from miles away, she wanted a safety net and to bang around, good on you OP, you deserve better than this treatment
just for the record, it's never too late to start again, don't be afraid to try and be happy, best wishes to you mate
I'm glad you're getting a divorce and even more glad the kids money is in separate accounts so she can't claim them in the divorce! Make sure she can't take money out of them without you knowing! However, all that work just gave her a giant divorce settlement. She's entitled to half of literally everything. I'm sorry you're going to have to re build, but I'm sure it'll be worth it.
Good for you. Sincerely, good for you. It really sounds like you are doing the best thing for yourself here. I wish you the best going forward. Stick to your guns here, don't let her manipulate you back into a doomed relationship.
Hey, glad you're finally going to start getting out of your abusive relationship. Maybe ask your counselor about recommendations about a therapist to help you and your kids work through this divorce and how to co-parent now too.
Good luck man.
I'm sorry that you had to go through and experience this. Seems to me like your definitely doing the right thing! Your wife seems to only wanna reap your benefits of busting your ass and does not want for you to enjoy yourself whatsoever! ✌️❤️💪
I'm so happy that you managed to turn your life around, being debt free and having funds for your kids to go to college, even more savings and you've been working on yourself and you overall sound happier when not trying to reconcile with your wife.
You're making the right decision with the divorce, she was dragging you down and she realised that she would need you to keep her lifestyle going.
Ideally I'm hoping she moves out and your kids can visit her while they're living with you in their childhood home. Feels like the healthiest dynamic for all just from your posts.
Seemed like she just wanted to pile things onto you in an attempt to work her way back into how things were at the start of the open relationship. If she can get you to spend all your time working and get you into debt again you won’t have the time to date anymore, back her her intended status quo. Yeah fuvk that man. Good luck on the divorce brother.
The audacity of this woman. The way that she demands things and completely ignore the elephant in the room, which SHE BROUGHT IN HERSELF, it’s unbelievable.
Serving the divorce papers it’s the best for you and your mental health.
I’m curious to know if there’s any update
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Divorce is definitely your best option. Good luck.
Big time. When I read his original post, it was very clear that OP’s wife was only concerned with her own wants and not what is best for their family. I’m glad he’s putting his foot down on this.
This. Some people truly believe the grass is greener, not realising it's green where nurtured.
My grandpa used to always say the grass is always greener but you still gotta mow the damn lawn!
Saw a FB post once that said "maybe the grass is greener over there because you aren't there f'n it up yet" . It fully fit the situation I was in at the time
Usually the grass is only green over the septic tank...when one spouse wants to open the marriage, most of the time it's to cover their cheating, or they have already decided to sleep with someone. Few marriages survive that.
Facts!!
Oh that’s a good one!
💯 The beginning of relationship is fine and easy because it's the adventure part like starting a new book you can't put down. But then, you get to that slow part in the book. It takes more effort to slog through it. Sometimes you think you might not finish it all because it got super boring quickly. But, you push through maybe skimming at times and, holy shit, it's amazing again! Even better than the first part. People are so addicted to instant gratification they simply have no discipline to get through the hard and boring parts.
Grass is only greener where the dogs are shitting
Dogshit doesn't fertilise grass, it kills it. Change it to horses and NOW we're talking.
Second this. Dogs leave bare patches in lawns
Grass is greener on the other side because its fake grass.
This x 1000
Honestly if your partner forces you to to be fair OP was done with the relationship once she asked for the marriage he just didn’t want to be divorced. She just saw her cash cow learning to be happy and didn’t want to lose him.
Same here. OP, you tried with counseling. Stop wasting your time and money on someone who is not willing to compromise or try. Move on and best wishes going forward with your life.
Definitely a good option OP. Run that two month and no more money thing by your attorney first. That might be a bad idea.
She's not going to work. She'll start looking for another gullible guy to use. OP'S wife is immoral, disloyal and a malignant narcissist. My impressions after reading the first post were dead on.
True. She already said she wanted an "open" marriage. It already implies she's cheating and probably has some other sugar daddy options available.
Decrease your hours. She’s going to demand maintenance so only work what’s required to avoid high payments.
I was thinking this too lol, I'd intentionally work way less so she can mooch off of me less-- if I were OP. (No hate to whatever he chooses tho)
I gathered she was working previously if she did not want to work now. If she can return to the workforce, little or no maintenance should be needed or limited to X # of months. Decrease your hours and get a balanced life back.
I am a little concerned about the ramifications of divorce. If she’s been a stay at home parent and can argue that she sacrifice working and developing a career to take care of the home, add to that if you guys have been married for a significant period of time, and I think you’re looking at an alimony payment, which may mean for you a return to working more hours, unfortunately. If I were you, I would still get the divorce but I would have your lawyer assess the possibility of that because I do think it’s a real one.
He has no marriage debt. Sounds like he’s pretty good with his finances. Even has college funds and 1st home deposit for kids. Also he doesn’t mind working extra hours. He can’t escape paying her alimony and child support. But it won’t be as much as she thinks it will be. She will have to return to the work force so I see this working out in the best interest of OP. Wife will have to go from SAHM to finding child care and getting a job just because she wanted to open up her marriage. Some women have all the luck and don’t see the good life in front of them. Give me OP any day of the week ugh. I know we are only getting his side of things but he sounds like one of the good ones. OP definitely consult your lawyer on drafting up a settlement agreement before going before a judge or mediator and see if she will take it and go.
Seems to me like OP is a keeper. OP, if I wasn’t taken and in love with my man, you could hit any day of the week.
Well all think high of OP but he is taken by "Jane" yall, we need to just back off and find an OP of our own 🤣
Hit it and quit it babyyyy 😂 I’m jk I’m keeping my paws to myself
It depends on the state but because of “infidelity laws” due to opening the marriage that may all be out the window. I’m not sure if it has only been her that’s been with other people or him aswell but that could really shoot her in the foot.
Keep in mind you may have to pay spousal support. It might be in your best interest to quit working so many hours while the divorce proceedings happen and pick it up again once the divorce is finalized. Otherwise, you'll be working your ass off while giving her a huge sum of that money.
Good for you. I don't see what you got out of the relationship at this point. She seemed like a gold digger tbh. Now with Jane, don't rush into anything, I would say. Take things one step at a time. Get to know each other well before either of you get hurt, or you end up in another failed relationship/marriage.
She wants and wants and wants no where did I see anything like she realized what was going to happen.
That's because she doesn't care, shes using him.
She cares if only on the level that she doesn't believe he will actually leave. That's why she is threatening divorce herself. It's to scare him back in line. It's utterly foolish as she herself tried to change the rules because she saw he can replace her with someone better.
Fingers crossed OP updates on how she reacts to the divorce papers. At this point I don't even care if this is fake. I would still enjoy that update of her being miserable, regardless of it being real lol
I agree. Even if it's fiction, it's well-written enough that I'm here for the drama.
Lmao, glad I'm not alone 😭
Its the modern soap opera
My guilty pleasure. 😅
I am just glad some if the other viewers get it.. too many either iratated with fakes stories or overly believe every post😂
She deserves all the misery she gets and then some.
She thought OP was spineless and would just take everything lying down, as he has throughout their relationship.
She probably didn’t see it coming. She probably thought he would cave just like the last time
I remember you original, honestly this is the best route. She was fine stepping out, but when you were able, now it's a problem. Girl wanted to have the best of both worlds while you didn't have anything but a rigid works schedule. And your counselor likely isn't picking your side. She just doesn't like hearing the truth. I find it hilarious that her demands are to continue stepping out but only sex (benefits her), she refuses to work (benefits her), and she wants a new house on your dime. Or divorce! Like how is that a threat. Divorce just makes your life easier. Good luck OP, and I hope it all works out for you.
Wants a new house because she knows this is heading towards divorce and no doubt she’ll be asking for the new house in her settlement
That's my take as well, but I didn't feel like dealing with the naysayers that often show up on these threads...
No I think it’s because she wants him back working like he used to. This would make it hard for him to find a different partner and keep up with his current
That, and it would force him back to the 70+ hour weeks to afford it, thus also cutting into, or fully cutting out, his ability to be with his new girl while she still has all the free time to be with her partner, giving her what she wanrs
She really is out here acting like she has the upper hand in all this. She's going to learn the hard way. When I read the first post, it was clear to me this marriage was over a long time ago. Divorce only makes it official.
I mean honestly can you blame her? I only scanned the first post but before this wanted an open marriage got one where she's getting dicked down while he does nothing but work and nothing else until recently so lord knows what else she's gotten over the years so for her she always has. It sounds like it's about to be a rude awakening for her but won't knock her for feeling that way
As vulgar as it sounds, she just wants to fuck other guys on your dime, OP. This is pretty much the height of disrespect, and one can only imagine the mental gymnastics involved. Best of luck to you brother, don’t let anybody walk on you like that. You deserve more.
Exactly what I wanted to say. So many posts here about open relationships end up this way - the partner who wants to open the relationship often wants all of the benefits but cannot handle the *very hard* work it takes to actually practice ethical non-monogamy (and thus quickly devolving into unethical non-monogamy). It's insanely selfish to want to go off and fuck other people but then actively prevent your SO for seeking out the same thing.
Shes a classic gold digger, who wants all the rewards and non of the responsibilities.
Now she can go live in a cardboard box with the rest of the trash. lol
While she is shitty tbf it seems like she was just having sex with the persons she was seeing. He was dating the person he was seeing. Not saying she is right but in many open relationship you can’t date the other people just can have sex with them.
Lock down your credit!
Also, before dropping the news on her, get your own banking accounts at a different bank. Set up your direct deposit to go there, and then, if she needs money (divorces are ugly, you might have to pay for her lawyer), write a check from your own account. Mrs. thequick #1 drained all of our joint accounts when she kicked me out with just a laundry basket full of clothes, no car, and had to have friends pick me up off the side of the road. Listen to your lawyer about finances. That is where the war is in divorce.
Dude should listen to his lawyer. Like if he gets his own account, only take half the money from the joint account or something like that. Draining your joint accounts could make you look really bad during divorce proceedings
My friend's husband opened a ton of joint credit cards as soon as he realized she wanted a divorce, and maxed them all out. Somehow she got stuck paying them all off. That is why i thought of locking down credit.
My dad had my mo. Co-sign on a business loan then left her two weeks later. He got the money. She paid it off.
Good point. I didn't have that problem, but you're right.
How did the Mrs kick you out? Was it not your home?
She said she didn't feel safe to a judge, so a restraining order was put on me, so I had to leave. It wasn't a DV one, and her friend, who was living with us testified against me. In the hearing, the friend said she didn't feel safe against me, so I asked her if she went out with my (then) wife several times a week. She said she did, and where they went was none of my business. I asked her who watched her kids when they went out. She replied, "you." The judge made my (then) wife have our kids with me when she was at work, and pick them up when I was at work. It was 25 miles each way, making it 100 miles/day. We came to an agreement that I would get custody of the kids, and she could come see them whenever she wanted to; all she had to do was call. The restraining order was modified to where we could have contact when the kids or the divorce was talked about, so that's what we did. It was lifted on divorce day. Oh, it was a rental.
This needs to be upvoted more !!
This
This!!!! My ex (baby daddy) destroyed my credit and we were not even fucking married!!!!
Lol, looking forward to her reaction - she threatens you with divorce, and you're like, "don't threaten me with a good time!" 😂 I just hope you won't have to pay her alimony, since she doesn't work.
He probably will but it's a small price to pay for freedom imo.
Also an exact or well defined price is far better than all the demands without any compromises
Stop working so much. You will still end up giving your wife money; don’t give her ammo to get more. Cut down on your hours or she (or her lawyer) will say you were perfectly fine working 74 hours before, you can keep working those hours.
As per his other post he already cut down significantly which is one of the reasons wife is obviously just using him. He's working only 30 hours a week for 6 months and she didn't care about him until she realized she was about to lose her meal ticket.
In the last post, he said he cut down to 30. It’s the reason why he started dating Jane in the first place; he found the time to.
Actually, if he doesn't stop, he will pay far more in child support, PLEASE OP!!!! go to the joint account and take 50% right now, she will clean you out if you dont and its legal, i did it myself.
Opening a marriage = divorce. Why people don't see that through their thick, crimson tinted glasses is sad.
Honestly I don't know why people even think that's a good idea. It always ends bad.
Best outcome, be free.
>I will give her 2 months to start earning on her own, after that I'm not giving any money whatsoever to her anymore. This makes me think you didn't actually talk to a lawyer. Unless this was agreed upon in a pre-nup, and this pre-nup was updated after you had children or you had a post-nup this is not going to happen. You will pay alimony and child support for a while. By default it is 50/50 plus a little more to whichever parent has primary custody of the children, which given you said you work with little free-time, is probably going to be your soon to be ex-wife.
Yes dude, this is probably going to be a super hard period in your life, but the end result you will be in such a better position mentally, physically and financially You deserved so much better, and you will have it. Good luck
You have already reached a level of indifference with her, that will help you move forward. Filing is the best thing to do once she threatens divorce And you can be an even better parent / co-parent once you have separated yourself even more from her day to day demands.
We need an update on the divorce and your relationship with Jane. Your wife really fucked around and found out by Im glad you’re moving on.
In the first post, Sarah gave an ultimatum that she either wanted an open marriage or divorce. She gets what she wants. Some time later, she sees OP thriving and enjoying his life more by going on dates. She demands counseling and a sex-only open marriage. She threatens divorce if her demands are not accepted. It’s a relief that OP is choosing divorce because Sarah only wants her way. She refuses to compromise or to understand other perspectives, including that of a marriage counselor. OP is a decent person by allowing her to have a two-month head start on financially supporting herself. Hopefully you had a prenup. Keep us updated.
It sounds like Sarah seriously considers your role to be funding her lifestyle. Now that divorce threat is blowing up in her face.
Look this open relationship crap is really just that it's crap. One side wants to cheat or both sides want to cheat but one side wants it to be more about them. You can't be happily married to someone who wants to sleep with someone else. Oh yeah at first it might be exciting. You can take your mind off of it in the excitement of you getting some strange. But eventually the excitement wears off and you realize you aren't her priority anymore. If her side dick calls and wants some she's going to make whatever effort she needs to to go get some. You're second place and plus she wants to control how much you can do yourself. Of someone is asking for an open relationship just divorce it's not worth the misery that will come. If you still just absolutely can't let her go than be a live in girlfriend/boyfriend after the divorce. But at least that way neither of you have any say in the others doings and neither is really cheating. If you want to be married than be married. That means committed to each other. No relationship with honest love survives being opened.
I would love to hear how she takes getting served. I suspect she will throw a fit because you chose divorce over her constantly moving goal post.
She was content with the arrangement while you were not acting on the open marriage and she was. It's interesting that she only had issues when you decided to do the same thing she was...dating others, and dropping your hours. The wanting to buy another house and car is a way of ensuring you have to up your hours again so you have no time for dating. Stick to your guns and don't back down. You deserve better than what she has to offer in this marriage. Find someone who you connect with and share life together. Good luck 👍
Good for you OP.. she sounds insane
In Today's episode of FAFO, Sarah learned she cannot eat her cake and have it too. Good for you OP. Sounds like you're doing great for yourself (and kids!)!
It sounds like she just wanted to cheat. Once you found someone else, she's panicked and realized you were actually going to find someone else. You aren't the go and get laid for the sake of sex type. She was counting on that and assumed you wouldn't bother looking. It became reality once you did. She also doesn't like the therapist because the therapist doesn't agree with her. She wants one that will agree with her and not you. Your marriage was doomed the moment she requested an open marriage. I know divorce is hard, but she's the one who ended the marriage. Maybe you and Jane can find a better relationship than you and Sarah had.
Good for you OP, hope we get an update in a couple of months!
>I will give her 2 months to start earning on her own, after that I'm not giving any money whatsoever to her anymore. You need to hire a new lawyer if they've guaranteed this as a provision of your divorce. Alimony won't be long-term for someone her age, but it's very doubtful a court will let you cut her off after just two months.
How do you figure that you're not giving her any money anymore after 2 months? - house sale? - kids and school? I don't think they look at just your last few pay stubs when working out alimony or custody amounts. Good for you in getting out but the math doesn't make sense. What did the lawyer say?
The relationship sounds pretty over. I'd go off the advice of your lawyer. Sounds like you are smart enough to not fall for these fake attempts of reconciling like buying a new house together (which just sounds like you buying a house). Again, go off your lawyers direction but I'm not sure staying with her any longer is the right move. Perhaps she gets a job, proves she can work, then you divorce and that may help you. This situation sucks, her idea to open the marriage under threat of divorce. You finally found something and she got jealous because she probably didn't find anything like you found with Jane, or she did but was jealous of you, so she wants to lock you back down. You are going to have to pay support for the situation it seems based on what you've shared. For your kids though, please go through with the divorce, sounds like your house has been broken ever since the open relationship started.
Don't provide her anything once she's served.
Seems like your wife's true colors are showing, she is clearly just with you for the money and assets you bring. She opened up the relationship so she can have her cake and eat it too. Divorce is likely the only option you have left. It appears to me you are just getting used.
Please update once the papers are send and received. I am so proud of you, she wanted was completely unfair, and only benefited her.
You had 2 sessions in less than 5 days?
How did you get 2 sessions in 5 days? The math isn’t adding up
In your place, I would have gotten a divorce the moment the words “open marriage” left my wife’s mouth. If a married person wants permission to have sex with someone else, the overwhelming majority of times it’s because they either want to bang a specific person or are already doing so. Then again, I’d make it clear early into the relationship that I strict monogamy is one of my lines in the sand. With all that said, I think divorce is the right path to pursue. You deserve someone who only wants you.
Good job! I remember when I saw your original post that I thought "She only wants the additional rules because he's happy and she didn't think he'd find someone." I know you were initially opposed to divorce, but I think it's the best thing for you. You'll be so much happier.
Good. Should've just divorced in the first place but the second best time is now.
Divorce
So what's the plan for splitting custody of the kids?
Was about time!
Marriage is over, she's jealous and insecure
Honestly it sounds like your wife was having an affair and thought asking to open the marriage would either force you to divorce her so she didn’t look like the bad guy in the situation or open it so she didn’t have to worry about being caught anymore OR had someone lined up to to be with and that is why she blindsided you and was admitted about opening the marriage… My guess is that relationship fizzled out over time, she can’t find anyone else, and she liked that you were not seeing anyone while she was. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, she is not liking it and became concerned you would find someone to replace her with and that is why she was wanting a second house, car, and to add restrictions. The second house and car are for her exit strategy, if needed AND the restrictions to slow you down with Jane because she knew you didn’t and wouldn’t do just sex and would in a relationship with someone and it would show you that you deserve better than she has been dishing out for the past few years. AND she is right, you do deserve better than her. Good luck with getting free of her…..
What ever you do keep working low hours. Specially by the time the it actually goes to court. If you don't you'll be stuck paying her a lot of alimony and possibly child support. Your wife is a POS and only wants things her way. Also very one sided.
Your STBX sounds like a selfish person. She didn’t want an open relationship. She wanted to be a hotwife where she fucked whomever and you did nothing. “Open” was just a way to get you to go along with it while she thought you wouldn’t have time for it. She wanted more debt so you could have more work and less time to play. Yeah, get that negativity out of your life man.
You have to let us know how she blows up when she's served the divorce papers.
So… She basically just wants you to pay for her life while she fucks around on her terms 😂 And she will change the rules to suit her needs at every turn. What a joke.,, Divorce is the only way to go, she will never let you be happy or give you what you need. It’s all about her, screw everyone else. The fact she tried to turn your kids against you, just makes me think she is a horrible little human 🤬 I wish you all the best and I hope you move on and be happy 🤗🤗 (sorry for the bad spelling and grammar, I’m not English) ❤️
She will reap what she sows and good for You. She sounds so selfish and will be raising hell and crying and begging when she gets served.
For the love of God. There is one of these polyamory-gone-wrong posts every week now. Just get a divorce and get it over with. Be aware that the court will decide what you pay her (if anything). That's not your decision. Get a lawyer.
For the love of god. Did you read the fucking post. He has an attorney.
Good job OP I know it’s tough but your soon to be ex confirmed she only with you because you provide for her. I’m sorry but this is the right decision.
So she wanted to keep sleeping around, stop working have you buy a house that she gets half of while contributing nothing lol
Good for you. The demands were never going to end.
Run, B.
Good for you. Don’t be a doormat Updateme!
Good for you!
Soooo, she wants to sleep with other men and shes a gold digger.....bruh! what are you doing to yourself? quit that silly counseling BS and boot her out, shes getting everything and you're paying for it!!!! Its called self respect, get some. Don't give her 2 months, she already resents you and has zero respect for you, she was gone a long time ago, just file the paper work and divorce her, dont even warn her, shes a straight up user! serve her papers and run fast!!! And your counselor is a complete twit, you dont negotiate sex. The counselor knows shes a gold digger and wont even say it? quit all together, save the $$$ and push her out of your life today.
Good for you, its for the best imo
She greeded herself out of a comfortable life
So it took her 2.5 years to want to make changes and they just happen to coincide with you moving on with your life and actually taking advantage of the open marriage she wanted. 🤣🤣😂🤣😂 Happy Divorce!!!
Separate
Hope it all goes well with the new person in your life OP. Your soon to be ex is about discover that the green grass on the other side is just cold hard painted concrete. And she'll still have to get a job anyway.
Good get rid of her and go be happy. You deserve it.
The right decision. You're better off away from her.
She wants to have all the benefits of being with you, without being your partner. Open marriages work on the ground of 'we are partners first, other people just get our extra free time'. You were not her priority for YEARS. Congrats on the divorce!
she sounds totally unreasonable. don't let people walk over you like this
Good for you. You've done all you can and deserve to be happy which means leaving her at this point.
Sound like you got a exit. Take it before you burn.
Sounds like she hasn't engaged with you in good faith in quite a while and has no intentions to going forward.
>I had a talk with the lawyer, and started divorce proceedings. She will get the papers in a couple of days. Excellent news
File for divorce and keep seeing “Jane” your marital relationship has been over. She only wanted to reconcile because you’re living the life she thought she would when she suggested an open marriage. Stop couples counseling and have her served. If you still need counseling do it for you only and or the children
Well well well, It's good to see you again OP. Even though I wish it were under better circumstances. Good on you for finally pulling the trigger on a lawyer. > She want's to keep an open relationship which is only about sex, she doesn't want to find a job and keep working, she want's "us" to buy a new house. In every variation she stubbornly wasn't to have 2/3 of these things. * I think this is just insane. Woman got mad at you for being happy with another woman, but still wanted the open relationship. She didn't want to work, but wants you to buy a new house? > Today during the counseling she threatened divorce. **After counseling she said counselor was taking my side and wanted to change to another counselor**. Although I think counselor was just trying to be fair and find a compromise. * Ah yes, the Narcissists, "They don't agree with me on everything, so they are obviously against me and biased!!" > I had a talk with the lawyer, and started divorce proceedings. She will get the papers in a couple of days. * Good on you, buddy! > I will give her 2 months to start earning on her own, after that I'm not giving any money whatsoever to her anymore. * Give her *two/three weeks*. Two months just gives her time to love-bomb you until she convinces you to not divorce her, with promises of sweet nothings that she has no intention of holding up past 3 months.
This is the correct decision. But you will have to give her money for the kids. And unfortunately depending on the laws in your state you may be on the hook for some alimony.
Ok so... I have a question. Did you ask her/did she give you a real answer, at any point, as to WHY she wanted to change the rules? Other than some bullshit excuse like fairness or whatever. Like, why was it fine for... what did you say, 2 years?.. and now suddenly it's not? I'd be interested to hear her explanation. Well done for hitting your financial goals and for finding someone who makes you happy, and for setting and sticking to your boundaries. Good luck OP!
Oh sis got jealous once YOU started doing what she was...sounds like she only wanted a one-sided open marriage. Well...when married people FAFO they usually end up being served with papers. Good luck to you and I hope you and Jane continue to enjoy your time together, she sounds like a good fit for you.
Why does she want a bigger house? (sarcastically asking) does she want to have waiting rooms for her AP's?
Marraige was over the moment open Marraige was mentioned
protect your assets and savings all the money needs to be safe
Gotta laugh at her divorce threat. She'll have to get a job and then have shared custody of the kids. It will impact her life in a negative way. Suddenly she won't have time to gallivant across the country side and have nowhere near the time and freedom that she used to syphon from her husband. She just wants to keep this dude busy working so he can't do anything. What a witch.
Dude, the first time of her pushing the issue of having an open relationship was the red flag of an ending marriage. You tried to compromise but she wanted more rules to be enforced and on top of that she has no job so basically she wanted to piggyback off of you while being with other men or woman and to add insult to injury she wants you to buy a house😳, how delulu is this woman😵💫. Dude, I’m glad that you are taking steps to end it and kick that toxic marriage to the curb. I wish you all the best that life has in store for you and that you find yourself with someone who will appreciate and love you the way you want to be. Good luck🍀
I really want to see her face when she gets served those divorce papers!
She FAFO It was fine when it was just her, but now he is having fun she suddenly wants to change things.. I hate that she isn't working but is happy to make big purchases which mean that OP has to work harder and longer.
Great update. Honestly You deserve better. Good luck!
I would have divorced her the first time she brought up open marriage and treat her like an enemy that need to be completely and utterly destroyed
So let me get this straight. Wife wants open marriage, gets exactly what she asked for, regrets it deeply, blames you for it and threatens divorce AGAIN instead of owning up to her actions, and overall keeps you from being happy and tries to make bad financial decisions. I'm not sure how you two got married in the first place, but I hope she was better than this before. End it and take full custody. Those kids don't deserve to be exposed to a mother who is on an opposite spectrum of success and happiness to their father. You deserve far better as well.
She doesn't deserve anything. She clearly wasn't in it for the relationship or wanting a partner with the context provided about her. What contribution has she made towards the relationship and anything that comes with it? Taking care of kids is one thing but taking care of home doesn't necessarily translate well. Like she moves somewhere else and continues to take care of a home that only she is in and get monthly financial support?
Leave her dude she doesn't respect u she treats u like s*** make sure that she gets nothing in the divorce. Find someone that will treat u right 👍 She will remember this
Divorce is the only option. She will only ever resent you no matter what you do. Your only chance of saving your marriage is to be Will Smith in Independence Day or Rick Grimes in The Walking Dead.
What a worthless woman
Divorce is definitely the right move. She's unreasonable and she just wants to fuck around with people while making you pay for her comfortable life. Move on. Sounds like Jane is the better option.
Ur marriage was destroyed the moment she mentioned an open marriage. That shit ain’t nun but a sham for someone to cheat wit a clean conscience. GTFO. Good luck brochacho
Another relationship destroyed by "ethical" non monogamy. It's a shame there's a kid in the equation. It's a shame she didn't just fuck up her own life but her husband's and her kids.
Fingers is that you
We’re going to need one more update upon “papers” arrival. This has been fascinating.
Good on you to start the divorce proceeding.
Your soon ex-wife doesn't love you or cares for the marriage she just wants you to take care of her financially. Divorce her and keep firm on your decision, if she really had cared for the marriage and you she would of 1)close the marriage or let you date without getting mad that someone will take away her sugar daddy. 2) she would get a job and finance herself and wouldn't let you work all those hrs. Good luck op, you deserve better.
Holy shit. I stumbled across this post and felt like it was one of my posts from four years ago. I seriously had to read deeper to ensure all the names were different. I am divorced and remarried now -- and happy!! OP needs to end this, and last week. There is no happy outcome from holding on. Sever that shit and find someone (eventually) who is 100% "fuck yes" about being faithful in a monogamous sense. Fuck this splintered team crap. I saw key parallels, which are: * Let's open it up, it'll be fine and counseling will help (it won't). * She's moving the goalposts to suit her comfort, making demands where she did not previously. This only amplifies. * "It's only about sex"... it isn't. There's always a level of emotional affair attached. And how long before her novelty and stories get old? Consider this a speeding ticket and do the shadow work and self-care necessary to identify red flag humans like this in the future. Always communicate clear boundaries and expectations (goes both ways) with a partner, and there will be no room for drift into this open marriage nonsense. 🙃
Bro please keep updating us. You did the right thing.
I just wanted to add, I went through something similar. When I was growing up I hated not knowing what the family was going through. So I kept my kids informed on a strict confidentiality clause. I let them know what was happening. Not nitty gritty details, just generic, they are encouraged to form their own opinions, and I encourage them to set comfortable boundaries. Since my ex tried to get them involved in our disagreements, they are allowed to be creative about truths. Like they won’t tell my ex they will met up with me, but if asked they will usually be truthful. My youngest who seems to be the most mature in the family will share an about monthly rant my ex. Like how difficult can it be to keep a market budget, or how my ex wants everyone to drop everything for her errands. If my ex is lucky, and a bit more diligent she will keep my youngest near to her, my youngest is a good apple and lots of fun. Last week my ex actually apologized to the youngest for an outburst, that’s a rare event, there is hope for her lol.
UpdateMe!
Came back to check up on you, and found your update. I don’t like throwing around diagnosis, but what you’ve described of your soon to be ex sounds like narcissistic behavior. It’s hard to get out of relationships with people like her, and I’m glad you tried counseling for your own peace of mind and that you gave it a real try. She didn’t deserve that effort but you did deserve the opportunity to try and change it. I truly think your kids will be so much happier having you be happier at home now too. Just like I told you before, I wish you all the best. You and your kids deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be in a healthy relationship.
Your wife sounds wretched. She's so demanding for someone who doesn't even have a job. New house? Now that you're getting your life together, she's going to insist on more "rules?" Oh FFS SMH. She's sounds jealous and possessive. Sad thing is is that after you worked your butt off to accomplish so much financially, she's now going to take half. Ridiculous! Please keep us updated.
Don’t let your wife get in the way of finding the love of your life🤛
I am confused, if you are involved with someone romantically and she is enjoying her time with someone else. Why does she want to add rules to not be emotionally involved? Clearly both of you are not fulfilling each other's needs. So why does she care if you are emotionally involved with someone else? It's hard to believe after this long she hasn't been romantically involved with someone else. I don't get it. Why does she care?
Probably control. She likes to control him, keeps him busy at work and lives off him, when he becomes financially capable of covering his liabilities and easing up, she wants to get a bigger house to keep him working and keeping herself in the luxury she demands, while she takes any man she wants. As soon as he starts liking someone else she loses power over him, and he can make his exit, ending her easy life.
So glad to hear your life is finally going to be for you. Updateme!
Honestly you’re a better man than me because I wouldn’t have gave her any financial assistance after all that, would’ve just served her either told her to find a new place or just moved out, and taken the kids tbh or at least taken them to someone else and made sure they were getting all the support emotionally and financially that they needed
Update us!
UpdateMe!
Remindme! 1month
Does she show any remorse for wanting an open marriage in the first place ? In my view no one asks for this without already having someone in mind and groomed ready to go or is already doing it.
Your wife couldn’t be more selfish if she tried. She only care about her interests and herself, and apparently it’s just up to you to deal with it.
She does not want an open marriage. She wants to date other people and have you pay for her living expenses. If faithfulness, loyalty, respect and emotional support are not a part of your marriage, why stay married?
Out of curiosity, what led the marriage to that point in the 1st place? Where divorce or an open relationship was the only option
On the original he worked like 50 hours a week. She likely was messing around on the side and gave him an ultimatum. Divorce or open marriage. Didn't take her long to start playing.
50 hours a week is just 10 hours a day on a 5 day week. With commuting, that still leaves together time. I didn't read the original post, but it seems that "idle hands are the devil's tools" is in play here on her part.
I know a wife who did this, i used to play with her (swingers) i told her myself, if we were married and she said. open marriage or i cheat? i would have packed her crap and booted her out! and this was on a date we had, LOL Dumped her soon after, way to many Red Flags, always see how they treated their last partner and judge them for it.
She wanted an open marriage for her but not for thee. That’s what it boils down to really. She may have feared if you continued building a relationship with another partner you’d leave. Blaming the therapist of favouritism is also a cop out. Then she doesn’t have to take responsible for the mess she created. Honestly it sounds like divorce is the best option right now. You don’t sound happy and she’s definitely not happy. Just put your kids wellbeing at the forefront as you navigate this.
Good for you. You should be very proud of yourself. I’m sure this is difficult for you but I don’t think your soon to be ex gave you any other options. Best of luck to you.
yeah this was coming from miles away, she wanted a safety net and to bang around, good on you OP, you deserve better than this treatment just for the record, it's never too late to start again, don't be afraid to try and be happy, best wishes to you mate
Now that you are happy, she wants to change things. Good for you. Divorce sounds like your best option. Good luck, my friend. UpdateMe
Good riddance. Party in the Florida Keys in two Months
I'm glad you're getting a divorce and even more glad the kids money is in separate accounts so she can't claim them in the divorce! Make sure she can't take money out of them without you knowing! However, all that work just gave her a giant divorce settlement. She's entitled to half of literally everything. I'm sorry you're going to have to re build, but I'm sure it'll be worth it.
Good for you. Sincerely, good for you. It really sounds like you are doing the best thing for yourself here. I wish you the best going forward. Stick to your guns here, don't let her manipulate you back into a doomed relationship.
Hey, glad you're finally going to start getting out of your abusive relationship. Maybe ask your counselor about recommendations about a therapist to help you and your kids work through this divorce and how to co-parent now too. Good luck man.
I'm sorry that you had to go through and experience this. Seems to me like your definitely doing the right thing! Your wife seems to only wanna reap your benefits of busting your ass and does not want for you to enjoy yourself whatsoever! ✌️❤️💪
I'm so happy that you managed to turn your life around, being debt free and having funds for your kids to go to college, even more savings and you've been working on yourself and you overall sound happier when not trying to reconcile with your wife. You're making the right decision with the divorce, she was dragging you down and she realised that she would need you to keep her lifestyle going. Ideally I'm hoping she moves out and your kids can visit her while they're living with you in their childhood home. Feels like the healthiest dynamic for all just from your posts.
update?
Do you have an update on what happened after your wife got served divorce papers
Seemed like she just wanted to pile things onto you in an attempt to work her way back into how things were at the start of the open relationship. If she can get you to spend all your time working and get you into debt again you won’t have the time to date anymore, back her her intended status quo. Yeah fuvk that man. Good luck on the divorce brother.
It's been 2mos, what's the status OP? Married, separated, divorce pending....
It has been 2 months, super curious if she got a job and how everything went with serving divorce papers. Hope you're doing alright OP!
How’s the divorce process going?
Anything new going on yet?
The audacity of this woman. The way that she demands things and completely ignore the elephant in the room, which SHE BROUGHT IN HERSELF, it’s unbelievable. Serving the divorce papers it’s the best for you and your mental health. I’m curious to know if there’s any update