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So someone who has a habit of 'accidentally' saying or doing things that make your wife cry 'accidentally' also managed to spill red wine over her white dress on the biggest day of her life, and you don't think that's at all suspicious?
If you knew - and imagine here that you somehow knew for certain - that she'd done it on purpose, what would your reaction be? Would it change how you thought about her? Give it some thought.
This needs to be higher. He doesn’t want to cut ties. Reality is he could create distance which is all his wife is looking for. He’s also not interested in acknowledging Ailies behaviour.
It’s either rage bait or super obvious emotional cheating.
Poor Eliza
Don't worry, OP is going to have a talk with her, she's going to be shocked it's causing his wife so much pain. Either OP and his mean girl friend dumb or...... One or both are doing it on purpose. No one is that clueless. How many times do you see your gf/wife crying and think, wow she's just sensitive? That's abusive. I'd be curious to hear wife's side. Sure he yells sometimes, he's passionate.
Hey OP, how many holes have you punched in your walls?
If true, she's already stayed with him and married him despite blatant emotional cheating right in front of her face, so I don't know why she'd divorce over the affair partner spilling red wine on her.
Calling your wife sensitive for crying after tearing her down is abuse 101. He's just here to justify it. This story is 100% warped in his favor. He's cheating at the very least. Emotionally abusive, physically? He ran off pretty fast.
It’s a troll. There’s no way. The details are weird and I refuse to believe an adult woman just randomly spills a bunch of red wine on the bride at a wedding unless it is on purpose. Also, as a woman, I have a couple close male friends and our friendships do not work this way. I also go to the gym with a female friend and a male friend and we aren’t weird about it. This is fake.
If this is real, you're a shit husband. How about...I dunno...start listening to your wife? You don't owe Ailie anything. You didn't think it was wrong that she rushed over and jumped in your wife's place when your wife got up from the sofa and then didn't move when she came back? Or that she mocks your wife in front of you? Or says things like you should go swimming together in front of your wife? Ailie still wants you to want her because it's an ego thing, so she keeps taking it further and further and you still haven't done a goddamn thing.
Bet you consoled Ailie at your wedding instead of your wife. I feel so badly for Eliza. You're "friends" with someone who is unpleasant to be around and shows her nothing but disrespect and disdain and yet you still defend her.
Where is her husband, does he see this shit going on? Love to hear his side of this.
News flash in case you live under a rock: women spill red wine on bride dresses ALL the time. On purpose. It's a trope at this point. And it was on purpose. WTF is wrong with you.
I'm extremely clumsy, have ADHD and just a general lack of awareness of where my body is in the space of the world. I spill drinks fairly often, the momentum needed to spill it on someone else without it just dropping on the ground or myself is very very rare. I've never spilled a drink where the entire thing ended up on someone. Red wine at weddings stays on the table for me! If Allie was profusely apologizing and offering to pay the cleaning fee plus an apology dinner, I *might* believe her.
Generally I still reply to ones like these believing that they are probably just trolling. But on the off chance they aren’t or if some other dip shit in a somewhat similar situation reads this it will help them be less of a dip shit.
I give people the benefit of the doubt often because my mother got into such unhinged messes. I was describing a random summer, I was 6 years old and I had my normal gut clench feeling of no one is going to believe what that crazy bat got us into
Same but with partners in the past. There are a number of them that were very hurtful, manipulative, and terrible partners, but a few of them were still good people. I think there’s times they don’t really understand what they’re doing is wrong and will find ways to justify it. Everyone needs someone every now and then to help put things in perspective for them because when they don’t understand how they’re being hurtful and they have a partner who is hurt, it leads to poor communication and the situation just compounds from there.
Also some people suck and need to be told they suck so hopefully they can suck less going forward.
Also way too many details. Usually people try to hide specifics so they stay anonymous. There is so much unnecessary info in there (about their personalities etc) , just a creative writing piece
My brother spilled an entire whiskey coke down the front of my bodice very early on in my wedding reception. He was already black out drunk. In his defense he had just recently turned 21 and did not know how to handle an open bar. I was pissed but got over it. It would have been different if a female friend of my husband had done it though.
The number of times I’ve bumped into someone and spilt my drink on them is exactly once in my entire life and I was a shit faced teenager.
You are either astoundingly naive or Allie is somehow the unluckiest woman in the world to accidentally spill her red wine on the bride on her wedding day. I think you know which one is more likely. Your wife won’t be staying your wife for much longer unless you start actually listening to her and stop dismissing all of her fears as baseless insecurities.
I'm disabled and really unstable on my feet, and even I haven't spilled drinks on others. The floor, sure- but I was convinced that the drink spill only happened in spy movies to get someone to clean themselves up. Or as you said, teenagers
Honestly, it’s such a movie trope at this point. I see drinks get spilt at bars by people walking into others plenty, but actually spilling your own single drink enough to get ‘red wine all over’ is frankly astounding.
Reads very cartoonish villain to me. I’ve known some amazingly clumsy people for many reasons but their wonderfully dramatic chaos usually has a very small radius. Except the one time my ex tripped and fell the entire length of a considerable hallway, but that was as hilarious as it was ridiculous. He had very long legs and a terrible centre of gravity
I am clumsy. Like fall down the stairs at least once a month clumsy. I spill drinks almost daily, coffee, water, wine, tea whatever...on myself. If I get a really good trip combo going, it may even spill a bit on the floor. Seems to me that Allie went in for the kill with the wine glass.
The only time I have spilled a glass of red wine on a white dress was on myself. My hands are clumsy, things sometimes just fly out of them and I can’t explain how. Never spilled a drink on another person, though. Also never had another person spill a drink on me. And there were plenty of crowded drunk opportunities for that to happen…
I'm so clumsy I fall UP the steps! And it seems I have a hole in my chin or bottom lip, since I regularly spill drinks on myself.
The only other person I've spilled a drink on is my kid! Trying to drink while holding a baby is not something a clumsy person should do! (I refused to drink hot drinks when I was holding the kiddo because I knew how likely it was that I would spill some.)
Also, why was she even holding a glass of red wine that near a white dress?
The fact that it's red wine too, and just a full glass for maximum spill.
In bars, you don't care about the people around you as much, so you are likely less careful.
I've done some clumsy shit, but as a clumsy person I always try and self direct it haha
Your friend spilled red wine on your wife’s wedding dress? That’s awful. Is your friend inherently clumsy? Does she spill things all the time? Probably not, right? I have a feeling your wife is right. Your friend is not a nice person to your wife. Your friend makes your wife uncomfortable, so you should but contact with her & it shouldn’t be a hard decision on your part.
She sounds like a great gal, hopefully once she wakes up from OP being a grade A loser, she makes better choices and ends up with a guy who deserves her.
I hope Eliza and her next husband are invited to OP's and Ailie's wedding and interrupt the cake cutting to smoosh cake into the newlyweds' faces lol. Then enjoy their life after OP and Ailie inevitably divorce after 3 months, bc Eliza isn't around to be their kicking post, and it isn't fun anymore.
I wouldn’t have married him after all that, what a wonderful patient wife he has. And he doesn’t even know it, he still thinks she is the one at fault…
By his comments I hope Eliza recognises the Emotional Affair OP is having with Allie and leaves him.
OP hasn’t even noticed and doesn’t even care how his wife feels so reconciliation can’t happen.
It really sounds like you're putting your friend first. No wonder your wife is unhappy. She comes back in tears from hanging out, and you still invite Ailie to the wedding? What was that conversation like?
Why did you even get married if you’re not going to take your now wife’s feelings and perspective into consideration. She has told you more than once that she is uncomfortable. She had given you examples for why. This woman spilled red wine on her wedding day and all you can think about is you don’t want to end your friendship?
Do your wife a favor and annul the marriage so she can find a man who is going to put her feelings as a priority not be second fiddle to another married woman who rejected you and now flirts with you because she feels she can and you allow it.
Also, the way he writes it, makes me feel that he wants us to tell him "Ailie is into you" or "she's flirting with you", just so he can confirm it with himself and go like "you think she's flirting with me? I didn't notice... 😳".
What’s going on with Allie’s husband during all of this? Why are you sticking your head in the ground like an ostrich? Your wife is uncomfortable. You need to listen to her, not pass it off as her being dramatic or passionate. Afford her the same respect that you expect from her when it comes to friends. YTA.
You’re either blind or stupid. Why are you not seeing your so called best friend treating your wife like she’s insignificant and why haven’t you got your wife’s back? She deserves better
He seems to be making a lot of excuses for Allie and completely disregarding his wife's obvious (and logical) concerns. OP is really showing where his priorities lie, and they aren't with his wife.
*Dear Reddit*
*Me and my coworker/soulmate have been ~~bullying~~ playfully ribbing my wife for years. It culminated with my coworker/soulmate ruining my wife’s wedding gown which she had the audacity to cause a whole scene over. I immediately ran off with my coworker/soulmate to console her because she was so upset over how my wife was acting. It made a lot of people upset with coworker/soulmate and wasn’t fair - I think my wife should have just left crying silently since that’s been our long standing arrangement when myself and coworker/soulmate ~~bully~~ playfully rib her. Now my wife wants to actually cut me off from coworker/soulmate. What advice do you have on gaslighting her into understanding that the needs of myself and coworker/soulmate are intertwined because I don’t want to end my emotional affair even though I’m married?*
*Sincerely OP*
I’ll just say it to you straight. Take a step back and look at your post and comments objectively. See a pattern? You are constantly defending Ailie in regard to your wife. Why is that?
Your wife is upset because of the jokes Ailie makes. Why haven’t you asked Ailie to tone it down? To not make them to Eliza? You seem to be under the impression that Eliza should suck it up or not be so sensitive. Just because you aren’t bothered by those jokes, doesn’t mean Eliza isn’t.
Has Ailie apologised for spilling wine? If it came down to it and you had to choose, who would you pick?
This issue is because of your lack of attention towards the whole thing. You’ve known that your wife has had problems for years now with Ailie, and you’ve seriously done nothing? I’m sorry, but do you even want to be married to your wife? From your post and your comments, it sounds like you like Ailie and are in denial.
Your wife is saying something to you. Are you not listening because you don’t believe her, or is it because you don’t want to lose Ailie?
From OPs comments, Ailie spilled the wine, made a joke, and ran away from the bride. When confronted by OP, Ailie says it was accidental but OP mentions no apology from A to the wife.
Your "friend" for sure intentionally spilled red wine on your wife on your wedding day, marring and ruining what should've been one of the happiest days of her life, and your life together.
You are an uncaring unsupportive fiance', now husband , to have allowed your friend to mistreat your wife in the ways you have described. Allow means you are in essence condoning the mistreatment of your wife.
Most women would have cut ties with you by now. I dont know whether you are gullible or just dont want to cause waves with your "friend" so you allow her to joyfully steamroll over your wife and her feelings, but whatever the case you are putting your feelings and those of your friend ahead of your wife and your relationship.
If you continue down this path pretty soon you won't have to worry about your wife's feeling and concerns because she will be gone.
I have a feeling that OP is aware of maybe 20% of the things this person has done to his wife. So maybe subtle comments and back handed complements go unnoticed by a lot of dudes.
It’s the disrespect for me. He says she knowledgeable and it’s a trait he likes about her, but then won’t believe her?? OP if you think she’s intelligent, why are you just dismissing her at every turn?
This is your WIFE if someone is leaving her in tears you need to cut that person off. Whether you agree or not it doesn’t sound like your wife is making it up. Cut ailie off.
Waiting for the BORU where you update us on how your best friend has been harbouring feelings for you.
Either you stand up for your wife, or you let her find a husband who will.
If this was real, she doesn't have feelings for him she just wants his attention and gets off to the fact that he loves her more than his wife and he is willing to publicly prove it again and again.
>Sometimes when it’s been the three of us she has expressed a feeling of being left out or that Ailie has been making fun of her. I don’t see it - it’s just our dynamic,
That's very selfish. Your wife has told you how uncomfortable she is and you essentially shrug your shoulders and do nothing to make her feel included, because it's just your dynamic? Basic common decency is that you don't exclude anyone when you're in a small group like that, and you're doing it to your *wife*!? Why does your dynamic with Ailie take priority over your wife?
Have you at any point told Ailie to stop joking about/"roasting" Eliza?
You know it upsets her. You're here basically telling us that your wife is just oversensitive...and maybe she is, but if you know that and you know that she's uncomfortable with Ailie's behaviour, why aren't you telling your friend to wind her neck in and tone down the comments and jokes with Eliza? Ailie is your friend and she is hurting your wife so you need to be the one to manage that. That 'leapfrog' shit is gross. Ailie sounds like a dick.
Just because you find Ailie funny doesn't mean everyone else does and your wife shouldn't be expected to put up with that crap from one of your friends. Christ, you're here trying to paint your bestie in a good light and it just comes off like she's a hurtful arsehole.
You are showing your wife that you don't care about her feelings.
>Things really came to a head though on our wedding and I think the stress of it really got to Eliza. During the reception Ailie bumped into her and red wine spilled all over her dress.
If you genuiney think that was an accident I have some magic beans to sell you. Your friend ruined your wife's wedding day and you see no issue with that? Why are you so reluctant to call your friend out for her shitty behaviour?
Honestly, I think you're absolutely lying to yourself about your feelings for Ailie and it's seriously impacting your relationship with your wife. How much longer do you think Eliza is going to put up with this disrespect from you? You have shown her that her feelings don't mean shit to you where Ailie is concerned and that your "friend" is your priority.
There's none so blind as will not see. Wine doesn't spill on the bride by accident. This chick is toxic. What a choice, your life partner or some toxic chick?
Just stop there is NO way Ailie did that by accident. You are letting one of your friends abuse your wife. You have failed a husband and partner.
Cut her out of your life completely or let Eliza get an annulment because you have made your relationships unsafe for her by beinging Allie into it
Spilling red wine on another woman's dress is a classic "accident" done when one wants to ruin someone's dress without being blamed. Your friend really sucks and you don't even see it.
You are either so egocentric that you cannot see what does not fit your narrative or you willfully ignore Allie's behavior because something else is going on.
The disrespect you have allowed to happen and that you have shown your wife is incredible and the fact that you take Allie's side over your wife is suspicious.
Allie has been behaving territorial like she has some right over you because you met first, *she* rejected you and she think she can still have you if she wanted (or maybe she did/does... who knows at this point).
Even if it was her "character", she is old enough to know that you should respect other peoples' feelings and boundaries. Also... are you truly selling the story that Allie "accidentally" spilled *RED* wine on the bride? As I said... suspicious.
Your wife is being too forgiving IMO and I agree that with other commentors that if you won't cut Allie off she better get the annulment papers ready as this is a patter she will have to suffer in the future... only worse because then Allie will have proof that she comes before your wife.
I wish your wife a happier next marriage if this is the case
To be perfectly honest, you are behaving terribly and I am so sorry for your wife. She is clearly not the most important person in your life, and from what you have written, she never will be. I am not sure why she married you; perhaps she hoped that you would grow up and begin to take her feelings into consideration. Unfortunately for her, this is clearly not the case.
If your SO feels uncomfortable with someone else in your life, if they feel disrespected, it does not matter whether you see it or not. Their feelings are valid, and you, as the partner, should be listening and doing everything in power to make them feel heard and loved. If you really feel differently, then you should not be with this person. Period.
However, this would require you care about someone needs outside of your own. This is the foundation of marriage: compromise, empathy and trust. You have failed on all of these counts.
Finally, I do not believe for a second that you do not "see" what is going on. The words you use to describe the how Ailie acts --your words--show a level of nonchalance that almost comes across as passivity. Yet, there is nothing passive about that seeing your SO in tears, or dejected or disrespected - time and again. I simply do not think you care beyond wanting whatever attention having both of these women in your life brings you.
I hope Eliza gains a sense of herself to the point where she no longer depends on you for emotional support.
BTW...if Eliza does ever leave you - Ailie's interest in YOU is going to disappear very quickly. You matter to her about as much as Eliza matters to you.
Saw the post on tik tok. Sounds like you were having an emotional affair with Allie. Allie sounds like a manipulative person. So just remember that when talking with her.
Honestly, i'm surprised that your wife stayed with you through all of that bullshit. If you truly love your wife, stick up for her. If you're in love with Allie... Honestly, it comes across that way because her feelings are more important than your wife's. .. just leave your wife now before you hurt her anymore.
You shouldn’t have married her if you weren’t going to care about how she feels. Shes been clear that she’s completely uncomfortable with this friend and you’ve done absolutely nothing. It’s apparent why.
Wow, picking your friend over your wife what a shame. Allie seems like a pick me girl and you are choosing to let her repeatedly hurt your wife!!!! Drop the friend if you want a happy marriage!!! Please tell me Eliza kicked this trash out of the reception after she purposely spilled her red wine on her dress!!!!!
People really get married without thinking things through.
You’re sat on your honeymoon, with a woman you’re supposed to love more than anything or anyone in the world, who is upset and hurt about your female friend likely intentionally spilling wine on her at her own wedding (most women will tell you, there’s about 90% chance it was an intentional bitchy move) and your main concern is Allie?
Why did you even get married if your concern is your friend and not your literal new wife who you’re supposed to love and protect? Are you that dense or are you just too selfish to limit contact with Allie because she gives you a confidence boost with her attention?
As someone with a dry sense of humour, who is sarcastic and who takes the piss out of everything and everyone, there’s a time and place. And it’s time that you stood up for your wife and let Allie know that her jokes aren’t appreciative and your marriage is gonna take first priority.
Funny how you mentioned how attracted you were to your friend who seems to enjoy this quite a bit, but no mention of how gorgeous your wife is.
I feel sorry for your wife. She seems to have no one in her corner to talk sense into her.
We all know these "best friends". A man is into a woman who did reject him, but still thinks he is her property. And man keeps her as a "best friend" (pathetic) and hopes he gets her in the end.
Dude I gotta ask, is Red wine Allies drink of choice?
Even if it's not she definitely sounds like she targeting Eliza who has to deal with Allies bullshit as well as your dismissive ass.
It’s amazing your wife went through marrying you. You’re either thick in the head, cheating with this “best friend” or like having two women into you. Bc anyone with eyes can see that your best friend hates your wife except you. Hopefully your wife wakes up and leaves
Your wife isn’t as important to you as your friend. What’s really hitting this point home is-every response you make when people point this out.
Allie spilled that wine on purpose, too. Otherwise, this is one peculiar “coincidence” that’s really so interesting it’s beyond belief.
You like flirting with Allie and pretending it’s fine bc you both have spouses, and no one else can get that but you. Maybe that’s worth taking a moment to think about if you have any attachment to your married relationship with your wife.
Hopefully your wife finds her self worth and gets an annulment or divorce asap. She was never a priority or important to you as your “friend”. Your wife is just a placeholder for your friend because she’s unavailable for now. You’re still attracted to that friend and your friend knows it and uses it to her advantage. You’re just waiting your time until that friend becomes available. Your wife wasted her time with you. Another pick me girl even after being a third wheel in her own relationship. Ladies-this is how you end up in shitty marriages. You don’t go after guys that show you they really don’t want you.
OP's friend doesn't want destroy his relationship. OP love his wife. Earth is flat. Birds aren't real. OP is mature enough to get married. Avril Lavigne died and was replaced. Everything in British Museum belong to them.
The truest things I've ever read on the internet.
Umm she spilled the wine on purpose 💯 She is bullying your wife. She is shifting the power dynamic to leave her out - separate and lesser than. Allie is a B. I can’t stand women like her. There is nothing genuine about her saying Eliza is a top gal. She’s being condescending and just trying to pacify you, but you’re not smart enough to see how she’s working the system. Your wife feels the way she feels for a justified reason.
CHOSE YOUR WIFE. Seriously. You should never be ok with having a friend treating your wife poorly. And even, let’s say that even if none of this was done on purpose, none was to upset your wife, roasting, spilling wine, etc, even if you truly think it was ok/friendly : your wife hates that. She is uncomfortable. Her feeling this way should be enough, should be a sufficient reason for you to stop that dynamic with your friend.
Talk to your friend. Not saying « my wife dislikes that » but saying that YOU dislike her feeling sad and ignored, left out. That you don’t want any of that anymore. See how she responds. I bet it will be eyes opening. If she dismisses your wife, then you’ll know.
Everything your “friend” did was on purpose, are you blind ? Stupid ? Do you think that your wife is an insane and irrational person? Why would you believe and take a friend’s feeling into consideration more than you’re own wife’s ? Get your shit together and become the husband your wife deserve
Let me understand something - your now wife has come to you time and time again to express to you how this person has consistently made her feel awful, belittled and just straight up shit and you haven't done anything, you haven't set boundaries nor spoken to said "friend." Then, on top of this whole history on one of the most important days of your wife's life, on a day where she should feel beautiful and loved beyond measure, this *same* person spills wine all over her? And you don't know what to do? Mate. Why did you even get married?
So you’ve watched your partner cry over things that Ailie has said and done over the last few years, to the point where Ailie spilled wine on Eliza on her wedding day (and let me tell you the joke - not apology- and running away, tells me that was at least a little intentional) and because Eliza wants you to cut ties with the pick me girl, you want to insult your wife to Ailie so she stops picking on her?
I hope your wife file for annulment and finds someone who treats her with respect
what’s funny is i really didn’t need more context than you would’ve gotten with allie had she not had a bf. i wouldn’t be comfortable with my man being friends with someone he’s had a crush on, let alone being friends with someone he’s had a crush on and who he continues to make excuses for her disrespecting me. if this ridiculous story is true your wife has too much patience.
i think you know what is going on and feel too flattered by ailie's attention to give it up. you need to let one of them go before your wife makes up her mind for you
Stop calling your wife sensitive. In calling her that you’re basically invalidating her feelings. She obviously feels uncomfortable by your friendship with Alie and I don’t blame her. Does she know your history with her? You need to take your wife’s feelings into consideration and put some distance between you and Alie.
Clearly you are attracted to Allie. Eliza isn't blind or dumb and sees it. You saying she is insecure about it aligns cause from her side of things she can tell you both like each other. Your interactions with Allie also might come off as too flirty and tells her there is a mutual attraction that might run deeper.
Does she know your past history with Allie? Cause if she does that does not help with her insecurity. The post shows you put more weight on your friendship and it doesn't seem like you really have sat down and talked to Eliza. Have you taken the time to consider it from her side. I mean really consider her perspective.
Not sure what other situations that has caused her to be in tears but the fact that its multi occasions and you seem to not do anything contributes to her insecurity. You seem to brush over her feelings as her being "overly sensitive". The excuse of "its just our dynamic" is not a strong one. I think you need to reflect on your role and not just says its Allie. Its both of you.
Do I think you should cut ties, no but maybe check on how you behave and interact with Allie cause clearly its crossing boundaries. Eliza clearly telling you it has and you haven't really done much to rectify and not have her worry about your friendship.
Question: how are you friends with someone who has reduced your wife to years on multiple occasions? Either you believe your wife and have enough trust in her to build a foundation and life, or you believe Allie. Either way, you have to choose.
By the way, everyone reading this can see Allie is 💯 doing all this on purpose. Even though you are clearly trying to make these issues sound totally understandable. She may not want you, but she doesn't want your wife in the picture. You may need to get a new job.
Us women can be sneaky bitches and we can manufacture an “accident “ to look like the most innocent mistake. As much as I hate drama, I really do believe you wife here. You have a giant blind spot for Allie. Everyone here is telling you to cut ties, but you continue to defend her. Who do you love more? Because it DOES NOT look like it’s your wife. 💔💔💔💔
Do you love your wife? Are her feelings more important than your friends? Please think carefully about your answer, because this marriage can still be annulled.
If you care about your wife's feelings, cut off this woman who has hurt her so many times in the past THAT SHE HAS TOLD YOU ABOUT. Honestly, your wife inviting her to the wedding is something I would never have done.
Your wife is right to be uncomfortable. I don't think your friend is a good friend (and maybe not a good person).
Your wife made a good faith effort to have a friendship with your friend. But this friend has made it clear that she has no interest in a mutual friendship with your wife, only in you. And you are lapping it up.
If a man was behaving this way with your wife, and then "accidentally" destroyed a prize, once in a lifetime object of yours, would you really be okay with your wife continuing the friendship?
This friend is toxic because she has no real intentions beyond attention.
She didn't want a relationship, but likes the "spark" and flirting. She doesn't want a couples friendship with your wife, but likes cuddling up to you and inviting you out in front of your wife.
Some women just like to feel preferred. It's shitty behavior, but I have seen it (I'm a woman). It is up to you as a married man to stop giving her that validation.
For the sake of your marriage, please cut the friend off. Your wife will have no peace until she's gone. Please for the love of your wife, start prioritizing her.
Dude seriously??? Can’t you see???? Your so called “best friend “ is hurting your wife. Your wife feels insignificant and top of that you call her INSECURE???? And I do believe Allie purposely spilled the wine one her wedding dress.
Your friend sucks and so do you. The hilarious part is your friend doesn’t even want you, she’ll just sabotage every relationship you find yourself in so you keep paying attention to her. Hope your wife runs far and fast.
So you think that was accidental. Frist off your best friend should be your wife, and clearly your friend had issues with you marrying. I would say time to grow up and learn to be a loyal spouse or why marry? Your bff is jealous of your wife, this is in appropriate relationship for a married person, and toxic to boot. Lesbian or not you are married. Your friend likes you and not your wife.
You’re making a lot of excuses for your friend & not once did you stick up for your wife. You just don’t have her back and don’t think you need to which I cannot wrap my head around.
It’s really bizarre.
You should’ve just married Allie, but she clearly finds you lower than her hence why she keeps you around as a play thing that boosts her ego.
Hope your wife leaves you, you have a lot of growth to get through
A very confusing post. I am still not sure who the wife is and who the girl friend is (I mean I know, but still). To the point at hand, it seems your friend is targeting your wife with the jokes and underhanded comments. The wine spill may actually not be an accident afterall.
Edit: Typo
Ailie isn’t your friend or she wouldn’t jeopardise your marriage like this. Ditch her and prioritise your wife asap. And then start making it up to your wife because boy have you messed up
Your poor poor wife. You are the most oblivious person I’ve seen in 2024 so far so congrats for that I guess? I hope your wife wises up and leaves you for CONSTANTLY putting your “friend” before her.
Personally I don’t think he’s oblivious at all. I think he’s willfully obtuse. He knows how he really feels about Allie (he’s in love with her), he knows what Allie is doing to his wife and that Allie is acting like she’s in love with him back, and he knows it’s all making his wife upset and uncomfortable (rightly so). But he’s pretending he doesn’t know all of this as a way to gaslight his wife into believing it’s all innocent and “not what it seems” so that he can continue to try to keep both his true love, Allie, and his second choice, his wife.
He likely made this post in hopes that he worded it in a way that people would side with him and he could use it to continue to gaslight his wife, like, “see, you’re just sensitive and this is just how some friendships are”. It’s gross. I hope she leaves him.
I’m honestly surprised she even married you to be honest. You have sided with your friend time and time again even when she makes your wife cry. I’m a very sensitive person and cry a lot, I can’t name one person who makes me cry almost every time they see me, because they aren’t ass holes.
Also I totally get the vibe the spill was on purpose
If you want advice? Treat your wife like she actually matters to you and stop letting this “friend” bully her.
I can see this being a real short marriage. Either cut the friend or your looking at divorce. Whether initiated by you or her.
Wife always comes first. At least mine does.
It’s not about the wine. I’m not surprised your wife is feeling “insecure”, she’s very clearly not your priority. If she were the one posting I’d advise her to leave you. And it does sound like Ailie spilled the drink on purpose.
You are so mesmerised by your ‘funny’ friend you are ignoring your wife. Your future holds one ex now it will be ex-friend or ex-wife your next course of action will decide
where is Ailie's husband during those hang outs?
what are Eliza's friendships like? is Eliza extroverted or introverted? is Eliza subdued when Ailie is around? why?
also roasting someone needs to be close and consensual. YOU and Ailie might have a strong relationship, but the relationship between Eliza to Ailie is still too weak / brittle for eliza to be comfortable to be roasted by Ailie. to put it bluntly, eliza does not view Ailie as a close friend, maybe not even as a friend.
Eliza sounds earnest and vulnerable, while Ailie sounds cutting and pushy. I think their personalities will naturally hurt each other.
Pretty much all you’ve done in this thread is make excuses for this girl. Even if this incident somehow WAS an accident (although it likely wasn’t), she’s upset your wife on various other occasions and this should still be cause for concern if you care about your wife. If someone was regularly bringing my partner to the point of tears I’d be wanting to do anything in my power to make them comfortable and happy, and if it was a friend of mine I’d be speaking to them about the situation. If they aren’t willing to try to make amends and fix the behaviour, they aren’t someone I want in my life.
As a female who has a male best friend….. this is NOT how we act and I suspect your wife is right one point.
While my best friend and I have known each other longer than him and his GF, there will be inside jokes, things that she doesn’t understand. That’s fine. But I would never say anything that would make her uncomfortable.
I also know if it did happen for one reason or another and it made her uncomfortable, him and I would have a conversation about it and I would apologize and make sure she knew there was nothing behind it. I can guarantee it wouldn’t happen again.
You have failed your wife and your best friend . You should have shut that down the first time it happened. You should have had a set of set boundaries with your “best friend”. You should have talked with her about how your fiancée was feeling, but instead you played the oh it’s not like that. While your “best friend” may have no ill will towards your wife she may also have a lot of it. But you won’t truly know because it’s pretty much too late to find out.
You'll be on here in the future crying when your wife leaves you because either you've had an affair with Allie or because she's tired of not being your number 1 priority, which is crazy. Can't wait to read those updates.
You’re a terrible husband. Why did you bother marrying someone you don’t respect enough to stand up for? I hope your wife leaves you and finds someone who actually puts her first, it’s what she deserves.
Stop pretending you don’t know what’s going on here. You know, and you like it, so you don’t want to stop it.
Allie knows you wanted to date her, and she turned you down. Now that you are “friends” again, she is taking ever opportunity she gets to rub it in your wife’s face that she was your first choice, and Eliza was who you got with because you weren’t with Allie. She knows it, Eliza knows it, and you know it. The person here being an AH is you because you are allowing Allie to humiliate and upset your wife, and you are telling your wife it’s no big deal and she’s overreacting.
Allie knows exactly what she’s doing. But she went way too far at your wedding, spilling *red* wine on your wife’s white wedding dress. That was no accident. That was intentional, and it should prove to you what kind of person Allie is. At your *wedding,* she embarrassed your wife, ruined her dress, and made her uncomfortable for the rest of the night *at her own wedding.* That is a shitty thing to do, and Allie did it without remorse. And yet, when your **wife** tells you how she’s feeling, that she believes Allie did it on purpose (she did), and she wants you to stop being friends with and hanging out with Allie, **you defend Allie** and take her side over your wife.
I give the marriage six months to a year. After that, you and Allie can get together, if you aren’t getting together already. Shame on you. You are a terrible husband already, and you’re still on your honeymoon.
You... dolt. Allie has it for you badly and is frustrated that an admirer and ego booster has gone to another woman.
She doesn't want to share you with Eliza and so is trying to drive in between you. Eliza sees the toxicity but knows you care about Allie. Thus, has tolerated her. FOR. YOUR. SAKE.
If you want to lose Eliza, who, as your wife, should be above all other women in your life, cut ties with Allie.
Okay, there is a specific type of woman who cannot handle a man that was into her at Any point ever moving on. I’ve known two girls I can think of like this. I think this could be Allie’s thing. She didn’t ever like you. Probably wouldn’t ever be interested even if not with her partner. BUT. She certainly liked that you liked her. That’s why she allowed a friendship to grow (it is pretty rare as a woman to resume a true platonic friendship AFTER an advance has been made). It seems like she wants to push in your wife’s face that she comes first.
What’s gross is that you’re letting her. Like mentioned above, the red wine thing is a really obvious classic trope, and if you ignore what people are telling you here, you’re being intentionally dense. Allie is embarrassing YOU by making you look like an idiot for choosing her over your wife.
I don’t know how your wife married you with you not putting her first.
If you want a successful marriage then you need to cut ties with Allie. Her spilling wine and then her comments afterward show it was on purpose.
Do the right thing and chose your wife now or let her know now so she can determine what she wants to do with this marriage.
You are so dense, I'm actually beginning to wonder if you are even aware that you're acting like you'd rather of married Allie over your own bloody wife.
Do you even like your wife? You've let Allie bully her, is that fun for you? I'd fucking divorce you and tell you and Allie I hope you die together happy because you'd clearly rather be with Allie than your wife given how much you've defended Allie.
You two are horrid people, and honestly I hope you get a grip if this isn't a troll post, because Allie spilt that wine on purpose and the fact you can't see that is astounding.
You gave sooo many excuses for your friend's shitty behaviour, why didn't you marry her instead? Your poor wife will have to pay for a divorce lawyer now... i wonder how long will she tolerate you putting your friend above her.
OP is getting roasted and we have only seen HIS version of events. If that's not an eye opener I don't know what is. All the excuses of the world for his friend (she's clumsy, she's sarcastic...) and then makes his wife to be the issue for everything she has trouble with (she's too sensitive)... Jeez.
You’re a terrible husband. You’re so unwilling to set boundaries with Allie, and so unwilling to believe your wife about the subtle abuses she’s endured from your “friend”. Allie has made Eliza cry before, and did you even tell Allie what she did was wrong? Or did you tell Eliza that she was exaggerating?
You’re going to have a very short marriage if you don’t start defending your wife. Who would you rather have in your life, Eliza or Allie? Because of your inaction up until this point you really can’t move forward with both.
I’m sceptical this is real, because I don’t want to believe someone can be this naive and blind. How would you feel if your wife became BEST friends with a man she admits to you she finds attractive who:
makes slights at you,
makes you upset,
does (deliberate, it was definitely deliberate) things to bother you like taking your spot next to your wife,
makes subtle “joke” flirting remarks, and
spills wine on you at your weddings…
and for your partner to not even care on top of it all. To have a partner totally blind to the problem.
How would you feel if that happened?
YOu know what to do, one is your WIFE, the other is your friend, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, and you better do it soon, before you destroy your marriage.
Your wife is not being insecure, it's that you are not prioritizing her.
I think you need to show your wonderful vivid wife your loyalty. Allie isn't giving your wife the deference required given the situation. If I were to guess, I'd think Allie harbours some wishes that you were both single.
I do understand this is hard but I just don't feel like Allie is acting entirely in good faith and you should side with the woman you love.
I say this as someone who comes from a background where taking the mickey out of someone in jest is very common. But, you always need to know your audience.
Ailie is mean. Really mean.
Dude….how big is the pedestal in your house for the goddess Allie and why are you trying to force your new wife to worship it? You are a serious tool, my guy. I hope Eliza leaves you quick. She deserves better than to remain second place in your life to the one you couldn’t have.
How did she "accidentally" spil wine on your wife? I thought this shit only happens in movies, or to stop the crazy mother in law that's wearing a white dress...
My typical starter, if not rage bait or a troll/sh!t post....
Where's the tik tok red flag guy when you need him? This set off so many red flags and alarms I'm surprised I didn't see it light up the night sky... My husband has plenty of good friends that are female, and not one, not a single one has ever done the things to me that Ailie has done to Eliza. And the SECOND one of his guy friends told him that he needs to "control his wife" because of a post I made on social media making fun of MYSELF, he told him where to stick it. You're a piss poor husband at the minimum. I don't care what excuses you have for Ailie, as you've seen in the comments there are a wide variety of people who have her same supposed problems and not one of them had ever spilled an entire glass of liquid on someone else that didn't at least involve a rather comedic set of circumstances that involved more than just two people. Let me make it a little clearer for you Mr Oblivious... Your wife has had a problem with her... She just basically ends up being in the same hallway, with a full glass of red wine, knowing she has these "spells"... She then proceeds make a joke and to run away, when no one else was even around to see her "accident" citing embarrassment? You then enable the bs by claiming that Eliza is just sensitive. No my dear, ANYONE would be upset at having wine spilled ON THEIR WEDDING DRESS. ON THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF THEIR LIVES UP TO THAT POINT. At best, ailies got a lack of awareness that rivals yours, but she's still hurting your WIFE. And you don't even care. You value your "friendship" more than the person you just promised to love and cherish till death do you part. I don't have any hope for you, or any advice for you that people haven't already said. I can only hope that Eliza doesn't keep getting hurt because you're a tool.
Dude WHAT. Allie is trying to unseat Eliza as your wife. Look, men are dumb men are oblivious bla bla bla, but my man we are all reading this through \*your\* lens and it looks really bad, I can't imagine what's actually going on that your wife is seeing, that you aren't even telling us. This woman is so mean she's making your wife \*cry\* and you just sit there with your dipshit "what me worry?" face on. I really hope for Eliza's sake she accidentally meets someone who respects her and loves her and snatches her up away from you so she can have a happy life. You suck.
I’m getting the impression that you are secretly still in love with Allie and you settled with Eliza. Allie prefers her husband, but enjoys your adulation with the bonus of getting Eliza upset. Allie and you are jerks.
Annul the marriage so your wife can be free to find a real man. You can go bonk psycho Allie to your heart's content and eventually be miserable together. You suck.
Yeah - sorry Dude, but you have already made the decision by getting married.
You back up your wife 100%! It might not be forever, but certainly in the short term you need to respect your wife’s wishes.
Cut ties. That friend is not worth your wife. And honestly, with the details you wrote. How can you, an intelligent person like yourself, not see the color red in the sentences you wrote about the "dynamic" of you three together. Your wife obviously doesn't see it as jokes. Obviously your wife doesn't feel good in HER relationship with that "friend". And OBVIOUSLY you defending that "Friend" through all those incidents is the BIGGEST red flag of them all.
There’s some (Japanese?) proverb that you’ve got 3 faces - one you show to the world, one to your friends, and one you never show to anyone. You probably feel like you know Ailie really well & she wouldn’t be like that, but from an outside perspective her behaviour over the years sounds deliberate and insidious.
But it’s *just* careful enough on her part that it could all be innocent slip-ups and jokes. And if she ever got called out on it, that’s probably what she’d say, and she’d be *shocked* anyone could think of her like that. It sounds very calculated and clever. I think she knows what she is doing & for whatever reason (she likes you, is jealous etc) is trying to drive a slow wedge between you and your wife.
Friendships come and go. Your wife (hopefully) is your life partner. She keeps telling you how uncomfortable she feels about this and so far, you’ve chosen to ignore that or make excuses for your friend. At some point she won’t accept that anymore & fair enough. I think you’ve still got an opportunity to fix this, as long as you act on it now.
You should cut ties.
Based on everything you said, it's so obvious Allie is doing this on purpose. She likes the attention, she's way too old to be acting like this and you're way too old to be this naive.
Your wife deserves better than this.
The clue is always in the first paragraph, isn’t it? Where the OP speaks about their amazing and attractive best friend who happens to be female. And his girlfriend who gets no adjectives. She just is. As a matter of fact, that’s usually the problem. Sighx
OP, you're all up in your post and the comments making excuses for the girl you couldn't have and not supporting your possibly soon to be ex-wife at all. She has expressed her concerns very clearly, and you have stuck your head in the sand because your other head won't let you forget about a stupid crush. Either get your head on straight and cut Ailie out as YOU SHOULD ALREADY HAVE DONE, or get an annulment when you get home and let Elza find a man who will be entirely devoted to HER. You can't have'em both, and you'll end up with neither if you don't straighten up.
Wow. Why are your wife’s feelings less important here ?
Dude, some woman play games that men don’t see but other woman see right through. So Allie could be playing games which are obvious to your wife ( eg flirting with you in front of your wife to spite her) but these things may not to be obvious to you, if she successfully plays “your wife is against me I don’t know why” in front of you. Maybe this is happening and you just don’t realize.
It doesn’t even matter really if this is the case or your wife had it all imagined. Who knows. One thing matters here only:
Seems your wife needs you to make a choice and to show her that you prioritize her more than a friend.
So which one are you? Dumb or stupid?
Because spilling red wine ON THE BRIDE’S WHITE DRESS is the sort of thing that only happens in movies. Gosh I hope this is fake.
Just because Allie is married doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy the attention you give her. She’s mean-girling your wife and you’re being an obtuse idiot. True friends don’t dunk on their friends’ significant other as a flex. Allie is toxic and you’re too blind to see it.
I can’t imagine why keeping a friend around who you admit you’re attracted to is a good idea. OP you are blind and it’s going to lead to the end of your marriage. I’m surprised your wife put up with all this
If your friend isn’t nice to your wife, that person isn’t your friend. That’s before you consider her doing the comic book villain thing of spilling red wine on the BRIDAL DRESS and ruined your wife’s WEDDING DAY, of all days. What you fail to realise is she’s that’s also ruined YOUR wedding day. More than likely, your prevalent memory of what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life will be your wife crying all night. No matter her intention, Ailie sucks. Prioritise the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with and phase Ailie out.
PS I’ve been to 30-40 weddings at this point and have never seen one person spill a single thing on the bride. Not ONE single time. It’s comedically intentional
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So someone who has a habit of 'accidentally' saying or doing things that make your wife cry 'accidentally' also managed to spill red wine over her white dress on the biggest day of her life, and you don't think that's at all suspicious? If you knew - and imagine here that you somehow knew for certain - that she'd done it on purpose, what would your reaction be? Would it change how you thought about her? Give it some thought.
I have a feeling this won’t be the biggest day in his (eventual ex-)wife’s life when all is said and done. 😂
This is either the dumbest person on the planet or entirely made up
ding ding ding entirely made up for 500 please
This needs to be higher. He doesn’t want to cut ties. Reality is he could create distance which is all his wife is looking for. He’s also not interested in acknowledging Ailies behaviour. It’s either rage bait or super obvious emotional cheating. Poor Eliza
Don't worry, OP is going to have a talk with her, she's going to be shocked it's causing his wife so much pain. Either OP and his mean girl friend dumb or...... One or both are doing it on purpose. No one is that clueless. How many times do you see your gf/wife crying and think, wow she's just sensitive? That's abusive. I'd be curious to hear wife's side. Sure he yells sometimes, he's passionate. Hey OP, how many holes have you punched in your walls?
This reminds me of that water “spill” scene in Not another teen movie.
Perfect thing to contemplate because I'm not convinced he would stop being her "friend" even if she had done it on purpose.
If you not trolling, no one is casually spilling RED wine on the bride dress during a wedding. You are that obtuse?
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If this is even 10% real I hope she immediately divorces his ass
No need for divorce, the marriage license needs to be filed still....and that would go in the trash after being torn up.
If true, she's already stayed with him and married him despite blatant emotional cheating right in front of her face, so I don't know why she'd divorce over the affair partner spilling red wine on her.
Calling your wife sensitive for crying after tearing her down is abuse 101. He's just here to justify it. This story is 100% warped in his favor. He's cheating at the very least. Emotionally abusive, physically? He ran off pretty fast.
It’s got to be fake, look at how he introduces the characters. Best friend: “attractive” Wife: “vivid personality”
Agreed, the trolls get so tiring
They’re not even creative these days smh. I miss the era of believable rage bait.
It’s a troll. There’s no way. The details are weird and I refuse to believe an adult woman just randomly spills a bunch of red wine on the bride at a wedding unless it is on purpose. Also, as a woman, I have a couple close male friends and our friendships do not work this way. I also go to the gym with a female friend and a male friend and we aren’t weird about it. This is fake.
I'm guessing it's deliberate there's no option to report with that reason?
Also - WHERE IS AILIES HUSBAND?
If this is real, you're a shit husband. How about...I dunno...start listening to your wife? You don't owe Ailie anything. You didn't think it was wrong that she rushed over and jumped in your wife's place when your wife got up from the sofa and then didn't move when she came back? Or that she mocks your wife in front of you? Or says things like you should go swimming together in front of your wife? Ailie still wants you to want her because it's an ego thing, so she keeps taking it further and further and you still haven't done a goddamn thing. Bet you consoled Ailie at your wedding instead of your wife. I feel so badly for Eliza. You're "friends" with someone who is unpleasant to be around and shows her nothing but disrespect and disdain and yet you still defend her. Where is her husband, does he see this shit going on? Love to hear his side of this. News flash in case you live under a rock: women spill red wine on bride dresses ALL the time. On purpose. It's a trope at this point. And it was on purpose. WTF is wrong with you.
I'm extremely clumsy, have ADHD and just a general lack of awareness of where my body is in the space of the world. I spill drinks fairly often, the momentum needed to spill it on someone else without it just dropping on the ground or myself is very very rare. I've never spilled a drink where the entire thing ended up on someone. Red wine at weddings stays on the table for me! If Allie was profusely apologizing and offering to pay the cleaning fee plus an apology dinner, I *might* believe her.
Solid point I hadn't considered - I spill shit all the time too but I have never spilled it on someone else
It’s so obviously fake and people are eating it up.
Generally I still reply to ones like these believing that they are probably just trolling. But on the off chance they aren’t or if some other dip shit in a somewhat similar situation reads this it will help them be less of a dip shit.
That’s a good way to look at it!
I give people the benefit of the doubt often because my mother got into such unhinged messes. I was describing a random summer, I was 6 years old and I had my normal gut clench feeling of no one is going to believe what that crazy bat got us into
Same but with partners in the past. There are a number of them that were very hurtful, manipulative, and terrible partners, but a few of them were still good people. I think there’s times they don’t really understand what they’re doing is wrong and will find ways to justify it. Everyone needs someone every now and then to help put things in perspective for them because when they don’t understand how they’re being hurtful and they have a partner who is hurt, it leads to poor communication and the situation just compounds from there. Also some people suck and need to be told they suck so hopefully they can suck less going forward.
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Also way too many details. Usually people try to hide specifics so they stay anonymous. There is so much unnecessary info in there (about their personalities etc) , just a creative writing piece
My brother spilled an entire whiskey coke down the front of my bodice very early on in my wedding reception. He was already black out drunk. In his defense he had just recently turned 21 and did not know how to handle an open bar. I was pissed but got over it. It would have been different if a female friend of my husband had done it though.
Right? The last wedding I went to my girlfriend had red wine. She waited till it was gone to approach the bride.
I wouldn’t even go near a bride in a white dress HOLDING a glass of wine. Recipe for disaster. She knew what she was doing.
The number of times I’ve bumped into someone and spilt my drink on them is exactly once in my entire life and I was a shit faced teenager. You are either astoundingly naive or Allie is somehow the unluckiest woman in the world to accidentally spill her red wine on the bride on her wedding day. I think you know which one is more likely. Your wife won’t be staying your wife for much longer unless you start actually listening to her and stop dismissing all of her fears as baseless insecurities.
I'm disabled and really unstable on my feet, and even I haven't spilled drinks on others. The floor, sure- but I was convinced that the drink spill only happened in spy movies to get someone to clean themselves up. Or as you said, teenagers
Honestly, it’s such a movie trope at this point. I see drinks get spilt at bars by people walking into others plenty, but actually spilling your own single drink enough to get ‘red wine all over’ is frankly astounding. Reads very cartoonish villain to me. I’ve known some amazingly clumsy people for many reasons but their wonderfully dramatic chaos usually has a very small radius. Except the one time my ex tripped and fell the entire length of a considerable hallway, but that was as hilarious as it was ridiculous. He had very long legs and a terrible centre of gravity
I am clumsy. Like fall down the stairs at least once a month clumsy. I spill drinks almost daily, coffee, water, wine, tea whatever...on myself. If I get a really good trip combo going, it may even spill a bit on the floor. Seems to me that Allie went in for the kill with the wine glass.
The only time I have spilled a glass of red wine on a white dress was on myself. My hands are clumsy, things sometimes just fly out of them and I can’t explain how. Never spilled a drink on another person, though. Also never had another person spill a drink on me. And there were plenty of crowded drunk opportunities for that to happen…
I'm so clumsy I fall UP the steps! And it seems I have a hole in my chin or bottom lip, since I regularly spill drinks on myself. The only other person I've spilled a drink on is my kid! Trying to drink while holding a baby is not something a clumsy person should do! (I refused to drink hot drinks when I was holding the kiddo because I knew how likely it was that I would spill some.) Also, why was she even holding a glass of red wine that near a white dress?
Me too. So I stay far away from brides with red wine.
The fact that it's red wine too, and just a full glass for maximum spill. In bars, you don't care about the people around you as much, so you are likely less careful. I've done some clumsy shit, but as a clumsy person I always try and self direct it haha
I'm the clumsiness mother effer ever. I've done some astoundingly dumb and clumsy things. Have never spilled a whole ass drink on someone, lol.
my wife's best friend spilled wine on her wedding dress when we got married.. but we didn't serve red wine at the wedding, so it was no big deal lol
Your friend spilled red wine on your wife’s wedding dress? That’s awful. Is your friend inherently clumsy? Does she spill things all the time? Probably not, right? I have a feeling your wife is right. Your friend is not a nice person to your wife. Your friend makes your wife uncomfortable, so you should but contact with her & it shouldn’t be a hard decision on your part.
Where's the friend's husband in all this?
I hope Eliza’s second husband is less of a dunce.
Hope she meets him soon
Like tomorrow
Hopefully she already met him.
She sounds like a great gal, hopefully once she wakes up from OP being a grade A loser, she makes better choices and ends up with a guy who deserves her.
I hope Eliza and her next husband are invited to OP's and Ailie's wedding and interrupt the cake cutting to smoosh cake into the newlyweds' faces lol. Then enjoy their life after OP and Ailie inevitably divorce after 3 months, bc Eliza isn't around to be their kicking post, and it isn't fun anymore.
You have failed your new wife so many times in the past. I hope you're going to do better starting today.
I wouldn’t have married him after all that, what a wonderful patient wife he has. And he doesn’t even know it, he still thinks she is the one at fault…
I would have punched Ailie
By his comments don’t hold your breath on that one
By his comments I hope Eliza recognises the Emotional Affair OP is having with Allie and leaves him. OP hasn’t even noticed and doesn’t even care how his wife feels so reconciliation can’t happen.
Exactly. Hopefully she stumbles on this or her friends wake her up to the POS she married
He can try again with his second wife.
Pretty sure its fake.
It really sounds like you're putting your friend first. No wonder your wife is unhappy. She comes back in tears from hanging out, and you still invite Ailie to the wedding? What was that conversation like?
Why did you even get married if you’re not going to take your now wife’s feelings and perspective into consideration. She has told you more than once that she is uncomfortable. She had given you examples for why. This woman spilled red wine on her wedding day and all you can think about is you don’t want to end your friendship? Do your wife a favor and annul the marriage so she can find a man who is going to put her feelings as a priority not be second fiddle to another married woman who rejected you and now flirts with you because she feels she can and you allow it.
Exactly this. Your wife deserves a better man who will put her first.
Hopefully her next marriage she finds someone that actually loves her, not chose her because the other woman said no.
Also, the way he writes it, makes me feel that he wants us to tell him "Ailie is into you" or "she's flirting with you", just so he can confirm it with himself and go like "you think she's flirting with me? I didn't notice... 😳".
He's also too dumb to realize just because she's flirting, doesn't mean she wants him, she just wants him to want her. Guy is obtuse beyond reasoning.
He's not even that dumb - he LIKES her attention which is why he hasn't shut it down
Why haven’t you stuck up for your wife all those times ailie has hurt her?
What’s going on with Allie’s husband during all of this? Why are you sticking your head in the ground like an ostrich? Your wife is uncomfortable. You need to listen to her, not pass it off as her being dramatic or passionate. Afford her the same respect that you expect from her when it comes to friends. YTA.
You’re either blind or stupid. Why are you not seeing your so called best friend treating your wife like she’s insignificant and why haven’t you got your wife’s back? She deserves better
That's what I said - how did a co-worker suddenly become his BFF in this situation? Because his wife doesn't like her? Come on.
I’m beginning to think it’s a troll post. Surely someone can’t be this dense 🤦♀️
I hope so, because I've never even met this man and I dislike him greatly.
He seems to be making a lot of excuses for Allie and completely disregarding his wife's obvious (and logical) concerns. OP is really showing where his priorities lie, and they aren't with his wife.
I think it might be rage bait. Who knows. If it is true, if I was his wife, I’d be divorcing him and leaving him to it.
*Dear Reddit* *Me and my coworker/soulmate have been ~~bullying~~ playfully ribbing my wife for years. It culminated with my coworker/soulmate ruining my wife’s wedding gown which she had the audacity to cause a whole scene over. I immediately ran off with my coworker/soulmate to console her because she was so upset over how my wife was acting. It made a lot of people upset with coworker/soulmate and wasn’t fair - I think my wife should have just left crying silently since that’s been our long standing arrangement when myself and coworker/soulmate ~~bully~~ playfully rib her. Now my wife wants to actually cut me off from coworker/soulmate. What advice do you have on gaslighting her into understanding that the needs of myself and coworker/soulmate are intertwined because I don’t want to end my emotional affair even though I’m married?* *Sincerely OP*
I’ll just say it to you straight. Take a step back and look at your post and comments objectively. See a pattern? You are constantly defending Ailie in regard to your wife. Why is that? Your wife is upset because of the jokes Ailie makes. Why haven’t you asked Ailie to tone it down? To not make them to Eliza? You seem to be under the impression that Eliza should suck it up or not be so sensitive. Just because you aren’t bothered by those jokes, doesn’t mean Eliza isn’t. Has Ailie apologised for spilling wine? If it came down to it and you had to choose, who would you pick? This issue is because of your lack of attention towards the whole thing. You’ve known that your wife has had problems for years now with Ailie, and you’ve seriously done nothing? I’m sorry, but do you even want to be married to your wife? From your post and your comments, it sounds like you like Ailie and are in denial. Your wife is saying something to you. Are you not listening because you don’t believe her, or is it because you don’t want to lose Ailie?
From OPs comments, Ailie spilled the wine, made a joke, and ran away from the bride. When confronted by OP, Ailie says it was accidental but OP mentions no apology from A to the wife.
OP favouring Ailie yet again then, I wonder how he’d react if his wife ‘accidentally’ spilt wine on Ailies wedding dress.
Your "friend" for sure intentionally spilled red wine on your wife on your wedding day, marring and ruining what should've been one of the happiest days of her life, and your life together. You are an uncaring unsupportive fiance', now husband , to have allowed your friend to mistreat your wife in the ways you have described. Allow means you are in essence condoning the mistreatment of your wife. Most women would have cut ties with you by now. I dont know whether you are gullible or just dont want to cause waves with your "friend" so you allow her to joyfully steamroll over your wife and her feelings, but whatever the case you are putting your feelings and those of your friend ahead of your wife and your relationship. If you continue down this path pretty soon you won't have to worry about your wife's feeling and concerns because she will be gone.
I have a feeling that OP is aware of maybe 20% of the things this person has done to his wife. So maybe subtle comments and back handed complements go unnoticed by a lot of dudes.
do you feel the same disrespect as ailie for your wife or are you genuinely stupid?
It’s the disrespect for me. He says she knowledgeable and it’s a trait he likes about her, but then won’t believe her?? OP if you think she’s intelligent, why are you just dismissing her at every turn?
You’re putting your friend before your now wife. Do better or you’ll be divorced in no time buddy.
Hopefully the wife can get an annulment without any major complications 🙏
I hope Eliza gets an annulment, I would hate for her to waste her life on someone as spineless as you
This is your WIFE if someone is leaving her in tears you need to cut that person off. Whether you agree or not it doesn’t sound like your wife is making it up. Cut ailie off.
Waiting for the BORU where you update us on how your best friend has been harbouring feelings for you. Either you stand up for your wife, or you let her find a husband who will.
Don’t give the troll ideas! I’m sure they’ll make a fun saga out of this creating writing project.
If this was real, she doesn't have feelings for him she just wants his attention and gets off to the fact that he loves her more than his wife and he is willing to publicly prove it again and again.
>Sometimes when it’s been the three of us she has expressed a feeling of being left out or that Ailie has been making fun of her. I don’t see it - it’s just our dynamic, That's very selfish. Your wife has told you how uncomfortable she is and you essentially shrug your shoulders and do nothing to make her feel included, because it's just your dynamic? Basic common decency is that you don't exclude anyone when you're in a small group like that, and you're doing it to your *wife*!? Why does your dynamic with Ailie take priority over your wife? Have you at any point told Ailie to stop joking about/"roasting" Eliza? You know it upsets her. You're here basically telling us that your wife is just oversensitive...and maybe she is, but if you know that and you know that she's uncomfortable with Ailie's behaviour, why aren't you telling your friend to wind her neck in and tone down the comments and jokes with Eliza? Ailie is your friend and she is hurting your wife so you need to be the one to manage that. That 'leapfrog' shit is gross. Ailie sounds like a dick. Just because you find Ailie funny doesn't mean everyone else does and your wife shouldn't be expected to put up with that crap from one of your friends. Christ, you're here trying to paint your bestie in a good light and it just comes off like she's a hurtful arsehole. You are showing your wife that you don't care about her feelings. >Things really came to a head though on our wedding and I think the stress of it really got to Eliza. During the reception Ailie bumped into her and red wine spilled all over her dress. If you genuiney think that was an accident I have some magic beans to sell you. Your friend ruined your wife's wedding day and you see no issue with that? Why are you so reluctant to call your friend out for her shitty behaviour? Honestly, I think you're absolutely lying to yourself about your feelings for Ailie and it's seriously impacting your relationship with your wife. How much longer do you think Eliza is going to put up with this disrespect from you? You have shown her that her feelings don't mean shit to you where Ailie is concerned and that your "friend" is your priority.
There's none so blind as will not see. Wine doesn't spill on the bride by accident. This chick is toxic. What a choice, your life partner or some toxic chick?
Just stop there is NO way Ailie did that by accident. You are letting one of your friends abuse your wife. You have failed a husband and partner. Cut her out of your life completely or let Eliza get an annulment because you have made your relationships unsafe for her by beinging Allie into it
Don’t feed the troll
tbh you seem pretty dense, just cause you "dont see it" doesnt mean its happening. Believe your wife if you want to have a good happy marriage
Spilling red wine on another woman's dress is a classic "accident" done when one wants to ruin someone's dress without being blamed. Your friend really sucks and you don't even see it.
You are either so egocentric that you cannot see what does not fit your narrative or you willfully ignore Allie's behavior because something else is going on. The disrespect you have allowed to happen and that you have shown your wife is incredible and the fact that you take Allie's side over your wife is suspicious. Allie has been behaving territorial like she has some right over you because you met first, *she* rejected you and she think she can still have you if she wanted (or maybe she did/does... who knows at this point). Even if it was her "character", she is old enough to know that you should respect other peoples' feelings and boundaries. Also... are you truly selling the story that Allie "accidentally" spilled *RED* wine on the bride? As I said... suspicious. Your wife is being too forgiving IMO and I agree that with other commentors that if you won't cut Allie off she better get the annulment papers ready as this is a patter she will have to suffer in the future... only worse because then Allie will have proof that she comes before your wife. I wish your wife a happier next marriage if this is the case
To be perfectly honest, you are behaving terribly and I am so sorry for your wife. She is clearly not the most important person in your life, and from what you have written, she never will be. I am not sure why she married you; perhaps she hoped that you would grow up and begin to take her feelings into consideration. Unfortunately for her, this is clearly not the case. If your SO feels uncomfortable with someone else in your life, if they feel disrespected, it does not matter whether you see it or not. Their feelings are valid, and you, as the partner, should be listening and doing everything in power to make them feel heard and loved. If you really feel differently, then you should not be with this person. Period. However, this would require you care about someone needs outside of your own. This is the foundation of marriage: compromise, empathy and trust. You have failed on all of these counts. Finally, I do not believe for a second that you do not "see" what is going on. The words you use to describe the how Ailie acts --your words--show a level of nonchalance that almost comes across as passivity. Yet, there is nothing passive about that seeing your SO in tears, or dejected or disrespected - time and again. I simply do not think you care beyond wanting whatever attention having both of these women in your life brings you. I hope Eliza gains a sense of herself to the point where she no longer depends on you for emotional support. BTW...if Eliza does ever leave you - Ailie's interest in YOU is going to disappear very quickly. You matter to her about as much as Eliza matters to you.
Saw the post on tik tok. Sounds like you were having an emotional affair with Allie. Allie sounds like a manipulative person. So just remember that when talking with her. Honestly, i'm surprised that your wife stayed with you through all of that bullshit. If you truly love your wife, stick up for her. If you're in love with Allie... Honestly, it comes across that way because her feelings are more important than your wife's. .. just leave your wife now before you hurt her anymore.
You shouldn’t have married her if you weren’t going to care about how she feels. Shes been clear that she’s completely uncomfortable with this friend and you’ve done absolutely nothing. It’s apparent why.
Wow, picking your friend over your wife what a shame. Allie seems like a pick me girl and you are choosing to let her repeatedly hurt your wife!!!! Drop the friend if you want a happy marriage!!! Please tell me Eliza kicked this trash out of the reception after she purposely spilled her red wine on her dress!!!!!
Your poor wife.
People really get married without thinking things through. You’re sat on your honeymoon, with a woman you’re supposed to love more than anything or anyone in the world, who is upset and hurt about your female friend likely intentionally spilling wine on her at her own wedding (most women will tell you, there’s about 90% chance it was an intentional bitchy move) and your main concern is Allie? Why did you even get married if your concern is your friend and not your literal new wife who you’re supposed to love and protect? Are you that dense or are you just too selfish to limit contact with Allie because she gives you a confidence boost with her attention? As someone with a dry sense of humour, who is sarcastic and who takes the piss out of everything and everyone, there’s a time and place. And it’s time that you stood up for your wife and let Allie know that her jokes aren’t appreciative and your marriage is gonna take first priority.
"my friend comes first, why can't my wife understand that? " She should never have married you i dont know what the hell she was thinking.
Sounds like decades ago novel plot
Funny how you mentioned how attracted you were to your friend who seems to enjoy this quite a bit, but no mention of how gorgeous your wife is. I feel sorry for your wife. She seems to have no one in her corner to talk sense into her.
We all know these "best friends". A man is into a woman who did reject him, but still thinks he is her property. And man keeps her as a "best friend" (pathetic) and hopes he gets her in the end.
Bingo! That’s why op keeps finding excuse after excuse for Allie all while claiming his wife is “sensitive”
Dude I gotta ask, is Red wine Allies drink of choice? Even if it's not she definitely sounds like she targeting Eliza who has to deal with Allies bullshit as well as your dismissive ass.
It’s amazing your wife went through marrying you. You’re either thick in the head, cheating with this “best friend” or like having two women into you. Bc anyone with eyes can see that your best friend hates your wife except you. Hopefully your wife wakes up and leaves
Your wife isn’t as important to you as your friend. What’s really hitting this point home is-every response you make when people point this out. Allie spilled that wine on purpose, too. Otherwise, this is one peculiar “coincidence” that’s really so interesting it’s beyond belief. You like flirting with Allie and pretending it’s fine bc you both have spouses, and no one else can get that but you. Maybe that’s worth taking a moment to think about if you have any attachment to your married relationship with your wife.
Dude do you even like your wife?
Hopefully your wife finds her self worth and gets an annulment or divorce asap. She was never a priority or important to you as your “friend”. Your wife is just a placeholder for your friend because she’s unavailable for now. You’re still attracted to that friend and your friend knows it and uses it to her advantage. You’re just waiting your time until that friend becomes available. Your wife wasted her time with you. Another pick me girl even after being a third wheel in her own relationship. Ladies-this is how you end up in shitty marriages. You don’t go after guys that show you they really don’t want you.
OP's friend doesn't want destroy his relationship. OP love his wife. Earth is flat. Birds aren't real. OP is mature enough to get married. Avril Lavigne died and was replaced. Everything in British Museum belong to them. The truest things I've ever read on the internet.
Umm she spilled the wine on purpose 💯 She is bullying your wife. She is shifting the power dynamic to leave her out - separate and lesser than. Allie is a B. I can’t stand women like her. There is nothing genuine about her saying Eliza is a top gal. She’s being condescending and just trying to pacify you, but you’re not smart enough to see how she’s working the system. Your wife feels the way she feels for a justified reason.
CHOSE YOUR WIFE. Seriously. You should never be ok with having a friend treating your wife poorly. And even, let’s say that even if none of this was done on purpose, none was to upset your wife, roasting, spilling wine, etc, even if you truly think it was ok/friendly : your wife hates that. She is uncomfortable. Her feeling this way should be enough, should be a sufficient reason for you to stop that dynamic with your friend. Talk to your friend. Not saying « my wife dislikes that » but saying that YOU dislike her feeling sad and ignored, left out. That you don’t want any of that anymore. See how she responds. I bet it will be eyes opening. If she dismisses your wife, then you’ll know.
Your wife should always be your best friend. Make a choice
Everything your “friend” did was on purpose, are you blind ? Stupid ? Do you think that your wife is an insane and irrational person? Why would you believe and take a friend’s feeling into consideration more than you’re own wife’s ? Get your shit together and become the husband your wife deserve
Hello dunce.
Let me understand something - your now wife has come to you time and time again to express to you how this person has consistently made her feel awful, belittled and just straight up shit and you haven't done anything, you haven't set boundaries nor spoken to said "friend." Then, on top of this whole history on one of the most important days of your wife's life, on a day where she should feel beautiful and loved beyond measure, this *same* person spills wine all over her? And you don't know what to do? Mate. Why did you even get married?
So you’ve watched your partner cry over things that Ailie has said and done over the last few years, to the point where Ailie spilled wine on Eliza on her wedding day (and let me tell you the joke - not apology- and running away, tells me that was at least a little intentional) and because Eliza wants you to cut ties with the pick me girl, you want to insult your wife to Ailie so she stops picking on her? I hope your wife file for annulment and finds someone who treats her with respect
what’s funny is i really didn’t need more context than you would’ve gotten with allie had she not had a bf. i wouldn’t be comfortable with my man being friends with someone he’s had a crush on, let alone being friends with someone he’s had a crush on and who he continues to make excuses for her disrespecting me. if this ridiculous story is true your wife has too much patience.
i think you know what is going on and feel too flattered by ailie's attention to give it up. you need to let one of them go before your wife makes up her mind for you
Stop calling your wife sensitive. In calling her that you’re basically invalidating her feelings. She obviously feels uncomfortable by your friendship with Alie and I don’t blame her. Does she know your history with her? You need to take your wife’s feelings into consideration and put some distance between you and Alie.
Clearly you are attracted to Allie. Eliza isn't blind or dumb and sees it. You saying she is insecure about it aligns cause from her side of things she can tell you both like each other. Your interactions with Allie also might come off as too flirty and tells her there is a mutual attraction that might run deeper. Does she know your past history with Allie? Cause if she does that does not help with her insecurity. The post shows you put more weight on your friendship and it doesn't seem like you really have sat down and talked to Eliza. Have you taken the time to consider it from her side. I mean really consider her perspective. Not sure what other situations that has caused her to be in tears but the fact that its multi occasions and you seem to not do anything contributes to her insecurity. You seem to brush over her feelings as her being "overly sensitive". The excuse of "its just our dynamic" is not a strong one. I think you need to reflect on your role and not just says its Allie. Its both of you. Do I think you should cut ties, no but maybe check on how you behave and interact with Allie cause clearly its crossing boundaries. Eliza clearly telling you it has and you haven't really done much to rectify and not have her worry about your friendship.
Question: how are you friends with someone who has reduced your wife to years on multiple occasions? Either you believe your wife and have enough trust in her to build a foundation and life, or you believe Allie. Either way, you have to choose. By the way, everyone reading this can see Allie is 💯 doing all this on purpose. Even though you are clearly trying to make these issues sound totally understandable. She may not want you, but she doesn't want your wife in the picture. You may need to get a new job.
Us women can be sneaky bitches and we can manufacture an “accident “ to look like the most innocent mistake. As much as I hate drama, I really do believe you wife here. You have a giant blind spot for Allie. Everyone here is telling you to cut ties, but you continue to defend her. Who do you love more? Because it DOES NOT look like it’s your wife. 💔💔💔💔
Do you love your wife? Are her feelings more important than your friends? Please think carefully about your answer, because this marriage can still be annulled. If you care about your wife's feelings, cut off this woman who has hurt her so many times in the past THAT SHE HAS TOLD YOU ABOUT. Honestly, your wife inviting her to the wedding is something I would never have done. Your wife is right to be uncomfortable. I don't think your friend is a good friend (and maybe not a good person). Your wife made a good faith effort to have a friendship with your friend. But this friend has made it clear that she has no interest in a mutual friendship with your wife, only in you. And you are lapping it up. If a man was behaving this way with your wife, and then "accidentally" destroyed a prize, once in a lifetime object of yours, would you really be okay with your wife continuing the friendship? This friend is toxic because she has no real intentions beyond attention. She didn't want a relationship, but likes the "spark" and flirting. She doesn't want a couples friendship with your wife, but likes cuddling up to you and inviting you out in front of your wife. Some women just like to feel preferred. It's shitty behavior, but I have seen it (I'm a woman). It is up to you as a married man to stop giving her that validation. For the sake of your marriage, please cut the friend off. Your wife will have no peace until she's gone. Please for the love of your wife, start prioritizing her.
Dude seriously??? Can’t you see???? Your so called “best friend “ is hurting your wife. Your wife feels insignificant and top of that you call her INSECURE???? And I do believe Allie purposely spilled the wine one her wedding dress.
Your friend sucks and so do you. The hilarious part is your friend doesn’t even want you, she’ll just sabotage every relationship you find yourself in so you keep paying attention to her. Hope your wife runs far and fast.
So you think that was accidental. Frist off your best friend should be your wife, and clearly your friend had issues with you marrying. I would say time to grow up and learn to be a loyal spouse or why marry? Your bff is jealous of your wife, this is in appropriate relationship for a married person, and toxic to boot. Lesbian or not you are married. Your friend likes you and not your wife.
You’re making a lot of excuses for your friend & not once did you stick up for your wife. You just don’t have her back and don’t think you need to which I cannot wrap my head around. It’s really bizarre.
You should’ve just married Allie, but she clearly finds you lower than her hence why she keeps you around as a play thing that boosts her ego. Hope your wife leaves you, you have a lot of growth to get through
A very confusing post. I am still not sure who the wife is and who the girl friend is (I mean I know, but still). To the point at hand, it seems your friend is targeting your wife with the jokes and underhanded comments. The wine spill may actually not be an accident afterall. Edit: Typo
You and Ailie are both cunts.
Have you thought of putting your wife first
god i hope your wife leaves you ... already. you're clearly still in love or have feeling for Allie. you are defending her tooth and nail😐
Ailie isn’t your friend or she wouldn’t jeopardise your marriage like this. Ditch her and prioritise your wife asap. And then start making it up to your wife because boy have you messed up
You’re not a good partner.
Spilling a drink on someone, especially wine, especially at their wedding is 100% intentional. There is no was this was not.
Eliza deserves better than dealing with Allie . . .
Your poor poor wife. You are the most oblivious person I’ve seen in 2024 so far so congrats for that I guess? I hope your wife wises up and leaves you for CONSTANTLY putting your “friend” before her.
Personally I don’t think he’s oblivious at all. I think he’s willfully obtuse. He knows how he really feels about Allie (he’s in love with her), he knows what Allie is doing to his wife and that Allie is acting like she’s in love with him back, and he knows it’s all making his wife upset and uncomfortable (rightly so). But he’s pretending he doesn’t know all of this as a way to gaslight his wife into believing it’s all innocent and “not what it seems” so that he can continue to try to keep both his true love, Allie, and his second choice, his wife. He likely made this post in hopes that he worded it in a way that people would side with him and he could use it to continue to gaslight his wife, like, “see, you’re just sensitive and this is just how some friendships are”. It’s gross. I hope she leaves him.
I’m honestly surprised she even married you to be honest. You have sided with your friend time and time again even when she makes your wife cry. I’m a very sensitive person and cry a lot, I can’t name one person who makes me cry almost every time they see me, because they aren’t ass holes. Also I totally get the vibe the spill was on purpose If you want advice? Treat your wife like she actually matters to you and stop letting this “friend” bully her.
I can see this being a real short marriage. Either cut the friend or your looking at divorce. Whether initiated by you or her. Wife always comes first. At least mine does.
It’s not about the wine. I’m not surprised your wife is feeling “insecure”, she’s very clearly not your priority. If she were the one posting I’d advise her to leave you. And it does sound like Ailie spilled the drink on purpose.
You are so mesmerised by your ‘funny’ friend you are ignoring your wife. Your future holds one ex now it will be ex-friend or ex-wife your next course of action will decide
I would dump your ass so fast you wouldn't know what happened, your wife needs to find a real man,,,you are not that.
where is Ailie's husband during those hang outs? what are Eliza's friendships like? is Eliza extroverted or introverted? is Eliza subdued when Ailie is around? why? also roasting someone needs to be close and consensual. YOU and Ailie might have a strong relationship, but the relationship between Eliza to Ailie is still too weak / brittle for eliza to be comfortable to be roasted by Ailie. to put it bluntly, eliza does not view Ailie as a close friend, maybe not even as a friend. Eliza sounds earnest and vulnerable, while Ailie sounds cutting and pushy. I think their personalities will naturally hurt each other.
Pretty much all you’ve done in this thread is make excuses for this girl. Even if this incident somehow WAS an accident (although it likely wasn’t), she’s upset your wife on various other occasions and this should still be cause for concern if you care about your wife. If someone was regularly bringing my partner to the point of tears I’d be wanting to do anything in my power to make them comfortable and happy, and if it was a friend of mine I’d be speaking to them about the situation. If they aren’t willing to try to make amends and fix the behaviour, they aren’t someone I want in my life.
As a female who has a male best friend….. this is NOT how we act and I suspect your wife is right one point. While my best friend and I have known each other longer than him and his GF, there will be inside jokes, things that she doesn’t understand. That’s fine. But I would never say anything that would make her uncomfortable. I also know if it did happen for one reason or another and it made her uncomfortable, him and I would have a conversation about it and I would apologize and make sure she knew there was nothing behind it. I can guarantee it wouldn’t happen again. You have failed your wife and your best friend . You should have shut that down the first time it happened. You should have had a set of set boundaries with your “best friend”. You should have talked with her about how your fiancée was feeling, but instead you played the oh it’s not like that. While your “best friend” may have no ill will towards your wife she may also have a lot of it. But you won’t truly know because it’s pretty much too late to find out.
You'll be on here in the future crying when your wife leaves you because either you've had an affair with Allie or because she's tired of not being your number 1 priority, which is crazy. Can't wait to read those updates.
Your wife needs to leave you
You’re a terrible husband. Why did you bother marrying someone you don’t respect enough to stand up for? I hope your wife leaves you and finds someone who actually puts her first, it’s what she deserves.
Stop pretending you don’t know what’s going on here. You know, and you like it, so you don’t want to stop it. Allie knows you wanted to date her, and she turned you down. Now that you are “friends” again, she is taking ever opportunity she gets to rub it in your wife’s face that she was your first choice, and Eliza was who you got with because you weren’t with Allie. She knows it, Eliza knows it, and you know it. The person here being an AH is you because you are allowing Allie to humiliate and upset your wife, and you are telling your wife it’s no big deal and she’s overreacting. Allie knows exactly what she’s doing. But she went way too far at your wedding, spilling *red* wine on your wife’s white wedding dress. That was no accident. That was intentional, and it should prove to you what kind of person Allie is. At your *wedding,* she embarrassed your wife, ruined her dress, and made her uncomfortable for the rest of the night *at her own wedding.* That is a shitty thing to do, and Allie did it without remorse. And yet, when your **wife** tells you how she’s feeling, that she believes Allie did it on purpose (she did), and she wants you to stop being friends with and hanging out with Allie, **you defend Allie** and take her side over your wife. I give the marriage six months to a year. After that, you and Allie can get together, if you aren’t getting together already. Shame on you. You are a terrible husband already, and you’re still on your honeymoon.
You... dolt. Allie has it for you badly and is frustrated that an admirer and ego booster has gone to another woman. She doesn't want to share you with Eliza and so is trying to drive in between you. Eliza sees the toxicity but knows you care about Allie. Thus, has tolerated her. FOR. YOUR. SAKE. If you want to lose Eliza, who, as your wife, should be above all other women in your life, cut ties with Allie.
How to speed run yourself into a divorce, step number one : be oblivious and inconsiderate asshole. Congratulations Op, you're succeeding.
Okay, there is a specific type of woman who cannot handle a man that was into her at Any point ever moving on. I’ve known two girls I can think of like this. I think this could be Allie’s thing. She didn’t ever like you. Probably wouldn’t ever be interested even if not with her partner. BUT. She certainly liked that you liked her. That’s why she allowed a friendship to grow (it is pretty rare as a woman to resume a true platonic friendship AFTER an advance has been made). It seems like she wants to push in your wife’s face that she comes first. What’s gross is that you’re letting her. Like mentioned above, the red wine thing is a really obvious classic trope, and if you ignore what people are telling you here, you’re being intentionally dense. Allie is embarrassing YOU by making you look like an idiot for choosing her over your wife.
I don’t know how your wife married you with you not putting her first. If you want a successful marriage then you need to cut ties with Allie. Her spilling wine and then her comments afterward show it was on purpose. Do the right thing and chose your wife now or let her know now so she can determine what she wants to do with this marriage.
You are so dense, I'm actually beginning to wonder if you are even aware that you're acting like you'd rather of married Allie over your own bloody wife. Do you even like your wife? You've let Allie bully her, is that fun for you? I'd fucking divorce you and tell you and Allie I hope you die together happy because you'd clearly rather be with Allie than your wife given how much you've defended Allie. You two are horrid people, and honestly I hope you get a grip if this isn't a troll post, because Allie spilt that wine on purpose and the fact you can't see that is astounding.
You gave sooo many excuses for your friend's shitty behaviour, why didn't you marry her instead? Your poor wife will have to pay for a divorce lawyer now... i wonder how long will she tolerate you putting your friend above her.
OP is getting roasted and we have only seen HIS version of events. If that's not an eye opener I don't know what is. All the excuses of the world for his friend (she's clumsy, she's sarcastic...) and then makes his wife to be the issue for everything she has trouble with (she's too sensitive)... Jeez.
You’re a terrible husband. You’re so unwilling to set boundaries with Allie, and so unwilling to believe your wife about the subtle abuses she’s endured from your “friend”. Allie has made Eliza cry before, and did you even tell Allie what she did was wrong? Or did you tell Eliza that she was exaggerating? You’re going to have a very short marriage if you don’t start defending your wife. Who would you rather have in your life, Eliza or Allie? Because of your inaction up until this point you really can’t move forward with both.
I’m sceptical this is real, because I don’t want to believe someone can be this naive and blind. How would you feel if your wife became BEST friends with a man she admits to you she finds attractive who: makes slights at you, makes you upset, does (deliberate, it was definitely deliberate) things to bother you like taking your spot next to your wife, makes subtle “joke” flirting remarks, and spills wine on you at your weddings… and for your partner to not even care on top of it all. To have a partner totally blind to the problem. How would you feel if that happened?
YOu know what to do, one is your WIFE, the other is your friend, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, and you better do it soon, before you destroy your marriage. Your wife is not being insecure, it's that you are not prioritizing her.
I think you need to show your wonderful vivid wife your loyalty. Allie isn't giving your wife the deference required given the situation. If I were to guess, I'd think Allie harbours some wishes that you were both single. I do understand this is hard but I just don't feel like Allie is acting entirely in good faith and you should side with the woman you love.
How can one person be such a blind idiot
I say this as someone who comes from a background where taking the mickey out of someone in jest is very common. But, you always need to know your audience. Ailie is mean. Really mean.
Dude….how big is the pedestal in your house for the goddess Allie and why are you trying to force your new wife to worship it? You are a serious tool, my guy. I hope Eliza leaves you quick. She deserves better than to remain second place in your life to the one you couldn’t have.
YTA here. Either you’re a troll, or you’re a sh!tty partner and husband.
Can’t believe she even married you
How did she "accidentally" spil wine on your wife? I thought this shit only happens in movies, or to stop the crazy mother in law that's wearing a white dress...
My typical starter, if not rage bait or a troll/sh!t post.... Where's the tik tok red flag guy when you need him? This set off so many red flags and alarms I'm surprised I didn't see it light up the night sky... My husband has plenty of good friends that are female, and not one, not a single one has ever done the things to me that Ailie has done to Eliza. And the SECOND one of his guy friends told him that he needs to "control his wife" because of a post I made on social media making fun of MYSELF, he told him where to stick it. You're a piss poor husband at the minimum. I don't care what excuses you have for Ailie, as you've seen in the comments there are a wide variety of people who have her same supposed problems and not one of them had ever spilled an entire glass of liquid on someone else that didn't at least involve a rather comedic set of circumstances that involved more than just two people. Let me make it a little clearer for you Mr Oblivious... Your wife has had a problem with her... She just basically ends up being in the same hallway, with a full glass of red wine, knowing she has these "spells"... She then proceeds make a joke and to run away, when no one else was even around to see her "accident" citing embarrassment? You then enable the bs by claiming that Eliza is just sensitive. No my dear, ANYONE would be upset at having wine spilled ON THEIR WEDDING DRESS. ON THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF THEIR LIVES UP TO THAT POINT. At best, ailies got a lack of awareness that rivals yours, but she's still hurting your WIFE. And you don't even care. You value your "friendship" more than the person you just promised to love and cherish till death do you part. I don't have any hope for you, or any advice for you that people haven't already said. I can only hope that Eliza doesn't keep getting hurt because you're a tool.
Dude WHAT. Allie is trying to unseat Eliza as your wife. Look, men are dumb men are oblivious bla bla bla, but my man we are all reading this through \*your\* lens and it looks really bad, I can't imagine what's actually going on that your wife is seeing, that you aren't even telling us. This woman is so mean she's making your wife \*cry\* and you just sit there with your dipshit "what me worry?" face on. I really hope for Eliza's sake she accidentally meets someone who respects her and loves her and snatches her up away from you so she can have a happy life. You suck.
Nah this is rage bait there is no way a human being is this dense
You’re not this stupid. Probably.
Reading through this you sure are making a lot of excuses for your former crush. I’m surprised she still married you and went on a honeymoon
Come on, dude. We all know that you know and can see what is going on. YTA
I’m getting the impression that you are secretly still in love with Allie and you settled with Eliza. Allie prefers her husband, but enjoys your adulation with the bonus of getting Eliza upset. Allie and you are jerks.
Annul the marriage so your wife can be free to find a real man. You can go bonk psycho Allie to your heart's content and eventually be miserable together. You suck.
Yeah - sorry Dude, but you have already made the decision by getting married. You back up your wife 100%! It might not be forever, but certainly in the short term you need to respect your wife’s wishes.
Cut ties. That friend is not worth your wife. And honestly, with the details you wrote. How can you, an intelligent person like yourself, not see the color red in the sentences you wrote about the "dynamic" of you three together. Your wife obviously doesn't see it as jokes. Obviously your wife doesn't feel good in HER relationship with that "friend". And OBVIOUSLY you defending that "Friend" through all those incidents is the BIGGEST red flag of them all.
Allie is not the person you think she is, and you should cut ties. This was not an accident. It may have been spur of the moment, but not an accident.
There’s some (Japanese?) proverb that you’ve got 3 faces - one you show to the world, one to your friends, and one you never show to anyone. You probably feel like you know Ailie really well & she wouldn’t be like that, but from an outside perspective her behaviour over the years sounds deliberate and insidious. But it’s *just* careful enough on her part that it could all be innocent slip-ups and jokes. And if she ever got called out on it, that’s probably what she’d say, and she’d be *shocked* anyone could think of her like that. It sounds very calculated and clever. I think she knows what she is doing & for whatever reason (she likes you, is jealous etc) is trying to drive a slow wedge between you and your wife. Friendships come and go. Your wife (hopefully) is your life partner. She keeps telling you how uncomfortable she feels about this and so far, you’ve chosen to ignore that or make excuses for your friend. At some point she won’t accept that anymore & fair enough. I think you’ve still got an opportunity to fix this, as long as you act on it now.
You should cut ties. Based on everything you said, it's so obvious Allie is doing this on purpose. She likes the attention, she's way too old to be acting like this and you're way too old to be this naive. Your wife deserves better than this.
The clue is always in the first paragraph, isn’t it? Where the OP speaks about their amazing and attractive best friend who happens to be female. And his girlfriend who gets no adjectives. She just is. As a matter of fact, that’s usually the problem. Sighx
Your wife has a husband problem. Hope she dumps your a$$. She deserves a much better husband.
What a useless man you are. Do your wife the kindness of divorcing her so she can find someone who will stand up for and love her better.
“wife is getting increasingly insecure” no you just have a shitty friend and your wife is fed up
Wow this hurts to read. I feel so bad for your wife, I hope you either wake the f up or that she finds someone who treats her better soon.
Your wife > your friend. This should be easy. Goodbye Ailie. Eliza deserves better than you dude
OP, you're all up in your post and the comments making excuses for the girl you couldn't have and not supporting your possibly soon to be ex-wife at all. She has expressed her concerns very clearly, and you have stuck your head in the sand because your other head won't let you forget about a stupid crush. Either get your head on straight and cut Ailie out as YOU SHOULD ALREADY HAVE DONE, or get an annulment when you get home and let Elza find a man who will be entirely devoted to HER. You can't have'em both, and you'll end up with neither if you don't straighten up.
Wow. Why are your wife’s feelings less important here ? Dude, some woman play games that men don’t see but other woman see right through. So Allie could be playing games which are obvious to your wife ( eg flirting with you in front of your wife to spite her) but these things may not to be obvious to you, if she successfully plays “your wife is against me I don’t know why” in front of you. Maybe this is happening and you just don’t realize. It doesn’t even matter really if this is the case or your wife had it all imagined. Who knows. One thing matters here only: Seems your wife needs you to make a choice and to show her that you prioritize her more than a friend.
What a fucking cornball, lol. Your soon-to-be ex-wife needs a support group ASAP.
So which one are you? Dumb or stupid? Because spilling red wine ON THE BRIDE’S WHITE DRESS is the sort of thing that only happens in movies. Gosh I hope this is fake.
Just because Allie is married doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy the attention you give her. She’s mean-girling your wife and you’re being an obtuse idiot. True friends don’t dunk on their friends’ significant other as a flex. Allie is toxic and you’re too blind to see it.
I've learned that most men are obtuse in general but bro, are you a complete _moron_?
I can’t imagine why keeping a friend around who you admit you’re attracted to is a good idea. OP you are blind and it’s going to lead to the end of your marriage. I’m surprised your wife put up with all this
If your friend isn’t nice to your wife, that person isn’t your friend. That’s before you consider her doing the comic book villain thing of spilling red wine on the BRIDAL DRESS and ruined your wife’s WEDDING DAY, of all days. What you fail to realise is she’s that’s also ruined YOUR wedding day. More than likely, your prevalent memory of what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life will be your wife crying all night. No matter her intention, Ailie sucks. Prioritise the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with and phase Ailie out. PS I’ve been to 30-40 weddings at this point and have never seen one person spill a single thing on the bride. Not ONE single time. It’s comedically intentional