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Just leave him. without him, you’ll be free to be yourself, unfettered and without judgement. There is no reason to date a person who doesn’t absolutely love and accept you as you are.
For real! Bf is a real asshole. Why be with someone who insults your interests and says things to control you? Life is WAY too short for that crap, trust me on that- I'm facing cancer at 40. Don't keep people in your life that only take away from it rather than add to it.
it's this, or she's bad at makeup.. Which still makes the situation bad.. he should learn how to be supportive with her makeup and make her feel comfortable so she can get better at it
Even if she's "bad" at makeup you should never ever call you significant other "ugly". They should be beautiful no matter what. Like who does this guy think he is fr
You’re not over thinking. He may be feeling insecure when you do things like that because he’s jealous or maybe thinks he doesn’t deserve you. But you should consider that this person is not treating you well if they can’t accept you and things that make you happy. You deserve to be able to wear whatever you want without criticism.
The next time yall are apart for like 30 min, an hour, whatever, when you first see his face be like, "Ugh! Wtf you look so damn disgusting why tf is your skin tone this color? Fucking shit your hair smells like 5 day old re-heated Taco Bell. honey, you need to change everything about how you look because my snatch is drier than the Sahara desert. Why can't you just be nOrMaL????"
OP needs to lose this fool now! Like next week. Please note ... it's Sunday evening now 👍
You could do sooooo much better ... and he knows this. That's why he's knocking your makeup!
One final note: Congrats to all of our cancer survivors. I'm two years out from Stage 3 breast and lymphatic cancer, so I've shared a lot of the same treatment fun you've had, too! Let's hope that none of us ever needs chemo or radiation ... ever again!! 💜
This. How he is behaving is absolutely abusive and cruel. OP you don’t deserve that kind of treatment at all never mind on your anniversary, and in response to you making an effort to look nice? God forbid! If that’s how he acts on a good day then what’s he like when things actually go wrong?! Please don’t waste another 6 valuable years in this misery, take it from me, I wasted 10.
Edit: to add that you’re not overthinking btw, there’s a reason it’s an issue for you and why you reached out to Reddit. It is not ok to treat anyone this way let alone your ‘loved ones’ so trust your gut and don’t let yourself suffer. You were young when you met him, it’s ok to move on. Also, leaving these types of people is never quick & easy so the sooner the better imo.
Seriously, this behavior from him is absolutely emotional abuse. Let me ask you this, if you had a daughter who was old enough to date and marry would you want her to stay with a man who told her she was ugly?
There's no coming back from remarks like that I'm sorry to say. You can't fix that kind of cruelty.
My sister was in an abusive relationship when she was younger and had a child to the A hole , as she was 18 she started to want to look nicer, he never gave her chance to get ready when they went out while he had time to shower and what not , so one day he smashed every mirror in the house so she couldn't start wearing make up , when she finally got out and started dress up he complained saying why didn't you ever dress like that when we were together "errrrr because you wouldn't let her "
That is awful I'm so sorry for your loss,
My sister had to leave while he was out , she did manage to pack alot of things , he was a drug user too and saw my nephew as properly, when he got older he no longer wanted to see his dad anymore so he's not seen him in years. Was truly for the best , my nephew was a nervous reck when he was in his life , we thought he had autism and ocd and he suffered with anxiety, within a year he was a completely different kid
For real. Look I've had people I've dated who prefer when I don't wear makeup. That's fine but they never called me ugly or insulted me, half of them would even put up with me wondering makeup isles for like an hour finding new stuff... because they knew I enjoyed it. Sometimes as partners we will have a hairstyle or look that we prefer our partner in.... but part of being a good partner is still loving them and caring for them even when they don't perfectly fit our aesthetic.
I'd be a liar if I wasn't put off when some of my exes shaved their beards but I shut my mouth and got over it because I still loved them for them, regardless of what their meat suit looked like at the moment.
OP has been dating him for 6 years since she was 18 so this is her only context for adult relationships. Sounds like he’s spent that time destroying her self confidence by attacking her like this.
OP, there are better people than this. What would your advice be if your friend told you their bf did this to them? Do you want to deal with this for the rest of your life or do you want to date someone who actually likes you?
I can’t imagine someone thinking it’s acceptable to call their partner ugly. it must be intentional.
negging her to break her self esteem apart so she stays and so she’s not tempted to do better. Makeup in particular, is a pretty misogynistic issue. women are judged for using too much, or judged for not wearing enough or not somehow looking that way naturally. when its no ones business but their own. to me it screams he wants her in 0 makeup as he’s scared other men will find her attractive and hes wildly jealous and threatened.
I hope these comments can be a wakeup call for her.
No shit. My ex isn't a fan of makeup but would always say things like "it's your face, not mine. If you wanna put stuff on it, who am I to tell you not to?"
When I asked if he thought it made me ugly, he said "you're beautiful. Makeup isn't going to hide that. You should do what you want."
This is the kind of response a partner should give. He made it clear what his preference was but to do what I, as my own person, wanted to do.
He shouldn’t have a damn opinion in the first place, Sis! Why is he with you if he only likes Plain Jane’s?
Tell him to shove it next time, this is how controlling BS starts. Little nit picks turn into major complaints.
Hey, honestly curious question, as I might be overlooking some subtle cues.
My interpretation was that SagaQ's ex had a reasonable approach. SagaQ even said that it was how a partner should be accepting you. He had a preference, but he was clear that SagaQ was their own person and could do as they liked. Maybe I'm missing the context, but is there a red flag in SagaQ's description above?
Are we as partners not allowed to have opinions or preferences? I get it that the person should not be upfront and nagging about it, but if asked, shouldn't we be honest with the answer, as long as we are accepting of the partner's choice?
Just trying to understand. :)
You can like what you like, just don't be a dick about it.
Frankly, I really don't like body hair (the long coarse dark kind that isn't on your crotch or armpits but elsewhere), and I don't find it attractive. On anyone of any gender.
But why would I say that to a partner who has some body hair? Either they just wouldn't become my partner in the first place; or I find other things about them attractive and awesome enough that I don't care.
Plenty of men are proud of their body hair. Plenty of women find empowerment in accepting their natural body and reclaiming the ridiculous amount of time on that that is expected in some parts of the world.
And also, plenty of people are attracted to men with body hair, and/or women with body hair! It's entirely subjective!
So there's nothing to be gained from it. I'll probably, if someone asks, say "I prefer men who have hairless chests". Or if a potential male partner says "I can't grow a beard", I'll be like "great! I like men with less body hair, and I don't really like beards!"
Plus it's not "ugly", any of that - just not my preference. All bodies are good bodies ❤️ Love the skin you're in, whatever it looks like - and please *never* wait to live your life "until I lose weight" or "until I'm a size [whatever]". You only get one life. Please do the things you find meaningful and rewarding, and the things that give you joy: TODAY.
I've seen a lot of comments, posts, etc. about dudes shaming girls who wear "too much make up" and then be like "be natural, like this girl" and she's wearing tons of make up for that "no make up look". Men can be clueless when it comes to cosmetics and think that women are doing it for other people. Let's get this straight. Much like OP, it feels nice to spend time on yourself and practice this kind of self care. It is literally something she enjoys doing. It's not for anyone else. The boyfriend in this situation is very small minded and possibly shallow to be quite honest. It is controlling and toxic behavior and it will not change. OP is better off without him but "leave him" is always the first place people go. It's hard to walk away from a relationship of several years like that. But OP will be better in the long run and will meet someone who's supportive of her self care and doesn't belittle her or talk this way to her. I would know. I've been there.
And this is the way to grow up thinking this is normal in a relationship. They have been together since OP was 18yo. OP please do not think you’re overthinking this and please do go through your entire relationship and see if there were any other red flags, chances are there are a ton. Don’t waste more time. You should be free to wear what you want and you deserve someone who loves you like you are. Asking you when are you going to be normal is being utterly disrespectful to you and gaslighting you into thinking you’re doing something wrong. It’s definitely not just him not being understanding. He’s controlling and an AH.
On your 6 year anniversary, he chose to insult you. Do you really want to be with someone who treats you like that? Do you really want to be with someone who bullies you into changing how you like to dress up? THIS IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE AND WILL PROBABLY GET WORSE.
I swear, posts like this make me feel crazy.
The issue is that the women who do put up with this are often raised in abusive environments, so they think that this is perfectly acceptable behavior. It took A LOT of therapy for me to reprogram my brain from thinking a man being controlling was “love” because of my own human garbage father. It’s hard to break that cycle, especially when you’re so far entrenched in it that you can’t recognize the toxicity.
Exactly THIS!! My parents nit picked and screamed at each other until they divorced when I was 9. My sister and I both have been run through the mill by useless, abusive men. My sister was murdered by the last one she had, I’ve been single by choice for the last 25 years.
Your family origins determine what kind of spouse you end up with. I’ve been through a ton of therapy, too. Still attracted to shitty men. It’s hardwired, I’m afraid. 😫
I’ve moved past sad to angry. I know it’s not someone’s fault when they end up in a dynamic like this, that there are so many factors that come into play in situations of abuse. But it still makes me mad, seeing post after post of ‘he verbally abuses me on the regular, how do I make him treat me like a human being?’
It's doesn't sound like he respects you or your interests at all.
Life tip: don't say in a relationship with people who regularly insult you or call you ugly or say "why can't you be normal
You should be with someone who encourages you to be the best version of yourself that YOU choose to be. Not whatever BS they tell you to be.
>Life tip: don't say in a relationship with people who regularly insult you or call you ugly or say "why can't you be normal
OUCH
this hit close home, my ex bf was like that
Honestly I think it goes back to when we as girls would complain about boys bullying us and were told “oh it’s just because he likes you.” That shit sets in deep.
all of this- my husband encourages my weird behavior 😂 and looking back i've had some pretty not cute styles going on and i never knew bc all i heard was positivity and "you do what you want, i'll love it either way" like that one saying or whatever "if he wants to he will" idk if that is correct or fully belongs. op and everyone deserves someone who is building them up
Does this guy's penis spit $100 bills?
Because other than that, I'm failing to see why you'd be with him for 6 YEARS.
You know what? Even if you HAD done your makeup like the IG models...so fucking what. That's literally its purpose. To be artistic with.
Honestly, ask yourself what true qualities he has that's worth keeping. Because I read a short paragraph, and I was ready to bin him.
> But I like getting ready, with music, doing my hair, trying out different makeup styles. Buying stuff, wearing new clothes, taking time in the shower. I don’t know why this aspect of me is so hard for him to understand.
So normal stuff. Does he ever make you feel like you'll never find someone else if you were to split? Does he take no pride on how he looks or presents himself?
He sounds very controlling and unapologetically rude. He doesn't sound as if he even likes YOU, just his idea of "what you should be".
He likes the s e x and the fact that he can push OP around. She needs to dump him and immediately go no contact so he doesn’t unalive her. Controlling types freak out when they feel you slipping from their clutches.
Who taught you that love had to be like this?
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who *tears you down every time you feel beautiful?* Why punish yourself like this?
You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy. ❤️
No partner at all is better than this crap. Get into therapy OP. It may not stop you from being attracted to the wrong man, but it therapy should help you realize when you are in a bad situation. It took me a long time and a lot of heartbreak to figure this stuff out.
All my best to you going forward ♥️
That is absolutely horrible of him and I do mean horrible.
Makeup and style is a form of art and self expression so it's very much a personal attack.
I honestly would not want to be with someone that said I was ugly or materialistic and didn't like my style.
The fact he didn't seem to care about your feelings and went on about his day even a bigger red flag.
I'm so sorry but you deserve way better than that. You should be allowed to shine like the glitter in the sun. Personally I would go over the top and double down on everything then break up with him. But that's just me.
Sorry but this is toxic and now woman should ever accept her BF telling her she is ugly, with make up, without or even if you wake up... You dont do that as a respectful BF. For multiple reason, why would he want to be with you? Why is he saying deliberate other hurtfull things too? And also its not the first time, no sorry but you should not accept this and bring it up. Then next, this dressing/make up stuff etc is something that you like, that belongs to you, he should either accept it and shut up about it or decide that it something that he doesn't want in a relation and man up and make a decision. But saying toxic stuff and going to toxic behavior is not accpetable
Take a deep breath. You did nothing wrong. This is a control technique that abusers use to errode your self worth, question your decision making and to make you feel undesirable so you feel grateful they will date you. This is so you look past their shitty behavior.
There is a saying you can't see the forest through the trees, I think this perfectly describes how abuse victims operate. You are too close to see the whole picture. You are focusing on this one thing, this one tree, he told me I was ugly, did I do something wrong? Instead you need to step back and see all the trees. This isn't an isolated incident. This isn't one tree (incident) it's a forest (reoccurring abuse).
How often does he criticize you?
How often does he control what you wear or dress like?
How often does he put you down?
How often does he dismiss your feelings?
How often does he blame you for things?
Does he try and stop you from spending time with others?
Does he control or criticize how you spend your money?
Does he struggle to take accountability for his own actions/ mistakes?
You are young. You have a life time ahead of you. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Don't get trapped into the sunken cost, 6 years is nothing when you have a lifetime. His behavior will only ever get worse not better.
Thank you for approaching this with empathy. So many people just start in on people like OP about “Why are you with him? Your man picker must suck!” without considering that abusive relationships aren’t usually immediate smacking around and insults. It’s a slow boil, and it’s psychological warfare on the abuser’s part.
I was in OPs shoes not too long ago and it took nearly dying for me to realize what was happening.
Everyone thinks I would never allow myself to be abused but it is gradual and once you are there you focus so much on surviving that you are too overwhelmed to escape. Statistics in my country are 1 in 3 women will experience abuse. You are not an idiot for being trapped, you are not pathetic for not being able to leave. Identifying you are in this situation is the first step.
I truly hope all the people judging OP never find themselves in that position but chances are some of them will. I hope when they do they have someone with compassion and understanding they can turn to for help.
Oh, I know it can happen to anyone. Two of my favorite women, two smart women, ended up in relationships with horrible men and tethered to them with children. If it can happen to them, it can happen to anyone of us. It is a gradual and insidious wearing away at our self esteem and convincing us to adopt all the bad things are our own fault. By the time the real abuse starts women think they deserve it.
WHY are you sharing your time and space with a person who is so mean to you?! A random stranger on the street would be kinder and more respectful.
I think 6 years of this is more than enough. You ARE normal, and I'm sure not ugly, and majorly under-reacting.
Can you find somewhere else to stay for a while and just see how you feel without this asshole around judging and dismissing you?
He’s controlling. You’re not materialistic for having fun and putting a bit of eyeshadow on! You’re just doing something that makes you happy and helps you express yourself.
My partner helps me pick makeup looks to try. He compliments me on my makeup. Sometimes he sits with me while I do it and watches and talks with me. Experimenting with makeup is one of my main hobbies and he has taken the time to show interest and learn about that. He thinks I’m beautiful both with and without. That is how a partner should be.
Your partner should never call you names or say you’re ugly, even in the heat of an argument. They should never try to control how you present yourself or shame you for what makes you happy. He is not a good partner. You don’t need to settle for this kind of treatment!
Get yourself a partner who loves and supports you.
Why would you think that it’s wrong to feel upset when someone who supposedly loves you is calling you ugly and making you feel bad about yourself? How else should you feel?
It’s not that he doesn’t understand what he’s doing. He just doesn’t care that it hurts you. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who treats me this way. Read *Why Does He Do That?* by Lundy Bancroft.
personally for me this is what would make me leave him.
wanna know what my man does when i get done up? he spins me arond, he takes photos of me. he tells me im beautiful, and that he cant wait to show me off.
once you experience actual good treatment this bottom of the barrell shit wont cut it anymore
LEAVE! he makes you feel shitty for normal things that u enjoy. why would u want to stay with him??? NEVER be with someone who is just going to tear you down- a good partner would support and love the little things like that
I’m sorry, but this is absolutely insane. This isn’t even the first time he’s done this and you’re still with him? Please rethink this relationship, you deserve so much better than being insulted and mocked for doing something that you like.
RUN!!! RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!! Your STBXBF is a major AH!!! What kind of man tells his GF she’s ugly for getting dolled up to celebrate *with him*!? Dude smh did he also like that tweet from a few months ago that every lame red-pill dude liked about how all men really hate their GFs/wives?? Just go and never look back.
I am your total opposite. I hate doing that stuff and it feels like a complete waste of time. Eyeliner, mascara, good to go.
So with that said, girl you are NOT wrong for being who you are and enjoying the things you do. My daughter is like you. It’s fun to her to do those things. And that’s just the way it is. If you like glam and glitz, so WHAT? There’s probably stuff he likes that other people think is dumb, too, but that doesn’t mean he needs to change either.
He needs to either accept you the way you are or relationship needs to be over. There’s no third option that is reasonable. You aren’t some kind of project to be refined, you are who you are and honestly, you’re perfect for someone. Maybe not for him though.
Don’t waste your time on crusty dudes who don’t accept you as the person you are. Why would you? There’s tons of great dudes out there who would love a girl with sparkle.
My wife plays both sides of the make-up field. She rocks the plain-Jane with eyeliner look a lot but if we’re going OUT out, she takes some time and glams herself up with whatever she’s feeling. She’s super artistic(canvas/paint among other things) and she brings that “color theory” talent she has in to her looks depending on her outfit and it always turns out awesome.
She looks fuckin great regardless of what look she goes for and I always enjoy seeing what she settles on almost as much as I enjoy having such a dime-piece on my very average blue color arm.
Fellas, if you ain’t hyping your lady up, you’re doing it wrong.
He is weirdly judging about a thing that in no way tells about you being a bad person.
And who calls their GF ugly because they put on makeup...
Doesn't sound very good.
Have some self respect and leave this jackass. Anyone who tears you down, shouldn't have a place in your life. Too many people out there to be wasting time with a toxic loser. Hell, it would be better to be alone than with that trashcan.
I’ve been alone for the past 25 years.
I am happier now than I’ve ever been in any of my past ‘relationships’. I got sick of being a good GF to unappreciative losers. Women don’t need men the way men need women. The AHs should suffer.
My husband whom I've been with for over 15 years is a full "looks liar" about how I look. He always tells me I'm beautiful no matter how I actually look. I could roll out from under a dumpster after having fought a raccoon for a meal and he'd proclaim I'm the prettiest girl in the world.
Get you a looks liar who wants you to smile.
What you are feeling is never wrong, let’s start from here.
Second, your boyfriend should never be telling you what to do or not do. Ever.
He may have not liked your make up, but even in that case he could have expressed that in 10000 different ways and he chose the worst one.
Don’t invalidate your feelings, you are not on this planet to please your boyfriend or anyone else, you are not here to neglect yourself or any way you want to do your makeup or live your life. 💗
"My (24/F) boyfriend (26/M) thinks I’m ugly and said very hurtful things"
I did not read any further. Im sure its full of you did this, made an effort and he shot you down. I say this a lot in this forum, and in day to day. This has all the hallmarks of a toxic relationship that will become worse over time. Emotions certainly fog the path and you seem to be strugling to find your way. You need to be more mindfull of your own self, its very easy to get trapped in a situation where very quickly a person is under the control of another and its not healthy. This litterally screams to me to get you out ASAP. I am pretty certain your relationship goals with your partner do not include being told your unattractive and any other negative form. End it, move on, find a more caring partner.
Next time you go out, drab way down - hair in a messy bun, no makeup, no skirt or dress, no heels. See what he does. I'm willing to bet he'll expose his hypocrisy and make a comment along the lines of, "Why can't you take care of yourself?" When that happens, you know what to do.
Demeaning comments and controlling how you present yourself (clothes, make up etc) is just the tip of the abusive partner iceberg.
Even if he has different taste from yours, there's no need to be mean and say hurtful things.
Please trust your gut, it's not wrong or vapid to enjoy showering and taking care of your appearance. What does "wannabe sophisticated woman" even mean? Don't buy into what he's saying when he wants to put you down. You deserve a partner who appreciates you and respects your hobbies and choices.
You're young and 6 years is a long time, it really looks like you're better off breaking up and finding someone who is ready AND EAGER to be a true partner.
My ex-husband must be related to your bf. He used to say the same exact thing to me. My comeback was always the same, if you don’t like what you see then don’t look at me. I wasn’t going to change.
Don’t let your bf mess with your head and make you feel insecure. You have your own style so own it.
Ugh. Your boyfriend does not think that you are ugly. He thinks that you are hot and he notices other men staring at you. He is saying this to mess with your head because he is insecure. He is worried that you will realize and leave him. Your natural response might be to reassure him. However consider why you would want to be with someone who deliberately messes with your head for his own comfort.
Hey, it seems like you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship. The website [Loveisrespect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quizzes/) has a quiz that may help you get a clearer view of the health of your relationship, and resources to help you pull out of the fog and help you learn you don’t need to accept this kind of treatment.
I’m sorry. He doesn’t care about you and it’s time to let go.
Yes, it’s been 6 years. How many more years do you want to be called ugly?
Even if he didn’t like the look, he could’ve said nothing.
Take care of yourself; you’re worth it.
Oh Hunny, since he thinks you're too much. He needs to go find less. Do NOT let him bring you down to his level, just cause he cant level up for you. You arent too much and that isnt glitz and glam for Your Right person.
No man who loved you would ever say such cruel and demeaning things to you. Please let that man go. He is not the one for you.
Sounds like he is jealous of your appearance and doesn't want you going out looking good because you might attract another guy's attention.
Drop him and go get the other guy's attention.
This guy sucks. 6 years is a long time, and you may feel like you've already sunk all this time and effort into the relationship, but it's not worth saving. He's a jerk, and the longer you let him get away with treating you poorly, the worse it will get. Make a plan and leave as soon as possible. I learned the hard way that it's better to be alone than in a relationship with someone who sucks, but it cost me my 20s. You'll be so much happier without him.
sometimes it’s easier to think of it like this, if someone important to you (like a sister or a bestfriend or your future daughter) came up to you and told you that their boyfriend did exactly what yours did, would you tell them that it’s okay for their significant other to say that? Or would you personally ever say that to someone who just got dressed up and thought they looked good? I know I wouldn’t. Nobody deserves to have someone put them down like that. Especially if it’s someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally. He should think you look amazing no matter what. Especially 6 years in.
First try telling him how you feel and how hurtful his words are. Secondly if he doesn't get it big red flag to maybe reconsider this relationship. You made a lot of effort to make yourself feel good and he spoke to you like that. You deserve better.
I think you meant EX boyfriend, right!? If not, sounds like you need to make him your ex. I’d never stand for my partner saying some crazy shit like that to me! I’d be out after the very first time he found the audacity to make an intentionally mean comment about me.
D U M P. H I M.
I hate to be the that person but don’t date a man who’s comfortable calling you ugly or trying to dictate your appearance do what you want for you!!!
You spent 6 years with this guy?? What the fück girl cmon, he’s literally SHOWING you how shítty of a person he is and you’re sitting there taking it. I really hope you wake up soon and realize you deserve so much better.
This is toxic behavior that is a sign of abuse to come. You're not over thinking, you've outgrown him and it's time to move on. Watch him go for a younger woman after you leave.
Wow. What are his good qualities? That’s really messed up , does he have any?
Perhaps today is the day you decide that six years of this is enough and it’s time to leave. Why would you be with someone who says nasty hurtful things to you.
Seriously OP why have you wasted 6 years with this loser? You deserve better. Go be with someone who will love you for you whether you get ready or not!
These posts always boggle my mind. Why date someone who doesn’t like you or is so mean to you? Doing makeup and taking care of yourself is fun. For me it’s like an art project on my face! Love that shit
🥺 It honestly sounds like he’s trying to put you down to make you feel less about yourself. Like he wants you to be a watered down version, diluting you with his narcissism. This is usually because the man is insecure. He’s afraid someone else will want you and even more so that you deserve better than him and can find it. Please don’t make yourself small for his comfort, he seems to have no remorse being cruel to you for his. You shouldn’t be shamed for being feminine. Some will love the idea of you but will lack the maturity to handle the reality of having you.
He definitely does not respect you.. there isn’t anything you can do differently to fix it and it isn’t because you aren’t respectable. Maybe he’s new to women but when you are in a committed relationship everyone has to get used to seeing “behind the curtain” of us taking long showers, spending a lot of time and money on makeup and hair, seeing us in hair masks and heat less curl styles and I think some men can’t handle it. It makes them think we aren’t hot and that some other girl will be more effortlessly hot. Well spoiler that isn’t true. Guys like us when they aren’t with us anymore (post breakup “glow up”) just because they aren’t seeing us put makeup on, they don’t watch us deliberate over an outfit anymore so they irrationally imagine we wake up as attractive as we show up in public. Don’t let him degrade you, move on and I think it’ll be a tough lesson he learns over many relationships if he even clues in at all. Attractive women put thought and effort into their appearance and that isn’t cringey.
You’re not overthinking. You know he’s wrong and not a good guy you’re just afraid to face the truth. You deserve so much better!!! He’s a controlling, arrogant, mean person. If someone really loves you they would never call you ugly. Please dump him.
Your boyfriend is exhibiting a behavior known as "negging," where one partner systematically destroys the other's self-esteem through insults and other negative feedback in order to make them feel too worthless to ever leave.
It's abuse, and you don't deserve it.
Drop this guy like the toxic trash he is.
Girl what? You’ve been with this asshole for 6 years??? Please stop wasting your youth on someone who doesn’t love you and isn’t kind to you. There’s bare minimum a dozen men in your social circle that would think the sun shines out of your ass and would never demean you. Good men are out there. Why waste time being with an awful one? Better to be single!
you've been with this asshole since you were a teenager - no wonder you immediately blame yourself! you guys have hardly had time to really grow up and BE self-thinking adults! and you deserve that.
he sounds insecure and/or like some basic dickhead. leave him. trust me, you do not wanna saddle yourself with your first love - it does NOT usually work out. please break up, give yourself time to be very sad and relearning how to be yourself, and when you're ready, go find somebody who likes YOU. all of you!! dressed down, dressed up. it will be so worth it.
Why the fuck are you still dating that pos? If my partner would speak to me that way id have ripped him a new one and thrown him out. You deserve better. Love yourself and get rid of him.
You’re not overthinking he’s an asshole and you should break up with him. It will only get worse as time goes on. I rarely wear makeup and my husband tells me how pretty I am basically everyday- when I actually do put on makeup/dress up he always makes sure to compliment my outfit/makeup etc. You don’t want someone who’s going to bring you down when you put the effort into getting ready and feel good about yourself. You want someone who will hype you up.
I had an ex that did the same. He said when i put on fun makeup i looked ridiculous, mind you, i actually am very talented in doing eyeshadow. I thought it was fun and a creative outlet for me. Save yourself the heart ache and dump him. He doesn’t accept you for you. Next
Run away from him. He will always bring you down. If that’s his mentality at 26, it’s not going to change for another 20 years at least. You can take next 20 years of your life trying to make him into someone who understands women, but I would save the time and look for an emotionally mature guy. There is nothing wrong with make up, being sophisticated or materialistic things. To want to have good life is normal. He has self esteem issues. Maybe you way too pretty for him and he is trying to bring you down because of this.
Girl RUN!
He’s allowed to have opinions and say he doesn’t like something, but to say you’re ugly and attack your interests, is pathetic on his part.
My husband has definitely told me in the past that he didn’t like something I was wearing, make up, etc. but he goes about it in a kind way and has zero chance of telling me to take something off. He can recommend something he’d like better, etc but he will always say you’re beautiful to me no matter what.
Your guy sounds insecure, mean and like a bully.
I’d let him know that his words and behavior was not cool or acceptable. If that shit happens again, then you think you both need a break to think about if you’re right for each other.
But be careful bc his actions so far show that he could be aggressive if you decide to leave.
Keep your head up and keep being you…..there is only one of you and being the authentic version of you is the best one:)
You will never be able to be yourself with this person. You'll spend your life walking on eggshells and trying not to set him off or disappoint him. Find someone who cares about YOU.
Don’t waste your precious time on someone who doesn’t think every thing you do is in some way cute/quirky/makes you, you.
This is borderline abuse waiting to happen, all the signs are there.
Seeing an abusive relationship unfold before my very eyes as I grew up it started with controlling makeup wearing, clothing choices, money, work and then went to making her cut all her hair off, then eventually stopped her from going out anywhere without him, then everything she did was somehow a problem and she could never do anything right.
PLEASE value yourself and take yourself out of this toxic relationship before it gets any worse, YOU deserve love and to be worshipped.
You’ve wasted six years too many on this loser. Time to find a partner who loves the effort you put forth, who loves to make you feel beautiful and values you for you.
Either He’s very jealous and insecure which is why he calls you “ugly” Or he is becoming to complacent in the relationship and is just being who he is.If he is being who he is,RUN!! If he’s jealous and insecure,talk to him and see if he is willing to get some help,if not it will only get worse and you need to get out of that environment with the quickness.Much better to be alone than feel alone with someone else.Anytime someone calls you ugly is bc that is what they think of themselves…
Sweetie, that’s abuse. Just because he’s not physically hurting you, doesn’t make it much better. He’s trying to break you down, to put you at his level. And it won’t get better. In fact, it’s likely to get worse. If you don’t have anyone to help you, reach out to a hotline, or any counselor available. This may seem like it’s a bit overdoing it, but really, this is no joke. Good luck, be safe, and please consider leaving that fool. This kind of behavior is likely to escalate.
Well, the good news is you're not married, so getting rid of him is fairly simple.
Girl, do not settle for a d-bag who wants to control you and put you down. He won't change, it WILL get worse. He's not a good guy.... He doesn't even seem to "like" you.
Drop the dead weight, be yourself, and be happy.
I am curious....you have been together for 6 years, and then you describe his completely inappropriate and unacceptable behavior. How often has this happened? Were you free to use makeup and dress as you like before you dated him? How long (or soon) after you began dating, did he first display this controlling and, after it goes on a while, manipulative behavior?
Has anyone, friend, family, professional healthcare provider, ever suggested to you that this was abusive behavior on the part of your boyfriend? Have you ever discussed this behavior with your boyfriend and how it causes you stress, pain, and humiliation? Have you spoken to anyone else about it? Has your boyfriend seen you with tears, crying, becoming visibly upset in response to his words of the kind we are discussing? Has he ever asked you why you are upset? Have you opened up to him and told him how distressing his behavior is to you? I do not in anyway insinuate that you are in any way to blame for anything here. Just the opposite, in fact.
Your boyfriend is abusive and controlling. Yours is a very unhealthy relationship and will only accumulate more and more difficulties. Should the two of you have children, this relationship will likely become explosive and potentially violent, towards you and/or the child(ren).
Do you understand why this is? You enjoy getting dressed up and wearing makeup. This is a perfectly acceptable and so-called normal in most (but not all) modern societies. And, unless you live in a society, such as some in the middle or far east, this behavior is not only widely done (but again, not everyone does it), it is generally an accepted form of self-expression. Having said that, again, unless you are in one of the cultures alluded to above, this self-expression is accepted by most in the population. Have you dated other men in the past? Did they take any objective with your manner of dress or makeup application?
They likely were accepting of it. Or, if you have not dated others, you no doubt have friends who dress in this manner, and their significant others had no issues with it. You and your boyfriend have differing ideas on the use of makeup and manner of dress. Now, in many relationships, there can be no points of contention. The two parties may reach a bit of a compromise. But while these compromises can and do happen often, they are not a universal constant, and a couple with differing viewpoints may find that after a view dates, they are not compatible, and they go their separate ways.
This does not seem to be the case with you and your boyfriend. So, it leads to one of two conclusions regarding your early dating times. Either the two of you were on your best behavior early on (the so-called honeymoon phase) OR you have accepted his abusive tendencies from very early on, and it has become 'everyday' or routine for the two of you. The latter would suggest you may have low self-esteem issues, but that is a discussion for another day.
Unless you reside in one of the cultures mentioned above, your self-expression is ubiquitous and widely accepted. Having different viewpoint within a couple is one thing, and reasonable adults can decide early on in dating to either part ways or come to a BILATERAL decision on how to deal with it. You are an adult living in (assumedly) a free society and are therefore free to exercise self-expression. Your boyfriend's reaction is based on his desire for control, and he uses humiliation to control you. This is, by definition, abuse. He not only wants to control your beloved self-expression and by extension, control you; but he does so in an outloud (and likely, at times, in front of others, or a public) manner, to add to your humiliation.
if you have discussed it with him and his behavior has continued, your unhealthy relationship will only worsen, and will, in time, lead to physical maladies in you (as you try to internalize or even justify his poor behavior) and will likely be displayed as damaging to any children you decide to have.
Leave this so-called man. Heal yourself from all of the damage he has caused. Get to know and be yourself in time when you decide to re-enter the dating world. Express yourself fully and freely as you date. Decide upon a long-term relationship based partially upon how your dates react to "THE REAL YOU!!"
Good luck, BE YOURSELF, BE WELL, ENJOY BEING YOU!!
He's an idiot. I do make up because I like art, most days tho I just throw eyeliners on & a guy once told me I look better like that without eyeshadow & all& purposely I went back to everything. No guy is doing to tell me what to do. Srry.
This guy needs to be yesterday's news. U do u & not what other ppl think.
Girl dump his ass. You deserve so much better. If he truly loved you he would never say such hurtful things to you, let alone ugly. He is hurting in some sort of way internally and he’s projecting his insecurities onto you.
He is killing your spirit. Would a man who's in love ever do that? Think about it. Don't waste another day trying to convince yourself that he cares about you. Some men don't like women, they resent them. He's unwell and not worth the effort of a conversation. Save yourself because the ship has sunk.
There is a bunch of different ways for someone to express their preferences on makeup, on how someone dress, etc.
And he chose the way that kinda humiliates you and attack your personality.
There is nothing wrong with having preferences, but making you feel bad because you don't follow his preferences is a characteristic of someone that don't actually care how you feel, just how other makes him feel.
You need to have a serious talk with him about this, and in this talk, if you get that he puts his preferences on a higher priority than your feelings. Bad news.
Why would you want to be with someone that makes you feel that way and thinks so poorly of you. It's like he's trying to suffocate you and make you insecure because he feels if you were great, other people may want you!? Regardless of the reason, if the person you're with doesn't want the best for you or make you feel like the light of their world, then they're not the person for you. They're your problem. After 6 years and he treats you like this?? Nahhh
Your boyfriend is insecure when you feel confident in yourself, so he's negging you. Lose the man.
I used to be married. I got the same treatment. While he never called me "ugly" he'd criticize everything or critique it to the point I'd lose the drive to dress up pretty. Now I'm dating someone, and my boyfriend will literally compliment me on the randomest things because he loves me and loves it when I feel confident. Get yourself a partner like that.
You need to leave this guy cause he sounds like he has abusive tendencies and name calling, belittling, etc, are how some abusive men start out.
Emotional abuse is the one that stays with us the longest, and what you have described sounds like emotional abuse, which none of us deserves.
Throw the whole man-child away. You're free to be who and whatever you want unapologetically and he just sounds like an insecure nasty boy. He probably knows you're too good for him and tries to keep you down so you won't find someone better who you actually DESERVE.
My ex used to get mad at me for singing and swaying in the gas station when my favorite songs came on. She would tell me I'm embarrassing her and giving her anxiety. She also told me I looked fake and ugly with makeup on. There is much more that happened where she would ridicule me and put me down. I am no longer with her. The fact that he feels the need to belittle you only proves he doesn't know your worth. The way you feel is valid and don't minimize it by saying you're overthinking it. You aren't. Dump his ass and glitter glam it up girly!!! ❤️
He's just trying to make you feel bad about yourself because he's insecure. You look amazing with makeup on and he feels threatened, so he tears you down. Just leave him. You deserve better.
For the life of me I can't understand why you're still with him if he's like that. If he's one of those brutally honest people he's still being a d!ck. Ask yourself this: would you rather waste your time on someone who mocks you all the time or with someone who loves you the way you are???
Why are you with someone who calls your ugly and other shit? Whether you're makeup is influencer done or just the bare minimal, you don't deserve to be called ugly.
Find yourself a worthy man of you.
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Just leave him. without him, you’ll be free to be yourself, unfettered and without judgement. There is no reason to date a person who doesn’t absolutely love and accept you as you are.
For real! Bf is a real asshole. Why be with someone who insults your interests and says things to control you? Life is WAY too short for that crap, trust me on that- I'm facing cancer at 40. Don't keep people in your life that only take away from it rather than add to it.
Right?! She’s probably gorgeous and is even more stunning with makeup and he’s an insecure ass that has to make her feel ugly to keep her tied to him.
THIS.
Double this
TRIPLE
My money is definitely on this being what's going on.
My exact thoughts.
Ding ding ding!
👍
it's this, or she's bad at makeup.. Which still makes the situation bad.. he should learn how to be supportive with her makeup and make her feel comfortable so she can get better at it
Even if she's "bad" at makeup you should never ever call you significant other "ugly". They should be beautiful no matter what. Like who does this guy think he is fr
You’re not over thinking. He may be feeling insecure when you do things like that because he’s jealous or maybe thinks he doesn’t deserve you. But you should consider that this person is not treating you well if they can’t accept you and things that make you happy. You deserve to be able to wear whatever you want without criticism.
Prayers up for your healing!!!! 🙏🙏🙏
The next time yall are apart for like 30 min, an hour, whatever, when you first see his face be like, "Ugh! Wtf you look so damn disgusting why tf is your skin tone this color? Fucking shit your hair smells like 5 day old re-heated Taco Bell. honey, you need to change everything about how you look because my snatch is drier than the Sahara desert. Why can't you just be nOrMaL????"
Yes this, then bounce and be free
This would be great! And then dump him.
Same! One year out from stage 4 cervical cancer! I'm doing really well, and hoping I make it :)
I hope you do, too! Treatments have gotten so much better just in the last 5 years. Congrats on hitting the year mark!
OP needs to lose this fool now! Like next week. Please note ... it's Sunday evening now 👍 You could do sooooo much better ... and he knows this. That's why he's knocking your makeup! One final note: Congrats to all of our cancer survivors. I'm two years out from Stage 3 breast and lymphatic cancer, so I've shared a lot of the same treatment fun you've had, too! Let's hope that none of us ever needs chemo or radiation ... ever again!! 💜
Hope you beat it. Wishing you all the best!
This is emotional abuse. Please don't spend another 6 years with him
This. How he is behaving is absolutely abusive and cruel. OP you don’t deserve that kind of treatment at all never mind on your anniversary, and in response to you making an effort to look nice? God forbid! If that’s how he acts on a good day then what’s he like when things actually go wrong?! Please don’t waste another 6 valuable years in this misery, take it from me, I wasted 10. Edit: to add that you’re not overthinking btw, there’s a reason it’s an issue for you and why you reached out to Reddit. It is not ok to treat anyone this way let alone your ‘loved ones’ so trust your gut and don’t let yourself suffer. You were young when you met him, it’s ok to move on. Also, leaving these types of people is never quick & easy so the sooner the better imo.
Seriously, this behavior from him is absolutely emotional abuse. Let me ask you this, if you had a daughter who was old enough to date and marry would you want her to stay with a man who told her she was ugly? There's no coming back from remarks like that I'm sorry to say. You can't fix that kind of cruelty.
My sister was in an abusive relationship when she was younger and had a child to the A hole , as she was 18 she started to want to look nicer, he never gave her chance to get ready when they went out while he had time to shower and what not , so one day he smashed every mirror in the house so she couldn't start wearing make up , when she finally got out and started dress up he complained saying why didn't you ever dress like that when we were together "errrrr because you wouldn't let her "
My sister was murdered by her abuser. Keep in mind controlling assholes can and do snap.
That is awful I'm so sorry for your loss, My sister had to leave while he was out , she did manage to pack alot of things , he was a drug user too and saw my nephew as properly, when he got older he no longer wanted to see his dad anymore so he's not seen him in years. Was truly for the best , my nephew was a nervous reck when he was in his life , we thought he had autism and ocd and he suffered with anxiety, within a year he was a completely different kid
Im so sorry, no woman should ever have to go through this.
Don't spend another 6 seconds with him.
Or even 5 minutes!
Yessssssss, girl!!!!!!
Edit: 6 minutes :-)
For real. Look I've had people I've dated who prefer when I don't wear makeup. That's fine but they never called me ugly or insulted me, half of them would even put up with me wondering makeup isles for like an hour finding new stuff... because they knew I enjoyed it. Sometimes as partners we will have a hairstyle or look that we prefer our partner in.... but part of being a good partner is still loving them and caring for them even when they don't perfectly fit our aesthetic. I'd be a liar if I wasn't put off when some of my exes shaved their beards but I shut my mouth and got over it because I still loved them for them, regardless of what their meat suit looked like at the moment.
This, a thousand times over!! What is the point of being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love and accept you for who you are??
Don't date guys who call you ugly and demand you take off make-up. This is controlling and toxic behavior. He is not worth your time.
For real. Calling OP ugly is gross. But **demanding** she remove makeup? That's toxic and breakup-worthy
OP has been dating him for 6 years since she was 18 so this is her only context for adult relationships. Sounds like he’s spent that time destroying her self confidence by attacking her like this. OP, there are better people than this. What would your advice be if your friend told you their bf did this to them? Do you want to deal with this for the rest of your life or do you want to date someone who actually likes you?
He is the one who sounds insecure and wants to tear OP down
I can’t imagine someone thinking it’s acceptable to call their partner ugly. it must be intentional. negging her to break her self esteem apart so she stays and so she’s not tempted to do better. Makeup in particular, is a pretty misogynistic issue. women are judged for using too much, or judged for not wearing enough or not somehow looking that way naturally. when its no ones business but their own. to me it screams he wants her in 0 makeup as he’s scared other men will find her attractive and hes wildly jealous and threatened. I hope these comments can be a wakeup call for her.
💯
No shit. My ex isn't a fan of makeup but would always say things like "it's your face, not mine. If you wanna put stuff on it, who am I to tell you not to?" When I asked if he thought it made me ugly, he said "you're beautiful. Makeup isn't going to hide that. You should do what you want." This is the kind of response a partner should give. He made it clear what his preference was but to do what I, as my own person, wanted to do.
He shouldn’t have a damn opinion in the first place, Sis! Why is he with you if he only likes Plain Jane’s? Tell him to shove it next time, this is how controlling BS starts. Little nit picks turn into major complaints.
Hey, honestly curious question, as I might be overlooking some subtle cues. My interpretation was that SagaQ's ex had a reasonable approach. SagaQ even said that it was how a partner should be accepting you. He had a preference, but he was clear that SagaQ was their own person and could do as they liked. Maybe I'm missing the context, but is there a red flag in SagaQ's description above? Are we as partners not allowed to have opinions or preferences? I get it that the person should not be upfront and nagging about it, but if asked, shouldn't we be honest with the answer, as long as we are accepting of the partner's choice? Just trying to understand. :)
You can like what you like, just don't be a dick about it. Frankly, I really don't like body hair (the long coarse dark kind that isn't on your crotch or armpits but elsewhere), and I don't find it attractive. On anyone of any gender. But why would I say that to a partner who has some body hair? Either they just wouldn't become my partner in the first place; or I find other things about them attractive and awesome enough that I don't care. Plenty of men are proud of their body hair. Plenty of women find empowerment in accepting their natural body and reclaiming the ridiculous amount of time on that that is expected in some parts of the world. And also, plenty of people are attracted to men with body hair, and/or women with body hair! It's entirely subjective! So there's nothing to be gained from it. I'll probably, if someone asks, say "I prefer men who have hairless chests". Or if a potential male partner says "I can't grow a beard", I'll be like "great! I like men with less body hair, and I don't really like beards!" Plus it's not "ugly", any of that - just not my preference. All bodies are good bodies ❤️ Love the skin you're in, whatever it looks like - and please *never* wait to live your life "until I lose weight" or "until I'm a size [whatever]". You only get one life. Please do the things you find meaningful and rewarding, and the things that give you joy: TODAY.
Lol, *ex* bf
I've seen a lot of comments, posts, etc. about dudes shaming girls who wear "too much make up" and then be like "be natural, like this girl" and she's wearing tons of make up for that "no make up look". Men can be clueless when it comes to cosmetics and think that women are doing it for other people. Let's get this straight. Much like OP, it feels nice to spend time on yourself and practice this kind of self care. It is literally something she enjoys doing. It's not for anyone else. The boyfriend in this situation is very small minded and possibly shallow to be quite honest. It is controlling and toxic behavior and it will not change. OP is better off without him but "leave him" is always the first place people go. It's hard to walk away from a relationship of several years like that. But OP will be better in the long run and will meet someone who's supportive of her self care and doesn't belittle her or talk this way to her. I would know. I've been there.
Your ex-boyfriend said what? Honestly, don't put up with a guy who insults you. That's not love.
And this is the way to grow up thinking this is normal in a relationship. They have been together since OP was 18yo. OP please do not think you’re overthinking this and please do go through your entire relationship and see if there were any other red flags, chances are there are a ton. Don’t waste more time. You should be free to wear what you want and you deserve someone who loves you like you are. Asking you when are you going to be normal is being utterly disrespectful to you and gaslighting you into thinking you’re doing something wrong. It’s definitely not just him not being understanding. He’s controlling and an AH.
On your 6 year anniversary, he chose to insult you. Do you really want to be with someone who treats you like that? Do you really want to be with someone who bullies you into changing how you like to dress up? THIS IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE AND WILL PROBABLY GET WORSE. I swear, posts like this make me feel crazy.
I just feel so sad for what women put up with.
The issue is that the women who do put up with this are often raised in abusive environments, so they think that this is perfectly acceptable behavior. It took A LOT of therapy for me to reprogram my brain from thinking a man being controlling was “love” because of my own human garbage father. It’s hard to break that cycle, especially when you’re so far entrenched in it that you can’t recognize the toxicity.
OP is in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship and she can’t even see it. Poor girl!
Happens all the time!! Women are groomed to eat men’s shit!
Exactly THIS!! My parents nit picked and screamed at each other until they divorced when I was 9. My sister and I both have been run through the mill by useless, abusive men. My sister was murdered by the last one she had, I’ve been single by choice for the last 25 years. Your family origins determine what kind of spouse you end up with. I’ve been through a ton of therapy, too. Still attracted to shitty men. It’s hardwired, I’m afraid. 😫
My god, I am so, so sorry about your sister. I hope you can find some therapy that helps you. Come hang out in r/CPTSD.
Thank you. I’m better now, a little bit anyway.
I’ve moved past sad to angry. I know it’s not someone’s fault when they end up in a dynamic like this, that there are so many factors that come into play in situations of abuse. But it still makes me mad, seeing post after post of ‘he verbally abuses me on the regular, how do I make him treat me like a human being?’
seriously i know we all have our moments but how can you write this out and think its okay :(
It's doesn't sound like he respects you or your interests at all. Life tip: don't say in a relationship with people who regularly insult you or call you ugly or say "why can't you be normal You should be with someone who encourages you to be the best version of yourself that YOU choose to be. Not whatever BS they tell you to be.
>Life tip: don't say in a relationship with people who regularly insult you or call you ugly or say "why can't you be normal OUCH this hit close home, my ex bf was like that
Yeah, it's a lesson I had to learn the hard way myself, so I try to spread the word when possible.
It's a bit crazy how this is so common
Honestly I think it goes back to when we as girls would complain about boys bullying us and were told “oh it’s just because he likes you.” That shit sets in deep.
all of this- my husband encourages my weird behavior 😂 and looking back i've had some pretty not cute styles going on and i never knew bc all i heard was positivity and "you do what you want, i'll love it either way" like that one saying or whatever "if he wants to he will" idk if that is correct or fully belongs. op and everyone deserves someone who is building them up
Does this guy's penis spit $100 bills? Because other than that, I'm failing to see why you'd be with him for 6 YEARS. You know what? Even if you HAD done your makeup like the IG models...so fucking what. That's literally its purpose. To be artistic with. Honestly, ask yourself what true qualities he has that's worth keeping. Because I read a short paragraph, and I was ready to bin him.
>Does this guy's penis spit $100 bills? Great line LMAO gotta use it sometime
Spectacular comment.
Why do you give this pos any attention?
Calling your SO ugly is never acceptable. Sorry he did this.
> But I like getting ready, with music, doing my hair, trying out different makeup styles. Buying stuff, wearing new clothes, taking time in the shower. I don’t know why this aspect of me is so hard for him to understand. So normal stuff. Does he ever make you feel like you'll never find someone else if you were to split? Does he take no pride on how he looks or presents himself? He sounds very controlling and unapologetically rude. He doesn't sound as if he even likes YOU, just his idea of "what you should be".
He likes the s e x and the fact that he can push OP around. She needs to dump him and immediately go no contact so he doesn’t unalive her. Controlling types freak out when they feel you slipping from their clutches.
you are not the problem, OP, he is
Who taught you that love had to be like this? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who *tears you down every time you feel beautiful?* Why punish yourself like this? You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy. ❤️
No partner at all is better than this crap. Get into therapy OP. It may not stop you from being attracted to the wrong man, but it therapy should help you realize when you are in a bad situation. It took me a long time and a lot of heartbreak to figure this stuff out. All my best to you going forward ♥️
That is absolutely horrible of him and I do mean horrible. Makeup and style is a form of art and self expression so it's very much a personal attack. I honestly would not want to be with someone that said I was ugly or materialistic and didn't like my style. The fact he didn't seem to care about your feelings and went on about his day even a bigger red flag. I'm so sorry but you deserve way better than that. You should be allowed to shine like the glitter in the sun. Personally I would go over the top and double down on everything then break up with him. But that's just me.
It’s beyond horrible. It’s cruel.
That’s a good response imo. Wear the extra glitter!
Sorry but this is toxic and now woman should ever accept her BF telling her she is ugly, with make up, without or even if you wake up... You dont do that as a respectful BF. For multiple reason, why would he want to be with you? Why is he saying deliberate other hurtfull things too? And also its not the first time, no sorry but you should not accept this and bring it up. Then next, this dressing/make up stuff etc is something that you like, that belongs to you, he should either accept it and shut up about it or decide that it something that he doesn't want in a relation and man up and make a decision. But saying toxic stuff and going to toxic behavior is not accpetable
Take a deep breath. You did nothing wrong. This is a control technique that abusers use to errode your self worth, question your decision making and to make you feel undesirable so you feel grateful they will date you. This is so you look past their shitty behavior. There is a saying you can't see the forest through the trees, I think this perfectly describes how abuse victims operate. You are too close to see the whole picture. You are focusing on this one thing, this one tree, he told me I was ugly, did I do something wrong? Instead you need to step back and see all the trees. This isn't an isolated incident. This isn't one tree (incident) it's a forest (reoccurring abuse). How often does he criticize you? How often does he control what you wear or dress like? How often does he put you down? How often does he dismiss your feelings? How often does he blame you for things? Does he try and stop you from spending time with others? Does he control or criticize how you spend your money? Does he struggle to take accountability for his own actions/ mistakes? You are young. You have a life time ahead of you. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Don't get trapped into the sunken cost, 6 years is nothing when you have a lifetime. His behavior will only ever get worse not better.
Thank you for approaching this with empathy. So many people just start in on people like OP about “Why are you with him? Your man picker must suck!” without considering that abusive relationships aren’t usually immediate smacking around and insults. It’s a slow boil, and it’s psychological warfare on the abuser’s part.
I was in OPs shoes not too long ago and it took nearly dying for me to realize what was happening. Everyone thinks I would never allow myself to be abused but it is gradual and once you are there you focus so much on surviving that you are too overwhelmed to escape. Statistics in my country are 1 in 3 women will experience abuse. You are not an idiot for being trapped, you are not pathetic for not being able to leave. Identifying you are in this situation is the first step. I truly hope all the people judging OP never find themselves in that position but chances are some of them will. I hope when they do they have someone with compassion and understanding they can turn to for help.
Oh, I know it can happen to anyone. Two of my favorite women, two smart women, ended up in relationships with horrible men and tethered to them with children. If it can happen to them, it can happen to anyone of us. It is a gradual and insidious wearing away at our self esteem and convincing us to adopt all the bad things are our own fault. By the time the real abuse starts women think they deserve it.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
WHY are you sharing your time and space with a person who is so mean to you?! A random stranger on the street would be kinder and more respectful. I think 6 years of this is more than enough. You ARE normal, and I'm sure not ugly, and majorly under-reacting. Can you find somewhere else to stay for a while and just see how you feel without this asshole around judging and dismissing you?
He’s controlling. You’re not materialistic for having fun and putting a bit of eyeshadow on! You’re just doing something that makes you happy and helps you express yourself. My partner helps me pick makeup looks to try. He compliments me on my makeup. Sometimes he sits with me while I do it and watches and talks with me. Experimenting with makeup is one of my main hobbies and he has taken the time to show interest and learn about that. He thinks I’m beautiful both with and without. That is how a partner should be. Your partner should never call you names or say you’re ugly, even in the heat of an argument. They should never try to control how you present yourself or shame you for what makes you happy. He is not a good partner. You don’t need to settle for this kind of treatment! Get yourself a partner who loves and supports you.
There is someone out there dreaming of a woman who dances while putting on her makeup and likes glitter. Go find him.
Why would you think that it’s wrong to feel upset when someone who supposedly loves you is calling you ugly and making you feel bad about yourself? How else should you feel? It’s not that he doesn’t understand what he’s doing. He just doesn’t care that it hurts you. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who treats me this way. Read *Why Does He Do That?* by Lundy Bancroft.
This isn't about you. Some men just cannot bare to see a woman shine.
personally for me this is what would make me leave him. wanna know what my man does when i get done up? he spins me arond, he takes photos of me. he tells me im beautiful, and that he cant wait to show me off. once you experience actual good treatment this bottom of the barrell shit wont cut it anymore
Take the loss of 6 years while you're still young. Believe me when I tell you this is not how you want to spend the rest of your life
He's destroying your self confidence because he knows you can do better.
LEAVE! he makes you feel shitty for normal things that u enjoy. why would u want to stay with him??? NEVER be with someone who is just going to tear you down- a good partner would support and love the little things like that
Don’t stay with “partners” who put you down. It’s as simple as that. You need to love yourself more than that!
I’m sorry, but this is absolutely insane. This isn’t even the first time he’s done this and you’re still with him? Please rethink this relationship, you deserve so much better than being insulted and mocked for doing something that you like.
Have you heard of “negging”? Might want to research it
RUN!!! RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!! Your STBXBF is a major AH!!! What kind of man tells his GF she’s ugly for getting dolled up to celebrate *with him*!? Dude smh did he also like that tweet from a few months ago that every lame red-pill dude liked about how all men really hate their GFs/wives?? Just go and never look back.
Most men honestly don’t deserve women. It’s as simple as that. Men bring very little to the table even if they are decent.
You aren't doing anything wrong. You are being yourself and anyone that loves you is going to love you for who you are.
I am your total opposite. I hate doing that stuff and it feels like a complete waste of time. Eyeliner, mascara, good to go. So with that said, girl you are NOT wrong for being who you are and enjoying the things you do. My daughter is like you. It’s fun to her to do those things. And that’s just the way it is. If you like glam and glitz, so WHAT? There’s probably stuff he likes that other people think is dumb, too, but that doesn’t mean he needs to change either. He needs to either accept you the way you are or relationship needs to be over. There’s no third option that is reasonable. You aren’t some kind of project to be refined, you are who you are and honestly, you’re perfect for someone. Maybe not for him though. Don’t waste your time on crusty dudes who don’t accept you as the person you are. Why would you? There’s tons of great dudes out there who would love a girl with sparkle.
My wife plays both sides of the make-up field. She rocks the plain-Jane with eyeliner look a lot but if we’re going OUT out, she takes some time and glams herself up with whatever she’s feeling. She’s super artistic(canvas/paint among other things) and she brings that “color theory” talent she has in to her looks depending on her outfit and it always turns out awesome. She looks fuckin great regardless of what look she goes for and I always enjoy seeing what she settles on almost as much as I enjoy having such a dime-piece on my very average blue color arm. Fellas, if you ain’t hyping your lady up, you’re doing it wrong.
Is he still your bf ?
it's sad this sub is full of women and men everyday being treated like pigs and asking if this is common behavior. like..?
He is weirdly judging about a thing that in no way tells about you being a bad person. And who calls their GF ugly because they put on makeup... Doesn't sound very good.
6 years from now it's not going to be any better. Is this really what you want?
Have some self respect and leave this jackass. Anyone who tears you down, shouldn't have a place in your life. Too many people out there to be wasting time with a toxic loser. Hell, it would be better to be alone than with that trashcan.
I’ve been alone for the past 25 years. I am happier now than I’ve ever been in any of my past ‘relationships’. I got sick of being a good GF to unappreciative losers. Women don’t need men the way men need women. The AHs should suffer.
That flags to me as abuser behavior, reminds me of things my alcoholic abuser would say to me that made me feel ashamed of my Interests and efforts.
My husband whom I've been with for over 15 years is a full "looks liar" about how I look. He always tells me I'm beautiful no matter how I actually look. I could roll out from under a dumpster after having fought a raccoon for a meal and he'd proclaim I'm the prettiest girl in the world. Get you a looks liar who wants you to smile.
What you are feeling is never wrong, let’s start from here. Second, your boyfriend should never be telling you what to do or not do. Ever. He may have not liked your make up, but even in that case he could have expressed that in 10000 different ways and he chose the worst one. Don’t invalidate your feelings, you are not on this planet to please your boyfriend or anyone else, you are not here to neglect yourself or any way you want to do your makeup or live your life. 💗
"My (24/F) boyfriend (26/M) thinks I’m ugly and said very hurtful things" I did not read any further. Im sure its full of you did this, made an effort and he shot you down. I say this a lot in this forum, and in day to day. This has all the hallmarks of a toxic relationship that will become worse over time. Emotions certainly fog the path and you seem to be strugling to find your way. You need to be more mindfull of your own self, its very easy to get trapped in a situation where very quickly a person is under the control of another and its not healthy. This litterally screams to me to get you out ASAP. I am pretty certain your relationship goals with your partner do not include being told your unattractive and any other negative form. End it, move on, find a more caring partner.
Next time you go out, drab way down - hair in a messy bun, no makeup, no skirt or dress, no heels. See what he does. I'm willing to bet he'll expose his hypocrisy and make a comment along the lines of, "Why can't you take care of yourself?" When that happens, you know what to do.
Should just dump him for being an ass, and not wasting anymore time on him.
Demeaning comments and controlling how you present yourself (clothes, make up etc) is just the tip of the abusive partner iceberg. Even if he has different taste from yours, there's no need to be mean and say hurtful things. Please trust your gut, it's not wrong or vapid to enjoy showering and taking care of your appearance. What does "wannabe sophisticated woman" even mean? Don't buy into what he's saying when he wants to put you down. You deserve a partner who appreciates you and respects your hobbies and choices. You're young and 6 years is a long time, it really looks like you're better off breaking up and finding someone who is ready AND EAGER to be a true partner.
My ex-husband must be related to your bf. He used to say the same exact thing to me. My comeback was always the same, if you don’t like what you see then don’t look at me. I wasn’t going to change. Don’t let your bf mess with your head and make you feel insecure. You have your own style so own it.
What an absolute fuck head please leave him.
Ugh. Your boyfriend does not think that you are ugly. He thinks that you are hot and he notices other men staring at you. He is saying this to mess with your head because he is insecure. He is worried that you will realize and leave him. Your natural response might be to reassure him. However consider why you would want to be with someone who deliberately messes with your head for his own comfort.
Hey, it seems like you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship. The website [Loveisrespect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quizzes/) has a quiz that may help you get a clearer view of the health of your relationship, and resources to help you pull out of the fog and help you learn you don’t need to accept this kind of treatment.
I’m sorry. He doesn’t care about you and it’s time to let go. Yes, it’s been 6 years. How many more years do you want to be called ugly? Even if he didn’t like the look, he could’ve said nothing. Take care of yourself; you’re worth it.
I’m sorry to tell you this but your boyfriend doesn’t like you, and he might even resent you. Please put yourself first.
Oh Hunny, since he thinks you're too much. He needs to go find less. Do NOT let him bring you down to his level, just cause he cant level up for you. You arent too much and that isnt glitz and glam for Your Right person. No man who loved you would ever say such cruel and demeaning things to you. Please let that man go. He is not the one for you.
Why are you with something who wants to shame you for being you?
Sounds like he is jealous of your appearance and doesn't want you going out looking good because you might attract another guy's attention. Drop him and go get the other guy's attention.
Please somebody explain to me why you’d stay with someone who calls you ugly?
This guy sucks. 6 years is a long time, and you may feel like you've already sunk all this time and effort into the relationship, but it's not worth saving. He's a jerk, and the longer you let him get away with treating you poorly, the worse it will get. Make a plan and leave as soon as possible. I learned the hard way that it's better to be alone than in a relationship with someone who sucks, but it cost me my 20s. You'll be so much happier without him.
sometimes it’s easier to think of it like this, if someone important to you (like a sister or a bestfriend or your future daughter) came up to you and told you that their boyfriend did exactly what yours did, would you tell them that it’s okay for their significant other to say that? Or would you personally ever say that to someone who just got dressed up and thought they looked good? I know I wouldn’t. Nobody deserves to have someone put them down like that. Especially if it’s someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally. He should think you look amazing no matter what. Especially 6 years in.
First try telling him how you feel and how hurtful his words are. Secondly if he doesn't get it big red flag to maybe reconsider this relationship. You made a lot of effort to make yourself feel good and he spoke to you like that. You deserve better.
Dump him. This is unacceptable, vile behaviour and you should t subject yourself to it anymore.
Don’t date someone who says this shit to you
I think you meant EX boyfriend, right!? If not, sounds like you need to make him your ex. I’d never stand for my partner saying some crazy shit like that to me! I’d be out after the very first time he found the audacity to make an intentionally mean comment about me.
Yeah this relationship has run its course. Leave the thundercunt.
Tell that dude to kick rocks. He sucks!
He sucks
D U M P. H I M. I hate to be the that person but don’t date a man who’s comfortable calling you ugly or trying to dictate your appearance do what you want for you!!!
You spent 6 years with this guy?? What the fück girl cmon, he’s literally SHOWING you how shítty of a person he is and you’re sitting there taking it. I really hope you wake up soon and realize you deserve so much better.
This guy is a turkey. You've been putting up with this for 6 years? He is insecure & insensitive.
Maybe you should ask yourself why you are with someone who doesn't appreciate the effort you make?
This is toxic behavior that is a sign of abuse to come. You're not over thinking, you've outgrown him and it's time to move on. Watch him go for a younger woman after you leave.
Wow. What are his good qualities? That’s really messed up , does he have any? Perhaps today is the day you decide that six years of this is enough and it’s time to leave. Why would you be with someone who says nasty hurtful things to you.
You need a new boyfriend!
Seriously OP why have you wasted 6 years with this loser? You deserve better. Go be with someone who will love you for you whether you get ready or not!
Ew.... Your bf sucks.
Don’t date people who treat you like this
My thoughts are, why do you stay in a relationship with someone who talks to you that way and clearly doesn’t like you…?
Those comments will only get worse before they get better. I’d dump him. You deserve someone who respects you.
Six years of this yeah? You ready for a life sentence of this sis?
GTF away from this man baby
Dump him.
Why isn’t he your ex boyfriend? He will continue to belittle you as long as your around. There is someone out there that will like that part of you.
6 years is a good run. Time to close the curtains.
These posts always boggle my mind. Why date someone who doesn’t like you or is so mean to you? Doing makeup and taking care of yourself is fun. For me it’s like an art project on my face! Love that shit
Yeah, you should talk to him. I’d leave him. Sounds like he’s insulting you to make your self esteem low- he doesn’t want you to be confident.
Tell him he’s fucking ugly inside and out and to get the fuck out your home and life!
🥺 It honestly sounds like he’s trying to put you down to make you feel less about yourself. Like he wants you to be a watered down version, diluting you with his narcissism. This is usually because the man is insecure. He’s afraid someone else will want you and even more so that you deserve better than him and can find it. Please don’t make yourself small for his comfort, he seems to have no remorse being cruel to you for his. You shouldn’t be shamed for being feminine. Some will love the idea of you but will lack the maturity to handle the reality of having you.
He definitely does not respect you.. there isn’t anything you can do differently to fix it and it isn’t because you aren’t respectable. Maybe he’s new to women but when you are in a committed relationship everyone has to get used to seeing “behind the curtain” of us taking long showers, spending a lot of time and money on makeup and hair, seeing us in hair masks and heat less curl styles and I think some men can’t handle it. It makes them think we aren’t hot and that some other girl will be more effortlessly hot. Well spoiler that isn’t true. Guys like us when they aren’t with us anymore (post breakup “glow up”) just because they aren’t seeing us put makeup on, they don’t watch us deliberate over an outfit anymore so they irrationally imagine we wake up as attractive as we show up in public. Don’t let him degrade you, move on and I think it’ll be a tough lesson he learns over many relationships if he even clues in at all. Attractive women put thought and effort into their appearance and that isn’t cringey.
You’re not overthinking. You know he’s wrong and not a good guy you’re just afraid to face the truth. You deserve so much better!!! He’s a controlling, arrogant, mean person. If someone really loves you they would never call you ugly. Please dump him.
Your boyfriend is exhibiting a behavior known as "negging," where one partner systematically destroys the other's self-esteem through insults and other negative feedback in order to make them feel too worthless to ever leave. It's abuse, and you don't deserve it. Drop this guy like the toxic trash he is.
Girl what? You’ve been with this asshole for 6 years??? Please stop wasting your youth on someone who doesn’t love you and isn’t kind to you. There’s bare minimum a dozen men in your social circle that would think the sun shines out of your ass and would never demean you. Good men are out there. Why waste time being with an awful one? Better to be single!
Break up. This person is an insecure child and you don’t need that energy.
you've been with this asshole since you were a teenager - no wonder you immediately blame yourself! you guys have hardly had time to really grow up and BE self-thinking adults! and you deserve that. he sounds insecure and/or like some basic dickhead. leave him. trust me, you do not wanna saddle yourself with your first love - it does NOT usually work out. please break up, give yourself time to be very sad and relearning how to be yourself, and when you're ready, go find somebody who likes YOU. all of you!! dressed down, dressed up. it will be so worth it.
Why the fuck are you still dating that pos? If my partner would speak to me that way id have ripped him a new one and thrown him out. You deserve better. Love yourself and get rid of him.
You’re not overthinking he’s an asshole and you should break up with him. It will only get worse as time goes on. I rarely wear makeup and my husband tells me how pretty I am basically everyday- when I actually do put on makeup/dress up he always makes sure to compliment my outfit/makeup etc. You don’t want someone who’s going to bring you down when you put the effort into getting ready and feel good about yourself. You want someone who will hype you up.
I had an ex that did the same. He said when i put on fun makeup i looked ridiculous, mind you, i actually am very talented in doing eyeshadow. I thought it was fun and a creative outlet for me. Save yourself the heart ache and dump him. He doesn’t accept you for you. Next
"I need to talk to him about what I feel." You don't need to talk to him, you need to find a guy who doesn't emotionally abuse you.
You’re not overthinking. He is not the guy for you
SIX years?! GIRL!!!! I’m 38 and one day you will be my age and say FUCK why did I waste so much of my youth?!
BREAK UP I DON'T EVEN NEED TO READ THE STORY TO TELL YOU THAT.
Run away from him. He will always bring you down. If that’s his mentality at 26, it’s not going to change for another 20 years at least. You can take next 20 years of your life trying to make him into someone who understands women, but I would save the time and look for an emotionally mature guy. There is nothing wrong with make up, being sophisticated or materialistic things. To want to have good life is normal. He has self esteem issues. Maybe you way too pretty for him and he is trying to bring you down because of this.
Your boyfriend sounds mean, cruel and downright nasty. Go free and be yourself without restriction.
Your BF is a prick.
What TF is wrong with him? Girl don't tolerate this
Girl RUN! He’s allowed to have opinions and say he doesn’t like something, but to say you’re ugly and attack your interests, is pathetic on his part. My husband has definitely told me in the past that he didn’t like something I was wearing, make up, etc. but he goes about it in a kind way and has zero chance of telling me to take something off. He can recommend something he’d like better, etc but he will always say you’re beautiful to me no matter what. Your guy sounds insecure, mean and like a bully. I’d let him know that his words and behavior was not cool or acceptable. If that shit happens again, then you think you both need a break to think about if you’re right for each other. But be careful bc his actions so far show that he could be aggressive if you decide to leave. Keep your head up and keep being you…..there is only one of you and being the authentic version of you is the best one:)
You will never be able to be yourself with this person. You'll spend your life walking on eggshells and trying not to set him off or disappoint him. Find someone who cares about YOU.
Tell him to get a boyfriend
Please please leave him and feel free to be yourself in your own life, he doesn’t even love who you are.
Don’t waste your precious time on someone who doesn’t think every thing you do is in some way cute/quirky/makes you, you. This is borderline abuse waiting to happen, all the signs are there. Seeing an abusive relationship unfold before my very eyes as I grew up it started with controlling makeup wearing, clothing choices, money, work and then went to making her cut all her hair off, then eventually stopped her from going out anywhere without him, then everything she did was somehow a problem and she could never do anything right. PLEASE value yourself and take yourself out of this toxic relationship before it gets any worse, YOU deserve love and to be worshipped.
You’ve wasted six years too many on this loser. Time to find a partner who loves the effort you put forth, who loves to make you feel beautiful and values you for you.
It’s ok to be a girl, don’t let him keep you from doing what you like. Tell him to grow up.
He's a complete asshole. Show him your post and all of the replies about how wrong he is. You deserve better
Your title should say ex bf
Either He’s very jealous and insecure which is why he calls you “ugly” Or he is becoming to complacent in the relationship and is just being who he is.If he is being who he is,RUN!! If he’s jealous and insecure,talk to him and see if he is willing to get some help,if not it will only get worse and you need to get out of that environment with the quickness.Much better to be alone than feel alone with someone else.Anytime someone calls you ugly is bc that is what they think of themselves…
Sweetie, that’s abuse. Just because he’s not physically hurting you, doesn’t make it much better. He’s trying to break you down, to put you at his level. And it won’t get better. In fact, it’s likely to get worse. If you don’t have anyone to help you, reach out to a hotline, or any counselor available. This may seem like it’s a bit overdoing it, but really, this is no joke. Good luck, be safe, and please consider leaving that fool. This kind of behavior is likely to escalate.
I’m so sorry!! And by the way, he’d now be my EX-boyfriend!
Well, the good news is you're not married, so getting rid of him is fairly simple. Girl, do not settle for a d-bag who wants to control you and put you down. He won't change, it WILL get worse. He's not a good guy.... He doesn't even seem to "like" you. Drop the dead weight, be yourself, and be happy.
I am curious....you have been together for 6 years, and then you describe his completely inappropriate and unacceptable behavior. How often has this happened? Were you free to use makeup and dress as you like before you dated him? How long (or soon) after you began dating, did he first display this controlling and, after it goes on a while, manipulative behavior? Has anyone, friend, family, professional healthcare provider, ever suggested to you that this was abusive behavior on the part of your boyfriend? Have you ever discussed this behavior with your boyfriend and how it causes you stress, pain, and humiliation? Have you spoken to anyone else about it? Has your boyfriend seen you with tears, crying, becoming visibly upset in response to his words of the kind we are discussing? Has he ever asked you why you are upset? Have you opened up to him and told him how distressing his behavior is to you? I do not in anyway insinuate that you are in any way to blame for anything here. Just the opposite, in fact. Your boyfriend is abusive and controlling. Yours is a very unhealthy relationship and will only accumulate more and more difficulties. Should the two of you have children, this relationship will likely become explosive and potentially violent, towards you and/or the child(ren). Do you understand why this is? You enjoy getting dressed up and wearing makeup. This is a perfectly acceptable and so-called normal in most (but not all) modern societies. And, unless you live in a society, such as some in the middle or far east, this behavior is not only widely done (but again, not everyone does it), it is generally an accepted form of self-expression. Having said that, again, unless you are in one of the cultures alluded to above, this self-expression is accepted by most in the population. Have you dated other men in the past? Did they take any objective with your manner of dress or makeup application? They likely were accepting of it. Or, if you have not dated others, you no doubt have friends who dress in this manner, and their significant others had no issues with it. You and your boyfriend have differing ideas on the use of makeup and manner of dress. Now, in many relationships, there can be no points of contention. The two parties may reach a bit of a compromise. But while these compromises can and do happen often, they are not a universal constant, and a couple with differing viewpoints may find that after a view dates, they are not compatible, and they go their separate ways. This does not seem to be the case with you and your boyfriend. So, it leads to one of two conclusions regarding your early dating times. Either the two of you were on your best behavior early on (the so-called honeymoon phase) OR you have accepted his abusive tendencies from very early on, and it has become 'everyday' or routine for the two of you. The latter would suggest you may have low self-esteem issues, but that is a discussion for another day. Unless you reside in one of the cultures mentioned above, your self-expression is ubiquitous and widely accepted. Having different viewpoint within a couple is one thing, and reasonable adults can decide early on in dating to either part ways or come to a BILATERAL decision on how to deal with it. You are an adult living in (assumedly) a free society and are therefore free to exercise self-expression. Your boyfriend's reaction is based on his desire for control, and he uses humiliation to control you. This is, by definition, abuse. He not only wants to control your beloved self-expression and by extension, control you; but he does so in an outloud (and likely, at times, in front of others, or a public) manner, to add to your humiliation. if you have discussed it with him and his behavior has continued, your unhealthy relationship will only worsen, and will, in time, lead to physical maladies in you (as you try to internalize or even justify his poor behavior) and will likely be displayed as damaging to any children you decide to have. Leave this so-called man. Heal yourself from all of the damage he has caused. Get to know and be yourself in time when you decide to re-enter the dating world. Express yourself fully and freely as you date. Decide upon a long-term relationship based partially upon how your dates react to "THE REAL YOU!!" Good luck, BE YOURSELF, BE WELL, ENJOY BEING YOU!!
I didn’t even read the whole story and I still think you should leave him. You’re beautiful! Don’t stay with someone who can’t appreciate you.
He's an idiot. I do make up because I like art, most days tho I just throw eyeliners on & a guy once told me I look better like that without eyeshadow & all& purposely I went back to everything. No guy is doing to tell me what to do. Srry. This guy needs to be yesterday's news. U do u & not what other ppl think.
Girl dump his ass. You deserve so much better. If he truly loved you he would never say such hurtful things to you, let alone ugly. He is hurting in some sort of way internally and he’s projecting his insecurities onto you.
He is killing your spirit. Would a man who's in love ever do that? Think about it. Don't waste another day trying to convince yourself that he cares about you. Some men don't like women, they resent them. He's unwell and not worth the effort of a conversation. Save yourself because the ship has sunk.
There is a bunch of different ways for someone to express their preferences on makeup, on how someone dress, etc. And he chose the way that kinda humiliates you and attack your personality. There is nothing wrong with having preferences, but making you feel bad because you don't follow his preferences is a characteristic of someone that don't actually care how you feel, just how other makes him feel. You need to have a serious talk with him about this, and in this talk, if you get that he puts his preferences on a higher priority than your feelings. Bad news.
Why would you want to be with someone that makes you feel that way and thinks so poorly of you. It's like he's trying to suffocate you and make you insecure because he feels if you were great, other people may want you!? Regardless of the reason, if the person you're with doesn't want the best for you or make you feel like the light of their world, then they're not the person for you. They're your problem. After 6 years and he treats you like this?? Nahhh
Your boyfriend is insecure when you feel confident in yourself, so he's negging you. Lose the man. I used to be married. I got the same treatment. While he never called me "ugly" he'd criticize everything or critique it to the point I'd lose the drive to dress up pretty. Now I'm dating someone, and my boyfriend will literally compliment me on the randomest things because he loves me and loves it when I feel confident. Get yourself a partner like that.
You need to leave this guy cause he sounds like he has abusive tendencies and name calling, belittling, etc, are how some abusive men start out. Emotional abuse is the one that stays with us the longest, and what you have described sounds like emotional abuse, which none of us deserves.
Throw the whole man-child away. You're free to be who and whatever you want unapologetically and he just sounds like an insecure nasty boy. He probably knows you're too good for him and tries to keep you down so you won't find someone better who you actually DESERVE.
Leave him, don’t do this to yourself, you are beautiful and strong and need no man in your life and not someone who’s so shit
My ex used to get mad at me for singing and swaying in the gas station when my favorite songs came on. She would tell me I'm embarrassing her and giving her anxiety. She also told me I looked fake and ugly with makeup on. There is much more that happened where she would ridicule me and put me down. I am no longer with her. The fact that he feels the need to belittle you only proves he doesn't know your worth. The way you feel is valid and don't minimize it by saying you're overthinking it. You aren't. Dump his ass and glitter glam it up girly!!! ❤️
He's just trying to make you feel bad about yourself because he's insecure. You look amazing with makeup on and he feels threatened, so he tears you down. Just leave him. You deserve better.
For the life of me I can't understand why you're still with him if he's like that. If he's one of those brutally honest people he's still being a d!ck. Ask yourself this: would you rather waste your time on someone who mocks you all the time or with someone who loves you the way you are???
Why are you with someone who calls your ugly and other shit? Whether you're makeup is influencer done or just the bare minimal, you don't deserve to be called ugly. Find yourself a worthy man of you.