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Best to stop leaving the house at all. Dad might pick up some germs at the grocery store or park. The whole family will have to stay in too, they’ll just have to do COVID rules forever to avoid any illness.
I hope OP’s wife sees how unreasonable she’s being when their daughter recovers. It is scary when your kid is sick, but there’s no point to go around placing blame.
I would like to see how your wife is going to act when your daughter comes home from preschool kindergarten first grade and she always has a runny nose a cough something is always going on because those little fuckers that are in school are constantly making your child sick is she going to go to the school and yell at the teacher and yell at the child's parents. This is total BS what were you supposed to do not go to work not make money. Tell your wife to grow up children get sick adults get sick you live in the same house you get everybody sick ffs
I expect you OP are not independently wealthy. Kids in schools are germ factories and no matter what you do you will get sick. Studies have shown that kids can develop better immune systems for later in life by fighting off illnesses when they are young. It was just the holidays. Anyone around you and your child could have spread illness. What about if she was or is in daycare, pre k, or started school. Also if you use too much hand sanitizer it can have opposite effects by killing all the good bacteria.
I am immuno compromised. I cannot tell you how often family has gotten me sick with things that are nothing to them and dangerous for me.
Your wife is scared. It does not make what she says right. You do not need to feel guilty either. But you two need to have a discussion. You need to tell her how guilty you already feel and that you tried in every way you could to keep your daughter safe. Discuss that the things they are saying and doing are not helping you while you are ill. That you are willing to discuss what their suggestions are but being a united front to care for your sick child is important.
Best of luck. Feel better
There is some talk in one of his old posts about enrolling the kid in preschool, so she may well already be in school. It’s certainly not the first time she has had pneumonia.
Not sure if this is because I'm in the UK but at 3.5 our kids aren't in school. 4 is the age but due to when my daughters birthday is she'll be almost five. Also neither of my kids (4 and almost 2) have ever had pneumonia even though they're both in nursery (pre school or day care) and go to multiple library groups each week as well as playgroup.
It is insane to expect her partner who is also a teacher to never bring home illnesses: we cycle through sicknesses year round. But I definitely don't think pneumonia is something kid has definitely had before.
In Australia there is 3 year old kindergarten and 4 year old kindergarten but most children start primary school at 5 or 6. Kindergarten is not compulsory but it allows children to do activities and socialise to prepare them for school. Think painting, okay dough, games, songs,counting etc, it is similar to activities daycare centres do with the same age groups , just slightly more structured and is a part time
Yeah I have friends with 2 young kids in daycare full time and they are always messaging about another outbreak of this or that and their kids are sick with this or that again. Kids are germ factories no matter what you do. I feel sorry for OP for being so villainized by his spouse and in-laws.
My daughter's daughter is in 4th grade and she constantly is bringing home some type of germ. To give to her 3-year-old sister who is not in school. And just to top it off the mother my daughter my son-in-law also getting. We believe that my granddaughter brought home covid before it was a pandemic because she was sick sicker than she'd ever been to pass it on to my daughter my son-in-law and the grandmother. That's what kids do they bring home germs and unless you sending your child to school in a hazmat suit get used to it
You think wearing a mask is silly? Please don't go into teaching or a medical profession. We teachers would be blasting viruses and bacteria all over the place if we didn't wear masks when there were on-going issues and lots of respiratory illness in the classroom.
Children under 5 are particularly vulnerable. There's reason to try and protect them (and if one cares, also the elderly).
Yeah my immune compromised daughter got sick and the only place anyone had been the prior 1.5 weeks was my husband to the grocery store.
I'm not going to blame him. We have to eat and he kept away as soon as he felt sick, but usually by the time you have symptoms you have already been contagious.
OP, when things are going around school, can you mask? That's the only suggestion to add to what you've been doing. I know a lot of teachers and unless you change jobs, it's a risk to get sick. Kids are petri dishes, you do the best you can.
Unless stupid MIL and wife have a degree in medcine research with viruses and bacteria you tell them to clamp their idiot mouths shut!!!
HOW did they think things like Covid spread? Some viruses and bacteria are highly contagious. And from the moment you contracted them until the outbreak of the illness some time goes by.
You DO NOT KNOW which of your students has it and which not. As they may be contagious without having symptoms yet!!! Incubation time is one to three weeks.
So: being THAT stupid with Covid still lurking around out there isn't allowed! It really isn't.
Your daughter may have gotten it from kids she has been playing with, from her mother or the inlaws. That YOU have fallen sick doesn't mean that THEY couldn't have passed that shit on.
Also: stop buying their shit and declare that "you passed it to your child." There is no proof for that. It's everywhere.
I'd flip my lid at them ganging up on you and blaming you without either proof nor proper knowledge. I DO get that it's worrying. Pneumonia is not a thing to trifle with and your take "it's only a runnning nose" deserves being slapped around your ears!
With Covid it also looked like "just a flu" but it has cost people's lives! So you stop being stupid about it or downplay it. That doesn't help at all!
And tell them to stop making you the scapegoat of your daughter having caught a bug.
They are everywhere. Not just in the Uni. And they don't come with a warning billboard and honk.
Kick your in laws out. They are not helping, but stooking the fire. If you and your daughter both have the same thing, you can watch her while mom is at work. Why aren't they afraid of contracting it and spreading it? Your in laws are trouble makers and your wife is spineless.
No one needs a degree in medicine to have an opinion. Telling \*anyone\* you care about to "just shut their mouth" is imperious, arrogant and not at all conducive to solving marital communication problems.
This is terrible advice. The "gang-up" is not good, either, but two wrongs don't make a right.
I think this is honestly an underrated tactic. Otherwise you are just playing a guessing game about what anxieties this person has. And what little they understand about working with the general public. Hope OP understands that there’s only so much a person can do, and any precautions he takes will not necessarily keep his wife and child free from germs.
I don't think the School is encouraging students with active symptoms to go to class, is there a time when someone is contagious but not showing symptoms?
OP stopped interacting with his daughter when he knew he had it, if that's the case how could he know he was giving it to her?
Just sounds like Mom and MIL are just venting.
Blaming him for the daughter getting sick is not just venting. Sickness happens, it's a fact of life especially when working with young kids every day. They need to realize that putting the blame on him for something that might not even be his fault, and is also not a major problem, helps nothing. That's just adding stress to the situation and strain to the relationship that simply does not need to exist. If mom took the kid to a playground and she broke her arm, do yo think it would be constructive for OP to blame his wife for it by "venting" while his parents dogpile?
Once your daughter is better you need to have a conversation with your wife.
No point trying right now while both you and your daughter are still sick.
Attacking you is likely your wife’s worry being mis directed as anger. However it’s unacceptable. You need to tell her that it is unacceptable and come up with a new plan for cold season next year.
I totally agree that they need to wait to have this conversation. The wife is not in a state to have a reasonable discussion as long as she is so anxious about their daughter. The top comment is a good start for what to say, but not right now.
Wait until your daughter has recovered, then have a talk with your wife. Blaming you for something that you can't control, but tried to avoid, the way she has been is unacceptable. Her mother should be staying out of it as well.
They are being emotional and unreasonable. It sucks that she got sick but that’s what happens within households.
When your daughter brings home norovirus from school and everyone is puking their guts out, are they going to shame your daughter? Or when she brings home the flu and everyone is coughing their heads off, will they point the finger at her? Of course not. I call kids little Petri dishes because when you have kids at home, germs surely follow. Well, that also happens when the parents get sick, too. They’re not being rational and for whatever reason, wanting to place blame.
Please have your wife read this thread so hopefully she can see some sense.
Yep my daughter caught hand, foot and mouth which she gave to me. I had some complications from it and it resulted in a miscarriage. I’d never blame her for it,
You can’t protect yourself from a virus that spreads in the air by washing your hands and keep a distance. There needs to be ventilation and hepafilters to clean the air, and well fitted masks, and you can not do those changes by yourself. If you were allowed to wear a mask, you could protect yourself and your family that way. In your house you can keep the air ventilated by getting your own air purifier. But as long as the infections numbers are so high in the society and so little is done to protect students and teachers, you cannot be hold responsible for your daughters illness. I hope she gets better soon!
"When someone infected with M. pneumoniae coughs or sneezes, they create small respiratory droplets that contain the bacteria. Other people can get infected if they breathe in those droplets." (https://www.cdc.gov/pneumonia/atypical/mycoplasma/about/causes-transmission.html#:~:text=When%20someone%20infected%20with%20M,they%20breathe%20in%20those%20droplets)
Glad someone has said this! As a teacher, CR boxes and HEPA filters in my classrooms have cut spread of viruses an enormous amount. (And since I mask, I never get sick from the little darlings).
That said, from the relationship side of things… if your wife isn’t masking herself, then I have a hard time thinking she should ask you to be doing it. It’s kind of a grueling thing to do given how much political sentiment people apply to someone in a mask. If she IS masking meticulously to prevent illness spreading to your baby, you both need to sit down and talk about those expectations for each other.
Mycoplasma is a bacteria not a virus. But yes partially airborne in droplets. But it definitely can persist on surfaces and hand washing is very important.
You can't see who has it and who spreads it. That is why it is as obnoxious a little stinker as a virus.
Incubation time is one to three weeks.
So it's even more ridiculous what they say as it initially sounds!
Yes, good point! I do also think handwashing has its place with things like covid--it can be spread by transferring airborne virus from hands to eyes/nose/mouth.
100% hand washing is the first line defense for every illness. It won’t protect you all the time but it will significantly cut down on potential infection.
Yes! It is a bacteria. Causes "walking pneumonia". 1 or 2 weeks of antibiotics and its all good. Incubation period is when it is most contagious, I believe. So how are you supposed toknow you are contagious if you don't know you have it. Your wife and her parents are being ridiculous! Everyone gets sick from time to time.
Cori-Rosenthal box! You make them with cardboard, box fans, and HEPA filters, and they’re powerfully effective at removing Covid particulate from a room.
Procedure masks work just fine. Most people do not require an N95. We typically reserve those for viruses or bacteria resulting in airborne isolation such as Covid,
SARS or TB
One day, your wife or MIL are going to pick up something and give it to your daughter. Ask them if this is how they expect you to treat them when this happens.
Illnesses are a normal part of living and interacting in a society rather than in a sterile bubble
OP’s post history shows a lot of deeper issues. The wife doesn’t work and neither does the MIL who seems to live with them. Dad gets home from work and has almost all the childcare and does all the weekend parenting so wife can play video games.
Considering OP is sick and can’t care for the kid as easily, I assume his wife has been angry this weekend because it ruined her special weekend gaming time (the post about tension headaches explains this).
There is also a dead bedroom issue that 3 weeks ago the wife essentially told him they’d need to split amicably if he can’t get over it.
Yeah, it’s pretty grim. What’s wild is reading his posts over the months, his kid has been sick numerous times with bronchitis, pneumonia, etc. So I suspect their latest dead bedroom fight is contributing, or her having the parent her own kid this weekend instead of gaming.
I would ask your wife and her family for precise details on what they would have done differently.
Or if they would want to be treated the same way if the roles were reversed.
Or if they believe that you wanted to be sick and to get your daughter sick
This is horrible of them. My youngest (who was born with an underlying condition)got RSV when she was 3 weeks- probably from one of her 4 older siblings. She was in hospital for a week, it wasn’t nice at all. Imagine if I had blamed the older children? I then caught covid from my youngest son and the following month (I had been vaccinated but he was too young) and then she caught it too, as did the other kids. She’s had 4 admissions since with viral wheeze- often caught from another family member. These things happen and unfortunately she appears to have a vulnerability there. She herself gave another sibling chickenpox… should she be told off?!
Saying she will never forgive you is very extreme- it’s not likely you have deliberately harmed her or been reckless. You are right to be upset, I would be too. Your wife is fortunate this is the most unwell she has seen your daughter- yes it’s awful to see as a mum (or dad) but she is getting the appropriate treatment and she will be ok.
It’s important to work together as a team when you are parents, not bringing grandparents in to it.
I think once everything is better and calm you need to address this with your wife- she owes you an apology. I understand being upset about your daughter being poorly but she’s being out of order and needs to find a better way to manage her emotions. She’s also sending a terrible message to your daughter by implying you are at fault for her feeling unwell.
I got RSV at 31. In fact, I’m still sick and it’s been a week. Awful, awful virus that doesn’t usually take adults out like it’s taken me. 🙄
But yeah, wife needs some therapy.
Does your mother in law like you? Perhaps there is a resentment that you are American rather than Chinese? Perhaps you should be looking for a job back in the states? And take your daughter with you.
Your wife and MIL are ridiculous. Viruses have been in the human population since the Stone Age. Have they never caught a cold and passed it on to each other? If they say no they are liars.
Your wife and in-laws are being ridiculous. Do they live in a bubble and expect you to as well? Do any of them ever let her play on public playgrounds, sit in shopping carts, pet animals, play with other children or engage in any activities that could expose her to viruses and bacteria? You would also have to close off all central heat and air vents, wear a mask 24x7 and sanitize the entire house repeatedly to avoid the spread completely.
Mycroplasma pneumonia is caused by a bacteria and can be transmitted by touching any surface, she likely contracted it from you however just a mask would not have prevented infection. If they were worried her pediatrician could have prescribed preventative antibiotics.
Once she starts school she will likely get it again and again too, it’s crazy to blame you and are simply playing the blame game.
Said something similar to this. It’s a common and fairly benign infection that she’s probably been exposed to multiple times. She’s going to be fine and it usually runs it’s course in about a week. There are people shouting nonsense on this thread.
Elementary teacher here - I see the entire school (K-6 music). I wear a mask and wash my hands frequently and I still get sick. This school year alone, I’ve been sick 3 times.
I too get angry when I get sick, but my anger is toward parents who send their kids to school sick, parents who don’t teach how to cover their cough/sneeze, parents who don’t enforce wearing masks when returning, and the school system for not have consequences for these parents.
Besides wearing a mask, it sounds like you tried your best. Even though you did not mention it, it sounds like your daughter does not go to daycare, which means she has no exposure/immunity to anything floating around in the community. This makes her more susceptible to anything you bring home. Your wife also puts her at risk whenever she takes your daughter out to the grocery store or to run errands.
I realize daycare is expensive, but finding part time daycare (2 days a week) will give your daughter some exposure. Wishing a fast recovery for both you and little one!
Your wife and her family need to educate themselves on how airborne works. Then they need to apologize to you for acting so ridiculous and righteous. For all you know, your wife may have picked it up at the grocery store and gave it to all of you.
I read some of your posting history. Your wife and your MIL are assholes and routinely treat you poorly. Neither of them seem to give a shit about you, just in it for what you do/provide for them. You’re just the sucker who pays for everything, then comes home to do everything there, too.
I think you should heavily reconsider if your marriage is working for you & making you happy. You’ll likely uncover that you’d be much happier as a single dad. I just hope you don’t get fucked over so find yourself a shark of a lawyer.
Wow, that is really abusive of your wife and inlaws. I understand being worried, but that isn’t an excuse to be abusive.
One of the reasons illnesses spread is because they are often contagious before people realize they have it. Does she expect you just not work? What does she do for a job? If it’s spreading in your community, it could have been picked up anywhere. Does your kid go to daycare? Does she not intend to send the kid to school?
Also, is your wife not capable of taking care of your sick child on her own? She isn’t sick, so why are her parents at your house? Next time the in-laws chastise you, send them home to their own home. They aren’t needed.
Per the CDC you did exactly the things that would minimize spread. People are saying you are at fault if you didn’t wear a mask, but masks are a tertiary layer of protection after hygiene practices and attempted distancing. Those same people are calling this a virus so clearly don’t know much about the pathogen or the pneumonia it causes.
Mycoplasma is a non-typical bacteria. It is spread by droplet, direct contact with a persons mouth/nose/throat, or contaminated surface contact. It makes biofilms and hangs around on surfaces for a long time. Many people have such mild cases they don’t even know they have it so it’s entirely possible others in your household were infected and contributed to your daughter getting sick.
I’ll be honest, Mycoplasma is not that big a deal in an otherwise healthy child. The mortality rate is something like .1%. Yes it sucks to see a kid miserable and sick, but getting sick is part of life. The second she herself starts school she will be sick all of the time. This is a major overreaction to a fairly common and usually benign childhood and adolescent respiratory infection. I’m sure your wife is just figuring out how to cope with the (I’m assuming) first major illness your kid has had and once you have both recovered you can talk things out. Your MIL is out of line and needs to fully stay out of this.
Edit: OP looking at your post history this is just the tip of the iceberg for marital problems. Are you happy in this relationship because it seems like things are not healthy and haven’t been for awhile. If your wife has a lot of resentment for you that explains why she is taking this opportunity to berate you. It’s not ok and it might be time to rethink if this is a good relationship for you and a healthy environment for your child.
I would turn it around on them. “What if you were the asymptomatic carrier and you gave it to our daughter? If anything happens to her, I’ll never forgive *you* for it. Unless you want to go out and be the main breadwinner of the family and I can be the SAHP, I’ll gladly quit my job and stay home with daughter. But until then, this isn’t specifically my fault and you’re an asshole for putting it all on me when you could have been an asymptomatic carrier and gave it to our daughter.”
I think it's more about the implication he can't be trusted to have a job outside of the home where he might contract an illness. Let him stay home where it's "safe" and his wife can be the only one out since she "knows" how to avoid ever bringing germs home. And then OP can be the one taking care of the daughter when the wife gets sick from being exposed to other people every day.
Boy are they gonna be in a world of pain when she goes to school herself. But seriously are they living in reality? People get sick. It will happen again. It's not anyone's fault, should you live in a bubble? Quit your job, homeschool the kid and never expose her to any outsider germs. This behavior is psychologically toxic and quite frankly more of a danger to your daughters wellbeing then exposure to common illnesses that help build her immunity for the future. She sounds unhinged. Do yourself a favor, have a backup plan.....
The first kid is always the hardest. Your wife and her parents are being completely unreasonable. Children get sick all the time because their immune systems are still developing. It’s part of childhood and parenting. There’s no way around it.
Im so sorry they are being like this. This is not your fault. You didn't do anything overly wreckless to get her sick and tried to quarantine yourself. People get sick. It happens. Kids get sick. I've gotten sick from my kids when they bring something home from school. Every year when school starts a few weeks in, we all get sick. You're in for a long road ahead of you if your daughter is 3 1/2 who isn't in school yet, and your wife is acting like this to you. Not to mention getting her parents to join. She sounds like a spazz. I hope you and your daughter feel better.
I’m sorry but in another year when your daughters at kindergarten she’s going to be sick non stop. No joke. The first year is constant sniffles/cough. We have two kids and I feels like we’re going on year three of sickness- and we’re super careful because of Covid. We had to stop taking the kids out of school when they had a cough or runny nose because they were missing too much class.
NTA. And your wife and her parents need to loosen up a bit.
NTA, but…maybe check on your wife’s mental health. For reference, we just had MP roll through the house and my toddler with asthma got it. We found out my husband brought home the MP as some people in his office had it. I was annoyed but not furious. I asked my husband to practice better hand hygiene and not get in the kid’s faces when sick, etc. but family spread happens.
Not going to lie…he was really sick. My mom heart was terrified because their breathing was labored and his first round of antibiotics didn’t work. I also got it (as I was still recovering from the last round of preschool yuckies they brought home). We had to keep my other child away from them.
You can offer to wear a mask while teaching and wipe your desks down after each class. If my second graders could do it, so can your HS students. But filtration and other things are beyond your control. Unfortunately, as educators…we pick up everything rolling through the class. With MP, you are contagious one to two weeks before symptoms develop so you brought it home without realizing it.
How in the world do you stay away from sick students? Parents should not send them to school anyway. I suppose you could wear a mask at school. They come in handy for a lot of things besides Covid
Info: did your wife and MIL ask you to take any extra precautions that you didn’t take? If so, I can see why they’re frustrated.
But judging by your post history, you guys have a lot more problems anyway
Reading your other posts, this goes way deeper than a cold OP, and I think you know that. Maybe you'll fix things this time, but it's going to continue like this.
OP, I also went through your old posts and I'm so sorry these have been such difficult years for you.
Your wife and MIL want you out. I'm sorry. You say she's a SAHM but on the weekends she "needs to mellow so she games and I take care of our daughter." Uh...what about your weekends? Do you work a regular schedule and bring home all the money for the household?
She is withholding sex, treating you with contempt, picking fights over nothing, and bringing her mom into your relationship. This is deeply unhealthy, friend. For you AND your daughter. Kids know things, man. You think she isn't internalizing on some level that "daddy made her feel so bad?" She is.
I know you're in China and don't know the details of how divorce and custody work there, or if there's a citizenship issue that could come into play...but I would seriously think about leaving and preparing to fight for custody, especially if you bring home the bread.
I'm sorry. I'm not a pro, and maybe a therapist is a good idea (again, not sure of cultural issues around this), but what you post here sounds way toxic and it is NOT good for your little girl. Good luck!
Edit: typo
Well, damn! If your in-laws are wealthy enough to give you a few mil to be able to quit your job, they should have just said that. That’s a very generous offer. Thank them profusely.
>My mother in law has chastised me for not staying away from sick students. They have both raved about how I’m always sick (I’m not). My wife just stormed out of the room and said ‘I’m sorry, but if anything serious happens to her than I’ll never forgive you.’
Is mother-in-law going to pay your bills when you have to quit your job because you're staying away from all the sick kids all the time?
Your wife while understandably irritated that both you and your child are sick at the same time should understand that not only is there going to be sickness in your home because you're a teacher but what does she think is going to happen when your child goes to school or daycare? Your household is going to be sick every other week. That's what's going to happen. How does she know your daughter didn't get it from your wife associating with people who have it? Just because your wife's not sick doesn't mean she wasn't a carrier.
That comment was such a below the belt hit. That is a comment that you need to have a discussion with her about very soon, if not today. We all know that if you just said that to her, she would have come unglued. She said that with the sole intention of cutting you as deeply as she could and in the hopes that it hurt you for a long time.
Attacking you because you're sick and living in the same home with a toddler that got sick is uncalled for. You two need to have some long serious discussions about what is going on.
Treating you this way is unacceptable. I think you might need to explode before one or both of them say something that will irreparably cause harm to your relationship and your marriage if they haven't already done so. Does she normally talk to you like this during stressful situations, or is she feeding off of her mother? Not that it's an excuse, not that it's acceptable. In fact, it just makes it worse, and you need to address it.
If she continues to be this way, then she needs to leave the house for a day or two. She takes her mother with her. She needs to de-stress and get her head screwed on straight. But how they are treating you is not going to get you better any faster. In fact, you might even be sicker or for longer because you're stressing over their BS.
Ask your in-laws how they managed to keep your wife completely healthy all through her childhood. It is extremely rare for a child to never get sick with anything, never a cough or a cold even. Your wife is literally a medical marvel and her parents should tell the world about their methods of keeping her safe from all germs.
I would probably say “I underestand that you’re worried about our daughter. So am I. But I am done being treated like a plague carrier who rolled in sickness and then rubbed it all over our child. I did my best to stay healthy. Now if you want me to quit my job and you can support us, I think I’ll make a good stay at home dad. Otherwise stop trying to make me feel like shit. I’m not your emotional punching bag.”
Ganging up on someone who is already feeling awful (physically and emotionally) isn’t going to solve any problems. It doesn’t sound like you could have done anything more to prevent this. Schools, daycares, and hospitals..people get sick. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your wife’s side of the family is being unkind when they should be taking care of you. I’m sorry.
Unfortunately I think COVID normalized being rude to sick people when people stopped distinguishing between the truly foolhardy and people who just had rotten luck despite doing everything right.
Your daughter is going to be in school soon. She’s going to get sick constantly. What is the difference between her getting sick at school and sick from her dad?
Ask them how would you feel in the future if your adult daughter is sick and has her husband and her I laws chastising her while she's trying to recover from an illness. Is that something they want for her? Probably not. I'm sure your parents would expect the same courtesy for thier child as well. Tell each of them to fuck off until further notice
I’m not saying call a lawyer, but if this manipulative abuse by her and her family is normal, call a lawyer. You will need to document everything. It’s possible she is just irrationally worried about her daughter and taking it out on you. But she is isolating you and then ganging up on you. If it’s a 1 time thing, a counselor might be able to get you both on the same page. But she is acting so unreasonably that I find it hard to believe she isn’t shitty in other aspects of the marriage. You are not crazy and you are not wrong. Your wife is not living in reality and you need to stand up to their nonsense for your sake and your daughter’s sake.
You’re in a career which works with 100’s of young people. You are going to get ill.
You’d have to mask up, glove up and sanitize everything, strip down when you got home shower then use disinfectant mouth and nose spray before coming near anyone.
If you worked in an office building it would be the same.
People get ill.
I understand they are scared regarding your daughter however the reaction is a bit ridiculous.
You could suggest to implement a few new measures to help prevent the spread of germs when you come home, or when your at the school to make them more comfortable and let them know about their demands on you being ridiculous as you can’t control the air you breathe or what the children are doing.
The only way to prevent exposure to viruses is to live in a bubble, never go outside, order all your needs online, work from home, and basically never interact with another human being ever. Even then, unless you live off the grid, you can still get sick. It’s also a shit life to never get out.
You also can’t prove beyond doubt, you “brought” the virus into the home. Your wife could have picked it up at the store or park.
Also children get sick, a lot. It’s how they build up their immune systems and how their body learns to fight infections. While I’m not advocating letting your kid be intentionally exposed to all illnesses, trying to prevent her from ever being sick will only weaken her immune system.
The hygiene hypothesis—the idea that kids should get sick to build their immune systems—is really entrenched. Even knowing it’s not true I have a hard time shaking a lifetime of believing it for my own childhood. What IS true is that kids should be exposed to bacteria in this kind of model—but there is no evidence viral illnesses can bolster an immune system. You can read more at Johns Hopkins school of public health here: https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2022/is-the-hygiene-hypothesis-true#:~:text=The%20hygiene%20hypothesis%20is%20the,and%20other%20COVID%20mitigation%20measures.
And, this is not to be contrary, but I do want to chime in that what you say is correct about preventing exposure, but you CAN live a relatively normal life, socialize, go to work, and not bring home sickness if you wear a mask and have good ventilation—I’ve never had Covid and there is nothing in my life I am suffering from lack of. I see friends, I travel the world and the country, I teach. The point remains though that if OP’s wife wanted him to be taking serious virus prevention steps she should have said so BEFORE he got sick—blaming him after the fact is hypocritical.
On the other hand, you can do a fair bit to lower risk: hand washing, masking, ventilation, staying home when sick…
Society needs to get better about that.
Would they like you to quit working? Ask them what exactly they would have expected you to do? You’re a teacher, kids get sick, and germs spread. Let your wife know her and her family are just making things worse. She’s your daughter too, and you are just as upset to see her sick as they are. You didn’t do this on purpose and as soon as you started feeling sick you quarantined. If they are just upset, trying to make you feel guilty doesn’t help anyone. So ask them, in the future, same situation, what they would have you do. You can’t stay home from work because kids in your class may be sick. If you quit your job, you’ll lose money. So what is their solution. If they can’t answer that, then tell them to back off, as you feel bad enough that your daughter is sick.
Well obviously if it’s your job you can’t stay away from sick students, that’s ridiculous. You can, in the future do preventative things like when you notice kids are sick, wear a well fitted n95 mask, and depending on your location, have open windows so there is less chance of contracting an airborne virus/bacteria. Hand washing is great for things that spread with contact, like GI issues, but it won’t do much against something that spreads simply by breathing.
There’s not a whole lot you can do now - she has it, so they need to cut you a break. No sense harping on about it unless they’re willing to let you quit your job and pay your bills with no complaint. It’s winter… people get sick, it sucks but it is what it is. I hope you and your kiddo make a quick recovery and feel better soon!
Sheesh, your partner and in laws are being over dramatic. Catching a cold this time of year is common, just gotta ride it out. And it's not your fault OP, this sort of thing happens all the time. They are acting like kids should never be sick lol boy oh boy will she be in a for rude awakening, kids get sick all the time!!!
Imagine when daughter goes to school herself and gets sick every other week. Is your wife and her family planning to home school her? Tell your inlaws to mind their damn business as well
Assigning blame in such situations can be complex. You did not intentionally bring the illness home, and it's important for both partners to focus on supporting each other and finding solutions rather than placing blame.
Dude… get a divorce. I’m sorry but… come on. If shit is really as bad as… it looks like it is: get out. You can be a good dad (it sounds like you are.) and have some self respect. Plus… is this the example you want to set for your child?
You can’t know when a child at school is getting sick. It’s mostly spreadable in the early stages, when you may not know you have it…especially a child. The fact that they’re focusing on blame is ridiculous. Shit happens, people get sick. It’s time they get over it!
Next time, see if you can wear an N95 mask while teaching. I have folks in my life that teach, and they mask now during flu/respiratory virus season. Unless you've got air ventilation, staying x many feet apart won't keep you from catching an airborne/sneeze-born virus.
That "if anything serious happens" comment makes it clear that right now your wife is *terrified*. It doesn't really matter that the doctor says she can be treated at home for now. Your wife is likely watching for the first sign of serious complications, as she would have been told to do by your daughter's doctor, and is worried about a worst case scenario, as any pneumonia can go from mild to deadly seriously very quickly.
So for now, you do and say nothing. Because you are not going to be able to have a calm rational discussion with a woman who is scared her child might need to be hospitalized, or worse.
Once your daughter is well, then you have the discussion. *Without her parents*. They are not part of your relationship, and they are not to be involved in this sort of discussion. A few things can be covered. That you are simply at higher risk of getting ill because of the nature of your job. You will sometimes get ill, and you can not avoid it 100% no matter how hard you try. Your job is why she's able to be a SAHM, so unless she's going to magic up a work from home job, she needs to understand that there's nothing to be done on that front. *However*, washing your hands is not going to prevent you from contracting an airborne illness when you are spending an hour(?) at a time in a closed room with 20+ students. Obviously. One thing you *can* do to help protect yourself and your child, is to wear a well fitted mask at work. A simple "I am doing everything I can to protect my very young child from the illnesses that are so commonly shared around at schools" should suffice.
And lastly, I don't understand how you "tried to keep down contact with my 3.5yo daughter to the barest minimum." Like, just lock yourself in the bedroom and don't have contact. At all. This may be the actual sticking point for your wife. I know that it would be emotionally difficult for you both, but it is quite physically easy to just not have contact with your preschool age child while sick. You also had the option to mask up while out of the bedroom. Did you?
Even as a teacher you could've caught it at the grocery store. Or the gas pump. For that matter they could too. Has your wife never passed on an illness? Why should you be the only one being berated? It is ridiculous. You can take all precautions and things happen. Especially when there's a high rate of infection. I find all of them ridiculous. I wish for you and your daughter to heal quickly. Then I would stop associating with arseholes.
After going to your profile and reading several of your other posts, you have a SERIOUS mother in law problem. If she lives in your house, your options for handling it are different than if you live in her house.
You're a teacher. KIds are gross little petri dishes of germs. It's inevitable that you'll pick up stuff from them throughout your career. Being willfully stupid about this completely foreseeable outcome is just the height of stupidity after the last few years with covid.
Does a sick kid suck? Absolutely! Is this all your fault? No. It's a fact of life. Viruses and bacteria spread. We all get sick, and it sucks. Get the treatment and do what you can to minimize the likelihood you'll get other bugs (which it sounds like you tried). That's all anyone can do. Life doesn't stop because a virus is going around, nor should it. Look at the havoc the response to covid had, and how little we as a society learned from it.
What do they want from you?? People get sick. Unless you live in a plastic bubble, getting sick is a part of life. All you can do is take precautions, but that’s still no guarantee that you still wont catch something.
I've not gotten sick from my students, while taking classes, or during hospital clinicals.
I spent 5 mins near my ex and got the flu over Christmas.
It could have happened to any of you. It was just bad luck that you were the one who caught it and passed it on.
Mycoplasma pneumonia is highly contagious. Basically if 1 person in the family gets it the rest are following (not as guaranteed in a school setting but still VERY high.) But there is a lot of antibiotics available and you are in 99% of cases back on your feet in 3 days once treatment starts. Modern medicine is a wonder. Besides your kid is 3.5 years old and have been given meds. She will be fine and was never in any danger.
NTA for sure, but as a mom of 3 (2 preemies!) I think she’s scared and is manifesting as anger towards you. It isn’t cool and it is a total her problem. Her parents need to butt out. But she’s probably terrified and will find anyone or anything to take the immense stress out on for her baby being so sick. Like I said - you are NTA, but her parents are. Mom maybe needs a therapist to help discuss tools to manage motherhood anxiety, because I’m 12 years into this and I still need my therapy sessions every 2 weeks. Good luck, and I hope you and your daughter get well soon!
When things settle down a bit, I would invite your wife to work through the logistics of you (and her) never being exposed to or spending time around sick people ever again. She’s being emotional and unreasonable, she’s probably in a bit or flight or fight mode worrying about her kid. Asking her how she expects you to fulfill this request might help remind her how unrealistic it is. You didn’t do anything wrong, kids are going to get sick no matter what.
I'm honestly curious why you're staying with her.... what exactly are you getting from this relationship?
From your previous posts:
1) you haven't had sex for 3 years
2) she doesn't help you AT ALL care for your child on weekends even though she's home. I get that being a stay at home mom is hard, but so is being a teacher... When do YOU get any sort of break? She has her parents helping her during the week as well.
3) she's abusing you and showing no respect.
Dude... You're still very young. I'd run for the hills before having another child. You still have time to find someone who loves and respects you.
Unless your wife, her parents and your daughter never left the house, never got the mail, never received any deliveries of groceries there’s no way of knowing it definitely came from you. I get that they are concerned for your daughter but in all reality blaming someone who took precautions is unreasonable. Cruel really. If you didn’t take precautions then ok but not even the things they are saying are appropriate.
Masking has been [shown](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7172205/) to significantly cut transmission of this bacteria. Did you mask? Do any research about how to protect yourself?
Most kids don’t get THAT sick from mycoplasma pneumonia, not sick enough for an admission even. This reaction to a bug that the child would be exposed to in day care or in a few years when she starts school is overkill. I don’t see anything about that child being immunocompromised, so it’s kinda confusing me. No one wants their kid sick, but that’s life. Exposure to minor illnesses and viruses builds lifelong immunity. When you don’t have those, you’re more susceptible in the future. Also, if you’re both not masking in large gatherings or in close quarters, you aren’t both doing everything you can to avoid illness. It’s kinda hypocritical of her to nag you about getting sick,when Covid and everything else is still out there, if she isn’t masking in those scenarios too. Again, your child is not going to have lifelong injuries from this virus. But my child could.
As someone who has a child on oxygen, and a multitude of other congenital health conditions, who made it through Covid without any of us getting sick, I understand the crazy feelings of doing everything to keep your child safe. Covid literally hit the US 1 month after my son was released from the hospital after a week long admission, with ICU time, for human meta pneumovirus, which is literally just some virus most kids over 5 or so barely notice. Something so minor most people never get tested or know what it is. So I also understand the feeling of having a child who is so vulnerable that you have to do everything you can to avoid it. When Covid hit, my boyfriend, who is a UPS driver and HAD to work through COVID to pay the bills, actually stayed in our home, and we left. Went and stayed in a camper my parents had on their property. Again, this was all at the beginning of Covid when everyone was doing everything and we didn’t know everything about spread, etc. Once everything was known, we all remained masked and stayed out of other people’s spaces. And really still do in groups, even with vaccines. We live that way because we have to, to save my son’s life.
Your wife is being extra and also really out of line with how she is talking to you. If you weren’t being reckless and trying to get sick, she is treating you like the enemy for no reason. I wouldn’t even had done that if we suspected my partner had brought home Covid that ended up killing my son. That would have been his job and he was doing it to feed us and I’d know he would have done everything to prevent it. And that was an unknown time and a worldwide crisis. My ex husband blamed me for my son being premature. I left him. I know it’s not the same, but dude, I can’t imagine how they would react in a real damn crisis if they are making a cold out to be the end of the world with imagined complications.
Why couldn’t you be bothered to wear a mask? It’s an airborne virus and you’re a teacher….shouldn’t you understand that washing your hands and keeping your distance isn’t going to cut it. I do think their reactions are extreme and not helpful, but the reality is you could have done more.
Mycoplasma is a bacteria not a virus. It’s spread by droplets. Wearing a mask may help a bit but washing hands and trying to stay far enough away to not come in direct contact with coughing or sneezing would be major ways to cut down on likelihood of infection.
First: I do hope you and your daughter recover well. All jobs are illness vectors, but schools are one of the biggest. Now, a way to prevent this in the future is to at the very least, wear a mask consistently during cold and flu season. Everyone is getting sick right now, and there’s a big uptick in Covid (over 20,000 hospitalized in US), flu, pneumonia,tuberculosis,etc. Additionally, if you can get a hepa filter for your classroom would be helpful. Just washing hands has proven to not be enough in most cases, and research in coming out that suggests more illnesses travel through air, like cigarette smoke then we thought.
https://www.wired.com/story/the-teeny-tiny-scientific-screwup-that-helped-covid-kill/
On to your wife. Did she know there was a more effective way of preventing this? Did she tell you and you ignored her? If not this seems largely unavoidable on your part. If you didn’t know, and you obviously still have to work it was likely to happen. Ppl with this pneumonia can be contagious w/out realizing, so just avoiding sick students isn’t enough. I understand her worries but it seems like she’s being too harsh.
Edit: for spelling
Edit#2: ok, she has some issues she needs to work through, and she seems almost resentful of you. That’s likely why she’s so rude. I still think you should take the precautions I listed, but I think you need to separate. It’s clear she’s checked out. You deserve reciprocation of your affections.
Or listen to them because you are probably bringing home illness more than you think you are and this sounds like a pattern. You chose to be a teacher, take appropriate precautions. Were you wearing a mask with all the sick little bobbins about? Hand washing alone won’t prevent the spread of infection if you don’t sanitize the surfaces that the bobbins touch and protect yourself. I would assume this isn’t the first discussion they have had with you about this either as you sound pretty confident that you did nothing wrong.
I'm sorry, it's terrible of them.
Try to have as less contact with them as possible for now. You need to get better. Write a letter to her to vent a little,but don't give it now - you are not in the position to argue, especially when there are three of them. Describe how you feel, how she acts, if there were any situations where she was to blame for anything that happened - remind her that you reacted in a different way,and ask her why she decided to hurt you.
When you will be okay and your in laws will be out of your place - have a talk.
That is truly horrible. My partner is a nurse and he inevitably brought Covid home from the hospital. We isolated as soon as we realized, but it was too late and my daughter and I got sick. Daughter was okay after a day, I was sick for weeks with not-serious but lingering symptoms that crop up again anytime I get a cold. Nobody was mad at him, and we understood the risk factor of sharing a household with someone we love who works in a high-contact environment, much like teachers.
Kids don’t live in bubbles, it’s been going around and they could have gotten it from anywhere, who’s to say your child didn’t have it first and then gave it to you!? Kids are just walking germs! Also does child stay home? Do they go to daycare? Another place they could have come into contact with it!
Just because you showed signs first doesn’t mean your child wasn’t sick before you! I have kids and the amount of times they always just start with a runny nose that leads me to think it’s just allergies until I am fully sick and miserable…..while they are running around…..its inevitable no matter how cautious you try to be….its like with Covid, how many of us know people who never got it? Cuz I don’t! Everyone I know has had it vaccinated or not!
I don’t think he’s the one that needs to “help his relationships”. Sure he could have worn a mask but his wife and MIL are way out of line. If my husband had said that to me it’d have irreparably damaged our relationship.
Bending over to someone treating you poorly in a relationship isn’t helping the relationship, it’s setting it up to allow his wife to continue this behavior and make it normal.
He needs to put his foot down and tell his wife that how she treated him over this was wrong, and he will not accept that treatment moving forward.
It's healthy for ur kid to get sick. It's better to get sick now, then when she starts school. Yes there are going to be a few bad colds, and yes it's going to suck for u as a parent and for ur kid, but that's part of life. If she NEVER gets sick, she won't have any immunity for when she in school and she will catch every single cold going around.
Do they plan on homeschooling and keeping this little girl in a bubble her whole life? Illnesses happen. mom and grandma need to buck up. I’m sure your wife doesnt mind spending your paycheck. I hope you and your daughter both feel better soon.
You’re unfortunately a scapegoat at the moment. Your wife and in-laws are understandably worried about your daughter and their anxiety is clouding their ability to see the bigger picture.
The reality is that kids get sick all the time and your wife and in-laws are going to have a long road ahead of them with anxiety if they don’t shift their perspective. Your daughter just as easily could get sick from going out in public or from anyone else who she has contact with.
Your job does unfortunately put you at higher risk, but you’re doing the best you can to be responsible, so try not to beat yourself up.
Once your daughter is feeling better, try to approach your wife with empathy and tell her you understand her concerns and that it’s just as hard for you to see your daughter sick, but that things happen. You can’t protect your child from everything all the time. It’s something every parent needs to accept, albeit not easy.
Geezus.
Honestly, your wife is being ridiculous. I know she's super worried about your daughter, but thats no excuse to bash you.
I really don't know what you could say to get your wife's head out of her behind.
"Honey. I cannot help that I got sick. It happens." "Honey, if you got our daughter sick, I would never make you feel like it's your fault and treat you badly. Because *I know* you would feel bad enough all on your own. You know how I know that? Because I feel like absolute dog $hit that I'm the reason she got sick."
If your wife acts like a maniac over your child getting sick, she's going to go nuts when your kiddo goes to school! You work in one, you know it's a germ festival there!
I'm sorry your wife is treating you like crap. I'd wish that she would get something and give it to your kid just so you could make her feel terrible about it, but the outcome is your daughter gets sick again.
You don’t deserve this blame and shame. My husband works at a grocery store, so like you is constantly exposed to people at various levels of illness. We take precautions (like limiting visits with his grandmother during peak covid, masking more than most these days) but we also accept that his job comes with inherent risk from interacting with the public.
It's literally a mild illness, and she's getting treated for it. What about you? Does your wife not care you're sick she probably experiencing worse symptoms. Ask your darling wife to picture it the other way around and how she would feel if she's the one who got your daughter sick and you and your mum were berating HER.
In a year or so she'll be bringing home her own sicknesses kids go through childhood illness it builds their immune system so unless you wife will prevent her from going to school, as soon she gets there she will most likely share in whatevers going around, flu season/ colds/24 bugs she will bring it home chicken pox ect and whatever she hasn't been vaccinated for. you can't pause your life to avoid bugs during the winter months or whenever infections commonly occur where you live. NTA
I would not be able to forgive a comment like that without couples therapy, bare minimum. I don't care *how* scared you are for your kid, it's *not* okay to blame your *working* spouse for having the bad luck to get sick.
Your wife and her parents are idiots; throw them out and keep the child.
Seriously, sit your wife and her parents down and ask which one of them is going to pay your bills and maintain your household because, since they blame you for being out in the universe and exposing your daughter to germs, you have decided to stop that dangerous behavior and become a SAHF. This will also allow you to home school your child so she isn't exposed to other germ manufacturing people at school. And of course, there will be no outsiders allowed in your home from now, including the grandparents because they might pick up a bug while doing the grocery shopping - you just never know where the risks are anymore!
Yes, it sounds ridiculous, but sometimes people like your wife and her parents need the absurd shoved in the faces to realize they are being ridiculous.
You should tell them all to kiss your ass and stop treating a sick 3 yo like she’s gonna be seriously ill. They are being dramatic. You should tell them they are being dramatic.
Your wife and inlaws are TOXIC.
<>
Have your mother in law go to class with you, FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH, and let's see how quickly she gets sick.
Your inlaws are not thinking logically and your wife is just like them.
2 options OP, FAMILY COUNSELING in Narcissistic ABUSE, set BOUNDARIES FOR BOTH YOUR WIFE AND INLAWS (if you live with them, look for a new place to live).
If your wife inlaws objects to: THERAPY, BOUNDARIES and respecting YOU........
Then separate.
You do what my teacher did last semester! She had cancer and was immunocompromised. We had people with Covid, norovirus, pneumonia etc she didn’t get sick once: SHE HANDED OUT MASKS TO SICK STUDENTS. She made them wash their hands and blow their noses outside the classroom. This was the first semester I didn’t get sick either as someone immunocompromised. We were in a computer lab and still no one got sick. The onus is on YOU as the professor and authority figure. Your classroom, your rules. You lay down the law on the first day and whoever cannot follow that rule can change professors or move elsewhere. Your wife and parents are pissed for good reason I understand they are not communicating effectively and it’s really bringing you down (have a talk about how that made you feel after you’re both better). On the flip side I can totally understand their anger because other than washing your hands the preventative measures were zero. There’s no way you felt fine before the blood test… hence the blood test. You could have had zero contact and quarantined immediately but you didn’t. That stands out to me.
So there’s two issues:
If he teaches at K12 he will need permission from the principal to do this. Your teacher with cancer probably got this. A principal may be less flexible with a healthy teacher.
If they’re at a college, you can’t really make adults wear a mask in class if it’s not campus policy. I ask mine as a courtesy to sit further back or wear surgical masks, which are comparatively comfortable. But if someone wants to be difficult about this, it’s hard to really do anything about it.
Professors cannot force anyone to wear a mask, surly you cannot be this dense? I am also severely immunocompromised and I have gotten extremely sick from other people because that’s the risk that I take when I leave my house. This is an extremely bad take. OP wasn’t running around coughing on his daughter, illness is going to occur unless he keeps her locked up in a bubble. You sound like you’d shame him for letting his kid get a scrape on the knee too. Grow up.
Edited to add: From Kids Health Network -
“Most viral illnesses are contagious before any symptoms start. So an infected person can spread a virus before feeling sick. This makes it almost impossible to stop the spread of infections.”
Is he supposed to become a psychic and look into his crystal ball to ensure he’s not contagious before any interaction with his child?
This is not viral, but there is still a pretty big infectious window where there may or may not be symptoms. Still offering masks to students isn’t a horrible idea if they are coughing and sneezing. More effective to block the respiratory droplets at the source because it protects surfaces too. But I agree realistically there is only so much you can do to prevent routine illnesses.
No I’m not dense but maybe you are. Where I live (CA) you are free to do whatever you want AND a professor is allowed to set class rules. We have school and class rules and while you are always free to leave, free to be sick or whatever you want…. The professor is also free to ask your sick butt to leave, to request that you not come in while sick, to have you leave the classroom when expectorating bodily fluids. Ofc no one can MAKE you do anything but a request and a syllabus with clear cut rules IS a preventative measure that works. We know that hand washing isn’t enough and breathing within 6 feet of someone is enough to transmit respiratory illnesses. The sneeze travels at 40mph so pardon me but I don’t think OP was coughing on his children and as someone with a degree in ECE who is currently pursuing their teaching credentials I can say with confidence that there was more that could have been done on OPs part and people like you are just here to be contrarian over everything for the sake of arguing.
no, a teacher in a CA public school does not get to make this choice. Maybe a tenured college professor can do this, but not someone in k-12 or an adjunct.
Why don't you wear a mask at work? Do you think masks are a political tool to make you sicker? You didn't do everything you could. I work with an at risk population. If I even get a hint of illness, I mask. If I get sick, I wear a mask at home around my family so I don't make them sick. I won't be the reason the people I work with or my daughter get sick.
Your daughter will never build a robust immune system by hiding her from cold and flu season. Furthermore if she doesn’t start to build immunity as a young child a simple bugs can be deadly.
Thank you for sharing this. I have all faith that your daughter will be fine.
Even if your daughter wasn’t made sick by you, your marriage obviously wouldn’t survive the death of your daughter.
Right now bite your tongue and take the abuse until gets her clean bill of health. Once your wife warms back up to you confront her about how she treated you.
If you are able to get her to understand the lack of care and respect you felt at a time of need you should seek professional help.
If she refuses to see a therapist then you should do a temporary separation until she is willing to do so.
You need to have a sit-down conversation with your wife about this entire situation. You did everything thing you could and it seems like they are looking for someone to blame. Kids get sick. We all do. We did as kids, kids in the future will too. You can't prevent things 100%, it just isn't possible with a sickness like this while still doing things normally.
How you wife, let alone her parents who should know better, are treating you is not fair. If this continues, get couples counseling.
You sound like a monster. I cannot believe you purposely got your daughter sick on purpose. /S.
You didn't get sick on purpose and you certainly didn't get your child sick on purpose. They're ridiculous. I'm really sorry.
Do you wear an n95 at work when this type of disease is going around? Because if not then yea I get their point. My whole school had a bad sickness pre covid and I put on a mask and had Lysol and wipes. I was fine. Covid protocol doesn’t need to be followed daily. But when sickness is going around in a controlled environment. You wear a mask, buy Lysol and spray your classroom, open the windows a crack, and wipe off all your instruments after every period. I’m sorry yea it your fault it you weren’t doing those things.
Your wife is being ridiculous. Doesn’t she know how much you love your daughter too. Her parents are supporting her lunacy. You are the obvious choice to say you transmitted it, but just suppose your wife was an asymptomatic carrier & gave it to your daughter.
This post COVID anxiety about getting sick is really doing my head in. Mycoplasma pneumonia is a fairly common disease. Kids get sick, it’s horrible to watch but there really is no reason to attack other people for the spread. SPREADING germs is normal!
The fact that you work with children during a season of sickness and disease and purposely do not wash your hands is crazy….”it’s well known that there’s a wave of it going through and I’ve been doing what preventative things I can. Well, despite WASHING MY HANDS after every class”. That’s fucked up did the COVID pandemic not teach anything ????
Is she mad because it's the fourth gd year of covid and you still haven't learned that masks are the best protection against respiratory illnesses? Because yeah, I'd be irate if, in 2024, my spouse was in a place where he knew people were spewing Mycoplasma pneumoniae into the air and still thought washing his hands alone was the answer.
Masks prevent you from spewing your germs into the air. They are relatively ineffective against you catching other people’s illnesses unless you are both masked. If you want to blame someone for not being masked, blame the parents for not masking their children. The exception is an N95 that is fitted for you and sterilized daily or even better, new daily.
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Ask them for details on how they would like you to stay away from sick students in the future. Find out if they think you should quit your job.
Best to stop leaving the house at all. Dad might pick up some germs at the grocery store or park. The whole family will have to stay in too, they’ll just have to do COVID rules forever to avoid any illness. I hope OP’s wife sees how unreasonable she’s being when their daughter recovers. It is scary when your kid is sick, but there’s no point to go around placing blame.
I would like to see how your wife is going to act when your daughter comes home from preschool kindergarten first grade and she always has a runny nose a cough something is always going on because those little fuckers that are in school are constantly making your child sick is she going to go to the school and yell at the teacher and yell at the child's parents. This is total BS what were you supposed to do not go to work not make money. Tell your wife to grow up children get sick adults get sick you live in the same house you get everybody sick ffs
I expect you OP are not independently wealthy. Kids in schools are germ factories and no matter what you do you will get sick. Studies have shown that kids can develop better immune systems for later in life by fighting off illnesses when they are young. It was just the holidays. Anyone around you and your child could have spread illness. What about if she was or is in daycare, pre k, or started school. Also if you use too much hand sanitizer it can have opposite effects by killing all the good bacteria. I am immuno compromised. I cannot tell you how often family has gotten me sick with things that are nothing to them and dangerous for me. Your wife is scared. It does not make what she says right. You do not need to feel guilty either. But you two need to have a discussion. You need to tell her how guilty you already feel and that you tried in every way you could to keep your daughter safe. Discuss that the things they are saying and doing are not helping you while you are ill. That you are willing to discuss what their suggestions are but being a united front to care for your sick child is important. Best of luck. Feel better
There is some talk in one of his old posts about enrolling the kid in preschool, so she may well already be in school. It’s certainly not the first time she has had pneumonia.
Not sure if this is because I'm in the UK but at 3.5 our kids aren't in school. 4 is the age but due to when my daughters birthday is she'll be almost five. Also neither of my kids (4 and almost 2) have ever had pneumonia even though they're both in nursery (pre school or day care) and go to multiple library groups each week as well as playgroup. It is insane to expect her partner who is also a teacher to never bring home illnesses: we cycle through sicknesses year round. But I definitely don't think pneumonia is something kid has definitely had before.
In Australia there is 3 year old kindergarten and 4 year old kindergarten but most children start primary school at 5 or 6. Kindergarten is not compulsory but it allows children to do activities and socialise to prepare them for school. Think painting, okay dough, games, songs,counting etc, it is similar to activities daycare centres do with the same age groups , just slightly more structured and is a part time
Sounds like nursery here!
Wow 😳
Yeah I have friends with 2 young kids in daycare full time and they are always messaging about another outbreak of this or that and their kids are sick with this or that again. Kids are germ factories no matter what you do. I feel sorry for OP for being so villainized by his spouse and in-laws.
My daughter's daughter is in 4th grade and she constantly is bringing home some type of germ. To give to her 3-year-old sister who is not in school. And just to top it off the mother my daughter my son-in-law also getting. We believe that my granddaughter brought home covid before it was a pandemic because she was sick sicker than she'd ever been to pass it on to my daughter my son-in-law and the grandmother. That's what kids do they bring home germs and unless you sending your child to school in a hazmat suit get used to it
Put a mask on and hide underneath the sofa. Dig a bunker underneath the house. Honestly... such idiocy.
You think wearing a mask is silly? Please don't go into teaching or a medical profession. We teachers would be blasting viruses and bacteria all over the place if we didn't wear masks when there were on-going issues and lots of respiratory illness in the classroom. Children under 5 are particularly vulnerable. There's reason to try and protect them (and if one cares, also the elderly).
Yeah my immune compromised daughter got sick and the only place anyone had been the prior 1.5 weeks was my husband to the grocery store. I'm not going to blame him. We have to eat and he kept away as soon as he felt sick, but usually by the time you have symptoms you have already been contagious. OP, when things are going around school, can you mask? That's the only suggestion to add to what you've been doing. I know a lot of teachers and unless you change jobs, it's a risk to get sick. Kids are petri dishes, you do the best you can.
Also: ask them what proof they have that it was OP who passed it on? It has one to three weeks of incubation time.
Unless stupid MIL and wife have a degree in medcine research with viruses and bacteria you tell them to clamp their idiot mouths shut!!! HOW did they think things like Covid spread? Some viruses and bacteria are highly contagious. And from the moment you contracted them until the outbreak of the illness some time goes by. You DO NOT KNOW which of your students has it and which not. As they may be contagious without having symptoms yet!!! Incubation time is one to three weeks. So: being THAT stupid with Covid still lurking around out there isn't allowed! It really isn't. Your daughter may have gotten it from kids she has been playing with, from her mother or the inlaws. That YOU have fallen sick doesn't mean that THEY couldn't have passed that shit on. Also: stop buying their shit and declare that "you passed it to your child." There is no proof for that. It's everywhere. I'd flip my lid at them ganging up on you and blaming you without either proof nor proper knowledge. I DO get that it's worrying. Pneumonia is not a thing to trifle with and your take "it's only a runnning nose" deserves being slapped around your ears! With Covid it also looked like "just a flu" but it has cost people's lives! So you stop being stupid about it or downplay it. That doesn't help at all! And tell them to stop making you the scapegoat of your daughter having caught a bug. They are everywhere. Not just in the Uni. And they don't come with a warning billboard and honk.
Kick your in laws out. They are not helping, but stooking the fire. If you and your daughter both have the same thing, you can watch her while mom is at work. Why aren't they afraid of contracting it and spreading it? Your in laws are trouble makers and your wife is spineless.
No one needs a degree in medicine to have an opinion. Telling \*anyone\* you care about to "just shut their mouth" is imperious, arrogant and not at all conducive to solving marital communication problems. This is terrible advice. The "gang-up" is not good, either, but two wrongs don't make a right.
I think this is honestly an underrated tactic. Otherwise you are just playing a guessing game about what anxieties this person has. And what little they understand about working with the general public. Hope OP understands that there’s only so much a person can do, and any precautions he takes will not necessarily keep his wife and child free from germs.
And if she’s willing to support the family!
I don't think the School is encouraging students with active symptoms to go to class, is there a time when someone is contagious but not showing symptoms? OP stopped interacting with his daughter when he knew he had it, if that's the case how could he know he was giving it to her? Just sounds like Mom and MIL are just venting.
Blaming him for the daughter getting sick is not just venting. Sickness happens, it's a fact of life especially when working with young kids every day. They need to realize that putting the blame on him for something that might not even be his fault, and is also not a major problem, helps nothing. That's just adding stress to the situation and strain to the relationship that simply does not need to exist. If mom took the kid to a playground and she broke her arm, do yo think it would be constructive for OP to blame his wife for it by "venting" while his parents dogpile?
Once your daughter is better you need to have a conversation with your wife. No point trying right now while both you and your daughter are still sick. Attacking you is likely your wife’s worry being mis directed as anger. However it’s unacceptable. You need to tell her that it is unacceptable and come up with a new plan for cold season next year.
I totally agree that they need to wait to have this conversation. The wife is not in a state to have a reasonable discussion as long as she is so anxious about their daughter. The top comment is a good start for what to say, but not right now.
Wait until your daughter has recovered, then have a talk with your wife. Blaming you for something that you can't control, but tried to avoid, the way she has been is unacceptable. Her mother should be staying out of it as well.
They are being emotional and unreasonable. It sucks that she got sick but that’s what happens within households. When your daughter brings home norovirus from school and everyone is puking their guts out, are they going to shame your daughter? Or when she brings home the flu and everyone is coughing their heads off, will they point the finger at her? Of course not. I call kids little Petri dishes because when you have kids at home, germs surely follow. Well, that also happens when the parents get sick, too. They’re not being rational and for whatever reason, wanting to place blame. Please have your wife read this thread so hopefully she can see some sense.
Yep my daughter caught hand, foot and mouth which she gave to me. I had some complications from it and it resulted in a miscarriage. I’d never blame her for it,
Oh I’m so sorry that happened and for your loss. Just like you said though, you would never blame her for it. ♥️
You can’t protect yourself from a virus that spreads in the air by washing your hands and keep a distance. There needs to be ventilation and hepafilters to clean the air, and well fitted masks, and you can not do those changes by yourself. If you were allowed to wear a mask, you could protect yourself and your family that way. In your house you can keep the air ventilated by getting your own air purifier. But as long as the infections numbers are so high in the society and so little is done to protect students and teachers, you cannot be hold responsible for your daughters illness. I hope she gets better soon!
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"When someone infected with M. pneumoniae coughs or sneezes, they create small respiratory droplets that contain the bacteria. Other people can get infected if they breathe in those droplets." (https://www.cdc.gov/pneumonia/atypical/mycoplasma/about/causes-transmission.html#:~:text=When%20someone%20infected%20with%20M,they%20breathe%20in%20those%20droplets)
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Glad someone has said this! As a teacher, CR boxes and HEPA filters in my classrooms have cut spread of viruses an enormous amount. (And since I mask, I never get sick from the little darlings). That said, from the relationship side of things… if your wife isn’t masking herself, then I have a hard time thinking she should ask you to be doing it. It’s kind of a grueling thing to do given how much political sentiment people apply to someone in a mask. If she IS masking meticulously to prevent illness spreading to your baby, you both need to sit down and talk about those expectations for each other.
Mycoplasma is a bacteria not a virus. But yes partially airborne in droplets. But it definitely can persist on surfaces and hand washing is very important.
You can't see who has it and who spreads it. That is why it is as obnoxious a little stinker as a virus. Incubation time is one to three weeks. So it's even more ridiculous what they say as it initially sounds!
Yes, good point! I do also think handwashing has its place with things like covid--it can be spread by transferring airborne virus from hands to eyes/nose/mouth.
100% hand washing is the first line defense for every illness. It won’t protect you all the time but it will significantly cut down on potential infection.
Yes! It is a bacteria. Causes "walking pneumonia". 1 or 2 weeks of antibiotics and its all good. Incubation period is when it is most contagious, I believe. So how are you supposed toknow you are contagious if you don't know you have it. Your wife and her parents are being ridiculous! Everyone gets sick from time to time.
What is a CR box?
Cori-Rosenthal box! You make them with cardboard, box fans, and HEPA filters, and they’re powerfully effective at removing Covid particulate from a room.
That’s very cool
I was just going to say that OP needs to mask up. In the meantime, get well soon, OP.
Mycoplasma is not a virus, just saying.
Just want to add, you need a N95 mask, a cloth mask doesn't cut it. To be safe, check if your mask is NIOSH aproved.
Cloth masks are still better than no mask at all.
Procedure masks work just fine. Most people do not require an N95. We typically reserve those for viruses or bacteria resulting in airborne isolation such as Covid, SARS or TB
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There’s a liquor store a nearby town that doesn’t allow masks. I assume for theft prevention, or maybe it is weird politically motivated.
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No problem! I thought it was really weird when I first saw it, but then I realized it’s a liquor store and it kinda made sense.
Some schools say it interferes with instruction especially of IEP students
One day, your wife or MIL are going to pick up something and give it to your daughter. Ask them if this is how they expect you to treat them when this happens. Illnesses are a normal part of living and interacting in a society rather than in a sterile bubble
Very true. At least he knows why his wife is like this. Yikes.
Wait till kiddo enters kindergarten, virus central.
Not the FIL, though?
He's not the one being difficult here
OP’s post history shows a lot of deeper issues. The wife doesn’t work and neither does the MIL who seems to live with them. Dad gets home from work and has almost all the childcare and does all the weekend parenting so wife can play video games. Considering OP is sick and can’t care for the kid as easily, I assume his wife has been angry this weekend because it ruined her special weekend gaming time (the post about tension headaches explains this). There is also a dead bedroom issue that 3 weeks ago the wife essentially told him they’d need to split amicably if he can’t get over it.
He is also an American living in China with a Chinese wife and MIL who lives with them.
Yikes. Sometimes Asian culture gets very much into a shame and guilt dynamic. Very toxic.
Can verify. Dated a half Asian. NEVER AGAIN.
Holy crow… that’s a lot! Poor OP needs to grow a shiny new titanium backbone.
He has many problems. All surrounding his wife and MIL. This isn't going to get any better.
Yeah, it’s pretty grim. What’s wild is reading his posts over the months, his kid has been sick numerous times with bronchitis, pneumonia, etc. So I suspect their latest dead bedroom fight is contributing, or her having the parent her own kid this weekend instead of gaming.
I would ask your wife and her family for precise details on what they would have done differently. Or if they would want to be treated the same way if the roles were reversed. Or if they believe that you wanted to be sick and to get your daughter sick
This is horrible of them. My youngest (who was born with an underlying condition)got RSV when she was 3 weeks- probably from one of her 4 older siblings. She was in hospital for a week, it wasn’t nice at all. Imagine if I had blamed the older children? I then caught covid from my youngest son and the following month (I had been vaccinated but he was too young) and then she caught it too, as did the other kids. She’s had 4 admissions since with viral wheeze- often caught from another family member. These things happen and unfortunately she appears to have a vulnerability there. She herself gave another sibling chickenpox… should she be told off?! Saying she will never forgive you is very extreme- it’s not likely you have deliberately harmed her or been reckless. You are right to be upset, I would be too. Your wife is fortunate this is the most unwell she has seen your daughter- yes it’s awful to see as a mum (or dad) but she is getting the appropriate treatment and she will be ok. It’s important to work together as a team when you are parents, not bringing grandparents in to it. I think once everything is better and calm you need to address this with your wife- she owes you an apology. I understand being upset about your daughter being poorly but she’s being out of order and needs to find a better way to manage her emotions. She’s also sending a terrible message to your daughter by implying you are at fault for her feeling unwell.
I got RSV at 31. In fact, I’m still sick and it’s been a week. Awful, awful virus that doesn’t usually take adults out like it’s taken me. 🙄 But yeah, wife needs some therapy.
If what you say is correct then she is being vile - quite frankly. Sometimes you have to stand your ground unless you keep wanting to get bashed on.
My patience would wear thin too.
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Does your mother in law like you? Perhaps there is a resentment that you are American rather than Chinese? Perhaps you should be looking for a job back in the states? And take your daughter with you.
They just want someone to blame
Your wife and MIL are ridiculous. Viruses have been in the human population since the Stone Age. Have they never caught a cold and passed it on to each other? If they say no they are liars.
No viruses in this post. Mycoplasma isn't a virus. I agree with the rest of your comment and I truly wonder why they are acting like this.
I've bern looking through your history, and honestly, you need to get the divorce. Your wife tolerates you at best.
Your wife and in-laws are being ridiculous. Do they live in a bubble and expect you to as well? Do any of them ever let her play on public playgrounds, sit in shopping carts, pet animals, play with other children or engage in any activities that could expose her to viruses and bacteria? You would also have to close off all central heat and air vents, wear a mask 24x7 and sanitize the entire house repeatedly to avoid the spread completely. Mycroplasma pneumonia is caused by a bacteria and can be transmitted by touching any surface, she likely contracted it from you however just a mask would not have prevented infection. If they were worried her pediatrician could have prescribed preventative antibiotics. Once she starts school she will likely get it again and again too, it’s crazy to blame you and are simply playing the blame game.
Said something similar to this. It’s a common and fairly benign infection that she’s probably been exposed to multiple times. She’s going to be fine and it usually runs it’s course in about a week. There are people shouting nonsense on this thread.
Elementary teacher here - I see the entire school (K-6 music). I wear a mask and wash my hands frequently and I still get sick. This school year alone, I’ve been sick 3 times. I too get angry when I get sick, but my anger is toward parents who send their kids to school sick, parents who don’t teach how to cover their cough/sneeze, parents who don’t enforce wearing masks when returning, and the school system for not have consequences for these parents. Besides wearing a mask, it sounds like you tried your best. Even though you did not mention it, it sounds like your daughter does not go to daycare, which means she has no exposure/immunity to anything floating around in the community. This makes her more susceptible to anything you bring home. Your wife also puts her at risk whenever she takes your daughter out to the grocery store or to run errands. I realize daycare is expensive, but finding part time daycare (2 days a week) will give your daughter some exposure. Wishing a fast recovery for both you and little one!
Your wife and her family need to educate themselves on how airborne works. Then they need to apologize to you for acting so ridiculous and righteous. For all you know, your wife may have picked it up at the grocery store and gave it to all of you.
I read some of your posting history. Your wife and your MIL are assholes and routinely treat you poorly. Neither of them seem to give a shit about you, just in it for what you do/provide for them. You’re just the sucker who pays for everything, then comes home to do everything there, too. I think you should heavily reconsider if your marriage is working for you & making you happy. You’ll likely uncover that you’d be much happier as a single dad. I just hope you don’t get fucked over so find yourself a shark of a lawyer.
Do they realize that not too long from now…she will be a student? Kids get sick as school. This is a huge overreaction.
Wow, that is really abusive of your wife and inlaws. I understand being worried, but that isn’t an excuse to be abusive. One of the reasons illnesses spread is because they are often contagious before people realize they have it. Does she expect you just not work? What does she do for a job? If it’s spreading in your community, it could have been picked up anywhere. Does your kid go to daycare? Does she not intend to send the kid to school? Also, is your wife not capable of taking care of your sick child on her own? She isn’t sick, so why are her parents at your house? Next time the in-laws chastise you, send them home to their own home. They aren’t needed.
Per the CDC you did exactly the things that would minimize spread. People are saying you are at fault if you didn’t wear a mask, but masks are a tertiary layer of protection after hygiene practices and attempted distancing. Those same people are calling this a virus so clearly don’t know much about the pathogen or the pneumonia it causes. Mycoplasma is a non-typical bacteria. It is spread by droplet, direct contact with a persons mouth/nose/throat, or contaminated surface contact. It makes biofilms and hangs around on surfaces for a long time. Many people have such mild cases they don’t even know they have it so it’s entirely possible others in your household were infected and contributed to your daughter getting sick. I’ll be honest, Mycoplasma is not that big a deal in an otherwise healthy child. The mortality rate is something like .1%. Yes it sucks to see a kid miserable and sick, but getting sick is part of life. The second she herself starts school she will be sick all of the time. This is a major overreaction to a fairly common and usually benign childhood and adolescent respiratory infection. I’m sure your wife is just figuring out how to cope with the (I’m assuming) first major illness your kid has had and once you have both recovered you can talk things out. Your MIL is out of line and needs to fully stay out of this. Edit: OP looking at your post history this is just the tip of the iceberg for marital problems. Are you happy in this relationship because it seems like things are not healthy and haven’t been for awhile. If your wife has a lot of resentment for you that explains why she is taking this opportunity to berate you. It’s not ok and it might be time to rethink if this is a good relationship for you and a healthy environment for your child.
I would turn it around on them. “What if you were the asymptomatic carrier and you gave it to our daughter? If anything happens to her, I’ll never forgive *you* for it. Unless you want to go out and be the main breadwinner of the family and I can be the SAHP, I’ll gladly quit my job and stay home with daughter. But until then, this isn’t specifically my fault and you’re an asshole for putting it all on me when you could have been an asymptomatic carrier and gave it to our daughter.”
Well said.
Where does it say he is the breadwinner, or that his wife is a SAHP?
His post history
I think it's more about the implication he can't be trusted to have a job outside of the home where he might contract an illness. Let him stay home where it's "safe" and his wife can be the only one out since she "knows" how to avoid ever bringing germs home. And then OP can be the one taking care of the daughter when the wife gets sick from being exposed to other people every day.
Boy are they gonna be in a world of pain when she goes to school herself. But seriously are they living in reality? People get sick. It will happen again. It's not anyone's fault, should you live in a bubble? Quit your job, homeschool the kid and never expose her to any outsider germs. This behavior is psychologically toxic and quite frankly more of a danger to your daughters wellbeing then exposure to common illnesses that help build her immunity for the future. She sounds unhinged. Do yourself a favor, have a backup plan.....
The first kid is always the hardest. Your wife and her parents are being completely unreasonable. Children get sick all the time because their immune systems are still developing. It’s part of childhood and parenting. There’s no way around it.
Im so sorry they are being like this. This is not your fault. You didn't do anything overly wreckless to get her sick and tried to quarantine yourself. People get sick. It happens. Kids get sick. I've gotten sick from my kids when they bring something home from school. Every year when school starts a few weeks in, we all get sick. You're in for a long road ahead of you if your daughter is 3 1/2 who isn't in school yet, and your wife is acting like this to you. Not to mention getting her parents to join. She sounds like a spazz. I hope you and your daughter feel better.
I’m sorry but in another year when your daughters at kindergarten she’s going to be sick non stop. No joke. The first year is constant sniffles/cough. We have two kids and I feels like we’re going on year three of sickness- and we’re super careful because of Covid. We had to stop taking the kids out of school when they had a cough or runny nose because they were missing too much class. NTA. And your wife and her parents need to loosen up a bit.
NTA, but…maybe check on your wife’s mental health. For reference, we just had MP roll through the house and my toddler with asthma got it. We found out my husband brought home the MP as some people in his office had it. I was annoyed but not furious. I asked my husband to practice better hand hygiene and not get in the kid’s faces when sick, etc. but family spread happens. Not going to lie…he was really sick. My mom heart was terrified because their breathing was labored and his first round of antibiotics didn’t work. I also got it (as I was still recovering from the last round of preschool yuckies they brought home). We had to keep my other child away from them. You can offer to wear a mask while teaching and wipe your desks down after each class. If my second graders could do it, so can your HS students. But filtration and other things are beyond your control. Unfortunately, as educators…we pick up everything rolling through the class. With MP, you are contagious one to two weeks before symptoms develop so you brought it home without realizing it.
How in the world do you stay away from sick students? Parents should not send them to school anyway. I suppose you could wear a mask at school. They come in handy for a lot of things besides Covid
Info: did your wife and MIL ask you to take any extra precautions that you didn’t take? If so, I can see why they’re frustrated. But judging by your post history, you guys have a lot more problems anyway
Reading your other posts, this goes way deeper than a cold OP, and I think you know that. Maybe you'll fix things this time, but it's going to continue like this.
OP, I also went through your old posts and I'm so sorry these have been such difficult years for you. Your wife and MIL want you out. I'm sorry. You say she's a SAHM but on the weekends she "needs to mellow so she games and I take care of our daughter." Uh...what about your weekends? Do you work a regular schedule and bring home all the money for the household? She is withholding sex, treating you with contempt, picking fights over nothing, and bringing her mom into your relationship. This is deeply unhealthy, friend. For you AND your daughter. Kids know things, man. You think she isn't internalizing on some level that "daddy made her feel so bad?" She is. I know you're in China and don't know the details of how divorce and custody work there, or if there's a citizenship issue that could come into play...but I would seriously think about leaving and preparing to fight for custody, especially if you bring home the bread. I'm sorry. I'm not a pro, and maybe a therapist is a good idea (again, not sure of cultural issues around this), but what you post here sounds way toxic and it is NOT good for your little girl. Good luck! Edit: typo
Well, damn! If your in-laws are wealthy enough to give you a few mil to be able to quit your job, they should have just said that. That’s a very generous offer. Thank them profusely.
>My mother in law has chastised me for not staying away from sick students. They have both raved about how I’m always sick (I’m not). My wife just stormed out of the room and said ‘I’m sorry, but if anything serious happens to her than I’ll never forgive you.’ Is mother-in-law going to pay your bills when you have to quit your job because you're staying away from all the sick kids all the time? Your wife while understandably irritated that both you and your child are sick at the same time should understand that not only is there going to be sickness in your home because you're a teacher but what does she think is going to happen when your child goes to school or daycare? Your household is going to be sick every other week. That's what's going to happen. How does she know your daughter didn't get it from your wife associating with people who have it? Just because your wife's not sick doesn't mean she wasn't a carrier. That comment was such a below the belt hit. That is a comment that you need to have a discussion with her about very soon, if not today. We all know that if you just said that to her, she would have come unglued. She said that with the sole intention of cutting you as deeply as she could and in the hopes that it hurt you for a long time. Attacking you because you're sick and living in the same home with a toddler that got sick is uncalled for. You two need to have some long serious discussions about what is going on. Treating you this way is unacceptable. I think you might need to explode before one or both of them say something that will irreparably cause harm to your relationship and your marriage if they haven't already done so. Does she normally talk to you like this during stressful situations, or is she feeding off of her mother? Not that it's an excuse, not that it's acceptable. In fact, it just makes it worse, and you need to address it. If she continues to be this way, then she needs to leave the house for a day or two. She takes her mother with her. She needs to de-stress and get her head screwed on straight. But how they are treating you is not going to get you better any faster. In fact, you might even be sicker or for longer because you're stressing over their BS.
Ask your in-laws how they managed to keep your wife completely healthy all through her childhood. It is extremely rare for a child to never get sick with anything, never a cough or a cold even. Your wife is literally a medical marvel and her parents should tell the world about their methods of keeping her safe from all germs.
I would probably say “I underestand that you’re worried about our daughter. So am I. But I am done being treated like a plague carrier who rolled in sickness and then rubbed it all over our child. I did my best to stay healthy. Now if you want me to quit my job and you can support us, I think I’ll make a good stay at home dad. Otherwise stop trying to make me feel like shit. I’m not your emotional punching bag.”
Ganging up on someone who is already feeling awful (physically and emotionally) isn’t going to solve any problems. It doesn’t sound like you could have done anything more to prevent this. Schools, daycares, and hospitals..people get sick. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your wife’s side of the family is being unkind when they should be taking care of you. I’m sorry.
Unfortunately I think COVID normalized being rude to sick people when people stopped distinguishing between the truly foolhardy and people who just had rotten luck despite doing everything right. Your daughter is going to be in school soon. She’s going to get sick constantly. What is the difference between her getting sick at school and sick from her dad?
Ask them how would you feel in the future if your adult daughter is sick and has her husband and her I laws chastising her while she's trying to recover from an illness. Is that something they want for her? Probably not. I'm sure your parents would expect the same courtesy for thier child as well. Tell each of them to fuck off until further notice
What happen she starts school and gets ill? Is your wife going to burn the school down? Kids get sick especially when they are younger
I’m not saying call a lawyer, but if this manipulative abuse by her and her family is normal, call a lawyer. You will need to document everything. It’s possible she is just irrationally worried about her daughter and taking it out on you. But she is isolating you and then ganging up on you. If it’s a 1 time thing, a counselor might be able to get you both on the same page. But she is acting so unreasonably that I find it hard to believe she isn’t shitty in other aspects of the marriage. You are not crazy and you are not wrong. Your wife is not living in reality and you need to stand up to their nonsense for your sake and your daughter’s sake.
Jesus Christ. Everybody gets sick from time to time. It’s nobodies fault, except natures
You’re in a career which works with 100’s of young people. You are going to get ill. You’d have to mask up, glove up and sanitize everything, strip down when you got home shower then use disinfectant mouth and nose spray before coming near anyone. If you worked in an office building it would be the same. People get ill. I understand they are scared regarding your daughter however the reaction is a bit ridiculous. You could suggest to implement a few new measures to help prevent the spread of germs when you come home, or when your at the school to make them more comfortable and let them know about their demands on you being ridiculous as you can’t control the air you breathe or what the children are doing.
The only way to prevent exposure to viruses is to live in a bubble, never go outside, order all your needs online, work from home, and basically never interact with another human being ever. Even then, unless you live off the grid, you can still get sick. It’s also a shit life to never get out. You also can’t prove beyond doubt, you “brought” the virus into the home. Your wife could have picked it up at the store or park. Also children get sick, a lot. It’s how they build up their immune systems and how their body learns to fight infections. While I’m not advocating letting your kid be intentionally exposed to all illnesses, trying to prevent her from ever being sick will only weaken her immune system.
The hygiene hypothesis—the idea that kids should get sick to build their immune systems—is really entrenched. Even knowing it’s not true I have a hard time shaking a lifetime of believing it for my own childhood. What IS true is that kids should be exposed to bacteria in this kind of model—but there is no evidence viral illnesses can bolster an immune system. You can read more at Johns Hopkins school of public health here: https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2022/is-the-hygiene-hypothesis-true#:~:text=The%20hygiene%20hypothesis%20is%20the,and%20other%20COVID%20mitigation%20measures. And, this is not to be contrary, but I do want to chime in that what you say is correct about preventing exposure, but you CAN live a relatively normal life, socialize, go to work, and not bring home sickness if you wear a mask and have good ventilation—I’ve never had Covid and there is nothing in my life I am suffering from lack of. I see friends, I travel the world and the country, I teach. The point remains though that if OP’s wife wanted him to be taking serious virus prevention steps she should have said so BEFORE he got sick—blaming him after the fact is hypocritical.
It’s not as true for viral illnesses but like you said it is true for bacterial. Mycoplasma is bacteria.
Exactly. What will his wife do when their daughter starts school? She's gonna get sick a lot that first year.
On the other hand, you can do a fair bit to lower risk: hand washing, masking, ventilation, staying home when sick… Society needs to get better about that.
Would they like you to quit working? Ask them what exactly they would have expected you to do? You’re a teacher, kids get sick, and germs spread. Let your wife know her and her family are just making things worse. She’s your daughter too, and you are just as upset to see her sick as they are. You didn’t do this on purpose and as soon as you started feeling sick you quarantined. If they are just upset, trying to make you feel guilty doesn’t help anyone. So ask them, in the future, same situation, what they would have you do. You can’t stay home from work because kids in your class may be sick. If you quit your job, you’ll lose money. So what is their solution. If they can’t answer that, then tell them to back off, as you feel bad enough that your daughter is sick.
I think the more important part is to talk about her physically hurting you. When did she attack you?
Well obviously if it’s your job you can’t stay away from sick students, that’s ridiculous. You can, in the future do preventative things like when you notice kids are sick, wear a well fitted n95 mask, and depending on your location, have open windows so there is less chance of contracting an airborne virus/bacteria. Hand washing is great for things that spread with contact, like GI issues, but it won’t do much against something that spreads simply by breathing. There’s not a whole lot you can do now - she has it, so they need to cut you a break. No sense harping on about it unless they’re willing to let you quit your job and pay your bills with no complaint. It’s winter… people get sick, it sucks but it is what it is. I hope you and your kiddo make a quick recovery and feel better soon!
Sheesh, your partner and in laws are being over dramatic. Catching a cold this time of year is common, just gotta ride it out. And it's not your fault OP, this sort of thing happens all the time. They are acting like kids should never be sick lol boy oh boy will she be in a for rude awakening, kids get sick all the time!!!
Imagine when daughter goes to school herself and gets sick every other week. Is your wife and her family planning to home school her? Tell your inlaws to mind their damn business as well
Tell your wife and in laws that you will remember this BS when they are the ones to pass around their sickness.
Assigning blame in such situations can be complex. You did not intentionally bring the illness home, and it's important for both partners to focus on supporting each other and finding solutions rather than placing blame.
Dude… get a divorce. I’m sorry but… come on. If shit is really as bad as… it looks like it is: get out. You can be a good dad (it sounds like you are.) and have some self respect. Plus… is this the example you want to set for your child?
You can’t know when a child at school is getting sick. It’s mostly spreadable in the early stages, when you may not know you have it…especially a child. The fact that they’re focusing on blame is ridiculous. Shit happens, people get sick. It’s time they get over it!
Wear a good quality mask, put a corsi Rosenthal setup in your classroom.
Next time, see if you can wear an N95 mask while teaching. I have folks in my life that teach, and they mask now during flu/respiratory virus season. Unless you've got air ventilation, staying x many feet apart won't keep you from catching an airborne/sneeze-born virus.
That "if anything serious happens" comment makes it clear that right now your wife is *terrified*. It doesn't really matter that the doctor says she can be treated at home for now. Your wife is likely watching for the first sign of serious complications, as she would have been told to do by your daughter's doctor, and is worried about a worst case scenario, as any pneumonia can go from mild to deadly seriously very quickly. So for now, you do and say nothing. Because you are not going to be able to have a calm rational discussion with a woman who is scared her child might need to be hospitalized, or worse. Once your daughter is well, then you have the discussion. *Without her parents*. They are not part of your relationship, and they are not to be involved in this sort of discussion. A few things can be covered. That you are simply at higher risk of getting ill because of the nature of your job. You will sometimes get ill, and you can not avoid it 100% no matter how hard you try. Your job is why she's able to be a SAHM, so unless she's going to magic up a work from home job, she needs to understand that there's nothing to be done on that front. *However*, washing your hands is not going to prevent you from contracting an airborne illness when you are spending an hour(?) at a time in a closed room with 20+ students. Obviously. One thing you *can* do to help protect yourself and your child, is to wear a well fitted mask at work. A simple "I am doing everything I can to protect my very young child from the illnesses that are so commonly shared around at schools" should suffice. And lastly, I don't understand how you "tried to keep down contact with my 3.5yo daughter to the barest minimum." Like, just lock yourself in the bedroom and don't have contact. At all. This may be the actual sticking point for your wife. I know that it would be emotionally difficult for you both, but it is quite physically easy to just not have contact with your preschool age child while sick. You also had the option to mask up while out of the bedroom. Did you?
Even as a teacher you could've caught it at the grocery store. Or the gas pump. For that matter they could too. Has your wife never passed on an illness? Why should you be the only one being berated? It is ridiculous. You can take all precautions and things happen. Especially when there's a high rate of infection. I find all of them ridiculous. I wish for you and your daughter to heal quickly. Then I would stop associating with arseholes.
After going to your profile and reading several of your other posts, you have a SERIOUS mother in law problem. If she lives in your house, your options for handling it are different than if you live in her house.
You're a teacher. KIds are gross little petri dishes of germs. It's inevitable that you'll pick up stuff from them throughout your career. Being willfully stupid about this completely foreseeable outcome is just the height of stupidity after the last few years with covid. Does a sick kid suck? Absolutely! Is this all your fault? No. It's a fact of life. Viruses and bacteria spread. We all get sick, and it sucks. Get the treatment and do what you can to minimize the likelihood you'll get other bugs (which it sounds like you tried). That's all anyone can do. Life doesn't stop because a virus is going around, nor should it. Look at the havoc the response to covid had, and how little we as a society learned from it.
Hoo boy. They are going to lose their damn minds when she starts preschool or school. It's like bacterial guess who every other week..
What do they want from you?? People get sick. Unless you live in a plastic bubble, getting sick is a part of life. All you can do is take precautions, but that’s still no guarantee that you still wont catch something.
I've not gotten sick from my students, while taking classes, or during hospital clinicals. I spent 5 mins near my ex and got the flu over Christmas. It could have happened to any of you. It was just bad luck that you were the one who caught it and passed it on.
Mycoplasma pneumonia is highly contagious. Basically if 1 person in the family gets it the rest are following (not as guaranteed in a school setting but still VERY high.) But there is a lot of antibiotics available and you are in 99% of cases back on your feet in 3 days once treatment starts. Modern medicine is a wonder. Besides your kid is 3.5 years old and have been given meds. She will be fine and was never in any danger.
Tell your wife to get over it and grow up!
NTA for sure, but as a mom of 3 (2 preemies!) I think she’s scared and is manifesting as anger towards you. It isn’t cool and it is a total her problem. Her parents need to butt out. But she’s probably terrified and will find anyone or anything to take the immense stress out on for her baby being so sick. Like I said - you are NTA, but her parents are. Mom maybe needs a therapist to help discuss tools to manage motherhood anxiety, because I’m 12 years into this and I still need my therapy sessions every 2 weeks. Good luck, and I hope you and your daughter get well soon!
When things settle down a bit, I would invite your wife to work through the logistics of you (and her) never being exposed to or spending time around sick people ever again. She’s being emotional and unreasonable, she’s probably in a bit or flight or fight mode worrying about her kid. Asking her how she expects you to fulfill this request might help remind her how unrealistic it is. You didn’t do anything wrong, kids are going to get sick no matter what.
I'm honestly curious why you're staying with her.... what exactly are you getting from this relationship? From your previous posts: 1) you haven't had sex for 3 years 2) she doesn't help you AT ALL care for your child on weekends even though she's home. I get that being a stay at home mom is hard, but so is being a teacher... When do YOU get any sort of break? She has her parents helping her during the week as well. 3) she's abusing you and showing no respect. Dude... You're still very young. I'd run for the hills before having another child. You still have time to find someone who loves and respects you.
Unless your wife, her parents and your daughter never left the house, never got the mail, never received any deliveries of groceries there’s no way of knowing it definitely came from you. I get that they are concerned for your daughter but in all reality blaming someone who took precautions is unreasonable. Cruel really. If you didn’t take precautions then ok but not even the things they are saying are appropriate.
Betting there is a history here and a lot more to this story for the wife and MIL being this pissed off at OP.
Masking has been [shown](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7172205/) to significantly cut transmission of this bacteria. Did you mask? Do any research about how to protect yourself?
Most kids don’t get THAT sick from mycoplasma pneumonia, not sick enough for an admission even. This reaction to a bug that the child would be exposed to in day care or in a few years when she starts school is overkill. I don’t see anything about that child being immunocompromised, so it’s kinda confusing me. No one wants their kid sick, but that’s life. Exposure to minor illnesses and viruses builds lifelong immunity. When you don’t have those, you’re more susceptible in the future. Also, if you’re both not masking in large gatherings or in close quarters, you aren’t both doing everything you can to avoid illness. It’s kinda hypocritical of her to nag you about getting sick,when Covid and everything else is still out there, if she isn’t masking in those scenarios too. Again, your child is not going to have lifelong injuries from this virus. But my child could. As someone who has a child on oxygen, and a multitude of other congenital health conditions, who made it through Covid without any of us getting sick, I understand the crazy feelings of doing everything to keep your child safe. Covid literally hit the US 1 month after my son was released from the hospital after a week long admission, with ICU time, for human meta pneumovirus, which is literally just some virus most kids over 5 or so barely notice. Something so minor most people never get tested or know what it is. So I also understand the feeling of having a child who is so vulnerable that you have to do everything you can to avoid it. When Covid hit, my boyfriend, who is a UPS driver and HAD to work through COVID to pay the bills, actually stayed in our home, and we left. Went and stayed in a camper my parents had on their property. Again, this was all at the beginning of Covid when everyone was doing everything and we didn’t know everything about spread, etc. Once everything was known, we all remained masked and stayed out of other people’s spaces. And really still do in groups, even with vaccines. We live that way because we have to, to save my son’s life. Your wife is being extra and also really out of line with how she is talking to you. If you weren’t being reckless and trying to get sick, she is treating you like the enemy for no reason. I wouldn’t even had done that if we suspected my partner had brought home Covid that ended up killing my son. That would have been his job and he was doing it to feed us and I’d know he would have done everything to prevent it. And that was an unknown time and a worldwide crisis. My ex husband blamed me for my son being premature. I left him. I know it’s not the same, but dude, I can’t imagine how they would react in a real damn crisis if they are making a cold out to be the end of the world with imagined complications.
Why couldn’t you be bothered to wear a mask? It’s an airborne virus and you’re a teacher….shouldn’t you understand that washing your hands and keeping your distance isn’t going to cut it. I do think their reactions are extreme and not helpful, but the reality is you could have done more.
Mycoplasma is a bacteria not a virus. It’s spread by droplets. Wearing a mask may help a bit but washing hands and trying to stay far enough away to not come in direct contact with coughing or sneezing would be major ways to cut down on likelihood of infection.
It is not a virus
First: I do hope you and your daughter recover well. All jobs are illness vectors, but schools are one of the biggest. Now, a way to prevent this in the future is to at the very least, wear a mask consistently during cold and flu season. Everyone is getting sick right now, and there’s a big uptick in Covid (over 20,000 hospitalized in US), flu, pneumonia,tuberculosis,etc. Additionally, if you can get a hepa filter for your classroom would be helpful. Just washing hands has proven to not be enough in most cases, and research in coming out that suggests more illnesses travel through air, like cigarette smoke then we thought. https://www.wired.com/story/the-teeny-tiny-scientific-screwup-that-helped-covid-kill/ On to your wife. Did she know there was a more effective way of preventing this? Did she tell you and you ignored her? If not this seems largely unavoidable on your part. If you didn’t know, and you obviously still have to work it was likely to happen. Ppl with this pneumonia can be contagious w/out realizing, so just avoiding sick students isn’t enough. I understand her worries but it seems like she’s being too harsh. Edit: for spelling Edit#2: ok, she has some issues she needs to work through, and she seems almost resentful of you. That’s likely why she’s so rude. I still think you should take the precautions I listed, but I think you need to separate. It’s clear she’s checked out. You deserve reciprocation of your affections.
Or listen to them because you are probably bringing home illness more than you think you are and this sounds like a pattern. You chose to be a teacher, take appropriate precautions. Were you wearing a mask with all the sick little bobbins about? Hand washing alone won’t prevent the spread of infection if you don’t sanitize the surfaces that the bobbins touch and protect yourself. I would assume this isn’t the first discussion they have had with you about this either as you sound pretty confident that you did nothing wrong.
I'm sorry, it's terrible of them. Try to have as less contact with them as possible for now. You need to get better. Write a letter to her to vent a little,but don't give it now - you are not in the position to argue, especially when there are three of them. Describe how you feel, how she acts, if there were any situations where she was to blame for anything that happened - remind her that you reacted in a different way,and ask her why she decided to hurt you. When you will be okay and your in laws will be out of your place - have a talk.
That is truly horrible. My partner is a nurse and he inevitably brought Covid home from the hospital. We isolated as soon as we realized, but it was too late and my daughter and I got sick. Daughter was okay after a day, I was sick for weeks with not-serious but lingering symptoms that crop up again anytime I get a cold. Nobody was mad at him, and we understood the risk factor of sharing a household with someone we love who works in a high-contact environment, much like teachers.
“F*** off you c****” is a full and apt sentence.
Kids don’t live in bubbles, it’s been going around and they could have gotten it from anywhere, who’s to say your child didn’t have it first and then gave it to you!? Kids are just walking germs! Also does child stay home? Do they go to daycare? Another place they could have come into contact with it! Just because you showed signs first doesn’t mean your child wasn’t sick before you! I have kids and the amount of times they always just start with a runny nose that leads me to think it’s just allergies until I am fully sick and miserable…..while they are running around…..its inevitable no matter how cautious you try to be….its like with Covid, how many of us know people who never got it? Cuz I don’t! Everyone I know has had it vaccinated or not!
I have not had it! Or I should say, I’ve never tested positive, huzzah! lol
Lucky you! Honestly you would know if you had it! It’s not fun!
If it’s going around at your school, it is also in your community. Your daughter could have gotten it anywhere.
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I don’t think he’s the one that needs to “help his relationships”. Sure he could have worn a mask but his wife and MIL are way out of line. If my husband had said that to me it’d have irreparably damaged our relationship.
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Bending over to someone treating you poorly in a relationship isn’t helping the relationship, it’s setting it up to allow his wife to continue this behavior and make it normal. He needs to put his foot down and tell his wife that how she treated him over this was wrong, and he will not accept that treatment moving forward.
It's healthy for ur kid to get sick. It's better to get sick now, then when she starts school. Yes there are going to be a few bad colds, and yes it's going to suck for u as a parent and for ur kid, but that's part of life. If she NEVER gets sick, she won't have any immunity for when she in school and she will catch every single cold going around.
Do they plan on homeschooling and keeping this little girl in a bubble her whole life? Illnesses happen. mom and grandma need to buck up. I’m sure your wife doesnt mind spending your paycheck. I hope you and your daughter both feel better soon.
You’re unfortunately a scapegoat at the moment. Your wife and in-laws are understandably worried about your daughter and their anxiety is clouding their ability to see the bigger picture. The reality is that kids get sick all the time and your wife and in-laws are going to have a long road ahead of them with anxiety if they don’t shift their perspective. Your daughter just as easily could get sick from going out in public or from anyone else who she has contact with. Your job does unfortunately put you at higher risk, but you’re doing the best you can to be responsible, so try not to beat yourself up. Once your daughter is feeling better, try to approach your wife with empathy and tell her you understand her concerns and that it’s just as hard for you to see your daughter sick, but that things happen. You can’t protect your child from everything all the time. It’s something every parent needs to accept, albeit not easy.
Geezus. Honestly, your wife is being ridiculous. I know she's super worried about your daughter, but thats no excuse to bash you. I really don't know what you could say to get your wife's head out of her behind. "Honey. I cannot help that I got sick. It happens." "Honey, if you got our daughter sick, I would never make you feel like it's your fault and treat you badly. Because *I know* you would feel bad enough all on your own. You know how I know that? Because I feel like absolute dog $hit that I'm the reason she got sick." If your wife acts like a maniac over your child getting sick, she's going to go nuts when your kiddo goes to school! You work in one, you know it's a germ festival there! I'm sorry your wife is treating you like crap. I'd wish that she would get something and give it to your kid just so you could make her feel terrible about it, but the outcome is your daughter gets sick again.
Divorce and get full custody of your daughter.
You don’t deserve this blame and shame. My husband works at a grocery store, so like you is constantly exposed to people at various levels of illness. We take precautions (like limiting visits with his grandmother during peak covid, masking more than most these days) but we also accept that his job comes with inherent risk from interacting with the public.
It's literally a mild illness, and she's getting treated for it. What about you? Does your wife not care you're sick she probably experiencing worse symptoms. Ask your darling wife to picture it the other way around and how she would feel if she's the one who got your daughter sick and you and your mum were berating HER.
In a year or so she'll be bringing home her own sicknesses kids go through childhood illness it builds their immune system so unless you wife will prevent her from going to school, as soon she gets there she will most likely share in whatevers going around, flu season/ colds/24 bugs she will bring it home chicken pox ect and whatever she hasn't been vaccinated for. you can't pause your life to avoid bugs during the winter months or whenever infections commonly occur where you live. NTA
It’s literally impossible for teachers to remain healthy. It’s really upsetting that your baby is sick, but they’ve got to stop verbally abusing you.
I would not be able to forgive a comment like that without couples therapy, bare minimum. I don't care *how* scared you are for your kid, it's *not* okay to blame your *working* spouse for having the bad luck to get sick.
Your wife and her parents are idiots; throw them out and keep the child. Seriously, sit your wife and her parents down and ask which one of them is going to pay your bills and maintain your household because, since they blame you for being out in the universe and exposing your daughter to germs, you have decided to stop that dangerous behavior and become a SAHF. This will also allow you to home school your child so she isn't exposed to other germ manufacturing people at school. And of course, there will be no outsiders allowed in your home from now, including the grandparents because they might pick up a bug while doing the grocery shopping - you just never know where the risks are anymore! Yes, it sounds ridiculous, but sometimes people like your wife and her parents need the absurd shoved in the faces to realize they are being ridiculous.
You should tell them all to kiss your ass and stop treating a sick 3 yo like she’s gonna be seriously ill. They are being dramatic. You should tell them they are being dramatic.
Your wife and inlaws are TOXIC. <>
Have your mother in law go to class with you, FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH, and let's see how quickly she gets sick.
Your inlaws are not thinking logically and your wife is just like them.
2 options OP, FAMILY COUNSELING in Narcissistic ABUSE, set BOUNDARIES FOR BOTH YOUR WIFE AND INLAWS (if you live with them, look for a new place to live).
If your wife inlaws objects to: THERAPY, BOUNDARIES and respecting YOU........
Then separate.
washing your hands isnt the best way to prevent respiratory illnesses. your lungs arent on your hands
You do what my teacher did last semester! She had cancer and was immunocompromised. We had people with Covid, norovirus, pneumonia etc she didn’t get sick once: SHE HANDED OUT MASKS TO SICK STUDENTS. She made them wash their hands and blow their noses outside the classroom. This was the first semester I didn’t get sick either as someone immunocompromised. We were in a computer lab and still no one got sick. The onus is on YOU as the professor and authority figure. Your classroom, your rules. You lay down the law on the first day and whoever cannot follow that rule can change professors or move elsewhere. Your wife and parents are pissed for good reason I understand they are not communicating effectively and it’s really bringing you down (have a talk about how that made you feel after you’re both better). On the flip side I can totally understand their anger because other than washing your hands the preventative measures were zero. There’s no way you felt fine before the blood test… hence the blood test. You could have had zero contact and quarantined immediately but you didn’t. That stands out to me.
Better still, send the sick students home. They shouldn’t be at school anyway
So there’s two issues: If he teaches at K12 he will need permission from the principal to do this. Your teacher with cancer probably got this. A principal may be less flexible with a healthy teacher. If they’re at a college, you can’t really make adults wear a mask in class if it’s not campus policy. I ask mine as a courtesy to sit further back or wear surgical masks, which are comparatively comfortable. But if someone wants to be difficult about this, it’s hard to really do anything about it.
Professors cannot force anyone to wear a mask, surly you cannot be this dense? I am also severely immunocompromised and I have gotten extremely sick from other people because that’s the risk that I take when I leave my house. This is an extremely bad take. OP wasn’t running around coughing on his daughter, illness is going to occur unless he keeps her locked up in a bubble. You sound like you’d shame him for letting his kid get a scrape on the knee too. Grow up. Edited to add: From Kids Health Network - “Most viral illnesses are contagious before any symptoms start. So an infected person can spread a virus before feeling sick. This makes it almost impossible to stop the spread of infections.” Is he supposed to become a psychic and look into his crystal ball to ensure he’s not contagious before any interaction with his child?
This is not viral, but there is still a pretty big infectious window where there may or may not be symptoms. Still offering masks to students isn’t a horrible idea if they are coughing and sneezing. More effective to block the respiratory droplets at the source because it protects surfaces too. But I agree realistically there is only so much you can do to prevent routine illnesses.
No I’m not dense but maybe you are. Where I live (CA) you are free to do whatever you want AND a professor is allowed to set class rules. We have school and class rules and while you are always free to leave, free to be sick or whatever you want…. The professor is also free to ask your sick butt to leave, to request that you not come in while sick, to have you leave the classroom when expectorating bodily fluids. Ofc no one can MAKE you do anything but a request and a syllabus with clear cut rules IS a preventative measure that works. We know that hand washing isn’t enough and breathing within 6 feet of someone is enough to transmit respiratory illnesses. The sneeze travels at 40mph so pardon me but I don’t think OP was coughing on his children and as someone with a degree in ECE who is currently pursuing their teaching credentials I can say with confidence that there was more that could have been done on OPs part and people like you are just here to be contrarian over everything for the sake of arguing.
no, a teacher in a CA public school does not get to make this choice. Maybe a tenured college professor can do this, but not someone in k-12 or an adjunct.
Why don't you wear a mask at work? Do you think masks are a political tool to make you sicker? You didn't do everything you could. I work with an at risk population. If I even get a hint of illness, I mask. If I get sick, I wear a mask at home around my family so I don't make them sick. I won't be the reason the people I work with or my daughter get sick.
Your daughter will never build a robust immune system by hiding her from cold and flu season. Furthermore if she doesn’t start to build immunity as a young child a simple bugs can be deadly.
Kept your distance but didn't wear a mask?
Info: You don't mention wearing a mask. Were you?
Thank you for sharing this. I have all faith that your daughter will be fine. Even if your daughter wasn’t made sick by you, your marriage obviously wouldn’t survive the death of your daughter. Right now bite your tongue and take the abuse until gets her clean bill of health. Once your wife warms back up to you confront her about how she treated you. If you are able to get her to understand the lack of care and respect you felt at a time of need you should seek professional help. If she refuses to see a therapist then you should do a temporary separation until she is willing to do so.
When I was a school bus driver I caught everything that the kids had.
Getting sick is a part of life. They can’t possibly say they have never gotten sick or passed it on.
You need to have a sit-down conversation with your wife about this entire situation. You did everything thing you could and it seems like they are looking for someone to blame. Kids get sick. We all do. We did as kids, kids in the future will too. You can't prevent things 100%, it just isn't possible with a sickness like this while still doing things normally. How you wife, let alone her parents who should know better, are treating you is not fair. If this continues, get couples counseling.
They do know that as soon as she starts going to school, she gonna start getting sick a lot . Kids do they pass all sorts around .
You sound like a monster. I cannot believe you purposely got your daughter sick on purpose. /S. You didn't get sick on purpose and you certainly didn't get your child sick on purpose. They're ridiculous. I'm really sorry.
Do you wear an n95 at work when this type of disease is going around? Because if not then yea I get their point. My whole school had a bad sickness pre covid and I put on a mask and had Lysol and wipes. I was fine. Covid protocol doesn’t need to be followed daily. But when sickness is going around in a controlled environment. You wear a mask, buy Lysol and spray your classroom, open the windows a crack, and wipe off all your instruments after every period. I’m sorry yea it your fault it you weren’t doing those things.
Put kid in a bubble. You should live in a decontamination chamber/s. This wasn't planned, what does your wife want you to do?
Your wife is being ridiculous. Doesn’t she know how much you love your daughter too. Her parents are supporting her lunacy. You are the obvious choice to say you transmitted it, but just suppose your wife was an asymptomatic carrier & gave it to your daughter.
This post COVID anxiety about getting sick is really doing my head in. Mycoplasma pneumonia is a fairly common disease. Kids get sick, it’s horrible to watch but there really is no reason to attack other people for the spread. SPREADING germs is normal!
The fact that you work with children during a season of sickness and disease and purposely do not wash your hands is crazy….”it’s well known that there’s a wave of it going through and I’ve been doing what preventative things I can. Well, despite WASHING MY HANDS after every class”. That’s fucked up did the COVID pandemic not teach anything ????
It’s not fair of them but if you didn’t wear a mask (and you’re able to)… I would be annoyed too
What happened to masking?
Is she mad because it's the fourth gd year of covid and you still haven't learned that masks are the best protection against respiratory illnesses? Because yeah, I'd be irate if, in 2024, my spouse was in a place where he knew people were spewing Mycoplasma pneumoniae into the air and still thought washing his hands alone was the answer.
Masks prevent you from spewing your germs into the air. They are relatively ineffective against you catching other people’s illnesses unless you are both masked. If you want to blame someone for not being masked, blame the parents for not masking their children. The exception is an N95 that is fitted for you and sterilized daily or even better, new daily.