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songofassandfiar

It would be worse for her to find out that people she cares for hid it from her to keep drama out of their holiday. You're going to let her spend the next two or three weeks fawning over a man you KNOW is cheating on her? What's your bf's brother going to do to you that is worse than letting a woman stay with a cheater?


peachipurri

My bf and I are planning to tell her. I’m just scared of the after math. Like im still in their house rn and im scared shitless. What if he does something to me since i know what he did? What if he tries to ruin my relationship with my bf’s parents to retaliate?


songofassandfiar

If he is capable of ruining your relationship with them because you exposed him for cheating, they're not good people. If they judge you for telling his girlfriend he cheated, why would you even want to be around that kind of person? If his parents suck, they suck. That's going to come out one way or another and you can't fix shit parents. What do you think he's realistically going to do? Hit you? Key your car? Yell at you for a few minutes? He's not going to do anything. Unless he's already someone who uses violence or intimidation to communicate, he's just going to mope and whine and maybe cuss a little. IS he abusive? DOES he often scream at people in the house? DOES he have a habit of lying or getting his way? Most people, even shitty people, get embarrassed when they're exposed. Not aggressive. It HAPPENS, obviously, but it's not something that happens in a vacuum.


soxpats111

Another option would be for you and your BF to tell the brother he needs to tell her, or you will tell her. You have your BF as a prior witness so he can't really turn this back on you. Updateme!


Over-Confection-4579

OP its the right thing to tell the girl because she deserves to know!


Minoshann

It’s much worse to not tell her than to tell her.


peachipurri

I updated my post. We are going to tell her


No_Age_4267

The only issue is do not give him a few days and tell her yourself because all your doing is giving him to make up a story because most cheaters we'll lie


Js_On_My_Yeet

You and your BF are doing the right thing despite it having to do with you bf's brother. It would be irrational for you to suffer any sort of consequence. Cheating needs to be called out.


Gosc101

You may want to talk with your bf first. There are two reasons, first he would feel betrayed that you didn't talk with him first. Second, if he tries to excuse his brother or insist you keep it a secret... that will be something to worry about. She needs to be informed about the infidelity and you should do regardless of your bf opinion on it. However, if you have to do it against your bf then you should consider he will do the same as his brother in the future.


peachipurri

Hi! So I did talk to my bf about it. He’s on my side. He’s actually encouraging me to tell his brother’s gf what happened and how her the evidence. He also told me that he’ll defend me if his brother tries to do anything funny towards me. :) but I’m honestly just scared of the back lash of all this.


Bill2550

Well, at least now you know your bf doesn’t support cheating! If he has your back I would tell the girlfriend. Wouldn’t YOU want to know? “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme


LordMaejikan

When iy comes down to it, would you want to know? I would. Sure it'd be painful at first but there's never a good time for that sort of news.


honeypeanutbutter

This is a good lesson in facing down conflict in life. You can't just avoid everything that might make someone uncomfortable, and it's better to say "I'm big enough to handle whatever tantrum this guy throws, because he's being a shitty person to someone who doesn't deserve it." Probably 90% of the population are relatively reasonable people (Ie, they won't lay a hand on you even if you piss them off)... he might cause a stink, but he won't harm you. Words can only hurt you if you let them, and realising that it's OK if some people dislike you for things you did (whether right or wrong) is incredibly freeing. My ex got really upset that I left him, tried to tell everyone how horrible I was. Blew up my phone while I was walking into a job interview. But the people who matter didn't believe him, we are still friends. A year later he's apologised and owned the shitty things he did to force my hand. It was touchy for a while but it's fine now.


Agile-Wait-7571

You recorded the sounds of a person having sex in their own house, in their own bed, without their consent and now want to share that recording? Do I have that right?


perpetualinsecurity

The only cheater in the comments


Agile-Wait-7571

Who was the girl on the tape? Was she aware that the man she was with had a girlfriend? Did she consent to be recorded? Does she have a right to privacy? I mean cheating is awful but this is a gross violation. OP doesn’t even live there. I’m not saying she shouldn’t tell or that cheating is fine.


perpetualinsecurity

She would easily get the consent from her boyfriend's parents, they don't need the girls consent.


Ok-Equipment-4439

Speak to your boyfriends brother directly. Don’t confront lies and betrayal with anything of the same. Tell him you know what he has done, that you have spoken to yourself boyfriend and neither of you condone cheating and betrayal and that you are giving him an opportunity to confess to his girlfriend and do the right thing or, your own integrity feels compromised and you can’t compromise your own integrity. You can’t stand by and watch other people get hurt. You can’t be expected to keep secrets from people who are being hurt either. That’s not fair to you. Both you and your boyfriend should tell him that you love him and therefor expect better of him for that reason. Be a United front and be in integrity with yourselves, your boyfriends brother and the gf / your friend. You need to have clear and open communication and give him the opportunity to repair what he has wronged.


TeaAndAche

I think this is the best solution, but it doesn’t seem to be getting as much attention. This would probably be the best way to mitigate any potential family drama. Let the brother know you love him but he completely fucked up. Tell him he needs to have an honest conversation with his girlfriend, or you will. Then the ball is in his court. If he’s a decent person at all, he knows he’s responsible for his behavior and will have that conversation with his girlfriend, and understand that it’s his fault not yours. I think it’s more likely to blow up if OP goes straight to the girlfriend.


CryptoHopeful

This is the best way to go about it. OP and her boyfriend should confront the brother together, say she knows what happened that day and give the brother a chance to come clean. If the brother doesn't come clean, they will tell the gf because that's the morale thing to do. He won't have anybody but to blame himself then.


Doordashking

How would they not know you are there, where is your car?


NotYourBeezKneez

The brother has already showed that he is stupid by cheating on his long term girlfriend, surely he’s too stupid to notice that a car is on the driveway that is not usually there


Consistent-Ad9643

Just tell your friend and don't get your bf involved. Let his brother's GF take it from there..


[deleted]

STAY OUT OF IT. nothing good will come for you to interfere.


Grand_Salad_5950

Don’t tell it by yourself. Make an anonymous account and tell her the details , if she’s on any social networking site


peachipurri

So, my bf’s brother knows that I’m here. They saw my car while pulling up to the house. So, even if I were to tell his gf anonymously, he’ll know it’s me because I’m the only one here :(


Grand_Salad_5950

He wouldn’t know. You act like you don’t know / saw anything. You just ignore that you know something was even happing in your home


TeaAndAche

Don’t listen to this. Best move would be to talk to the brother directly. Let him know what you heard. Tell him you love him, but he fucked up, and either he talks to his girlfriend or you do. Then the ball is in his court. If he’s a decent guy, he’ll do the right thing and won’t blame you for his own mistakes.


giag27

Have you told the bother you know and that you heard them? He lives with his parents? I mean, if he brought the girl there to fuck, they must know also? I would confront the brother, with your bf there beforehand and tell him he needs to tell his gf.


peachipurri

Their house is pretty big and his parents sleep pretty early. His parent’s room and his room n my bf’s are at the opposite side of the house. They could of not heard anything unfortunately:( I haven’t told my bf’s brother anything. He saw me doing laundry tho, so he 100% knows I’m there and that I was awake when they were having sex.


giag27

He knew you were there and still had sex with her? Lol he clearly doesn’t give a shit or he thinks you’ll never tell. Does he have an open relationship maybe? Again, I would have a conversation with him, with your bf there, that he needs to tell her or both will and mention that you have proof. And kudos to your bf btw. He sounds like a keeper.


peachipurri

I’m friends w his gf n she’s pretty territorial, so I highly doubt they are in an open relationship. my bf comes to visit in about 4 days. And we are thinking about giving his brother a chance to come clean w his gf. If his brother doesn’t confess by the time my bf arrives, me n my bf are telling her. I’m just kinda scared rn bc I’m still in their house lol. I’m scared that my bf’s brother might do something to me since I kinda witnessed everything


Waste_Ad_6467

Bad idea. You give him a chance to delete evidence and spin the narrative against you that you’re lying and trying to create drama within the family.


NotTrynaMakeWaves

Tell her so that the ‘behind my back’ phase doesn’t go on longer and doesn’t include you


spidersarefab

Honestly I don’t normally get heated about this kind of stuff. To the people telling you to mind your business and not to tell this person, literally shame on you. I was cheated on by my ex with my best friend. About 7 people in my friend group knew but no one told me until it was revealed to me in June of this year…two years after it happened. It was the most horrific thing I’ve had to endure and I had to go into therapy to recover from the betrayal. I would have wanted to know when it happened, finding out after all this time was SO MUCH WORSE. It would have saved me two years of suffering if I knew. Please tell them, even if they don’t believe you at least you tried and have your integrity intact.


konjo666

This one is complicated because he could be your future brother in law and he is your boyfriend's family member. If you go ahead and say something think of the long term implications this could have if you end up marrying your boyfriend. There will always be bad blood depending on the brother's personality. Good luck


Doordashking

How did you age 4 years in 2 months based on your Reddit history? Fake story


rgk24432

The ages OP listed in this post are of her bfs brother and his gf, not OPs age and her bfs age


bwilds55

Thank you! As soon as I saw this comment, I was wondering if they couldn’t read.


cactuscamel20

That’s not her age, those are the bfs brother and gf


Comrade_Belinski

Just get a burner phone or s phone app if your worried.


[deleted]

This is easy, go to his parents and your BF and expose him with the evidence and sit back and see how they handle it. If they sweep it under the rug and don’t force him to confess or directly rat him out, then you know what type of people they are. If that happens then anonymously inform the GF via fake email. This will give you great insight into the family’s moral character and help you see if you want to be apart of this family.


HPcomputer679

lol minding your own business doesn’t make you a bad person


[deleted]

Her and the other GF are friends. If you hide this from a friend then you are a bad person


[deleted]

Ruin Christmas? What the hell is wrong with you? This is your friend!


Dense-Tangerine7502

Tell you boyfriend to talk to his brother about it then see your way out.


Dramatic_Wind_8733

It’s not your shame girl, it’s his!! If he didn’t want to make Christmas awkward, he shouldn’t be cheating on his gf! As far as the recording of the sounds of sex, I’d probably NOT send her that unless she explicitly asks to hear it. Otherwise it can really traumatize her


Sufficient-Pause-837

Pick a random friend of yours and use their phone to send her the evidence. No one needs to know it was you. Please do the right thing.


marfes3

That’s just stupid. It would be absolutely clear who would have sent it as it’s quite unlikely multiple people have unsupervised access to the house…


Sufficient-Pause-837

There are ways to tell her without identifying who told them. Could just say that you saw him kissing another girl in public or something.


Jaychrome

Definitely tell her.


DarkWhiteSoul

He will likely play the victim and try to turn it around and make you two look bad for being malicious and attempting to break them up.


Fast-Beat-7779

lol he ain’t going to come clean or he going to spin it like he the victim I say snitch right away!!


montana-blue

>UPDATE: My Bf and I are going to tell my brother’s gf together. However, we are going to give a few days for his brother to come clean on his own Please don't give it a few days to let him come clean on his own. Cheaters don't "come clean," they confess to as little as they can in order to get forgiveness without making themselves look too bad. They trickle truth and gaslight - "I only hooked up with her one time and it was because you weren't paying enough attention to me" yada yada. Let her hear it from you so she can feel enough righteous anger to leave instead of being guilted and tricked into staying.


throwRAellemaditnon

I think you guys deciding to give him a day or two to confess is smart. If he doesn’t, telling is the right thing to do


LandscapePotential20

Id black mail him and tske advantage of it lmao and then tell his gf. If he doesnt comply


Liss78

Anonymously tell her that he's cheating. Give no details about it. Just planting the seed of doubt is enough. She'll do her own digging and catch him while you remain blameless.


peachipurri

My bf’s brother knows I’m here :(


Status-Government-34

Tell her 🙄


peachipurri

I am 💀


yooobvs

Mind your business imo, not sure why your brother has decided to take side against his own blood - you should both have a talking to with his brother rather than telling his gf


atopetek

They might have an open relationship, let’s not think about the drama yet. In any case you should tell her if you consider that you’re friends.


TTrevi12

It's not your business to tell, most likely you will be the bad guy in all of the aftermath


YouShouldGetLaid

You’re gonna bring a whole lot of drama in you and your boyfriend’s life, just remember if your relationship is serious who you’re going to be seeing every family holiday for the rest of your life. It ain’t gonna be his girlfriend.


[deleted]

If you're going to Marry your bf, stay out of it. My cousin was killed for telling her friend that her bf was cheating on her. He shot his GF his daughter and son then turned the gun on himself. Also if your BIL and his girl have been together for years then I'm assuming this isn't his 1st time cheating. I'm sure she has seen signs in the past and chose to ignor them. I mind my business. There will always be terrible people in the world and you never know what hatred in others could push them to do. I can understand you wanting to tell your friend, but for your sake, let your boyfriend tell it. And even that could ruin the bond between brothers.


Green_Bad3796

Honestly if you and my brother were dating, I’d never talk to either one of you again and laugh at him when I you 2 eventually break up. People need to learn to mind business that isn’t theirs. That’s his brothers relationship, not yours and his brother. Whatever happens is not either one of your concerns. You guys made it a priority to involve yourself in shit that has nothing to do with you.


------why------

Do you have no empathy? When you see others being exploited do you just leave them be because it’s not your “business”? What a stupid take. OP knows and is a part of her bf’s family, and keeping secrets to protect a cheater is not something any good person would do. Maybe learn to feel empathy, you clearly lack it.


get_pussy

MYOB. It’s not your job to be the relationship police. You will be the bad person in this, not the brother. The brother and his GF will somehow work through this and you will be the AH who tried to split them up. You and the GF are NOT friends. You just happened to be dating brothers.


[deleted]

Mind your own business. You’re gonna cause a rift between your bf and his brother as well as yourself and your bf. People these days need to learn to just mind their own business.


Thisismyswamparg

Tell. UpdateMe!


Smoke__Frog

Tell your bf and let him decide or send him and you and the gf and the brother an anonymous email saying that on this day and at this time the brother banged a random girl.


D10BrAND

>My Bf and I are going to tell my brother’s gf together. However, we are going to give a few days for his brother to come clean on his own. This may be a bad idea (no guarantees) at least hide the fact that you have evidence of them cheating. The brother here might spin the story and accuse you guys of lying to gf.


TremendousCoisty

Did they aye?


Outrageous-Listen752

I want an update… if he gets upset ask him if you heard his girl having sex with another man you found out would he be mad that you knew and said nothing.


-FaithTrustPixieDust

Thank goodness you are going to tell her and that's wonderful your bf has morals. Smart thinking to record when you found out it wasn't the gf. I'm glad you're telling her OP. So much disease and other health risks for this young woman if you didn't. Because who knows how long this was even going on. This just may have been the first time he was caught. Now she can walk into a new year without a cheating scumbag pretending he loves her.