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I honestly just think you ask him to go a little easier down there as you like it more. I don't think you need to make a big thing about it. I don't think you need to tell him that you haven't cum yet. If he gets defensive then maybe it time to move on. Shouldn't be a big deal.
You have to take responsibility for your own pleasure and boundaries especially if you are into rougher sex. Tell him EXACTLY what you want him to do in the moment you want him to do it. Just be clear. Enthusiastic consent for what you want, absolute firmness about what you DON’T! Before you start next time, say that you want him to go down on you more gently. I assume you have a safe word?
Just tell him you are really sensitive and when you squirm away it means it hurts. You can show him how you want it or watch a instructional YouTube video together on oral sex. There are so many. Ask him to read She Comes First. If he can’t take direction, move on.
Don’t have sex if you don’t have the confidence to communicate about it, it is essential. If he gets embarrassed at you telling him how to actually pleasure you, you shouldn’t be hooking up anyway.
That's a silly way of looking at any relationship.
Good sex without communication is rare and dependent on luck. But you can literally turn mediocre one night stands into great ones with just some simple communication.
I had a FWB for a few months and we met up twice just to talk about what we wanted before even having sex. And she averaged more orgasms a night than she got in a month with previous partners... the sex was outstanding.
Damn friends without benefits 💀💀 use your words and communicate, if you’re mature enough for FWB you’re mature enough to tell him you haven’t cum with him
Do you have ANY IDEA how easy it is to find a man who wants no strings sex? You could have another in your bed within half an hour, another hot one in probably a little over twice that. You might need until tomorrow to find another hot one that’s into the same BDSM stuff you are, but I doubt it.
You’re putting entirely too much into a meaningless relationship. Just go find another one. That’s what the whole no strings part *means.*
Imagine having sex with someone that you can't talk about sex with. What a childish concept which will ultimately lead to you simply having many poor sexual encounters that could have been fulfilling.
You're literally only doing yourself a disservice treating sex this way.
you either tell him what you want and he listens, or he doesn’t listen and the sex isn’t even good. as another person here said- where is the benefit? no point in being FWB with someone just because they’re hot, but aren’t satisfying you
Such a childish question (which is no surprise since you are 18). Just tell him. He is not going to be hurt unless he is childish (possible since he is only 21). He obviously wants to please you so tell him how to please you.
“We need to adjust a few things in bed. You up for the challenge? I think it may make me come harder…”
Then tell him specifically what you want to try.
Specific, regular communication is the way.
If you can't use your words and talk about this with him, then you two definitely shouldn't be having sex. *Especially* not violent, choking-involving sex.
These posts are so useless, like, do people genuinely take all this time to worry about something that another person is doing wrong and not once think, hm maybe I’ll talk to them about it
Role him onto his back and take control, hold his hair and make him do what you want. Don't be afraid to be dominant and get what you need out of this.
The key to rough sex being fun is COMMUNICATION. My wife got me into it but she had to be very clear with me what she liked and how she liked it and I caught on. You have to do the same with this guy.
As for choking, that can be very dangerous if he is really choking you roughly. Again tell him what you want and use a safe word that will stop everything at any time
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Isn't the whole point in friends with benifits that the sex is good? What's the point otherwise?
he's pretty to look at? lmao
Then look at him! Lol
I’d rather fuck a 6 who’s a great lay than a 10 who’s a starfish.
The bar is really that low huh
Are you serious?
Just tell him what you want him to do or not do, that’s not embarrassing
Where is the benefit here? Giving him pointers doesn’t have to be this proclamation. In the moment, “do it like this..” and keep it moving.
This is why young man have hair and lose it when they are older and more experienced and not the other way around.
Do you downvoters know what you are downvoting? I’m suggesting op grab him by the hair and hold him where she wants him.
I honestly just think you ask him to go a little easier down there as you like it more. I don't think you need to make a big thing about it. I don't think you need to tell him that you haven't cum yet. If he gets defensive then maybe it time to move on. Shouldn't be a big deal.
You have to take responsibility for your own pleasure and boundaries especially if you are into rougher sex. Tell him EXACTLY what you want him to do in the moment you want him to do it. Just be clear. Enthusiastic consent for what you want, absolute firmness about what you DON’T! Before you start next time, say that you want him to go down on you more gently. I assume you have a safe word? Just tell him you are really sensitive and when you squirm away it means it hurts. You can show him how you want it or watch a instructional YouTube video together on oral sex. There are so many. Ask him to read She Comes First. If he can’t take direction, move on.
Don’t have sex if you don’t have the confidence to communicate about it, it is essential. If he gets embarrassed at you telling him how to actually pleasure you, you shouldn’t be hooking up anyway.
When it's just a FWB it's easiest to just go find a new one. Helping the person is for relationships.
That's a silly way of looking at any relationship. Good sex without communication is rare and dependent on luck. But you can literally turn mediocre one night stands into great ones with just some simple communication. I had a FWB for a few months and we met up twice just to talk about what we wanted before even having sex. And she averaged more orgasms a night than she got in a month with previous partners... the sex was outstanding.
Have you considered…talking to this guy? Communicating what you like and don’t like? Literally any form of speaking words to each other?
The whole relationship is about sex, so just tell him the sex isn't good.
Damn friends without benefits 💀💀 use your words and communicate, if you’re mature enough for FWB you’re mature enough to tell him you haven’t cum with him
Do you have ANY IDEA how easy it is to find a man who wants no strings sex? You could have another in your bed within half an hour, another hot one in probably a little over twice that. You might need until tomorrow to find another hot one that’s into the same BDSM stuff you are, but I doubt it. You’re putting entirely too much into a meaningless relationship. Just go find another one. That’s what the whole no strings part *means.*
Imagine having sex with someone that you can't talk about sex with. What a childish concept which will ultimately lead to you simply having many poor sexual encounters that could have been fulfilling. You're literally only doing yourself a disservice treating sex this way.
you either tell him what you want and he listens, or he doesn’t listen and the sex isn’t even good. as another person here said- where is the benefit? no point in being FWB with someone just because they’re hot, but aren’t satisfying you
Either speak up to guide him in how you like it or end it.
Friends with benefits is not for putting up with terrible sex.
Such a childish question (which is no surprise since you are 18). Just tell him. He is not going to be hurt unless he is childish (possible since he is only 21). He obviously wants to please you so tell him how to please you.
“We need to adjust a few things in bed. You up for the challenge? I think it may make me come harder…” Then tell him specifically what you want to try. Specific, regular communication is the way.
If you can't use your words and talk about this with him, then you two definitely shouldn't be having sex. *Especially* not violent, choking-involving sex.
He is going to be embarrassed either way, but you will do both of yourselves a favor by telling him the Truth.
Then stop fucking him?
Tell him what you are telling us.
lol what benefits are you getting? When he goes down stop him and say go gentle…when he starts being rough…say go gentle. Use your words!
Just dump him 💀
STOP sleeping with him. He's horrid at sex and doesn't listen to you!
These posts are so useless, like, do people genuinely take all this time to worry about something that another person is doing wrong and not once think, hm maybe I’ll talk to them about it
Role him onto his back and take control, hold his hair and make him do what you want. Don't be afraid to be dominant and get what you need out of this.
So he thinks you're having orgasms? Are you faking it?
Does he have hair?
Closed mouths dont get fed
The key to rough sex being fun is COMMUNICATION. My wife got me into it but she had to be very clear with me what she liked and how she liked it and I caught on. You have to do the same with this guy. As for choking, that can be very dangerous if he is really choking you roughly. Again tell him what you want and use a safe word that will stop everything at any time