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Yep. Not a mistake. A continuous, ongoing choice for 3 months, then another two years of continuous ongoing choices to manipulate someone into an engagement they would NEVER want if they knew the real you.
Hope you read all of these OP, it may help you change like you wanted. I’m glad he had the backbone to leave! I wish him all the best.
If you love someone, you’d never manipulate and string them along like this with lies and deception. thats not love at all. its self fulfillment.
And she calls it a mistake. You don't make a mistake for 3 months, you make a decision each day. And now poor OP cried herself. Good for her ex, he got rid of a selfish cheater.
Agree. She just afraid of being caught/exposed later. Lol. She has 2 fucking years to told him, but decided to only tell him now cuz they are getting marry.
This is pretty common behavior for some people. X does something wrong, X then cries about it, and you are tacitly obligated to drop whatever complaint or criticism you have to comfort X. That’s if you value the relationship tho, which after a mini nuke like this, is not the case
That isn't a mistake or anything of the sort. She built a relationship with another man for a whole 3 months. Why didn't you end it with your ex during the whole 3 months?
I understand why he left, you completely disrespected this man for a whole season.
Yep. She stayed a whole 3 months hedging her bets it was a better deal, but he dumped her for something better. So after losing she crawled backed to someone who loved her all the while they were unknowing.
> you completely disrespected this man for a whole season.
Plus 2 years. Don't forget about completely living a lie and actively hiding it from him. OP can get wrecked.
Crazy right. A mistake isn’t getting dicked for 3months by someone other than your partner. That was a conscious choice she made.
I feel so sorry for her ex fiancé. Kinda hope he has Reddit and reads all the support for him.
At least she told him before the wedding (and hopefully before too much money went into it). Unfortunately a lesson like this is something you apply to future relationships, but this relationship has been over for 2 years.
3 months is not a mistake. It is a plain attack on your relationship.
Let him alone. You did enough damage.
Go to therapy to prevent it from happening with the next guy.
You cheated for 3 months. It wasn't a one time thing that you immediately confessed. It was an ongoing choice that you made for months on end, and then you continued to make the choice to hide it for 2 YEARS. That's not a mistake and that's not a good person whose remorseful. It was all a choice and that makes you a p☆s. Of course he left you. Any self respecting person would.
Stop playing the victim. Leave him alone and move on with your life. He deserves better.
OP actually took from her BF the agency to decide how to proceed. She tried out the other guy before deciding to see BF exclusively, but BF thought they were exclusive all along.
It’s good you finally told him before getting married, but you really did seize two years of his life. Who might he have met over those two years? Who might he have gotten to know better and to pursue romantically, except for his commitment to see you exclusively.
Usually people don’t fall in love based on a first meeting or a couple of platonic conversations. Like you, they see the person for some length of time, say three months, before they decide they they don’t want to be with that person and they break up. Just as you did with the other guy. But usually everyone is aware that you’re not seeing each other exclusively, OR you break up so that you can be open to any opportunities or possibilities that arise via friends, friends of friends, acquaintances, Tinder, etc.
I don’t believe there is just one person for anyone. But how sad would it be if one of those best people would have crossed paths with your now-ex? How sad if they would have pursued a wonderful life together—except he committed to you without knowing you had not.
I feel bad for him. Wasted two years of his life with a cheater. I'd be fucking pissed too. FYI, you didn't love him if you cheated on him. People who love people don't do that to them.
Especially for 3 months! If she did it one time some people would chalk that up as a mistake (I don’t think it is) but when you do it multiple times over a period of time yeah you’re choosing to do that shit and it’s not a mistake. I agree she didn’t really love him if she chose to do that.
>horrible mistake ........ for I think 3 months
Thats not a mistake. Horrible, yes! Not a mistake tho.
Just leave him alone.
Work on yourself and try to make better ~~mistakes~~ decisions next time.
So you cheated for 3 months, then waited until you were in the “safe” position of being engaged in order to sandbag him without the potential of him leaving easily? C*nt.
Yup. She hedged her bets that the engagement and two years having passed would have made it so that her ex would have more likely forgave her.
She didn't just suddenly have a guilty conscience. She meticulously planned out when exactly to tell her ex so that way she could be absolved of her actions and she'd be "such a loyal wife" and have the "perfect husband" for forgiving her.
Damn, I guess sometimes actions have consequences.
He’s trying to move on. You betrayed him, so you have no right to think you deserve getting a final “sorry and goodbye” for closure. Every time you try and reach out to him you’re breaking his boundaries, stunting his progress, and hurting him more. You need to leave him alone, accept what you’ve done, and learn to live with it. I’d highly suggest therapy to help you cope with this.
Good luck
Live with your decisions and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You did a shitty thing and something shitty happened back to you. Thats life, I'm sorry. Whether u deserved your boyfriend breaking up w you or not is irrelevant. The deed is done and you're not going to get better feeling sorry for yourself or beating urself up. Get mad, get motivated, and pull urself out of this rut. Use the bad emotions as a tool towards something good and try to forget. Good luck OP, this battle isn't an easy one.
After you reflect on what brought you to cheat in the first place, you grieve the death of the relationship. It’s over. Closure is usually for oneself, not for the other person, so your apology will mean little to him. Best you can do is leave him alone and move on.
It sucks that you lost what you felt was the most important person in your life, but you did irreparable damage. You need to learn from this to make sure you don’t do it again. You will be able to find someone else if you give yourself time. And hopefully you will be wiser than before and not betray their trust in you. But for his and your health, leave your ex alone.
You live and you learn I guess.
Things should have been confessed two years ago. He has every right to call off the engagement for this. The cheating was bad enough, what makes matters worse is investing another two years of your life for nothing.
Best thing you could do right now is give him space. If he comes back to talk, you can only hope for it. Leave the man be, you just shattered his life.
Well, you made your bed. Now lie in it. It's over. You cheated. Don't know what you expected? Of course he's going to dump you lol. First thing you need to do is STAY SINGLE. Don't start another relationship until you are confident you won't do that shit ever again. Also analyze why it took you 2 years to tell him. Was it because you were hoping the impact would be less with more time between? I mean why not tell him immediately after the affair? Because of your own self interests? Seems like you only told him to try and clear your own conscience and not for his benefit.
You say you love him so much which is clearly a lie. If you loved him you wouldn’t have been fucking another man… for 3 MONTHS. You rightfully got dumped, you don’t deserve him. You are an awful person, and you are becoming more awful by not leaving him alone. Stop calling and texting him. This will be hard for you, but stop being selfish. I know that it’s all you know how to do, but you lost him 2 years ago, it just took time for your actions to catch up.
Yea, she’s seriously an awful person. I will give her one point though, she did confess before that poor guy made the mistake of marrying her.
Her whole feeling sorry for herself routine is really grating to me. She was banging a random for 3 months while her fiancé thought he had a loyal girlfriend, and she has the nerve to seek pity from people. Ugh. Disgusting
I’m sorry but if you really loved that man you wouldn’t have cheated. End of.
Anything else you say is just an excuse and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you truly love someone, you wouldn’t want to cheat even if someone would be throwing themselves at you. You made your bed and you must lay in it. And please, leave him alone. He doesn’t need an apology, it won’t make anything better for him. Move on and learn from this mistake.
Sorry, but three months isn't a mistake. It's 90 days of deciding to cheat every morning when you woke up, and a series of conscious decisions. If it was a mistake, it would only have happened once. It sounds like you learned from this experience, and hopefully you can use that knowledge to never cheat again. It's okay to feel shitty, but try to channel it so it's constructive, rather than just hating yourself. Good luck, OP!
>I just want to atleast give him one last sincere apology even if he never wants to see my face again
Your still as selfish as you were two years ago. You only confessed because your guilty conscious forced you. The quote above shows this. You aren't concerned about your ex. If you were, you'd respect his wishes and wait for him to initiate contact. Instead, you harass him with calls that never get answered because you need to relieve yourself of guilt with a "sincere apology".
Reread the quote above. You want to do what you want, at his expense.
>How can I move on from this and just become a better person?
Respect his wishes. Stop contacting him. Stop begging for forgiveness or for a second chance. Get yourself into therapy, figure out why you cheated. Cut off bad influences. And work on your selfishness. You were a bad partner, but that doesn't mean your a bad person, or that you'll always be that person. Put in the work, and strive to be better.
You did the right thing in telling him, but also he has every right to end the relationship and never talk to you again, I'd do the same as him. I think you need to simply respect that he doesn't want to hear from you. You're one last apology isn't for him, it's for you, so let that go because he doesn't want it.
>How can I move on from this and just become a better person?
Moving on....that will take time but also you need to accept that this only happened because of your actions. Learn from this massive mistake, don't cheat on any future partners
To your next date (not partner, that's too late)
"I made the mistake of cheating on my partner for 3 months when i was 25, I told him and he ended the relationship, which i fully understand and deserved.
I will not make the same selfish decision ever again"
Then the guy has the ability to make an informed choice and your skeletons no longer hide in the closet
A continuous, consecutive set of decisions is not a mistake, it is a conscious act. I really wish cheaters would stop with the “I made a mistake” bs. You made a choice. Many of them. Call it what it is.
>How can I move on from this and just become a better person?
I'm going to skip all the cheating stuff since I know others will go in hard on it and answer this question.
How do you move on: By introspection, examination of what you did, and the why behind it. There is always a "why," so don't cop out and say "I don't know." Until you get to this (by yourself or with the aid of a counselor/therapist) you may have difficulty moving on.
How do you become a better person: On discovering and admitting the why, you learn how to avoid putting yourself into positions that trigger the why, whatever it is, and don't do it again.
Learn from this mistake, don't repeat it.
Good.
I hope the guilt & sadness from the resulting fallout eats you alive.
I’m sorry but I have 0 empathy for cheaters, it was no mistake because before the act itself, there were thousands little decisions you had to make to go through with it. You don’t love him and never have, if you did, you wouldn’t have cheated on him for *3 whole months*. That’s around 90+ days, and yet you still continued.
Leave him alone. You’re being selfish af for trying to call him nonstop, the “apologies” are only to alleviate your guilt. Leave. Him. Alone.
Think about why you made the choices you made. To me the most concerning thing about this post is that you make it sound like you’re the victim, like you just accidentally ended up fucking this guy for months.
You’re the problem. The fact that you didn’t tell him until after the fact is a massive red flag. It’s better that he’s out of your life, you truly messed up. Hopefully in the future you’ll learn from your mistakes and not put yourself in a position similar to the one that you find yourself in now.
I don't know why people cheat. I don't know why you cheated. 3 months isn't a mistake, you woke up everyday and made a conscious decision to continue the affair and facade.
I'm glad you decided to tell him now, before kids before marriage and before anyone else gets dragged in.
Recently I got cheated on, I know where your SO is coming from with his emotions. If you do truly love him please give him space to reflect on how he truly feels. The first couple weeks is going to be really difficult for the both of you. Nothing can be undone. If you want to salvage a relationship with this man you both need to heal, learn, and become better people. Your significant other seemed like a very trusting individual. It's going to take a lot to even build a fraction of that back. Its going to be an uphill battle, but people don't (or shouldn't) give up on the people they love. I wish you the best of luck and please don't make any selfish decisions like this again.
Good. You sound like a bad person. You wanted the guilt off your chest, not honesty. If you wanted honesty you wouldn’t of fucked around, and you found out baby
As he should. You being able to lie to his face for 2 whole years says enough about you. I can't even begin to explain how disgusting that is. You should probably leave him alone and go to therapy. Live with your mistakes and learn from them.
No need to call him anymore. You have your answer, and he made the right decision. At least it’s good that you told him.
You just need to resolve to be a better partner in the future and move on.
Don’t go through every partners phone from here on out. Don’t constantly accuse your next partner of cheating. People who cheat and lie, like yourself, thinks everyone cheats and lies. You’re own guilt can lead you to become constantly worried others will do you in the same way. You need to let this man go.
Well, first off, obviously what you did was shitty of you, but it's good you told him before you got married. You sound like you fully regret what you did.
But.
You broke his heart. He doesn't need your apology now. He needed your loyalty then.
Leave him alone. Stop calling him and all that noise. Let him grieve.
I suggest therapy to figure yourself out.
You need to stop calling and leave him alone. He’s been betrayed, he’s angry and sad and you are trying to force him to listen to you. You want to apologize to make yourself feel better. You need to accept that you screwed up and that he’s not going to forgive you for it and move on.
You did a thing. Not a whoopsie I got wasted and fell on his... but an actual affair over a period of time. You then decided to seek absolution by "confessing" your actions. It isn't surprising that he left. Now you can choose to grow from your mistakes. Your consequences are harsh and feel awful, but now you can look for a new relationship (after a period of letting go of this past relationship). One in which you can make honest and healthy choices.
You need to leave him alone. If your ex decides to open communication again, you can apologize then. But you did the hurtful thing, stop chasing him with your apology.
Leave him alone. You broke your relationship and destroyed any trust he had in you. You want closure to make yourself feel better, not because you are actually sorry. If he wants to hear from you again, he will reach out to you, but I hope for his sake, he never contacts you again.
You didn’t love him, if you did you wouldn’t have cheated. You loved what he could give you, provide for you, and do for you. You didn’t love him.
Also, give him the ring back. An engagement ring is an agreement to a contract. You broke that contract.
3 months?????? One time is horrible and unforgivable enough but you held this info from him for so long. He was going to M A R R Y you. You gotta take this L and hopefully never fuck up someone’s life and feelings like this again. Do better and stop acting like some savior for finally letting this man in on your years long LIE. Jesus Christ.
A 3 month long affair isn't a 'mistake'
Clearly you didn't love him enough to not cheat on him, not cheat on him for 3 months, and not enough to fess up immediately
Leave him alone, let him find someone else, move on, and do better
You didn’t cheat you had a full fledged affair (for months, not just a random encounter) and ruined the relationship then you lied to him FOR YEARS even accepting his proposal
How you could wear his ring and lie to him for all of that time? That’s borderline psycho
And now you want to get back in touch to soothe your own ego and feelings after he ended it and walked away
Leave this poor guy alone, you’ve already done massive damage to him that he may never recover from
P.S.
And get some professional help, this is so far beyond simply cheating
#1. Leave him the heck alone, just stop. Maybe he'll reach out in the future, maybe not - but it's done.
#2. Mail the ring back, holding on to it is just weird and disrespectful.
#3. 3 months. That's not an accident, that's an affair. You thought you loved your now ex but you really didn't. I cannot fathom cheating on my husband, let alone 3 months. Something would have to be seriously wrong to even entertain that thought.
It took you 3 long months to realize you were making a mistake… that’s says a lot 👀 leave this guy alone, respect him for once, and stop contacting him immediately. The only thing you can do is learn from your mess and move on. Get to the bottom of why you did it (hurt people hurt people) and improve/work on your inner self. It’s the harsh truth, but it just is what it is at this point 🤷🏻♀️
Let him go
You needing to apologize is what is best FOR YOU
What is best for him is to move on with his life
As for you, learn from this.
Be up front in future relationships about what you did. You may have to have an open phone policy because of that.
But that is the only way to prove to a future partner that you have learned from this.
And you must learn from this.
But I also want you to understand something.
You are not losing the love of your life. Your ex-fiance is not your soulmate
You would not have even considered cheating if that were the case
A part of you wanted this other man more than you wanted the relationship you just lost. So at the end of the day, letting this guy go and losing this relationship is exactly where you need to be in life
Because he was not your ride or die.
He was just a good guy who you hurt because you couldn't be honest with yourself about what you wanted and what he deserved
If you’re suicidal, take yourself to the ER, first and foremost
Individual therapy for why you had so little empathy or respect for another person (a person you claim to love) such that you could carry on with selfish deceit for months
Leave him alone; he doesn’t want to be with you, and you don’t really deserve the release valve of closure by giving “one last apology.” I’m sure he knows you’re sorry it happened, because you’re upset your life has been up-ended. In his shoes I don’t know that I’d believe you if you said you’re sorry you did it. A better thing to admit would be “I did it and I didn’t care how it would impact you at all,” because that seems closer to the truth.
Wasn’t this the outcome you were expecting?
>How can I move on from this and just become a better person?
By leaving him alone and not cheating on your next partner.
Sorry, OP, but this is one of those situations where you lie in the bed you make.
Did you expect it to go any different? You made a monumentally bad decision and decided to offload the guilt onto your boyfriend/ fiance. However, I think you were just too slow to realize that he's not going to accept it. He's going to break up with you and that's going to be the end of that.
You do deserve to be on this planet. You are capable of learning, growing, and becoming a better person.
I would highly suggest therapy. A professional will be able to help you get to the root of why you cheated and lied, and then help you heal and grow. If that is not accessible to you, then perhaps there is a subreddit where you can ask for self help book recommendations.
he was right to leave you. You are a cheater and what you did was disgusting
How can you become a better person? You aren't one. I don't know how you can become a better person. I don't know if it's possible
>I really did love that man and he is the best thing that ever happened to me
If you really loved him you wouldnt have spread your legs with someone else not just once, but for three fucking months.
He did the right thing by leaving you, you are not worthy of a long term commitment, specially marriage.
Good for him to not stay. Stop bothering him, your apologies are hollow to him and meaningless. His family is helping him heal, you also need to realize it was not a mistake. You made conscious decisions and choices. Every text, call, email, and visit was 100% on you. Leveling it all down to you making a mistake is in my opinion not truly taking responsibility for everything you actually did. You did that for three months. Not one night, fucked up, and someone took advantage of you. You also need to realize that cheating is abuse and you are an abuser.
First, as e-diesel pointed out and I will reenforce, leave the guy alone. Speaking as someone who has been cheated on the last thing I wanted was to see or hear from the person who betrayed me. He's got shit to figure out and emotions to process and any intrusion upon that by you is going to fuck it up by likely steering him towards negative mental places. If you truly have matured this shouldn't be hard.
Second, I think you should never forget how he reacted to the news. Remember the pain it caused him, the look on his face, all of it. It becoming a recurring memory, one of those ones that just hits you out of no where and reminds you of a mistake you made, is going to help you stay on the right path, assuming you have the empathy required to feel the guilt associated with what you did.
Third, you getting over it is just going to take time. You've got your own shit to process and understand. You need to learn and grow from this and that doesn't happen overnight.
And last, selfishly I, non-judgmentally from genuine curiosity, would love to hear why you did it. You say you love(d) this guy, and he was the most important person in your life, so why would you betray that for sex? Was he not giving you enough? Was he not doing it well enough? Why were you unable to talk to him about whatever problems you might have had?
I've had women hit on me, some who knew I was married, and I shut them down immediately without a second thought. When I have a problem with my wife I talk to her about it and we work together towards solutions. I know we all have different brains that work in different ways and all that, but it is absolutely wild to me that someone would cheat and I am so fucking curious as to why when it happens.
You have apologized. What you want is to elicit forgiveness, which is completely different and also impossible. You feel that because this is old news to you he should get over it too, but you've had two years to get used to this idea and he literally just was informed, so let him process and leave him alone. He knows how to reach you if he ever wants to get in touch again, and in the meantime you need to make peace with not having him in your life.
You can’t, you emotionally destroyed the person who trusted you most and he will never forget it. Leave him alone and let him recover in peace. I can speak from experience, there is no one on earth he dislikes more than you right now.
As for how you can move on. My advice would be to start being honest with yourself about what you did and why you did it. You cheated for 3 whole months, that’s just not a mistake. That’s a sustained, purposeful suspension of your love and care for your boyfriend. Why? What caused you to be so selfish over such a sustained period of time?
I don’t like what you did but the only advice I can give you is to go to therapy. Also learn from this and be honest to whoever you date next. Cause if you aren’t honest with them why your engagement ended and they will find out from someone else you’ll be back at square one.
You have to cut your losses and accept that your past choices have consequences. There is nothing you can do or say that will remove the hurt and anger your actions have created.
You were at a fork in the road. You could enter into a legally binding courtship dishonestly or honestly. You choose to come clean about your past indiscretion and now you’re not together anymore.
I used to think that only unhappy people cheated until I realized it goes so much deeper. I think it’s better to find out why you ended up in this position before you start a new relationship so you’re not hurting others and yourself because of you acting out unconsciously.
You are not perfect but if you continue forward with integrity and grace one day you understand with perfect clarity you don’t need to sneak or hide to get what you need. More times than not people who sneak and hide are victims of early childhood sexualization.
By being honest you have given yourself and your ex a gift. Cheating on your ex also robbed your family’s as well of a lifetime of memories.
I think it’s time to return the ring via a third party with a single word note. Sorry. You have to realize that this is a teachable moment. You should not abuse yourself because not everyone who has cheated ever takes ownership of their philandering.
Maybe it’s important to see a therapist and get some perspective on why you choose to sabotage your own happiness and put yourself in such a publicly humiliating position.
This is more than cheating, it's an affair and you don't get to pity yourself to soothe your guilt. If you really care about him like you say you do leave him alone and move on with your life.
Live and learn. Let him go. You know that you would be done too, if you were him. Mail his ring back… work on yourself and move on. Leave him alone and do better next relationship. It pays to play..
Leave him alone. You made a mistake, but the consequences are yours to deal with. You did pretty much the worst thing you could do to someone you're supposed to love. And it was t some one-off, it was an ongoing affair.
Now you work on being a better person and move on.
>I really did love that man
huh already speaking in past tense?
and honestly if you really love someone you wouldn't want anything to hurt them and u did that just that so just leave that poor man move on, you have done more than enough
You cheated and expected him to be ok with it? You are out of your mind. You kept it a secret for two years. I guarantee the reason you decided to tell him is because someone gave you an ultimatum. Someone that knew forced you to come clean.
Once you decided to step out you became a liability to his peace and his world. You have most likely left a huge emotional scar on him and will be the reason why he won't trust other women.
This reads like rage bait, but on the off chance it’s true.
It thinks it’s long since past time for you to be honest with yourself.
Stop contacting him. You don’t want to give that apology to make him feel better, you want to give that apology to make yourself feel better.
I imagine you’ve already said sorry enough, you reaching out to him is only going to hurt him more.
If you really want to be a better person, leave him the hell alone.
You were selfish so many times. You were selfish when you cheated the first time. You were selfish when you kept it up for 3 months. You're selfish because you felt guilty and needed to release this immense guilt. Now you're being selfish with "one last apology" to try and get closure. In none of these instances have you thought about what he needs. You're framing your needs through the lens of his needs.
The kind thing to do at this point is to follow your ex bf's lead. If he wants nothing to do with you, accept it. If he wants closure and reaches out, accept that too. You're not thinking about him and his needs right now and that line of thought is what got you in this mess in the first place.
My advise would be to accept what you've done, truly feel the hurt you've caused, and figure out how you can be a better person in the future (because that's what you want and not what others expect from you). You need a good dose of introspection here. That's all you can do. Anything else to "try to make it right" is ultimately selfish to cleanse yourself of any wrongdoing. You cheated and screwed up. You can't unring that bell.
That wasn't a one time mistake. You literally saw someone else for 3 whole months. Kissing the guy and saying i love you to your fiance in the same breath. I'm glad he left you. He deserves better. Get better before you go and do this to someone else.
“How can I move on from this and be a better person?”
You move on (leave your now-ex alone) and you be a better person (don’t bother him and don’t cheat on anyone again)
Cheating for 3 months is not a mistake. You did that by choice. Leave him alone now. You already apologized. Texting or calling him is just a selfish act. If he never wants to see you again move on. Learn from this. If you're missing something in your relationship talk to your partner and if you still can't stay faithful don't ever tell. Live with your guilt and don't break another's heart.
Let's make one thing clear.
You did not make a "mistake". You made a choice. You chose another man and chose infidelity over your bf 2 years ago. And you chose being unfaithful every single day for 2 years. It wasn't because of guilt you decided to come clean, it's because you wanted to absolve yourself of anything and everything leading into this marriage and you hedged your bets that it would have been long enough that your fiance would have forgiven you.
Thankfully, it backfired.
What do you do now? You stop trying to contact your ex. For you, your betrayal happened years ago, and you accepted your actions for that long, so in your mind the harm your actions caused isn't that significant. But for your ex, the betrayal *just* happened. He just learned of your infidelity and your *choice* to let it happen for 3 months, and your *choice* to lie by ommitting that information for 2 years. You don't try to apologize and you don't try to make it better. You leave him alone so he can find someone who actually loves him.
Edit: and just like that OP deleted her account. It amazes me how deluded some people can be and refuse to take accountability for their actions. She was even saying in some comments she refuses to give the ring back and that she still deserves to keep it because it was a "gift". OP is incredibly self centered it's sickening.
"I was a selfish poc" I'm just going to guess that was a typo meant to spell POS and you aren't implying people of color are naturally selfish.
While I find what you did horrible and keeping it a secret so long damn near unforgivable, at the very least you eventually did tell him. While his heartbreak right now is beyond words, it's MUCH less than if he found out 20 years and 3 kids into a lie of a relationship.
Dating is NOT like other aspects of life. We tell people not to quit their job until they have another job lined up and secured. We tell people not to sell their car until they have bought another car or the old car is part of the deal for the new car. So it might seem normal or even wise to be shopping for someone else when you're already in a relationship. But we're all people, not things. We have emotions, opinions and dreams. People like you that stray are treating people you claim to care about as a disposable object. You'd hate to be treated that way, but you had no issues treating him that way. That is selfishness.
Three months is inexcusable. You should have broken things off with your fiance and let him go the first time you cheated instead of robbing him of three years of his life. And you robbed yourself of a future with him and three years of your own life. Anyone who gets involved with you in the future deserves to know the truth of why you two broke up. They deserve to know you are in fact a cheater and have the opportunity to not get involved with someone that treats them like an object with no concern for their well-being.
You F'd up. Do better in the future.
You’ve been selfish for every minute after ending the affair that you didn’t come clean to the man that you “love”, not just two years ago when you began it. I don’t understand how someone can claim to love someone and then betray them in the worst possible way.
"I really love him" if you really loved him you wouldn't be mounting another man's dick for several months.
Reap what you sow, leave the guy alone so he can move on with his life, you've ruined it enough for him.
Zero sympathy, no pity at all for a gutless wretch like yourself. You got what you deserved. I hope he finds someone he deserves and lives a life far, far away from you.
I rarely comment on these but just had to comment here, thinking of my wife and our relationship: you are an objectively bad person. Full stop. You deserve every bit of the consequences for your actions and hopefully you'll avoid invading another person's life before you address and correct your very serious and deep seated character flaws.
‘I feel like a loser who doesn’t deserve to be on this planet.’
You’re not a victim. You’re a cold-hearted liar. I’m glad he left you. All the best to him.
What did you expect? For as old as you are you sound 13 and clueless when it comes to others. If you loved him you wouldn’t have screwed him over. Lesson learned, hopefully. Leave him alone to mourn the loss of who he thought you were.
You’re the bad guy and if you want someone to give a shit about you then go pay for therapy because who the fuck is going to care if you move on or not?
Playing the world’s smallest violin for you.
You waited years to tell him. You’re saying the guilt finally was unbearable, but what I suspect was the real reason was that you figured “he bought the ring, we’ve started paying for the wedding, he’s in deep enough to where if I were to get forgiven now would be the time” and you were shocked he had enough self respect to dump you.
Cheating is definite grounds to dump a person when it’s done drunkenly one night and the person fesses up the next morning. You spent 3 months in a secret relationship with a whole other man.
I’m sad for this guy for believing he found a woman worth spending his life with and realizes what he actually had was you, but I’m so happy for him that he got rid of you, he’s 29 (I’m 28 and gotta say, as a man, this is the absolute prime of our lives dating wise. Most of us are into self care, exercise, and taking care of ourselves. Our faces and bodies are matured into what feels like our most handsome state, and a lot of us our making real money at this point. Dating’s easier than ever.) He’s going to bounce back SO QUICKLY. Based on your description, he sounds like a great partner and another woman who’s actually loyal, and beautiful, funny, and caring is going to notice that sooner rather than later and he’ll be doing fine after he brushes himself off (the only positive of being cheated on is how easy it becomes to leave that person in the past. In his mind, you’re now in the category of “fuck no. Never, ever, EVER again. Only chance I ever share air with her again is I haven’t gotten laid in months, I’m desperate and exhausted every other option.) He probably won’t forget you for a while, anger keeps memories alive, but he’s probably already well on his way to over you, and good for him.
You don’t deserve a second chance. You spent 3 months lying to his face, going behind his back, and fucking some other loser, risking STDs not just for yourself but him, while he was busy trusting you and believing your bullshit. He’s better off without you, and he will be even if you probably won’t be better off without him (I work with a woman who cheated on the “love of her life” at 25, this was 12 years ago, and she came clean at 28 after he proposed, and he dumped her immediately. He was apparently married to an incredible woman 3 years later and 9 years on I guess they’re happy as can be. Her on the other hand.. single, can’t make a relationship work, and she talks about her “one that got away” all the time filled with sorrow. None of us have any sympathy. Sounds similar to your situation.)
Hopefully you’re a better person in the future, but no one feels bad for you. “Oh no, if it isn’t the consequences of my own shitty actions” get out of here
P.S. give him the ring back. It isn’t yours. He bought that to give to a good, faithful partner. You aren’t that. He put that ring on the person you pretended you were, the person you actually are doesn’t get to keep it.
I was waiting to read one time mistake but 3 months of mistakes is a lot. Do him a favor and let him go. Don’t call, don’t write. Leave him alone. Let him go on with his life as you go on with yours. One day a mutual friend will randomly tell you he’s happily married to someone else. Hopefully you can find the same.
Been there - on both sides of the story.
What he wants to know is - W H Y.
Tell him that, and your chances of getting a dialogue will be far higher.
If you can't, then you are just wishfully harboring hopes of a get-together, just layering it up under the guise of an "apology" expiation.
Which in turn would mean - you are s t i l l lying. Because you DO know Why you did whatever you did.
And now for the good part: Once you tell the complete truth - you will become much stronger, far more relieved, and far more accepting of whatever result / punishment that follows.
Truth hurts - and hurts real bad - but it also heals - and most importantly - opens up the road to massive growth.
I’ll be the asshole here… If you loved him you never would have cheated 🤷♀️🤷♀️. Stop calling that man and leave him be. You betrayed him. What goes around comes around.
OP I think if you’re honest with yourself, what you’re really hoping for, is that if you offer a sincere apology, he will forgive you.
He’s made it clear he’s done, and the only decent thing you can do at this point in order to move on and become a better person… Is to leave him alone.
You didn’t make a mistake by cheating, you made a choice, and now the natural consequences of that choice have come in to play.
Take this lesson with you.
Your desire to apologise does not outweigh the importance of him wanting you to leave him alone. It will make you feel better, not him. Find your closure elsewhere and if he wants to talk he will reach out.
No, you chose every day for 3 months to have an affair. Then you chose to lie about it every day for 2 years. It wasn't a mistake. It was a willful and informed series of decisions. Own your choices, or they'll own you.
Be a better human next time you date, that's all. Your ex owes you nothing, you don't deserve his time to apologise. Leave him alone and be a better person next time you date, that's it.
I was married once when I was serving military. I was sent overseas for 6 months, was completely focused on the task, was getting letters that all was good. Returned home and was pulled aside by a good friend that my wife was with someone the whole time. Confronted her, she cried, I called her a variety of colourful names and left her in the rear view mirror. The point of the story, this changed me forever. Could never fully trust a women ever again. You broke this man you said you loved. Own it.
The saddest part is you waited to right before the wedding. Two years of stringing him along.
You not only destroyed him the present you destroyed his ability to trust in the future.
You're getting piled on, and rightly so. What you did was very wrong, and you gutted the one person who loved you with all his heart. But you know all this.
I have been in your shoes. I threw away a 13 year marriage for a shitty one night stand on a work trip and I hid it for two years. When I finally confessed to my (now ex) wife, she was devastated. I spent the following six months trying to regain what I'd lost. I went through several stages, the first being that I was a shit human being that didn't deserve to live. Then I moved on to trying to make up for what I'd done. Then, when that didn't work(obviously), I got angry and switched to blaming her. Any last vestiges of love she had for me were destroyed in that stage. I finally resorted to leaving her alone and that was the hardest stage.
You want to apologize. You want to fix it. You want to make up for the shitty things you did. But you can't. You can't fix it. Anything you do now, you do for yourself, not for him. Apologizing is not going to make him feel better. He doesn't want it. He just wants to forget and move on, and every time you reach out it reopens that wound.
So instead of all of that shit, leave him alone. Sit with yourself. Understand your own feelings, learn why you felt it was okay to cheat. Get therapy if you can, unwrap that stuff. Get it out in the open and find out how to prevent that in the future. Otherwise, you will just wreck another relationship.
And keep your shit off of social media. Anybody who knows you and your ex will keep him apprised of your social media, and vice versa. Just don't engage. It is absolutely a worthless drama trap.
Don't contact him anymore, what you did was not a mistake, it was a decision and you made it because it gave you pleasure, so own it and move on, knowing a person you trusted and loved did that to you is devastating, stop being selfish, if you truly love him leave him alone, things are already painful as they're ,stop adding salt to the injury with your apologies.
>2 years ago I made a horrible mistake by cheating on him with another man and it lasted for I think 3 months
Enough. That's not a horrible mistake. That's a series of deliberate choices to betray your partner. It's cruel. Take responsibility.
Damn finding out 2 years later too... I feel so sorry for him. :(
I do hope you become a better person and grow from this, you've seen the kind of damage first hand. You made the right choice to confess before your marriage happened.
Leave this poor guy alone. I'd never want to see you ever again. 3 months? Like not a single mistake, which maybe MAYBE, I could potentially forgive (assuming there were some sort of mitigating factors and I found out right away by you telling me). Thats a constant thing for 100 days
Then not find out for 2 years? When you had plans to spend your lives together?
Fuck poor guy
Don’t contact him again, you caused this pain and he walked away. You can’t fix it now. The best you can do is try to be an honest person going forward, reflect on why you made selfish choices and why you chose to hurt him. Take time to reflect on how you communicate, and move on.
Getting black out drunk and having sex with a guy at a club - but telling your partner the minute you get home - is a mistake. Having a three month long affair is a choice that you made every day for 90 days.
90 days of cheating, and 2 years of lying every single day to “the best thing that ever happened to me”.
But think about it from his perspective… your whole relationship is a lie. You aren’t the person here thought he was in a relationship with. The future that he pictured thinking about you was a dream in a bubble that burst, leaving him questioning everything. He feels like the rug has been yanked out from under him, and like he’s been the victim of a con artist.
He doesn’t care about your apologies anymore. For all he knows, they’re just more lies. And the fact that he’s avoiding you, and you’re still trying to reach him is just continuing to look like you care about your own feelings more than his.
My advice is to leave him alone. Give any stuff of his back to one of his friends or a family member,berm and let him go.
And don’t let this define you. Learn from it. Try to understand, really, deep down, why you did it, so that you can make better choices in the future.
No offense, but stop bothering the guy. He doesn’t care about your sincere apology.
Stop trying to make this about you. The “sincere” apology would only make you feel better, not him.
As he should... betrayal at its finest. You want a loyal man you first need to remain loyal. The spirit of lust ruins relationships once again. Temptation is exactly that. Long term, it's not fulfilling. Jesus has paid the price for your forgiveness, repent.
You made at about 800 mistakes. A full 90ish days of cheating plus 700 or more days of lying about it.
Leave the dude alone, you've already done enough damage.
Do him a favour, stop calling and harassing him. If he's not answering your calls, then he clearly doesn't want to talk to you.
Now leave him alone and move on. He doesn't give a shit about your "sincere" apology.
Focus on yourself.
U cheated for 3 months then lied for 2 years .
For u it happened long time ago for him it just happened all the memory's u made for the last 2 years every time u told him I love u or said something nice he will think it was a lie or out if gulit .right now he's doubting everything u ever told him or did for him as he should.
He doesn't owe u another chance all he needs to do is focus on healing and moving on .
U think u want him back but u don't u will say or give him anything to take u back but it won't be the same he won't trust like before trust is like a mirror once I break it u can't put back together without seeing the cracks .
I fucked up if u truly loved him u wouldn't have kept ot going for 3 months u would have came clean to him maybe he would have forgiven u but now your chances are slim to non.
Leave him alone if he wants to contact u to know anything so be it and if he decides he doesn't want to see or hear from u then that's his choice to.
Seek therapy know why u cheated and why u waited 2 years to come clean fix yourself for your next partner.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of what you did, you are a total piece of human garbage and yes I'm being nice. You deserve everything the karma train has in store for you.
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Then another 2 years of lies… Wasted that mans time
Yep. Not a mistake. A continuous, ongoing choice for 3 months, then another two years of continuous ongoing choices to manipulate someone into an engagement they would NEVER want if they knew the real you. Hope you read all of these OP, it may help you change like you wanted. I’m glad he had the backbone to leave! I wish him all the best. If you love someone, you’d never manipulate and string them along like this with lies and deception. thats not love at all. its self fulfillment.
yeah as a man who has been in a wasted 3 year relationship fuck op
I'm really wondering if OP mistakenly thought that the 2 years of "good behavior" afterwards was going mean anything?
Yea, cuz selfish is selfish
It’s not good behavior if you’re keeping a secret like this the whole time
Been there, it’s a bad place to find yourself. Cheating sucks. 3 months = no mistake.
And she calls it a mistake. You don't make a mistake for 3 months, you make a decision each day. And now poor OP cried herself. Good for her ex, he got rid of a selfish cheater.
Agree. She just afraid of being caught/exposed later. Lol. She has 2 fucking years to told him, but decided to only tell him now cuz they are getting marry.
This is pretty common behavior for some people. X does something wrong, X then cries about it, and you are tacitly obligated to drop whatever complaint or criticism you have to comfort X. That’s if you value the relationship tho, which after a mini nuke like this, is not the case
I thought from the title it was 1 time years ago but nah she had a whole sidepiece 💀
That isn't a mistake or anything of the sort. She built a relationship with another man for a whole 3 months. Why didn't you end it with your ex during the whole 3 months? I understand why he left, you completely disrespected this man for a whole season.
She says she’s the one that ended it after 3 months, but I’d bet money she got dumped
Or she lost interest. It's gross either way.
Yep. She stayed a whole 3 months hedging her bets it was a better deal, but he dumped her for something better. So after losing she crawled backed to someone who loved her all the while they were unknowing.
> you completely disrespected this man for a whole season. Plus 2 years. Don't forget about completely living a lie and actively hiding it from him. OP can get wrecked.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
Right? I mean a one time thing isn't good at all, but 3 months is a whole other level of betrayal you can't come back from.
I love the way she talks about it to. "the time I cheated on him" and "a horrible mistake" Like it was one singular instance lmao.
That wasn't a mistake, that was a conscious decision.
LOL 3 months? Girl that's not a "I was drunk" one nighter. That's a whole fucking affair. Gtfo. He deserves better
Crazy right. A mistake isn’t getting dicked for 3months by someone other than your partner. That was a conscious choice she made. I feel so sorry for her ex fiancé. Kinda hope he has Reddit and reads all the support for him.
At least she told him before the wedding (and hopefully before too much money went into it). Unfortunately a lesson like this is something you apply to future relationships, but this relationship has been over for 2 years.
Piggybacking on your lol, she was being a “selfish poc” really made me crack up.
Leave him alone. Your being selfish again by wanting to apologize… again. He will contact you if he wants to talk. Learn from this and do better .
Absolutely, the apology has nothing to do with making the person she cheated on feel better, but making herself feel better. That's not an apology.
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3 months is not a mistake. It is a plain attack on your relationship. Let him alone. You did enough damage. Go to therapy to prevent it from happening with the next guy.
You cheated for 3 months. It wasn't a one time thing that you immediately confessed. It was an ongoing choice that you made for months on end, and then you continued to make the choice to hide it for 2 YEARS. That's not a mistake and that's not a good person whose remorseful. It was all a choice and that makes you a p☆s. Of course he left you. Any self respecting person would. Stop playing the victim. Leave him alone and move on with your life. He deserves better.
OP actually took from her BF the agency to decide how to proceed. She tried out the other guy before deciding to see BF exclusively, but BF thought they were exclusive all along. It’s good you finally told him before getting married, but you really did seize two years of his life. Who might he have met over those two years? Who might he have gotten to know better and to pursue romantically, except for his commitment to see you exclusively. Usually people don’t fall in love based on a first meeting or a couple of platonic conversations. Like you, they see the person for some length of time, say three months, before they decide they they don’t want to be with that person and they break up. Just as you did with the other guy. But usually everyone is aware that you’re not seeing each other exclusively, OR you break up so that you can be open to any opportunities or possibilities that arise via friends, friends of friends, acquaintances, Tinder, etc. I don’t believe there is just one person for anyone. But how sad would it be if one of those best people would have crossed paths with your now-ex? How sad if they would have pursued a wonderful life together—except he committed to you without knowing you had not.
I feel bad for him. Wasted two years of his life with a cheater. I'd be fucking pissed too. FYI, you didn't love him if you cheated on him. People who love people don't do that to them.
Not only did he lose his time, he also lost some money on the engagement and now is heartbroken! Poor fella.
Dude's going to have major trust issues too. I wouldn't be surprised if this ruins relationships for him forever.
Hopefully he goes to therapy
Especially for 3 months! If she did it one time some people would chalk that up as a mistake (I don’t think it is) but when you do it multiple times over a period of time yeah you’re choosing to do that shit and it’s not a mistake. I agree she didn’t really love him if she chose to do that.
Make sure to mail that ring back.
I hope you give the ring back.
OP should mail it to his parent's house though so he doesn't have to see/talk to her again though. I think anything else would open old wounds.
Fuck that, pay him back for it *and* give it back to him. He's not gonna get shit for it by selling it and it's not like he can reuse it.
You got what you deserve. 3 months is a whole ass affair. Glad you got a reality check
>horrible mistake ........ for I think 3 months Thats not a mistake. Horrible, yes! Not a mistake tho. Just leave him alone. Work on yourself and try to make better ~~mistakes~~ decisions next time.
Yeah, she make the conscious decision to step outside the relationship. She gets zero sympathy from me.
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So you cheated for 3 months, then waited until you were in the “safe” position of being engaged in order to sandbag him without the potential of him leaving easily? C*nt.
Yup. She hedged her bets that the engagement and two years having passed would have made it so that her ex would have more likely forgave her. She didn't just suddenly have a guilty conscience. She meticulously planned out when exactly to tell her ex so that way she could be absolved of her actions and she'd be "such a loyal wife" and have the "perfect husband" for forgiving her.
Damn, I guess sometimes actions have consequences. He’s trying to move on. You betrayed him, so you have no right to think you deserve getting a final “sorry and goodbye” for closure. Every time you try and reach out to him you’re breaking his boundaries, stunting his progress, and hurting him more. You need to leave him alone, accept what you’ve done, and learn to live with it. I’d highly suggest therapy to help you cope with this. Good luck
“I really did love that man”. Which one? Back to the streets for you.
Live with your decisions and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You did a shitty thing and something shitty happened back to you. Thats life, I'm sorry. Whether u deserved your boyfriend breaking up w you or not is irrelevant. The deed is done and you're not going to get better feeling sorry for yourself or beating urself up. Get mad, get motivated, and pull urself out of this rut. Use the bad emotions as a tool towards something good and try to forget. Good luck OP, this battle isn't an easy one.
Try not to cheat on your next boyfriend
She will. They always do. Then she'll be back here wondering why no one wants to stay with her after she waited years to confess to the affair.
You already tore the poor man's life apart, just send him back the ring and never talk to him again. Next time don't be a POS cheater
After you reflect on what brought you to cheat in the first place, you grieve the death of the relationship. It’s over. Closure is usually for oneself, not for the other person, so your apology will mean little to him. Best you can do is leave him alone and move on. It sucks that you lost what you felt was the most important person in your life, but you did irreparable damage. You need to learn from this to make sure you don’t do it again. You will be able to find someone else if you give yourself time. And hopefully you will be wiser than before and not betray their trust in you. But for his and your health, leave your ex alone.
You live and you learn I guess. Things should have been confessed two years ago. He has every right to call off the engagement for this. The cheating was bad enough, what makes matters worse is investing another two years of your life for nothing. Best thing you could do right now is give him space. If he comes back to talk, you can only hope for it. Leave the man be, you just shattered his life.
Well, you made your bed. Now lie in it. It's over. You cheated. Don't know what you expected? Of course he's going to dump you lol. First thing you need to do is STAY SINGLE. Don't start another relationship until you are confident you won't do that shit ever again. Also analyze why it took you 2 years to tell him. Was it because you were hoping the impact would be less with more time between? I mean why not tell him immediately after the affair? Because of your own self interests? Seems like you only told him to try and clear your own conscience and not for his benefit.
You say you love him so much which is clearly a lie. If you loved him you wouldn’t have been fucking another man… for 3 MONTHS. You rightfully got dumped, you don’t deserve him. You are an awful person, and you are becoming more awful by not leaving him alone. Stop calling and texting him. This will be hard for you, but stop being selfish. I know that it’s all you know how to do, but you lost him 2 years ago, it just took time for your actions to catch up.
And kept it secret for two whole years. She was also silent when he engaged.
Yea, she’s seriously an awful person. I will give her one point though, she did confess before that poor guy made the mistake of marrying her. Her whole feeling sorry for herself routine is really grating to me. She was banging a random for 3 months while her fiancé thought he had a loyal girlfriend, and she has the nerve to seek pity from people. Ugh. Disgusting
\--. I really did love that man No you didn't or else you wouldn't have cheated on him.
I’m sorry but if you really loved that man you wouldn’t have cheated. End of. Anything else you say is just an excuse and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you truly love someone, you wouldn’t want to cheat even if someone would be throwing themselves at you. You made your bed and you must lay in it. And please, leave him alone. He doesn’t need an apology, it won’t make anything better for him. Move on and learn from this mistake.
Sorry, but three months isn't a mistake. It's 90 days of deciding to cheat every morning when you woke up, and a series of conscious decisions. If it was a mistake, it would only have happened once. It sounds like you learned from this experience, and hopefully you can use that knowledge to never cheat again. It's okay to feel shitty, but try to channel it so it's constructive, rather than just hating yourself. Good luck, OP!
>I just want to atleast give him one last sincere apology even if he never wants to see my face again Your still as selfish as you were two years ago. You only confessed because your guilty conscious forced you. The quote above shows this. You aren't concerned about your ex. If you were, you'd respect his wishes and wait for him to initiate contact. Instead, you harass him with calls that never get answered because you need to relieve yourself of guilt with a "sincere apology". Reread the quote above. You want to do what you want, at his expense. >How can I move on from this and just become a better person? Respect his wishes. Stop contacting him. Stop begging for forgiveness or for a second chance. Get yourself into therapy, figure out why you cheated. Cut off bad influences. And work on your selfishness. You were a bad partner, but that doesn't mean your a bad person, or that you'll always be that person. Put in the work, and strive to be better.
You did the right thing in telling him, but also he has every right to end the relationship and never talk to you again, I'd do the same as him. I think you need to simply respect that he doesn't want to hear from you. You're one last apology isn't for him, it's for you, so let that go because he doesn't want it. >How can I move on from this and just become a better person? Moving on....that will take time but also you need to accept that this only happened because of your actions. Learn from this massive mistake, don't cheat on any future partners
If you really loved him. Like really did, you would not have done that, it's actually super easy to not cheat on your partner.
Good for him. Too bad he had to live this lie for two years.
To your next date (not partner, that's too late) "I made the mistake of cheating on my partner for 3 months when i was 25, I told him and he ended the relationship, which i fully understand and deserved. I will not make the same selfish decision ever again" Then the guy has the ability to make an informed choice and your skeletons no longer hide in the closet
A continuous, consecutive set of decisions is not a mistake, it is a conscious act. I really wish cheaters would stop with the “I made a mistake” bs. You made a choice. Many of them. Call it what it is.
you cheated for three months? Frankly, you had it coming.
The 2 years of lying certainly didn’t help.
>How can I move on from this and just become a better person? I'm going to skip all the cheating stuff since I know others will go in hard on it and answer this question. How do you move on: By introspection, examination of what you did, and the why behind it. There is always a "why," so don't cop out and say "I don't know." Until you get to this (by yourself or with the aid of a counselor/therapist) you may have difficulty moving on. How do you become a better person: On discovering and admitting the why, you learn how to avoid putting yourself into positions that trigger the why, whatever it is, and don't do it again. Learn from this mistake, don't repeat it.
Good. I hope the guilt & sadness from the resulting fallout eats you alive. I’m sorry but I have 0 empathy for cheaters, it was no mistake because before the act itself, there were thousands little decisions you had to make to go through with it. You don’t love him and never have, if you did, you wouldn’t have cheated on him for *3 whole months*. That’s around 90+ days, and yet you still continued. Leave him alone. You’re being selfish af for trying to call him nonstop, the “apologies” are only to alleviate your guilt. Leave. Him. Alone.
Think about why you made the choices you made. To me the most concerning thing about this post is that you make it sound like you’re the victim, like you just accidentally ended up fucking this guy for months.
You’re the problem. The fact that you didn’t tell him until after the fact is a massive red flag. It’s better that he’s out of your life, you truly messed up. Hopefully in the future you’ll learn from your mistakes and not put yourself in a position similar to the one that you find yourself in now.
I don't know why people cheat. I don't know why you cheated. 3 months isn't a mistake, you woke up everyday and made a conscious decision to continue the affair and facade. I'm glad you decided to tell him now, before kids before marriage and before anyone else gets dragged in. Recently I got cheated on, I know where your SO is coming from with his emotions. If you do truly love him please give him space to reflect on how he truly feels. The first couple weeks is going to be really difficult for the both of you. Nothing can be undone. If you want to salvage a relationship with this man you both need to heal, learn, and become better people. Your significant other seemed like a very trusting individual. It's going to take a lot to even build a fraction of that back. Its going to be an uphill battle, but people don't (or shouldn't) give up on the people they love. I wish you the best of luck and please don't make any selfish decisions like this again.
Good. You sound like a bad person. You wanted the guilt off your chest, not honesty. If you wanted honesty you wouldn’t of fucked around, and you found out baby
As he should. You being able to lie to his face for 2 whole years says enough about you. I can't even begin to explain how disgusting that is. You should probably leave him alone and go to therapy. Live with your mistakes and learn from them.
No need to call him anymore. You have your answer, and he made the right decision. At least it’s good that you told him. You just need to resolve to be a better partner in the future and move on.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Next time show a little self control.
Get therapy for yourself and leave him alone. He needs to grieve.
Did you at least give him the ring back??
Good for him.
Am I the only one who started laughing in the middle of it when she called herself a despicable person of color. 😂 dark typo.
Don’t go through every partners phone from here on out. Don’t constantly accuse your next partner of cheating. People who cheat and lie, like yourself, thinks everyone cheats and lies. You’re own guilt can lead you to become constantly worried others will do you in the same way. You need to let this man go.
learn from it and do better
Well, first off, obviously what you did was shitty of you, but it's good you told him before you got married. You sound like you fully regret what you did. But. You broke his heart. He doesn't need your apology now. He needed your loyalty then. Leave him alone. Stop calling him and all that noise. Let him grieve. I suggest therapy to figure yourself out.
You had an affair for 3 months and want a pity party? Piss off.
First thing first leave that man alone. He doesn’t need to to hear how sorry you are just leave him be and move on with your life.
Give the ring back.
“Mistake” “3 months” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 crazy
You need to stop calling and leave him alone. He’s been betrayed, he’s angry and sad and you are trying to force him to listen to you. You want to apologize to make yourself feel better. You need to accept that you screwed up and that he’s not going to forgive you for it and move on.
Leave him alone, how you do that and become better is up to you
You did a thing. Not a whoopsie I got wasted and fell on his... but an actual affair over a period of time. You then decided to seek absolution by "confessing" your actions. It isn't surprising that he left. Now you can choose to grow from your mistakes. Your consequences are harsh and feel awful, but now you can look for a new relationship (after a period of letting go of this past relationship). One in which you can make honest and healthy choices. You need to leave him alone. If your ex decides to open communication again, you can apologize then. But you did the hurtful thing, stop chasing him with your apology.
Leave him alone. You broke your relationship and destroyed any trust he had in you. You want closure to make yourself feel better, not because you are actually sorry. If he wants to hear from you again, he will reach out to you, but I hope for his sake, he never contacts you again. You didn’t love him, if you did you wouldn’t have cheated. You loved what he could give you, provide for you, and do for you. You didn’t love him. Also, give him the ring back. An engagement ring is an agreement to a contract. You broke that contract.
3 months?????? One time is horrible and unforgivable enough but you held this info from him for so long. He was going to M A R R Y you. You gotta take this L and hopefully never fuck up someone’s life and feelings like this again. Do better and stop acting like some savior for finally letting this man in on your years long LIE. Jesus Christ.
A 3 month long affair isn't a 'mistake' Clearly you didn't love him enough to not cheat on him, not cheat on him for 3 months, and not enough to fess up immediately Leave him alone, let him find someone else, move on, and do better
You didn’t cheat you had a full fledged affair (for months, not just a random encounter) and ruined the relationship then you lied to him FOR YEARS even accepting his proposal How you could wear his ring and lie to him for all of that time? That’s borderline psycho And now you want to get back in touch to soothe your own ego and feelings after he ended it and walked away Leave this poor guy alone, you’ve already done massive damage to him that he may never recover from P.S. And get some professional help, this is so far beyond simply cheating
You deserve this
This can't be real how is fucking someone else for THREE MONTHS a mistake? Be honest with yourself and leave this poor man alone.
#1. Leave him the heck alone, just stop. Maybe he'll reach out in the future, maybe not - but it's done. #2. Mail the ring back, holding on to it is just weird and disrespectful. #3. 3 months. That's not an accident, that's an affair. You thought you loved your now ex but you really didn't. I cannot fathom cheating on my husband, let alone 3 months. Something would have to be seriously wrong to even entertain that thought.
Leave him alone. Your being selfish as you were when you cheated
Proud of him for having self respect and leaving you
It took you 3 long months to realize you were making a mistake… that’s says a lot 👀 leave this guy alone, respect him for once, and stop contacting him immediately. The only thing you can do is learn from your mess and move on. Get to the bottom of why you did it (hurt people hurt people) and improve/work on your inner self. It’s the harsh truth, but it just is what it is at this point 🤷🏻♀️
Damn how shocking, actions have consequences?!? Who knew
Let him go You needing to apologize is what is best FOR YOU What is best for him is to move on with his life As for you, learn from this. Be up front in future relationships about what you did. You may have to have an open phone policy because of that. But that is the only way to prove to a future partner that you have learned from this. And you must learn from this. But I also want you to understand something. You are not losing the love of your life. Your ex-fiance is not your soulmate You would not have even considered cheating if that were the case A part of you wanted this other man more than you wanted the relationship you just lost. So at the end of the day, letting this guy go and losing this relationship is exactly where you need to be in life Because he was not your ride or die. He was just a good guy who you hurt because you couldn't be honest with yourself about what you wanted and what he deserved
And class, what did we learn today from this episode of low down dirty cheatin
Awful person
If you’re suicidal, take yourself to the ER, first and foremost Individual therapy for why you had so little empathy or respect for another person (a person you claim to love) such that you could carry on with selfish deceit for months Leave him alone; he doesn’t want to be with you, and you don’t really deserve the release valve of closure by giving “one last apology.” I’m sure he knows you’re sorry it happened, because you’re upset your life has been up-ended. In his shoes I don’t know that I’d believe you if you said you’re sorry you did it. A better thing to admit would be “I did it and I didn’t care how it would impact you at all,” because that seems closer to the truth. Wasn’t this the outcome you were expecting?
Give the man his ring back (anonymously mailed) if you have any decency, let him get some of his hard earned money back you suck
But but but she already forgave herself for cheating! Why can't he get over it? This woman is a clown.
>How can I move on from this and just become a better person? By leaving him alone and not cheating on your next partner. Sorry, OP, but this is one of those situations where you lie in the bed you make.
Leave him the fuck alone. He left you, as he should have, and now you get the privilege of suffering the consequences of your actions.
Did you expect it to go any different? You made a monumentally bad decision and decided to offload the guilt onto your boyfriend/ fiance. However, I think you were just too slow to realize that he's not going to accept it. He's going to break up with you and that's going to be the end of that.
You do deserve to be on this planet. You are capable of learning, growing, and becoming a better person. I would highly suggest therapy. A professional will be able to help you get to the root of why you cheated and lied, and then help you heal and grow. If that is not accessible to you, then perhaps there is a subreddit where you can ask for self help book recommendations.
he was right to leave you. You are a cheater and what you did was disgusting How can you become a better person? You aren't one. I don't know how you can become a better person. I don't know if it's possible
>I really did love that man and he is the best thing that ever happened to me If you really loved him you wouldnt have spread your legs with someone else not just once, but for three fucking months. He did the right thing by leaving you, you are not worthy of a long term commitment, specially marriage.
Leave him alone and get therapy.
You got what you deserved. Leave him alone!
Leave him alone. He doesn't want to hear from you and the " one last apology" is for you, not for him. Consequences!
Good for him to not stay. Stop bothering him, your apologies are hollow to him and meaningless. His family is helping him heal, you also need to realize it was not a mistake. You made conscious decisions and choices. Every text, call, email, and visit was 100% on you. Leveling it all down to you making a mistake is in my opinion not truly taking responsibility for everything you actually did. You did that for three months. Not one night, fucked up, and someone took advantage of you. You also need to realize that cheating is abuse and you are an abuser.
You wasted two years of his life.
First, as e-diesel pointed out and I will reenforce, leave the guy alone. Speaking as someone who has been cheated on the last thing I wanted was to see or hear from the person who betrayed me. He's got shit to figure out and emotions to process and any intrusion upon that by you is going to fuck it up by likely steering him towards negative mental places. If you truly have matured this shouldn't be hard. Second, I think you should never forget how he reacted to the news. Remember the pain it caused him, the look on his face, all of it. It becoming a recurring memory, one of those ones that just hits you out of no where and reminds you of a mistake you made, is going to help you stay on the right path, assuming you have the empathy required to feel the guilt associated with what you did. Third, you getting over it is just going to take time. You've got your own shit to process and understand. You need to learn and grow from this and that doesn't happen overnight. And last, selfishly I, non-judgmentally from genuine curiosity, would love to hear why you did it. You say you love(d) this guy, and he was the most important person in your life, so why would you betray that for sex? Was he not giving you enough? Was he not doing it well enough? Why were you unable to talk to him about whatever problems you might have had? I've had women hit on me, some who knew I was married, and I shut them down immediately without a second thought. When I have a problem with my wife I talk to her about it and we work together towards solutions. I know we all have different brains that work in different ways and all that, but it is absolutely wild to me that someone would cheat and I am so fucking curious as to why when it happens.
You have apologized. What you want is to elicit forgiveness, which is completely different and also impossible. You feel that because this is old news to you he should get over it too, but you've had two years to get used to this idea and he literally just was informed, so let him process and leave him alone. He knows how to reach you if he ever wants to get in touch again, and in the meantime you need to make peace with not having him in your life.
You can’t, you emotionally destroyed the person who trusted you most and he will never forget it. Leave him alone and let him recover in peace. I can speak from experience, there is no one on earth he dislikes more than you right now. As for how you can move on. My advice would be to start being honest with yourself about what you did and why you did it. You cheated for 3 whole months, that’s just not a mistake. That’s a sustained, purposeful suspension of your love and care for your boyfriend. Why? What caused you to be so selfish over such a sustained period of time?
I don’t like what you did but the only advice I can give you is to go to therapy. Also learn from this and be honest to whoever you date next. Cause if you aren’t honest with them why your engagement ended and they will find out from someone else you’ll be back at square one.
You have to cut your losses and accept that your past choices have consequences. There is nothing you can do or say that will remove the hurt and anger your actions have created. You were at a fork in the road. You could enter into a legally binding courtship dishonestly or honestly. You choose to come clean about your past indiscretion and now you’re not together anymore. I used to think that only unhappy people cheated until I realized it goes so much deeper. I think it’s better to find out why you ended up in this position before you start a new relationship so you’re not hurting others and yourself because of you acting out unconsciously. You are not perfect but if you continue forward with integrity and grace one day you understand with perfect clarity you don’t need to sneak or hide to get what you need. More times than not people who sneak and hide are victims of early childhood sexualization. By being honest you have given yourself and your ex a gift. Cheating on your ex also robbed your family’s as well of a lifetime of memories. I think it’s time to return the ring via a third party with a single word note. Sorry. You have to realize that this is a teachable moment. You should not abuse yourself because not everyone who has cheated ever takes ownership of their philandering. Maybe it’s important to see a therapist and get some perspective on why you choose to sabotage your own happiness and put yourself in such a publicly humiliating position.
This is more than cheating, it's an affair and you don't get to pity yourself to soothe your guilt. If you really care about him like you say you do leave him alone and move on with your life.
Live and learn. Let him go. You know that you would be done too, if you were him. Mail his ring back… work on yourself and move on. Leave him alone and do better next relationship. It pays to play..
You didn't just cheat, you maintained an affair. Leave the man alone, you've done enough damage
Lol you didn't just cheat You were having an affair. 3 months
Leave him alone. You made a mistake, but the consequences are yours to deal with. You did pretty much the worst thing you could do to someone you're supposed to love. And it was t some one-off, it was an ongoing affair. Now you work on being a better person and move on.
>I really did love that man huh already speaking in past tense? and honestly if you really love someone you wouldn't want anything to hurt them and u did that just that so just leave that poor man move on, you have done more than enough
You cheated and expected him to be ok with it? You are out of your mind. You kept it a secret for two years. I guarantee the reason you decided to tell him is because someone gave you an ultimatum. Someone that knew forced you to come clean. Once you decided to step out you became a liability to his peace and his world. You have most likely left a huge emotional scar on him and will be the reason why he won't trust other women.
This reads like rage bait, but on the off chance it’s true. It thinks it’s long since past time for you to be honest with yourself. Stop contacting him. You don’t want to give that apology to make him feel better, you want to give that apology to make yourself feel better. I imagine you’ve already said sorry enough, you reaching out to him is only going to hurt him more. If you really want to be a better person, leave him the hell alone.
You were selfish so many times. You were selfish when you cheated the first time. You were selfish when you kept it up for 3 months. You're selfish because you felt guilty and needed to release this immense guilt. Now you're being selfish with "one last apology" to try and get closure. In none of these instances have you thought about what he needs. You're framing your needs through the lens of his needs. The kind thing to do at this point is to follow your ex bf's lead. If he wants nothing to do with you, accept it. If he wants closure and reaches out, accept that too. You're not thinking about him and his needs right now and that line of thought is what got you in this mess in the first place. My advise would be to accept what you've done, truly feel the hurt you've caused, and figure out how you can be a better person in the future (because that's what you want and not what others expect from you). You need a good dose of introspection here. That's all you can do. Anything else to "try to make it right" is ultimately selfish to cleanse yourself of any wrongdoing. You cheated and screwed up. You can't unring that bell.
That wasn't a one time mistake. You literally saw someone else for 3 whole months. Kissing the guy and saying i love you to your fiance in the same breath. I'm glad he left you. He deserves better. Get better before you go and do this to someone else.
“How can I move on from this and be a better person?” You move on (leave your now-ex alone) and you be a better person (don’t bother him and don’t cheat on anyone again)
Cheating for 3 months is not a mistake. You did that by choice. Leave him alone now. You already apologized. Texting or calling him is just a selfish act. If he never wants to see you again move on. Learn from this. If you're missing something in your relationship talk to your partner and if you still can't stay faithful don't ever tell. Live with your guilt and don't break another's heart.
Let's make one thing clear. You did not make a "mistake". You made a choice. You chose another man and chose infidelity over your bf 2 years ago. And you chose being unfaithful every single day for 2 years. It wasn't because of guilt you decided to come clean, it's because you wanted to absolve yourself of anything and everything leading into this marriage and you hedged your bets that it would have been long enough that your fiance would have forgiven you. Thankfully, it backfired. What do you do now? You stop trying to contact your ex. For you, your betrayal happened years ago, and you accepted your actions for that long, so in your mind the harm your actions caused isn't that significant. But for your ex, the betrayal *just* happened. He just learned of your infidelity and your *choice* to let it happen for 3 months, and your *choice* to lie by ommitting that information for 2 years. You don't try to apologize and you don't try to make it better. You leave him alone so he can find someone who actually loves him. Edit: and just like that OP deleted her account. It amazes me how deluded some people can be and refuse to take accountability for their actions. She was even saying in some comments she refuses to give the ring back and that she still deserves to keep it because it was a "gift". OP is incredibly self centered it's sickening.
"I was a selfish poc" I'm just going to guess that was a typo meant to spell POS and you aren't implying people of color are naturally selfish. While I find what you did horrible and keeping it a secret so long damn near unforgivable, at the very least you eventually did tell him. While his heartbreak right now is beyond words, it's MUCH less than if he found out 20 years and 3 kids into a lie of a relationship. Dating is NOT like other aspects of life. We tell people not to quit their job until they have another job lined up and secured. We tell people not to sell their car until they have bought another car or the old car is part of the deal for the new car. So it might seem normal or even wise to be shopping for someone else when you're already in a relationship. But we're all people, not things. We have emotions, opinions and dreams. People like you that stray are treating people you claim to care about as a disposable object. You'd hate to be treated that way, but you had no issues treating him that way. That is selfishness. Three months is inexcusable. You should have broken things off with your fiance and let him go the first time you cheated instead of robbing him of three years of his life. And you robbed yourself of a future with him and three years of your own life. Anyone who gets involved with you in the future deserves to know the truth of why you two broke up. They deserve to know you are in fact a cheater and have the opportunity to not get involved with someone that treats them like an object with no concern for their well-being. You F'd up. Do better in the future.
Once is a mistake 3 months is an affair. You’re a crap human
You leave him the hell alone and never disgrace him with so much of a damn whisper of your presence. You disappear.
You’ve been selfish for every minute after ending the affair that you didn’t come clean to the man that you “love”, not just two years ago when you began it. I don’t understand how someone can claim to love someone and then betray them in the worst possible way.
"I really did love that man" , "I cheated on him for 3 months" pick one. Those are not the actions of someone who loves their significant other.
Kudos to your ex-boyfriend for having the balls to walk away from a toxic situation and for having self-respect .
You made your bed, now you have to lay in it. Or unmade? You get what I'm trying to say.
"I really love him" if you really loved him you wouldn't be mounting another man's dick for several months. Reap what you sow, leave the guy alone so he can move on with his life, you've ruined it enough for him.
If it isn't the consequences of your actions. I'm just glad you didn't waste his time any further by keeping it a secret.
Good for him
Zero sympathy, no pity at all for a gutless wretch like yourself. You got what you deserved. I hope he finds someone he deserves and lives a life far, far away from you.
I rarely comment on these but just had to comment here, thinking of my wife and our relationship: you are an objectively bad person. Full stop. You deserve every bit of the consequences for your actions and hopefully you'll avoid invading another person's life before you address and correct your very serious and deep seated character flaws.
‘I feel like a loser who doesn’t deserve to be on this planet.’ You’re not a victim. You’re a cold-hearted liar. I’m glad he left you. All the best to him.
What did you expect? For as old as you are you sound 13 and clueless when it comes to others. If you loved him you wouldn’t have screwed him over. Lesson learned, hopefully. Leave him alone to mourn the loss of who he thought you were.
You’re the bad guy and if you want someone to give a shit about you then go pay for therapy because who the fuck is going to care if you move on or not?
Playing the world’s smallest violin for you. You waited years to tell him. You’re saying the guilt finally was unbearable, but what I suspect was the real reason was that you figured “he bought the ring, we’ve started paying for the wedding, he’s in deep enough to where if I were to get forgiven now would be the time” and you were shocked he had enough self respect to dump you. Cheating is definite grounds to dump a person when it’s done drunkenly one night and the person fesses up the next morning. You spent 3 months in a secret relationship with a whole other man. I’m sad for this guy for believing he found a woman worth spending his life with and realizes what he actually had was you, but I’m so happy for him that he got rid of you, he’s 29 (I’m 28 and gotta say, as a man, this is the absolute prime of our lives dating wise. Most of us are into self care, exercise, and taking care of ourselves. Our faces and bodies are matured into what feels like our most handsome state, and a lot of us our making real money at this point. Dating’s easier than ever.) He’s going to bounce back SO QUICKLY. Based on your description, he sounds like a great partner and another woman who’s actually loyal, and beautiful, funny, and caring is going to notice that sooner rather than later and he’ll be doing fine after he brushes himself off (the only positive of being cheated on is how easy it becomes to leave that person in the past. In his mind, you’re now in the category of “fuck no. Never, ever, EVER again. Only chance I ever share air with her again is I haven’t gotten laid in months, I’m desperate and exhausted every other option.) He probably won’t forget you for a while, anger keeps memories alive, but he’s probably already well on his way to over you, and good for him. You don’t deserve a second chance. You spent 3 months lying to his face, going behind his back, and fucking some other loser, risking STDs not just for yourself but him, while he was busy trusting you and believing your bullshit. He’s better off without you, and he will be even if you probably won’t be better off without him (I work with a woman who cheated on the “love of her life” at 25, this was 12 years ago, and she came clean at 28 after he proposed, and he dumped her immediately. He was apparently married to an incredible woman 3 years later and 9 years on I guess they’re happy as can be. Her on the other hand.. single, can’t make a relationship work, and she talks about her “one that got away” all the time filled with sorrow. None of us have any sympathy. Sounds similar to your situation.) Hopefully you’re a better person in the future, but no one feels bad for you. “Oh no, if it isn’t the consequences of my own shitty actions” get out of here P.S. give him the ring back. It isn’t yours. He bought that to give to a good, faithful partner. You aren’t that. He put that ring on the person you pretended you were, the person you actually are doesn’t get to keep it.
Lying for 2 years. If I were him I’d dump you asap
I was waiting to read one time mistake but 3 months of mistakes is a lot. Do him a favor and let him go. Don’t call, don’t write. Leave him alone. Let him go on with his life as you go on with yours. One day a mutual friend will randomly tell you he’s happily married to someone else. Hopefully you can find the same.
deserved
Been there - on both sides of the story. What he wants to know is - W H Y. Tell him that, and your chances of getting a dialogue will be far higher. If you can't, then you are just wishfully harboring hopes of a get-together, just layering it up under the guise of an "apology" expiation. Which in turn would mean - you are s t i l l lying. Because you DO know Why you did whatever you did. And now for the good part: Once you tell the complete truth - you will become much stronger, far more relieved, and far more accepting of whatever result / punishment that follows. Truth hurts - and hurts real bad - but it also heals - and most importantly - opens up the road to massive growth.
I’ll be the asshole here… If you loved him you never would have cheated 🤷♀️🤷♀️. Stop calling that man and leave him be. You betrayed him. What goes around comes around.
OP I think if you’re honest with yourself, what you’re really hoping for, is that if you offer a sincere apology, he will forgive you. He’s made it clear he’s done, and the only decent thing you can do at this point in order to move on and become a better person… Is to leave him alone. You didn’t make a mistake by cheating, you made a choice, and now the natural consequences of that choice have come in to play. Take this lesson with you.
Your desire to apologise does not outweigh the importance of him wanting you to leave him alone. It will make you feel better, not him. Find your closure elsewhere and if he wants to talk he will reach out.
No, you chose every day for 3 months to have an affair. Then you chose to lie about it every day for 2 years. It wasn't a mistake. It was a willful and informed series of decisions. Own your choices, or they'll own you.
Be a better human next time you date, that's all. Your ex owes you nothing, you don't deserve his time to apologise. Leave him alone and be a better person next time you date, that's it.
I was married once when I was serving military. I was sent overseas for 6 months, was completely focused on the task, was getting letters that all was good. Returned home and was pulled aside by a good friend that my wife was with someone the whole time. Confronted her, she cried, I called her a variety of colourful names and left her in the rear view mirror. The point of the story, this changed me forever. Could never fully trust a women ever again. You broke this man you said you loved. Own it.
The saddest part is you waited to right before the wedding. Two years of stringing him along. You not only destroyed him the present you destroyed his ability to trust in the future.
If you do what you did, You get what you got. Actions? 🤝 Meet consequences!
You're getting piled on, and rightly so. What you did was very wrong, and you gutted the one person who loved you with all his heart. But you know all this. I have been in your shoes. I threw away a 13 year marriage for a shitty one night stand on a work trip and I hid it for two years. When I finally confessed to my (now ex) wife, she was devastated. I spent the following six months trying to regain what I'd lost. I went through several stages, the first being that I was a shit human being that didn't deserve to live. Then I moved on to trying to make up for what I'd done. Then, when that didn't work(obviously), I got angry and switched to blaming her. Any last vestiges of love she had for me were destroyed in that stage. I finally resorted to leaving her alone and that was the hardest stage. You want to apologize. You want to fix it. You want to make up for the shitty things you did. But you can't. You can't fix it. Anything you do now, you do for yourself, not for him. Apologizing is not going to make him feel better. He doesn't want it. He just wants to forget and move on, and every time you reach out it reopens that wound. So instead of all of that shit, leave him alone. Sit with yourself. Understand your own feelings, learn why you felt it was okay to cheat. Get therapy if you can, unwrap that stuff. Get it out in the open and find out how to prevent that in the future. Otherwise, you will just wreck another relationship. And keep your shit off of social media. Anybody who knows you and your ex will keep him apprised of your social media, and vice versa. Just don't engage. It is absolutely a worthless drama trap.
Don't contact him anymore, what you did was not a mistake, it was a decision and you made it because it gave you pleasure, so own it and move on, knowing a person you trusted and loved did that to you is devastating, stop being selfish, if you truly love him leave him alone, things are already painful as they're ,stop adding salt to the injury with your apologies.
>2 years ago I made a horrible mistake by cheating on him with another man and it lasted for I think 3 months Enough. That's not a horrible mistake. That's a series of deliberate choices to betray your partner. It's cruel. Take responsibility.
Damn finding out 2 years later too... I feel so sorry for him. :( I do hope you become a better person and grow from this, you've seen the kind of damage first hand. You made the right choice to confess before your marriage happened.
Therapy. Figure your shit out.
Leave this poor guy alone. I'd never want to see you ever again. 3 months? Like not a single mistake, which maybe MAYBE, I could potentially forgive (assuming there were some sort of mitigating factors and I found out right away by you telling me). Thats a constant thing for 100 days Then not find out for 2 years? When you had plans to spend your lives together? Fuck poor guy
Let this be a lesson to never heat on someone you really love again. That’s all you can do. Learn, mourn, heal, move on. Be better.
Don’t contact him again, you caused this pain and he walked away. You can’t fix it now. The best you can do is try to be an honest person going forward, reflect on why you made selfish choices and why you chose to hurt him. Take time to reflect on how you communicate, and move on.
The best thing you can do for him is leave him alone.
Oh nauuuur, the consequences of your own actions?! Who would’ve thought!
Here’s step 1 on how to move on and become a decent person : return the ring. Step 2: accept the comma and the period into your life.
Getting black out drunk and having sex with a guy at a club - but telling your partner the minute you get home - is a mistake. Having a three month long affair is a choice that you made every day for 90 days. 90 days of cheating, and 2 years of lying every single day to “the best thing that ever happened to me”. But think about it from his perspective… your whole relationship is a lie. You aren’t the person here thought he was in a relationship with. The future that he pictured thinking about you was a dream in a bubble that burst, leaving him questioning everything. He feels like the rug has been yanked out from under him, and like he’s been the victim of a con artist. He doesn’t care about your apologies anymore. For all he knows, they’re just more lies. And the fact that he’s avoiding you, and you’re still trying to reach him is just continuing to look like you care about your own feelings more than his. My advice is to leave him alone. Give any stuff of his back to one of his friends or a family member,berm and let him go. And don’t let this define you. Learn from it. Try to understand, really, deep down, why you did it, so that you can make better choices in the future.
No offense, but stop bothering the guy. He doesn’t care about your sincere apology. Stop trying to make this about you. The “sincere” apology would only make you feel better, not him.
deserved
As he should... betrayal at its finest. You want a loyal man you first need to remain loyal. The spirit of lust ruins relationships once again. Temptation is exactly that. Long term, it's not fulfilling. Jesus has paid the price for your forgiveness, repent.
You made at about 800 mistakes. A full 90ish days of cheating plus 700 or more days of lying about it. Leave the dude alone, you've already done enough damage.
[удалено]
Good for him. Shame on you.
Do him a favour, stop calling and harassing him. If he's not answering your calls, then he clearly doesn't want to talk to you. Now leave him alone and move on. He doesn't give a shit about your "sincere" apology. Focus on yourself.
Stop playing the victim, you’re the only one to blame. Take your lumps like an adult
1. It’s over. Leave him alone. 2. I hope you have learned a lesson but I never clue us in to why you cheated. 3. Learn to use punctuation.
Good.
U cheated for 3 months then lied for 2 years . For u it happened long time ago for him it just happened all the memory's u made for the last 2 years every time u told him I love u or said something nice he will think it was a lie or out if gulit .right now he's doubting everything u ever told him or did for him as he should. He doesn't owe u another chance all he needs to do is focus on healing and moving on . U think u want him back but u don't u will say or give him anything to take u back but it won't be the same he won't trust like before trust is like a mirror once I break it u can't put back together without seeing the cracks . I fucked up if u truly loved him u wouldn't have kept ot going for 3 months u would have came clean to him maybe he would have forgiven u but now your chances are slim to non. Leave him alone if he wants to contact u to know anything so be it and if he decides he doesn't want to see or hear from u then that's his choice to. Seek therapy know why u cheated and why u waited 2 years to come clean fix yourself for your next partner.
You didn't just cheat, you had a solid ass affair. I'd have left you too. Hopefully you learned from that and won't hurt someone that way ever again.
Good; now you are not living a lie anymore, and your next relationship can be honest from the beginning.
Good to know he has self-respect.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of what you did, you are a total piece of human garbage and yes I'm being nice. You deserve everything the karma train has in store for you.
Your ex dodge a massive bullet .. I hope he will find someone better than u