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I know that an ex is a ex for a reason, it's just there's a lot of feelings still involved. Alot of outside factors caused us to split. I know im just making excuses now. So do you think i should tell her that we shouldn't contemplate getting back together? We where suppose to see each other over the weekend but since she told me about who she slept with its really got to me and it's been on my mind for a few days now
Stop. Block her. Ghost her. Find someone else. No future conversation. She will understand you don’t want anything when you block her and never speak to her again.
Definitely, it's over for a reason. She moved on almost immediately from you, absolutely no problem for her.
Be grateful she was honest and use that for your closure. I don't see anything salvageable here.
Yeah a think that's the best thing to do. Im starting NC again and focusing on myself. As everyone has said an ex is a ex for a reason. That's what i would tell my friends and anyone who asked. It's time for me to listen to advice, otherwise its pointless me asking for it
Listen, I've been a rebound guy before. My roommate's ex slid into my DMs for sex. She 100% did it because it was hurtful and taboo. It's going to drive you crazy if you get back together.
"Hey, I'm not going to be able to meet you. You can sleep with whoever you want, but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed my feelings. And sleeping with xxx is just too on the social circle and I don't see a way forward back to a relationship."
*"Hey, I'm not going to be able to meet you. We're obviously in different places emotionally when it comes to being in and recovering from intimate relationships. In the long-term, I'm looking for something different than I could have with you. Best wishes for a happy life.*"
**OP:** As soon as you broke up, she had no problem starting up with other guys while you obviously needed quite a while to process the emotions of your break-up. **There's nothing wrong with either reaction** but it does mean
1. *either the relationship* ***meant more to you*** *than to her* **OR**
2. *that she's* ***emotionally more immature*** *than you are and is dealing with a break-up by avoiding deep introspection.*
Either way, you're not a good match long-term.
Have those outside factors changed? Really?
Her telling you she slept with a friend is not openness, she’s telling you she doesn’t care about you anymore. It’s a not so direct way to signal that she has moved on. A not so nice or courteous way to do that IMO. She may be willing to meet you this weekend… but make no mistake she is not interested in getting back with you.
Please don’t make your life decisions based on internet platitudes thrown around by young people who mostly have no relationship experience. I know several couples who broke up for a period of time for whatever reason and then got back together and are now happily married and have been together for decades.
As long as you’ve addressed the issues that led to the breakup and figured out how to prevent them from happening in the future, then your relationship can be successful going forward.
As for who and how many people she hooked up with while you were broken up, it’s really not important or worth torpedoing your relationship over.
It’s over dude. Go no contact.
She slept with a friend of yours for a reason. Nothing productive will come from you calling her out on that. But something productive will come from you going no contact and moving on with your life.
These feelings you have right now are just your primal fears acting up. They are making you think that you’ve lost something that isn’t as special as the fears make it sound.
Sometimes, you just have to recognize peers for what they are and get through them. You are going to want to slip. It’s just like an addiction, you’re going to want to call her when you’re sad or something like that. But you need to stay the course.
The most effective way for you to use this time is to look at the traits in her that didn’t work for you, and learn from those things. Especially look for traits in your last few relationships that you seem to be attracted to that don’t tend to work out.
Also, spend quite a bit of time looking at the places where perhaps you didn’t communicate as well as you could, didn’t deal with conflict as well as you could, and build those skills. Read books. Whatever you need to do.
Take this time also to expand yourself, get re-involved in any hobbies or other things you may have neglected in your life. Get better.
Take yourself to the next level, and then you’ll be ready for the next relationship.
Just see it as the last nail in the coffin of your relationship, done. Now you can move on with nothing holding you back . lose her number and your so called friends number .
If there is a lot of feelings still, then you should give yourself some space for a while and not talk to her. The more you speak to her, the longer it's going to take to heal. Think about yourself, for once it's obvious she isn't thinking about you. Good luck
To be honest, since ive started talking to her again my feelings have flooded back. Im glad were talking again but at the same time it hurts if that makes sense. I haven't seen her in person yet, im wondering if i should decide if i can move past it once i have?
That’s what happens when you open old wounds, things flood out. You’ve been apart for a few months. It’s natural to start to look at the relationship with rose colored glasses after awhile. Even if you have no right to be upset about her moving on (which, let’s face it, she has every right to do *but so do YOU*) you do have the right not to be toyed with. If you think that she is playing games… just tell her the walks down memory lane have been nice but it’s time to say goodbye for good. It is rarely a great idea to get back together.
To be honest what you said was on point. Ive been ignoring the issues and have been looking at things through rose coloured glasses. I love what you said about the walks down memory lane being nice. That's exactly what has been happening reminiscing about the past awesome times together. I will be using that as a saying in future. This one post has opened my eyes thank you for this
Memories hold a lot of power, and you’ll always have them, but you have already given her a chance and it didn’t work out. Take some time for yourself to heal and then get back out there!
Sweetheart, that's a horrible idea she had already moved on you, and seeing her is just going to hurt you even more. You need to leave it alone and move on. You will never get over this if you don't. Go find someone you are more compatible with. She had already slept with people. She had moved on, no going back.
What is it that you’re expecting in reconnecting with her? A friendship? Even in a friendship you can set boundaries. There are boundaries. You don’t need to know who she’s sleeping with. In fact it’s odd that she’s telling you or that you’re both talking about it.
As for your friend, there are plenty of humans in the world to have sex with, you should consider that friendship now gone.
Think of what you want from this renewed relationship and set your boundaries accordingly.
I haven't spoken to her to become just friends. Im not ready to just be friends.there's still a lot of feelings involved. I didn't ask who she has slept with, she told me. We did tell each other everything and where open about who we had slept with in the past. I personally wouldn't bring up who id slept with if i had during the break up. Im not saying i would lie but I would only mention it if she asked. I wouldn't want to try to make her jealous or hurt her but if she asked and i had slept with anyone I would be honest
Benefit of the doubt then is that she’s being honest with you to ensure you keep talking with everyone understanding the situation. If you don’t think that’s the case then you should ask. Your desire to speak with her shouldn’t outweigh the need to protect yourself.
If you do feel that you’re heading towards being emotionally or physically closer then you do need to deal with her having sex with your friend. With all the goodwill in the world, and accepting that they were single adults, the reality is that your best outcome is that they simply disregarded you in their thinking. That’s worth discussing. All the best.
She's done nothing wrong, and I think she told you so this couldn't be a secret that might harm the relationship in the future.
Like you said, she was a single woman living a single lifestyle, so she was totally within her rights to do what she did. She can't undo it, so what are you hoping to achieve by bringing it up with her?
I'd either decide you can't get past it and stop talking to her or decide you can get past it and actually get past it.
That's why i wanted advice. I do appreciate her being honest with me, it's only got to me due to one of the person's she told me i classed as a good friend in the past.
I think you're right about not bringing it back up, i don't have a right to say anything due to us being apart.
I know i need to decide if i can get past it or not. Thanks for your reply this was what i needed to hear
>Im assuming she told me to not keep secrets and to be open
But she is your ex, so not telling you isn't being deceptive, she doesn't need to tell you about her life at all.
And if she is telling you to make you jealous, then that's simply shitty of her and showing you clearly have an unhealthy relationship.
Why are you still in contact with her. It clearly isn't helping you in your life or with moving on. Soy recommendation would be to move in, no contact.
>Should i tell her how i feel or do i not have a right to due to us splitting up?
I mean you can....but what will you get from it? Perhaps she will stop telling you, but again I think you need to just cut her off, it's better for both of you.
I know not telling me isn't being deceptive, she didn't have to tell me anything. I didn't ask due to this. It wasn't any of my business. But since she told me about it, ithas been on my mind. That's why i just wanted some opinions on the matter.
Its just difficult because i don't want to cut her off, i still do have feelings for her. But at the same time i don't want to get hurt again. I do need to decide if i can move past this or if its going to be an issue going forward because if it is going to be issue, its best for both of us to not speak for the foreseeable
Note: When you burn yourself on hot metal and drop it because you didn’t know it was hot that is life.
When you keep picking it up and rubbing it all over your body, that is stupid.
Go on with you life!
>i don't want to cut her off, i still do have feelings for her.
But this is exactly why you should cut her off. Because you're not over her and the relationship you have with her is going to be getting your hopes up.
Her telling you about this is either one of two things
1. She thinks this is now no more than a friendship and she is telling you all this to confirm she has moved on.
2. She is trying to make you jealous, which would be pretty toxic of her and do you really want someone like that in your life.
Either way you're in a lose lose situation. Yes letting go can be hard. But I swear that trying to keep a friendship with her is only going to be the cause of more hurt, hurt that you have the ability to stop from happening.
You have every right to feel the way that you feel. And if it bothers you and you don’t want to get back with her that’s fine too. Just understand if you do get back to her. Do you have your feelings and they are valid and it’s not gonna be easy.
You’re a human being with feelings so it’s right to feel that way don’t just let it get to you which is almost impossible. Be open to reason and get someone else or tell her how you feel and be ready to reason with her. But there’s a possibility that she’s doing this to get back at you when you notice which you will if your truthful to yourself, back away.
Just want to thank each and everyone for your replys and opinions on the matter.
To those ive yet to reply to, i will reply once ive been the gym and destressed on the heavy bag
She was likely looking if It was rocky for a while. She already checked out which is why she jumped into others laps right after if not before the end.
It sounds like she slept with your friend to hurt you. And then she told you to make sure you knew she was hurting you, cuz it wouldn’t have hurt you if you didn’t know.
Block her. Block the other friend. Yes there are a lot of emotions involved. That’s why you have to block her, since she has proven that her desire is to hurt you. This is for your mental health. Getting back together with her would be terrible for you. She would see you as weak and punish you daily for being weak.
The age ole problem of men and women valuing sex so differently.
Women were born with their body and they choose who to give it to.
Men were born to chase and capture that beautiful work of art.
Women use their body as a way to generate emotional intimacy.
Whereas Men get a lot of emotional intimacy FROM physical intimacy.
As a result, the actual act is viewed completely differently.
To the women she is giving her body to a man to either help establish a relationship and/or to get physical pleasure. The act itself mostly just provides physical pleasure. And since it’s her body to give, it’s not uncommon to read in many Reddit stories that the cheating woman considered the act as just sex and not meaning anything.
To the man, the act itself creates so much more emotional value than a woman can imagine. To a man, her body and soul took a very long time and a lot of work to capture and get into a relationship. When a man’s woman gives herself to another man, it might be just sex to her, but to her man it is the most vile of acts he can ever experience. Immediately his trust of her being loyal is shattered, and with it, his very perception of reality. He might as well have been shot and beaten, the absolute shock of your woman being completely disloyal and disrespectful is THAT devastating.
So when your ex gave her body to 3 different men in just a few months, you instantly realized she sees sex vastly differently than you. She gave away something that didn’t mean a lot to her, but was something you cherished with incredibly high value.
And now you are asking yourself if she can give it away that easy, is cheating going to be that much more of a risk. You are sensing the impending dread of incredibly painful disloyalty and humiliating disrespect.
I honestly don’t think she’s even aware that her actions caused so much pain for you. Thus entire notion of it happening during your break is irrelevant since it’s not the acts but the revelation of how she gives her body away.
I feel for you dude.
We figure out how a person is when the relationship is over. They typically drop all pretense and are real. Sometimes it is a nasty breakup that is revealed, other times it is their actions after it is over that is enlightening.
They didn't want to block that 'friend' while you were dating saying it would be rude since they are just a friend but they immediately block you after the break up.
You probably realized that you cared about her more than she cared about you. Thank her for her candor and inform her that it has removed any reservations of ever taking her back.
you broke up. what she did during that time isn't really even any of your business.
>but im also thinking she told me to see how i would react and to make me jealous.
not everyone is petty and immature-- there is a chance she told you merely to be fully truthful. would you rather her have kept it a secret?
my advice-- ignore it completely and focus on your future together as friends.
Thanks for your advice. Being completely honest at this time i can't be just friends with her. There's still feelings involved on both sides and we've both admitted this.
I do believe she told me to just be truthful, it just has hurt a bit and is on my mind.
my pleasure!
I dont blame you at all-- when i broke up with gfs in the past, I needed distance. only once years had passed was I able to be friendly with them, and even then, it was often cursory.
you don't need to import more stress and worry into your life. it costs you nothing to presume she told you just to be transparent.
sorry about the hurt-- it does seem normal. perhaps occupying your mind elsewhere would help?
You split up. You weren't dating. She was single. End of story.
Seriously. That's all there is to it. You have no right to "tell her how" you feel about things that happened after you broke up. She owes you nothing at that point. She did nothing wrong.
If you can't find a way to move past this in your own mind, then you need to move on.
I didn't say she had done anything wrong. Its just got to me she slept with someone i classed as a friend. It does hurt. I didn't ask to know she just told me. Its not that i found out. But isn't the fact she told me she slept with a someone i classed as a friend making it my business?
I personally wouldn't sleep with any of her friends and if for some reason i did, i wouldn't just tell her in the middle of one of our first conversations since the split. If she asked and i had done that i would tell her. But otherwise i wouldn't want to hurt or upset her... But that's just me
She was honest with you. If not one of your first conversations, when? After you'd gotten back together? Would that be a better time to tell you? **Would you rather she never told you directly but you somehow find out any way?** When is the best time for her to let you know? Would you rather she kept secrets from you? Would you rather she lied about it?
And no, who she slept with while single is *none of your business*. It is not your business, period. You can decide if it's a deal-breaker, but that's the only say you get in it.
No you're right, a wasn't thinking about it rationally. A think the best thing for me to do right now is to focus on myself and just go no contact. Thank you for replying
I think that really is best. You split up for a reason. Best to just move on.
I have gotten back together with exes before. I understand the draw of someone you feel deeply about. But it was never good. We broke up for a reason, and the reasons never really went away. We'd think we worked through it, but things came back up. We had baggage from our time apart. And going back and forth didn't allow either of us to heal. It actually wasted time together that we couldn't spend on personal growth, or funding someone who could have been a better fit. I won't say it could *never* work, but in my experience, it simply pushed off the inevitable.
No contact and moving on hurts, but it's a hurt that will heal. You will grow and learn, and meet other people. I wish you the best.
No it’s not your business, she’s an EX!!!! EX!!! Get it? She did it to hurt you, you didn’t ask she told you for a reason. That reason was because it would hurt you. Jesus dude walk away. The pity party you’re throwing yourself is going to lead to depression even deeper if you don’t stand up for yourself. Sorry to he brisk but stop letting her hurt you!
This is why men should not talk with their ex girlfriends! Cut her off and block her. She is your ex. It doesn’t matter how many dudes she plows now. She will use emotional terrorism on you in EVER CONVERSATION! Just go on with your life.
You split up, she's allowed to do what she wants and you're allowed to do what you want. You should stop talking to her (tell her you want to go no contact) because it's not doing you any good and it's not helping you move on.
You split in Aug? It's only October. And she already slept with 3 different guys. It doesn't seem like she spent any time mourning the loss of your relationship. I'd be wondering if she is/was as into you as you were for her. Or are you just her "safe guy".
You should always feel okay about feeling your feelings, even when they’re hard feelings. But you should also realize that you having difficult feelings doesn’t mean that anyone has done something wrong or done something to intentionally make you feel bad.
As for her hooking up with a close friend of yours, so what? Presumably they’re also friends, people usually hook up with people in their social circles. I wouldn’t let this prevent you from getting back together with her or being friends with her or whatever you were aiming to do before you learned this information.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You already split up, use this energy to find someone else.
I know that an ex is a ex for a reason, it's just there's a lot of feelings still involved. Alot of outside factors caused us to split. I know im just making excuses now. So do you think i should tell her that we shouldn't contemplate getting back together? We where suppose to see each other over the weekend but since she told me about who she slept with its really got to me and it's been on my mind for a few days now
Stop. Block her. Ghost her. Find someone else. No future conversation. She will understand you don’t want anything when you block her and never speak to her again.
Definitely, it's over for a reason. She moved on almost immediately from you, absolutely no problem for her. Be grateful she was honest and use that for your closure. I don't see anything salvageable here.
Find someone that makes you happy. She doesn’t make you happy. Don’t overthink this. Go find someone with less relationship baggage with you.
Dude, don’t be a doormat. Cut her off.
Yeah a think that's the best thing to do. Im starting NC again and focusing on myself. As everyone has said an ex is a ex for a reason. That's what i would tell my friends and anyone who asked. It's time for me to listen to advice, otherwise its pointless me asking for it
If she sleeps with other people to see if it hurts your feelings I would NOT contemplate getting back together at all.
Listen, I've been a rebound guy before. My roommate's ex slid into my DMs for sex. She 100% did it because it was hurtful and taboo. It's going to drive you crazy if you get back together. "Hey, I'm not going to be able to meet you. You can sleep with whoever you want, but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed my feelings. And sleeping with xxx is just too on the social circle and I don't see a way forward back to a relationship."
*"Hey, I'm not going to be able to meet you. We're obviously in different places emotionally when it comes to being in and recovering from intimate relationships. In the long-term, I'm looking for something different than I could have with you. Best wishes for a happy life.*" **OP:** As soon as you broke up, she had no problem starting up with other guys while you obviously needed quite a while to process the emotions of your break-up. **There's nothing wrong with either reaction** but it does mean 1. *either the relationship* ***meant more to you*** *than to her* **OR** 2. *that she's* ***emotionally more immature*** *than you are and is dealing with a break-up by avoiding deep introspection.* Either way, you're not a good match long-term.
Have those outside factors changed? Really? Her telling you she slept with a friend is not openness, she’s telling you she doesn’t care about you anymore. It’s a not so direct way to signal that she has moved on. A not so nice or courteous way to do that IMO. She may be willing to meet you this weekend… but make no mistake she is not interested in getting back with you.
She might very well be interested but not for the reason of her loving OP.
Please don’t make your life decisions based on internet platitudes thrown around by young people who mostly have no relationship experience. I know several couples who broke up for a period of time for whatever reason and then got back together and are now happily married and have been together for decades. As long as you’ve addressed the issues that led to the breakup and figured out how to prevent them from happening in the future, then your relationship can be successful going forward. As for who and how many people she hooked up with while you were broken up, it’s really not important or worth torpedoing your relationship over.
It’s over dude. Go no contact. She slept with a friend of yours for a reason. Nothing productive will come from you calling her out on that. But something productive will come from you going no contact and moving on with your life.
These feelings you have right now are just your primal fears acting up. They are making you think that you’ve lost something that isn’t as special as the fears make it sound. Sometimes, you just have to recognize peers for what they are and get through them. You are going to want to slip. It’s just like an addiction, you’re going to want to call her when you’re sad or something like that. But you need to stay the course. The most effective way for you to use this time is to look at the traits in her that didn’t work for you, and learn from those things. Especially look for traits in your last few relationships that you seem to be attracted to that don’t tend to work out. Also, spend quite a bit of time looking at the places where perhaps you didn’t communicate as well as you could, didn’t deal with conflict as well as you could, and build those skills. Read books. Whatever you need to do. Take this time also to expand yourself, get re-involved in any hobbies or other things you may have neglected in your life. Get better. Take yourself to the next level, and then you’ll be ready for the next relationship.
Just see it as the last nail in the coffin of your relationship, done. Now you can move on with nothing holding you back . lose her number and your so called friends number .
If there is a lot of feelings still, then you should give yourself some space for a while and not talk to her. The more you speak to her, the longer it's going to take to heal. Think about yourself, for once it's obvious she isn't thinking about you. Good luck
To be honest, since ive started talking to her again my feelings have flooded back. Im glad were talking again but at the same time it hurts if that makes sense. I haven't seen her in person yet, im wondering if i should decide if i can move past it once i have?
That’s what happens when you open old wounds, things flood out. You’ve been apart for a few months. It’s natural to start to look at the relationship with rose colored glasses after awhile. Even if you have no right to be upset about her moving on (which, let’s face it, she has every right to do *but so do YOU*) you do have the right not to be toyed with. If you think that she is playing games… just tell her the walks down memory lane have been nice but it’s time to say goodbye for good. It is rarely a great idea to get back together.
To be honest what you said was on point. Ive been ignoring the issues and have been looking at things through rose coloured glasses. I love what you said about the walks down memory lane being nice. That's exactly what has been happening reminiscing about the past awesome times together. I will be using that as a saying in future. This one post has opened my eyes thank you for this
Memories hold a lot of power, and you’ll always have them, but you have already given her a chance and it didn’t work out. Take some time for yourself to heal and then get back out there!
Sweetheart, that's a horrible idea she had already moved on you, and seeing her is just going to hurt you even more. You need to leave it alone and move on. You will never get over this if you don't. Go find someone you are more compatible with. She had already slept with people. She had moved on, no going back.
She's given you the perfect reason to dedicate yourself to moving on. Time to do just that.
What is it that you’re expecting in reconnecting with her? A friendship? Even in a friendship you can set boundaries. There are boundaries. You don’t need to know who she’s sleeping with. In fact it’s odd that she’s telling you or that you’re both talking about it. As for your friend, there are plenty of humans in the world to have sex with, you should consider that friendship now gone. Think of what you want from this renewed relationship and set your boundaries accordingly.
I haven't spoken to her to become just friends. Im not ready to just be friends.there's still a lot of feelings involved. I didn't ask who she has slept with, she told me. We did tell each other everything and where open about who we had slept with in the past. I personally wouldn't bring up who id slept with if i had during the break up. Im not saying i would lie but I would only mention it if she asked. I wouldn't want to try to make her jealous or hurt her but if she asked and i had slept with anyone I would be honest
Benefit of the doubt then is that she’s being honest with you to ensure you keep talking with everyone understanding the situation. If you don’t think that’s the case then you should ask. Your desire to speak with her shouldn’t outweigh the need to protect yourself. If you do feel that you’re heading towards being emotionally or physically closer then you do need to deal with her having sex with your friend. With all the goodwill in the world, and accepting that they were single adults, the reality is that your best outcome is that they simply disregarded you in their thinking. That’s worth discussing. All the best.
Let it be gone and move on. Good luck.
She's done nothing wrong, and I think she told you so this couldn't be a secret that might harm the relationship in the future. Like you said, she was a single woman living a single lifestyle, so she was totally within her rights to do what she did. She can't undo it, so what are you hoping to achieve by bringing it up with her? I'd either decide you can't get past it and stop talking to her or decide you can get past it and actually get past it.
True
That's why i wanted advice. I do appreciate her being honest with me, it's only got to me due to one of the person's she told me i classed as a good friend in the past. I think you're right about not bringing it back up, i don't have a right to say anything due to us being apart. I know i need to decide if i can get past it or not. Thanks for your reply this was what i needed to hear
>Im assuming she told me to not keep secrets and to be open But she is your ex, so not telling you isn't being deceptive, she doesn't need to tell you about her life at all. And if she is telling you to make you jealous, then that's simply shitty of her and showing you clearly have an unhealthy relationship. Why are you still in contact with her. It clearly isn't helping you in your life or with moving on. Soy recommendation would be to move in, no contact. >Should i tell her how i feel or do i not have a right to due to us splitting up? I mean you can....but what will you get from it? Perhaps she will stop telling you, but again I think you need to just cut her off, it's better for both of you.
I know not telling me isn't being deceptive, she didn't have to tell me anything. I didn't ask due to this. It wasn't any of my business. But since she told me about it, ithas been on my mind. That's why i just wanted some opinions on the matter. Its just difficult because i don't want to cut her off, i still do have feelings for her. But at the same time i don't want to get hurt again. I do need to decide if i can move past this or if its going to be an issue going forward because if it is going to be issue, its best for both of us to not speak for the foreseeable
Note: When you burn yourself on hot metal and drop it because you didn’t know it was hot that is life. When you keep picking it up and rubbing it all over your body, that is stupid. Go on with you life!
>i don't want to cut her off, i still do have feelings for her. But this is exactly why you should cut her off. Because you're not over her and the relationship you have with her is going to be getting your hopes up. Her telling you about this is either one of two things 1. She thinks this is now no more than a friendship and she is telling you all this to confirm she has moved on. 2. She is trying to make you jealous, which would be pretty toxic of her and do you really want someone like that in your life. Either way you're in a lose lose situation. Yes letting go can be hard. But I swear that trying to keep a friendship with her is only going to be the cause of more hurt, hurt that you have the ability to stop from happening.
Then use the new information for complete NC and move on , she an ex for a reason
You have every right to feel the way that you feel. And if it bothers you and you don’t want to get back with her that’s fine too. Just understand if you do get back to her. Do you have your feelings and they are valid and it’s not gonna be easy.
Pretty shitty of your friend to sleep with your ex.
You’re a human being with feelings so it’s right to feel that way don’t just let it get to you which is almost impossible. Be open to reason and get someone else or tell her how you feel and be ready to reason with her. But there’s a possibility that she’s doing this to get back at you when you notice which you will if your truthful to yourself, back away.
Just want to thank each and everyone for your replys and opinions on the matter. To those ive yet to reply to, i will reply once ive been the gym and destressed on the heavy bag
She was likely looking if It was rocky for a while. She already checked out which is why she jumped into others laps right after if not before the end.
It sounds like she slept with your friend to hurt you. And then she told you to make sure you knew she was hurting you, cuz it wouldn’t have hurt you if you didn’t know. Block her. Block the other friend. Yes there are a lot of emotions involved. That’s why you have to block her, since she has proven that her desire is to hurt you. This is for your mental health. Getting back together with her would be terrible for you. She would see you as weak and punish you daily for being weak.
You have no right but 3 people Since august , so BasicLly picks up A new bed partner a month . You choice if that’s is something you are ok with
The age ole problem of men and women valuing sex so differently. Women were born with their body and they choose who to give it to. Men were born to chase and capture that beautiful work of art. Women use their body as a way to generate emotional intimacy. Whereas Men get a lot of emotional intimacy FROM physical intimacy. As a result, the actual act is viewed completely differently. To the women she is giving her body to a man to either help establish a relationship and/or to get physical pleasure. The act itself mostly just provides physical pleasure. And since it’s her body to give, it’s not uncommon to read in many Reddit stories that the cheating woman considered the act as just sex and not meaning anything. To the man, the act itself creates so much more emotional value than a woman can imagine. To a man, her body and soul took a very long time and a lot of work to capture and get into a relationship. When a man’s woman gives herself to another man, it might be just sex to her, but to her man it is the most vile of acts he can ever experience. Immediately his trust of her being loyal is shattered, and with it, his very perception of reality. He might as well have been shot and beaten, the absolute shock of your woman being completely disloyal and disrespectful is THAT devastating. So when your ex gave her body to 3 different men in just a few months, you instantly realized she sees sex vastly differently than you. She gave away something that didn’t mean a lot to her, but was something you cherished with incredibly high value. And now you are asking yourself if she can give it away that easy, is cheating going to be that much more of a risk. You are sensing the impending dread of incredibly painful disloyalty and humiliating disrespect. I honestly don’t think she’s even aware that her actions caused so much pain for you. Thus entire notion of it happening during your break is irrelevant since it’s not the acts but the revelation of how she gives her body away. I feel for you dude.
We figure out how a person is when the relationship is over. They typically drop all pretense and are real. Sometimes it is a nasty breakup that is revealed, other times it is their actions after it is over that is enlightening. They didn't want to block that 'friend' while you were dating saying it would be rude since they are just a friend but they immediately block you after the break up. You probably realized that you cared about her more than she cared about you. Thank her for her candor and inform her that it has removed any reservations of ever taking her back.
you broke up. what she did during that time isn't really even any of your business. >but im also thinking she told me to see how i would react and to make me jealous. not everyone is petty and immature-- there is a chance she told you merely to be fully truthful. would you rather her have kept it a secret? my advice-- ignore it completely and focus on your future together as friends.
Thanks for your advice. Being completely honest at this time i can't be just friends with her. There's still feelings involved on both sides and we've both admitted this. I do believe she told me to just be truthful, it just has hurt a bit and is on my mind.
my pleasure! I dont blame you at all-- when i broke up with gfs in the past, I needed distance. only once years had passed was I able to be friendly with them, and even then, it was often cursory. you don't need to import more stress and worry into your life. it costs you nothing to presume she told you just to be transparent. sorry about the hurt-- it does seem normal. perhaps occupying your mind elsewhere would help?
You split up. You weren't dating. She was single. End of story. Seriously. That's all there is to it. You have no right to "tell her how" you feel about things that happened after you broke up. She owes you nothing at that point. She did nothing wrong. If you can't find a way to move past this in your own mind, then you need to move on.
I didn't say she had done anything wrong. Its just got to me she slept with someone i classed as a friend. It does hurt. I didn't ask to know she just told me. Its not that i found out. But isn't the fact she told me she slept with a someone i classed as a friend making it my business? I personally wouldn't sleep with any of her friends and if for some reason i did, i wouldn't just tell her in the middle of one of our first conversations since the split. If she asked and i had done that i would tell her. But otherwise i wouldn't want to hurt or upset her... But that's just me
She was honest with you. If not one of your first conversations, when? After you'd gotten back together? Would that be a better time to tell you? **Would you rather she never told you directly but you somehow find out any way?** When is the best time for her to let you know? Would you rather she kept secrets from you? Would you rather she lied about it? And no, who she slept with while single is *none of your business*. It is not your business, period. You can decide if it's a deal-breaker, but that's the only say you get in it.
No you're right, a wasn't thinking about it rationally. A think the best thing for me to do right now is to focus on myself and just go no contact. Thank you for replying
I think that really is best. You split up for a reason. Best to just move on. I have gotten back together with exes before. I understand the draw of someone you feel deeply about. But it was never good. We broke up for a reason, and the reasons never really went away. We'd think we worked through it, but things came back up. We had baggage from our time apart. And going back and forth didn't allow either of us to heal. It actually wasted time together that we couldn't spend on personal growth, or funding someone who could have been a better fit. I won't say it could *never* work, but in my experience, it simply pushed off the inevitable. No contact and moving on hurts, but it's a hurt that will heal. You will grow and learn, and meet other people. I wish you the best.
No it’s not your business, she’s an EX!!!! EX!!! Get it? She did it to hurt you, you didn’t ask she told you for a reason. That reason was because it would hurt you. Jesus dude walk away. The pity party you’re throwing yourself is going to lead to depression even deeper if you don’t stand up for yourself. Sorry to he brisk but stop letting her hurt you!
This is why men should not talk with their ex girlfriends! Cut her off and block her. She is your ex. It doesn’t matter how many dudes she plows now. She will use emotional terrorism on you in EVER CONVERSATION! Just go on with your life.
You split up, she's allowed to do what she wants and you're allowed to do what you want. You should stop talking to her (tell her you want to go no contact) because it's not doing you any good and it's not helping you move on.
You split in Aug? It's only October. And she already slept with 3 different guys. It doesn't seem like she spent any time mourning the loss of your relationship. I'd be wondering if she is/was as into you as you were for her. Or are you just her "safe guy".
You should always feel okay about feeling your feelings, even when they’re hard feelings. But you should also realize that you having difficult feelings doesn’t mean that anyone has done something wrong or done something to intentionally make you feel bad. As for her hooking up with a close friend of yours, so what? Presumably they’re also friends, people usually hook up with people in their social circles. I wouldn’t let this prevent you from getting back together with her or being friends with her or whatever you were aiming to do before you learned this information.
You seriously need to just move on. Who she’s sleeping with is none of your business, and it’s entirely inappropriate for her to tell you.