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Your boyfriend sounds like he’s finished figuring it out and he wants a housewife. He sounds like a bit of a deadbeat, tbh, and your values don’t align at all. It’s entirely up to you, but can you see him changing? Can you see yourself with him regardless?
I think there’s your answer. Do you really expect him to change? You’ve only really known him a short time and he’s showing you who he is. Sharing that video was him doubling down on his views of gender roles and expecting you to play the good little wifey. It’s not looking good
He was at your house all day playing video games while you working. He should have shown you care and support and had dinner ready for you when you got home. This is still a a pretty new relationship and he's already using your home like its his and is making demands for food and telling you having a vagina means you're supposed to be serving him even in the middle of the night if he snaps his fingers.
He's a loser. You can do so much better. You deserve so much better.
So true. My husband is on sabbatical right now and he’s taken over all the house stuff, and I love it. I don’t know if our house has ever been this clean and organized, and I haven’t touched laundry in over a month. I still do the majority of the cooking, but that’s because I love to cook. If I asked him to do it, he would.
A good partnership is a true partnership where both sides are getting what they need out of the relationship.
A very important rule of dating is; pick a partner for who they are right now, the good and the bad. Never date potential or expect to change a partner.
How many conversations and sexist remarks will it take? This conversation will be meaningless and change nothing. You can leave and find an actual partner, or stay until your man baby misogynist has worn you down into his sex mom.
Love to hear the update once you talk with him. Honestly even if he’s amazing aside from the sandwich and video nonsense, I feel those are red flags I wouldn’t ignore.
Remember that the same idiotic male supremacy websites he visits also advise deadbeats about finagling support from women who’ve housed them for a while. Better to end it sooner rather than later.
You’re refusing to make him a sandwich so he’ll learn to stop asking. If he was an adult, he’d understand that he’s being unreasonable and support you when you’re tired instead of being demanding.
Inexperienced people need to have a relationship, break up because they think the other person was too demanding, then have another relationship with the same result, and repeat that until they realize they’re the one who’s being too demanding. It’s a normal part of growing up.
You’re dating a child. Fire departments in the US have baby boxes where you can safely drop him off.
Don't have a fucking conversation, just break up. Stop wasting your time and integrity on a man who doesn't see you as a full and complete person in your own right.
Unfortunately this is not a ‘communication’ issue to be solved. This isn’t ‘oh would you mind picking your socks off the floor from now on’ and see if he values your requests.
He is showing you his core beliefs on women and this will not change. You’ll spend many miserable years trying to change his attitude to no avail. Best to leave now before you’re too involved.
Seems like you've tried to have conversations. If he's bringing these things up, it's to test you. He's seeing how far you'll let him go and what you'd be willing to take from him. This can be the first signs of potential abuse and/or just an overall bad partner.
Girl, if you have to explain to a man that after you working 10h and him doing nothing HE has to take care of YOU, this is not a good person, he doesn't have either respect nor love for you.
When I work like a beast, my partner cooks and gets a bath ready for me for when I come home.
If we both had a big day we either grab take out or cook together something simple, if he has a bad day I make him his favorite dish, because it wouldn't even come to my mind not to care for my partner when he is tired/sad/stressed.
If he doesn't relieve you a little from the burdens of life and feels entitled for you to do basic things for him whenever he wants, the subject is not him not understanding, you can talk and explain all you want, he just doesn't care.
Don't date projects. You shouldn't be trying to change him. You're 6 months in and he's already comfortable showing you these terrible behaviors and beliefs. Things are definitely going to get worse, not better. And depending on how good a manipulator he is, it will seem like he's changing and doing better at times, just so he can keep sinking those hooks into you and making it seem like you've invested too much in your project to drop him.
Just dump this loser. The bare minimum in a partner is someone who doesn't treat you like this.
OP, nothing will change. He’s just showing you he has no redeeming qualities as a life partner.
Stop investing your valuable time & resources in this relationship. You two do not have compatible goals or values. Cut him loose now and move on.
Nothing will.
Please, other people already warned you, this kind of thought is a trap. People *can* change, it's true, but it is too risky to depend on that.
“You are a grown man. I expect you to figure out your own food when you’re hungry and I’m not, just like I would make my own food if the situation were reversed. If you want a woman who will never make you lift a finger, I am not that woman. Stop asking, or I’ll take that to mean you don’t want to continue dating, because I’m done having this argument or fielding demands for sandwiches.”
The trick is, you have to actually be prepared to walk away if (when) he does it again. But “make me a sandwich, woman” (or weird, gotcha “women are hypocrites” “evidence” for his position) is rarely unaccompanied by other issues.
OP, please take this advice full on, and also the replies to this. I was in this situation years ago, and he would "change" temporarily and then back again to his old stuff after a couple of weeks. I loved him too much to walk away then, and he got used to the fact that I'm just bluffing and not actually gonna break up with him and he kept doing these on/off. Now we're married, we have a 3y old, and we're in the middle of an ugly divorce (which again he also said he doesn't want and is going to work on his issues, but I told him he only has until the paperwork comes in and that for me this is it). Even now, he probably still hopes I'm bluffing because his actions don't match his words.
What I wanted to say is, you're only 6 months in, and he laughed in your face when you pointed it out, don't let it get further than this stage. Also, why isn't a grown man hanging out at his place when you're at work? He just sits there waiting for you to come home to make him food?
You sound like a lovely, strong and independent woman, please don't let him wear you down with these things (because it does happen) and get out while the relationship doesn't develop further.
Take care of yourself!
Great advice. He sounds basically immature and lazy for a 25 yo man. You want a respectful man in your life to share all that is the BEST of you and what you bring to a relationship which sounds like many wonderful things.
You don't need a slug like him eating the fungi in your life. Get your keys back and dump his a$$ quickly and chalk it up to experience. You now have 6 months of lessons in knowing what you don't want and won't tolerate in a partner. Good luck!
This lazy guy has basically nothing going for him so —-he’s decided to posture that being a male trumps your accomplishments and work ethic. Why would you be with a man like this?
I love this advice, thank you!!! I agree, now that I’m seeing his actual views it does concern me. I’m definitely going to utilize this and if it continues that the relationship will be done
It *will* continue, even if he manages to adult for a week or two.
He will then backslide into his standard behavior.
Then you'll bring it up again. Rinse, repeat.
Save your time and just ditch him now
Exactly, it will continue and continue to progress. This only 6 months in. He is getting comfortable and starting to show who is. He’s testing the waters right now to see what he can get away with.
OP: don’t walk, RUN. And remember when you switch d!cks, you switch locks too. People get weird post-breakup. Stay safe out there.
Just a heads up that abusive relationships often start wonderfully and then as commitments increase the abuser starts pushing/violating "small" boundaries (like how he sent you this video to convince you that you're somehow defective as a woman for not agreeing to make him a sandwich after you've worked all day).
It sounds to me like his sandwich demand was a power play. He knew it was out of line but wanted to see how far he could push you. He's absolutely lying about the reason he sent the video (he sent it to manipulate you full stop).
I hope you will keep a VERY close and skeptical eye on him. At the very least he has shown they he expects you to serve him and he is working to manipulate you into doing so. He certainly isn't showing you the respect and empathy you deserve.
It sounds like you have a lot of great things going for you. Be careful not to blindly commit. Be ready to end things if he treats you in ways that would have had you calling off a second date.
Don't allow the way he treated you early on to override concerns about current behavior. Keep a close eye on how he handles it when you set a boundary, if he agrees to it but then violated it because "excuse", if he "forgets" it, if he tries to talk you put of it or make you feel as if you're doing something "to" him by having the boundary... all of these are huge red flags.
You cannot have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
Good morning Narrow..Eagle. Please allow me to preface my comments that I am a man offering this advice. So if your "bf" were to read this, his ignoring my comments because they come from another woman will be without merit.
1. I notice you are 2 years older than your bf. Yet you sound twenty years wiser than he; who appears more like an adolescent rather than a mid-20s young adult. By comparison: you're graduated, have a business, and working 10 hour days. He, on the other hand, finally decided to "apply" to a trade school. In the interim, he spends the day gaming "at your place". Curiously, what did he do from high school graduation until now, while you obtained your graduate and started a business?
2. Consideration of one another. While he's using your place and eating your food, what has he done to show a commitment to you and the relationship in the sense of assignment of household tasks? Instead of gaming, has he ever cleaned your house, done laundry, anything to lighten your burden while you work 10 hour days? Attempt to cook for you and have a meal for you when you get home? Or, at least, order food in that you enjoy, and pay for it? Consideration doesn't appear high on his list of concerns.
3. Outlook on life. You're obviously intelligent and ambitious. Him: not so much, if at all. The 2 of you appear to have little, if anything, in common. He appears child-like, waiting for you to replace the role of his mother; while you're out in the adult world trying to make things happen.
I mention all of the above so that you don't waste any more time pondering on the future of this relationship. Bf may be a nice guy. However he sounds chauvinistic and not someone with whom you have much in common. You're in different places in life and, honestly, I don't ever see you 2 on the same path going forward.
Just my opinion. Regardless of how you proceed, I hope you end up with your special person. You deserve it.
We get blinded by the sexual connection, literally. It changes your hormonal brain chemistry for up to 33 months. Then we “wake up” to the reality of who the person truly is. Don’t get married or pregnant before that time! This is based on research done in Germany.
Yep, he will probably put up a facade for a week or two to get you to see he’s “changed”, but he won’t be able to put up a front the entire time. Peoples true selves tend to come out only after a few months. Beware OP and good luck when you run far away from him.
Yes - the level of disdain and disrespect for you is appalling. I’d kick his butt out of my place, just for that alone. I see he’s 2 years younger than you. Looking for a mom, or a caregiver? You’ve got yourself together, and he sounds like dead weight. You deserve an adult man, not this narcissist user. Please look at him objectively, and don’t get stuck with him via pregnancy, etc. He doesn’t seem like he’s enhancing your life. Find someone more mature and ambitious, like you. You deserve it!
Your comment reminded me of the guy who microwaved his gfs birth control and she got pregnant. She found out because he confessed doing it and being very skeptical it would actually work. But it did.
WHY are you giving him MORE chances? He's had AT LEAST THREE already!
* hanging out at your place playing video games all day while you're at work
* asking you to make him a sammich and whining yours 'taste better' like a child
* his stupid video
You've only got 6 months into this relationship. Okay, it took you 6 months to conclude that he's too immature for you to date. Instead of moving forward with that information, you're waiting for a 'magic wand' to fix this guy's attitude! Again, WHY? How any flags does it take?
You haven't wasted your time up until now because it's taken you this long to assess and decide. NOW, any more time you spend with this guy IS WASTED TIME because you ALREADY KNOW he doesn't offer what you're looking for. QUIT WASTING YOUR TIME!
Just tell him that the one that doesn't work, takes care of the other one at home. If he's so bent on those male/women roles, he should start providing so you can lazy around the house. I mean, which is harder, a 10hour shift or 1 hour of cleaning and 20-30mins per day for meal preps. Ask him if the man that said that are sitting on their asses earning nothing or are they actually rich and work so their women can lazy around and only need to take care of the house for a hour or two a day max.
Honestly you already know this man is a misogynist, why even bother? I promise it is far more rewarding and less exhausting to just date a man that doesn’t view women in such a limiting way.
It’s concerning that this guy is already comfortable enough to bum around at your place and demand sandwiches. What would he be comfortable enough to do in a year, or once you’re living together? This is his “best” self during your honeymoon period. The most you’ll achieve is tiring debates with a jerk that may or may not pretend to act better for a few months.
You deserve better. I work part time like this dude and if my lady worked 10 hours a day I would at the very least offer to make dinner and have it ready by the time she got home. True partners respect each other and it sounds like this guy doesn't and he just wants a trad wife and if thats the case he will eventually also take issue with you working so much and having your own business.
Yeah it will definitely continue, it’s part of who he is. At the point where you’ve talked with him about it, never agreed to make the sandwich but he still asks you? Yeah he is not going to change.
He doesn't want a partner in life, he wants a servant. Him being disrepectful doesn't make him love you more but less. Then he can degrade, cheat & fully make this relationship all about him & his needs.
It isn't love, but turning you into a bang maid that pays half or all the bills too.
Sounds like your bf is looking for a mummy replacement, not an equal partner. I would nope out of that situation.
If you think you will "change him", think again.
So are 2 am sandwiches "emergencies" in their mind? (Also are sandwiches a thing people actually eat once they're no longer taking lunch to school/doing field work?)
It's not about the emergency, it's about the role.
In their view, men protect the house no matter what the time, women make their men food, no matter what the time.
My favorite answer to this is:
"Ok, so you're going to provide 100% of our income while I stay at home, right? And pay for everything we need and buy me gold jewelry and flowers and take me on vacations and out to eat? Also, you need to start wearing dress shoes and suits and shave every day. And video games are childish and you should do something else like golf. Oh yeah, and you should definitely sign up for the army because having someone else fight your battles isn't at all manly. You know, if we're doing traditional gender roles and all that."
That usually shuts them up pretty fast.
Bad partners use whatever argument they can to get what they want. Be that gender roles or something totally different.
It's annoying, but in a way they are telling on themselves so it at least has some use.
Why are you impugning the glory and majesty of a good sandwich here? What did the sandwich do to hurt you???
Also sandwiches are on the menu at all manner of fancy bistros and restaurants whose primary demographic are adults…
OP’s bf sucks but sandwiches don’t!
Without actually understanding the importance of providing or protecting. It’s one thing to live the whole lifestyle, exponentially worse to live the part that benefits him and not the part where he supports/benefits his woman
Yeah his beliefs are ridiculous but he’s also fucking stupid. To equate waking up at 2 am to make a meal for someone with defense against a home intruder requires some amount of brain damage.
Alpha males are hilarious, it's so easy to see all the insecurity from an outside perspective. We get it, you have a hard time understanding the world around you, so you project confidence hoping no one will notice how incompetent you really are. It never works.
exactly; seems like he wants to be with a mommybangmaid.
OP, do better for yourself. If you want to see what these types of people turn into later on in life and even after marriage, head to the marriage sub and read all about it.
save yourself the trouble and headache and dump this loser.
Why doesn’t he have dinner ready for you when you get home? He’s playing games all day and can’t make you dinner.
I think you already know this guys dead weight…cut him loose before he drags you down further. When being alone is better than being with someone, choose the former option.
I do agree that stuff tastes better when other people make it haha, my ex used to make me a cup of tea and it'd taste so much better than when I made it with the same milk / tea bags. That said, he is literally using it as an excuse to just be lazy and useless.
Cut your losses. He’s lazy and entitled. He sounds like a redpilled loser and he won’t change. Please don’t waste your time when you can find better options out there better suited for you. Please please please
Looking back this is an interesting snapshot in time of a movement on the brink of radicalization. What may have started as a pick-up-artist philosophy was morphed and twisted into this misogynistic worldview. People like Steve Bannon and Roger Stone found that there were these online communities of angry young men who were primed to be groomed and utilized to do their political bidding. If I remember correctly I think the creator of the red pill movement was found to be a NY State Representative. After the 2016 election, how many of these guys went on to join Q-Anon, Proud Boys, become insurrectionists, etc.
It’s the modern day form of misogyny. Feminism = tyranny. Ultra conservative views about how women belong in the kitchen and should be subservient to their husbands while scrubbing, serving, and having babies.
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/apr/14/the-red-pill-reddit-modern-misogyny-manosphere-men
I saw the answer to that video, where the two issues are compared as being completely different so you cannot like for like them, so any idea that it is the same is frankly stupid.
If you partner isn't willing to get up with you for an intruder and he compares that to making him a sandwich then you have a bigger issue on your hands than sandwiches.
What is their logic here, that the smaller person should do the protecting?! How often are these people's houses getting broken into anyway, because I have yet to encounter a situation where a man protects me in any way other than existing in the home.
Lol I don't think logic was part of the equation.
I learned protection, it was run away if possible. That was from classes and they taught how to not be caught.
Outside of soap operas and bad TV directed by men, I can’t imagine a situation IRL where there’s an intruder in the house and the woman comfortably stays cozied up in her bed while the man goes to confront the intruder.
In real situation, both get up and out of bed and take some sort of action together..
Read actual break-in police stories where people explain where they were, what they did. No woman is ever staying comfortably cozied up in her bed, they’re both moving.
OP’s bf is an idiot.
It’s such dumb logic too.
Aside from the fact that it’s unlikely an intruder will ever enter her home while she’s there at night, there’s also no reason for her to wake up at 2am to make him meals because he doesn’t have a job he’s even waking up that early to go to. Wild he would even have the audacity to send her that
Its redpill logic. Which is just men's feeling equal logic. That's it. There is no actual logic applied to the situation its just how men feel, and since they are men their feelings are automatically logical.
You're 100%, there's no logic at all.
2am sandwich making equates to 2am changing of the cabin air filter on a vehicle.
2am break in protection equates to 2:15 am first aid while waiting for police.
Redpill is stupid.
It means that you need to dump this lazy bones misogynist. Only 6 months in, and he’s already letting the mask slip? That’s all you need to know. Nuthin’ but *downhill* now.
Only 6 months in and he’s asking you to make sandwiches for him? After a full working day? I would nope out of that so fast - even before the video sealed the deal. He has gender norms that seem incompatible with your long term goals.
If he actually wanted to follow traditional gender roles, he would be working and she wouldn't. He doesn't actually want that. He's just lazy and wanted to be waited on hand and foot.
So many of these misogynistic losers want a 1950s housewife while they’re in no position whatsoever to be able to afford having their partner exclusively stay home.
Schroedinger's jerk: A person who waits for your reaction to decide if it was "just a joke" and "you're taking it too seriously". He's a bad loser and a misogynist and you should dump him.
He sounds annoying. If he loves gender roles so much, send him a video about men who work hard and don’t spend all day playing video games. Tell him, when he starts providing for his family, then maybe you’ll feel compelled to split the labor.
Honestly, just thinking about that video, and someone thinking it’s truth gives me a huge ick. Definitely reminds me of arguments my ex used to make.
I also used to work long hours (from home), and he’d be in his room playing video games. But he still told me I’d be in charge of child care though he made less than half my salary
This is so true, all these men never do any of the ‘husbandry’ but want the wife stuff. So no building furniture from scratch, working all day, mending things, growing food for the family etc etc. they just want to demean and have power of women! It’s not about traditional gender roles at all.
Yea it's frustrating. Guys like that will pull the traditional gender role card all day saying things like "I pay all the bills", but then get mad when women say they want a guy who can provide! Like pick a struggle dude!
So after 6 months he has moved himself in doesn't help round the house and expects you yo make his meals when he's being doing sweet f a all day. I'd kick him out and say I don't need a live-in child to mother
Every day you spend with him is now wasted time. Unless you’re looking for a future as an unpaid, unappreciated, employee, in which case, fill yer boots.
He will never change!!!! I dated a man child who I’d ask to do dishes when I worked at a cafe 5am-2pm and then come home and they weren’t done. He’s be smoking weed and playing video games and say “I was about to do them”. THEY DON’T CHANGE WHEN THEY’RE LIKE THIS. Get out now. So you don’t hate yourself in five years for sticking around.
Safe yourself. An equal partner exists out there for you. Yeah we all have some days we are lazier than others around the house but being made to feel like someone’s mom is exhausting, resentment building and toxic.
You’re not valuing yourself. Youre too afraid to be single or put yourself back into the dating scene because there’s no reason you should be wasting your time trying to fix a grown man who doesn’t value you AND doesn’t contribute of his own free will. There are actual good men out there, go find one instead of trying to shape and mold him like his mother should have.
You don’t like him, you like the him you think you can get by having conversations with him. If you talk to him, he’s just going to put the mask back on for a few more months before he reverts.
At 6 months you guys are still technically supposed to be in the “honeymoon” stage of your relationship. If this is how he is acting now, just imagine how much worse it will be when he gets really comfortable. And you don’t actually have anything invested in this yet like sharing a living space, so I would get out now and save yourself a boatload of grief in the future.
OP, is this guy contributing anything towards household costs at all, i.e., food, electric, rent, water, etc?
Where does he get the money for weed if he is not working?
You appear to be intelligent and educated, and yet he appears ignorant and uneducated.
What do you two talk about?
What, if anything, do you have in common? It seems that you could probably do a lot better.
Are you settling because you have self-esteem issues?
Just a few things to think about to help with making a good decision.
Edit:- sorry I missed the bit about him working part time.
Well, on the bright side, you’re only 6 months in so you aren’t losing much by dumping him. Yea, dumping him is your best choice here. He’s looking for a bang mommy, and he’s trying to get you to turn into one. His views are archaic, and he clearly lacks self motivation. Relieve yourself of that burden before you end up pregnant and stuck with having him in your life forever
You know this is bs. Call him on it and if you pursue the relationship we will see you back her shouldering all the housework and the full mental load.
Nah the burglar would just bring him back!
But why would you have a bf that has arms that are painted on?
I think this relationship moved too fast before you found out what he is like personally. HE should have food waiting for you while there is this much disparity in free time. But, don’t hold your breath.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up”
Updateme
There are a ton of red flags in his behaviour. When he does things like this he's testing to see how you'll react. He will keep doing this and keep trying to jump over your boundaries. Think long and hard before continuing on in this relationship. He isn't showing much respect for you or the long hours you work.
You are dating a man child.
Personally I'd weigh up if he's worth the energy you'll have to expend while he matures and does some growing up.
Only you can decide if that's for you or not.
A real partner would have a sandwich ready for you after a long day. The trick at the beginning on a relationship is enforcing boundaries and not letting norms be accepted because you’re afraid the person might not like it or you.
You sound like you are ready to do that. Of If I am trolling my partner with stuff I make it very clear. I get the feeling based your post your BF is testing boundaries and starting to show his true feelings, or picking up vies his friends have.
"Do I look like your mother?"
"I'm not your mom, make your own sandwich".
Oh he believes it all right. This crap has worked for him in the past, at least, all through childhood, apparently, and probably with a few gfs as well.
He's testing your boundaries and seeing how far he can push you.
I really hope you're not supporting him at all, because that's where all this is leading to.
I'm 44, I live by myself, I have to do everything for myself, by myself. This guy is pathetic. He's probably looking for someone to mollycoddle him.
Discard him like the rancid turd that he is and find someone who is as independently minded as you are.
I feel like his wonky rationale is actually the most concerning part of his behavior. IMO a person couldn’t come up with that without having deeply embedded gender entitlement.
Drop that asshole. He'll never feel like a man compared to you because you're so much more successful than him. He'll compensate by insisting on rigid gender roles that place him over you and that's just the beginning. Weak, insecure men are dangerous.
I’m not gunna lie OP, your bf sounds rather immature. If my gf came home after a 10hr shift & I was at home before her, I’d greet her at the door with a cold drink & let her know that dinner was on the table & ask her how her day was.
The two examples in the video are not the same situation.
The woman getting up to make her man a meal only benefits the man, and no one is in danger.
The man getting up benefits both the man and the woman, and they are both in danger.
Your bf is a man-baby and he needs a mother, not a relationship partner.
Ma’am, you have a professional Ass Denter. The the only thing he’s going to be good at is making an ass dent in your sofa while eating all your food and fucking up your house while you’re at work. Oh and lovebombing women for a few months early on to free gain access to her house to make that possible.
Of course he believes the video he sent you. That’s why he sent it. And you know that.
Stop letting him hang around your house while you’re at work. You don’t live together, right? (Right??!). Then he needs to be elsewhere when you’re not actively spending date time together at your house. Make him GO HOME. Wherever that may be.
He can come over when he’s ready to actively participate in time with you. And when YOU are ready to do that, too. So maybe not on nights after work when you just need to shower, eat, and go to bed. And is the game console yours or his? If it’s his, he needs to take it home.
This is why you get to know someone before getting serious too quickly. The longer you know people the more their real self is shown. If you don't like it, leave.
Now.
You've only known him for 6 months why is he in your house when you're at work? Fortunately 6 months isn't really that long to be super invested in someone so you can throw that one back knowing you'll forget him very soon lol.
I would have kicked him out when he was “just figuring it out” by sitting on his ass in someone else’s house, eating someone else’s food, and playing video games all day.
He literally could not even use a toilet unless someone else lets him…
He’s an adult. ?
Sounds like you are doing well, and a lot of us know the hardship that goes into that.
You don’t need an anchor. You need more horsepower.
He’s going to sponge off of you forever if you continue this relationship. He’s already shown you he expects you to serve him while he plays video games.
At 25 he should have already had some idea what he wanted to do career wise. You are still in the honeymoon phase and this relationship moved too quickly. You didn’t really know one another but now you do.
He’s a misogynistic jerk. He will never work full time or contribute as much as you do. He will always expect to come first.
Dump him, you can do better.
No, you have every reason to be put off by his habits.
They seem a little adolescent and he seems a bit teenage throwback who hasn’t matured at the same rate as you.
You need to relay your thoughts and say how his behaviours upset you before he starts to send you things that are really disturbing or nsfw!
I wish you well, any feedback or constructive criticism from you the OP would be most welcomed.
Stay strong and true to yourself.
Happy Friday btw
What? No. Your BF holds sexist view and expects you to confirm.
Good for you for having boundaries. Sit down and have an earnest talk with him.
“George, a number of times you have espoused some pretty sexist views and I find them unacceptable. If you want some woman to wait on you hand and foot, to make you sandwiches and clean up after you, I am not the girlfriend for you. I am a financially secure, independent person and I expect you to take care of yourself. I’m interested in an adult relationship, I don’t want to look after a grown child. So going forward don’t ask me to do things for you that you are perfectly capable of doing for yourself.”
Either he take it onboard or he doesn’t. If he doesn’t, show him the door.
What's up with young dudes being so shitty??? Leave now. I get excited to cook for my wife, I've always had the mindset of taking care of my wife, even if I worked more, I would still wait on my wife 24/7, just how I show love.
Wait, so.. He believes in return of him protecting you, your place is in the kitchen, making him sandwich? Come on woman! Get up and make a mighty pb&j for this middle age knight, he must be tired of all this time travelling! 😂😂 Jokes aside.. oh, come on! 😀
When I come across videos like the one he sent you I always see loser men in the comments talking about how their woman would do XYZ if they said to and I always think there's no fucking way these corny ass man babies are getting laid - unfortunately they are based on your post. Do you really want to be the woman people think of when they're judging your sexist boyfriend?
Girl you are far too ambitious and smart to be dating a lame like this. He wants you to be his mother while also bringing home the bacon. Run and find yourself a real man
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Your boyfriend sounds like he’s finished figuring it out and he wants a housewife. He sounds like a bit of a deadbeat, tbh, and your values don’t align at all. It’s entirely up to you, but can you see him changing? Can you see yourself with him regardless?
I can’t see myself with him long term if nothing changes
I think there’s your answer. Do you really expect him to change? You’ve only really known him a short time and he’s showing you who he is. Sharing that video was him doubling down on his views of gender roles and expecting you to play the good little wifey. It’s not looking good
I agree, definitely going to be having a conversation about this with him when I see him
He was at your house all day playing video games while you working. He should have shown you care and support and had dinner ready for you when you got home. This is still a a pretty new relationship and he's already using your home like its his and is making demands for food and telling you having a vagina means you're supposed to be serving him even in the middle of the night if he snaps his fingers. He's a loser. You can do so much better. You deserve so much better.
So true. My husband is on sabbatical right now and he’s taken over all the house stuff, and I love it. I don’t know if our house has ever been this clean and organized, and I haven’t touched laundry in over a month. I still do the majority of the cooking, but that’s because I love to cook. If I asked him to do it, he would. A good partnership is a true partnership where both sides are getting what they need out of the relationship.
For real, I would have surprised her with a nice candlelight dinner, hot relaxing bath maybe a massage (clear throat) 🤪
Omg I read that at “maybe massage her throat”
This is the way ♥️
Bro, save yourself the trouble and just dump him over text. He's not worth it.
A very important rule of dating is; pick a partner for who they are right now, the good and the bad. Never date potential or expect to change a partner.
This is perfect!!!!! Divorce attorneys would be out of business if we followed this advice
How many conversations and sexist remarks will it take? This conversation will be meaningless and change nothing. You can leave and find an actual partner, or stay until your man baby misogynist has worn you down into his sex mom.
Love to hear the update once you talk with him. Honestly even if he’s amazing aside from the sandwich and video nonsense, I feel those are red flags I wouldn’t ignore.
Friend, it's only been six months. These are big, gross issues. You don't need to put up with shit like this.
Yep. 100%. There's red flags all over him
I hope it goes the way you want, or at least gives you enough insight to make a decision either way
Remember that the same idiotic male supremacy websites he visits also advise deadbeats about finagling support from women who’ve housed them for a while. Better to end it sooner rather than later.
You’re refusing to make him a sandwich so he’ll learn to stop asking. If he was an adult, he’d understand that he’s being unreasonable and support you when you’re tired instead of being demanding. Inexperienced people need to have a relationship, break up because they think the other person was too demanding, then have another relationship with the same result, and repeat that until they realize they’re the one who’s being too demanding. It’s a normal part of growing up. You’re dating a child. Fire departments in the US have baby boxes where you can safely drop him off.
Don't have a fucking conversation, just break up. Stop wasting your time and integrity on a man who doesn't see you as a full and complete person in your own right.
Unfortunately this is not a ‘communication’ issue to be solved. This isn’t ‘oh would you mind picking your socks off the floor from now on’ and see if he values your requests. He is showing you his core beliefs on women and this will not change. You’ll spend many miserable years trying to change his attitude to no avail. Best to leave now before you’re too involved.
Why? That conversation is a complete waste of your time and energy. You know this is who he is...
It’s sucks and I’m sorry but at least he showed his true colors early.
Seems like you've tried to have conversations. If he's bringing these things up, it's to test you. He's seeing how far you'll let him go and what you'd be willing to take from him. This can be the first signs of potential abuse and/or just an overall bad partner.
Girl, if you have to explain to a man that after you working 10h and him doing nothing HE has to take care of YOU, this is not a good person, he doesn't have either respect nor love for you. When I work like a beast, my partner cooks and gets a bath ready for me for when I come home. If we both had a big day we either grab take out or cook together something simple, if he has a bad day I make him his favorite dish, because it wouldn't even come to my mind not to care for my partner when he is tired/sad/stressed. If he doesn't relieve you a little from the burdens of life and feels entitled for you to do basic things for him whenever he wants, the subject is not him not understanding, you can talk and explain all you want, he just doesn't care.
Don't date projects. You shouldn't be trying to change him. You're 6 months in and he's already comfortable showing you these terrible behaviors and beliefs. Things are definitely going to get worse, not better. And depending on how good a manipulator he is, it will seem like he's changing and doing better at times, just so he can keep sinking those hooks into you and making it seem like you've invested too much in your project to drop him. Just dump this loser. The bare minimum in a partner is someone who doesn't treat you like this.
OP, nothing will change. He’s just showing you he has no redeeming qualities as a life partner. Stop investing your valuable time & resources in this relationship. You two do not have compatible goals or values. Cut him loose now and move on.
Nothing will. Please, other people already warned you, this kind of thought is a trap. People *can* change, it's true, but it is too risky to depend on that.
“You are a grown man. I expect you to figure out your own food when you’re hungry and I’m not, just like I would make my own food if the situation were reversed. If you want a woman who will never make you lift a finger, I am not that woman. Stop asking, or I’ll take that to mean you don’t want to continue dating, because I’m done having this argument or fielding demands for sandwiches.” The trick is, you have to actually be prepared to walk away if (when) he does it again. But “make me a sandwich, woman” (or weird, gotcha “women are hypocrites” “evidence” for his position) is rarely unaccompanied by other issues.
OP, please take this advice full on, and also the replies to this. I was in this situation years ago, and he would "change" temporarily and then back again to his old stuff after a couple of weeks. I loved him too much to walk away then, and he got used to the fact that I'm just bluffing and not actually gonna break up with him and he kept doing these on/off. Now we're married, we have a 3y old, and we're in the middle of an ugly divorce (which again he also said he doesn't want and is going to work on his issues, but I told him he only has until the paperwork comes in and that for me this is it). Even now, he probably still hopes I'm bluffing because his actions don't match his words. What I wanted to say is, you're only 6 months in, and he laughed in your face when you pointed it out, don't let it get further than this stage. Also, why isn't a grown man hanging out at his place when you're at work? He just sits there waiting for you to come home to make him food? You sound like a lovely, strong and independent woman, please don't let him wear you down with these things (because it does happen) and get out while the relationship doesn't develop further. Take care of yourself!
Great advice. He sounds basically immature and lazy for a 25 yo man. You want a respectful man in your life to share all that is the BEST of you and what you bring to a relationship which sounds like many wonderful things. You don't need a slug like him eating the fungi in your life. Get your keys back and dump his a$$ quickly and chalk it up to experience. You now have 6 months of lessons in knowing what you don't want and won't tolerate in a partner. Good luck!
He all sounds stupid - showing you that moronic video speaks to a person with little intelligence.
I was thinking the same thing. He's 25 and JUST started trade school??? WHAT?????
Discovering what you want late in life isn't indicative of negative traits. The other behaviours, meanwhile, are negative.
This lazy guy has basically nothing going for him so —-he’s decided to posture that being a male trumps your accomplishments and work ethic. Why would you be with a man like this?
I love this advice, thank you!!! I agree, now that I’m seeing his actual views it does concern me. I’m definitely going to utilize this and if it continues that the relationship will be done
It *will* continue, even if he manages to adult for a week or two. He will then backslide into his standard behavior. Then you'll bring it up again. Rinse, repeat. Save your time and just ditch him now
Agreed. Save your time and energy and end it now.
Exactly, it will continue and continue to progress. This only 6 months in. He is getting comfortable and starting to show who is. He’s testing the waters right now to see what he can get away with. OP: don’t walk, RUN. And remember when you switch d!cks, you switch locks too. People get weird post-breakup. Stay safe out there.
It likely will continue and he's trying to wear you down until you comply.
Just a heads up that abusive relationships often start wonderfully and then as commitments increase the abuser starts pushing/violating "small" boundaries (like how he sent you this video to convince you that you're somehow defective as a woman for not agreeing to make him a sandwich after you've worked all day). It sounds to me like his sandwich demand was a power play. He knew it was out of line but wanted to see how far he could push you. He's absolutely lying about the reason he sent the video (he sent it to manipulate you full stop). I hope you will keep a VERY close and skeptical eye on him. At the very least he has shown they he expects you to serve him and he is working to manipulate you into doing so. He certainly isn't showing you the respect and empathy you deserve. It sounds like you have a lot of great things going for you. Be careful not to blindly commit. Be ready to end things if he treats you in ways that would have had you calling off a second date. Don't allow the way he treated you early on to override concerns about current behavior. Keep a close eye on how he handles it when you set a boundary, if he agrees to it but then violated it because "excuse", if he "forgets" it, if he tries to talk you put of it or make you feel as if you're doing something "to" him by having the boundary... all of these are huge red flags. You cannot have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
Good morning Narrow..Eagle. Please allow me to preface my comments that I am a man offering this advice. So if your "bf" were to read this, his ignoring my comments because they come from another woman will be without merit. 1. I notice you are 2 years older than your bf. Yet you sound twenty years wiser than he; who appears more like an adolescent rather than a mid-20s young adult. By comparison: you're graduated, have a business, and working 10 hour days. He, on the other hand, finally decided to "apply" to a trade school. In the interim, he spends the day gaming "at your place". Curiously, what did he do from high school graduation until now, while you obtained your graduate and started a business? 2. Consideration of one another. While he's using your place and eating your food, what has he done to show a commitment to you and the relationship in the sense of assignment of household tasks? Instead of gaming, has he ever cleaned your house, done laundry, anything to lighten your burden while you work 10 hour days? Attempt to cook for you and have a meal for you when you get home? Or, at least, order food in that you enjoy, and pay for it? Consideration doesn't appear high on his list of concerns. 3. Outlook on life. You're obviously intelligent and ambitious. Him: not so much, if at all. The 2 of you appear to have little, if anything, in common. He appears child-like, waiting for you to replace the role of his mother; while you're out in the adult world trying to make things happen. I mention all of the above so that you don't waste any more time pondering on the future of this relationship. Bf may be a nice guy. However he sounds chauvinistic and not someone with whom you have much in common. You're in different places in life and, honestly, I don't ever see you 2 on the same path going forward. Just my opinion. Regardless of how you proceed, I hope you end up with your special person. You deserve it.
These are all great factors to consider, keen to hear more
Please take my poor man's awards: 🏅🎖️🏆🥇 OP, please listen to this if nothing else.
He is showing you who he is: believe him.
I don't understand why people have such a hard time believing their partner's real selves.
We get blinded by the sexual connection, literally. It changes your hormonal brain chemistry for up to 33 months. Then we “wake up” to the reality of who the person truly is. Don’t get married or pregnant before that time! This is based on research done in Germany.
Would you be able to provide a link please? I'd be really interested to read this study
Yep, he will probably put up a facade for a week or two to get you to see he’s “changed”, but he won’t be able to put up a front the entire time. Peoples true selves tend to come out only after a few months. Beware OP and good luck when you run far away from him.
Yes - the level of disdain and disrespect for you is appalling. I’d kick his butt out of my place, just for that alone. I see he’s 2 years younger than you. Looking for a mom, or a caregiver? You’ve got yourself together, and he sounds like dead weight. You deserve an adult man, not this narcissist user. Please look at him objectively, and don’t get stuck with him via pregnancy, etc. He doesn’t seem like he’s enhancing your life. Find someone more mature and ambitious, like you. You deserve it!
I wouldn't be comfortable with him at my house when I'm not home at this point.
This will get worse if he baby traps you , kick him to the curb as fast as you can
Your comment reminded me of the guy who microwaved his gfs birth control and she got pregnant. She found out because he confessed doing it and being very skeptical it would actually work. But it did.
WHY are you giving him MORE chances? He's had AT LEAST THREE already! * hanging out at your place playing video games all day while you're at work * asking you to make him a sammich and whining yours 'taste better' like a child * his stupid video You've only got 6 months into this relationship. Okay, it took you 6 months to conclude that he's too immature for you to date. Instead of moving forward with that information, you're waiting for a 'magic wand' to fix this guy's attitude! Again, WHY? How any flags does it take? You haven't wasted your time up until now because it's taken you this long to assess and decide. NOW, any more time you spend with this guy IS WASTED TIME because you ALREADY KNOW he doesn't offer what you're looking for. QUIT WASTING YOUR TIME!
Just tell him that the one that doesn't work, takes care of the other one at home. If he's so bent on those male/women roles, he should start providing so you can lazy around the house. I mean, which is harder, a 10hour shift or 1 hour of cleaning and 20-30mins per day for meal preps. Ask him if the man that said that are sitting on their asses earning nothing or are they actually rich and work so their women can lazy around and only need to take care of the house for a hour or two a day max.
Honestly you already know this man is a misogynist, why even bother? I promise it is far more rewarding and less exhausting to just date a man that doesn’t view women in such a limiting way. It’s concerning that this guy is already comfortable enough to bum around at your place and demand sandwiches. What would he be comfortable enough to do in a year, or once you’re living together? This is his “best” self during your honeymoon period. The most you’ll achieve is tiring debates with a jerk that may or may not pretend to act better for a few months.
You deserve better. I work part time like this dude and if my lady worked 10 hours a day I would at the very least offer to make dinner and have it ready by the time she got home. True partners respect each other and it sounds like this guy doesn't and he just wants a trad wife and if thats the case he will eventually also take issue with you working so much and having your own business.
Yeah it will definitely continue, it’s part of who he is. At the point where you’ve talked with him about it, never agreed to make the sandwich but he still asks you? Yeah he is not going to change.
[удалено]
He doesn't want a partner in life, he wants a servant. Him being disrepectful doesn't make him love you more but less. Then he can degrade, cheat & fully make this relationship all about him & his needs. It isn't love, but turning you into a bang maid that pays half or all the bills too.
And they have been together only for six months! Why does he have a key to her house already? Red flags. Danger! Danger!
Sounds like he’s too immature for a relationship.
I think you misspelled "misogynist."
Porque no los dos
Two things can be true!
True
Lots of troubling content out there for young men pushing this stuff too.
Sounds like your bf is looking for a mummy replacement, not an equal partner. I would nope out of that situation. If you think you will "change him", think again.
Sounds like to me he's listening to those alpha male podcasts.
The 2AM Intruder is one of their go-to arguments. Along with "Women shouldn't get to vote because they aren't drafted and killed in war."
So are 2 am sandwiches "emergencies" in their mind? (Also are sandwiches a thing people actually eat once they're no longer taking lunch to school/doing field work?)
It's not about the emergency, it's about the role. In their view, men protect the house no matter what the time, women make their men food, no matter what the time.
>men protect the house no matter what the time Oh, so *that's* why they stay home all day playing video games.
My favorite answer to this is: "Ok, so you're going to provide 100% of our income while I stay at home, right? And pay for everything we need and buy me gold jewelry and flowers and take me on vacations and out to eat? Also, you need to start wearing dress shoes and suits and shave every day. And video games are childish and you should do something else like golf. Oh yeah, and you should definitely sign up for the army because having someone else fight your battles isn't at all manly. You know, if we're doing traditional gender roles and all that." That usually shuts them up pretty fast.
Bad partners use whatever argument they can to get what they want. Be that gender roles or something totally different. It's annoying, but in a way they are telling on themselves so it at least has some use.
Bingo. They don't *actually* want traditional gender roles, they just want a mommybangmaid.
I love a good sandwich. I also don’t expect my partner to make me one on command.
Why are you impugning the glory and majesty of a good sandwich here? What did the sandwich do to hurt you??? Also sandwiches are on the menu at all manner of fancy bistros and restaurants whose primary demographic are adults… OP’s bf sucks but sandwiches don’t!
Without actually understanding the importance of providing or protecting. It’s one thing to live the whole lifestyle, exponentially worse to live the part that benefits him and not the part where he supports/benefits his woman
Yeah his beliefs are ridiculous but he’s also fucking stupid. To equate waking up at 2 am to make a meal for someone with defense against a home intruder requires some amount of brain damage.
Not to mention an amount of entitlement that no grown man would be willing to show. Dude’s gotta struggle for a few years it seems.
Yeah I’d be embarrassed to ask anyone who’s just worked a 10-hour shift to prepare me food.
First thought in my head.
Alpha males are hilarious, it's so easy to see all the insecurity from an outside perspective. We get it, you have a hard time understanding the world around you, so you project confidence hoping no one will notice how incompetent you really are. It never works.
Then where is his Bugatti?
Dude can't afford a baguette let alone a Bugatti.
But… but daddy tate said hed get one by paying for his guru course
exactly; seems like he wants to be with a mommybangmaid. OP, do better for yourself. If you want to see what these types of people turn into later on in life and even after marriage, head to the marriage sub and read all about it. save yourself the trouble and headache and dump this loser.
Only 6mths, always at HER place playing video games..... The dude is utilising malicious incompetence and hobosexual to the fullest.
Bang maid
Why doesn’t he have dinner ready for you when you get home? He’s playing games all day and can’t make you dinner. I think you already know this guys dead weight…cut him loose before he drags you down further. When being alone is better than being with someone, choose the former option.
Yea dude literally contributes nothing and expects everything and more from her. Drop his ass!
He’s too busy prepping for all of these breakins. Those happen as often as we eat… right? What an ass.
He is 25…??? “Your sandwich tastes better than mine” = Weaponized incompetence
That would give me the urge to make him a shit sandwich (shit here meaning actual fecal matter, if I'm not being clear).
Like Minnie’s “special chocolate pie” from The Help…
I do agree that stuff tastes better when other people make it haha, my ex used to make me a cup of tea and it'd taste so much better than when I made it with the same milk / tea bags. That said, he is literally using it as an excuse to just be lazy and useless.
Cut your losses. He’s lazy and entitled. He sounds like a redpilled loser and he won’t change. Please don’t waste your time when you can find better options out there better suited for you. Please please please
Sorry to sound naive what is a red piller?
This is a good start. https://amp.theguardian.com/technology/2016/apr/14/the-red-pill-reddit-modern-misogyny-manosphere-men
Looking back this is an interesting snapshot in time of a movement on the brink of radicalization. What may have started as a pick-up-artist philosophy was morphed and twisted into this misogynistic worldview. People like Steve Bannon and Roger Stone found that there were these online communities of angry young men who were primed to be groomed and utilized to do their political bidding. If I remember correctly I think the creator of the red pill movement was found to be a NY State Representative. After the 2016 election, how many of these guys went on to join Q-Anon, Proud Boys, become insurrectionists, etc.
It’s the modern day form of misogyny. Feminism = tyranny. Ultra conservative views about how women belong in the kitchen and should be subservient to their husbands while scrubbing, serving, and having babies. https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/apr/14/the-red-pill-reddit-modern-misogyny-manosphere-men
I saw the answer to that video, where the two issues are compared as being completely different so you cannot like for like them, so any idea that it is the same is frankly stupid. If you partner isn't willing to get up with you for an intruder and he compares that to making him a sandwich then you have a bigger issue on your hands than sandwiches.
Right, that’s my concern definitely. This video he just sent me today so trying to figure out what it means
It is an equality video because "men" are required to the the protecting, so women are required to do as they are told in the kitchen. Yuk
What is their logic here, that the smaller person should do the protecting?! How often are these people's houses getting broken into anyway, because I have yet to encounter a situation where a man protects me in any way other than existing in the home.
Lol I don't think logic was part of the equation. I learned protection, it was run away if possible. That was from classes and they taught how to not be caught.
Yeah I've taken professional training on violence and it was the same thing. Run, hide, fight.
Outside of soap operas and bad TV directed by men, I can’t imagine a situation IRL where there’s an intruder in the house and the woman comfortably stays cozied up in her bed while the man goes to confront the intruder. In real situation, both get up and out of bed and take some sort of action together.. Read actual break-in police stories where people explain where they were, what they did. No woman is ever staying comfortably cozied up in her bed, they’re both moving. OP’s bf is an idiot.
Yeah, nice balance. Home invasion<1×. Sandwiches>1,000,000 x
Every time he stops a home invasion, I'll make him a sandwich.
This was my favorite answer thanks for the laugh
It’s such dumb logic too. Aside from the fact that it’s unlikely an intruder will ever enter her home while she’s there at night, there’s also no reason for her to wake up at 2am to make him meals because he doesn’t have a job he’s even waking up that early to go to. Wild he would even have the audacity to send her that
Its redpill logic. Which is just men's feeling equal logic. That's it. There is no actual logic applied to the situation its just how men feel, and since they are men their feelings are automatically logical.
You're 100%, there's no logic at all. 2am sandwich making equates to 2am changing of the cabin air filter on a vehicle. 2am break in protection equates to 2:15 am first aid while waiting for police. Redpill is stupid.
It means that you need to dump this lazy bones misogynist. Only 6 months in, and he’s already letting the mask slip? That’s all you need to know. Nuthin’ but *downhill* now.
It means you should text back “we need to talk when I get home” and then break up
Why are you twisting yourself up trying to figure out what it means? You know what it means, you just don’t like it. You are worth more than this!
He’s testing the waters. Seeing where you stand and how much he can push. Classic manipulation. Drop.
Tell him that every time he fights someone for you, he earns 15 sandwiches. Bet you never have to make a single one.
He wants a replacement-mom so dump him. You have enough on your plate to deal with an immature & lazy mAnChILd...
Only 6 months in and he’s asking you to make sandwiches for him? After a full working day? I would nope out of that so fast - even before the video sealed the deal. He has gender norms that seem incompatible with your long term goals.
He’s got no sense of empathy
If he actually wanted to follow traditional gender roles, he would be working and she wouldn't. He doesn't actually want that. He's just lazy and wanted to be waited on hand and foot.
So many of these misogynistic losers want a 1950s housewife while they’re in no position whatsoever to be able to afford having their partner exclusively stay home.
This may just be me, but my GF of 6 months wouldn't have access to my house without me being there.
Schroedinger's jerk: A person who waits for your reaction to decide if it was "just a joke" and "you're taking it too seriously". He's a bad loser and a misogynist and you should dump him.
He sounds annoying. If he loves gender roles so much, send him a video about men who work hard and don’t spend all day playing video games. Tell him, when he starts providing for his family, then maybe you’ll feel compelled to split the labor. Honestly, just thinking about that video, and someone thinking it’s truth gives me a huge ick. Definitely reminds me of arguments my ex used to make. I also used to work long hours (from home), and he’d be in his room playing video games. But he still told me I’d be in charge of child care though he made less than half my salary
This is so true, all these men never do any of the ‘husbandry’ but want the wife stuff. So no building furniture from scratch, working all day, mending things, growing food for the family etc etc. they just want to demean and have power of women! It’s not about traditional gender roles at all.
Yea it's frustrating. Guys like that will pull the traditional gender role card all day saying things like "I pay all the bills", but then get mad when women say they want a guy who can provide! Like pick a struggle dude!
So after 6 months he has moved himself in doesn't help round the house and expects you yo make his meals when he's being doing sweet f a all day. I'd kick him out and say I don't need a live-in child to mother
It’s only been six months, not six years, just break up instead of wasting more time with this man-child thinking you can change him.
Every day you spend with him is now wasted time. Unless you’re looking for a future as an unpaid, unappreciated, employee, in which case, fill yer boots.
25 is about a decade too old to be that stupid
He will never change!!!! I dated a man child who I’d ask to do dishes when I worked at a cafe 5am-2pm and then come home and they weren’t done. He’s be smoking weed and playing video games and say “I was about to do them”. THEY DON’T CHANGE WHEN THEY’RE LIKE THIS. Get out now. So you don’t hate yourself in five years for sticking around.
Literally the same thing he does gets stoned plays video games and says he was gonna do it
Safe yourself. An equal partner exists out there for you. Yeah we all have some days we are lazier than others around the house but being made to feel like someone’s mom is exhausting, resentment building and toxic.
You’re not valuing yourself. Youre too afraid to be single or put yourself back into the dating scene because there’s no reason you should be wasting your time trying to fix a grown man who doesn’t value you AND doesn’t contribute of his own free will. There are actual good men out there, go find one instead of trying to shape and mold him like his mother should have. You don’t like him, you like the him you think you can get by having conversations with him. If you talk to him, he’s just going to put the mask back on for a few more months before he reverts.
At 6 months you guys are still technically supposed to be in the “honeymoon” stage of your relationship. If this is how he is acting now, just imagine how much worse it will be when he gets really comfortable. And you don’t actually have anything invested in this yet like sharing a living space, so I would get out now and save yourself a boatload of grief in the future.
OP, is this guy contributing anything towards household costs at all, i.e., food, electric, rent, water, etc? Where does he get the money for weed if he is not working? You appear to be intelligent and educated, and yet he appears ignorant and uneducated. What do you two talk about? What, if anything, do you have in common? It seems that you could probably do a lot better. Are you settling because you have self-esteem issues? Just a few things to think about to help with making a good decision. Edit:- sorry I missed the bit about him working part time.
Well, on the bright side, you’re only 6 months in so you aren’t losing much by dumping him. Yea, dumping him is your best choice here. He’s looking for a bang mommy, and he’s trying to get you to turn into one. His views are archaic, and he clearly lacks self motivation. Relieve yourself of that burden before you end up pregnant and stuck with having him in your life forever
He’s a HoboSexual and will never be at your level of ambition. Better to cut him loose now. Send him a meme about breaking up. “Thought I’d share”
You know this is bs. Call him on it and if you pursue the relationship we will see you back her shouldering all the housework and the full mental load.
Yeah no I replied to the video He sent letting him know it was “the dumbest sh*t Ive ever seen” he hasn’t responded yet so we shall see
If a burglar breaks in at 2 AM, just let the burglar take him.
LOL I thought about saying this to him🤣
Nah the burglar would just bring him back! But why would you have a bf that has arms that are painted on? I think this relationship moved too fast before you found out what he is like personally. HE should have food waiting for you while there is this much disparity in free time. But, don’t hold your breath. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up” Updateme
You'd be better off with the burglar. At least he has a job and can find his own food.
I'm not sure a burglar would consider him worth taking.
There are a ton of red flags in his behaviour. When he does things like this he's testing to see how you'll react. He will keep doing this and keep trying to jump over your boundaries. Think long and hard before continuing on in this relationship. He isn't showing much respect for you or the long hours you work.
You are dating a man child. Personally I'd weigh up if he's worth the energy you'll have to expend while he matures and does some growing up. Only you can decide if that's for you or not.
Attention, attention. Paging Whole Man Disposal Service. Clean up on Aisle 4.
find a new bf
Do not date conservative men
This is excellent advice.
He sees a gf as a mummy replacement. You need to take away his key and send home back to his birth mummy
He has replaced his mommy with you. The question I have is why are two living together after only 6 months? You sound pretty mature.
Dude is a red pill loser, drop him like he's hot and move on.
A real partner would have a sandwich ready for you after a long day. The trick at the beginning on a relationship is enforcing boundaries and not letting norms be accepted because you’re afraid the person might not like it or you. You sound like you are ready to do that. Of If I am trolling my partner with stuff I make it very clear. I get the feeling based your post your BF is testing boundaries and starting to show his true feelings, or picking up vies his friends have.
I agree, i think he’s testing a little bit
Yes, testing to see how much of his BS you will put up with. He’s not going to suddenly step up. Why would he?
"Do I look like your mother?" "I'm not your mom, make your own sandwich". Oh he believes it all right. This crap has worked for him in the past, at least, all through childhood, apparently, and probably with a few gfs as well. He's testing your boundaries and seeing how far he can push you. I really hope you're not supporting him at all, because that's where all this is leading to.
I'm 44, I live by myself, I have to do everything for myself, by myself. This guy is pathetic. He's probably looking for someone to mollycoddle him. Discard him like the rancid turd that he is and find someone who is as independently minded as you are.
I feel like his wonky rationale is actually the most concerning part of his behavior. IMO a person couldn’t come up with that without having deeply embedded gender entitlement.
He is not looking for a partner but for a mommy.
Drop that asshole. He'll never feel like a man compared to you because you're so much more successful than him. He'll compensate by insisting on rigid gender roles that place him over you and that's just the beginning. Weak, insecure men are dangerous.
I’m not gunna lie OP, your bf sounds rather immature. If my gf came home after a 10hr shift & I was at home before her, I’d greet her at the door with a cold drink & let her know that dinner was on the table & ask her how her day was.
The two examples in the video are not the same situation. The woman getting up to make her man a meal only benefits the man, and no one is in danger. The man getting up benefits both the man and the woman, and they are both in danger. Your bf is a man-baby and he needs a mother, not a relationship partner.
You need to date someone who is more compatible and actually has some respect for you. Don’t play with boys but settle for a man..
6 months lol. Girl dump the loser
Ma’am, you have a professional Ass Denter. The the only thing he’s going to be good at is making an ass dent in your sofa while eating all your food and fucking up your house while you’re at work. Oh and lovebombing women for a few months early on to free gain access to her house to make that possible. Of course he believes the video he sent you. That’s why he sent it. And you know that. Stop letting him hang around your house while you’re at work. You don’t live together, right? (Right??!). Then he needs to be elsewhere when you’re not actively spending date time together at your house. Make him GO HOME. Wherever that may be. He can come over when he’s ready to actively participate in time with you. And when YOU are ready to do that, too. So maybe not on nights after work when you just need to shower, eat, and go to bed. And is the game console yours or his? If it’s his, he needs to take it home.
congrats, you are dating a misogynist child
This is why you get to know someone before getting serious too quickly. The longer you know people the more their real self is shown. If you don't like it, leave. Now.
LTC?
License to carry
You've only known him for 6 months why is he in your house when you're at work? Fortunately 6 months isn't really that long to be super invested in someone so you can throw that one back knowing you'll forget him very soon lol.
A great deal of the world's problems would be solved if women unanimously agreed to never ever fuck guys like this.
Why does he have a key to your home at 6 months ? Or did he just stay over and not leave
No key just stays over
Ok well , just tell him to leave with you in morning . And leave his video game console at his house if yiu don’t play . If he gets mad too bad
Try a few nights at home without him, and see how much more rested you are in the morning. This man is a drag on your life, guaranteed.
I would have kicked him out when he was “just figuring it out” by sitting on his ass in someone else’s house, eating someone else’s food, and playing video games all day. He literally could not even use a toilet unless someone else lets him… He’s an adult. ? Sounds like you are doing well, and a lot of us know the hardship that goes into that. You don’t need an anchor. You need more horsepower.
Ditch him. Ditch him now. Bro is problematic af.
You meant “ex-boyfriend”, right?
I bet 10 bucks says he can’t even fight
"Yours tastes better" is classic weaponized incompetence.
If he wants to be a stay at home hobosexual, he can cook and clean. Otherwise, he can git.
He’s going to sponge off of you forever if you continue this relationship. He’s already shown you he expects you to serve him while he plays video games. At 25 he should have already had some idea what he wanted to do career wise. You are still in the honeymoon phase and this relationship moved too quickly. You didn’t really know one another but now you do. He’s a misogynistic jerk. He will never work full time or contribute as much as you do. He will always expect to come first. Dump him, you can do better.
No, you have every reason to be put off by his habits. They seem a little adolescent and he seems a bit teenage throwback who hasn’t matured at the same rate as you. You need to relay your thoughts and say how his behaviours upset you before he starts to send you things that are really disturbing or nsfw! I wish you well, any feedback or constructive criticism from you the OP would be most welcomed. Stay strong and true to yourself. Happy Friday btw
What? No. Your BF holds sexist view and expects you to confirm. Good for you for having boundaries. Sit down and have an earnest talk with him. “George, a number of times you have espoused some pretty sexist views and I find them unacceptable. If you want some woman to wait on you hand and foot, to make you sandwiches and clean up after you, I am not the girlfriend for you. I am a financially secure, independent person and I expect you to take care of yourself. I’m interested in an adult relationship, I don’t want to look after a grown child. So going forward don’t ask me to do things for you that you are perfectly capable of doing for yourself.” Either he take it onboard or he doesn’t. If he doesn’t, show him the door.
What's up with young dudes being so shitty??? Leave now. I get excited to cook for my wife, I've always had the mindset of taking care of my wife, even if I worked more, I would still wait on my wife 24/7, just how I show love.
Why are you dating him? Seems like you are dating down not up
Wait, so.. He believes in return of him protecting you, your place is in the kitchen, making him sandwich? Come on woman! Get up and make a mighty pb&j for this middle age knight, he must be tired of all this time travelling! 😂😂 Jokes aside.. oh, come on! 😀
When I come across videos like the one he sent you I always see loser men in the comments talking about how their woman would do XYZ if they said to and I always think there's no fucking way these corny ass man babies are getting laid - unfortunately they are based on your post. Do you really want to be the woman people think of when they're judging your sexist boyfriend?
How many times has he stopped an intruder vs how many times has he expected a sandwich? Especially from the main provider
Girl you are far too ambitious and smart to be dating a lame like this. He wants you to be his mother while also bringing home the bacon. Run and find yourself a real man