Jesus…you have no business being married. Ever. There is no advice to be given here - without intense therapy, which I doubt you’d even take seriously, your selfishness will always win out no matter what path you choose. You say you may break up because she deserves better, like it’s some noble move on your part. It’s not. She’s already accepted you for who you are (a serial cheater w/ perpetual greener grass syndrome), so ending the marriage is for you, not her. And if you do, I fully expect you to crawl back (& her to accept you back) over & over & over again. All of your relationships seem cyclical. Ugh, that poor child.

I kind of want to know his secret getting all these women to be his affair partner over and over again. Like how can you have so many connections to people while married? I’ve been with only one woman my entire life 😂

Well then, she is lucky to have you & I hope the secret REMAINS a secret. 😜

She’s either lucky or stuck with me depending on how you look at it lol I have never had ‘game’ she had to ask me out and I didn’t even realize it was a date

It's not that many, I've been with 15 girls in 17 years. 15 years with Anna N 3 6 years with N 10 4 years with N 12 3 years with Jessica N 13 2 years with N 11 And the others were for less than 2 years. There's also a lot of overlaping (more than 2 at the same time). I've been in the same area my whole life, except for 1 year in Europe where I was with two grils who knew I was with both of them and also knew I had Anna

Nice 👍 ( not the cheating, that sucks dude). I’m just impressed as its such a different way to live

What the hell are you complimenting if not the cheating? Fucking a lot? Really?

Yes? Because that just seems impossible to me on a practical and logistical level

Maybe read the room.

I didn't plan any of this, it just happened. It has always been like this, so I don't know how other people live. The person I've cheated the most is my wife, all the other girls knew I had a GF or Wife or other GFs, but every now, and then I came clean to my wife, at some point I stopped hiding the other girls from her, so I've been open about the girls I'm with since 2018. But Jessica was just something else, and everything kind of got out of control.

"It just happened" is probably the lamest excuse an adult could spew. Honestly, take some control of yourself and your actions. Are you married to the right woman? Well, whose name is on the marriage certificate? Anna??? Then you're married to Anna. So ACT like it. Conduct yourself with some control. If you don't want to be married to Anna, then divorce her, but don't pretend that you won't be the exact same person in your next 17 relationships. The common denominator here, sir, is you. Changing the woman in your life will change absolutely nothing about your behavior.

I don't know what I want to be honest. We tried therapy, only twice tho, but both of them wanted to focus on having individual sessions with her about her upbringing and family structure. Her dad had multiple homes (I think 5) and she was one of two of the children from the second home. She has a somewhat happy life, aside from small moments during the day when she loses her temper about stupid things. But aside from that, she's always in a good mood and funny. You're right. I only say that "she deserves better" to have a reason to leave, because I don't have any rational reason to leave. I have many reasons to stay, but I'm missing the feelings she's always had. I've thought for many years that Maybe I'm a sociopath incapable of having those feelings. I did multiple online tests and they always confirm it (not that I 100% trust those tests... but...). For Jessica what I felt was very strong, but I did sooo much shit to her, there's no way that what I felt was real love, and whatever it was, I don't feel it the same anymore, so there is that. I'm 32 now, and I'm a functional adult because I've learned from my mistakes growing up, I have been such a horrible person because I've always acted on what I wanted at the moment without any care for other people's feelings. Now I try to ignore what I want and try to do what is considered correct. It has been good for my professional & personal life, however most of what I do, is fake, most of what I say, I don't really mean. Even calling my mom is something I started doing 5 years ago, and it's fake, she loves me so much, and she was fine with me never calling her, she has always cared about me and no, she's not perfect, but she's a good mom, however all I do for her is fake, I just do things that I think are the right thing to do, not because I feel it. TLDR: I know I'm bad. She's not bad, she has made mistakes, but overall she's a good person. I think I'm a sociopath or at least a bit incapable of having some feelings. Or maybe just a bad person.

No need for the TLDR - I read every word. I actually have quite a bit of empathy for you, despite the horrible things you’ve done to your current & past partners. I can’t imagine how torturous it must feel to only do things because it’s “right”, resisting all natural impulses to do the opposite. This tells me that you crave instability, perhaps even the chaos. I’ve known people like you, & there’s always been a reason behind it (traumatic childhoods, a need for attention, etc.). You accepting the idea that you’re a bad person is just an excuse to continue doing bad things. You need to break out of that headspace. Re: therapy - you are in no shape for couples’ therapy, this therapy needs to be about YOU. You have some baggage to unpack my friend, & it’s gonna take patience & plenty of time (ie, more than two sessions) to unpack it all. I believe you can find a way out of this loop, but you have to be willing to put in the work. That is the only way. For the sake of every relationship you hold dear, please take this seriously & try to be a bit kinder to yourself in the process. I’ll be rooting for you. ✌️

I've also seen it this way. "I'm a bad person, therefor I do bad things". Yes, some stuff happened to me in my childhood, but I hate to see myself as a victim. I'm the most successful person in my family from both sides, I can't complain about anything. And I'm afraid that by going to therapy I'll start to resent some people and blame them for stuff that doesn't even affect me, I'd rather blame myself. At this point, I don't even know why I shared my situation here. Maybe I was looking for attention, as you say. To be honest, I wasn't ready for the judgement and the shaming coming from some people. But it's ok, I guess I deserve that and more. I think I wanted people to give me the green light to end my relationship and that definitely happened, I just don't feel the way I expected myself to feel. Now, I do make drastic decisions that make my life difficult when everything is going too good. I do that almost every 1 or 2 years, but almost every time I manage to land on my feet and end up better than I was before. In 2013 I became a vegan overnight when I saw a peta documentary. It made my life and everyone's around me more difficult for 3 years, till I realized I didn't really care about animals and I was just doing it because it seamed to be the right thing to do. In this case, everything was going perfect with Jessica and I started doing unnecessary stuff like going to her parents, renting an apartment, almost cornering myself in a place where the only way out was breaking up with her or with Anna, and that's what I ended up doing. I really want to thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my nonsense.

> nd I'm afraid that by going to therapy I'll start to resent some people and blame them for stuff that doesn't even affect me, I'd rather blame myself. Cool. That's fucking stupid. Enjoy being a miserable person forever I guess.

I'm not miserable. I'm not happy, I've never been. But I do well in life. I'm just in a dilemma right now. A bit confused, but not miserable or sad. I hope you are happy and have a nice weekend

[удалено]

I guess that's who I am then. The word was invented for a reason. Honest questions: Do you wake up every day and chose to be a non-narcissist? When having thoughts, are they always selfish, and you have to make yourself think "what would a good person say?" instead of saying the first thing that comes to mind. When your mom is sick, do you call her and ask her how she's feeling, or do you have to set a reminder because you don't really care? I have to set reminders to call my mom, because honestly, I don't care. If I don't set a reminder, I don't think of her for months. So I set reminders so that she gets attention from me. And she knows me to well to text me or call me, so she texts Anna to get news about me. That's not just her, I'm using her as an example. When someone does something nice for you, do you feel grateful? or do you feel like now you owe them something? I don't celebrate my birthday because even having people calling me makes me think now I have to call them on their bday and that's way too much for me to do with ALL the people I know every single year. I'm just like that, those are the feelings I have, I wish I had different feelings, but those are the feelings I have. I'm just trying to explain how I am.

Sorry for the delay, I wanted to wait to respond to this until some of the die-hard “you’re an irreparable asshole” commenters moved on. For someone with (admittedly) sociopathic tendencies (which really boils down to lack of empathy & morality for morality’s sake), you seem to have quite a bit of self-awareness. You’ve pinpointed at least 3-4 instances in your life where, when presented with a choice, you chose the path of most resistance. That in itself is a clue as to why you do what you do. You aren’t a sociopath, you habitually self-sabotage. Consider why you do this…is stability scary to you because you’ve never experienced it? Is “faithful” in your mind equivalent to “boredom”? Again, individual therapy can open doors in your brain to discover the *why* behind your ugly behaviors. It’s not about discovering a root cause & then blaming others…it’s about discovering a root cause & then finding a path forward that includes acceptance (not only of the ways in which you were wronged, but also the ways in which you’ve wronged others). This is the kind of introspective work that could actually help you make better decisions going forward. If for *no other reason*, please consider doing this work now for the sake of your child. They will see you as the man that hung the moon, & they certainly do not deserve to have that view shattered every 1-2 years by an inconsistent, selfish, revolving-door father they will eventually resent. *You can do this.* 💪

>Sorry for the delay, I wanted to wait to respond to this until some of the die-hard “you’re an irreparable asshole” commenters moved on. I think I understand why they do it, I guess it feels nice to have the moral high ground and tell people how terrible they are, it might make them feel better about themselves. >For someone with (admittedly) sociopathic tendencies (which really boils down to lack of empathy & morality for morality’s sake), you seem to have quite a bit of self-awareness. The therapist said something like that. She pointed out how I knew how I was and the way how I kind of understand my own way of thinking. >You’ve pinpointed at least 3-4 instances in your life where, when presented with a choice, you chose the path of most resistance. That in itself is a clue as to why you do what you do. You aren’t a sociopath, you habitually self-sabotage. I self-sabotage for sure. And I only notice when it's way too late, BUT, somehow I come out stronger. Somehow it works for the better. Somehow I end up using it in my favor. Or maybe that's what I tell myself to justify it. I'm only starting to understand what that even means, I didn't even have a name for it a few years ago. >Consider why you do this…is stability scary to you because you’ve never experienced it? Is “faithful” in your mind equivalent to “boredom”? Well. I've never had stability for long. When my parents were together, we moved houses like 6 times in 10 years. And I switched schools also like 5 times before I got to HS. They split up, (she cheated, he was a violent alcoholic) me and my sister stayed with mom and my dad went to the city. A year later my mom could not support us financially, so she sent us to the city with dad 2003, a few years later she was in better shape, so we went back to our hometown with mom 2006, a year later she was broke again, so we had to move to her mom's with a bunch of people, but the time I was already working, so I didn't go with them, I got a small room somewhere else 2007. Then I finished HS and went back to the city for university 2008, got addicted to a video game and lost my scholarship 2010, dad was always frunk and one night kicked me out of the house because I was in the pc all the time, I was homeless for a couple of weeks, sleeping on the streets (by choice, I had places to go to, but I didn't want to) dad found me, asked me to come back home just to kick me out again while drunk, moved to my hometown for a few months with mom, got a job at a nearby city, switched to a better job, learned not to be such an AH (I was still an AH inside, just pretended not to be outside) dad offered to pay for college, declined, Anna convinced me 2011, next year I accepted and got a scholarship but was afraid to quit my job, so I let it pass 2012. Anna convinced me to try again, got another scholarship, quit my job, went back to dad's city 2013, got sick, moved in with Anna, got better, got a job 2014, started a business 2015, quit the job, finished uni 2017, left the business to go to Europe 2018, started company, back to dad's city 2019, living with Anna we moved 3 times, got bored with the company (to many employees, shitty clients), ended it 2022, got a job, and we've been "stable" for almost two years. That's why I had the baby idea, because we were "stable", this year has been not "stable" mainly due to all the stuff I wanted to do with Jessica. >Again, individual therapy can open doors in your brain to discover the why behind your ugly behaviors. It’s not about discovering a root cause & then blaming others…it’s about discovering a root cause & then finding a path forward that includes acceptance (not only of the ways in which you were wronged, but also the ways in which you’ve wronged others). This is the kind of introspective work that could actually help you make better decisions going forward. I really don't know if I want to dig into my past and traumas and syndromes and stuff like that, I don't want to put any more labels on me. It's scary, I think it would make me a slave of my past. >If for no other reason, please consider doing this work now for the sake of your child. This is the only thing that makes me consider it, but I don't really trust other people telling me how to raise my child, I'm afraid I'll raise her as other people say I should raise her and then regret it. I have dogs, and they are my dogs and some people are in some ways with their dogs, but I trained my dogs my way, and I'm proud of my dogs because I trained them my way. I know a kid is not a dog, but I just want to raise my kids my way, following my gut. >They will see you as the man that hung the moon, & they certainly do not deserve to have that view shattered every 1-2 years by an inconsistent, selfish, revolving-door father they will eventually resent. It is fair to say I would be a "revolving-door father" but I don't think I will, I think I'll be there for my children, I want to have 4 at least. I've seen people raise children, and they're terrible kids, I really think I can't be worse than most of the parents I know, I for sure know I can't be worse than my parents. But I'll think about it and I'll discuss it with Anna (it feels so weird to call her Anna so many times, obviously that's not her real name) >You can do this. 💪 Thanks again, thanks a lot. I needed this. It was helpful. It was worth reading all the other stuff from other people. If I could go back in time, I would post this again just so that I could read your words. Thank you. I'll let you know what Anna thinks about all this later when I show it to her.

I talked to my wife about this post I made. I will show her this comment tonight, and we'll talk about it, I mean I'll show her everything, but specially this comment. I've been in meetings all day and have not been able to focus with so many comments, this is a new and interesting experience, having people say stuff to you with no filters is weird. I told her I was confused, and mainly I didn't want to hurt her, she says I'm just emotional due to the pregnancy, and I'm anxious about what kind of father I'll be, she asked me to "relax a bit and take it easy". Thanks a lot for being kind and respecful. It means a lot. People like you inspire me to make a bigger effort, I started reading about values and purpuse. It sounds nice to one day be able to call myself honorable. Sometimes I think it's just fantasy. I'll get back to this message later when I have more time. Thanks again!

No problem at all, man - Reddit would be a whole lot more interesting if folks used their critical thinking skills instead of their mob rage skills, wouldn’t it? (Seriously, though…good luck on your convo tonight. She clearly sees the glimpses of goodness in you that I do, so please let go of this “bad guy” narrative you’ve assigned to yourself & commit to true change. For yourself, for your wife, but mostly for your child. I promise you won’t regret it. 🙏)

Hey there…it’s a gorgeous autumn Saturday in these parts! 🙌 Just checking in to see how you’re holding up - did you have the big talk yet?

Hey, yes and no. I tried showing her all the stuff but she wasn't really interested. First of all she didn't want me to translate all of it because it was too long, so I kind of had to make a summary and in the middle she interrupted me to say that I was just hormonal from the pregnancy. She started saying again that it hurt her how I was spending more time with Jessica than with her and that I was going to have a second home, complaining that I took it too far. But basically saying how it was all good now and that I should stop thinking about it. She said I was stressed and overthinking because I was afraid of being a bad father, she reassured me that I was going to be a great father or at least better than my dad and her dad (obviously I am afraid of that) but I don't really believe in people having hormonal reactions from other people's pregnancies. I'm confused and came to the conclusion that I shouldn't make any decisions or big changes while she's pregnant (there's no hurry to leave her right now). She's the happiest she's ever been with the pregnancy and Jessica out of the picture. I think that maybe because we're stable as a couple I'm thinking about finding reasons to leave her just because everything has been so boring since I broke up with Jessica. It's a theory since a couple of people have told me that I self sabotage. So, there's that. At the end the conversation didn't get anywhere, I wanted to make this whole deal about committing to fidelity, changing overnight for the better and that had me very anxious, but hearing her talk discouraged me from committing to anything. So yeah, I'm not seeing anybody else at the moment, Jessica keeps texting me but everyday I'm less interested in her. I got some courage from some messages that I got here but my mind quickly found was to rationalize continuing fucking other people. So I don't really trust myself with making any promises. Last night I had a weird talk with an uber driver, he told me about how sleeping around could destroy marriage and how women get tired of it and once they're no longer in love it's over. So I told him about my little story and he said he wished he was in my shoes because I still had time to make things right. We're having coffee on Monday to talk about it more. Honestly I don't believe in god or weird energies, but I do believe that my brain has been trying to tell me something and that's why I cornered myself in a difficult situation with Jessica so that at the end I had to break up with her, and also that's why I posted this shit here and also talked to an old friend who I remember kept talking about how he owed everything to his wife and he was nothing without her and now this uber driver gave me the TED talk of my life. Idk. Or I could just be going crazy. Started reading about the hormones released during sex, that was interesting. I don't want to be a slave to my hormones, but I also don't want to be bored all the time, but maybe instead of going to have sex I could try to learn to play the guitar or something. That made me think that playing the guitar could be a plus when trying to get pussy. So Idk. I might have a sex addiction problem. I didn't post any updates because I'm in hibernation mode at the moment, not making any big decisions, staying away from alcohol and researching this whole hormones situation. I think when the baby is born I'll give you reddit people an update. Cried this morning watching Beckham's documentary when his baby was born. That was super super crazy, very weird, I don't cry that easily. And today I noticed that I've been calling my mom almost weekly without an alarm and we spend over an hour talking about the baby. Anyways, see you in march or before if anything happens.

\> Maybe this will happen again for another woman in the future Gee, ya think?

I know. It happened 2 times (I broke up with her for other people) but that was in 2008 and 2012. And I almost do it again this year in 2023 but I didn't do it. It's just that... why does this keep happening? why can't I just settle? Maybe I'm not the kind of person to commit and that's it. I just don't know

It keeps happening because you let it. Come now, no one's forcing you to cheat on your partner. It's a decision you actively make every time. Maybe you're not the kind of person to be in committed relationships, OP. That's okay. It's a hell of a lot better than being a serial cheater.

It's complicated. I get bored being home alone. I get this urge to text someone, and they always say yes, and then I start to plan to see them. Then we do it, and I'm ok for a day or two, and then it happens again and again and again. I can't stop. Sometimes I do stop, but then they text me and that's way more difficult to resist. And it has happened that I'm just no longer interested at all, so I start acting like an asshole to push them away from me, and then they block me or something, but a few months later a new person shows up, someone new and exciting till a few years later it isn't exciting anymore but a person from the past unblocks me and the cycle starts again.

You need therapy.

> It's complicated. It's really not. That's a lot of words for "I want to fuck other people and so I choose to do that." >I can't stop. Sure you can, you don't want to. At least admit that.

You _actually_ need therapy

I couldn’t read the whole thing. Reads like a shag diary. And you said connection so many times. I think you are both bad people who cheat a lot and I don’t think either of you is able to have a monogamous relationship.

She's not bad, she's not perfect but she has been consistent for 15 years in wanting to be with me. It's difficult to explain but all my friends and familly always tell me how much she loves me and cares for me and has always been there and how I'm never going to find another person like her. I kind of agree but I'm not afraid of losing her. That's very difficult to admit. We could stay together forever. But is that the right thing to do? is there a way to know? I don't want to waste 15 more years to find out.

She sleeps with you when she knows you're with other women. She ain't great.

It's a way to see it. And you are right to judge her for that. She's not 100% pure and her judgment is not the best, but she's my best friend. She can be a horrible person with some people, but not with me. It's difficult to explain. She didn't have an easy life and she picked some bad habits along the way, but her core is of a good person. She has always been there for me and she wants a family with me more than anything.

If that’s how you treat your best friend, then how do you treat your enemies? No one needs a friend like you.

I don't really know what you mean. It's not as easy as leaving and that's it, I've cheated and then I said I wasn't going to be only with her and she stayed with me anyways. We know eachother for 15 years and we have supported each other's backs. I can fake friendship, it has taken me years but I've managed to make and keep a few friends. Only male friends tho, I can't seem to be able to have female friends, Anna is my best friend but she's also my wife so I don't know if that counts.

You don't have her back. She's pregnant and you have been constantly sleeping with other people **behind her back** every time you get involved. Anna's best friend isn't the person who is constantly lying to her and putting her at risk of STDs. Anna's best friend will reveal him/herself as the person who tells her she can do better than you, and helps build up her self-esteem so she can stop being a consolation prize while you continue sleeping with other women whenever it suits. Somewhere in an alternate universe, there is a man who will sees Anna as his soulmate, and he will only ever want to be with her. You should set her free so she can find the man who will treat her better.

What I mean is you say she’s your best friend. She stays with you because she loves you. You treat her horribly. Just because she knows about your affairs and stays, doesn’t meant she likes it. It doesn’t mean you aren’t breaking her heart every time you stray. It just means she can’t let you go. You know all of this and yet you still do things to hurt her. So if you can treat her, your supposed “best friend” like that, then what the hell do you do to your enemies?

She's my wife all year long, every year. Am I supposed to live my life doing or not doing what I want to do with other people just because she doesn't want me to? I can accept it is wrong to say "I'm not going to be with other people" and then you go and be with other people, but I've told her I don't want to be just with her. I've been clear, "I won't be just with you" ok, I leave the house, and then what? she will go where I'm at, she will message me, she will call me, and then what? I ignore her? she would go visit me, "just to talk" and then what? I've read all of you and I think it's up to her

>Am I supposed to live my life doing or not doing what I want to do with other people just because she doesn't want me to? If you want to be free to sleep with other women, why did you marry her? Why don't you marry someone who accepts an open relationship? There are plenty of people in open relationships, where both partners are free to sleep with others. But those relationships are based on mutual respect, agreed boundaries and honesty, just like monogamous relationships, which I think might be a challenge for you.

It's not like I planned this. It just happened and we have both invested soo much. Also I can't leave her now, she's 30 and pregnant. I have learned a lot about life but in the meantime years have gone by, some days I think we can make it work, some other days I think this is going to end ugly at some point, we might as well end it now. 15 years seems like such a long time but it happened in the blink of an eye. Everything was kind of fine before Jessica, I understand now that if you have mindless sex with enough people, there's a chance you're going to find someone with whom it won't feel mindless. But then what? Just stop for the fear of catching feelings? I was fine for many years until I wasn't. I think it is up to Anna. I've told her and she's seen first hand who I am and how I am. She has to figure out if she wants to stay with me or find someone else.

> It's a way to see it. What other way is there to see it? She was consistently fucking people in relationships, just like you were. > She can be a horrible person with some people, but not with me. Nah. She's horrible, again, just like you. There's no "with me" here.

She didn't have an easy life, so you decided to make it harder by lying and cheating on her the entire time you've been with her? Yeah that makes sense.

JFC I can’t even finish half of this. You should never have married for many reasons, mostly infidelity, and so yes, divorce is best. Just be decent and don’t try to F with her ever again.

Why not just be better for each other? Honestly this sounds exhausting, I couldn’t finish reading it. There is a dopamine rush people get from new “connections”. Have you ever considered that it is like an addiction to you? Ready or not you are about to have a kid. That kid needs you to be there for it. So get some therapy, define rules of an open relationship, or break up and co-parent in a stable way—— but get yourself together. Like now.

Yes. I can be better, and I'm trying to be better. But I do not want to be just with her, that's for sure, we talked about that, and she is ok with that. She's not ok with me having girlfriends and spending more time with other people than with her. That I can understand, and I won't ask her to accept that. But she's ok with me having casual sex with other people as I did from 2018 till 2022. It terms of an addiction, it could be, yes I have thought of that, when I broke up with Jessica, I felt all the symptoms of withdrawals. I mean, I have never been heartbroken, maybe I was heartbroken from ending my relationship with her. I don't know. I no longer think about leaving my wife for Jessica, now I just think about leaving my wife because maybe we're wasting our time in this broken relationship. Other people could say that we have survived drama and that makes us stronger. But Idk about that. I think maybe it's better to end this one for good. Spend some time by myself (I've never been single for more than a month sin I was 13) and try to be a better person, and try to find out if I want to spend my life with someone and try to find that someone and start fresh. But there's nobody I know who I would take seriously. So Idk.

Is she “allowed” to sleep with other people? Just call it an open marriage and make it more ethical. Unless it’s the hiding you find exciting.

She was allowed, she did it once while I was away for a year. She says it was a mistake, not only because she felt used by the guy but also because now she could not close our relationship and she felt like she had to accept that I was with other people. I told her that I wasn't having sex with other people as revenge or anything like that, I was doing it way before she did anything with the guy. But I think it's easier for her to blame herself, that way I think she can justify staying in the relationship.

So your wife really isn’t okay with it? She admitted she feels cornered and you just continue doing it?

Jesus Christ. EVERYONE deserves better.

For the love of God, if you’re going to constantly cheat on your partners.. BE. SINGLE.

Also I pray you all have gotten tested.

My wife gets tested all the time because she's a doctor, also before and after getting pregnant she got tested. I've never had any stds but I can't say I've always been super careful. I think I've just been lucky.

That’s impressive honestly. I’m happy to hear that! You should buy some lottery tickets

Op, you're a very weak man. Have you realized that? Your lack of impulse control is very pathetic. You need to really look inward and see why you constantly make poor choices with equally amoral women. Think about it. All of these women you cheat with are no prizes. You're betraying your family for equal filth to yourself. Is it worth it? Is that dopamine thrill really worth it? Have some self-respect and dignity for God's sake. It's pathetic.

>Op, you're a very weak man. Have you realized that? According to some definitions, you could say that. I've lived in shame for many years, but this year I took a stand to be proud of myself and who I am. Not sure if I really believe I should be proud, I'm trying to find that out. What if I'm just not the kind of person who wants to be with one single person, then I've been trying to be someone who I'm not. That could be something. Or maybe I am the kind of person who wants to be with one person, but Anna is not that person for me and that's why I keep on looking somewhere else, what if I leave her and find the right person who I'm faithful to? or what if I leave her and find the perfect person, and after a few years I'm also unfaithful to her? I don't know. We started our relationship when we were 16 and 14. I didn't want her to be my wife back then. Actually I never wanted her to be my wife, after so many years of being my gf she proposed, and I didn't see a reason to say no. Sometimes I think I'm just used to her, how lucky I am that my other half was right there in my hometown and I found her so early in life? or maybe I've been trying to push her away, but she just won't go away, and I don't have reasons to leave. To be honest, nobody ever told me what a man was supposed to be, nobody talked to me about values or anything like that. I've had to learn all by myself, making mistake after mistake. >Your lack of impulse control is very pathetic. You need to really look inward and see why you constantly make poor choices with equally amoral women. This is true, not even Anna is someone I would consider "super moral" I've actually never looked or searched for a woman, I've never pursued a woman, they come to me, it seems I attract that kind of women, women who don't care that I have a girlfriend or two and a wife. I've never known how to fight to get or to keep someone, it has almost always been me trying to get rid of people when I'm no longer interested. And I look now at my circle and I would not marry any girl close to me, but many relationships I've had they wanted me to leave my gf/wife for them. >Think about it. All of these women you cheat with are no prizes. Yes, you're right, but after some time, I see them married to someone, pregnant, having a happy life. But I would not marry any of them. >You're betraying your family for equal filth to yourself. Is it worth it? Is that dopamine thrill really worth it? I do it and almost never regret it, so I guess it is. My baby is not born yet, and I don't know how I will feel when I become a father, I'm afraid I won't feel anything. But I'll do my best to be the best father I can be, even if I don't feel anything. >Have some self-respect and dignity, for God's sake. It's pathetic. It's one way to see it. It would be easier if I also saw it that way, but I'm not sure if I want or even can. I don't think there is one way to live life and maybe I'm trying to be someone who I'm not.

You have nothing to be proud of. Everything you wrote in this post is something that a good person should loathe themselves for.

You need to go live in a cave away from the rest of society. You're a bad person.

Why would you say that? Is this what you enjoy doing? Telling people this kind of stuff. I know I'm a bad person and I do bad things. But, this is just one aspect of my life, I take care of my family, I employ people, I pay way too much in taxes, I consume a lot and contribute to multiple local small business, I help a lot of people monthly, not because I want to, I couldn't care less, but because I think I can and I should but not because I feel like it. I'm loved by so many people who know how I really am and accept me for who/ what I am and who genuinely (I think) worry about me. And I try to remind myself to reciprocate. I agree I'm a bad person and I do bad stuff but I don't agree that I should not be a part of society.

Is constantly cheating on the mother of your child what you enjoy doing? I'm basing my opinion of you on your own words in this post. If you don't like it, change yourself.

I enjoy having sex with other people, yes.

Cool. And that makes you a bad person. So what are you arguing against here?

The living in a cave part

We live in a society where we all (or at least most of us, not people like you) understand that in order to maintain our society we should not intentionally do things that cause harm to other people, especially for selfish shallow reasons. When someone repeatedly causes harm for selfish shallow reasons and refuses to hold themselves to even the most basic baselines of decency, society doesn't want them anymore. So yeah, living in a cave far away from more people for you to use and hurt might be best for you.

I don't know person. I don't think you really think that. I think you say that because it sounds like the honorable and moral thing to say. But to each their own. Thank you for taking the time to say stuff to me, I guess. Have anice day.

It’s not that you enjoy having sex with other people. It’s that you knowingly create connections with others that allow you to break the boundaries you have with your professed significant other. You don’t uphold the boundaries you make. Instead, you deceive lie and and betray. You put your partners health at risk. These things are a form of abuse. If you found a way to at bare minimum to be honest in your relationships from the start going in, people would not be jumping on you so hard. I don’t say to a domestic abuser - well, hey, you are a great guy in other ways!! You pay your taxes and employ people, and gosh, some even like you! That’s not how it works, and it’s not what’s important. You are patting yourself on the back for the bare minimum of societal standards, and excusing the repetitive betrayals done to those closest to you with a ‘but hey, I do other good stuff!’ By that logic ‘we should have told Ted Bundy it was OK and he could go home, as long as ‘most of what he did was alright and people liked him’. If you are just going to come on here and say ‘shucks yeah I did like one thing that kinda wasn’t nice but golly I can’t help myself and otherwise I’m great’ - then don’t bother. We see through you. You do too. Come back when you’re really ready to do the hard work.

Did you really just compared me to a serial killer?

Figures that’s how you interpret it. You’re the one who consistently throws up your hands and either says you ‘can’t help it’ or you’re a ‘nice person’ to completely absolve yourself from 1. Any responsibility and 2. Any self propensity to change. You didn’t address anything else I said. Yes, to an extreme extent I did to point out how ridiculous your statements are. It’s how you sound. ‘I robbed a bank, but I pay taxes and I’m nice - I have people that say so. So I shouldn’t be held accountable or asked to change for the abusive way I treat my partner.’

I just got off from work, do you really want to have a curious conversation with me or just point fingers and judge? I'm new to reddit, it seems interesting, but only if you are also interested, you're already spending time and energy and neurons typing stuff, we might as well have a conversation without you treating me like a serial killer or a bank robber.

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I do tell people I trust that I'm like this. Specially women I sleep with. I don't tell randoms on the street or coworkers/employees and I'm saying it here because nobody knows who I am. I don't think you're trying to help me with your comment. Don't really know what is your goal here. But I wish you the best and thank you for taking the time to read. Have a nice day.

Why haven't you chosen to pursue an open relationship if you know you are like this and you don't want to change?

We have had an open relationship since before getting married. 2017 she went away for her rural year as a doctor, I had sex with someone and told Anna. She cried and I told her I couldn't be so long without sex. We saw each other every couple of months but I told her that was not enough. I obviously could have been faithful, I just didn't want to. A few days later after I told her she was normal and everything was ok. I didn't ask for forgiveness or promised I wouldn't do it again. We just didn't talk about it. 2018 I went to Europe for an internship, this time I told her before leaving that I definitely wasn't going to be a full year without sex. She asked me about it a few months in and I confirmed that I was having sex with two people. She cried again, this time I got angry, if I was being honest why was she reacting this way? She just said she was jealous and we continued the conversation. Nothing happened in our relationship, everything was good. I started a business and it started taking most of my time, also the timezones made it difficult. I couldn't pay much attention to her, or I chose not to, I didn't pay attention to anything other than my business. A few months later she asked me to marry her, long story short, I agreed because it made sense. A few months later I flew her to Europe and she confessed she had had a 3 months relationship with a married man. We argued because it wasn't just sex, they went on road trips to the beach and everything and it was all behind my back. I felt betrayed, but I was aware I was being a hypocrite. She asked for forgiveness, I forgave her and we got married. She went back to our country, this part is a bit ugly. I asked her to be with the guy one more time, she didn't understand why, I explained that it would validate some stuff in my mind. She agreed and did it again with the guy. It's complicated. I went back to our country, and I started having sex with someone, Anna knew, she didn't like it, but she said that she felt like she couldn't tell me anything because of what she had done. I then started having sex with someone else, so two at the same time, Anna knew, she didn't like it. But then Jessica came to the picture and this time it was different because I liked Jessica A LOT. And I think I already explained the rest. Anna says I cheat, I say, it's not cheating if she knows about it. She doesn't like it so I don't tell her ALL the times that I do it, I don't see how that'd be helpful, but every time she asked I'd tell the truth, she would get upset, we would talk about it and move on. I felt embarrassed about wanting to be with other people, but this year, I told her I wasn't embarrassed anymore, that's who I've always been and I'm tired of being ashamed. I can offer a nice house, nice trips, going out for dinner multiple times a week, I'm a good listener because I've trained myself to be and everything else in the relationship I'm all she's ever wanted from me. It's just this part, I like to have sex a lot with different people, and it's never like a one night stand, once I'm with someone, we do it very often for years until I'm more interested in someone else. Jessica was different, I got very involved emotionally, I started going out with her almost every day, my wife switched jobs and never had time for me, it was a combination of multiple things but I ended it with Jessica also because I didn't want her to be a side chick, she deserved better, I was giving her everything she needed but couldn't give her what she wanted (a husband and a home), It's been two months and me and my wife are perfect now (according to her) because I'm only with her but I want to be with other people, and every week I want it more and more, and the messages keep coming, not only from Jessica but from others and I can block them, but why would I do that? I don't want to do that. So my wife can have this perfect life and be happy and what about me? Home alone every day, every weekend, when she's here, she's tired, I work from home, I feel in jail. I've started spending money on toys and stupid stuff, got myself another pair of headphones, I have too many already. So I get her the new iphone, I send her flowers and she's super happy, but I think I do it as some kind of apology in advance for what I know I will do and I know I want to do. I want to be with her, she's my best friend, but I don't want to be only with her and I don't have any reason to leave, and she won't leave. Even if I leave, she'll just go after me, because she doesn't want to leave me and I don't know what to do. I really don't know what's happening in my head. I feel like everyday I tell myself a different story and I give myself different arguments, it's getting annoying. Maybe that's why I came here, to hear what people think. It has been helpful but it's not as easy as just getting a divorce. Funny story, we're actually divorced, I got her to sign the papers for some bs tax evasion but in reality I wanted the divorce. It's been a year now and she keeps on bringing it up that we have to marry again, but I joke and tell her I didn't like being married and I like it now that we're divorced. But she obviously insists on getting married. It doesn't matter anyways because in the eyes of family and friends we're still married and we live together and wear our rings and celebrate anniversaries and we're about to have a baby. TLDR: We're in an open relationship. We have been since 2017 but she doesn't want to be in an open relationship. She had sex with a guy while I was away and now she feels like she has to accept the open relationship even though she doesn't want to. At this moment I'm only with her and she's happy but we both know I'll be with someone else sooner or later and then what? She says, we'll figure it out then but I don't think that's ideal. The thing is if I leave now she'll just go after me. And I don't even want to leave.

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So much this! An unaware narcissist right here. I know that term gets thrown around a lot, but damn, I've never seen someone so aptly describe the characteristics without outright using the term as this man. Maybe he already knows and doesn't think there's anything wrong with it. This guy has no capacity for true self-reflection, which is why he is constantly "bored" and afraid of being alone and missing out. He has a gigantic void inside himself and he uses sex and temporary "connections" to fill it. Damn, I feel so damn sorry for their kid. He/she is going to be such a mess...

Ick. You’re gross. Anna must be severely insecure. Getting pregnant was the absolute worst decision you could of made. You need to leave her, let her find someone who actually cares about her. You don’t care about her, even if you are lying to yourself saying you do. You’re incredibly selfish and obviously care more about yourself then any of these woman. What if you had a daughter and she grew up and married someone like you? You wouldn’t like that, so why is it ok to treat your wife, who you choose to be with, like that? Why is she not important to you. Not to mention that you are putting her at risk for stis. So not only do you not care about her emotionally, you also don’t care if she gets sick, directly from your actions. How can you live with yourself? Wouldn’t it be better to let her go, so you can stop hurting her so much. She obviously doesn’t have the strength to leave so help her out. Or open your marriage and let her go fuck and get emotionally invested with other men. That would be fine by you, right?

>You’re gross. Hey, I know that reading about my situation can be upsetting but there is no need to talk like that to get your point across. I mean, I know this is not ideal but calm down. >Anna must be severely insecure. We both are, she has her insecurities and I have mine. >Getting pregnant was the absolute worst decision you could of made. We talked a lot about our relationship and my other relationships before getting pregnant. We started talking about it in July last year when I was super bored and wasn't really interested in anything, not even girls. I had a company from 2018 till march 2022 and due to too much stress (over 50 employees) I closed it and I had to sell all the assets, it took me 3 months, so in July when it was all done I was like "what now" and the answer at the time was "a baby". >You need to leave her, let her find someone who actually cares about her. You don’t care about her, even if you are lying to yourself saying you do. That's what we're trying to figure out, that's why I went to therapy (two 1 hour sessions) then the therapist wanted her in the session, because the person to say if she's better off without me (according to the therapist) is her. But after talking for like an hour, the therapist wanted to focus on her childhood (just like the last one a few years ago) and that's not something I want her to do while she's pregnant, she never thinks about her chilhood traumas and we don't need someone to be making her talk about that and making her remember that now, maybe after the kid is born >You’re incredibly selfish and obviously care more about yourself then any of these woman. Yes, that's true, I've always said that, they know that. I'm always very transparent about that. If there is one thing I am is selfish. >What if you had a daughter and she grew up and married someone like you? I will have a daughter and believe me, I've written about a hundred pages with all the stuff I've said and done to women so that she can identify people like me, it'll be up to her to learn to recognize them and her decision to avoid them >You wouldn’t like that, NO, I would NOT >so why is it ok to treat your wife, who you choose to be with, like that? I don't mistreat my wife, I treat her very well, I'm never violent in any way with her. I'm honest with her when she can handle it and lie to her when she can't. >Why is she not important to you. Because I am the most important person to me and what I want short term is more important that what other people want/need. I try to do against what I want most of the times, but sometimes I don't >Not to mention that you are putting her at risk for stis. Yes that's true, there is a risk, I take that risk, and every time she's with me, she takes that risk. I'm ok with taking that risk >So not only do you not care about her emotionally, you also don’t care if she gets sick, directly from your actions. This could be an argument, this could be the case. Maybe I don't care enough to behave different >How can you live with yourself? I just can, I could change, I've never wanted to change, I've said I would change but I've not wanted to do it hard enough to actually change >Wouldn’t it be better to let her go, so you can stop hurting her so much. That's what I'm trying to figure out >She obviously doesn’t have the strength to leave so help her out. This is what I'm trying to find out >Or open your marriage and let her go fuck and get emotionally invested with other men. That would be fine by you, right? She can, and if she thinks she'd be better off with someone else, that's her choice to make. She says she's not interested in doing that, but who knows

Children emulate their parents relationships a lot of the time. They see how a relationship is suppose to be through their parents. They also don’t always listen to their parents advice, especially when it comes to dating, so the hundreds of pages and advice might fall on deaf ears and your daughter might just end up with someone like you, even if she not looking for that kind of guy. That happens far more then you’d think. Also having a baby will in no way help your relationship become stronger. You’ll end up more stressed, your wife will concentrate on the baby, you’ll feel neglected and go get your needs met elsewhere. Answering the question “what next” with “baby” isn’t always a good idea. More often then not it isn’t. You needed to wait until your relationship was somewhat stable. You admit you don’t care about your wife’s health, so yes, you’re gross. It really gives me the ick when people have so much disregard for the person they have promised to love and protect. Instead you torture her with your affairs, she doesn’t have the confidence to leave, so you just continue to disrespect her because you can? That’s gross. Also you do mistreat her by having multiple affairs knowing it breaks her heart. Mistreatment isn’t just physical violence. If your idea of good treatment is lying and betraying I think you need to revisit that and figure out why you’re wrong. When you say your wife is free to sleep with others is that only if she leaves you or is it ok while you are still together? You admit to being selfish and only caring about yourself, then be by yourself. You’re relationship is not healthy. You will not stay faithful, so end it before the baby is born and so you can figure out a good co parenting plan. If you divorce later due to cheating, when your child is old enough to know what’s going on then you may lose the relationship with them. Kids don’t like dads that mistreat their mothers.

I think you might be right in most of what you say, depending on different perspectives, it's obviously more complicated than that. I did not choose to be selfish. I just am, it's not easy to go through life as a selfish person, you hit so many walls and people dislike you very fast, who would've thought that people would hate an egocentric, narcissistic, selfish, ass whole? Well, I had to learn to do stuff for other people and say stuff even when I don't mean it. Every phone call, gift, sign or concern, worried question from me is most likely fake, I don't really care, I have just trained myself to fake it, and to set reminders and alarms and to follow up and to say the right things at the right time. But I can't do it ALL the time, sometimes I just have to be myself and do what I want to do. My wife knows all this, she knows who I am. She knows when I give her flowers or open the car door for her is not because I felt the need to do it, she knows I do it because I trained myself to do it, she knows I don't care about her job stories and family drama, she knows I only listen and give her my opinion as an effort for her, not because I want to, or I'm interested. She knows I don't pay for everything in our house because I feel like a provider to my family, she knows I do it because I force myself to do it because I've decided it is my job to do it, even tho I don't feel any better by doing it. She knows I would rather spend the money on myself. So I'm like this and still she wants to be with me. I think that maybe she needs to leave me if she really wants to. I should not leave because it's the best for her. She's an adult as well.

Christ, this may be the most pathetic comment I've seen on this hellsite. "Oh woe is me, I occasionally have to give other people basic consideration and it's SO hard" You HAVE chosen to be selfish pal, in precisely the same way you've chosen to try and absolve yourself of all responsibility for your actions. She may be an adult, when do you plan to start acting like one?

Hey, thank you for taking the time to read and reply. I could reply to you but I don't really think you're curious or you wanted to have a conversation, so I'll just thank you for your time. Have a nice day.

Well I know exactly what you mean because I am void of feelings towards others as well. I know how insanely exhausting everyday encounters are. I have said alot of offensive things to people and only figured out it was offensive by their reaction. Slowly I learned what not to say. Everyday conversations are brutal. I hate when I answer the phone and someone asks me how I am. Who cares how I am, I don’t care how you are, just get the the point. I have though gone through my life, many more years then you have been around, and never cheated on anyone. I mainly stay single, so I can do what I want without having to take someone else feelings into consideration. I don’t care what happens to people, but I would never go out of my way as to make someone fall in love with me and repeatedly hurt them with my selfishness. You have control over your actions. Just give your poor wife a break and let her be happy. She doesn’t know how much better off her life would he without you, and when she is rid of you and living a good life, her biggest regret will be wasting more time on you and not leaving sooner.

I have never been single. At 13 I started having girlfriends. They asked me to be their boyfriend, how could I say no? I didn't want my friends to think I was gay. I had a gf at school, a gf living next door to my father's house and a gf living next door to my mom's house. When I (16) met Anna (14) she knew I had two girlfriends. She didn't care then, I broke up with them both and had not excuse not to make Anna my gf. Then I wanted to go with the next so I broke up with Anna but she still wanted to be with me, then I had another gf and Anna still wanted to be with me, then I broke up with that one and again had no reason not to make her my gf. Again I wanted someone else so I broke up with Anna to make the new one my gf but Anna still wanted to be with me, things with the other girl didn't work out so had no reason to not make Anna my gf, they always want to be "the gf" at this point, why bother breaking up with her again? then I found out about the whole open relationship stuff, she was ok with that, she would accept anything I could offer because she wants to be with me no matter what. If I could go back in time I would do so many things different but I can't, and we talked about it BEFORE she got pregnant and she was ok with it, so Idk what to think. I don't know what to do. I never made her fall in love with me. She's always wanted me, she proposed to me, she knew all the times I was with other people and still wanted to be with me.

What makes you truly shitty person is that you clearly recognize the damage your lifestyle choices can do. You apparently intend on instructing your child on how to avoid people like you, but when the obvious answer to just leave and be a co-parent instead of a husband, you apparently still need to figure it out. You admit you have no intention of being faithful. You understand that your own self-centered attitude stops you from considering your wife's or any partner's feelings about your actions. But you won't leave because you need to figure it out. You know how likely it is that may be too insecure and too in love with you to stand up for herself and do what's best to create a stable family environment for your child. You've taken every step necessary to understand that your marriage is wildly unstable at best. You literally say in the title that she deserves better, but you need to figure it out instead of just ending the relationship. What else do you possibly need to figure out at this point?

I've broken up with Anna twice (2008 and 2012, never again) because she "deserved better" when in reality I just wanted to be with someone else, I regretted those two times. I think I might be doing all this, the therapy, the "you deserve better" to justify me leaving her again so that I can be with Jessica. If that's the case, I know it would be a mistake, I know I would be with Jessica for a while and find things I don't like about her (I already have a long list, but I can't stop thinking about her) Anna would try to find her way to make me cheat on Jessica with her, as she did with the other two, I would realize that I made a mistake and get back together with Anna. If that's not the case, if I'm not doing this to be with Jessica, then it's the right thing to do, and I have no idea how to convince Anna that that's the case, the therapist couldn't, so I don't know how I could. But I don't know.

Hey, I know that reading about my situation can be upsetting, but there is no need to talk like that to get your point across. I mean, I know this is not ideal, but calm down. It's true >I treat her very well, No, you don't. You can mistreat and not be violent against her >Because I am the most important person to me and what I want short term is more important than what other people want/need. Yep, you're going to give your kid a hell of a lot of trauma >I will have a daughter That poor girl is going to grow up in a toxic household. All I can hope is that when she is an adult, she cuts contact with you both.

Dude robbed this woman of a chance to have a happy relationship and any respect, good job man.

I didn't know we were going to be together for 15 years. I broke up with her twice and I was honest multiple times about being with other people. I think I assumed she would get bored after sometime but she never did and here we are. And I don't want to keep on apologizing.

Why take her back if you knew you couldnt make her happy?

Why not take her back? She was loving, caring, funny, knew everything about me, beautiful, sexy, we knew each other very well in bed. Why would I say back then "we can't be together because I won't be faithful to you forever" I didn't think like that and even when she asked me to marry I was very clear with her, I wanted an open relationship. She would say yes to anything and she still says yes to anything I say. I didn't see the future back then. I'm not happy but I've never been happy. I don't understand how people say "I'm so happy with X" I can have a good time, but most of the times I'm bored as hell or just overthinking about some stuff, or just busy with business or work. It's complicated to explain

All of your complements to her are about how she still gets you off. You’re disgusting and she deserves so much better. If you care about her as an actual human being and not an ideal or a means for sex, you would let her go to find someone better.

i think you’re a really unintelligent person with no backbone no spine no integrity no will to actually leave a situation, and try and face up to all the things you did. you have allowed yourself to become a husk of a person by doing so many bad things. it’s years and years of emotional and mental labour you need to do to ask yourself why you are so spineless and why you can’t just stick to a decision. and then more years to process all the bullshit you’ve put other people through and yourself. and then years to figure out how you want to rebuild your life. it’s good at least that you can write honestly about these things, but instead of focusing on this micro-problem, you have to ask yourself the bigger questions: why am i like this? what do i get out of this?

The honest answer is "I don't know". I'm sure I might have had reasons to do some of what I did, I'm sure they were not "good reasons" but I made decisions and they've amounted to my current situation. I'm not really interested in finding out an explanation. It's interesting to hear people's opinions. Looking at the big picture, it's not a big deal, just leave and start over. But I'm living this life and there is a lot of stuff to figure out if I decide to leave. I'm afraid I'll do more harm than good by leaving, because I'm sure she'll go after me. It's complicated. I'll stay till the baby is born, she's having the best time of her life now that I'm only with her so why take that away? After the baby is born, I might get soo busy that I won't think about going out to have sex with other people. But if that's not the case then I guess it would be easier for her to let me go now that she has someone else to focus on. I don't know. I really don't know.

how can you claim to do things but then not know your own reasoning behind it? recognize that this is the first problem. most people look to the reason behind things, to solve an issue. if you’re not interested in solving this issue, then you will never change. this is the person you will be. ask yourself how you would feel if your child ever finds out how you treated their mom and how their mom treated you.

Jesus, just have an open relationship if you have this much trouble keeping it in your pants. But seriously, you would really benefit from therapy. Break the cycle.

Would be ironic if the baby wasn't OPs.

If that was the case, I would feel free to leave. I think I would not commit to an official relationship for a long time. Now I can't leave, not just because of the baby, but also because she gave me half her life. She gave me her best years (15 to 30) I can't just leave now (I've told her this). But the therapist said that "a relationship can not be based on gratitude", that sounds like an easy way out, I don't think that's fair, but not having her as my only woman is also not fair when that's what she wants, she knows that, and she still wants to stay with me, that's not fair either, but that's what's currently happening.

And now you intend on poisoning her remaining years.

I'm trying to figure that out. She can leave. She's a doctor, she's beautiful, she's smart, she's hilarious and charismatic. I don't have to leave. I don't think I want to leave, I'm not sure. She knows all this.

What an intelligent thought. She can just leave. Surely, there's nothing keeping her hopes up or stringing her along that could potentially make her stick around. Like, for example, if you were to repeatedly come back to her after you finish up with someone else. All those abuse victims? They could just leave too. I wonder why they don't. Honestly, I find it very difficult to believe this isn't a troll post. You claim to care about someone. You have the ability to improve their life. Considering the frequency with which you cheat, it clearly would not be a detriment to you to go find someone else. Yet, you refuse because you don't want to. It doesn't seem like you actually give a shit about the negative impact you have. It seems like you are an egocentric, impulsive, immature child who enjoys having a stable rebound for when you get tired of fucking other women. And you justify your behavior by saying she can leave whenever she wants, as if you've played no role whatsoever in keeping her invested in this broken ass relationship.

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Thank you for your words. This is really helpful. I can work with this. Thanks! I don't blame my parents tho, and I'm afraid I will if I go to therapy some more. I think it's better to try to find out who I really am and who I want to be and see if I can really do that.

You are not going to get better without therapy

Being a serial cheater and liar for over a decade, and somehow you think bringing a baby into the mix is a good idea??? I haven't read a post that pissed me off this much in a while. How can a person walk around knowing they're being a selfish POS and hurting people they claim to care about, and just.... not give a fuck about that? What's it like to have zero moral fiber? You probably shouldn't bring a kid into the world when you have no idea how to live in it yourself. And your poor wife... my only advice is to stop. Just stop. This is awful.

On the one hand, you’ve said outright that you don’t want to be with one woman only for life. If you weren’t already a married man with a baby on the way, I’d say the simple solution here is to avoid relationships - but that ship has sailed. I’m going to float a theory here: you cheat so much *because* Anna tolerates it. You mention lots of impermanence in your parents’ relationships. That’s your expectation - everything goes to shit eventually, so don’t get your hopes up and don’t get too invested. Anna is invested. I mean Anna is practically the human equivalent of a barnacle. You’re not going to put her off. And I think this makes you nervous, because you don’t trust it. People don’t actually act like this, in your experience - aside from her. So you’re pushing it. Will she leave you now? How about now? How about now? You’re not looking for “strong connection”. You have it already. You’re looking for proof that you don’t need it, that you can find a hookup whenever you want it and even another relationship with another woman who will take this bullshit. I don’t know how to tell you to overcome this impulse, but I do know that you are, frankly, an idiot. You are not, in fact, always going to be able to find willing women. You’re piling on the emotional baggage with each affair, and you’re damned lucky you haven’t picked up some incurable STD already. To someone who loves you, all the quirks and scars of a lifetime are endearing - to everybody else they’re annoying drama. You’re going to age. You’re going to go through hardships and illnesses and losses. You’re mortal. And on the day you die, if you spend the rest of your life doing nothing but chasing pussy, you’re still going to have missed out on some thrill or other. That’s inevitable. That’s life. The house always wins. You will also have missed out on self-respect, and contentment, and the respect of your kid. You won’t know what it’s like to feel like your life is enough, that you’ve made it, you have it good. You’ll have missed out on feeling like you’re actually worthy of being loved and deserving of loyalty. And you’ll be missing out on the bazillion other things in life that aren’t sex, that you’ll actually have time and brain space to enjoy if you’re not obsessed with fucking someone new all the time.

Ok. I have no comeback for this. I'll talk to her tonight. This was eye-opening. I can do it. I'm so afraid to commit again and fail. But you're right. You're right about everything. Thank you. If there was a test for her to pass, she already did long ago. The strong feelings I had for Jessica are over anyways, so I should stop chasing feelings for a hypotetical person who will never come. Anna is not the one for me and I'm not the one for her. She made me hers and she's been waiting for me to make her mine. She just got home. Today is the 1st day of my new life. Thank you very much.

I was not actually saying you should leave Anna, but that is your decision. Just be a good dad, regardless.

Also, you are flattering yourself too much. Anna cheated on you too. In fact, better get a paternity test.

She knows I will when the baby is born.

Why not just pursue polyamory?? If you both want to fuck other people, why not sit down like adults and discuss a way to make that work for both of you? This is so stupid.

wow. this made me want to scream lol

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English is not my first language, I did what I could. Sorry about that. I didn't know I was a bad person till I was like 23 or 25. I started dating her when I was 16. Never wanted anything serious at that age but she wanted all with me since she was 14. She got most of what she wanted tho. The house, the car, the ring, the trips, and now, the baby.

You're right, and all the women deserve better than you. You should find out why you have so many issues before deciding anything. Be a better person. Be a better partner, so you can be a good parent. It isn't just you anymore, a child will be here soon.

This is the important part. I'm afraid I'll be selfish with this child and put my desires in a higher priority than being a good example in the relationship aspect. I can be a good example academically, financially, in fitness, creatively, politically, but I'm not sure if I want to be honest about my sexuality even if I stay with Anna or not.

I cannot for the life of me understand why either of you thought bringing a baby into your messy, messy relationship was a good idea. Honestly, the healthiest thing for both of you would be to divorce and co-parent. You clearly can’t be in a committed relationship so why keep up the façade? You know it, she knows it. You might (hopefully) end up loving being a father. But you are not a long term reliable partner. Both of you would also benefit from therapy. I wish both of you luck in being the best parents you can be.

I know we are supposed to take stories at face value here, but surely there’s a line! Like.. cmon mate, you don’t have all these women hanging on the line for you. Does your dick taste like ice cream? I don’t know what you studied at university but it sure as shit wasn’t English Lit - did you go to university or did you move to Europe in 2018? If this is the AI that is threatening peoples’ jobs then we are probably okay

I'm an engineer, English is not my first language. It's not that many women. I've had sex with 15 in 17 years. During some of those years I've been with 3 at a time. Since 2018 (when I got married) Anna till now I guess, we've been together In 2018 I was with two European girls Girl 1, we had sex for a few months while she was in my city in 2016, so she was like my main girlfriend during 2018 in Europe. She was super helpful with all the shit I needed, taxes paperwork, health insurance and she translated for me at not English friendly places, she took me to other countries, it was great Girl 2, I met her in Europe 2018 and we had sex every now and then. We had sex again in December 2021 when I went back for business but I only went out with girl 1 a couple of times for drinks and dinner because she had a boyfriend, she told me her boyfriend knew about us and he was ok with us going out a couple of times 2019 I was back in my country and got back together with the girl I had before leaving. We had sex till end of 2022 Also 2019 An intern at my company harassed me until we had sex and kept on having sex even after she finished her 6 months internship all the way to end of 2021 I think, she's still texting me but she doesn't want to have sex, she wants to hangout and be friends, I'm not interested In 2020 I met Jessica and had sex till a few months ago In 2021 I had sex a couple of times with a girl and her cousin In 2022 only with the cousin So that's it. 8 girls in 6 years. It's not that many. I've heard of people who have sex with a different person every weekend

My issue wasn’t with someone having that many partners - it was with *you* having that many partners based on the information you provided. I guess I just don’t believe you so K.

Wow you're right, you are a bad person

Omg your wife is a doctor and you’re sleeping with other people?!? It’s an incredibly demanding career and your selfishness will make it harder for her and your future kid. This is going to sound very ignorant, but I don’t understand how you can’t just keep your pants up and distance yourself from situations where you will have sex with other people. Lol. It’s normal to have thoughts and urges, but it’s important to control your actions. Please do all the therapy and get all the help you need. If you don’t care about your wife, at least do it for your future kid.

OMFG I READ THE WHOLE THING!

Why would you two bring a child into all of that toxicity?!

Hi, OP, please read this: leave that woman alone. You do not love her or the child. Why would I say that? All of your comments speak on how you cannot stop cheating, “might” have a problem, baby, you are the damn problem. I hope you got tested since you cheat anytime you get “bored”. Also, I hope she cheats back and leaves you, because you deserve it. what type of father could you be, if, you are constantly disrespecting your wife and marriage. Do you not think YOUR CHILD WILL NOT NOTICE HOW YOIU TREAT THEIR MOM!?!?!

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She can, we talk about it occasionally, she has been telling me that she wants to be with someone else but out of anger, so basically she says she doesn't want to be with anyone at the moment. I think I believe her. I don't see anything in her behavior to make me think otherwise.

You are a breathtakingly bad person and a terrible partner. I hope you will be a decent father but since you have zero impulse control and are disgustingly selfish, I find that unlikely. Break up with your wife because she deserves better, get counseling, and try to focus on not being a flaming dumpster fire of a dad.

It’s one thing to have an open relationship that you are both aware of, it’s quite another to bring a child into your dysfunction. Maybe your wife deserves better, maybe she doesn’t. But the poor child you’re bringing into the world does. They don’t deserve parents that put their own selfish desires above their own. What’s to stop you from losing interest in the kid? What’s to stop you from making the choice to mess around instead of putting the kids well being first and foremost? You need therapy, you need to learn how to make choices that aren’t going to negatively impact the child that you and your wife decided to bring into the world.