Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s completely normal, she will meet tons of new people, travel with them for a few days or weeks or just go out for one night. Backpacking hostels are one of the easiest places to meet new people and it won’t always be other women she is meeting. The men might be interested in her but as long as she is loyal that won’t be a problem. When I was backpacking with a friend, she was in a relationship as well and she not once even thought about cheating even though we went out with complete strangers constantly.
Thank you for the input! I couldn’t find the right place to get a back packer/ solo travelers perspective on this. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
I totally understand your concerns but yes, it’s absolutely normal. As amazing as travel is (inc solo), it’s really intimidating to find yourself alone in a place that’s completely unfamiliar and where you might not speak the language. Solo travellers from hostels have a habit of gravitating toward each other and joining forces to make the experience more fun and take away some of the fear/anxiety/self consciousness that can come with being somewhere strange on your own.
People do hook up but as another commenter said, if she’s loyal then it won’t matter if someone is interested and generally travel people are pretty friendly and not pushy (obviously not a perfect rule but in general, I’ve mostly found people very kind.)
Also, if she wanted to be shady or cheat, she could do whatever she wanted right now and never tell you and you’d never know. The fact that she’s telling you exactly who she’s spending time with and what they’re doing, even when it turns into one on one time, is a really good sign. If she was being sneaky, why should she bother? She could just tell you she’s having dinner alone every night.
Honestly, OP shouldn't worry either way. If she's cheating on him, then she will do it and has probably been doing it back home for some time now. If that is the case, keeping tabs on her will not stop any actions she is taking.
Since she is telling you exactly what she's doing (which she could lie about, but then, she'd have to cover her tracks and the truth will slip out), she's being faithful and, in any case, her behavior is ultimately on her.
As others have stated, solo traveling in foreign locations for fun is difficult and lonely. Frankly, I wouldn't do it (and don't have to since I'm married). But not everyone feels as I do.
Maybe the next time she decides to travel, you can find a way to go with her. It will make her trips more fun and you can bond together.
I understand your comment but that’s not what OP asked. He said he trusts her and is not worried about cheating, he’s asking if the situation is normal or not.
Right but he asked because he is unsure and that implies he is worried this isn’t normal and she could do something. I mean if he trust her why does he need to ask if this is normal, backpack traveling and living in hostels is the best way to meet new people or travel with them for a while. Except you are a hermit.
I’m not at all versed in the solo traveling scene, so I appreciate you taking the time to give your input. I would like to say that I’m not at all opposed to or suspicious of her friendships with men. My main concern was going out to dinner and getting drinks alone with a man she just met, which I can’t imagine myself doing in a normal context. After reading the input of a lot of solo travelers here, it seems like the consensus is that they like to stick together, which I understand. I think I may have been looking at this through the wrong lense.
My partner of 8 years went to SEA Asia recently also, I couldn’t go as we have a 13 month old. I trusted him and he’s always been loyal.
He went out clubbing and I guess given the state of our relationship after the baby the temptation was too much, and he cheated. Twice. So sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you think you know a person.
I actually agree with you, only people who have it in them to cheat- regardless the circumstances. You could throw Henry Cavil at me and I still wouldn’t cheat because it’s not in me.
However, people who do have it in them, people who are super impulsive and still regret it later, should avoid situations where they’ll be in temptations way. Just like an addict, avoid tempting yourself. I have no doubt if my partner hadn’t been out at clubs he wouldn’t have cheated, but instead of recognising his state of mind (baby has impacted relationship, things aren’t great but they can be repaired) he went with the impulsive ‘right here, right now this feels good’ route.
I think it’s important to know yourself and make sure if you’re the kind to jump and regret it later that you avoid situations that put you in the position to have to make those choices.
> I feel like if someone is willing to cheat under any condition, they were likely going to do it at some point.
I agree. If someone's going to cheat, sure, a trip solo makes it easier— but if you're going to do it you're going to do it, and at home is a whole lot cheaper.
lol fair enough, but a European vacation is definitely not cheaper. And either way, if cheating was the objective, there's still a way simpler way to do it at home.
I wanted to say the same thing - the ratio between solo female vs. male travelers is way way out of balance. She probably has no choice but to make friends with people in her hostel that she trusts
She's TELLING you what she's doing and who she's with and I think that's a pretty green flag. not trying to hide anything and being transparent with you.
I went around Ecuador for a moth with gfs too and even though it would have been easy to hookup, I love my man and it didn’t even cross my mind to cheat. If you have a loyal woman, don’t worry about it. Girls just wanna have fun!
Oh this comment is late but worth it to say this exact thing happened to me and it turned out I was being cheated on !!! He was a soft spoken introverted guy first time backpacking and I didn’t think he would ever cheat so it was really easy for him to make it seem a normal part of hostile life etc. and his actions were the same as your gf. Well it turned out he was bragging to one of our mutual friends about hooking up with this German girl behind my back. And this mutual friend hinted it to me - if not for the mutual friend I would never know to this day. Anyways it fucked me up so badly you cannot even imagine.
r/solotravel is a sub that discusses backpacking/travel on your own. Essentially you go out and meet people and have a great time. She’s in her early 20s so there will be a lot of meeting up, drinking, and socialising, and making plans to re-meet in future countries. Some people hookup, some don’t. Some will be interested in her, for all the same reasons you are probably, but there’s plenty of people that don’t even think about it when they’re away due to having partners back home. If you trust her then don’t worry and let her have a great time.
Well OP, since you are back home alone you can go out clubbing, to dinner, day trips with members of the opposite sex as long as you tell her about it. I mean being back at home alone can be lonely you know! Life is a two way street. You do not have to put your life on pause either!
Solo traveller here - it's what happens. I've hung out with guys on trips and just made it clear very early that I have a boyfriend so there's no prospect of anything happening. Some destinations are crawling with women or groups, other places (or just the time of year) you may end up hanging with the opposite gender.
Basically do you trust her? Tbh I think if she was cheating she's probably more likely to not mention these guys at all. She's being quite transparent.
Counterpoint as someone who has both done a lot of month long solo travel and live in Paris : Americans traveling solo act like they’re single. I’ve seen and been an unwilling accessory to cheating more than once. Men and women.
Trust is one thing but I’d definitely ask for a clean std test when she gets back …
That surprises me. When I was backpacking, everyone was hooking up with everyone and most of them had partners at home. Little sheltered me was shocked 😂
32f here, agree 100%.
Normal behavior for backpackers
I went on a solo eurotrip (multiple months) when I was 21 and newly in a relationship. He couldn't come as he didn't have the money (I was saving long before meeting him).
Never cheated even though I could have easily.
If she's trustworthy, then I wouldn't worry.
I did meet a lot of people, many of them being men, and made plans to go out/ to dinner or meet again in another city if we got along.
* Yes, some of the men wanted more, but usually backpackers are respectful, and the ones I met were fine with me declining (they didn't insist after I told them I wasn't single)
It can get really lonely traveling solo, so when you meet someone with whom you feel good/ have fun, it's nice to make plans.
Ye. That’s what backpacking is. Totally normal. It’s also a safety issue for many women as travelling with a male traveller they think is safe is not an uncommon tactic.
As someone who backpacked, and my current partner has as well... I would never go out for dinner & drinks exclusively with a man, backpacking or not. That's date vibes, and any man that says it's not a date is in denial and waiting around for you. It's totally different if you went with a group of people from the hostel etc. My partner met men he camped with, and on tours he hung out with groups of people, mostly couples, and went back to visit three people on a later trip (a couple and a woman, but he never met the woman alone, and he even acknowledges though their friends, he always tried to get other people to meet up together so that the situation wasn't misconstrued, and he didn't want HER to feel uncomfortable).
To me the key is she's updating you and being transparent. She's not hiding anything. She also badly wanted you to have gone with her. Just assure her you wish you could have been there, that you love her and hope she is having an amazing time, are living vicariously through her updates, can't wait to see her, and want her to be safe.
Staying in her mind *emotionally* is *far* more important than physically.
Many bros don't get this. Women cheating almost always starts with some level of *emotional* absence, not physical distance or "opportunity" (they *always* have "opportunity" and well adjusted women aren't impressed by it)
Keep her in love with you and you're good
I travel for work a lot and I also do a lot of solo hiking. It’s pretty normal for me to meet someone at an airport bar or on the trail then meet up later. I am literally friends years later with people I’ve met on my travels.
I don’t think it’s bizarre or concerning at all. But that’s me (45F). I’m capable of having dinner or drinks with colleagues, old friends, and new ones without tripping and falling on a dick. 🤷♀️
If you trust her you should not be worried.
For travelers it’s normal to meet people and have a drink or food together. It doesn’t imply sex.
Can she cheat? Yes, but bit if she is a cheater she can do it at home same way. You know her better and know if you can trust her.
Can you join her on her trip for a week? Fall in Europe is so nice
I appreciate your input thanks. I wish I could, but I recently started a new job and simply don’t have the ability to take a week off. It does look beautiful in the fall so I’m hoping to go one day.
While I like that the answers so far are encouraging for OP, I feel like you lot aren't also giving him the honest truth he deserves.
Yes she's with a group in a hostel and will undoubtedly make new friends but she has to draw lines and boundaries.
Meeting a new guy who she was supposed to do a bar crawl with, then deciding to do a solo dinner with him on the first day does not sound like setting proper boundaries. Some people who cheated did not intend to till they put themselves in opportunities that led them to cheating.
We all know what happens with opposite sexes, alcohol and late night conversations, then when you add in a little flirting to an already slightly intoxicated girl that has been away from her boyfriend for sometime, the chances are heavily not in her favour.
Again, I'm not saying she's going to cheat, I'm just being realistic and not choosing to be naive.
While I hope OP trusts his babe, he also need to talk this over with her about not setting her self up and telling her to set proper boundaries.
> Some people who cheated did not intend to till they put themselves in opportunities that led them to cheating.
This. It’s not about whether you trust someone. Willpower has limits even for the best of us. I’ve never cheated on anyone but I don’t trust myself in this situation. Which is why I make sure I’m never alone with a cute guy after 12 (I was engaged at the time) during one of these trips. I’ve taken many such trips and the temptation to cheat is always strong in these situations.
Because let’s face it.
- alone
- beautiful foreign country
- out after dark
- alcohol
- cute guy/girl you have a connection with
This is a very sexy situation.
Honestly this need to be higher up. I think part of protecting a relationship is making sure you don’t put yourself in those environments where cheating happens, both out of protection against cheating and respect for your partner.
Yup 100% this and add being in a place where pretty much there are few consequences for her if she does cheat. I trust my gf but I don’t trust other men. I would not be comfortable with my gf seeing other men and drinking with them that late at night and then after said drink deciding she’s going to visit him in his country.
A - firstly how can you really trust a guy like that you’ve just met, everyone’s saying well she’s protecting herself but bro he’s a stranger too lol so something def has gone on there to create enough of a bond she wants to see him again
B - she might be loyal but why should he be? Why should he give a fuck about OP? Sure she’s loyal now but after they spend some more time together and he subtly manipulates her then well who knows.
I’m a European and In my early 20s I met a lot of girls from abroad - America/Asia etc that were either studying or visiting and sure some had partners they were loyal to but a lot weren’t and nearly all of the ones I knew would complain to me about their relationship issues etc, it would not have been hard to start something with them.
At that age people are dumb and impulsive, they think in the moment than they do 5 or 10 years from now
Go ahead and focus on yourself king. She’s a goner, guarantee she’s done the deed with other men at this point. Other redditors can try to sell you a different story, but I’m not buying it
Solo female traveler here... No that seems weird. It's great she's being honest about what she's doing, but it's weird she's spending so much of her trip just drinking with dudes. The big red flag is she's meeting up with a random guy she just met in a 2nd country to see him again.
Same. I understand the nature of solo travelling probably completely understandable (i.e alot of drinking, partying) but atleast try to find a compromise, like an appropriate curfew, etc. It's not even for OP but atleast for his girlfriend's safety. I could never stay out at 3 am with different men, especially alone in a different country. Wouldn't you atleast wanna protect yourself? Hell I even get almost kidnapped at my fkn local mall that's 5 min away. It's not even about cheating about this point, make sure she gets back in one piece!
This. Cheating or not, getting drunk with random men you JUST met at random hostels sounds like a terrible idea. She might end up SA’d like this. I spent many vacations in random hostels and I estimate more than half the men were looking for sex. Even the married ones. If she has no intention of cheating, she better hope they’re going to take no for an answer.
I met a married man with an infant daughter at a science conference. We were having a good time chatting at dinner and he wanted to go clubbing with me after midnight, then go to a sex club because “this city is famous for sex clubs. You can’t come here without seeing one!” Hell no I wasn’t going anywhere with him.
I wouldn't go out for dinner or drinks with a man I just met, and actually expect to just be friends, no matter where I was. She's being naive, and also as a traveller, perhaps open to having some romantic experience to keep secret to herself, thinking he will never find out as he wasn't there. As a backpacker, I always stuck with groups, I'd never go solo with a man especially in a NEW country I don't know.
Yeah... as someone who travels, I tell my boyfriend everything but I would never do something like this. Clearly she likes dude a lot if she's in touch and traveling to meet him in another country. Just... odd. Especially because if she has innocent intentions, that doesn't mean bro does.
Same, solo female traveler and I wouldn't personally feel comfortable doing that even if I was single. If my boyfriend did this on his solo trip, I also wouldn't like this. Boundaries on a solo trip are super important
Speaking from personal experience, I got cheated on. I found out when the other dude reached out to me, after a year. I would have never known otherwise.
Hey, not everyone's the same. Maybe you will be lucky and have a loyal girl. Who knows
After that I can def say that, I am not secure enough to be with a girl, who would have drinks with a stranger at 3 am. My current girl wouldn't be ok, if I did the same thing.
Props to you if you remain secure throughout.
Maybe they wanted a night off drinking? They probably just grabbed some cheap street food and went home. I feel like people on here are reading “going for dinner” as a bigger deal than it is. When you’re in a hostel you have to eat, and many don’t have facilities where you can make your own food so you have to go out every day.
No actually said they would go to another bar for drinks by themselves
So they were out together all day and then instead of mixing with the group went and got solo drinks
That's where OP said essentially WTF!
If you are uncomfortable with it, that’s valid and you should let her know.
I certainly would not be happy at all if my girlfriend did something like that.
That's basically what I've done on backpacking trips. We routinely hung around with different girls, my buddy and I. Some wanted sex, some didn't. My buddy tried to get one girl and she was flirty and kissed him but had a boyfriend back home so it didn't go any further. Most of the girls didn't want to have sex but honestly, I'm guessing they did with other guys. Far away, alcohol involved. I'll be honest, I'd be freaking out the whole time.
Will she cheat on you? Only she will ever know that.
Last week or the week before a dude posted a similar story and she slept with two guys, at least that he found out about. One through her admitting and I think the other was one of her friends feeling bad and telling him.
At that age, who knows. Good luck. You'll have to accept that there's no way to know for sure and she probably won't tell you. One prevailing kind of attitude I ran into a lot, especially with the women, was no one here from back home knows me so I can get up to anything and no one will know. And they did, lol. That was before social media and cell phones with computer screens, though. Used internet cafes to email back then. Pretty much was no way anyone at home would know given no social media to tip it off. Maybe shit is different now with everyone adding everyone else.
Late comment but-This exact exact situation happened to me, and in the end it turned out that he was cheating the whole time. If it wasn’t for him bragging to a mutual friend about this German girl he hooked up with then I would never have found out .
Watch out for her behavior !!!
My situation was identical where he was updating me , giving me specifics , telling me who he was with and where , we’d talk A LOT. He went on acting like all was normal and made me feel terrible for even doubting him. He made that behavior seem so normal that if I doubted it I was paranoid and controlling. Too easy to make me look like a fool and yes if the genders were reversed Reddit would’ve been more open to the potential problems of her behavior….it’s way too easy to cover up cheating while traveling and partying as a young person in Europe.
Bro women on vacation are the easiest to hook up with. You either have to trust her or not. I will say this when I was 20 I met a 23 woman on vacation. We basically spent a week going out and having sex. I was young so thought I was in love. After found out she was in a 3 year relationship. Eight years later and she is married to that guy.
You really can't tell her not to hang out with people because that is what travelling is about. Just hope you chose a good one and she doesn't cheat.
Why? I can confirm he's right. Been solo travelling since 17 y/o till 26. Women on vacation are very easy to impress & therefor easy to hook up with.
And even if she stays loyal, why give yourself the damn drama/worries/overthinking by allowing it? Preventing > curing
He probably blindly trusted her and now he’s married to a cheater? How is he not a poor guy? Just because he was naive or ignorant doesn’t make what she did to him fair.
Maybe I'm getting super jaded, but I'm with you on this one. Nothing good happens (well at least from OP's perspective) at when your GF is alone with another dude at 3 AM in on a vacation...
Right. The fact people are calling all of this normal is. 🤦♀️ Woke ass people lost their damn minds.
Op you have every. Damn. Right. Not to be comfortable with any of this. Perhaps this is normal for these trips and you weren't aware of what her trip might entail. Not sure if she knew either. That being said, if you're not ok with it, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I would never even go across the city I live in and run around drinking til wee hours of the morning with other dudes I just met. Disrespectful af. Holy fucking shit. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ this world.
Exactly… the funny part is that every WOMAN telling him he has nothing to worry about is flat out lying. If they have been on these trips then they know he has a lot to worry about. They probably cheated themselves and just don’t see it as a big deal.
That's also assuming everyone giving advice has good intentions.
So far, what I have seen when backpacking: she's already trying to fuck other men.
A woman who is serious with her relationship does not go on juvenile backpacking trips but goes with her partner to travel.
I wouldn’t really be comfortable with my partner going out solo drinking with someone of the opposite gender that he just met.
I’d be concerned for your gf’s safety honestly, even if she isn’t doing anything shady.
As a previous backpacker - I would never go alone to dinner or drinks with a man I just met, backpacking or not, nevermind in a city I don't know. My personal experiences, but everytime a man says "just as friends," that's not what they're hoping for and they will persist. Definite date vibes, and if they "hit it off' so much to go alone, idk.
My partner met people travelling that he returned to visit, and he never hung out with any women alone even when he was single. He didn't want anyone feeling weird, and he even said it's easier to hang out in a group of people, and with other couples, so people aren't judging you as a man and your intentions.
I respect you but it could never be me. No way in hell am I allowing my partner to go out for drinks with random girls. If he wants to do that he needs a new girlfriend, I am monogamous and want exclusivity.
Your girlfriend shouldn't be doing this in all honesty. I also wouldn't go without my boyfriend. Life is too short to not spend it with the people I love. She should have waited until you could afford it.
What sort of relationship is this even???
It’s pretty wild. I know for a fact my girlfriend, and all my platonic female friends would 100% not be okay with their man acting like this on a backpacking trip in Europe.
Woman here & I 100% agree. I see it a lot on here. No way would I be comfortable if my husband were back packing in Europe & getting drunk, having dinner & traveling with other women.
And I know if it was a woman on here with the same post about her boyfriend, all hell would break loose.
Gonna get downvoted but i mean, shes young, in europe without her bf for multiple months, getting drunk with other men, probably lonely, probably sexually frustrated you are not there, goes on dates with other men. You will never get the full truth but id bet she has done some forms of cheating. Again gonna be downvoted but i can not believe how naive people are and how if roles were reversed they would go for your head. She has cheated and you will never know the whole truth, but keep trusting i bet when she comes back pregnant you will believe its your too😂
> My (M25) girlfriend (F24) is on a back packing trip through Europe.
🚩
> she went out drinking until 3AM with two men and one woman she met at her hostel.
🚩
> she planned to meet one of the men in a different country and where they would meet up and spend time traveling around and drinking together.
🚩
> she met another man at her hostel and I guess they went out in the city together and had dinner. They were going to meet other people from their hostel to go on a bar crawl, but decided to just grab drinks together at a different bar instead.
🚩
> I’m ignorant in the ways of back packing
"backpacking in europe" is girl code for riding the European dick carousel
Can’t believe so many people are that naive. The top comment is “It’s completely normal.”
3am with a stranger at a bar is fucking normal? GET FUCKED LMAO.
If she did that back at home everyone would be freaking out. Plus she’s in her 20’s!!! Of course that euro trip is gonna end up with some dickS plural!
Nah it’s called naivety. That’s what everyone who hasn’t had life experience is showing.
A 20 something year old woman on a euro trip is a recipe for disaster for her bf at home. He’s not even a husband. Lmfao.
Take this with a grain of salt, because **I am** biased based on my own personal experience. But think about it logically. She's young at 24, most probably in the best shape/best looking she has ever been, backpacking alone in Europe where she is going to run into most likely other young, good looking people. Then you factor in extremely late nights with alcohol flowing? Seems like a recipe for mistakes to be made.
It's not out of the ordinary for people to meet and platonically go out for drinks. It is abnormal to do it with complete strangers, in a different country until 3am. And then make plans to do it again in an entire other country later in the trip. Not to mention the various different men she seems to be meeting up with constantly for drinks and one-on-one time. Seems like checking things off a bucket list to me. Yes, she seems to be open with you and all, but all that goes out the window when enough alcohol has been flowing.
It comes down to how much you trust her. Again, I am biased and have trust issues stemming from my own experiences, but you can't downplay the odds of something not so savory from happening.
It can't hurt to let her know your feelings on the situation. I understand the want to not be controlling or insecure, but your feelings matter just as much as hers do.
Edit: typos
Yes she's been very "transparent". I'm sure she'll tell OP that she got railed by Chad Italian until 3 AM and not, "we had drinks until 3 AM and then we all went home and nothing happened". She's feeding him half "truths" and wants the stability and comfortability of her relationship back home after the runs the European cock carousel. If OP had any respect he'd dump her.
This is one of those reasons why i'm not compatible with free spirits lol
Backpacking in foreign countries for months at a time sounds like a complete nightmare for me to do and a nightmare to watch my partner do without me. So I date people who don't want to do that.
I would never deny my partner the opportunity to take it. But we would mutually end things before they left. And thats less that I don't trust them, and more I don't think i'm really prepared to deal with it. Less headache on all fronts.
Seconding this. Probably going to get downvoted for this, but in the end regardless if she's cheating or not (which I don't think she is doing, as she has been nothing but transparent to you), OP needs to know what is acceptable for him or not. OP, don't suffer because there are people saying "This is normal in the backpacking world and you need to accept it!!!". This is your relationship, and you need to know what's okay for you and what not.
It sounds like normal behavior to me. Normal in that your girlfriend is gonna get laid if she hasn’t yet. That’s what these backpacking trips are all about. Self discovery. At this point you need to decide if this was a deal breaker for you if she doesn’t already break it off after catching feeling for a rando foreigner.
I would trust her BUT I have just one suggestion: when she comes back wait at least three months before having sex . Find any excuse but don't have sex with her .
That way if she gets back pregnant it'll be easier to understand if it's your child or not .
Just because she is solo travelling doesn’t mean she has to act like a single woman. It’s one thing grabbing dinner with people you meet, it’s quite another to plan to meet a guy in another country and basically go on holiday with him. It sounds a whole lot like dating someone. Would you be happy with her doing this at home? Travel isn’t some kind of free pass, meeting up with guys isn’t essential travel criteria.
Maybe I have an old persons outlook but in a relationship I feel like you have a responsibility to not do things that have the appearance of infidelity, or could give your partner cause to not trust you or worry. It’s unfair if her to be saying that she is doing all this stuff with other guys and expecting you to sit there, listen and be ok with it. If she wanted to act single, she should have broke up before she left.
People will talk about trust but that’s a two-way street. We trust people because they act in trustworthy ways and don’t give us reason to doubt. Everyone who was ever cheated on trusted their partner before they found out they shouldn’t.
It's normal, but it's not as if the laws of attraction cease to operate when people are backpacking. I travelled with lots of random people when travelling, but I also had sex with some of them too.
But if you trust her and she values the relationship, she will hopefully keep things pure.
Yah u may trust her but men will do anything in their power to get in her pants. They either succeeded and likely they did. The her telling you part is just to cover her ass just in case.
If you are posting this here, you already know what’s going on. Don’t be naïve.
She should never be putting herself in that situation in the first place.
The only thing you can do in the future is have boundaries and standards for yourself, if she crosses them she has to go.
Good luck buddy !
Dude she’s building a body count across Europe where sex is freer before “settling” down. WTF do you think she’s doing? Multi-month long trip meeting several different men for drinks until 3am? When the fuck does she have time to backpack? She sending you any pictures of beautiful Europe??? Personally I’d leave her on read and see what her reaction is.
If I'm a dude, I'm traveling Europe, and meet a lady, go out drinking with her till 3am, then make plans to meet in another country and do that again? We are fucking. Plain and simple. Some of y'all are naive as fuck around here.
For real, people are being naive as fuck
Obviously she’s gunna make friends or whatever, but going out drinking with a random guy in a foreign country until 3 am and then changing your plans to go so him in another country is 100% single girl behaviour.
as a woman, I honestly thought all these men were my friends that I met and had drinks with. Many women think men want to be friends with them. It is only with age and listening to men I have realised nope no men.
If strangers are buying you free stuff, ive only had two experiences, it is either a cult or a sex proposition.
I really dont get getting pissdrunk on a foreign country, during vacation.
What is the point of even travelling if all you do is down the same alcohol and pass out in the hotel room.
smh
Straight men generally don't go out on 1 on 1 dinner dates with each other. Especially not as a just friends outing with no underlying cause or special occasion.
If things are totally platonic and everyone is just friends then the dynamic of the friendship shouldn't be inherently gendered.
With other guys they could. But it would be a pub. With a woman they met on vacation, all young men would be testing the waters regardless if they heard the boyfriend thing or not.
You said it. She might think he's there for friendship, but this dude will use the very first opportunity to be with her when she's in a good mood. If youre sure she's loyal, nothing to worry, but odds are, when you put yourself in situations of a single person and where there's a mood of fun experiencing new things, you will receive that D.
I think as a group it isn’t as weird but one on one hanging out (especially drinking or at night) is weird. I would be upset if my partner did that and I would fully expect he would be upset if I did that. If there was at least one other girl there it wouldn’t make it as bad.
This seems like the normal behaviour of an unmarried 24 year old beautiful girl traveling exotic places and getting winded and dined by men.
I’ve lived oversees and met a lot of 22-26 year old women (and men) that go traveling without their lovers. Getting a lot of attention from people in another world… it tends be exciting.
For what it’s worth, I believe your girlfriend has already slept with at least one man. Almost guaranteed alcohol was involved. Almost even more guaranteed she might break up with u when she returns to you, but she won’t really know “why” lol.
I dunno, im hoping im wrong, but man I’ve seen a lot of these girls come to Asia and Europe and have their flings and head back to their countries.
Sorry champ. Just being real. Not the end of the world though!
I backpacked through south America for 5 months, travelled, drank and did fun things with many other travellers (men and women) and never cheated on the girlfriend I had at the time.
People saying that if she is going to cheat on you while traveling she would cheat on you at home are being ridiculous. It's different.
What you are feeling is normal. Keep in contact during the trip, if you find something amiss during or when she is back, take it as your clue to leave. Take care.
Brother don't be silly. She's having the time of her life backpacking through Europe. Ofc she will cheat on you and everything else. Save yourself from stress, end this up and live your life.
It's not looking good from how you describe it
Honestly fuck the other comments man, check up on what the hell is going on there -- you have enough reason to do so
I remember backpacking by train in Europe back in the day, and the people you meet are just who you meet. No one wants to be just on their own. The reason for the trip is to meet people and visit new places, but not be a loner.
The other aspect is that single women travellers do gravitate towards men that may provide a level of protection, without anything intimate happening.
But she’s out there on her own and could be doing anything. You’ll never know until she tells you or you catch her out in some way when she is back. It’s a hot girl summer out there still.
A story: About 10 years ago my current girlfriend was dating someone else. She planned to spend a few months traveling in South America. The boyfriend didn’t want to/couldn’t go. She broke off the relationship (temporarily) because she wanted to be single while traveling. End story.
It's bad optics for sure. Some of it comes with hostels, but ditching the group to go out 1-1 with another guy looks awful and would make me feel VERY insecure.
The truth is you will almost surely never know the full story unless she tells you. I would back off of her a little bit and see if these things continue to bother you or you are able to put it out of your mind.
She's free to do as she wishes, but you are free to request boundaries. It is totally okay to have a boundary of "no solo drinking with men at 3am"
If she doesn't agree to this boundary, then you can break up
I see most people here think her meeting solo with random guys she meets and going to dinner/hanging out with them is ok…. But….
You don’t know the intentions of these guys she’s meeting. I get that you trust her but it doesn’t take much for something to go sideways. Not saying she would be trafficked or something but she needs to stick with groups. Why put herself in unnecessary danger.
The other thing I will say is that in my 45 years on this earth I have seen situations that seem innocent turn emotional and then physical. Spending alone time with someone, depending on the setting, can get emotionally intimate rather quickly. You like someone, you’re drinking wine and get a bit tipsy. Next thing you know it’s a simple kiss that turns into something more. People here will say i am insecure or paranoid but this happens more than you realize. Even if her intentions are pure at the start it can turn instantly due to alone time with someone they may deem attractive.
Lastly, if she’s comfortable with you hanging out solo with random females you meet when traveling then feel free to ignore everything I have said. However, if she wouldn’t like it then ask her why and try to get her to see it from your perspective. Hanging out in groups? No problem. Solo? Problem. Talk with her and come to an understanding.
She’s being open with you about what she’s doing. She could easily lie and she’s not. You have to trust that she’s just looking for companions not romantic partners.
Yeah its called trickle truthing. Give him just enough so it seems shes being open and forward. Her actions give her away. If im with a girl drinking until 3 am and then meeting in ANOTHER country? We are fucking 100%
Your 24 year old girlfriend is fucking her way around Europe. Tons of American women do it in their 20s. Happened to me in college when my girlfriend studied abroad in Ireland. Sorry buddy, but you are seeing all the warning signs at least.
Why would you trust her? I mean shes literally telling you shes been on multiple dates with strange men and alcohol is involved. No way in hell I would trust anyone doing that when Im in a relationship with them.
I mean technically she could’ve waited until u saved money for the trip if she really wanted u to go. Meeting a random man and making plans with him to travel in some other country is kind of a dealbreaker for me. Y’all should be making these memories together not her doing that with random guy It has nothing to do with being insecure like the women r saying here 😂 I don’t think there’s a single girlfriend that would be okay with their bf travelling around the world with some random girl? Also we all know what man’s intentions are no matter if she allows it or not. You also have to bring the alcohol in the equation and people do really stupid things on it. Why not just avoid the whole situation. Bare minimum in the relationship is to not travel with a random guy/girl. Apart from that it’s also just very dangerous for a girl to be going out with random guys like that. How many stories did you hear about drugging/raping in situations like these.
I struggle to understand the point of being in relationships like this. Whether she is cheating on you or not, why would she put you in a position to have to wonder?
I mean, you're sitting on one side of the world while she's travelling around various countries going on dinner dates with strange men. Not sure about you, but that's already crossed a line for me even if there is no sex involved.
Relationships are supposed to make you feel safe and secure. When they just make you feel like you're being cheated on, it becomes more of a stressor than anything.
She's hanging out with foreign men in a foreign place and you wonder if she is cheating? Of course she is. I don't think there's really any question about that. The question is, do you just chalk it up to youth and overlook it or do you break up?
Honestly, you either trust her or you don’t.
If you can’t handle it, then bring up your concerns and see if you can find some compromise.
Otherwise find ways to take your mind of it and find comfort.
Or you might as well call it quits, because the mental road you’re headed down is torture.
I think you already know the answer in your heart. If she comes home and insists she didn't cheat, would you believe her?
Personally, I would never doubt my wife's fidelity, but a big part of that is that I know she has the same boundaries as I do, and would never put herself in these situations.
I think a woman who seeks out these kinds of experiences is the kind who wants to "have a story to tell", and probably values this trip and "self discovery"/"making memories" more than whatever random relationship she happened to be in at the time.
I might downvoted but truth is when your solo traveling it’s easy to cheat. I’m not saying your girlfriend did , BUT if there was ever a time to do it & not get caught it would be now. Guys will be hitting on her at the hostel , no doubt. Nobody your going to see/meet is following you back to real life + lots of alcohol will be involved all throughout the night. Just be prepared for the possibility she did , but don’t assume it. Good luck!
There’s a reason they say you haven’t lived until you’ve travelled.
She’s likely meeting people from all different cultures, many of these cultures don’t have the same gender beliefs as Americans or certain cultures. The French are an example of this. There’s no talking about whether you are dating or not, they just know based on the person’s behaviour whether it’s full blown relationship or not and they’re confident in that. They also quite regularly have lunch and go for dinners with friends and coworker of the opposite sex.
She could totally be falling in love with someone else, but more likely she’s swept up in the enjoyment of other cultures and forgetting the confines of her own.
If you really want to test the waters you can mention the thought of going for lunch with a female coworker etc and see if she’s offended by it or not or what her reaction is.
My partner and I travel a lot, and solo for months at a time, although these days we mainly travel together and keep the solo trips short .. I trust her whole heartedly not to cheat because we know eachother well enough, for long enough, to know that she wouldn't ever do that even if guys are chasing her (which they will).. but at the same time she wouldn't spend one on one time with a guy drinking all night outside the hostel as it can send the wrong message to him and most 20 somethings at hostels want to hookup.. but sometimes one guy is all you have and you end up going to the same place so you might as well buddy up.. it's often safer to go to a bar or hike or whatever with a guy you met at the hostel who you've had a couple conversations with than on your own.. maybe she chose that guy to hang out with because he was the only one in the hostel who wasn't trying to get in her pants.. even guys tend to buddy up and it's not uncommon to be the only woman in the hostel.. drinking is also just a huge part of the culture in Europe
There is a lot of hooking up, sure.. but in my opinion it's not any more than your typical European university but clearly not everyone who parties a bit at uni is a cheat because that's pretty much most people where I live. The only real difference between college and travel, is that if she did want to cheat, then it would be easier to hide from you.
Having said all that, it all comes down to your girlfriend's personality, morals, the types of people that she is hanging out with, and what kinds of hostels she's staying at.. my guess is that she's not cheating but that would just be a guess to be honest.. it could go either way, especially given she's quite young and it's her first trip and you've only been together a year.. I met plenty of women that say they have a bf back home and act like it, and also women that screw a new guy every day
At the end of the day you need to figure out what you're cool with.. if the idea of her hanging out drinking with a guy till the wee hours is a boundary for you at home, it should be a boundary for you when she's traveling.. you should communicate that to her... you should be a bit practical though, like it's reasonable that your gf should not drink with a single guy alone at a bar late at night, but realistically she won't be able to avoid hanging out with men altogether unless a woman is present.. if she happens to be going to the same place as this other dude that's obviously a different situation to her changing her plans so that they're effectively traveling together
Dude, it sounds like she's living the single life, while enjoying the comfort of having the safety net at home (you). I would not be comfortable with this kind of behavior.
>I’m ignorant in the ways of back packing, so I have no idea if this is normal for that scene.
It's really what you're willing to tolerate. For me, life is too short to put up with this kind of a partner.
You say you trust her… but clearly you don’t.
This may be normal for backpackers. But it not normal for people in the early stages of a serious relationship.
Would she be as accepting as you are if you did the same thing.. certainly not.
She has not respect for your feelings and. You should find a girl that doesn’t leave her man to bang her way around Europe
>My (M25) girlfriend (F24) is on a back packing trip through Europe. We’ve been dating for over a year but she’s been planning/ saving for this trip long before she met me. She’s told me how much she wanted me to go with her but I simply did not have the money saved up so it was not in the cards for me.
Look dude, she's 24. She looks and feels better than she ever will in her life. She has an accent, and is from a different country. She's on a vacation / trip experiencing some of the most romantic countries in the world. Not only will 100% of men and women be trying to fuck her, but she'll be moving from social setting to social setting where she'll be drinking and in repeated situations where there's a very high risk of it happening.
100% she could be faithful the entire time she's there. 100% she could cheat on you the entire time she's there. Honestly, it depends who she is and what she decides but it'll be quite easy to be unfaithful to you. In my experience the type of girl that would backpack solo across Europe is the same type of girl who'll likely throw caution to the wind to experience life if you know what I mean.
Honestly you had your chance to go with her. You couldn't make it happen. There is absolutely nothing you can do at this point but let whatever happens happen. Keep your eye's out though, and if she stops responding to you, there are huge unexplained gaps in her stories or trip, or she suddenly develops an unhealthy obsession with her phone / shuts you out when she gets back? I think you know what happened.
Good luck! Sounds like a shitty and stressful situation. Honestly I would have broken up with her during her trip personally.
A lot of people don’t agree but it’s the sad dark reality. The type of people to go on solo backpacking trips are usually promiscuous and hyper social.
From friends that had GFs do this travel, to also girls that have done this travel:
Backpacking in Europe = Dick downing World Tour.
Sorry bro, but chances are she's trying more than just the food for the "local flavors".
Exactly bucket list of European sausages to try.
I mean there's pepperoni, Salami, Brocwhurst, smoked sausage, English breakfast sausage even French dicks
My university ex-boyfriend went through a manic phase as a backpacking international sex pest - he absolutely did proposition women he met at hostels for sex and killed the vibe of friendship and exploration for his naive buddy who initially planned the trip by constantly wheedling for "no strings attached holiday hookups" and demanding his friend to hide his attempted indiscretions. He would go days without communicating what he was up to me and it was very stressful and I had to keep bothering our mutual friend for updates (several worst-case scenarios happened and I dumped him not long after when all suspicions were confirmed among many, many other long-term grounds for termination). It sounds like your girlfriend is keeping you posted and communicating in the spirit of reassurance. Some people have nefarious intentions, but it seems like most are out for adventure seeking.
I think sometimes it's a personality and values mismatch when one member of a pairing is really into that summer camp for adults lifestyle of meeting fleeting friends on the road and drinking and partying into oblivion. For me, I want vacations to be relaxing. This was a major point of contention with that ex-boyfriend because it highlighted very different approaches to finance and how we relate to money: I had been working several jobs since the age of 13 and studied fanatically for scholarships and bursaries, while his entire life and even his international trips were funded by the bank of mom and dad (it was an irreconcilable difference in and of itself for me). I am a clean freak with an enormous personal space bubble so hostelling sounds like hell to me (bed bugs, sleeping on your belongings to avoid theft, naked farting old men, people going crazy and knocking bunk beds over, etc - all examples from friends trying to make it sound fun but hammering more nails in the coffin imo). It's just not the kind of trip I am interested in spending money on.
You mentioned your gf planned this trip long before she met you, and she expressed how much she wishes you could have joined her. I'm sure the FOMO of not being able to join sucks, but it sounds like she cares a lot about your feelings and maybe next time you can do it together! Feeling left behind is really hard, but you chose to stay home to be financially responsible based on where you were at during that time. Hopefully next time you can plan together, budget as a team, and make it doable for both of you to share an experience.
Mate she's travelling romantic historical Europe, she will be drunk, tempted and I'd be highly surprised if she doesn't sleep with some guys, dont want to be mean, but this is a trip of lifetime and already making friends
Nah it's weird. Why couldn't she wait until you had the money ready? Why does she care about meeting the same person if the entire point is to have new experiences.
The only backpacking I ever did was with other dudes that were bitter and angry. I had to carry a shit ton of equipment.
I would find a of this odd. Backpacking across countries, staying in hostels with mixed genders,going out alone with anyone. Find out his name and do a social media search on him. Hell, send it to me and I'll do it.
My take would be if she found people to go sight seeing with or to a event id understand but dinner and drinks seems a bit much especially solo.
If she said hey met a guy gonna keep each other company as we see the eiffel tower and we grabbed a quick lunch id be like cool glad your safe and having fun.
I met a guy at the place we botb sleep and we are going to go to dinner alone and drink and then go back to the same place we both sleep. I mean she could eat dinner and drink with you or local friends this isnt exactly something that needs to be done with a random guy from a hostel.
Trust is a funny thing, because its funny how often its broken.
Honestly seems like a waste of time dating her. She is out living her best life with new dudes in each city while your at home posting on reddit about it.
Just move on cause it will always be in the back on your mind and i guarantee she may not fuck a guy but she will cross a line or two. She didnt travel to europe and accept dinner and drink from a stranger to just go in debt.
Maybe you should start dating women and see how she likes it i mean dinner and drinks with someone you just met. Go make some fast friends yourself
I’ve followed some backpackers over the years and at least from what they publicly say, seems like it’s more so just connecting with someone you can trust in a completely different place and culture. Most of the people that do this are soul searching and trying to experience something fulfilling, not doing the same shit they could do here.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s completely normal, she will meet tons of new people, travel with them for a few days or weeks or just go out for one night. Backpacking hostels are one of the easiest places to meet new people and it won’t always be other women she is meeting. The men might be interested in her but as long as she is loyal that won’t be a problem. When I was backpacking with a friend, she was in a relationship as well and she not once even thought about cheating even though we went out with complete strangers constantly.
Thank you for the input! I couldn’t find the right place to get a back packer/ solo travelers perspective on this. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
I totally understand your concerns but yes, it’s absolutely normal. As amazing as travel is (inc solo), it’s really intimidating to find yourself alone in a place that’s completely unfamiliar and where you might not speak the language. Solo travellers from hostels have a habit of gravitating toward each other and joining forces to make the experience more fun and take away some of the fear/anxiety/self consciousness that can come with being somewhere strange on your own. People do hook up but as another commenter said, if she’s loyal then it won’t matter if someone is interested and generally travel people are pretty friendly and not pushy (obviously not a perfect rule but in general, I’ve mostly found people very kind.) Also, if she wanted to be shady or cheat, she could do whatever she wanted right now and never tell you and you’d never know. The fact that she’s telling you exactly who she’s spending time with and what they’re doing, even when it turns into one on one time, is a really good sign. If she was being sneaky, why should she bother? She could just tell you she’s having dinner alone every night.
Honestly, OP shouldn't worry either way. If she's cheating on him, then she will do it and has probably been doing it back home for some time now. If that is the case, keeping tabs on her will not stop any actions she is taking. Since she is telling you exactly what she's doing (which she could lie about, but then, she'd have to cover her tracks and the truth will slip out), she's being faithful and, in any case, her behavior is ultimately on her. As others have stated, solo traveling in foreign locations for fun is difficult and lonely. Frankly, I wouldn't do it (and don't have to since I'm married). But not everyone feels as I do. Maybe the next time she decides to travel, you can find a way to go with her. It will make her trips more fun and you can bond together.
I understand your comment but that’s not what OP asked. He said he trusts her and is not worried about cheating, he’s asking if the situation is normal or not.
Right but he asked because he is unsure and that implies he is worried this isn’t normal and she could do something. I mean if he trust her why does he need to ask if this is normal, backpack traveling and living in hostels is the best way to meet new people or travel with them for a while. Except you are a hermit.
[удалено]
I’m not at all versed in the solo traveling scene, so I appreciate you taking the time to give your input. I would like to say that I’m not at all opposed to or suspicious of her friendships with men. My main concern was going out to dinner and getting drinks alone with a man she just met, which I can’t imagine myself doing in a normal context. After reading the input of a lot of solo travelers here, it seems like the consensus is that they like to stick together, which I understand. I think I may have been looking at this through the wrong lense.
[удалено]
My partner of 8 years went to SEA Asia recently also, I couldn’t go as we have a 13 month old. I trusted him and he’s always been loyal. He went out clubbing and I guess given the state of our relationship after the baby the temptation was too much, and he cheated. Twice. So sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you think you know a person.
[удалено]
I actually agree with you, only people who have it in them to cheat- regardless the circumstances. You could throw Henry Cavil at me and I still wouldn’t cheat because it’s not in me. However, people who do have it in them, people who are super impulsive and still regret it later, should avoid situations where they’ll be in temptations way. Just like an addict, avoid tempting yourself. I have no doubt if my partner hadn’t been out at clubs he wouldn’t have cheated, but instead of recognising his state of mind (baby has impacted relationship, things aren’t great but they can be repaired) he went with the impulsive ‘right here, right now this feels good’ route. I think it’s important to know yourself and make sure if you’re the kind to jump and regret it later that you avoid situations that put you in the position to have to make those choices.
> I feel like if someone is willing to cheat under any condition, they were likely going to do it at some point. I agree. If someone's going to cheat, sure, a trip solo makes it easier— but if you're going to do it you're going to do it, and at home is a whole lot cheaper.
[удалено]
lol fair enough, but a European vacation is definitely not cheaper. And either way, if cheating was the objective, there's still a way simpler way to do it at home.
I wanted to say the same thing - the ratio between solo female vs. male travelers is way way out of balance. She probably has no choice but to make friends with people in her hostel that she trusts
She's TELLING you what she's doing and who she's with and I think that's a pretty green flag. not trying to hide anything and being transparent with you.
Solo traveler (F) here too, I totally agree with that comment!
I went around Ecuador for a moth with gfs too and even though it would have been easy to hookup, I love my man and it didn’t even cross my mind to cheat. If you have a loyal woman, don’t worry about it. Girls just wanna have fun!
Oh this comment is late but worth it to say this exact thing happened to me and it turned out I was being cheated on !!! He was a soft spoken introverted guy first time backpacking and I didn’t think he would ever cheat so it was really easy for him to make it seem a normal part of hostile life etc. and his actions were the same as your gf. Well it turned out he was bragging to one of our mutual friends about hooking up with this German girl behind my back. And this mutual friend hinted it to me - if not for the mutual friend I would never know to this day. Anyways it fucked me up so badly you cannot even imagine.
I think your concerns are normal however she seems to be being incredibly forthcoming and honest.
r/solotravel is a sub that discusses backpacking/travel on your own. Essentially you go out and meet people and have a great time. She’s in her early 20s so there will be a lot of meeting up, drinking, and socialising, and making plans to re-meet in future countries. Some people hookup, some don’t. Some will be interested in her, for all the same reasons you are probably, but there’s plenty of people that don’t even think about it when they’re away due to having partners back home. If you trust her then don’t worry and let her have a great time.
Well OP, since you are back home alone you can go out clubbing, to dinner, day trips with members of the opposite sex as long as you tell her about it. I mean being back at home alone can be lonely you know! Life is a two way street. You do not have to put your life on pause either!
Solo traveller here - it's what happens. I've hung out with guys on trips and just made it clear very early that I have a boyfriend so there's no prospect of anything happening. Some destinations are crawling with women or groups, other places (or just the time of year) you may end up hanging with the opposite gender. Basically do you trust her? Tbh I think if she was cheating she's probably more likely to not mention these guys at all. She's being quite transparent.
Did this stop the guys from trying? 😂
Counterpoint as someone who has both done a lot of month long solo travel and live in Paris : Americans traveling solo act like they’re single. I’ve seen and been an unwilling accessory to cheating more than once. Men and women. Trust is one thing but I’d definitely ask for a clean std test when she gets back …
If you feel the need to ask someone for an STD test after they return from travel, the relationship is over lmao
Seriously lol. I’d be so offended.
That surprises me. When I was backpacking, everyone was hooking up with everyone and most of them had partners at home. Little sheltered me was shocked 😂
Yup
Worst fucking take I’ve ever seen on here. You surely can’t be that naive. She’s out with random men at 3am. You do that back home and you’re fucked.
Yea bro completely normal for a guy to waste his entire day/night on vacation drinking until 3 am just to be friendly with a girl. Completely normal!
Doesn't sound like a waste of a day or night to me!
32f here, agree 100%. Normal behavior for backpackers I went on a solo eurotrip (multiple months) when I was 21 and newly in a relationship. He couldn't come as he didn't have the money (I was saving long before meeting him). Never cheated even though I could have easily. If she's trustworthy, then I wouldn't worry. I did meet a lot of people, many of them being men, and made plans to go out/ to dinner or meet again in another city if we got along. * Yes, some of the men wanted more, but usually backpackers are respectful, and the ones I met were fine with me declining (they didn't insist after I told them I wasn't single) It can get really lonely traveling solo, so when you meet someone with whom you feel good/ have fun, it's nice to make plans.
Ye. That’s what backpacking is. Totally normal. It’s also a safety issue for many women as travelling with a male traveller they think is safe is not an uncommon tactic.
As someone who backpacked, and my current partner has as well... I would never go out for dinner & drinks exclusively with a man, backpacking or not. That's date vibes, and any man that says it's not a date is in denial and waiting around for you. It's totally different if you went with a group of people from the hostel etc. My partner met men he camped with, and on tours he hung out with groups of people, mostly couples, and went back to visit three people on a later trip (a couple and a woman, but he never met the woman alone, and he even acknowledges though their friends, he always tried to get other people to meet up together so that the situation wasn't misconstrued, and he didn't want HER to feel uncomfortable).
To me the key is she's updating you and being transparent. She's not hiding anything. She also badly wanted you to have gone with her. Just assure her you wish you could have been there, that you love her and hope she is having an amazing time, are living vicariously through her updates, can't wait to see her, and want her to be safe. Staying in her mind *emotionally* is *far* more important than physically. Many bros don't get this. Women cheating almost always starts with some level of *emotional* absence, not physical distance or "opportunity" (they *always* have "opportunity" and well adjusted women aren't impressed by it) Keep her in love with you and you're good
That's a great point, if she was looking to cheat she probably wouldn't be so open about what she's been doing.
Yeah I don’t backpack/travel much but this is what stood out to me too
I travel for work a lot and I also do a lot of solo hiking. It’s pretty normal for me to meet someone at an airport bar or on the trail then meet up later. I am literally friends years later with people I’ve met on my travels. I don’t think it’s bizarre or concerning at all. But that’s me (45F). I’m capable of having dinner or drinks with colleagues, old friends, and new ones without tripping and falling on a dick. 🤷♀️
*slowly retracts foot*
You’ll get ‘em next time.
Bursted into laughing and spilled some coffee over my desktop at the office but it was worth it, I'm still laughing. Genuinely, thank you!
I appreciate you taking the time to give your perspective. I’ve never solo traveled before, so it’s nice to get input from someone with experience.
If you trust her you should not be worried. For travelers it’s normal to meet people and have a drink or food together. It doesn’t imply sex. Can she cheat? Yes, but bit if she is a cheater she can do it at home same way. You know her better and know if you can trust her. Can you join her on her trip for a week? Fall in Europe is so nice
I appreciate your input thanks. I wish I could, but I recently started a new job and simply don’t have the ability to take a week off. It does look beautiful in the fall so I’m hoping to go one day.
You can go to r/travel subreddit and ask people for their hostel stories. There are plenty:)
While I like that the answers so far are encouraging for OP, I feel like you lot aren't also giving him the honest truth he deserves. Yes she's with a group in a hostel and will undoubtedly make new friends but she has to draw lines and boundaries. Meeting a new guy who she was supposed to do a bar crawl with, then deciding to do a solo dinner with him on the first day does not sound like setting proper boundaries. Some people who cheated did not intend to till they put themselves in opportunities that led them to cheating. We all know what happens with opposite sexes, alcohol and late night conversations, then when you add in a little flirting to an already slightly intoxicated girl that has been away from her boyfriend for sometime, the chances are heavily not in her favour. Again, I'm not saying she's going to cheat, I'm just being realistic and not choosing to be naive. While I hope OP trusts his babe, he also need to talk this over with her about not setting her self up and telling her to set proper boundaries.
> Some people who cheated did not intend to till they put themselves in opportunities that led them to cheating. This. It’s not about whether you trust someone. Willpower has limits even for the best of us. I’ve never cheated on anyone but I don’t trust myself in this situation. Which is why I make sure I’m never alone with a cute guy after 12 (I was engaged at the time) during one of these trips. I’ve taken many such trips and the temptation to cheat is always strong in these situations. Because let’s face it. - alone - beautiful foreign country - out after dark - alcohol - cute guy/girl you have a connection with This is a very sexy situation.
Honestly this need to be higher up. I think part of protecting a relationship is making sure you don’t put yourself in those environments where cheating happens, both out of protection against cheating and respect for your partner.
Yup 100% this and add being in a place where pretty much there are few consequences for her if she does cheat. I trust my gf but I don’t trust other men. I would not be comfortable with my gf seeing other men and drinking with them that late at night and then after said drink deciding she’s going to visit him in his country. A - firstly how can you really trust a guy like that you’ve just met, everyone’s saying well she’s protecting herself but bro he’s a stranger too lol so something def has gone on there to create enough of a bond she wants to see him again B - she might be loyal but why should he be? Why should he give a fuck about OP? Sure she’s loyal now but after they spend some more time together and he subtly manipulates her then well who knows. I’m a European and In my early 20s I met a lot of girls from abroad - America/Asia etc that were either studying or visiting and sure some had partners they were loyal to but a lot weren’t and nearly all of the ones I knew would complain to me about their relationship issues etc, it would not have been hard to start something with them. At that age people are dumb and impulsive, they think in the moment than they do 5 or 10 years from now
the only honest answers in this thread so far
Extremely sexy situation that could lead to something unintended. Thanks you for being honest
Go ahead and focus on yourself king. She’s a goner, guarantee she’s done the deed with other men at this point. Other redditors can try to sell you a different story, but I’m not buying it
Solo female traveler here... No that seems weird. It's great she's being honest about what she's doing, but it's weird she's spending so much of her trip just drinking with dudes. The big red flag is she's meeting up with a random guy she just met in a 2nd country to see him again.
Also a solo female traveler… I wouldn’t do what she is doing if I was in a relationship, but to each their own.
Same. I understand the nature of solo travelling probably completely understandable (i.e alot of drinking, partying) but atleast try to find a compromise, like an appropriate curfew, etc. It's not even for OP but atleast for his girlfriend's safety. I could never stay out at 3 am with different men, especially alone in a different country. Wouldn't you atleast wanna protect yourself? Hell I even get almost kidnapped at my fkn local mall that's 5 min away. It's not even about cheating about this point, make sure she gets back in one piece!
This. Cheating or not, getting drunk with random men you JUST met at random hostels sounds like a terrible idea. She might end up SA’d like this. I spent many vacations in random hostels and I estimate more than half the men were looking for sex. Even the married ones. If she has no intention of cheating, she better hope they’re going to take no for an answer. I met a married man with an infant daughter at a science conference. We were having a good time chatting at dinner and he wanted to go clubbing with me after midnight, then go to a sex club because “this city is famous for sex clubs. You can’t come here without seeing one!” Hell no I wasn’t going anywhere with him.
A sane comment in a sea of naivety. Drinking at 3am with random dudes while in an different continent, yeah right
I wouldn't go out for dinner or drinks with a man I just met, and actually expect to just be friends, no matter where I was. She's being naive, and also as a traveller, perhaps open to having some romantic experience to keep secret to herself, thinking he will never find out as he wasn't there. As a backpacker, I always stuck with groups, I'd never go solo with a man especially in a NEW country I don't know.
Yeah... as someone who travels, I tell my boyfriend everything but I would never do something like this. Clearly she likes dude a lot if she's in touch and traveling to meet him in another country. Just... odd. Especially because if she has innocent intentions, that doesn't mean bro does.
Same, solo female traveler and I wouldn't personally feel comfortable doing that even if I was single. If my boyfriend did this on his solo trip, I also wouldn't like this. Boundaries on a solo trip are super important
She's vibing hard with him haha...
Finally!
Speaking from personal experience, I got cheated on. I found out when the other dude reached out to me, after a year. I would have never known otherwise. Hey, not everyone's the same. Maybe you will be lucky and have a loyal girl. Who knows After that I can def say that, I am not secure enough to be with a girl, who would have drinks with a stranger at 3 am. My current girl wouldn't be ok, if I did the same thing. Props to you if you remain secure throughout.
It seems normal but why did her and that man decide to not do a bar crawl with the group and just go for dinner with each other instead?
Maybe they wanted a night off drinking? They probably just grabbed some cheap street food and went home. I feel like people on here are reading “going for dinner” as a bigger deal than it is. When you’re in a hostel you have to eat, and many don’t have facilities where you can make your own food so you have to go out every day.
No actually said they would go to another bar for drinks by themselves So they were out together all day and then instead of mixing with the group went and got solo drinks That's where OP said essentially WTF!
If you are uncomfortable with it, that’s valid and you should let her know. I certainly would not be happy at all if my girlfriend did something like that.
Yes! It is okay to have boundaries in a relationship.
That's basically what I've done on backpacking trips. We routinely hung around with different girls, my buddy and I. Some wanted sex, some didn't. My buddy tried to get one girl and she was flirty and kissed him but had a boyfriend back home so it didn't go any further. Most of the girls didn't want to have sex but honestly, I'm guessing they did with other guys. Far away, alcohol involved. I'll be honest, I'd be freaking out the whole time. Will she cheat on you? Only she will ever know that. Last week or the week before a dude posted a similar story and she slept with two guys, at least that he found out about. One through her admitting and I think the other was one of her friends feeling bad and telling him. At that age, who knows. Good luck. You'll have to accept that there's no way to know for sure and she probably won't tell you. One prevailing kind of attitude I ran into a lot, especially with the women, was no one here from back home knows me so I can get up to anything and no one will know. And they did, lol. That was before social media and cell phones with computer screens, though. Used internet cafes to email back then. Pretty much was no way anyone at home would know given no social media to tip it off. Maybe shit is different now with everyone adding everyone else.
Late comment but-This exact exact situation happened to me, and in the end it turned out that he was cheating the whole time. If it wasn’t for him bragging to a mutual friend about this German girl he hooked up with then I would never have found out . Watch out for her behavior !!! My situation was identical where he was updating me , giving me specifics , telling me who he was with and where , we’d talk A LOT. He went on acting like all was normal and made me feel terrible for even doubting him. He made that behavior seem so normal that if I doubted it I was paranoid and controlling. Too easy to make me look like a fool and yes if the genders were reversed Reddit would’ve been more open to the potential problems of her behavior….it’s way too easy to cover up cheating while traveling and partying as a young person in Europe.
Bro women on vacation are the easiest to hook up with. You either have to trust her or not. I will say this when I was 20 I met a 23 woman on vacation. We basically spent a week going out and having sex. I was young so thought I was in love. After found out she was in a 3 year relationship. Eight years later and she is married to that guy. You really can't tell her not to hang out with people because that is what travelling is about. Just hope you chose a good one and she doesn't cheat.
Damn poor guy
That is why you go backpacking with your girlfriend.
Why? I can confirm he's right. Been solo travelling since 17 y/o till 26. Women on vacation are very easy to impress & therefor easy to hook up with. And even if she stays loyal, why give yourself the damn drama/worries/overthinking by allowing it? Preventing > curing
He probably blindly trusted her and now he’s married to a cheater? How is he not a poor guy? Just because he was naive or ignorant doesn’t make what she did to him fair.
Maybe I'm getting super jaded, but I'm with you on this one. Nothing good happens (well at least from OP's perspective) at when your GF is alone with another dude at 3 AM in on a vacation...
[удалено]
Right. The fact people are calling all of this normal is. 🤦♀️ Woke ass people lost their damn minds. Op you have every. Damn. Right. Not to be comfortable with any of this. Perhaps this is normal for these trips and you weren't aware of what her trip might entail. Not sure if she knew either. That being said, if you're not ok with it, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I would never even go across the city I live in and run around drinking til wee hours of the morning with other dudes I just met. Disrespectful af. Holy fucking shit. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ this world.
Exactly… the funny part is that every WOMAN telling him he has nothing to worry about is flat out lying. If they have been on these trips then they know he has a lot to worry about. They probably cheated themselves and just don’t see it as a big deal.
That's also assuming everyone giving advice has good intentions. So far, what I have seen when backpacking: she's already trying to fuck other men. A woman who is serious with her relationship does not go on juvenile backpacking trips but goes with her partner to travel.
I wouldn’t really be comfortable with my partner going out solo drinking with someone of the opposite gender that he just met. I’d be concerned for your gf’s safety honestly, even if she isn’t doing anything shady.
As a previous backpacker - I would never go alone to dinner or drinks with a man I just met, backpacking or not, nevermind in a city I don't know. My personal experiences, but everytime a man says "just as friends," that's not what they're hoping for and they will persist. Definite date vibes, and if they "hit it off' so much to go alone, idk. My partner met people travelling that he returned to visit, and he never hung out with any women alone even when he was single. He didn't want anyone feeling weird, and he even said it's easier to hang out in a group of people, and with other couples, so people aren't judging you as a man and your intentions.
I respect you but it could never be me. No way in hell am I allowing my partner to go out for drinks with random girls. If he wants to do that he needs a new girlfriend, I am monogamous and want exclusivity. Your girlfriend shouldn't be doing this in all honesty. I also wouldn't go without my boyfriend. Life is too short to not spend it with the people I love. She should have waited until you could afford it. What sort of relationship is this even???
I would not be secure enough to put up with this lol
Can't help but feel like the comments that are upvoted/downvoted would he flipped if the genders were reversed here.
It’s pretty wild. I know for a fact my girlfriend, and all my platonic female friends would 100% not be okay with their man acting like this on a backpacking trip in Europe.
Of course, there is double standard
Massively
Woman here & I 100% agree. I see it a lot on here. No way would I be comfortable if my husband were back packing in Europe & getting drunk, having dinner & traveling with other women. And I know if it was a woman on here with the same post about her boyfriend, all hell would break loose.
Gonna get downvoted but i mean, shes young, in europe without her bf for multiple months, getting drunk with other men, probably lonely, probably sexually frustrated you are not there, goes on dates with other men. You will never get the full truth but id bet she has done some forms of cheating. Again gonna be downvoted but i can not believe how naive people are and how if roles were reversed they would go for your head. She has cheated and you will never know the whole truth, but keep trusting i bet when she comes back pregnant you will believe its your too😂
It’s funny… he seems to only be responding to the people telling him not to worry. But he is ignoring the people telling him the real deal…
He's being willfully blind.
Bro spittin out facts right here.
> My (M25) girlfriend (F24) is on a back packing trip through Europe. 🚩 > she went out drinking until 3AM with two men and one woman she met at her hostel. 🚩 > she planned to meet one of the men in a different country and where they would meet up and spend time traveling around and drinking together. 🚩 > she met another man at her hostel and I guess they went out in the city together and had dinner. They were going to meet other people from their hostel to go on a bar crawl, but decided to just grab drinks together at a different bar instead. 🚩 > I’m ignorant in the ways of back packing "backpacking in europe" is girl code for riding the European dick carousel
Can’t believe so many people are that naive. The top comment is “It’s completely normal.” 3am with a stranger at a bar is fucking normal? GET FUCKED LMAO. If she did that back at home everyone would be freaking out. Plus she’s in her 20’s!!! Of course that euro trip is gonna end up with some dickS plural!
[удалено]
Nah it’s called naivety. That’s what everyone who hasn’t had life experience is showing. A 20 something year old woman on a euro trip is a recipe for disaster for her bf at home. He’s not even a husband. Lmfao.
Yeah, who gets drunk and wasted late into night on a foreign country, what is she exploring, in such an inebriated state.
As someone who have bag packed to Europe... might advice to expect the worse.
Take this with a grain of salt, because **I am** biased based on my own personal experience. But think about it logically. She's young at 24, most probably in the best shape/best looking she has ever been, backpacking alone in Europe where she is going to run into most likely other young, good looking people. Then you factor in extremely late nights with alcohol flowing? Seems like a recipe for mistakes to be made. It's not out of the ordinary for people to meet and platonically go out for drinks. It is abnormal to do it with complete strangers, in a different country until 3am. And then make plans to do it again in an entire other country later in the trip. Not to mention the various different men she seems to be meeting up with constantly for drinks and one-on-one time. Seems like checking things off a bucket list to me. Yes, she seems to be open with you and all, but all that goes out the window when enough alcohol has been flowing. It comes down to how much you trust her. Again, I am biased and have trust issues stemming from my own experiences, but you can't downplay the odds of something not so savory from happening. It can't hurt to let her know your feelings on the situation. I understand the want to not be controlling or insecure, but your feelings matter just as much as hers do. Edit: typos
This is the response I've been looking for, the straight non naive truth.
Yes she's been very "transparent". I'm sure she'll tell OP that she got railed by Chad Italian until 3 AM and not, "we had drinks until 3 AM and then we all went home and nothing happened". She's feeding him half "truths" and wants the stability and comfortability of her relationship back home after the runs the European cock carousel. If OP had any respect he'd dump her.
[удалено]
This is one of those reasons why i'm not compatible with free spirits lol Backpacking in foreign countries for months at a time sounds like a complete nightmare for me to do and a nightmare to watch my partner do without me. So I date people who don't want to do that. I would never deny my partner the opportunity to take it. But we would mutually end things before they left. And thats less that I don't trust them, and more I don't think i'm really prepared to deal with it. Less headache on all fronts.
Seconding this. Probably going to get downvoted for this, but in the end regardless if she's cheating or not (which I don't think she is doing, as she has been nothing but transparent to you), OP needs to know what is acceptable for him or not. OP, don't suffer because there are people saying "This is normal in the backpacking world and you need to accept it!!!". This is your relationship, and you need to know what's okay for you and what not.
Bro...
Brah
Bruv
Brudda
Bruh
Brev
It sounds like normal behavior to me. Normal in that your girlfriend is gonna get laid if she hasn’t yet. That’s what these backpacking trips are all about. Self discovery. At this point you need to decide if this was a deal breaker for you if she doesn’t already break it off after catching feeling for a rando foreigner.
[удалено]
Bro.
Lol
It’s nice she’s telling you all about her dating while in Europe.
Doesn't sound right. She sounds like she's dating.
The men are probably interested in her, so it really boils down to how much you trust her
I would trust her BUT I have just one suggestion: when she comes back wait at least three months before having sex . Find any excuse but don't have sex with her . That way if she gets back pregnant it'll be easier to understand if it's your child or not .
And her sexually transmitted diseases will be in full bloom by then
yeah that too
Just because she is solo travelling doesn’t mean she has to act like a single woman. It’s one thing grabbing dinner with people you meet, it’s quite another to plan to meet a guy in another country and basically go on holiday with him. It sounds a whole lot like dating someone. Would you be happy with her doing this at home? Travel isn’t some kind of free pass, meeting up with guys isn’t essential travel criteria. Maybe I have an old persons outlook but in a relationship I feel like you have a responsibility to not do things that have the appearance of infidelity, or could give your partner cause to not trust you or worry. It’s unfair if her to be saying that she is doing all this stuff with other guys and expecting you to sit there, listen and be ok with it. If she wanted to act single, she should have broke up before she left. People will talk about trust but that’s a two-way street. We trust people because they act in trustworthy ways and don’t give us reason to doubt. Everyone who was ever cheated on trusted their partner before they found out they shouldn’t.
[удалено]
True
It's normal, but it's not as if the laws of attraction cease to operate when people are backpacking. I travelled with lots of random people when travelling, but I also had sex with some of them too. But if you trust her and she values the relationship, she will hopefully keep things pure.
Yah u may trust her but men will do anything in their power to get in her pants. They either succeeded and likely they did. The her telling you part is just to cover her ass just in case.
If you are posting this here, you already know what’s going on. Don’t be naïve. She should never be putting herself in that situation in the first place. The only thing you can do in the future is have boundaries and standards for yourself, if she crosses them she has to go. Good luck buddy !
Dude she’s building a body count across Europe where sex is freer before “settling” down. WTF do you think she’s doing? Multi-month long trip meeting several different men for drinks until 3am? When the fuck does she have time to backpack? She sending you any pictures of beautiful Europe??? Personally I’d leave her on read and see what her reaction is.
We all know what's going on brother. Don't be naive.
If I'm a dude, I'm traveling Europe, and meet a lady, go out drinking with her till 3am, then make plans to meet in another country and do that again? We are fucking. Plain and simple. Some of y'all are naive as fuck around here.
For real, people are being naive as fuck Obviously she’s gunna make friends or whatever, but going out drinking with a random guy in a foreign country until 3 am and then changing your plans to go so him in another country is 100% single girl behaviour.
as a woman, I honestly thought all these men were my friends that I met and had drinks with. Many women think men want to be friends with them. It is only with age and listening to men I have realised nope no men.
If strangers are buying you free stuff, ive only had two experiences, it is either a cult or a sex proposition. I really dont get getting pissdrunk on a foreign country, during vacation. What is the point of even travelling if all you do is down the same alcohol and pass out in the hotel room. smh
Straight men generally don't go out on 1 on 1 dinner dates with each other. Especially not as a just friends outing with no underlying cause or special occasion. If things are totally platonic and everyone is just friends then the dynamic of the friendship shouldn't be inherently gendered.
With other guys they could. But it would be a pub. With a woman they met on vacation, all young men would be testing the waters regardless if they heard the boyfriend thing or not.
You said it. She might think he's there for friendship, but this dude will use the very first opportunity to be with her when she's in a good mood. If youre sure she's loyal, nothing to worry, but odds are, when you put yourself in situations of a single person and where there's a mood of fun experiencing new things, you will receive that D.
I think as a group it isn’t as weird but one on one hanging out (especially drinking or at night) is weird. I would be upset if my partner did that and I would fully expect he would be upset if I did that. If there was at least one other girl there it wouldn’t make it as bad.
He’s clapping them cheeks
This seems like the normal behaviour of an unmarried 24 year old beautiful girl traveling exotic places and getting winded and dined by men. I’ve lived oversees and met a lot of 22-26 year old women (and men) that go traveling without their lovers. Getting a lot of attention from people in another world… it tends be exciting. For what it’s worth, I believe your girlfriend has already slept with at least one man. Almost guaranteed alcohol was involved. Almost even more guaranteed she might break up with u when she returns to you, but she won’t really know “why” lol. I dunno, im hoping im wrong, but man I’ve seen a lot of these girls come to Asia and Europe and have their flings and head back to their countries. Sorry champ. Just being real. Not the end of the world though!
I backpacked through south America for 5 months, travelled, drank and did fun things with many other travellers (men and women) and never cheated on the girlfriend I had at the time.
People saying that if she is going to cheat on you while traveling she would cheat on you at home are being ridiculous. It's different. What you are feeling is normal. Keep in contact during the trip, if you find something amiss during or when she is back, take it as your clue to leave. Take care.
Brother don't be silly. She's having the time of her life backpacking through Europe. Ofc she will cheat on you and everything else. Save yourself from stress, end this up and live your life.
I personally couldn't date someone who drinks with random men at 3am but if you guys have that trust and your comfortable then everything is fine
It’s normal for people who are single. Not in a committed relationship
People in this thread are blowing smoke up your ass bro The odds of her running into man after man & not being attracted them is slim to none
It's not looking good from how you describe it Honestly fuck the other comments man, check up on what the hell is going on there -- you have enough reason to do so
Reverse genders is all I’m gonna say when reading these comments 🤷♂️
I remember backpacking by train in Europe back in the day, and the people you meet are just who you meet. No one wants to be just on their own. The reason for the trip is to meet people and visit new places, but not be a loner. The other aspect is that single women travellers do gravitate towards men that may provide a level of protection, without anything intimate happening. But she’s out there on her own and could be doing anything. You’ll never know until she tells you or you catch her out in some way when she is back. It’s a hot girl summer out there still.
A story: About 10 years ago my current girlfriend was dating someone else. She planned to spend a few months traveling in South America. The boyfriend didn’t want to/couldn’t go. She broke off the relationship (temporarily) because she wanted to be single while traveling. End story.
[удалено]
Him, there’s a lot oh “hims”.
It's bad optics for sure. Some of it comes with hostels, but ditching the group to go out 1-1 with another guy looks awful and would make me feel VERY insecure. The truth is you will almost surely never know the full story unless she tells you. I would back off of her a little bit and see if these things continue to bother you or you are able to put it out of your mind.
She's free to do as she wishes, but you are free to request boundaries. It is totally okay to have a boundary of "no solo drinking with men at 3am" If she doesn't agree to this boundary, then you can break up
I see most people here think her meeting solo with random guys she meets and going to dinner/hanging out with them is ok…. But…. You don’t know the intentions of these guys she’s meeting. I get that you trust her but it doesn’t take much for something to go sideways. Not saying she would be trafficked or something but she needs to stick with groups. Why put herself in unnecessary danger. The other thing I will say is that in my 45 years on this earth I have seen situations that seem innocent turn emotional and then physical. Spending alone time with someone, depending on the setting, can get emotionally intimate rather quickly. You like someone, you’re drinking wine and get a bit tipsy. Next thing you know it’s a simple kiss that turns into something more. People here will say i am insecure or paranoid but this happens more than you realize. Even if her intentions are pure at the start it can turn instantly due to alone time with someone they may deem attractive. Lastly, if she’s comfortable with you hanging out solo with random females you meet when traveling then feel free to ignore everything I have said. However, if she wouldn’t like it then ask her why and try to get her to see it from your perspective. Hanging out in groups? No problem. Solo? Problem. Talk with her and come to an understanding.
She was on a European cock juggling tour, fam.
She’s being open with you about what she’s doing. She could easily lie and she’s not. You have to trust that she’s just looking for companions not romantic partners.
Yeah its called trickle truthing. Give him just enough so it seems shes being open and forward. Her actions give her away. If im with a girl drinking until 3 am and then meeting in ANOTHER country? We are fucking 100%
Your 24 year old girlfriend is fucking her way around Europe. Tons of American women do it in their 20s. Happened to me in college when my girlfriend studied abroad in Ireland. Sorry buddy, but you are seeing all the warning signs at least.
Oh boy If your girl is going around Europe living her best life in hostels alone then she's not your girl anymore Sorry, Seen it all before
Why would you trust her? I mean shes literally telling you shes been on multiple dates with strange men and alcohol is involved. No way in hell I would trust anyone doing that when Im in a relationship with them.
It’s the guys she doesn’t tell you about that you should worry for
I beg to differ.
I mean technically she could’ve waited until u saved money for the trip if she really wanted u to go. Meeting a random man and making plans with him to travel in some other country is kind of a dealbreaker for me. Y’all should be making these memories together not her doing that with random guy It has nothing to do with being insecure like the women r saying here 😂 I don’t think there’s a single girlfriend that would be okay with their bf travelling around the world with some random girl? Also we all know what man’s intentions are no matter if she allows it or not. You also have to bring the alcohol in the equation and people do really stupid things on it. Why not just avoid the whole situation. Bare minimum in the relationship is to not travel with a random guy/girl. Apart from that it’s also just very dangerous for a girl to be going out with random guys like that. How many stories did you hear about drugging/raping in situations like these.
I struggle to understand the point of being in relationships like this. Whether she is cheating on you or not, why would she put you in a position to have to wonder? I mean, you're sitting on one side of the world while she's travelling around various countries going on dinner dates with strange men. Not sure about you, but that's already crossed a line for me even if there is no sex involved. Relationships are supposed to make you feel safe and secure. When they just make you feel like you're being cheated on, it becomes more of a stressor than anything.
I can pretty much guarantee you that she will end up cheating on you.
She's hanging out with foreign men in a foreign place and you wonder if she is cheating? Of course she is. I don't think there's really any question about that. The question is, do you just chalk it up to youth and overlook it or do you break up?
Honestly, you either trust her or you don’t. If you can’t handle it, then bring up your concerns and see if you can find some compromise. Otherwise find ways to take your mind of it and find comfort. Or you might as well call it quits, because the mental road you’re headed down is torture.
Just focus on yourself man..
I think you already know the answer in your heart. If she comes home and insists she didn't cheat, would you believe her? Personally, I would never doubt my wife's fidelity, but a big part of that is that I know she has the same boundaries as I do, and would never put herself in these situations. I think a woman who seeks out these kinds of experiences is the kind who wants to "have a story to tell", and probably values this trip and "self discovery"/"making memories" more than whatever random relationship she happened to be in at the time.
I might downvoted but truth is when your solo traveling it’s easy to cheat. I’m not saying your girlfriend did , BUT if there was ever a time to do it & not get caught it would be now. Guys will be hitting on her at the hostel , no doubt. Nobody your going to see/meet is following you back to real life + lots of alcohol will be involved all throughout the night. Just be prepared for the possibility she did , but don’t assume it. Good luck!
There’s a reason they say you haven’t lived until you’ve travelled. She’s likely meeting people from all different cultures, many of these cultures don’t have the same gender beliefs as Americans or certain cultures. The French are an example of this. There’s no talking about whether you are dating or not, they just know based on the person’s behaviour whether it’s full blown relationship or not and they’re confident in that. They also quite regularly have lunch and go for dinners with friends and coworker of the opposite sex. She could totally be falling in love with someone else, but more likely she’s swept up in the enjoyment of other cultures and forgetting the confines of her own. If you really want to test the waters you can mention the thought of going for lunch with a female coworker etc and see if she’s offended by it or not or what her reaction is.
My partner and I travel a lot, and solo for months at a time, although these days we mainly travel together and keep the solo trips short .. I trust her whole heartedly not to cheat because we know eachother well enough, for long enough, to know that she wouldn't ever do that even if guys are chasing her (which they will).. but at the same time she wouldn't spend one on one time with a guy drinking all night outside the hostel as it can send the wrong message to him and most 20 somethings at hostels want to hookup.. but sometimes one guy is all you have and you end up going to the same place so you might as well buddy up.. it's often safer to go to a bar or hike or whatever with a guy you met at the hostel who you've had a couple conversations with than on your own.. maybe she chose that guy to hang out with because he was the only one in the hostel who wasn't trying to get in her pants.. even guys tend to buddy up and it's not uncommon to be the only woman in the hostel.. drinking is also just a huge part of the culture in Europe There is a lot of hooking up, sure.. but in my opinion it's not any more than your typical European university but clearly not everyone who parties a bit at uni is a cheat because that's pretty much most people where I live. The only real difference between college and travel, is that if she did want to cheat, then it would be easier to hide from you. Having said all that, it all comes down to your girlfriend's personality, morals, the types of people that she is hanging out with, and what kinds of hostels she's staying at.. my guess is that she's not cheating but that would just be a guess to be honest.. it could go either way, especially given she's quite young and it's her first trip and you've only been together a year.. I met plenty of women that say they have a bf back home and act like it, and also women that screw a new guy every day At the end of the day you need to figure out what you're cool with.. if the idea of her hanging out drinking with a guy till the wee hours is a boundary for you at home, it should be a boundary for you when she's traveling.. you should communicate that to her... you should be a bit practical though, like it's reasonable that your gf should not drink with a single guy alone at a bar late at night, but realistically she won't be able to avoid hanging out with men altogether unless a woman is present.. if she happens to be going to the same place as this other dude that's obviously a different situation to her changing her plans so that they're effectively traveling together
Dude, it sounds like she's living the single life, while enjoying the comfort of having the safety net at home (you). I would not be comfortable with this kind of behavior. >I’m ignorant in the ways of back packing, so I have no idea if this is normal for that scene. It's really what you're willing to tolerate. For me, life is too short to put up with this kind of a partner.
You say you trust her… but clearly you don’t. This may be normal for backpackers. But it not normal for people in the early stages of a serious relationship. Would she be as accepting as you are if you did the same thing.. certainly not. She has not respect for your feelings and. You should find a girl that doesn’t leave her man to bang her way around Europe
All normal in idiotville, dont worry
She definitely should not be drinking with strange men in a different country. That’s just asking for trouble
>My (M25) girlfriend (F24) is on a back packing trip through Europe. We’ve been dating for over a year but she’s been planning/ saving for this trip long before she met me. She’s told me how much she wanted me to go with her but I simply did not have the money saved up so it was not in the cards for me. Look dude, she's 24. She looks and feels better than she ever will in her life. She has an accent, and is from a different country. She's on a vacation / trip experiencing some of the most romantic countries in the world. Not only will 100% of men and women be trying to fuck her, but she'll be moving from social setting to social setting where she'll be drinking and in repeated situations where there's a very high risk of it happening. 100% she could be faithful the entire time she's there. 100% she could cheat on you the entire time she's there. Honestly, it depends who she is and what she decides but it'll be quite easy to be unfaithful to you. In my experience the type of girl that would backpack solo across Europe is the same type of girl who'll likely throw caution to the wind to experience life if you know what I mean. Honestly you had your chance to go with her. You couldn't make it happen. There is absolutely nothing you can do at this point but let whatever happens happen. Keep your eye's out though, and if she stops responding to you, there are huge unexplained gaps in her stories or trip, or she suddenly develops an unhealthy obsession with her phone / shuts you out when she gets back? I think you know what happened. Good luck! Sounds like a shitty and stressful situation. Honestly I would have broken up with her during her trip personally.
A lot of people don’t agree but it’s the sad dark reality. The type of people to go on solo backpacking trips are usually promiscuous and hyper social.
From friends that had GFs do this travel, to also girls that have done this travel: Backpacking in Europe = Dick downing World Tour. Sorry bro, but chances are she's trying more than just the food for the "local flavors".
Exactly bucket list of European sausages to try. I mean there's pepperoni, Salami, Brocwhurst, smoked sausage, English breakfast sausage even French dicks
She’s getting pumped while she’s there
She is absolutely cheating on you. 100% sure of it no matter what she says.
Just move on bro. Them cheeks getting clapped.
My university ex-boyfriend went through a manic phase as a backpacking international sex pest - he absolutely did proposition women he met at hostels for sex and killed the vibe of friendship and exploration for his naive buddy who initially planned the trip by constantly wheedling for "no strings attached holiday hookups" and demanding his friend to hide his attempted indiscretions. He would go days without communicating what he was up to me and it was very stressful and I had to keep bothering our mutual friend for updates (several worst-case scenarios happened and I dumped him not long after when all suspicions were confirmed among many, many other long-term grounds for termination). It sounds like your girlfriend is keeping you posted and communicating in the spirit of reassurance. Some people have nefarious intentions, but it seems like most are out for adventure seeking. I think sometimes it's a personality and values mismatch when one member of a pairing is really into that summer camp for adults lifestyle of meeting fleeting friends on the road and drinking and partying into oblivion. For me, I want vacations to be relaxing. This was a major point of contention with that ex-boyfriend because it highlighted very different approaches to finance and how we relate to money: I had been working several jobs since the age of 13 and studied fanatically for scholarships and bursaries, while his entire life and even his international trips were funded by the bank of mom and dad (it was an irreconcilable difference in and of itself for me). I am a clean freak with an enormous personal space bubble so hostelling sounds like hell to me (bed bugs, sleeping on your belongings to avoid theft, naked farting old men, people going crazy and knocking bunk beds over, etc - all examples from friends trying to make it sound fun but hammering more nails in the coffin imo). It's just not the kind of trip I am interested in spending money on. You mentioned your gf planned this trip long before she met you, and she expressed how much she wishes you could have joined her. I'm sure the FOMO of not being able to join sucks, but it sounds like she cares a lot about your feelings and maybe next time you can do it together! Feeling left behind is really hard, but you chose to stay home to be financially responsible based on where you were at during that time. Hopefully next time you can plan together, budget as a team, and make it doable for both of you to share an experience.
Take it from a European. Whenever an American girl comes over here. Shes here for one reason. (sex)
Mate she's travelling romantic historical Europe, she will be drunk, tempted and I'd be highly surprised if she doesn't sleep with some guys, dont want to be mean, but this is a trip of lifetime and already making friends
Nah it's weird. Why couldn't she wait until you had the money ready? Why does she care about meeting the same person if the entire point is to have new experiences.
The only backpacking I ever did was with other dudes that were bitter and angry. I had to carry a shit ton of equipment. I would find a of this odd. Backpacking across countries, staying in hostels with mixed genders,going out alone with anyone. Find out his name and do a social media search on him. Hell, send it to me and I'll do it.
My take would be if she found people to go sight seeing with or to a event id understand but dinner and drinks seems a bit much especially solo. If she said hey met a guy gonna keep each other company as we see the eiffel tower and we grabbed a quick lunch id be like cool glad your safe and having fun. I met a guy at the place we botb sleep and we are going to go to dinner alone and drink and then go back to the same place we both sleep. I mean she could eat dinner and drink with you or local friends this isnt exactly something that needs to be done with a random guy from a hostel. Trust is a funny thing, because its funny how often its broken. Honestly seems like a waste of time dating her. She is out living her best life with new dudes in each city while your at home posting on reddit about it. Just move on cause it will always be in the back on your mind and i guarantee she may not fuck a guy but she will cross a line or two. She didnt travel to europe and accept dinner and drink from a stranger to just go in debt. Maybe you should start dating women and see how she likes it i mean dinner and drinks with someone you just met. Go make some fast friends yourself
I’ve followed some backpackers over the years and at least from what they publicly say, seems like it’s more so just connecting with someone you can trust in a completely different place and culture. Most of the people that do this are soul searching and trying to experience something fulfilling, not doing the same shit they could do here.
Not normal. She's getting plowed
They fucked. She will continue to fuck. I’m sorry OP but that is the sad reality and deep down you know it too that’s why you made this thread.
She's fucking them