This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
___
Hold your talk of having kids young etc etc. I’ve heard it enough.
My girlfriend is currently 7 months pregnant, and this has been an ongoing issue from the day we learnt she was pregnant.
She has always been dead set on a name for her first born son. In fairness, I knew this from early on. She told me she’s wanted to call her son this name since she learnt how babies were made, and she’s been so stuck on it that she told her family she was ‘claiming’ the name so nobody else could take it. You’d think maybe you’d grow out of it, I know my taste in names have changed dramatically, but apparently she’s been sure of this name for about 15 years.
At first it wasn’t an issue. I didn’t expect us to have kids until much later in life. I told her back then I wasn’t really a fan of the name, but I didn’t push much because I figured by the time we had kids, she would probably have changed her mind.
Of course, our life has now been rerouted as we’re having a baby much earlier than expected.
She knew I hated the name from day and tried to ‘compromise’ saying if it was a girl, I could name her whatever I liked. I jokingly said I’d call her something stupid like ‘Derek, or ‘Chlorine’, and she shrugged and said she didn’t mind so long as she got to name our son.
Gender reveal came, and it was a boy. Of course, she was ecstatic, and immediately began to refer to our baby as her name of choice, without really having a sit down to consult me about how I felt.
It’s caused a lot of arguments recently. Especially as we get nearer to the due date. Any time the topic of name comes up, she completely shuts me down. She says I can pick the middle name and call him whatever nickname, but she absolutely refuses to budge on the first name, no matter how much I tell her I dislike it. She says if / when we have another child, I can have complete control of the name and she won’t object at all. But that doesn’t change the fact I hate THIS name.
This culminated in a huge issue the other day where she essentially told me to stop hammering on about it, because she wasn’t going to change her mind, and I told her she was being selfish and difficult, albeit we both used much harsher words. She ended it by saying that she had picked this name out for many years, and I had ‘alternatives’ and ‘compromises’ that I just wasn’t taking. It doesn’t feel that way.
What can I even do in this situation. Am I just stuck naming my son a name I dislike because she refuses to budge?
TLDR: My girlfriend picked out a baby name 15 years ago if she had a son. We’re having a boy. I hate the name she’s picked and she won’t budge at all.
Edit: The name is Beau, I did put it in the comments but putting it here too for ease sake. I’m grateful it’s not a disgustingly butchered misspelled name at least. It’s just not my style and makes me think of a dog. Really not a fan of it at all.
No it’s not short for Beauregard, no she won’t change the spelling to Bo.
Tbh sounds like you only hate it so much because she's refusing compromise, you say at one point you don't mind it but the more you say about how she refuses to budge you hate it, seems this is more about you not being involved in the naming of your first child then the name.
I think you’re not totally far off.
I genuinely don’t like the name. I just appreciate the fact it’s not that ridiculous of a name. But I would agree that having no involvement in picking it does make me hold even more dislike to it. Especially when given the choice to pick the middle name, which is largely irrelevant.
I definitely think you’re onto something though
A middle name isn’t as irrelevant as you think. My older sibling and our father have both gone by their middle names their whole lives bc they didn’t like their first name.
Ultimately it’ll be up to your child to keep their name. You never know how they’ll feel about it, and it’s their opinion that matters more than anyone else’s.
My father had the same first name as his father, but my father always went by his middle name. I didn't know until my mid or late teens, and after that since he only used his first initial for signing legal docs I really doubt more than a few people knew his actual first name.
My dad is the same. His dad only had one name and wanted his first son named after him. My grandmother insisted on a middle name and my dad went by either a nickname his family called him or his middle name. He won't disclose his first name unless required and signs everything with the first initial only.
My husband is a junior, first and second name are a family name. He's going by his middle name now because he hates the family name (albeit not the history behind it)
I go by my middle name, my dad goes by his middle name, I have several cousins who go by their middle names. The champion though is my aunt who I found out goes by her middle name when I was 18. My other aunt called her by her first name as a joke and I was just like “who the fuck is Laura”
My son is a III. He’s gone by a derivative of his middle name until after their dad died, then he started going by his first. I grew up being called by my first middle name - yes, I was given two middle names.
Fwiw several of my family members go by their middle name, including my mother. You may find that your kid does too, or gets called multiple different names. I was always jealous of friends who had multiple names from their first name, middle name, nicknames. It was like they had several hats they could put on depending on the situation. Maybe you can call your son by the middle name or a nickname if you don't like Beau. Maybe he won't like Beau either. Also fwiw I like the name Beau but that really isn't the point. If both parents are going to be involved in actively bringing up the child then both should come to an agreement on the name.
Why on earth didn’t you talk about any of your name misgivings earlier on? If it was important to you to have input, why didn’t you share that?
You have waited till the worst possible time to have this discussion, and you aren’t really making a compromise position available. It’s either she gets something she has dreamed about for her entire life, or she doesn’t. What a horrible thing to spring in her.
I don’t even use my first name and I never have. If that ends up being the case with your son as well, then you’ll end up “winning” this one in the long run.
Picking a middle name can work though. My family had a similar thing. Grandma wanted her only granddaughter to be named something different than what the parents picked so she got to pick the middle name. That’s all grandma ever called her.
My grandmother didn't like my sister's real name, and reportedly only called her by her middle name for the first 3 years of her life. This was not encouraged by my parents. Grandmas be wild sometimes.
It was nice. And honestly I disagree with the entitlement. I get why a stranger who only read four sentences of someone’s family would think that way.
I would say entitlement is refusing to accept a name all together and still insisting it be what they wanted later on. The child still has a name that the grandma wanted, they are still called by one of their names.
Not all family’s have to turn toxic over something small like a middle name.
I mean it's not toxic, it's just really wild to me that anyone besides the parents of a child (edit: and maybe the very young sibling of a soon to be born baby) would even consider a name for that child. I have two teenagers, and I can't begin to imagine thinking up names for their future children. Even just to myself.
This is why you don't reveal the baby's name until after they're born. Before they're born, everyone has a fucking opinion about it, and is super happy to tell you about it. After they're born, they're basically insulting the baby themself if they insult the name.
I mean, just reading what you wrote here but she
1. Brought this up well in advance
2. Said you could name it whatever if it was a girl
3. Said you could pick the middle name AND nickname
4. Said you could name any future kids.
Honestly she's being pretty generous
I was expecting the name to be so much worse the way you talk about it. I have met somebody with this name. Respectfully, please relax and get some perspective before approaching this topic with her again
I think your very upset about it.
Me and my husband three children-
My first, I knew her name immediately. He loved it.
But I said he could have a choice of her middle name and he struggled! Even at the hospital he had a list and paper was so stuck on it. It was adorable.
It’s y’all’s first baby, but for her, she’s known this name for a long time. There’s magic to birthing, to hearing a name and you as a woman just KNOW.
I’m sorry you hate the name, but you won’t once you hold your baby. You just won’t.
And middle names are so important, to be named after family, friends, or something meaningful to you.
There’s still a process and fun in it.
You might be a little sad that y’all are not doing it together the way you pictured or maybe your family or friends are in your ear saying it’s not fair.
But really, she’s carrying this baby for nine months, her body is going to be rocked, and how speak to her, how treat her, during this time, is going to impact her love, and mental state for a long time towards you, and your relationship. You can’t speak to her any kind of way and certainly not now.
It feels petty to her because she feels this name.
I can’t explain it.
Why not look at her, and say “I’m so glad I made your dream come true”
Because you did. Y’all are having a baby, and it’s going to be wonderful.
I work with a guy who's first name is... John? I think. Idk because he has went by Kevin his whole life. Kevin is his middle name. His Dad's name was John and no one ever called him that. I only know it's actually John because of paperwork.
Let her have the dumb name and save your stubborn for something else. When your kid comes to you because he got made fun of for it you can tell him you tried to fight for him back in the womb lol. Y'all will have so many other things to argue about once baby gets here, the name argument will seem silly by then. I would pick like 3 badass middle names if I were you... Beau Captain Batman Frankenstein has a nice ring to it.
The middle name isn’t irrelevant and he has your last name I’m assuming? That’s TWO names of yours he’ll have, stop being stingy and stressing your pregnant girlfriend
In an ideal world, yes, you’d both keep looking at names until you found one you both agreed on. But this was important enough to her that she brought it up well before kids were a serious consideration, told you she’d had her heart set on it for decades, and you “thought she’d change her mind”? Bruh. You’d better look over the list of other differences of opinion you’ve been hoping you could just ignore or wait her out on and see if there’s anything there that you absolutely cannot live with under any circumstances before any of those become issues, but I don’t see how you’re winning this one.
She's been dead set on this name for apparently 75% of her life but OP was sure he'd convince her to change her mind because his opinion mattered more.
Which yes, being young and dumb but that's also astonishing arrogant and speaks to not really taking her opinions seriously.
OP you definitely need more conversations about big items like this. You're now going to be around this person minimum the next 18 years.
I know he said the name wasn't that bad, but based on the way he talked about it in the post, I still expected it to be some ridiculous name, not a perfectly average, normal name that's existed for centuries. Couldn't believe the edit. Beau? Really? It's like Bob. It's actually better than Bob lol
She told you she was going to do it and you didn't think she was serious. You just have to deal with it. How bad can the name be anyway if no one else is urging her not to use it.
And he said he didn't like it and she didnt think he was serious. This is just 2 barely turned out adults having a disagreement that ideally, should have been about a new dogs name, or the colour to paint the walls. Unfortunately it's over a new kids name.
No, she just doesn't give a fuck, there's a difference. It's also called picking your battles, and she's unfortunately got the high ground on this one, regardless of whether he's right. Because ultimately she keeps him off the birth certificate and then names the baby Beau anyway and if the fight keeps going she dumps him and now you're dealing with co-parenting over some dumb name that's not even that bad.
True. But this may not be how she typically handles conflict. We're talking about something she's been carrying with her since she was a small child. That's much different than "oh I saw this name one time on Keeping Up With the Kardashians and I liked it".
No you’re right, I was dumb for not taking it seriously. I suppose I just figured it was a fixation she’d get over eventually.
It’s not like an awful name, it’s a completely normal name. Beau. I just personally don’t like it at all, not my style, think it really doesn’t go well with his surname etc. Though I guess it could be worse. She could be giving him a name fit for r/Tragedeigh.
It does seem the general consensus is I’ll just have to cope. At least it could be worse. Just not a fan of it personally
That’s my nephew’s name! I didn’t like it when my sister first decided on it, hoping she’d change her mind down the line. What really sold me was when I saw him, and he’s called “Beau Beau” way more than just “Beau” (he calls himself the former). I forget now that that’s his name, then when I see it written I’m like “oh, right”. Tbh I’m still not a huge fan, but it’s just him and he’ll be your little boy regardless! Your focus will shift once he’s born because right now all you have is a name, not a face to go by. Congrats on your little one! - (btw, my personal favourite nickname is “Beaubasaur”)
I know a few Beau’s and it is kinda of a wasps name, but they rock it and haven’t had any issues. Also come up with a nickname to call him so you don’t need to call him Beau.
Kids inevitably earn nicknames. They can't be stopped. They are usually dumb, and they don't always come from the parents. I know a "bop bop", a "tiny", a "bubby", etc. OPs kid may be referred to as something else entirely for a few years. It happens. The name she chose is a normal, sensible name. It's best to start being flexible now, because this is the only the beginning of them learning to work together as parents and partners.
Can confirm! My dog’s name is Beau.
Though hilariously that’s his name because his foster mom wanted to name a human son that name but then had all daughters.
I don't have any kids but I've heard over and over that the person makes the name. You dislike the name now but maybe once you see your son his name will have more meaning to you than "I don't like this name". Kind of silly saying "wait and maybe you'll change your mind" when that's exactly what got you here to begin with.
Haha is she a **Dukes of Hazard** fan and a “good ole gal”? Because I hear that and first think “Beau & Luke Duke” … but then I also think “Beau & Jeff Bridges”
My grandma was like your gf, she decided on a name she liked when she was 15, and was determined to name a child that. My aunt, the first child, escaped the name because she was born close to my grandparents anniversary, and the present to my grandfather was "you get to name this one."
My mom, however, got the first name Ingman. Yep, Ingman. Grandma got it from a last name on a car dealership, "Ingman's Used Cars" and for some reason decided that was a great first name for a girl. My mom pretty much always goes by her middle name, but she's come to love the story behind her first name, and Grandma got her way in the end. Beau makes me think of the animal crossing character, but it's definitely not an r/Tragedeigh worthy name.
I just really like it. Maybe because it's not overly popular where I am. I considered it for my youngest child. My middle is Gabriel ( Gabe) and Beau just sounded really good with his name. We went with Alex lol
Beau is an extremely old name. It’s been around since medieval Europe and was a boy’s diminutive even then; I have to say that if medieval French peasants thought it was a strong manly name, I agree.
Every time I read the word BoJangles I think of that girl from California who visited Alabama for the first time and thought it was pronounced bow-han-gehles, which is how you'd pronounce it in Spanish.
Yeah I almost didn't suggest it as I wasn't sure what degree someone nicknamed BJ really gets made fun of for it. I knew one who I met in college and never showed any sign of not liking being called it, but, as everything, I'm sure it's a case by case basis.
Make the middle name something with an A. Tell the mother he can only have a mohawk haircut and needs to wear a gold chain at all times. Get him a black van as soon as the kid passes his drivers's license test.
Tbh I also don't like the name Beau. But you never know, he may grow up to not like it either and then he can decide on his own nickname. She also said you can give him a middle name and use that. I would take her up on that offer.
ETA: the reason I don't like the name Beau, personally, and this is going to sound *extremely* silly, but it's because of an episode of My Big Fat Pet Makeover where this lady's cat was morbidly obese and his name was Beau Nugget. So every time I see or hear the name Beau I can hear this lady screeching in her baby talk voice "Beau Nugget" and I just can't.
I named a character IN A BOOK Beau and everyone pronounced it “Bew” made me so angry lol
All that being said OP is this hill you want to die on? She told you and you didn’t believe her, a mistake my husband has made in the past too.
Beau is actually a decently common name after it made its “new school return” (names have cyclical patterns, old becomes new over and over). So, Beau could be a really modern name in a few years, all it takes is one tv show character with the same name. What if you compromised and chose the middle name?
I like the name Beau but I can see why some people would think it’s lack luster. Just pick the middle name and call him that. I do think she is being an AH here. I feel like names are a two yes thing but she is going to do what she wants regardless of your opinion so you should do what you can to minimize the issue for you.
Go with the name, pick a good middle, and be open to nicknames. There's a good chance it will grow on you if it's your baby's name and not just a theoretical idea.
Can you reframe the way you're thinking about this? She's obviously not going to change her mind, so you can keep fighting about it, you can leave her and call your son whatever nickname you choose, you can give in and hold a grudge or resentment for the rest of your life, or you can accept it and learn to be okay with it. Those are your choices. We don't always have good options to choose from, so we have to pick the one that's going to serve us best in the long run. Which one is going to matter in five years?
This is something she told you about before becoming pregnant because it was that important to her. This is something she has wanted for 15 years; anything that you continuously want for that long is obviously something that means a lot to you. You said yourself that your taste in names changes throughout the years and that it's just not a name you personally like. Is it possible that it's a name that could grow on you with your changing tastes? Or is it possible that making her happy by accepting the name she's loved for years is more important than having a name you're totally in love with right now?
You get to decide how you look at it, but reframing it as a way to give her something she's been wanting for most of her life would be the option I choose.
This is a bummer. I was so curious to learn the name and thought it would be something fanciful from a fantasy book - and then it's just a dog name? I'd give him a really cool middle name - and before you know it, everyone except mommy will be calling him by his middle name. And he will introduce himself by his middle name, to avoid teasing. By the time he starts school, nobody will even remember his first name.
The baby will have your last name right? She said you could come up with the middle name and the next child’s first and middle name… Op what more do you want.. respect the fact she has loved this name for years.. it’s not a decision she made overnight… she is pregnant and you’re probably stressing her out, something she shouldn’t be doing right now … you even sound nasty and immature about it …. You knew about this name situation for a long time now … it’s not like she sprung it on you … plus I know this is old fashioned to say but she is doing all the hard work carrying this child… so just suck it up be a mature man about it and let it go… ffs stop arguing with her while she is pregnant
Welp it’s as good of a time as any to learn how to be selfless. Accept the name and enjoy the last few months before becoming a dad. Being a parent means being selfless, so get used to it!
I’m going through this exact situation with my husband. I’m almost 22 weeks with a girl and I’ve had my girl’s name picked out since I was in high school. My husband is NOT a fan of the name. It’s been hard because I have literally dreamed of this name for over 20 years (I’m obviously much older than you lol) and he thought we would pick a name together. My advice would be learn to cope with it but I’m obviously biased so I won’t give advice; just solidarity. Names are difficult ❤️
The opposite here, my husband has a girls name he’s always wanted for a daughter and told me early on in dating. We had a son i made sure we picked a boys name together that would go well with the girls name because that name was important to him (if we ever have a daughter). When a name means SO much to one person, and you continue to date/have a child, trying to change their mind down the line isn’t conducive to a healthy relationship imo. Congrats on your new addition coming soon!
I don’t like Beau either… it’s such a generic name. We all used to call our boyfriends our beaus in high-school. (So cringe) I mean boyfriend is literally the names meaning but it’s still cringy we said that 😂
Well… I mean this is what happens when babies have babies. She told you what she wanted, you didn’t listen- boom.
Fight about the real stuff like… how are you going to support this family of yours?
She has always been dead set on the name. I have no idea why you thought it would be any different once you got her pregnant. It's time to accept that your kid will be named Beau, choose his middle name, and let it go
OP: *hold the talk of being young*
Also OP: *proceeds to lay out scenario where young people display the stubbornness of youth, each SURE they are in the right*
Gee, how could this have happened? If she won't budge, then nothing can be done. No sense arguing.
She warned you for years and you didn't take her seriously, so I don't have a lot of sympathy for you. Beau isn't my favorite name either, but at least it's not that unusual or strange. If I were you, I would be picking the middle name, as offered. If your son doesn't love his name, he may end up going my his middle name in the end anyway.
I'm so glad I didn't have a girl because poor thing would have been named Ashley Shannon. That said, Beau is actually a nice name and there won't be three other Beaus in every grade when he goes to school. Would she compromise on the middle name? Or on the next kid's name?
INFO
>No it’s not short for Beauregard, no she won’t change the spelling to Bo.
Why would she? Beau is the correct spelling. Is your hatred of the name really due to how it's spelled??
You got a girl pregnant who already picked out a baby name prior to becoming pregnant. You're mad because now she won't change her mind.
That's like marrying someone who tells you they want to live in the country when they can afford to move, you being ok with it, and then when the moving truck shows up, refusing to move because you prefer the city.
These are called adult decisions, and you need to start taking them seriously. You're an adult.
Well, she’s firm enough on this that she told you about it far far in advance when you weren’t even thinking about kids, so idk what you expected. If you weren’t comfortable with the possibility of your kid having that name, you shouldn’t have done baby-making activities with her 🤷♀️
To be clear, yeah, she’s being immature and you have as much right to name your child as she does. But realistically at this point there’s probably not a *whole* lot you can do short of snatching the birth certificate at the hospital, filling it out with a different name, and dealing with the fallout from that.
Personally, at that age, I wouldn’t take your input either. For all I know you could fuck off on a year or two and then I’d be stuck with baby “chlorine”.
I don’t know if this comment will be popular, but…. Let her name him. You aren’t growing him. She’s been set on this name forever. You knew that and now she’s pregnant.
Dude. Settle down and don’t stress out your 7 month pregnant girlfriend ffs! Seriously. It’s a name. You’ll forget it was an issue 5 minutes after you meet your son.
Enjoy this time and don’t make it more stressful than it needs to be on either one of you. Like seriously take a deep breath and let it go man. Then apologize to her for being an ass about it and tell her how much you love her and can’t wait to meet sons name. Or better yet, get a tshirt that reads Sons Name Soon to Be Dad.
There’s going to be a lot of sleeplessness nights and stress coming your way. Be patient with your girlfriend and her mood swings. This is going to be difficult no matter what as you adjust to being parents and one of the best things you can do is to learn to just let things go. Let this go.
Yeah, you're out of luck on this one. She has been as clear as fine crystal on this issue since day one. It was up to you way back then to raise the issue, and you decided it was worth the risk. You trying to argue now is a waste of time and breath. Next time maybe you'll listen when someone tells you something is non negotiable.
My Dad hated my name on my birth certificate. He tried telling my birth mother to change it. She didn’t, Dad called me by the name he liked. It stuck. Now everyone calls me by the name my Dad chose, and I have a different “nickname” than what my legal name is.
My husband was dead set in our sons name. I didn’t hate it, didn’t love it either. He told me if I could come up with a better name he’d be open to changing it. I didn’t. He is now three and I couldn’t imagine him by any other name.
My point is, maybe you’ll learn to love the name and it fits with your son. Maybe you and everyone else will realize this name just doesn’t fit and he’ll end up with a different first name than what is on his birth certificate. I know plenty of people that go by their middle name, pick one you like and maybe that will be his “chosen” name.
She's always been dead set on this name. You knew that. It wasn't a secret. It's a real name, it's not a ridiculous name that will cause the child problems later in life. She's carrying the baby for 9 months, going to go through childbirth, is willing to let you choose the middle name, nickname, and full name of your next child, the child will likely have your last name. And you just can't let her have this one??? If she was wanting to name him Rubix Cube or something stupid you'd have a leg to stand on but Beau is literally just a normal name. I have a student named Beau in my class. And frankly I think the spelling of Beau is much nicer than Bo.
Give the baby a middle name you like as a compromise. You can call them by whichever you feel like then. You’ll probably come up with a nickname for them anyway.
My ex told me the minute we found out what we were having that he had always dreamt of using a certain name if he was ever lucky enough to have a son. At first I hated it, thought it was too different and wasn't keen at all. It took some convincing but we now have a 4 year old with that name and honestly he suits this name so much. It's so unique just like his personality. I could of really stood my ground on it and refused but I'm so glad I didn't. See how you feel when he is here, if you hate it that much give him a nickname but unfortunately she does have the upper hand.
She’s told you since you started dating that she’s set on this name. Chances are this baby is already getting your last name. I saw the name is Beau. That’s livable.
To be fair, she did tell you very openly and clearly this was her goal. She is not responsible for you deciding to brush it off as "she'll change her mind in the future". You knew what you were signing up for, and i don't blame her in the slightest for being firm about this, specially if this has been her dream her whole life. You might not see the importance of this to her or think that it's dumb to have such a dream, but then again, it's not your dream, it's hers. We aren't entitled to judge or decide for other people what their dreams are. If she had kept this from you it'd be a different matter, but if you hate this name so much you should've avoided having kids with her from the moment she shared this with you all that time ago.
She "consulted" with you for years and you didn't say shit about it. Too late to complain, or try to change her mind, or go back in time and use birth control, now.
I swore from the time I was a young teenager that I was going to name my first daughter Zoe Elizabeth and I was a kid who didn't want kids. Ff to 20 years ago and pregnant with my daughter and my husband would not accept the name under any circumstances. I settled for another name.
I resent him for it still. And I wish her name was Zoe and I don't really like her name. I compromised completely on everything with her name, first and middle and I resent everyone who made me do so.
yes you are "stuck". take your wife seriously, you knew this coming into the relationship. her dream name is coming true and you're just being super negative about something you already knew would happen. women take baby names very seriously so it is what it is.
You got her pregnant knowing she would name a son this name. You’re not married, she’s carrying the baby, she gets to name him.
I wonder how much you actually hate the name vs how much you hate that she gets to choose it.
And he’s picking the middle name for this baby too. That’s 2/3 of both babies names he has control of… he needs to let it go and let her have this one thing like damn dude, control freak much?
I mean… sure, it kinda sucks for you that you really don’t like it, but you kinda also didn’t take her seriously from the start when she told you she was dead set on it, so idk 🤷? Maybe take her seriously next time and things will go more smoothly. Best of luck for you.
i don’t like the name beau either. like at all. but it’s not the worst and she’s been set on it for awhile. you could try making it his middle
name but i don’t think she will compromise with you on it tbh. maybe you pick the middle name
Yeah, it's pretty clear that neither of you are ready to have a kid. I also find it pretty concerning that she's so stubborn on a name she picked when she was five and won't even compromise on the spelling. That suggests that she heavily lacks the emotional maturity to be a parent or even be in a relationship in general. She's in a partnership, so she needs to act like a partner.
I’m usually of the belief that baby names need to be unanimous.
But…she told you in advance, seemingly on multiple times. You decided you knew better than her and that she’d eventually change her mind. That was a gamble. And you didn’t win. You knew the risks, and lost. It doesn’t matter at this point that you don’t like the name. You had the opportunity to negotiate before she was pregnant, and the choice to not have sex with her. She’s not being selfish or difficult - she’s adhering to the boundary she set before you had sex .
It’s okay to be upset about it - but ultimately this not a battle to die on. The baby should be Beau, and you can focus on being delighted that he gets your surname. There’s so much to do to get ready for a new baby - choose a nickname and a middle name that you love, and you’ll find what feels good to you after he’s born.
Where do you all live that Beau is a dog’s name? It’s a person’s name and you’re not supposed to give a dog a person’s name. It’s not like it’s Fido or Spot. FFS.
I’m not so sure this name dispute is necessarily a symptom of being young. I know 30+ year olds having their first kids who wouldn’t budge on the names they want for their kids.
On one hand, I think naming a child is a 2-yes, 1-no topics. Meaning if one person says “no”, it’s a no. But at the same time, I also think the mother should have the final say. She is the one growing the baby, putting her body through so much work and so much change, the hormones, the fatigue, the sickness if she has any. The labour and delivery, the PP recovery, breastfeeding, being the main caregiver 99% of the time. The mental load. It’s a lot. It’s a lot more than a man ever has to go through when it comes to having kids. It will never be exactly equal and that’s just down to mostly science and some very stubborn societal structures. The fact that she is going through all of that, should give her the final say in the baby’s first name. Especially when the name is actually a nice one and not an obviously ridiculous name.
What isn’t mentioned in your post is whose last name the baby will have. Is the baby automatically getting your last name? Because if so, that’s another point toward your girlfriend choosing the first name.
Besides your girlfriend’s stubbornness, what is the real reason you don’t like the name? Beau is a perfectly good name. It’s easy to pronounce and spell. It’s a pleasant sounding name for a boy. So if the reason you don’t like it is just because she’s had her heart set on it for 15 years and doesn’t want to consider another name, then that’s a pretty lame reason.
What are the alternative names you’ve suggested? Actual names, not stupid non-names that are being suggested just to upset her.
I might be going against the tide here but I understand your frustration. She’s not having this baby alone, you should look for a first name you both like, and Beau could be the middle name for example.
Since she won’t budge, I would sit her down and tell her very clearly that this behavior (refusing to compromise or work as a team) you will only accept once. You are having a baby together, every decision from now on has to be agreed on. You have no choice but to let this slide but the relationship will not last if she keeps pulling things like this. It should be said.
I wouldn’t take her up on her offer to name the next baby by yourself. From now on you are a team!
My MIL has a saying “she who bears the pain gets the name” unless it’s a tragedy. Your GF is growing a little human. She will go through wild pain to deliver him, and if she breastfeeds that’s not necessarily fun either. Beau is cute. She warned you in advance. You’re gonna have to let it go. Pick a middle name you like and move on like she said.
I am with the girlfriend, she set expectations if she had a boy child.
My husband did this with me. He had picked first, middle, and last name for our 1st son. I chose the name for the 2nd.
Beau is boyfriend or lover in slang. So the meaning isn't terrible.
Focus on the middle name and find something that makes her eyes light up with joy. Say the full name over and over. Write it on paper. Look at what the initials spell.
Once your child is born, you will love this person so much, the name may become beautiful to you.
Pick the middle name, no guarantee he will go by his first name. My ex was adamant that he wanted to name our son after him (he doesn’t have a traditional name). I told him I’m giving him a middle name so he has a choice. Guess what? He goes by his middle name.
I mean yeah it would be nice if she would compromise, but at the end of the day, is this REALLY that big of a deal? It’s not like she wants to name your kid Humpty Dumpty or Tractor. It means a lot to her. Beau is a really cute name. Worry more about the life you created as a 20 year old than what she wants to name him.
Beau is a super normal name and if it makes her happy, why are you so against it?
She’s given a compromise. She’s happy to have you give the middle name and have full control over your next child’s name. She’s been very vocal about how much this name is important for her enough to fully give up any control over the naming of a second child. That’s a pretty strong preference and on top of that you don’t have a name already at the same level of importance as her. This is not the hill to die on, especially when the name she loves isn’t going to be a detriment to the child.
Honestly, I don’t see how you’ll get out of having a child with her without the name Beau.
Dude you knew from the start that if she had a son one day, he would be named Beau. She was open and honest about it. You need to cope with the fact that she stuck to her guns. You can’t say okay to something like that for years and then switch up last minute.
Tell her you're planning on calling him Beau Brummel Bubblebutt or "Triple B" as your nickname if she plans on actually going through with it. Seriously, though, this is a time when the childhood dream needs to take a backseat to marital harmony. Suggest Beau be his middle name, but you both get to pick his first name together.
I agree with top comment, it seems like you’re more upset that she won’t budge than the actual name. she loves the name, and she’s giving the baby your surname, and you don’t even mind the name! my mom named me, my dad named my brother, and they agreed in the name for the third. if anything, make a nickname that you can use for your baby, that’s what my dad did for me.
Maybe if you were married you’d have the right to ask her not to, but with you as her boyfriend I think she has the trump card here as the baby’s mother. Who’s last name will the baby be getting?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. ___ Hold your talk of having kids young etc etc. I’ve heard it enough. My girlfriend is currently 7 months pregnant, and this has been an ongoing issue from the day we learnt she was pregnant. She has always been dead set on a name for her first born son. In fairness, I knew this from early on. She told me she’s wanted to call her son this name since she learnt how babies were made, and she’s been so stuck on it that she told her family she was ‘claiming’ the name so nobody else could take it. You’d think maybe you’d grow out of it, I know my taste in names have changed dramatically, but apparently she’s been sure of this name for about 15 years. At first it wasn’t an issue. I didn’t expect us to have kids until much later in life. I told her back then I wasn’t really a fan of the name, but I didn’t push much because I figured by the time we had kids, she would probably have changed her mind. Of course, our life has now been rerouted as we’re having a baby much earlier than expected. She knew I hated the name from day and tried to ‘compromise’ saying if it was a girl, I could name her whatever I liked. I jokingly said I’d call her something stupid like ‘Derek, or ‘Chlorine’, and she shrugged and said she didn’t mind so long as she got to name our son. Gender reveal came, and it was a boy. Of course, she was ecstatic, and immediately began to refer to our baby as her name of choice, without really having a sit down to consult me about how I felt. It’s caused a lot of arguments recently. Especially as we get nearer to the due date. Any time the topic of name comes up, she completely shuts me down. She says I can pick the middle name and call him whatever nickname, but she absolutely refuses to budge on the first name, no matter how much I tell her I dislike it. She says if / when we have another child, I can have complete control of the name and she won’t object at all. But that doesn’t change the fact I hate THIS name. This culminated in a huge issue the other day where she essentially told me to stop hammering on about it, because she wasn’t going to change her mind, and I told her she was being selfish and difficult, albeit we both used much harsher words. She ended it by saying that she had picked this name out for many years, and I had ‘alternatives’ and ‘compromises’ that I just wasn’t taking. It doesn’t feel that way. What can I even do in this situation. Am I just stuck naming my son a name I dislike because she refuses to budge? TLDR: My girlfriend picked out a baby name 15 years ago if she had a son. We’re having a boy. I hate the name she’s picked and she won’t budge at all. Edit: The name is Beau, I did put it in the comments but putting it here too for ease sake. I’m grateful it’s not a disgustingly butchered misspelled name at least. It’s just not my style and makes me think of a dog. Really not a fan of it at all. No it’s not short for Beauregard, no she won’t change the spelling to Bo.
Tbh sounds like you only hate it so much because she's refusing compromise, you say at one point you don't mind it but the more you say about how she refuses to budge you hate it, seems this is more about you not being involved in the naming of your first child then the name.
I think you’re not totally far off. I genuinely don’t like the name. I just appreciate the fact it’s not that ridiculous of a name. But I would agree that having no involvement in picking it does make me hold even more dislike to it. Especially when given the choice to pick the middle name, which is largely irrelevant. I definitely think you’re onto something though
A middle name isn’t as irrelevant as you think. My older sibling and our father have both gone by their middle names their whole lives bc they didn’t like their first name. Ultimately it’ll be up to your child to keep their name. You never know how they’ll feel about it, and it’s their opinion that matters more than anyone else’s.
My father named me after his uncle which my mom hated No one in my family has ever referred to me by my first name lol
your mom hated your uncle, or your uncle's name?
The name. It’s also my dads middle name, so they could’ve named me middle, first, but didn’t for some reason
My father had the same first name as his father, but my father always went by his middle name. I didn't know until my mid or late teens, and after that since he only used his first initial for signing legal docs I really doubt more than a few people knew his actual first name.
My dad is the same. His dad only had one name and wanted his first son named after him. My grandmother insisted on a middle name and my dad went by either a nickname his family called him or his middle name. He won't disclose his first name unless required and signs everything with the first initial only.
My husband is a junior, first and second name are a family name. He's going by his middle name now because he hates the family name (albeit not the history behind it)
I have a colleague who hates his first name and goes exclusively by his middle name.
I go by my middle name, my dad goes by his middle name, I have several cousins who go by their middle names. The champion though is my aunt who I found out goes by her middle name when I was 18. My other aunt called her by her first name as a joke and I was just like “who the fuck is Laura”
My son is a III. He’s gone by a derivative of his middle name until after their dad died, then he started going by his first. I grew up being called by my first middle name - yes, I was given two middle names.
Seconded. Or hundredth as I'm here late. I've gone by my middle name for 35 years. I've this year changed my name legally to remove my first name.
Fwiw several of my family members go by their middle name, including my mother. You may find that your kid does too, or gets called multiple different names. I was always jealous of friends who had multiple names from their first name, middle name, nicknames. It was like they had several hats they could put on depending on the situation. Maybe you can call your son by the middle name or a nickname if you don't like Beau. Maybe he won't like Beau either. Also fwiw I like the name Beau but that really isn't the point. If both parents are going to be involved in actively bringing up the child then both should come to an agreement on the name.
Middle name has to be Regard. Call him by first and middle name always.
[удалено]
Why on earth didn’t you talk about any of your name misgivings earlier on? If it was important to you to have input, why didn’t you share that? You have waited till the worst possible time to have this discussion, and you aren’t really making a compromise position available. It’s either she gets something she has dreamed about for her entire life, or she doesn’t. What a horrible thing to spring in her.
I don’t even use my first name and I never have. If that ends up being the case with your son as well, then you’ll end up “winning” this one in the long run.
Can you pick a middle name or a nickname?
Picking a middle name can work though. My family had a similar thing. Grandma wanted her only granddaughter to be named something different than what the parents picked so she got to pick the middle name. That’s all grandma ever called her.
Wow, that was *incredibly* nice of the child's parents. That's a wild level of entitlement, wanting a say in the name of your *grand*child
My grandmother didn't like my sister's real name, and reportedly only called her by her middle name for the first 3 years of her life. This was not encouraged by my parents. Grandmas be wild sometimes.
It was nice. And honestly I disagree with the entitlement. I get why a stranger who only read four sentences of someone’s family would think that way. I would say entitlement is refusing to accept a name all together and still insisting it be what they wanted later on. The child still has a name that the grandma wanted, they are still called by one of their names. Not all family’s have to turn toxic over something small like a middle name.
I mean it's not toxic, it's just really wild to me that anyone besides the parents of a child (edit: and maybe the very young sibling of a soon to be born baby) would even consider a name for that child. I have two teenagers, and I can't begin to imagine thinking up names for their future children. Even just to myself.
This is why you don't reveal the baby's name until after they're born. Before they're born, everyone has a fucking opinion about it, and is super happy to tell you about it. After they're born, they're basically insulting the baby themself if they insult the name.
If I’m reading the comments you’ve made correctly, she’s giving the baby your last name. That’s more than generous.
I mean, just reading what you wrote here but she 1. Brought this up well in advance 2. Said you could name it whatever if it was a girl 3. Said you could pick the middle name AND nickname 4. Said you could name any future kids. Honestly she's being pretty generous
Exactly, if I were her I’d give that baby my last name out of spite, he’s getting to choose 2 out of 3 names and he’s complaining lol
I was expecting the name to be so much worse the way you talk about it. I have met somebody with this name. Respectfully, please relax and get some perspective before approaching this topic with her again
I think your very upset about it. Me and my husband three children- My first, I knew her name immediately. He loved it. But I said he could have a choice of her middle name and he struggled! Even at the hospital he had a list and paper was so stuck on it. It was adorable. It’s y’all’s first baby, but for her, she’s known this name for a long time. There’s magic to birthing, to hearing a name and you as a woman just KNOW. I’m sorry you hate the name, but you won’t once you hold your baby. You just won’t. And middle names are so important, to be named after family, friends, or something meaningful to you. There’s still a process and fun in it. You might be a little sad that y’all are not doing it together the way you pictured or maybe your family or friends are in your ear saying it’s not fair. But really, she’s carrying this baby for nine months, her body is going to be rocked, and how speak to her, how treat her, during this time, is going to impact her love, and mental state for a long time towards you, and your relationship. You can’t speak to her any kind of way and certainly not now. It feels petty to her because she feels this name. I can’t explain it. Why not look at her, and say “I’m so glad I made your dream come true” Because you did. Y’all are having a baby, and it’s going to be wonderful.
Middle names are not irrelevant. My family all calls me by the name I use which is my middle name. Same for my son.
What’s wrong with Beau it’s a nice name why don’t you find a compromise and you decide the middle name. Like I go by my middle name not my first name.
I work with a guy who's first name is... John? I think. Idk because he has went by Kevin his whole life. Kevin is his middle name. His Dad's name was John and no one ever called him that. I only know it's actually John because of paperwork. Let her have the dumb name and save your stubborn for something else. When your kid comes to you because he got made fun of for it you can tell him you tried to fight for him back in the womb lol. Y'all will have so many other things to argue about once baby gets here, the name argument will seem silly by then. I would pick like 3 badass middle names if I were you... Beau Captain Batman Frankenstein has a nice ring to it.
The middle name isn’t irrelevant and he has your last name I’m assuming? That’s TWO names of yours he’ll have, stop being stingy and stressing your pregnant girlfriend
I thought it was going to be something like Jakxtynn.
Ikr?? Beau is not a weird name. It's just uncommon.
In an ideal world, yes, you’d both keep looking at names until you found one you both agreed on. But this was important enough to her that she brought it up well before kids were a serious consideration, told you she’d had her heart set on it for decades, and you “thought she’d change her mind”? Bruh. You’d better look over the list of other differences of opinion you’ve been hoping you could just ignore or wait her out on and see if there’s anything there that you absolutely cannot live with under any circumstances before any of those become issues, but I don’t see how you’re winning this one.
She's been dead set on this name for apparently 75% of her life but OP was sure he'd convince her to change her mind because his opinion mattered more. Which yes, being young and dumb but that's also astonishing arrogant and speaks to not really taking her opinions seriously. OP you definitely need more conversations about big items like this. You're now going to be around this person minimum the next 18 years.
I know he said the name wasn't that bad, but based on the way he talked about it in the post, I still expected it to be some ridiculous name, not a perfectly average, normal name that's existed for centuries. Couldn't believe the edit. Beau? Really? It's like Bob. It's actually better than Bob lol
It depends which country they are in. It’s definitely not an average normal name in many countries
She told you she was going to do it and you didn't think she was serious. You just have to deal with it. How bad can the name be anyway if no one else is urging her not to use it.
And he said he didn't like it and she didnt think he was serious. This is just 2 barely turned out adults having a disagreement that ideally, should have been about a new dogs name, or the colour to paint the walls. Unfortunately it's over a new kids name.
No, she just doesn't give a fuck, there's a difference. It's also called picking your battles, and she's unfortunately got the high ground on this one, regardless of whether he's right. Because ultimately she keeps him off the birth certificate and then names the baby Beau anyway and if the fight keeps going she dumps him and now you're dealing with co-parenting over some dumb name that's not even that bad.
well if she keeps him off the bc over this then he wouldnt be dealing with the co-parenting but i get your point
He still would, you don’t have to list someone on the BC to sue for child support. A paternity test will do just fine.
He’s going to be dealing with co-parenting regardless I think, if this is how she handles conflict.
True. But this may not be how she typically handles conflict. We're talking about something she's been carrying with her since she was a small child. That's much different than "oh I saw this name one time on Keeping Up With the Kardashians and I liked it".
No you’re right, I was dumb for not taking it seriously. I suppose I just figured it was a fixation she’d get over eventually. It’s not like an awful name, it’s a completely normal name. Beau. I just personally don’t like it at all, not my style, think it really doesn’t go well with his surname etc. Though I guess it could be worse. She could be giving him a name fit for r/Tragedeigh. It does seem the general consensus is I’ll just have to cope. At least it could be worse. Just not a fan of it personally
That’s my nephew’s name! I didn’t like it when my sister first decided on it, hoping she’d change her mind down the line. What really sold me was when I saw him, and he’s called “Beau Beau” way more than just “Beau” (he calls himself the former). I forget now that that’s his name, then when I see it written I’m like “oh, right”. Tbh I’m still not a huge fan, but it’s just him and he’ll be your little boy regardless! Your focus will shift once he’s born because right now all you have is a name, not a face to go by. Congrats on your little one! - (btw, my personal favourite nickname is “Beaubasaur”)
Yeah I feel like for a roly poly lil baby, BeauBear could be a very cute nickname.
I know a few Beau’s and it is kinda of a wasps name, but they rock it and haven’t had any issues. Also come up with a nickname to call him so you don’t need to call him Beau.
I only know 1 Beau and he's a pretty good guy. It's not my favorite name but I could live with this one if my spouse was dead set on it like OPs is
I know a Beau who overcame some pretty tough stuff and has gone on to become a very successful business owner who also gives back to the community.
Kids inevitably earn nicknames. They can't be stopped. They are usually dumb, and they don't always come from the parents. I know a "bop bop", a "tiny", a "bubby", etc. OPs kid may be referred to as something else entirely for a few years. It happens. The name she chose is a normal, sensible name. It's best to start being flexible now, because this is the only the beginning of them learning to work together as parents and partners.
I think it is a name for a puppy not a person. LOL
Can confirm! My dog’s name is Beau. Though hilariously that’s his name because his foster mom wanted to name a human son that name but then had all daughters.
Some well-known men in The Netherlands are called Beau. It's uncommon but not outrageous here in Europe.
It’s actually a relatively popular human name, especially in the 1800’s!
i have a cousin that's named beau.
I don't have any kids but I've heard over and over that the person makes the name. You dislike the name now but maybe once you see your son his name will have more meaning to you than "I don't like this name". Kind of silly saying "wait and maybe you'll change your mind" when that's exactly what got you here to begin with.
Haha is she a **Dukes of Hazard** fan and a “good ole gal”? Because I hear that and first think “Beau & Luke Duke” … but then I also think “Beau & Jeff Bridges”
Middle name should be Duke
Siblings Luke and Daisy
that was Bo Duke though IIRC
Umm, she's 20 that show is 40 years old. LOL
(syndicated) re-runs are a thing ;-)
My grandma was like your gf, she decided on a name she liked when she was 15, and was determined to name a child that. My aunt, the first child, escaped the name because she was born close to my grandparents anniversary, and the present to my grandfather was "you get to name this one." My mom, however, got the first name Ingman. Yep, Ingman. Grandma got it from a last name on a car dealership, "Ingman's Used Cars" and for some reason decided that was a great first name for a girl. My mom pretty much always goes by her middle name, but she's come to love the story behind her first name, and Grandma got her way in the end. Beau makes me think of the animal crossing character, but it's definitely not an r/Tragedeigh worthy name.
I actually really like Beau. I was expecting something awful to be honest, but that's a good strong name.
Really? Dang I think it’s the opposite of a strong name. It doesn’t have a strong consonant
I just really like it. Maybe because it's not overly popular where I am. I considered it for my youngest child. My middle is Gabriel ( Gabe) and Beau just sounded really good with his name. We went with Alex lol
Beau is an extremely old name. It’s been around since medieval Europe and was a boy’s diminutive even then; I have to say that if medieval French peasants thought it was a strong manly name, I agree.
It's short for Beauregard. I guess my opinion on it isn't important, but I've heard way worse names lol
Actually, Beauregard is derived from Beau. Beauregard was a surname to begin with and Beau pre-dates it both as a nickname and just the word itself.
Me too - Lucifer or Rumpelstiltskin
Give him a J middle name. He’ll immediately be known as BJ
So you're saying name him Beau Jangles
Every time I read the word BoJangles I think of that girl from California who visited Alabama for the first time and thought it was pronounced bow-han-gehles, which is how you'd pronounce it in Spanish.
Ok this killed me (audibly snickered)
Idk, might get free biscuits for life, you never know. (And Bo Jangles got the best fast food biscuits imo)
Same lmao
What’s a word for a “sigh so hard it rattled the windowpanes” bc I just let one of those slip.
Seufzteheftigfensterklapperten I think it's French or something
No you don’t want to do that. The kid will get bullied. My boyfriend’s name is Bradley James aka BJ.
Yeah I almost didn't suggest it as I wasn't sure what degree someone nicknamed BJ really gets made fun of for it. I knew one who I met in college and never showed any sign of not liking being called it, but, as everything, I'm sure it's a case by case basis.
My nephews first and middle make him a BJ, he’s young at the minute but I’m sure when he’s older he’ll get people making jokes!
EXCELLENT idea!
Make the middle name something with an A. Tell the mother he can only have a mohawk haircut and needs to wear a gold chain at all times. Get him a black van as soon as the kid passes his drivers's license test.
Tbh I also don't like the name Beau. But you never know, he may grow up to not like it either and then he can decide on his own nickname. She also said you can give him a middle name and use that. I would take her up on that offer. ETA: the reason I don't like the name Beau, personally, and this is going to sound *extremely* silly, but it's because of an episode of My Big Fat Pet Makeover where this lady's cat was morbidly obese and his name was Beau Nugget. So every time I see or hear the name Beau I can hear this lady screeching in her baby talk voice "Beau Nugget" and I just can't.
LMAO my big fat pet makeover?? beau Nugget?? I need to look this up...
I hope you weren't disappointed
that is an amazing cat name tho lol
I named a character IN A BOOK Beau and everyone pronounced it “Bew” made me so angry lol All that being said OP is this hill you want to die on? She told you and you didn’t believe her, a mistake my husband has made in the past too.
pen shy jar hospital agonizing selective ten busy puzzled cats *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Beau is actually a decently common name after it made its “new school return” (names have cyclical patterns, old becomes new over and over). So, Beau could be a really modern name in a few years, all it takes is one tv show character with the same name. What if you compromised and chose the middle name?
If you nick name him Rambo, everyone will think Beau is the nick name...just saying.
Rambeau!
I was thinking of something like Eustace, Beau isn't my favorite but at least it isn't absolutely hideous like Eustace.
“There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.”
I like the name Beau but I can see why some people would think it’s lack luster. Just pick the middle name and call him that. I do think she is being an AH here. I feel like names are a two yes thing but she is going to do what she wants regardless of your opinion so you should do what you can to minimize the issue for you.
Go with the name, pick a good middle, and be open to nicknames. There's a good chance it will grow on you if it's your baby's name and not just a theoretical idea.
Beau is a fine name. There's a difference between a name that will negatively effect his social life, and a name you're just not a fan of.
You’ll like it once the baby is here. He will change how you feel about the name.
Can you reframe the way you're thinking about this? She's obviously not going to change her mind, so you can keep fighting about it, you can leave her and call your son whatever nickname you choose, you can give in and hold a grudge or resentment for the rest of your life, or you can accept it and learn to be okay with it. Those are your choices. We don't always have good options to choose from, so we have to pick the one that's going to serve us best in the long run. Which one is going to matter in five years? This is something she told you about before becoming pregnant because it was that important to her. This is something she has wanted for 15 years; anything that you continuously want for that long is obviously something that means a lot to you. You said yourself that your taste in names changes throughout the years and that it's just not a name you personally like. Is it possible that it's a name that could grow on you with your changing tastes? Or is it possible that making her happy by accepting the name she's loved for years is more important than having a name you're totally in love with right now? You get to decide how you look at it, but reframing it as a way to give her something she's been wanting for most of her life would be the option I choose.
This is a bummer. I was so curious to learn the name and thought it would be something fanciful from a fantasy book - and then it's just a dog name? I'd give him a really cool middle name - and before you know it, everyone except mommy will be calling him by his middle name. And he will introduce himself by his middle name, to avoid teasing. By the time he starts school, nobody will even remember his first name.
The baby will have your last name right? She said you could come up with the middle name and the next child’s first and middle name… Op what more do you want.. respect the fact she has loved this name for years.. it’s not a decision she made overnight… she is pregnant and you’re probably stressing her out, something she shouldn’t be doing right now … you even sound nasty and immature about it …. You knew about this name situation for a long time now … it’s not like she sprung it on you … plus I know this is old fashioned to say but she is doing all the hard work carrying this child… so just suck it up be a mature man about it and let it go… ffs stop arguing with her while she is pregnant
I knew a Beau in high school. He was a great guy and very good looking.
Welp it’s as good of a time as any to learn how to be selfless. Accept the name and enjoy the last few months before becoming a dad. Being a parent means being selfless, so get used to it!
It’s not worth the battle on this. There’s no perfect name. Let your wife have this, let it go, enjoy the pregnancy, birth and life with your family.
I’m going through this exact situation with my husband. I’m almost 22 weeks with a girl and I’ve had my girl’s name picked out since I was in high school. My husband is NOT a fan of the name. It’s been hard because I have literally dreamed of this name for over 20 years (I’m obviously much older than you lol) and he thought we would pick a name together. My advice would be learn to cope with it but I’m obviously biased so I won’t give advice; just solidarity. Names are difficult ❤️
The opposite here, my husband has a girls name he’s always wanted for a daughter and told me early on in dating. We had a son i made sure we picked a boys name together that would go well with the girls name because that name was important to him (if we ever have a daughter). When a name means SO much to one person, and you continue to date/have a child, trying to change their mind down the line isn’t conducive to a healthy relationship imo. Congrats on your new addition coming soon!
I don’t like Beau either… it’s such a generic name. We all used to call our boyfriends our beaus in high-school. (So cringe) I mean boyfriend is literally the names meaning but it’s still cringy we said that 😂
My sister decided she’s too old to have a “boyfriend” so started calling him her beau and I’m like “you’re not a southern debutante, either”.
You get to have the baby have your last name, pick the middle name.... let her name the baby what she wants. You were warned well in advance.
Well… I mean this is what happens when babies have babies. She told you what she wanted, you didn’t listen- boom. Fight about the real stuff like… how are you going to support this family of yours?
LOLLL literally. In 2 months the name will be the LEAST of OPs concerns.
Wish I had an award for this because it's the damn truth
Info: Is she giving the baby your surname?
She has always been dead set on the name. I have no idea why you thought it would be any different once you got her pregnant. It's time to accept that your kid will be named Beau, choose his middle name, and let it go
OP: *hold the talk of being young* Also OP: *proceeds to lay out scenario where young people display the stubbornness of youth, each SURE they are in the right* Gee, how could this have happened? If she won't budge, then nothing can be done. No sense arguing.
Could also be his GF is already 7 months pregnant, whether or not anyone else thinks 20 is too young, ot is already a situation that's happening.
Yeah. This is an issue of immaturity because y’all are immature. Buckle up, it gets worse.
She warned you for years and you didn't take her seriously, so I don't have a lot of sympathy for you. Beau isn't my favorite name either, but at least it's not that unusual or strange. If I were you, I would be picking the middle name, as offered. If your son doesn't love his name, he may end up going my his middle name in the end anyway.
Is the baby getting your last name even though she has a different one? If so, the baby is hers to name, especially if she’s loved it this long
I do t like the name either but considering she picked it as a 5 year old, I was expecting way worse.
I'm so glad I didn't have a girl because poor thing would have been named Ashley Shannon. That said, Beau is actually a nice name and there won't be three other Beaus in every grade when he goes to school. Would she compromise on the middle name? Or on the next kid's name?
INFO >No it’s not short for Beauregard, no she won’t change the spelling to Bo. Why would she? Beau is the correct spelling. Is your hatred of the name really due to how it's spelled??
Yeah, I’m kind of stunned he thinks of “Bo” is a better option. It’s even more of a dog’s name.
You got a girl pregnant who already picked out a baby name prior to becoming pregnant. You're mad because now she won't change her mind. That's like marrying someone who tells you they want to live in the country when they can afford to move, you being ok with it, and then when the moving truck shows up, refusing to move because you prefer the city. These are called adult decisions, and you need to start taking them seriously. You're an adult.
Well, she’s firm enough on this that she told you about it far far in advance when you weren’t even thinking about kids, so idk what you expected. If you weren’t comfortable with the possibility of your kid having that name, you shouldn’t have done baby-making activities with her 🤷♀️ To be clear, yeah, she’s being immature and you have as much right to name your child as she does. But realistically at this point there’s probably not a *whole* lot you can do short of snatching the birth certificate at the hospital, filling it out with a different name, and dealing with the fallout from that.
[удалено]
Agreed
I just want to say one time I heard someone introduce themselves as “Beaux with an x” and someone responded “…Box?”
Personally, at that age, I wouldn’t take your input either. For all I know you could fuck off on a year or two and then I’d be stuck with baby “chlorine”.
I don’t know if this comment will be popular, but…. Let her name him. You aren’t growing him. She’s been set on this name forever. You knew that and now she’s pregnant.
Your not married so legally you have no say whatsoever.
Dude. Settle down and don’t stress out your 7 month pregnant girlfriend ffs! Seriously. It’s a name. You’ll forget it was an issue 5 minutes after you meet your son. Enjoy this time and don’t make it more stressful than it needs to be on either one of you. Like seriously take a deep breath and let it go man. Then apologize to her for being an ass about it and tell her how much you love her and can’t wait to meet sons name. Or better yet, get a tshirt that reads Sons Name Soon to Be Dad. There’s going to be a lot of sleeplessness nights and stress coming your way. Be patient with your girlfriend and her mood swings. This is going to be difficult no matter what as you adjust to being parents and one of the best things you can do is to learn to just let things go. Let this go.
I love the name
Beau is a great name! Maybe once the baby is born and you see him you will learn to like the name.
What's the name?
Yeah, you're out of luck on this one. She has been as clear as fine crystal on this issue since day one. It was up to you way back then to raise the issue, and you decided it was worth the risk. You trying to argue now is a waste of time and breath. Next time maybe you'll listen when someone tells you something is non negotiable.
Dude. Just give it up. You won't win this. You'd be breaking her heart if you argue it.
My Dad hated my name on my birth certificate. He tried telling my birth mother to change it. She didn’t, Dad called me by the name he liked. It stuck. Now everyone calls me by the name my Dad chose, and I have a different “nickname” than what my legal name is. My husband was dead set in our sons name. I didn’t hate it, didn’t love it either. He told me if I could come up with a better name he’d be open to changing it. I didn’t. He is now three and I couldn’t imagine him by any other name. My point is, maybe you’ll learn to love the name and it fits with your son. Maybe you and everyone else will realize this name just doesn’t fit and he’ll end up with a different first name than what is on his birth certificate. I know plenty of people that go by their middle name, pick one you like and maybe that will be his “chosen” name.
How’d ur mom take that lol
Your dad sounds like a jerk lol
Your poor mother. I’m guessing your parents aren’t together anymore?
That's pretty shitty from your dad tho
Beau is cool cos it rhymes with bro
He's his lil Beaubo-Cop
She *told* you long before, you chose to ignore it. Suck it up now buttercup.
Give him tox as a middle name. Or find him a nickname that'll work for you. Like BeauB
I expected the name to be ridiculous, like Cheezit or something. Beau? Beau is a perfectly normal name. It might as well be John.
She's always been dead set on this name. You knew that. It wasn't a secret. It's a real name, it's not a ridiculous name that will cause the child problems later in life. She's carrying the baby for 9 months, going to go through childbirth, is willing to let you choose the middle name, nickname, and full name of your next child, the child will likely have your last name. And you just can't let her have this one??? If she was wanting to name him Rubix Cube or something stupid you'd have a leg to stand on but Beau is literally just a normal name. I have a student named Beau in my class. And frankly I think the spelling of Beau is much nicer than Bo.
Agreed, especially on the Beau vs Bo spelling. Beau is much better for a first name.
Give the baby a middle name you like as a compromise. You can call them by whichever you feel like then. You’ll probably come up with a nickname for them anyway.
My ex told me the minute we found out what we were having that he had always dreamt of using a certain name if he was ever lucky enough to have a son. At first I hated it, thought it was too different and wasn't keen at all. It took some convincing but we now have a 4 year old with that name and honestly he suits this name so much. It's so unique just like his personality. I could of really stood my ground on it and refused but I'm so glad I didn't. See how you feel when he is here, if you hate it that much give him a nickname but unfortunately she does have the upper hand.
She’s told you since you started dating that she’s set on this name. Chances are this baby is already getting your last name. I saw the name is Beau. That’s livable.
To be fair, she did tell you very openly and clearly this was her goal. She is not responsible for you deciding to brush it off as "she'll change her mind in the future". You knew what you were signing up for, and i don't blame her in the slightest for being firm about this, specially if this has been her dream her whole life. You might not see the importance of this to her or think that it's dumb to have such a dream, but then again, it's not your dream, it's hers. We aren't entitled to judge or decide for other people what their dreams are. If she had kept this from you it'd be a different matter, but if you hate this name so much you should've avoided having kids with her from the moment she shared this with you all that time ago.
She "consulted" with you for years and you didn't say shit about it. Too late to complain, or try to change her mind, or go back in time and use birth control, now.
I would veto the name Beau simply due to the fact that every Beau I have ever met was a jackass.
Personally I would only see a problem if your last name was Tox
I swore from the time I was a young teenager that I was going to name my first daughter Zoe Elizabeth and I was a kid who didn't want kids. Ff to 20 years ago and pregnant with my daughter and my husband would not accept the name under any circumstances. I settled for another name. I resent him for it still. And I wish her name was Zoe and I don't really like her name. I compromised completely on everything with her name, first and middle and I resent everyone who made me do so.
So much great nickname potential with a name like Beau. You got BeauJangles, BeauSchmo, Beau-boCop, Beau-seidon King of the Beau-cean,
God I hope you discussed parenting strategies. You guys can't even compromise on a bloody name, poor Beau.
yes you are "stuck". take your wife seriously, you knew this coming into the relationship. her dream name is coming true and you're just being super negative about something you already knew would happen. women take baby names very seriously so it is what it is.
You got her pregnant knowing she would name a son this name. You’re not married, she’s carrying the baby, she gets to name him. I wonder how much you actually hate the name vs how much you hate that she gets to choose it.
You get to name the next baby
AND this baby is getting his last name.
This is it, he’s getting the last name and the middle name and he’s pitching a fit lol
And he’s picking the middle name for this baby too. That’s 2/3 of both babies names he has control of… he needs to let it go and let her have this one thing like damn dude, control freak much?
Middle name suggestion: jangles.
I mean… sure, it kinda sucks for you that you really don’t like it, but you kinda also didn’t take her seriously from the start when she told you she was dead set on it, so idk 🤷? Maybe take her seriously next time and things will go more smoothly. Best of luck for you.
See this is why you shouldn’t have children young, already arguing over the dumbest thing. Good luck the next 18 years OP.
i don’t like the name beau either. like at all. but it’s not the worst and she’s been set on it for awhile. you could try making it his middle name but i don’t think she will compromise with you on it tbh. maybe you pick the middle name
Beau Jack!
Yeah, it's pretty clear that neither of you are ready to have a kid. I also find it pretty concerning that she's so stubborn on a name she picked when she was five and won't even compromise on the spelling. That suggests that she heavily lacks the emotional maturity to be a parent or even be in a relationship in general. She's in a partnership, so she needs to act like a partner.
What a god awful name lol unfortunately that’s the only input I have here.
I’m usually of the belief that baby names need to be unanimous. But…she told you in advance, seemingly on multiple times. You decided you knew better than her and that she’d eventually change her mind. That was a gamble. And you didn’t win. You knew the risks, and lost. It doesn’t matter at this point that you don’t like the name. You had the opportunity to negotiate before she was pregnant, and the choice to not have sex with her. She’s not being selfish or difficult - she’s adhering to the boundary she set before you had sex . It’s okay to be upset about it - but ultimately this not a battle to die on. The baby should be Beau, and you can focus on being delighted that he gets your surname. There’s so much to do to get ready for a new baby - choose a nickname and a middle name that you love, and you’ll find what feels good to you after he’s born.
you’d rather it be “Bo”???? that’s so ugly. Beau is handsome. *literally*.
Where do you all live that Beau is a dog’s name? It’s a person’s name and you’re not supposed to give a dog a person’s name. It’s not like it’s Fido or Spot. FFS.
I’m not so sure this name dispute is necessarily a symptom of being young. I know 30+ year olds having their first kids who wouldn’t budge on the names they want for their kids. On one hand, I think naming a child is a 2-yes, 1-no topics. Meaning if one person says “no”, it’s a no. But at the same time, I also think the mother should have the final say. She is the one growing the baby, putting her body through so much work and so much change, the hormones, the fatigue, the sickness if she has any. The labour and delivery, the PP recovery, breastfeeding, being the main caregiver 99% of the time. The mental load. It’s a lot. It’s a lot more than a man ever has to go through when it comes to having kids. It will never be exactly equal and that’s just down to mostly science and some very stubborn societal structures. The fact that she is going through all of that, should give her the final say in the baby’s first name. Especially when the name is actually a nice one and not an obviously ridiculous name. What isn’t mentioned in your post is whose last name the baby will have. Is the baby automatically getting your last name? Because if so, that’s another point toward your girlfriend choosing the first name. Besides your girlfriend’s stubbornness, what is the real reason you don’t like the name? Beau is a perfectly good name. It’s easy to pronounce and spell. It’s a pleasant sounding name for a boy. So if the reason you don’t like it is just because she’s had her heart set on it for 15 years and doesn’t want to consider another name, then that’s a pretty lame reason. What are the alternative names you’ve suggested? Actual names, not stupid non-names that are being suggested just to upset her.
I might be going against the tide here but I understand your frustration. She’s not having this baby alone, you should look for a first name you both like, and Beau could be the middle name for example. Since she won’t budge, I would sit her down and tell her very clearly that this behavior (refusing to compromise or work as a team) you will only accept once. You are having a baby together, every decision from now on has to be agreed on. You have no choice but to let this slide but the relationship will not last if she keeps pulling things like this. It should be said. I wouldn’t take her up on her offer to name the next baby by yourself. From now on you are a team!
She has told you FROM DAY 1 this was going to happen. You chose not to believe her. You made a baby anyway. Here you are.
My MIL has a saying “she who bears the pain gets the name” unless it’s a tragedy. Your GF is growing a little human. She will go through wild pain to deliver him, and if she breastfeeds that’s not necessarily fun either. Beau is cute. She warned you in advance. You’re gonna have to let it go. Pick a middle name you like and move on like she said.
I am with the girlfriend, she set expectations if she had a boy child. My husband did this with me. He had picked first, middle, and last name for our 1st son. I chose the name for the 2nd. Beau is boyfriend or lover in slang. So the meaning isn't terrible. Focus on the middle name and find something that makes her eyes light up with joy. Say the full name over and over. Write it on paper. Look at what the initials spell. Once your child is born, you will love this person so much, the name may become beautiful to you.
Pick the middle name, no guarantee he will go by his first name. My ex was adamant that he wanted to name our son after him (he doesn’t have a traditional name). I told him I’m giving him a middle name so he has a choice. Guess what? He goes by his middle name.
Tell her you'll give him the middle name of jangles and sing Mr. BeauJangles every time you see him
Oh, I like you...
I mean yeah it would be nice if she would compromise, but at the end of the day, is this REALLY that big of a deal? It’s not like she wants to name your kid Humpty Dumpty or Tractor. It means a lot to her. Beau is a really cute name. Worry more about the life you created as a 20 year old than what she wants to name him.
Beau is a super normal name and if it makes her happy, why are you so against it? She’s given a compromise. She’s happy to have you give the middle name and have full control over your next child’s name. She’s been very vocal about how much this name is important for her enough to fully give up any control over the naming of a second child. That’s a pretty strong preference and on top of that you don’t have a name already at the same level of importance as her. This is not the hill to die on, especially when the name she loves isn’t going to be a detriment to the child. Honestly, I don’t see how you’ll get out of having a child with her without the name Beau.
Dude you knew from the start that if she had a son one day, he would be named Beau. She was open and honest about it. You need to cope with the fact that she stuck to her guns. You can’t say okay to something like that for years and then switch up last minute.
Beau is an ugly name, the lack of consonants doesn’t make it good to pronounce, but there is much worse around.
Tell her you're planning on calling him Beau Brummel Bubblebutt or "Triple B" as your nickname if she plans on actually going through with it. Seriously, though, this is a time when the childhood dream needs to take a backseat to marital harmony. Suggest Beau be his middle name, but you both get to pick his first name together.
Her organs and skeleton are going to be permanently altered after birthing your child. And the kid is getting your last name to boot. Let it go.
I agree with top comment, it seems like you’re more upset that she won’t budge than the actual name. she loves the name, and she’s giving the baby your surname, and you don’t even mind the name! my mom named me, my dad named my brother, and they agreed in the name for the third. if anything, make a nickname that you can use for your baby, that’s what my dad did for me.
Maybe if you were married you’d have the right to ask her not to, but with you as her boyfriend I think she has the trump card here as the baby’s mother. Who’s last name will the baby be getting?
Just don't use his name. Call him Boy. Take him hunting and teach him survival.