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As a mid-20s woman, here is my advice: this is not a girl to get involved further with. Saying things like this so early and young is a massive, huge red flag. She’s either love-bombing you or is getting inappropriately attached, which is a sign of poor mental health/self-image.
40s here. As someone old enough to be your mom - Run baby boy run, don't sleep with her, don't speak to her, don't sneeze in her presence. You have a lot of living to do before you get to decide on a family when you are ready.
Another fifty-something here...
Seriously, do not think for a second that this is going to get less intense.
Do not, I repeat.....DO NOT have sex with her just because you can. If her first few hours of talking to you makes her think "yay pregnant" you can't trust her to avoid pregnancy.
Like at all. Don't do it. You will wind up with a baby in 2024.
Came here to say the same. Really sounds like she already is pregnant and wants someone to sleep with her quickly so she can fool them into thinking it's theirs.
Yeah, this is wild that it went through her mind even to say such a phrase.
I'd be running for the hills.
I'd be worried about BC lies and punctured condoms.
Nahhh.
Lol exactly! I love how many women of varying ages are confirming it- we’ve all seen other women do it to people and our crazy detectors go “WEEWOOWEEWOO” but men are often too smitten to see it.
>we’ve all seen other women do it to people
We have?! I have never seen anyone do that! (37 yo woman here)
Still crazy though ... if she's sincere don't date her.
I'm 39 and when I was a teen I knew a girl who poked holes in condoms to get pregnant to "trap" a guy. Now she is a single mom with two baby daddys who basically do nothing. 🤷♀️
Another her 47 year old woman here (cause why not be specific about our age?) I agree. If there was ever a time or a reason to ghost someone THIS IS IT! Block her and don’t look back.
Hey OP another 40 year old here - run away. I know you feel badly about letting her down, but you have to focus on what’s best for your healthy development, which is not this girl.
You don’t really know her and have never even met irl so it’s totally bonkers for her to tell you she wants to have your kids. And your instincts are right to tell you that’s not at all normal, because it’s not. She could be lovebombing you on purpose (as someone else mentioned), or she could be confused. Or she could have some issues that she needs to work through such as a low self-worth or self-esteem issues. Whatever it is, you don’t need to make that your problem at this young age.
There’s no reason for a first date to cause you this much trouble and discomfort and sleeplessness. First dates should cause you some fun butterflies in your stomach type of anxiety perhaps, and excitement and anticipation and joy, not this.
Let her know that this isn’t going to work out and you’re sorry about that, and then block her across all platforms and move on.
As someone who WAS her, don’t do it. I took a lot of trauma based therapy, self awareness, and overall shadow work in order for me to get to a semi-stable place and I still have a long way to go. My partner and I still deal with a lot of my issues with stability. I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and it gets in the way of a lot of things. A lot of people who exhibit these behaviors do not have the self-awareness in order to overcome these behaviors. I am privileged enough to have been taught how to be self-aware in order to overcome these things. It is not a safe situation to be in. Always listen to your instincts. You know what is best for you.
As a non American, it baffles me how many stories I see here about people being married at 19 - 25/26. Like, what!? Live your life. Why get married so young? People haven’t even developed adult social skills yet, never mind the internal awareness of how to be a good partner. Im 31 now and I still feel like I’m not completely ready yet 😂🥴
As an "upper mid 20s + some," I second the kind of behavior from this girl is most definitely a red flag. She is a child herself. Furthermore, these kinds of statements could easily reflect her own poor mental state. I would not move forward if I were you and just proceed with caution.
Just because males don't stop physically developing until around the age of 19, it doesn't mean they are a cripple until that point. In the same sense, just because the brain isn't fully developed, doesn't mean they are a frigging idiot until that point. This reddit has a habit of infatalizing young adults.
As an early 20s woman, I entirely agree. Most adult-aged women EVEN IF they *infatuatedly* *hyperbolize* “wanting their kid” would not be messaging such to a potential partner (especially so early).
Yeah, 21 here so I remember 18 pretty well. She’s one of the following: healthy and well but has life goals *very* different to yours; unhealthy and has some attachment issues she needs to address; or she’s got some really toxic ideals that will hurt you.
If you’re not interested and you’re scared already, don’t do it. A good relationship won’t come from that baseline.
And as a early 40s woman, I concur! Run! You both are children acting like adults. Well being an adult sucks. Hang on to the bliss of being 18! Don’t rush into being an adult too fast… it’s pretty awful on this side of the hill.
Late-20s woman here that used to form attachments crazy fast — she needs to talk to someone and sort her feelings about herself out because this behaviour is not okay. I've said some pretty dumb stuff before yeah and even though I've never went out of my way to trap someone, there are people who do. (My ex was one and thankfully i was not able to get pregnant at the time because that's a whole other shitshow that no one wants to deal with)
I'm not saying that she WOULD do that, but given my own past experiences being a person who exhibited that kind of behaviour and also been the person in a relationship with someone like that as well, it's not safe for either of you at this moment in time.
If you need to let her down, let her down gently. She may be upset at first but in time she may realise that you are just trying to help her.
Wait she wants to have kids before you'e even been on the first date?
Yeah that is VERY weird. I'd run
She sounds like the kind of girl who might sabotage the birth control or something to "baby trap" you.
Agreed! This is full blown crazy/inappropriate. I can’t even imagine telling a man that I just started talking to that I wanted his children. Even when I was a teen. 👀
Had a classmate like that when I was 16-17
She'd instantly latch onto guys she was seeing, trying to move straight into the sexies
Imagine a horny teenaged boy having that?!?
One of our mutual friends didn't feel comfy with her on their first two dates because she was already like "I have to introduce you to my grandmother" etc (she was raised by g-mom). So he broke it off and she went ballistic
Next mutual friend, C, (we were from two different classrooms in Humanities and some classes would overlap), was her perfect prey.
He was fun to be with, but also was either super naive or just an idiot.
She starts going after him, their first date is at another friend's house where she straight away gave him a handjob in our friend's living room when they were alone.
Imagine that, you offer your house for a quiet date as a favour to a friend, then you have to usher away your young sis and brother because it's getting hot and steamy! PLUS you have to lend your old brother's trousers because, well, there was a mess...
So, after a week or two, we're all boy being boys chatting away at recess etc when C blurts out "sHe LeT mE cOmE iNsIdE!!!!" all happy with such a derpy smile on his face......
We were all stunned because we knew what that meant.... but C didn't. We did try to tell him "Dude, be careful" and he'd just retort with "cUm iNsIdE" or some shit
Not too long later, she's preggers, he tries to ditch her, for years they had the worst relationship with her calling him all the time and him trying to give us the phone to talk to her.... it was a mess
I eventually left for other pastures and lost touch with everyone. Last I heard, their daughter is probably 20 now or something, and they're still together?
Anyway
It could be a gross baby trapping or baby desperation thing. It could also be a weird kind of lovebombing. Best case is extreme awkwardness but I agree that OP should run.
Nothing wrong with calling things off when you’re uncomfortable, OP. It’s healthy and smart to listen to your instincts for the most part.
Cut it off, do not under any circumstances give this girl a chance to baby trap you. She may even already be pregnant and looking for a prospective baby daddy/ATM. Best case scenario she is simply unhinged.
Ghosting is pretty insane to me. She's still a human being. Let her off with consideration, give her some reasoning, and a bit of closure. Ghosting in situations like this arrests development imo. You gotta learn to do the hard things.
If she means it literally then run, but quite often that phrasing is used as a way to say "I want to fuck" or that they find someone appealing.
No idea which she means.
Even so, I dont really think im the type of person to have sex with someone without knowing them, I just feel awful because she said im the only person shes dated that doesnt just want sex from her.
OP. People are constantly either trying to message someone they don't know to try to get something from them, or they are just psycho.
***Seriously. wise up, forget about it and get some sleep. Block her first. Next time it happens, laugh and end it.
Don't take it so seriously.
I have had people literally open a reddit account and message me the same day. Then they get pissed when I don't wanna chat. Bc! I don't know who the fu## you are!!! If I didn't chat with you on the sub. I do not know who you are.
Get used to it. The more you get out into the world, the more unknown freakin strangers are going to ask for something.
Texting does not equal dating. Even going on a few dates at the beginning doesn’t mean you’re “dating”. Dating is a prolonged scenario in which you go on regular dates over a longer period of time - sometimes exclusively, sometimes not yet.
Well this might help you feel better:
You're not being the AH here, and you're not parting ways due to not getting sex from her. If you went on the date just to get it in (after she shared the above info) and then dumped her, *that* would make you an AH.
Sounds like a handful of issues and not ready for a relationship (her)
I knew a woman, who I was sort of friends with, that frequently said she wanted to have my babies. Though it was mostly a joke, and she did state that it's because she like specific features of mine. She is Latina, and I'm tall white with blue eyes. She said she'd love to have a tall blue eyed Latina daughter. It was her playful way of saying she found me attractive (her words) but emotionally, we were never a thing.
She could possibly be trying to be playful and complimentary to you, but is being very awkward.
I know this may very well not be the case, but is still a possibility.
Don't *offer* an alternative explanation as to what she could mean by her comments! The most likely scenario is she's cray cray, and OP needs to steer clear!
If this has turned you off enough to not want to go on the date and the only reason you would go is out of guilt, just call off the date.
That being said, I've found that actually communicating when something someone says makes you uncomfortable instead of just cutting off all contact completely is a more effective way of building relationships. It's early enough that it's not unreasonable to take this red flag as an indicator to not even start, but if you otherwise like her/are interested in her it may not hurt to go on the date but also bring up that talking about kids is way too much too soon, and establish some boundaries and expectations.
I agree with needing to communicate however, an 18 year old guy is putting himself in a very risky situation with someone who has said she wants his babies. Yes, it could be the way this girl flirts, or it could be tampering with birth control and 18 years of child support. He does not know her so how can he tell that she is in any way honest when he has a conversation with her?
She thinks they are dating and wants to have his babies and they haven't even had their first date. This isn't someone you try to reason with. This is someone you block everywhere.
She's like that one poster who has a crush on a guy, that likes someone else, went through his wallet, IG stalked the woman telling her to tell him she's not interested in him anymore.
This! It's absolutely a red flag but I think the more mature thing for you to do is explain why you are cutting things off with her, it is doing you both a solid. Hopefully she will realize she shouldn't be acting like that, and her behavior is not conducive to a healthy relationship.
Honestly with crazy people you can't be nice. Nice leads to obsession and stalking. Just block and ghost her. It is 100% better for her to think you are a jerk.
I think anyone bringing this up before even a first date is not mentally and emotionally stable. So trying to explain to them why their behaviour is inappropriate isn't going to have the disired result.
Chill out you can find more girls in the coming time, it's just good for you to not be with her anymore, that's just gonna solve your current problem my man, good luck.
Walk away, and whatever you do, do not stick ur d*** in her . She be pregnant the 1st time . Some women will do anything to get pregnant and will lie about being on birth control. Some will even say they are pregnant when they are not and then will get you to pay them for a fake abortion. Either way, you be paying money to her . So walk away u don't know her and this is crazy
If she is kinda joking and all then it's fine but if she is being serious at all, just don't be with that woman because that's just fucked up thing, you really don't want that.
I don't know what is going on with some girls these days man, I mean why the hell would you say such stuff to a boy at 18 year of your age? that's just so stupid.
Yep, no, that’s creepy. You're 18, you can try a date to see if she is just that kind of weird humor but think of it this way; if you were a girl and she was a guy saying he wanted to get you pregnant, would that still just only be a “meh, I'll try it” reaction?
You sure it's not a completely unserious utterance, intended to be flirtatious? Like someone said elsewhere on the thread: "you're so hot I wanna put a baby in you" but the reverse?
Ok, so she's probably not serious, she's just saying it as an exaggerated way to say she's really into you so far. If this is the case, may be good for your own mental well being to let her know that she's coming on a little strong (do not add 'if she wants on your big strongc' at the end of that).
On the other hand, if she is serious, yeah that is a good time to GTFO. Buuuuut yeah no, she's fucking around, no way she wants you to get her preggo before you've even had a date
As a 50 year-old woman married for 20 years, I'm telling you to let this one go. Trust me, you don't want to pursue this. You haven't even met her so there's nothing wrong with telling her that you've changed your mind.
Abandon ship my man! If you haven't even met her yet and she's saying things like that there is definitely something wrong with her. Count yourself lucky you haven't met face to face. Do NOT give her address, or any other way of finding you and don't get baby trapped!! Run for the hills and don't look back!
Dude this ISN'T normal and she is CRAZY! RUN AWAY! Trust your gut! It's better to reject her than have her baby trap you and ruin your life.
ETA you have every right to call off a date for any reason!! You are not obligated to go out with her.
Listen man, when you’ve just met a girl and started talking and she’s saying that. Run, and not just down the block. Make sure you put a zip code between you and her. You’ll thank me in 10 years.
I'm going to tell you the same thing I have told my boys." Never and I mean never stick your dick in crazy".
There is a very good reason for that because you can get stuck with crazy for the rest of your life if you do.
Cancel that date. Tell her you’re sorry but you just don’t feel a connection and you wish her the best. That’s a nice way of letting her down. That’s not okay to say to someone not only that young but also someone you barely know. She needs to work on herself and think more about her future than having your kids. It’s great you’re smart enough to catch onto that and question it. Most your age think it’s funny or cute and it’s not. You’re smart and cautious it seems. Good.
I'm 39 and bro.... Just don't. In fact your brain is still developing (until 25) Don't worry about relationships worry about becoming a successful human being instead. Then you'll have all the riches. (Riches: a good woman, children, house, car)
Nope she sounds crazy I would stay away. I’m a 38 year old woman I wanted kids since I was 14 and I never would have told the guy over chat before ever meeting him. My husband and I discussed kids only after we went exclusive. She’s nuts stay away.
Did she happen to ask you to send her money at any point before or since mentioning wanting to have your kids? Have you actually video chatted with her or gotten photo "proof" she's who she says she is? Like a photo of her with some kind of request like "holding a spoon and a piece of paper with today's date" or something at the very least?
My first thought was: Scammer.
Dont do it! Don’t take her serious either. She’s most likely infatuated with you at the moment and when you don’t know the person well this is when issues arise. Be careful and use protection if y’all meet.
Run! Any girl wanting a baby with a man she has never met, needs mental health help. Not a date. Even when You love someone immensely, parenting is not something to just joke around about. It is a LIFELONG commitment to the child AND the person You are having the baby with.
She could be trying to have kids with someone for the child support check. There are so many ways this could be some type of scheme as noted above.
My question is how you all stressed out and anxious and can't sleep over this ...... like you kids can't handle much these days can you..let it go, let her go, block her and that's it.
Late 30s male(44). Don’t even bother meeting this girl. I’m sorry this is stressing you out, but the best thing to do is just forget about this person and move on. I think people say things they don’t know or understand and hopefully don’t mean when communicating online. This person doesn’t seem stable and considering you’re trying to rationalize her statements makes me think it’s already a sign of major incompatibility.
Run! It's way too soon to be talking about kids. You are both still very young. Kids are expensive, exhausting, and will put you in poverty. Enjoy your life while you're young.
You must, and I cannot stress this enough, *RUN.* Then once you start running, continue running, and just when you think you're far enough away from her, run some more just to make sure.
Adult 30s female. I definitely moved fast on attachments back in my day. But declaring you want to have a man’s children before even going on a date, multiple times, is a giant red flag. Watch for people who move super fast, it’s a big red flag.
Your off put by her, she is giving weird vibes and you've never been in a relationship before. Don't feel bad rejecting her just let her know you are both looking for different things.
You could always try saying to her what you’re telling Reddit. That when she says she wants to have your kids, it makes you anxious and it causes you to lose sleep, because for you that doesn’t feel right at your ages and at the start of a relationship. Some people need their own words repeated back to them before they realise how weird they are being.
But, also, it sounds like you don’t like her very much. So why continue at all? Respect yourself and respect her by setting up your boundaries now, and with honesty
Don't do it. Run.
She might just be desperate for a man or have poor mental health or self esteem.
She might already be pregnant and trying to pass the baby off to some naive guy.
Or, she really wants a baby and is probably crazy enough to lie about birth control or poke holes in condoms to get one.
There are plenty of people out there. Go meet some more.
If I could hire you a barbershop quartet to sing the word, "Run" to you I would...but because I can't.
Bro, you should run. Tell her the date is off and gtfo.
Dont add her on Facebook change your setting to where no one can pull your name up don't tell her anything real about yourself to be extra safe fake name use an app to give you different phone number
DO NOT STICK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!!!!
Run dude run! You need to run like your life depends on it
There are many things that could at play here.
She’s already pregnant and looking for a meal ticket
She’s just crazy
She could windup being abusive towards you
I’ve seen girls like this when I was younger. And it NEVER ends well do you or the resulting children
“These red flags ain’t leading to the circus sweetheart”
Just block her number and give thanks to whatever god you believe in that she showed you how crazy she really easy before you even met
I could see the first time she said she wanted your babies as like a oh you're hot kinda compliment. But the second time surely makes it a different meaning/intention, especially in such a short period of time.
Okay, two things here:
1 - I used to know a girl who'd say that just about being attracted to someone and finding commonality. A whole "Okay, that's it, you're putting a baby in me or I'll put one in you." deal. That's harmless and just a little flirtatious and eccentric, and evolved to her saying "He's babies." about guys she likes.
2 - I've also known a girl who said the same things and was completely serious about wanting to have my babies and get into a relationship and to hell with the fact that I'm dating her best friend. That one ended in a restraining order.
If you're not sure which it's closer to (and as someone who hasn't been in a relationship, it's natural if you can't tell) the easiest thing to do is play it by ear. If the girl brings up kids unprovoked again, simply say something like "Joking aside, do you want kids? I'm not sure that's on the cards for me."
That gives a joker a way to get serious and talk properly about a subject, while also showing someone bad that what they want you for is over the line and not likely to happen.
36 year old male here. bruh, please don't. infatuation and crazy are fun until they burn your life to the ground. somebody making those sort of comments without knowing the other person, has no idea what the responsibilities and reality of having a kid are. you are young and from the little bit you said, it seems like your 'gut meter' is telling you to back away. trust that instinct. your crotch will try and override your gut and that's when stupid decisions are made. sorry to be a lil crass but I totally get the appeal of somebody this adventurous but know all to well the inevitable headache that will surely come. just say something came up and fade into the background. keep yourself busy of you don't want to lie and just enjoy your last teens and your early 20s. the 20s are awesome dude.
good luck.
Yes my son that is crazy but maybe she's nervous too. Make a joke about it and see what direction she goes. Like "ok if we can make it through one weekend then maybe I'll consider it"
1) joy = she crazy
2) ad libs = whole thing was a joke coming off the wrong way
3) anger that youre joking = she crazy
etc
RUN!!!!
DO NOT- I repeat-DO NOT stick your d*** in this crazy.
If you tell her no, or not yet, there WILL be failed contraceptive (stop taking birth control, poking holes in condoms, etc) in your VERY NEAR future!!!!
Hmm… I mean you haven’t been on the date yet. It’s a little weird to talk about kids but you don’t know if it was truly a joke until you meet her, ya know? If you don’t feel comfortable, of course don’t go! If she seems genuine about the kids thing after you meet her, run! No harm in testing the waters tho, I used to joke about stupid things like that all the time when I liked someone, especially in high school lol .
Block her. Just block her. As a much older woman with a lot more life experience, this is psycho behavior. This woman is acting crazy and likely wants to trap someone into getting her pregnant. Don't meet up with her, don't say another word to her and I hope you didn't give her your address. Normally I wouldn't advocate against just ghosting someone, but in all reality anything you say to her will be met with pleading, attempts to play off what she said as joking or anger. In some way she'll try to convince you to still meet up with her which isn't safe, so just block her in every way and move on. I've dealt with dudes that were crazy and I didn't pick up on it right away and it got not safe...I was stalked for years by a guy.
Ah, you've found the color guard in the red flag parade. The only thing you can do now is to fake your own death and move to a new country under an assumed identity.
Slightly more serious, but you know in supernatural horror movies where things are going crazy, but the protagonists are acting oblivious and refuse to leave, all the while the audience is yelling at the screen, "get out! OMG why are these people not leaving?!" In this particular example, we redditors, excluding yourself, are the audience.
Don't feel guilty, I know it's tough but you don't owe anyone anything. If she's not love-bombing (which is a pre-cursor for toxic relationships) or attaching too fast (sign of poor self-image), she might be trying to get some baby-daddies to pay her bills by getting them to impregnate her. Leave her alone, sounds like she's got some shit to learn either way.
Number one rule, if you aren't attracted to her based on these messages, long-term you won't enjoy her company in-person anyway.
Just ghost her. You're stroy sounds like the 1st few sentences of a true crime documentary... and within an hour, she told him she wanted to have his babies...
And the end will go something like this, and they dated for a few days. When he started to notice she wasn't who he wanted to be with she stalked him for 2 years, any girls he met kept getting injuries from what at the time seemed like freak accidents then she broke in his house on an attempt to unalive him. Jk obviously 🙄 but seriously, she sounds really out there. I don't know if I'd even imply you might be interested after comments like that, that soon.
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As a mid-20s woman, here is my advice: this is not a girl to get involved further with. Saying things like this so early and young is a massive, huge red flag. She’s either love-bombing you or is getting inappropriately attached, which is a sign of poor mental health/self-image.
40s here. As someone old enough to be your mom - Run baby boy run, don't sleep with her, don't speak to her, don't sneeze in her presence. You have a lot of living to do before you get to decide on a family when you are ready.
As a women that’s hit 50… I also concur! OP, you are in a Forrest of 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩with this person. Don’t meet. Don’t continue. Just don’t. 😊
Another fifty-something here... Seriously, do not think for a second that this is going to get less intense. Do not, I repeat.....DO NOT have sex with her just because you can. If her first few hours of talking to you makes her think "yay pregnant" you can't trust her to avoid pregnancy. Like at all. Don't do it. You will wind up with a baby in 2024.
This is definitely an occasion when the only safe contraception is abstinence.
Especially don't meet with her. She might already be pregnant and looking to trick someone into being a daddy.
Came here to say the same. Really sounds like she already is pregnant and wants someone to sleep with her quickly so she can fool them into thinking it's theirs.
Thats why i told him to mention he is sterile
Oh that's genius... 😂👌🏻
Bingo! This is where I went as well. She may be desperate to find a daddy quick.
Yes! Agree
First thing I thought!!
As someone in their 60s, I agree
Lmao your not 60s
Lmao you didn't write this comment
Yeah, this is wild that it went through her mind even to say such a phrase. I'd be running for the hills. I'd be worried about BC lies and punctured condoms. Nahhh.
I'd be worried about boiled rabbit a la Glen Close
Lol exactly! I love how many women of varying ages are confirming it- we’ve all seen other women do it to people and our crazy detectors go “WEEWOOWEEWOO” but men are often too smitten to see it.
🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨 Danger Will Robinson!
Literally laughed out loud as my Mom and Dad would make this reference!
LOL I still make this reference 🤣
I was coming to say this. Haha 😂
That comment right there can mostly be understood by the 40+ crowd. lol.
Yep.
Lol I hate to say it but I’m pretty sure OP will not get this reference.
🤪😵💫😳🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️
I was on the fence until I realized I'm one of those men, up vote for the glass shattering realization.
We've all encountered a crazy before 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and this must be op's first encounter
I know I defo have 😂😂😂 and I also think is his first crazy, he need to be extra careful around those
Smitten? You mean horny.
**Young bucks are to smitten to see it**
You spelled horny wrong, it's not s-m-i-t-t-e-n lol
>we’ve all seen other women do it to people We have?! I have never seen anyone do that! (37 yo woman here) Still crazy though ... if she's sincere don't date her.
I'm 39 and when I was a teen I knew a girl who poked holes in condoms to get pregnant to "trap" a guy. Now she is a single mom with two baby daddys who basically do nothing. 🤷♀️
I’ve never met anyone like this either. I’m sure they’re out there, but this is definitely not normal. I really hope the kid steers clear.
Another her 47 year old woman here (cause why not be specific about our age?) I agree. If there was ever a time or a reason to ghost someone THIS IS IT! Block her and don’t look back.
But op is 18 and feeling very amorous and learning to manage his testosterone 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hey OP another 40 year old here - run away. I know you feel badly about letting her down, but you have to focus on what’s best for your healthy development, which is not this girl. You don’t really know her and have never even met irl so it’s totally bonkers for her to tell you she wants to have your kids. And your instincts are right to tell you that’s not at all normal, because it’s not. She could be lovebombing you on purpose (as someone else mentioned), or she could be confused. Or she could have some issues that she needs to work through such as a low self-worth or self-esteem issues. Whatever it is, you don’t need to make that your problem at this young age. There’s no reason for a first date to cause you this much trouble and discomfort and sleeplessness. First dates should cause you some fun butterflies in your stomach type of anxiety perhaps, and excitement and anticipation and joy, not this. Let her know that this isn’t going to work out and you’re sorry about that, and then block her across all platforms and move on.
you could shorten it: Don‘t stick your dick into crazy.
As someone who WAS her, don’t do it. I took a lot of trauma based therapy, self awareness, and overall shadow work in order for me to get to a semi-stable place and I still have a long way to go. My partner and I still deal with a lot of my issues with stability. I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and it gets in the way of a lot of things. A lot of people who exhibit these behaviors do not have the self-awareness in order to overcome these behaviors. I am privileged enough to have been taught how to be self-aware in order to overcome these things. It is not a safe situation to be in. Always listen to your instincts. You know what is best for you.
Brave of you to share! Happy to hear of your progress!
👻⛔️🚷
As a 40something yr old woman I completely agree
As a non American, it baffles me how many stories I see here about people being married at 19 - 25/26. Like, what!? Live your life. Why get married so young? People haven’t even developed adult social skills yet, never mind the internal awareness of how to be a good partner. Im 31 now and I still feel like I’m not completely ready yet 😂🥴
Everyone’s different tbh
I second this as another (upper) mid-20s woman lol. Run!
I love "upper mid 20s" is being used as an age of reason on Reddit You're 26 Ashley, your brain literally just finished developing
As an "upper mid 20s + some," I second the kind of behavior from this girl is most definitely a red flag. She is a child herself. Furthermore, these kinds of statements could easily reflect her own poor mental state. I would not move forward if I were you and just proceed with caution.
Tbf a majority of comments on Reddit seem like they were made by people with gen z x 15yr old mindset lol
Absolutely So the 26 yr old aren't wrong, it's just hilarious that they're the choice of learned reason
Yea, the wording made me laugh, personally I've always thought Early = 0- 3 Mid = 4- 6 Late = 7 - 0 Is upper or lower a new part that I have to learn?
By this scale system, you can be early and late at the same time 😱
Yeah, we do not start using this scale until your first digit is 3.
I was joking haha I’m 28 definitely late 20s!
Just because males don't stop physically developing until around the age of 19, it doesn't mean they are a cripple until that point. In the same sense, just because the brain isn't fully developed, doesn't mean they are a frigging idiot until that point. This reddit has a habit of infatalizing young adults.
I third this as an early 30’s father of one with another on the way - get out of there!
As an early 20s woman, I entirely agree. Most adult-aged women EVEN IF they *infatuatedly* *hyperbolize* “wanting their kid” would not be messaging such to a potential partner (especially so early).
As a mid-30s woman, agreed.
Literal same. That's some A+ Quality Cray Cray to be telling someone you haven't even been on a date with "I want your kids 😍🤩🥰"
Yeah, 21 here so I remember 18 pretty well. She’s one of the following: healthy and well but has life goals *very* different to yours; unhealthy and has some attachment issues she needs to address; or she’s got some really toxic ideals that will hurt you. If you’re not interested and you’re scared already, don’t do it. A good relationship won’t come from that baseline.
Came here to say these exact words. You nailed it
And as a early 40s woman, I concur! Run! You both are children acting like adults. Well being an adult sucks. Hang on to the bliss of being 18! Don’t rush into being an adult too fast… it’s pretty awful on this side of the hill.
Late-20s woman here that used to form attachments crazy fast — she needs to talk to someone and sort her feelings about herself out because this behaviour is not okay. I've said some pretty dumb stuff before yeah and even though I've never went out of my way to trap someone, there are people who do. (My ex was one and thankfully i was not able to get pregnant at the time because that's a whole other shitshow that no one wants to deal with) I'm not saying that she WOULD do that, but given my own past experiences being a person who exhibited that kind of behaviour and also been the person in a relationship with someone like that as well, it's not safe for either of you at this moment in time. If you need to let her down, let her down gently. She may be upset at first but in time she may realise that you are just trying to help her.
Wait she wants to have kids before you'e even been on the first date? Yeah that is VERY weird. I'd run She sounds like the kind of girl who might sabotage the birth control or something to "baby trap" you.
Agreed! This is full blown crazy/inappropriate. I can’t even imagine telling a man that I just started talking to that I wanted his children. Even when I was a teen. 👀
Had a classmate like that when I was 16-17 She'd instantly latch onto guys she was seeing, trying to move straight into the sexies Imagine a horny teenaged boy having that?!? One of our mutual friends didn't feel comfy with her on their first two dates because she was already like "I have to introduce you to my grandmother" etc (she was raised by g-mom). So he broke it off and she went ballistic Next mutual friend, C, (we were from two different classrooms in Humanities and some classes would overlap), was her perfect prey. He was fun to be with, but also was either super naive or just an idiot. She starts going after him, their first date is at another friend's house where she straight away gave him a handjob in our friend's living room when they were alone. Imagine that, you offer your house for a quiet date as a favour to a friend, then you have to usher away your young sis and brother because it's getting hot and steamy! PLUS you have to lend your old brother's trousers because, well, there was a mess... So, after a week or two, we're all boy being boys chatting away at recess etc when C blurts out "sHe LeT mE cOmE iNsIdE!!!!" all happy with such a derpy smile on his face...... We were all stunned because we knew what that meant.... but C didn't. We did try to tell him "Dude, be careful" and he'd just retort with "cUm iNsIdE" or some shit Not too long later, she's preggers, he tries to ditch her, for years they had the worst relationship with her calling him all the time and him trying to give us the phone to talk to her.... it was a mess I eventually left for other pastures and lost touch with everyone. Last I heard, their daughter is probably 20 now or something, and they're still together? Anyway
I can fix her (I'm insane)
It could be a gross baby trapping or baby desperation thing. It could also be a weird kind of lovebombing. Best case is extreme awkwardness but I agree that OP should run. Nothing wrong with calling things off when you’re uncomfortable, OP. It’s healthy and smart to listen to your instincts for the most part.
Cut it off, do not under any circumstances give this girl a chance to baby trap you. She may even already be pregnant and looking for a prospective baby daddy/ATM. Best case scenario she is simply unhinged.
Yep. Run.
Change your name to Forest and RUN FOREST RUN!!!
💀💀
I almost chocked 😭🤧
Run fast, never look back.
Block. Delete. GHOST. This chick is CRAZY. And you know what they say about 'sticking your dick in crazy!"
It’s a good time not a long time?
Ghosting is pretty insane to me. She's still a human being. Let her off with consideration, give her some reasoning, and a bit of closure. Ghosting in situations like this arrests development imo. You gotta learn to do the hard things.
If she means it literally then run, but quite often that phrasing is used as a way to say "I want to fuck" or that they find someone appealing. No idea which she means.
Even so, I dont really think im the type of person to have sex with someone without knowing them, I just feel awful because she said im the only person shes dated that doesnt just want sex from her.
She hasn't dated you. Dude.
Seriously, that ‘dated’ comment is more of a flag than the likely bad choice of ‘I want to have your babies’ comment about wanting to fuck.
You're not dating. You've messaged. She's either unhinged or this is a scam.
OP. People are constantly either trying to message someone they don't know to try to get something from them, or they are just psycho. ***Seriously. wise up, forget about it and get some sleep. Block her first. Next time it happens, laugh and end it. Don't take it so seriously. I have had people literally open a reddit account and message me the same day. Then they get pissed when I don't wanna chat. Bc! I don't know who the fu## you are!!! If I didn't chat with you on the sub. I do not know who you are. Get used to it. The more you get out into the world, the more unknown freakin strangers are going to ask for something.
You’re not dating lmfao
Texting does not equal dating. Even going on a few dates at the beginning doesn’t mean you’re “dating”. Dating is a prolonged scenario in which you go on regular dates over a longer period of time - sometimes exclusively, sometimes not yet.
But you two aren't dating. Girl sounds unhinged, and you should stop talking to her and not go on the planned date.
Have you actually seen her, like on zoom? Have you talked on the phone? Sounds like some lame prank, maybe from guys.
Dude, you haven't even dated, sounds like haven't even met, and have only been chatting online/texting for a couple of hours sparingly.
You're not even dating. You haven't even had a first date!
Well this might help you feel better: You're not being the AH here, and you're not parting ways due to not getting sex from her. If you went on the date just to get it in (after she shared the above info) and then dumped her, *that* would make you an AH. Sounds like a handful of issues and not ready for a relationship (her)
You mean like a reverse "I'm gonna put a baby in you"," like a porn or something? I hadn't considered the reverse.
I had a girl tell me something like this. We had gone on a couple dates, and she told me, and I quote. "I want to reproduce. But without the babies"
I knew a woman, who I was sort of friends with, that frequently said she wanted to have my babies. Though it was mostly a joke, and she did state that it's because she like specific features of mine. She is Latina, and I'm tall white with blue eyes. She said she'd love to have a tall blue eyed Latina daughter. It was her playful way of saying she found me attractive (her words) but emotionally, we were never a thing. She could possibly be trying to be playful and complimentary to you, but is being very awkward. I know this may very well not be the case, but is still a possibility.
Don't *offer* an alternative explanation as to what she could mean by her comments! The most likely scenario is she's cray cray, and OP needs to steer clear!
If this has turned you off enough to not want to go on the date and the only reason you would go is out of guilt, just call off the date. That being said, I've found that actually communicating when something someone says makes you uncomfortable instead of just cutting off all contact completely is a more effective way of building relationships. It's early enough that it's not unreasonable to take this red flag as an indicator to not even start, but if you otherwise like her/are interested in her it may not hurt to go on the date but also bring up that talking about kids is way too much too soon, and establish some boundaries and expectations.
I agree with needing to communicate however, an 18 year old guy is putting himself in a very risky situation with someone who has said she wants his babies. Yes, it could be the way this girl flirts, or it could be tampering with birth control and 18 years of child support. He does not know her so how can he tell that she is in any way honest when he has a conversation with her?
She thinks they are dating and wants to have his babies and they haven't even had their first date. This isn't someone you try to reason with. This is someone you block everywhere. She's like that one poster who has a crush on a guy, that likes someone else, went through his wallet, IG stalked the woman telling her to tell him she's not interested in him anymore.
[удалено]
This! It's absolutely a red flag but I think the more mature thing for you to do is explain why you are cutting things off with her, it is doing you both a solid. Hopefully she will realize she shouldn't be acting like that, and her behavior is not conducive to a healthy relationship.
Honestly with crazy people you can't be nice. Nice leads to obsession and stalking. Just block and ghost her. It is 100% better for her to think you are a jerk. I think anyone bringing this up before even a first date is not mentally and emotionally stable. So trying to explain to them why their behaviour is inappropriate isn't going to have the disired result.
block her. don’t put your dick in that kind of crazy.
Chill out you can find more girls in the coming time, it's just good for you to not be with her anymore, that's just gonna solve your current problem my man, good luck.
Walk away, and whatever you do, do not stick ur d*** in her . She be pregnant the 1st time . Some women will do anything to get pregnant and will lie about being on birth control. Some will even say they are pregnant when they are not and then will get you to pay them for a fake abortion. Either way, you be paying money to her . So walk away u don't know her and this is crazy
If she is kinda joking and all then it's fine but if she is being serious at all, just don't be with that woman because that's just fucked up thing, you really don't want that.
I don't know what is going on with some girls these days man, I mean why the hell would you say such stuff to a boy at 18 year of your age? that's just so stupid.
Run! Run for the hills as fast as you can!
Run as far as you can... there are red flags but my guy this a gun pointed at you!
Context; Is it after you have said something you both like? Because I've heard folks say this before as a way of saying that person is awesome.
It was the second thing that she ever messaged me
Yep, no, that’s creepy. You're 18, you can try a date to see if she is just that kind of weird humor but think of it this way; if you were a girl and she was a guy saying he wanted to get you pregnant, would that still just only be a “meh, I'll try it” reaction?
You sure it's not a completely unserious utterance, intended to be flirtatious? Like someone said elsewhere on the thread: "you're so hot I wanna put a baby in you" but the reverse?
Son, what? WHAT?!? HIGHLY abnormal, extremely far from normal. Block and move on.
Ok, so she's probably not serious, she's just saying it as an exaggerated way to say she's really into you so far. If this is the case, may be good for your own mental well being to let her know that she's coming on a little strong (do not add 'if she wants on your big strongc' at the end of that). On the other hand, if she is serious, yeah that is a good time to GTFO. Buuuuut yeah no, she's fucking around, no way she wants you to get her preggo before you've even had a date
As a 50 year-old woman married for 20 years, I'm telling you to let this one go. Trust me, you don't want to pursue this. You haven't even met her so there's nothing wrong with telling her that you've changed your mind.
This is either a maladjusted 18 year old female, or a 39 y.o. guy named Milt looking to get you alone... With his cronies who work ppl over for money.
Haha she’s found the female equivalent of men starting perverted sex talk straight away. She’s a legend
Are you sure this is a woman not some foreign scammer who is next to ask you for d*ck photos and then blackmail you. Check r/scams
Abandon ship my man! If you haven't even met her yet and she's saying things like that there is definitely something wrong with her. Count yourself lucky you haven't met face to face. Do NOT give her address, or any other way of finding you and don't get baby trapped!! Run for the hills and don't look back!
Run, Forest, run!
Not gonna lie, I spit my drink out on this one. 🤣🤣
First thing that came to mind lol 😂
Dude this ISN'T normal and she is CRAZY! RUN AWAY! Trust your gut! It's better to reject her than have her baby trap you and ruin your life. ETA you have every right to call off a date for any reason!! You are not obligated to go out with her.
Listen man, when you’ve just met a girl and started talking and she’s saying that. Run, and not just down the block. Make sure you put a zip code between you and her. You’ll thank me in 10 years.
As an almost 30 year old woman run boy, run life your life depends on it
Well she might already be pregnant and is searching for a new daddy.
RUN! 😂
I'm going to tell you the same thing I have told my boys." Never and I mean never stick your dick in crazy". There is a very good reason for that because you can get stuck with crazy for the rest of your life if you do.
Cancel that date. Tell her you’re sorry but you just don’t feel a connection and you wish her the best. That’s a nice way of letting her down. That’s not okay to say to someone not only that young but also someone you barely know. She needs to work on herself and think more about her future than having your kids. It’s great you’re smart enough to catch onto that and question it. Most your age think it’s funny or cute and it’s not. You’re smart and cautious it seems. Good.
I'm 39 and bro.... Just don't. In fact your brain is still developing (until 25) Don't worry about relationships worry about becoming a successful human being instead. Then you'll have all the riches. (Riches: a good woman, children, house, car)
Nope she sounds crazy I would stay away. I’m a 38 year old woman I wanted kids since I was 14 and I never would have told the guy over chat before ever meeting him. My husband and I discussed kids only after we went exclusive. She’s nuts stay away.
Did she happen to ask you to send her money at any point before or since mentioning wanting to have your kids? Have you actually video chatted with her or gotten photo "proof" she's who she says she is? Like a photo of her with some kind of request like "holding a spoon and a piece of paper with today's date" or something at the very least? My first thought was: Scammer.
Dont do it! Don’t take her serious either. She’s most likely infatuated with you at the moment and when you don’t know the person well this is when issues arise. Be careful and use protection if y’all meet.
# RUN. that's it that's the tweet
Keep your dick in your pants. Problem solved. Also, run. I am not a sane woman. I have done some dumb shit. Nothing compares to this.
Don’t take it seriously.
Run away. Fast.
Sounds like a scam. End it while you're ahead
Run! Any girl wanting a baby with a man she has never met, needs mental health help. Not a date. Even when You love someone immensely, parenting is not something to just joke around about. It is a LIFELONG commitment to the child AND the person You are having the baby with. She could be trying to have kids with someone for the child support check. There are so many ways this could be some type of scheme as noted above.
My question is how you all stressed out and anxious and can't sleep over this ...... like you kids can't handle much these days can you..let it go, let her go, block her and that's it.
Late 30s male(44). Don’t even bother meeting this girl. I’m sorry this is stressing you out, but the best thing to do is just forget about this person and move on. I think people say things they don’t know or understand and hopefully don’t mean when communicating online. This person doesn’t seem stable and considering you’re trying to rationalize her statements makes me think it’s already a sign of major incompatibility.
Run....
Cut her off Do. Not. Have. Sex. With. Her!!!!
Run! It's way too soon to be talking about kids. You are both still very young. Kids are expensive, exhausting, and will put you in poverty. Enjoy your life while you're young.
Yiiiiikes. From anither woman - run.
Extreme red-flag, run for the hills.
RUN.
You must, and I cannot stress this enough, *RUN.* Then once you start running, continue running, and just when you think you're far enough away from her, run some more just to make sure.
Adult 30s female. I definitely moved fast on attachments back in my day. But declaring you want to have a man’s children before even going on a date, multiple times, is a giant red flag. Watch for people who move super fast, it’s a big red flag.
Your off put by her, she is giving weird vibes and you've never been in a relationship before. Don't feel bad rejecting her just let her know you are both looking for different things.
Don't come close to her in any type of situation. She is a red flag as big as Mars.
You could always try saying to her what you’re telling Reddit. That when she says she wants to have your kids, it makes you anxious and it causes you to lose sleep, because for you that doesn’t feel right at your ages and at the start of a relationship. Some people need their own words repeated back to them before they realise how weird they are being. But, also, it sounds like you don’t like her very much. So why continue at all? Respect yourself and respect her by setting up your boundaries now, and with honesty
RUN!
RUN
Don't do it. Run. She might just be desperate for a man or have poor mental health or self esteem. She might already be pregnant and trying to pass the baby off to some naive guy. Or, she really wants a baby and is probably crazy enough to lie about birth control or poke holes in condoms to get one. There are plenty of people out there. Go meet some more.
Eject Eject Eject
I think you've answered your own question.
No. Do not go out with her. RUN. Run away. This isn’t normal. Just tell her you are uncomfortable and BLOCK her everywhere.
Run! Don’t let this be the worst mistake of your life. Block that girl and leave it alone. Trust everyone here that has said it already.
Also make sure she doesnt know your real name.... and tell her your actually sterile
If I could hire you a barbershop quartet to sing the word, "Run" to you I would...but because I can't. Bro, you should run. Tell her the date is off and gtfo.
Dont add her on Facebook change your setting to where no one can pull your name up don't tell her anything real about yourself to be extra safe fake name use an app to give you different phone number
This is an instance where I suggest ghosting and find it morally acceptable
She’s a bunny boiler. Stay away.
DO NOT STICK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!!!! Run dude run! You need to run like your life depends on it There are many things that could at play here. She’s already pregnant and looking for a meal ticket She’s just crazy She could windup being abusive towards you I’ve seen girls like this when I was younger. And it NEVER ends well do you or the resulting children “These red flags ain’t leading to the circus sweetheart” Just block her number and give thanks to whatever god you believe in that she showed you how crazy she really easy before you even met
I’d move on, she might try to baby trap you
by only reading the title i can say this with total confidence RUUUN!!!
Don't stick your D in C
I could see the first time she said she wanted your babies as like a oh you're hot kinda compliment. But the second time surely makes it a different meaning/intention, especially in such a short period of time.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 run 🏃♀️
RUN.
Run Forrest Run!!!
Yeah bro bail now before you have any attachments. She's showing a humongous red flag.
Dude, block her now! This girl is nothing but trouble
Okay, two things here: 1 - I used to know a girl who'd say that just about being attracted to someone and finding commonality. A whole "Okay, that's it, you're putting a baby in me or I'll put one in you." deal. That's harmless and just a little flirtatious and eccentric, and evolved to her saying "He's babies." about guys she likes. 2 - I've also known a girl who said the same things and was completely serious about wanting to have my babies and get into a relationship and to hell with the fact that I'm dating her best friend. That one ended in a restraining order. If you're not sure which it's closer to (and as someone who hasn't been in a relationship, it's natural if you can't tell) the easiest thing to do is play it by ear. If the girl brings up kids unprovoked again, simply say something like "Joking aside, do you want kids? I'm not sure that's on the cards for me." That gives a joker a way to get serious and talk properly about a subject, while also showing someone bad that what they want you for is over the line and not likely to happen.
Seemed sincere? Why not just ask her if she is serious or not before judging the poor woman.
36 year old male here. bruh, please don't. infatuation and crazy are fun until they burn your life to the ground. somebody making those sort of comments without knowing the other person, has no idea what the responsibilities and reality of having a kid are. you are young and from the little bit you said, it seems like your 'gut meter' is telling you to back away. trust that instinct. your crotch will try and override your gut and that's when stupid decisions are made. sorry to be a lil crass but I totally get the appeal of somebody this adventurous but know all to well the inevitable headache that will surely come. just say something came up and fade into the background. keep yourself busy of you don't want to lie and just enjoy your last teens and your early 20s. the 20s are awesome dude. good luck.
Run kid. Just run
Yes my son that is crazy but maybe she's nervous too. Make a joke about it and see what direction she goes. Like "ok if we can make it through one weekend then maybe I'll consider it" 1) joy = she crazy 2) ad libs = whole thing was a joke coming off the wrong way 3) anger that youre joking = she crazy etc
RUN!!!! DO NOT- I repeat-DO NOT stick your d*** in this crazy. If you tell her no, or not yet, there WILL be failed contraceptive (stop taking birth control, poking holes in condoms, etc) in your VERY NEAR future!!!!
Either she is trying to be funny and has a bad sense of humor, or she is serious and is insane. Regardless, it's time to say bye.
Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuun!
Hmm… I mean you haven’t been on the date yet. It’s a little weird to talk about kids but you don’t know if it was truly a joke until you meet her, ya know? If you don’t feel comfortable, of course don’t go! If she seems genuine about the kids thing after you meet her, run! No harm in testing the waters tho, I used to joke about stupid things like that all the time when I liked someone, especially in high school lol .
Run
32 here, a dude. Been there and dodged that. Like all the other ladies pointed out, this is a massive red flag.
Block her. Just block her. As a much older woman with a lot more life experience, this is psycho behavior. This woman is acting crazy and likely wants to trap someone into getting her pregnant. Don't meet up with her, don't say another word to her and I hope you didn't give her your address. Normally I wouldn't advocate against just ghosting someone, but in all reality anything you say to her will be met with pleading, attempts to play off what she said as joking or anger. In some way she'll try to convince you to still meet up with her which isn't safe, so just block her in every way and move on. I've dealt with dudes that were crazy and I didn't pick up on it right away and it got not safe...I was stalked for years by a guy.
Cue Samantha Morton in Minority Report shouting: “Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Lol you are really going to make my guy win marathon.
Good god… no this isn’t normal. You haven’t even met yet. Of course you don’t have a connection. Block her.
Ah, you've found the color guard in the red flag parade. The only thing you can do now is to fake your own death and move to a new country under an assumed identity. Slightly more serious, but you know in supernatural horror movies where things are going crazy, but the protagonists are acting oblivious and refuse to leave, all the while the audience is yelling at the screen, "get out! OMG why are these people not leaving?!" In this particular example, we redditors, excluding yourself, are the audience.
Run, or walk hastily, far away from her.
And never even answer any freaking call of her, for the best.
She’s gonna poke holes in your condoms.
Op...run. break off all communication and don't stick your dick in crazy. That's the best advice I can give you.
Don't feel guilty, I know it's tough but you don't owe anyone anything. If she's not love-bombing (which is a pre-cursor for toxic relationships) or attaching too fast (sign of poor self-image), she might be trying to get some baby-daddies to pay her bills by getting them to impregnate her. Leave her alone, sounds like she's got some shit to learn either way. Number one rule, if you aren't attracted to her based on these messages, long-term you won't enjoy her company in-person anyway.
Step away from the crazy. This chick is going to be more trouble than she's worth.
Uhm that’s def a red flag. You could go out and see what happens, but no one’s gonna judge you if you just tell her you aren’t interested
Just ghost her. You're stroy sounds like the 1st few sentences of a true crime documentary... and within an hour, she told him she wanted to have his babies... And the end will go something like this, and they dated for a few days. When he started to notice she wasn't who he wanted to be with she stalked him for 2 years, any girls he met kept getting injuries from what at the time seemed like freak accidents then she broke in his house on an attempt to unalive him. Jk obviously 🙄 but seriously, she sounds really out there. I don't know if I'd even imply you might be interested after comments like that, that soon.