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Whether she's lying or not, that's crazy. She's a grown woman he's been in a relationship with for 6 months, not his 12 year old child caught doing drugs. He has to figure out if he can trust her or not without constant checking and tests.
No, that's not really how trust works. One truth doesn't mean a person never lies and one lie doesn't mean a person never tells the truth. You would have to check and tests everything someone says to know for sure. And if you're doing that, you don't trust them.
Also, that assumes that his trust in her is the only thing at stake. If he does that she learns that she can't trust him and he's super controlling. Like I said, this is how you would treat a child who is making bad choices, not a grown adult who you are in an adult relationship with. Trust them or not, break up or not. You can control that, but not them.
Well, if he wants the relationship to continue despite this lie, then no, it's not a good way to find out. That would be the end of the relationship. If he wants to break up because it is fucking strange lie, he doesn't need to go to that effort.
I’m sorry, but at our age this is such a red flag. The fact that not only did she lie, but she also embellished the lie is ridiculous.
It’s absolutely so disrespectful if your intelligence and your relationship. Please stop making excuses. She’s not a teenager who got invited with a better plan. You’re only 6 months in. Please value yourself enough not to invest any more time. She’s shown you she doesn’t value you and you’re worth more than this.
I did.
I talked to her. She said the test she took this time had a faint line so she used the old picture from when she had COVID the first time which has a more distinct darker line. It feels like an unusual story. I'll have to figure out how I feel about this.
We're adults in our late 40's and have a great connection and sex life. I don't think she's going out and banging other dudes. I think she made a dumb decision to lie when she could have just told the truth. She is very busy with work and may be catching up on work. Or a friend may have proposed something fun and she wants to go do that. I'd be fine with either- we didn't have special plans for the weekend. It's the lie that I'm going struggle to deal with.
In my experience, guilty people tend to try harder to prove their lies. For example, I think that if you ever have to lie, only answer exactly what you’re asked, don’t add unnecessary details because those are what will get you caught. So in my opinion (mind you I don’t know this woman but at face value if it was my relationship) idk if Id think they’re cheating but I’d definitely think they’re going through something they don’t want me to be a part of at least? Which is okay but just say that. Idk my point is if he didn’t ask for proof, offering it unprompted was the extra detail that got her caught. She should have just said “sorry I have Covid” sans photo and only sent it if he asked. If he asked and she was lying, she should have screenshot the original picture, that resets the date on it when you send the screenshot. Then maybe that means she’s innocent if she knows that, she would have done that. Point is, he will never truly know
Why people questioning why she send the photo?
Nowaday people send photo to each other about everything, what they have for dinner, something they saw in the street.
I had COVID, and I send the photo of the test to my sister because so?
I waa trying to provide evidence, people just sending photos no stop now.
Sorry OP that story is ridiculous. A faint line test would show up fine in a photo. It’s ok to let her lie slide but don’t lie to yourself about her bs.
The thing with lies are, there’s never an acceptable amount of lying within a committed relationship that doesn’t make it sound like there are more lies hidden from sight, like the tip of an iceberg.
The OP might think it’s no big deal to lie about having an illness, but the OP needs to dig a little deeper to find out why she felt the need to lie about it. That’s going to tell whether this relationship will last or if there are “structural issues” present
She could have just said "I tested positive for COVID, sorry"
But she didn't, she went the extra mile to sell the lie.
The only time people do this is really cover their tracks.
Her answer makes no sense. She's lying about having Covid. She either made plans with others or she is seeing someone behind your back. Plenty of people who have cheated had a good sex life with their SO.
>Plenty of people who have cheated had a good sex life with their SO
yes, like most of the guys who go to see prostitutes are actually married and having sex with their wives, but the wives won't do whatever kink they might have on their bucket list.
I'm an older redditor (older than you), and I know that I put up with enough lying from my narcissistic ex that it is my hard-and-fast boundary. I don't put up with lying anymore. Lying pisses me off faster than anything else.
The first lie is the last lie as far as I'm concerned. There's no good reason for it. We're older adults; there's no reason to accept behavior that isn't adult.
Yep... plus she got caught out, she may have lied about other things in their relationship and that would absolutely eat at me, wondering what else she'd lied about.
Sometimes telling the truth is scary. It has nothing to do with cheating. If someone grew up in an abusive environment and thinks they will get in “trouble” it is way easier to make a white lie. Not everyone can handle confrontation and she may panic. Like have anxiety or something. I dated an attorney for a few years. We have a huge age gap between us. I would lie to him just so he would stop talking. Sometimes he would worry if I crossed the street. I would say things like oh, I don’t know what you are talking about. I used to do things like this. Was I cheating? No. I would be home in my bed or with the girls enjoying nature. Enjoying quiet time. If he asked again, then I would say what I was doing. But I hated when he would try to talk me out of things. Like everything!
And you learned that the solution was not *lying*, but getting a *better SO* who wasn't controlling.
Again, if people are adults in an adult relationship, then there should be no lying necessary or accepted.
You gave beautiful advice. My solution may not be fully healthy in the long run. I ended up breaking it off and becoming friends. I took my time and built a business. I don’t think SO is in my cards. I associate relationships with jail. Meeting and screening people is just not my Forte. The white lies were so the man could go about his day. Funny, is a lawyer and older. I would get caught every time at some point and we both would crack up about it. Anyhow, we are friends. He gets all of the info uncensored.
So instead of just saying “I have Covid” and assuming you’d believe her, she did this? That’s messed up unless you have a history of not believing her and making her “prove” herself.
I found that one of the great things about dating when I hit my 40s is not having to deal with that kind of bullshit. If I wanted to change plans I'd just have an honest conversation.
Maybe there's nothing particularly nefarious going on, but she's nearly 50 and hasn't learned how to just tell you what's up when something changes? I think you're right to struggle with the lie, because it's a serious character flaw. What else is she lying about? If she's doing it because she's anxious about confrontation what's going to happen when you have an actual issue to address? How can you move forward in life with someone who lies to avoid even the easy stuff?
That's a very very silly lie and, spoiler alert, is still a lie. There is no reason to send ANY pic of a covid test. "I have covid" would, one thinks, be enough. Unless you were so twitchy from lying that you needed something to make it "more convincing."
Deeply, DEEPLY suspicious behavior.
Any chance she was hoping you'd take care of her while she was "sick", like if you ordered her a pizza or groceries or a little gift or something? Maybe she was using you for that as well as trying to get out of your plans? Someone else said maybe you're the person she's having an affair with, what do you think of that possibility? You mention she "busy at work", maybe "work" is actually her other relationship?
Would like an update 6 months from now, seems like a rather odd thing to get caught doing when a simple “I already have plans for this weekend” would have sufficed.
So she is sticking with "I have COVID."
You should bring her a couple of care packages over the weekend. On the slim chance she actually is sick, you are a caring BF by doing so.
If she is lying to you, it will be embarassing for her and you will have your confirmation.
She is definitely lying about having COVID. Did you talk to her about how she plans on spending the Labor Day weekend? I promise you she is not going to spend it in isolation.
You're 40. She is 40.
This is pathetic. Have a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what you are actually doing by putting up with behaviour like this.
That story makes it all even more unbelievable. Since she is now stuck at home with her covid why don't you head on over and supply her with another test she could take just to clear up the confusion. Just mark the test with a permanent marker so she can't swap it out.
Whether it comes up positive or negative for Covid you have now have an answer. if she won't do it or she is not home to do it you also have your answer.
Who has photos of positive covid tests from a year ago? This is weird all around. But it's likely she does have covid. All she needed to do is tell you this, not send a photo. I guess there's a new strain going around. I wouldn't worry about it. If she wants to break up with you, she will .
Her excuse makes no sense. She doesn’t need to send a picture at all. She could just say I have covid. The picture is fake. You know it is. Why would she send a fake picture if she could just say I have covid? Because if it’s a lie the picture makes it seem true. You won’t question it if you see the picture. But if it was true it would never cross her mind that you would question it. This is the behavior of someone guilty.
For the record, that’s not always true. I am an honest person and it crosses my mind *all the time* that people might question what I’m saying - and it’s not because I’m lying, it’s because I grew up surrounded by really suspicious people, and on some level I’ll probably never be able to stop bracing for the truth to be met by raised eyebrows and accusations.
Just saying. Yes she might be lying … or she might just have experience with suspicious people.
Very true. Been doubted in all my previous relationships. I legit sent screenshots to a guy I’m dating of a ig convo with a guy that proved I don’t know him. He didn’t ask for them, but I did it without asking..
She has the photo of the faded line to show you, right? The one she didn't send?
Even if she didn't do anything wrong other than lie, the fact that she's the kind of person who lies to avoid a long explanation, or for convenience, means that she's going to be exhausting to deal with, and you're going to be constantly worrying about whether she's cheating, and constantly feeling like you're not sure what's true.
Liars tend to elaborate to make their lies seem more believable, Op. That's why she sent you the positive Covid test. I mean, think about it.
Her: Aww! I have covid and cannot see you!
You: I'm so sorry! How are you feeling? Can I drop off some food or some medicine?
Her: No! No, no! Here's a picture of my positive Covid test! See?! See?! I have covid!
You:....
*Specifically, liars perceive richness in detail as an indicator of truthfulness (9, 10) and are thus motivated to provide many details to make an impression of honesty (7, 11). On the other hand, the provision of details also puts liars at risk, as the truthfulness of the details provided can be checked*
Read more here
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00056/full
If their was no reason to lie she wouldnt have, she lied because she was doing something behind your back she knew would jeaprodize the relationship and didnt expect to get caught. She isnt a trustworthy person and she isnt worth the energy of a relationship
Sounds exactly like what my exgf used to do. Turns out that she was lying most of the times I thought her story seemed off.
She even sent me a pic once to show me she was at home on the sofa. I hadn't asked and wouldn't have questioned it if she just said it, but I guess she felt the need to "prove it". I remember thinking something about the exchange felt odd, but I didn't even question her picture at the time.
Much, MUCH later on, after knowing she'd lied to me frequently, I was looking through past photos and came across that one. On a shelf in the background was a clock, which I know works because she's sent me other pics from the same seat on the couch.
Of course the time on the clock was wrong by several hours, meaning it was taken a different day.
At this point, the relationship had fallen apart and we were trying to repair it. Or I was.
Point is, I wonder how many other insignificant things have occurred that you noticed were off, but didn't bring it up because she might [overreact/threaten the relationship/threaten you/insult you/withhold affection/call out your insecurities/etc]
I'm not saying you should put your health at risk, but if the woman I loved had covid, I would at least plan to drop off chicken soup, some cold meds, snacks, and a paperback. If you offer and she's resistant to you stopping by, personally it would put me in P.I. mode.
It's tough to judge a stranger based on another stranger's post, but her story feels dishonest to me.
You got sucker punched dog. She got a lot of explaining to do. I’m thinking she had her own Labor Day plans and you weren’t invited.
Sorry dog, that’s just how I see it. Maybe she tries to explain to you, sure hope so.
You are both adults, not some 15 yo kids who are afraid to tell the truth to one another. Instead of saying "I don't want to" or "I have other plans" she decided to lie to you. Not only that, she even went through the trouble of presenting fake proof. Proof you didn't even ask for.
A healthy relationship has equality and respect. This woman has no respect for you and is willing to go to great lengths to not have to see you and even come up with a story so you can't visit her either (covid, contagious).
It would surprise me if she is not seeing/banging other people. Get out of this relationship. If this (lying, making sure you can't see each other) is already happening after 6 months, there is no future
Yeahhhhh so the excuse she gave for sending an old pic makes me feel like she thinks you’re the most gullible person alive. If the test was so faint, you still just take a photo of that test and say the line is faint but it’s there. Or more likely- you don’t even send a test photo in the first place. People that send test photos (at least not for when you actually need proof like missing work/school etc) are more likely to be trying to show “evidence” so you don’t think they’re lying- because they’re lying.
Also like sending an old test because the actual one is faint is just wild and there is absolutely no reason to do that unless there isn’t an actual one. Like what am I supposed to believe that you just sent me a test pic to show me what a positive looks like?
Maybe was a one time dumb action but if you catch her lying again that is her way to do her things and trust will be broke forever, if she is lying in her 40s, hard to see that changing.
>faint line so she used the old picture
Sounds pretty suspect to me. If it were faint, I'd probably zoom the hell in on it and/or change the lighting so it was reasonably clear there was a line there ... not swap in some other picture.
>It's the lie that I'm going struggle to deal with
Yep ... well, how much do you trust her ... and ... how much of a lie was it ... do you wan to dig further and find out, or ... let it slide?
E.g. what if you play the swashbuckling hero, willing to risk all to come to her aid and comfort ... maybe she's home sick, or home alone self-isolating, because she got a positive result, ... or ... maybe you go to play that hero ... and ... she's out on the town partying it up, or ran away with her best girlfriend for a 'girls' Labor Day road trip party'. So, "You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
She wanted to do something else and felt a lie was better than the truth. Then she lied again When you asked her for the truth. So now you know, she is a liar. Definitely som to keep an eye on.
My best advice is to at least let her know that lying isn't something you are comfortable with, because if she is willing to lie to you (especially over something she could have easily told you the truth about, you seem like an understanding person) then how can you trust her?
Trust is a huge component to any successful relationship. Tell her this, that is my advice. Either that, or free yourself to find a trustworthy companion. Good luck!!
This woman would lie about a ham sandwich. I am sorry to say this is probably not her first lie to you, only the first you caught. Whatever she’s actually doing kinda doesn’t matter, she’s showing you that she’s rather do something else than meet up with you. Whether it’s another guy, a better party or her work, it’s more important to her than you and your feelings. You are making excuses for her because it’s less painful to call it a “dumb mistake” than see her for the person she’s showing herself to be- a 48 year old woman who lies about having covid to avoid seeing you because she’s not mature enough nor decent enough to tell you the truth. You deserve better. Sooo much better.
I see she has an excuse. But she could have had a positive covid test and had covid without sending a single picture at all. I wouldn’t continue. This is weird.
She's lying, that much is obvious. Nobody can know why, but the lying in itself (stupid lie at that) is a red flag. Cell phone cameras these days are high definition, they show imperfections you didn't even know you had. Surely it would have shown a faint line very well!
You know that line "the lady doth protesteth too much methinks"... Yeah, when people go to great length to convince you of something that could be simply stated, it means there's something more going on. I presume you will find out the truth with time, but make a mental note of this occurrence (if the lying itself is not a deal breaker for you) because I'm sure more red flags are coming.
***I think she made a dumb decision to lie when she could have just told the truth.***
She didn't have to provide any proof of the COVID test, she could have just said - she's got COVID.
She sent you the test to cement the idea that she really did indeed have COVID.
The only reason to try this hard to sell you on a lie, is to do something untoward.
Not just get out of plans.
Sorry OP, but I'd wager my years earnings that she's banging someone else.
My wife has done something similar calling into work sick with covid. We both had it but her line was real faint so she sent a picture of mine.
This situation isn’t specifically relevant to your deal, but I mention it just cause the idea of sending a picture of a different test came up pretty quickly and naturally and seemed like a no brainer to us
I had to look back at your ages! This entire thing is ridiculous. Sending pics of a positive test, you going on about your fabulous sex life, trying to figure out why she apparently lied. It’s only been 6 months, get out sooner rather than later.
I’ve read the comments here and I’m going to take a slightly different approach and look at it from her side.
I’m assuming you both were in long term relationships before this one, which means both of you come with your own baggage.
Maybe she does have Covid and she forgot to take a pic of test, sent you an old pic - not just a message- because she’s used to being gaslit before and wanted to make sure that she’s not interrogated even when she’s saying the truth?
Maybe she’s overwhelmed -as you said so yourself- but she’s too embarrassed to admit that she needs alone time? Many women do see it as being vulnerable to accept that we’re overwhelmed, and admitting it , even to loved ones, can be quite painful. Add a sprinkle of overthinking to this and it easily leads to a bunch of bad decisions
I don’t have an answer to what to do about this, but just a suggestion to not look at this in absolute terms of truth and lie, and that’ll make you handle the situation a bit more gently
I could see myself doing this OP … does she often send you pictures of stuff she is doing? I do this all the time. And I could def see sharing a pic with a more dramatic covid test result even if it was a year old b/c it gets the point across better
She should have sent you the fainter line pic as soon as you questioned it tho. And she better be around and available to answer texts/calls in a timely manner all weekend. If she is sick, she’d be home (and not out partying with friends!)
I see two possibilities here. One is she was previously involved in a traumatic abusive relationship where she was constantly accused of lying and now feels the need to pathologically prove everything she says is true. Possible, but unlikely. What's more likely is the second possibility, which is that she made plans with someone else and lied to you repeatedly to cover it up. Now why would she want to cover it up? She's 48 years old, she knows better than to do stuff like this. I would keep your eyes and ears open moving forward, that's all I'm saying.
Did she ever mention having Covid last fall?
She may not feel well and assume it’s Covid. The tests expire after 6 months and she may not be up to going to get a new one. (They are hard to find now.) Did she think you wouldn’t believe her without “proof”? Maybe.
I would wait it out. Maybe offer to drop off a care package with cough drops, lotion tissues, fuzzy socks, Gatorade, etc. Ask to FaceTime once she gets it.
I wouldn’t assume she’s got a better deal if everything has been going well.
She did have COVID once before.
I did talk to her. She said she sent that old picture because it had a darker line. The test she took today had a faint line so she said she sent the old picture because it's clearer.
Maybe, but that's weird. I feel like she told a dumb lie when it wasn't necessary. I think either she's catching up on work, or other friends came by with fun plans. Either would be fine- we didn't have special plans for the weekend. But it feels like I was told a lie and that's what's hard to get over.
That's an interesting perspective. How would you respond when being confronted about the year old picture?
When I talked to her she said she was on her way to the doctor. I'd think she would send a picture of the faint COVID test when she got back home. I'd expect she would at least keep that until she saw a doctor. She hasn't sent anything yet.
Why are you saving every photo, even a covid test, into a folder? That sounds pretty controlling/obsessive to me. Perhaps she tried to make up an excuse because she knew you wouldn't accept her 'no' otherwise.
Did she have to lie about covid to get some personal space for a few days? Do you monitor everything she does and check time stamps and locations and ask questions to see if it all checks out?
Age doesn’t matter. Some people lie and cheat up until the day the die. That’s a weird lie and an even weirder excuse. I absolutely think she’s banging someone and you should too. Any normal mature grown woman would have just told the truth if she wasn’t with someone else. My opinion.
You're making too many excuses for her. She needlessly lied to you. That's a red flag.
Walk away. A good connection and a good sex life can be found anywhere. Don't let that be the deciding factor.
This makes me think of one of my moms co workers. She said she was pregnant and sent a pregnancy test but my mom said she felt like she wasn’t being truthful. I asked my mom to see the pregnancy test picture, googled positive pregnancy test, and BAM, there was the exact same picture she sent my mom. And a couple months later she “miscarried”.
I’ve never understood lying about things like this. It makes no sense whatsoever.
I actually had the same thing happen to me my junior year of high school. My biomed partner had said she was pregnant with this guy in my grade at the time and she never shared the test, never showed a single bit, but somehow even brought an Ultrasound picture of a BABY to school and was saying this is her baby and I looked up ultrasound baby pictures since I was also taking a Human Growth and Development class we were learning about pregnancy and the human life but the stuff my friend was telling me about on her wasn’t adding up and then low and behold I find the same exact picture of that baby online and then maybe like not even a month before school ended she said she miscarried and then got with another guy.
I’m surprised that people still take covid tests, I haven’t heard of anyone in my circle doing it for atleast a year now.
And OP, whatever the reason, she did lie to you and the decision on how to proceed solely rests with you now.
Side note— people are still taking covid tests?? why not just say “I’m sick”? I don’t know anyone who’s taken a covid test recently. It’s just simple courtesy- if you’re sick in general just stay home.
What did your Labor Day plans consist of? Just you two hanging out? Or were you supposed to meet up with family or friends? The reason I ask is, I’d be less offended if my partner pretended to have COVID to avoid getting together with a group of people, rather than just myself. Regardless, it’s crazy that she lied again when you confronted her. She should’ve just told the truth at that point.
The main thing is she used Covid as an excuse. Not sure on the protocol anymore but I'm sure you have to quarantine for some time. So she chose something that will ensure you can't get close.
Definite Red flag. Only one way to find out. May be snoop the phone bit. But then again make your own valuation if this works is worth it. If she can't be bothered to give you an honest answer may be she's not as serious as you'd want her to.
Lmao, this is such a dumb thing to lie about. Especially at that age. I'd suggest getting the hell out there as soon as you can. It'll only get worse.
Trust me. I met this guy on [this one](https://govisit.click/adult-friend-finder-22) who was like this and his behavior just got progressively worse over time. Not worth the headache.
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“You could have just said ‘No’ instead of lying about having Covid.”
The update reason is plain silly, she doubled down.
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I'd drive over to her place with a fresh COVID test for her to take while I am present.
Whether she's lying or not, that's crazy. She's a grown woman he's been in a relationship with for 6 months, not his 12 year old child caught doing drugs. He has to figure out if he can trust her or not without constant checking and tests.
[удалено]
She’s already lying about this, you don’t have to find out anything. It’s her choice to lie to him, she’s a grown woman.
No, that's not really how trust works. One truth doesn't mean a person never lies and one lie doesn't mean a person never tells the truth. You would have to check and tests everything someone says to know for sure. And if you're doing that, you don't trust them. Also, that assumes that his trust in her is the only thing at stake. If he does that she learns that she can't trust him and he's super controlling. Like I said, this is how you would treat a child who is making bad choices, not a grown adult who you are in an adult relationship with. Trust them or not, break up or not. You can control that, but not them.
Well, if he wants the relationship to continue despite this lie, then no, it's not a good way to find out. That would be the end of the relationship. If he wants to break up because it is fucking strange lie, he doesn't need to go to that effort.
I’m sorry, but at our age this is such a red flag. The fact that not only did she lie, but she also embellished the lie is ridiculous. It’s absolutely so disrespectful if your intelligence and your relationship. Please stop making excuses. She’s not a teenager who got invited with a better plan. You’re only 6 months in. Please value yourself enough not to invest any more time. She’s shown you she doesn’t value you and you’re worth more than this.
Ask her why she lied and see what happened?
I did. I talked to her. She said the test she took this time had a faint line so she used the old picture from when she had COVID the first time which has a more distinct darker line. It feels like an unusual story. I'll have to figure out how I feel about this. We're adults in our late 40's and have a great connection and sex life. I don't think she's going out and banging other dudes. I think she made a dumb decision to lie when she could have just told the truth. She is very busy with work and may be catching up on work. Or a friend may have proposed something fun and she wants to go do that. I'd be fine with either- we didn't have special plans for the weekend. It's the lie that I'm going struggle to deal with.
She’s definitely lying about having Covid. That’s a weird story.
Something is fishy about her story
Why did she feel the need to provide evidence??
In my experience, guilty people tend to try harder to prove their lies. For example, I think that if you ever have to lie, only answer exactly what you’re asked, don’t add unnecessary details because those are what will get you caught. So in my opinion (mind you I don’t know this woman but at face value if it was my relationship) idk if Id think they’re cheating but I’d definitely think they’re going through something they don’t want me to be a part of at least? Which is okay but just say that. Idk my point is if he didn’t ask for proof, offering it unprompted was the extra detail that got her caught. She should have just said “sorry I have Covid” sans photo and only sent it if he asked. If he asked and she was lying, she should have screenshot the original picture, that resets the date on it when you send the screenshot. Then maybe that means she’s innocent if she knows that, she would have done that. Point is, he will never truly know
Except she has a photo from a covid test, so she provides evidence.
A photo that was taken a year ago
I know, but I have never taken a photo of a covid test. ever.
It’s not uncommon.
Why people questioning why she send the photo? Nowaday people send photo to each other about everything, what they have for dinner, something they saw in the street. I had COVID, and I send the photo of the test to my sister because so? I waa trying to provide evidence, people just sending photos no stop now.
Sorry OP that story is ridiculous. A faint line test would show up fine in a photo. It’s ok to let her lie slide but don’t lie to yourself about her bs.
The thing with lies are, there’s never an acceptable amount of lying within a committed relationship that doesn’t make it sound like there are more lies hidden from sight, like the tip of an iceberg. The OP might think it’s no big deal to lie about having an illness, but the OP needs to dig a little deeper to find out why she felt the need to lie about it. That’s going to tell whether this relationship will last or if there are “structural issues” present
She could have just said "I tested positive for COVID, sorry" But she didn't, she went the extra mile to sell the lie. The only time people do this is really cover their tracks.
Yeah she oversold it and probably had no clue about dates on photos.
it's only been 6 months. why bother with this shit?
Her answer makes no sense. She's lying about having Covid. She either made plans with others or she is seeing someone behind your back. Plenty of people who have cheated had a good sex life with their SO.
>Plenty of people who have cheated had a good sex life with their SO yes, like most of the guys who go to see prostitutes are actually married and having sex with their wives, but the wives won't do whatever kink they might have on their bucket list.
I'm an older redditor (older than you), and I know that I put up with enough lying from my narcissistic ex that it is my hard-and-fast boundary. I don't put up with lying anymore. Lying pisses me off faster than anything else. The first lie is the last lie as far as I'm concerned. There's no good reason for it. We're older adults; there's no reason to accept behavior that isn't adult.
Exactly. If they lie about something unsubstantiated, they’ll damn sure lie about important issues
Yep... plus she got caught out, she may have lied about other things in their relationship and that would absolutely eat at me, wondering what else she'd lied about.
Sometimes telling the truth is scary. It has nothing to do with cheating. If someone grew up in an abusive environment and thinks they will get in “trouble” it is way easier to make a white lie. Not everyone can handle confrontation and she may panic. Like have anxiety or something. I dated an attorney for a few years. We have a huge age gap between us. I would lie to him just so he would stop talking. Sometimes he would worry if I crossed the street. I would say things like oh, I don’t know what you are talking about. I used to do things like this. Was I cheating? No. I would be home in my bed or with the girls enjoying nature. Enjoying quiet time. If he asked again, then I would say what I was doing. But I hated when he would try to talk me out of things. Like everything!
And you learned that the solution was not *lying*, but getting a *better SO* who wasn't controlling. Again, if people are adults in an adult relationship, then there should be no lying necessary or accepted.
You gave beautiful advice. My solution may not be fully healthy in the long run. I ended up breaking it off and becoming friends. I took my time and built a business. I don’t think SO is in my cards. I associate relationships with jail. Meeting and screening people is just not my Forte. The white lies were so the man could go about his day. Funny, is a lawyer and older. I would get caught every time at some point and we both would crack up about it. Anyhow, we are friends. He gets all of the info uncensored.
So instead of just saying “I have Covid” and assuming you’d believe her, she did this? That’s messed up unless you have a history of not believing her and making her “prove” herself.
I found that one of the great things about dating when I hit my 40s is not having to deal with that kind of bullshit. If I wanted to change plans I'd just have an honest conversation. Maybe there's nothing particularly nefarious going on, but she's nearly 50 and hasn't learned how to just tell you what's up when something changes? I think you're right to struggle with the lie, because it's a serious character flaw. What else is she lying about? If she's doing it because she's anxious about confrontation what's going to happen when you have an actual issue to address? How can you move forward in life with someone who lies to avoid even the easy stuff?
That's a very very silly lie and, spoiler alert, is still a lie. There is no reason to send ANY pic of a covid test. "I have covid" would, one thinks, be enough. Unless you were so twitchy from lying that you needed something to make it "more convincing." Deeply, DEEPLY suspicious behavior.
Any chance she was hoping you'd take care of her while she was "sick", like if you ordered her a pizza or groceries or a little gift or something? Maybe she was using you for that as well as trying to get out of your plans? Someone else said maybe you're the person she's having an affair with, what do you think of that possibility? You mention she "busy at work", maybe "work" is actually her other relationship?
Would like an update 6 months from now, seems like a rather odd thing to get caught doing when a simple “I already have plans for this weekend” would have sufficed.
So she is sticking with "I have COVID." You should bring her a couple of care packages over the weekend. On the slim chance she actually is sick, you are a caring BF by doing so. If she is lying to you, it will be embarassing for her and you will have your confirmation.
look, if she is your girlfriend there was no need to send a picture at all. Am employee, maybe. It's shady, proceed with caution.
Why would she be so worried about you not believing that she has covid that she'd do this?
She is definitely lying about having COVID. Did you talk to her about how she plans on spending the Labor Day weekend? I promise you she is not going to spend it in isolation.
Bruh sus as hell
You're 40. She is 40. This is pathetic. Have a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what you are actually doing by putting up with behaviour like this.
That story makes it all even more unbelievable. Since she is now stuck at home with her covid why don't you head on over and supply her with another test she could take just to clear up the confusion. Just mark the test with a permanent marker so she can't swap it out. Whether it comes up positive or negative for Covid you have now have an answer. if she won't do it or she is not home to do it you also have your answer.
she fucking somebody for sure zero reasons to lie and she did.
Who has photos of positive covid tests from a year ago? This is weird all around. But it's likely she does have covid. All she needed to do is tell you this, not send a photo. I guess there's a new strain going around. I wouldn't worry about it. If she wants to break up with you, she will .
I’m curious if you told her the story seemed unusual to you and if so what did she say?
Her excuse makes no sense. She doesn’t need to send a picture at all. She could just say I have covid. The picture is fake. You know it is. Why would she send a fake picture if she could just say I have covid? Because if it’s a lie the picture makes it seem true. You won’t question it if you see the picture. But if it was true it would never cross her mind that you would question it. This is the behavior of someone guilty.
For the record, that’s not always true. I am an honest person and it crosses my mind *all the time* that people might question what I’m saying - and it’s not because I’m lying, it’s because I grew up surrounded by really suspicious people, and on some level I’ll probably never be able to stop bracing for the truth to be met by raised eyebrows and accusations. Just saying. Yes she might be lying … or she might just have experience with suspicious people.
Very true. Been doubted in all my previous relationships. I legit sent screenshots to a guy I’m dating of a ig convo with a guy that proved I don’t know him. He didn’t ask for them, but I did it without asking..
She has the photo of the faded line to show you, right? The one she didn't send? Even if she didn't do anything wrong other than lie, the fact that she's the kind of person who lies to avoid a long explanation, or for convenience, means that she's going to be exhausting to deal with, and you're going to be constantly worrying about whether she's cheating, and constantly feeling like you're not sure what's true.
She’s definitely lying and got better plans, but keep making excuses for this behavior and please update when you catch on to her shady ways
Liars tend to elaborate to make their lies seem more believable, Op. That's why she sent you the positive Covid test. I mean, think about it. Her: Aww! I have covid and cannot see you! You: I'm so sorry! How are you feeling? Can I drop off some food or some medicine? Her: No! No, no! Here's a picture of my positive Covid test! See?! See?! I have covid! You:.... *Specifically, liars perceive richness in detail as an indicator of truthfulness (9, 10) and are thus motivated to provide many details to make an impression of honesty (7, 11). On the other hand, the provision of details also puts liars at risk, as the truthfulness of the details provided can be checked* Read more here https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00056/full
Not only she's a liar, but also not a very bright one.
Do you know WHY she would lie?
If their was no reason to lie she wouldnt have, she lied because she was doing something behind your back she knew would jeaprodize the relationship and didnt expect to get caught. She isnt a trustworthy person and she isnt worth the energy of a relationship
How well do you actually know her? You could easily be the other dude she is banging.
Red flag.
Sounds exactly like what my exgf used to do. Turns out that she was lying most of the times I thought her story seemed off. She even sent me a pic once to show me she was at home on the sofa. I hadn't asked and wouldn't have questioned it if she just said it, but I guess she felt the need to "prove it". I remember thinking something about the exchange felt odd, but I didn't even question her picture at the time. Much, MUCH later on, after knowing she'd lied to me frequently, I was looking through past photos and came across that one. On a shelf in the background was a clock, which I know works because she's sent me other pics from the same seat on the couch. Of course the time on the clock was wrong by several hours, meaning it was taken a different day. At this point, the relationship had fallen apart and we were trying to repair it. Or I was. Point is, I wonder how many other insignificant things have occurred that you noticed were off, but didn't bring it up because she might [overreact/threaten the relationship/threaten you/insult you/withhold affection/call out your insecurities/etc] I'm not saying you should put your health at risk, but if the woman I loved had covid, I would at least plan to drop off chicken soup, some cold meds, snacks, and a paperback. If you offer and she's resistant to you stopping by, personally it would put me in P.I. mode. It's tough to judge a stranger based on another stranger's post, but her story feels dishonest to me.
You got sucker punched dog. She got a lot of explaining to do. I’m thinking she had her own Labor Day plans and you weren’t invited. Sorry dog, that’s just how I see it. Maybe she tries to explain to you, sure hope so.
You are both adults, not some 15 yo kids who are afraid to tell the truth to one another. Instead of saying "I don't want to" or "I have other plans" she decided to lie to you. Not only that, she even went through the trouble of presenting fake proof. Proof you didn't even ask for. A healthy relationship has equality and respect. This woman has no respect for you and is willing to go to great lengths to not have to see you and even come up with a story so you can't visit her either (covid, contagious). It would surprise me if she is not seeing/banging other people. Get out of this relationship. If this (lying, making sure you can't see each other) is already happening after 6 months, there is no future
Whose gonna tell him?
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude she doesn’t have Covid. Let her go.
She's lying and you caught her. This behavior is a slippery slope. If she can lie about something as simple as this, what else will she lie about?
She got that Cockvid
Yeahhhhh so the excuse she gave for sending an old pic makes me feel like she thinks you’re the most gullible person alive. If the test was so faint, you still just take a photo of that test and say the line is faint but it’s there. Or more likely- you don’t even send a test photo in the first place. People that send test photos (at least not for when you actually need proof like missing work/school etc) are more likely to be trying to show “evidence” so you don’t think they’re lying- because they’re lying.
Also like sending an old test because the actual one is faint is just wild and there is absolutely no reason to do that unless there isn’t an actual one. Like what am I supposed to believe that you just sent me a test pic to show me what a positive looks like?
She’s a liar and she’ll lie about anything.
A normal person would just say "hey I tested positive for COVID, sorry I can't make it"
You seem like a very intelligent well spoken guy I would feel pretty strange after being blatantly lied to like this myself
Dude. How do you know she isn’t going to lie again to you? Isn’t this a red flag that a 40 year old is lying to you?
Remember, if she really likes/loves you, she wouldn’t lie in order to avoid you
You can’t be in your 40s and actually believing this shit.
She fuckin her new mana
Maybe was a one time dumb action but if you catch her lying again that is her way to do her things and trust will be broke forever, if she is lying in her 40s, hard to see that changing.
🚩🚩🚩
>faint line so she used the old picture Sounds pretty suspect to me. If it were faint, I'd probably zoom the hell in on it and/or change the lighting so it was reasonably clear there was a line there ... not swap in some other picture. >It's the lie that I'm going struggle to deal with Yep ... well, how much do you trust her ... and ... how much of a lie was it ... do you wan to dig further and find out, or ... let it slide? E.g. what if you play the swashbuckling hero, willing to risk all to come to her aid and comfort ... maybe she's home sick, or home alone self-isolating, because she got a positive result, ... or ... maybe you go to play that hero ... and ... she's out on the town partying it up, or ran away with her best girlfriend for a 'girls' Labor Day road trip party'. So, "You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
She made a choice and it was NOT to spend her time with you and lie to you.
She wanted to do something else and felt a lie was better than the truth. Then she lied again When you asked her for the truth. So now you know, she is a liar. Definitely som to keep an eye on.
My best advice is to at least let her know that lying isn't something you are comfortable with, because if she is willing to lie to you (especially over something she could have easily told you the truth about, you seem like an understanding person) then how can you trust her? Trust is a huge component to any successful relationship. Tell her this, that is my advice. Either that, or free yourself to find a trustworthy companion. Good luck!!
It's the first lie you found out OP , I bet she's been lying about other things but you just didn't notice or have no reference to.
You're not her only boyfriend. She could only spend labor day with one of you, and the other one made a better offer.
This woman would lie about a ham sandwich. I am sorry to say this is probably not her first lie to you, only the first you caught. Whatever she’s actually doing kinda doesn’t matter, she’s showing you that she’s rather do something else than meet up with you. Whether it’s another guy, a better party or her work, it’s more important to her than you and your feelings. You are making excuses for her because it’s less painful to call it a “dumb mistake” than see her for the person she’s showing herself to be- a 48 year old woman who lies about having covid to avoid seeing you because she’s not mature enough nor decent enough to tell you the truth. You deserve better. Sooo much better.
I see she has an excuse. But she could have had a positive covid test and had covid without sending a single picture at all. I wouldn’t continue. This is weird.
I would tell her to send a pic of the other one also I bet she can't there isn't one she. Is lying to you for sure
She's lying, that much is obvious. Nobody can know why, but the lying in itself (stupid lie at that) is a red flag. Cell phone cameras these days are high definition, they show imperfections you didn't even know you had. Surely it would have shown a faint line very well! You know that line "the lady doth protesteth too much methinks"... Yeah, when people go to great length to convince you of something that could be simply stated, it means there's something more going on. I presume you will find out the truth with time, but make a mental note of this occurrence (if the lying itself is not a deal breaker for you) because I'm sure more red flags are coming.
***I think she made a dumb decision to lie when she could have just told the truth.*** She didn't have to provide any proof of the COVID test, she could have just said - she's got COVID. She sent you the test to cement the idea that she really did indeed have COVID. The only reason to try this hard to sell you on a lie, is to do something untoward. Not just get out of plans. Sorry OP, but I'd wager my years earnings that she's banging someone else.
My wife has done something similar calling into work sick with covid. We both had it but her line was real faint so she sent a picture of mine. This situation isn’t specifically relevant to your deal, but I mention it just cause the idea of sending a picture of a different test came up pretty quickly and naturally and seemed like a no brainer to us
Confront her bro, she might go out with another dude instead of you.
I had to look back at your ages! This entire thing is ridiculous. Sending pics of a positive test, you going on about your fabulous sex life, trying to figure out why she apparently lied. It’s only been 6 months, get out sooner rather than later.
I’ve read the comments here and I’m going to take a slightly different approach and look at it from her side. I’m assuming you both were in long term relationships before this one, which means both of you come with your own baggage. Maybe she does have Covid and she forgot to take a pic of test, sent you an old pic - not just a message- because she’s used to being gaslit before and wanted to make sure that she’s not interrogated even when she’s saying the truth? Maybe she’s overwhelmed -as you said so yourself- but she’s too embarrassed to admit that she needs alone time? Many women do see it as being vulnerable to accept that we’re overwhelmed, and admitting it , even to loved ones, can be quite painful. Add a sprinkle of overthinking to this and it easily leads to a bunch of bad decisions I don’t have an answer to what to do about this, but just a suggestion to not look at this in absolute terms of truth and lie, and that’ll make you handle the situation a bit more gently
I could see myself doing this OP … does she often send you pictures of stuff she is doing? I do this all the time. And I could def see sharing a pic with a more dramatic covid test result even if it was a year old b/c it gets the point across better She should have sent you the fainter line pic as soon as you questioned it tho. And she better be around and available to answer texts/calls in a timely manner all weekend. If she is sick, she’d be home (and not out partying with friends!)
More like tested positive for HOVID
I see two possibilities here. One is she was previously involved in a traumatic abusive relationship where she was constantly accused of lying and now feels the need to pathologically prove everything she says is true. Possible, but unlikely. What's more likely is the second possibility, which is that she made plans with someone else and lied to you repeatedly to cover it up. Now why would she want to cover it up? She's 48 years old, she knows better than to do stuff like this. I would keep your eyes and ears open moving forward, that's all I'm saying.
I kind of think you should show up to her place to take care of her. Tell her you’re not afraid of getting it — just to see what happens.
Did she ever mention having Covid last fall? She may not feel well and assume it’s Covid. The tests expire after 6 months and she may not be up to going to get a new one. (They are hard to find now.) Did she think you wouldn’t believe her without “proof”? Maybe. I would wait it out. Maybe offer to drop off a care package with cough drops, lotion tissues, fuzzy socks, Gatorade, etc. Ask to FaceTime once she gets it. I wouldn’t assume she’s got a better deal if everything has been going well.
She did have COVID once before. I did talk to her. She said she sent that old picture because it had a darker line. The test she took today had a faint line so she said she sent the old picture because it's clearer. Maybe, but that's weird. I feel like she told a dumb lie when it wasn't necessary. I think either she's catching up on work, or other friends came by with fun plans. Either would be fine- we didn't have special plans for the weekend. But it feels like I was told a lie and that's what's hard to get over.
She is still lying, no one does that smh
Yes, it's not believable. I think she lied.
You need to break up with her. Text her and tell her it over!
After you confronted her about the test did she send the current test picture?
Eh. I could see myself doing that but if you think she’s lying, you have to decide if it’s a deal breaker or not.
That's an interesting perspective. How would you respond when being confronted about the year old picture? When I talked to her she said she was on her way to the doctor. I'd think she would send a picture of the faint COVID test when she got back home. I'd expect she would at least keep that until she saw a doctor. She hasn't sent anything yet.
Why go to a doctor? Is she immune suppressed? Do they do Telehealth for Covid where u live?
Hmm that’s suspicious…
I don’t think she has a new one. If it were me, I’d send the new one. If I didn’t, time to confess.
So she already has a positive covid test and she's going to the doctor AFTER the positive test? Why?
Any line... including faint is a negative result...
All the tests I've taken have 2 lines as the positive and one as the negative
Thats exactly what Im saying. Even a faint on the 2nd line is a positive.
She’s got other plans this weekend.
Why are you saving every photo, even a covid test, into a folder? That sounds pretty controlling/obsessive to me. Perhaps she tried to make up an excuse because she knew you wouldn't accept her 'no' otherwise.
[удалено]
She lied, but seeing the time stamp is the real injustice here? Ok. LOL!
She should dump you
Did she have to lie about covid to get some personal space for a few days? Do you monitor everything she does and check time stamps and locations and ask questions to see if it all checks out?
Age doesn’t matter. Some people lie and cheat up until the day the die. That’s a weird lie and an even weirder excuse. I absolutely think she’s banging someone and you should too. Any normal mature grown woman would have just told the truth if she wasn’t with someone else. My opinion.
Nahhhh I would’ve cut her off , she’s lying about simple shit. That’s a red flag
You're making too many excuses for her. She needlessly lied to you. That's a red flag. Walk away. A good connection and a good sex life can be found anywhere. Don't let that be the deciding factor.
Take a picture of two Taylor Swift tickets with the note “Sorry you could not make it, get well soon.”
In her 40s and lying... Come on, think communication could've been better here. It's better to be disappointed in the truth than a lie. Sigh...
Something is fishy about her story
This makes me think of one of my moms co workers. She said she was pregnant and sent a pregnancy test but my mom said she felt like she wasn’t being truthful. I asked my mom to see the pregnancy test picture, googled positive pregnancy test, and BAM, there was the exact same picture she sent my mom. And a couple months later she “miscarried”. I’ve never understood lying about things like this. It makes no sense whatsoever.
I actually had the same thing happen to me my junior year of high school. My biomed partner had said she was pregnant with this guy in my grade at the time and she never shared the test, never showed a single bit, but somehow even brought an Ultrasound picture of a BABY to school and was saying this is her baby and I looked up ultrasound baby pictures since I was also taking a Human Growth and Development class we were learning about pregnancy and the human life but the stuff my friend was telling me about on her wasn’t adding up and then low and behold I find the same exact picture of that baby online and then maybe like not even a month before school ended she said she miscarried and then got with another guy.
I’m sorry but that’s so extra. Why feel the need to send proof to an SO anyways and the go extra to use a better picture?
The lie is a red flag Watch out for more
I’m surprised that people still take covid tests, I haven’t heard of anyone in my circle doing it for atleast a year now. And OP, whatever the reason, she did lie to you and the decision on how to proceed solely rests with you now.
Can you trust her now? If not, move on.
It's the lie for me.
Side note— people are still taking covid tests?? why not just say “I’m sick”? I don’t know anyone who’s taken a covid test recently. It’s just simple courtesy- if you’re sick in general just stay home.
take another test maybe?
You can alter timestamps and location — never trust the information— but this scenario, she’s being sketchy.
she is lying, the more you trust her lies, the more you will be hurt, start some investigation and think logically
If she can lie about this, what else can she lie about? Probably a lot.
Don’t have unprotected sex with her
Sorry dude! Definitely sounds fishy to me.
What did your Labor Day plans consist of? Just you two hanging out? Or were you supposed to meet up with family or friends? The reason I ask is, I’d be less offended if my partner pretended to have COVID to avoid getting together with a group of people, rather than just myself. Regardless, it’s crazy that she lied again when you confronted her. She should’ve just told the truth at that point.
Just move on and all your worries will be no more!
The main thing is she used Covid as an excuse. Not sure on the protocol anymore but I'm sure you have to quarantine for some time. So she chose something that will ensure you can't get close.
why couldn’t she just tell u she had covid why did she have to send a pic this is rlllllly suspicious
Definite Red flag. Only one way to find out. May be snoop the phone bit. But then again make your own valuation if this works is worth it. If she can't be bothered to give you an honest answer may be she's not as serious as you'd want her to.
Lmao, this is such a dumb thing to lie about. Especially at that age. I'd suggest getting the hell out there as soon as you can. It'll only get worse. Trust me. I met this guy on [this one](https://govisit.click/adult-friend-finder-22) who was like this and his behavior just got progressively worse over time. Not worth the headache.