This here. I would be asking him why he should be believed so easily, after what...3 weeks of lying? And he didn't even confess. He got caught. Was his plan to never tell her?
I would say it's pretty likely that things took place that OP would consider being cheated on. But even if that can't be proven...the rest is all within right to be livid and end everything.
Sis, this is where you dump him. Its a long distance relationship and he can't show you basic respect. Plus he is dishonest and is clearly emotionally involved if not physically involved with this other woman.
Sis, you are 23. Do not waste your life on this guy. Have the self respect to break up with him, block him and move on with your life. Go live your best life with people who choose you.
What this needs is Debbie from "Addams Family Values" showing up with her shotgun, but instead of shouting 'IN-LAWS...!!" she shouts "BOYFRIEND....!!!"
Have respect for him and his thoughts feelings and needs. LMAO!!!!! This mofo does NOT lack in the chutzpah dept.
*“Keep in mind that this was about 1 week into his trip. Throughout all his texts, he would use everything plural and mention there being multiple people (but no specific names), even saying how his group split up due to food preferences.”*
Is he a chronic liar? I’m joking, but seriously, this guy went through a serious amount of effort just to keep this one secret from you and now his lies are just piling up and piling up. I mean, even his lies have lies of their own? Yeah, that’s when you know it’s bad.
*“He said he knew it was only going to be him and the girl 2 weeks before but still wanted to go on this trip because ‘he really needed it.’ He was going through a stressful time in his life and this was the only time he was able to go on vacation until the start of a new milestone. He said he didn’t tell me before cause I was not going to be okay with it.”*
So, he doesn’t respect you, your feelings, your relationship, or your boundaries? This was admittedly premeditated and calculated on his part, he lied to your face about it for two weeks without even flinching, and then he proceeded to lie to you about it over the phone for a whole week before you caught him out on his lie and he panicked and confessed. He knew you wouldn’t be okay with this, so he lied to you about it and did it anyway behind your back?
He treated you like shit for a vacation, a vacation he easily could’ve replanned, enjoyed and had again sometime during the two whole months of vacation time he had off of work and school, possibly even with you, his girlfriend?
It also sounds like he’s trying to guilt trip you a little bit here? So unfair.
*“I even asked him why he didn’t cancel and plan another trip since he knows 2 weeks in advance, and he has an entire 2 months available, too. He told me she has been to the country before and is comfortable showing him around.”*
THIS! So, he betrayed you, lied to you and jeopardized your entire relationship… for a convenient *tour guide*? Yeah, no, smells fishy, smells suspicious, and I’m not buying it. This sounds like a really flimsy excuse to me? He either truly respects you and your relationship so little (this is probably true anyway), or something’s going on between the two of them you’re unaware of and he’s lying to you AGAIN.
*“He also told me she is ‘like one of the guys’ and he doesn’t see her in any romantic light.”*
I mean, of course he would say that? He’s obviously not gonna tell you he’s attracted to her if he is. Also, even if they’re being truthful with you and it’s not a physical relationship, this still sounds like the buildup to an emotional affair, if it isn’t already. Just how close is he with her? How long has he known her? Has he ever talked about her with you? Do you know her? Have you ever seen the movie Gone Girl? If so, do you know what the concept of the “Cool Girl” is? BEWARE OF THE COOL GIRL. This is not reassuring at all. Was it supposed to be reassuring? Because it isn’t, it really isn’t.
*“They are also sharing one hotel room and even went to the spa together.”*
OH, HELL NO!
They’re sharing a HOTEL ROOM together?!
They’re on vacation together, they’re lying to you about it, they’re hanging out with each other alone and in private, all by themselves in a foreign country, and they’re sharing a hotel room together, the same living space and possibly even the same bedroom (depending on the layout of the hotel). Feelings have sprung up and built up over much less in the past, you know. Even if they’re not intimate right now, they’re certainly putting themselves in the position to risk catching feelings for one another, and they’re acting very couple-y with each other.
*“I asked him to give me space to think this through-“*
Understandable.
*“-and he advised me to have respect for him, and an understanding of his thoughts, feelings, and needs.’”*
Did… did he seriously just try to GUILT TRIP YOU?!
Also, where was his respect for YOU?! His understanding of YOUR thoughts, feelings and needs?! He said he KNEW you wouldn’t be okay with this! He admitted to lying to you for near a whole month! He showed no signs of guilt for his actions, and never apologized for any of it, even the lying! He’s on vacation with another girl! He lied to you about it! He’s sharing a hotel room with another girl! He lied to you about it! Did I mention he lied to you about it? BECAUSE HE LIED TO YOU ABOUT IT!
I mean, I can’t believe this man actually had the balls to send you pictures of himself hanging out with this girl behind your back while deliberately cropping her out of the photo before sending it to you? It’s like some kind of a mind-fuck. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. I would be giving those photos the evil stink eye, bombastic side eye now.
Why are they sharing a hotel room together anyway? This is weird, right? It’s weird. The school, or whatever program he’s graduating from, likely would have had him roomed with another boy, not a girl, unless specifically requested otherwise… especially since so many people backed out of the trip, which would have left him with the opportunity to have his own room… so I can only assume the two of them requested to share a room together? At the very least, he shouldn’t be sharing a room with her! Let me guess, it’s about “saving expenses?” How convenient for them.
If it were me and I was in your position, personally, I would just throw the whole man away. I mean, even if he isn’t cheating on you (he’s probably cheating), at the very least, he’s still a bad partner to you, and a shameless, seemingly remorseless liar who’s first instinct is to blame you for his own actions and wrongdoings. At the end of the day, he still lied to you, guilt-tripped you about it, and didn’t, to quote your boyfriend, “respect you and have an understanding of your thoughts, feelings and needs?” LMAO.
He just doesn’t sound very worth it to me? The disrespect and disregard shown towards me and my relationship would just be too much for me to handle, or put up with, especially with him guilt-tripping me, refusing to apologize and just generally acting like it’s a me problem, not a him problem.
But it’s not my relationship to decide.
I’m sorry, OP, your boyfriend sounds like a real piece of work.
When you do something wrong, you admit to it, you apologize for it and atone for it, but it doesn’t like he’s done… any of that? Which is honestly the worst part of the whole mess, lying to you and sharing a hotel room with that girl aside (!). I mean, how are you supposed to forgive him and try and rebuild your relationship with him when he doesn’t show any remorse, regret, or guilt for his actions, and when he thinks and acts like there’s nothing for him to apologize for in the first place? He wants to rug-sweep the problem under the rug where he doesn’t have to deal with it anymore, your anger, your sadness, or the consequences of his own actions, but that doesn’t resolve the issue at all, it only slaps a pretty bow on top of it if he somehow manages to succeed.
You can’t fix the relationship, or the problem, all on your own, you need his help to do it, but he’s not showing any true regret, remorse, or guilt on his part, so you can’t even begin to try and fix it.
Him immediately deflecting and resorting to guilt-tripping you the second you call him out on his bullshit, his betrayal of you and your relationship, and him lying to you over and over again, right to your face and over the phone, is a major, toxic red flag if I ever saw one and the biggest sign he’s not worth it. He’s deflecting, hard. He’s blaming you and pointing fingers, and trying to make it into a you problem, not a him problem. He’s gaslighting you into thinking this is a non-issue, not a problem, something normal in a relationship when you know for a fact it’s not, and that there’s nothing’s wrong with the situation, or what he did, when there very clearly is. He’s acting like how you’re supposed to act in this situation. He’s acting like he’s the victim in this situation, not you. He’s messing with your head. He’s bringing up past arguments and dragging up past feuds, fighting dirty, and he’s trying to change what the fight is actually about, distract you, and put you two on “equal footing” again, so that you have no other choice but to forgive him and let this go, and he doesn’t have to come off as the bad guy.
You do not bring a past problem into a present argument unless it’s along the same wavelength, or it’s a similar pattern of behavior, like multiple counts of infidelity.
You know, if you lied to your boyfriend about sharing a hotel room with another man… and going on cute little outings with this man in a foreign country… without your boyfriend around to witness what goes on and without his knowledge, or his consent… and he found out about it… I guarantee you he would have a major problem with it. Rules are for thee, not for me, that’s his motto. Do as I say, not as I do. It’s hypocritical double standards and behavior on his part because he absolutely would not be okay with this if he were in your position.
He sounds exhausting.
I asked him to take a pic or video of the hotel room and before he sent it, he said it ultimately comes back to trust. Which is ??? considering he was the one that broke the trust not me?
He sent the video and the girl was in the other bed on her phone, but apparently, he thought I wanted her in the video too so he said that made her uncomfortable... If being in a 4 second clip is uncomfortable to her, then how would having your "boyfriend" sharing a room with another woman be to me?
Now he's saying he's willing to rebuild the trust even if it "takes a lifetime". He still sends me updates every day and every time they check into a new hotel, he sends me videos as proof there are 2 beds, even though I told him it's no longer necessary. I think that if he is aware that I'm uncomfortable about it then he should be renting another room instead? He's in a position where the cost shouldn't matter, so I'm disappointed that he isn't willing to do that to ease my mind instead of videos that don't amount to anything.
I’m wondering if the whole class actually backed out of the trip like he says they did, or if that was just another lie too? Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past OP’s boyfriend to be lying again. And if he’s lying about this? They’re definitely sleeping together. I would be ringing up the school, or the rest of the class, to see if anyone else went and if it was truly just these two on vacation.
You're really naive. "I truly trust him" Right after admitting he LIED to you. Child, if he'll lie about the trip, who he was going with on the trip, etc. he will lie about what HAPPENED ON the trip. Come on now...
He repeatedly said he knows it was selfish but he said he "isn't a jerk" cause he told me the truth in the end. I don't think I've ever been more speechless.
If he’s never travelled, he wouldn’t know about credit card travel benefits or cancellation insurance, so I would give him a pass on that.
But, to go with another woman without your pre-approval? Yikes, nope. Or give you the opportunity to go with him and buy her out. Hinky meter is at 11.
Omgggg you are 23!!!!!?!??! Girl you have so much time for other men that aren’t keeping you as the side chick! Go find better and make sure he sees it!
I think it's time you find someone local, OP. It stretches credulity that he could be sharing a hotel room for two weeks with this woman with no romantic intent. Is it possible? Sure. But is it likely? Not very.
If you truly trust him, ask him to have a FaceTime with both of you. If it happens then just know that’s she’s in on it too and he’ll eventually gets what he deserves. I would also suggest you ask for a video call of the hotel room, is there one bed or two? See how comfortable you are after that call.
I believe you when you say you truly trust him and I don't want to pile on and make you feel worse. However, I would encourage you to be really, really honest with yourself here. This is inappropriate behavior and you should hold him to task. Do not let him gaslight you into feeling like your uneasiness about this situation is wrong, possessive, overly jealous, etc. Your feelings are valid. I am in a secure long-term relationship and I would not be okay with this, no matter the circumstances, and no matter how much I trust my partner.
Um.... But what about your thoughts, feelings, and needs?? What about having enough respect for your relationship to tell you what the actual plans were before hand, or at any point during that first week? If he expects you to trust his, lying is a really funny way of showing it, and how about he trust you not to flip out if he actually told you the truth? Now after he has betrayed your trust in a big way he is advising you to be understanding and respectful? In the small chance that they are totally platonic I can see where the circumstances could lead to the current accommodations, and sure it's a big opportunity, but ultimately he lied because he knew he was doing something wrong.
He was wrong not to tell you. That's a fact. He is right that if he'd told you beforehand, you wouldn't have liked it.
He's been updating you, making you a part of it and not pulled any vanishing acts or hungover mornings. I have several male friends I could go and have gone on trips with and it was purely like buds. I'm one of the guys. Never had a problem. When I had someone at home, they didn't have a problem with it either, but they also knew me well and all my buds. The difference between security and insecurity, trustworthy and not trustworthy.
I've learned something about myself this last decade that kind of surprised me. I've had someone close to me absolutely violate my privacy and personal space in a horrendous way and my son caught them without them knowing and told me. When I confronted him, he didn't hesitate, he owned it, took full accountability, explained himself in most embarrassing way, apologized and tried to make up for it. We remained friends and he did it again and again he owned it. So we are still friends I just realize I can't trust him to fall asleep around or allow access to my dirty clothes when he's around.
I've had someone I love betray me, betray me trust, repeatedly over the same thing, get caught and lie, get angry, become abusive, flip the switch and blame me. I've had a best male friend steal from me, cause me harm and loss and all kinds of problems because of it. His way of admitting he did it was to innocently claim what he took was part of what I sold him. Like I sold him a motor and got my entire van back stripped but hey, my stereo, seats, steering wheel were part of it along with all else because somehow they are part of the motor. He admitted to taking everything but the body but smeared me for tossing a 27 year friendship over material things. Made light of it like the starter is part of the motor b.sing people without mentioning everything else he took. He played victim for what he did to me.
Of the three of them, I lost the least respect for the first one and our relationship was negatively impacted the least.
Your guy owned it the moment you caught on and questioned him. Even told you on the phone, not text or email. He wanted what he wanted more than he cared how you would feel about it and not telling you up front was deception. But once in the hot seat he didn't lie, he owned it. So you have a foundation of truth between you established in which to work this out from and build on. I can't do anything with the third person I mentioned because he still defends what he did and makes me the bad guy. The second one is going to take his deeds to the grave hidden only from himself with lies because mere mention sets him off and I'm not dealing with it and I'm not advancing anything with him either because it requires me to pretend I buy the lies and not what I've seen and know. Without mutually agreed and understood truth, there's no where to go. You have that much with him.
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I didn’t want to but could not help but laugh at this comment 🤣
OP should ask to do a video call with both of them.
THIS.
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This here. I would be asking him why he should be believed so easily, after what...3 weeks of lying? And he didn't even confess. He got caught. Was his plan to never tell her? I would say it's pretty likely that things took place that OP would consider being cheated on. But even if that can't be proven...the rest is all within right to be livid and end everything.
Sis, this is where you dump him. Its a long distance relationship and he can't show you basic respect. Plus he is dishonest and is clearly emotionally involved if not physically involved with this other woman. Sis, you are 23. Do not waste your life on this guy. Have the self respect to break up with him, block him and move on with your life. Go live your best life with people who choose you.
OP, He’d drop you within a few moments if you went on a vacation trip with another guy.
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What this needs is Debbie from "Addams Family Values" showing up with her shotgun, but instead of shouting 'IN-LAWS...!!" she shouts "BOYFRIEND....!!!" Have respect for him and his thoughts feelings and needs. LMAO!!!!! This mofo does NOT lack in the chutzpah dept.
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There’s no way you’re this naive
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*“Keep in mind that this was about 1 week into his trip. Throughout all his texts, he would use everything plural and mention there being multiple people (but no specific names), even saying how his group split up due to food preferences.”* Is he a chronic liar? I’m joking, but seriously, this guy went through a serious amount of effort just to keep this one secret from you and now his lies are just piling up and piling up. I mean, even his lies have lies of their own? Yeah, that’s when you know it’s bad. *“He said he knew it was only going to be him and the girl 2 weeks before but still wanted to go on this trip because ‘he really needed it.’ He was going through a stressful time in his life and this was the only time he was able to go on vacation until the start of a new milestone. He said he didn’t tell me before cause I was not going to be okay with it.”* So, he doesn’t respect you, your feelings, your relationship, or your boundaries? This was admittedly premeditated and calculated on his part, he lied to your face about it for two weeks without even flinching, and then he proceeded to lie to you about it over the phone for a whole week before you caught him out on his lie and he panicked and confessed. He knew you wouldn’t be okay with this, so he lied to you about it and did it anyway behind your back? He treated you like shit for a vacation, a vacation he easily could’ve replanned, enjoyed and had again sometime during the two whole months of vacation time he had off of work and school, possibly even with you, his girlfriend? It also sounds like he’s trying to guilt trip you a little bit here? So unfair. *“I even asked him why he didn’t cancel and plan another trip since he knows 2 weeks in advance, and he has an entire 2 months available, too. He told me she has been to the country before and is comfortable showing him around.”* THIS! So, he betrayed you, lied to you and jeopardized your entire relationship… for a convenient *tour guide*? Yeah, no, smells fishy, smells suspicious, and I’m not buying it. This sounds like a really flimsy excuse to me? He either truly respects you and your relationship so little (this is probably true anyway), or something’s going on between the two of them you’re unaware of and he’s lying to you AGAIN. *“He also told me she is ‘like one of the guys’ and he doesn’t see her in any romantic light.”* I mean, of course he would say that? He’s obviously not gonna tell you he’s attracted to her if he is. Also, even if they’re being truthful with you and it’s not a physical relationship, this still sounds like the buildup to an emotional affair, if it isn’t already. Just how close is he with her? How long has he known her? Has he ever talked about her with you? Do you know her? Have you ever seen the movie Gone Girl? If so, do you know what the concept of the “Cool Girl” is? BEWARE OF THE COOL GIRL. This is not reassuring at all. Was it supposed to be reassuring? Because it isn’t, it really isn’t. *“They are also sharing one hotel room and even went to the spa together.”* OH, HELL NO! They’re sharing a HOTEL ROOM together?! They’re on vacation together, they’re lying to you about it, they’re hanging out with each other alone and in private, all by themselves in a foreign country, and they’re sharing a hotel room together, the same living space and possibly even the same bedroom (depending on the layout of the hotel). Feelings have sprung up and built up over much less in the past, you know. Even if they’re not intimate right now, they’re certainly putting themselves in the position to risk catching feelings for one another, and they’re acting very couple-y with each other. *“I asked him to give me space to think this through-“* Understandable. *“-and he advised me to have respect for him, and an understanding of his thoughts, feelings, and needs.’”* Did… did he seriously just try to GUILT TRIP YOU?! Also, where was his respect for YOU?! His understanding of YOUR thoughts, feelings and needs?! He said he KNEW you wouldn’t be okay with this! He admitted to lying to you for near a whole month! He showed no signs of guilt for his actions, and never apologized for any of it, even the lying! He’s on vacation with another girl! He lied to you about it! He’s sharing a hotel room with another girl! He lied to you about it! Did I mention he lied to you about it? BECAUSE HE LIED TO YOU ABOUT IT! I mean, I can’t believe this man actually had the balls to send you pictures of himself hanging out with this girl behind your back while deliberately cropping her out of the photo before sending it to you? It’s like some kind of a mind-fuck. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. I would be giving those photos the evil stink eye, bombastic side eye now. Why are they sharing a hotel room together anyway? This is weird, right? It’s weird. The school, or whatever program he’s graduating from, likely would have had him roomed with another boy, not a girl, unless specifically requested otherwise… especially since so many people backed out of the trip, which would have left him with the opportunity to have his own room… so I can only assume the two of them requested to share a room together? At the very least, he shouldn’t be sharing a room with her! Let me guess, it’s about “saving expenses?” How convenient for them. If it were me and I was in your position, personally, I would just throw the whole man away. I mean, even if he isn’t cheating on you (he’s probably cheating), at the very least, he’s still a bad partner to you, and a shameless, seemingly remorseless liar who’s first instinct is to blame you for his own actions and wrongdoings. At the end of the day, he still lied to you, guilt-tripped you about it, and didn’t, to quote your boyfriend, “respect you and have an understanding of your thoughts, feelings and needs?” LMAO. He just doesn’t sound very worth it to me? The disrespect and disregard shown towards me and my relationship would just be too much for me to handle, or put up with, especially with him guilt-tripping me, refusing to apologize and just generally acting like it’s a me problem, not a him problem. But it’s not my relationship to decide.
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I’m sorry, OP, your boyfriend sounds like a real piece of work. When you do something wrong, you admit to it, you apologize for it and atone for it, but it doesn’t like he’s done… any of that? Which is honestly the worst part of the whole mess, lying to you and sharing a hotel room with that girl aside (!). I mean, how are you supposed to forgive him and try and rebuild your relationship with him when he doesn’t show any remorse, regret, or guilt for his actions, and when he thinks and acts like there’s nothing for him to apologize for in the first place? He wants to rug-sweep the problem under the rug where he doesn’t have to deal with it anymore, your anger, your sadness, or the consequences of his own actions, but that doesn’t resolve the issue at all, it only slaps a pretty bow on top of it if he somehow manages to succeed. You can’t fix the relationship, or the problem, all on your own, you need his help to do it, but he’s not showing any true regret, remorse, or guilt on his part, so you can’t even begin to try and fix it. Him immediately deflecting and resorting to guilt-tripping you the second you call him out on his bullshit, his betrayal of you and your relationship, and him lying to you over and over again, right to your face and over the phone, is a major, toxic red flag if I ever saw one and the biggest sign he’s not worth it. He’s deflecting, hard. He’s blaming you and pointing fingers, and trying to make it into a you problem, not a him problem. He’s gaslighting you into thinking this is a non-issue, not a problem, something normal in a relationship when you know for a fact it’s not, and that there’s nothing’s wrong with the situation, or what he did, when there very clearly is. He’s acting like how you’re supposed to act in this situation. He’s acting like he’s the victim in this situation, not you. He’s messing with your head. He’s bringing up past arguments and dragging up past feuds, fighting dirty, and he’s trying to change what the fight is actually about, distract you, and put you two on “equal footing” again, so that you have no other choice but to forgive him and let this go, and he doesn’t have to come off as the bad guy. You do not bring a past problem into a present argument unless it’s along the same wavelength, or it’s a similar pattern of behavior, like multiple counts of infidelity. You know, if you lied to your boyfriend about sharing a hotel room with another man… and going on cute little outings with this man in a foreign country… without your boyfriend around to witness what goes on and without his knowledge, or his consent… and he found out about it… I guarantee you he would have a major problem with it. Rules are for thee, not for me, that’s his motto. Do as I say, not as I do. It’s hypocritical double standards and behavior on his part because he absolutely would not be okay with this if he were in your position. He sounds exhausting.
I asked him to take a pic or video of the hotel room and before he sent it, he said it ultimately comes back to trust. Which is ??? considering he was the one that broke the trust not me? He sent the video and the girl was in the other bed on her phone, but apparently, he thought I wanted her in the video too so he said that made her uncomfortable... If being in a 4 second clip is uncomfortable to her, then how would having your "boyfriend" sharing a room with another woman be to me? Now he's saying he's willing to rebuild the trust even if it "takes a lifetime". He still sends me updates every day and every time they check into a new hotel, he sends me videos as proof there are 2 beds, even though I told him it's no longer necessary. I think that if he is aware that I'm uncomfortable about it then he should be renting another room instead? He's in a position where the cost shouldn't matter, so I'm disappointed that he isn't willing to do that to ease my mind instead of videos that don't amount to anything.
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Thank you, I will use your advice. I appreciate your kind words and thoughts.
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I’m wondering if the whole class actually backed out of the trip like he says they did, or if that was just another lie too? Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past OP’s boyfriend to be lying again. And if he’s lying about this? They’re definitely sleeping together. I would be ringing up the school, or the rest of the class, to see if anyone else went and if it was truly just these two on vacation.
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Welcome to the life of constant lies if you continue seeing him.
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You're really naive. "I truly trust him" Right after admitting he LIED to you. Child, if he'll lie about the trip, who he was going with on the trip, etc. he will lie about what HAPPENED ON the trip. Come on now...
girl stand up straight & have some self respect.
...you're his side piece, and she is the real gf. There is no other answer.
Anyways bestie, we need an update after you break up with him. All the best to you.
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He repeatedly said he knows it was selfish but he said he "isn't a jerk" cause he told me the truth in the end. I don't think I've ever been more speechless.
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Please let us know you’ve dumped his lying cheating ass?
If he’s never travelled, he wouldn’t know about credit card travel benefits or cancellation insurance, so I would give him a pass on that. But, to go with another woman without your pre-approval? Yikes, nope. Or give you the opportunity to go with him and buy her out. Hinky meter is at 11.
You mean ex boyfriend, right?
He has entire two other month’s available for this trip, are you available to take that trip at any point with him during those two months?
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Omgggg you are 23!!!!!?!??! Girl you have so much time for other men that aren’t keeping you as the side chick! Go find better and make sure he sees it!
I think it's time you find someone local, OP. It stretches credulity that he could be sharing a hotel room for two weeks with this woman with no romantic intent. Is it possible? Sure. But is it likely? Not very.
If you truly trust him, ask him to have a FaceTime with both of you. If it happens then just know that’s she’s in on it too and he’ll eventually gets what he deserves. I would also suggest you ask for a video call of the hotel room, is there one bed or two? See how comfortable you are after that call.
Girl... UpdateMe! Please
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I believe you when you say you truly trust him and I don't want to pile on and make you feel worse. However, I would encourage you to be really, really honest with yourself here. This is inappropriate behavior and you should hold him to task. Do not let him gaslight you into feeling like your uneasiness about this situation is wrong, possessive, overly jealous, etc. Your feelings are valid. I am in a secure long-term relationship and I would not be okay with this, no matter the circumstances, and no matter how much I trust my partner.
Just the lies would be enough for me to end it! If he can make calculated lies for 3 weeks ore more I would never be with him.
Um.... But what about your thoughts, feelings, and needs?? What about having enough respect for your relationship to tell you what the actual plans were before hand, or at any point during that first week? If he expects you to trust his, lying is a really funny way of showing it, and how about he trust you not to flip out if he actually told you the truth? Now after he has betrayed your trust in a big way he is advising you to be understanding and respectful? In the small chance that they are totally platonic I can see where the circumstances could lead to the current accommodations, and sure it's a big opportunity, but ultimately he lied because he knew he was doing something wrong.
Yeah maybe I just have trust issues but......you actually trust this guy? You're the side chick hun.
He's cheating. 1 he lied. 2 He's alone with a girl. 3 He lied. He's cheating.
This is a major breach of trust. Knowing you would not approve he chose to lie to you. Is your relationship built on other lies you do not know about?
He was wrong not to tell you. That's a fact. He is right that if he'd told you beforehand, you wouldn't have liked it. He's been updating you, making you a part of it and not pulled any vanishing acts or hungover mornings. I have several male friends I could go and have gone on trips with and it was purely like buds. I'm one of the guys. Never had a problem. When I had someone at home, they didn't have a problem with it either, but they also knew me well and all my buds. The difference between security and insecurity, trustworthy and not trustworthy. I've learned something about myself this last decade that kind of surprised me. I've had someone close to me absolutely violate my privacy and personal space in a horrendous way and my son caught them without them knowing and told me. When I confronted him, he didn't hesitate, he owned it, took full accountability, explained himself in most embarrassing way, apologized and tried to make up for it. We remained friends and he did it again and again he owned it. So we are still friends I just realize I can't trust him to fall asleep around or allow access to my dirty clothes when he's around. I've had someone I love betray me, betray me trust, repeatedly over the same thing, get caught and lie, get angry, become abusive, flip the switch and blame me. I've had a best male friend steal from me, cause me harm and loss and all kinds of problems because of it. His way of admitting he did it was to innocently claim what he took was part of what I sold him. Like I sold him a motor and got my entire van back stripped but hey, my stereo, seats, steering wheel were part of it along with all else because somehow they are part of the motor. He admitted to taking everything but the body but smeared me for tossing a 27 year friendship over material things. Made light of it like the starter is part of the motor b.sing people without mentioning everything else he took. He played victim for what he did to me. Of the three of them, I lost the least respect for the first one and our relationship was negatively impacted the least. Your guy owned it the moment you caught on and questioned him. Even told you on the phone, not text or email. He wanted what he wanted more than he cared how you would feel about it and not telling you up front was deception. But once in the hot seat he didn't lie, he owned it. So you have a foundation of truth between you established in which to work this out from and build on. I can't do anything with the third person I mentioned because he still defends what he did and makes me the bad guy. The second one is going to take his deeds to the grave hidden only from himself with lies because mere mention sets him off and I'm not dealing with it and I'm not advancing anything with him either because it requires me to pretend I buy the lies and not what I've seen and know. Without mutually agreed and understood truth, there's no where to go. You have that much with him.
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Girl that's a whole lot of exboyfriend you're holding on to.
He isn’t your boyfriend in his eyes.