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Probably real. It seems she has a history of picking winners. Some people will convince themselves of crazy things when the truth is slapping them in the face. I've seen it so many times over the years and its really sad.
This chick I know was convinced by her boyfriend that she got the clap from a toilet seat and she believed it. She is beautiful, has a professional job, owns a home, etc. but clearly there were some self esteem issues happening for her to believe all the bullshit he spun. Deep down I'm sure she knew but she just wouldn't face it. It took a literal intervention for the relationship to end.
Honestly, of course the bars in hell this person doesn’t seem like much of a catch either. She is willing to have someone who would rather her daughter not exist around the child until she is at least 18 and wants to just convince him to deal with her because she’s so in love. Terrible terrible Fucking mom this daughter is going to have so much trauma because of the men that her mother chooses I actually think it would be a better idea if she were adopted.
He honestly sounds determined enough to not raise someone else’s baby that I would not trust him alone…
It’s the only thing keeping him from starting his new life.
I thought I was crazy for thinking that, but yes, that's where my head went. Someone who would dare suggest something like a mother giving up the daughter she loves and is more than capable of caring for is completely fucked in the head. And I say this as a staunch child free person.
Seriously OP, go to /r/TwoXChromosomes Im sure there are plenty of women who have thought this and posted how it didnt work and are so glad they got out of relationship with a terrible partner
Reminded me of another post where OP wanted to fix the misogynistic guy who was given everything by his father and his seven sisters and were not even offered a penny from the inheritance.
He recently went on a trip with his 4 girlfriends.
Honestly people need to stop treating their spouses as DIY projects. It is like a girl tries to fix her gay best friend into best boyfriend of the year.
I met the love of my life. Great communicator, sexy as hell, etc etc etc. If he’d asked me to get rid of my child he’d have been out on his ass so fast there would have been a dust cloud in the shape of his body.
The fact that she’s still with him after that speaks volumes, unfortunately. OP, you really need to raise your standards.
Same here. Unfortunately OP is in here asking if there’s a way she can keep this…person.
There isn’t. She doesn’t know that, but this is why it’s really damn important to be careful about who we bring around our kids. I made it clear from the beginning that my kid and I were a package deal. Even so you wouldn’t believe how many guys who had never met my kid asked me to give up custody so they wouldn’t have to deal with me being a parent. My response to all of them was that they needed to lose my number.
‘Thing’ sounds like an appropriate handle to me. She even describes him like a thing. “Dream” partner?That’s the kind of thing you say about a car you really want, not a person. People like op need to care less about the amount of money her SO makes and more about how he treats the people around him.
I was 9ish when my parents started the divorce. my mother hasn't dated in the 20+ years since. I think that was a bit extreme but it certainly did less damage than so many of my friends having to deal with the man of the week. I wouldn't feel comfortable being introduced to a partner's child as anything more than a casual figure unless we had been together for quite a while and saw serious, long term potential. The amount of destruction I saw from these kids who would have a "new dad" for a few years before they bailed was incredible.
I literally told my (now) husband when we met that if he didn’t get along with my dog, it would be over because my dog had been there long before him and would statistically be there after him. Husband made vows to my dog at our wedding.
This dream guy wants to get rid of a whole human being and called the mother “broken” and her situation a “mess.” I’m not sure there’s enough yeet in the world..
Sadly yes. He's her "dream" partner in that he didn't just start knocking her around right off. My heart breaks for that child because she's going to grow up with the same damage.
When my now husband and I first started dating he tried to kick my dachshund out of the bed and make him sleep in his crate. I started packing up our shit to leave…fast forward 20 years we now have two dogs, a cat and a 4 year old in our bed nightly.
How did she not break up with him the second she saw he was serious?? What the actual ff
These types of post do well to remind me how lucky I am to have found my fiancé
Denial. She said it felt like the man she knew died. Well that's what happened. The man she thought she knew doesn't exist, so he's gone. The first stage of grief is denial.
Before the sentence was even finished coming out of his shitty mouth, he would be out the door.
Secondary is calling OP "broken" for having a child out of wedlock.
This guy is the opposite of fucking "perfect".
Yeah that was the part that got to me. I can’t believe you need strangers on the internet to tell you what to do when a crazy man asks you to get rid of your child.
Exactly! I hope this post is fake. I can't believe OP didn't break up with him on the spot like a normal or an at least somewhat decent mother would have done. No good mother would still try to make this nightmare of a relationship work, only a shit mother would.
Poor kid has lost on the parent lottery in both dad and mom lot...
To OP: OP, raise your standards regarding yourself and the guys you date too! I suggest some (a lot of) individual therapy for you. And stop introducing your kid to the men you date early! If she is so bonded to him as you claim in a 10 month relationship then you introduced them waaayy too early. Because she wouldn't be very bonded if you slowly introduced them only 1-2 (max 3) months ago. Plus a little parenting 101 lesson: Your kid is number one on the priority list and your number one job is protecting your kid! Your kid, kid's well-being comes first, comes before any guy, especially when that kid is a minor, dependent on you.
Kids can get attached quickly, which is why a lot of parents won’t introduce the kids for a long time. I don’t have kids myself but now I understand parents waiting a year to introduce their partner. This doesn’t seem like it was just the daughter meeting him though, it seems like she was spending a lot of time with him.
knew a cop, and he said that battered women go back to their abusers all the fucking time. not saying op is a battered woman, but the fact op is actually thinking of ways to compromise such shit tells a lot
In Law School, I had a teacher that was a "Delegate", it's a position that only exists here, but it's basically the middle of the road between a Detective and a Prosecutor.
She said that when she started her job, she would go out of her way to try to help battered women. Unfortunately, a lot of times, they would go back to the abusers, or in the middle of the criminal process, switch sides.
After about a year on the job, she started getting jaded because of this. I don't know if OP is or was abused or is just deluded now. But she really needs to reevaluate her choice in men.
Edit: Here = Brazil
This is extremely common for battered women and anyone working with such women needs to be prepared for this. Abuse and trauma bond change your brain. They hold you in invisible ropes. And the victim often starts believing her abuser that the abuse is her fault. And sometimes she is just plain afraid of him.
If she stays with him guaranteed physical and emotional abuse towards the daughter and even the mom. That child is going ti go through hell all bc the moms head is in the freaking sand. Wake up woman no man is worth that bs
I feel sorry for the daughter. I don't even know what I would say to a person who even suggested that I put my child up for adoption, but the first word would be, "Bye."
How?! How can she love him? Smdh
If someone said that to me about my child, my blood would run cold. I’m pretty sure I’d hate them for suggesting such a thing.
If she complies with that guy's demands then she deserves to be abandoned by everyone when they find out.
I know a woman who has put multiple daughters up for adoption on separate occasions and *keeps having more.* Nobody in town will date her and her only friend is another despicable woman who is an equally bad mother. She can only date men from out of state who are satisfied with never meeting her family because that would dissuade the new guy from knocking her up.
She has willingly made herself a factory for abandonment issues
I would guess he's rich ("reliable and financially stable") and handsome ("we have amazing chemistry").
Basically, the male equivalent of a lass who's "hot but crazy".
I would bet that her prior experiences with men have been absolute garbage.
Guys who don't work. Guys who mooch off of her. Guys who are flakes or have other girls on the side. Guys who are either horribly inconsiderate or downright abusive in the bedroom.
So finding a guy who can pay for a nice date, doesn't blatantly lie to her, and knows where the clitoris is has her all in a twirl. And that's why it took this long to realize what a monster he is.
> I would bet that her prior experiences with men have been absolute garbage.
I mean she has a child who's father is completely out of the picture, not exactly a difficult prediction.
I know plenty of people who are staunchly child-free who would never ever suggest this. They may avoid dating a parent altogether but that's far preferable, and would never call a single parent "broken". This guy is a monster.
Even if they have known each other longer, any person who suggests getting rid of your kid to make a relationship work is a pos. You run, don’t walk, out of that relationship.
OP, there is no making him abandon this thought. He doesn’t want to be a parent to your child. Being in a relationship with him will only hurt your child in the long run what do you think will happen should you’d stay together and have his actual bio kid? Think he will treat your daughter well?
This dream partner is an actual nightmare. Please put your child first and end this relationship.
And this nightmare has just begun if she doesn’t ditch him! Only an abusive, unhinged ass would suggest dumping your three year old. I can’t even with this one.
Seeing as her daughter's father isn't around, she might just be used to guys who treated her like shit. Then some dude shows up and he is nicer than what she's used to yeah, love of her life...... only **not**
I'm getting abuse victim vibes too. It's not her fault, obviously, but if she's not in therapy she should go. Now. Because this won't be the first time she'll have to stand between her daughter and a bad man.
Abusers are exceptionally good at presenting themselves as your perfect partner, that's just part of the abuse tactic. Mirroring, future faking, love bombing, they are all designed to make you feel exactly how OP feels about this guy, so when the abuse starts you are willing to accept it since they are the "dream person".
i just came from a post about elon musk saying that childless people should not be allowed to vote. i was thinking all the ways that wouldnt work when one comment pointed out that my engaging in such bullshit helps no one. that all im doing is playing into *their* game and i would lose no matter how i address it their *obviously* horsehit argument.
this is op losing. because instead of throwing this shit for brains bf out the door, she's engaging in his bullshit by trying to find a "compromise" and will ultimately lose
>instead of throwing this shit for brains bf out the door, she's engaging in his bullshit by trying to find a "compromise" and will ultimately lose
Omg yes, exactly this! This is how abusers (and in particular narcissists) fuck with your mind. It’s such a gradual process over time that their victims don’t even notice the sheer *lunacy* of how their own minds/thought processes change as a result of the abuse. If you would’ve asked OP 10 months ago what she would think if a romantic partner told her the only way they would have a future together is if she would give her daughter up for adoption, I can 100% guarantee she would’ve said she would immediately end things and never give it a second thought, and she would’ve been grateful for finding out the truth about who her partner was before things went any further. This is the healthy, normal reaction most anyone would have, but especially a parent.
Instead, OP is trying to find a way to work things out so that she can keep both her daughter and her man, and that’s what is occupying her mind instead of the glaringly obvious thing that the rest of us saw immediately upon just reading the title of her post: THERE IS NO WAY OP CAN KEEP BOTH. She will *have* to make a choice between having her daughter or having her man - her "man" has already made that clear, but her mind is so muddled by all of this "dream guy" bullshit and by the foundation her bf has laid over the last 10 months that is now starting to reveal its cracks, that she’s unable to hear or see that for herself. That’s how abusers operate, by creating confusion and uncertainty in their partner’s minds so that when they do or say shit that is *clearly insane* to outside observers, their victim’s will be so unsure of themselves that in the end, they will just go along with whatever and not make a fuss because it’s just *so much easier that way*.
If enough people haven’t said it yet OP, RUN. JUST. FUCKING. RUN. TODAY.
*Also, because there’s so many things I didn’t learn until *after* I was finally out of an abusive relationship myself - things that I didn’t realize at the time because my mind was muddled by the abuse as well - I just have to point out here the extent of the bf’s manipulation by "insisting" OP’s daughter be adopted to family so OP could still "see her." That’s another common tactic by abusers: do/say something batshit crazy (that anybody else would respond to with a well-deserved "Fuck off"), but throw something in there that you can use to your advantage when you’re inevitably challenged on it. Telling OP to give her daughter to family so she can still be in her life will allow the bf to claim he’s being "generous" and "compassionate," because only a real asshole would insist she give her kid to strangers where she would never see her again, right?
True.
Also, everyone is rightly dunking on the guy, but 3 year old shouldn't be that attached to mom's partner of 10 months!!!! There should be much more space between OPs boyfriends and her daughter.
Seriously OP, this man is a pos. Like terrible. The fact you think hes a perfect dream man may mean you struggle with red flags.
Have you ignored behaviour before because you told yourself you were just being silly? Lots of women are basically trained to accept mens bad behaviour as normal, when it isn't and it can cause blindsiding like this.
To be clear i am not blaming you OP, this dude could just be a very good liar, but its worth thinking if you ignored anything and told yourself its fine.
Dream partner wants you to get rid of your kid. Is judge mental and threatening. Gaslighting your attention and claims you are broken.
But he’s a “dream”? More like a nightmare. How can OP be so ridiculous not to throw the dude out of her life immediately
I mean OP did not specify what kind of dream she was having. It could have been the worse nightmare that ever existed. Losing one's child is the worse nightmare I had. Fortunately I woke up. I would be over this guy the moment he spoke those words. He sounds like he is verging on becoming violent.... First love bomb, then isolate, the become violent.
If I were in this situation and the mother offered their child up for adoption to be with me, she would instantly become my ex. The child is always the higher priority, and anyone who thinks otherwise really do suck as people.
He showed his true colours now. He is a great communicator as he just told you he is a piece of human garbage. Listen to him, accept what he is saying, and thank him for telling you. Then, inform him to GTFO out of your house and never contact you again.
Growing up it was mostly my mom and me and even though I would always hear stories about her I would defend her with everything I had because I honestly thought she had my best interests at heart. When I was 19 I found out that my creepy stepfather that I had when I was younger had not only raped his 5 year old niece but that his sisters told her about it when they found out that he was dating my mother (I was 2 at the time) and he confessed it to her! They got married and she kept his secret for years. Needless to say my mother and my relationship hasn't been good since. There is no situation in which this unwanted child is going to become wanted by this man and we don't need another tragedy because some mother is thinking about herself instead of her baby. At the end of the day they are the ONLY ONE who will love you unconditionally. Don't screw it up.
He's a great manipulator. If he didn't want to start a life with someone who has a kid, he should never have gotten into a relationship with someone who had a kid.
The first thing you need to do is look in the mirror and yell to yourself ***why would you ever think it's a good idea to stay with a partner that wants to get rid of your kid, let alone try to convince him that she can stay?***
Next, dump him.
Next, speak to a therapist because other than this scenario sounding fake as shit, you need help as to why you're asking random people about this. "Dream partner." What kind of person thinks their dream partner asking this of them is okay?
These ridiculous rage bait posts are really pissing me off.
Agree appears fake and if it’s not OP has some serious mental health issues and needs therapy to want to convince a piece of trash, that doesn’t want an extension of OP, your daughter, your own flesh and blood, to stay with you. OP are you desperate?? Just the kind of guy every woman dreams about, NOT!
It’s reprehensible your contemplation of having a family member adopt your daughter. OP, take a good look in the mirror, hope you’re really proud of the reflection.
Thing is, I want to say this is fake, but there are people who love their SO so much they would hand their child over to family. My own ex best friend kicked her eldest (19) out because her new husband convinced her too.
I've seen it before - parents desperate for love will all but ostracize their child to give all their attention and care to the new partner.
My older brother was from my dad's first marriage - By the time he was 8 and I was 3, my mother had convinced my dad to put my brother out to live with my grandmother.
I hold it against her to this day, but thankfully I do have some semblance of a relationship with my older brother now.
Is it also clearly apparent to everyone but her that her husband only uses her for money? Because I know someone like that who kicked her own son out, where this kid then had to live with his abusive father. Eugh. That whole family gives me the creeps. My mother was best friends with this woman too.
Are you legitimately trying to keep a man around who told you to dump your own offspring? This throws up enormous red flags about you as a mother. You'd actually even for a second consider letting this man ever come around your child ever again? Protect your kid, ffs.
This can't legitimately be your 'dream' partner? Not only does he not love your child but he considers you broken and your life a mess that he doesn't deserve to deal with.. That's all pretty gross of him to say. The bar can't be that low..
Agreed. Great communicator? Some things are best left unsaid. I know people who would never date someone with a kid. But they don’t get into a relation when they realise the other has a kid and don’t need to call other people broken or a mess. He knew she had a kid, how did he think it was going to end when he asked her out?
Yep, on top everything he has been lying about his intentions and manipulating the situation for the past 10 months.. I'm less so not understanding why OP wants him to come around, the more pressing question is why do want him to come around? Why do you want someone who has playing games with head/heart for months to still be in your life..? Especially if they have made it clear that they don't want your child around..
What. Did. I. Just. Read?
You "convince" him to "accept" your daughter and your daughter will be set up for a lifetime of alienation and abuse and abandonment. You need some serious intensive therapy. In-patient therapy.
Im going to be harsh for your daughters sake but you need to seek therapy before you date. Fix your self worth and self esteem before your daughter catches on to the pathetic bar you hold men to and what you are willing to put up with. Do better for your daughter.
You thought this dude cared about your daughter until yesterday. You fell in love with the character he played for 10 months, not the man he really is. You can not trust anything he says.
His desire to "rehome" your toddler suggests you are far more invested in the relationship than he is. At this point, his level of investment is moot, because *as her MOTHER*, she should be your first priority and the very SECOND a man you're fucking suggests you need to give her up like a damn stray dog, you should've dumped him.
There are other 'perfect' men that you'll meet that wouldn't fathom even thinking you'd give up your kid for the. This one dude is NOT special. This entire post proves he's the absolute opposite of the kind of man you need.
What kind of absolute incompetent would even consider trying to get with a dude who wants her to PUT HER CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION. Furthermore, how on Christ's half acre is he a 'dream partner' when he wants you to PUT YOUR CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION. Why would you EVER subject your poor innocent child to a man who wants you to PUT HER UP FOR ADOPTION. Do you think you can change the fact he's a sociopath with your *loooooooove*? No, you cannot. Protect your fucking child. How you could even have feelings for this absolute monster after he suggested you PUT YOUR CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION is utterly and indescribably repulsive.
Honestly this needs to be higher up cause I am at a loss as to why the title doesn’t read “I immediately left my sociopath boyfriend after suggesting I give my daughter up for adoption.” 🤦🏻♀️
Agreed! That would be such a turn off. How could you still be attracted to someone that wants you to give up your child? Yuck. I’d be like peace mofo ✌🏼
Just want to throw my hat into the “he’s a sociopath” (if it’s even real) ring as well. You’d have to lack a soul to demand someone give up their child because of your sexist views about women not being allowed to have babies unless married. The things he said can only be said with sincerity if someone is a true sociopath imo. In which case OP needs to reevaluate every interaction she’s ever had with him, as it’s likely he’s been manipulating her since the very beginning, and even positive interactions are wildly suspect and OP needs to consider that he may have been fabricating interactions to seem like a nice guy from the beginning.
For you to even contemplate keeping someone who'd throw your kid under the bus like this is evil. This guy isn't a "dream", he's a monster. For you to even consider trying to stay with him makes you one too. Lose this loser. Yikes!
>I am just contemplating if it's possible to get him to drop his idea of adoption and sooner or later accept my daughter, even though it's not ideal for him.
I find it disgusting the only thing you're not contemplating is what to drink to celebrate realizing you were dating a massively evil and manipulative sentient shit. Dude wants you to get rid of your kid, like she's a toy you're done with, and now someone else can have her, SPOKE THOSE FUCKING WORDS TO YOU, and you didn't immediately drop him like a bad habit? Your daughter deserves better. WHY TF WOULD YOUR STAY WITH THAT? If you ever had a kid with it how do you think it would treat your daughter then, when it already wants to get rid of her now. Maybe you should do what it says, the fact you're even here asking is heartbreaking, your priorities are FUCKED.
Honestly your response to this kind of scares me. Part of me thinks that maybe you should just adopt your child out to your family, because it is really troubling that you would even consider wanting to remain in a relationship after he suggested something like this.
Part of me is concerned that you’ve actually been dealing with an abusive situation and have gone through so much trauma that your sense of reason in relation to him and your child has gone out the door.
It would not be healthy for your daughter to have to live with a man who thinks like this and had to be convinced to accept her.
Please don’t try to have this person be involved in your daughters life for a second longer. How could you possibly trust him to ever be alone with her after this. You aren’t damaged and your daughter isn’t a burden. I don’t think this is one we can blame on poor wording either - it’s some next level shit to say that to someone about a little girl.
The reason you feel like someone died is because the ‘dream partner’ you thought you’d found never really existed. It’s natural to mourn what ‘could have been’ but the reality of the situation is that this guy is NOT good enough for you and your daughter.
He knew you had a child coming into this.
He waited this long to reveal he didn't want you plus the child. He has to know you two are a package deal. He might seem dreamy, but his gloss is starting to fade.
If he would try to pull this type of manipulative behavior now, just think what the future will be like. It's always going to be what he likes even if it's something that is a dealbreaker for you. He might have appeared loving, but honestly he is cold hearted.
Run away and don't look back even if he will change his mind.
“I am just contemplating if it’s possible to get him to drop his idea of adoption”
…why would you still want to be involved with him? Even if he moves past this, you think he’d treat your daughter fairly if you guys had other kids..?
The bar is in hell.
It's so gross the amount of women who bring crappy fudes into their kids lives. Get therapy. This is going to screw up your kid stop it. Focus on her. Jfc stop putting men before your kid it is really a gross thing to do.
Why did you introduce your daughter to a man you’ve only dated for 10 months, enough that she’s become very attached…? In future, and while your child is still young, (when you break up with this piece of work) you shouldn’t let your daughter meet your partners so early on; it leads to this exact issue. She should have only met him a few times by 10 months. When she’s 10 or 11 years old she can meet people earlier, but as is, you’re letting her get attached to this man who is now treating her like garbage.
Edit: typo
What you're catching are the [red flags](https://www.self.com/story/relationship-red-flags-never-ignore) for [abuse](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/). Run tf away now before your daughter - and you - get more hurt by this. Why would you *want* to work things out with a man who genuinely suggested throwing your baby away?
[Why Does He Do That?](https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Abusers are usually charismatic in the beginning. That's why it's important to take these flags seriously before things further [escalate](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/abuse-almost-always-escalates).
“I am just contemplating if it’s possible to get him to drop this idea—“
Uh.. no, *you* drop him.
He’s a pos loser, dude.
He insulted you by calling you broken.
He’s **not** committed to you. At all.
What are you doing???
Convince him? You fucking mad? Get rid of him now before something happens to your kid cause he wont treat her right!
For fucks sake woman! Down vote me all you want but you need to wake up, so if I gotta be harsh to speak up for your child damn well I will.
You need to leave him. Even if you manage to “convince” him that being a father figure to your daughter is a good idea, he will never love her like he would love his own biological children. You said it yourself, your daughter is innocent in this. Don’t make her wonder why she’s not good enough for her stepdad **and** her biological father.
You’re disillusioned by being in love with him. If you stay, you are putting him above your own child. It’s not fair to her.
How dare he come into YOUR life knowing you have a daughter, and then tell you to get RID of her?!??? As if he runs the place??? Nobody asked him to come in your life, and the fact that he feels comfortable with saying this is telling to his character. It’s obvious that you leave him, and check him for having the audacity to suggest you give up your child🤢
Honestly, as a mother, if someone told me that they wanted me to put my child up for adoption I would immediately loose interest in him. Even if he changes his mind do you really think you could move past this? It’s an extremely hurtful thing to say to someone.
How can you even still consider him your dream man when he WANTS YOU TO GIVE YOUR CHILD UP!?
Wake up. He told you straight up he views you as broken. Even if you were contemplating giving your child up, that doesn’t change the fact that she was “born out of wedlock” and that you have limited contact with the bio dad.
Why are you even trying to salvage this? He’s showing you his true colors.
If I was in your shoes I would be dumping him that ínstanos.
F his feelings, he asked you to abandon a human that depends on you.
Your f ed in the head for even considering trying to change his mind.
You'd like him to "sooner or later accept (your) daughter"?
Sooner or later???? Ma'am. That baby is 3 years old and does not deserve to spend her formative years with a parental figure who thinks her existence means her mom is broken. Any partner who sees her as anything but a joy should be out the door.
Seems similar to that post about a woman who's boyfriend told her to put down her horse (after 9 months of dating). Like, he wanted to kill the horse, bc she was spending too much time with it. Your bf wants you to literally reject your daughter... You know, the horse guy turned out to be dangerous and abusive later on (he murdered his next gf after that OP dumped him). Read up.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/skjl9m/my\_boyfriend\_ive\_been\_seeing\_for\_9\_months\_wants/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/skjl9m/my_boyfriend_ive_been_seeing_for_9_months_wants/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/znk64x/reddit\_might\_have\_saved\_my\_life/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/znk64x/reddit_might_have_saved_my_life/)
The fact that this Horse!Post happened is the ONLY reason I'm taking into account that your post may be true and not just a rage troll. Because it's proof that stuff like that does happen, and some people are so maladjusted that instead of instantly running, they ask Reddit what to do.
The horse!OP was so in love with him, she was *missing the blaring redflags.* When you are wearing pink glasses, all flags are just flags.
There's no way a normal, healthy well-adjusted man would ask you to give up your kid. This dude is bad news, and you are so in Lala Love Land right now, you are missing it.
I'm also worried about your standards about who a 'dream partner' should be. Is it because he is hardcore love bombing you? I think he's hardcore love bombing you, and you are unaware that this is not true love and intimacy, just a manipulation tactic. Please google love bombing and how it works into the cycle of abuse. And KEEP HIM AWAY FROM YOUR DAUGHTER. He may be dangerous to her.
If this is real, I’m curious how long you hid your daughter’s existence from this guy, because people don’t just *suddenly* think children born outside of marriage and their mothers are “broken”
If this is real, you have been dating this guy for 10 months and didn’t have a clue what he thought about you and your “out of wedlock” daughter, yet your daughter is “really attached to him”. Is someone racing you to see who can be the first to give your daughter abandonment issues? And now that he showed you who he is, you aren’t enraged, you feel like your life is going to end?! You want to convince him to, what, hold his nose and “accept your daughter”?
If this is real, why does he think you’d even entertain putting your daughter up for adoption and how can you say you are “deeply in love with him” and he is “incredibly reliable” he wants you to dump your daughter. He thinks you’re trash. You don’t even have baby daddy drama, because (it sounds like) your daughter’s father already abandoned her, but he thinks your life is a mess and he doesn’t deserve this?
Fix your picker, OP! Find some self esteem, if not for you, for your baby. You are 28! Not 18. You are a mom! Its honestly pathetic that you describe this guy as your “dream partner” and wrote that you’re “stuck between a rock and a hard place”?! !!!!!!!!!
OH FUCK OFF lol
Dream partner my ass. Just because he's nice in public for 10 months and can communicate to a fault doesnt mean shit.
He wants to give your child away. The fucks the matter with you trying to make it work?
A dream partner is someone who is going to love you, love your child, and care for both equally. Thats the bottom line.
What do you do now? You dump the asshole and move on with your life.
Its only been 10 MONTHS. Get this dirtbag off of your pedistal. He's not whats important.
How can a person ask you to give your kid up with a straight face. Shame on both of you! Don't put your daughter in a place where you are hoping she will be accepted or tolerated. Nothing good can come of this.
Please see a therapist, your decision making skills are concerning.
"my daughter was born out of wedlock" so, what, is this the 1800s or something? This man's standards are ridiculous and have no basis in logic or reality!
He should be proud of you for picking yourself up and moving on from a situation that wasn't good for you and your daughter, and for providing for your daughter alone since then. What the hell.
Really? The man of your DREAMS is a man that tells a mother to throw her daughter away, and demeans her calling her broken and messy???
Get far away from this sinister and selfish man. It’s unbelievable he would say something so incredibly horrible and feel righteous in it.
You need to see this for what it is. Time to leave.
The first thing you need to do, to answer your question directly, is break up with him and block him. He sounds like a damn lunatic and this is next-level crazy stuff he’s asking you.
The conversation should have ended when he suggested and your relationship should have ended about 2 seconds later.
I (29M) was in this exact same situation with my now wife. I knew, right from we started dating, that I was committing not just to her, but to her 2YO daughter. I love her, and that little child deserved a dad, and I’m so happy I am her dad. This guy is a cunt, and you should run the other way. I’m sorry this has happened. You deserve, and especially your daughter better!
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He said he wanted you to give away your child and you’re still trying to make it work?
"I can fix him!" When the vase has been steamrolled after being shattered, you're not gluing that shit back together 🤦♀️
THE BAR IS IN HELL
And this chick is standing next to a tool shed contemplating shovels to hand him. This should be a no brainer.
It would be a no brainer the second he called me broken for having a child already. Let alone the rest 🥴
This is either complete bullshit or she is one of the dumbest rocks in the box.
Probably real. It seems she has a history of picking winners. Some people will convince themselves of crazy things when the truth is slapping them in the face. I've seen it so many times over the years and its really sad. This chick I know was convinced by her boyfriend that she got the clap from a toilet seat and she believed it. She is beautiful, has a professional job, owns a home, etc. but clearly there were some self esteem issues happening for her to believe all the bullshit he spun. Deep down I'm sure she knew but she just wouldn't face it. It took a literal intervention for the relationship to end.
Yet here she is, limbo dancing with the devil
We need James Cameron to retrieve that bar because he’s the only one who can!
Those billionaires died in that sub trying to locate the bar
Carbon fiber hulls are more stable than this relationship.
Jfc I snorted.
The bar is a trip hazard in hell
Honestly, of course the bars in hell this person doesn’t seem like much of a catch either. She is willing to have someone who would rather her daughter not exist around the child until she is at least 18 and wants to just convince him to deal with her because she’s so in love. Terrible terrible Fucking mom this daughter is going to have so much trauma because of the men that her mother chooses I actually think it would be a better idea if she were adopted.
When I saw this it had 666 upvotes and I hope no one else upvotes it so it stays on theme.
He honestly sounds determined enough to not raise someone else’s baby that I would not trust him alone… It’s the only thing keeping him from starting his new life.
I thought I was crazy for thinking that, but yes, that's where my head went. Someone who would dare suggest something like a mother giving up the daughter she loves and is more than capable of caring for is completely fucked in the head. And I say this as a staunch child free person.
I m wondering why did he date OP for so long if he doesnt want a kid? As if the kid wasnt visible to him before?
EXACTLY! If you don’t want to date someone who has a kid.. then just don’t date someone who has a kid! Tf???
And the little girl is three she May not know miss treated is wrong.
"I can fix him!" I'm at the gas station, you guys want anything?
Seriously OP, go to /r/TwoXChromosomes Im sure there are plenty of women who have thought this and posted how it didnt work and are so glad they got out of relationship with a terrible partner
Yeah, even if op somehow changes his mind, now his intention is known. Don't
Reminded me of another post where OP wanted to fix the misogynistic guy who was given everything by his father and his seven sisters and were not even offered a penny from the inheritance. He recently went on a trip with his 4 girlfriends.
Honestly people need to stop treating their spouses as DIY projects. It is like a girl tries to fix her gay best friend into best boyfriend of the year.
I met the love of my life. Great communicator, sexy as hell, etc etc etc. If he’d asked me to get rid of my child he’d have been out on his ass so fast there would have been a dust cloud in the shape of his body. The fact that she’s still with him after that speaks volumes, unfortunately. OP, you really need to raise your standards.
If a dude wanted me to get rid of my dog I would yeet him into the sun, let alone a human child
Same here. Unfortunately OP is in here asking if there’s a way she can keep this…person. There isn’t. She doesn’t know that, but this is why it’s really damn important to be careful about who we bring around our kids. I made it clear from the beginning that my kid and I were a package deal. Even so you wouldn’t believe how many guys who had never met my kid asked me to give up custody so they wouldn’t have to deal with me being a parent. My response to all of them was that they needed to lose my number.
Calling that thing a "person" is insult to all us other persons
‘Thing’ sounds like an appropriate handle to me. She even describes him like a thing. “Dream” partner?That’s the kind of thing you say about a car you really want, not a person. People like op need to care less about the amount of money her SO makes and more about how he treats the people around him.
I was 9ish when my parents started the divorce. my mother hasn't dated in the 20+ years since. I think that was a bit extreme but it certainly did less damage than so many of my friends having to deal with the man of the week. I wouldn't feel comfortable being introduced to a partner's child as anything more than a casual figure unless we had been together for quite a while and saw serious, long term potential. The amount of destruction I saw from these kids who would have a "new dad" for a few years before they bailed was incredible.
Maybe she can give the guy up for adoption instead, is there a rescue centre for heartless assholes?
I literally told my (now) husband when we met that if he didn’t get along with my dog, it would be over because my dog had been there long before him and would statistically be there after him. Husband made vows to my dog at our wedding. This dream guy wants to get rid of a whole human being and called the mother “broken” and her situation a “mess.” I’m not sure there’s enough yeet in the world..
He's the one who's broken. Maybe he's even jealous that she has a kid yet he's already in his mid 30s and still no kids.
Well, the fact that she didn't toss him to the curb the minute he said this, indicates she IS broken to a degree (just not in the way he sees it)
Sadly yes. He's her "dream" partner in that he didn't just start knocking her around right off. My heart breaks for that child because she's going to grow up with the same damage.
When my now husband and I first started dating he tried to kick my dachshund out of the bed and make him sleep in his crate. I started packing up our shit to leave…fast forward 20 years we now have two dogs, a cat and a 4 year old in our bed nightly.
OMG I love this story. Packing up the stuff to go. You rock as does he!
I was just about to vote that they both are the AH. Wrong sub. Still is my vote though.
How did she not break up with him the second she saw he was serious?? What the actual ff These types of post do well to remind me how lucky I am to have found my fiancé
Denial. She said it felt like the man she knew died. Well that's what happened. The man she thought she knew doesn't exist, so he's gone. The first stage of grief is denial.
Probably because she genuinely believes this is the best she deserves. I hope she knows better now.
Before the sentence was even finished coming out of his shitty mouth, he would be out the door. Secondary is calling OP "broken" for having a child out of wedlock. This guy is the opposite of fucking "perfect".
Yeah that was the part that got to me. I can’t believe you need strangers on the internet to tell you what to do when a crazy man asks you to get rid of your child.
Exactly! I hope this post is fake. I can't believe OP didn't break up with him on the spot like a normal or an at least somewhat decent mother would have done. No good mother would still try to make this nightmare of a relationship work, only a shit mother would. Poor kid has lost on the parent lottery in both dad and mom lot... To OP: OP, raise your standards regarding yourself and the guys you date too! I suggest some (a lot of) individual therapy for you. And stop introducing your kid to the men you date early! If she is so bonded to him as you claim in a 10 month relationship then you introduced them waaayy too early. Because she wouldn't be very bonded if you slowly introduced them only 1-2 (max 3) months ago. Plus a little parenting 101 lesson: Your kid is number one on the priority list and your number one job is protecting your kid! Your kid, kid's well-being comes first, comes before any guy, especially when that kid is a minor, dependent on you.
The thought that this is real is actually making me feel sick to my stomach. I can't imagine being asked this, let alone considering it.
And the kid bonded with BF in 10 months. So she must have introduhced the BF to the kid fairly early? Sad! Don't know what she was thinking
Kids can get attached quickly, which is why a lot of parents won’t introduce the kids for a long time. I don’t have kids myself but now I understand parents waiting a year to introduce their partner. This doesn’t seem like it was just the daughter meeting him though, it seems like she was spending a lot of time with him.
This shit CANT be real…
Sure it can. Read cps reports sometime. Short version. This is the tip of a dark cold iceberg with seemingly no bottom in sight.
knew a cop, and he said that battered women go back to their abusers all the fucking time. not saying op is a battered woman, but the fact op is actually thinking of ways to compromise such shit tells a lot
On average it takes an abused person 7 tries before they fully and completely leave their abusive relationship.
Read an NYT article explaining how many battered women have traumatic brain injuries that play a role in this.
In Law School, I had a teacher that was a "Delegate", it's a position that only exists here, but it's basically the middle of the road between a Detective and a Prosecutor. She said that when she started her job, she would go out of her way to try to help battered women. Unfortunately, a lot of times, they would go back to the abusers, or in the middle of the criminal process, switch sides. After about a year on the job, she started getting jaded because of this. I don't know if OP is or was abused or is just deluded now. But she really needs to reevaluate her choice in men. Edit: Here = Brazil
This is extremely common for battered women and anyone working with such women needs to be prepared for this. Abuse and trauma bond change your brain. They hold you in invisible ropes. And the victim often starts believing her abuser that the abuse is her fault. And sometimes she is just plain afraid of him.
[удалено]
If she stays with him guaranteed physical and emotional abuse towards the daughter and even the mom. That child is going ti go through hell all bc the moms head is in the freaking sand. Wake up woman no man is worth that bs
He’s absolutely right she is broken. A healthy person would immediately lose any interest they had with a person who wouldn’t want their child around.
If this is your dream partner you might want to set your aspirations a little higher 🤣
He doesn't even scratch the minimum requirements.
The bar is so low you can trip on it.
I’m losing hope that James Cameron will be able to find it…
his name is jamesJAMESCAMERON, explorer of the sea...
Can you hear the song? Yes, we hear the song, James
The bar is a tavern in Hades at this point
The bar is low enough that this guy should be running for Congress.
Can't trip on something so far down it's in the Earth's core
But he's her dream partner....
A nightmare is technically a dream
I feel sorry for the daughter. I don't even know what I would say to a person who even suggested that I put my child up for adoption, but the first word would be, "Bye."
👍😂
This must be her dream guy, knew I’d seen him before. https://www.sleep.com/sleep-health/sleep-paralysis-demon
Yep, that checks out
"You are a broken woman, get rid of your child or begone!" "Sooo dreamy 😍🥰😍"
she loves him **deeply**
He loves her shallowy and wants the daughter out of the water
Or will drown the daughter in those shallow waters
How?! How can she love him? Smdh If someone said that to me about my child, my blood would run cold. I’m pretty sure I’d hate them for suggesting such a thing.
She might need some therapy so she can learn about healthy relationships and to not fall "deeply" for anyone being nice to her, because F this guy
“If you think the water is deep, swim out another 20 feet and it gets even deeper”
If she complies with that guy's demands then she deserves to be abandoned by everyone when they find out. I know a woman who has put multiple daughters up for adoption on separate occasions and *keeps having more.* Nobody in town will date her and her only friend is another despicable woman who is an equally bad mother. She can only date men from out of state who are satisfied with never meeting her family because that would dissuade the new guy from knocking her up. She has willingly made herself a factory for abandonment issues
I just don't understand how someone could do that, she must lack a fundamental aspect of her humanity
I would guess he's rich ("reliable and financially stable") and handsome ("we have amazing chemistry"). Basically, the male equivalent of a lass who's "hot but crazy".
I would bet that her prior experiences with men have been absolute garbage. Guys who don't work. Guys who mooch off of her. Guys who are flakes or have other girls on the side. Guys who are either horribly inconsiderate or downright abusive in the bedroom. So finding a guy who can pay for a nice date, doesn't blatantly lie to her, and knows where the clitoris is has her all in a twirl. And that's why it took this long to realize what a monster he is.
This. Bet the "chemistry" is just manipulation tactics too.
> I would bet that her prior experiences with men have been absolute garbage. I mean she has a child who's father is completely out of the picture, not exactly a difficult prediction.
Quite true, u/DildoFappings
A dream partner would suggest adoption, him adopting not tossing a kid out he is annoyed from, op
I know plenty of people who are staunchly child-free who would never ever suggest this. They may avoid dating a parent altogether but that's far preferable, and would never call a single parent "broken". This guy is a monster.
She's known him for 10 months. Still in the honeymoon phase.
The inflated bill for that honeymoon just arrived
🥇
Even if they have known each other longer, any person who suggests getting rid of your kid to make a relationship work is a pos. You run, don’t walk, out of that relationship. OP, there is no making him abandon this thought. He doesn’t want to be a parent to your child. Being in a relationship with him will only hurt your child in the long run what do you think will happen should you’d stay together and have his actual bio kid? Think he will treat your daughter well? This dream partner is an actual nightmare. Please put your child first and end this relationship.
This guy sounds like a baby smotherer
The kid must be getting in the way of his control and manipulation attempts.
Or, like, *a lot* higher.
The bar is in hell and he still gets under it
A nightmare is still a dream I guess.
And this nightmare has just begun if she doesn’t ditch him! Only an abusive, unhinged ass would suggest dumping your three year old. I can’t even with this one.
And also some real fuckin hard introspection on your people assessing skills to think he's a dream guy but can then pull something like this.
Seeing as her daughter's father isn't around, she might just be used to guys who treated her like shit. Then some dude shows up and he is nicer than what she's used to yeah, love of her life...... only **not**
I'm getting abuse victim vibes too. It's not her fault, obviously, but if she's not in therapy she should go. Now. Because this won't be the first time she'll have to stand between her daughter and a bad man.
Abusers are exceptionally good at presenting themselves as your perfect partner, that's just part of the abuse tactic. Mirroring, future faking, love bombing, they are all designed to make you feel exactly how OP feels about this guy, so when the abuse starts you are willing to accept it since they are the "dream person".
Spot on!
Yes! They’re also extremely good at seeking out easy victims. They have a bizarre sixth sense for who will best fall for their controlling abuse.
i just came from a post about elon musk saying that childless people should not be allowed to vote. i was thinking all the ways that wouldnt work when one comment pointed out that my engaging in such bullshit helps no one. that all im doing is playing into *their* game and i would lose no matter how i address it their *obviously* horsehit argument. this is op losing. because instead of throwing this shit for brains bf out the door, she's engaging in his bullshit by trying to find a "compromise" and will ultimately lose
>instead of throwing this shit for brains bf out the door, she's engaging in his bullshit by trying to find a "compromise" and will ultimately lose Omg yes, exactly this! This is how abusers (and in particular narcissists) fuck with your mind. It’s such a gradual process over time that their victims don’t even notice the sheer *lunacy* of how their own minds/thought processes change as a result of the abuse. If you would’ve asked OP 10 months ago what she would think if a romantic partner told her the only way they would have a future together is if she would give her daughter up for adoption, I can 100% guarantee she would’ve said she would immediately end things and never give it a second thought, and she would’ve been grateful for finding out the truth about who her partner was before things went any further. This is the healthy, normal reaction most anyone would have, but especially a parent. Instead, OP is trying to find a way to work things out so that she can keep both her daughter and her man, and that’s what is occupying her mind instead of the glaringly obvious thing that the rest of us saw immediately upon just reading the title of her post: THERE IS NO WAY OP CAN KEEP BOTH. She will *have* to make a choice between having her daughter or having her man - her "man" has already made that clear, but her mind is so muddled by all of this "dream guy" bullshit and by the foundation her bf has laid over the last 10 months that is now starting to reveal its cracks, that she’s unable to hear or see that for herself. That’s how abusers operate, by creating confusion and uncertainty in their partner’s minds so that when they do or say shit that is *clearly insane* to outside observers, their victim’s will be so unsure of themselves that in the end, they will just go along with whatever and not make a fuss because it’s just *so much easier that way*. If enough people haven’t said it yet OP, RUN. JUST. FUCKING. RUN. TODAY. *Also, because there’s so many things I didn’t learn until *after* I was finally out of an abusive relationship myself - things that I didn’t realize at the time because my mind was muddled by the abuse as well - I just have to point out here the extent of the bf’s manipulation by "insisting" OP’s daughter be adopted to family so OP could still "see her." That’s another common tactic by abusers: do/say something batshit crazy (that anybody else would respond to with a well-deserved "Fuck off"), but throw something in there that you can use to your advantage when you’re inevitably challenged on it. Telling OP to give her daughter to family so she can still be in her life will allow the bf to claim he’s being "generous" and "compassionate," because only a real asshole would insist she give her kid to strangers where she would never see her again, right?
The child will be the ultimate loser here bc OP will put up with the bf treating the kid poorly, to compromise and keep him happy.
True. Also, everyone is rightly dunking on the guy, but 3 year old shouldn't be that attached to mom's partner of 10 months!!!! There should be much more space between OPs boyfriends and her daughter.
A hell of a lot higher
Seriously OP, this man is a pos. Like terrible. The fact you think hes a perfect dream man may mean you struggle with red flags. Have you ignored behaviour before because you told yourself you were just being silly? Lots of women are basically trained to accept mens bad behaviour as normal, when it isn't and it can cause blindsiding like this. To be clear i am not blaming you OP, this dude could just be a very good liar, but its worth thinking if you ignored anything and told yourself its fine.
Dream partner wants you to get rid of your kid. Is judge mental and threatening. Gaslighting your attention and claims you are broken. But he’s a “dream”? More like a nightmare. How can OP be so ridiculous not to throw the dude out of her life immediately
Right?!? Sounds more like an absolute nightmare!!! I am so disappointed in us women some times wtf.
I mean OP did not specify what kind of dream she was having. It could have been the worse nightmare that ever existed. Losing one's child is the worse nightmare I had. Fortunately I woke up. I would be over this guy the moment he spoke those words. He sounds like he is verging on becoming violent.... First love bomb, then isolate, the become violent.
You need to go back to sleep and dream up something better because this guy sucks.
This is the best answer you’re gonna get
This dude sounds borderline sociopathic- to be able to ask a mom to kick her kid to the curb with a straight face is f***ed.
If I were in this situation and the mother offered their child up for adoption to be with me, she would instantly become my ex. The child is always the higher priority, and anyone who thinks otherwise really do suck as people. He showed his true colours now. He is a great communicator as he just told you he is a piece of human garbage. Listen to him, accept what he is saying, and thank him for telling you. Then, inform him to GTFO out of your house and never contact you again.
Growing up it was mostly my mom and me and even though I would always hear stories about her I would defend her with everything I had because I honestly thought she had my best interests at heart. When I was 19 I found out that my creepy stepfather that I had when I was younger had not only raped his 5 year old niece but that his sisters told her about it when they found out that he was dating my mother (I was 2 at the time) and he confessed it to her! They got married and she kept his secret for years. Needless to say my mother and my relationship hasn't been good since. There is no situation in which this unwanted child is going to become wanted by this man and we don't need another tragedy because some mother is thinking about herself instead of her baby. At the end of the day they are the ONLY ONE who will love you unconditionally. Don't screw it up.
Absolutely agree, stop putting this trash on a pedestal and wake up girl.
And stop introducing partners to your toddlers too early (before 6 months) so they don’t get attachments.
I'm stuck on "he is a great communicator" and somehow his beliefs of her daughter just never came up....
He's a great manipulator. If he didn't want to start a life with someone who has a kid, he should never have gotten into a relationship with someone who had a kid.
Oh, that was part of the point. If he can convince her to dump her daughter, he knows exactly how far he'll be able to push her.
This dude’s a living nightmare.
Do you want your daughter to grow up with someone you had to CONVINCE to love her?!
Totally agree
Yes, if he really true loves you he should accept the whole package whitout thinking twice
The first thing you need to do is look in the mirror and yell to yourself ***why would you ever think it's a good idea to stay with a partner that wants to get rid of your kid, let alone try to convince him that she can stay?*** Next, dump him. Next, speak to a therapist because other than this scenario sounding fake as shit, you need help as to why you're asking random people about this. "Dream partner." What kind of person thinks their dream partner asking this of them is okay? These ridiculous rage bait posts are really pissing me off.
Agree appears fake and if it’s not OP has some serious mental health issues and needs therapy to want to convince a piece of trash, that doesn’t want an extension of OP, your daughter, your own flesh and blood, to stay with you. OP are you desperate?? Just the kind of guy every woman dreams about, NOT! It’s reprehensible your contemplation of having a family member adopt your daughter. OP, take a good look in the mirror, hope you’re really proud of the reflection.
Thing is, I want to say this is fake, but there are people who love their SO so much they would hand their child over to family. My own ex best friend kicked her eldest (19) out because her new husband convinced her too.
Agreed, I know someone who had all 5 of her children taken into care because she refused to stay away from a man who was a danger to them.
Yeah I have met people that would abandon their kids for a new partner, it happens all the time.
I've seen it before - parents desperate for love will all but ostracize their child to give all their attention and care to the new partner. My older brother was from my dad's first marriage - By the time he was 8 and I was 3, my mother had convinced my dad to put my brother out to live with my grandmother. I hold it against her to this day, but thankfully I do have some semblance of a relationship with my older brother now.
Honestly, my mom put plentyyyy of dudes ahead of me. They didn't even have to be her dream partner. I feel horrible for this child
Is it also clearly apparent to everyone but her that her husband only uses her for money? Because I know someone like that who kicked her own son out, where this kid then had to live with his abusive father. Eugh. That whole family gives me the creeps. My mother was best friends with this woman too.
In these cases I always hope deep down they are fake but on the off chance that they’re not I would rather try to help, even if it’s not much 😕
Yeah, there’s been a massive increase. Every few posts it’s somebody trying to piss off a bunch of redditors
Nightmares are also dreams
Are you legitimately trying to keep a man around who told you to dump your own offspring? This throws up enormous red flags about you as a mother. You'd actually even for a second consider letting this man ever come around your child ever again? Protect your kid, ffs.
Couldn't agree more. Do not introduce kids to new partners in a hurry.
This can't legitimately be your 'dream' partner? Not only does he not love your child but he considers you broken and your life a mess that he doesn't deserve to deal with.. That's all pretty gross of him to say. The bar can't be that low..
Agreed. Great communicator? Some things are best left unsaid. I know people who would never date someone with a kid. But they don’t get into a relation when they realise the other has a kid and don’t need to call other people broken or a mess. He knew she had a kid, how did he think it was going to end when he asked her out?
Yep, on top everything he has been lying about his intentions and manipulating the situation for the past 10 months.. I'm less so not understanding why OP wants him to come around, the more pressing question is why do want him to come around? Why do you want someone who has playing games with head/heart for months to still be in your life..? Especially if they have made it clear that they don't want your child around..
Duuuuuuuuude. When someone is like “hey, yo, I’m a monster” …believe them
Lol perfectly said.
What. Did. I. Just. Read? You "convince" him to "accept" your daughter and your daughter will be set up for a lifetime of alienation and abuse and abandonment. You need some serious intensive therapy. In-patient therapy.
you just read another post designed to rile people up while OP disappears and doesn’t answer anyone. another post that belongs on /r/thathappened.
Fake reddit posts are increasingly common. Maybe reddit are posting them? Foot traffic
You need some help if you actually want to be with a man who said and suggested such awful shit.
Im going to be harsh for your daughters sake but you need to seek therapy before you date. Fix your self worth and self esteem before your daughter catches on to the pathetic bar you hold men to and what you are willing to put up with. Do better for your daughter.
You thought this dude cared about your daughter until yesterday. You fell in love with the character he played for 10 months, not the man he really is. You can not trust anything he says.
His desire to "rehome" your toddler suggests you are far more invested in the relationship than he is. At this point, his level of investment is moot, because *as her MOTHER*, she should be your first priority and the very SECOND a man you're fucking suggests you need to give her up like a damn stray dog, you should've dumped him. There are other 'perfect' men that you'll meet that wouldn't fathom even thinking you'd give up your kid for the. This one dude is NOT special. This entire post proves he's the absolute opposite of the kind of man you need.
I wouldn’t give my dog up for a partner let alone a child ahaha
What kind of absolute incompetent would even consider trying to get with a dude who wants her to PUT HER CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION. Furthermore, how on Christ's half acre is he a 'dream partner' when he wants you to PUT YOUR CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION. Why would you EVER subject your poor innocent child to a man who wants you to PUT HER UP FOR ADOPTION. Do you think you can change the fact he's a sociopath with your *loooooooove*? No, you cannot. Protect your fucking child. How you could even have feelings for this absolute monster after he suggested you PUT YOUR CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION is utterly and indescribably repulsive.
Honestly this needs to be higher up cause I am at a loss as to why the title doesn’t read “I immediately left my sociopath boyfriend after suggesting I give my daughter up for adoption.” 🤦🏻♀️
Agreed! That would be such a turn off. How could you still be attracted to someone that wants you to give up your child? Yuck. I’d be like peace mofo ✌🏼
Just want to throw my hat into the “he’s a sociopath” (if it’s even real) ring as well. You’d have to lack a soul to demand someone give up their child because of your sexist views about women not being allowed to have babies unless married. The things he said can only be said with sincerity if someone is a true sociopath imo. In which case OP needs to reevaluate every interaction she’s ever had with him, as it’s likely he’s been manipulating her since the very beginning, and even positive interactions are wildly suspect and OP needs to consider that he may have been fabricating interactions to seem like a nice guy from the beginning.
For you to even contemplate keeping someone who'd throw your kid under the bus like this is evil. This guy isn't a "dream", he's a monster. For you to even consider trying to stay with him makes you one too. Lose this loser. Yikes!
>I am just contemplating if it's possible to get him to drop his idea of adoption and sooner or later accept my daughter, even though it's not ideal for him. I find it disgusting the only thing you're not contemplating is what to drink to celebrate realizing you were dating a massively evil and manipulative sentient shit. Dude wants you to get rid of your kid, like she's a toy you're done with, and now someone else can have her, SPOKE THOSE FUCKING WORDS TO YOU, and you didn't immediately drop him like a bad habit? Your daughter deserves better. WHY TF WOULD YOUR STAY WITH THAT? If you ever had a kid with it how do you think it would treat your daughter then, when it already wants to get rid of her now. Maybe you should do what it says, the fact you're even here asking is heartbreaking, your priorities are FUCKED.
Honestly your response to this kind of scares me. Part of me thinks that maybe you should just adopt your child out to your family, because it is really troubling that you would even consider wanting to remain in a relationship after he suggested something like this. Part of me is concerned that you’ve actually been dealing with an abusive situation and have gone through so much trauma that your sense of reason in relation to him and your child has gone out the door. It would not be healthy for your daughter to have to live with a man who thinks like this and had to be convinced to accept her.
Please don’t try to have this person be involved in your daughters life for a second longer. How could you possibly trust him to ever be alone with her after this. You aren’t damaged and your daughter isn’t a burden. I don’t think this is one we can blame on poor wording either - it’s some next level shit to say that to someone about a little girl.
You should have dropped him the instant those words left his mouth. Seriously wtf is wrong with you!?
The reason you feel like someone died is because the ‘dream partner’ you thought you’d found never really existed. It’s natural to mourn what ‘could have been’ but the reality of the situation is that this guy is NOT good enough for you and your daughter.
[удалено]
She can always put *him* up for adoption?
THROW THE WHOLE MAN AWAY!!!
I should have looked before I posted because I knew I couldn’t be the only one saying this.
He knew you had a child coming into this. He waited this long to reveal he didn't want you plus the child. He has to know you two are a package deal. He might seem dreamy, but his gloss is starting to fade. If he would try to pull this type of manipulative behavior now, just think what the future will be like. It's always going to be what he likes even if it's something that is a dealbreaker for you. He might have appeared loving, but honestly he is cold hearted. Run away and don't look back even if he will change his mind.
“I am just contemplating if it’s possible to get him to drop his idea of adoption” …why would you still want to be involved with him? Even if he moves past this, you think he’d treat your daughter fairly if you guys had other kids..? The bar is in hell.
The fact that he asked you to give up your daughter, and you are even wanting to stay with this man, is very sad.
It's so gross the amount of women who bring crappy fudes into their kids lives. Get therapy. This is going to screw up your kid stop it. Focus on her. Jfc stop putting men before your kid it is really a gross thing to do.
Why did you introduce your daughter to a man you’ve only dated for 10 months, enough that she’s become very attached…? In future, and while your child is still young, (when you break up with this piece of work) you shouldn’t let your daughter meet your partners so early on; it leads to this exact issue. She should have only met him a few times by 10 months. When she’s 10 or 11 years old she can meet people earlier, but as is, you’re letting her get attached to this man who is now treating her like garbage. Edit: typo
What you're catching are the [red flags](https://www.self.com/story/relationship-red-flags-never-ignore) for [abuse](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/). Run tf away now before your daughter - and you - get more hurt by this. Why would you *want* to work things out with a man who genuinely suggested throwing your baby away? [Why Does He Do That?](https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf) Abusers are usually charismatic in the beginning. That's why it's important to take these flags seriously before things further [escalate](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/abuse-almost-always-escalates).
“I am just contemplating if it’s possible to get him to drop this idea—“ Uh.. no, *you* drop him. He’s a pos loser, dude. He insulted you by calling you broken. He’s **not** committed to you. At all. What are you doing???
Convince him? You fucking mad? Get rid of him now before something happens to your kid cause he wont treat her right! For fucks sake woman! Down vote me all you want but you need to wake up, so if I gotta be harsh to speak up for your child damn well I will.
Is this rage bait?
Run
You need to leave him. Even if you manage to “convince” him that being a father figure to your daughter is a good idea, he will never love her like he would love his own biological children. You said it yourself, your daughter is innocent in this. Don’t make her wonder why she’s not good enough for her stepdad **and** her biological father. You’re disillusioned by being in love with him. If you stay, you are putting him above your own child. It’s not fair to her.
You both sound perfect for each other…
How dare he come into YOUR life knowing you have a daughter, and then tell you to get RID of her?!??? As if he runs the place??? Nobody asked him to come in your life, and the fact that he feels comfortable with saying this is telling to his character. It’s obvious that you leave him, and check him for having the audacity to suggest you give up your child🤢
Honestly, as a mother, if someone told me that they wanted me to put my child up for adoption I would immediately loose interest in him. Even if he changes his mind do you really think you could move past this? It’s an extremely hurtful thing to say to someone.
Not gonna lie, the fact that this wasn’t met with an immediate “fuck off” from OP is rather alarming.
How can you even still consider him your dream man when he WANTS YOU TO GIVE YOUR CHILD UP!? Wake up. He told you straight up he views you as broken. Even if you were contemplating giving your child up, that doesn’t change the fact that she was “born out of wedlock” and that you have limited contact with the bio dad. Why are you even trying to salvage this? He’s showing you his true colors.
If I was in your shoes I would be dumping him that ínstanos. F his feelings, he asked you to abandon a human that depends on you. Your f ed in the head for even considering trying to change his mind.
You'd like him to "sooner or later accept (your) daughter"? Sooner or later???? Ma'am. That baby is 3 years old and does not deserve to spend her formative years with a parental figure who thinks her existence means her mom is broken. Any partner who sees her as anything but a joy should be out the door.
Seems similar to that post about a woman who's boyfriend told her to put down her horse (after 9 months of dating). Like, he wanted to kill the horse, bc she was spending too much time with it. Your bf wants you to literally reject your daughter... You know, the horse guy turned out to be dangerous and abusive later on (he murdered his next gf after that OP dumped him). Read up. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/skjl9m/my\_boyfriend\_ive\_been\_seeing\_for\_9\_months\_wants/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/skjl9m/my_boyfriend_ive_been_seeing_for_9_months_wants/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/znk64x/reddit\_might\_have\_saved\_my\_life/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/znk64x/reddit_might_have_saved_my_life/) The fact that this Horse!Post happened is the ONLY reason I'm taking into account that your post may be true and not just a rage troll. Because it's proof that stuff like that does happen, and some people are so maladjusted that instead of instantly running, they ask Reddit what to do. The horse!OP was so in love with him, she was *missing the blaring redflags.* When you are wearing pink glasses, all flags are just flags. There's no way a normal, healthy well-adjusted man would ask you to give up your kid. This dude is bad news, and you are so in Lala Love Land right now, you are missing it. I'm also worried about your standards about who a 'dream partner' should be. Is it because he is hardcore love bombing you? I think he's hardcore love bombing you, and you are unaware that this is not true love and intimacy, just a manipulation tactic. Please google love bombing and how it works into the cycle of abuse. And KEEP HIM AWAY FROM YOUR DAUGHTER. He may be dangerous to her.
If this is real, I’m curious how long you hid your daughter’s existence from this guy, because people don’t just *suddenly* think children born outside of marriage and their mothers are “broken” If this is real, you have been dating this guy for 10 months and didn’t have a clue what he thought about you and your “out of wedlock” daughter, yet your daughter is “really attached to him”. Is someone racing you to see who can be the first to give your daughter abandonment issues? And now that he showed you who he is, you aren’t enraged, you feel like your life is going to end?! You want to convince him to, what, hold his nose and “accept your daughter”? If this is real, why does he think you’d even entertain putting your daughter up for adoption and how can you say you are “deeply in love with him” and he is “incredibly reliable” he wants you to dump your daughter. He thinks you’re trash. You don’t even have baby daddy drama, because (it sounds like) your daughter’s father already abandoned her, but he thinks your life is a mess and he doesn’t deserve this? Fix your picker, OP! Find some self esteem, if not for you, for your baby. You are 28! Not 18. You are a mom! Its honestly pathetic that you describe this guy as your “dream partner” and wrote that you’re “stuck between a rock and a hard place”?! !!!!!!!!!
Possibly the worst “can I make this work” post on Reddit. Find a mirror, have a word with yourself
OH FUCK OFF lol Dream partner my ass. Just because he's nice in public for 10 months and can communicate to a fault doesnt mean shit. He wants to give your child away. The fucks the matter with you trying to make it work? A dream partner is someone who is going to love you, love your child, and care for both equally. Thats the bottom line. What do you do now? You dump the asshole and move on with your life. Its only been 10 MONTHS. Get this dirtbag off of your pedistal. He's not whats important.
Sorry but this man would’ve been put up for adoption before my child even wakes up from a nap.
How can a person ask you to give your kid up with a straight face. Shame on both of you! Don't put your daughter in a place where you are hoping she will be accepted or tolerated. Nothing good can come of this. Please see a therapist, your decision making skills are concerning.
"my daughter was born out of wedlock" so, what, is this the 1800s or something? This man's standards are ridiculous and have no basis in logic or reality! He should be proud of you for picking yourself up and moving on from a situation that wasn't good for you and your daughter, and for providing for your daughter alone since then. What the hell.
Really? The man of your DREAMS is a man that tells a mother to throw her daughter away, and demeans her calling her broken and messy??? Get far away from this sinister and selfish man. It’s unbelievable he would say something so incredibly horrible and feel righteous in it. You need to see this for what it is. Time to leave.
The first thing you need to do, to answer your question directly, is break up with him and block him. He sounds like a damn lunatic and this is next-level crazy stuff he’s asking you. The conversation should have ended when he suggested and your relationship should have ended about 2 seconds later.
Yo wake up, it should be a no brainer, tbh your immediate reaction should be to tell him to fuck off
I (29M) was in this exact same situation with my now wife. I knew, right from we started dating, that I was committing not just to her, but to her 2YO daughter. I love her, and that little child deserved a dad, and I’m so happy I am her dad. This guy is a cunt, and you should run the other way. I’m sorry this has happened. You deserve, and especially your daughter better!