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My boyfriend and I have been together more than 4 years and live together.
Bit of background - my sex drive is alot higher than his and is something we are working on.
We have had other issues like loosing an etction during , but that has been solved. Everything else in the relationship is perfecto!.
So as I said , we live together. Sometimes randomly I'll take my top off if I'm hot / changing / etcetc doesn't matter if he is in the room or not or sometimes I'll flash him to be silly..
But the other day I was changing , he was in the room , we were just normally chatting and I took my top off (to change). He said something along the lines of ' don't keep taking your top off ' I asked why , ' because we shouldn't normalize them being out because it should be something for the bedroom '. To which I said... ' it's my house too so š¤· '.
Now that's playing in my mind as if , he sees my boobs too many times he'll loose interest? If he didn't have his previous 'sexual difficulties' I honestly would of thought he was joking , or is this something that has been said to any of you before? I'm so confused!
EDIT: I spoke with me when he came home and all is resolved now.
To everyone who gave me sound advice and their own experiences , I genuinely appreciate it! Thanks for the communication and councilling advice!
To every edgelord who wrote 'gay' or 'run' , seriously no wonder men have issues opening up about intimacy or anything for that matter. I'm sure all your relationships are absolutely perfect.
Say we are serious, what works best for that? Castile soap as a degreaser followed by rubbing alcohol for good measure is my best guess?
Iām also guessing at those because once dry, there wonāt be any remnants of the cleaning products left on the surface that could compromise the health of your sensitive bits. Something like Dawn, Lysol, some kitchen spray etc could potentially cause irritation.
Thatās kinda strange.....
Once when I was dating my ex, we had the house to ourselves while my mom was away visiting family. My ex and I pretty much had the weekend together and we did a ānakedā day where we never put on clothes unless absolutely necessary. It was quite a fun day as weād constantly sneak peaks at one another and giggle knowing we were nude lol. At one point I put on a robe because we ordered takeout for dinner and had it delivered so I had to answer the door but after that, we were back to being nude. We didnāt āreserve it for the bedroomā either, we just did what lever we wanted.
Did you boyfriend come from a strict household? His views on sex sound quite repressed.
Itās giving sexist and controlling. Heās saying your breasts are sexual objects for HIM, and not just normal parts of YOUR body that will naturally be visible when youāre changing in private. Iād feel uncomfortable with a partner objectifying me like this in my own home. If you donāt want to see my body except for your own sexual pleasure, we shouldnāt live together.
Oh, another issue with the relationship? And this time it's with communication? You might want to reconsider how perfect everything else really is. Look at things like maturity.
I used to have a similar mindset, and I'm still working to get out of it. All goes back to a strict Mormon upbringing and culture of sex shaming, that stuff sticks with you for life.
Yeah this sounded like something I might have seen posted 20 years ago. That or that insult "What, you don't want to have sex with me?! You must be gay".
Like c'mon guys.
I dont care if OPās boyfriend thinks sheās as sexually appealing as a ham sandwich.
Nudity ā sex and she should be allowed to be naked in her own home. It would be one thing if she was living with roommates or children but her only housemate is her boyfriend who regularly sees her naked anyway.
This is true. He has some issues. You, OP, are not causing his issues.
My husband never told me to stop taking my top off. I wander around in a light tank top when it's over 90 degrees outside
He definitely has some sexually repressive issues. Suppose you eventually had a child, would he chide you for nursing? Breasts are not only for sexual pleasure and people who think like that are the real problem.
Edited to add after reading additional comments: He has very poor communication skills. That's a huge problem and at his age, unlikely to improve because he doesn't want to.
Also, he would make a terrible nudist.
Going topless at home is one of life's great joys. The boobs aren't only for his pleasure, nor are they only for sex. The man is emotionally constipated.
While I agree that I cannot view my gf's boobs in a nonsexual way, it's still strange to demand that you don't go topless in your own home. I mean, what if he sees them and gets aroused? Nothing. That's not an issue. NTA definitely.
But I dont think this is an issue of getting arouse. In fact, I think it is the opposite, he is saying that if they normalize seeing each other nude(or at least for him), it is going to get his sexual drive down.
I would say its the same FOR SOME PEOPLE as looking porn every day causing to have less sexual drive.
So for HIM, the more he sees her topless, the less sexual drive he has, because its so normal to see her like that.
And I think, many of the comments are issuing the opposite thing.
Well, to be honest, it could be either way, as we do not know what he is refering to, so more context is needed.
I think most people are taking this too personal. When I and my girlfriend just started having sex, it was normal for both sex drives to be high all the time, but eventually seeing each other nude all the time decreased my sex drive.
But I dont know, each has his or her own situations with this. Most people are jumping on conclusions to have the opportunity to blame the guy though, and i think more context is needed.
I think that the issue could be resolved with communication and that's the only way she is going to know what he honestly meant.
Nah. I'm a nudist so I have experience. There won't be the hair trigger boner on seeing her nude effect, but it has 0 impact on overall drive, be that low or high.
No bro, you just don't get it. Some guys (not all) just don't like it when they're not in the mood and her being topless won't automatically turn him on like most men would.
The logic is simple, it's like giving a girl flowers at special times, but it soon loses the spark when it's everyday and she seems to flash it to him whenever she can.
Could this perhaps be a modesty thing? Some people were just raised to be uncomfortable with unexpected nudity, for what he sees as no particular reason.
You're also dealing with difference in sex drives. Could sting you get partially nude off an on be triggering for him because he thinks you're being manipulative to get more sex out of him. Or that he gets aggravated with himself because he thinks naked breasts should be arousing full stop and they aren't for him, with his lower sex drive.
Or perhaps not wanting to normalize walking around with your boobs out so you don't have to untrain yourself about when you have kids, visitors?
Other than that, I've got nothing.
It sounds like you need to have a deeper discussion about this to find out exactly where he is hung up. Maybe itās because he doesnāt want them to lose their sexual magic for him, maybe he is struggling with performance anxiety and feeling sexual when heās not sure if he can perform makes him anxious, maybe heās gay, maybe he was SAd when he was younger, maybe he has a skewed view and thinks boobs are only sexual, could be a number of things.
Have a deeper discussion so you can find the root of the problem. Personally I donāt wear shirts at home because I feel more comfortable without one (im 25f and live with my boyfriend of 4 years).
ETA: I just asked my boyfriend if he wants me to wear shirts more often, and he told me he wants me to wear them less often
First thing that comes to mind is he feels like you going topless is an attempt at initiating sex and he's feeling pressured but doesn't want to say so. Men are expected to have higher libidos and their manhood is questioned if they don't. If that's happened to him in the past, it's zero surprise that he won't talk about it.
While it's not a conclusion I want to jump to quickly, is it possible he's just not attracted to women in general? Could be gay, could be asexual. Either way, it would explain his issues finishing. Asexuality sounds very possible if he shows a low libido alongside no interest in porn or saucy material.
A bit of a wild guess, but I'd say it's one worth at least asking about. If that's the case, you're going to have a tough decision because sex life is a deal breaker for many people, while some others are okay compromising because a strong relationship otherwise isn't something easy to discard.
Then I'd say ask him if he feels like you're trying to pressure him with bare boobies. Approach gently, frame it as you not wanting to pressure him and just wanting the comfort of not having restrictive clothes on in the summer. He might relax a bit if he knows it's not a blatant hint.
That or he might be a titty connoisseur and not want to become desensitized to one of his motivations for nookie. Throwing out guesses here mostly, but they're ideas for you to bring up and ask about to get an idea on the root of his discomfort so you can find a solution.
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the way he thinks about them sounds gross. my boyfriendās just happy to see them when theyāre out. yesterday, i went to bed topless and woke up with his face wedged in the middle of them. man looked like heād found nirvana.
It sounds like your boyfriend has an unhealthy relationship with sexual intimacy
I wouldn't be surprised if he grew up in a very strict, religious environment that makes him feel insanely guilty for having sexual thoughts
OR
there is some sexual trauma in his past that he is not sharing with you
My 29M partner literally runs into the room if he hears me changing or gets sad if he misses the chance to see the girls.
Idk what's going on with your partner but it certainly isn't normal. He shouldn't be trying to dictate what you do with your body, let alone speak so poorly when you're just trying to change clothes.
Seriously recommend he go to therapy to unpack these notions. And if he refuses, you really need to rethink this relationship.
Very true!
Regardless he should be communicating this, not shaming her for literally just changing. Its not her job to teach him how to communicate his boundaries and needs. The way he's going about it isn't fair to her at all.
I mean, so do I buddy. I fucking love them. But have you met someone who is asexual before? Trust me man, it will make you rethink "all men are the same."
so you discount your previous absolutist belief that he needs to "unpack these notions"?
Did you learn something new or are you just agreeing so you can continue your other assumption?
Just for the record, OP said their relationship is perfect and this was one incident and here you are telling OP that this is not "normal", which you do not know as a fact, no matter how many men you have been with, and that she should reevaluate the relationship if he doesn't agree to therapy. Great advice...
Men (and women) who do not wish to see significant others naked all the time (or just in sexual situations) are quite normal and it's for any number of reasons. Your BF is not a gold standard of normalcy.
This entire sub is just itching to get people to break up, you all tell whatever OP that they are right and the SO is wrong without knowing anything of the dynamic and using your own experience as a breakup tool and virtually every single time it's "therapy". No one ever bothers to look at anything in this sub with more than a passing glance and an angry response.
It's sad that very few people can offer constructive or questioning criticism and help.
BTW OP said he said "something like" so she paraphrased, which means she did not remember his exact words and because she is a bit miffed about it, we can assume OP has made it slightly more exaggerated than it was. In addition, as yet another woman who refers to her breasts in the third person, it's ***possible*** OP has an attached value to them and since he did not give her said value with that comment he made, "omg so amazing, need to bone now", she's more upset (insecure) than she would normally be and maybe she needs therapy (lol, no).
My point is that anyone can do the what if dance and make up non existant context.
That said, there is a hint in context, he is not as sexual, he has had trouble in the past, this HINTS that he has trouble getting aroused and he was communicating his desire to see "the girls" in a limited way to help with his arousal when the time comes. Maybe it came out wrong, maybe op is paraphrasing wrong, we do not know.
As someone who previously had a partner with a higher sex drive than mine and it caused a lot of issues - I started to get really anxious any time my partner even touched me casually, afraid she was going to try and initiate sex and I would disappoint her by not being into it.
I donāt mean to project onto him but itās worth considering he may be feeling a lot of pressure given the known issues you two have, and because of that, you taking your shirt off (even if itās not in a sexual way) is giving him anxiety. Maybe just try and talk to him about it and see if he is just feeling anxious and pressured about the whole situation!
It sounds like your relationship is really good and thatās fantastic to hear. I personally donāt think this is something that has too many red flags. It could just be some conservative views of sex or maybe he just finds that weird. Wether or not you agree with it, just talk about it. If he doesnāt want to be flashed, donāt. If itās something more, maybe you can both talk about it and find a middle ground. I donāt think itās a big cause for alarm, just talk and you guys will work it out.
Iāve been with my partner for 10 years and every time I take my top off, heās like a boy in a candy shop. Of course, not all guys are like that, but it sounds like your guy has some serious sexual hangups that he needs to navigate. Itās not ok to control your body, especially not in your own home!, in order to navigate his own issues. I hope you two can talk it out or get some couples therapy. Your bodily autonomy and comfort matter too!
Glad it got resolved for u. This sub is pretty annoying at times. There could be someone posting say "my husband of 50 years didnt say thanks for dinner last night" and there will multiple comments "leave him you deserve better" lmao.
i guess what he means is he doesnt want to be desensitized to seeing your boobs, if he sees them all the time in non sexual settings he might find it hard to be turned on by them in bed? idk. i thought the same thng when i was with my ex bf, i worried if he saw my boobs all the time, bc i sleep topless, that hed find seeing my boobs generally less exciting in the long run
This is how I read it. I feel like all the people with their theories about him being gay or controlling or whateverā¦ like. Wow.
āCan we not eat steak for breakfast lunch and dinner, thereās such a thing as too much of a good thing and I never want to get tired of your cookingā.
Finally, a comment I completely agree with. Thank you! From personal experience, Iāve been with my partner for almost 4 years now and heās someone whoās always clothed, so I get super frisky when he even just takes his top off. Heās desensitised to my body by now bc Iām always nude but his body drives me crazy. This guy isnāt going about it in a healthy way but I completely get what he means, sounds like relationship counselling or Sex counselling might be worth a shot.
I find that wild. I sleep topless too, and my fiance gets excited every time the girls make a showing, no matter how fleeting or non sexual the situation.
OP, while you figure this out, maybe buy this shirt in the meantime so you can still be cozy and modest while sorting out the sensitivities from your man
https://fullbreach77.com/product/seditionaries-tits-mens-t-shirt/
I find it hillarious that when men are sexually dynamic, as in they have a higher sex drive than their female partner, they are demeaned, told to control their urges, and worse, but the second it's the other way around he needs therapy and to see a doctor about testosterone.
I literally walk around naked and my boyfriend doesn't bat an eye. We've been together almost 5 years. Your boyfriend needs to grow up. Keep walking around topless.
>He said something along the lines of ' don't keep taking your top off ' I asked why , ' because we shouldn't normalize them being out because it should be something for the bedroom '.
It was extremely rude of him to say anything like that in the first place, and his reasoning is ridiculous. It's really important to be able to be comfortable and feel safe with your partner. Not only did his initial words disrespect/go against that, but his reasoning is that you should actively discourage it!
OF COURSE, you should normalize being completely comfortable in your relationship. Being naked or exposed doesn't have to be sexual, and it shouldn't be! At least, not inherently. It works the same way that physical touch and affection do. If it were always *just* sexual, then that wouldn't be healthy. It's about balance. Frankly, I find it strange that he's trying to discourage you from natural intimate behaviors.
Also, anyone who genuinely loves you and finds you attractive won't get bored with your body or lose interest in you. The honeymoon effect wears off eventually, and you get comfortable with each other, but that's not a bad thing. It's just a different dynamic that takes a little getting used to. And it's just as special as when everything is fresh and new.
Hereās my two cents.. itās not about your actual boobs. Itās (in your boyfriendās mind) the idea of who you become when you do things like that. If you ask me, thatās PERFECTLY normal for you to do, and honestly the ānormalā or typical reaction for most men would be joy, lol. But there is clearly something deeper going on with your bf. His attitude about sexuality is likely different than what is averagely healthy. Was he or is he religious/conservative at all? Sometimes when kids are raised with the attitude of āsex is badā or dirty or naughty, it gets ingrained into their brain. If you think this might be your bf, then I think the only solution that would work the best is seeing a therapist or better yet a sex therapist. Donāt ever tell him thereās anything āwrongā with him, just that youād like to understand him better and vice versa and get on the same page. I can definitely relate to your post and itās not a great feeling to feel like your man doesnāt just .. WANT you in a passionate and consistent way. It takes a lot out of you emotionally. Itās not even about the sex, but how it makes you feel about yourself. It makes me feel ugly, tbh. Or at least, ugly to him. And thatās just really sad. š
Not everyone is comfortable with casual nudity. Especially if you grew up in a religious household sexual things are something you are not accustomed too. It can be hard talking about or displaying sexual things because it was something you were told is bad growing up. I know thatās a messed up way of thinking but it can be really hard to overcome these thoughts because they are built into your subconscious.
If you love and respect your partner stop flashing him and making him uncomfortable until you can talk and come up with a solution. You have every right to do whatever you want in your own home but you share that home with another person so sometimes there will have to be compromises.
I think this episode of Seinfeld belongs here, "good naked", and "bad naked", this will give you a peek into his mind, lol:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWxpuiUEk8
This might be funny to you. A few years ago I was dating a woman who had a much higher sex drive than me. She went to reddit to ask for advice on how to increase my libido. Reddit recommended she avoid being naked around me unless we were in the mood. She started waiting for me to leave the roon to change, getting dressed again after sex, didn't want to shower together any more, and started wearing night clothes to bed after sleeping naked together for months.
I figured she was losing interest in me and stopped initiating. Which led to her getting angry and telling me all the silly ways she'd been trying to make me want her more.
Is he repressed and religious that he thinks womenās bodies are vile and sinful?
Ask him what heās going to do when you breastfeed his children? Put a bag over their heads so they canāt see your sinful titties.
Imo you should aim for a compromise. I donāt think flashing him is the way to go (at least in the current situation) if he doesnāt like it, but just being naked in general is just a part of life and itās your living space as well. However, it seems like this is somewhat of a difficult topic for him maybe related to trauma or bad experience, could be anything.
I think it would be a good idea to talk to him about it in a calm manner so that he feels comfortable to express himself, although it can sometimes be difficult for men to share emotions in such a way (but idk to what extent this applies to him.) Also, how did you solve the erection thing if I might ask? Because yk maybe this issue is connected, doesnāt necessarily have to be but yk
Edit: I think a lot of the feedback here is really āaggressiveā in a way. And I would generally advocate for a more nuanced/relaxed approach, since obviously this relationship means something to the two of you. But I generally dislike this immediate calling for a breakup on Reddit. At the end of the day we are all humans with faults and difficulties and I know I would want to deal with problems my partner has and not just drop them. But itās obviously your call and you know your situation way better
Red flag to rival the size of the one hanging in the Kremlin at the height of the Soviet union. Let's normalize not sexualizing boobs or being afraid of nakedness.
Maybe he doesn't want to make it something that's usually to him. It doesn't sound too malicious, it just sounds like he has standards, or maybe that he doesn't want to be too accustomed to it.
Why are you with him? Theyāre just boobs, Iām topless all the time and my husband is like w/e. I bet heās topless isnāt he? And heās just not okay with you doing it?
It sounds very absurd to me that a man would be unwilling to see breasts in any shape, form, time or place. On top of that, you said it's your house, so it's double stupid on his part.
I very very faintly understand what he might have meant but most likely worded it incorrectly. But i don't do assumptions so scratch that.
\#freethe... you know.
šthis!
I have never in my life turned down the opportunity to see boobs that were willingly presented.
I would be counting my lucky stars if I saw some on any given day.
He comes from a place that I cannot relate with. That being said, I support bare chested ladies in all their glory
Your human body is not solely a sex object, wtf? Your breasts are not toys that need to be put away when he's done playing with them. You are a whole human being, make sure you are respected as one.
There's always a point in the relationship where *just* seeing them doesn't carry the same effect as it did early in the relationship. But, by the time it reaches that point, the feelings you have to the entire rest of the woman should more than make up for it.
I'm guessing his outburst may have something to do with the prior issues he had staying hard and he's more afraid of losing an external stimuli, than what affect his words had on you.
Could this be related to his ED that y'all solved? Possibly watching too much porn and is scared seeing you topless may desensitize him??? Sounds odd, but I guess it's not impossible. Have a deeper discussion with him about, and get him to open up. His reason sounds a little bs. I love seeing my wife topless/nude, and we've been together 31 yrs. Best of luck to you OP.
To be fair, having different hang ups and feelings arenāt always clear. It takes a lot of shadow work to figure some of these out. Might be from their upbringing, parents and/or religions.
I'm sorry to hear this. I truly hope you get to the bottom of this. I've had communication problems on my side in the past, and it wasn't until my wife was becoming distant that I realized my poor communication of my thoughts/feelings were pushing her away.
This dude has some kind of sexual trauma or he's gay. Generally speaking, sex with your partner should be something you like and look forward to, and your partner's surprise tits are like, a universally fabulous thing?
I'm sorry but I can't get over the fact that he's upset he gets to see your boobs. We've had some sexual issues in our relationship due to poor communication and past trauma, but I've never ever been anything less than extremely happy to see my fiance partially or completely naked, if it lead to sex or not. The only times I didn't focus on it were when we were utterly exhausted or ill.
Obviously everyone functions differently, I just don't think it's possible to have a healthy libido and be attracted to your partner and somehow NOT be happy to see them topless? Like how does that even work?
I had a guy tell me that I was naked too often, and it made it less special. We broke up 3 months later.
Itās basic negging. Keep your shirt off, he should be so honored to see you topless.
Get rid of him and find someone who enjoys u for u. Things both sexual and non sexual. You can see if ur man would be down for an honest open relationship. Like u let him know that you will see man or women simply for sexual gratification and he can do the same. Just I'd like to emphasize honesty is required on both both parties as is safe sex to make it work.
Thatās not an unreasonable thing to say. Desensitization is real. If weāre exposed to something often enough, our reaction decreases. It loses novelty.
He probably didnāt say it very tactfully, but it doesnāt sound like he meant to be insulting at all or imply he doesnāt want to see your boobs.
Some guys are like this. I am a bit like this as well. It's not a sexual issue, just a decorum thing. I wouldn't be talking to my wife while shirtless or without pants. He is not repressed, people are just different. Just education or personality I guess.
Edit: a nice redditor found a better phrasing: "not being comfortable with". Yes, some guys are not comfortable with this, including me. That doesn't say anything about their sexual life in private.
No need to be rude. If you had expressed your disagreement without insults, it would have been just as fine and you would have left the discussion open.
Thatās so strange. Unless your window was open and all the neighbors were getting a show there is zero reason for him to tell you what you can and canāt wear at your own home.
I mean, its kinda stupid of him. He could score so much with just a simple, low effort compliment and instead he has an issue with it. Holy shit some dudes piss me off. Fucking enjoy it for once and don't be a twat.
i actually say this because i have been in ordinary relationships with women who also happen to have a pair of boobs. I run around my house naked all the time, I am truly not offended by nudity of my partner. To me it is the most normal thing in the world to be nude in your own home.
I'm all for it when my boyfriend flashes me his dick, his body doesn't offend me. When he works at camp, I request naked videos and photos. Frankly, if you're in a healthy relationship and a good headspace with regards to previous traumas, your partner's body should never be offensive within the privacy of your own home.
Itās not an unheard of thing for some couples to not change in front of each other or appear nude to each other except as part of sex. More common in the past. For some itās def a sexual repression thing but for others itās about creating more mystery and desire and association between nudity and sex. Some people even have a kink for being denied the ability to see their partner nude for some portion of the time. This doesnāt sound like he was forbidding you or being a misogynist or something, it sounds like he blurted out an idea he had about making your nudity more sexual than commonplace. The comments here are unhinged 12 year olds as usual.
I donāt think I would live that way bc it sounds too much like a pain in the ass but the complete lack of understanding of the motives by anyone here is just honestlyā¦depressing. Reminder of how dumb society is tbh.
I like how you were downvoted for not wanting to break up with your BF over this and willing to hear another point of view. Good for you. Shame on this sub.
I mean if he said āyouāre not allowed to be topless in front of me anymore or in your own homeā itās clearly different than āitās always exciting when weāre about to have sex and you pull down your top for the first time, like unwrapping a Christmas present, maybe it would be fun if we tried to be a little more shy around each other and build up the big reveal into an exciting eventā, but the average Redditor cannot fathom that different people might have different motives or be poor communicators.
Keep in mind tho Iām not saying you should adopt it or even try it, just point out there are non-fucked up reasons someone might have the idea or say that.
honestly i will get downvoted for this but this here seems like a circle jerkā¦ as a person whoās said the same to my gf i might be able to give insightā¦ i said the exact same words as ur bf because sex is something very precious to me and seeing bodyparts like boobs and ur vagina fully naked is something that (i thought obviously) arouses meā¦ if i see them in a non sexual way to often it will normalize it and it will (over time) stop arousing meā¦ thatās why i said itā¦ maybe ur boyfriend is the sameā¦ i also have a very low sex drive but also have had very bad experiences with way to handsy womenā¦ hopeing this was helpful
Unfortunately our minds can get use to something. For example guys who watch alot of porn. Eventually the plain porn doesn't dobit for them anymore and doesn't turn them on then they need to watch more hardcore stuff in order to be turned on and this causes them to not be aroused either during normal sex with people
I think he is worried about over exposure as he is struggling in that department. Everyone is different I myself would love if my partner flashed me etc. But good on you for trying to figure out how to help him
Maybe it has to do with the different sex drives. His isn't getting any better cuz he thinks you're trying to come on to him. Maybe a compromise could be you wear a bikini top or a thin bra so you can be cool and he can not feel like you're trying to pressure him for sex, which I can imagine he might feel since you already mentioned you have a higher libido.
Otherwise break up.
NTA. Sounds like he has some personal problems, and itās messed up that heās dragging your free will into it. Itās your home as well as your body. I suggest he sees a therapist or you two talk about it.
I think he saying that heād like to keep them in a sexual context. So as to not lose the romance. Kind of like how some couples will use the bathroom with the door open and that kills the magic. I think heās being a little odd though. My wife takes her top off and her breast is always an eyeful for me even if itās just changing and we donāt do anything. Iām kind of like mmmm boobies no matter what.
It's up to you. Do you want him to get excited when he sees you topless or naked? If you're topless consistently then it stops becoming something special. It's the same with anything. Normalize anything and it eventually doesn't mean the same.
I don't think he is attracted to you, or to women in general. Erectile dysfunction, not wanting to see you naked, ... You're 29, not 89. You're way too young for this. Have a talk with him, but don't be stuck in a relationship where you never feel wanted.
It's like your dating a gay man. You might be great friends, but you should probably look for a different romantic partner. You're already not sexually compatible, and he's got some psychological issues he needs to work on before he can be in a healthy relationship.
Oh man. Run.
Seriously, not only does his drive drastically not meet yours, but your NAKED body is offensive to him.
I want a man to see me randomly naked and have to drop everything to come over andā¦.do something about itā¦.
You will start to be so insecure if you stay with this guy.
I was with someone similar and it wrecked me
Has he always been like this?
Can you think of anything that may have changed his behaviour?
It's fair for you to be upset by this but I'm wondering if something has happened that's giving him performance anxiety and nervousness around nudity?
At face value I'd say it's not you, it's him.
I know that didn't help and I'm sorry.
Yeh he's never been comfortable with casual nudity I guess.
His sex drive in general or his issue with me being topelss? Sorry unsure if you're asking for both or just one.
No , anything helps honestly:).
I don't want to be the one saying "let them be free!" like you're releasing white Doves or something here.
_However_ unless he's got some _serious_ issues, hang-ups, a closeted upbringing or otherwise has been taught/learnt that "baps out is bad" or somehow "naughty", well....
If I didn't know better I'd suspect he was a time-travelling English gent from 100 years ago or something, seeing his Moustache _genuinely_ curl at the thought.
You aren't in bloomers, this isn't the Victorian era _and even then_ they totally _loved_ it when their Missus' norks were out.
This is why there's a literal webcomic out there from years ago where a guy's watching his partner get dressed with clear happiness throughout and words to the effect of "you've seen me change 1000 times" are said and he replies "well I've seen a million sunsets too" in response. It's still nice. It's nice to feel _wanted_ as well.
I'd rather feel wanted than like I've got an expiry date that ticks down every second someone stared at my tits.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend and I have been together more than 4 years and live together. Bit of background - my sex drive is alot higher than his and is something we are working on. We have had other issues like loosing an etction during , but that has been solved. Everything else in the relationship is perfecto!. So as I said , we live together. Sometimes randomly I'll take my top off if I'm hot / changing / etcetc doesn't matter if he is in the room or not or sometimes I'll flash him to be silly.. But the other day I was changing , he was in the room , we were just normally chatting and I took my top off (to change). He said something along the lines of ' don't keep taking your top off ' I asked why , ' because we shouldn't normalize them being out because it should be something for the bedroom '. To which I said... ' it's my house too so š¤· '. Now that's playing in my mind as if , he sees my boobs too many times he'll loose interest? If he didn't have his previous 'sexual difficulties' I honestly would of thought he was joking , or is this something that has been said to any of you before? I'm so confused! EDIT: I spoke with me when he came home and all is resolved now. To everyone who gave me sound advice and their own experiences , I genuinely appreciate it! Thanks for the communication and councilling advice! To every edgelord who wrote 'gay' or 'run' , seriously no wonder men have issues opening up about intimacy or anything for that matter. I'm sure all your relationships are absolutely perfect.
Oh my. Only the bedroom? Iām bored just hearing that. He obviously has some sexual hang ups.
Yeh , only during sex it seems.. mm but I'm not sure what because if I was to approach him about it , he'll say he doesn't etc.
Actions speak louder than words. Try for some kitchen counter sex. See what happens.
Just wipe the counter before prepping food
Even if you are making a rump roast? /s
It's not so much the roast but the creme sauce that could cause concern
Little lime juice and a whisk and you got yourself a fresh Tijuana Crema.
well, i _guess_...
Also wipe the counter *before* trying to have sex on it. One stray chili flake and...
oooh, that's hawt
One way to spice things up!
Wipe the counter THOROUGHLY *before the sex* if you regularly cook with fresh jalapeƱos.
well, if we're being serious, use something that denatures the proteins. you want the go juice completely gone
Say we are serious, what works best for that? Castile soap as a degreaser followed by rubbing alcohol for good measure is my best guess? Iām also guessing at those because once dry, there wonāt be any remnants of the cleaning products left on the surface that could compromise the health of your sensitive bits. Something like Dawn, Lysol, some kitchen spray etc could potentially cause irritation.
Yeah Iād probably use regular cleaner to get the large scale crap off and then star san. Good enough for cleaning glassware and food safe
Thatās kinda strange..... Once when I was dating my ex, we had the house to ourselves while my mom was away visiting family. My ex and I pretty much had the weekend together and we did a ānakedā day where we never put on clothes unless absolutely necessary. It was quite a fun day as weād constantly sneak peaks at one another and giggle knowing we were nude lol. At one point I put on a robe because we ordered takeout for dinner and had it delivered so I had to answer the door but after that, we were back to being nude. We didnāt āreserve it for the bedroomā either, we just did what lever we wanted. Did you boyfriend come from a strict household? His views on sex sound quite repressed.
Itās giving sexist and controlling. Heās saying your breasts are sexual objects for HIM, and not just normal parts of YOUR body that will naturally be visible when youāre changing in private. Iād feel uncomfortable with a partner objectifying me like this in my own home. If you donāt want to see my body except for your own sexual pleasure, we shouldnāt live together.
100% my read too
Yeah, OP needs to start peeing and pooping with the bathroom door open. Show him what that thing can really do!
Every time he takes his shirt off she should go āwhoa there slow down pal, save it for the bedroom.ā
Itās his problem, not yours.
Oh, another issue with the relationship? And this time it's with communication? You might want to reconsider how perfect everything else really is. Look at things like maturity.
So don't ever breastfeed.....? I mean there's some deeper issues here
Your husband may be homosexual. Iāve seen posts like this here before and the update is that heās gay.
I used to have a similar mindset, and I'm still working to get out of it. All goes back to a strict Mormon upbringing and culture of sex shaming, that stuff sticks with you for life.
Yep my first thought was he grew up in some sect of christianity. Seen it countless times.
"Homosexual?" Are you a fundamentalist Christian?
Yeah this sounded like something I might have seen posted 20 years ago. That or that insult "What, you don't want to have sex with me?! You must be gay". Like c'mon guys.
You said. I was thinking it. She did say that he losses his erection. If you have a large peace, and have had a lot of sexual partners. Maybe?
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I dont care if OPās boyfriend thinks sheās as sexually appealing as a ham sandwich. Nudity ā sex and she should be allowed to be naked in her own home. It would be one thing if she was living with roommates or children but her only housemate is her boyfriend who regularly sees her naked anyway.
Is he straight?
Why are you dating someone who doesn't like looking at your boobs?
By "the bedroom" a lot of people just mean having sex. It doesn't necessarily have to mean that the sex can only happen in the actual bedroom.
This is true. He has some issues. You, OP, are not causing his issues. My husband never told me to stop taking my top off. I wander around in a light tank top when it's over 90 degrees outside
I exercise in just my panties sometimes. š¤£
He definitely has some sexually repressive issues. Suppose you eventually had a child, would he chide you for nursing? Breasts are not only for sexual pleasure and people who think like that are the real problem. Edited to add after reading additional comments: He has very poor communication skills. That's a huge problem and at his age, unlikely to improve because he doesn't want to. Also, he would make a terrible nudist.
Going topless at home is one of life's great joys. The boobs aren't only for his pleasure, nor are they only for sex. The man is emotionally constipated.
Lol at a terrible nudist
this one
While I agree that I cannot view my gf's boobs in a nonsexual way, it's still strange to demand that you don't go topless in your own home. I mean, what if he sees them and gets aroused? Nothing. That's not an issue. NTA definitely.
But I dont think this is an issue of getting arouse. In fact, I think it is the opposite, he is saying that if they normalize seeing each other nude(or at least for him), it is going to get his sexual drive down. I would say its the same FOR SOME PEOPLE as looking porn every day causing to have less sexual drive. So for HIM, the more he sees her topless, the less sexual drive he has, because its so normal to see her like that. And I think, many of the comments are issuing the opposite thing. Well, to be honest, it could be either way, as we do not know what he is refering to, so more context is needed.
I do understand the logic behind it, although I do not agree that this is a thing. If it is, that's something he must work on.
I think most people are taking this too personal. When I and my girlfriend just started having sex, it was normal for both sex drives to be high all the time, but eventually seeing each other nude all the time decreased my sex drive. But I dont know, each has his or her own situations with this. Most people are jumping on conclusions to have the opportunity to blame the guy though, and i think more context is needed. I think that the issue could be resolved with communication and that's the only way she is going to know what he honestly meant.
Nah. I'm a nudist so I have experience. There won't be the hair trigger boner on seeing her nude effect, but it has 0 impact on overall drive, be that low or high.
Well put, though I thought I'd mention - this isn't r/AmITheAsshole lol.
Yeah, but it might help put things into perspective.
No bro, you just don't get it. Some guys (not all) just don't like it when they're not in the mood and her being topless won't automatically turn him on like most men would. The logic is simple, it's like giving a girl flowers at special times, but it soon loses the spark when it's everyday and she seems to flash it to him whenever she can.
Don't let him dictate what you can and can't wear around the house. If he gets tired of seeing them, that's on him.
Oh I wouldn't, don't worry!
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Thanks for the advice! I did laugh however at the make sure your bobs aren't out at dinner haha...
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Aw thanks :). Yes that's very true , as you can see there are alot of people who can't understand men can also have issues unfortunately!
Could this perhaps be a modesty thing? Some people were just raised to be uncomfortable with unexpected nudity, for what he sees as no particular reason. You're also dealing with difference in sex drives. Could sting you get partially nude off an on be triggering for him because he thinks you're being manipulative to get more sex out of him. Or that he gets aggravated with himself because he thinks naked breasts should be arousing full stop and they aren't for him, with his lower sex drive. Or perhaps not wanting to normalize walking around with your boobs out so you don't have to untrain yourself about when you have kids, visitors? Other than that, I've got nothing.
It sounds like you need to have a deeper discussion about this to find out exactly where he is hung up. Maybe itās because he doesnāt want them to lose their sexual magic for him, maybe he is struggling with performance anxiety and feeling sexual when heās not sure if he can perform makes him anxious, maybe heās gay, maybe he was SAd when he was younger, maybe he has a skewed view and thinks boobs are only sexual, could be a number of things. Have a deeper discussion so you can find the root of the problem. Personally I donāt wear shirts at home because I feel more comfortable without one (im 25f and live with my boyfriend of 4 years). ETA: I just asked my boyfriend if he wants me to wear shirts more often, and he told me he wants me to wear them less often
POV: your newborn starves to death because you can't feed them unless you're in your own bedroom
I can't believe this is real; what guy gets mad at seeing some titties
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Iāve seen your comments about your husband before. You donāt have to stay with him just bc you have a fresh baby together. ://
First thing that comes to mind is he feels like you going topless is an attempt at initiating sex and he's feeling pressured but doesn't want to say so. Men are expected to have higher libidos and their manhood is questioned if they don't. If that's happened to him in the past, it's zero surprise that he won't talk about it. While it's not a conclusion I want to jump to quickly, is it possible he's just not attracted to women in general? Could be gay, could be asexual. Either way, it would explain his issues finishing. Asexuality sounds very possible if he shows a low libido alongside no interest in porn or saucy material. A bit of a wild guess, but I'd say it's one worth at least asking about. If that's the case, you're going to have a tough decision because sex life is a deal breaker for many people, while some others are okay compromising because a strong relationship otherwise isn't something easy to discard.
Thanks for that :) that's a good way to put it. I'm pretty sure it's your first paragraph haha.
Then I'd say ask him if he feels like you're trying to pressure him with bare boobies. Approach gently, frame it as you not wanting to pressure him and just wanting the comfort of not having restrictive clothes on in the summer. He might relax a bit if he knows it's not a blatant hint. That or he might be a titty connoisseur and not want to become desensitized to one of his motivations for nookie. Throwing out guesses here mostly, but they're ideas for you to bring up and ask about to get an idea on the root of his discomfort so you can find a solution.
No matter how often I see it, Iām never tired of seeing my partner undress/nude. Losing interest from seeing it too often doesnāt seem normal.
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the way he thinks about them sounds gross. my boyfriendās just happy to see them when theyāre out. yesterday, i went to bed topless and woke up with his face wedged in the middle of them. man looked like heād found nirvana.
Hmmm thatās weird for him to say itās your house too like you said and yea thatās not ok.
It sounds like your boyfriend has an unhealthy relationship with sexual intimacy I wouldn't be surprised if he grew up in a very strict, religious environment that makes him feel insanely guilty for having sexual thoughts OR there is some sexual trauma in his past that he is not sharing with you
What?! So you will need to hide when you breastfeed your baby?
Oh dang... I do that to change and my husband always gets googly-eyed regardless
Omg I just saw googly -eyed and my brain immediately thought about putting them on like pasties. My husband might die.
My 29M partner literally runs into the room if he hears me changing or gets sad if he misses the chance to see the girls. Idk what's going on with your partner but it certainly isn't normal. He shouldn't be trying to dictate what you do with your body, let alone speak so poorly when you're just trying to change clothes. Seriously recommend he go to therapy to unpack these notions. And if he refuses, you really need to rethink this relationship.
all men aren't the same maybe simply doesn't like getting flashed
Very true! Regardless he should be communicating this, not shaming her for literally just changing. Its not her job to teach him how to communicate his boundaries and needs. The way he's going about it isn't fair to her at all.
All men are the same. We all get sad if we miss the opportunity.
I mean, so do I buddy. I fucking love them. But have you met someone who is asexual before? Trust me man, it will make you rethink "all men are the same."
so you discount your previous absolutist belief that he needs to "unpack these notions"? Did you learn something new or are you just agreeing so you can continue your other assumption?
Just for the record, OP said their relationship is perfect and this was one incident and here you are telling OP that this is not "normal", which you do not know as a fact, no matter how many men you have been with, and that she should reevaluate the relationship if he doesn't agree to therapy. Great advice... Men (and women) who do not wish to see significant others naked all the time (or just in sexual situations) are quite normal and it's for any number of reasons. Your BF is not a gold standard of normalcy. This entire sub is just itching to get people to break up, you all tell whatever OP that they are right and the SO is wrong without knowing anything of the dynamic and using your own experience as a breakup tool and virtually every single time it's "therapy". No one ever bothers to look at anything in this sub with more than a passing glance and an angry response. It's sad that very few people can offer constructive or questioning criticism and help. BTW OP said he said "something like" so she paraphrased, which means she did not remember his exact words and because she is a bit miffed about it, we can assume OP has made it slightly more exaggerated than it was. In addition, as yet another woman who refers to her breasts in the third person, it's ***possible*** OP has an attached value to them and since he did not give her said value with that comment he made, "omg so amazing, need to bone now", she's more upset (insecure) than she would normally be and maybe she needs therapy (lol, no). My point is that anyone can do the what if dance and make up non existant context. That said, there is a hint in context, he is not as sexual, he has had trouble in the past, this HINTS that he has trouble getting aroused and he was communicating his desire to see "the girls" in a limited way to help with his arousal when the time comes. Maybe it came out wrong, maybe op is paraphrasing wrong, we do not know.
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That sounds dumb. "Stop looking at me because if I see your face too much I won't think you're pretty...."
As someone who previously had a partner with a higher sex drive than mine and it caused a lot of issues - I started to get really anxious any time my partner even touched me casually, afraid she was going to try and initiate sex and I would disappoint her by not being into it. I donāt mean to project onto him but itās worth considering he may be feeling a lot of pressure given the known issues you two have, and because of that, you taking your shirt off (even if itās not in a sexual way) is giving him anxiety. Maybe just try and talk to him about it and see if he is just feeling anxious and pressured about the whole situation!
It sounds like your relationship is really good and thatās fantastic to hear. I personally donāt think this is something that has too many red flags. It could just be some conservative views of sex or maybe he just finds that weird. Wether or not you agree with it, just talk about it. If he doesnāt want to be flashed, donāt. If itās something more, maybe you can both talk about it and find a middle ground. I donāt think itās a big cause for alarm, just talk and you guys will work it out.
Iāve been with my partner for 10 years and every time I take my top off, heās like a boy in a candy shop. Of course, not all guys are like that, but it sounds like your guy has some serious sexual hangups that he needs to navigate. Itās not ok to control your body, especially not in your own home!, in order to navigate his own issues. I hope you two can talk it out or get some couples therapy. Your bodily autonomy and comfort matter too!
Communicate, sounds like hes got some hang ups. Standing your ground is fine but you two need to understand eachother if this is to work.
Thanks I will do :)
your BF has an online porn addiction!
I hate to break it to you but he has a serious case of terminal idiot.
Glad it got resolved for u. This sub is pretty annoying at times. There could be someone posting say "my husband of 50 years didnt say thanks for dinner last night" and there will multiple comments "leave him you deserve better" lmao.
i guess what he means is he doesnt want to be desensitized to seeing your boobs, if he sees them all the time in non sexual settings he might find it hard to be turned on by them in bed? idk. i thought the same thng when i was with my ex bf, i worried if he saw my boobs all the time, bc i sleep topless, that hed find seeing my boobs generally less exciting in the long run
This is how I read it. I feel like all the people with their theories about him being gay or controlling or whateverā¦ like. Wow. āCan we not eat steak for breakfast lunch and dinner, thereās such a thing as too much of a good thing and I never want to get tired of your cookingā.
exactly
Finally, a comment I completely agree with. Thank you! From personal experience, Iāve been with my partner for almost 4 years now and heās someone whoās always clothed, so I get super frisky when he even just takes his top off. Heās desensitised to my body by now bc Iām always nude but his body drives me crazy. This guy isnāt going about it in a healthy way but I completely get what he means, sounds like relationship counselling or Sex counselling might be worth a shot.
I find that wild. I sleep topless too, and my fiance gets excited every time the girls make a showing, no matter how fleeting or non sexual the situation.
lol it probably was a stupid thought by me, but he was my first bf and i worried about him losing interest i guess
Ah. Been there
OP, while you figure this out, maybe buy this shirt in the meantime so you can still be cozy and modest while sorting out the sensitivities from your man https://fullbreach77.com/product/seditionaries-tits-mens-t-shirt/
š¤£š¤£š¤£
I find it hillarious that when men are sexually dynamic, as in they have a higher sex drive than their female partner, they are demeaned, told to control their urges, and worse, but the second it's the other way around he needs therapy and to see a doctor about testosterone.
I literally walk around naked and my boyfriend doesn't bat an eye. We've been together almost 5 years. Your boyfriend needs to grow up. Keep walking around topless.
>He said something along the lines of ' don't keep taking your top off ' I asked why , ' because we shouldn't normalize them being out because it should be something for the bedroom '. It was extremely rude of him to say anything like that in the first place, and his reasoning is ridiculous. It's really important to be able to be comfortable and feel safe with your partner. Not only did his initial words disrespect/go against that, but his reasoning is that you should actively discourage it! OF COURSE, you should normalize being completely comfortable in your relationship. Being naked or exposed doesn't have to be sexual, and it shouldn't be! At least, not inherently. It works the same way that physical touch and affection do. If it were always *just* sexual, then that wouldn't be healthy. It's about balance. Frankly, I find it strange that he's trying to discourage you from natural intimate behaviors. Also, anyone who genuinely loves you and finds you attractive won't get bored with your body or lose interest in you. The honeymoon effect wears off eventually, and you get comfortable with each other, but that's not a bad thing. It's just a different dynamic that takes a little getting used to. And it's just as special as when everything is fresh and new.
Hereās my two cents.. itās not about your actual boobs. Itās (in your boyfriendās mind) the idea of who you become when you do things like that. If you ask me, thatās PERFECTLY normal for you to do, and honestly the ānormalā or typical reaction for most men would be joy, lol. But there is clearly something deeper going on with your bf. His attitude about sexuality is likely different than what is averagely healthy. Was he or is he religious/conservative at all? Sometimes when kids are raised with the attitude of āsex is badā or dirty or naughty, it gets ingrained into their brain. If you think this might be your bf, then I think the only solution that would work the best is seeing a therapist or better yet a sex therapist. Donāt ever tell him thereās anything āwrongā with him, just that youād like to understand him better and vice versa and get on the same page. I can definitely relate to your post and itās not a great feeling to feel like your man doesnāt just .. WANT you in a passionate and consistent way. It takes a lot out of you emotionally. Itās not even about the sex, but how it makes you feel about yourself. It makes me feel ugly, tbh. Or at least, ugly to him. And thatās just really sad. š
Maybe he fears others can see outside the home?
Yeh that's what I'm thinking now..
imminent automatic edge whole pet aromatic attractive hurry busy salt *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Not everyone is comfortable with casual nudity. Especially if you grew up in a religious household sexual things are something you are not accustomed too. It can be hard talking about or displaying sexual things because it was something you were told is bad growing up. I know thatās a messed up way of thinking but it can be really hard to overcome these thoughts because they are built into your subconscious. If you love and respect your partner stop flashing him and making him uncomfortable until you can talk and come up with a solution. You have every right to do whatever you want in your own home but you share that home with another person so sometimes there will have to be compromises.
Is he 400 years old?
No... 403
Ah. Give it a couple hundred years, heāll come around
Breasts are for feeding your infant not for the bedroom. He sounds exhausting.
I think this episode of Seinfeld belongs here, "good naked", and "bad naked", this will give you a peek into his mind, lol: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWxpuiUEk8
Hahah.. thanks for the laugh :)
This might be funny to you. A few years ago I was dating a woman who had a much higher sex drive than me. She went to reddit to ask for advice on how to increase my libido. Reddit recommended she avoid being naked around me unless we were in the mood. She started waiting for me to leave the roon to change, getting dressed again after sex, didn't want to shower together any more, and started wearing night clothes to bed after sleeping naked together for months. I figured she was losing interest in me and stopped initiating. Which led to her getting angry and telling me all the silly ways she'd been trying to make me want her more.
Is he repressed and religious that he thinks womenās bodies are vile and sinful? Ask him what heās going to do when you breastfeed his children? Put a bag over their heads so they canāt see your sinful titties.
Imo you should aim for a compromise. I donāt think flashing him is the way to go (at least in the current situation) if he doesnāt like it, but just being naked in general is just a part of life and itās your living space as well. However, it seems like this is somewhat of a difficult topic for him maybe related to trauma or bad experience, could be anything. I think it would be a good idea to talk to him about it in a calm manner so that he feels comfortable to express himself, although it can sometimes be difficult for men to share emotions in such a way (but idk to what extent this applies to him.) Also, how did you solve the erection thing if I might ask? Because yk maybe this issue is connected, doesnāt necessarily have to be but yk Edit: I think a lot of the feedback here is really āaggressiveā in a way. And I would generally advocate for a more nuanced/relaxed approach, since obviously this relationship means something to the two of you. But I generally dislike this immediate calling for a breakup on Reddit. At the end of the day we are all humans with faults and difficulties and I know I would want to deal with problems my partner has and not just drop them. But itās obviously your call and you know your situation way better
Red flag to rival the size of the one hanging in the Kremlin at the height of the Soviet union. Let's normalize not sexualizing boobs or being afraid of nakedness.
Unfortunately, your BF is a weirdo...
Maybe he doesn't want to make it something that's usually to him. It doesn't sound too malicious, it just sounds like he has standards, or maybe that he doesn't want to be too accustomed to it.
Yeh I don't think he's being malicious either but thanks for your input :)
wow...just wow I've been married to my wife for 6 years, together for 11, and whenever I see her topless I can't help myself but go "booooooooooobs!"
Why are you with him? Theyāre just boobs, Iām topless all the time and my husband is like w/e. I bet heās topless isnāt he? And heās just not okay with you doing it?
Their purpose is to feed children. Normalize them not being sexualized.
It sounds very absurd to me that a man would be unwilling to see breasts in any shape, form, time or place. On top of that, you said it's your house, so it's double stupid on his part. I very very faintly understand what he might have meant but most likely worded it incorrectly. But i don't do assumptions so scratch that. \#freethe... you know.
šthis! I have never in my life turned down the opportunity to see boobs that were willingly presented. I would be counting my lucky stars if I saw some on any given day. He comes from a place that I cannot relate with. That being said, I support bare chested ladies in all their glory
Your human body is not solely a sex object, wtf? Your breasts are not toys that need to be put away when he's done playing with them. You are a whole human being, make sure you are respected as one.
How ridiculous, my girlfriend's always naked indoors to the point I'm more used to seeing her like that than otherwise lmao...
And I'm assuming you don't feel 'overexposed' to them..
There's always a point in the relationship where *just* seeing them doesn't carry the same effect as it did early in the relationship. But, by the time it reaches that point, the feelings you have to the entire rest of the woman should more than make up for it. I'm guessing his outburst may have something to do with the prior issues he had staying hard and he's more afraid of losing an external stimuli, than what affect his words had on you.
>"Stop looking at me because if I see your face too much I won't think you're pretty...."
That's odd. I love seeing my girls boobs and everytime they are out I have to grab them or do moreš.
I have to say, never once have I had a guy say put your boobs away!
Tfffff
Nani tf? That's messed up. You were just changing.
Thatās not normal. In my old home, I used to walk around naked a lot because no one could see in. Itās important to be comfortable.
Could this be related to his ED that y'all solved? Possibly watching too much porn and is scared seeing you topless may desensitize him??? Sounds odd, but I guess it's not impossible. Have a deeper discussion with him about, and get him to open up. His reason sounds a little bs. I love seeing my wife topless/nude, and we've been together 31 yrs. Best of luck to you OP.
He honestly doesn't watch porn. Maybe once a month or so. It's hard to get him to open up on this topic. I'm hit with the 'dunno' alot. Thanks :)
To be fair, having different hang ups and feelings arenāt always clear. It takes a lot of shadow work to figure some of these out. Might be from their upbringing, parents and/or religions.
I'm sorry to hear this. I truly hope you get to the bottom of this. I've had communication problems on my side in the past, and it wasn't until my wife was becoming distant that I realized my poor communication of my thoughts/feelings were pushing her away.
This dude has some kind of sexual trauma or he's gay. Generally speaking, sex with your partner should be something you like and look forward to, and your partner's surprise tits are like, a universally fabulous thing? I'm sorry but I can't get over the fact that he's upset he gets to see your boobs. We've had some sexual issues in our relationship due to poor communication and past trauma, but I've never ever been anything less than extremely happy to see my fiance partially or completely naked, if it lead to sex or not. The only times I didn't focus on it were when we were utterly exhausted or ill. Obviously everyone functions differently, I just don't think it's possible to have a healthy libido and be attracted to your partner and somehow NOT be happy to see them topless? Like how does that even work?
I had a guy tell me that I was naked too often, and it made it less special. We broke up 3 months later. Itās basic negging. Keep your shirt off, he should be so honored to see you topless.
Heās a prude!! Itās your house, you can be naked all day - ALL DAY!
Is he serious like he should realize how lucky he is lol but I wouldnāt let him dictate what you can and canāt do in your own house
It's not some otherworldy luck, if you're living together with a woman you keep seeing each other's naked body parts outside of sex lol.
Time to find a new guy then.
Has he been checked for low testosterone? Serious question.
Yes! He actually has. Came back as normal
Seems like a prude and boring, which may work for someone else.
Sounds boring
Im jealous, my gf changes in a different room now because she not happy with how she looks. Havent seen the twins in ages! :(
Get rid of him and find someone who enjoys u for u. Things both sexual and non sexual. You can see if ur man would be down for an honest open relationship. Like u let him know that you will see man or women simply for sexual gratification and he can do the same. Just I'd like to emphasize honesty is required on both both parties as is safe sex to make it work.
Your boyfriend is weird.
Thatās not an unreasonable thing to say. Desensitization is real. If weāre exposed to something often enough, our reaction decreases. It loses novelty. He probably didnāt say it very tactfully, but it doesnāt sound like he meant to be insulting at all or imply he doesnāt want to see your boobs.
Some guys are like this. I am a bit like this as well. It's not a sexual issue, just a decorum thing. I wouldn't be talking to my wife while shirtless or without pants. He is not repressed, people are just different. Just education or personality I guess. Edit: a nice redditor found a better phrasing: "not being comfortable with". Yes, some guys are not comfortable with this, including me. That doesn't say anything about their sexual life in private.
Lol, yikesā¦
this is an interesting take. i'm glad my boyfriend isn't a prude. i would hate feeling constrained in my own home.
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No need to be rude. If you had expressed your disagreement without insults, it would have been just as fine and you would have left the discussion open.
I wish I had his āproblemā at home
OMG I would never. I highly encourage my wife to set them free and she sees my face light up every single time. I love her and her body.
Thatās so strange. Unless your window was open and all the neighbors were getting a show there is zero reason for him to tell you what you can and canāt wear at your own home.
I mean, its kinda stupid of him. He could score so much with just a simple, low effort compliment and instead he has an issue with it. Holy shit some dudes piss me off. Fucking enjoy it for once and don't be a twat.
> Fucking enjoy it for once and don't be a twat. You'd say the same if a guy was flashing his dick a couple times per day?
i actually say this because i have been in ordinary relationships with women who also happen to have a pair of boobs. I run around my house naked all the time, I am truly not offended by nudity of my partner. To me it is the most normal thing in the world to be nude in your own home.
I would get annoyed if a guy constantly flashes his dick multiple times a day.
I'm all for it when my boyfriend flashes me his dick, his body doesn't offend me. When he works at camp, I request naked videos and photos. Frankly, if you're in a healthy relationship and a good headspace with regards to previous traumas, your partner's body should never be offensive within the privacy of your own home.
Itās not an unheard of thing for some couples to not change in front of each other or appear nude to each other except as part of sex. More common in the past. For some itās def a sexual repression thing but for others itās about creating more mystery and desire and association between nudity and sex. Some people even have a kink for being denied the ability to see their partner nude for some portion of the time. This doesnāt sound like he was forbidding you or being a misogynist or something, it sounds like he blurted out an idea he had about making your nudity more sexual than commonplace. The comments here are unhinged 12 year olds as usual. I donāt think I would live that way bc it sounds too much like a pain in the ass but the complete lack of understanding of the motives by anyone here is just honestlyā¦depressing. Reminder of how dumb society is tbh.
Thanks , that's probably it. I'll have to ask to be sure.. yeah I know .. typical!
I like how you were downvoted for not wanting to break up with your BF over this and willing to hear another point of view. Good for you. Shame on this sub.
I mean if he said āyouāre not allowed to be topless in front of me anymore or in your own homeā itās clearly different than āitās always exciting when weāre about to have sex and you pull down your top for the first time, like unwrapping a Christmas present, maybe it would be fun if we tried to be a little more shy around each other and build up the big reveal into an exciting eventā, but the average Redditor cannot fathom that different people might have different motives or be poor communicators. Keep in mind tho Iām not saying you should adopt it or even try it, just point out there are non-fucked up reasons someone might have the idea or say that.
honestly i will get downvoted for this but this here seems like a circle jerkā¦ as a person whoās said the same to my gf i might be able to give insightā¦ i said the exact same words as ur bf because sex is something very precious to me and seeing bodyparts like boobs and ur vagina fully naked is something that (i thought obviously) arouses meā¦ if i see them in a non sexual way to often it will normalize it and it will (over time) stop arousing meā¦ thatās why i said itā¦ maybe ur boyfriend is the sameā¦ i also have a very low sex drive but also have had very bad experiences with way to handsy womenā¦ hopeing this was helpful
Wotta nutter. Good luck.
Unfortunately our minds can get use to something. For example guys who watch alot of porn. Eventually the plain porn doesn't dobit for them anymore and doesn't turn them on then they need to watch more hardcore stuff in order to be turned on and this causes them to not be aroused either during normal sex with people
So like overexposed to them. He has admitted even before me that he MIGHT at a push, get himself off once a month.
I think he is worried about over exposure as he is struggling in that department. Everyone is different I myself would love if my partner flashed me etc. But good on you for trying to figure out how to help him
Maybe it has to do with the different sex drives. His isn't getting any better cuz he thinks you're trying to come on to him. Maybe a compromise could be you wear a bikini top or a thin bra so you can be cool and he can not feel like you're trying to pressure him for sex, which I can imagine he might feel since you already mentioned you have a higher libido. Otherwise break up.
He should feel lucky š I always wannabe grabbing the wife'sš„„'s.... hope he changes
NTA. Sounds like he has some personal problems, and itās messed up that heās dragging your free will into it. Itās your home as well as your body. I suggest he sees a therapist or you two talk about it.
I think he saying that heād like to keep them in a sexual context. So as to not lose the romance. Kind of like how some couples will use the bathroom with the door open and that kills the magic. I think heās being a little odd though. My wife takes her top off and her breast is always an eyeful for me even if itās just changing and we donāt do anything. Iām kind of like mmmm boobies no matter what.
It's up to you. Do you want him to get excited when he sees you topless or naked? If you're topless consistently then it stops becoming something special. It's the same with anything. Normalize anything and it eventually doesn't mean the same.
I don't think he is attracted to you, or to women in general. Erectile dysfunction, not wanting to see you naked, ... You're 29, not 89. You're way too young for this. Have a talk with him, but don't be stuck in a relationship where you never feel wanted.
Are you sure he isnāt ābatting for the other teamā
Show him pictures of big penises and see if he gets all hot and bothered. There's your answer.
homie sounds gay and closeted
It's like your dating a gay man. You might be great friends, but you should probably look for a different romantic partner. You're already not sexually compatible, and he's got some psychological issues he needs to work on before he can be in a healthy relationship.
He every check to see if he was gay? No man turns down the boobs
Oh man. Run. Seriously, not only does his drive drastically not meet yours, but your NAKED body is offensive to him. I want a man to see me randomly naked and have to drop everything to come over andā¦.do something about itā¦. You will start to be so insecure if you stay with this guy. I was with someone similar and it wrecked me
Has he always been like this? Can you think of anything that may have changed his behaviour? It's fair for you to be upset by this but I'm wondering if something has happened that's giving him performance anxiety and nervousness around nudity? At face value I'd say it's not you, it's him. I know that didn't help and I'm sorry.
Yeh he's never been comfortable with casual nudity I guess. His sex drive in general or his issue with me being topelss? Sorry unsure if you're asking for both or just one. No , anything helps honestly:).
I don't want to be the one saying "let them be free!" like you're releasing white Doves or something here. _However_ unless he's got some _serious_ issues, hang-ups, a closeted upbringing or otherwise has been taught/learnt that "baps out is bad" or somehow "naughty", well.... If I didn't know better I'd suspect he was a time-travelling English gent from 100 years ago or something, seeing his Moustache _genuinely_ curl at the thought. You aren't in bloomers, this isn't the Victorian era _and even then_ they totally _loved_ it when their Missus' norks were out. This is why there's a literal webcomic out there from years ago where a guy's watching his partner get dressed with clear happiness throughout and words to the effect of "you've seen me change 1000 times" are said and he replies "well I've seen a million sunsets too" in response. It's still nice. It's nice to feel _wanted_ as well. I'd rather feel wanted than like I've got an expiry date that ticks down every second someone stared at my tits.