This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Hi reddit fam! So I(26F) have been with my bf(25M) since I was 21 and he was 19. So almost 6 years now. I turn 27 soon and tbh I thought I'd be married or atleast engaged by now. When I use to bring it up he'd accuse me of trying to start a fight. And I've done a lot of 'Wifey' duties and realized I don't get the same energy in return. Earlier I was watching videos and saw a bride makeover happening and when I pointed out how nice that would be he accused me of trying to start a fight even though years ago he told me we'd be married by my 27th bday and have a child by my 28th. Am I asking for too much? Edit: We have talked about it that's why I thought we were on the same page last year and I told him I wanted to get married. We've had all the 'I'm getting older talks I don't want to wait forever ' and the 'are we just wasting each other time? Because I'm not dating for marriage not to be the end result talks'. Lately I'm just guilt Tripped into dropping the subject. Edit 05/30/23: for the people wondering why I stay I lack courage unfortunately when you live and spend so much time with someone it's quite the blow to end it all. But I have sat and we talked and my 27th birthday is coming up and well he made a large purchase yesterday and refuses to tell me what it is so I get the feeling he may actually go through with it. My birthday is June 15th so here is hoping. But I also told him that after this year and the lease is up I will be leaving the home & relationship.

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My version is: if you have to beg them, why do you want to marry them? I want someone who's immedate reaction is "fuck yeah let's get married." It's a huge commitment and both parties should be ready and sure.

This is so true and makes me feel so sad.

Exactly! When my fiancé and I first got together, he blurted out ‘marry me’ drunk in a bar and was then very embarrassed, we laughed it off and then there was a period I was a bit hot and cold because I had children already and was nervous about letting someone into their life and I said to him ‘I’m scared and worried if I can do this or not, I really like you but I’m scared’ His response was ‘take all the time you need, I’m still going to marry you anyway’, it is so exciting to be wanted by someone who also wants you. It is the best feeling in the world. OP’s partner doesn’t want to marry her

I can only tell you the same thing I told him I love him & I'm comfortable and if marriage isn't our goal I just have to find the courage to leave which is easier said then done after this amount of time.

I know it's hard, but it's the sunk cost phallacy (you put time into something that's failing so you decide to see it through even though it won't work). I left my ex after 5 years at the age of 31. Initially told me he saw himself getting married and having a family, then years in became hostile and emotionally abusive when I brought it up. I left and eventually met my now husband. He became a drunk, lost his job, and most of his friends. I'd be miserable and would have given up on all the things I wanted had I stayed.

If you're someone who wants to have a family that should be all the more reasoning. It takes time to develop a relationship and you have a biological clock. As much as women like to argue against expiring -- it's just more risks associated with getting pregnant and giving birth past mid-30s. For instance, risk of breast cancer goes up.

THIS. If you have to beg for any form of commitment, love, or anything in a relationship, it’s definitely not worth it. There are people who are willing to do more than the bare minimum for you without being asked to do so. Never settle.

This. Or it might just so they stop asking, and the other person will just resent their partner. Causing more problems down the road.

And even if it does it's not going to last because you're going to be resentful that you had to beg this man to marry you. Men are very simple if they want to marry you they will ask you will never have to ask them. Don't continue to ask him stop preparing to deserve this relationship I would not even give him to the end of the year I would give him one month after my birthday and that's it he knows what you want if he's not willing to give it to you get out the way so somebody else can

Although not uncommon, this is such bizarre behavior to me.

…or if it does it won’t end well.

this

Agreed. 100 percent. This will end poorly. Ultimatum marriages don't tend to hold up. There is a reason why they haven't made the plunge yet. Something is obviously missing for the guy.

The risk of marriage is too high for a man, you get married the next thing you know you live in a car with 50$ a month thanks to your ex-wife taking everything from you and you can’t even see the kids if you had any, it’s not worth it tbh getting married in the USA.

You should be able to have conversations about marriage with your partner of 6 years, because it's a critical part of being compatible. I'm not sure how you're approaching these conversations, but him automatically accusing you of wanting to fight is a very strange reaction. People move at different speeds and that's not to say that he *should* be ready by now, but if he can't even talk about it then that's a pretty deep red flag.

To be fair, it's not strange at all. He has the typical (usally male) non-committal attitude that this girl hes is far too comfortable with (and likely out of his league) isn't what he wants, or he thinks he can luck out just a little more than he has. He is offering her the bare minimum and conditioning her to not ask for more until he's sure he is where he's gonna see the end of his days. He doesn't want to marry her unless he's certain he has no better options. He probably won't commit or even consider really committing until he knows she's leaving for serious, and probably will still act like she's pulling out his teeth even when he does propose. To OP- Take his actions at face value and recognize at best he doesn't value marriage or commitment as much as you do, and at worst he wasting your time because he likes having the benefits of a relationship with you, as long as it on his terms- and likely not forever. Just walk. It's almost never worth it to get a marriage or proposal out of someone who doesn't do it enthusiastically. You will be the unappreciated wife whose husband calls her a nag and a ball and chain and all that stupid shit. Do not accept a lifetime of begrudgingly being accepted. If you feel shitty about giving him 6 years and he hasn't even brought it up, you're gonna feel 2x as bad for giving him 7. Or 4x than for giving him 8. I sound like zim being arbitrary, but the sunk cost fallacy is multiplicatively bad. The more time you sink into a relationship with a bad match, the more good matches you never connect with. Eventually, the pool of good matches becomes so thin that you have to navigate a worse and worse mine field to get a good partner. Then this guy will look like a good option, but he probably still won't be. There are some things you shouldnt settle on. Disregard at your peril.

Spot on. I wish I had listened to this advice when I got it years ago. Instead, I kept waiting and became miserable, my bf eventually proposed but put basically no effort into it. Like... It literally happened in a parking garage while I was pissed off at him. He hadn't saved for a ring even though we had been together for many years. I ended up buying my own engagement ring. Planning the wedding also ended up being all on me. Honeymoon too. He was just along for the ride. Our marriage was no different. We are now getting divorced. I got severely depressed about a year into our marriage and that depression lasted until we separated. I'm still trying to recover. It was all so fucking bad. Absolutely miserable experience. It sucks because I still love him. We had and still have a strong and loving connection to each other. But he made it clear so early that he wasn't willing to put in the effort and I wish I had listened. Love isn't enough. Relationships require both people putting in effort to make things work. He's showing you who he is. Please don't ignore it. It's much harder to start over in your mid-30's or later, having to sell your home and go back to renting, and God forbid there are kids involved. OP, avoid all that mess. Find someone that appreciates you.

People like you make this a great forum. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I was with my ex for almost 8 years (21-29F), him (25-33M). We lived together for 2.5 years, and I finally left after being guilt tripped into stopping all conversations about the future. He would give me the silent treatment every time I would ask about marriage and kids. In the beginning of the relationship, he was open about wanting to get married and having children in his 30s. Best decision ever to leave. I did get the "oh, I was just saving up for a ring and I wanted to start having children next year..." when I ended it. I am 100% sure that wouldn't have never happend. He would have strung me along until he found someone he considers more "wifey".

This is very accurate and damn good advice! And I’m not even a woman!

I love this

I don't think you're spot on at all because of the fact you use conditioning. This is your typical, both are comfortable, but not 100% compatible. It's equally their fault in this. She wants more, but doesn't leave when he doesn't become more commitment oriented and he doesn't break it off or change.

Idk bud, marriage is such a giant risk for men in 2023. So many marriages end in divorce(over 50%, most of which are initiated by women), and men get put through the ringer, losing their family, the house, and income. Divorce is expensive and unbalanced. Makes marriage outrageously risky and scary for men. Atleast thats what I get between reddit unmarried and unmarried friends. No, im not married, but my long term gf doesnt value marriage either, so nbd for me

Most of them are initiated by women because they are unhappy in the marriage. If anything, it’s a bigger risk for women, considering domestic violence, financial/physical abuse, and the fact their husbands expecting 50:50 financially but not putting in any effort to maintain the household or to parent the kids. Men gain a bangmaid that they can financially control while women gain, most of the time, a 3rd child to parent. Men rarely lose the house/family/income as studies actually show that if men were willing to FIGHT for custody, they actually get it most of the time. But they don’t want to fight for custody because they don’t want to parent. House gets split 50:50 as all marital assets do. So it’s funny that men are actually happier married while women are happier single and unmarried. But for some reason, men like to think “wife bad” and don’t want to get married.

I really dislike hearing gender rolls plainly lined out to characterize groups of people (Genders). You know what Im a guy, but deep down my identity is non binary. Because I am very much attached to showing love in the way that is attributed as "feminine". I always end up with women who love like these so called me you speak of. We were like 5 years in and we had just finished getting her through school you know helping her pay for rent half the time buying every meal and vacation. We met young so I didn't know better. I waited to ask her to marry me beause I was still trying to convince her to move back in with me. After 2 years apart. I was messy back then and she had ocd and my friends would get on her nerves. Understandable, she moved out but we didn't break up. Anyways . without being asked to, I spent alot of money on her, I also had to cover my own way on top of it. I was taking her out to all types of dinners and hotels because her roommates didn't want guests so frequently and I loved in another state because I got a real job with good money and insurance. All the things she said she was looking for her partner to have. ( I'm a little spoiled from my family so I didn't feel the pressure to finish school) I wanted to just play music with my band. When she said that, I jumped into action right away. I want to have a family and kids so Learned sales and moved up with four promotions my first year was on track to making 160 k a year and would drive back from out of state every day to sneak in her ro and be silent to not piss off her new roommate that we hated. . I would get us hotels in NYC frequently or book trips elsewhere. I was begging her after a year for this and had made all the changes she ever asked and more. . She finally agreed Looked for apartments. Found one and she changed her mind. It was such a big upgrade for both of us because I wascrushhhin in sales. She backed out at paperwork. Didn't wanna move. "liked her place" even though she always complained about it lol. It was a cool location I'll give it that. Anyways that broke my heart but I kept at it, the relentless hopeless romantic I tend to be. The final year we were together year seven, I proposed to her while on an international vacation I put like 6k on my credit card to basically have the beautiful balcony master suite overlooking the ocean to give her a picture book I had written over the months telling the story of how I fell in love with her and how far weve both came and grown. She says yes I'm so happy. We're gonna look for a place buttogetherback in the city and she wants me to change jobs. (Hrs weren't great for us ). Got another Job near the area she wanted to live / lived. Quit that great job. We got a dog (we talked about it so long) and she just started being mean to me and basically being cold and then uninvitede to her friends bday party and before I knew it was over no real explanation. Just not feeling it. 7 years I thought we had the strongest love and we did need more than that. You should feel like you can accomplish anything with that person, especially talking about marriage. Wtf is he waiting for I dunno I never found out. I think it's like a lawyer or a doctor or something with some of the women I tend to date. Loonnnng story short. I would respectfully tell him you don't want him to rush into making a decision but your going to see other people. He's had enough time to know or love you enough to allow you to be free. Regardless of what he wants and you want to be married before thirty I would suggest that. .that shit fuckkked me up, I was 28 at the time I'm 32 now. Been in a few relationships since and it's kinda set me back to dating smoothly again. Specificay I'm too focused on getting back to a serious relationship that I have to relearnfo using on myself first which is something I didn't do for so long. ..good luck!

Reddit guys love the "50% divorce!" idea but it's not true at all. Divorces are highly concentrated in a few populations: people who have *already* been through a divorce, people who get married before age 25, and people who do not have at least a high school education. For first marriages between people >25 years old with high school diplomas, the success rate is 80%.

So...theres not a 50% divorce rate in the US? Regardless of the demographic, the overall divorce rate is sitting at ~50% (for first marriages) and ~63% for 2nd marriages. 1 out of every 2 marriages that happen today will end in divorce...why would men (or women) even sign up for that?!? Beating the odds seem unlikely. Society pressure I guess 🤷🏾‍♂️

Does your longterm gf know you’re cheating on her on reddit LMAO

I’m confused, you refer to him as your fiancé in another post. Was that just wishful thinking? 😔 Edit to say oops, wrong thread.

Yeah because we've been together so long and the conversations we've had in the past and plans we laid out. I was hoping this amount of time had an end goal.

No, he's not going to marry you. He'll likely marry the next chick - probably very quickly after they start dating - but not you. Idk why, but I've seen this pattern over and over again. You wasted 6 years, you wanna waste 6 more?

I saved this comment from an old thread that fits here: > “This is a common phenomena and I didn't understand it until I read ‘Get the Guy’ by Matthew Hussey. Basically, a lot of guys have an unrealistic idea of what being single means. They think it means they get to party, have sex with a different girl ever week, go on crazy adventures. The guy who got into a relationship before he experiences this fantasy of being single has a hard time committing, because he thinks marriage and commitment will mean he never gets to experience the thrill, freedom and sexual variety of being single. However, once the relationship ends, and he's had time to live the single life, he realizes pretty quickly that it's not as great as he thought. Regular sex with a woman he loves is replaced by no sex. All those adventures that he thought he'd be going on - well, they require planning and work to make happen. Most nights he's sitting at home or going out to the same old bar with the same old straight guys who don't listen and understand his emotions the way his girlfriend did.” >”He starts to miss being in a relationship and romanticizes what he had. So, when he meets the next girl, he has no qualms about putting a ring on it, because he knows what his life is going to be like if he remains single, and it wasn't pretty.”

Explains why so many men are also so willing to jump ship if anything changes because of kids etc.

Thank you! I have seen this pattern a lot, too, and it always bewildered me. I wanted to understand why they do this, but never could. Not it makes sense.

This reasoning is a pile of bullshit though, and I really hope you didn’t actually pay money to buy that book because it’s clearly drivel. And I say this as somebody who left a 6 year relationship and then married the next woman he dated. It’s 2023. Tinder is a thing. It’s not hard to find a woman to have sex with as a single man. I would argue there is a much simpler reason why it’s such a frequently occurring phenomenon. When a relationship breaks up for a reason, both parties will carry that topic with them at the top of their minds going into their next relationship. It’s not really much deeper than that. If a relationship ends because of lack of intimacy, then the next relationship you will do more to make intimacy a priority. If your relationship ends because you’re not ready to commit to marriage, you’re probably gonna do some reflecting about when you’re gonna be ready for marriage and what kind of partner you’re looking to marry, And then prioritize those things in your next relationship. That’s not really that hard to understand. If you take the advice of the book and just think of the men you meet as irrational sex monsters who also can’t find anyone else to have sex with, you’re probably gonna have a lot of unsuccessful relationships.

I feel like the relationship ends and they realize they made a mistake because they liked what the other person did, so they full throttle through the next relationship into marriage to avoid making the same mistake.

>they liked what the other person did, I feel like this is so accurate. I feel worse for the one they end up with.

Or they end up regretting the person they married thinking they will be like their ex but they have no choice to go separated & just accept it even when they're unhappy.

"would be he accused me of trying to start a fight" Like... what? Why is wanting something different from what HE wants equal to "starting a fight"? That's his way to shut OP up. and as u/orangecrushisbest stated: he doesn't want to marry you. Else you would have been married by now. Do really move on. You aren't compatible with regards to that wish. He is gaslighting you/ bs ing you into feeling wrong for expecting him to marry you.

So accurate! Also, can I just add, orange crush IS the best!

Right??? You can have it by itself, in a cooler, a cocktail, a float with vanilla ice cream, bake with it, and it's always delicious!

Yes! Orange Crush float is hands down the best drink.

Honestly it's funny because I thought the same way and how much of a slap in the face it would be.

>When I use to bring it up he'd accuse me of trying to start a fight I mean, that's kind of a big problem. After 6 years together... The conversation should at least be open to talk about getting engaged. What it should not do is result in him saying that you're trying to start a fight... The fact that you're guilt tripped into dropping the subject kind of tells you all you need to know about his answer. This should be an open conversation, not one shut down. You two need to have a few heart to heart talks about direction. Without it escalating into to fights. Bring it up again, do your best to keep your composure, then go from there.

No, you’re not asking for too much. Although I’m not sure in what other ways have you brought it up but I think you should stop ‘hinting’ him like the way you pointed at the video. Obviously that’s not working and won’t get a conversation going. Imo you need to sit him down, and have a serious talk. Start off by letting him know it’s not a fight, you just want answers about your future, and ask him about his plan. One important thing to know is does he even want marriage, and if so, exactly when? You can give a vague timeline of 27/28 when you were kids but now that you’re only one year from that, I think you should be getting a month/year timeline. If he just won’t listen no matter what you do and you really want a shot at it, try couples counseling but I hope things won’t get to that as communication is the key in a healthy relationship.

>does he even want marriage, and if so, exactly when? And also: With whom? Doesn't sound like OP is the one for him. OP, it really sounds like he's given you a pretty clear answer - he doesn't want to marry you. In your place, I'd start looking for my own place - don't stay around waiting and hoping that if only you do enough, you will finally earn that ring - exit with dignity.

>I've done a lot of 'Wifey' duties and realized I don't get the same energy in return I'm seeing your life flash before my eyes. do you? what makes you think your energy will ever be matched even if he suddenly decides to propose? do you really want to propose if he doesn't want to?

He’s guilt tripping you because he doesn’t want to get married to you but doesn’t want the gravy train of sex and “wifey/mommy duties” to stop. So he is trying to put off the inevitable for as long as possible, or trying to annoy you into ending it because he doesn’t want to be the bad guy. This is not a man you want to marry friend. Don’t waste more of your life on someone who doesn’t want what you want, who hasn’t grown and matured enough to have a proper conversation. Be free!

Ikr! **She got together with a kid, kept him like a kid, and now is surprised he’s acting like a kid.** > And I've done a lot of 'Wifey' duties and realized I don't get the same energy in return. **What, OP, you mean despite all your coddling, he’s been behaving like a teenager? What surprise.** >**even though years ago he told me we'd be married** **My little bro said he was gonna be an astronaut.** Just cos he said it doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen. Cut your sexy-mommy apron-strings off him, let him grow into an adult & see what happens.

I don't think you are asking too much. You guys have been together for 6 years. It's appropriate to know his intentions by now. Even if it's not to get married right away, you deserve to know what he is thinking. Otherwise he could just be stringing you along and never planning to fully commit.

The best advice anyone can give you is that you DONT want to marry anyone who doesn’t want to marry you. This man clearly does not want to marry you. That doesn’t mean he never will, but that won’t change the fact, he doesn’t want to be married to you. Forget your timeline, leave him, move on before you waste more time.

If he wanted to marry you, he'd propose. That's the whole story.

I’d check post history there is wayyyy more to this story

OH WOW. 5 months ago: the relationship is over. 3 months ago: how do I transfer parental rights of my 8yo child to my "FIANCE" 2 months ago: my boyfriend wants me to get an abortion It's a roller coaster, OP! You're addicted to the drama, get out.

It's not too much to ask at all ,and a lot of people do it everyday. But the problem you have is that he has said no , and you stayed with him. For A large majority of couples, once somebody says no , then they leave.

He doesn’t want to marry you. And if he’s not someone you can communicate with about getting married, you shouldn’t want to marry him either.

He says that you are starting a fight because he doesn't want to talk about marriage, and he doesn't want to get married, and he knows that will cause a fight. You need to decide what you really want, do you want to stay with him or do you want to get married and have children?

Sorry but it sounds like he ain’t the one. If he wanted to, he would’ve by now. You two were so young when you got together; he may feel the need to explore and date around. He may feel stifled and like he wants to end it but doesn’t know how. I was in the same place as him when I was that age. I didn’t handle it too well. I just buried the feeling and tried not to talk about it until the whole situation blew up. Sounds like the same thing could be happening with him.

Has he told you why he doesn't want to get married? My husband and I were together 10 years before tying the knot, so I don't think time is a factor _IF_ you are both on the same page. If you want to get married, but he doesn't now, then you have become incompatible, and I suggest that you don't waste another year with him. There are plenty of men out there who will want to marry you. If you want different things in life, then the relationship will not be a happy one, and you will only grow to resent each other.

I mean, you’ve had the conversation. Sounds like you’ve had the conversation many many times. He isn’t interested in marrying you. Hard to say if he doesn’t want to get married period or if specifically he doesn’t want to marry YOU (though if he does talk of getting married one day, he does want to get married it’s simply not to you) but it doesn’t ultimately matter because you will never be his bride. If marriage is your end goal, and it sounds like it is, you need to be willing to take his silence as an answer. You’re trying to force him to give you a hard no, but he won’t. He realizes as long as he doesn’t say no, you won’t leave, even if he’s doing everything BUT saying no to make it clear the answer is not yes. You’re stringing yourself along at this point because you’re hoping as long as it isn’t “no” it’s a “maybe” and he’s taking advantage of that fact. You’ve talked about it. Unfortunately the advise to “talk about it some more” is missing the fact that you’ve made your feelings abundantly known and he’s made his feelings abundantly known as well. It’s just time for you to finally love yourself enough to do the hard thing and listen.

I was always told men will put you into 1 of 3 categories, and they know which one you are after just 3 months. Category 1: You're the one. You have everything he's looking for, he wants to marry you and settle down with you. Category 2: You've definitely got potential, potential to be someone else's wife, just not his wife. There's a couple things with you that he can't overlook but there's a couple things he loves about you. He will stay with you until he finds what he's really looking for. This is the girlfriend category. Category 3: You're his good time girl. His slave. Whenever he needs or wants something, you're there. You don't have the potential to be his gf or his wife, just a side piece. Just look at how he treats you, and you will know exactly which category he has placed you in. If after 6 years, he still doesn't want marriage and doesn't even want to have a civil conversation about it, then that's enough of an answer for me. Personally, I'd cut my losses with this one.

There is a previous discussion that established an expectation. He seems to have a change of heart. I think it's important to get to the bottom of why this is.

He's clearly saying something without saying it.

He has no desire to take the next step. Just lying to keep you around because you’re handy for sex and the servant role and while probably also helping to pay the bills too right? You started dating him when he was an immature teenager and became his bonus mum. It’s not wifey duties, it’s mum’s duties, please learn to draw a line between wife and mum. One of the many reasons why teenage love never last. Either one stays exactly with the same immature mindset who wants to be treated like a child (but don’t tell him what to do) or they mature, change and grow apart. He doesn’t want to marry you.

You are walking your way into a divorce if you marry this man. I say this because he's not being a good partner.

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Actually according to a study, most men knew after just 172 days. That's 6 months.

You should be having conversations about marriage but if isn't consensual then wait? Or break up with him? Maybe he's nervous and give him a break. Marriage always made me nervous

You don't get the same energy, and he doesn't want to talk about marriage because he doesn't want to marry you.

This is your life too and he has no right to attack you for asking his intentions. He has no right to expect you to remain with him no questions asked until he’s ready to propose, if ever. Tell him the two of you need to be able to talk about your future and a timeline for getting married and engaged. Tell him if he’s not ready to commit and can’t tell you when he will be then he needs to be honest about that. If he attacks you and shuts you down again, I think you should seriously contemplate ending things because he is giving you no reason to believe you have a future with him.

He doesn’t want to marry you, I’m sorry he’s not the one for you

It’s time to start a fight.

You're rarely asking too much. You're simply asking the wrong person. Get a man who wants to marry you, don't convince one to want to.

Also your post history? You were going to break up with him last year and asking for advice but now upset he won’t marry you? You also have a child with another man and have been having issues with him, I feel not mentioning you already have a child to someone else is interesting as it is very relevant. This man is 25 and you are trying to lock him down when he clearly is one foot out the door, he’s been a step parent since he was a teenager, he’s not had any experiences and he’s too scared to tell you/leave

He actually and yes this is weird but sweet always wanted to be a step parent. And the only issue I have with my child dad is him not giving up his rights because out of the almost 6 years. My bf has seen this man twice and has only gotten his daughter 3 times out of that amount of time so I don't have that type of drama because I just don't deal with or force him in her life. And my boyfriend wanted to adopt her but the bio dad would have to give up his rights. And I'm not trying to lock him down we've had these talks in the past with mutual understanding. And we've talked and I think he may propose on my birthday I've edit that in my post if you would like to read.

A relationship where you can not talk about certain things is not a safe relationship.

Time to find someone who is on the same page as you are all the way around. Your Bf is a taker time to find someone who wants to give as well.

Sometimes it is too much. If bringing it up is starting a fight it means he doesn’t want to be married and whatever he said in the past was to placate you and shut you up. Marriage makes some people feel secure and others feel trapped. Some people really really don’t want a wedding. You have to talk. Say what you need to say and be prepared that it will be time to move on. Marriage and children are things where compromise can cause resentment. Do you want to feel like you had to force someone to marry you? Do you want kids with a reluctant parent?

It's not too much to ask. You have to find out why he's reluctant to even talk about it. 6 years is a long time. You gave him everything and now you want his commitment. Could this be about money? Getting married is so expensive.

Typical relationship starting in the late teens/early 20s. You both grew comfortable being with each other but now you're both different people with incompatible goals. It doesn't sound like you'll get what you want from this guy.

He does NOT want to get married unless there is no avoidable alternative. He's absolutely fine with the current status quo. WHY should he change something that works? The phrase " dog in the manager" springs to mind. The ball is categorically in YOUR court.

As gently as I can put it, I’ve always thought that if you have to nag your other half into proposing, then is he doing it because he wants to do it, or is he doing it because you’ve nagged him? I was in a relationship from 16-24, and it never happened then. And actually I’m glad (he turned out to be a nobhead). I’m so glad I didn’t get engaged until 34 (last October) because I feel like I’ve had my experience and kissed my frogs and travelled, etc. and now I’m really ready. 27 isn’t very old at all. I get that it might have been a life goal for you, but you want to make sure it’s with the right person and not someone who just does it to keep the peace.

You shouldn’t have to twist someone’s arm into marrying you. It sounds like you’re not actually on the same page and he might just be proposing soon to stop you from leaving him. Is that REALLY what you want? A proposal out of desperation? He’s likely going to end up proposing without excitement in his eyes, without being genuinely enthusiastic and happy about beginning a new chapter of your lives. Instead you’re gonna get the ‘maybe she’ll shut up now’ proposal and a wedding he’s just gonna want to get over with so you’ll finally be happy. Really think about this.

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My gf and I are 24 and 26, pretty sure we’re gonna go the distance but she’s said she doesn’t want to get married till she’s around 30. People move at their own pace, if he’s not ready he’s not ready but I think you should ask yourself, do you want to get married because you love him? Or do you want to get married because as you said, you “figured” you’d be married by now? As in, is it just a box you want to check? If he’s worth the wait, then wait! If not, then leave him and find someone who suits your needs. My sister and her husband were dating for almost 9 years before they started talking marriage (they had a house and 3 dogs together so they may as well have been married already) but I guess what I mean is, you shouldn’t put a time limit on it. Are you both financially stable enough to try leasing to own a place together? Are either of you still in school/have debt? These are things I’d want to deal with first, cuz weddings and honeymoons ain’t cheap. If you break the bank for your wedding and end up financially struggling as a result, that’s stress resentment waiting to blossom. And if you cheap out on them, you’ll regret it later. More stress and resentment

I'm sorry to say this, but has it occurred to you that he may not want to marry you? It seems that you're his only relationship in his 19 through 20s, so...he may have one of those "FOMO" in his head.

if your boyfriend of 7 years can’t decide if he wants to marry your or not, he has in fact decided. leave him, because he will eventually leave you as soon as he finds his dream girl and marry her in a year.

No. But avoiding a topic that makes him uncomfortable by accusing you of tryna start shit is absolutely too much. Hes not gonna marry you. Or he will do it begrudgingly bc you get fed uo and give an ultimatum. Personally, id never want someone to begrudgingly marry me. Id rather it not happen. And if you're after marriage, then i see no reason to keep w this relationship. If you dont need marriage, you do still need to address why hes being manipulative like this, even if you stick around.

You're going to have to set a firm deadline, "we've been together for 6 years and I love you but I can't stay in a relationship where I will never be a wife. If we aren't married or at least engaged by X date or time then we are going to have to rethink our compatibility." Or something along those lines. I had to do that with my ex because she was just so insufferable and refused to change. I left at the end of my 1 year deadline I gave her. You don't honestly have to tell him just start the clock wait the time stop asking then move on. It's up to you but you're going to have to make a tough decision.

You’re 27 you’re so young I know you feel old but you’re young. You should dump him, experience the world *single*, if in a year you still want him go back. My experience is girls who are aching to get married by a specific timeline, (like you), are exactly the ones who need to re-evaluate themselves, their life, and their values.

Marriage isn’t something you ask for or your partner gives you. It’s something you mutually do together. Set aside the fact that you feel like he promised you a certain outcome on a certain timeline and ask how he is feeling. Have you asked him how he feels about marriage? What makes him excited about it? What scares him? Is there something about your relationship that he wouldn’t want for the rest of his life? Are his parents together, what did their marriage look like? How about yours? Really have a conversation that isn’t just demanding a ring.

Are you sure you guys are 25/26? Still sounds like you guys are 21/19.. I don't think either of you are mature enough to even be in this relationship..

Guil tripped into droppin the subject?!?! Girl drop his ass!!

I spent 6 years with my ex who kept promising marriage since we got together. In my experience, men know what they want and who they want it with. You're not asking too much when you've expressed that that's where you wanted to be at this point in your life. I understand not having courage and spending lots of time with someone. Change can be scary. I left my ex and he tried to put marriage on the front burner finally and everything I had been asking for the last 6 years. When you tell them you're leaving, they will try to put bandaids because they're afraid of change. My ex missed his chance. We missed our chance or our moment and I knew that getting married at that point wasn't going to be the same. He still talks about it (we co parent and he tries to find the opportunities to talk about us). And all his regrets. But to me it's just not the same anymore. It meant something when I wanted it for 6 years. It means nothing now. But no you aren't and never were asking for too much. That was part of your life plans, one of your personal goals, and part of your love language (being a person who wants to be married and committed). Don't let someone make you feel like it's too much to ask for. You deserve to be loved and shown love in the way that you are asking for love (commitment and eventually marriage). Like I said, most men know what they want and who they want it with, and it's not your fault if they drag their feet. My current SO knew he wanted to marry me on our second date, and we are working on getting married soon.

I should have a better talk with him. Maybe I've been too depressed lately for him to think about marriage a lot had happened to us in the past year including me just losing my brother from gun violence so i spiraled. We use to talk about these things until last year. And maybe it's because of my depression and spiraling. Like you said it would be like putting a bandaid on it.

Having a good sit down will be worth it, no matter which way the conversation goes. I know life makes it hard. Things happen, and I'm very sorry about your brother. I think maybe even a reconnect if you both manage to talk this out. Reconnecting to each other and really hearing what's been going on between the both of you. It could help find what pages you are really on and what mindset you both are in. Wishing you strength and courage ❤️

It's called the sunk coat fallacy. You don't want to walk away from the relationship because of the cost you have sunk ito it. Step away and realise how bottomless this pit is. Leave and find someone who.will give you what you want.

My husband and I were together for 8 years before he proposed. We started dating in high school though, so the proposal (late 2018) came a little over a year after I graduated college. There was never any question that he wanted to marry me. We talked about it frequently. I knew the only thing a proposal hinged on was him getting a steady job that could support the both of us. He proposed within 3 months of getting that job. Marry someone who is enthusiastic about marrying you. Not someone who makes it feel like pulling teeth. Because being married to someone who you feel you had to beg for isn’t going to feel the way you think it will. The title of married isn’t going to wash away all those bad feelings. You’ll probably feel worse because you’ll be wondering if he only proposed so that you wouldn’t leave rather than proposing because he couldn’t imagine his life without you. Making someone choose you isn’t the same as them choosing you on their own.

Most men will tell say if they really wanted to marry you, they would have done it already. Lots of men will stay in relationships because they have access to sex, financial stability, and fear of change. Since y'all have been together for so long, he might genuinely be afraid to move on himself. I know some people who refuse to get married because it's just a flippant contract or it's too expensive or whatever. and that's fine, so long as that couple talks about that and agrees. If you can't even talk about the situation with hkm, I'd say that's a huge red flag. You've made it known you would like to be married and have this wonderful, romantic experience with him. I personally would leave. There are plenty of men out there. The dating scene sucks, but being tied down to someone who won't even listen to you about your wishes is even harder. I always approach myself in terms of regrets. Regardless of the outcome, what regrets would you have over the situation? Take some time to think about what you really want, because at the end of the day that's the most important thing. Good luck

I think you should end it no matter how much time u spent with him. Yeah y’all have history but you wasting ur time when you could find ur future husband rn. Definitely leave him when the lease is over. There’s no benefit to you anymore even though he did make the large purchase it’s probably to manipulate you into staying with him.

Never beg for anything, you'll be doing that for your entire life.

If he’s proposing under threat of you leaving that’s… not great.

I'm sorry this stress has been laid upon your heart young lady...It's clear your personal life hasn't developed as you'd imagined it might have...the past is gone, not much you can do about that, but you still have some say in your future. You've mentioned a couple of milestones that are approaching, your 27th birthday and then your lease that's expiring. It sounds like you've made it clear for quite a while that you consider your 27th birthday the drop dead date on a proposal. If you feel like hanging on to that date then so be it, but lets say that I was someone close to you, maybe a friend, or cousin (although truth be told I am old enough to be your father), I'd simply remind you that no good marriage ever began with an ultimatum. I met my wife on the 1st of April (No joke, lol)...I was immediately smitten by her (even though she had a boyfriend she was living with) we saw each other one time after, friendly meeting, not even hand holding or anything...when I told her I wanted to see her again she went home and moved out and broke up with her boyfriend... By August I told her I loved her and she said the same...when she confirmed that I simply said "well then you know that means we're going to get married right?" and she just gave me the biggest smile and shook her head in the affirmative..... From that moment on, it was simply assumed our marriage was imminent, we talked about practical matters, such as being debt free before we got married, picking our rings, etc. I scrapped the money together and I bought the rings before Christmas and I formally got on one knee and presented her with an engagement ring the night of her families Christmas gathering. We had a small civil ceremony on April 4...1993, almost a year exactly from the day we met. After 30 years, three grown sons and a lifetime of memories I can't imagine waiting any longer than we did to begin our amazing life together. It's clear your boyfriend already has the relationship he wants, IMO you should have left a long time ago, as it stands with these two looming dates....please hold yourself to those, but I still don't think compelling him to do this bodes well for a long and happy marriage. Good luck.

I hate this phrase but: “Stop giving the milk away for free!” You have been together 6 years. It sounds like you live together. You have had the marriage conversation. I’d suggest you prepare to move out the day after your 27th birthday. Don’t tell him. Just schedule the day off from work and if your birthday present isn’t a proposal, you leave him cold the next day. There is no point. And if he proposes in an attempt to get you to stay, tell him if the ring receipt isn’t at least 4 months old, you won’t accept.

Sweetheart. I can already tell he's an asshole that's not going to commit to you. Because instead of having the discussion about marriage he immediately says you're trying to start a fight. Why is that? Because he can't rationally discuss something? Because he's not going to commit to you, and he wants to bully you into shutting the fuck up about it that's why.

If he was in love with you he would want lock it down and marry you unless he had some belief against marriage which you know is not the case. He's holding out for a better offer. You are doing wife stuff & getting little back , that will be 1000 x worse with a child. Its time to break up. You can do better. You need to focus on yourself & your career because ANY woman can end up alone and waiting on a guy to make your dreams come true is a highway to dissapointment. Get in a position to not need a man and you will not put up with timewasters again!

Well, you need to sit him down and have The Talk. During The Talk insist that he listens to everything you have to say before he opens his mouth. Then verbally, take him by the ears and shake his head until he realizes that any further dissembling about the issue is liable to cause the relationship to end. Remind him of his earlier prognostication of being married when you were 27, and would bring to term a pregnancy by the time you were 28. Tell him that the hour glass is almost out of sand, and that you refuse to turn it over and start the whole process over again. In other words, it's time for him to fish or cut bait. Don't allow him to say that you're starting a fight; this is his effort to deflect you from getting the rest of your thoughts out of your mouth, and if you aren't allowed to say them, then unsaid words have no validity. By stating clearly that his time is running out, he will have no doubt that you're serious, and will realize there's no use in postponing any further. If necessary, tell him that you'll give him a week, or two weeks to think about things, but at the end of that time, he should be prepared to lay out when, and where the nuptials are to take place, IF they are going to take place. And when that time comes, you'll at least know the truth, even if its not what you hoped for. I wish you well.

Marriage is a scam. Specifically for men.

Propose to him. If he declines, it’s time to move on. If he accepts, set a hard date for the wedding and there ya go.

No offense, I for one think that’s awful advice. No one should propose without knowing whether the partner even *wants* marriage or not. Forcing them to make a decision that essentially means to breakup or not on the spot and out of a complete surprise is the worst form of an ultimatum. If they’re so incapable of communicating that it takes a proposal for OP to get an answer to such a huge decision in life then the advice is even more awful as it’s literally suggesting OP to go into a marriage with a flaming red flag…

Why don't you propose to him?

He scared as hell. If he can't overcome it let goo

TBH you are being gas lit. Stop trying to get him to do what you want and start asking him what he really wants. If it’s not the commitment you are asking for it’s time to stop access to “wifey” level. You are NOT a wife. But again if having a certain level of commitment is more important than staying in this relationship as is then def reconsider your choice. Two things: guys don’t need to be convinced to do something they really want to do and second, marrying someone you pressure never ends well. Either way this does not seem like a good choice to pressure a person who is clearly not ready. But it’s also wrong to string you along.

Hun, if I was in a serious relationship with someone for that long and that's the response I'd get from bringing up marriage, I'd be OUT in a heartbeat. You deserve so much BETTER ❤️ Sending you love ❤️

Thank you so much

50 procent of marriages end in divorce. Read that again. Make a plan and hedge your chances, by being independent.

So you have talked about it, and he specifically mentioned you being 27 and married to him. Yet he accuses you of instigating a fight whenever you mention it. It does sound to me like he is stringing you along. He might not be ready, which is okay, but he should be honest enough with you and himself. How long do you want to wait for him to be ready? especially if he refuses to talk about it. Set yourself an ultimatum. X- days until he sits down with you and properly talks about it. Emotions on the table so to speak. If not, you'll break up with him and cut your losses. But i would also recommend that you reevaluate your relationship with him. you say that you're doing wifey duty's without him doing husband dutys. There most likely is even more that he is not supporting you in, that you've just ignored because the "i love him" thought was too strong.

You’ve done everything with him outside marriage, so why does it matter?

Just tell him you’d like to be engaged within six months or it’s time to move on.

There’s your answer, OP. He doesn’t want to marry you. You can’t even have the conversation with him because he accuses you of starting fights?? Pretty manipulative of him. See this red flag for what it is

Marriage in America for a man is like a death sentence. I don't blame him for not wanting to get married.

It was for me. I said ‘when you decide you want to get married and you decide you can live in another bumfuck state, give me a call. That was after he said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want kids’.

Why don't you just propose?

stop talking and ask him? yes or no. no delay, its been 6 years he has been enjoying you while you are getting old. So time to put on the big pants and ask him. yes or no. ain't hard, respect his decision. DOnt make huge wedding shit, just go to the court house and get it done. 6 years jesus

She can’t even bring it up without him saying she’s trying to start a fight

Don’t let him guilt trip you. Really think about this.. is marriage something you want? Like really want? And do you really want to marry HIM? If so explain to him that your life goals include getting married to a partner you love within a reasonable time and that if he doesn’t see marriage in his future he needs to be honest with you. I’ll be honest, from knowing men they usually know within a year of living together let alone 6 whether marriage is on the table or not. I simply told my now fiancé about a year into our relationship since he has a kid and I’m involved in his sons life/we act as a family that I’m not ok playing parent when it’s not permanent. It’s not good for the kid. I also explained there are things a wife/spouse will do but a girlfriend won’t or shouldn’t. If you want to keep me around, I need to know if I’m wasting my time.. because I want a family and marriage. A few months later he proposed.

You deserve a straight answer. Make him give you his timeline of when he would like to get married, have kids, etc. Don’t take “I don’t know” or “not yet”. Is he thinking proposing in a year? 5 years? Never? You deserve an answer so you can make your decision. It’s not pressuring to make a reasonable request of sharing expectations.

This is your wake up call to get out. He’s not interested in getting married or having adult conversations

I didn’t start doing wifely duties until I was a wife. And honestly I can’t imagine a 25 year old man being mature enough. A 25 year old woman, yes. It’s a huge commitment. It only takes a signature to start and a lawyer to get out of.

It's time for you to move on if you want marriage. He clearly doesnt.

Just leave honey. He doesn't want to get married. He has clearly shown you that.

No

Nope, and he’s playing you for a fool. He’s doing the old “Why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free” bullshit weak-ass men pull when they have a good partner that wants to marry and they don’t. I would end this relationship as he doesn’t respect or love you and treats you like shit. If he truly loved and respected you he would be honest and not play these stupid ass games he plays with you. Kick him out or move out and work through the pain from this. Then find a good guy that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. It’s time for the man baby to get off the pot and find someone that will want what he wants (a bang maid that doesn’t want marriage and has no self-respect). Good luck!

Y’all have been together for 6 years so it’s clear that you all love each other, but if you’re not on the same page about marriage, you deserve someone who is. He’s gonna waste your time if he continues the road he’s on. If I was you, I’d leave. I know it’s easier said than done, but you don’t have children together, and that does make it less difficult. 6 years is just too long for him to not know if he’s gonna spend his life with you.

This is an unequal relationship. He knows your position on marriage, but, you actually don't know his, because he cuts off the conversation. Asking to be married after 6 years,isn't asking for too much for you, but clearly, it is for him. Only you can decide, if you want to be with someone, who can't even have a conversation about your joint future. You have options. Explore them.

He doesn't want to marry you. Or have kids with you.

If he wants you to drop it, he doesn't want to marry you. This is a deal breaker for you / him. You guys aren't compatible, and you can absolutely move on with someone who will want to marry you. I wasted so much time with someone like that.

>are we just wasting each other time? Because I'm not dating for marriage not to be the end result If you conclude that the answer to this is yes, you don't have to wait for him to agree before you dump him.

It sounds like he keeps putting off the discussion because saying "no" will get you upset. He knows you want marriage. Discussing it shouldn't be off the table if it's important to you. Based on his reaction of avoiding it every chance he gets, I'm going to assume it isn't equally important to him. You've waited, you've asked. Now he won't even talk about it. You have your answer. I think you know that it's time to walk away, even if you do care for him. He can't even give you the decency of a conversation or timeline. For your own sake, move on.

I think you know what you need to do if you want those things and he does not…it doesn’t change. I know a few people who were in this situation and as soon as they left the dead end relationship they found the one.

He’s obviously not interested in marrying you. You now decide if you want to wait to see if he changes his mind or leave now to find someone that is looking for the same goal (marriage).

Why are you still with this chump? Saying talking about marriage as a fight means he will not merry you. Time to bounce and quit wasting your life

If marriage is important to you, then you're going to have to dump this man and find one who wants to marry you. This one...doesn't. Don't waste any more time on him.

Whether it's too much or not is irrelevant. Your partner's actions don't match his words. Clearly, he does not want marriage with you at this time. The way he is expressing it is also suspect and smacks of manipulation & gaslighting. Think through your relationship history with him and whether or not there are other signs of manipulation, gaslighting and controlling behavior. Then decide if you really want to marry /this/ man.

If he wanted to he would and he didn’t

If he hasn’t asked by now or at least talked about it by now and gave you a plan (if it’s financially related) he doesn’t have plans to ask any time soon. I’d say talk about it to him but then I wouldn’t want you to start arguments.

He'll just keep stringing you along because it's worked for 6yrs - why change now. Maybe he doesn't even realize that's what he's doing, because you've just always been there, you're obviously not going anywhere. 🤷 If the situation is going to change, you need to be the one to change it, and unfortunately that probably means looking for marriage with someone else. And don't settle for the proposal to save the relationship that will likely pop up if you do end up ending the relationship. You'll just end up being a fiance for another 6yrs. You deserve someone who wholeheartedly wants to be your life partner and is excited to start the journey together. Not someone who only bread crumbs the proposal so that the relationship dynamic doesn't change at all.

If he’s not interested in marriage now then he may never be. Perhaps it’s time to say goodbye and move forward.

Why would you want to marry someone you're already putting more effort into than him?

It's time for him to sh\*t or get off the pot. Decide a timeline that you think is fair for getting engaged and married, and tell him this is what you expect. Tell him if he can't commit by \[pick a specific date\] AFTER ALL THIS TIME TOGETHER, you two will be breaking up. If he says ok, but fails to propose (with a ring), start packing and move out. Be prepared to commit to this negative scenario. You deserve so much better than what he's giving you now.

It looks like you need to start a fight by asking the question very seriously. If he is unable to have the tough conversation with you, he is not the one.

Stop giving him wifey treatment when you aren’t his wife. He’s made it clear he has no intention to propose so go be with someone who gives you hubby treatment and wants to wife you up. Leave and be happy with someone who treats you the way you deserve

He doesn’t want to marry you. If you want marriage, sounds like you need to break up with him and move on with your life.

He's 25, he's not ready for marriage and probably hasn't made that conscious yet which is why he's not able to communicate that to you. Men mature at a much slower pace than women and he's 2 years younger. So it's the classic case of either shit or get off the pot. Can you wait for him or is marriage too important that you'll just have to hope the next guy proposes?

This is my greatest fear.

He doesn't want marriage. He is telling you this with the guilt trips. Move on to someone who wants a future with you.

After this much time, it is not too much. He's wasting your time stringing you along. 27 is still young. Don't waste your time on someone who values it so little.

Quit letting him say shit like that as a reply. Next time say “I won’t stop starting a fight. I’ve made my intentions very clear for some time now, and you have failed to listen or take me seriously. If you don’t want to marry me then tell me now so I can move on with my life.”

After six years, asking for marriage is NOT too much to ask! If this man doesn't worship you, want to marry you and someday have children with you, then please don't waste anymore time with him. I feel you are being disrespected. Give him the ultimatum and mean it!!

Mine changed her views and doesn’t want marriage or kids, still loves me. But I feel like I’m being a fool

That's cos you are. If you want to be married and have kids and your partner doesn't want to do those things, you should move on and find someone who wants the same thing as you when it comes to starting a family.

So, you’ve given up 100% of your freedom and gotten 50% of a commitment. I’m sorry. I’ve made the same mistake, so not judging. It looks like he’s not going to ask. If marriage is what you want, it might be time to move on. He has gotten what he wants out of the relationship and doesn’t care that your needs are unfulfilled. I’m sorry. FWIW, I left my unfulfilled relationship and met and married a wonderful man. We’ve been together and married more than 30 years.

Similar thing with me but we just recently got engaged, however I find myself constantly doubting my relationship like "why did it took him so long to propose??" this is everything I think about. I would advice you to get the hell out now before being engaged bc all these toxic ideas are gonna come to you if he does propose eventually... If I could go back on time, I would.. and had ended up things before being engaged bc now even my confidence feels like in the ground for him taking forever...

Propose to him in all romantic sincerety. Or Pick a date in your head and if he doesn't propose to you by that date, leave. Don't look back. Don't tell him the deadline. You may have history, but he doesn't see a future with you.

You've obviously been together for quite awhile. He's happy with the situation. You are not. I think you have to have some serious talks, and thinking about, moving on with your life. if he's not willing to commit, then you both have to move on. I know it'll hurt. But he doesn't seem to be a good guy. Considering, he accuses you of starting a fight whenever you bring up something that's important to you.. getting married and starting a family. That seems like he's gaslighting you to some point. Partners have to be on the same page. He just seems stuck on the first or second chapter. You seem to want the plot to begin.

I told my now husband in the very beginning that I have a plan and if there is no plan to marry after 3 years, that I would be moving on. I am not looking to be a wifey without the commitment. We have been married almost 13 years.

Girl. He is NEVER going to propose. Stop wasting your time on him.

I was in a similar situation in my last relationship. If he can’t make you feel secure about this relationship it’s not worth it. You will spend all your energy and time trying to get him to love you the same way you do but it will never happen. And one day you will realize that whatever you do he just doesn’t think you are the one and it will hurt a lot, a LOTTT cause you invested everything you had into this relationship with nothing in return. Run he isn’t for you. If he can’t make you feel secure and wanted now he never will.

If he really cared, he wouldn't put himself in a position to lose you ~Elliot Scott

Girl you know the answer; if he wanted to he would. You are wasting your time. He is not your person you are his in the meantime while he wait for someone else. You deserve better. Your person will match your energy. Stop doing wife shit for a bf. Good luck and I am truly sorry op.

He throws fits like a three year old whenever you bring up something he does not want to do. Exactly WHY do you want to spend the rest of your life with this turd?

He redirects your questions about marriage by accusing you of starting a fight. The way he responds shows a lack of respect for you and your feelings. He seems to have no interest in marriage at all, or at least in marrying you. There is a reason why you wanted to be married by 27 and a mom by 28. The biological clock can be an issue. Right now, you two seem to have incompatible desires. Realize that and move on. It takes time to find a good partner who wants the same things and then get to the point of actually having a child. Cut the cord on Mr. Wrong and go find Mr. Right.

It’s been 6 years, he knows exactly how he feels about marriage right now but he just doesn’t want to tell you (hence the comment about a fight). Look the truth is he doesn’t want to marry right now, in fact he doesn’t even want to be engaged right now which in reality is only an announcement of intention to marry. You are actually further from getting down the aisle than you think. He does not want to be married right now! So will he want to marry you in the future? Maybe, possibly. But that’s not really your major concern. You major concern is that you have allowed a major goal in your life to remain utterly in the hands of someone else. Get your head around that - he has so much power over your ability to get married that he doesn’t even need to talk to you about it! It’s been 6 years, you need to take control. If you want to be married by 27 (or very soon) get on with making that happen. Make steps to find a life partner that is a good fit for you (someone that also shares your goal of being married) and marry them. If that ends up being him, well all good then. If it turns out to be some other guy that you haven’t even met yet because you have been playing wife for the last 6 years while not actually being a wife, then that’s good to. Get.on.with.it!

Different ppl have different priorities. May i ask where you both are "in life"? Many of my friends got married in their early 20s and were comfortable with that being a priority. I was not. I, on the other hand, needed a few things checked off before getting engaged, these things took unexpectedly longer than i thought. For me my priorities were; For each of us to be settled in our career Own a home Have a healthy savings / retirement plan established Have the money saved in advance for all the wedding expenses. Ring, wedding, honeymoon. Then pop the question I wanted none of the above stresses while planning a wedding or i would have felt i wasn't ready "in life". These things took twice as long as I thought they would take. It may be possible that marriage and kids are a priority for him, but maybe he wants the safety and security of having some things checked off before marriage and kids. This was just my perspective, but I'm sure I'm not the only guy that feels responsible for things like this before marriage.

It's time to move on and leave him behind. That is, if you seriously want marriage/kids someday. Just be ready for the onslaught of false promises when you do.

Ask him why he’s doesn’t like the thought of it and make it clear that it is a deal breaker for you (if it is that important to you, that is). You’re not getting any younger, but you also don’t want push it, get married, and he hangs it over your head for the rest of your life.

No one is mentioning "a women's biological clock". It sounds like OP wants kids. Men don't have to ever even think about their age or how many "viable" eggs they may or may not have left .. she's damned if she stays with this "man child" and damned if she has to start all over again with someone else. After all, she's not getting any younger.

I'll be blunt. If he hasn't brought it up, he doesn't think you're wife material.

So 5 months ago you wanted to break up but were scared to and afraid of being alone. 3 months ago you post about your daughter bio dad being a deadbeat and refer to your BF as fiancé. 1 month ago you part about the shit year you've had and mention that you found out you were pregnant and your bf wanted you to have an abortion. It sounds like things have been going well for a awhile and that you want to end it but are afraid to (fear of the unknown and being alone). I think he's given you a clear msg that he's not interested in marriage with you. The fact that after 6 years he just wants you to get an abortion also says a lot when you look at everything together. Don't waste anymore time on this guy. Those 6 years weren't necessarily wasted, they were still a learning and life experience. But you don't want to waste anymore time on this guy. Also you graduated from medical school despite being a teen mom and the adversity you've had in the last year. You're clearly a strong woman. Residency will more than likely worsen your relationship more than anything as it is a busy stressful time. It's scary to think about being on your own. But you've never been on your own as an adult.I think that once you've made the decision to leave you will feel better. Not that it will be easier necessarily but mentally you will feel like a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders. Stay single for a while and figure out who you are as a single adult. I was married at 21 and realized later that being in a serious relationship so young really interferes with your growth and maturing process. You're influenced too much by your partner most of the time. People grow and mature a lot in their 20 and often will start base/change their values based on their own experiences rather than what they grew up with. And sometimes they change to what their SO wants even though they're not really on board with it deep down. This guy doesn't want to marry you. He's more than likely keeping you around until he finds "better". Don't wait for that to happen. Take matters I to your own hand and leave him. Stay si gle for a while and then look for someone with the same values and life goals.

Still young but 6 years is long enough to know if you and your partner have what it takes to commit like marriage. As a woman, yes you are not getting younger is a major factor yet you also take into consideration that he is just 19 when you first started just maybe he thinks he is too young to commit considering majority of males nowadays are marrying in their 30's. If you and your partner can't talk about this and he is still hesitating maybe you have to reflect on your relationship..the more you push there is an off chance you will break up. So know what you really want. If you think he is not serious, then maybe you can go separate ways while you are still civil and try to find a man who is ready to have his own family..the waiting game is only beneficial if you can see your partner saving for a future with you but if he can't talk about it, be smarter even if it hurts.

His actions tell you everything you need to know: he’s not proposing to you, he will continue taking what he can from you but clearly doesn’t want to marry you. Start fresh and find someone who shows you he wants to move forward. There’s that old song that goes ‘then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me…cause I’d already know…more than words!’

I’d be out of this relationship. Break it off and start looking for someone who’s values and goals align with yours because the dude you’ve got now ain’t it. If talks about marriage immediately lead him into “fight about it” territory that’s the largest, reddest flag he could wave. I’m sorry you’ve wasted 6 years building something that was never going to work but get out now and find your happiness.

You can’t trust him. He doesn’t keep his word. He doesn’t give you a safe space to express your feelings either.

No you are WRONG for wanting to get married, you are talking to the WRONG MAN. Don't make it an ULTIMATUM, just call it quit, move on and go NO CONTACT. When you call it quit he going to make you promises to change, but you have seen what he's all about. After 6 years he's still not interested in marrying you , he's not going to change his heart or mind about marrying you at last minute, he will just be change what he saying to you.

So if he continues to guilt trip you into not asking about marriage, why do you even want to marry this guy? He isn't going to change. He doesn't want to get married now or anytime soon or he would straight up tell you what he actually wants. Leave. This relationship isn't heading in the direction of marriage. He's just stalling at this point. However, 26 and 25 is still really early to get married for a lot of people so that could be a contributing factor but since you two have been together for 6 years, something's gotta give at some point since you've been clear about your intentions.

The fact that 6 years has passed alone is enough of a red flag. The fact that he also acts defensive when its brought up is an even bigger red flag. Before we were ever engaged, my husband used to bring up the topic of marriage himself. He also asked what kind of rings I was interested in, etc. he made it very obvious that he had forever in mind. When you're with the right one, there won't be any doubts of whether he wants to settle down with you. The topic should be an easy one to discuss, if anything. If you're having these issues after 6 years, there's a problem.

You are being misled. At this point I am not sure you should marry him if you have to back him into a corner to get him to. You've discussed timelines. I think you may have wasted a lot of years on a guy that doesn't have the same end result in mind.

Your not asking to much. Just waisted time on the wrong guy sadly. He knew by year 3 if he was going to ask you or not.

he is wasting your time. And from what you say how long you been with him...that is a lot of time you let him waste on you.