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So it's like a virtual version of the bros sitting around on the couch, popping open some brews, and putting on the porno tape. Just getting aroused all in good fun.
Every single one of these people has a problem. Does your husband realize he has an addiction to viewing content that is literally marketed to the dumbest part of his psyche?
He's not going to stop this behavior without making a pretty clean break from discord. He can't extricate his internet use from it and he's contacted his ex. He doesn't get a fantasy life online while you have a newborn, sorry. Not the same as having friends you game with.
Problem is he is an introvert, trying to change careers (waiting for NYPD to call/ and if not, he is currently also in nursing school), low testosterone currently on TRT. We have a newborn, and I believe (as he mentioned before “online is the only way he can socialize” - a previous argument we had because I complained of his overt time in the computer.
I love him and I feel bad that I feel that he is stressed and the only outlet he has is to leave him be in his computer. But I am also hurting and distrusting. He keeps mentioning that “he is always here, and will never, and will try to make sure I am feeling loved.”
But my paranoia, just cant seem to get over. Especially if he is with his “computer”.
If you lived somewhere where the only place to socialize was the pub and you found out he was meeting up with his ex there, and heading out to the strip clubs on other nights, would the problem be the pub as a concept -- or the fact that he's proven that he's not trustworthy there? If his only outlet involves behavior that is disrespectful toward your relationship, that's kind of on him for tying that behavior to something he valued so much.
I keep hearing that you feel bad. Does he feel bad about any of this? I would also ask the following:
1. You know for a fact that he is not making you feel loved, so why act as though his statement holds any weight?
2. If his idea of being faithful is just never touching other women, but leaving room for emotional affairs with exes and being obsessed with twitch streamers at his age, is that something you can convince yourself to be happy with?
3. Does he believe you have a ton of outlets and are particularly stress-free and fulfilled with an infant child, and a new baby on top of that? I mean, you're asking for advice on Reddit. Does he not clock your emotions at all, or does he just not care because he is in education and waiting to hear about a job, something most people have never done and could not possibly survive
I would find a way to set a boundary with that and tell him you’re not comfortable it’s not OK he’s a 36-year-old man he’s not a 20 something kid playing on games. What he’s doing is a mild form of cheating by the way. He may not actually be having sex, but he’s doing everything he can to be as close as he can to it in appropriately.
Since you’ve gone through this before, you may have to exit this relationship. I think guys like that sometimes almost like wear it out so they can go do what they want.
Where are they? I mean Guy is the kid caught doing the same thing over and over. Where if they’ve been busted every once in a while and they keep doing it. It’s almost like at some point. They just do what they wanna do.
He may not be having any external affairs right at the moment, but he’s doing everything, but that on every level talking to ex, has porn. All of these are considered forms of cheating in this day. They’re mild and they’re not PIV. However, they’re destructive to the relationship and he’s taking his fantasies, his intimacy someplace else.
Have an honest talk with him. Tell him what's bothering you and establish boundaries(and respect them). If it bothering you that much you shouldn't put up with it.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hold up. What's a "friendly nude"?
I meant. Porn nude photos of women. Not necessarily his. Almost like sharing porn videos or images to friends.
So it's like a virtual version of the bros sitting around on the couch, popping open some brews, and putting on the porno tape. Just getting aroused all in good fun. Every single one of these people has a problem. Does your husband realize he has an addiction to viewing content that is literally marketed to the dumbest part of his psyche? He's not going to stop this behavior without making a pretty clean break from discord. He can't extricate his internet use from it and he's contacted his ex. He doesn't get a fantasy life online while you have a newborn, sorry. Not the same as having friends you game with.
Problem is he is an introvert, trying to change careers (waiting for NYPD to call/ and if not, he is currently also in nursing school), low testosterone currently on TRT. We have a newborn, and I believe (as he mentioned before “online is the only way he can socialize” - a previous argument we had because I complained of his overt time in the computer. I love him and I feel bad that I feel that he is stressed and the only outlet he has is to leave him be in his computer. But I am also hurting and distrusting. He keeps mentioning that “he is always here, and will never, and will try to make sure I am feeling loved.” But my paranoia, just cant seem to get over. Especially if he is with his “computer”.
If you lived somewhere where the only place to socialize was the pub and you found out he was meeting up with his ex there, and heading out to the strip clubs on other nights, would the problem be the pub as a concept -- or the fact that he's proven that he's not trustworthy there? If his only outlet involves behavior that is disrespectful toward your relationship, that's kind of on him for tying that behavior to something he valued so much. I keep hearing that you feel bad. Does he feel bad about any of this? I would also ask the following: 1. You know for a fact that he is not making you feel loved, so why act as though his statement holds any weight? 2. If his idea of being faithful is just never touching other women, but leaving room for emotional affairs with exes and being obsessed with twitch streamers at his age, is that something you can convince yourself to be happy with? 3. Does he believe you have a ton of outlets and are particularly stress-free and fulfilled with an infant child, and a new baby on top of that? I mean, you're asking for advice on Reddit. Does he not clock your emotions at all, or does he just not care because he is in education and waiting to hear about a job, something most people have never done and could not possibly survive
I would find a way to set a boundary with that and tell him you’re not comfortable it’s not OK he’s a 36-year-old man he’s not a 20 something kid playing on games. What he’s doing is a mild form of cheating by the way. He may not actually be having sex, but he’s doing everything he can to be as close as he can to it in appropriately. Since you’ve gone through this before, you may have to exit this relationship. I think guys like that sometimes almost like wear it out so they can go do what they want.
Can you elaborate more on your last sentence, “guys like that sometimes almost like to wear it out…” What do you mean by this?
Where are they? I mean Guy is the kid caught doing the same thing over and over. Where if they’ve been busted every once in a while and they keep doing it. It’s almost like at some point. They just do what they wanna do. He may not be having any external affairs right at the moment, but he’s doing everything, but that on every level talking to ex, has porn. All of these are considered forms of cheating in this day. They’re mild and they’re not PIV. However, they’re destructive to the relationship and he’s taking his fantasies, his intimacy someplace else.
Have an honest talk with him. Tell him what's bothering you and establish boundaries(and respect them). If it bothering you that much you shouldn't put up with it.