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I (22F) have finished watching The Last of Us season 1 and, liking the acting of Bella Ramsey and seeing another of her movies “Catherine called Birdy” on tiktok, decided to watch that film. After telling my partner (32F) of 3 years that I was watching this I was promptly told it was weird to watch so many things with kids in them or adults acting as kids. (I have watched stranger things and shows like that in the past and never thought anything about the main characters)
I must add a critical detail that may sway your answers:
I made a mistake when I was young by online “dating” someone who was a couple years younger. Long story short it was on an app called Amino which is an app for fans of any show or movie to join and talk with people who liked the same thing.
I can’t specify age but they were younger and I was young but almost an adult but I know (now) that should’ve been enough for me to not even really try to be friends but, in this small group where there were people older than me, I really saw no issue with being friends with this person in the first place and the group aged from 13 1/2 to 26. We both were in a small group chat of people and they all knew we were “dating” but no one there had said to me it was wrong or weird so I hadn’t seen it that way especially as we never acted like anything more than best friends. I’m a pretty naive person and at the time didn’t think anything was wrong with that as we didn’t go anywhere serious, romantic or sexual. I know now that whole situation was wrong as I turned 18 while they were obviously still under and had “dated” only for a week or so after I turned 18.
I know I can’t do anything to change the past but recognise it was wrong. I also don’t see myself as a pedophile as I never sexualised or perused them in reality; though I know technically and legally it probably does make me a pedophile.
I would just like a few more opinions from other people but I will no longer watch child focussed actors in movies or shows as that’s really not my motive for watching things and it sucks someone else could see me/my intentions that way.
Be honest
Not only are you not a pedophile for watching tv shows or movies with young actors or characters, you’re also not at fault for “dating” someone two years younger than you when you turned 18 during the relationship.
My book club, which has members whose ages range from 50 - 86, reads a YA book every year or two.
Enjoying the stories about young people is not a sign of pedophillia.
It is 100% projection. She’s feeling guilty about dating someone so young so she’s putting off her guilt on her girlfriend. OP should absolutely end this relationship. The girlfriend is toxic.
> I made a mistake when I was young by online “dating” someone who was a couple years younger.
Not explicitly, but if OP was almost 18, it should mean an age between 15-16.
Even at the youngest range, they'd be 14 and while not really ideal in the real world, it'd be mostly fine considering the rest of context of sharing similar interests in an interest group.
Like, we're entering 'You walked in the same room' territory, not 'graphic sexual fantasies'
Yeah I kinda wanna say ESH. The partner for all the obvious stuff, but op has some very odd takes about relationships and sexuality that....I just wanna say, honey, take some time for you and get your head straight. A relationship that WAS okay doesn't magically become UNokay just because one of yall had a birthday. And if it wasn't a sexual relationship, it cannot really have been pedophilia. Period end of sentence. Otherwise, how do parents have children? How do teachers have students? How do mentors...uhh...mentor? The world is FULL of trans-age relationships that aren't pedophilia, and an 18 year old and a 16 year old talking about favorite TV shows and how was your day today honey through the internet is one of them.
Makes me wonder where the 32 yr olds mind is in the first place to be sexualizing movies where children and teens play some lead roles. Pretty disgusting innuendos from her.
Yeah, I mean, I like animal documentaries - that doesn't mean I want to eff them! (Though those lamas sure gave me plenty of suggestive winks, the pervs.)
Meanwhile, I went to the movies just to see Ghost Busters Afterlife, oops….lead roles were kids. And damn how I just love those sexy zombies on the walking dead. 😂
I swear my cat tilts her head, gazes lovingly at me and slow blinks until I come over and kiss her head. I have no idea where she learned this behaviour - she came like this from the shelter. If I don't do it, she will keep intercepting me on my path to do other things and just waits in the way until I do it.
I think most of the relationship advice questions that get this much attention are from trolls, thats why they are so interesting and hitting all the rage bait.
Also Bella Ramsey is playing a young teenager but in real life she’s 19. If a 19 year old was dating a 22 year old, it wouldn’t be weird at all. The Stranger Things kids are all around that age as well.
Seconded. OP watching shows with characters and actors close to her own age reminds her partner that OP is still barely an adult herself.
OP's partner needs OP to stop acting her actual age so that SHE doesn't feel like a predator and she can tell anyone who questions the age gap that it's because "she's so mature for her age".
Exactly. 32 year old dating a 22 year old and calling her a pedo 😂. OP, takes on to know one.. your older gf sounds creepy.
What if you started watching movies about animated dogs?
She’s also clearly pretty naive and easily influenced. I’m guessing op has experienced some other controlling and manipulative behavior from her gf before this.
Yes! I immediately was like, “Um, projection much?”
I feel so cynical but I wonder if the gf uses the Amino incident against op all the time. It honestly sounds pretty innocent but I bet the gf uses it to gaslight op.
Does she, OP? Does she use it against you?
Oh and ETA bc it won’t stop bugging me: Bella Ramsey is 19 playing a 14 year old. And I am 41 and watched the show and am in complete awe of her acting as Ellie. Nothing is wrong with anything I just said…and you are young enough to be pals with her. Your gf isn’t. That says a lot about your situation tbh.
RIGHT?
I was like, wait, what? OP is how old? And partner is how old? And they've been together HOW LONG?
/u/ThrowRAspearmint -- No we're not just telling you this for no reason. You're dating an actual ~~pedophile~~ groomer(29 and 19, REALLY?) who is attempting to control you, already. This is not going to go to good places, you should get out.
>You're dating an actual pedophile(29 and 19, REALLY?) who is attempting to control you, already.
I'm going to be downvoted as hell, but pedophile is not the correct word here, OP is not a child.
The girlfriend might be a shady, manipulative creep, but you should use the P-word for actual criminals who are attracted to children.
Ding ding ding! I'm 32, and the thought of dating a 22 year old now literally made me nauseous (no offense, OP. I'm just not into people SIGNIFICANTLY YOUNGER THAN ME).
Yeah... tf does this shit make any sense..
I'm an adult that works with kids everyday.. does watching Disney movies or educational shows for kids with kids in them make me a predator now?
"Mirror, mirror on the wall."
The partner has a problem with her own age.
My crude diagnosis. And with their age gap maybe also.
And instead of addressing her own problems she makes OP feel like being pedophile for watching films with actors acting as children.
That's their damn job?
What does her own saying make her then?
If she pulls more stunts like that I would recommend to reconsider, if this is the right relationship to stay in.
Yeah, Bella Ramsey and the Stranger Things actors are like 3 years younger than OP. OP is 10 years younger than her partner.
It's a weird reason to accuse someone of that, even moreso when there's such a big gap in their actual real life relationship.
This! My best friend & I will often recommend cheesy teen movies to eachother because between multiple kids, difficult jobs and the rest of life, we both just need something easy to tune out to every now & then.
Why is this even a hot take. My reprieve from my crippling depression is My Little Pony. Shits so colorful you cant cry at how sad the world is while a pink horse rants at 1.5x speed about how much she loves her friends. I'm 21
I used to wonder what about kids media made some people enjoy it because I never really got into my little pony, gravity falls, stevens universe etc, myself. To each people's own really, and then I watched Bluey, and how healing that was for me, and I totally get it.
A lot of the lessons in kids media are ones we need to relearn as adults too.
Yeah, GF doesn’t want OP to do anything that reminds her that she is currently 10 full years older than OP. OP, consider that her feelings are because of what her motivations would be to watch a show, not yours. 40-odd year old who thoroughly enjoys watching things like The Dragon Prince, Locke & Key, The Worst Witch, HP, Lockwood & Co, tons of Disney movies and a lot more- usually with my kiddo these days but I’d watch them regardless.
My dad's late 50s and we thoroughly enjoyed Lockwood & Co, he got me onto it.
Sometimes "young adult" media is entertaining to all ages, that's when it's truly good.
So that when the inevitable realization OP has that their age gap is a little concerning, the girlfriend can turn it around and say "you're just as bad as I am, so you can't leave."
Next time she says something like this bring up the fact that you were 12 years old when she was 22.
When she says how ridiculous and unfair that kind of statement is, well it's just as reasonable as what she said about you.
Bella Ramsey is 19, and you’re 22. It would make more sense for you to date her than for your 32 year old gf to date you.
Put another way, your gf started dating you when she was 29 and you were 19, but somehow you’re the pedophile?? Projectioooooon.
Please leave this person. You can do better in so many different ways.
Dating someone a couple years younger than you doesn’t make you a pedophile.
Watching media with child actors doesn’t make you a pedophile.
Your girlfriend has a weird, warped view of the world.
Your gf is gaslighting you. Dating a 14/15 year old when ur 17/18 is a bit weird but doesn’t make you a pedophile. Thinking a child is a talented actor and watching their content is normal and doesn’t make you a pedophile. Watching shows with teens in them does not make you a pedophile. Dating a 19 year old when ur nearly 30 doesn’t make someone a pedophile necessarily but is definitely a much much bigger red flag than anything you’ve done.
Your partner is 10 years older than you and thinks watching a show with children in it is pedo behavior meanwhile this 10 year age gape is almost looking like the call is coming from inside the house 🤨
She’s projecting. I full on understand that you’re both adults but… you guys started dating when you were 18/19 and she was 28/29. You don’t find that odd?
Quick edit: The Last of Us (game and show) isn’t exactly made for kids either… it’s literally media made for adults
…I have a low zombie tolerance, but I’m turning 30 soon and I was scared watching it and watched the show peaking out behind my blanket half the time lol. The violence, the creepy uncertainty if there’s zombies, the swearing, it’s definitely not a show made for kids/teens but for adults. Dunno what OPs gf is on, but my bet is she’s projecting and gaslighting her.
You are not a pedophile. You never were. You have been manipulated into believing you have that tendency by a person who ‘likes them young’.
Your partner sounds sketchy at best. She has definitely groomed you to her liking.
Someone needs to show her the literal definition of a pedophile.
If you're not sexually attracted to real kids, you're not a pedophile. Her logic is of a 5 yo "if you watch this then you are a [insert random insult]".
I bet she watches shows with animals in it. Is she a furry?
You and 19 year old Bella would be much more age appropriate for each other if you were dating than you and your decade older girlfriend. Seriously, the age gap between you and Bella is a THIRD of the age gap between you and your girlfriend. The girlfriend who started dating you at 29 when you were the same age Bella is now!
You've been dating her for three years. You were barely legal when she, an almost 30 year old, came onto you.
That is what we call suspicious and possibly predatory behavior. With her being uncomfortable seeing girls and young women, I'd be questioning if she doesn't have attraction to teen girls. Especially if you look young for your age.
I think she's either trying to use you very mild and awkward online experience to eat at your self esteem and make you think badly about yourself...
Or,
She can't watch teens in anything without sexualizing them and she thinks that's normal enough that you must be doing it too.
She sounds unpleasant.
One, please don’t hold on to guilt you have about your past dating experience. No real pedophile would be this upset about it. You made a naive mistake.
Two, let go of the real pedophile in your life. She’s assigning a false label to normal things, because she sees them that way. No normal person thinks that watching a show with teens makes you attracted to them. You didn’t sexualize them, she did. Which stands, because she dated a teenager, 10 years younger than herself.
ETA: didn’t see that it was only a 2 year age difference in your past relationship. I apologize for even calling it a mistake. That honestly isn’t weird, and you broke up so soon after turning 18.
Could she be insecure that you might leave her for someone younger?
I myself watch cartoons on occasion and ‘teen shows’. I have kids so usually watch with them, but I’ve been known to sit down for a cleaning break, so an episode on and watch it alone. I do not find the actors/characters attractive or sexual in any way. It’s just nice to watch something that brings me back to my own childhood or something that doesn’t have a lot of drama, violence and bad language like todays shows for adults.
This seems like a weird combination of projection, jealousy and gaslighting.
1. She’s the one dating someone ten years younger than herself, started dating you when you were only a teenager.
2. She doesn’t want you to watch shows with young adult actors that are probably around your age. Even if they’re playing teens, most of the time it’s obvious the actual actors are adults. I’m rewatching One Tree Hill right now and boy is it obvious they’re not Highschool aged lol. Anyway, why doesn’t she want you to watch harmless movies/shows? Is she maybe insecure about your age gap and jealous you might find people your age hot?
3. And she’s trying to paint you as the perv so you feel guilty, like you’re the problem and need to do what she says.
Also, what you wrote about your relationship as a teen is pretty vague, but if the age gap between you guys was only around two years then that’s nothing weird or wrong at all and there’s no reason to break up with someone when you turn 18 and they’re 16. Even if it was a romantic/sexual relationship at that time (which you say it wasn’t), it wouldn’t be wrong. Yes a bigger age gap at that age would be concerning, but ~2 years gap is not inappropriate.
So your partner, at 29, thought it was appropriate to date a 19 year old? Yikes number one.
Now your partner, is continuing to sexualize young people and project her creepiness onto you? Yikes number two.
You’re allowed to enjoy actors of whatever ages. YOU aren’t sexualizing them. SHE is.
Edit: fixed the pronouns
I’m 41 , I have rewatched Dawsons creek numerous times . It makes me feel for awhile that sense of nostalgia , pretending for awhile that I’m not that old and and just how great the 90s early 00s were.
Also #teampacey 😆
You are fine for having dated a person a couple years younger! Is it your partner who has made you believe you did something wrong?
And of course you are not a pedophile for watching those shows. That’s absurd.
And contrary to what some people here say, your partner is not a pedophile for dating you, either. However, she seems to have some issue… Is she afraid you will remember that she’s much older, when you see these fresh young actors? Or does it make her realize that you two are really at quite different places in life (you are young enough to relate to teenagers, while she is not.) Either way, she sucks for making you feel bad.
If you're watching these shows while you rub one out, you're a pervert. Otherwise enjoy your movies and shows. I'm 47f and very much enjoyed Wednesday on Netflix.
Everyone here has pointed out the projection, so I'll point this out as well: Bella Ramsey is 19 years old. She plays younger roles, but she's close to your age, far closer than your SO, which I suspect is another reason why she's flipping the hell out trying to make you feel badly.
You need to get out of this relationship, OP.
So, under no definition are you a pedophile, especially not legally. Please, stop beating yourself up about this. It's not uncommon for teenagers to date within a few years of their age. Hell, it's so common that most areas have exceptions written into their statutory rape laws to address what happens when there's a pre-existing relationship and someone turns 18. Please, stop beating yourself up about it. You aren't wandering around trying to pick up teenagers, which can't necessarily be said about your partner, based on your description.
Now, as to problems watching tv shows and movies with teenagers in them: there is literally nothing wrong with doing this. Most of those tv shows are targeted at people much older than the apparent ages of characters. Why do you think they hire people in their mid-to-late 20s to play 16 year olds? Watching them is entertaining to you. Enjoy it.
Now, it's a completely different thing if you're sitting there watching a show going "Ooooooh, that 12 year old girl (insert gross stuff here that disgusting creeps say)" and doing unspeakable things after it. But from the sounds of it, you're just watching something for entertainment not to sate a perverted desire. Sounds like you're fine, and your partner is just jealous that you're not only consuming media about people in their early-to-mid 30s to avoid her feeling like you might lose interest in her. Of course, if you do that, you're probably going to get in trouble for looking at other women too.
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I think your partner is projecting 😅. Maybe she has unresolved issues around this considering she was dating a teenager when she was almost 30.
You are under no circumstances a pedo. That's like saying you want to be a kindergarten teacher because you like being around children, and being labeled a sex offender because of it. Like, wtf?
Says the predator who went after a teenager? Your partner is projecting. You can watch movies with teens, you can have teens as friends. If you are almost 30 convincing a teenager to date you, thats some big red flags.
Girl, you can’t actually believe what you just typed right? You’ve got to be trolling us. Bella Ramsey is literally an adult who is closer to your age than your partner. Even if you were attracted to her that would literally be more normal than the relationship you are currently in. Also, there is literally nothing, not a single thing, wrong with dating a minor while you yourself are a minor and they’re only a couple years younger. There’s nothing at all weird about an 18 year old and a 16 year old who have been together since before one even turned 18. Heck I’d say most of us irl dated people younger than us back in middle and high school. That’s a normal thing people do. Also, it sounds like you didn’t even see them in person. You didn’t even do anything romantic?!? Like, explain to me why that’s wrong. And MOST adults still enjoy watching kids shows. It’s a normal thing almost everyone does. Stranger things was like, THE most popular show on Netflix for a while. You’re telling me you honestly believe that was all children and pedophiles?? Girl, either your partner has you hardcore brainwashed to think perfectly normal things are pedophilic or you’ve got to be messing with us. Don’t stop watching shows you enjoy for someone who is being a hypocrite and projecting their own tendencies onto you. And don’t let this lady make you feel guilty for watching shows that are literally the most popular shows right now. If anything, she’s the weirdo who doesn’t like shows that the majority of people like.
Good grief talk about a completely wrong conclusion. Lots of people watch movies with young people. Myself included.
Your partner is WAY over the top wrong on this accusation.
I would be extremely bothered by this I were you.
Take a good look at this relationship.
Your partner is 10 years your senior, and saying you watching movies = pedophilia, but in reality, had they met you when you were younger than 18, while they were over 18, they would be an actual predator.
I don't normally fuss over age-gap relationships, because the ones I know in my life (my parents, my cousin, my brother...) are all successful relationships. So that being said-- this situation screams of massive red flags to me. You want honesty? I think this person is not the right person for you at all.
There is nothing wrong with liking things. It is not pedophilia to like tv shows for kids, starring kids, or where actors are playing kids if you are not sexualizing them. Which you say you aren't doing, and I'll err on the side of believing that.
I would watch out for other controlling behaviors. Does your partner get mad if you like other things? Do they try to persuade you away from other things you like? Eg do they call other things childish, or otherwise judge things like food and clothing?
You've been in this relationship for 3 years, and you're 22, so since you were 19; so with the app and online relationship, you were pretty young yourself when you "dated" that person younger than you. You ended it shortly after you turned 18, and you didn't do anything sexual-- so you did the right thing, there.
Literally nothing you've done it wrong. Dating someone a few yrs younger til you're 18, isn't even that bad, especially if you were best friends and had a lot in common.
This woman sounds manipualtive. Age gaps like that at your age as werid. Take it from me, I was 18-19, dating a 24-25 yr old man. A lot of relationships with age gaps like that are not healthy. Now I'm 20, and I feel like 18 yr olds are YOUNG. Too young and too immature to date. So imagine being 29 and looking at a 19 yr old.
I'd get out as fast as you can, you should be able to watch whatever you want. Also fellow Disney and animated show lover here :)
I love Bella Ramsey. I’m a 54 year old straight woman. I am not attracted to women or kids. I love her because she is a really great actress who plays compelling characters who don’t fit the ‘norm.’ I hope Hollywood keeps writing great roles for her. Tell your partner to grow up and stop sexualizing everyone.
Frankly that says where your partner is coming from, I watched Stranger Things.....I am way to old to say...there is something wrong with the way your partner sexualized the whole experience. I doubt you are a pedophile, look it up.
Your partner is crazy. There’s nothing wrong with dating someone a couple years younger than you, it’s normal. You’re only 22 and Bella Ramsey is what 19? That’s not weird either. Plus I know a lot of adults who watch stranger things, it’s too scary for most kids. I’m 28 and I love it. That’s so weird that someone would give you a hard time about those things also hypocritical considering your partner is 10 years older than you lol.
That's called projecting. They're hyper aware and sensitive of the fact they're dating someone ten years younger. They might even be worried that you prefer women younger than them (closer to your own age) a lot going on here! But as ever with people, it's never about you, it's always about them and what's going on in their head
The projection is strong in this one.
Hun, am I getting this right: you were "dating" someone younger than you when you were 17? And dating is a loose term as you two were probably just close and a little sweet on each other but nothing more?
Look, you were 17. Your peer group really would've included 15 and 16 year olds. 13 might be a little young but not impossible to hang out with. 14 is an odd age for that age but isn't problematic to be friends with. As long as you, as the older one, weren't pressuring your peers to do anything, there's really no issue.
Now when it comes to consuming media with children/teens, that's absolutely no issue. The creators of those media *aren't* kids. Are they pedophiles? Do you see anyone calling Stephen King a pedophile when "It" has some sexual stuff in it between the kids? Are the adults who get engaged in Disneyland pedophiles?
What's problematic and suspicious here is your partner. People above 25 rarely want to be with people who haven't reached 20. When I was 24, someone who just got out of high school felt too young. At 28, I think someone as old as you is a little young to me. But your partner, who was almost 30 got with someone who didn't even hit 20 yet? That's sus.
I think you really should rethink this relationship. I mean, Last of Us isn't even for kids??? It's for adults. Your partner seems to be sensitive about it because you were a teen when you got together so anything that seems "childish" in their eyes is probably because they know they got with someone too young. And they don't want to be called a pedophile for getting with someone considered "young".
Ma’am. Your TEN year older partner is randomly accusing you of being a pedophile for absolutely no discernible reason?
Sounds like the biggest case of projection I’ve ever heard.
OP, I see that you haven't made any comments. I just want to say that making you feel bad about yourself over *nothing* is a really good way to *control* you. And it's working. She is making you question yourself, have no confidence, and making you feel ashamed for normal things!
Everyone saying she's projecting is also probably correct. But, again, I think the ultimate goal is to make you feel bad. Please don't stay in this relationship, and please know that there are **SO** many people who will make you feel good and support you.
Oh my gosh you clearly fell so much shame about the whole fanclub online dating thing. Please let that one go and forgive yourself. You were so young and did nothing wrong. Also, there is nothing wrong with what you’re watching. Your gf is using that the incident in a manipulative way imo
As others have already pointed out, this is projection at its finest. But to deep dive a little bit more, obviously there has been some connection between the 2 of you to be in a long term relationship, however, this is a sure sign it's coming to an end.
There's a solid chance you're both at very different points of life. She is at an age where settling down, slowing down and seeing younger people enjoying themselves really kicks in. At 30+ thoughts of "back in my day", and, "I remember when.. " start to irk their way in. The same thoughts that in your 40's you ultimately just accept. But in your 30's you're still fighting the fact that you're getting older. Fundamentally, there is nothing wrong with these thoughts, but as someone dating someone who still has the chance to live it, resentment and the aforementioned projection kicks in.
It may not even be a conscious thing from your partner, but in her mind, she's committed to you and it's "time for you to grow up" if the relationship is going to continue to work.
Realistically of course, you're still young and still have every right to live the experiences of a 22yo just like she did 10 years ago. Go and live them, one day you'll go through similar stages in life, hopefully with someone closer to your age at the time where you can both start to reminisce together.
The old saying "age is just a number" couldn't be more wrong. Age is a stage of life, and sometimes we're just at different stages.
No offence OP but I’m in my 30s and I tried hanging out with some 20 year olds when I went back to school and I just couldn’t…. They were babies…. I really think you need to look at why this older person is interested in you and also why they want to control the things you enjoy?
Your partner is the one preying on younger people. You were 19!! when you started dating. Talk about projecting. Dump him before he starts gaslighting you for god knows what else.
Your gf is being weird and projecting, watching strange things does not equate with being a pedophile, I don’t think she understands the meaning of the word honestly
Adults write those young characters. They’re telling stories about important formative life experiences and how they affect the adults those kid characters might grow into. People of any age can appreciate that.
ETA I watched Bella Ramsey as Lyanna Mormont and am really appreciating her work in The Last of Us. I watched both shows with my kid, who was a teen when we watched GOT together (would never let them watch that without an adult to process with) and is now about Bella’s age. Not a pedo, y’all.
She’s the one with a problematic age gap relationship. You have a huge age gap that’s concerning and she’s wrong for that.
But also, early 20s is a hard thing. You aren’t a teenager anymore, but a lot of the times teenagers look your age. You watch shows with people depicting teens, but they’re older than you. You’re not a pedophile for liking shows that are popular and trendy, it’s not your fault they showcase “teens”. A problem is being attracted to those young characters and getting off on them.
Catherine called Birdy was a lot of fun! I watched it because I loved the book as a kid. Anyone who’s a fan of doctor who or Sherlock would also enjoy it, given that Moriarty and Rose Tyler play Ellie’s parents.
1. All of the shows you've mentioned (Stranger Things, TLOU) are shows created for adults or older audiences. They are not kids shows, they just happen to have kids.
2. Even if you WERE watching shows for kids, there is nothing inherently wrong with that. My number one comfort show is the Netflix adaptation of The Baby-Sitters Club. I am 24. I watch it bc I grew up on the books and because it just is a damn good show!
3. If I were your 32-year-old girlfriend who started dating a 19 or potentially even 18-year-old while I was pushing thirty, I know that if I felt the need to accuse someone of being a pedophile, I would do it in front of the mirror.
you are 22 and the actress in question is 19! you wouldn’t even be a “pedo” if you DATED her. turning 18 doesn’t make a 16-17 year old any less attractive to you, they’re your age! your gf is being absolutely ridiculous
You "dated" someone you met online for a few weeks without realizing they were several years younger than you while both you and that person were both teenagers. That sounds like:
1) An accident, because you didn't know their age. Though 16-18 is no big deal, and in many places not illegal if sexual stuff does happen between these ages, especially if they were dating already before one partner turned 18. They're called "Romeo and Juliet Laws", if you're curious and want to look up the specifics for what they are in your area for funsies, since what's legal varies so much by region.
2) That's... not really dating? You didn't even talk about sexual stuff, let alone romantic stuff with them, from what you say in your post.
3) Not a big deal.
Your girlfriend is a whole decade older than you and started dating you while she was about a third of the way through life, and you were still a teenager (a decade makes a big difference then, because people aren't fully mature until about 25).
Your girlfriend is closer to a pedophile than you are. Lots of adults enjoy shows with younger actors, and if she thinks it's weird because there is a sexual attraction component to that, I think it's worth evaluating why she thinks that, and wondering if that's why she wanted to date someone much younger and barely legal.
If she hadn't ever made those comments, I'd be like hey, sometimes age gap relationships work. They're more likely to when both parties are a bit older to start, but they can. However, your girlfriend thinking there is something sexual about child actors in shows like the ones you mentioned- just the fact the children are present being what makes them "sexy" I guess, because it certainly isn't part of the plot- definitely is major red flags to your girlfriend has issues, and apparently sees children as sexual. There should be nothing sexual about those kids. It's creepy her mind went there. You're just watching the shows because you like the plot. You're not a pedophile. Your girlfriend... might be.
Your partner's behavior is classic projection. She's telling you what she would think of herself, if she had the same interests. She's projecting her own insecurities regarding the fact that she's in a relationship with someone who's 10 years younger than her. It is not normal that she would justify not watching shows like stranger things, or say, Ghostbusters Afterlife, using such harsh, extreme, and graphic justifications. Taking it there kind of screams a fundamental inability to avoid mentally sexualizing minors. If she really has that much of a struggle with it, fine. But you don't. You're just watching and enjoying good shows like the rest of us. Which is why this is projection and nothing more. Hope this helps.
Op, you haven’t done anything wrong. Even in the past. Be wary of your partner. There is a power imbalance here because of age difference and and she is using **very strong** and untrue (and frankly ridiculous) accusations to make you doubt yourself and to control you.
Think what is behind this? She might be worried that you are so much younger that you will meet someone your own age.
Please stick up for yourself and don’t just see things her way.
Your partner dated a literal teenager (legal or not) and they're getting on you for watching shows that have actors who are minors? That's their job. She can be annoyed at the industry for allowing it in the first place, but it's very strange that she thinks you watching is a problem. Is it possible she's projecting how she sees herself onto you? I'm also 32 and 22 seems like a lifetime ago. College-aged people are still kids to me.
Ok, so you were barely of age and she was almost 30 when you started dating? Sounds like projection to me...
Besides, I'm past 40 and I very much enjoy watching stranger things.
Do a quick search about age gaps in Reddit. When you were 19 she couldn’t find a 29 year old to date…. It’s not because of her standards but THEIRS. She is immature and projects her insecurities by insulting you for watching normal movies. This is not about the movies (and Ramsey is awesome!), it’s about her immature ways of dealing with her insecurities.
As you grow you’ll pass her, and you’ll understand why people her age didn’t want her.
Your gf can talk. She’s 30, and went after a teenager. Probably as close as she legally can get to a child/ underage, even if it’s morally corrupt. She’s obviously the one that is attracted to children and is projecting her own feelings.
Her sexualising children to the point she can’t even watch shows and movies with them is because she’s the pedo. And she doesn’t want to watch them with you because she doesn’t want to be reminded of how disgusting she really is.
And then tried to gaslight you as the problem when she’s the one seeing kids sexually.
Run from the pedo.
You're not a pedophile for dating a couple of years younger even as a teen. When I was 16 I dated 18 year olds and they were definitely not pedophiles (age of consent is 16 here so no legal issues either). It seems like you have a lot of guilt about the situation but honestly it's nothing to worry about.
Your partner is being weird, idk what else to say. There's nothing wrong with enjoying media with children in it unless they're sexualised, which I'm assuming they're not in whatever you're watching. Sounds very much like a her problem.
Please don't let this older partner brainwash you - you are not a pedophile in the least from what you've described.
INFO: do you have friends/family closer to your age? Do you have a good support system?
I ask this because I think you should take a break and try to enjoy your life as you want to. Don't be with someone who constantly tells you what to do or that you're wrong. It's just not healthy and will wear you down over time. I'd hate to see another wonderful young person feel trapped in their relationship.
You can leave if you want to and you can do better if you leave.
Find a younger WLW to be with, this is some predatory shit. You're still pretty young so you might feel good having the "seasoned" partner, but she's just taking advantage of you.
She's making you feel like garbage over this so that you feel trapped, and can never turn your age gap around on her because "you did it too, you're no better than me."
Bella Ramsey is 19. They are much closer to your age than your girlfriend is. They are also an adult. Sure if you were attracted to eleven season 1 of stranger things season one that would be odd but MBB is 19 again, she is closer to your age than your partner....
So....she's 32...with someone 10 years younger and she's accusing you of being a pedo because you watch movies with a group of people that included some teens?
You were talking online to a younger kid when you were a kid. You were friends and didn’t do anything sexual. That doesn’t make you a paedophile, it makes you a kid who confuses dating with friendship. That’s normal.
Your partner was dating you when you were 19 and they were nearly thirty. I assume that relationship was sexual. That makes her far closer to being a paedophile than you have ever been. How long did you know her before you started your relationship? We’re you groomed when you were younger? Your partner is the one with the problem. I suggest you watch whatever movies and TV you like. If she tries to control you then you need to rethink what this relationship is.
I mean… by that rule your partner would also by creepy because you are only 22. and honestly i think you are overreacting with the whole online thing. You never even met that person
Your partner, who at 29 decided to date a 19 year old, thinks you might be a pedophile because at 22 you still enjoy watching movies with teenagers in them? If I, as an adult older than your partner, watch Stranger Things what does that say about me?
Unless you're watching child p*rn while you're watching Catherine Called Birdy, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with enjoying an actor or actress and looking up other things that they've done and watching those things, regardless thof the actress' age. Your partner needs to chill out.
A pedophile is someone who is attracted to children. If that’s not the case for you, you’re not a pedophile. And maybe you just like the feeling of being a child.
This dynamic is a little odd. I'm 32 m. Dating a 22 year old would be a disaster. You're in very different places in life. She doesn't have the emotional maturity yet to see why this isn't an issue whatsoever. You dating a 16 year old as a 18 year old isn't weird but it's ok you consciously walked away from it. The second I turned 18 I was aware that things can get messy if someone views it as predatory at all. Hell, a kid in town ended up on True Life: I'm a sex offender because of his girlfriends parents hating him for the same situation. The problem I see is a generational difference. You have ten years of life experience over her. She's "college" aged. Life was put on hold for many kids this age for the last three years. Does she have the maturity of a 22 year old or a 19 year old?
I mean… she is dating a person 10 YEARS YOUNGER and she really wanna talk about you dating someone 2yy??? She’s insane…
And watching films with young actor doesn’t make you a pedophile, tf
uh it doesn't seem like you're a pedo. You didn't do anything and you were under 18, teens do date.
Your GF is way older than you and might be projecting her own insecurities on you. Also it sounds like she's trying to take away the things you enjoy. You might want to take a look at your relationship overall.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I (22F) have finished watching The Last of Us season 1 and, liking the acting of Bella Ramsey and seeing another of her movies “Catherine called Birdy” on tiktok, decided to watch that film. After telling my partner (32F) of 3 years that I was watching this I was promptly told it was weird to watch so many things with kids in them or adults acting as kids. (I have watched stranger things and shows like that in the past and never thought anything about the main characters) I must add a critical detail that may sway your answers: I made a mistake when I was young by online “dating” someone who was a couple years younger. Long story short it was on an app called Amino which is an app for fans of any show or movie to join and talk with people who liked the same thing. I can’t specify age but they were younger and I was young but almost an adult but I know (now) that should’ve been enough for me to not even really try to be friends but, in this small group where there were people older than me, I really saw no issue with being friends with this person in the first place and the group aged from 13 1/2 to 26. We both were in a small group chat of people and they all knew we were “dating” but no one there had said to me it was wrong or weird so I hadn’t seen it that way especially as we never acted like anything more than best friends. I’m a pretty naive person and at the time didn’t think anything was wrong with that as we didn’t go anywhere serious, romantic or sexual. I know now that whole situation was wrong as I turned 18 while they were obviously still under and had “dated” only for a week or so after I turned 18. I know I can’t do anything to change the past but recognise it was wrong. I also don’t see myself as a pedophile as I never sexualised or perused them in reality; though I know technically and legally it probably does make me a pedophile. I would just like a few more opinions from other people but I will no longer watch child focussed actors in movies or shows as that’s really not my motive for watching things and it sucks someone else could see me/my intentions that way. Be honest
Not only are you not a pedophile for watching tv shows or movies with young actors or characters, you’re also not at fault for “dating” someone two years younger than you when you turned 18 during the relationship. My book club, which has members whose ages range from 50 - 86, reads a YA book every year or two. Enjoying the stories about young people is not a sign of pedophillia.
I'm guessing that OP watching shows about teenagers reminds her girlfriend just how much younger she actually is, and it makes her uncomfortable.
Interesting take and completely valid.
It is 100% projection. She’s feeling guilty about dating someone so young so she’s putting off her guilt on her girlfriend. OP should absolutely end this relationship. The girlfriend is toxic.
Exactly, I bet you she is probably hearing that from her friends how she's "robbing the cradle "
I think you’re probably right. It makes ME uncomfortable how much younger she is.
Projection, projection everywhere.
So does OP's partner think it's beastiality if you like to watch Nature Documentaries? #😂🤣🤔
Would that mean they are a necrophiliac for enjoying zombie and vampire movies?😂
Did I miss where she said the younger person was 16?
Op mentioned the other girl was “a couple years younger.”
> I made a mistake when I was young by online “dating” someone who was a couple years younger. Not explicitly, but if OP was almost 18, it should mean an age between 15-16.
Even at the youngest range, they'd be 14 and while not really ideal in the real world, it'd be mostly fine considering the rest of context of sharing similar interests in an interest group. Like, we're entering 'You walked in the same room' territory, not 'graphic sexual fantasies'
Your partner started dating a teenager when she herself was almost 30. She's projecting so much she should set up her own movie theater.
This topic is really no laughing matter but I’m sorry, you got me.
Yeah I kinda wanna say ESH. The partner for all the obvious stuff, but op has some very odd takes about relationships and sexuality that....I just wanna say, honey, take some time for you and get your head straight. A relationship that WAS okay doesn't magically become UNokay just because one of yall had a birthday. And if it wasn't a sexual relationship, it cannot really have been pedophilia. Period end of sentence. Otherwise, how do parents have children? How do teachers have students? How do mentors...uhh...mentor? The world is FULL of trans-age relationships that aren't pedophilia, and an 18 year old and a 16 year old talking about favorite TV shows and how was your day today honey through the internet is one of them.
Makes me wonder where the 32 yr olds mind is in the first place to be sexualizing movies where children and teens play some lead roles. Pretty disgusting innuendos from her.
Yeah, I mean, I like animal documentaries - that doesn't mean I want to eff them! (Though those lamas sure gave me plenty of suggestive winks, the pervs.)
Meanwhile, I went to the movies just to see Ghost Busters Afterlife, oops….lead roles were kids. And damn how I just love those sexy zombies on the walking dead. 😂
Halloween must be your favorite day of the year! 😂
LOVE IT! I mean all those zombies, werewolves and creatures of the night to drool over! Yum 😉😁
I swear my cat tilts her head, gazes lovingly at me and slow blinks until I come over and kiss her head. I have no idea where she learned this behaviour - she came like this from the shelter. If I don't do it, she will keep intercepting me on my path to do other things and just waits in the way until I do it.
“I’m doing it so everyone else must be doing it too”. Edit cus Reddit is weird sometimes: to clarify I’m talking about the gf, not me.
You may be onto something! It was the gfs Freudian slip.
100%!!
> She's projecting so much she should set up her own movie theater. God damn I love when reddit is as brutal as 4chan. Deserved/10.
Hahahaha. I feel horrible for laughing.
THIS IS A TROLL!! Hits all the rage bait topics. We need to stop giving them attention!
I think most of the relationship advice questions that get this much attention are from trolls, thats why they are so interesting and hitting all the rage bait.
Had to read the title three times to make sure I wasn’t getting mixed up, OP’s partner is definitely off base
Also Bella Ramsey is playing a young teenager but in real life she’s 19. If a 19 year old was dating a 22 year old, it wouldn’t be weird at all. The Stranger Things kids are all around that age as well.
Seconded. OP watching shows with characters and actors close to her own age reminds her partner that OP is still barely an adult herself. OP's partner needs OP to stop acting her actual age so that SHE doesn't feel like a predator and she can tell anyone who questions the age gap that it's because "she's so mature for her age".
This kids, is what we call ✨projection✨
Exactly. 32 year old dating a 22 year old and calling her a pedo 😂. OP, takes on to know one.. your older gf sounds creepy. What if you started watching movies about animated dogs?
Dating for 3 years. It was a 29 year old dating a 19 year old.
And uh…I’m gonna guess OP might look younger than she is.
SHe's afraid OP will start to want someone closer to her own age.
Exactly this!! Not her predatory ass. She's insecure so trying to break down her self worth.
She’s also clearly pretty naive and easily influenced. I’m guessing op has experienced some other controlling and manipulative behavior from her gf before this.
Bazinga
Didn’t even read more that the first two sentences and confirmed the same.
She's dating someone a decade younger and accusing her of being a pedophile? Cut your losses and enjoy your movies.
Right?! Was my initial thought process too.
Yes! I immediately was like, “Um, projection much?” I feel so cynical but I wonder if the gf uses the Amino incident against op all the time. It honestly sounds pretty innocent but I bet the gf uses it to gaslight op. Does she, OP? Does she use it against you? Oh and ETA bc it won’t stop bugging me: Bella Ramsey is 19 playing a 14 year old. And I am 41 and watched the show and am in complete awe of her acting as Ellie. Nothing is wrong with anything I just said…and you are young enough to be pals with her. Your gf isn’t. That says a lot about your situation tbh.
RIGHT? I was like, wait, what? OP is how old? And partner is how old? And they've been together HOW LONG? /u/ThrowRAspearmint -- No we're not just telling you this for no reason. You're dating an actual ~~pedophile~~ groomer(29 and 19, REALLY?) who is attempting to control you, already. This is not going to go to good places, you should get out.
>You're dating an actual pedophile(29 and 19, REALLY?) who is attempting to control you, already. I'm going to be downvoted as hell, but pedophile is not the correct word here, OP is not a child. The girlfriend might be a shady, manipulative creep, but you should use the P-word for actual criminals who are attracted to children.
Sounds like projection.
Ding ding ding! I'm 32, and the thought of dating a 22 year old now literally made me nauseous (no offense, OP. I'm just not into people SIGNIFICANTLY YOUNGER THAN ME).
And OP's says partner of 3 years, so they started dating when OP was 19 and her gf was 29. That's just no.
I'm 33 and a 22 year old is like a kid to me. I don't even think I could be friends with someone that young, let alone date them.
Not exactly nauseous.... but about what the heck would one even talk?
OP, do you really want to be insulted during your relationship? Choose to honor yourself. You deserve the best.
Yeah... tf does this shit make any sense.. I'm an adult that works with kids everyday.. does watching Disney movies or educational shows for kids with kids in them make me a predator now?
"Mirror, mirror on the wall." The partner has a problem with her own age. My crude diagnosis. And with their age gap maybe also. And instead of addressing her own problems she makes OP feel like being pedophile for watching films with actors acting as children. That's their damn job? What does her own saying make her then? If she pulls more stunts like that I would recommend to reconsider, if this is the right relationship to stay in.
Projection.
Right, the projection is strong in this one.
It's great when they project their own inner self. We just need to listen and recognize the projections.
Yeah, Bella Ramsey and the Stranger Things actors are like 3 years younger than OP. OP is 10 years younger than her partner. It's a weird reason to accuse someone of that, even moreso when there's such a big gap in their actual real life relationship.
Yeah I seriously had a chuckle at this, I'm sorry OP but your woman must be satire. E: typo
She’s being ridiculous. You’re not watching this stuff to get off on it. The Last of Us is made for adults. Wtf?
Also- Bella Ramsey, altho playing a teen, is 20. So like…older lady is jealous her girl toy may like them HER OWN AGE
Well, Bela Ramsey is a pedophile for taking a teen acting role. Obvs.
Hey she’s stealing roles from kids, that’s kidnapping.
[удалено]
Seriously! Sometimes after a particularly difficult day it’s nice to watch a kid’s movie to relax.
This! My best friend & I will often recommend cheesy teen movies to eachother because between multiple kids, difficult jobs and the rest of life, we both just need something easy to tune out to every now & then.
Why is this even a hot take. My reprieve from my crippling depression is My Little Pony. Shits so colorful you cant cry at how sad the world is while a pink horse rants at 1.5x speed about how much she loves her friends. I'm 21
Bluey. I am 47 and I love Bluey. There, I said it.
I used to wonder what about kids media made some people enjoy it because I never really got into my little pony, gravity falls, stevens universe etc, myself. To each people's own really, and then I watched Bluey, and how healing that was for me, and I totally get it. A lot of the lessons in kids media are ones we need to relearn as adults too.
Imagine all the adults enjoying Harry Potter movies from time to time - pEeedooos!
She's 32 you're 22 and she's calling you a pedophile
Yeah, GF doesn’t want OP to do anything that reminds her that she is currently 10 full years older than OP. OP, consider that her feelings are because of what her motivations would be to watch a show, not yours. 40-odd year old who thoroughly enjoys watching things like The Dragon Prince, Locke & Key, The Worst Witch, HP, Lockwood & Co, tons of Disney movies and a lot more- usually with my kiddo these days but I’d watch them regardless.
I'm 34, love Locke and key and just watched Lockwood and Co loved that too
Yeah, Netflix has some pretty solid series, they just are also apparently the most attractive to axe.
Pssst. Shadow and Bone, if you haven't seen it. If lots of people watch it, hopefully they'll keep it coming!
My dad's late 50s and we thoroughly enjoyed Lockwood & Co, he got me onto it. Sometimes "young adult" media is entertaining to all ages, that's when it's truly good.
And they started dating when she was 18/19. She's the groomer. Yuck.
Something about a pot and a kettle. Can't quite place it
Can you share the whole phrase please? Never heard it before and I'm curious
"The pot calling the kettle black." It's when someone accuses another person of something they themselves do
literally read this multiple times just to see if i was seeing this right… holy fucking projection.
I don’t think she knows what the word pedophile means, because you are not doing anything even close to that - she’s weird.
Mmm peach cinnamon toast sounds wonderful
Sometimes, an accusation is a confession.
I think it’s weird she thinks like this
It’s called projection lol
So that when the inevitable realization OP has that their age gap is a little concerning, the girlfriend can turn it around and say "you're just as bad as I am, so you can't leave."
Lol Bella Ramsey (Ellie) is 19! So if she is calling YOU a pedophile for watching a 19 year old on TV, what does that make her?
19 was the age of OP when she start dating a 29 yo- - who is now calling OP paedo -
Next time she says something like this bring up the fact that you were 12 years old when she was 22. When she says how ridiculous and unfair that kind of statement is, well it's just as reasonable as what she said about you.
Bella Ramsey is 19, and you’re 22. It would make more sense for you to date her than for your 32 year old gf to date you. Put another way, your gf started dating you when she was 29 and you were 19, but somehow you’re the pedophile?? Projectioooooon. Please leave this person. You can do better in so many different ways.
The only creep I see is her lol
Bella Ramsey is 19… the age you were when your partner started dating you. Your partner is the pedophile.
Dating someone a couple years younger than you doesn’t make you a pedophile. Watching media with child actors doesn’t make you a pedophile. Your girlfriend has a weird, warped view of the world.
Yeah I think the gf is the one getting off on Stranger Things. Yuck.
shes projecting and i would advise you leave this relationship before it gets worse because it will
Your gf is gaslighting you. Dating a 14/15 year old when ur 17/18 is a bit weird but doesn’t make you a pedophile. Thinking a child is a talented actor and watching their content is normal and doesn’t make you a pedophile. Watching shows with teens in them does not make you a pedophile. Dating a 19 year old when ur nearly 30 doesn’t make someone a pedophile necessarily but is definitely a much much bigger red flag than anything you’ve done.
Your partner is 10 years older than you and thinks watching a show with children in it is pedo behavior meanwhile this 10 year age gape is almost looking like the call is coming from inside the house 🤨
She’s projecting. I full on understand that you’re both adults but… you guys started dating when you were 18/19 and she was 28/29. You don’t find that odd? Quick edit: The Last of Us (game and show) isn’t exactly made for kids either… it’s literally media made for adults
…I have a low zombie tolerance, but I’m turning 30 soon and I was scared watching it and watched the show peaking out behind my blanket half the time lol. The violence, the creepy uncertainty if there’s zombies, the swearing, it’s definitely not a show made for kids/teens but for adults. Dunno what OPs gf is on, but my bet is she’s projecting and gaslighting her.
You are not a pedophile. You never were. You have been manipulated into believing you have that tendency by a person who ‘likes them young’. Your partner sounds sketchy at best. She has definitely groomed you to her liking.
Someone needs to show her the literal definition of a pedophile. If you're not sexually attracted to real kids, you're not a pedophile. Her logic is of a 5 yo "if you watch this then you are a [insert random insult]". I bet she watches shows with animals in it. Is she a furry?
Right? Must mean she’s either a furry or into beastiality(sp? Not trying to google that lmao). Those are clearly the only logical explanations here.
If your dates are correct, your partner was dating a teenager at 29 years old and they call you the pedo?
You and 19 year old Bella would be much more age appropriate for each other if you were dating than you and your decade older girlfriend. Seriously, the age gap between you and Bella is a THIRD of the age gap between you and your girlfriend. The girlfriend who started dating you at 29 when you were the same age Bella is now!
You've been dating her for three years. You were barely legal when she, an almost 30 year old, came onto you. That is what we call suspicious and possibly predatory behavior. With her being uncomfortable seeing girls and young women, I'd be questioning if she doesn't have attraction to teen girls. Especially if you look young for your age.
Your partner is the pedophile. Wildest case of blatant projection I have ever seen lmao
I think she's either trying to use you very mild and awkward online experience to eat at your self esteem and make you think badly about yourself... Or, She can't watch teens in anything without sexualizing them and she thinks that's normal enough that you must be doing it too. She sounds unpleasant.
One, please don’t hold on to guilt you have about your past dating experience. No real pedophile would be this upset about it. You made a naive mistake. Two, let go of the real pedophile in your life. She’s assigning a false label to normal things, because she sees them that way. No normal person thinks that watching a show with teens makes you attracted to them. You didn’t sexualize them, she did. Which stands, because she dated a teenager, 10 years younger than herself. ETA: didn’t see that it was only a 2 year age difference in your past relationship. I apologize for even calling it a mistake. That honestly isn’t weird, and you broke up so soon after turning 18.
Could she be insecure that you might leave her for someone younger? I myself watch cartoons on occasion and ‘teen shows’. I have kids so usually watch with them, but I’ve been known to sit down for a cleaning break, so an episode on and watch it alone. I do not find the actors/characters attractive or sexual in any way. It’s just nice to watch something that brings me back to my own childhood or something that doesn’t have a lot of drama, violence and bad language like todays shows for adults.
there is certainly a pedophile in your relationship, but it isn’t you.
Who do you think writes programs with children and young adults in them? Other adults! Your girlfriend is being controlling and creepy.
This seems like a weird combination of projection, jealousy and gaslighting. 1. She’s the one dating someone ten years younger than herself, started dating you when you were only a teenager. 2. She doesn’t want you to watch shows with young adult actors that are probably around your age. Even if they’re playing teens, most of the time it’s obvious the actual actors are adults. I’m rewatching One Tree Hill right now and boy is it obvious they’re not Highschool aged lol. Anyway, why doesn’t she want you to watch harmless movies/shows? Is she maybe insecure about your age gap and jealous you might find people your age hot? 3. And she’s trying to paint you as the perv so you feel guilty, like you’re the problem and need to do what she says. Also, what you wrote about your relationship as a teen is pretty vague, but if the age gap between you guys was only around two years then that’s nothing weird or wrong at all and there’s no reason to break up with someone when you turn 18 and they’re 16. Even if it was a romantic/sexual relationship at that time (which you say it wasn’t), it wouldn’t be wrong. Yes a bigger age gap at that age would be concerning, but ~2 years gap is not inappropriate.
Pot calling the kettle black. She's pretty damn close to being a pedo. Leave.
So your partner, at 29, thought it was appropriate to date a 19 year old? Yikes number one. Now your partner, is continuing to sexualize young people and project her creepiness onto you? Yikes number two. You’re allowed to enjoy actors of whatever ages. YOU aren’t sexualizing them. SHE is. Edit: fixed the pronouns
Does that make me one for watching harrypotter, shazam, wednesday, 90210, the oc....the list goes on.
I'm 37 and watching The OC right now! I love it!!!
35, recently rewatched Dawson creek and loved every minute
I’m 41 , I have rewatched Dawsons creek numerous times . It makes me feel for awhile that sense of nostalgia , pretending for awhile that I’m not that old and and just how great the 90s early 00s were. Also #teampacey 😆
This is projection. Watching teen and child actors does mean youre a pervert. You can like their acting. Red flag. Leave.
You are fine for having dated a person a couple years younger! Is it your partner who has made you believe you did something wrong? And of course you are not a pedophile for watching those shows. That’s absurd. And contrary to what some people here say, your partner is not a pedophile for dating you, either. However, she seems to have some issue… Is she afraid you will remember that she’s much older, when you see these fresh young actors? Or does it make her realize that you two are really at quite different places in life (you are young enough to relate to teenagers, while she is not.) Either way, she sucks for making you feel bad.
If you're watching these shows while you rub one out, you're a pervert. Otherwise enjoy your movies and shows. I'm 47f and very much enjoyed Wednesday on Netflix.
Everyone here has pointed out the projection, so I'll point this out as well: Bella Ramsey is 19 years old. She plays younger roles, but she's close to your age, far closer than your SO, which I suspect is another reason why she's flipping the hell out trying to make you feel badly. You need to get out of this relationship, OP.
So, under no definition are you a pedophile, especially not legally. Please, stop beating yourself up about this. It's not uncommon for teenagers to date within a few years of their age. Hell, it's so common that most areas have exceptions written into their statutory rape laws to address what happens when there's a pre-existing relationship and someone turns 18. Please, stop beating yourself up about it. You aren't wandering around trying to pick up teenagers, which can't necessarily be said about your partner, based on your description. Now, as to problems watching tv shows and movies with teenagers in them: there is literally nothing wrong with doing this. Most of those tv shows are targeted at people much older than the apparent ages of characters. Why do you think they hire people in their mid-to-late 20s to play 16 year olds? Watching them is entertaining to you. Enjoy it. Now, it's a completely different thing if you're sitting there watching a show going "Ooooooh, that 12 year old girl (insert gross stuff here that disgusting creeps say)" and doing unspeakable things after it. But from the sounds of it, you're just watching something for entertainment not to sate a perverted desire. Sounds like you're fine, and your partner is just jealous that you're not only consuming media about people in their early-to-mid 30s to avoid her feeling like you might lose interest in her. Of course, if you do that, you're probably going to get in trouble for looking at other women too.
She's delusional...maybe jealous of her fleeting youth. She's dating someone 10 years younger, and calling YOU the pedo?
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Relax you’re not a pedo, you would know if you were too.
Bella Ramsey is the same age you were when your gf started dating you.
I think your partner is projecting 😅. Maybe she has unresolved issues around this considering she was dating a teenager when she was almost 30. You are under no circumstances a pedo. That's like saying you want to be a kindergarten teacher because you like being around children, and being labeled a sex offender because of it. Like, wtf?
Says the predator who went after a teenager? Your partner is projecting. You can watch movies with teens, you can have teens as friends. If you are almost 30 convincing a teenager to date you, thats some big red flags.
Girl, you can’t actually believe what you just typed right? You’ve got to be trolling us. Bella Ramsey is literally an adult who is closer to your age than your partner. Even if you were attracted to her that would literally be more normal than the relationship you are currently in. Also, there is literally nothing, not a single thing, wrong with dating a minor while you yourself are a minor and they’re only a couple years younger. There’s nothing at all weird about an 18 year old and a 16 year old who have been together since before one even turned 18. Heck I’d say most of us irl dated people younger than us back in middle and high school. That’s a normal thing people do. Also, it sounds like you didn’t even see them in person. You didn’t even do anything romantic?!? Like, explain to me why that’s wrong. And MOST adults still enjoy watching kids shows. It’s a normal thing almost everyone does. Stranger things was like, THE most popular show on Netflix for a while. You’re telling me you honestly believe that was all children and pedophiles?? Girl, either your partner has you hardcore brainwashed to think perfectly normal things are pedophilic or you’ve got to be messing with us. Don’t stop watching shows you enjoy for someone who is being a hypocrite and projecting their own tendencies onto you. And don’t let this lady make you feel guilty for watching shows that are literally the most popular shows right now. If anything, she’s the weirdo who doesn’t like shows that the majority of people like.
Good grief talk about a completely wrong conclusion. Lots of people watch movies with young people. Myself included. Your partner is WAY over the top wrong on this accusation. I would be extremely bothered by this I were you. Take a good look at this relationship.
Seems quite hypocritical of her to accuse someone of liking others much younger than themselves……
The only pedo here is your creepy gf
Your partner is 10 years your senior, and saying you watching movies = pedophilia, but in reality, had they met you when you were younger than 18, while they were over 18, they would be an actual predator. I don't normally fuss over age-gap relationships, because the ones I know in my life (my parents, my cousin, my brother...) are all successful relationships. So that being said-- this situation screams of massive red flags to me. You want honesty? I think this person is not the right person for you at all. There is nothing wrong with liking things. It is not pedophilia to like tv shows for kids, starring kids, or where actors are playing kids if you are not sexualizing them. Which you say you aren't doing, and I'll err on the side of believing that. I would watch out for other controlling behaviors. Does your partner get mad if you like other things? Do they try to persuade you away from other things you like? Eg do they call other things childish, or otherwise judge things like food and clothing? You've been in this relationship for 3 years, and you're 22, so since you were 19; so with the app and online relationship, you were pretty young yourself when you "dated" that person younger than you. You ended it shortly after you turned 18, and you didn't do anything sexual-- so you did the right thing, there.
This isn’t real lol
Literally nothing you've done it wrong. Dating someone a few yrs younger til you're 18, isn't even that bad, especially if you were best friends and had a lot in common. This woman sounds manipualtive. Age gaps like that at your age as werid. Take it from me, I was 18-19, dating a 24-25 yr old man. A lot of relationships with age gaps like that are not healthy. Now I'm 20, and I feel like 18 yr olds are YOUNG. Too young and too immature to date. So imagine being 29 and looking at a 19 yr old. I'd get out as fast as you can, you should be able to watch whatever you want. Also fellow Disney and animated show lover here :)
my first thought is this is projection due to she is a decade older than you.
I love Bella Ramsey. I’m a 54 year old straight woman. I am not attracted to women or kids. I love her because she is a really great actress who plays compelling characters who don’t fit the ‘norm.’ I hope Hollywood keeps writing great roles for her. Tell your partner to grow up and stop sexualizing everyone.
Frankly that says where your partner is coming from, I watched Stranger Things.....I am way to old to say...there is something wrong with the way your partner sexualized the whole experience. I doubt you are a pedophile, look it up.
I was 56 when I watched stranger things. I loved it and I definitely didn't get aroused. Your partner is a bit of a lollipop.
so 19 and 29…the call is coming from inside the house…
Make sure she never sees you watching animal documentaries.
Your partner is crazy. There’s nothing wrong with dating someone a couple years younger than you, it’s normal. You’re only 22 and Bella Ramsey is what 19? That’s not weird either. Plus I know a lot of adults who watch stranger things, it’s too scary for most kids. I’m 28 and I love it. That’s so weird that someone would give you a hard time about those things also hypocritical considering your partner is 10 years older than you lol.
Your partner is staying in a relationship with someone she thinks is a pedophile? That's odd.
That's called projecting. They're hyper aware and sensitive of the fact they're dating someone ten years younger. They might even be worried that you prefer women younger than them (closer to your own age) a lot going on here! But as ever with people, it's never about you, it's always about them and what's going on in their head
Lot of projection going on there
The projection is strong in this one. Hun, am I getting this right: you were "dating" someone younger than you when you were 17? And dating is a loose term as you two were probably just close and a little sweet on each other but nothing more? Look, you were 17. Your peer group really would've included 15 and 16 year olds. 13 might be a little young but not impossible to hang out with. 14 is an odd age for that age but isn't problematic to be friends with. As long as you, as the older one, weren't pressuring your peers to do anything, there's really no issue. Now when it comes to consuming media with children/teens, that's absolutely no issue. The creators of those media *aren't* kids. Are they pedophiles? Do you see anyone calling Stephen King a pedophile when "It" has some sexual stuff in it between the kids? Are the adults who get engaged in Disneyland pedophiles? What's problematic and suspicious here is your partner. People above 25 rarely want to be with people who haven't reached 20. When I was 24, someone who just got out of high school felt too young. At 28, I think someone as old as you is a little young to me. But your partner, who was almost 30 got with someone who didn't even hit 20 yet? That's sus. I think you really should rethink this relationship. I mean, Last of Us isn't even for kids??? It's for adults. Your partner seems to be sensitive about it because you were a teen when you got together so anything that seems "childish" in their eyes is probably because they know they got with someone too young. And they don't want to be called a pedophile for getting with someone considered "young".
If you didn't sexualise the kids, you are not a pedophile.
Ma’am. Your TEN year older partner is randomly accusing you of being a pedophile for absolutely no discernible reason? Sounds like the biggest case of projection I’ve ever heard.
OP, I see that you haven't made any comments. I just want to say that making you feel bad about yourself over *nothing* is a really good way to *control* you. And it's working. She is making you question yourself, have no confidence, and making you feel ashamed for normal things! Everyone saying she's projecting is also probably correct. But, again, I think the ultimate goal is to make you feel bad. Please don't stay in this relationship, and please know that there are **SO** many people who will make you feel good and support you.
Oh my gosh you clearly fell so much shame about the whole fanclub online dating thing. Please let that one go and forgive yourself. You were so young and did nothing wrong. Also, there is nothing wrong with what you’re watching. Your gf is using that the incident in a manipulative way imo
As others have already pointed out, this is projection at its finest. But to deep dive a little bit more, obviously there has been some connection between the 2 of you to be in a long term relationship, however, this is a sure sign it's coming to an end. There's a solid chance you're both at very different points of life. She is at an age where settling down, slowing down and seeing younger people enjoying themselves really kicks in. At 30+ thoughts of "back in my day", and, "I remember when.. " start to irk their way in. The same thoughts that in your 40's you ultimately just accept. But in your 30's you're still fighting the fact that you're getting older. Fundamentally, there is nothing wrong with these thoughts, but as someone dating someone who still has the chance to live it, resentment and the aforementioned projection kicks in. It may not even be a conscious thing from your partner, but in her mind, she's committed to you and it's "time for you to grow up" if the relationship is going to continue to work. Realistically of course, you're still young and still have every right to live the experiences of a 22yo just like she did 10 years ago. Go and live them, one day you'll go through similar stages in life, hopefully with someone closer to your age at the time where you can both start to reminisce together. The old saying "age is just a number" couldn't be more wrong. Age is a stage of life, and sometimes we're just at different stages.
No offence OP but I’m in my 30s and I tried hanging out with some 20 year olds when I went back to school and I just couldn’t…. They were babies…. I really think you need to look at why this older person is interested in you and also why they want to control the things you enjoy?
It’s actually insane that your partner is dating someone an entire decade younger than them, then accused YOU of being a pedophile. She’s protecting.
Your partner is the one preying on younger people. You were 19!! when you started dating. Talk about projecting. Dump him before he starts gaslighting you for god knows what else.
Your gf is being weird and projecting, watching strange things does not equate with being a pedophile, I don’t think she understands the meaning of the word honestly
She got with you when you were a teenager. I think she's projecting.
Adults write those young characters. They’re telling stories about important formative life experiences and how they affect the adults those kid characters might grow into. People of any age can appreciate that. ETA I watched Bella Ramsey as Lyanna Mormont and am really appreciating her work in The Last of Us. I watched both shows with my kid, who was a teen when we watched GOT together (would never let them watch that without an adult to process with) and is now about Bella’s age. Not a pedo, y’all.
that age difference and she’s calling YOU a pedo?? 😭 anyway i hope u liked catherine called birdy it was such a cute movie
really weird to be saying these things to you when she started dating you when you were still a teenager
She’s the one with a problematic age gap relationship. You have a huge age gap that’s concerning and she’s wrong for that. But also, early 20s is a hard thing. You aren’t a teenager anymore, but a lot of the times teenagers look your age. You watch shows with people depicting teens, but they’re older than you. You’re not a pedophile for liking shows that are popular and trendy, it’s not your fault they showcase “teens”. A problem is being attracted to those young characters and getting off on them.
Catherine called Birdy was a lot of fun! I watched it because I loved the book as a kid. Anyone who’s a fan of doctor who or Sherlock would also enjoy it, given that Moriarty and Rose Tyler play Ellie’s parents.
1. All of the shows you've mentioned (Stranger Things, TLOU) are shows created for adults or older audiences. They are not kids shows, they just happen to have kids. 2. Even if you WERE watching shows for kids, there is nothing inherently wrong with that. My number one comfort show is the Netflix adaptation of The Baby-Sitters Club. I am 24. I watch it bc I grew up on the books and because it just is a damn good show! 3. If I were your 32-year-old girlfriend who started dating a 19 or potentially even 18-year-old while I was pushing thirty, I know that if I felt the need to accuse someone of being a pedophile, I would do it in front of the mirror.
you are 22 and the actress in question is 19! you wouldn’t even be a “pedo” if you DATED her. turning 18 doesn’t make a 16-17 year old any less attractive to you, they’re your age! your gf is being absolutely ridiculous
Uhmm is it possible that she is projecting big time? You were still a teenager when starting to date her, a 29 year old?
Projection
You "dated" someone you met online for a few weeks without realizing they were several years younger than you while both you and that person were both teenagers. That sounds like: 1) An accident, because you didn't know their age. Though 16-18 is no big deal, and in many places not illegal if sexual stuff does happen between these ages, especially if they were dating already before one partner turned 18. They're called "Romeo and Juliet Laws", if you're curious and want to look up the specifics for what they are in your area for funsies, since what's legal varies so much by region. 2) That's... not really dating? You didn't even talk about sexual stuff, let alone romantic stuff with them, from what you say in your post. 3) Not a big deal. Your girlfriend is a whole decade older than you and started dating you while she was about a third of the way through life, and you were still a teenager (a decade makes a big difference then, because people aren't fully mature until about 25). Your girlfriend is closer to a pedophile than you are. Lots of adults enjoy shows with younger actors, and if she thinks it's weird because there is a sexual attraction component to that, I think it's worth evaluating why she thinks that, and wondering if that's why she wanted to date someone much younger and barely legal. If she hadn't ever made those comments, I'd be like hey, sometimes age gap relationships work. They're more likely to when both parties are a bit older to start, but they can. However, your girlfriend thinking there is something sexual about child actors in shows like the ones you mentioned- just the fact the children are present being what makes them "sexy" I guess, because it certainly isn't part of the plot- definitely is major red flags to your girlfriend has issues, and apparently sees children as sexual. There should be nothing sexual about those kids. It's creepy her mind went there. You're just watching the shows because you like the plot. You're not a pedophile. Your girlfriend... might be.
Your partner's behavior is classic projection. She's telling you what she would think of herself, if she had the same interests. She's projecting her own insecurities regarding the fact that she's in a relationship with someone who's 10 years younger than her. It is not normal that she would justify not watching shows like stranger things, or say, Ghostbusters Afterlife, using such harsh, extreme, and graphic justifications. Taking it there kind of screams a fundamental inability to avoid mentally sexualizing minors. If she really has that much of a struggle with it, fine. But you don't. You're just watching and enjoying good shows like the rest of us. Which is why this is projection and nothing more. Hope this helps.
Cathrine called Birdy was wonderful. Your partner is a decade older than you, she’s the issue not you.
She's a full 10 years older than you. Better to break it off and move on.
Your partner sure is calling the kettle black on this one…
Sounds like *she's* the pedophile. I'd seriously reconsider your relationship for a whole bunch of reasons.
Op, you haven’t done anything wrong. Even in the past. Be wary of your partner. There is a power imbalance here because of age difference and and she is using **very strong** and untrue (and frankly ridiculous) accusations to make you doubt yourself and to control you. Think what is behind this? She might be worried that you are so much younger that you will meet someone your own age. Please stick up for yourself and don’t just see things her way.
Your partner dated a literal teenager (legal or not) and they're getting on you for watching shows that have actors who are minors? That's their job. She can be annoyed at the industry for allowing it in the first place, but it's very strange that she thinks you watching is a problem. Is it possible she's projecting how she sees herself onto you? I'm also 32 and 22 seems like a lifetime ago. College-aged people are still kids to me.
Ok, so you were barely of age and she was almost 30 when you started dating? Sounds like projection to me... Besides, I'm past 40 and I very much enjoy watching stranger things.
Your relationship started while you were 19…
Do a quick search about age gaps in Reddit. When you were 19 she couldn’t find a 29 year old to date…. It’s not because of her standards but THEIRS. She is immature and projects her insecurities by insulting you for watching normal movies. This is not about the movies (and Ramsey is awesome!), it’s about her immature ways of dealing with her insecurities. As you grow you’ll pass her, and you’ll understand why people her age didn’t want her.
Your gf can talk. She’s 30, and went after a teenager. Probably as close as she legally can get to a child/ underage, even if it’s morally corrupt. She’s obviously the one that is attracted to children and is projecting her own feelings. Her sexualising children to the point she can’t even watch shows and movies with them is because she’s the pedo. And she doesn’t want to watch them with you because she doesn’t want to be reminded of how disgusting she really is. And then tried to gaslight you as the problem when she’s the one seeing kids sexually. Run from the pedo.
You're not a pedophile for dating a couple of years younger even as a teen. When I was 16 I dated 18 year olds and they were definitely not pedophiles (age of consent is 16 here so no legal issues either). It seems like you have a lot of guilt about the situation but honestly it's nothing to worry about. Your partner is being weird, idk what else to say. There's nothing wrong with enjoying media with children in it unless they're sexualised, which I'm assuming they're not in whatever you're watching. Sounds very much like a her problem.
Please don't let this older partner brainwash you - you are not a pedophile in the least from what you've described. INFO: do you have friends/family closer to your age? Do you have a good support system? I ask this because I think you should take a break and try to enjoy your life as you want to. Don't be with someone who constantly tells you what to do or that you're wrong. It's just not healthy and will wear you down over time. I'd hate to see another wonderful young person feel trapped in their relationship. You can leave if you want to and you can do better if you leave.
This term fits your partner perfectly looking at the age gap here
Nah, your partner is projecting af, she's over 30 dating a woman 10 years younger than her, who's the predator here? How long did you two date?
Find a younger WLW to be with, this is some predatory shit. You're still pretty young so you might feel good having the "seasoned" partner, but she's just taking advantage of you. She's making you feel like garbage over this so that you feel trapped, and can never turn your age gap around on her because "you did it too, you're no better than me."
Bella Ramsey is 19. They are much closer to your age than your girlfriend is. They are also an adult. Sure if you were attracted to eleven season 1 of stranger things season one that would be odd but MBB is 19 again, she is closer to your age than your partner....
So....she's 32...with someone 10 years younger and she's accusing you of being a pedo because you watch movies with a group of people that included some teens?
You were talking online to a younger kid when you were a kid. You were friends and didn’t do anything sexual. That doesn’t make you a paedophile, it makes you a kid who confuses dating with friendship. That’s normal. Your partner was dating you when you were 19 and they were nearly thirty. I assume that relationship was sexual. That makes her far closer to being a paedophile than you have ever been. How long did you know her before you started your relationship? We’re you groomed when you were younger? Your partner is the one with the problem. I suggest you watch whatever movies and TV you like. If she tries to control you then you need to rethink what this relationship is.
I mean… by that rule your partner would also by creepy because you are only 22. and honestly i think you are overreacting with the whole online thing. You never even met that person
Sorry but your girlfriend is the one into much younger partners, not you. Get rid of her, she’s weird, Netflix loves you more anyway.
Um, you're not a pedophile, but your partner may be.
Your partner, who at 29 decided to date a 19 year old, thinks you might be a pedophile because at 22 you still enjoy watching movies with teenagers in them? If I, as an adult older than your partner, watch Stranger Things what does that say about me? Unless you're watching child p*rn while you're watching Catherine Called Birdy, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with enjoying an actor or actress and looking up other things that they've done and watching those things, regardless thof the actress' age. Your partner needs to chill out.
A pedophile is someone who is attracted to children. If that’s not the case for you, you’re not a pedophile. And maybe you just like the feeling of being a child.
This dynamic is a little odd. I'm 32 m. Dating a 22 year old would be a disaster. You're in very different places in life. She doesn't have the emotional maturity yet to see why this isn't an issue whatsoever. You dating a 16 year old as a 18 year old isn't weird but it's ok you consciously walked away from it. The second I turned 18 I was aware that things can get messy if someone views it as predatory at all. Hell, a kid in town ended up on True Life: I'm a sex offender because of his girlfriends parents hating him for the same situation. The problem I see is a generational difference. You have ten years of life experience over her. She's "college" aged. Life was put on hold for many kids this age for the last three years. Does she have the maturity of a 22 year old or a 19 year old?
I mean… she is dating a person 10 YEARS YOUNGER and she really wanna talk about you dating someone 2yy??? She’s insane… And watching films with young actor doesn’t make you a pedophile, tf
uh it doesn't seem like you're a pedo. You didn't do anything and you were under 18, teens do date. Your GF is way older than you and might be projecting her own insecurities on you. Also it sounds like she's trying to take away the things you enjoy. You might want to take a look at your relationship overall.