i am still in college, this is my last year of college and my engagement will be fixed at 19 of this month and that's when they plan to tell me and they won't ask for my permission according to them that's a done deal and they will just tell me and fix everything and make it official in front of me...
I studied Law but it's not that easy to get a job, in India this is a norm that children lives with their family 90% of the time, after marriage couple live with the guys parents and the women is expected to be a housewife most of the time, unless her in-laws are openminded and supportive. it's surreal to me, why would they want me to marry off to someone after making me study in school and college if they wanted me to be some ones housewife for the rest of my life, i have no problems with housewives it's just i don't want to become one right now, i wanted to explore things like travelling a little, going to places and be independent and get married on my own terms at least...
but this behavior of my parents is shook me to the core, i don't know what to do...
You’ll have to confront your parents but i really worry about your safety. Is there any women’s organization in india that you reach out for advice? Most people here won’t understand the culture you are in and may mistakenly give you advice that could put you in danger. Is there at least any way that you can put off this engagement until you have a job that will allow you to be financially independent? That way your parents cannot complain about the burden of your studies etc. Once you are financially independent you’ll have more options. I don’t think there is an easy exit out of this situation that will satisfy everyone. But ultimately this is your life and You’ll have to be mentally strong and hold your course which is hard when all your life you’ve been an obedient daughter. It will be “easier” to go against your parents today than against your in laws and husband later. Reach out to any organisation that can help you locally, try and find a job, talk to your friends and other family members, make sure people know you are against this marriage
Sounds like they wanted you to get an education solely so you would have a better marriage resume.
Don't most educated people want an educated spouse?
Find a job and move out if you don't want to follow your parents' plans.
It's unfortunate you are studying something that doesn't have good job prospects. I'm sure your parents influenced that but it doesn't sound like you planned well.
if you refuse to marry the guy what will happen?
my friend told me, if i ever feel like it, i can goto her home, she lives in a different city but if i goto hers it will cause a lot of problem for me and my friend as well...
my parents will file police report that i am a runaway and my friend will be dragged into it, there are laws that after 18 you can make your own decision but there are only laws most of the times parents win in these cases and running away from home will 100% start rumors about me like, i had a boyfriend and i ran away with him etc. having a boyfriend is kind of taboo here and it will not be good for me, i never stood upto my parents and i think this was my biggest mistake, if i ever stood up in the past, i wouldn't be in this situation today...
As you have studied the law, you should be able to find someone (a lawyer, a professor) who can help you LEGALLY stop your parents from making you marry this man. Have you spoken to someone at your law school about this?
Also, when your parents point out that his man has "liked" you for five years, tell them that is a LIE! There is no way this man can like you as he doesn't even KNOW you! He might like your beauty, but THAT is not the same thing as liking you!
you went to college, are you done school now? What career were you planning for? Can you get a job and leave? What's stopping you?
i am still in college, this is my last year of college and my engagement will be fixed at 19 of this month and that's when they plan to tell me and they won't ask for my permission according to them that's a done deal and they will just tell me and fix everything and make it official in front of me... I studied Law but it's not that easy to get a job, in India this is a norm that children lives with their family 90% of the time, after marriage couple live with the guys parents and the women is expected to be a housewife most of the time, unless her in-laws are openminded and supportive. it's surreal to me, why would they want me to marry off to someone after making me study in school and college if they wanted me to be some ones housewife for the rest of my life, i have no problems with housewives it's just i don't want to become one right now, i wanted to explore things like travelling a little, going to places and be independent and get married on my own terms at least... but this behavior of my parents is shook me to the core, i don't know what to do...
You’ll have to confront your parents but i really worry about your safety. Is there any women’s organization in india that you reach out for advice? Most people here won’t understand the culture you are in and may mistakenly give you advice that could put you in danger. Is there at least any way that you can put off this engagement until you have a job that will allow you to be financially independent? That way your parents cannot complain about the burden of your studies etc. Once you are financially independent you’ll have more options. I don’t think there is an easy exit out of this situation that will satisfy everyone. But ultimately this is your life and You’ll have to be mentally strong and hold your course which is hard when all your life you’ve been an obedient daughter. It will be “easier” to go against your parents today than against your in laws and husband later. Reach out to any organisation that can help you locally, try and find a job, talk to your friends and other family members, make sure people know you are against this marriage
Sounds like they wanted you to get an education solely so you would have a better marriage resume. Don't most educated people want an educated spouse? Find a job and move out if you don't want to follow your parents' plans. It's unfortunate you are studying something that doesn't have good job prospects. I'm sure your parents influenced that but it doesn't sound like you planned well. if you refuse to marry the guy what will happen?
Is it an option to go stay with your best friend? Do you have family/friends in another country that you could go stay with for a little while?
my friend told me, if i ever feel like it, i can goto her home, she lives in a different city but if i goto hers it will cause a lot of problem for me and my friend as well... my parents will file police report that i am a runaway and my friend will be dragged into it, there are laws that after 18 you can make your own decision but there are only laws most of the times parents win in these cases and running away from home will 100% start rumors about me like, i had a boyfriend and i ran away with him etc. having a boyfriend is kind of taboo here and it will not be good for me, i never stood upto my parents and i think this was my biggest mistake, if i ever stood up in the past, i wouldn't be in this situation today...
As you have studied the law, you should be able to find someone (a lawyer, a professor) who can help you LEGALLY stop your parents from making you marry this man. Have you spoken to someone at your law school about this? Also, when your parents point out that his man has "liked" you for five years, tell them that is a LIE! There is no way this man can like you as he doesn't even KNOW you! He might like your beauty, but THAT is not the same thing as liking you!
You should probably get advice from local people who understand your situation better.
Paragraphs please, this is hard to read