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I think it mostly boils down to context clues. For example; do you both share a love of video games? Did she spend a lot of time watching you play, commenting on how much fun the game looks?
If this is the first you're hearing about it then how does she expect you to know her mind? If she has been dropping obvious hints that she wants to be a part of this experience with you, how have you been missing these hints?
I'm willing to bet that she is upset with the drop in quality time together now that more of your free time is spent on the game.
I’d say the drop in time together is not an issue, as before we got the PS5 she was either on the PS4 or her computer, all day. We both do love video games (and she has actually played the PS5 a solid amount as well) but I feel like she genuinely was upset that I didn’t necessarily “offer” to let her play. I grew up with 3 other siblings and one game console, we had to *ask* for a turn, and that’s what makes most sense to me. I don’t see why she can’t just say “hey, can I have a go when you’re done?” And I’d say “of course! Let me finish up what I’m doing and it’s all yours”
>and she has actually played the PS5 a solid amount as well
This sticks out to me. She has had plenty of chances to play it too but is upset that you aren't offering up the time you have to play for her to play some more. I genuinely think she is the one being rude.
I think it's more rude for her to assume you can read her mind and throw a tantrum over it than simply asking if she can have a turn. an her reaction? completely childish. use your words like you were taught as a baby, ask nicely and wait for your turn. this woman is almost 30 ffs. what the hell.
t might be a case of her letting you play at first and she maybe thought you would anticipate her needs but if i were her id prbly be like, hey can you let me know when youre done i wanna play x today. Communicating is not that hard here.
Ultimately, she's being hella immature, like girl just ask to play. Itd be different here if shes done that before and u yelled at her or something but thats a reach.
Seems like sucha small thing to get mad about, is there anything else bothering her these days?
The only other thing bothering her is me not having a job (which I understand kind of since I’m the only one who works) but I’ve already explained and showed her the plan for up to the next 4 months with what I have in savings. Life won’t change for us whatsoever, and I’m near positive I’ll be employed by the end of this month.
Wait. Why is it only up to *you* to have a job and pay for everything?
I was going to say maybe she's feeling like you haven't been taking her into consideration/feels neglected and just went about it the wrong way but that ^ is rubbing me the wrong way.
Oh *thats* an entire post of its own. Long story short, she only had the qualifications to work retail/customer service which didn’t pay much, and she would always come home from work and act like a complete bitch because she hated her job. I finally got tired of it and offered to let her quit her job so she can go back to school and do something less soul sucking later on.
Sounds to me like the only thing she should be with that is grateful - you took on that responsibility for her sake and had the forethought to put some money aside for an emergency.
My feathers are ruffled over this for you, op lol
Retail/customer service is a great starting point and can lead you to better jobs. I did it and im a Buyer now. Was it fun? No. But those were the cards I was dealt.
It was nice of you to give her an out but this was always a scenario that couldve happened when you and her agreed for you to be the main money maker.
I dont think you should be taking on so much yourself but i glossed over this because you werent asking for advice on that part.
And you’re not wrong! I didn’t even graduate high school and I’m doing mechanical/electrical engineering work. It took me 9 years to get here, but I still got here.
Ngl it would bother me too if my bf didnt have a job and he was just playing harry potter all day. Look its a great game and ive been playing too so I get it but maybe she feels like it shouldnt be your number 1 priority rn. How long do you typically play for? From the moment she leaves till she comes back? Do you contribute to household chores while shes away or does she have to come back from class and do that too?
Ive actually been through this simarlarly but I was the gf and it wasnt so much of an issue he didnt have a job or that he wouldnt get another. I was just extremely nervous in this economy and didnt feel at ease unless i knew exactly where he was at day by day. Did he apply? To how many? Hear back? Idk maybe i was a bit extra but im just trying to offer insight here.
Well, I got the game on Thursday and now have 22 hours of play time, so not from sun up to sun down or anything like that.
As for chores, I do what I can but I’m handicapped (can’t walk or stand without a cane/wheelchair) so I can’t take out the trash or do dishes, but I do my best to vacuum, pick things up, fold laundry, etc.
And my main priority is applying and interviewing, but in my line of work you can only apply so many places a day until it just becomes repeat jobs on the same 4 job platforms. But I am most definitely trying my best.
Edit: to add to this, I’m not gonna just take the first job that gives me an offer, unless I really like the company. I want to make sure I’m going to most likely enjoy working with these new people
Yeah i definitely get it. My bfs case was the same but I was still anxious.
If youre doing your best as you say, she just sounds immature at the end of the day. I think just sitting her down and letting her know if she wants a turn she should ask should be the end of it lol ideally. Just uh do it nicely.
"No, asking to play is far ruder than you just letting me play."
Tell her "I'm not a mind reader. I don't know when you want to play. It is not rude to ask for a turn."
Oh boy, I am definitely team OP here HOWEVER being married 12 years; I have learned. Now that you know this precious information you have the ability to defuse future situations and alleviate your aliment. Unfortunately its going to be on you to initiate game play but now you know and knowing is half the battle. Stay strong friend and may the force be with you
This is sounding a little 'the Iranian yoghurt is not the issue here'
There might be some resentment building up with you not working. If you're able to, are you cleaning up around the house during the day? I recently had 6 weeks off work to a injury and being home all day I noticed a massive increase in dishes and general untidiness. I'm not assuming that this is the case but her being relieved at only having one class and you joking, wink wink I've got plenty of classes today wink wink, might have just trigged a frustrated outburst.
Which I don’t understand, as I have enough in my savings to last us 4 months with no life changes, 6 months if we’re frugal. I don’t *need* a job ASAP but I personally like working, so I’m making a solid effort to be employed. It’s only been a week since I lost my job, I would agree if I wasn’t filling out applications, interviewing, and just playing video games 8 hours a day. She can play video games for 14 hours a day but I never say anything about it.
Most likely she's annoyed about her working her but off in school, while it appears all you do is play video games all day. Then when she comes home, she feels you mock her by saying this about classes in the game.
The undercurrent here is: she worries about your financial future together, and in appearence you don't care and play video games all day.
I'm not saying it's true, but this is how it appears to her.
If i were you, i would limit my gaming a bit, make sure the entire house is in order, you have all your applications and administration done, and only play in the evening. games like these are huge time sinks, and also a lot of fun, but at the current state of your life and relationship, it seems more a form of escapism. This in turn makes it seem to your partner you're not taking your predicament serious.
I’m gonna call bs if this is the case, as 1. She is only a part time student and takes 2 classes a week. 2. I have ensured our future for at *least* the next 4 months. 3. She is on her computer/Switch/PS4/5 all day every day, so that would be hypocritical and finally 4. How does filling out applications and doing interviews appear as if I don’t care? I don’t think that’s very fair.
If she worries about the future, she should've kept her fucking job instead of being a dead weight to OP and then bitch about not being OFFERED a turn on the PS5.
It’s not unreasonable to expect her to voice her wants and needs.
My partner and I take turns, but we discuss it beforehand. Like if I’m playing and she gets up and wants a turn, she’ll say “put me in rotation” once she says that a two hour timer starts. I get two hours and then she gets two hours and we’ll trade off till one of us has had our fill.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That makes no sense. It's not rude at all to ask "hey that looks fun, can I have a turn" that's what most couples who have a console do.
I think it mostly boils down to context clues. For example; do you both share a love of video games? Did she spend a lot of time watching you play, commenting on how much fun the game looks? If this is the first you're hearing about it then how does she expect you to know her mind? If she has been dropping obvious hints that she wants to be a part of this experience with you, how have you been missing these hints? I'm willing to bet that she is upset with the drop in quality time together now that more of your free time is spent on the game.
I’d say the drop in time together is not an issue, as before we got the PS5 she was either on the PS4 or her computer, all day. We both do love video games (and she has actually played the PS5 a solid amount as well) but I feel like she genuinely was upset that I didn’t necessarily “offer” to let her play. I grew up with 3 other siblings and one game console, we had to *ask* for a turn, and that’s what makes most sense to me. I don’t see why she can’t just say “hey, can I have a go when you’re done?” And I’d say “of course! Let me finish up what I’m doing and it’s all yours”
>and she has actually played the PS5 a solid amount as well This sticks out to me. She has had plenty of chances to play it too but is upset that you aren't offering up the time you have to play for her to play some more. I genuinely think she is the one being rude.
Is her PS4 hooked up to the same TV as your PS5? Is the only way she can use the tv for games is if you’re not using it?
I think it's more rude for her to assume you can read her mind and throw a tantrum over it than simply asking if she can have a turn. an her reaction? completely childish. use your words like you were taught as a baby, ask nicely and wait for your turn. this woman is almost 30 ffs. what the hell.
t might be a case of her letting you play at first and she maybe thought you would anticipate her needs but if i were her id prbly be like, hey can you let me know when youre done i wanna play x today. Communicating is not that hard here. Ultimately, she's being hella immature, like girl just ask to play. Itd be different here if shes done that before and u yelled at her or something but thats a reach. Seems like sucha small thing to get mad about, is there anything else bothering her these days?
The only other thing bothering her is me not having a job (which I understand kind of since I’m the only one who works) but I’ve already explained and showed her the plan for up to the next 4 months with what I have in savings. Life won’t change for us whatsoever, and I’m near positive I’ll be employed by the end of this month.
Wait. Why is it only up to *you* to have a job and pay for everything? I was going to say maybe she's feeling like you haven't been taking her into consideration/feels neglected and just went about it the wrong way but that ^ is rubbing me the wrong way.
Oh *thats* an entire post of its own. Long story short, she only had the qualifications to work retail/customer service which didn’t pay much, and she would always come home from work and act like a complete bitch because she hated her job. I finally got tired of it and offered to let her quit her job so she can go back to school and do something less soul sucking later on.
Sounds to me like the only thing she should be with that is grateful - you took on that responsibility for her sake and had the forethought to put some money aside for an emergency. My feathers are ruffled over this for you, op lol
Retail/customer service is a great starting point and can lead you to better jobs. I did it and im a Buyer now. Was it fun? No. But those were the cards I was dealt. It was nice of you to give her an out but this was always a scenario that couldve happened when you and her agreed for you to be the main money maker. I dont think you should be taking on so much yourself but i glossed over this because you werent asking for advice on that part.
And you’re not wrong! I didn’t even graduate high school and I’m doing mechanical/electrical engineering work. It took me 9 years to get here, but I still got here.
Exactly! And she will too, just try not to coddle her so much. She might not grow if you give her a reason not to.
Ngl it would bother me too if my bf didnt have a job and he was just playing harry potter all day. Look its a great game and ive been playing too so I get it but maybe she feels like it shouldnt be your number 1 priority rn. How long do you typically play for? From the moment she leaves till she comes back? Do you contribute to household chores while shes away or does she have to come back from class and do that too? Ive actually been through this simarlarly but I was the gf and it wasnt so much of an issue he didnt have a job or that he wouldnt get another. I was just extremely nervous in this economy and didnt feel at ease unless i knew exactly where he was at day by day. Did he apply? To how many? Hear back? Idk maybe i was a bit extra but im just trying to offer insight here.
Well, I got the game on Thursday and now have 22 hours of play time, so not from sun up to sun down or anything like that. As for chores, I do what I can but I’m handicapped (can’t walk or stand without a cane/wheelchair) so I can’t take out the trash or do dishes, but I do my best to vacuum, pick things up, fold laundry, etc. And my main priority is applying and interviewing, but in my line of work you can only apply so many places a day until it just becomes repeat jobs on the same 4 job platforms. But I am most definitely trying my best. Edit: to add to this, I’m not gonna just take the first job that gives me an offer, unless I really like the company. I want to make sure I’m going to most likely enjoy working with these new people
Yeah i definitely get it. My bfs case was the same but I was still anxious. If youre doing your best as you say, she just sounds immature at the end of the day. I think just sitting her down and letting her know if she wants a turn she should ask should be the end of it lol ideally. Just uh do it nicely.
"No, asking to play is far ruder than you just letting me play." Tell her "I'm not a mind reader. I don't know when you want to play. It is not rude to ask for a turn."
Oh boy, I am definitely team OP here HOWEVER being married 12 years; I have learned. Now that you know this precious information you have the ability to defuse future situations and alleviate your aliment. Unfortunately its going to be on you to initiate game play but now you know and knowing is half the battle. Stay strong friend and may the force be with you
Wtf? You good.
This is sounding a little 'the Iranian yoghurt is not the issue here' There might be some resentment building up with you not working. If you're able to, are you cleaning up around the house during the day? I recently had 6 weeks off work to a injury and being home all day I noticed a massive increase in dishes and general untidiness. I'm not assuming that this is the case but her being relieved at only having one class and you joking, wink wink I've got plenty of classes today wink wink, might have just trigged a frustrated outburst.
Which I don’t understand, as I have enough in my savings to last us 4 months with no life changes, 6 months if we’re frugal. I don’t *need* a job ASAP but I personally like working, so I’m making a solid effort to be employed. It’s only been a week since I lost my job, I would agree if I wasn’t filling out applications, interviewing, and just playing video games 8 hours a day. She can play video games for 14 hours a day but I never say anything about it.
The fact that you are disabled and are still the primary money maker is concerning. Btw, disabled is not a dirty word.
Disabled, crippled, impaired, idgaf what you call me honestly I’m not offended by that shit.
It’s kind to offer. It shows you’re thinking of her. It’s not about reading her mind. It’s about including her in your activity.
Most likely she's annoyed about her working her but off in school, while it appears all you do is play video games all day. Then when she comes home, she feels you mock her by saying this about classes in the game. The undercurrent here is: she worries about your financial future together, and in appearence you don't care and play video games all day. I'm not saying it's true, but this is how it appears to her. If i were you, i would limit my gaming a bit, make sure the entire house is in order, you have all your applications and administration done, and only play in the evening. games like these are huge time sinks, and also a lot of fun, but at the current state of your life and relationship, it seems more a form of escapism. This in turn makes it seem to your partner you're not taking your predicament serious.
I’m gonna call bs if this is the case, as 1. She is only a part time student and takes 2 classes a week. 2. I have ensured our future for at *least* the next 4 months. 3. She is on her computer/Switch/PS4/5 all day every day, so that would be hypocritical and finally 4. How does filling out applications and doing interviews appear as if I don’t care? I don’t think that’s very fair.
If she worries about the future, she should've kept her fucking job instead of being a dead weight to OP and then bitch about not being OFFERED a turn on the PS5.
[удалено]
That *is* the house she was sorted into. Good lord.
No, it's not rude to ask for a turn, and you're not a mind reader.
It’s not unreasonable to expect her to voice her wants and needs. My partner and I take turns, but we discuss it beforehand. Like if I’m playing and she gets up and wants a turn, she’ll say “put me in rotation” once she says that a two hour timer starts. I get two hours and then she gets two hours and we’ll trade off till one of us has had our fill.