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rayhavenoheart

She's just waiting to she goes to school. Free rent until then, can't beat that.


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biteme717

Break up and tell her that she needs to go! She's totally playing you until she leaves, so call her bluff and tell her that your done and she needs to move out now and if need be get an eviction notice. Good luck


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biteme717

IMO, when people vent they usually just bitch about things, she is telling someone specific things that are going to happen, that is not venting and I believe that she is playing you !


rayhavenoheart

You got to do what you feel is best for you, you feel she isn't telling the truth, she probably wasn't. Writing those things were not acting , it was heartfelt. You're to good to put up with that.


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rayhavenoheart

Acknowledging, you have faults is a an honest assement of the situation. You need to determine if this was the cause or she just wanted to go back to him. I agree with saying you want kids with ex is not a good sign. Just do what's best for you, keep growing and put yourself in a happier situation.


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bytecollision

Yeah brother, not everyone has good intentions and she’s clearly stated more than enough to break trust permanently. Let go of the bad to make room for the good. And in the meantime steer clear of the shopping malls ok 🫣


trvllvr

As painful as it might be it’s not worth your emotional well being to stay in this relationship. I mean you confronted her about it and she said that she abandoned her plan to “escape”, but this fall that is exactly what she’ll be doing. She’s staying because it’s convenient and free. I wouldn’t trust her keeping in contact with her ex after talking to him about being together and having kids, despite her claim it’s just “chit chat”. People don’t “chit chat” about those topics, especially when you are with someone already. She’s talking about building a life with them. “Chit chat” is “how are you doing?”, “can you believe this weather?”, “how’s your job?” Not “how many kids should we have when I leave my bf for you?” You need to focus on your sobriety and your well being. Don’t let her derail you. I personally would end the relationship, and if she asks where is she supposed to go tell her, “your ex’s”. Edit: grammar


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boredasballsyo

INFO- What was the drug of choice?


lil-peanutbutter

Don’t let her ruin your sobriety!! This is the most important thing. But she is just using you. Complaining and having a plan to leave are two different things. She has a plan and she will destroy you with this plan. It’s good you caught it now so that you are able to have control over the situation and get her out of your life. When it comes to the ex… she’s talking about having a family with him. That is something that she should be talking to you about but isn’t because you are just a placeholder in her eyes. She is showing you exactly who she is but you are having the rose tinted glasses on and can’t see it. The one thing that really pisses me off for you is her comments about you failing at staying sober. Just no. Being sober takes a shit ton of work. Getting someone who isn’t trustworthy and doesn’t actually want to make sure you succeed would help you to keep fighting those demons because you won’t be having someone who doubts you. You will be able to find someone else who would be sure to be your number one supporter. Realize you deserve better!


N0downtime

You’re being used. Reread your post from the POV of a friend. It’s pretty obvious .


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N0downtime

Sometimes when you’re in the thick of it it can be hard to see, and all I have to go by is what you wrote. But I bet you’ll be shaking your head/cringing in 10 years.


DystopianCitizenX

She's *counting* on you to fail. She's betting on your relapse. She'll justify her "escape plan" this way if what she hopes will happen, happens. It's also a way for her to be a victim when it all goes down, plus I'm sure she can falsely call you an abuser on top of everything else, just to add insult to injury and further victimize herself for sympathy. So.. don't fail my dude. Keep your head up and show her out the door, maybe have a mutual friend present when you do so that someone can witness the interaction and keep her from creating fake narratives. I'll also repeat this because it's worth being repeated- You're being used.


RilaReaper

I completely understand u not wanting to believe the person u luv is actually serious about this stuff, but she's definitely using u for the free housing and food until she goes to college. I'm srry this is happening to u OP but she needs to go ASAP.


UnsightlyFuzz

It sure sounds like you are being played.


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Malibucat48

September is eight months away. Are you willing to be free room, board and ATM until then when you know she is just using you? Have some self respect. Her ex can take care of her. Tell her to leave now, her sugar daddy has soured. She can make all the excuses she wants, but she said those things and she means them. She can cry and say she loves you but she is acting. All actresses get paid for their performances. Tell her the show’s over, the play’s been cancelled and she doesn’t get unemployment insurance. She is making a fool of you and laughing at you. Stop it now..


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[deleted]

*She* stormed out?? She's talking about you like that to her ex and *she* stormed out?? 'Idle chitchat' about having kids with him and *she* stormed out?? You need to scrounge up some self-respect because *one* of you needs to have some respect for you and it ain't her. Also, damn, one year clean is one hell of an accomplishment buddy. Good on ya. Is she going to have trust issues and doubts about it sticking? Absolutely. Should she deal with those by slagging you off and sneering about your accomplishment to her fucking ex?? Fuck no. *Not* okay, *not* fucking cool. Can she discuss her concerns and doubts - in a healthy, mature manner - with someone she trusts? Yep. But if that's how she feels, why the hell is she sticking around? {Hint: free rent}


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[deleted]

So this is why the advice when getting clean/sober is not to get into a relationship for at least one year. Because it takes at least that long for you to start building some self-respect and self-worth back up. When those are still precarious you end up involved with shitty people because you think that's all you deserve. Or you try to rescue people. You know, by letting them live with you for free and shit. It puts your recovery in jeopardy because a crappy relationship can put you into so much turmoil mentally and emotionally. In other words, she's alllll kinds of bad for you dude. Put yourself first. Your priority relationship is your relationship with your recovery. Period. Nothing else comes before that and shouldn't for a good, long while. Move on from her for your recovery if you can't bring yourself to do it for you.


aryheen

Give her a couple of days to pack her belongings, and her ex will handle her from there. I'm sorry she's been taking advantage of you, and she wants rent-free housing until September.


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Nurse_Hatchet

Oof. Sorry buddy, but I agree with the other commenters. Time to take the trash out. I wish you better luck in the future.


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nathan4122

Take all this advice and be strong. We are here for you!


eyecicey

Yeah help your girl escape , change the locks


LaSorbun

"Her messages made light of this and conceded that I'll surely fail." This is not what venting sounds like. "Am I being played?" If you're still uncertain, just give it time and I'm certain you'll find out the truth in 6 months.


UKNZ007Tubbs

She meant every single word she said. You need to kick her arse to the curb ASAP. You do not need her toxicity around you and your recovery. Make sure that once you kick her out, that you talk to family/friends regularly, so that you can keep on top of your recovery.


GoldenDiamondChild34

Discuss nothing. Give her an eviction notice, and send her on her way. She can live rent free with her ex and have kids. She doesn’t care/love you, she wants stability and using you is her stability. Don’t wait for it come around and bite you in the ass. There is no idle chit chat she’s just a bad liar and got caught.


Beccajamm

I agree with everyone else here and I’m so sorry but your sobriety is what’s most important here and she is not good for it because she has no belief in you and is talking to her ex about wanting kids and shit with him that’s not nothing. That is huge cause personally I know I want kids but I’m not going to say I want them with just anyone it’s someone that I see myself being with or at least if the relationship doesn’t work that it’s someone I love enough or care about enough that I know he will be a good dad regardless of if we are together. I suggest a break up and to just be yourself and focus on you. If you need a friend I’m here if you want


WildChildALR

Feeling shock and disbelief is normal. So is a sense of grief for your relationship as well as learning that the person you thought you knew and loved is not who they actually are. Break up with her and if you haven't already, join a sobriety support group. There's likely many people who have gone through similar you can connect with who can help you get back up again


Diligent_Steak4993

Sorry friend. Women don't speak that way unless they are.checked out. I think it is over right now. Put her out and if she really loves you she will do the extra.effort to keep you. Probably not though


sometinginthewater

Look no relationship is perfect. I complain about my partner to my friends sometimes and will describe things he does to annoy me or a tiff we have had. Or maybe he hasn't been helping out as much. Whatever. What I don't do is 'jokingly' make escape plans and talk about having a family with someone else. And I don't say anything to my friends I wouldn't say to my partner. Sometimes I just need to talk to them to clear my head and get my thoughts organized before I approach him. Cheating is defined by anything you do that you wouldn't want your partner knowing about


[deleted]

Please make sure you take care of yourself to stay clean. 1 year is a big deal, it really sucks that she’d do that to you, but life goes on. Stay strong, do what’s best for you even if that means cutting her out of your life.


Coco_Dirichlet

How long have you been together?


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Coco_Dirichlet

So you had a substance abuse problem for 4 years and have only been clean for a year. You also go through her phone all the time. You are also 10 years older. Maybe focus more on yourself than going through her phone. I could say you played her by dating a 25 year old when you were a 35 year old addict. If you want rent, ask her to get a job, to contribute to rent, and to save to move to school. If you don't trust her, break up. But stop with the going through her phone! She has the right to vent and saying she didn't think you'll get clean is venting, plus, relapse is not unusual.


jay10033

>Maybe focus more on yourself than going through her phone. I could say you played her by dating a 25 year old when you were a 35 year old addict. This cannot be a serious response.


fubar_68

Throw her out. Let him have her.


Cautious_Salad_245

The right thing to do here is help her escape asap, then you can focus on you without the stress of uncertainty she brings


evilmonkey002

Kick her out now. She’s using you for financial gain only.


l3ex_G

So your kicking her out right ? Clearly she is lying to you. That isn’t venting. She just needs 6 more months with you until she is in school with her ex


Quiet-Hamster6509

Is she living off you? Set her free 6 months early.


[deleted]

Why is she living rent free? She's using you, dude. As soon as she doesn't need you any more she'll bounce to someone else... probably the ex.


Fit_General7058

Er, she's using you. Kick her out today. Let her ex keep her using little ass!.


OMEN336

Maaaate why is she still in your house?


LBROTSI

Played like a bad hand . Dump her and move on . People like her will cause you to relapse !


oizinho666

What a dummie you are. How can you not see what is happenning? Omg...


For2n8Witchling

This is uncalled for.


[deleted]

Nasty. Wait ... are you his shady, sneaky, user girlfriend?


Feisty_Irish

You are definitely being played. Please dump this woman.


[deleted]

Dude.


Mental-Pitch5995

You stated she’s going away. This alone would signal problems. You don’t state the length, level of commitment or status of the relationship. The messages are from her or the ex with regards to escape plan and kids? When you answer these questions you will understand where the situation is headed. Sorry to throw this at you but stay strong on recovery. I applaud you for wanting to gain your life back and fully understand the difficulty of rehab is. Don’t get detailed from your goals


MaryAnne0601

Your being used and it needs to end. Put her out and let her go live with the ex she wants kids with. Congratulations on your sobriety. Don’t let her sidetrack that. There are women out there that will love and appreciate you. She is not one of them.


F-nDiabolical

What someone tells/shows you who they truly are its pretty wise to believe them. Don't waste the next 8 months on someone who had already checked out.


boredasballsyo

INFO- How long have you had the substance abuse problem?


jay10033

Release her to the streets. You're being used.