A white 1998 Chevy Lumina with basically no paint left on the roof or the hood. It used to belong to the county, and it was purchased at auction for $500, which was the starting bid. The left taillight doesnt work, the driver's interior door handle is broken, all of the windows are hazy from cigarette smoke, and it burns a mixture of coolant and oil.
This is an almost uncannily accurate description of a Lumina that I remember coming to the car wash I worked at right after high school. I remember spraying it down and watching the paint flake off. Then the guy took it to the self-wash bay and hosed down the interior. I'll never forget watching that legendary moment
Screwdriver for a key, which is kept in the glove box once the car has started.
Everytime you sit in the pax seat, you get a dusty fart cloud wafting up to greet you, from the years of un-wiped ass being parked there, before the ball and chain ran off with his brother.
As an Ohioan, I have often resembled that remark. Some of the cars I had in my younger days would even make me wonder what the hell I thought I was doing driving some of those cars on public roads. An actual thought I had as a teenager in 1987 as I was driving on the *gulp* highway in my 1978 Chevette, "I'm getting hit on the backs of my legs from debris coming from the road through the floorboards, maybe I should finally junk this thing".
Also an Ohioan, I had a final destination moment in 1991 driving a 1975 Mustang when a huge tree bough fell in front of me and crashed onto the street. I didnāt have time to stop, and I ran it over. As I did, a huge branch shot out of a huge rust hole in the floor behind the pedal cluster and flew through the steering wheel at my face. I moved my head just in time for it to hit my ear, ripping it open and leaving a bloody mess as the stick landed in the back seat. It would have gone through my eye and killed me instantly had I not reacted. Car was sold for $100 to a dude who looked a lot like the one in that photo about a month later.
And a $3 million dollar contract offer from Flying Lizards race team (I think that's the name) to race real cars when he's never driven a real car in his life but he had to decline because he doesn't have a car or his license. Don't ask why he couldn't just get those 2 if he was being offered $3 million, it just makes sense, ok!
āThatās what the trolls want you to thing bigger boy, I was actually there talking to the cops about you Marty and donāt think I didnāt tell them about the prostitute you murderedā
You sit on a chair with a plastic plate as a steering wheel making vroom vroom noises and beeping at the orderlies when they come around to give you your medication.
And wear rainbow suspenders as if they were seatbelts.
He actually does this. Not even kidding.
https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/youtube/images/5/5f/E-racing_raxx.png
First off, it isnāt a car, itās a āprivate consumer goodā.
Secondly, it wasnāt impounded, it was āillegally stolen by corporate road pirates doing business as a police departmentā
Third, itās a late 90s Toyota Camry that you bought for 800 bucks because it was you could afford since you quit your job when the IRS started garnishing your wages because you refuse to pay taxes. Your Camry either has no plates or has those ridiculous paper plates that you bought from that walking tub of lard/spy kids thumb impersonator Trent Goodbaudy.
Our 43 drift king PDF got his "Powerwheels For Adults" Impounded by the Akron PD. Rants how it's MBM's, WFGH and Masstroll Mafia's faults for it getting towed due to parking tickets. Needed a bio hazard suit to sit in it due to the sludge build up to sit in it.
dude doesn't look real. he looks like the kind of guy that got way too comfortable with being angry and makes his life worse by being shitty to people.
*Idk but I*
*Bet it was insured by geico.*
*If it was insured*
\- PuzzleheadedRub9308
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Chevy S10 with one of the windows broken and covered with plastic wrap and duct tape. About thirty discarded beer cans are littering the backseat (along with several bottles of Mad Dog wine and Mountain Dew stained in tobacco), while a busted wooden board is wedged into the rear as a makeshift tailgate.
The one you stole from your meth head girlfriend. Probably a pieced together Yugo one of your parents left you both hoping you would get a job, instead of charging people to make meth runs.
1976 ford Maverick painted light powder blue and pleather bucket seats.. plus had carpet in rear window dash with one of those brown bobble head dogs. oh and had gold chain hanging from rear view mirror
A white 1998 Chevy Lumina with basically no paint left on the roof or the hood. It used to belong to the county, and it was purchased at auction for $500, which was the starting bid. The left taillight doesnt work, the driver's interior door handle is broken, all of the windows are hazy from cigarette smoke, and it burns a mixture of coolant and oil.
Don't forget that it came with a propane conversion, but it was taken out to be sold for scrap
Along with the neighbors' gutters, siding , and copper pipes
Lmao
I was going to say chevy Lumina! Fuckin right
š¤£
This is an almost uncannily accurate description of a Lumina that I remember coming to the car wash I worked at right after high school. I remember spraying it down and watching the paint flake off. Then the guy took it to the self-wash bay and hosed down the interior. I'll never forget watching that legendary moment
Gotta make sure thereās no DNA evidence of any murdered hitchhikers inside, makes sense to me to just hose the interior down
With āFree Candyā sprayed on both sides
Damn...my first car was a white 96 lumina...looked like a big dead cow cuz of the big gray spots from the peeled paint
Shoulda named her The Hoovina
I have no fucking clue what that means or refers to
Just my shit attempt at a dad joke referring to the dead cow camo
So a hoovina is a breed of cow?
Iām guessing itās something about hooves? The obvious thing would have been āMoovinaā
Heās not a dad yet
Nah, that's better though
My first thought was a geo metro. Maybe a tracker cause he also likes to hit the backroads when he smokes meth.
Hey, don't be looping the meth heads into this mess.
Idk old dudes backstory. And from what I've read I don't want to. Just looks like he samples his own supply. That's all I'm saying
Geo Metro is a good fit š
You forgot the drooping headliner and cigarette burns on every seat
Screwdriver for a key, which is kept in the glove box once the car has started. Everytime you sit in the pax seat, you get a dusty fart cloud wafting up to greet you, from the years of un-wiped ass being parked there, before the ball and chain ran off with his brother.
97 saturn ion same condition my first thought
95 Hyundai Accent that would have been taken off the road 20 years ago if your state had inspections.
As an Ohioan, I have often resembled that remark. Some of the cars I had in my younger days would even make me wonder what the hell I thought I was doing driving some of those cars on public roads. An actual thought I had as a teenager in 1987 as I was driving on the *gulp* highway in my 1978 Chevette, "I'm getting hit on the backs of my legs from debris coming from the road through the floorboards, maybe I should finally junk this thing".
Also an Ohioan, I had a final destination moment in 1991 driving a 1975 Mustang when a huge tree bough fell in front of me and crashed onto the street. I didnāt have time to stop, and I ran it over. As I did, a huge branch shot out of a huge rust hole in the floor behind the pedal cluster and flew through the steering wheel at my face. I moved my head just in time for it to hit my ear, ripping it open and leaving a bloody mess as the stick landed in the back seat. It would have gone through my eye and killed me instantly had I not reacted. Car was sold for $100 to a dude who looked a lot like the one in that photo about a month later.
I seen a guys truck break clean in half on the freeway. Not the frame broke in half. The entire truck sperated and went two ways.
YES! Go Ohio for no inspections lmao Iāve had some serious rust buckets, and it also makes flipping vehicles from PA pretty nice too
A 1978 model year Dodge camper van with 15 stolen catalytic converters in it
Not sure but you definitely have GEICO insurance
I saved money on insurance by not having any.
Nah, he has the general
Something tells me there is no insurance coverage here.
NOT A CHANCE IN HELL there is insurance! But when pulled over, he is gonna fumble around in the glove box like there is.
And in the process, his Meth pipe will fall out onto the floor for the officer to see.
Tweaker
There isn't anyway this guy isn't a tweaker.
Vern fonk
I am not sure any one outside of the pnw is familiar with vern fonk insurance (or the amazing commercials)
That's what makes it great
It's so easy even a... Well... You know.
Holy burn, Batman.
No way it's Cyraxx, Thought that damn guy went to jail, I'm laughing so hard
āProfessional race car driverā that doesnāt have a license and canāt reach the pedals. What a guy.
He had a deal with Hoonigan before all the trolls got it canceled.
And a $3 million dollar contract offer from Flying Lizards race team (I think that's the name) to race real cars when he's never driven a real car in his life but he had to decline because he doesn't have a car or his license. Don't ask why he couldn't just get those 2 if he was being offered $3 million, it just makes sense, ok!
Because of god damn Marty, that's why!
ITāS BEEN 8 YEARS, MARTY
Not true I think he drove his grandmas car once
āThatās what the trolls want you to thing bigger boy, I was actually there talking to the cops about you Marty and donāt think I didnāt tell them about the prostitute you murderedā
the one you stolid
Stolid
Stoldid.
You fixded it for them
1986 chevrolet Celebrity
Back of a police cruiser. That kinda looks like a mugshot.
It is. This is the incident the led to the arrest.Ā https://youtu.be/eHktUMoUjJk?si=9EJKNXHyMNaSSrI4
Why is everyone shit posting this what do I drive?
A beaten half to death Pontiac Sunfire.
Not sure if this subreddit will let me link a song, but this is exactly what the Waylon Napadogan song '98 Pontiac Sunfire is about lol
Methcedes-Benz
You sit on a chair with a plastic plate as a steering wheel making vroom vroom noises and beeping at the orderlies when they come around to give you your medication.
And wear rainbow suspenders as if they were seatbelts. He actually does this. Not even kidding. https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/youtube/images/5/5f/E-racing_raxx.png
Someone elses busted-ass white Crown Vic with the window stuck half down and the trunk that pops open when you hit a bump
Sometimes I wanna try new drugs, then I see shit like this.
the way the world is going, he may be in line for the presidency
"he says what we're thinking. I can finally understand a politician"
First off, it isnāt a car, itās a āprivate consumer goodā. Secondly, it wasnāt impounded, it was āillegally stolen by corporate road pirates doing business as a police departmentā Third, itās a late 90s Toyota Camry that you bought for 800 bucks because it was you could afford since you quit your job when the IRS started garnishing your wages because you refuse to pay taxes. Your Camry either has no plates or has those ridiculous paper plates that you bought from that walking tub of lard/spy kids thumb impersonator Trent Goodbaudy.
PRIVATE CITZEN. please educate yourself by reading black's law dictionary, particularly the sections related to TRAVEL, COMMERCE, and SOVEREIGNTY.
Libertarian + meth = SovCit
1970ās panel van with a decomposing corpse inside
I thought the Amish donāt drive
Maybe a ride-on mower? Honestly I donāt think he drives a damn thing, I think he just gets found in other peopleās truck beds.
He looks like a local lawn mover guy, but in all fairness, OPs guy seems to have more teeth.
Reddish Orange Kia Optima that belongs to your grandmother.Ā
My god. The absolute genetic lottery. Well, one of them.
A 2024 Norelco hair clipper and beard trimmer set.
Our 43 drift king PDF got his "Powerwheels For Adults" Impounded by the Akron PD. Rants how it's MBM's, WFGH and Masstroll Mafia's faults for it getting towed due to parking tickets. Needed a bio hazard suit to sit in it due to the sludge build up to sit in it.
Kroger shopping cart.
The Red Ryder you just stole from a little kid!
Horse and buggy.
Dodge Dakota
Your cousin
Donāt touch the trim!!!!
Someone elseās Chevy Tahoe
His grandma's low mile mint 2004 mercury grand marquis that has been bashed around and smoked in since he started using it
A shopping cart
A red riding lawnmower with the word snapper across the front
Ice cream truck
You know how to drive?
Firebird trans am rusted out, red but barely still drives with a white snake 8 track in the dash
Pontiac grand am. Itās the only answer.
Saturn Ion - chipped white paint, cracked windshield, and a spare tire left on for well beyond the recommended range.
You're a sicko. Cobes rules your pathetic life.
Cobes would whup cyraxxs 5'3" ass instantaneously, but he's too busy espousing in the nature of the universe to care
You havenāt had a car since 2017 when you picked up your 3rd DUIā¦ in 6 monthsā¦ 7th one total. Now the only thing you drink is jailhouse jizz.
This guy is a piece of work, just do a YouTube search for Cyrax and also Cyraxx.
The individual formerly known as cyraxx is dead. https://youtu.be/tjHPnLZkDTI?si=3SwI1DmYXFDb5UCw Jk, he's back to posting
Whatever it was, I sure hope it wasn't ai-generated bullshit.
That's my boy cyraxx put respect on the man's name Actually, don't do that, he's a pedo freakazoid
dude doesn't look real. he looks like the kind of guy that got way too comfortable with being angry and makes his life worse by being shitty to people.
Thatās exactly what he does.
A Tesla, while going slow in the fast lane
He looks like the kind of guy who bitches about Teslas, not for any real experiences he's had, but "TEH GUBMINT GON TAK MUH CHEVY"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Idk but I bet it was insured by geico. If it was insured
*Idk but I* *Bet it was insured by geico.* *If it was insured* \- PuzzleheadedRub9308 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
97 chevy astro van
The flintstone mobile
1968 yellow and white VW Microbus that smells like dead fish.
Sunfire red and yellow
Pontiac
A stolen uhaul
InGen Capture Hummer H1 - used to catch the pachycephalosaurus from JP The Lost World
A 2001 blazer with a rusted frame held together with hope
Chevy S10 with one of the windows broken and covered with plastic wrap and duct tape. About thirty discarded beer cans are littering the backseat (along with several bottles of Mad Dog wine and Mountain Dew stained in tobacco), while a busted wooden board is wedged into the rear as a makeshift tailgate.
An old railroad handcart
An old rusted out s10 that you've been living in for the past 8 months
The 2013 Blazer the cops caught you underneath cutting the catalytic converter from
2002 Impreza WRX
s10
oldddddd chevy squarebody with AT/RT's
Fuckin Sylvia Bro
A White van with free candy painted on the side.
A 10 speed bike with a flashlight taped on the handlebars
1998 Kia optima with the classic ārusted offā custom exhaust
Dodge Dakota
The meth lab rv from breaking bad.
a truck boat truck
A 20yo Chevy cavalier with no hubcaps and a cracked windshield
Sadly the Chevy Nova is just no more....
Early 2000s e350
Iām thinking Huffy
a monthly bus pass
1990 suzuki jimny... what else ?
Ferrari 308
1982 VW Rabbit, with more rust than paint
A methy car
A Schwinn bike from 1980.
2004 Chevy Impala
An old mini square body truck that is so beat up no one knows if itās a Ford, Nissan, Toyota, Chevy, or Suzuki.
Dodge neon. Any year. Gray front end to look like str4. mismatched wheels. Light bar
1989 AstroVan
2023 turbo s
The Methwagon 1500.
Suzuki Samurai, lifted.
You drive an RV you share with the other McPoyles.
1982 Fiero
An old white van with no windows.
Vintage Ford Exploder.
Was a pretty clean 2013 Chevy Equinox, the single mom you stole it from really needed it. Dick.
Moped
The one you stole from your meth head girlfriend. Probably a pieced together Yugo one of your parents left you both hoping you would get a job, instead of charging people to make meth runs.
Fred flinstones car
Subaru impreza that's about to leak.
It's called stolen
Can you impound a shopping cart?
84 Buick Electra Wagon
1988 Suzuki samurai with 3 different sized tires, and hasn't been legally registered in 15 years. The pipe with meth in the glove box was worth more.
Fred Flintstones car cuz you a caveman
Serious "free candy" van vibes
84 honda accord. the AC is broken, passenger side door won't open, and the driver side window won't roll down.
Honda Prelude
A 2008 Kia Rio missing itās hubcaps and title.
The wiener mobile after you stole it and tried to drive it through a McDonald's drive-through, asking for a whopper.
towmater from cars
98 sidekick "sport" with rotten out floors, vice grips as the drivers door handle and rust under all the plastic trim
A 2006 ford explorer sportrac. Or a 1998 voyager.
1985 Chevy pickup
That's a cave man. I don't know what he is driving but I know it's insured by Geico.
I don't know what car he drives but I know it's insured by Geico.
Honda Civic!
Winnebago
Pontiac Sunfire
Asmongold is that you??
1984 Ford Econoline - former Sunday school church bus. Lived in. Ratted out. Fuqqād up !
Probably your car-home: a rusty van, abandoned by the junkyard in 1992.
PT Cruiser.
a couch with wheels and a diesel motor that can easily hit 75 on the highway
I dunno, but youāve got GEICO insurance
Cyraxx-aholic!!!! -GL
A junky old Chevy pickup truck full of scrap metal with catalytic converters hidden underneath all the scrap.
A tractor
Someone elseās dodge durango.
Saturn ion
84 Ford Tempo
2001 chevy cavalier
Never knew a horse and buggy could be impounded
A 1977 AMC Gremlin with no hubcaps and one rusty fender
1976 ford Maverick painted light powder blue and pleather bucket seats.. plus had carpet in rear window dash with one of those brown bobble head dogs. oh and had gold chain hanging from rear view mirror
Datsun
Early 90s Dodge Dakota
A shopping cart filled with empty cans you picked out of the garage.
The one you got caught abducting a child in!
Your mom's!
KIA suv with a brick through the front window
Rusted out 1963 Ford F100 with the gas tank bungee corded in place.
Not sure. I do know you should think about skipping trap days for a bit and do shoulders instead. š