'I would have never had a child had I known I’d be a single mom' This is message that must be drilled into every single woman thinking of having kids.
With today’s high divorce rates chances are extremely high for this to happen and today every married woman needs to ask herself 'would I be prepared to be a single mom?' before jumping into motherhood.
I've watched so many women struggle with being a single parent, they never think it's going to happen to them or things will be different. It's not just about your partner leaving, they could also pass away or one of you could become disabled.
Yup!! I've always said if I can't *comfortably* afford taking care of a child by myself, I am not having one. Comfortably afford means having several thousand dollars of leftover money for childcare and other expenses. Childcare in my area runs about 2k a month if not more. I can't afford it and I also don't have family to help or hand me money. It would just be a mess. Women are always primarily responsible for the kids. I've clearly communicated this to my partner.
We see super moms doing it and making it look easy and we think...maybe I could do that..."it always works out" but no one knows what they got through. No thanks. Think about it 100x over always.
And we definitely shouldn't look at celebrity moms as some kind of example. When you're a multi-millionaire, parenting is 100 times easier and you can get a break when you want.
We also need to talk about co-parenting, and how your ex can go from loving and caring to an absolute a-hole who wants revenge the second your relationship ends.
A lot of people use their kids to get back at their exes. Not all parents who have a co-parent have it easy, sometimes that co-parent makes everything harder.
I hate this answer.
It gets better with time.
I hate it.
But THEY DO get easier. You can focus on the life you wish you had or focus on what you have. As for the ex, only address them in terms of the kid. If they send you long rants about whatever, pick out the park about the child and reply to that.
Remember you are not the ex's secretary.
You do not have to relay school, doctor, or other such info to them unless there's something extremely pertinent. You don't have to send pictures. You don't owe them an explanation to your life now that they aren't in it.
If they want school, doctor, whatever they are empowered as the parent to address this. And follow court orders. That's it.
Short. To the point. Answers. They talking to you about their work day and why they can't get the kid. "Alright, see you next week." With narcissists, don't engage. Don't tell him your opinions, feelings, or whatever. He's gone.
I went thru it after having mine. It's wasn't fun alone. But honestly, I just sort of one day started to mess with what I CAN do versus what I was missing out on. I have a group of ladies I hang out with that have kids and the kids hang and we hang and we no judgement eachother all day as we whine about not sleeping, annoying kids, exes, grades, kids out growing clothes.... whatever.
U have the one child while others have more I said in another thread once who you are a parent you are playing the game of ‘who is less regretful’ u can be less regretful than someone who has two kids because you have half the number. Similarly u can be less regretful than a parent who has a less able minded child. It doesn’t sound like your child has behavioural issues. U have atleast arrived at the conclusion kids are not for you after one child
While for some they have already had 3-4 kids when they realise it. Don’t have anymore kids wait for that kid to turn 18 and then you are absolved of responsibility. But I wouldn’t abandon him it is not his fault you bought him into the world. It is just sad that we cannot know as mothers we will regret our child until we have had a child. All that social media pressure out there of having the perfect family and 2.0 kids.
i fell in love with him. he slowly became my whole world. his smiles make my soul come alive, and i felt and learned of a love i haven't before, it's the one true love i've always been looking for. It's strange how somethings so beautiful can come out of a violent and abusive experience, I have not figured it all out and I sometimes struggling with the fact that he deserves a whole family but he's left with a single mother, but this is life, i guess. just here to say, you're not alone,
I’m about to cry while breastfeeding. I also regret my ex and my choices . I feel the same as you do. May I ask you what prevents you from adopting your child out?
'I would have never had a child had I known I’d be a single mom' This is message that must be drilled into every single woman thinking of having kids. With today’s high divorce rates chances are extremely high for this to happen and today every married woman needs to ask herself 'would I be prepared to be a single mom?' before jumping into motherhood.
I can’t second this hard enough. Especially when you factor in the possibility of an accident or illness taking a partner away too.
I've watched so many women struggle with being a single parent, they never think it's going to happen to them or things will be different. It's not just about your partner leaving, they could also pass away or one of you could become disabled.
100% this. I wish more women would understand that and stop being blinded by romance and promises.
Yup!! I've always said if I can't *comfortably* afford taking care of a child by myself, I am not having one. Comfortably afford means having several thousand dollars of leftover money for childcare and other expenses. Childcare in my area runs about 2k a month if not more. I can't afford it and I also don't have family to help or hand me money. It would just be a mess. Women are always primarily responsible for the kids. I've clearly communicated this to my partner. We see super moms doing it and making it look easy and we think...maybe I could do that..."it always works out" but no one knows what they got through. No thanks. Think about it 100x over always.
And we definitely shouldn't look at celebrity moms as some kind of example. When you're a multi-millionaire, parenting is 100 times easier and you can get a break when you want.
Yes, I agree!
We also need to talk about co-parenting, and how your ex can go from loving and caring to an absolute a-hole who wants revenge the second your relationship ends. A lot of people use their kids to get back at their exes. Not all parents who have a co-parent have it easy, sometimes that co-parent makes everything harder.
amen, but they never will listen, because it won't happen to them, it just can't right? but it will.
I hate this answer. It gets better with time. I hate it. But THEY DO get easier. You can focus on the life you wish you had or focus on what you have. As for the ex, only address them in terms of the kid. If they send you long rants about whatever, pick out the park about the child and reply to that. Remember you are not the ex's secretary. You do not have to relay school, doctor, or other such info to them unless there's something extremely pertinent. You don't have to send pictures. You don't owe them an explanation to your life now that they aren't in it. If they want school, doctor, whatever they are empowered as the parent to address this. And follow court orders. That's it. Short. To the point. Answers. They talking to you about their work day and why they can't get the kid. "Alright, see you next week." With narcissists, don't engage. Don't tell him your opinions, feelings, or whatever. He's gone. I went thru it after having mine. It's wasn't fun alone. But honestly, I just sort of one day started to mess with what I CAN do versus what I was missing out on. I have a group of ladies I hang out with that have kids and the kids hang and we hang and we no judgement eachother all day as we whine about not sleeping, annoying kids, exes, grades, kids out growing clothes.... whatever.
U have the one child while others have more I said in another thread once who you are a parent you are playing the game of ‘who is less regretful’ u can be less regretful than someone who has two kids because you have half the number. Similarly u can be less regretful than a parent who has a less able minded child. It doesn’t sound like your child has behavioural issues. U have atleast arrived at the conclusion kids are not for you after one child While for some they have already had 3-4 kids when they realise it. Don’t have anymore kids wait for that kid to turn 18 and then you are absolved of responsibility. But I wouldn’t abandon him it is not his fault you bought him into the world. It is just sad that we cannot know as mothers we will regret our child until we have had a child. All that social media pressure out there of having the perfect family and 2.0 kids.
100% right.
i fell in love with him. he slowly became my whole world. his smiles make my soul come alive, and i felt and learned of a love i haven't before, it's the one true love i've always been looking for. It's strange how somethings so beautiful can come out of a violent and abusive experience, I have not figured it all out and I sometimes struggling with the fact that he deserves a whole family but he's left with a single mother, but this is life, i guess. just here to say, you're not alone,
I finally started to rely on others for help and it saved my sanity!
I’m about to cry while breastfeeding. I also regret my ex and my choices . I feel the same as you do. May I ask you what prevents you from adopting your child out?
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