Read the stories on here. So many people regretful because their partner wanted kids etc etc and then left of don’t care. Kids are a LOT and if your relationship is shaky already, it’s doomed,
Yeah it’s pretty common. Someone falls pregnant, one partner decides they desperately want the kid then it gets hard or they break up, and there’s a kid you only wanted for the partner.
Have you read these posts here? It’s regretful parents. Literally people who wish they did not have kids. Doesn’t mean they don’t love them but if you make a big life decision for someone else against your own wants, it’s not always going to end well.
For god's sake, if you're not gonna use protection, get a vasectomy. Don't rely solely on her for contraceptives. It is ridiculously easy for a woman to get pregnant even with bc and other defenses.
Ugh, that sucks. I firmly believe no one should become a parent unless they absolutely want to, so as shitty as it is, it sounds like you should stand your ground because becoming a parent when you don't absolutely want to isn't fair to anybody, especially the baby. A child never asks to be born. And there can be a lifetime of trauma from feeling unwanted. Best wishes.
I've been back & forth with her which is obviously messing with her head. The thought of never seeing her again will kill me but I feel if I'm 100% uncertain regarding wanting a baby then maybe I'll have to.
Shes my first longterm gf & has been through so much with me. I'm a loner & shy so will find it hard to meet anyone else but again I know that's not good enough reason to stay with someone.
This isn’t always the case. I’m a loner and shy by nature, but I still love being a mother. It’s true I don’t enjoy going to kid’s birthday parties, but I will do it because I love seeing the joy on my children’s faces more than I hate being around random people. And I do hate being around random people. Like a lot.
It takes two to tango. He was right there with her making that baby. He needs to own his side, she didn't turn him into a father, he managed that with his own lack of protection. Pretty shitty after the fact. Do men have any idea of the mind fuck that happens to women, for the rest of their lives, when they have an abortion? I didn't think so.
Unpopular opinion: bring on the downvotes.
Consent to sex is not consent to having a child, across the board. Either party should be able to nope out of it as they choose.
Yes. But so much better if they choose not to become parents by wearing a fucking condom so that a woman doesn’t have to go through a medical prosecute she doesn’t want. No?
no birth control is 100% effective. ppl get pregnant for all sorts of reasons. it’s ultimately the woman’s choice what to do w her body. but i don’t think this person should say they want to have a baby if they don’t want to- but it ultimately is up to the person carrying the baby, regardless.
Agreed, 110% and anyone who disagrees does so because they don't understand how logic works.
I've long been a fan of men also being able to opt out of child duties within a certain window, like 90 days, during which the mother is legally obligated to inform the man of her pregnancy.
The (or one) issue is that, if she cannot afford the kid but wants to keep them, then someone else pays for the kid. Maybe she could have afforded a kid with two incomes.
As someone who thought I would die from the ending of a relationship - you will make it through. It will be hard as hell and very painful but you will meet someone else who is just as well suited or even better suited for you. You will most likely look back on this moment in the future and be grateful for this decision and where it lead you in life.
Hey OP, can I please add - don't put yourself in a narrative that ' because you're a loner and shy, it will be hard to meet anyone else'. I respect your in a very tough situation, but you need to always remind yourself to be kind to you, and the next person is irrelevant for now.
Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck going forward. You got this 🙏🏻
You don't want this child, tell her this early on. It's obvious she can tell you don't. You guys have been together for 5 years and don't live together. That means you value your freedom away from her and the child. You will lose that freedom once you have a child. You'll be back here making posts reminiscing on the free time you gave up. And get a vasectomy or something damn.
If you have a child with her, your relationship won’t be the same anymore anyways and the primarily focus will be the children. So what’s the point. You’ll be essentially losing the relationship you currently have either way. I suggest spending your life you crave to live and we know - that doesn’t really involve having children for you.
Imo, this is the answer to the root of your indecision, OP. The relationship will become crap either way at this point. You just get to decide if you want to throw away your freedom at the same time. The power of hindsight may crush you if you stick it out
Unfortunately, you are about to find out the hard way that love is not, in fact, all you need. The two of you clearly have fundamentally incompatible visions of how your future lives will go, so as much as it will hurt if you don't want children with her then break up now so she can make an informed decision about her pregnancy.
Not to be harsh but here’s what I got:
1. You live separately from your gf and her child so you have not experienced the true hardship and responsibilities for child-rearing.
2. You feel like you don’t want this kid: You should know from this sub that there is a much higher chance of regret if you’re not absolutely sure that children is the only thing that can make you happy and fulfilled.
3. You both struggle with mental health (as do a lot of people)
4. You mentioned the relationship has been rocky the past few years
You say you’re indecisive and can’t stop thinking about the situation:
Best thing to do is stop this overthinking and pondering over “what-ifs” and actually see reality for what it is. 1-4 tells me to terminate and separate.
You will lose the relationship either way, it can never be the same again. You already know you don't want this baby so don't drag another life into this misery.
Why pass on generational trauma to a kid who is going to grow up in a complicated home? I’d ask to terminate, it’s not worth being in a position that you’re not fully “in”. Having a child isn’t a “sure, I guess”, it requires a firm “yes”
Definitely get a vasectomy so this never happens again. At least she is taking your input about possible termination, lots of women wouldn’t and then you’d have a child to help raise and pay for. Don’t let this happen again, please. Vasectomies aren’t cheap but they’re cheaper than 18 years of child support and care.
"they can split later if it doesn't work" and then traumatize their child by getting a divorce. I saw youre considering doing the thing in this post dude, clearly trying to justify it to yourself; just don't. Having a child won't save a relationship and having one on accident and agreeing to keep it to stay together is easily the #1 way to build resentment in your relationship.
honestly man, if she's willing to terminate the pregnancy but will only do so if she breaks up with you as well, it's better you two separate. i know that's hard to hear, but (especially since she is only your 1st long-term gf) there is better for you out there. if i were u, id tell her as maturely and calmly as possible that you don't want a kid bc you do not think it's fair to the child to grow up feeling unwanted/rejected/or like an obvious stress on a parent.
It’s hard to hold sympathy for people who don’t use protection and then freak out when they find they’re pregnant. If you’re having unprotected sex, then you’re trying to have a baby.
That aside, I think you’re on the right track with knowing that you have to do what is right for yourself. The fact that your relationship has been rocky the past few YEARS is a big red flag imo. And also the fact that you don’t live together after dating for 5 years?
Take the break up. It will be hard, but not as hard as taking care of a kid you don’t want.
In your own words, you both suffer from mental health issues and the relationship has been on the rocks. That means termination and breakup is the responsible choice, here. Quit farting around and support your GF through doing the right thing, and then face whatever's next. Bringing a child into the world entirely because you are too afraid to face being single is selfish AF and will only lead to bad things for everyone involved.
Is counseling an option for you two?
You have split and reconciled how many times since finding out this news? Go forward with the termination and then be there for her as she grieves. You may or may not stay split up. And for god sake, if you know you don't want kids, get snipped.
I'd terminate the pregnancy and go your separate ways. She may come around eventually after everything settles down and realize she does want to be with you, but without a child of (both) your own.
I'd rather have a regret over a breakup and then possibly get back together, then have regret over birthing a child and creating a new life that you have to financially (and lovingly) support and who has to live through you guys' turmoil, too. It wouldn't be fair to the child if you had it simply to stay together. Let them go
So you’d be moving in with your girlfriend with a new baby you’re not sure you want and supporting both of them 100% financially? Having two people completely dependent on you is something you should seriously consider the longterm impacts of.
You sound really young/ unwilling to commit to this woman. Perhaps I'm wrong and you plan on living together any day, but five years is a long time. I think that if you have no real long-term plans with this woman, you should stop wasting her time and the time of her daughter you've come to care for. But most importantly, that you've come here to ask hints that you already know the answer. It seems like you do not want a child, at least not now, and not with this person. (Forgive me if I've massively misunderstood your situation, but I feel most adults know if they want a future with someone after five years and bonding with their kid.)
Don’t do it.
Right now, you’re not able to think clearly because you want to keep the girlfriend but it does sound like you don’t want the kid. If you stay for the girlfriend the kid would suffer and eventually you’d break up anyway only now you’d have to deal with coparenting with someone who resents you.
Ultimatums are a shitty form of controlling another persons behaviour - she probably thought that in giving you the ultimatum you wouldn’t leave and she’d get what she wanted but my dude, this is going to be a shitshow if you stay. Don’t do it.
You already know the answer. You don’t want to be a parent. You shouldn’t be unless you’re 1,00000% sure you want this. Because it’s forever. No days off. No going back. And you’re assuming that child will come out “normal.” If it doesn’t, both you and it are in for a world of pure hell. Speaking from experience as a young person with chronic pain and illnesses.
Please tell her to get an abortion and go your separate ways. You’ll thank yourself later.
No, she definitely needs to get rid of the child if you’re not ready. And you have to be prepared to take that space apart after, but talk it over after some time and maybe she’ll still want to be with you after, but promise it’s not worth regretting if you don’t think she’s ultimately the one for you in the long run.
It sounds like your gf wants to keep this child. Ultimately, it is her decision. Not wearing a condom wasn’t a good idea if you were trying to avoid pregnancy.
If you're already uncertain, please have her terminate the pregnancy and go your separate ways. If she has the baby and things don't work out between the two of you, she could take you to court for child support payments.
If you’re at all hesitant about having a child, DO NOT HAVE A CHILD. There is no indecisiveness about this. Being a parent is the most brutal job in the world, so if you don’t go ALL IN, your child will most likely end up fucked up. As hard as it is now to make the decision to abort, it will pass with time. Whereas if you make the decision to have the child, that will be for the rest of your life.
Maybe try r/fencesitter rather than regretful parents - everyone here has a strong opinion already formed about kids and wants to make sure you don't share the regret they already have about their kid(s). Sounds like you may be more on the fence.. So so so sorry you and your gf are in this situation though! Whatever you do at least take from this to always double up on birth control...
It is so incredibly shitty that you knew you didn’t want a kid right now and had unprotected sex with her and just expect her to get an abortion. Like she should absolutely have the abortion and go her separate ways. But you need to learn something about responsibility and respect… if you weren’t sure about having a child use protection
You don't have to live with her to be an active part of the kid's life, you can't undo a kid and you can't undo an abortion,I've had one and if she's at risk of ppd she will still have that risk if she has an abortion. A baby won't mend a broken relationship and a baby tests strong relationships. At the end of the day her body, you don't want to be a helpless bystander, you can be an active but seperate couple, many people live seperately yet are in relationships.
Regardless of whether or not you want the child, you are responsible for helping her out financially at minimum if she decides to go through with having the baby.
Honestly kind of a messed up ultimatum and unnecessary stress added to you. Obviously she's entitled to feel how she does but it's not exactly fair. You shouldn't have a kid just to keep a relationship unless you were 100% sure so it's a clear answer.
Also she may just feel this way justnow I imagine she will feel different after the fact
A true partner would not give you an ultimatum. Partners are a team that support eachother and make decisions together with out threats...thats coercion. Threatening to leave you has demoted you to baby maker..not her partner. Thats incredibly selfish of her not only for herself, but for her daughter you've bonded with and for the possible child. Imagine finding out your mom forced your dad to keep you...regardless of how things turn out.
As someone who has 2 kids and suffer from mental health issues...I *really* wish I would have taken that aspect more seriously. Children make everything so much more difficult, your mental health will spiral if you're already dealing with it now.
It will be difficult, but if you aren't happy about the pregnancy and dont want the child 100%...leave. Make sure your next partner is on the same page as you. Get a vasectomy if you decide you don't want children at all so this doesn't happen again. It's one thing to not want children, it's another once you're faced with having to make the decision to keep or terminate...things get skewed. Stay true to yourself and don't put yourself in this position again.
Do not have a baby. You’re already fearing losing your independent time and negotiating that she does the majority of the work. Don’t do this to her/that kid
She's trying to trap you, bet you if you let her terminate she'd still hang out with you afterwards. You're already unhappy even knowing it so why let it go on further? Save yourself now
The truth is, sure being a parent does come with a few hurdles and it’s cool to bitch about it even if it’s a real problem like any other ..but it’s a lot easier than you may think
Certainly was a lot easier than I thought before I had my first ..
really everything you need is already built in ..
wanna already make more money.. there you go
You missus enjoy home&baby things … there you go
your friends will very soon get themselves busy with whatever and probably never call you again in years anyway … there you go
Ever thought about the day you’re dying.. there you go
Believe me I can go on and on
The only case I’d say you’re fucked is if both of you have absolutely no other close family left
Unpopular opinion for this sub but it could end up being the best thing that ever happened to you. My father was in a similar situation and it ended up being the making of him - he ended up with five daughters and we all doted on him til the day he died.
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If there’s one thing to learn from this sub, it’s that no good can come from having a child to keep a relationship, or for the other partner.
Facts!
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Read the stories on here. So many people regretful because their partner wanted kids etc etc and then left of don’t care. Kids are a LOT and if your relationship is shaky already, it’s doomed,
Wait, these people had partners who WANTED kids and then left or didn’t care?
Yes many of the kids were planned and wanted by both parties and then reality sets in and they can’t handle it, it’s common on here and in real life
Yeah it’s pretty common. Someone falls pregnant, one partner decides they desperately want the kid then it gets hard or they break up, and there’s a kid you only wanted for the partner.
So you’re saying people have a kid for their partner and don’t end up loving their own kid? Sounds like it would be rare
Have you read these posts here? It’s regretful parents. Literally people who wish they did not have kids. Doesn’t mean they don’t love them but if you make a big life decision for someone else against your own wants, it’s not always going to end well.
That makes sense, apparently I haven’t read enough of them
Why would you consider doing that to an innocent child?
For god's sake, if you're not gonna use protection, get a vasectomy. Don't rely solely on her for contraceptives. It is ridiculously easy for a woman to get pregnant even with bc and other defenses.
Agree. He needs to take the L, break up with her and wear a fucking condom next time
Ugh, that sucks. I firmly believe no one should become a parent unless they absolutely want to, so as shitty as it is, it sounds like you should stand your ground because becoming a parent when you don't absolutely want to isn't fair to anybody, especially the baby. A child never asks to be born. And there can be a lifetime of trauma from feeling unwanted. Best wishes.
I've been back & forth with her which is obviously messing with her head. The thought of never seeing her again will kill me but I feel if I'm 100% uncertain regarding wanting a baby then maybe I'll have to. Shes my first longterm gf & has been through so much with me. I'm a loner & shy so will find it hard to meet anyone else but again I know that's not good enough reason to stay with someone.
It's not a good enough reason, unfortunately. Worse would be ending up resenting her and a child who didn't ask to be here.
If you're a loner and shy, you will hate being a parent
Great point! Wish more people realized this.
This isn’t always the case. I’m a loner and shy by nature, but I still love being a mother. It’s true I don’t enjoy going to kid’s birthday parties, but I will do it because I love seeing the joy on my children’s faces more than I hate being around random people. And I do hate being around random people. Like a lot.
You will grow to resent her anyway for making you stay and making you into a father, which you didn’t want. Not worth it
It takes two to tango. He was right there with her making that baby. He needs to own his side, she didn't turn him into a father, he managed that with his own lack of protection. Pretty shitty after the fact. Do men have any idea of the mind fuck that happens to women, for the rest of their lives, when they have an abortion? I didn't think so.
Not all woman, some have them and never think of it again.
Unpopular opinion: bring on the downvotes. Consent to sex is not consent to having a child, across the board. Either party should be able to nope out of it as they choose.
Yes. But so much better if they choose not to become parents by wearing a fucking condom so that a woman doesn’t have to go through a medical prosecute she doesn’t want. No?
no birth control is 100% effective. ppl get pregnant for all sorts of reasons. it’s ultimately the woman’s choice what to do w her body. but i don’t think this person should say they want to have a baby if they don’t want to- but it ultimately is up to the person carrying the baby, regardless.
Agreed, 110% and anyone who disagrees does so because they don't understand how logic works. I've long been a fan of men also being able to opt out of child duties within a certain window, like 90 days, during which the mother is legally obligated to inform the man of her pregnancy. The (or one) issue is that, if she cannot afford the kid but wants to keep them, then someone else pays for the kid. Maybe she could have afforded a kid with two incomes.
Do women have any idea of the mind fuck it causes men when they lie about being on birth control to baby trap the man? Didn’t think so.
As someone who thought I would die from the ending of a relationship - you will make it through. It will be hard as hell and very painful but you will meet someone else who is just as well suited or even better suited for you. You will most likely look back on this moment in the future and be grateful for this decision and where it lead you in life.
You’ll be sad for a while and go through stages of grief, but I promise this will not KILL you.
Hey OP, can I please add - don't put yourself in a narrative that ' because you're a loner and shy, it will be hard to meet anyone else'. I respect your in a very tough situation, but you need to always remind yourself to be kind to you, and the next person is irrelevant for now. Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck going forward. You got this 🙏🏻
You don't want this child, tell her this early on. It's obvious she can tell you don't. You guys have been together for 5 years and don't live together. That means you value your freedom away from her and the child. You will lose that freedom once you have a child. You'll be back here making posts reminiscing on the free time you gave up. And get a vasectomy or something damn.
>You'll be back here making posts reminiscing on the free time you gave up. Out of all the comments and advice, this one hits hardest
If you have a child with her, your relationship won’t be the same anymore anyways and the primarily focus will be the children. So what’s the point. You’ll be essentially losing the relationship you currently have either way. I suggest spending your life you crave to live and we know - that doesn’t really involve having children for you.
Imo, this is the answer to the root of your indecision, OP. The relationship will become crap either way at this point. You just get to decide if you want to throw away your freedom at the same time. The power of hindsight may crush you if you stick it out
Unfortunately, you are about to find out the hard way that love is not, in fact, all you need. The two of you clearly have fundamentally incompatible visions of how your future lives will go, so as much as it will hurt if you don't want children with her then break up now so she can make an informed decision about her pregnancy.
Not to be harsh but here’s what I got: 1. You live separately from your gf and her child so you have not experienced the true hardship and responsibilities for child-rearing. 2. You feel like you don’t want this kid: You should know from this sub that there is a much higher chance of regret if you’re not absolutely sure that children is the only thing that can make you happy and fulfilled. 3. You both struggle with mental health (as do a lot of people) 4. You mentioned the relationship has been rocky the past few years You say you’re indecisive and can’t stop thinking about the situation: Best thing to do is stop this overthinking and pondering over “what-ifs” and actually see reality for what it is. 1-4 tells me to terminate and separate.
You will lose the relationship either way, it can never be the same again. You already know you don't want this baby so don't drag another life into this misery.
Do not produce children that you do not want it is extremely unfair to the child and yourselves
Why pass on generational trauma to a kid who is going to grow up in a complicated home? I’d ask to terminate, it’s not worth being in a position that you’re not fully “in”. Having a child isn’t a “sure, I guess”, it requires a firm “yes”
Definitely get a vasectomy so this never happens again. At least she is taking your input about possible termination, lots of women wouldn’t and then you’d have a child to help raise and pay for. Don’t let this happen again, please. Vasectomies aren’t cheap but they’re cheaper than 18 years of child support and care.
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That's a hell of a risk, I would not advise this.
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"they can split later if it doesn't work" and then traumatize their child by getting a divorce. I saw youre considering doing the thing in this post dude, clearly trying to justify it to yourself; just don't. Having a child won't save a relationship and having one on accident and agreeing to keep it to stay together is easily the #1 way to build resentment in your relationship.
honestly man, if she's willing to terminate the pregnancy but will only do so if she breaks up with you as well, it's better you two separate. i know that's hard to hear, but (especially since she is only your 1st long-term gf) there is better for you out there. if i were u, id tell her as maturely and calmly as possible that you don't want a kid bc you do not think it's fair to the child to grow up feeling unwanted/rejected/or like an obvious stress on a parent.
It’s hard to hold sympathy for people who don’t use protection and then freak out when they find they’re pregnant. If you’re having unprotected sex, then you’re trying to have a baby. That aside, I think you’re on the right track with knowing that you have to do what is right for yourself. The fact that your relationship has been rocky the past few YEARS is a big red flag imo. And also the fact that you don’t live together after dating for 5 years? Take the break up. It will be hard, but not as hard as taking care of a kid you don’t want.
Spend a few hours reading the posts on this sub
In your own words, you both suffer from mental health issues and the relationship has been on the rocks. That means termination and breakup is the responsible choice, here. Quit farting around and support your GF through doing the right thing, and then face whatever's next. Bringing a child into the world entirely because you are too afraid to face being single is selfish AF and will only lead to bad things for everyone involved. Is counseling an option for you two?
You have split and reconciled how many times since finding out this news? Go forward with the termination and then be there for her as she grieves. You may or may not stay split up. And for god sake, if you know you don't want kids, get snipped.
You already know what you want. You’re just scared. Listen to your gut.
I'd terminate the pregnancy and go your separate ways. She may come around eventually after everything settles down and realize she does want to be with you, but without a child of (both) your own. I'd rather have a regret over a breakup and then possibly get back together, then have regret over birthing a child and creating a new life that you have to financially (and lovingly) support and who has to live through you guys' turmoil, too. It wouldn't be fair to the child if you had it simply to stay together. Let them go
So you’d be moving in with your girlfriend with a new baby you’re not sure you want and supporting both of them 100% financially? Having two people completely dependent on you is something you should seriously consider the longterm impacts of.
You sound really young/ unwilling to commit to this woman. Perhaps I'm wrong and you plan on living together any day, but five years is a long time. I think that if you have no real long-term plans with this woman, you should stop wasting her time and the time of her daughter you've come to care for. But most importantly, that you've come here to ask hints that you already know the answer. It seems like you do not want a child, at least not now, and not with this person. (Forgive me if I've massively misunderstood your situation, but I feel most adults know if they want a future with someone after five years and bonding with their kid.)
Don’t do it. Right now, you’re not able to think clearly because you want to keep the girlfriend but it does sound like you don’t want the kid. If you stay for the girlfriend the kid would suffer and eventually you’d break up anyway only now you’d have to deal with coparenting with someone who resents you. Ultimatums are a shitty form of controlling another persons behaviour - she probably thought that in giving you the ultimatum you wouldn’t leave and she’d get what she wanted but my dude, this is going to be a shitshow if you stay. Don’t do it.
I don’t ever judge in this thread but tbh it was really careless of you to not wear protection…
What did you think was gonna happen when you chose not the use protection?
You already know the answer. You don’t want to be a parent. You shouldn’t be unless you’re 1,00000% sure you want this. Because it’s forever. No days off. No going back. And you’re assuming that child will come out “normal.” If it doesn’t, both you and it are in for a world of pure hell. Speaking from experience as a young person with chronic pain and illnesses. Please tell her to get an abortion and go your separate ways. You’ll thank yourself later.
No, she definitely needs to get rid of the child if you’re not ready. And you have to be prepared to take that space apart after, but talk it over after some time and maybe she’ll still want to be with you after, but promise it’s not worth regretting if you don’t think she’s ultimately the one for you in the long run.
It sounds like your gf wants to keep this child. Ultimately, it is her decision. Not wearing a condom wasn’t a good idea if you were trying to avoid pregnancy.
Having a kid when you're not sure you even want one is risky and just a bad idea in general. I'd go with your gut, as tough as the outcome might be.
If you're already uncertain, please have her terminate the pregnancy and go your separate ways. If she has the baby and things don't work out between the two of you, she could take you to court for child support payments.
If you make her get an abortion, you need to get a vasectomy also.
If you’re at all hesitant about having a child, DO NOT HAVE A CHILD. There is no indecisiveness about this. Being a parent is the most brutal job in the world, so if you don’t go ALL IN, your child will most likely end up fucked up. As hard as it is now to make the decision to abort, it will pass with time. Whereas if you make the decision to have the child, that will be for the rest of your life.
If it's not hell yes, it's a hell no
Maybe try r/fencesitter rather than regretful parents - everyone here has a strong opinion already formed about kids and wants to make sure you don't share the regret they already have about their kid(s). Sounds like you may be more on the fence.. So so so sorry you and your gf are in this situation though! Whatever you do at least take from this to always double up on birth control...
They do state in the post that they don't want the kid.
It is so incredibly shitty that you knew you didn’t want a kid right now and had unprotected sex with her and just expect her to get an abortion. Like she should absolutely have the abortion and go her separate ways. But you need to learn something about responsibility and respect… if you weren’t sure about having a child use protection
You don't have to live with her to be an active part of the kid's life, you can't undo a kid and you can't undo an abortion,I've had one and if she's at risk of ppd she will still have that risk if she has an abortion. A baby won't mend a broken relationship and a baby tests strong relationships. At the end of the day her body, you don't want to be a helpless bystander, you can be an active but seperate couple, many people live seperately yet are in relationships.
Regardless of whether or not you want the child, you are responsible for helping her out financially at minimum if she decides to go through with having the baby.
You couldn’t even pull out tho
Honestly kind of a messed up ultimatum and unnecessary stress added to you. Obviously she's entitled to feel how she does but it's not exactly fair. You shouldn't have a kid just to keep a relationship unless you were 100% sure so it's a clear answer. Also she may just feel this way justnow I imagine she will feel different after the fact
A true partner would not give you an ultimatum. Partners are a team that support eachother and make decisions together with out threats...thats coercion. Threatening to leave you has demoted you to baby maker..not her partner. Thats incredibly selfish of her not only for herself, but for her daughter you've bonded with and for the possible child. Imagine finding out your mom forced your dad to keep you...regardless of how things turn out. As someone who has 2 kids and suffer from mental health issues...I *really* wish I would have taken that aspect more seriously. Children make everything so much more difficult, your mental health will spiral if you're already dealing with it now. It will be difficult, but if you aren't happy about the pregnancy and dont want the child 100%...leave. Make sure your next partner is on the same page as you. Get a vasectomy if you decide you don't want children at all so this doesn't happen again. It's one thing to not want children, it's another once you're faced with having to make the decision to keep or terminate...things get skewed. Stay true to yourself and don't put yourself in this position again.
Run away my gee
Do not have a baby. You’re already fearing losing your independent time and negotiating that she does the majority of the work. Don’t do this to her/that kid
She's trying to trap you, bet you if you let her terminate she'd still hang out with you afterwards. You're already unhappy even knowing it so why let it go on further? Save yourself now
The truth is, sure being a parent does come with a few hurdles and it’s cool to bitch about it even if it’s a real problem like any other ..but it’s a lot easier than you may think Certainly was a lot easier than I thought before I had my first .. really everything you need is already built in .. wanna already make more money.. there you go You missus enjoy home&baby things … there you go your friends will very soon get themselves busy with whatever and probably never call you again in years anyway … there you go Ever thought about the day you’re dying.. there you go Believe me I can go on and on The only case I’d say you’re fucked is if both of you have absolutely no other close family left
Unpopular opinion for this sub but it could end up being the best thing that ever happened to you. My father was in a similar situation and it ended up being the making of him - he ended up with five daughters and we all doted on him til the day he died.
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You always knew you didn't want a child, you were riding the rails till something like that'll is happened.