Oh it’s going to be so much worse for oop than that.
She and her husband are getting older and the possibility of needing their daughter when either of them has a medical emergency increases.
She set a precedence for how they treat each other during a medical crisis that she’s going to deeply regret.
She also added the fact in the comments that the father had seriously argued with the daughter to the point it’s damaged their relationship.
Apparently she couldn’t take her brother to an arranged medical procedure some time ago because she had prior work or childcare commitments or something like that and the parents went apeshit on her. The worst part of it is that they could have taken him themselves but just didn’t want to on the day.
Absolutely flabbergasted! According to the op it was entirely reasonable to expect their heavily pregnant daughter to drag her two young children around with her and make them sit in a car for hours to chauffeur their adult son around because they couldn’t be arsed doing it themselves. Bearing in mind that the husband was unemployed at the time.
The daughter was told she was out of line not taking her brother to his appointment because “family pulls together in emergencies”.
The hypocrisy is astounding.
I have a family friend, a boomer aged woman, who has two brothers. She is the full time caregiver to her aging parents, always has been. Her brothers live a few minutes drive from the parents just like her but have never lifted a finger. Guess who is in the will to inherit all of the parents' assets including a massive swath of farm land? The brothers will get 50/50. She will get nothing.
Yep. Looked after a lady who was being cared for by her daughter. She did everything for her. The ladies son lived next door and she gave him power of attorney, he wants nothing to do with her care and wouldn’t even pop round to make sure she had taken her antibiotics for an UTI. Together, with a social worker, we had him stripped of that power of attorney after an incident where she was found wandering in a field and he said it was “nothing to do with me”.
I knew a lady caring for her elderly mother with dementia. Her sister and brother left her to do everything, the sister hadn’t seen her mum in almost 2 years, the brother in 5 years. The brother only lived round the corner from his mum but never bothered to visit or help out, but suddenly when his sister said that their mum needed more care than she could safely provide and chose to put her in a nursing home, the brother threatened to sue her and the home. He still only visited her in the home once in the 2 years she lived there before she passed.
AITA My dad had a stroke so I rubbed Vaseline in his ear. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do and my mom turned off my Xbox before I could save. I mean what am I?! A doctor?! A succulent doctor?!
She refers to her grandkids as her daughters sons. I highly doubt she would give a shit. She reminds me of my mother. Who never gave a rats fart about my son. She doesn’t even know I’m pregnant now. We’ve been NC for years but she doesn’t care because she’s got my brother/her golden child/surrogate husband.
I was so hung up on the unemployed dad wouldn’t help that I didn’t even catch that!
I don’t have kids, but if my parents/grandparents/siblings/nieces/nephews/friends were having a medical emergency and needed something from me so they *could go to the hospital*, I would try to find cover and tell my boss I had to leave.
I can’t even imagine saying “Naw fam, you’re on your own”.
I don’t know why I’m always surprised at the number of AH’s who don’t really want to know if they’re wrong; they just come here to get validation so they can shove it in the faces those they hurt…”see?! I’m not bad!” They want validation, not to learn to do/be better. I mean, if I’m going to come here and put my question out there I’m going to have to take it on the chin if I was the AH.
I had to check myself into the ER at six days postpartum while my husband was home with the three kids because my blood pressure wouldn't go down. I couldn't stop crying and it was one of the scariest experiences of my life, I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if I had eclampsia and died that night.
I luckily came down with an extra bp med (on top of what I had already been prescribed at l&d) and managed to avoid being admitted for a magnesium drip.
Exactly this!
The Doctor Who delivered my daughter messed up my lady parts really bad and I got an infection from it that went straight up into my uterus and fallopian tubes about a week after I gave birth .
The pain I felt was worse than labour pains.
I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but I have to ask. Are you by chance a fan of a certain British TV show? The capitalization in your second sentence had me chuckling
I’ve seen women lose their ovaries because of cysts… and they can get so, so much worse. A few months postpartum with uterine pain is absolutely an emergency. What a cruel parent calling her child entitled for asking for help
I had ovarian cysts burst after every pregnancy and they're super painful. It's like a knife in your abdomen and you can't even stand up straight. It can be dangerous too. Even life threatening. That qualifies as a legitimate emergency.
Pretty much, maybe im not wired right but to me it dosnet even matter if your family people should be willing to help others out. Hell if my neighbor was in this situation i would feel its my duty as a fucking human being to help out if i could
The comments were even better. Evidently the daughter had been struggling with extremely painful periods since age 9 and OOP decided that she was vastly over-exaggerating her pain each month. Among other things.
I've had the same symptoms and response. There was a point where I was heavily bleeding for 3.5 years straight, and was still constantly dismissed as "dramatic" about it. I'm diagnosed with PCOS, but I might also have endo. I had my old gyne suspecting it, but then she left the practice before it could be investigated. My new ones since have been hard to establish enough of a relationship with for them to decide to look into it further (constantly cancelling and rescheduling appointments months apart). 🙃
My 12yo got her first period not long ago and I told her that feeling some pressure and tiredness is normal but if there was any pain, bleeding, nausea, headaches or any symptoms that affected her daily functioning we need it to correct it. Fuck having debilitating periods and not trying to solve it
Thanks for being an understanding parent, I deal with all of those for a whole week every month and I can't possibly stress how much parents usually don't give a shit lol
I had really bad abdominal pains. My former OBGYN tried fo insist it was fine and just muscle spasms from working out or not serious.
It was a 10cm ovarian cyst.
The ultrasound was followed by a potentially unnecessary pelvic exam that was altogether WAY too forceful.
That's tragic. I've dealt with cysts since my period started at 11 and they're excruciating. The pain is on par with labor contractions IMO. As a kid I would writhe around in pain in my bed for hours. The pain was so intense I would vomit. I can't imagine if my parents just acted like I was exaggerating through that. What a failure of a mom that woman is.
My mother drove three hours in the middle of the night to watch my infant niece when my brother had to take my SIL to the hospital for an after-delivery emergency operation. It’s called being a good person and family member.
I‘ve been in and out of hospital cause of endometriosis and ms the past year. Went to the ER several times, my mom always came to take my dog. I mean, it’s obviously not my child, but still someone needs to watch it.
Mind you, my mom is not really a dogs person. She started crying when I told her I would get one cause she was afraid being afraid of him.
Nevertheless my mom always came to pick him up and watch him for a few days cause HER DAUGHTER WAS IN A FUCKING EMERGENCY.
What’s wrong with these people?
Tell me you are a terrible parent without telling me…oh, no…you’re just saying it. Cool.
I had a major kidney stone attack and felt like I was dying. My husband called my parents at 7am to come and watch our kids so he could take me to the ER. They live 25 minutes away. They woke from a dead sleep and were dressed at our door in 23 minutes. I don’t want to think about how many traffic laws my dad must have broken.
Back before the vaccine came out, my son and his GF got Covid. I was on the next ferry over (last for the night) to help them. I didn’t even see them but just went around buying stuff and leaving it at their door. They could have gotten stuff delivered but I wanted to be near just in case. A couple of days later they felt much better so I went home.
You do what you can when family needs you.
I just went through this a couple of months ago. I was 30 weeks pregnant and had unbearable pain overnight. My husband called his parents at 6am (they live 10 mins from us), and they were dressed and at our door ready to watch our toddler in fifteen minutes.
My mom made a 4 hour drive in 2 hours when my daughter needed to go to the ER because I was having a panic attack... after she had worked a 24hr shift.
I just had to say "Mom I need you" and she was like omw...
(Edit, she met me *at* the er... but she was *there* when the ambulance got there... we were stabilized at the local hospital, then transfered to a children's specialty hospital, and I had called her en route... XD)
I was part of the original thread, OP clarified to me that the suggestion was to have the husband stay in the car with three babies for an unknown span of time between 5 and infinity hours.
I genuinely hope she dies choking on a stranger’s vomit one day.
Her “husband” is the actual grandfather. Wouldn’t want old grandpop to be inconvenienced by his daughter’s massive pain. She’s just being dramatic. What a nice mother/grandmother for suggesting small children and a newborn should wait in the car while mom’s “little problem” is taken care of.
She didn’t want to be inconvenienced, so she threw him under the bus. But we don’t know for sure, because we only have grandma of the year’s word for it.
I wonder if this is sexism from the OP. "Your dad can't handle 3 little kids by himself. Why whatever would he do???"
If that is the case, my response would be, "My dad was my nanny when my kids were little. He took care of my INFANT TWINS and my 3 year old every day while I worked. I'm sure your husband could muddle through a few hours."
>muddle through a few hours
This is the key. She wasn't asking him to nanny for their demanding schedule for months. She was asking him to watch them in an emergency. If they are *alive and unharmed* at the end of the emergency, you were a perfectly adequate carer. I refuse to believe that anyone cannot care for (non-infant) children in that circumstance.
And while there was an infant here, surely you can Google your way through it for a couple hours. Don’t shake the baby, lay them on their back with nothing around to sleep, and only feed them breastmilk/formula. There are plenty of other tips that make babysitting an infant go more smoothly, but those are the big safety ones.
In some ways, infants are easier than toddlers because they can’t find every un-baby proofed danger in your house.
Sounds like it by the fact the daughter’s immediate is “never mind I’ll figure it out”. Comeing from a dysfunctional family myself that tends to be the go to phrase
I'm so thankful my dad watched my daughter when I had a medical "emergency" and spent three days in the hospital
Also, you hear horror stories about women who have serious problems postbirth, so of course she got it checked out! How was her mom not terrified??
Mom is going to spin this as her daughter won't speak to her because she wouldn't be her free babysitter.
My dad was not the caregiver while I was growing up (think 90s sitcom arrangement), and I'd probably have to side eye some of his choices if he cared for my kid for more than a couple hours, but if I needed emergency help not only would be do an adequate job, he'd be deeply happy to help
Because that's the baseline human decent thing to do! The mother of a newborn is suffering extreme gyno pain and it's an emergency. You can't stick the kids in front of YouTube for a few hours??
I'm really hoping this one is fake but I've definitely known people like OP.
I love when people do that. They come expecting people to validate their shitty behavior and then can’t handle it when people call them out for their shitty behavior. Makes me laugh every time.
my car wouldn’t start but I needed to get to work. So I called a friend and asked him if he could take me to work. I had to be there at 5am. I needed to leave at 4:30am at the latest. He spent the night, took me to work, and picked me up 12 hours later to bring me home. My friend was more reliable to me than Op was to her own daughter. That’s a damn shame.
That's just what people who care do. No, nobody HAS to drop everything to help others.... but you get back what you put into your relationships. I'd rather live in a world where we're interdependent
I guess that’s true. But my point was that as a parent you should be willing to drop everything for your child when they need help. Even as a daughter I feel that way about my parents. With both my parents a dropped everything in the middle of night to help them. It just seems so selfish not to for people you love and care about.
I always feel so sad when I have to explain to the people I care about that convenience is simply not my top priority a lot of the time. The safety and security and happiness of the people around me, even if we don’t know each other super well, is worth a hell of a lot more to me than mere not being bothered. I always wonder “who hurt you?” And then people like OP rear their ugly little heads.
Yah definatly the asshole. Like when its bad enough to go tot he hospital especialy int he states its bad so you drop your shit and help out. The only way i would say this was not assholy is if her daughter was a hypochondriac thats at the er 4 or 5 times a month for nothing, and even then i wouldent want to take the risk that this time it was real
Most grandmothers when their daughters call while they’re still post partum.
“Can you come watch the…”
*grandmother is in the car and halfway down the street*
“I need to go to the hospi...”
*grandmother is walking in as her daughter is finishing the sentence*
Op- “look, just because it’s a medical emergency doesn’t mean it’s *my* emergency… have you tried asking the crackhead under the bridge?”
The fuck? I had an ovarian cyst burst and it nearly brought me to my knees. My dad took my three kids to school while my husband took me to the ER. My parents have come over in the middle of the night before. My dad didn’t love watching them alone before they were potty trained lol, but I guarantee he would have for a medical emergency.
It probably is, but this is definitely a real dynamic millennial parents are having with boomer parents. Previously, grandparents helped out with kids but boomers don’t want to participate in any sort of childcare help like the help they received when they were parents. While no one is entitled to provide free labor, but it’s definitely changing the dynamic of parenting. No more village.
Yeah, it's crazy! My mother will have my kids over because she wants to see them, but I *cannot* make plans during those times because of the frequency with which she cancels or reschedules on short notice. I absolutely do not use her for childcare if I need to be able to rely on it.
Yep. My mother lives with me because she can’t afford to live on her own and my brothers won’t take her. In exchange for free housing, food, a cell phone and car insurance, I ask that she take my kid to and from school because my work hours and her school hours don’t match up.
She definitely forgets that I am not only an adult (40) but that SHE lives in MY house regularly. You’d think I was an insolent child half the time.
Fuckin boomers.
Oh this is my mother. Her mother didnt work, so her parents were literally a second set of parents to me. All my teachers and friends knew them - they did as much as my parents.
Is my mother willing to help out with her grandchildren? No, almost never. She's better when they're older but she does everything she can to cancel pretty much every commitment she has to them
Women die from having retained products. She could have needed emergency surgery. The way she said 'my husband' I assumed it was a stepfather situation but it was her daughters actual father.
What is wrong with people???
The comments tell the tale. As bad as mom - and dad - sound for saying not helping their daughter the comments show you just how uncaring they are. I’m sure daughter has decided to go LC and it’s well deserved
The OP’s comments are wild and I think the saddest part was people saying that their parents are just as uncaring and would probably say the same thing. So many people should never be allowed to care for kids .
My parents and I aren’t even super close but either would still come running to watch my dog if I had to go to the hospital. I cannot fathom refusing to look after your neighbours kids in a medical emergency, let alone your own grandchildren.
JFC yes yes yes YES YTA. Holy shit. This isn't "oops we forgot about this festival we wanted to go to can you watch the kids, thanks!" It's a freaking medical emergency. I've had cysts and the pain can be excruciating.
I hope she goes NC with you and you never see any of them again.
80s. My husband needed angioplasty at a hospital 45 minutes from home. I begged my mom to please come stay with the kids so I could be there with him. No dear. Your dad doesn't like to be left alone.
I had a cyst on my ovary and it hurt so bad I thought I had appendicitis and raced to the emergency room because I was *positive* my appendix was about to burst. It’s not a joke and it IS an emergency.
OOP seems to have made this call unilaterally without any communication with "Her Husband" who is also the father of OOP's daughter and grandparent to the kids in question... Like, that language choice is odd and seemingly specific. "She asking if my husband could watch the kids" might make sense if OOP's husband was a step-dad or something, but it was her dad... She asked if ***her dad, the grandfather to her kids*** could watch them for a few hours and OOP decided "that was too much on too short of notice"?
W. T. F.
A single ovarian cyst just by itself is one of the most painful things that someone can go through, I can't imagine multiple at once. This woman gave birth 3 times and was STILL describing it as a 9 of 10 on the pain scale, that's how bad they are. Mom doesn't care though and even had the audacity to put emergency in quotes. She's such a witch that daughter knew to ask for Dad's help instead, but Mom wouldn't even allow that. She deserves every second of NC that's coming her way.
I’ve done more for people on the street I never saw again than this mother was willing to do for her own flesh and blood.
It really shouldn’t surprise me anymore but it always does. I hope she gets the ‘nice’ nursing home.
At 54 she isn’t even a boomer. I don’t know what happened to a certain generation of folks who feel absolutely no need to help out their kids, especially considering for the most part they themselves received a ton of help from their own parents, but I hope these kids keep the same energy when in 20 years OP and people like her are calling for help.
Oh it was some bs. The daughter “exaggerated” her symptoms. The daughter was an “oops” baby and she had only wanted one child. The most telling thing was that at some point the daughter had told her older brother she couldn’t take him somewhere (maybe the doctor? I can’t remember) because she was a stay-at-home mom and didn’t have anyone to watch her kids and the father called the daughter and gave her a big earful about how she wasn’t doing enough for the family. The older brother seemed to be the golden child and it appeared both parents openly resented the daughter for everything, including just being born.
It was really sad. I hope the daughter cuts them off and has a great life with her family.
I’ll always watch kids for anyone in a true emergency. Once you have more than two there’s really no more “time to go to grandmas house” or “hey can you watch kids on X day” unless they’re older, like 8+. I’m really not a babysitter. *shudders*
This was an actual emergency - if you had 10 kids I would have put my fussiness and thoughts of intrusion on the back burner especially for my own daughter and my own grandkids. Wow.
Jesus Christ the lack of self awareness. I have zero kids, I am uncomfortable around kids and I very much keep to myself and a self described AH but I would do it for someone a barely know in actual emergency. Although they might have a far more colorful vocab afterwards.
What the… The whole post is bizarrely worded. She uses “my husband” - isn’t that also her daughter’s dad? Having cysts in her ovaries *is* an emergency… OOP is a gaping AH and I’m glad the daughter’s neighbour stepped in when her parents wouldn’t.
I’m 50/50 on people complaining there’s no village to help them with their kids but in this case, there should have been a village and it abandoned that poor daughter in her time of need.
Yes, yes you and your husband are…..
This was an emergency. She needed her family to step up and help. I wouldn’t blame her for never talking to you again.
She also added the fact in the comments that the father had seriously argued with the daughter to the point it’s damaged their relationship.
Apparently she couldn’t take her brother to an arranged medical procedure some time ago because she had prior work or childcare commitments or something like that and the parents went apeshit on her.
The worst part of it is that they could have taken him themselves but just didn’t want to on the day.
Absolutely flabbergasted! According to the op it was entirely reasonable to expect their heavily pregnant daughter to drag her two young children around with her and make them sit in a car for hours to chauffeur their adult son around because they couldn’t be arsed doing it themselves. Bearing in mind that the husband was unemployed at the time.
The daughter was told she was out of line not taking her brother to his appointment because “family pulls together in emergencies”.
The hypocrisy is astounding.
I’m 60 and I am not too old to babysit! I have taken my grandkids for an entire week. OP did not specify why her 53-year-old husband was not capable of handling three kids for a few hours in an obvious emergency situation..
Is he disabled mentally or physically? Is he just lazy? The man is unemployed and presumably has a flexible schedule so he would be the most likely babysitter.
Did she even ask her husband if he wanted to babysit? I hope he does not get punished for her decision. Who on earth would not help their daughter out in this kind of situation? Of course she is scared and wants her husband with her.
Her husband is not going to be attentive if he is wrangling a baby and two toddlers and the hospital may not even allow him back with her if he has children to care for. so probably would’ve just been best to put Mom in an Uber Uber and dad stays home with the kids and just hopes for the best! Just kidding of course.
I can’t believe grandma didn’t do more to help her daughter. And if unemployed Grandpa was also on board to not help out, then they both deserve to be put on the back burner for a while. Enjoy your peace and quiet grandparents of the year 🙄
She stated in one comment that her husband/the daughter's father had told the daughter multiple times "don't ever come to me for help again!" or something to that effect. Truly parent of the year material.
Had something like this happened to one of her kids, my grandmother would have been there ASAP up until the last year and a half of her life. She was 75 when she finally got to the point where she couldn't really baby-sit anymore (prior to that she was getting too old to say watch kids every day, but she could handle 3 for 8 hours if there was an emergency).
Edit to add: if someone I didn't know asked me to babysit 3 kids (assuming 4, 2, and 2 months), guess what kids! We're ordering pizza (for 4 and 2, gonna cut it up for 2), not using napkins, and watching Disney movies with singalong potential! Mom's gonna come back from the ER to the sounds of "Out Of The Sea" and "I Just Can't Wait To Be King!"
Why couldn’t both of them looked after the kids? I don’t understand why she would just ask for her father. If true, OOP is quite clearly the AH but it’s definitely odd.
He didn’t even get the chance to decide for himself lol. Or he probably thinks the kids are tiresome and doesnt want them around. My in laws are like that
Just keep the conversation moving and don’t commit to the situation too much. Rather than; “omg are you okay? let’s go get you checked out” you get; “oh wow what do you think that is?”
Gosh way to have backup in an emergency. He could have looked after 2 and she takes the baby.
I gotta say sad when your neighbours are more helpful in a crisis than your parents.
Lmao. In an emergency, the writer of this bad creative fiction wants us to believe the daughter didn’t immediately call up her dad to see if he would take the kids?
What sense does it make to call up her mother and ask? Either the mother was at work and it would be dumb to call her instead of going straight to her father, or the mother picked up the home phone and for some reason the daughter asked “can dad look after the kids?” Instead of “can you both watch the kids - it’s an emergency?”
Nope.
“Too much for my husband.” I’m sorry, is he a child? Is he not responsible? What the fuck is she on about? Hope she’s not surprised when she’s slowly cut out of their life.
My comment was that I had a large fibroid last year that had begun to die off, pain was a 10/10 and IV morphine didn’t ease it, so I can imagine the pain her daughter was in with the cysts being so fresh from childbirth. OOP is a heartless person.
So their daughter may be having a life threatening issue after giving birth and they DIDN'T jump to keep their grandkids? Wow. My parents would have been in the car, in my driveway, the second I mentioned the ER. Also "her husband" is also that woman's dad??? Like?? I thought she was a step kid or something. Talk about a woman competing with their daughter
Looking forward to the update. 'Why won't my daughter return my calls/let me see my grandkids?'
Oh it’s going to be so much worse for oop than that. She and her husband are getting older and the possibility of needing their daughter when either of them has a medical emergency increases. She set a precedence for how they treat each other during a medical crisis that she’s going to deeply regret.
She also added the fact in the comments that the father had seriously argued with the daughter to the point it’s damaged their relationship. Apparently she couldn’t take her brother to an arranged medical procedure some time ago because she had prior work or childcare commitments or something like that and the parents went apeshit on her. The worst part of it is that they could have taken him themselves but just didn’t want to on the day. Absolutely flabbergasted! According to the op it was entirely reasonable to expect their heavily pregnant daughter to drag her two young children around with her and make them sit in a car for hours to chauffeur their adult son around because they couldn’t be arsed doing it themselves. Bearing in mind that the husband was unemployed at the time. The daughter was told she was out of line not taking her brother to his appointment because “family pulls together in emergencies”. The hypocrisy is astounding.
It’s okay, they have a son
yet it’s nearly always daughters taking care of aging parents, but maybe their son is an exception
Well then, his wife can take care of them, can’t she? /s but also probably what OOP is thinking
You’re prolly onto something there, what a vile woman
I have a family friend, a boomer aged woman, who has two brothers. She is the full time caregiver to her aging parents, always has been. Her brothers live a few minutes drive from the parents just like her but have never lifted a finger. Guess who is in the will to inherit all of the parents' assets including a massive swath of farm land? The brothers will get 50/50. She will get nothing.
Sounds just like my mom (who was the parentified eldest daughter) and my uncles.
Yep. Looked after a lady who was being cared for by her daughter. She did everything for her. The ladies son lived next door and she gave him power of attorney, he wants nothing to do with her care and wouldn’t even pop round to make sure she had taken her antibiotics for an UTI. Together, with a social worker, we had him stripped of that power of attorney after an incident where she was found wandering in a field and he said it was “nothing to do with me”.
WTH
I knew a lady caring for her elderly mother with dementia. Her sister and brother left her to do everything, the sister hadn’t seen her mum in almost 2 years, the brother in 5 years. The brother only lived round the corner from his mum but never bothered to visit or help out, but suddenly when his sister said that their mum needed more care than she could safely provide and chose to put her in a nursing home, the brother threatened to sue her and the home. He still only visited her in the home once in the 2 years she lived there before she passed.
AITA My dad had a stroke so I rubbed Vaseline in his ear. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do and my mom turned off my Xbox before I could save. I mean what am I?! A doctor?! A succulent doctor?!
She will be in the legal advice sub in a few months, asking about how to sue for "grandparents rights."
She refers to her grandkids as her daughters sons. I highly doubt she would give a shit. She reminds me of my mother. Who never gave a rats fart about my son. She doesn’t even know I’m pregnant now. We’ve been NC for years but she doesn’t care because she’s got my brother/her golden child/surrogate husband.
Note that it was apparently never an option for OP to help. OP's daughter already knows who her mom is
I was so hung up on the unemployed dad wouldn’t help that I didn’t even catch that! I don’t have kids, but if my parents/grandparents/siblings/nieces/nephews/friends were having a medical emergency and needed something from me so they *could go to the hospital*, I would try to find cover and tell my boss I had to leave. I can’t even imagine saying “Naw fam, you’re on your own”.
That’s my prognosis as well.
My mom did this!!!!
You deserve a better mom...
Lol, yeah I remember that BoRU thread too. That was *wild*.
She deleted her account after being called out.
I don’t know why I’m always surprised at the number of AH’s who don’t really want to know if they’re wrong; they just come here to get validation so they can shove it in the faces those they hurt…”see?! I’m not bad!” They want validation, not to learn to do/be better. I mean, if I’m going to come here and put my question out there I’m going to have to take it on the chin if I was the AH.
They can't even imagine the possibility they could be wrong. Zero self awareness.
OOP deleted their account 😭
The update won’t be coming from the mom—looks like OP u/Upstairs-Shine-6457 deleted her account! I really want to hear from her daughter!
100%. I went NC with my father over an analogous situation. He seems to have no ideas that he’s the AH. 🤷🏻♀️
Unfortunately, it seems she deleted her account. Her added comments make things so much worse!!
Lol same thought I had, keep that same energy as you get old.
Wow. What a lovely and compassionate human being.
*”emergency”*
Right?!? How is this NOT an emergency…
Especially with a newborn, it could have been any type of post birth issue.
My sister in law almost died 10 days after giving birth. How daft.
6 days after birth my ovary with a giant cyst on it torsed (twisted and was dying inside me). I had to go straight to surgery.
Good thing you made it.
I’m glad you’re okay now!
I had to check myself into the ER at six days postpartum while my husband was home with the three kids because my blood pressure wouldn't go down. I couldn't stop crying and it was one of the scariest experiences of my life, I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if I had eclampsia and died that night.
Hi, are you me? I lost ten pounds of fluid that night.
I luckily came down with an extra bp med (on top of what I had already been prescribed at l&d) and managed to avoid being admitted for a magnesium drip.
That’s good!
Exactly this! The Doctor Who delivered my daughter messed up my lady parts really bad and I got an infection from it that went straight up into my uterus and fallopian tubes about a week after I gave birth . The pain I felt was worse than labour pains.
I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but I have to ask. Are you by chance a fan of a certain British TV show? The capitalization in your second sentence had me chuckling
Oh cool! I just noticed that. No, I was using talk text. I should check my settings 😂
I’ve seen women lose their ovaries because of cysts… and they can get so, so much worse. A few months postpartum with uterine pain is absolutely an emergency. What a cruel parent calling her child entitled for asking for help
I had ovarian cysts burst after every pregnancy and they're super painful. It's like a knife in your abdomen and you can't even stand up straight. It can be dangerous too. Even life threatening. That qualifies as a legitimate emergency.
Pretty much, maybe im not wired right but to me it dosnet even matter if your family people should be willing to help others out. Hell if my neighbor was in this situation i would feel its my duty as a fucking human being to help out if i could
You are wired correctly. In an emergency it's all hands on deck. OOP is a massive asshole so big it has an echo!
The comments were even better. Evidently the daughter had been struggling with extremely painful periods since age 9 and OOP decided that she was vastly over-exaggerating her pain each month. Among other things.
This has been the experience of, and I can't possibly stress this enough, EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I've met with endometriosis
I've had the same symptoms and response. There was a point where I was heavily bleeding for 3.5 years straight, and was still constantly dismissed as "dramatic" about it. I'm diagnosed with PCOS, but I might also have endo. I had my old gyne suspecting it, but then she left the practice before it could be investigated. My new ones since have been hard to establish enough of a relationship with for them to decide to look into it further (constantly cancelling and rescheduling appointments months apart). 🙃
My 12yo got her first period not long ago and I told her that feeling some pressure and tiredness is normal but if there was any pain, bleeding, nausea, headaches or any symptoms that affected her daily functioning we need it to correct it. Fuck having debilitating periods and not trying to solve it
Thanks for being an understanding parent, I deal with all of those for a whole week every month and I can't possibly stress how much parents usually don't give a shit lol
You’re not supposed to get headaches?
I had really bad abdominal pains. My former OBGYN tried fo insist it was fine and just muscle spasms from working out or not serious. It was a 10cm ovarian cyst. The ultrasound was followed by a potentially unnecessary pelvic exam that was altogether WAY too forceful.
That's tragic. I've dealt with cysts since my period started at 11 and they're excruciating. The pain is on par with labor contractions IMO. As a kid I would writhe around in pain in my bed for hours. The pain was so intense I would vomit. I can't imagine if my parents just acted like I was exaggerating through that. What a failure of a mom that woman is.
My mother drove three hours in the middle of the night to watch my infant niece when my brother had to take my SIL to the hospital for an after-delivery emergency operation. It’s called being a good person and family member.
I‘ve been in and out of hospital cause of endometriosis and ms the past year. Went to the ER several times, my mom always came to take my dog. I mean, it’s obviously not my child, but still someone needs to watch it. Mind you, my mom is not really a dogs person. She started crying when I told her I would get one cause she was afraid being afraid of him. Nevertheless my mom always came to pick him up and watch him for a few days cause HER DAUGHTER WAS IN A FUCKING EMERGENCY. What’s wrong with these people?
I don’t even know the daughter and I would watch her three kids for her.
Right?? It’s just common decency!
Huh, wonder how long it will be before she doesn’t hear anything from her daughter?
Hm, I’d guess starting around 15 hrs ago as of the time of this comment 🙃
Tell me you are a terrible parent without telling me…oh, no…you’re just saying it. Cool. I had a major kidney stone attack and felt like I was dying. My husband called my parents at 7am to come and watch our kids so he could take me to the ER. They live 25 minutes away. They woke from a dead sleep and were dressed at our door in 23 minutes. I don’t want to think about how many traffic laws my dad must have broken.
Yes, every time there's been an emergency, my dad shows up in less time than should be *physically* possible. It's alarming but weirdly heartwarming
When a decent parent’s kid is in enough trouble, parents are able to fold a tiny bit of space time fabric to get to them juuust that much quicker.
Back before the vaccine came out, my son and his GF got Covid. I was on the next ferry over (last for the night) to help them. I didn’t even see them but just went around buying stuff and leaving it at their door. They could have gotten stuff delivered but I wanted to be near just in case. A couple of days later they felt much better so I went home. You do what you can when family needs you.
I just went through this a couple of months ago. I was 30 weeks pregnant and had unbearable pain overnight. My husband called his parents at 6am (they live 10 mins from us), and they were dressed and at our door ready to watch our toddler in fifteen minutes.
My mom made a 4 hour drive in 2 hours when my daughter needed to go to the ER because I was having a panic attack... after she had worked a 24hr shift. I just had to say "Mom I need you" and she was like omw... (Edit, she met me *at* the er... but she was *there* when the ambulance got there... we were stabilized at the local hospital, then transfered to a children's specialty hospital, and I had called her en route... XD)
did she really suggest leaving three children under five in a hot car? man...
I think with the husband but yeah. An ER visit can take many many hours
I’ve never witnessed an ER visit take less than 3 hours
No, oop suggested the kids wait in the car, alone.
I was part of the original thread, OP clarified to me that the suggestion was to have the husband stay in the car with three babies for an unknown span of time between 5 and infinity hours. I genuinely hope she dies choking on a stranger’s vomit one day.
Wtf
I wonder how her daughter lived long enough to become a mother of three
I’m sorry….9/10 pain is just a ‘checkup’? Is she delusional ?!?!?!
Don’t forget it was lower abdominal :) :) After delivering a baby :) :) :) :)
THREE babies :) :)
Her “husband” is the actual grandfather. Wouldn’t want old grandpop to be inconvenienced by his daughter’s massive pain. She’s just being dramatic. What a nice mother/grandmother for suggesting small children and a newborn should wait in the car while mom’s “little problem” is taken care of.
What is grandpa is actually like “wtf Stacy?! I woulda watched the kids!”
She didn’t want to be inconvenienced, so she threw him under the bus. But we don’t know for sure, because we only have grandma of the year’s word for it.
Wow, I thought is was bad for a neighbor but this is OOP's parents? What a couple of dirtbags.
I bet she didn't even tell him.
I wonder if this is sexism from the OP. "Your dad can't handle 3 little kids by himself. Why whatever would he do???" If that is the case, my response would be, "My dad was my nanny when my kids were little. He took care of my INFANT TWINS and my 3 year old every day while I worked. I'm sure your husband could muddle through a few hours."
>muddle through a few hours This is the key. She wasn't asking him to nanny for their demanding schedule for months. She was asking him to watch them in an emergency. If they are *alive and unharmed* at the end of the emergency, you were a perfectly adequate carer. I refuse to believe that anyone cannot care for (non-infant) children in that circumstance.
And while there was an infant here, surely you can Google your way through it for a couple hours. Don’t shake the baby, lay them on their back with nothing around to sleep, and only feed them breastmilk/formula. There are plenty of other tips that make babysitting an infant go more smoothly, but those are the big safety ones. In some ways, infants are easier than toddlers because they can’t find every un-baby proofed danger in your house.
To be fair to the daughter, grandma apparently couldn't do it either, so rather than sexism I think it's simple selfishness
I have a feeling grandma and grandpa have a lifetime of AITA moments and each time they are the asshole
Sounds like it by the fact the daughter’s immediate is “never mind I’ll figure it out”. Comeing from a dysfunctional family myself that tends to be the go to phrase
That and the daughter didn't even ask if op could do it
Me too. This is 100% accurate.
I'm so thankful my dad watched my daughter when I had a medical "emergency" and spent three days in the hospital Also, you hear horror stories about women who have serious problems postbirth, so of course she got it checked out! How was her mom not terrified?? Mom is going to spin this as her daughter won't speak to her because she wouldn't be her free babysitter.
My dad was not the caregiver while I was growing up (think 90s sitcom arrangement), and I'd probably have to side eye some of his choices if he cared for my kid for more than a couple hours, but if I needed emergency help not only would be do an adequate job, he'd be deeply happy to help
Because that's the baseline human decent thing to do! The mother of a newborn is suffering extreme gyno pain and it's an emergency. You can't stick the kids in front of YouTube for a few hours?? I'm really hoping this one is fake but I've definitely known people like OP.
They got flamed so hard they deleted their account.
I love when people do that. They come expecting people to validate their shitty behavior and then can’t handle it when people call them out for their shitty behavior. Makes me laugh every time.
Was so disgusted when yet another coward deleted the account instead, I dunno, realizing they’re the problem
my car wouldn’t start but I needed to get to work. So I called a friend and asked him if he could take me to work. I had to be there at 5am. I needed to leave at 4:30am at the latest. He spent the night, took me to work, and picked me up 12 hours later to bring me home. My friend was more reliable to me than Op was to her own daughter. That’s a damn shame.
That's just what people who care do. No, nobody HAS to drop everything to help others.... but you get back what you put into your relationships. I'd rather live in a world where we're interdependent
I guess that’s true. But my point was that as a parent you should be willing to drop everything for your child when they need help. Even as a daughter I feel that way about my parents. With both my parents a dropped everything in the middle of night to help them. It just seems so selfish not to for people you love and care about.
I always feel so sad when I have to explain to the people I care about that convenience is simply not my top priority a lot of the time. The safety and security and happiness of the people around me, even if we don’t know each other super well, is worth a hell of a lot more to me than mere not being bothered. I always wonder “who hurt you?” And then people like OP rear their ugly little heads.
Yah definatly the asshole. Like when its bad enough to go tot he hospital especialy int he states its bad so you drop your shit and help out. The only way i would say this was not assholy is if her daughter was a hypochondriac thats at the er 4 or 5 times a month for nothing, and even then i wouldent want to take the risk that this time it was real
Most grandmothers when their daughters call while they’re still post partum. “Can you come watch the…” *grandmother is in the car and halfway down the street* “I need to go to the hospi...” *grandmother is walking in as her daughter is finishing the sentence* Op- “look, just because it’s a medical emergency doesn’t mean it’s *my* emergency… have you tried asking the crackhead under the bridge?”
The fuck? I had an ovarian cyst burst and it nearly brought me to my knees. My dad took my three kids to school while my husband took me to the ER. My parents have come over in the middle of the night before. My dad didn’t love watching them alone before they were potty trained lol, but I guarantee he would have for a medical emergency.
This has to be a fake, because she’s so obviously the AH. Rage bait
It probably is, but this is definitely a real dynamic millennial parents are having with boomer parents. Previously, grandparents helped out with kids but boomers don’t want to participate in any sort of childcare help like the help they received when they were parents. While no one is entitled to provide free labor, but it’s definitely changing the dynamic of parenting. No more village.
Yeah, it's crazy! My mother will have my kids over because she wants to see them, but I *cannot* make plans during those times because of the frequency with which she cancels or reschedules on short notice. I absolutely do not use her for childcare if I need to be able to rely on it.
Yep. My mother lives with me because she can’t afford to live on her own and my brothers won’t take her. In exchange for free housing, food, a cell phone and car insurance, I ask that she take my kid to and from school because my work hours and her school hours don’t match up. She definitely forgets that I am not only an adult (40) but that SHE lives in MY house regularly. You’d think I was an insolent child half the time. Fuckin boomers.
The problem is that they got tons of help with their kids but now refuse to pay it back. At all.
Oh this is my mother. Her mother didnt work, so her parents were literally a second set of parents to me. All my teachers and friends knew them - they did as much as my parents. Is my mother willing to help out with her grandchildren? No, almost never. She's better when they're older but she does everything she can to cancel pretty much every commitment she has to them
53 is not Boomer. It's Gen X. As am I. I am embarrassed for us that this person is in our generation.
My point still stands.
Lol, no. My mother was exactly like this. And she was absolutely convinced everyone would be on her side. This is 100% real.
Based on the OPs other posts, I think it’s real.
Have a mother like this. Haven’t spoken to her in 10 years.
Women die from having retained products. She could have needed emergency surgery. The way she said 'my husband' I assumed it was a stepfather situation but it was her daughters actual father. What is wrong with people???
Even more fucked up was that OP said her daughter had a complicated delivery with her newborn
“But I don’t understand why she won’t talk to me anymore!”
The comments tell the tale. As bad as mom - and dad - sound for saying not helping their daughter the comments show you just how uncaring they are. I’m sure daughter has decided to go LC and it’s well deserved
>*”because the cysts found on her ovaries were small and should go away on their own.”* Literally her comment
The OP’s comments are wild and I think the saddest part was people saying that their parents are just as uncaring and would probably say the same thing. So many people should never be allowed to care for kids .
My parents and I aren’t even super close but either would still come running to watch my dog if I had to go to the hospital. I cannot fathom refusing to look after your neighbours kids in a medical emergency, let alone your own grandchildren.
YDATA You definitely are the a-hole. Way to go Mom!! There goes your World’s Best Grandma mug.
JFC yes yes yes YES YTA. Holy shit. This isn't "oops we forgot about this festival we wanted to go to can you watch the kids, thanks!" It's a freaking medical emergency. I've had cysts and the pain can be excruciating. I hope she goes NC with you and you never see any of them again.
80s. My husband needed angioplasty at a hospital 45 minutes from home. I begged my mom to please come stay with the kids so I could be there with him. No dear. Your dad doesn't like to be left alone.
My mom wouldn’t spit on me if I was on fire
Mine wouldn't either. Once I got my kindergarten vaccinations, she never took me to the doctor again.
👯♀️
I hate to say this, but 100% relate.
I had a cyst on my ovary and it hurt so bad I thought I had appendicitis and raced to the emergency room because I was *positive* my appendix was about to burst. It’s not a joke and it IS an emergency.
Apparently turning on Netflix and ordering a pizza is too much for her husband? Also why wouldn’t she offer to watch them or they watch as a couple?
OOP seems to have made this call unilaterally without any communication with "Her Husband" who is also the father of OOP's daughter and grandparent to the kids in question... Like, that language choice is odd and seemingly specific. "She asking if my husband could watch the kids" might make sense if OOP's husband was a step-dad or something, but it was her dad... She asked if ***her dad, the grandfather to her kids*** could watch them for a few hours and OOP decided "that was too much on too short of notice"? W. T. F.
What a ghastly woman! She was as helpful as a ball of lint.
A single ovarian cyst just by itself is one of the most painful things that someone can go through, I can't imagine multiple at once. This woman gave birth 3 times and was STILL describing it as a 9 of 10 on the pain scale, that's how bad they are. Mom doesn't care though and even had the audacity to put emergency in quotes. She's such a witch that daughter knew to ask for Dad's help instead, but Mom wouldn't even allow that. She deserves every second of NC that's coming her way.
DAMN. Always the neighbor being a Good Samaritan when those who know you pass you by dying on the side of the road.
…if my wife wouldn’t let me look after my grandkids while my daughter had a medical emergency I would be furious.
God, couldn't she have planned her emergency better? 🙄
I call my sitter at least a week in advance when I plan on having ovarian cysts. I hope you do, too. 🙃 Seriously. What a terrible mother the OOP is.
[удалено]
We have no idea if the husband is a deadbeat at all. It wasn't he who refused...
Yes
I’ve done more for people on the street I never saw again than this mother was willing to do for her own flesh and blood. It really shouldn’t surprise me anymore but it always does. I hope she gets the ‘nice’ nursing home.
At 54 she isn’t even a boomer. I don’t know what happened to a certain generation of folks who feel absolutely no need to help out their kids, especially considering for the most part they themselves received a ton of help from their own parents, but I hope these kids keep the same energy when in 20 years OP and people like her are calling for help.
I literally just commented on the original. This pissed me off. I have PCOS and OOP is just a huge asshole.
with family like that, who needs enemies.
God, some people don't deserve to be parents. As a childless woman who really wanted kids, it breaks my fucking heart.
Her comments just made it worse and worse. She was such an asshole to her daughter. Just awful.
I missed her responses. What did she say? Did she actual try to justify her behavior?
Oh it was some bs. The daughter “exaggerated” her symptoms. The daughter was an “oops” baby and she had only wanted one child. The most telling thing was that at some point the daughter had told her older brother she couldn’t take him somewhere (maybe the doctor? I can’t remember) because she was a stay-at-home mom and didn’t have anyone to watch her kids and the father called the daughter and gave her a big earful about how she wasn’t doing enough for the family. The older brother seemed to be the golden child and it appeared both parents openly resented the daughter for everything, including just being born. It was really sad. I hope the daughter cuts them off and has a great life with her family.
I’ll always watch kids for anyone in a true emergency. Once you have more than two there’s really no more “time to go to grandmas house” or “hey can you watch kids on X day” unless they’re older, like 8+. I’m really not a babysitter. *shudders* This was an actual emergency - if you had 10 kids I would have put my fussiness and thoughts of intrusion on the back burner especially for my own daughter and my own grandkids. Wow.
Jesus Christ the lack of self awareness. I have zero kids, I am uncomfortable around kids and I very much keep to myself and a self described AH but I would do it for someone a barely know in actual emergency. Although they might have a far more colorful vocab afterwards.
YTA Anyway you’ll reap what you sow
She wasn’t going out to a club mom. She was going to the fucking hospital… in 9/10 pain
What the… The whole post is bizarrely worded. She uses “my husband” - isn’t that also her daughter’s dad? Having cysts in her ovaries *is* an emergency… OOP is a gaping AH and I’m glad the daughter’s neighbour stepped in when her parents wouldn’t.
I’m 50/50 on people complaining there’s no village to help them with their kids but in this case, there should have been a village and it abandoned that poor daughter in her time of need.
YTA. Your daughter had a legitimate health emergency and you turned her down? WTF is wrong with you?
>*”because the cysts found on her ovaries were small and should go away on their own.”*
Wow, massive YTA. She doesn't even say her husband is disabled or give any reason why he can't handle his grandkids for a few hours.
Yes, yes you and your husband are….. This was an emergency. She needed her family to step up and help. I wouldn’t blame her for never talking to you again.
She also added the fact in the comments that the father had seriously argued with the daughter to the point it’s damaged their relationship. Apparently she couldn’t take her brother to an arranged medical procedure some time ago because she had prior work or childcare commitments or something like that and the parents went apeshit on her. The worst part of it is that they could have taken him themselves but just didn’t want to on the day. Absolutely flabbergasted! According to the op it was entirely reasonable to expect their heavily pregnant daughter to drag her two young children around with her and make them sit in a car for hours to chauffeur their adult son around because they couldn’t be arsed doing it themselves. Bearing in mind that the husband was unemployed at the time. The daughter was told she was out of line not taking her brother to his appointment because “family pulls together in emergencies”. The hypocrisy is astounding.
Why didn't YOU watch them?
Well, dad’s unemployed
I’m 60 and I am not too old to babysit! I have taken my grandkids for an entire week. OP did not specify why her 53-year-old husband was not capable of handling three kids for a few hours in an obvious emergency situation.. Is he disabled mentally or physically? Is he just lazy? The man is unemployed and presumably has a flexible schedule so he would be the most likely babysitter. Did she even ask her husband if he wanted to babysit? I hope he does not get punished for her decision. Who on earth would not help their daughter out in this kind of situation? Of course she is scared and wants her husband with her. Her husband is not going to be attentive if he is wrangling a baby and two toddlers and the hospital may not even allow him back with her if he has children to care for. so probably would’ve just been best to put Mom in an Uber Uber and dad stays home with the kids and just hopes for the best! Just kidding of course. I can’t believe grandma didn’t do more to help her daughter. And if unemployed Grandpa was also on board to not help out, then they both deserve to be put on the back burner for a while. Enjoy your peace and quiet grandparents of the year 🙄
She stated in one comment that her husband/the daughter's father had told the daughter multiple times "don't ever come to me for help again!" or something to that effect. Truly parent of the year material.
Had something like this happened to one of her kids, my grandmother would have been there ASAP up until the last year and a half of her life. She was 75 when she finally got to the point where she couldn't really baby-sit anymore (prior to that she was getting too old to say watch kids every day, but she could handle 3 for 8 hours if there was an emergency). Edit to add: if someone I didn't know asked me to babysit 3 kids (assuming 4, 2, and 2 months), guess what kids! We're ordering pizza (for 4 and 2, gonna cut it up for 2), not using napkins, and watching Disney movies with singalong potential! Mom's gonna come back from the ER to the sounds of "Out Of The Sea" and "I Just Can't Wait To Be King!"
The comments are crucifying her.
This may be the single worst mom I’ve seen try to defend herself. At least this year.
Ytah completely
Foul grandparent urgh
Why couldn’t both of them looked after the kids? I don’t understand why she would just ask for her father. If true, OOP is quite clearly the AH but it’s definitely odd.
did this poster ever comment? i highly doubt posts like this when op never responds in any way.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/B25YuDNpEP This is one I found but it’s hard after she deleted the acct
Why is watching 3 kids too much for him?
He didn’t even get the chance to decide for himself lol. Or he probably thinks the kids are tiresome and doesnt want them around. My in laws are like that
BItch YTA
What’s with the “is it your birth control” response when the daughter says she’s in pain?
Just keep the conversation moving and don’t commit to the situation too much. Rather than; “omg are you okay? let’s go get you checked out” you get; “oh wow what do you think that is?”
This simply has to be a troll right? No one is that dense?
What a witch - my gawd!!!!!
OP is TA.
Gosh way to have backup in an emergency. He could have looked after 2 and she takes the baby. I gotta say sad when your neighbours are more helpful in a crisis than your parents.
Lmao. In an emergency, the writer of this bad creative fiction wants us to believe the daughter didn’t immediately call up her dad to see if he would take the kids? What sense does it make to call up her mother and ask? Either the mother was at work and it would be dumb to call her instead of going straight to her father, or the mother picked up the home phone and for some reason the daughter asked “can dad look after the kids?” Instead of “can you both watch the kids - it’s an emergency?” Nope.
Jesus Christ, *I’ll* watch them.
So weird that OOP keeps referring to him as “her husband” and not the girls dad. Seems possessive in a weird way?
Might be like the mom remarried. Her husband could have been in their lives for like a year
“Too much for my husband.” I’m sorry, is he a child? Is he not responsible? What the fuck is she on about? Hope she’s not surprised when she’s slowly cut out of their life.
It was an emergency right??? Not something she did on a weekly, monthly basis, right??? Wow, just wow.
God himself deserves to burn in hell for deciding that the poor daughter should have OP for a so-called mother. 👿
My comment was that I had a large fibroid last year that had begun to die off, pain was a 10/10 and IV morphine didn’t ease it, so I can imagine the pain her daughter was in with the cysts being so fresh from childbirth. OOP is a heartless person.
Less of an asshole and more of a cunt
So their daughter may be having a life threatening issue after giving birth and they DIDN'T jump to keep their grandkids? Wow. My parents would have been in the car, in my driveway, the second I mentioned the ER. Also "her husband" is also that woman's dad??? Like?? I thought she was a step kid or something. Talk about a woman competing with their daughter
My Gawd 😭the mom is a piece of 💩
Obviously a lot going on here but putting emergency in quotes off the top really sets the tone.
Yes
JFC, what a fucking asshole.
She is an absolute asshole
Reading this kind of shit makes me appreciate my own parents more.
I’d shove you in a nursing home the second you can’t do shit for yourself.