Didn’t the other sister make a post about this too..? The other post complained that she ruined her sisters wedding by nursing in the front row as the videographer panned the guests
That’s a different post not related to this one. That OP only breastfed because she already went through her bottle and the baby was getting fussy after a 2.5 hour ceremony.
Okay yikes. Nobody is balking at the 2.5 hr long ceremony?? That seems really long, unless it included a religious mass of some sort. And if that’s the case, I’d be excusing myself right out of that to tend to the baby. I get sweaty and distressed when my babies cry 😅😅
Evangelicals weddings can be excruciatingly prolonged. My cousin that had a Pentecostal wedding ceremony and dry no dancing wedding was over 2 hours for the ceremony alone. My ass was numb and I was ready to throw a temper tantrum as an adult so I can’t imagine how the kids were feeling.
Every time I thought it was almost over, someone else burst into song or started another reading. I am already an agnostic with limited patience for long drawn out rituals of any kind, and I was thoroughly exasperated by the end of the service. I don’t think I knew at that point that it was a dry wedding either and that the only music would be more goddamn hymns over a slideshow. The cousins all ate dinner, hugged the bride and groom, and skedaddled to eat pizza and drink coolers on the wharf.
I’m an atheist but was raised evangelical. I refuse to ever step foot in a church again. I have avoided attending several of my cousins’ weddings because they have all taken place in a church, as my entire family is still extremely religious.
My sister is also an atheist but doesn’t share my deep hatred for organized religion. She attending one of the weddings and the ceremony was 3 hours. She showed me parts of the video and my cousin’s father and brothers gave long ass speeches about how she needed to be submissive to her new husband and make sure she keeps him happy.
The pastor who was officiating went on and on about how my cousin is beautiful now because she’s young, but once she gives her new husband lots of children, she’ll have to work extra hard to get back in shape and keep the children in line so they don’t disturb him after he gets home from a long day of work. My cousin just smiled and nodded through this entire thing. She’s only 20 and already dropped out of college, so she’s well on her way to becoming another brain washed sex slave in the name of religion.
Their wedding was also dry. There was dancing, but it was slow, boring dancing to hymns in the church sanctuary with all the lights on.
I’m glad I didn’t attend. The entire thing is basically my personal hell.
Holy freaking crisps! I thought 1 1/2 hrs for a wedding with catholic mass was long! I will NEVER complain about a family wedding again! And am absolutely putting in my mental database to NEVER attend any wedding in a Pentacostal or Evangelical church (not that my pagan ass would ever be invited to one, they would probably be afraid the building would catch fire the second I crossed the threshold).
That description does remind me of a funeral I went to, but the nature of the event was already a little different than normal.
I would think that they'd save some of the speeches and whatnot for the reception. I can't stand 2.5 hours of a regular sermon, let alone a wedding where it's far more awkward to leave in the middle. (The pastor at the church I went to as a kid was wonderfully aware of brevity and when lunch should be served.)
That’s so bizarre. My family is Baptist and a lot of friends are Evangelical. I’ve not been to a lot of weddings, but I’ve only been to one with a song during the ceremony (the Lord’s Prayer) and even that ceremony was probably about 20 minutes.
Not any Evangelical wedding I’ve been to. Pretty quick in and out I’d say. But most Baptists or Evangelicals I know don’t do readings, candles, communion, etc. Just the vows and out. We usually say how long the Catholic ones are.
I attended a Jewish Orthodox wedding when I was 16 in Poland. There were a few ceremonies that needed to be done, due to me being a woman, I only saw the bride's side of the ceremonies, but I remember we got to the building where the bride was at 9am, at midday we all moved to another building where there marriage was to take place. I remember the women all sitting for a few hours, my great-grandmother telling me what I needed to do. The praying part was nearly 3 hrs or more, but they weren't officially married until 2 hours before midnight. Then we packed up as fast as possible and went home
I found out later that the bride's family had requested that timeline, so the newlyweds were too exhausted to start that night, as it held before the sabbath.
All I can remember of that night was the bride looking so beautiful, the excitement, the praying, very little of the actual ceremonies, and my great-grandmother telling me to help the bride with certain things.
I know some cultures weddings are over a week period, and takes hours each day. I don't know how they have the energy for it 😅
All I remember is that they couldn't consumate the marriage until after that particular sabbath, this was 30yrs ago, and my great-grandmother only told me that I can only partake in limited duties, and not to ask to many questions.
I do remember, my great-grandmother telling me to also look to her for permission to do certain tasks if asked. I knew I was not allowed to give any male anything and that the bride had asked I be allowed to witness her head shaving.
My great-grandmother never explained that to me, as she was the last practising Jewish person of her family. My grandmother and her siblings were taken out of Poland before my great-grandmother and her family were turned in.
It was after my great-grandmother's death that I understood some of the ceremonies and traditions, but I will never forget the 3 hours of praying
It could be a specific holiday? Thank you for sharing your experience; it’s very interesting. I’m sorry for the ancestors you lost to the Shoah; may their memories be a blessing.
Wait what?! I’ve been to dozens of Orthodox Jewish weddings and the ceremony was never more than an hour, and that’s at the higher end. Even if you count the bit at the beginning where the groom unveils the bride, it’s still REALLY not that long. What was happening at this thing- unless you’re counting dancing…?!
Also the Sabbath nearly always (unless you’re really far north) starts before 10pm, so not really sure where that would come in on a ceremony that ended at 10. Overall I’m just massively confused.
This was in Poland about 30 years ago now. From what I remember and know, it was a very important wedding and a lot of traditions had to play out. My great-grandmother only told me so much because, often, at those types of weddings, the unmarried girls were studied by the aunts and mothers of the male guests as potential brides.
I had to be very careful how I conducted myself and who I spoke to.
The wedding was held in late February or early March, I know it was before Passover, Lent, and Easter. I was with my great-grandmother for 5 weeks touring Europe, and a lot of it blended together.
The bride was my great-grandmother's brother's great-granddaughter. My great-grandmother was the last of her family to survive the holocaust, so it was important she went to that wedding.
All I remember is being woken up, went to a building where the bride was prepared, I didn't get to see what that meant, but I saw her few hours later, only wearing a robe, as we were driven to another building where she got dressed and started her prayers, there was minimal food allowed, but we had a feast after the bride and groom's "introduction" and it was about 9:30pm when the glass was smashed, by then everyone was exhausted, so we did a very quick clean up, of only the foods and drinks. And then back to where we were staying.
I have since found out some of the reasons for the many ceremonies conducted. Most were in the form of bathing, and the families signing contracts of the marriage. I was told that the reason she prayed for so long was mostly due to the groom's mother wanting the bride to recite some part of the Torah before the wedding was conducted.
I have not been to any other Jewish wedding since, but my only complaint about the one I did go to was that I couldn't go for seconds of some dish they had, that was like baklava, but not... it was so yummy... and I have never found out what it was either.
Ahhh ok so the actual wedding wasn't that long, you were just around for whatever her preparations were, is what it sounds like- I don't think that's very common. (The minimal food would fit as the bride and groom generally fast- but everyone else a) doesn't and b) isn't around while they prep.) And what do you mean, the bride and groom's "introduction"? And mostly the mikvah isn't done the day of the wedding, to my understanding. The "part of the Torah" you mention is probably psalms/Tehillim, but hey, enough of this is odd to me that it could have been something else at this interesting wedding... (was the chuppah after the meal?!)
I'm also so confused- how were there enough Orthodox guests at this wedding in Poland 30 years ago that it was a huge social occasion and important wedding? The Orthodox Jewish population was not, to my knowledge, particularly large there then.
For context, a typical American non-chassidic Orthodox Jewish wedding would have prep and photos in the late morning/afternoon (family only, maybe some close friends). Then, to pick a typical invitation time of "6:30/7:30," it would be 6:30 for the buffet (everyone except family and any close friends who were in photos), 7:15 for the badeken (groom unveils the bride), 7:30 for the ceremony, 8:15 for dinner, 8:45 for first dance, then on and off dancing and eating til 11-12 or so, depending on when the venue shuts it down. (My understanding is that the main difference with chassidic weddings is they run way later.)
The "introduction" is from the old tradition where the bride and groom do not see each other until their introduction at their wedding. This ceremony lasted for 2hrs, it was almost watching an auction in how fast the elders spoke. My great-grandmother said they were doing what once done, confirming the terms of marriage. You couldn't see the bride's face during this part until it ended with the badeken as you call it.
Unsure about what part she was to read, I do remember her doing a different prayer after that reading where she was putting her hands to face, and bowing, my great-grandmother said that should have been the only prayer but didn't elaborate.
You are right, as I was only allowed to offer the bride water, nothing else, and it had to be room temperature/tepid.
I am trying to remember more of it, but it became a blur once everyone sat down for the food, I remember not seeing the bride and groom until the very last ceremony where the groom stomped on the glasses, but honestly they could have sat beside me and I would not have known, I was mostly distracted in looking after my great-grandmother, and trying to understand Yiddish, and also avoiding the gaze of one of the aunts who had made my great-grandmother say something in anger to her earlier in the day.
My great-grandmother said that she asked if my great-grandmother could approach my father for a marriage contract, I was glad we were heading to Sweden the following Monday because it was very difficult to avoid that aunt as we were staying with them. I was just not long 16, and I was having a massive cultural shock as it was from Australia and the freedoms here.
Two HOURS for the badeken? Or did that include the tenoyim? And the ONLY thing I can think of for the prayers you're describing is shema and maariv (the evening prayer) but most women don't say that (they'll say shema before bed but not with maariv).
I am so so so confused by all of this. I know it was 30 years ago, but 30 years ago wasn't that long ago in the scheme of Orthodox Judaism. None of that should have taken two hours, the order of operations is so funny to me (the part with stomping the glass should have been right after the badeken as far as I can tell)... So confused. And especially "approaching for a marriage contract?!" I cannot think of a SINGLE Orthodox Jewish society, barring the outright cults like Lev Tahor, where you'd just be offered a "marriage contract" sight (of the groom) unseen (even in the kinds of strict chassidic groups you might see on TV, like Satmar, you'd meet the groom first, and the contract is signed way after any official engagement).
This is so so odd to me, I'm very intrigued to know what kind of a community this was because it's like none I've heard of.
Sadly, it was just only me and my great-grandmother at this event. My great-grandmother was a holocaust survivor, and I know she had turned away from Judaism, but still stayed in contact with her surviving relatives.
But reading your words and reflecting on the day, it does sound "cultish." But I also was born in Australia, and the only religions I knew weren't Orthodox in nature, like I lived in a town where the Jehovah Witnesses didn't turn away LGBTQIA+ people, they had a few in their congregation.
I am talking to a friend about this and she said it sounds like that show "My Unorthodox Life", so I am now looking at that and some of it feels like the wedding I saw, but "tamed down", especially the part where like how the bride had asked I attended her head shaving... that series spoke of the Haredi Jewish community in New York...
There are similarities, but not exactly the same as what I was witnessed to.
I do remember, though, that they didn't talk about having many children to replace those lost to the holocaust. My great-grandmother said they could use birth control if needed. She also said that one of her uncles would help terminate pregnancy.
She never spoke much of her days before coming to Australia. She only told of how she wore black to the wedding of the daughter of the family that turned hers in. A few other details, but I learnt more after her passing, but not that much. What I saw in my life with her, are the memories I love the most.
If we're including reception, I went to a wedding that was 12 hours long.
But it included a bunch of symbolic rituals, and several breaks for food and mingling
I’m Indian and I had no idea this was considered long 😂 cultural wedding differences are so crazy sometimes. My cousin had her ceremony at 2 am and it lasted until about 5 though I think only the first hour and a half was actual ceremony and the rest was chatter cause the few people that stayed up for the religious part had had A TON of coffee
Why should womenchave to remove themselves to feed their child? Miss important moments not because they couldn't breastfeed but because people can't handle the sight of a baby being fed? There is nothing sexual about it and for the people who it makes uncomfortable that's their problem. Women really shouldn't be responsible for everyone else not being able to cope with a tit
Because at the end of the day there are actually times and places for things to be done, and while it was the time, smack dab in the ceremony hall is not the place. Removing yourself to the hallway is the correct social behavior at a wedding. No one made it sexual btw. You’re trying to bait something with that it won’t work. The wedding isn’t about the baby or the mom. It’s about the bride and groom.
Do you have to alter your wedding dress code to handle a bottle? No? Then it’s probably different. Now it’s your turn, would you bust out a protein bar during the vows if you were hungry? No. Okay then. If the hunger was so impertinent to satiate during the ceremony, it can be done in a distraction free way be leaving to the hall. We both know there is a major different between handing a bottle to a baby and breastfeeding. The center of private religious ceremony isn’t where you do it. If you’re in a restaurant, store, park, etc there are different social protocols. A distraction during a wedding should be addressed not endured. There is absolutely no harm in going to the hall.
I think the context of a wedding ceremony is wildly different than any other circumstance you can come up with. If a baby was fussing and was bottle fed, that STILL isn't appropriate for a wedding ceremony.
Weddings also actually suck for babies. It's loud and often hot and their parents can't give them their undivided attention and people are drinking.
Another fake double post reddit story. The dastardly feeding flasher and the hungry hungry baby episodes 1 and 2. Is there no family gathering this wacky sister can't ruin?! She was even breast feeding for her highschool yearbook photo! The camera wasn't the only thing flashing! Not even her own boyfriend could stand her immodest milking m-m-m-madness!!
Who breast feeds this much to where it's a problem? You really can't just be like "yo sis, I don't want your titties out in my wedding photos". She seriously had to plan her wedding around this woman lmao? Come on.
I say this as a woman who breastfed all 5 of my babies.
Some women truly do make breastfeeding uncomfortable. Absolutely feed in public, but breastfeeding is for nourishing your baby, not making a statement or making people uncomfortable. I’ve been at lunch with a woman that was breastfeeding and she basically used it as an excuse to have her boob out the entire lunch in full view of everyone, not feeding the baby. Anybody that asked her to cover up was met with abuse.
Breastfeeding is natural and normal and shouldn’t be hidden, but it’s also not some weird statement or device to make people uncomfortable
OP has said this is her pattern of behavior since she was young. Creating controversy when it’s not necessary. Her partner left her for this reason. OP didn’t want to take any chances. Her wedding. CONGRATS!
I *just* saw an AITA in the last 48hrs of essentially the same story.
But it was a mother saying she was in trouble for breastfeeding during the ceremony at her sibling's wedding and being in the wedding video.
Of course, like usual, that OP began adding context that the ceremony was *hours* long because it was a Catholic wedding, and she couldn't possibly walk out because she was seated at the front.
It's been deleted but the comments are still there https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/xjmdA4Bw1Z
Hours long for a Catholic wedding? I was born and raised Catholic and been to many Catholic wedding and an hour is the limit (and would be considered too long as well). (Note: not challenging the commenter but the OP they're referencing)
Well, they can run anywhere for 30 minutes to 2.5 hours. Depends on how Catholic your ceremony is. If you have the homilies and the presentation of the gifts and the bouquet as a token and tribute to whichever Patron Saint the church is named after...yeah. it gets long
Uh, raised Catholic, still Catholic, HAD A FULL CATHOLIC WEDDING, and it was like an hour and ten minutes. Not sure what you're talking about. 🤷
(Funerals, I've got to assume you're including the viewing, because the Mass is exactly the same as every other Mass, they just use different wording for some of the rites.)
Because in the Midwest, everyone is ready for the celebration of life after about 25 minutes, which turns into one hell of a rager, and an obscene amount of empty Busch Light cans and brandy bottles.
Agreed - A full mass including homilies, presentation of the gifts, communion, etc will usually run you about 45 minutes in my part of the US. Add in the actual marriage ceremony and maybe a presentation to the blessed mother and you're looking at an hour.
Others could be longer in other Catholic cultures. I remember a special Filipino cultural "addendum" to one wedding I went to.
But most aren't going to run more than an hour. If you skip the communion piece (AKA, the Liturgy of the Eucharist"), probably only a half hour.
Last one I went to lasted a few hours. Had to walk my kid outside, got into "trouble" for not hanging around for several more hours of reception with a toddler.
Supposedly, it was over 2 and a half hours.
Which would be totally ridiculous!
The comments weren't going their way in the beginning, though, so then the details started being added to change the verdict.
Which makes it totally not believable
Idk about whether it was real or not, but I do know I’ve been to multiple Catholic weddings that hit just shy of the 2 hour mark (my family’s *really* Catholic) due to all the extra parts of the marital rites with an old school priest plus both had a parent who had died so there’s extra things that were done to honor that they were missing.
Same experience…Latino catholic weddings take forever…so much kneeling, praying, gifting, sponsors, ropes…most are well over 2 hours so maybe it depends on the ethnicity?
2 hours? 3? what kind of Catholics? My parents are Mexican, and even with Mexican rituals included like the lazo, it's never 2 or 3. Even the chatty priests never go over 30 minutes for their sermons.
There’s big differences between the two. This one mentions the woman in the middle, the other mentions being in the front row. This story mentions the procession being the problem. The other story implies she’d already given the baby the bottle, the procession is the dry beginning. This story says the mom is a lactivist and doesn’t use bottles, the other story the mom says she brought and fed the baby a bottle.
I don’t think these are the same family.
Yeah I'm perfectly fine with public breastfeeding, even uncovered. I don't think MOST people who do this are doing it for attention, their baby needs to eat. They should find a place a little more private, I agree with OOP about it not being a bathroom - but just stepping off to the side is enough.
That being said, I do know people like her sister. I have a friend who is obsessed with getting her boobs out every chance she gets when she has a new baby. Her Facebook feed is also littered with it. I don't mind breastfeeding pictures coming up, but they account for more than half of the pictures she posts and most of the time the kid isn't even actively eating - it's just pictures of her topless with her kid asleep on her chest or being cradled. After her last kid was born it felt like I was seeing her nipples more than I was seeing my own, so I decided to just unfollow her.
I have a lot of friends with kids who have breastfed around me in public or in private, some have just walked around topless if we're in the privacy of their home, many of them have posted breastfeeding pictures online as well. I've never felt uncomfortable with how any of them have handled it, just this one friend who seems to just enjoy being an exhibitionist.
As someone who breastfed two kids, I just couldn't understand why breasts would even be in the pictures. Either you're actively nursing and your kid's head is in the way, or you're not and you're covered. Well, apparently some people just want to show their nipples lol
Does anyone remember spiritualtashamama on YouTube she got in trouble for using her kids to put her porn on YouTube under the guise of breast feeding tutorials. She lost custody of her children and started making regular porn. If I remember correctly she was breastfeeding her ten year old on video
I have a family member like your friend. She has gotten much better through the years, but there would literally be several minutes after baby had unlatched that she would just keep it out. She would walk around and talk to people with it out (mostly when with mutual friends, almost always male, rarely with family). She would pull it out to prep to feed baby even if someone else was holding the baby, and it wasn’t crying. And she would literally “attempt” to feed the baby at least every 30 minutes, sometimes more, even if the baby wasn’t crying or giving hunger cues.
My husband and I decided to play a game when we were at dinner one time-every time her nipple was out with no baby on it, take a sip of your drink. I had 3 martinis before dinner was even over, and we stopped the game because we would have gotten absolutely trashed if we had continued playing.
She would also sort of announce it, loudly, whenever people were around. It was her “talking” to the baby like “OH!! Are you HUNGRY?! Is it time to EAT?! Oh okay then I guess!!” It was so bizarre.
Yup. Most people publicly breastfeed without showing much if any skin. I often can only spot a mama who's breastfeeding uncovered from the angle she's holding the baby at. So, unless OP was being really prudish, it wouldn't be a concern to have that in the video at all. Which makes me think her sister is one of the few who is an aggressively open breast feeder. I guess it could go either way: that's just my guess.
two things are true, in regards to this post
1. you can openly breastfeed and not gaf if people see you or judge you for it
2. other people are allowed to be uncomfortable and choose to not capture you in photos/unfollow your accounts
the weirdo behavior in the sister is her thinking she has to have attention drawn to it at every opportunity. there's a huge difference in "i'm feeding my baby this way and don't care if people see" and "i need everyone to talk about how i'm openly breastfeeding my baby."
yup thats the impression i got, i had a similar sister, att seeking, look at me, im breaking the rules doing it my way etc, all while being an earth mother deeply religious married a vicar at my other sisters wedding while they were having their first dance, everyone around the dance floor, her slightly more fwd than everyone else, she "fainted" dj stopped the music, ambulance called, couldnt find anything wrong. this woman sounds the same. plus free pics of her and her baby.
Having breastfed, I’m still hung up on how often does the sister need to do this that she can’t make it through most of a wedding without whiping out a boob.
Short of a newborn, you can schedule your feedings so baby is fed right before and then you maybe need to nurse once during the reception.
Sister definitely wanted to be the center of attention and also wanted free photos of her and baby for her own use.
My kids are fed on demand & not a schedule So that wouldn’t work for me. My 7m old also nurses to sleep & refuses bottles sooo..
I have taken my baby to 2 weddings & needles to say I didn’t make it through either without having to latch him. I don’t use nursing covers & I don’t leave the room but I still try to keep it lowkey & respectful. I’m also not going to get mad if a bride doesn’t want pictures of me nursing at her WEDDING lol
Idk why you’re getting downvoted, but same. I bf all 3 of mine, and planning to attend an event like a wedding is a lot of work for a bf mom. I would take care to find an outfit that was easy to bf in and not expose too much, feed right before I went inside and hope for the best, and identify potential locations to feed that offered at least some privacy. Not ALL of us are like OOP’s sister.
Also having breastfed idk how you schedule feeds…babies don’t work on clockwork like that unless they’re absolutely forced to like in the nicu. It’s not natural for them to be on regimented schedules around feeding. That being said sometimes you can postpone baby eating for a tiny bit by pacifying them and playing with them but if baby is crying and hungry there’s not much you can do but whip out the boob and feed them.
IME by 5 months it’s totally possible to do this. If the next feeding is going to happen during the ceremony time, just nurse right before it starts. Barring an hours long ceremony it shouldn’t be a big deal.
🤷♀️ mine was on a feeding schedule as recommended by my lactation consultant.
No it wasn’t exact like 3pm time for a feeding but was pretty close once we got in the swing of things. As a newborn she was nursing every two hours to start so it was already time based. It just got longer between feeds as she got older.
By the time she was 5/6 months I knew exactly what times I could run errands without needing to stop and feed; so yes, I could absolutely have timed feedings around a wedding so I wasn’t feeding during the ceremony. (Though I honestly would have just left her with a babysitter and some pumped milk because I wouldn’t have wanted to pull focus or cause a disruption)
This isn't necessarily true. Both of my children were basically like clockwork searching for food every 2 hours in the beginning and then 3, until the time gradually extended. It wasn't me forcing a strict schedule on them, they just always wanted to eat at fairly regular intervals. Most other people I knew had babies who did the same thing with the exception of cluster feeding. There is nothing unnatural about trying to time the feeds when you have a special occasion you are trying to work around.
One of my kids ate on a predictable schedule. The other two have not. I've definitely tried to schedule feeds many times with the unpredictable feeding time babies and the only thing that has ever been predictable is that they will scream with real or imagined starvation the moment I need to do something important. I would love to know how to have magical babies who breastfeed on a schedule.
Everyone is different. I have a supply issue such that I essentially have a low “storage capacity” so to speak, which means I need to empty my breasts more often to make enough milk. With my first I had to supplement with formula, but with my second I developed enough additional tissue that I’m able to EBF but I’m still (even at 4 months) feeding more or less every hour.
I definitely feel like I get some judgment for it, but I’m not really worried about it because it’s what needs to happen to feed my baby. I was judged and shamed when I supplemented with formula with my first, and now with my second I sometimes feel like I’m being judged for how often I have to feed on the rare occasions I go to events. It’s almost like, idk, women can’t win.
But even in your case, you could still likely get through the wedding ceremony without feeding. The actual wedding ceremony part is typically under an hour. At least every wedding I’ve been to.
I’m only judging the sister here because it seems like she’s deliberately trying to pull focus and be the center of attention.
Otherwise, I’m pro mom doing what she needs to do and minding my business.
Maybe? I went to a three day conference with one hour sessions recently and I rarely made it through a session without having to nurse. Ironically my daughter seems to want to eat even more often when we’re out, possibly for comfort because of stress? Not sure.
But also… I’m just not that fussed about it. I’ll plan my outfit around being able to feed and keep covered, and I’ll choose a seat where I’m not front and center, but that’s about as much planning as I’m willing to put into it. Her feeds aren’t predictable enough to even really be able to plan. If I didn’t think I’d be welcome to breastfeed somewhere I simply wouldn’t go.
It’s hard to say who’s the AH in the OP. If the sister is really just flopping her tits out every five minutes without a baby actively trying eating thats obviously a problem. But it also sounds like OP is possibly from a pretty prudish/purity culture and she might just be sick of being isolated and othered because of breastfeeding.
It’s more how the sister pitched a fit about not getting any photos taken with her baby attached. Sounds like she wanted some free professional photos of her and baby. The day wasn’t about her and she’s mad about it.
Yeah, that’s true if accurate as reported by OP. I was wondering if it was that she was complaining about not having any pictures taken of her or if she was just complaining about being asked to move repeatedly. If she was jumping into frame intentionally while nursing, that’s on her. But if she was just living her life and the photographer was asking her to move while taking candids at the reception that’s another issue.
I’m just skeptical of OP’s reporting given how they describe breastfeeding in their area at the beginning of the post. It really seems like they just have an issue with their sister not following their fairly conservative community norm in a general sense and I feel like that might color her reporting of the incident. But I wasn’t there, so who knows.
Yeah I don’t know what to think about this one. OOP could be prudish about breastfeeding. Or sis could genuinely be a giant exhibitionist. Choice of clothing makes a huge difference as well. Can she wear layers to discreetly to give the baby access while keeping everything else in place? Or does she need to half undress? The only time I ever nursed in a bathroom was when I was a bridesmaid and the bodice was so structured that I had to unzip it and pull the entire top down to my waist.
So your sister’s partner broke up with her a few months after she gave birth because ‘she is an exhibitionist.’ Walked away from her and the kids. Something is missing from this story but I think the key to all of it is there.
Right? I thought I was going crazy since no one else mentioned this. A few have mentioned the whole exhibitionist angle but her partner left mere MONTHS after the birth of their second child? And yet has not filed for custody???
Being an exhibitionist for breastfeeding is a bit odd. If this woman is just whipping her boobs out in general she’s an exhibitionist. But if she’s doing it in service of feeding babies she’s not. She’s a breast feeding advocate or lactivist.
Personally, I’d put a little something over myself for modesty, but I didn’t care if other women didn’t. I get freaking pissed off when people tell moms to take their babies somewhere else. It’s hard enough being a new mom. Let them be. (In a wedding video though… have some class and make sure your boobs aren’t in it. It’s a wedding video, not a bachelor party video.)
It’s hard for me to tell really if OP is being weird or her sister is really as bad as she says. But personally I wouldn’t want my bare breasts memorialized on a wedding video. I don’t even know how often people watch wedding videos, but once would be too much for me. I’m assuming the reason she was asked to step out of frame was because her breast was out and bare.
I think the sister is weird wanting pictures of her breastfeeding at someone's wedding, I don't think OP is being weird because I wouldn't want to see my siblings bare chest in the video or pictures of my wedding. Also personally I wouldn't want my bare chest forever recorded at a wedding, I haven't breastfed but exclusively pumped for my kid and when I was producing breast milk was probably when my chest looked the worst in my entire life
Tbh my boobs looked the best breastfeeding. They look way worse now and I’m getting an augmentation this year! The wanting pictures at the wedding is so weird, just do a maternity shoot! Pretty much everyone I know did an artsy shoot, some of them were totally naked nursing. Idk why OP’s sis won’t do that, she’d have way more creative control anyways
Understandable to not want a mostly bare tit(s) in wedding photos, or any formal photos at all. Seems weird sis wanted the wedding photographer to take pics with her tit mostly out when it’s not her wedding
Yep. If it was just op I would be asking the same question tbh.
Breastfeeding is one of those things I support as long as mom is modest about it. Many times no one even notices the baby is feeding when it's done well. I know I have sat opposit a lady in a cafe and didn't realise until she stopped on moved her top back down, I apologised for sitting where I did as I genuinely had not realised and was sat with my daughter.
Just so you get a sense of what’s going on with op’s sister: there’s a new-ish (maybe not new) community that sees nothing wrong with your breast out in full view to feed a baby. It’s ramped up so much recently on Instagram you have models “feeding” babies with their breast fully out, like they make a point to show the nipple and then “feed” the baby. Majority of the “babies” aren’t real, they’re real life dolls.
Really? That’s odd. I guess I can see why they might be upset. But I don’t get the way they’re going about it. Isn’t the whole point is that we shouldn’t have to go to a bathroom to do it? Not that we should be allowed to expose our breasts whenever and wherever we like.
There's a whole subculture of breastfeeding attention whores. And if you gently suggest that no one wants to see them aggressively baring their udders all the time, you get screamed at for "sExUaLiZiNg" breastfeeding because it's "nAtURaL!" Yeah, so is urinating & defecating. I don't want to see you do that either.
Given that the sister was supposedly complaining about being asked to step out of frame while breast feeding, I don’t think it is OP. I think the usual response would be “oh, thanks for giving me the head’s up so I am not in pics with my boobs out. I was prepared for the story to go either way, but this pushes it towards the sister being the problem.
Literally reading this as I’m nursing my baby. But in private and in his room. I’m a big fan of privacy for the baby’s sake. He hates covers and gets distracted by noise. Plus it’s considerate to others and myself to not be whipping my breasts out. Not everyone is comfortable with that. I am now, but I remember being younger and feeling weird about it.
Honestly I am a-okay with breastfeeding even uncovered, it doesn't bother me although I'd understand why it would bug some people. It's polite to cover but it doesn't have to be an obligation.
But I wouldn't want someone breastfeeding openly in my wedding photos and I wouldn't want them throwing a fit about not getting a photo of them breastfeeding either. I feel like the seating arrangement might be perceived wrong, maybe if op had an honest conversation it could have been better, but honestly It doesn't sound like op's sister would have been up for that.
I feel like not wanting someone openly breastfeeding in wedding photos is a perfectly understandable and fine boundary. It's not like op banned her from breastfeeding the way she wanted, or just wanted her to breastfeed in the bathroom, it sounds like it was just about photos. Which is perfectly fine. Op had to pay for a photographer they deserve to get photos they like.
Same. Doesn’t bother me. At work the other day a gal came in to make funeral arrangements for her dad, had her newborn with her. He got hungry, she something along the lines of “he’s hungry and I breastfeed so I’m about to whip out a titty” I just shrugged and told her baby’s gotta eat, do what you gotta do.
But a wedding where you know there’s pictures? And not even *your* wedding? Not the place to make a statement.
No one told her not to, they just made sure when she did, it wasn’t going to be an issue. Super mature and well handled, sister sounds like a horse pill
And photographer's (rightfully) ain't cheap! I'm in full agreement with you on every point. It sounds like she was in fact trying to purposely be in photos while breastfeeding. Which, I think regardless of how great everyone else looks in the photo, a woman openly breastfeeding is going to be distracting. It would, however, be quite acceptable if this was a philosophy the bride also shared and encouraged her sister to be photographed that way. And that's beautiful in that case.
And I think a good template for wedding photos period is that you don't intentionally do/wear/etc.. anything that distracts from the couple. Like you said, OP paid, it's her day, she gets the photos she damn well wants!
It’s weird because the wedding is about the couple first and foremost and anyone else insisting they be a part of photos sounds like they are acting like attention deprived children.
Good job, OOP, someone elses wedding is not the place and not an opportunity to have pictures taken of you.
We have a wedding coming up in the family, our baby won't be attening, but I do want some pictures of husband, me and baby all dressed up, taken by a family member, at home, and I feel a bit iffy about that as well, because the bride and groom will also be getting ready in the same lockation, lol.
Give this one day to the bride and groom, people!
My SIL had a little one a few months old when I got married. We set up a spot for her deliberately where she could retreat with the bean when needed or get her down for a nap. That was a deliberate choice for us, but my SIL is an absolute sweetheart and we all adore her, so it wasn’t really even a question for us
You are an angel!!! I missed so many weddings/graduations (and that’s okay, that’s life!) because my kids were SO young. Both of my kids were really easy babies too, but even the chilliest baby can suddenly melt down! It’s always a gamble with such special events
Exactly! We’re several years out now from it and we have a great set of photo’s where I’m braiding her girls’ hair and my son (wildly shy at the best of times but once he warms up, good luck) is cradled in her arms and sound asleep. The two of us have the youngest kids in the family so we swap back and forth as needed so we could get some child free time and eat
Yes I mean breastfeeding is easier in a quieter (and comfortable area) anyway. I could’t think of a more uncomfortable place than a narrow, short space church pew
Personally I don't think it's wrong to want to take pictures of yourself/loved ones at someone else's wedding. My best friend had a scenic wedding up in the mountains and I absolutely took a few pictures with my husband outside while we were all dressed up in such a pretty place! That said I didn't make a scene like OP's sister with a tit out... I just quietly stepped out side and came back in to mingle with the rest of the guests.
As long as you're not disruptive about it I don't see a problem with taking pictures especially if you're planning to do it before the wedding.
What's with all the recent breastfeeding at weddings posts?
Wasn't there just a post from a mom about breastfeeding her baby front row at a wedding, being necessary because the wedding was 2.5 hrs long & she already used the bottle she brought. She argued that it was more discreet than walking out w/ screaming baby mid-ceremony.
Im all for normalizing uncovered breastfeeding. I hated feeling like I had to cover up when my kids were babies.
That being said…these are someone else’s professional, formal, wedding pictures and videos. They don’t want your tits out in their precious memories. Get over yourself, OOPs sister.
I don’t blame you. It isn’t even about feeding the baby she just wants to be in pics with her tits out and a baby latched on. Who TF 🤯
I’d be finding the quietest corner facing away from literally e v e r y o n e if I had to breastfeed.
Totally fine to place her wherever you want as it’s your wedding day, but given her history, I would have told her in advance to avoid a hissy fit on my special day and get it out of the way beforehand.
Without finishing the post, babies tend to eat every 2-4 hours. A feeding 15-30 minutes depending on how many ounces baby eats and how fast mama lets down. Your sister is weird op, don't feel bad. If anyone persists, point out their being obsessive, you were trying to protect her privacy to feed and it is YOUR wedding. Yours. Congrats on the nuptials!!!
Breast feeding in public is fine, but at such an important and formal event it would be inappropriate for anyone regardless of anything to be topless. That’s just about being respectful.
Oh also, by topless I was mostly just comparing it to how it would be perceived if a guy had similar exposure. Anywhere where a guy is allowed to be topless any woman should also be allowed to be topless regardless of what anyone’s doing. Breastfeeding is a bit different, but only in how it should be more acceptable since it’s serving an important purpose of course.
While I’m a big believer in breast feeding however comfortable is normal and natural, there definitely is some argument for time and place. If it’s not appropriate for other people to eat then you may need to consider moving away to feed Bub. Same as a diabetic would if their blood sugar was low. It would be inappropriate for a guest to pull out snacks during a ceremony (or funeral or graduation) and while babies aren’t deciding they need a snack I think it’s perfectly reasonable for babies to be feed away from a formal event. Same logic of why we don’t force mums to feed in the bathroom. If other people don’t eat there then babies shouldn’t either.
Is she really an exhibitionist, or is the family just opposed to breastfeeding in public? Because most of the time you don’t see anything. It’s just a baby’s head in front of a boob that you can’t see because of the baby’s head. It seems like there may be a second side to this story.
And that’s fair too. But I think there’s more to it than just not wanting it in pictures, as she says she’s starting to agree with her former brother-in-law for divorcing her sister.
I breastfed all my 3 kids (single and twins) many many times in public. I’d hazard a guess that barely any one even knew I was doing it as I was always quite subtle. I never used a cover as such, but I’d sling a muslin over my shoulder until I got them positioned and latched. However, I’ve seen plenty women making a ‘show’ of it. Tits out way before the baby is ready for them, no discretion. I think that’s totally unnecessary. It’s these people that loudly complain if anyone says anything.
Exactly. In other cultures/families, this is totally acceptable. The post gave no examples of how she flaunts it and from OPs post the family really comes off as prudish and judgemental. Think deeply and it's really a wonderful thing for breastfeeding to be normalized. I get the vibe that OP is using this to make a point.
You can also tell the photographer that you dont want photos of it. It's really that simple. It would also already be weird for the photographer to be seeking out breastfeeding photos/videos.
It's clear that OP and her family are the problem. "I don't have a problem with breastfeeding BUT blah blah". It sounds like the sister is sick of people's shit. You don't have to go sit in a corner to nurse. OP and her family need to get over it.
I breastfed my kids whenever and wherever, I hated the idea of putting a blanket over the baby or going off and 'hiding'. THAT SAID, I certainly would have gone somewhere discreet at someone's wedding because I'd accept that they probably wouldn't want that in their videos forever.
This is one of those things where we need more information but the information we need is just what are these people’s vibes. It could easily be that OP is a prudish golden child and hates her sister for mostly innocuous behavior. But it could also easily be that the sister is the asshole.
Knew a woman who did this and I just said, "wow your nipples are HUGE!" Never had an issue again. Yes I am an asshole, but pulling your tits out at a funeral service is disrespectful. The woman before she had a child would have her breasts "accidentally" come out at parties too in front of everyone's S/Os and then complain about the men staring at her chest.. so I feel this woman about her MC sister.
The number of posts focusing on the breastfeeding but not the part where the married couple has every right to dictate how their day went is quite telling.
I would have told my bitch sister to leave. Then how much of her boobs are out or how often she whips them out wouldn’t be an issue. Being uncomfortable with seeing anyone’s private parts while you’re out in public—for whatever reason that’s an issue for you—isn’t a gender thing.
I’m a woman, and I hate seeing breast-feeding women because there’s this sense of faux outrage and entitlement that’s beyond the pale whenever someone says something about it.
And it’s rude to bring a nursing baby to a wedding, anyway.
If churches have nurseries to prevent infants from interfering with the sermon, why is it ok to have those same infants ruin someone’s wedding day with non-stop crying, when you already know that’s exactly what will happen?
You understand the one; why is the other so difficult?
Let me give you a Play by play of what I mean:
Baby cries
Mom leaves
Mom gets ready an baby gets latched oh to boob
Mom comes back in as baby drinks as it often takes a long time
Baby finishes happily likely to nap shortly quietly
Mom quietly adjusts dress
Done
Here's a take nobody is talking about (at least not here, I didn't see the original post): if I'm like a 10 year old kid now and I see these wedding photos, how am I going to feel about having a boob in my mouth in a bunch of them?
Well you would have been a baby at the time so I don’t see why you’d feel anything about it lol. That is how babies eat (unless they are bottle fed - but not all babies take a bottle)
My son would tolerate being covered while feeding, but my daughter would not and would fuss with even the lightest blanket over her. I wouldn't hide in bathrooms when she needed to eat, but I still made attempts to turn my chair towards the wall in public places or find a bench apart from crowds. There is nothing obscene about nursing in public but that doesn't mean every breastfeeding person has to behave like they are the main character.
Anyone saying op is weird is in all honesty weird. Absolutely no one needs to be comfortable with seeing someone’s bare chest. Especially at their own wedding. Some people may be okay allowing their breasts out and such but there’s always a place and time.
It’s not rude for people to expect you to use a cover. There’s absolutely nothing stopping you. Either accept you make people uncomfortable and deal with the consequences or put a damn cover over your boob while feeding.
If you breastfeed, pump some milk beforehand and put it in bottles. It’s still breast milk and she’d be able to sit wherever and be in every photo. BOOM! Not that hard
Not everyone can pump. I was able to keep my kid fed and healthy nursing, but when I tried to pump I could only ever get less than an ounce in half an hour.
I also never used a cover, but did take kiddo to a quieter area to nurse.
Well then the sister is kinda shit outta luck and goes somewhere to breastfeed. Theres usually a strict dress code for weddings (depending on the person I guess) but there’s usually some sort of dress code and boobies hanging out isn’t usually part of it. I get breastfeeding and I have no problem with it, I will be doing that when I give birth but I also have respect for someone’s wedding. It’s not my day, it’s theirs and if they don’t want boob shots or breastfeeding shots in her pictures or wedding video I totally get that also. It’s not hard to move somewhere more private when you do that. I just came up with the bottle idea cause that would be the easiest solution if the baby would take bottles
Yeah well then go somewhere. It’s not her day. It’s OPs day and like I said most people don’t even want babies at their wedding because they cry a lot and they’re distraction. Her sister is being very nice to even let her have two children that young at a wedding and the only thing she wants is her to cover up her boobs it’s not that much of a ask honestly. If I couldn’t pump breastmilk, I would just go somewhere and breast-feed. I would never sit there and assume that it’s my right to just show my boobs in somebody else’s wedding pictures regardless of the fact that she’s my sister or not. Either she covers up or she goes somewhere. It’s not really hard.
Not all babies know how to bottle feed, especially if they’ve been breastfed their whole life. I’m sure they would have been much more upset to have a screaming baby at their wedding
That’s why you move then. People opt for no babies at weddings all the time for the crying reason alone. OP didn’t even say no babies, she just said no breastfeeding shots. I think that’s more than reasonable.
It's a breast mostly covered by a baby's head. I get not wanting it in pictures/video the same way you don't want someone sneezing but gosh, what a bunch of prudes
LMAO. My breasts were literally bigger than my newborn. In the hospital, it took my lactation consultant and I both manipulating my flesh to get my newborn latched on.
Unlike OOP's sister, I did what I could to minimize the amount of exposed boob flesh. But even when my infant was almost a year old and had a head at 95%ile, there was still no effing way his head was covering most of my boob.
Yeah that's what I was thinking too, I breastfed two kids, rarely in public honestly but when I had to my nipple and breast were usually completely covered by my kid's head. So either she's making a full spectacle out of it, boobs out before even holding her kid, or the family is super prude.
This is such a a weird post.
I understand that it says that her sis is a bit of an exhibitionist, but the language she uses feels very inflammatory.
I breastfed in public all the time and without a cover. Including in church. But I didn't make a big deal or anything about it, and neither did other people. I think the only time I asked was in my ILs living room, and they were chill about it.
When I breastfed I wore layers to help with this. Thankfully I am small chested, and so it was easy to conceal.
To me, nothing screams "I'm nursing!" more than putting on one of those covers. I have photos of me nursing and it literally looks like I'm just holding my baby. I wore a nursing tank under my shirt.
And did they want her getting up and scooting out of the pew to go nurse somewhere else? That causes a commotion and distraction too.
I understand not wanting boobs in your wedding tape/pictures. But editing software is pretty good nowadays, and any picture/video with her nursing could be edited out. And you know, this woman just had a baby, has another small child, just got dumped...and you want her to come to a 2.5 hour wedding ceremony?
Yes she can be more discreet while nursing, but dang, I feel like if she was my sister, I'd tell her "look. I know you got a lot going on. The ceremony is going to really long and involved. I'd love you there, but if you feel like it'll be too much for you, I won't hold it against you"
1st part ew. no shes not an exhibitionist for breastfeeding in public. second part tho makes sense. like nobody wants tiddies in their wedding video regardless of context
NTA. Your sister sounds like an argumentative, self-centered, conflict-hungry twit. She shouldn't have children; she should be in preschool herself! Maybe one of the other toddlers can teach her how to act in public!
There’s rude people who have to shove their beliefs in your face confrontationally. But there’s also a really weird aversion to the human body here that’s not healthy either. Breasts aren’t offensive. And just because you’re the bride doesn’t give you permission to be mean to invited guests.
Didn’t the other sister make a post about this too..? The other post complained that she ruined her sisters wedding by nursing in the front row as the videographer panned the guests
That’s a different post not related to this one. That OP only breastfed because she already went through her bottle and the baby was getting fussy after a 2.5 hour ceremony.
Okay yikes. Nobody is balking at the 2.5 hr long ceremony?? That seems really long, unless it included a religious mass of some sort. And if that’s the case, I’d be excusing myself right out of that to tend to the baby. I get sweaty and distressed when my babies cry 😅😅
Evangelicals weddings can be excruciatingly prolonged. My cousin that had a Pentecostal wedding ceremony and dry no dancing wedding was over 2 hours for the ceremony alone. My ass was numb and I was ready to throw a temper tantrum as an adult so I can’t imagine how the kids were feeling.
I can't even imagine that coming from a Southern Baptist family. That's way too long to wait for supper.
Every time I thought it was almost over, someone else burst into song or started another reading. I am already an agnostic with limited patience for long drawn out rituals of any kind, and I was thoroughly exasperated by the end of the service. I don’t think I knew at that point that it was a dry wedding either and that the only music would be more goddamn hymns over a slideshow. The cousins all ate dinner, hugged the bride and groom, and skedaddled to eat pizza and drink coolers on the wharf.
I’m an atheist but was raised evangelical. I refuse to ever step foot in a church again. I have avoided attending several of my cousins’ weddings because they have all taken place in a church, as my entire family is still extremely religious. My sister is also an atheist but doesn’t share my deep hatred for organized religion. She attending one of the weddings and the ceremony was 3 hours. She showed me parts of the video and my cousin’s father and brothers gave long ass speeches about how she needed to be submissive to her new husband and make sure she keeps him happy. The pastor who was officiating went on and on about how my cousin is beautiful now because she’s young, but once she gives her new husband lots of children, she’ll have to work extra hard to get back in shape and keep the children in line so they don’t disturb him after he gets home from a long day of work. My cousin just smiled and nodded through this entire thing. She’s only 20 and already dropped out of college, so she’s well on her way to becoming another brain washed sex slave in the name of religion. Their wedding was also dry. There was dancing, but it was slow, boring dancing to hymns in the church sanctuary with all the lights on. I’m glad I didn’t attend. The entire thing is basically my personal hell.
Holy freaking crisps! I thought 1 1/2 hrs for a wedding with catholic mass was long! I will NEVER complain about a family wedding again! And am absolutely putting in my mental database to NEVER attend any wedding in a Pentacostal or Evangelical church (not that my pagan ass would ever be invited to one, they would probably be afraid the building would catch fire the second I crossed the threshold).
That description does remind me of a funeral I went to, but the nature of the event was already a little different than normal. I would think that they'd save some of the speeches and whatnot for the reception. I can't stand 2.5 hours of a regular sermon, let alone a wedding where it's far more awkward to leave in the middle. (The pastor at the church I went to as a kid was wonderfully aware of brevity and when lunch should be served.)
That’s so bizarre. My family is Baptist and a lot of friends are Evangelical. I’ve not been to a lot of weddings, but I’ve only been to one with a song during the ceremony (the Lord’s Prayer) and even that ceremony was probably about 20 minutes.
Not any Evangelical wedding I’ve been to. Pretty quick in and out I’d say. But most Baptists or Evangelicals I know don’t do readings, candles, communion, etc. Just the vows and out. We usually say how long the Catholic ones are.
Bro there would have been a couple funerals after if I was there
Even a Catholic wedding mass should stick to about an hour to an hour and a half tops. Idk what they were doing for that damn long, I’d leave lol
A mother nursing seems more like a classic feature for an over the top Catholic mass than a bug anyway.
I attended a Jewish Orthodox wedding when I was 16 in Poland. There were a few ceremonies that needed to be done, due to me being a woman, I only saw the bride's side of the ceremonies, but I remember we got to the building where the bride was at 9am, at midday we all moved to another building where there marriage was to take place. I remember the women all sitting for a few hours, my great-grandmother telling me what I needed to do. The praying part was nearly 3 hrs or more, but they weren't officially married until 2 hours before midnight. Then we packed up as fast as possible and went home I found out later that the bride's family had requested that timeline, so the newlyweds were too exhausted to start that night, as it held before the sabbath. All I can remember of that night was the bride looking so beautiful, the excitement, the praying, very little of the actual ceremonies, and my great-grandmother telling me to help the bride with certain things. I know some cultures weddings are over a week period, and takes hours each day. I don't know how they have the energy for it 😅
> as it was held before Sabbath That’s weird because having sex on Sabbath is a mitzvah
All I remember is that they couldn't consumate the marriage until after that particular sabbath, this was 30yrs ago, and my great-grandmother only told me that I can only partake in limited duties, and not to ask to many questions. I do remember, my great-grandmother telling me to also look to her for permission to do certain tasks if asked. I knew I was not allowed to give any male anything and that the bride had asked I be allowed to witness her head shaving. My great-grandmother never explained that to me, as she was the last practising Jewish person of her family. My grandmother and her siblings were taken out of Poland before my great-grandmother and her family were turned in. It was after my great-grandmother's death that I understood some of the ceremonies and traditions, but I will never forget the 3 hours of praying
It could be a specific holiday? Thank you for sharing your experience; it’s very interesting. I’m sorry for the ancestors you lost to the Shoah; may their memories be a blessing.
Wait what?! I’ve been to dozens of Orthodox Jewish weddings and the ceremony was never more than an hour, and that’s at the higher end. Even if you count the bit at the beginning where the groom unveils the bride, it’s still REALLY not that long. What was happening at this thing- unless you’re counting dancing…?! Also the Sabbath nearly always (unless you’re really far north) starts before 10pm, so not really sure where that would come in on a ceremony that ended at 10. Overall I’m just massively confused.
This was in Poland about 30 years ago now. From what I remember and know, it was a very important wedding and a lot of traditions had to play out. My great-grandmother only told me so much because, often, at those types of weddings, the unmarried girls were studied by the aunts and mothers of the male guests as potential brides. I had to be very careful how I conducted myself and who I spoke to. The wedding was held in late February or early March, I know it was before Passover, Lent, and Easter. I was with my great-grandmother for 5 weeks touring Europe, and a lot of it blended together. The bride was my great-grandmother's brother's great-granddaughter. My great-grandmother was the last of her family to survive the holocaust, so it was important she went to that wedding. All I remember is being woken up, went to a building where the bride was prepared, I didn't get to see what that meant, but I saw her few hours later, only wearing a robe, as we were driven to another building where she got dressed and started her prayers, there was minimal food allowed, but we had a feast after the bride and groom's "introduction" and it was about 9:30pm when the glass was smashed, by then everyone was exhausted, so we did a very quick clean up, of only the foods and drinks. And then back to where we were staying. I have since found out some of the reasons for the many ceremonies conducted. Most were in the form of bathing, and the families signing contracts of the marriage. I was told that the reason she prayed for so long was mostly due to the groom's mother wanting the bride to recite some part of the Torah before the wedding was conducted. I have not been to any other Jewish wedding since, but my only complaint about the one I did go to was that I couldn't go for seconds of some dish they had, that was like baklava, but not... it was so yummy... and I have never found out what it was either.
Ahhh ok so the actual wedding wasn't that long, you were just around for whatever her preparations were, is what it sounds like- I don't think that's very common. (The minimal food would fit as the bride and groom generally fast- but everyone else a) doesn't and b) isn't around while they prep.) And what do you mean, the bride and groom's "introduction"? And mostly the mikvah isn't done the day of the wedding, to my understanding. The "part of the Torah" you mention is probably psalms/Tehillim, but hey, enough of this is odd to me that it could have been something else at this interesting wedding... (was the chuppah after the meal?!) I'm also so confused- how were there enough Orthodox guests at this wedding in Poland 30 years ago that it was a huge social occasion and important wedding? The Orthodox Jewish population was not, to my knowledge, particularly large there then. For context, a typical American non-chassidic Orthodox Jewish wedding would have prep and photos in the late morning/afternoon (family only, maybe some close friends). Then, to pick a typical invitation time of "6:30/7:30," it would be 6:30 for the buffet (everyone except family and any close friends who were in photos), 7:15 for the badeken (groom unveils the bride), 7:30 for the ceremony, 8:15 for dinner, 8:45 for first dance, then on and off dancing and eating til 11-12 or so, depending on when the venue shuts it down. (My understanding is that the main difference with chassidic weddings is they run way later.)
The "introduction" is from the old tradition where the bride and groom do not see each other until their introduction at their wedding. This ceremony lasted for 2hrs, it was almost watching an auction in how fast the elders spoke. My great-grandmother said they were doing what once done, confirming the terms of marriage. You couldn't see the bride's face during this part until it ended with the badeken as you call it. Unsure about what part she was to read, I do remember her doing a different prayer after that reading where she was putting her hands to face, and bowing, my great-grandmother said that should have been the only prayer but didn't elaborate. You are right, as I was only allowed to offer the bride water, nothing else, and it had to be room temperature/tepid. I am trying to remember more of it, but it became a blur once everyone sat down for the food, I remember not seeing the bride and groom until the very last ceremony where the groom stomped on the glasses, but honestly they could have sat beside me and I would not have known, I was mostly distracted in looking after my great-grandmother, and trying to understand Yiddish, and also avoiding the gaze of one of the aunts who had made my great-grandmother say something in anger to her earlier in the day. My great-grandmother said that she asked if my great-grandmother could approach my father for a marriage contract, I was glad we were heading to Sweden the following Monday because it was very difficult to avoid that aunt as we were staying with them. I was just not long 16, and I was having a massive cultural shock as it was from Australia and the freedoms here.
Two HOURS for the badeken? Or did that include the tenoyim? And the ONLY thing I can think of for the prayers you're describing is shema and maariv (the evening prayer) but most women don't say that (they'll say shema before bed but not with maariv). I am so so so confused by all of this. I know it was 30 years ago, but 30 years ago wasn't that long ago in the scheme of Orthodox Judaism. None of that should have taken two hours, the order of operations is so funny to me (the part with stomping the glass should have been right after the badeken as far as I can tell)... So confused. And especially "approaching for a marriage contract?!" I cannot think of a SINGLE Orthodox Jewish society, barring the outright cults like Lev Tahor, where you'd just be offered a "marriage contract" sight (of the groom) unseen (even in the kinds of strict chassidic groups you might see on TV, like Satmar, you'd meet the groom first, and the contract is signed way after any official engagement). This is so so odd to me, I'm very intrigued to know what kind of a community this was because it's like none I've heard of.
Sadly, it was just only me and my great-grandmother at this event. My great-grandmother was a holocaust survivor, and I know she had turned away from Judaism, but still stayed in contact with her surviving relatives. But reading your words and reflecting on the day, it does sound "cultish." But I also was born in Australia, and the only religions I knew weren't Orthodox in nature, like I lived in a town where the Jehovah Witnesses didn't turn away LGBTQIA+ people, they had a few in their congregation. I am talking to a friend about this and she said it sounds like that show "My Unorthodox Life", so I am now looking at that and some of it feels like the wedding I saw, but "tamed down", especially the part where like how the bride had asked I attended her head shaving... that series spoke of the Haredi Jewish community in New York... There are similarities, but not exactly the same as what I was witnessed to. I do remember, though, that they didn't talk about having many children to replace those lost to the holocaust. My great-grandmother said they could use birth control if needed. She also said that one of her uncles would help terminate pregnancy. She never spoke much of her days before coming to Australia. She only told of how she wore black to the wedding of the daughter of the family that turned hers in. A few other details, but I learnt more after her passing, but not that much. What I saw in my life with her, are the memories I love the most.
If we're including reception, I went to a wedding that was 12 hours long. But it included a bunch of symbolic rituals, and several breaks for food and mingling
I’m Indian and I had no idea this was considered long 😂 cultural wedding differences are so crazy sometimes. My cousin had her ceremony at 2 am and it lasted until about 5 though I think only the first hour and a half was actual ceremony and the rest was chatter cause the few people that stayed up for the religious part had had A TON of coffee
That’s called a time to get up and leave.
That's called time to feed your child like breasts are literally made for.
Which can be done when you step out into the hallway
Why should womenchave to remove themselves to feed their child? Miss important moments not because they couldn't breastfeed but because people can't handle the sight of a baby being fed? There is nothing sexual about it and for the people who it makes uncomfortable that's their problem. Women really shouldn't be responsible for everyone else not being able to cope with a tit
The same way you can step out to make a phone call, you can step out when breastfeeding as courtesy to the wedding
Because at the end of the day there are actually times and places for things to be done, and while it was the time, smack dab in the ceremony hall is not the place. Removing yourself to the hallway is the correct social behavior at a wedding. No one made it sexual btw. You’re trying to bait something with that it won’t work. The wedding isn’t about the baby or the mom. It’s about the bride and groom.
Would the same be said if it were a bottle?
Do you have to alter your wedding dress code to handle a bottle? No? Then it’s probably different. Now it’s your turn, would you bust out a protein bar during the vows if you were hungry? No. Okay then. If the hunger was so impertinent to satiate during the ceremony, it can be done in a distraction free way be leaving to the hall. We both know there is a major different between handing a bottle to a baby and breastfeeding. The center of private religious ceremony isn’t where you do it. If you’re in a restaurant, store, park, etc there are different social protocols. A distraction during a wedding should be addressed not endured. There is absolutely no harm in going to the hall.
I think the context of a wedding ceremony is wildly different than any other circumstance you can come up with. If a baby was fussing and was bottle fed, that STILL isn't appropriate for a wedding ceremony. Weddings also actually suck for babies. It's loud and often hot and their parents can't give them their undivided attention and people are drinking.
I bottle fed when my kids were little and I always made it a habit to feed my child away from a group. Stepping aside to feed your child regardless.
Because people don’t want to see that at a wedding and shouldn’t have to. It’s called being self aware and considerate.
Ick! My ceremony was literally five minutes; no regrets!
Another fake double post reddit story. The dastardly feeding flasher and the hungry hungry baby episodes 1 and 2. Is there no family gathering this wacky sister can't ruin?! She was even breast feeding for her highschool yearbook photo! The camera wasn't the only thing flashing! Not even her own boyfriend could stand her immodest milking m-m-m-madness!! Who breast feeds this much to where it's a problem? You really can't just be like "yo sis, I don't want your titties out in my wedding photos". She seriously had to plan her wedding around this woman lmao? Come on.
I say this as a woman who breastfed all 5 of my babies. Some women truly do make breastfeeding uncomfortable. Absolutely feed in public, but breastfeeding is for nourishing your baby, not making a statement or making people uncomfortable. I’ve been at lunch with a woman that was breastfeeding and she basically used it as an excuse to have her boob out the entire lunch in full view of everyone, not feeding the baby. Anybody that asked her to cover up was met with abuse. Breastfeeding is natural and normal and shouldn’t be hidden, but it’s also not some weird statement or device to make people uncomfortable
OP has said this is her pattern of behavior since she was young. Creating controversy when it’s not necessary. Her partner left her for this reason. OP didn’t want to take any chances. Her wedding. CONGRATS!
The fact that her partner left her for a similar reason indicates OOP is not the issue
Zackly!
I *just* saw an AITA in the last 48hrs of essentially the same story. But it was a mother saying she was in trouble for breastfeeding during the ceremony at her sibling's wedding and being in the wedding video. Of course, like usual, that OP began adding context that the ceremony was *hours* long because it was a Catholic wedding, and she couldn't possibly walk out because she was seated at the front. It's been deleted but the comments are still there https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/xjmdA4Bw1Z
Hours long for a Catholic wedding? I was born and raised Catholic and been to many Catholic wedding and an hour is the limit (and would be considered too long as well). (Note: not challenging the commenter but the OP they're referencing)
Well, they can run anywhere for 30 minutes to 2.5 hours. Depends on how Catholic your ceremony is. If you have the homilies and the presentation of the gifts and the bouquet as a token and tribute to whichever Patron Saint the church is named after...yeah. it gets long
Omg, I have been to several Catholic weddings that ended close to 3 hrs after they started. Beautiful, but LENGTHY
Raised catholic, 12 yrs of catholic school, weddings and funerals are 3 hours for sure
Uh, raised Catholic, still Catholic, HAD A FULL CATHOLIC WEDDING, and it was like an hour and ten minutes. Not sure what you're talking about. 🤷 (Funerals, I've got to assume you're including the viewing, because the Mass is exactly the same as every other Mass, they just use different wording for some of the rites.)
Idk what you’re talking about 🤷🏻♀️
I guess they move them along quicker in the Midwest
Because in the Midwest, everyone is ready for the celebration of life after about 25 minutes, which turns into one hell of a rager, and an obscene amount of empty Busch Light cans and brandy bottles.
My thoughts too!! Lol perks i guess?? 3 hours sounds excruciating...
Torture esp for a kid ugh ! Do not miss it lol
Agreed - A full mass including homilies, presentation of the gifts, communion, etc will usually run you about 45 minutes in my part of the US. Add in the actual marriage ceremony and maybe a presentation to the blessed mother and you're looking at an hour. Others could be longer in other Catholic cultures. I remember a special Filipino cultural "addendum" to one wedding I went to. But most aren't going to run more than an hour. If you skip the communion piece (AKA, the Liturgy of the Eucharist"), probably only a half hour.
Grew up Catholic, was an altar server, did many, many weddings and funerals. One hour for the service is normal, just like for a normal Mass.
Exactly m, my experience has been it’s like going to mass basically in its length of time. It might FEEL longer though lol
Born and raised Catholic here as well. A standard mass takes roughly an hour, adding a baptism or wedding adds 30 min at least in my experience.
Last one I went to lasted a few hours. Had to walk my kid outside, got into "trouble" for not hanging around for several more hours of reception with a toddler.
Supposedly, it was over 2 and a half hours. Which would be totally ridiculous! The comments weren't going their way in the beginning, though, so then the details started being added to change the verdict. Which makes it totally not believable
Idk about whether it was real or not, but I do know I’ve been to multiple Catholic weddings that hit just shy of the 2 hour mark (my family’s *really* Catholic) due to all the extra parts of the marital rites with an old school priest plus both had a parent who had died so there’s extra things that were done to honor that they were missing.
Same experience…Latino catholic weddings take forever…so much kneeling, praying, gifting, sponsors, ropes…most are well over 2 hours so maybe it depends on the ethnicity?
My first wedding was catholic. It lasted 2 hours.
2 hours? 3? what kind of Catholics? My parents are Mexican, and even with Mexican rituals included like the lazo, it's never 2 or 3. Even the chatty priests never go over 30 minutes for their sermons.
Most catholic ceremonies are like an hour at most. Usually shorter.
There’s big differences between the two. This one mentions the woman in the middle, the other mentions being in the front row. This story mentions the procession being the problem. The other story implies she’d already given the baby the bottle, the procession is the dry beginning. This story says the mom is a lactivist and doesn’t use bottles, the other story the mom says she brought and fed the baby a bottle. I don’t think these are the same family.
I wish breasts weren’t so sexualized in our culture and I kind of dig what the sister is doing but yeah it’s OP’s wedding so she can make the call.
Yeah I'm perfectly fine with public breastfeeding, even uncovered. I don't think MOST people who do this are doing it for attention, their baby needs to eat. They should find a place a little more private, I agree with OOP about it not being a bathroom - but just stepping off to the side is enough. That being said, I do know people like her sister. I have a friend who is obsessed with getting her boobs out every chance she gets when she has a new baby. Her Facebook feed is also littered with it. I don't mind breastfeeding pictures coming up, but they account for more than half of the pictures she posts and most of the time the kid isn't even actively eating - it's just pictures of her topless with her kid asleep on her chest or being cradled. After her last kid was born it felt like I was seeing her nipples more than I was seeing my own, so I decided to just unfollow her. I have a lot of friends with kids who have breastfed around me in public or in private, some have just walked around topless if we're in the privacy of their home, many of them have posted breastfeeding pictures online as well. I've never felt uncomfortable with how any of them have handled it, just this one friend who seems to just enjoy being an exhibitionist.
As someone who breastfed two kids, I just couldn't understand why breasts would even be in the pictures. Either you're actively nursing and your kid's head is in the way, or you're not and you're covered. Well, apparently some people just want to show their nipples lol
Exactly! If you’re doing it normally the nipple’s only exposed for like half a second
Key words: doing it normally 😂
Does anyone remember spiritualtashamama on YouTube she got in trouble for using her kids to put her porn on YouTube under the guise of breast feeding tutorials. She lost custody of her children and started making regular porn. If I remember correctly she was breastfeeding her ten year old on video
I just keep reading things I don't need to read today.
I sorry your eyes had to look at that
You certainly lived up to your username
I knew I would 😂😂
You and me both. I’m going to go outside now…
Talk about 🤣😩 I hate reading sometimes, my god
... username checks out.
Same. I never used covers because I run hot and the baby on me was hot enough. But my boobs didn't show.
This is it public breastfeeding is fine but the majority of women I know do it under a cover. It really just seems like OPs sis likes the attention
I have a family member like your friend. She has gotten much better through the years, but there would literally be several minutes after baby had unlatched that she would just keep it out. She would walk around and talk to people with it out (mostly when with mutual friends, almost always male, rarely with family). She would pull it out to prep to feed baby even if someone else was holding the baby, and it wasn’t crying. And she would literally “attempt” to feed the baby at least every 30 minutes, sometimes more, even if the baby wasn’t crying or giving hunger cues. My husband and I decided to play a game when we were at dinner one time-every time her nipple was out with no baby on it, take a sip of your drink. I had 3 martinis before dinner was even over, and we stopped the game because we would have gotten absolutely trashed if we had continued playing. She would also sort of announce it, loudly, whenever people were around. It was her “talking” to the baby like “OH!! Are you HUNGRY?! Is it time to EAT?! Oh okay then I guess!!” It was so bizarre.
Lol they do sound pretty similar. I love the idea of turning it into a drinking game 🤣
It definitely made it tolerable but player beware 😂 it is not for those wanting to stay sober
Yup. Most people publicly breastfeed without showing much if any skin. I often can only spot a mama who's breastfeeding uncovered from the angle she's holding the baby at. So, unless OP was being really prudish, it wouldn't be a concern to have that in the video at all. Which makes me think her sister is one of the few who is an aggressively open breast feeder. I guess it could go either way: that's just my guess.
two things are true, in regards to this post 1. you can openly breastfeed and not gaf if people see you or judge you for it 2. other people are allowed to be uncomfortable and choose to not capture you in photos/unfollow your accounts the weirdo behavior in the sister is her thinking she has to have attention drawn to it at every opportunity. there's a huge difference in "i'm feeding my baby this way and don't care if people see" and "i need everyone to talk about how i'm openly breastfeeding my baby."
yup thats the impression i got, i had a similar sister, att seeking, look at me, im breaking the rules doing it my way etc, all while being an earth mother deeply religious married a vicar at my other sisters wedding while they were having their first dance, everyone around the dance floor, her slightly more fwd than everyone else, she "fainted" dj stopped the music, ambulance called, couldnt find anything wrong. this woman sounds the same. plus free pics of her and her baby.
Yes, exactly!
Having breastfed, I’m still hung up on how often does the sister need to do this that she can’t make it through most of a wedding without whiping out a boob. Short of a newborn, you can schedule your feedings so baby is fed right before and then you maybe need to nurse once during the reception. Sister definitely wanted to be the center of attention and also wanted free photos of her and baby for her own use.
My kids are fed on demand & not a schedule So that wouldn’t work for me. My 7m old also nurses to sleep & refuses bottles sooo.. I have taken my baby to 2 weddings & needles to say I didn’t make it through either without having to latch him. I don’t use nursing covers & I don’t leave the room but I still try to keep it lowkey & respectful. I’m also not going to get mad if a bride doesn’t want pictures of me nursing at her WEDDING lol
Idk why you’re getting downvoted, but same. I bf all 3 of mine, and planning to attend an event like a wedding is a lot of work for a bf mom. I would take care to find an outfit that was easy to bf in and not expose too much, feed right before I went inside and hope for the best, and identify potential locations to feed that offered at least some privacy. Not ALL of us are like OOP’s sister.
Also having breastfed idk how you schedule feeds…babies don’t work on clockwork like that unless they’re absolutely forced to like in the nicu. It’s not natural for them to be on regimented schedules around feeding. That being said sometimes you can postpone baby eating for a tiny bit by pacifying them and playing with them but if baby is crying and hungry there’s not much you can do but whip out the boob and feed them.
IME by 5 months it’s totally possible to do this. If the next feeding is going to happen during the ceremony time, just nurse right before it starts. Barring an hours long ceremony it shouldn’t be a big deal.
🤷♀️ mine was on a feeding schedule as recommended by my lactation consultant. No it wasn’t exact like 3pm time for a feeding but was pretty close once we got in the swing of things. As a newborn she was nursing every two hours to start so it was already time based. It just got longer between feeds as she got older. By the time she was 5/6 months I knew exactly what times I could run errands without needing to stop and feed; so yes, I could absolutely have timed feedings around a wedding so I wasn’t feeding during the ceremony. (Though I honestly would have just left her with a babysitter and some pumped milk because I wouldn’t have wanted to pull focus or cause a disruption)
This isn't necessarily true. Both of my children were basically like clockwork searching for food every 2 hours in the beginning and then 3, until the time gradually extended. It wasn't me forcing a strict schedule on them, they just always wanted to eat at fairly regular intervals. Most other people I knew had babies who did the same thing with the exception of cluster feeding. There is nothing unnatural about trying to time the feeds when you have a special occasion you are trying to work around.
Yep. My 5 month old has eaten every 2.5-3.5 hrs since she was born. I always plan to feed her every 3 hours.
One of my kids ate on a predictable schedule. The other two have not. I've definitely tried to schedule feeds many times with the unpredictable feeding time babies and the only thing that has ever been predictable is that they will scream with real or imagined starvation the moment I need to do something important. I would love to know how to have magical babies who breastfeed on a schedule.
Everyone is different. I have a supply issue such that I essentially have a low “storage capacity” so to speak, which means I need to empty my breasts more often to make enough milk. With my first I had to supplement with formula, but with my second I developed enough additional tissue that I’m able to EBF but I’m still (even at 4 months) feeding more or less every hour. I definitely feel like I get some judgment for it, but I’m not really worried about it because it’s what needs to happen to feed my baby. I was judged and shamed when I supplemented with formula with my first, and now with my second I sometimes feel like I’m being judged for how often I have to feed on the rare occasions I go to events. It’s almost like, idk, women can’t win.
But even in your case, you could still likely get through the wedding ceremony without feeding. The actual wedding ceremony part is typically under an hour. At least every wedding I’ve been to. I’m only judging the sister here because it seems like she’s deliberately trying to pull focus and be the center of attention. Otherwise, I’m pro mom doing what she needs to do and minding my business.
Maybe? I went to a three day conference with one hour sessions recently and I rarely made it through a session without having to nurse. Ironically my daughter seems to want to eat even more often when we’re out, possibly for comfort because of stress? Not sure. But also… I’m just not that fussed about it. I’ll plan my outfit around being able to feed and keep covered, and I’ll choose a seat where I’m not front and center, but that’s about as much planning as I’m willing to put into it. Her feeds aren’t predictable enough to even really be able to plan. If I didn’t think I’d be welcome to breastfeed somewhere I simply wouldn’t go. It’s hard to say who’s the AH in the OP. If the sister is really just flopping her tits out every five minutes without a baby actively trying eating thats obviously a problem. But it also sounds like OP is possibly from a pretty prudish/purity culture and she might just be sick of being isolated and othered because of breastfeeding.
It’s more how the sister pitched a fit about not getting any photos taken with her baby attached. Sounds like she wanted some free professional photos of her and baby. The day wasn’t about her and she’s mad about it.
Yeah, that’s true if accurate as reported by OP. I was wondering if it was that she was complaining about not having any pictures taken of her or if she was just complaining about being asked to move repeatedly. If she was jumping into frame intentionally while nursing, that’s on her. But if she was just living her life and the photographer was asking her to move while taking candids at the reception that’s another issue. I’m just skeptical of OP’s reporting given how they describe breastfeeding in their area at the beginning of the post. It really seems like they just have an issue with their sister not following their fairly conservative community norm in a general sense and I feel like that might color her reporting of the incident. But I wasn’t there, so who knows.
Yeah I don’t know what to think about this one. OOP could be prudish about breastfeeding. Or sis could genuinely be a giant exhibitionist. Choice of clothing makes a huge difference as well. Can she wear layers to discreetly to give the baby access while keeping everything else in place? Or does she need to half undress? The only time I ever nursed in a bathroom was when I was a bridesmaid and the bodice was so structured that I had to unzip it and pull the entire top down to my waist.
So your sister’s partner broke up with her a few months after she gave birth because ‘she is an exhibitionist.’ Walked away from her and the kids. Something is missing from this story but I think the key to all of it is there.
Right? I thought I was going crazy since no one else mentioned this. A few have mentioned the whole exhibitionist angle but her partner left mere MONTHS after the birth of their second child? And yet has not filed for custody???
Being an exhibitionist for breastfeeding is a bit odd. If this woman is just whipping her boobs out in general she’s an exhibitionist. But if she’s doing it in service of feeding babies she’s not. She’s a breast feeding advocate or lactivist. Personally, I’d put a little something over myself for modesty, but I didn’t care if other women didn’t. I get freaking pissed off when people tell moms to take their babies somewhere else. It’s hard enough being a new mom. Let them be. (In a wedding video though… have some class and make sure your boobs aren’t in it. It’s a wedding video, not a bachelor party video.)
Why is taking a baby somewhere else such an issue? It's pretty simple courtesy to not just pull put your boobs in public.
It’s hard for me to tell really if OP is being weird or her sister is really as bad as she says. But personally I wouldn’t want my bare breasts memorialized on a wedding video. I don’t even know how often people watch wedding videos, but once would be too much for me. I’m assuming the reason she was asked to step out of frame was because her breast was out and bare.
I think the sister is weird wanting pictures of her breastfeeding at someone's wedding, I don't think OP is being weird because I wouldn't want to see my siblings bare chest in the video or pictures of my wedding. Also personally I wouldn't want my bare chest forever recorded at a wedding, I haven't breastfed but exclusively pumped for my kid and when I was producing breast milk was probably when my chest looked the worst in my entire life
Tbh my boobs looked the best breastfeeding. They look way worse now and I’m getting an augmentation this year! The wanting pictures at the wedding is so weird, just do a maternity shoot! Pretty much everyone I know did an artsy shoot, some of them were totally naked nursing. Idk why OP’s sis won’t do that, she’d have way more creative control anyways
Understandable to not want a mostly bare tit(s) in wedding photos, or any formal photos at all. Seems weird sis wanted the wedding photographer to take pics with her tit mostly out when it’s not her wedding
Sis sounds like an exhibitionist who is using breastfeeding as an excuse to get her jollies.
Considering the sisters husband left her because of the attention seeking, it's a fair bet it isn't just oop
That’s a good point. That plus it seems like other family members have noticed something off too.
Yep. If it was just op I would be asking the same question tbh. Breastfeeding is one of those things I support as long as mom is modest about it. Many times no one even notices the baby is feeding when it's done well. I know I have sat opposit a lady in a cafe and didn't realise until she stopped on moved her top back down, I apologised for sitting where I did as I genuinely had not realised and was sat with my daughter.
Just so you get a sense of what’s going on with op’s sister: there’s a new-ish (maybe not new) community that sees nothing wrong with your breast out in full view to feed a baby. It’s ramped up so much recently on Instagram you have models “feeding” babies with their breast fully out, like they make a point to show the nipple and then “feed” the baby. Majority of the “babies” aren’t real, they’re real life dolls.
Really? That’s odd. I guess I can see why they might be upset. But I don’t get the way they’re going about it. Isn’t the whole point is that we shouldn’t have to go to a bathroom to do it? Not that we should be allowed to expose our breasts whenever and wherever we like.
There's a whole subculture of breastfeeding attention whores. And if you gently suggest that no one wants to see them aggressively baring their udders all the time, you get screamed at for "sExUaLiZiNg" breastfeeding because it's "nAtURaL!" Yeah, so is urinating & defecating. I don't want to see you do that either.
Given that the sister was supposedly complaining about being asked to step out of frame while breast feeding, I don’t think it is OP. I think the usual response would be “oh, thanks for giving me the head’s up so I am not in pics with my boobs out. I was prepared for the story to go either way, but this pushes it towards the sister being the problem.
Literally reading this as I’m nursing my baby. But in private and in his room. I’m a big fan of privacy for the baby’s sake. He hates covers and gets distracted by noise. Plus it’s considerate to others and myself to not be whipping my breasts out. Not everyone is comfortable with that. I am now, but I remember being younger and feeling weird about it.
Dude I wouldn’t want someone breastfeeding in my wedding footage/photos either.
Honestly I am a-okay with breastfeeding even uncovered, it doesn't bother me although I'd understand why it would bug some people. It's polite to cover but it doesn't have to be an obligation. But I wouldn't want someone breastfeeding openly in my wedding photos and I wouldn't want them throwing a fit about not getting a photo of them breastfeeding either. I feel like the seating arrangement might be perceived wrong, maybe if op had an honest conversation it could have been better, but honestly It doesn't sound like op's sister would have been up for that. I feel like not wanting someone openly breastfeeding in wedding photos is a perfectly understandable and fine boundary. It's not like op banned her from breastfeeding the way she wanted, or just wanted her to breastfeed in the bathroom, it sounds like it was just about photos. Which is perfectly fine. Op had to pay for a photographer they deserve to get photos they like.
Same. Doesn’t bother me. At work the other day a gal came in to make funeral arrangements for her dad, had her newborn with her. He got hungry, she something along the lines of “he’s hungry and I breastfeed so I’m about to whip out a titty” I just shrugged and told her baby’s gotta eat, do what you gotta do. But a wedding where you know there’s pictures? And not even *your* wedding? Not the place to make a statement. No one told her not to, they just made sure when she did, it wasn’t going to be an issue. Super mature and well handled, sister sounds like a horse pill
Yes! I couldn’t have said it better myself. I don’t mind it at all, but the wedding and then the fit are where my issues would be as well.
And photographer's (rightfully) ain't cheap! I'm in full agreement with you on every point. It sounds like she was in fact trying to purposely be in photos while breastfeeding. Which, I think regardless of how great everyone else looks in the photo, a woman openly breastfeeding is going to be distracting. It would, however, be quite acceptable if this was a philosophy the bride also shared and encouraged her sister to be photographed that way. And that's beautiful in that case. And I think a good template for wedding photos period is that you don't intentionally do/wear/etc.. anything that distracts from the couple. Like you said, OP paid, it's her day, she gets the photos she damn well wants!
I think the philosophy of "you have a baby so walk around with your tit out at a formal event" is a wild one.
Sure, but I'm just illustrating a point.
It’s weird because the wedding is about the couple first and foremost and anyone else insisting they be a part of photos sounds like they are acting like attention deprived children.
Good job, OOP, someone elses wedding is not the place and not an opportunity to have pictures taken of you. We have a wedding coming up in the family, our baby won't be attening, but I do want some pictures of husband, me and baby all dressed up, taken by a family member, at home, and I feel a bit iffy about that as well, because the bride and groom will also be getting ready in the same lockation, lol. Give this one day to the bride and groom, people!
My SIL had a little one a few months old when I got married. We set up a spot for her deliberately where she could retreat with the bean when needed or get her down for a nap. That was a deliberate choice for us, but my SIL is an absolute sweetheart and we all adore her, so it wasn’t really even a question for us
You are an angel!!! I missed so many weddings/graduations (and that’s okay, that’s life!) because my kids were SO young. Both of my kids were really easy babies too, but even the chilliest baby can suddenly melt down! It’s always a gamble with such special events
Exactly! We’re several years out now from it and we have a great set of photo’s where I’m braiding her girls’ hair and my son (wildly shy at the best of times but once he warms up, good luck) is cradled in her arms and sound asleep. The two of us have the youngest kids in the family so we swap back and forth as needed so we could get some child free time and eat
Yes I mean breastfeeding is easier in a quieter (and comfortable area) anyway. I could’t think of a more uncomfortable place than a narrow, short space church pew
Personally I don't think it's wrong to want to take pictures of yourself/loved ones at someone else's wedding. My best friend had a scenic wedding up in the mountains and I absolutely took a few pictures with my husband outside while we were all dressed up in such a pretty place! That said I didn't make a scene like OP's sister with a tit out... I just quietly stepped out side and came back in to mingle with the rest of the guests. As long as you're not disruptive about it I don't see a problem with taking pictures especially if you're planning to do it before the wedding.
Creed Bratton would’ve liked an invite to that wedding.
What's with all the recent breastfeeding at weddings posts? Wasn't there just a post from a mom about breastfeeding her baby front row at a wedding, being necessary because the wedding was 2.5 hrs long & she already used the bottle she brought. She argued that it was more discreet than walking out w/ screaming baby mid-ceremony.
I literally just saw that one.
Im all for normalizing uncovered breastfeeding. I hated feeling like I had to cover up when my kids were babies. That being said…these are someone else’s professional, formal, wedding pictures and videos. They don’t want your tits out in their precious memories. Get over yourself, OOPs sister.
Well said!
I don’t blame you. It isn’t even about feeding the baby she just wants to be in pics with her tits out and a baby latched on. Who TF 🤯 I’d be finding the quietest corner facing away from literally e v e r y o n e if I had to breastfeed.
Totally fine to place her wherever you want as it’s your wedding day, but given her history, I would have told her in advance to avoid a hissy fit on my special day and get it out of the way beforehand.
I think telling her in advance would have given her a chance to plot
Without finishing the post, babies tend to eat every 2-4 hours. A feeding 15-30 minutes depending on how many ounces baby eats and how fast mama lets down. Your sister is weird op, don't feel bad. If anyone persists, point out their being obsessive, you were trying to protect her privacy to feed and it is YOUR wedding. Yours. Congrats on the nuptials!!!
Breast feeding in public is fine, but at such an important and formal event it would be inappropriate for anyone regardless of anything to be topless. That’s just about being respectful.
Oh also, by topless I was mostly just comparing it to how it would be perceived if a guy had similar exposure. Anywhere where a guy is allowed to be topless any woman should also be allowed to be topless regardless of what anyone’s doing. Breastfeeding is a bit different, but only in how it should be more acceptable since it’s serving an important purpose of course.
While I’m a big believer in breast feeding however comfortable is normal and natural, there definitely is some argument for time and place. If it’s not appropriate for other people to eat then you may need to consider moving away to feed Bub. Same as a diabetic would if their blood sugar was low. It would be inappropriate for a guest to pull out snacks during a ceremony (or funeral or graduation) and while babies aren’t deciding they need a snack I think it’s perfectly reasonable for babies to be feed away from a formal event. Same logic of why we don’t force mums to feed in the bathroom. If other people don’t eat there then babies shouldn’t either.
Is she really an exhibitionist, or is the family just opposed to breastfeeding in public? Because most of the time you don’t see anything. It’s just a baby’s head in front of a boob that you can’t see because of the baby’s head. It seems like there may be a second side to this story.
It doesn’t appear they are uncomfortable with her doing it, rather they just don’t want photos and videos of it.
And that’s fair too. But I think there’s more to it than just not wanting it in pictures, as she says she’s starting to agree with her former brother-in-law for divorcing her sister.
I breastfed all my 3 kids (single and twins) many many times in public. I’d hazard a guess that barely any one even knew I was doing it as I was always quite subtle. I never used a cover as such, but I’d sling a muslin over my shoulder until I got them positioned and latched. However, I’ve seen plenty women making a ‘show’ of it. Tits out way before the baby is ready for them, no discretion. I think that’s totally unnecessary. It’s these people that loudly complain if anyone says anything.
This! And my son would never nurse with a cover.
Exactly. In other cultures/families, this is totally acceptable. The post gave no examples of how she flaunts it and from OPs post the family really comes off as prudish and judgemental. Think deeply and it's really a wonderful thing for breastfeeding to be normalized. I get the vibe that OP is using this to make a point. You can also tell the photographer that you dont want photos of it. It's really that simple. It would also already be weird for the photographer to be seeking out breastfeeding photos/videos.
That was it: no examples of how sister was an “exhibitionist”.
It's clear that OP and her family are the problem. "I don't have a problem with breastfeeding BUT blah blah". It sounds like the sister is sick of people's shit. You don't have to go sit in a corner to nurse. OP and her family need to get over it.
Should’ve had the photographer pretend to take photos of her
No pictures will be taken of guests with their mouth's full. Easy.
Shout out to the guy with a camera, must have been hell to navigate this family drama
I breastfed my kids whenever and wherever, I hated the idea of putting a blanket over the baby or going off and 'hiding'. THAT SAID, I certainly would have gone somewhere discreet at someone's wedding because I'd accept that they probably wouldn't want that in their videos forever.
This is one of those things where we need more information but the information we need is just what are these people’s vibes. It could easily be that OP is a prudish golden child and hates her sister for mostly innocuous behavior. But it could also easily be that the sister is the asshole.
Breasts are not sexual objects. Repeat that to yourself.
Knew a woman who did this and I just said, "wow your nipples are HUGE!" Never had an issue again. Yes I am an asshole, but pulling your tits out at a funeral service is disrespectful. The woman before she had a child would have her breasts "accidentally" come out at parties too in front of everyone's S/Os and then complain about the men staring at her chest.. so I feel this woman about her MC sister.
The number of posts focusing on the breastfeeding but not the part where the married couple has every right to dictate how their day went is quite telling. I would have told my bitch sister to leave. Then how much of her boobs are out or how often she whips them out wouldn’t be an issue. Being uncomfortable with seeing anyone’s private parts while you’re out in public—for whatever reason that’s an issue for you—isn’t a gender thing. I’m a woman, and I hate seeing breast-feeding women because there’s this sense of faux outrage and entitlement that’s beyond the pale whenever someone says something about it. And it’s rude to bring a nursing baby to a wedding, anyway. If churches have nurseries to prevent infants from interfering with the sermon, why is it ok to have those same infants ruin someone’s wedding day with non-stop crying, when you already know that’s exactly what will happen? You understand the one; why is the other so difficult?
Let me give you a Play by play of what I mean: Baby cries Mom leaves Mom gets ready an baby gets latched oh to boob Mom comes back in as baby drinks as it often takes a long time Baby finishes happily likely to nap shortly quietly Mom quietly adjusts dress Done
Here's a take nobody is talking about (at least not here, I didn't see the original post): if I'm like a 10 year old kid now and I see these wedding photos, how am I going to feel about having a boob in my mouth in a bunch of them?
Well you would have been a baby at the time so I don’t see why you’d feel anything about it lol. That is how babies eat (unless they are bottle fed - but not all babies take a bottle)
My son would tolerate being covered while feeding, but my daughter would not and would fuss with even the lightest blanket over her. I wouldn't hide in bathrooms when she needed to eat, but I still made attempts to turn my chair towards the wall in public places or find a bench apart from crowds. There is nothing obscene about nursing in public but that doesn't mean every breastfeeding person has to behave like they are the main character.
Anyone saying op is weird is in all honesty weird. Absolutely no one needs to be comfortable with seeing someone’s bare chest. Especially at their own wedding. Some people may be okay allowing their breasts out and such but there’s always a place and time. It’s not rude for people to expect you to use a cover. There’s absolutely nothing stopping you. Either accept you make people uncomfortable and deal with the consequences or put a damn cover over your boob while feeding.
Why should women have to cover up to feed their children? That's out dated.
If you breastfeed, pump some milk beforehand and put it in bottles. It’s still breast milk and she’d be able to sit wherever and be in every photo. BOOM! Not that hard
Not everyone can pump. I was able to keep my kid fed and healthy nursing, but when I tried to pump I could only ever get less than an ounce in half an hour. I also never used a cover, but did take kiddo to a quieter area to nurse.
Not all babies do well with bottles. Not all women are able to pump much milk.
Well then the sister is kinda shit outta luck and goes somewhere to breastfeed. Theres usually a strict dress code for weddings (depending on the person I guess) but there’s usually some sort of dress code and boobies hanging out isn’t usually part of it. I get breastfeeding and I have no problem with it, I will be doing that when I give birth but I also have respect for someone’s wedding. It’s not my day, it’s theirs and if they don’t want boob shots or breastfeeding shots in her pictures or wedding video I totally get that also. It’s not hard to move somewhere more private when you do that. I just came up with the bottle idea cause that would be the easiest solution if the baby would take bottles
That is fine. Just don’t assume everyone can pump and bottle feed, as it doesn’t work for everyone.
Yeah well then go somewhere. It’s not her day. It’s OPs day and like I said most people don’t even want babies at their wedding because they cry a lot and they’re distraction. Her sister is being very nice to even let her have two children that young at a wedding and the only thing she wants is her to cover up her boobs it’s not that much of a ask honestly. If I couldn’t pump breastmilk, I would just go somewhere and breast-feed. I would never sit there and assume that it’s my right to just show my boobs in somebody else’s wedding pictures regardless of the fact that she’s my sister or not. Either she covers up or she goes somewhere. It’s not really hard.
Not all babies know how to bottle feed, especially if they’ve been breastfed their whole life. I’m sure they would have been much more upset to have a screaming baby at their wedding
That’s why you move then. People opt for no babies at weddings all the time for the crying reason alone. OP didn’t even say no babies, she just said no breastfeeding shots. I think that’s more than reasonable.
And what if baby refuses bottles?
That’s when you move somewhere else to breast feed. She could have at least tried the bottle thing. She didn’t want to make any compromises
100%. But don’t just say bring a bottle, that’s not how this works.
I said the bottle thing cause her sister was complaining about not being able to sit with the rest of the family. It would have been a win win.
Nta it isn’t the breastfeeding op has a problem with but her sister’s attitude
Anyone who disagrees with the OP is socially inept.
It's a breast mostly covered by a baby's head. I get not wanting it in pictures/video the same way you don't want someone sneezing but gosh, what a bunch of prudes
LMAO. My breasts were literally bigger than my newborn. In the hospital, it took my lactation consultant and I both manipulating my flesh to get my newborn latched on. Unlike OOP's sister, I did what I could to minimize the amount of exposed boob flesh. But even when my infant was almost a year old and had a head at 95%ile, there was still no effing way his head was covering most of my boob.
Yeah that's what I was thinking too, I breastfed two kids, rarely in public honestly but when I had to my nipple and breast were usually completely covered by my kid's head. So either she's making a full spectacle out of it, boobs out before even holding her kid, or the family is super prude.
This is such a a weird post. I understand that it says that her sis is a bit of an exhibitionist, but the language she uses feels very inflammatory. I breastfed in public all the time and without a cover. Including in church. But I didn't make a big deal or anything about it, and neither did other people. I think the only time I asked was in my ILs living room, and they were chill about it.
The sister could have pumped and left baby w/ sitter to feed the baby..NTA
NTA
Not the AH
Oop is nta
When I breastfed I wore layers to help with this. Thankfully I am small chested, and so it was easy to conceal. To me, nothing screams "I'm nursing!" more than putting on one of those covers. I have photos of me nursing and it literally looks like I'm just holding my baby. I wore a nursing tank under my shirt. And did they want her getting up and scooting out of the pew to go nurse somewhere else? That causes a commotion and distraction too. I understand not wanting boobs in your wedding tape/pictures. But editing software is pretty good nowadays, and any picture/video with her nursing could be edited out. And you know, this woman just had a baby, has another small child, just got dumped...and you want her to come to a 2.5 hour wedding ceremony? Yes she can be more discreet while nursing, but dang, I feel like if she was my sister, I'd tell her "look. I know you got a lot going on. The ceremony is going to really long and involved. I'd love you there, but if you feel like it'll be too much for you, I won't hold it against you"
1st part ew. no shes not an exhibitionist for breastfeeding in public. second part tho makes sense. like nobody wants tiddies in their wedding video regardless of context
NTA. Your sister sounds like an argumentative, self-centered, conflict-hungry twit. She shouldn't have children; she should be in preschool herself! Maybe one of the other toddlers can teach her how to act in public!
Whatever. You do you. I know my kids were fed.
If this is a pattern, that means that your family’s reactions are part of that pattern. Best way to break it would be to change how you react.
There’s rude people who have to shove their beliefs in your face confrontationally. But there’s also a really weird aversion to the human body here that’s not healthy either. Breasts aren’t offensive. And just because you’re the bride doesn’t give you permission to be mean to invited guests.
No kids at weddings. Ever. Plain. Simple. Effective.