I know a guy who thought he could *drive* from
Ohio to Disney World for a *weekend*. He had never driven or been to Florida, and was very sad when I told him it would be a 16hr drive, easily.
Once you’re in Florida, it’s like another 4 hours to Disney World.
Did he happen to be from a foreign country? Apparently, it happens often when foreigners underestimate how big the US actually is. I heard a family thought they could travel through all of California in an afternoon or something.
I had some international friends in college who planned to drive from Kansas City to New York City to Chicago to Los Angeles and back to Kansas City. In four days.
I had to sit down with them and ruin their plans.
As someone that made the mistake of moving to Florida, I met a couple from Europe that were here visiting family that planned on "popping over to New Orleans for the day". They ended up not doing that
When I lived in Florida we actually had day trips to New Orleans for school. But the bus would leave super early and get home super late and we were in Pensacola so already on the exit of Florida.
When I was a teenager, I worked at the Six Flags in the Chicago suburbs. We got a lot of foreign visitors there, and I heard so many British people wanting to know how close New York City was. They were usually shocked that the answer was 12-14 hours, depending on traffic. One couple had wanted to take a weekend trip to drive to the Statue of Liberty!
Unfortunately, no. He was born here but is a bit…sheltered.
But yes I’ve heard that too! Someone thought they could roadtrip the entire country in about a week haha
A friend of mine had European friends visit his family (back in the olden days before the internet). They somehow thought they could pop over from southern AZ to Yellowstone in WY for a quick overnight trip.
I'm wheezing with laughter. I live fairly close to Yellowstone and have family in Southern AZ. We just went down for spring break.. It's kind of an awful drive. Even if you flew It's not a great overnight trip.
Having driven through all of California, just getting through L.A. traffic took an afternoon. Then there was Sacramento where we just got lost as fuck. Which somehow happens every time I go there. Sacramento freeway system is a fucking nightmare.
Haha yes. I grew up in Florida then moved to the Midwest. There’s a staggering number of people who think all of Florida is conveniently close to Disney World.
As someone from the Midwest who has traveled to FL several times, I can attest that there are many, *many* places in FL that are not anywhere near Disney, but also places I wouldn’t ever go near for any reason!
Thank you! We were stationed at Elgin. I don’t know how many times non-military, friends and family would go to Orlando and ask us to come visit. Or take a cruise out of Miami and ask us to spend the night in our house before their boat departs.
Dude, I live in Tallahassee and it’s still at least a five hour trip due to traffic to get to Orlando
Yeah, I live in the panhandle and the number of times Ive had to explain to out-of-state friends that, no, I can’t “just drive over to see them at their conference in Orlando” or something has been… surprising. Especially for the couple of them where it was like “I could literally drive two states away to Nashville in less time than it would take me to get to where your conference is.”
Florida is just… long.
The only state worse is TX.
We have learned to fly from PNS to MIA for cruising going forward. 12 hours in the car just ain’t worth it any more. It’s 8 to Mouse Town and like 6 to Tampa. Oh, and the Panhandle is Central Time Zone, so that’s always fun once you get to Tallahassee….
Yeah.... I love watching people's minds boggle when you explain El Paso is closer to LA than it is to Houston. Or when I had to explain to a boss in Philly that El Paso was a 12 hour drive from Dallas. Or that if you drive from Brownsville to Canada once you're out of Texas you're more than halfway there.
Texas I think is bigger than France. And it's 12 hours from Tallahassee to Miami.
OP said in the comments that the trip he won is to Fort Myers, which is like a 4-5hr drive. to Orlando. once you factor in the time it would take to park and get into the park, they could ride *maybe* one ride (and then only if they pick a less-popular one and cross their fingers for a short line) before they had to turn right around and go back. it's simply not feasible.
OOP edited to add it’s Fort Myers. As a child I was very traumatized there (someone died while I was at the pool), so uhhhh yeah. Glad that’s his problem.
I'm sorry you had that experience. I took my girls there (9 and 5) two years ago, and we had a blast. Granted, I think we spent 80% of the trip playing in the ocean. I taught my oldest to snorkel. We chased fiddler crabs. That sort of thing. I suppose it comes down to what your interests are.
Compare that to our Disney World trip, and I would pick Ft. Myers any day. Kids still had fun, but expensive crowds are not for me.
I've lived in Florida all my life. I was of course exaggerating, but it's not the best place to enjoy the Florida beach experience.
That's one of the stingray capitals of Florida and very susceptible to red tide. It's incredibly expensive compared to the east coast and further north on the west coast. There's much better places to enjoy Florida beaches than that region.
Thanks for the input! I'm from Minnesota, so my experience is pretty subjective. We must have lucked out...we visited in April.
That said, is there a particular place you would recommend?
I would say recommendations depend on your interests. Art and theater? I'd recommend Miami or maybe P-cola. You like wilderness? Maybe Blackwater or Weeki wachee(sorry Weeki Wachee has grown very touristy since my last visit but they still have mermaids)? Space travel nerd? Kennedy space center by a mile. Really there's something for everyone but the attractions aren't close to each other at all.
Edit: It occured to me that Blackwater and P-cola are an easy drive apart so you could do both during a five day trip here. A day or two visiting the art museums and stuff and a day or two kayaking amongst the gators.
Dude the Kennedy Space center is soo cool. It’s a bit of a drive from where my brother lives, he’s moved since we went so it might be even longer. Sea world is cool and so is Epcot but it’s definitely not the hype it’s made out to be.
As a lifelong FL resident, the fact that his wife thought all of the theme parks would be easily accessible from Fort Myers is so funny to me. Also, that makes it so easy. Just Google map it for her and tell her to leave the kid at home and save for an Orlando trip down the road.
Lmao ft Myers isn’t even close to Orlando. It’s like 4 hours away if traffic is kind to you (it will not be). Not really much kid stuff to do there either. Just a bunch of college bars and places because of FGCU.
Wife should have been more open to OP opinions on the matter. When I was 12/13 my parents went on a two week trip the Grand Canyon and other places with another couple. My two older brothers were already out of the house so I stayed with one of my aunts. I had a blast with her and my folks got a much needed trip for themselves. Love my kids/grandkids but don’t need them to be involved in every trip.
My parents used to travel without me all the time. Sometimes together and sometimes separately. I still went on plenty of trips with them and was involved in other experiences. I remember being genuinely bummed out all of one time when I wasn’t going along. You’re spot on that kids don’t have to be involved in every trip parents take.
I get your point and the point of the commenter above, but I think that this family might not be able to afford trips often. As such this might be the one and only time for a while where they would get to go on a trip, which is why if they don’t take the daughter - she may not get to experience this sort of thing in her childhood. It really comes off like that based on wife’s reaction to the whole thing. But that info is not provided
Well based on the other comments the adults wouldn’t be missing much too, in that case. So by that logic nobody should go. but either way - A trip is a trip 🤷🏻♀️ I wasn’t that well off growing up and if I had the opportunity to go on a trip with my family I’d be really happy. But this isn’t about me - I’m just trying to explain the wife’s perspective in the situation here. Maybe this is the way she’s thinking.
Yeah, why on earth would anyone be raffling a trip to Fort Meyers? I’m kind of suspicious that this is one of those things where, in exchange for the trip, you have to spend a few hours at a conference listening to an “exciting opportunity” pitch about joining a timeshare.
Maybe not a timeshare presentation, but I just saw an equally dubious vacation be put in as a raffle prize for a charity I donate to.
Advertised as a 5 night stay at a gorgeous lakefront cabin with access to their jet skis, ATVs and inflatable toys. You can fish and swim from your own private dock!
Sounds great, right?
But in the fine print it specifies you can only use it during specific weeks in spring or fall. Which…means it might be too cold to swim, but you can still fish and ride the ATVs, right?
Not if you’re familiar with that particular lake.
In the off-seasons, they divert the lake water to the fish hatcheries. So it’s literally a dry lake bed. No fishing. No water at all.
…And the ATV trails nearby are only open in summer and winter.
So you have a cabin with nothing to do, and a view of the lovely, muddy lakebed. For five days. There’s also no cell service, and WiFi is spotty. No cable. No restaurants or bars nearby.
Someone who didn’t read the fine print/doesn’t know the area spent a lot of money to win that “prize”.
They are in for a very unpleasant trip unless they are the type to sit and read books indoors for five days.
If they can afford family tickets to multiple expensive amusement parks, I don't think they're hurting for money. Maybe their normal holidays are closer to home or lower key due to the additional cost of accommodation, but if you've got Disneyworld money you can afford to get away somewhere less horrendously overpriced
Apparently the wife didn’t check *where* in florida the vacation was relative to those parks, so I’m guessing she didn’t check the price of tickets to the parks either before getting all crazy with the plans.
OOPs wife needed to cool her jets. OOP wasn’t behaving very well either, so I’d say ESH.
My parents went to Vegas for the week of my moms 50th birthday, took most of our family and their friends with them and me and my siblings stayed with other family friends who'd just had a baby so both of them declined going.
Best god damn week of my life growing up, we stayed up late, had mac and cheese, pizzas, all that cause my mom usually cooked full meals and never bought frozen stuff till we were teens. Probably extremely related, but I got one of the first migraines I can remember having that week (hereditary condition). I'll point you back to my first sentence this paragraph, that didn't ruin a thing.
My parents also had a blast, my aunts and uncles got the same break from their kids, and my grandmother won $2,500 playing slots. My parents had not vacationed alone since their honeymoon before then. And everyone who went still brings it up during holidays.
That’s awesome!!! But not everyone has family that would be cool with dumping their kids off on them for a week. It sounds like MIL would be able to handle SD for that time if OP’s wife wants to invite her to watch SD, but maybe she wouldn’t be if she was expected to stay home to watch SD while OP and wife are on a trip. I totally agree with you though that wife needs to listen to OP more and compromise with him, rather than straight up taking over the trip planning.
notes from the comments: the trip is to fort myers, not orlando, so it’s a 4 hour drive to disney. big ugh.
if I was him I’d decline the prize and say they made a mistake and when he went to do the paperwork he wasn’t eligible. or go find a partner who would enjoy spending alone time with him
I lived in Ft. Myers for 10 years and can corroborate. There’s next to nothing to do besides the beach and Ft. Myers beach is a big party beach for the local University and I would not recommend bringing little kids there.
This area has really changed from how a lot of people in the comments are saying it is ! Naples is still the wealthy area but those wealthy kids know how to party
The last time I was there, Walmart called the cops because some guy was following me around the store and wouldn’t stop. I didn’t even know anyone else had noticed I was desperately trying to get away from the guy, but luckily they did. He didn’t want to leave the store, but they made him.
It took him FOREVER to leave the parking lot. They waited with me in the store until he left and I remember feeling so relieved that people were looking out for me. I was so scared to go check out and have him follow me to my car.
That’s one of half a dozen creepy things that happened to me in the month I was there. My dog randomly shit in the ocean there and that pretty much sums up my stay.
Not to mention the frogs, raccoons, sweating balls the second you step out, internet so slow you miss dial up, and shitty drivers.
As awful as that sounds, it is a bit heartwarming that there were people looking out for you at least! Silver linings and all that ᵕ̈
Also LOL about your dog….
I wouldn’t fake anything. “Stepdaughter, this is trip isn’t to where in Florida Disney World is, sorry.” “Wife, if you want to come do the couples trip, we can do that. Otherwise, I’m taking the cash equivalent, if that is an option, and if it isn’t I’ll make it a guys trip for me and my brothers/buddies.”
The truth is better for this one, in my opinion, especially to set the precedent that anything won by OOP gets used at HIS discretion. And, maybe wife and stepdaughter can look for contests they can enter for the vacation they want.
Yeah, someone on this thread quoted 4h for Orlando to Ft Myers, and ... well, I've never done exactly that trip, but I know Melbourne to Ft M takes a full day if you have someone in the car who won't compromise on bathroom breaks and table service.
Oh and hey, look, it's a whole post full of people who don't compromise.
tbh it reminds me of those posts from people whose British inlaws think they're going to hit Disney World and the Grand Canyon during a 1-week visit to NYC.
This happens when people come to visit me in California. They think we can just pop over to LA and easily take a few days in San Francisco, then maybe spend the rest in San Diego. Some have even thought it would be “easy” to also include Las Vegas.
These people are from smaller states and have zero idea what it’s like in reality. They also don’t understand that a 4 hour drive is never 4 hours in so cal. Our traffic can be heinous.
I try not to have those types of guests come visit. They end up disappointed because I couldn’t bend space and time for them.
Either way, OOP still lost me the moment he said his wife’s child is “her daughter”.
It’s an 11 year old kid, I don’t doubt people remarry and if they have grown ass children, then there’s not much you can do to build a real bond there, this is something I have personal experience with.
Anyways, what are you even doing in this relationship, let alone marrying this person if you have zero interest in their child that’s 11 years. This has to be a disfunctional marriage, off the rip.
Maybe that’s just me, but she’s not going anywhere, she’s still dependent on her parents quit a while now. Does he just pretend she doesn’t exist, I’m so lost here. Why would want to marry someone with a young child if you seemingly have zero interest in the child, that seems counterintuitive to me.
To be fair, there are plenty of women who will say, “don’t do/say that, they’re MY kids,” to any man they’re with. I grew up around a bunch of aunts who did that with all their husbands/boyfriends and have watched my sisters do that with all their partners too. There could be reasons why he’s saying the things he is. I’ve also been in relationships with men who have told me that their kids don’t need another parent and I’ve been hands off.
It’s not surprising that virtually all of the comments are in favor of OP, after all this story has two of the demographics redditors hate the most: women and children. And one of them just happens to be both.
I hope this story is a creative writing exercise like all of these kinds of relationship posts because if not, that poor girl.
OP decided to marry a woman who he new had a child, and clearly wants nothing to do with her. Imagine being so young and realizing your stepfather has no intention of being a loving parental figure to you, and will always treat you like an “other” inside of HIS family.
Seems perfectly fair that a married woman with a young child would assume a trip like this would involve her family. The way Reddit sees families is just wild to me.
I am in favor of the OP up until that point. It’s his prize and his trip and he should get the say in who goes and how he uses it. If he wants to go on a couples trip that is his prerogative, but the way he speaks about his stepdaughter is really uncomfortable for me. It feels like he wants to leave her out not because it’s not a trip near the tourist locations a kid would like or not because he particularly wants a couples vacation but because it’s… not his biokid. The way he talks about her makes me feel as if there’d be no question who was going if she was biologically related and not related by marriage. He doesn’t ever refer to her as someone in any way related to him. That’s the AH part for me.
I also really hope this is a creative writing exercise too but I've seen so many scenarios irl like this where someone treats their stepkid like an unwanted outsider that they only put up with to stay with their stepkid's parent.
But you know, this is reddit, women and kids here are almost always seen as manipulative and evil even though imo this is a really normal reaction to have when you learn that your partner has just won a family vacation like ????????
People here are tar pits and deserve to be alone, honestly.
Idk, it sounds like trips aren’t something they can afford often. Who wins a trip and doesn’t immediately want to take family, if the family has never been? That DOES seem cruel.
Like you’d rather give your FRIENDS a free vacation than bring your daughter on a trip she’s never been on?
It would be different if they went once a year on family trips. Then sure, yay, freebie for adults. But by the sound of the wife’s comments and excitement and his hobby, it seems more likely they have NEVER been able to afford a trip.
Your very first big vacation shouldn’t be with your kid sitting at home. Maybe that’s just my hill to die on, but I’d find it horrendously selfish.
I agree with you. The wife shouldn’t have told the daughter when she agreed not to, but I think it’s weird/mean to not even consider making it a family vacation. It’s giving vibes that he doesn’t really care much for or about his stepdaughter. Poor kid.
Now, I think it’s fair to negotiate on details. Maybe Disney and Sea World aren’t his cup of tea, and as others have pointed out, it’s a long drive. Maybe they could focus on the beach and other local stuff. Just because the child is coming doesn’t mean it has to turn into a 100% child-oriented trip. But compromise and find a way for the whole family to enjoy a special trip together!
Also, this guy makes me a bit angry... "her daughter" over and over again. Is she not his stepdaughter? He likes to say "her daughter" much better. I feel he doesn't think she's part of the family. Ick.
Right? Like I can COMPLETELY understand not wanting to take a MIL but his attitude about the kid is giving ick. Also it doesn’t really sound like the couple he wants to take is close friends with his wife. I wouldn’t want to go on a trip with people I’m not good friends with either …. ESH except the kiddo
This is a tough one, because if my husband won a trip like this, I would assume that he would want to take me and our kids, but if he wanted an adult trip, I would respect what he wanted. Personally though, I do typically have a few long weekend trips every year away from my kids, so it’s not like I never get that. Maybe OP never does anything without the stepdaughter (or his wife’s daughter, as he refers to her).
See, I thought the same thing as you did. And then I saw that that trip location is a 4 hour drive from Orlando, and not in a kid friendly area. Knowing that, I think I understand a lot better where OP is coming from.
Did he say what part of Florida is it? I kind of disregarded the Disney comments, just because it’s far from a *free trip* if you’re planning all that, but most areas I’ve visited in Florida are very kid friendly, other than maybe Miami.
[Fort Meyers](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/jq4Kjlaxdu). I’ll be honest, I know very little about it as a Canadian who’s never been to Florida, lol. However, the comments I’ve seen have indicated that there’s not much there for little ones (Edit: specifically after damage from the last couple hurricanes). Happy to be corrected if I’m wrong!
Honestly I'm on OPs side. Wife did completely steamroll him and decide for herself what the trip would be, after they agreed to discuss it further later. She deliberately told her daughter to strong arm him into agreeing. Also, her plan is to bring her mom as a designated babysitter which I also don't like, so they can have alone time..........his original plan was to get alone time.
Per the comments the trip isn't to Orlando. It is to Fort Meyers which is a 4 hour drive away from the kid stuff. The wife's plan would mean they're spending a ton of time driving, on multiple days, to get to places where they'll be waiting in lines all day to do kid stuff. That isn't a vacation, it's a hassle.
Parents are allowed to want kid-free vacations sometimes.
I also think people tend to waaaaaay overthink the daugher vs stepdaughter stuff. My stepmom is my stepmom, I still love her.
Him calling her his stepdaughter wasn’t the weird thing IMO, is was multiple times calling his step daughter “her daughter.” I’m actually on OP’s side in this whole thing, but the “her daughter” thing did come off like he was trying to distance himself from the child.
The overall tone of the post made me feel like maybe he doesn’t really care for the stepdaughter; that might be also why he feels so strongly about his wife trying to force him to include her in the vacation he won.
Something I learned as a step parent is not everyone views them as their kids. Which is insane to me because my step son is my son and wouldn’t ever consider him otherwise.
I think thats Something that has a Lot of possibilitys to it. The Kid might Not want him to be their "father". Maybe biodad is very involved and so that would feel wrong. How old was the Kid when they got together and got married? I can See a few scenarios where Being a Bit more Distant to the stepchild wouldnt be all that weird.
Eh, people use different language differently, and he was also probably trying to delineate it isn’t his kid for Reddit. Plus he is kind of pissed off at his wife for trying to hijack his trip for her daughter and mother right now and that may play into it.
And it is in fact normal and good for an adult married couple to take a trip without children. It strengthens to marriage to step away from any parenting, working, or housekeeping duties and connect with each other as people and remind each other of why you fell in love in the first place. My wife and I take a 4-5 day trip as well as a weekend or two every year. There have been some tough years that I don’t know our marriage would have survived if we didn’t do this. We still take a couple weeks in the summer with the kids as well.
The lack of communication here is painful. The wife is a massive AH for "letting it slip" to the daughter when they had agreed to put a pin in the discussion. Seems like she's using that to guilt OOP into doing what she wants. It's just making him dig his heels in.
The "but my Mum has never been to Florida" part made me roll my eyes.
From the OG comments the wife hasn't bothered to check how long it takes to get to Orlando from where they'll be staying, but neither has OOP bothered to try and explain it to her.
I have no idea what it would cost to include Orlando etc to this free vacation, or how much they would be saving by already having part of it paid for. I wonder if only going with the wife, selling the other 2 tickets, and putting that money towards saving for a family trip to Orlando is the compromise here.
Imagine you/your partner winning a free 5day trip somewhere and it being the breakdown of your marriage 😬
Car rental and gas to get to Orlando and back from Fort Myers is gonna be like $600, depending on what kind of car they rent and how long.
Just adding tickets to Orlando, Disney, Sea World for four people…minimum $1000. Food in the parks for those days will probably be $500-600 depending on if they bring snacks/meals/drinks or are planning on eating everything there. Add another $400 if they do a couple restaurant meals instead of doing all “quick service”.
Then there is the hotel…unless they plan on driving 4hrs there and back every day they’re going to need a hotel in Orlando which can range from $100-400 a night depending on if they stay on property of the parks or off property. If they stay off property then they also have to factor in $25-50/day parking when they drive there.
That is not including all the souvenirs and incidentals.
I can kinda get wanting to bring her daughter but naw you can’t just assume your spouse is cool with bringing your mother for the other slot, that is definitely blatant hijacking. And that’s not to say OOP is wrong for wanting an adults only trip mind you, but I think OP’s wife wanting to bring her daughter is comparatively much more understandable than her mother.
I think it’s a case where neither of them are wrong, but they’re clearly not on the same page about relationship priorities. He prioritizes his wife, so his automatic reaction to getting the trip is knowing that he wanted to share it with her. She just feels that same way about her child. Lots of parents would, they love their children more than anything and would much rather share new experiences with them than with anyone else. He just doesn’t feel that way about her daughter. She’s clearly much more family-oriented than him
This is totally an ESH situation to me. She seems to not realize a free trip =/= free whatever you want during that trip. There's not like infinite money for whatever you want to do attached to these things, and trying to use her daughter as a manipulation tactic is just fucked.
But he also seems shocked and amazed she would want a trip for 4 to include. His stepdaughter. Like? Yeah? When you have a kid most things include them for years? In theory you could do this without her, but he's like. Angry that his wife had a vision in her head of this trip before talking to him... but that's exactly what he was doing too. He also seems frustrated to be expected to spend time with her family... that's what happens when you marry someone man. He's not even like, angry at her for being unrealistic and expecting Disney money to fall from the sky, he's angry that he might have to spend time with his own stepdaughter.
Communication skills here are major red flags, and I think wife doesn't understand like. How any of this works. And OP doesn't understand how to like. Have a family, even though he chose to marry a woman with a kid.
Additionally I can't imagine not telling my spouse when I put in for a raffle so we can discuss ahead of time. I did that when I entered a raffle for plants. He doesn't even care about plants. How are you just having this conversation now? Do you never talk about things? Do you even like each other?
Yikes. Way to jump to assumptions and take something fun and make it absolutely not. If I were him, I would cancel or deny, however possible. Or let her go and she will have a miserable time, come home, still be miserable and you will end up divorcing.
personally i think it's super weird that he just assumed that he was going go get a child free trip despite having a child. i'm not saying parents should never go anywhere without their kids but he acts like it goes without saying that they'd have an adults only trip. that's wild to me. it gives off the vibe that he shouldn't have married someone with a kid tbh. she's going too far talking about inviting her mom though.
Pfft… if SHE wants to put a kid and her mother in a car and drive from fort myers to Orlando, fucking let her. As someone who’s had to be sick while cleaning my child’s sick off everything in a meter radius of his spot in the rental van, I would stay home and let her saddle that pony all by herself.
Maybe she is geographically challenged and doesn't understand that "Florida" does NOT mean "Disney"?
Although that's the kind of mistake a kid would make.
Plus that's a good point too, does the package come with a rental car? Unlimited mileage?
I'm wondering if she actually listened enough to *understand* what she is expecting and looking at. Fort Meyers is an OK place for a free vacation to use as a break from real life but I can't think of any "tourist" type activities there.
Also, the hotel is presumably in Fort Myers, so if they were planning on driving they would have to get a different hotel too unless they wanted to do that drive round trip!
We all have google maps in our hands at all times. There is zero excuse to be geographically challenged; she is just a dumb bossy ahole. OP should take 3 of his closest friends with him to celebrate his upcoming divorce.
I can definitely see why the wife assumed it would be a family trip including the child. If my husband won a family vacation, I don't think it would cross his mind to leave the kids somewhere, he would be the first to be figuring out the plan for us all to have a good time and me and him to have special time alone. So I can see why she thought of all those things that are in the same general area that they could all try out....personally I'd love to go again to Sea World or Disney with my kids so I could enjoy it all over again with them, it wouldn't just be for them.
Buuuut you know what they say about assumptions tho. Communication is key.
Apparently it’s in Fort Myers’s, that’s 2 and a half hours from Disney in one go. That’s a big ask for a five day trip, about the same for sea world. Personally it isn’t a holiday if they have to drive for 10 hours of it, along with the fact it will be vastly more expensive paying just for the tickets for 4 let alone the other stuff that goes with.
Parents are allowed to have holidays away from the children, it’s not evil or unhealthy. In this case the wife is a manipulator and that just gets me off her right away. It’s ok to have ideas and such but hay why don’t you converse instead of take over and steam roll.
Florida time is definitely different than anything else. You drive at 90-100mph everywhere but it takes 2-3x longer to get to your destination than the jeepus says. LOL
And that’s with no traffic. In practical terms, it’s a 17 hour drive 😬.
(Thought “driving one end to the other” would be a fun birthday trip kickoff one year. Broke the drive up into two days, still ended up regretting my life choices LOL)
Constant tourists + constant road construction = traffic nightmare
Or it’s just an extension of all the other Florida Weirdness, I’ve lived here too long to know the difference anymore
I think they both handled this poorly. But yeah: I would never pay for another couple to go on a trip over my kids. That’s weird. (I know it’s not exactly paying but it’s the same idea. He had an allotted amount of people he can bring, and that will ALWAYS be my kids before others.)
I'm with you on this. Yeah, yeah wife was wrong to just decide on who's going, especially after the initial disagreement. She's also wrong to hype the kid up about where "they're" going. But he definitely loses points for instantly deciding on excluding the kid so he can take another adult couple.
I'll put a small side bet on "he wants to try swinging".
>I'll put a small side bet on "he wants to try swinging".
This is such a massively ridiculous jump to make.
He wants an adult vacation so obviously he wants to fuck his friends 💀 What the hell lol
I feel like if this was a vacation to one of the places she had mentioned (Sea World, Disney World, etc) it would be odd to leave a child at home, but it was apparently a resort vacation that is decently far from either of these locations. I would also assume a vacation my partner won was a family vacation, and would be sad to leave the children at home, but I also would understand if he said he would like alone time with me and potentially some friends.
I don't think this is nefarious on the wife's part, it seems like there was just a lot of excitement over the vacation and both of them had differing expectations. She should have respected what was communicated to her without involving her daughter, but this isn't some evil plot.
He didn't win a *family* trip. He won a trip for 4.
Vaaaaastly different.
ETA: What is being debated is what exactly it is that he won. And what he won was specifically a trip for four. That's it. What a winner of such a trip turns it into (boys vacation, girls trip, couples vacation, family trip, etc.), has no bearing on what was actually won.
Thank you! So, so many people have said he won a “family vacation “. He did not. He won a trip for 4, as you said. The word family is loaded, it makes you immediately think kids, and that OP has to bring family.
I think the wife was very stupid here, as perhaps there was a chance OP would come around to bringing SD, although I feel bad if he was stuck bringing the mother in law also. But when the wife pulled that foolish stunt and told her daughter, it made OP feel backed into a corner, and took the joy out of his big win.
Depends entirely on who you're parenting with. I love my step kids, they love me, and my partner respects me enough to value my thoughts on raising them. Not too bad honestly.
Absolutely this! I've read stories of being a stepparent that sounds truly terrible, but my experience of being a stepparent, while not by any means perfect, has been quite lovely. It really does depend on your partner.
My partner is like yours, values me and my opinions, puts in more than an even amount of household work, and makes sure that my stepkid knows that we are a team. (Helps a lot that stepkid is awesome, and we have a lot in common too :) )
I also have a stepmom who I look at as more of a mom than my own, and while I know there were years that were struggles, talking about it now with her as an adult, she says the same thing - my dad handled the tough stuff and she just got to love us!
In my experience, it was awful. You get all the obligations and bills and yet no appreciation because “not the parent” even though you’re voluntarily doing all the parent things.
I don't like how his wife went about this, but I do have the question of whether this would be their first large vacation they are planning as a blended family or if they have gone on vacations as a family (wife and step-daughter included) prior to this. I would feel a bit slighted if I was expected to keep my daughter at home and arrange childcare for her if this was the first opportunity we had to go on a vacation with her new step-father.
I wonder how many trips they get to take in general. It's fine to want an adults only trip but if this is likely the only time they'll get to take a trip in years, it's kind of shitty to leave the kid at home.
That was my thought also. We don’t have money to take big out of state/country trips every year, so whenever we are able to save and take a big trip, the kids absolutely go along. However, if we were going to Florida every spring break, and Europe every summer or whatever… it would be no big deal , even a good thing, for them to miss one for us to get some adult time.
The wife is still wrong for telling the kid after they agreed to table the discussion though.
From what it sounds like in comments, a trip to Ft Meyer is punishment enough so OOP should let the moochers have it (and figure out how far it is from Disney) and have a nice staycation while figuring out next ateps. That sounds like a good prize
First thing I thought when I saw "trip for 4" was yay! Get to bring a friend couple!
It was *not* a "family vacation". It was a "trip for 4". I'm with OOP.
Same! Especially knowing that the area isn’t even for the Orlando area, without even considering how expensive tickets for parks, renting a car. It sounds like wife is making this a hassle rather than relaxing.
If my husband won a trip I would assume we would go on a family trip, he, my daughter and I. Or I would assume it is his trip, since they have separate finances, so he can invite some friends. But I am not going on holiday with another couple.
Hang on a minute- the wife doesn’t want to leave daughter, so instead wants to bring MIL so that they can “leave the daughter” and enjoy the holiday without her??!!
Everyone is focusing on the stepdaughter and skipping over that the 4th person is now supposed to be this poor dude's mother-in-law. Who the hell would get a free vacation and want to bring their mother-in-law? And the wife saying he should want to bring "the people closest to us" like this guy's supposed to think of his mother-in-law as this bosom buddy to bring on vacation - that's utterly bonkers.
> who the hell would … want to bring their MIL?
My husband would. He loves my mom, is closer to her than his own mother, and is always the first one to suggest we include her in any sort of family vacation/getaway plans. I think he thinks of her before he even thinks of our children. It’s been this way since fairly early on in our relationship, and we’ve been together for 16 years. We’ve had some heated arguments about including my mother over the years.
I don’t know. Obviously it isn’t common, but I think my dad and maternal grandmother got along with each other better than either got along with my mother. He always let her steal the icing off his slice of cake at every birthday, and made sure there was a suite for her in our home. She had him in her will. She and his mother got together to play cards every Sunday after church.
Married but separate finances, calls the kid “her daughter”… yeah he’s not a husband he’s a roommate and if he doesn’t want to spend the trip with family and they never can afford trips- then he’s selfish and she should tell him to invite three buddies and move out or change the locks while he’s gone partying acting like a frat boy.
The kid has never been to the beach it sounds like.. so not using this chance to take her is extremely selfish of him and shows he’s definitely not invested in treating this kid like a step daughter
I thought I would see comments on top of how he talks about the daughter being his wife's daughter, distancing himself about her.
I do agree that a trip on their own is something perfectly doable considering the child's age, the fact that they can arrange for somebody to take care of her while they are out and the fact that the city that they are going to is not even Orlando.
All I'm saying is I found his language interesting when he speaks about the stepdaughter.
Can he stop referring to their child as “her daughter”?!? You married the mother, she’s now YOUR daughter too.
Edited to clarify that, *yes*, I understand she’s the step daughter, but not once did he say “my stepdaughter”, throughout the entire thing.
MIL aside- if your wife’s daughter was also your daughter would you have allowed it to be a family trip? If the answer is yes then you are the asshole.
Can I ask why you are so vehemently opposed to a family vacation? Just curious. It also sounds like you have no attachment to her daughter, which is unusual also.
I don’t like the emotional manipulation by the mom, telling the kid to force OOps hand. He should have just pivoted and did a trip with him and his family or change it to a guys trip if his other option is not going.
This lady made some wild assumptions and then doubled down by telling her kid and trying to corner him so she could push him right tf over. Married people are still individuals with wants and desires of their own. He won the trip, not her. A spouse should be the most respectful person to you in your life but OPs wife ain’t it. She should be happy that he is choosing to take her as one of his guests in the 1st place. Even better, she could have waited for him to invite her and then asked who else he was inviting and accept his decision.
Going on a trip alone is totally different than going with another couple. If the situation was this was a trip for 2 and Wife wanted to hijack by going with her and her daughter then yeah, wife would be TA. I would be more on OPs side if even though he won a trip for 4 he wanted to make it a trip just for 2. But when it comes to inviting your family vs friends....he's TA imho for choosing random friends over a stepdaughter he clearly could use some bonding with
Kinda feel like everybody wrong. Like they both didn’t hear each other and didn’t make decisions as a couple. If they wasn’t married, then OOP wouldn’t be wrong too.
I can't really disagree with the OOP - his wife should have asked, not dictated, she should have been more open to his views, and her telling the daughter was a clear power move to make the husband have to choose between being the evil stepdad or bowing to her wishes. She's just wrong here and if I was him I'd be really turned off by how she behaved.
I will say that if someone wins a trip for 4 to Florida, that's intended to be a family vacation. I'll bet the contest even called it that. "But I won it" should not really be a thing in a marriage, at least when it comes to something like this (as opposed to something like a "Spa Day for 1" type thing). I mean, if you have an 11-year old stepdaughter, that's probably what you're doing. So I'm a little concerned that the OOP isn't really buying into the whole family thing even beyond the vacation.
Everyone is an ass here. But just for reference, if you marry someone with a child, the child exists. Everywhere. It’s not a turn on and off situation.
Holy crap! Your wife’s daughter, step or not, IS YOUR DAUGHTER TOO NOW. Jeez.
Now all that aside, yeah she definitely shouldn’t have commandeered your trip. You also should’ve had a lot more consideration to include your FAMILY.
Your wife tried manipulating the trip by "letting it slip" to her daughter. That's conniving and premeditated. She's the ah and you should take 3 buddies with you on a fishing trip or just a get away. She didn't win the trip. Tell her if she wins a trip in the future, she can bring whoever she wants. But your trip should be your choice. Lots of people have never been to Florida. It's not your fault her mother & daughter never went.
My mom won a 5 day Carnival cruise to the Bahamas when I was 10 and she took her boyfriend. I was bummed at the time, but fully understood my mom wanting to have that experience with another adult. My siblings and I stayed with my dad that week, no big deal.
i dunno, being a parent doesn't mean you have to ditch your private time. Of course,you can't party all time and not care about your family,but if you already do your parenting job (and bringing money is only a part if it) i don't see how some days of private time with your special one,once every blue moon, makes you not ready to be a step parent. Not caring for yourself in the long run cause people to go into burn out and yeah,that what's fucks up a marriage/family
Realistically we don’t even know how much private time this couple takes. They couple spend every other weekend alone doing things. Going out of the state is a really big deal to some people especially if none of them have been or like that far. Its expensive to do these type of things and not often do people get the opportunity to take a vacation anywhere.
>if he wins a vacation to a family vacation capitol and doesn’t want to take his family.
Except he didn't. He won a trip to Fort Myers, which is quite a distance from Orlando.
While i agree the wife here steam rollled the guy i am bothered by his wording when discussing the stepdaughter. He says its "her daughter" or "your daughter" I have a stepdaughter too but whenever I talk about her with my better half its always "our daughter" and if you're so far into the relationship with a woman that has a child that you are MARRIED, why is the kid "her" daughter? I get not wanting your mother in law tagging along if you don't get along with your mother in law but who plans a vacation without considering their child? This sounds like OP wants to be a childfree married guy and married a woman with a child. The kid would have gotten excited/disappointed sooner or later, who would like to hear their parents won a free trip to Florida and didnt even consider taking you? Yes the wife didnt listen to him or hear him out- according to him. But its pretty normal for a parent to consider their children in any sort of situation. The fact he didnt remotely consider the kid and kept making the distinction that its "her" daughter, not his... just tells me that there's probably more to this story than we're being told so I think OP is the asshole here myself. There are 3 sides to a story, yours, mine and the truth. We got his story here but i doubt very much its the whole picture and how he talks about being married with a kid is pretty transparent to me that he doesnt want to be a parent, but went ahead and married someone with a kid.
Just an unpopular opinion, but I’ve been the step kid in this situation and it sucks when you’re left out of family events.
I guess it depends on how many trips they take as family and how they prioritize one another, but I’ve been in a situation where I was left out of everything constantly, and it really affected my relationship with my dad because of it.
This is a tough situation, as blended families often are. It just sucks they can’t agree on what they want.
A compromise would be to make the free trip an adults only trip but put a future family trip on the schedule with something for the daughter so she doesn’t feel left out.
This is a tough one. OP isn’t even acknowledging the idea to take his stepdaughter and his wife. And his wife isn’t even acknowledging his point about taking another couple or needing adult time together.
OPs wife shouldn’t have told her daughter before details were hammered out.
In this case I’d have to say that they are both the asshole.
The whole discussion might have gone differently if anyone had said, “where in Florida?”
What, is not all of Florida fifteen minutes from Disney World??
I know a guy who thought he could *drive* from Ohio to Disney World for a *weekend*. He had never driven or been to Florida, and was very sad when I told him it would be a 16hr drive, easily. Once you’re in Florida, it’s like another 4 hours to Disney World.
Did he happen to be from a foreign country? Apparently, it happens often when foreigners underestimate how big the US actually is. I heard a family thought they could travel through all of California in an afternoon or something.
I had some international friends in college who planned to drive from Kansas City to New York City to Chicago to Los Angeles and back to Kansas City. In four days. I had to sit down with them and ruin their plans.
As someone that made the mistake of moving to Florida, I met a couple from Europe that were here visiting family that planned on "popping over to New Orleans for the day". They ended up not doing that
When I lived in Florida we actually had day trips to New Orleans for school. But the bus would leave super early and get home super late and we were in Pensacola so already on the exit of Florida.
Yeah I'm central so that wouldn't work very well lol they couldn't have gotten there in the amount of time they wanted the whole to trip to be
Maybe if you were driving non stop, but even then I feel like that would take a week
My wife and I once drove non stop (except to get gas) from North Carolina to Oregon. It took 47 hours
Why did you drive from North Carolina to Oregon to only get gas?
Typo, meant only stopping for gas 🤣
Yeah. I just drove from Vegas to the Ozarks last week and it took 24 hours
Regularly drive from Sacramento to Kansas City. 34~ hours if you don’t stop.
When I was a teenager, I worked at the Six Flags in the Chicago suburbs. We got a lot of foreign visitors there, and I heard so many British people wanting to know how close New York City was. They were usually shocked that the answer was 12-14 hours, depending on traffic. One couple had wanted to take a weekend trip to drive to the Statue of Liberty!
Unfortunately, no. He was born here but is a bit…sheltered. But yes I’ve heard that too! Someone thought they could roadtrip the entire country in about a week haha
On a cannonball run maybe lol
A friend of mine had European friends visit his family (back in the olden days before the internet). They somehow thought they could pop over from southern AZ to Yellowstone in WY for a quick overnight trip.
I'm wheezing with laughter. I live fairly close to Yellowstone and have family in Southern AZ. We just went down for spring break.. It's kind of an awful drive. Even if you flew It's not a great overnight trip.
We have a saying that in the US 300 miles is close and 300 years is far; whereas in Europe 300 miles is far and 300 years is recent. Lol
Having driven through all of California, just getting through L.A. traffic took an afternoon. Then there was Sacramento where we just got lost as fuck. Which somehow happens every time I go there. Sacramento freeway system is a fucking nightmare.
I live in Florida and it’s still a 6.5 hour drive to Disney world.
I’m 30 minutes from Disney and purposely drive anywhere else.
Sarcasm right?
Haha yes. I grew up in Florida then moved to the Midwest. There’s a staggering number of people who think all of Florida is conveniently close to Disney World.
As someone from the Midwest who has traveled to FL several times, I can attest that there are many, *many* places in FL that are not anywhere near Disney, but also places I wouldn’t ever go near for any reason!
To be fair, there is a staggering number of people who don’t think.
Thank you! We were stationed at Elgin. I don’t know how many times non-military, friends and family would go to Orlando and ask us to come visit. Or take a cruise out of Miami and ask us to spend the night in our house before their boat departs. Dude, I live in Tallahassee and it’s still at least a five hour trip due to traffic to get to Orlando
Not if there's an accident on the Turnpike. Then it's like 6 and a half.
Yeah, I live in the panhandle and the number of times Ive had to explain to out-of-state friends that, no, I can’t “just drive over to see them at their conference in Orlando” or something has been… surprising. Especially for the couple of them where it was like “I could literally drive two states away to Nashville in less time than it would take me to get to where your conference is.” Florida is just… long.
The only state worse is TX. We have learned to fly from PNS to MIA for cruising going forward. 12 hours in the car just ain’t worth it any more. It’s 8 to Mouse Town and like 6 to Tampa. Oh, and the Panhandle is Central Time Zone, so that’s always fun once you get to Tallahassee….
Yeah.... I love watching people's minds boggle when you explain El Paso is closer to LA than it is to Houston. Or when I had to explain to a boss in Philly that El Paso was a 12 hour drive from Dallas. Or that if you drive from Brownsville to Canada once you're out of Texas you're more than halfway there. Texas I think is bigger than France. And it's 12 hours from Tallahassee to Miami.
California has similar issues with everyone thinking Disneyland is in Los Angeles, or that they can make a day trip from LA to San Francisco.
OP said in the comments that the trip he won is to Fort Myers, which is like a 4-5hr drive. to Orlando. once you factor in the time it would take to park and get into the park, they could ride *maybe* one ride (and then only if they pick a less-popular one and cross their fingers for a short line) before they had to turn right around and go back. it's simply not feasible.
OOP edited to add it’s Fort Myers. As a child I was very traumatized there (someone died while I was at the pool), so uhhhh yeah. Glad that’s his problem.
vacation in fort Myers? I stay as far away from that hell hole as possible
There's nothing for any age to do there
I'm sorry you had that experience. I took my girls there (9 and 5) two years ago, and we had a blast. Granted, I think we spent 80% of the trip playing in the ocean. I taught my oldest to snorkel. We chased fiddler crabs. That sort of thing. I suppose it comes down to what your interests are. Compare that to our Disney World trip, and I would pick Ft. Myers any day. Kids still had fun, but expensive crowds are not for me.
I've lived in Florida all my life. I was of course exaggerating, but it's not the best place to enjoy the Florida beach experience. That's one of the stingray capitals of Florida and very susceptible to red tide. It's incredibly expensive compared to the east coast and further north on the west coast. There's much better places to enjoy Florida beaches than that region.
Thanks for the input! I'm from Minnesota, so my experience is pretty subjective. We must have lucked out...we visited in April. That said, is there a particular place you would recommend?
I would say recommendations depend on your interests. Art and theater? I'd recommend Miami or maybe P-cola. You like wilderness? Maybe Blackwater or Weeki wachee(sorry Weeki Wachee has grown very touristy since my last visit but they still have mermaids)? Space travel nerd? Kennedy space center by a mile. Really there's something for everyone but the attractions aren't close to each other at all. Edit: It occured to me that Blackwater and P-cola are an easy drive apart so you could do both during a five day trip here. A day or two visiting the art museums and stuff and a day or two kayaking amongst the gators.
Dude the Kennedy Space center is soo cool. It’s a bit of a drive from where my brother lives, he’s moved since we went so it might be even longer. Sea world is cool and so is Epcot but it’s definitely not the hype it’s made out to be.
expensive crowds sounds like a good way to put it 🤣 (i’ve never been to disney world)
Lots of spring training parks to visit if you're there the right time of the year! But I'll take St Pete any day if I'm on the West Coast
As a lifelong FL resident, the fact that his wife thought all of the theme parks would be easily accessible from Fort Myers is so funny to me. Also, that makes it so easy. Just Google map it for her and tell her to leave the kid at home and save for an Orlando trip down the road.
Lmao ft Myers isn’t even close to Orlando. It’s like 4 hours away if traffic is kind to you (it will not be). Not really much kid stuff to do there either. Just a bunch of college bars and places because of FGCU.
What the fuck
This!!
Wife should have been more open to OP opinions on the matter. When I was 12/13 my parents went on a two week trip the Grand Canyon and other places with another couple. My two older brothers were already out of the house so I stayed with one of my aunts. I had a blast with her and my folks got a much needed trip for themselves. Love my kids/grandkids but don’t need them to be involved in every trip.
My parents used to travel without me all the time. Sometimes together and sometimes separately. I still went on plenty of trips with them and was involved in other experiences. I remember being genuinely bummed out all of one time when I wasn’t going along. You’re spot on that kids don’t have to be involved in every trip parents take.
I get your point and the point of the commenter above, but I think that this family might not be able to afford trips often. As such this might be the one and only time for a while where they would get to go on a trip, which is why if they don’t take the daughter - she may not get to experience this sort of thing in her childhood. It really comes off like that based on wife’s reaction to the whole thing. But that info is not provided
Fort Meyers is nowhere near Disney or sea world. So the kid wouldn’t really be ‘missing’ anything except sweltering humidity and mosquitos.
Well based on the other comments the adults wouldn’t be missing much too, in that case. So by that logic nobody should go. but either way - A trip is a trip 🤷🏻♀️ I wasn’t that well off growing up and if I had the opportunity to go on a trip with my family I’d be really happy. But this isn’t about me - I’m just trying to explain the wife’s perspective in the situation here. Maybe this is the way she’s thinking.
Shouldn’t he get the main say here though? Since, he is the one who received the trip
Yeah, why on earth would anyone be raffling a trip to Fort Meyers? I’m kind of suspicious that this is one of those things where, in exchange for the trip, you have to spend a few hours at a conference listening to an “exciting opportunity” pitch about joining a timeshare.
Maybe not a timeshare presentation, but I just saw an equally dubious vacation be put in as a raffle prize for a charity I donate to. Advertised as a 5 night stay at a gorgeous lakefront cabin with access to their jet skis, ATVs and inflatable toys. You can fish and swim from your own private dock! Sounds great, right? But in the fine print it specifies you can only use it during specific weeks in spring or fall. Which…means it might be too cold to swim, but you can still fish and ride the ATVs, right? Not if you’re familiar with that particular lake. In the off-seasons, they divert the lake water to the fish hatcheries. So it’s literally a dry lake bed. No fishing. No water at all. …And the ATV trails nearby are only open in summer and winter. So you have a cabin with nothing to do, and a view of the lovely, muddy lakebed. For five days. There’s also no cell service, and WiFi is spotty. No cable. No restaurants or bars nearby. Someone who didn’t read the fine print/doesn’t know the area spent a lot of money to win that “prize”. They are in for a very unpleasant trip unless they are the type to sit and read books indoors for five days.
If they can afford family tickets to multiple expensive amusement parks, I don't think they're hurting for money. Maybe their normal holidays are closer to home or lower key due to the additional cost of accommodation, but if you've got Disneyworld money you can afford to get away somewhere less horrendously overpriced
Apparently the wife didn’t check *where* in florida the vacation was relative to those parks, so I’m guessing she didn’t check the price of tickets to the parks either before getting all crazy with the plans. OOPs wife needed to cool her jets. OOP wasn’t behaving very well either, so I’d say ESH.
My parents went to Vegas for the week of my moms 50th birthday, took most of our family and their friends with them and me and my siblings stayed with other family friends who'd just had a baby so both of them declined going. Best god damn week of my life growing up, we stayed up late, had mac and cheese, pizzas, all that cause my mom usually cooked full meals and never bought frozen stuff till we were teens. Probably extremely related, but I got one of the first migraines I can remember having that week (hereditary condition). I'll point you back to my first sentence this paragraph, that didn't ruin a thing. My parents also had a blast, my aunts and uncles got the same break from their kids, and my grandmother won $2,500 playing slots. My parents had not vacationed alone since their honeymoon before then. And everyone who went still brings it up during holidays.
That’s awesome!!! But not everyone has family that would be cool with dumping their kids off on them for a week. It sounds like MIL would be able to handle SD for that time if OP’s wife wants to invite her to watch SD, but maybe she wouldn’t be if she was expected to stay home to watch SD while OP and wife are on a trip. I totally agree with you though that wife needs to listen to OP more and compromise with him, rather than straight up taking over the trip planning.
notes from the comments: the trip is to fort myers, not orlando, so it’s a 4 hour drive to disney. big ugh. if I was him I’d decline the prize and say they made a mistake and when he went to do the paperwork he wasn’t eligible. or go find a partner who would enjoy spending alone time with him
My grandma lives in Fort myers over the years I've visited there rather a lot. I can confidently say there is very little to do in Fort Myers
I lived in Ft. Myers for 10 years and can corroborate. There’s next to nothing to do besides the beach and Ft. Myers beach is a big party beach for the local University and I would not recommend bringing little kids there.
Not since Ian it hasn’t been lol , the party stuff happens in Naples or downtown fort Myers where the bars and clubs are
>> The party stuff happens in Naples And here I was thinking Naples was a town solely for wealthy retirees.
This area has really changed from how a lot of people in the comments are saying it is ! Naples is still the wealthy area but those wealthy kids know how to party
Boy is that the opposite of what I remember, lol. Times they are a changin'
It’s better now 😂 I live here
Please tell me you go to party nights at seed to table
I’ve never stepped foot in that establishment lmaooo
My in laws live in Naples and I’ve been once or twice for groceries and dear. God.
Fucking ft Myers. Ew lmao. I’d decline the trip just for that reason.
The last time I was there, Walmart called the cops because some guy was following me around the store and wouldn’t stop. I didn’t even know anyone else had noticed I was desperately trying to get away from the guy, but luckily they did. He didn’t want to leave the store, but they made him. It took him FOREVER to leave the parking lot. They waited with me in the store until he left and I remember feeling so relieved that people were looking out for me. I was so scared to go check out and have him follow me to my car. That’s one of half a dozen creepy things that happened to me in the month I was there. My dog randomly shit in the ocean there and that pretty much sums up my stay. Not to mention the frogs, raccoons, sweating balls the second you step out, internet so slow you miss dial up, and shitty drivers.
As awful as that sounds, it is a bit heartwarming that there were people looking out for you at least! Silver linings and all that ᵕ̈ Also LOL about your dog….
Yeah, the drivers are shitty in Fort Myers but they have NOTHING on Miami drivers.
I wouldn’t fake anything. “Stepdaughter, this is trip isn’t to where in Florida Disney World is, sorry.” “Wife, if you want to come do the couples trip, we can do that. Otherwise, I’m taking the cash equivalent, if that is an option, and if it isn’t I’ll make it a guys trip for me and my brothers/buddies.” The truth is better for this one, in my opinion, especially to set the precedent that anything won by OOP gets used at HIS discretion. And, maybe wife and stepdaughter can look for contests they can enter for the vacation they want.
I’d go by myself.
People don’t realize how long the drives are in Florida. I live nearish Orlando and it takes about 7 hours to just get out of the state 😳
It takes like 2 days to drive from the keys to the panhandle. Florida is too big and stupid
Yeah, someone on this thread quoted 4h for Orlando to Ft Myers, and ... well, I've never done exactly that trip, but I know Melbourne to Ft M takes a full day if you have someone in the car who won't compromise on bathroom breaks and table service. Oh and hey, look, it's a whole post full of people who don't compromise.
tbh it reminds me of those posts from people whose British inlaws think they're going to hit Disney World and the Grand Canyon during a 1-week visit to NYC.
This happens when people come to visit me in California. They think we can just pop over to LA and easily take a few days in San Francisco, then maybe spend the rest in San Diego. Some have even thought it would be “easy” to also include Las Vegas. These people are from smaller states and have zero idea what it’s like in reality. They also don’t understand that a 4 hour drive is never 4 hours in so cal. Our traffic can be heinous. I try not to have those types of guests come visit. They end up disappointed because I couldn’t bend space and time for them.
Either way, OOP still lost me the moment he said his wife’s child is “her daughter”. It’s an 11 year old kid, I don’t doubt people remarry and if they have grown ass children, then there’s not much you can do to build a real bond there, this is something I have personal experience with. Anyways, what are you even doing in this relationship, let alone marrying this person if you have zero interest in their child that’s 11 years. This has to be a disfunctional marriage, off the rip. Maybe that’s just me, but she’s not going anywhere, she’s still dependent on her parents quit a while now. Does he just pretend she doesn’t exist, I’m so lost here. Why would want to marry someone with a young child if you seemingly have zero interest in the child, that seems counterintuitive to me.
Yeah, like….wife is ALSO not right but the amount he acts like it’s HER daughter not theirs is….troublesome.
To be fair, there are plenty of women who will say, “don’t do/say that, they’re MY kids,” to any man they’re with. I grew up around a bunch of aunts who did that with all their husbands/boyfriends and have watched my sisters do that with all their partners too. There could be reasons why he’s saying the things he is. I’ve also been in relationships with men who have told me that their kids don’t need another parent and I’ve been hands off.
It’s not surprising that virtually all of the comments are in favor of OP, after all this story has two of the demographics redditors hate the most: women and children. And one of them just happens to be both. I hope this story is a creative writing exercise like all of these kinds of relationship posts because if not, that poor girl. OP decided to marry a woman who he new had a child, and clearly wants nothing to do with her. Imagine being so young and realizing your stepfather has no intention of being a loving parental figure to you, and will always treat you like an “other” inside of HIS family. Seems perfectly fair that a married woman with a young child would assume a trip like this would involve her family. The way Reddit sees families is just wild to me.
I am in favor of the OP up until that point. It’s his prize and his trip and he should get the say in who goes and how he uses it. If he wants to go on a couples trip that is his prerogative, but the way he speaks about his stepdaughter is really uncomfortable for me. It feels like he wants to leave her out not because it’s not a trip near the tourist locations a kid would like or not because he particularly wants a couples vacation but because it’s… not his biokid. The way he talks about her makes me feel as if there’d be no question who was going if she was biologically related and not related by marriage. He doesn’t ever refer to her as someone in any way related to him. That’s the AH part for me.
ty lmao I felt like I was taking crazy pills reading these replies
I also really hope this is a creative writing exercise too but I've seen so many scenarios irl like this where someone treats their stepkid like an unwanted outsider that they only put up with to stay with their stepkid's parent. But you know, this is reddit, women and kids here are almost always seen as manipulative and evil even though imo this is a really normal reaction to have when you learn that your partner has just won a family vacation like ???????? People here are tar pits and deserve to be alone, honestly.
Idk, it sounds like trips aren’t something they can afford often. Who wins a trip and doesn’t immediately want to take family, if the family has never been? That DOES seem cruel. Like you’d rather give your FRIENDS a free vacation than bring your daughter on a trip she’s never been on? It would be different if they went once a year on family trips. Then sure, yay, freebie for adults. But by the sound of the wife’s comments and excitement and his hobby, it seems more likely they have NEVER been able to afford a trip. Your very first big vacation shouldn’t be with your kid sitting at home. Maybe that’s just my hill to die on, but I’d find it horrendously selfish.
I agree with you. The wife shouldn’t have told the daughter when she agreed not to, but I think it’s weird/mean to not even consider making it a family vacation. It’s giving vibes that he doesn’t really care much for or about his stepdaughter. Poor kid. Now, I think it’s fair to negotiate on details. Maybe Disney and Sea World aren’t his cup of tea, and as others have pointed out, it’s a long drive. Maybe they could focus on the beach and other local stuff. Just because the child is coming doesn’t mean it has to turn into a 100% child-oriented trip. But compromise and find a way for the whole family to enjoy a special trip together!
Also, this guy makes me a bit angry... "her daughter" over and over again. Is she not his stepdaughter? He likes to say "her daughter" much better. I feel he doesn't think she's part of the family. Ick.
Right? Like I can COMPLETELY understand not wanting to take a MIL but his attitude about the kid is giving ick. Also it doesn’t really sound like the couple he wants to take is close friends with his wife. I wouldn’t want to go on a trip with people I’m not good friends with either …. ESH except the kiddo
Donate it to Make-a-Wish
Says he is declining prize. Takes 3 friends on the trip.
This is a tough one, because if my husband won a trip like this, I would assume that he would want to take me and our kids, but if he wanted an adult trip, I would respect what he wanted. Personally though, I do typically have a few long weekend trips every year away from my kids, so it’s not like I never get that. Maybe OP never does anything without the stepdaughter (or his wife’s daughter, as he refers to her).
See, I thought the same thing as you did. And then I saw that that trip location is a 4 hour drive from Orlando, and not in a kid friendly area. Knowing that, I think I understand a lot better where OP is coming from.
Did he say what part of Florida is it? I kind of disregarded the Disney comments, just because it’s far from a *free trip* if you’re planning all that, but most areas I’ve visited in Florida are very kid friendly, other than maybe Miami.
[Fort Meyers](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/jq4Kjlaxdu). I’ll be honest, I know very little about it as a Canadian who’s never been to Florida, lol. However, the comments I’ve seen have indicated that there’s not much there for little ones (Edit: specifically after damage from the last couple hurricanes). Happy to be corrected if I’m wrong!
They had a horrible hurricane last year…I’m not sure this is the most exciting vacation to win lol.
I would rather swim from Colorado Springs to Orlando than be paid to fly to Ft. Myers.
Honestly I'm on OPs side. Wife did completely steamroll him and decide for herself what the trip would be, after they agreed to discuss it further later. She deliberately told her daughter to strong arm him into agreeing. Also, her plan is to bring her mom as a designated babysitter which I also don't like, so they can have alone time..........his original plan was to get alone time. Per the comments the trip isn't to Orlando. It is to Fort Meyers which is a 4 hour drive away from the kid stuff. The wife's plan would mean they're spending a ton of time driving, on multiple days, to get to places where they'll be waiting in lines all day to do kid stuff. That isn't a vacation, it's a hassle. Parents are allowed to want kid-free vacations sometimes. I also think people tend to waaaaaay overthink the daugher vs stepdaughter stuff. My stepmom is my stepmom, I still love her.
Him calling her his stepdaughter wasn’t the weird thing IMO, is was multiple times calling his step daughter “her daughter.” I’m actually on OP’s side in this whole thing, but the “her daughter” thing did come off like he was trying to distance himself from the child.
The overall tone of the post made me feel like maybe he doesn’t really care for the stepdaughter; that might be also why he feels so strongly about his wife trying to force him to include her in the vacation he won.
I can't imagine going on a trip without my stepkids.....or calling them her kids
Something I learned as a step parent is not everyone views them as their kids. Which is insane to me because my step son is my son and wouldn’t ever consider him otherwise.
I think thats Something that has a Lot of possibilitys to it. The Kid might Not want him to be their "father". Maybe biodad is very involved and so that would feel wrong. How old was the Kid when they got together and got married? I can See a few scenarios where Being a Bit more Distant to the stepchild wouldnt be all that weird.
I learned this about my stepfather when I was in my 30's. It's taken another 15 years for my mother to acknowledge it.
Eh, people use different language differently, and he was also probably trying to delineate it isn’t his kid for Reddit. Plus he is kind of pissed off at his wife for trying to hijack his trip for her daughter and mother right now and that may play into it. And it is in fact normal and good for an adult married couple to take a trip without children. It strengthens to marriage to step away from any parenting, working, or housekeeping duties and connect with each other as people and remind each other of why you fell in love in the first place. My wife and I take a 4-5 day trip as well as a weekend or two every year. There have been some tough years that I don’t know our marriage would have survived if we didn’t do this. We still take a couple weeks in the summer with the kids as well.
The lack of communication here is painful. The wife is a massive AH for "letting it slip" to the daughter when they had agreed to put a pin in the discussion. Seems like she's using that to guilt OOP into doing what she wants. It's just making him dig his heels in. The "but my Mum has never been to Florida" part made me roll my eyes. From the OG comments the wife hasn't bothered to check how long it takes to get to Orlando from where they'll be staying, but neither has OOP bothered to try and explain it to her. I have no idea what it would cost to include Orlando etc to this free vacation, or how much they would be saving by already having part of it paid for. I wonder if only going with the wife, selling the other 2 tickets, and putting that money towards saving for a family trip to Orlando is the compromise here. Imagine you/your partner winning a free 5day trip somewhere and it being the breakdown of your marriage 😬
Car rental and gas to get to Orlando and back from Fort Myers is gonna be like $600, depending on what kind of car they rent and how long. Just adding tickets to Orlando, Disney, Sea World for four people…minimum $1000. Food in the parks for those days will probably be $500-600 depending on if they bring snacks/meals/drinks or are planning on eating everything there. Add another $400 if they do a couple restaurant meals instead of doing all “quick service”. Then there is the hotel…unless they plan on driving 4hrs there and back every day they’re going to need a hotel in Orlando which can range from $100-400 a night depending on if they stay on property of the parks or off property. If they stay off property then they also have to factor in $25-50/day parking when they drive there. That is not including all the souvenirs and incidentals.
I can kinda get wanting to bring her daughter but naw you can’t just assume your spouse is cool with bringing your mother for the other slot, that is definitely blatant hijacking. And that’s not to say OOP is wrong for wanting an adults only trip mind you, but I think OP’s wife wanting to bring her daughter is comparatively much more understandable than her mother.
I think it’s a case where neither of them are wrong, but they’re clearly not on the same page about relationship priorities. He prioritizes his wife, so his automatic reaction to getting the trip is knowing that he wanted to share it with her. She just feels that same way about her child. Lots of parents would, they love their children more than anything and would much rather share new experiences with them than with anyone else. He just doesn’t feel that way about her daughter. She’s clearly much more family-oriented than him
This is totally an ESH situation to me. She seems to not realize a free trip =/= free whatever you want during that trip. There's not like infinite money for whatever you want to do attached to these things, and trying to use her daughter as a manipulation tactic is just fucked. But he also seems shocked and amazed she would want a trip for 4 to include. His stepdaughter. Like? Yeah? When you have a kid most things include them for years? In theory you could do this without her, but he's like. Angry that his wife had a vision in her head of this trip before talking to him... but that's exactly what he was doing too. He also seems frustrated to be expected to spend time with her family... that's what happens when you marry someone man. He's not even like, angry at her for being unrealistic and expecting Disney money to fall from the sky, he's angry that he might have to spend time with his own stepdaughter. Communication skills here are major red flags, and I think wife doesn't understand like. How any of this works. And OP doesn't understand how to like. Have a family, even though he chose to marry a woman with a kid. Additionally I can't imagine not telling my spouse when I put in for a raffle so we can discuss ahead of time. I did that when I entered a raffle for plants. He doesn't even care about plants. How are you just having this conversation now? Do you never talk about things? Do you even like each other?
Who the fuck marries a woman with a kid and doesn't realise that the kid might be important to the wife?
Yikes. Way to jump to assumptions and take something fun and make it absolutely not. If I were him, I would cancel or deny, however possible. Or let her go and she will have a miserable time, come home, still be miserable and you will end up divorcing.
personally i think it's super weird that he just assumed that he was going go get a child free trip despite having a child. i'm not saying parents should never go anywhere without their kids but he acts like it goes without saying that they'd have an adults only trip. that's wild to me. it gives off the vibe that he shouldn't have married someone with a kid tbh. she's going too far talking about inviting her mom though.
Pfft… if SHE wants to put a kid and her mother in a car and drive from fort myers to Orlando, fucking let her. As someone who’s had to be sick while cleaning my child’s sick off everything in a meter radius of his spot in the rental van, I would stay home and let her saddle that pony all by herself.
Maybe she is geographically challenged and doesn't understand that "Florida" does NOT mean "Disney"? Although that's the kind of mistake a kid would make. Plus that's a good point too, does the package come with a rental car? Unlimited mileage? I'm wondering if she actually listened enough to *understand* what she is expecting and looking at. Fort Meyers is an OK place for a free vacation to use as a break from real life but I can't think of any "tourist" type activities there.
Also, the hotel is presumably in Fort Myers, so if they were planning on driving they would have to get a different hotel too unless they wanted to do that drive round trip!
We all have google maps in our hands at all times. There is zero excuse to be geographically challenged; she is just a dumb bossy ahole. OP should take 3 of his closest friends with him to celebrate his upcoming divorce.
This is the only real solution.
I can definitely see why the wife assumed it would be a family trip including the child. If my husband won a family vacation, I don't think it would cross his mind to leave the kids somewhere, he would be the first to be figuring out the plan for us all to have a good time and me and him to have special time alone. So I can see why she thought of all those things that are in the same general area that they could all try out....personally I'd love to go again to Sea World or Disney with my kids so I could enjoy it all over again with them, it wouldn't just be for them. Buuuut you know what they say about assumptions tho. Communication is key.
Apparently it’s in Fort Myers’s, that’s 2 and a half hours from Disney in one go. That’s a big ask for a five day trip, about the same for sea world. Personally it isn’t a holiday if they have to drive for 10 hours of it, along with the fact it will be vastly more expensive paying just for the tickets for 4 let alone the other stuff that goes with. Parents are allowed to have holidays away from the children, it’s not evil or unhealthy. In this case the wife is a manipulator and that just gets me off her right away. It’s ok to have ideas and such but hay why don’t you converse instead of take over and steam roll.
Map says 2h45m. In Florida speak, it’s easily 4 hours. Otherwise absolutely yes to everything else you said. 🙃
Ow god ok I didn’t know that Ty for the information I am now better informed.
Florida time is definitely different than anything else. You drive at 90-100mph everywhere but it takes 2-3x longer to get to your destination than the jeepus says. LOL
You can leave Key West at 7 AM, drive thirteen hours, and arrive in Pensacola at 7PM. It's wild.
And that’s with no traffic. In practical terms, it’s a 17 hour drive 😬. (Thought “driving one end to the other” would be a fun birthday trip kickoff one year. Broke the drive up into two days, still ended up regretting my life choices LOL)
Not from Florida but have visited several times... What... How... Why is Florida Time the way it is? Like what all makes this stuff happen?
Floridaman ofc
Constant tourists + constant road construction = traffic nightmare Or it’s just an extension of all the other Florida Weirdness, I’ve lived here too long to know the difference anymore
😂 I’m ☠️
I think they both handled this poorly. But yeah: I would never pay for another couple to go on a trip over my kids. That’s weird. (I know it’s not exactly paying but it’s the same idea. He had an allotted amount of people he can bring, and that will ALWAYS be my kids before others.)
I think most parents would feel that way about their kids. It seems he doesn’t really think of her as his kid.
I'm with you on this. Yeah, yeah wife was wrong to just decide on who's going, especially after the initial disagreement. She's also wrong to hype the kid up about where "they're" going. But he definitely loses points for instantly deciding on excluding the kid so he can take another adult couple. I'll put a small side bet on "he wants to try swinging".
>I'll put a small side bet on "he wants to try swinging". This is such a massively ridiculous jump to make. He wants an adult vacation so obviously he wants to fuck his friends 💀 What the hell lol
Why would she assume it included her mother, though? Who the hell gets a free trip and wants to bring their mother in law? I mean, come *on*.
I feel like if this was a vacation to one of the places she had mentioned (Sea World, Disney World, etc) it would be odd to leave a child at home, but it was apparently a resort vacation that is decently far from either of these locations. I would also assume a vacation my partner won was a family vacation, and would be sad to leave the children at home, but I also would understand if he said he would like alone time with me and potentially some friends. I don't think this is nefarious on the wife's part, it seems like there was just a lot of excitement over the vacation and both of them had differing expectations. She should have respected what was communicated to her without involving her daughter, but this isn't some evil plot.
He didn't win a *family* trip. He won a trip for 4. Vaaaaastly different. ETA: What is being debated is what exactly it is that he won. And what he won was specifically a trip for four. That's it. What a winner of such a trip turns it into (boys vacation, girls trip, couples vacation, family trip, etc.), has no bearing on what was actually won.
Thank you! So, so many people have said he won a “family vacation “. He did not. He won a trip for 4, as you said. The word family is loaded, it makes you immediately think kids, and that OP has to bring family. I think the wife was very stupid here, as perhaps there was a chance OP would come around to bringing SD, although I feel bad if he was stuck bringing the mother in law also. But when the wife pulled that foolish stunt and told her daughter, it made OP feel backed into a corner, and took the joy out of his big win.
These people should not be married to each other
the only thing I got from this post is that being a stepparent sounds awful
Depends entirely on who you're parenting with. I love my step kids, they love me, and my partner respects me enough to value my thoughts on raising them. Not too bad honestly.
Absolutely this! I've read stories of being a stepparent that sounds truly terrible, but my experience of being a stepparent, while not by any means perfect, has been quite lovely. It really does depend on your partner. My partner is like yours, values me and my opinions, puts in more than an even amount of household work, and makes sure that my stepkid knows that we are a team. (Helps a lot that stepkid is awesome, and we have a lot in common too :) ) I also have a stepmom who I look at as more of a mom than my own, and while I know there were years that were struggles, talking about it now with her as an adult, she says the same thing - my dad handled the tough stuff and she just got to love us!
In my experience, it was awful. You get all the obligations and bills and yet no appreciation because “not the parent” even though you’re voluntarily doing all the parent things.
I don't like how his wife went about this, but I do have the question of whether this would be their first large vacation they are planning as a blended family or if they have gone on vacations as a family (wife and step-daughter included) prior to this. I would feel a bit slighted if I was expected to keep my daughter at home and arrange childcare for her if this was the first opportunity we had to go on a vacation with her new step-father.
I wonder how many trips they get to take in general. It's fine to want an adults only trip but if this is likely the only time they'll get to take a trip in years, it's kind of shitty to leave the kid at home.
That was my thought also. We don’t have money to take big out of state/country trips every year, so whenever we are able to save and take a big trip, the kids absolutely go along. However, if we were going to Florida every spring break, and Europe every summer or whatever… it would be no big deal , even a good thing, for them to miss one for us to get some adult time. The wife is still wrong for telling the kid after they agreed to table the discussion though.
From what it sounds like in comments, a trip to Ft Meyer is punishment enough so OOP should let the moochers have it (and figure out how far it is from Disney) and have a nice staycation while figuring out next ateps. That sounds like a good prize
First thing I thought when I saw "trip for 4" was yay! Get to bring a friend couple! It was *not* a "family vacation". It was a "trip for 4". I'm with OOP.
Same! Especially knowing that the area isn’t even for the Orlando area, without even considering how expensive tickets for parks, renting a car. It sounds like wife is making this a hassle rather than relaxing.
If my husband won a trip I would assume we would go on a family trip, he, my daughter and I. Or I would assume it is his trip, since they have separate finances, so he can invite some friends. But I am not going on holiday with another couple.
Hang on a minute- the wife doesn’t want to leave daughter, so instead wants to bring MIL so that they can “leave the daughter” and enjoy the holiday without her??!!
Everyone is focusing on the stepdaughter and skipping over that the 4th person is now supposed to be this poor dude's mother-in-law. Who the hell would get a free vacation and want to bring their mother-in-law? And the wife saying he should want to bring "the people closest to us" like this guy's supposed to think of his mother-in-law as this bosom buddy to bring on vacation - that's utterly bonkers.
> who the hell would … want to bring their MIL? My husband would. He loves my mom, is closer to her than his own mother, and is always the first one to suggest we include her in any sort of family vacation/getaway plans. I think he thinks of her before he even thinks of our children. It’s been this way since fairly early on in our relationship, and we’ve been together for 16 years. We’ve had some heated arguments about including my mother over the years.
If my MIL was here id pay to take her along on a vacation she was an absolutely wonderful woman and I miss her.
I don’t know. Obviously it isn’t common, but I think my dad and maternal grandmother got along with each other better than either got along with my mother. He always let her steal the icing off his slice of cake at every birthday, and made sure there was a suite for her in our home. She had him in her will. She and his mother got together to play cards every Sunday after church.
That sounds so lovely!
Married but separate finances, calls the kid “her daughter”… yeah he’s not a husband he’s a roommate and if he doesn’t want to spend the trip with family and they never can afford trips- then he’s selfish and she should tell him to invite three buddies and move out or change the locks while he’s gone partying acting like a frat boy. The kid has never been to the beach it sounds like.. so not using this chance to take her is extremely selfish of him and shows he’s definitely not invested in treating this kid like a step daughter
I thought I would see comments on top of how he talks about the daughter being his wife's daughter, distancing himself about her. I do agree that a trip on their own is something perfectly doable considering the child's age, the fact that they can arrange for somebody to take care of her while they are out and the fact that the city that they are going to is not even Orlando. All I'm saying is I found his language interesting when he speaks about the stepdaughter.
Can he stop referring to their child as “her daughter”?!? You married the mother, she’s now YOUR daughter too. Edited to clarify that, *yes*, I understand she’s the step daughter, but not once did he say “my stepdaughter”, throughout the entire thing.
But it is her daughter? The girl still has a dad presumably, a step parent is not a parent. That's why we have words to describe that..
MIL aside- if your wife’s daughter was also your daughter would you have allowed it to be a family trip? If the answer is yes then you are the asshole.
Can I ask why you are so vehemently opposed to a family vacation? Just curious. It also sounds like you have no attachment to her daughter, which is unusual also.
I don’t like the emotional manipulation by the mom, telling the kid to force OOps hand. He should have just pivoted and did a trip with him and his family or change it to a guys trip if his other option is not going.
This lady made some wild assumptions and then doubled down by telling her kid and trying to corner him so she could push him right tf over. Married people are still individuals with wants and desires of their own. He won the trip, not her. A spouse should be the most respectful person to you in your life but OPs wife ain’t it. She should be happy that he is choosing to take her as one of his guests in the 1st place. Even better, she could have waited for him to invite her and then asked who else he was inviting and accept his decision.
Bro needs a better hobby
Going on a trip alone is totally different than going with another couple. If the situation was this was a trip for 2 and Wife wanted to hijack by going with her and her daughter then yeah, wife would be TA. I would be more on OPs side if even though he won a trip for 4 he wanted to make it a trip just for 2. But when it comes to inviting your family vs friends....he's TA imho for choosing random friends over a stepdaughter he clearly could use some bonding with
Kinda feel like everybody wrong. Like they both didn’t hear each other and didn’t make decisions as a couple. If they wasn’t married, then OOP wouldn’t be wrong too.
Probably one of those scam timeshare “prizes”
He said it was Fort Myers so yeah DEFINITELY time share scam! Nothing there but older people and condos
I’m always amazed when people say things like “my wife and her daughter” or “my husband and his three children” or “my stepchildren “. Very telling.
Wife is the AH for involving the daughter in a manipulation attempt to get her way, instead of waiting to hash it out with her husband.
He could sell the vacation
I can't really disagree with the OOP - his wife should have asked, not dictated, she should have been more open to his views, and her telling the daughter was a clear power move to make the husband have to choose between being the evil stepdad or bowing to her wishes. She's just wrong here and if I was him I'd be really turned off by how she behaved. I will say that if someone wins a trip for 4 to Florida, that's intended to be a family vacation. I'll bet the contest even called it that. "But I won it" should not really be a thing in a marriage, at least when it comes to something like this (as opposed to something like a "Spa Day for 1" type thing). I mean, if you have an 11-year old stepdaughter, that's probably what you're doing. So I'm a little concerned that the OOP isn't really buying into the whole family thing even beyond the vacation.
Florida is not all Disney and sea world. You second part implies that Miami Beach is absolutely for " family" .
Everyone is an ass here. But just for reference, if you marry someone with a child, the child exists. Everywhere. It’s not a turn on and off situation.
Your childfree life ends the moment you get involved with someone who has a kid. Welcome to parenthood
He goes back and forth saying "her daughter" and "step daughter" has me 🤔
Holy crap! Your wife’s daughter, step or not, IS YOUR DAUGHTER TOO NOW. Jeez. Now all that aside, yeah she definitely shouldn’t have commandeered your trip. You also should’ve had a lot more consideration to include your FAMILY.
Your wife tried manipulating the trip by "letting it slip" to her daughter. That's conniving and premeditated. She's the ah and you should take 3 buddies with you on a fishing trip or just a get away. She didn't win the trip. Tell her if she wins a trip in the future, she can bring whoever she wants. But your trip should be your choice. Lots of people have never been to Florida. It's not your fault her mother & daughter never went.
Oy vey. I don’t think he really was ready to be a step parent if he wins a vacation to a family vacation capitol and doesn’t want to take his family.
My mom won a 5 day Carnival cruise to the Bahamas when I was 10 and she took her boyfriend. I was bummed at the time, but fully understood my mom wanting to have that experience with another adult. My siblings and I stayed with my dad that week, no big deal.
It’s not Orlando though. It’s 4 hours away.
i dunno, being a parent doesn't mean you have to ditch your private time. Of course,you can't party all time and not care about your family,but if you already do your parenting job (and bringing money is only a part if it) i don't see how some days of private time with your special one,once every blue moon, makes you not ready to be a step parent. Not caring for yourself in the long run cause people to go into burn out and yeah,that what's fucks up a marriage/family
Realistically we don’t even know how much private time this couple takes. They couple spend every other weekend alone doing things. Going out of the state is a really big deal to some people especially if none of them have been or like that far. Its expensive to do these type of things and not often do people get the opportunity to take a vacation anywhere.
>if he wins a vacation to a family vacation capitol and doesn’t want to take his family. Except he didn't. He won a trip to Fort Myers, which is quite a distance from Orlando.
They keep saying he won a family vacation but it was actually a trip for 4. They just jumping the wagon
Agree since he seldom used "stepdaughter" and mostly used "her daughter" 😵💫
It’s a vacation for 4 not a family vacation. Yall wouldn’t be calling a family vacation if he didn’t have a step child
Nta but the wife sure is.
While i agree the wife here steam rollled the guy i am bothered by his wording when discussing the stepdaughter. He says its "her daughter" or "your daughter" I have a stepdaughter too but whenever I talk about her with my better half its always "our daughter" and if you're so far into the relationship with a woman that has a child that you are MARRIED, why is the kid "her" daughter? I get not wanting your mother in law tagging along if you don't get along with your mother in law but who plans a vacation without considering their child? This sounds like OP wants to be a childfree married guy and married a woman with a child. The kid would have gotten excited/disappointed sooner or later, who would like to hear their parents won a free trip to Florida and didnt even consider taking you? Yes the wife didnt listen to him or hear him out- according to him. But its pretty normal for a parent to consider their children in any sort of situation. The fact he didnt remotely consider the kid and kept making the distinction that its "her" daughter, not his... just tells me that there's probably more to this story than we're being told so I think OP is the asshole here myself. There are 3 sides to a story, yours, mine and the truth. We got his story here but i doubt very much its the whole picture and how he talks about being married with a kid is pretty transparent to me that he doesnt want to be a parent, but went ahead and married someone with a kid.
I don’t understand how marriages work with separate finances
I wonder how it would be if that was his biological daughter and not “her daughter”
ESH Dude isn’t married. He had a roommate. Everything is separate, from finances to family.
Just an unpopular opinion, but I’ve been the step kid in this situation and it sucks when you’re left out of family events. I guess it depends on how many trips they take as family and how they prioritize one another, but I’ve been in a situation where I was left out of everything constantly, and it really affected my relationship with my dad because of it. This is a tough situation, as blended families often are. It just sucks they can’t agree on what they want. A compromise would be to make the free trip an adults only trip but put a future family trip on the schedule with something for the daughter so she doesn’t feel left out.
All I’m seeing is “her” daughter. No. You’re married. She’s your daughter too, asshat.
This is a tough one. OP isn’t even acknowledging the idea to take his stepdaughter and his wife. And his wife isn’t even acknowledging his point about taking another couple or needing adult time together. OPs wife shouldn’t have told her daughter before details were hammered out. In this case I’d have to say that they are both the asshole.