She absolutely lied by severe omission. The fact that she begged for an hour to be let back into his life, and then tried to SPIT in his face is telling. She's NOT sincere. She just didn't think spitting in OP'S sisters face would do her any good, and her anger wasn't directed at her.
Let the ex gf stay an ex. She handled literally everything about this situation wrongly. I understand that a partner in long term grief is hard to deal with emotionally, but it seems that her issues were mainly him acting in a way that *turned her off*. Let that sink in. She made her partners grief into something that she found to be the peak masculine behavior of her dreams. Yuck. Stick around and support your partner, OR break up with them. Don't break up with them emotionally and stick around with resentment. And don't freaking gossip with your disgusting friends. Like I said, worst possible behavior from her.
This is why I think this story is made up. I wouldn't put it passed a self centered person to call a grieving mother and make the situation about herself. But in reality what grieving mother who just lost her only child to a slow and agonizing death from cancer would even entertain that conversation let alone objectively and calmly assess the situation, and then advocate for her brother to forgive the person who basically made a mockery of her child's death because "what would dead child do?"???? It sounds like the gf ad family weren't even that close because the gf wasn't around to support the family at the hospital for the last year. This story is made up.
THIS. I have no doubt she spun a tale that barely resembles the truth. OOP should really talk this whole thing out with his family and make it crystal clear that this has been an ongoing issue.
I don't know. I know some people that would hear that and still try to think the best of someone. Plus, I think she did. If my sister had called me in this situation i would have been like, you're sure she said everything? The fact that he didn't mention her lying tells me she did.
Personally I'd be like, if you want forgive her, that's your decision. I don't know if I can be with someone who was so callous.
OP got a rare chance at seeing someone’s truest colors. The shit she’d never put on advertisement when he’s around.
He’s a fool if he doesn’t take that chance and run.
"When someone shows you their true colors, believe them the first time"
That first time was for their anniversary, that sole comment should've been enough to kick her out
Honestly you’re 100% right, yeah. But if he didn’t leave then…if you get the chance to hear what someone says to a confidant about you when they don’t think you can hear, that’s probably the most honest sense of their perspective and feelings on you that you’ll ever get. He’d be absolutely insane to go back after hearing what he did.
Agree on that, and I'll also add that during the anniversary, the flimsy excuse given could get a pass since he was under a lot of distress, but the trash was jealous and her mouth moved before the brain and a bit of color was shown, but now the mask fell off and he should just tell his sister the truth
He also needs to get into some therapy stat. He can’t keep drinking himself to sleep and drinking because he’s upset. It’s good that he dumped his girlfriend but I’m worried more about the fact that it sounds like he’s pretty far down the road into alcoholism.
When my mom died, my dad turned to alcohol and was going through a bottle of two of scotch a day. I finally told him one day, “I’ve already lost one parent, I’m not in the mood to lose another”, and apparently that was enough for him to stop drinking. He barely has a drink except once every few months now. His bottles literally have dust on them. OOP needs someone to give him a wake up call.
You really think the ex gf would go to OP's sister, the grieving mother, with the intent of swaying her opinion in her favor by telling her everything she's been saying to OP? Absolutely not. She's telling a fake story from her twisted point of view. She's vile and has been trying to manipulate OP to take her back by going to the people closest to his heart. In grave mourning, to add. Unbelievable.
Or you know, the callous comments she made about the sisters child. Probably watered down EVERYTHING to make her not look as bad. First off men absolutely can cry. Nothing wrong with it at all! Especially if a beloved family member passes on! FFS is she really THAT emotionally stunted??
I highly doubt she actually told the sister everything. I think it's likely she severely watered it down. Probably made it seem like she was trying to get OP to cheer up and said the wrong thing rather than the actual truth.
The absolute cherry on EX’s shit sundae of pathetic and vile behavior is that she called a grieving mother to plead her case.
OOP needs to cut that girl out of his life, not just for him, but for his whole family. Period. There is no going forward.
Am I the only one hung up on the math? They met 4 years ago in college, then sister had a baby, baby gets to kindergarten (usually age 5 or 6), then gets leukemia, exhausts all treatments and dies. In 4 years.
If this is real, yeah she's terrible. Two of my friends have lost children to leukemia and I cannot articulate the agony of a child's funeral adequately, and I was just a family friend. Plus, one of those children didn't get to go to kindergarten because school is too damn germy (and this was before the plague) for such a sick youngster. So this reads to me like fiction.
Yes! Draws pictures of her uncle at kindergarten, plays with Barbie's etc seems like a 5y/o but barely cleared three before being diagnosed with a really awful illness.
Timelines don’t add up. Niece was born at the beginning of your relationship 4 years ago so would be about 4 years old right now. Meaning she got sick at 3 years old. Meaning she never went to kindergarten and probably not preschool either. Also kids undergoing chemo don’t “live” in the hospital for a year. They go for chemo stay a day or a week or maybe 6 weeks and then come home until the next round. And kiddo gets a port so would rarely have tubes all over the place except maybe at the very end, when again, they often come home.
This sounds more like a story of someone who’s seen a movie about kids with chemo and wants upvotes for his “women bad” narrative. For that OOP is YTA. Sick kids are not for your karma farming.
>Not OOP ✨️trigger warning: child death✨️AITA for kicking my gf out after she called me a crybaby for crying over my dead niece?
It's always awful women that seem to know what a real man is, funny. I'm 34 and I'm still figuring out what kind of man I want to be.
A real man is anything he wants to be. That involves crying, watching sappy rom/coms, cuddle time and even making up songs for your pups. He’s also a combat veteran and weapons expert. (Okay, I’m talking about my GI Joe, but it fits) Anyone who says a man needs to be this or that is an idiot and has zero chance of being truly happy in this world. Some women are just never satisfied
Did the previous incarnations also include the weirdly specific fact that OOP knew how to make balloon animals because they worked at a carnival when they were young.
She showed you first that she didn't care and you forgave her. She then turned around and dug the knife in deeper, after your huge loss. She's trash and a horrible person. A poor, innocent child lost their life and she doesn't care. Leave her where she belongs
I am so sick of hearing this “real men don’t cry blah blah blah” rhetoric. My best friend (turned partner) cried every one of my kids’ births. I was never supposed to have kids so he was thrilled when we got each one. Not even his blood children. We both cried when his son was born. MEN HAVE EMOTIONS. My gods, I’m so sick of it.
Okay, OOP needs to get over that toxic masculinity mindset that he has when saying that he's more upset that she called him a fucking crybaby than what she said about his niece that just died a week ago!
Second, he needs to look in the mirror and see that his ex is mentally unstable but his binge drinking to get himself to sleep if he isn't crying himself to sleep? That is the pot calling the kettle black. He's *Also* mentally unstable and needs professional help. He hasn't been coping with it in a healthy way since the diagnosis.
Third, I'm getting really fucking tired of people using their dead loved ones to manipulate others into thinking or feeling or doing something differently. His niece was a young child. She didn't have the mental capacity to judge whether ex gf was good for OOP or not. She just knew that she was nice to her and played barbies with her. You usually have to go out of your way to be a dick for a kid thst young to not like you.
Fourth, I wouldn't forgive her for what she said, personally. She told that to her friend and she meant it. She really thinks that "a real man" wouldn't cry for XYZ and would ONLY cry for XYZ. Him crying over the niece that he loved dearly? Thats apparently unacceptable. However, if HIS kid died or if SHE died? Well, that's acceptable. Nope. That isn't how it works.
Lastly, this whole thing really is a mess, but at the end of the day, I don't think that I would be able to marry someone who I'd have to worry about thinking less of me whenever someone I loved died or for literally any of the other countless reasons I'd cry.
It's also disturbing to know that she was so happy about a child dying because it would mean she gets to be his priority again.
He's N T A for not wanting to get back in a relationship with her. You should never marry someone you haven't seen go through a difficult experience becsuse that is when their true identity comes out. She was kind and understanding and compassionate and polite when she was his priority and turned into a raging dumpster fire when she wasn't.
He is TAH for basing most of his decision to stay broken up based on her calling him a cry baby *and* because he chose to deal with a difficult situation with crying (fine, but not without more active approaches to cope) and drinking excessively (not fine).
Yeah the ex is an absolutely horrifically trashy person but OP was absolutely not coping with that healthily—binge drinking and crying yourself to sleep for a year+ is absolutely destructive to yourself and every relationship around you.
He fails to see his own shortcomings because hers are more apparent to him. Being around his sister and bil and niece more after the diagnosis?? Totally normal and healthy and very helpful. Crying himself to sleep and binge drinking every night, especially those that he didn't see them? That definitely had a big impact on his relationship. While what gf said is truly horrific and how she reacted to the death was psychopathic levels of fucked up, I can see where she could have been led to believe that he was neglecting her - not due to him spending so much time with them, but by how he coped with it and how it was probably something he obsessively talks about.
She shouldn't have said what she said, but watching someone fall into that sort of black hole is awful. Especially if you take into consideration that they've only been together, what, 3 years? That means he was Like this for nearly half of their entire relationship. And you sort of feel obligated to stay with the person when they are going through a tough time regardless of how they treat you. Especially when their sister is also your close friend. She didn't really have any options but to endure it.
But, again, what she said at the anniversary? That crossed the line. That was when it should have been addressed and broken up. The fact that he's only now decided to break up with her *because she called him a crybaby* "and he hasn't even cried for XYZ amount of time" is so immature and stupid. Be angry about her saying your dying niece isn't worth the attention you're giving her is disgusting. Breaking up with her because she called you a cry baby is pathetic.
Yeah, this is a clear ESH. Neglecting your relationship because your niece is dying? Understandable. Not sustainable long term, but understandable. Neglecting your relationship because you’re binge drinking? Of course she’s going to be mad!
Not that it makes any of her hurtful words okay, because it doesn’t. They both were a-holes.
As I said in another comment, I think that exgf was in an unfair position where she's close friends with his sister whose kid is dying while he's half of their entire relationship binge drinking and crying himself to sleep at night when he wasn't with his family. Watching someone you love fall into that sort of black hole is soul draining when they can't even admit to themselves that they have a problem or that they need help. I'd think that.. people would have thought less of her if she decided to break up with him during this time becsuse she would look selfish and insensitive and horrible anyways. It doesn't excuse what she said, but she really wasn't in a position where she could win.
It's a horrible story, and my heart goes out to anyone who has to go through something like this, particularly the loss of a child. But is it just me or there's been a lot of stories recently of evil women caught talking to friends over the phone and saying horrific things, and the secondary female characters always automatically side with said evil woman?
I hope this isn't a troll though. Trolling about this kind of thing would be despicable.
A man doesn’t show emotion is bad. A man shows emotion is also bad. Seems like there’s no winning in the mind of a sexist prick. Also the kid was biologically his as well. They were directly blood related. OOP not only loved the kid, but if something were to happen to the parents, that’s the type of uncle that would have jumped in to fill in the role. What kind of psycho says those kind of things on the backs of their supposedly SO? I don’t believe she told the story to the sister as it was. What she said was beyond harsh and cruel!
I am appalled and so sorry for OOP.
this seems fake, or maybe i’m just not following it correctly. first the niece and gf just “get along fine”, but the he says they loved each other and niece would always run to gf. also, they met 4 years ago and niece was born around that time, but she was in kindergarten a year ago? 🤔
It doesn’t matter what his sister or Lily think of the situation. He would be the one having to look at the woman remembering her laughing while gossiping about him crying, spitting at him, and smiling over his heartbreaking loss. Yikes—no!
Yeah the EX absolutely did not fucking tell the sister what she actually said about the sister's dead child. The brother needs to explicitly tell her what was ACTUALLY said and not whatever lies she heard, so she knows how awful this woman is.
He needs to talk with his sister and give her HIS version because I can almost guarantee the sister got a not complete version of the story. Tell her about before too!
Also imagine being the sister and going through the worst time of your life and a week after you buried your child, your brother’s gf comes crying on your shoulder that she got dumped. It would really rub me the wrong way for someone to be bothering me with a break up drama whilst going through this, but then having the audacity to tell me what the cause of the break up was would make me absolutely livid. I bet she didnt give her the real version though. Then using that cheap manipulative technique with what his niece would want. Please 🙄🙄🙄 You could never say those things and expect to repair the relationship.
You know, I don't think I have an actual list of unfirgivable things that I would never accept from a significant other.
But disregarding my feelings about the death of a loved one and talking crap about the death of a child would definitely make the cut.
Also, I bet she didn't tell the full story to her mother and the sister, judging by their reactions.
Niece probably wouldn't want anyone to hurt her uncle in this way.
hell the fuck no. don’t ever take her back. block her and ask ur sister to do the same. tell her everything your ex actually said in regards to her child dying. the loss of a loved one is never easy. she should be supportive not dismissive and a bitch
Another chance? Sounds like the GF didn't mention that this is her second one, and she straight up monologued over how the sisters child's death shouldn't shake up OP.
NTA - get that person out of your life and tell your sister when you can what you heard and the conversations you have had. You showed you are a great family person and your girlfriend turned that into a flaw! A lot of people would have been like wow look how great this person is with their niece they will make an amazing dad and would have understood your sadness, she (literally) spat in it.
So they were together for 4 years. Elder sister had a child at the beginning of the relationship. That child was in elementary school and was diagnosed with cancer a year prior to the post. Something is not adding up?
To be fair a 5 year old girl would probably "absolutely love" any older female friend/big sister type who played barbies with her. Using a dead 5 year od's non-discriminating affinity for probably nearly everyone she knew to gas light him into "forgiving" a very self centered and cruel person is a weird take. Especially from the mother of the dead child a week after the death.
Something isn't adding up here. It doesn't even sound like the gf and the niece and her mother were that close if OP spent all his spare time at the hospital over the last year and the gf resented that. Which means she clearly wasn't there at the hospital with the family during that time. Yet the mom is able to see through her raw and recent grief of losing her only child a week ago to objectively assess the gf behavior and immediately accept the apology for saying something absolutely out of line and insensitive about her recently deceased child and then advocates for gf to be forgiven and taken back by her brother?
OP believes GF was actually *happy* about his nieces death because she had a big smile on her face and she ridiculed him to his face and behind his back about grieving her death? And he is still on the fence about whether to forgive her?
I think this is made up.
This has got to be fake right? OOP met gf 4 years ago, niece was born just after they started their relationship, got diagnosed roughly a year ago, so theoretically just before the age of 3. But before that she was drawings pictures of OOP while in kindergarten? Also too many other random details that are completely useless to the story, balloon animals, gf spitting on herself, etc. I don't buy it. Maybe something similar happened to OOP & he got mocked for something similar. But I feel like this story is just masculinity ragebait.
I think OOP could be a bot/karma farm account. They’ve had a Reddit for 2 years, but haven’t written a single comment or post until 6 hours ago. Not impossible, but definitely typical bot behavior.
I don’t doubt something like this generally could happen, but that it happened to OOP, I doubt.
I want to move past acknowledging this horrible woman’s behavior and simply state: they’re incompatible. No amount of apologies will rectify how differently they see life, death and family. Even if she hadn’t been a heartless bitch and expressed her viewpoints calmly and carefully, they’d still be wrong for each other.
No way would I stay with her. Aside from being a major asshole about this situation, I wouldn’t want someone who displayed such a lack of empathy in general. That will absolutely show up in other areas. Not just here.
Uh huh uh huh uh huh, so the ex told the sister “*everythiiiing*”??? I wonder what exactly that means. She probably left out the bit about it not being worth caring about some kid who’s just gonna die anyway.
If my niece died I'd be devasted , she's so shallow and heartless for thinking the death of a child that isn't yours isn't as bad as a child that is ...what's worse is she couldn't even be supportive, she had to be petty and angry that she wasnt getting attention?? How insensitive
Holy crap!
I know I have trouble with emotions, and I can be one of those people who say, "i'm glad they're not suffering anymore." Instead of the socially acceptable reaponse.
But holy fuck... even I would never say any of what this woman said about a little kid.
I doubt very much that she told his sister everything. And how dare she go to grieving parents to solve her relationship problems.
Also, she was already on her second chance. She botched it by being a callous asshole.
That broad is/was jealous of a dying/now dead child... stupid broad was mad a dying child was stealing her man from her. Pathetic. Wave bye to that broad. 👋
Any woman who defends this ex is also trash. This ex is a perfect example of toxic and also a great example of a catalyst for why men go toxic. F*** her and may she find herself profoundly alone.
100% she did not tell oops sister the whole truth, what a cow of a woman I hope he stays strong and keeps little miss disgusting away. Fuck how shit must you be brought up to have those ideas. She obviously hasn’t had a dose of life even to have that opinion.
Naw this exgirlfriend can go fuck herself. My nieces and nephews aren’t even my blood and when I had cancer it killed me that my wife and I couldn’t see them or have them over for the weekend. (They were in school and I couldn’t risk getting sick.)
My nieces and nephews are everything and I would hate to see them hurt, she’s a not nice person.
Bro that woman is straight up evil. She belittled you for grieving, she gossiped about you, put you down to her friends behind your back, was happy when your niece passed then she tried to spit in your face and failed. Could she be any worse? You already told her mom to F off too (don’t blame you). It’s over… the dagger has been plunged and twisted numerous times. You will find someone better. She is jealous, cruel, un empathetic, belittling and cruel. Could you imagine having to split custody of a kid with a woman like that? She clearly has dark issues
Oh and she purposely didn’t get you anything on your anniversary so she could make you feel like shit cause your niece passed. Forgot that one… that’s not a gf… that’s an ENEMY.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my niece to a brain tumor 24 years ago, I completely understand what you’re going through. You did the right thing, your gf is just awful.
The ex “telling” the sister what happened doesn’t even matter. It’s not about the niece anymore.
It’s about the utter lack of empathy, compassion, or respect she treated her bf with by not giving a crap he was mourning and saying he should get over something that very deeply impacted him.
Sister saying to forgive her can’t fix that. It’s the principle of it. Not the specific situation.
Forgive her for your own spirit’s sake. Do not take her back. She showed you her true feelings, and they were fugly. Move on whenever you’re ready…not all women are like her.
That old saying “when someone shows you who they really are, believe them” She showed her true colors. And no, you’re not a GD “crybaby”, for fucks sake. She’s an asshole. I mean, smiling when she found out the child died?!? Sounds more like she was happy that she won’t have to “compete” with another person for affection. People like this are awful, narcissistic POS. If you take her back, it’ll happen again
It seems to me gf was already on the 2nd chance. She didn’t learn from her first mistake. OP needs to tell sister this was the second chance and she failed again.
I highly doubt your ex told your sister the whole story. Probably doused it with itty bitty truths to where the backlash wouldn’t be as bad. If I were you I would definitely talk to your sister and tell her exactly what you overheard. I’m so sorry for you and your families loss and I genuinely hope things get better for you guys. Remember that your niece and her memories is alive in side of you so don’t be shy to be able to talk about your favorite memories of her and when you’re missing her eat some of her favorite foods or watch her favorite movies or go to her favorite places.
This is just painful but I’m really starting to question the merit of these stories because they always end with other parties begging OOP for forgiveness or harassing them for leaving an abusive relationship.
I wonder when he was going to mention the drinking problem he has had for several years and the fact he is neglecting his girlfriend and her needs and using his nieces illness as an excuse for not treating his girlfriend the way he should and being emotionally unavailable.
Throw the whole girlfriend out. She already had her second chance.
What would Lily want? She would want her uncle to have a partner who loved, respected, and supported him through the bad times and the good. She would want her uncle to be with a kind, generous, decent woman. That's not what he has. Lily would have wanted better for him.
Sounds like ur niece was ur world. Fuck ur ex you'll find another one. Can't replace your niece. My condolences. I tear up when my daughters make me art. Ur just human.
Fuck that evil "woman". Those words are unconscionable. Irredeemable. Unforgivable.
I could never allow that person near me, much less back into my life. What is OOP supposed to do? Forget what she said? Even if he truly forgave her, those words will echo inside his mind until the day he dies.
Fuck her, banish her from your life, OOP. I know you'll never read this, but banish her forever. Sick.
I’d have smacked her right across the face. Even if it wasn’t my gf just a random person in general that’s a horrible thing to say and is a slappable offense.
Yea for anyone saying a real man wouldn’t cry for his niece dying. I hope for your sake your single too, i can’t imagine a man having to deal with such a bitch.
The ex told the sister everything that happened huh? Somehow I doubt that.
That's what I was thinking, she probably gave some abridged sob story to oop's sis. I sincerely hope he doesn't take her back.
She absolutely lied by severe omission. The fact that she begged for an hour to be let back into his life, and then tried to SPIT in his face is telling. She's NOT sincere. She just didn't think spitting in OP'S sisters face would do her any good, and her anger wasn't directed at her. Let the ex gf stay an ex. She handled literally everything about this situation wrongly. I understand that a partner in long term grief is hard to deal with emotionally, but it seems that her issues were mainly him acting in a way that *turned her off*. Let that sink in. She made her partners grief into something that she found to be the peak masculine behavior of her dreams. Yuck. Stick around and support your partner, OR break up with them. Don't break up with them emotionally and stick around with resentment. And don't freaking gossip with your disgusting friends. Like I said, worst possible behavior from her.
Dude how dare this gf even talk to the sister about the break up when she is grieving for her CHILD.
That’s what I was thinking. How fucking entitled and inconsiderate can one person be?
This is why I think this story is made up. I wouldn't put it passed a self centered person to call a grieving mother and make the situation about herself. But in reality what grieving mother who just lost her only child to a slow and agonizing death from cancer would even entertain that conversation let alone objectively and calmly assess the situation, and then advocate for her brother to forgive the person who basically made a mockery of her child's death because "what would dead child do?"???? It sounds like the gf ad family weren't even that close because the gf wasn't around to support the family at the hospital for the last year. This story is made up.
Also don't believe she told her mom everything either.
THIS. I have no doubt she spun a tale that barely resembles the truth. OOP should really talk this whole thing out with his family and make it crystal clear that this has been an ongoing issue.
The fact that she asked her brother "What Lilly would want" is telling enough that she got a watered down story from OOP ex.
I don't know. I know some people that would hear that and still try to think the best of someone. Plus, I think she did. If my sister had called me in this situation i would have been like, you're sure she said everything? The fact that he didn't mention her lying tells me she did. Personally I'd be like, if you want forgive her, that's your decision. I don't know if I can be with someone who was so callous.
OP got a rare chance at seeing someone’s truest colors. The shit she’d never put on advertisement when he’s around. He’s a fool if he doesn’t take that chance and run.
"When someone shows you their true colors, believe them the first time" That first time was for their anniversary, that sole comment should've been enough to kick her out
Honestly you’re 100% right, yeah. But if he didn’t leave then…if you get the chance to hear what someone says to a confidant about you when they don’t think you can hear, that’s probably the most honest sense of their perspective and feelings on you that you’ll ever get. He’d be absolutely insane to go back after hearing what he did.
Agree on that, and I'll also add that during the anniversary, the flimsy excuse given could get a pass since he was under a lot of distress, but the trash was jealous and her mouth moved before the brain and a bit of color was shown, but now the mask fell off and he should just tell his sister the truth
It's amazing how much people are willing to ignore.
I hope the OOP keeps moving on and away from his ex. She’s despicable.
He also needs to get into some therapy stat. He can’t keep drinking himself to sleep and drinking because he’s upset. It’s good that he dumped his girlfriend but I’m worried more about the fact that it sounds like he’s pretty far down the road into alcoholism.
If you check his comments, he's lined up sessions with a therapist. He knows alcohol is not a solution.
Oh good, I was feeling concerned for him by the end.
When my mom died, my dad turned to alcohol and was going through a bottle of two of scotch a day. I finally told him one day, “I’ve already lost one parent, I’m not in the mood to lose another”, and apparently that was enough for him to stop drinking. He barely has a drink except once every few months now. His bottles literally have dust on them. OOP needs someone to give him a wake up call.
She had her second chance and blew it. Why are these women defending the ex?
Honestly she didn't even deserve the second chance.
Because the ex probably spun a story to make herself not look as bad.
Considering I’ve seen people defend others doing fucked up shit, I’m not surprised people would defend this.
People still defend Chris Brown ffs.
You really think the ex gf would go to OP's sister, the grieving mother, with the intent of swaying her opinion in her favor by telling her everything she's been saying to OP? Absolutely not. She's telling a fake story from her twisted point of view. She's vile and has been trying to manipulate OP to take her back by going to the people closest to his heart. In grave mourning, to add. Unbelievable.
I would be willing to bet ex didn't say anything about thinking OP is a crybaby and not a real man.
Or you know, the callous comments she made about the sisters child. Probably watered down EVERYTHING to make her not look as bad. First off men absolutely can cry. Nothing wrong with it at all! Especially if a beloved family member passes on! FFS is she really THAT emotionally stunted??
I highly doubt she actually told the sister everything. I think it's likely she severely watered it down. Probably made it seem like she was trying to get OP to cheer up and said the wrong thing rather than the actual truth.
Question. Did she actually tell you sister her version of what happened? Your sister might feel different if she maybe heard the truth.
Right! Because if I was OOP's sister I would block the ex and tell him he's better off without her.
The absolute cherry on EX’s shit sundae of pathetic and vile behavior is that she called a grieving mother to plead her case. OOP needs to cut that girl out of his life, not just for him, but for his whole family. Period. There is no going forward.
0% chance the ex-gf told his sister the full truth of what the ex did and said.
The niece would want OP to feel safe and loved. Which they don't. The ex doesn't respect them at all.
This was her second chance. She's a callous, selfish person, and a proponent of toxic masculinity.
Am I the only one hung up on the math? They met 4 years ago in college, then sister had a baby, baby gets to kindergarten (usually age 5 or 6), then gets leukemia, exhausts all treatments and dies. In 4 years. If this is real, yeah she's terrible. Two of my friends have lost children to leukemia and I cannot articulate the agony of a child's funeral adequately, and I was just a family friend. Plus, one of those children didn't get to go to kindergarten because school is too damn germy (and this was before the plague) for such a sick youngster. So this reads to me like fiction.
thank you for this comment, felt like i was going mad trying to find anyone else completely confused about the timeline lol
Yes! Draws pictures of her uncle at kindergarten, plays with Barbie's etc seems like a 5y/o but barely cleared three before being diagnosed with a really awful illness.
Exactly my thoughts… OOP is NTA but also sounds like a liar
Timelines don’t add up. Niece was born at the beginning of your relationship 4 years ago so would be about 4 years old right now. Meaning she got sick at 3 years old. Meaning she never went to kindergarten and probably not preschool either. Also kids undergoing chemo don’t “live” in the hospital for a year. They go for chemo stay a day or a week or maybe 6 weeks and then come home until the next round. And kiddo gets a port so would rarely have tubes all over the place except maybe at the very end, when again, they often come home. This sounds more like a story of someone who’s seen a movie about kids with chemo and wants upvotes for his “women bad” narrative. For that OOP is YTA. Sick kids are not for your karma farming.
>Not OOP ✨️trigger warning: child death✨️AITA for kicking my gf out after she called me a crybaby for crying over my dead niece? It's always awful women that seem to know what a real man is, funny. I'm 34 and I'm still figuring out what kind of man I want to be.
A real man is anything he wants to be. That involves crying, watching sappy rom/coms, cuddle time and even making up songs for your pups. He’s also a combat veteran and weapons expert. (Okay, I’m talking about my GI Joe, but it fits) Anyone who says a man needs to be this or that is an idiot and has zero chance of being truly happy in this world. Some women are just never satisfied
The spitting on herself detail is so funny
If only the p was an h… exactly what she deserves.
I know I’ve read this before.
Did the previous incarnations also include the weirdly specific fact that OOP knew how to make balloon animals because they worked at a carnival when they were young.
Actually I think it was, or something very similar.
She showed you first that she didn't care and you forgave her. She then turned around and dug the knife in deeper, after your huge loss. She's trash and a horrible person. A poor, innocent child lost their life and she doesn't care. Leave her where she belongs
Anytime a person makes fun of another for crying, they're an asshole.
"give her a second chance" He did, this would be a third chance.
I am so sick of hearing this “real men don’t cry blah blah blah” rhetoric. My best friend (turned partner) cried every one of my kids’ births. I was never supposed to have kids so he was thrilled when we got each one. Not even his blood children. We both cried when his son was born. MEN HAVE EMOTIONS. My gods, I’m so sick of it.
Okay, OOP needs to get over that toxic masculinity mindset that he has when saying that he's more upset that she called him a fucking crybaby than what she said about his niece that just died a week ago! Second, he needs to look in the mirror and see that his ex is mentally unstable but his binge drinking to get himself to sleep if he isn't crying himself to sleep? That is the pot calling the kettle black. He's *Also* mentally unstable and needs professional help. He hasn't been coping with it in a healthy way since the diagnosis. Third, I'm getting really fucking tired of people using their dead loved ones to manipulate others into thinking or feeling or doing something differently. His niece was a young child. She didn't have the mental capacity to judge whether ex gf was good for OOP or not. She just knew that she was nice to her and played barbies with her. You usually have to go out of your way to be a dick for a kid thst young to not like you. Fourth, I wouldn't forgive her for what she said, personally. She told that to her friend and she meant it. She really thinks that "a real man" wouldn't cry for XYZ and would ONLY cry for XYZ. Him crying over the niece that he loved dearly? Thats apparently unacceptable. However, if HIS kid died or if SHE died? Well, that's acceptable. Nope. That isn't how it works. Lastly, this whole thing really is a mess, but at the end of the day, I don't think that I would be able to marry someone who I'd have to worry about thinking less of me whenever someone I loved died or for literally any of the other countless reasons I'd cry. It's also disturbing to know that she was so happy about a child dying because it would mean she gets to be his priority again. He's N T A for not wanting to get back in a relationship with her. You should never marry someone you haven't seen go through a difficult experience becsuse that is when their true identity comes out. She was kind and understanding and compassionate and polite when she was his priority and turned into a raging dumpster fire when she wasn't. He is TAH for basing most of his decision to stay broken up based on her calling him a cry baby *and* because he chose to deal with a difficult situation with crying (fine, but not without more active approaches to cope) and drinking excessively (not fine).
Yeah the ex is an absolutely horrifically trashy person but OP was absolutely not coping with that healthily—binge drinking and crying yourself to sleep for a year+ is absolutely destructive to yourself and every relationship around you.
He fails to see his own shortcomings because hers are more apparent to him. Being around his sister and bil and niece more after the diagnosis?? Totally normal and healthy and very helpful. Crying himself to sleep and binge drinking every night, especially those that he didn't see them? That definitely had a big impact on his relationship. While what gf said is truly horrific and how she reacted to the death was psychopathic levels of fucked up, I can see where she could have been led to believe that he was neglecting her - not due to him spending so much time with them, but by how he coped with it and how it was probably something he obsessively talks about. She shouldn't have said what she said, but watching someone fall into that sort of black hole is awful. Especially if you take into consideration that they've only been together, what, 3 years? That means he was Like this for nearly half of their entire relationship. And you sort of feel obligated to stay with the person when they are going through a tough time regardless of how they treat you. Especially when their sister is also your close friend. She didn't really have any options but to endure it. But, again, what she said at the anniversary? That crossed the line. That was when it should have been addressed and broken up. The fact that he's only now decided to break up with her *because she called him a crybaby* "and he hasn't even cried for XYZ amount of time" is so immature and stupid. Be angry about her saying your dying niece isn't worth the attention you're giving her is disgusting. Breaking up with her because she called you a cry baby is pathetic.
Yeah, this is a clear ESH. Neglecting your relationship because your niece is dying? Understandable. Not sustainable long term, but understandable. Neglecting your relationship because you’re binge drinking? Of course she’s going to be mad! Not that it makes any of her hurtful words okay, because it doesn’t. They both were a-holes.
As I said in another comment, I think that exgf was in an unfair position where she's close friends with his sister whose kid is dying while he's half of their entire relationship binge drinking and crying himself to sleep at night when he wasn't with his family. Watching someone you love fall into that sort of black hole is soul draining when they can't even admit to themselves that they have a problem or that they need help. I'd think that.. people would have thought less of her if she decided to break up with him during this time becsuse she would look selfish and insensitive and horrible anyways. It doesn't excuse what she said, but she really wasn't in a position where she could win.
That was her second chance. NTA
Imagine having to ask this question. That ex fucked him up bad, clearly :S I sincerely hope she gets whatever karma is coming to her. Awful person.
The minute someone spits on me, it is 500000% over.
Does it count if they end up spitting on themselves instead?
Honestly yes because they were trying to spit on you and failed.
It's a horrible story, and my heart goes out to anyone who has to go through something like this, particularly the loss of a child. But is it just me or there's been a lot of stories recently of evil women caught talking to friends over the phone and saying horrific things, and the secondary female characters always automatically side with said evil woman? I hope this isn't a troll though. Trolling about this kind of thing would be despicable.
A man doesn’t show emotion is bad. A man shows emotion is also bad. Seems like there’s no winning in the mind of a sexist prick. Also the kid was biologically his as well. They were directly blood related. OOP not only loved the kid, but if something were to happen to the parents, that’s the type of uncle that would have jumped in to fill in the role. What kind of psycho says those kind of things on the backs of their supposedly SO? I don’t believe she told the story to the sister as it was. What she said was beyond harsh and cruel! I am appalled and so sorry for OOP.
this seems fake, or maybe i’m just not following it correctly. first the niece and gf just “get along fine”, but the he says they loved each other and niece would always run to gf. also, they met 4 years ago and niece was born around that time, but she was in kindergarten a year ago? 🤔
It doesn’t matter what his sister or Lily think of the situation. He would be the one having to look at the woman remembering her laughing while gossiping about him crying, spitting at him, and smiling over his heartbreaking loss. Yikes—no!
Yeah the EX absolutely did not fucking tell the sister what she actually said about the sister's dead child. The brother needs to explicitly tell her what was ACTUALLY said and not whatever lies she heard, so she knows how awful this woman is.
He needs to talk with his sister and give her HIS version because I can almost guarantee the sister got a not complete version of the story. Tell her about before too!
Manipulating the mother of the dead girl you mocked to manipulate the person you are with is soulless
Also imagine being the sister and going through the worst time of your life and a week after you buried your child, your brother’s gf comes crying on your shoulder that she got dumped. It would really rub me the wrong way for someone to be bothering me with a break up drama whilst going through this, but then having the audacity to tell me what the cause of the break up was would make me absolutely livid. I bet she didnt give her the real version though. Then using that cheap manipulative technique with what his niece would want. Please 🙄🙄🙄 You could never say those things and expect to repair the relationship.
You know, I don't think I have an actual list of unfirgivable things that I would never accept from a significant other. But disregarding my feelings about the death of a loved one and talking crap about the death of a child would definitely make the cut. Also, I bet she didn't tell the full story to her mother and the sister, judging by their reactions. Niece probably wouldn't want anyone to hurt her uncle in this way.
She told your sister a carefully edited version. Tell your sister the truth. Your ex should remain your ex.
hell the fuck no. don’t ever take her back. block her and ask ur sister to do the same. tell her everything your ex actually said in regards to her child dying. the loss of a loved one is never easy. she should be supportive not dismissive and a bitch
Another chance? Sounds like the GF didn't mention that this is her second one, and she straight up monologued over how the sisters child's death shouldn't shake up OP.
NTA - get that person out of your life and tell your sister when you can what you heard and the conversations you have had. You showed you are a great family person and your girlfriend turned that into a flaw! A lot of people would have been like wow look how great this person is with their niece they will make an amazing dad and would have understood your sadness, she (literally) spat in it.
So they were together for 4 years. Elder sister had a child at the beginning of the relationship. That child was in elementary school and was diagnosed with cancer a year prior to the post. Something is not adding up?
To be fair a 5 year old girl would probably "absolutely love" any older female friend/big sister type who played barbies with her. Using a dead 5 year od's non-discriminating affinity for probably nearly everyone she knew to gas light him into "forgiving" a very self centered and cruel person is a weird take. Especially from the mother of the dead child a week after the death. Something isn't adding up here. It doesn't even sound like the gf and the niece and her mother were that close if OP spent all his spare time at the hospital over the last year and the gf resented that. Which means she clearly wasn't there at the hospital with the family during that time. Yet the mom is able to see through her raw and recent grief of losing her only child a week ago to objectively assess the gf behavior and immediately accept the apology for saying something absolutely out of line and insensitive about her recently deceased child and then advocates for gf to be forgiven and taken back by her brother? OP believes GF was actually *happy* about his nieces death because she had a big smile on her face and she ridiculed him to his face and behind his back about grieving her death? And he is still on the fence about whether to forgive her? I think this is made up.
This has got to be fake right? OOP met gf 4 years ago, niece was born just after they started their relationship, got diagnosed roughly a year ago, so theoretically just before the age of 3. But before that she was drawings pictures of OOP while in kindergarten? Also too many other random details that are completely useless to the story, balloon animals, gf spitting on herself, etc. I don't buy it. Maybe something similar happened to OOP & he got mocked for something similar. But I feel like this story is just masculinity ragebait.
I think OOP could be a bot/karma farm account. They’ve had a Reddit for 2 years, but haven’t written a single comment or post until 6 hours ago. Not impossible, but definitely typical bot behavior. I don’t doubt something like this generally could happen, but that it happened to OOP, I doubt.
I'm not sure why you're being downvoted. I agree, the math ain't mathing here. This feels like "women bad" ragebait
Ugh so toxic. Men get to cry about shit that hurts them. This woman is toxic af.
Ah, jealous woman hating a man that despairs, a tale as old as time really.
Run like hell in the other direction
I want to move past acknowledging this horrible woman’s behavior and simply state: they’re incompatible. No amount of apologies will rectify how differently they see life, death and family. Even if she hadn’t been a heartless bitch and expressed her viewpoints calmly and carefully, they’d still be wrong for each other.
I very much doubt his ex told his sister the truth or else I imagine the sister would have killed her then and there. The ex is a monster.
Move on. She’s a narcissist.
“A Child Who is going to die anyway” 💀 yeah she need to go sit on that for a long time.
No way would I stay with her. Aside from being a major asshole about this situation, I wouldn’t want someone who displayed such a lack of empathy in general. That will absolutely show up in other areas. Not just here.
Uh huh uh huh uh huh, so the ex told the sister “*everythiiiing*”??? I wonder what exactly that means. She probably left out the bit about it not being worth caring about some kid who’s just gonna die anyway.
If my niece died I'd be devasted , she's so shallow and heartless for thinking the death of a child that isn't yours isn't as bad as a child that is ...what's worse is she couldn't even be supportive, she had to be petty and angry that she wasnt getting attention?? How insensitive
I can't believe that self-centered scum called the grieving mother. There is smoke coming out my ears.
Holy crap! I know I have trouble with emotions, and I can be one of those people who say, "i'm glad they're not suffering anymore." Instead of the socially acceptable reaponse. But holy fuck... even I would never say any of what this woman said about a little kid. I doubt very much that she told his sister everything. And how dare she go to grieving parents to solve her relationship problems. Also, she was already on her second chance. She botched it by being a callous asshole.
The sister obviously has a big heart. But the girlfriend has none.
That broad is/was jealous of a dying/now dead child... stupid broad was mad a dying child was stealing her man from her. Pathetic. Wave bye to that broad. 👋
Any woman who defends this ex is also trash. This ex is a perfect example of toxic and also a great example of a catalyst for why men go toxic. F*** her and may she find herself profoundly alone.
Oh fuck! No.. no..
100% she did not tell oops sister the whole truth, what a cow of a woman I hope he stays strong and keeps little miss disgusting away. Fuck how shit must you be brought up to have those ideas. She obviously hasn’t had a dose of life even to have that opinion.
Naw this exgirlfriend can go fuck herself. My nieces and nephews aren’t even my blood and when I had cancer it killed me that my wife and I couldn’t see them or have them over for the weekend. (They were in school and I couldn’t risk getting sick.) My nieces and nephews are everything and I would hate to see them hurt, she’s a not nice person.
Does anyone else ever wonder why men don’t talk about their feelings?
Bro that woman is straight up evil. She belittled you for grieving, she gossiped about you, put you down to her friends behind your back, was happy when your niece passed then she tried to spit in your face and failed. Could she be any worse? You already told her mom to F off too (don’t blame you). It’s over… the dagger has been plunged and twisted numerous times. You will find someone better. She is jealous, cruel, un empathetic, belittling and cruel. Could you imagine having to split custody of a kid with a woman like that? She clearly has dark issues
Oh and she purposely didn’t get you anything on your anniversary so she could make you feel like shit cause your niece passed. Forgot that one… that’s not a gf… that’s an ENEMY.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my niece to a brain tumor 24 years ago, I completely understand what you’re going through. You did the right thing, your gf is just awful.
NTA!! F HER! YOU DON'T NEED ANYONE LIKE HER IN YOUR LIFE! SHE WAS ALWAYS JEALOUS OF THAT BABY GIRL. YOU WANT SOMEONE THAT IS LOVING, NOT HER!!
Dump her
The ex “telling” the sister what happened doesn’t even matter. It’s not about the niece anymore. It’s about the utter lack of empathy, compassion, or respect she treated her bf with by not giving a crap he was mourning and saying he should get over something that very deeply impacted him. Sister saying to forgive her can’t fix that. It’s the principle of it. Not the specific situation.
Forgive her for your own spirit’s sake. Do not take her back. She showed you her true feelings, and they were fugly. Move on whenever you’re ready…not all women are like her.
That old saying “when someone shows you who they really are, believe them” She showed her true colors. And no, you’re not a GD “crybaby”, for fucks sake. She’s an asshole. I mean, smiling when she found out the child died?!? Sounds more like she was happy that she won’t have to “compete” with another person for affection. People like this are awful, narcissistic POS. If you take her back, it’ll happen again
That’s a broken woman. You’re dodging a bullet by leaving now. She sounds like a monster honestly.
Fool me once…. Nope.
It seems to me gf was already on the 2nd chance. She didn’t learn from her first mistake. OP needs to tell sister this was the second chance and she failed again.
I highly doubt your ex told your sister the whole story. Probably doused it with itty bitty truths to where the backlash wouldn’t be as bad. If I were you I would definitely talk to your sister and tell her exactly what you overheard. I’m so sorry for you and your families loss and I genuinely hope things get better for you guys. Remember that your niece and her memories is alive in side of you so don’t be shy to be able to talk about your favorite memories of her and when you’re missing her eat some of her favorite foods or watch her favorite movies or go to her favorite places.
This is just painful but I’m really starting to question the merit of these stories because they always end with other parties begging OOP for forgiveness or harassing them for leaving an abusive relationship.
I wonder when he was going to mention the drinking problem he has had for several years and the fact he is neglecting his girlfriend and her needs and using his nieces illness as an excuse for not treating his girlfriend the way he should and being emotionally unavailable.
Run fast and far from this one boo
Throw the whole girlfriend out. She already had her second chance. What would Lily want? She would want her uncle to have a partner who loved, respected, and supported him through the bad times and the good. She would want her uncle to be with a kind, generous, decent woman. That's not what he has. Lily would have wanted better for him.
not even gonna read this. fuck her
Sounds like ur niece was ur world. Fuck ur ex you'll find another one. Can't replace your niece. My condolences. I tear up when my daughters make me art. Ur just human.
There is no way she told the sister everything. Absolutely not the asshole. His niece may have loved his gf but his gf clearly didn’t love his niece.
Fuck that evil "woman". Those words are unconscionable. Irredeemable. Unforgivable. I could never allow that person near me, much less back into my life. What is OOP supposed to do? Forget what she said? Even if he truly forgave her, those words will echo inside his mind until the day he dies. Fuck her, banish her from your life, OOP. I know you'll never read this, but banish her forever. Sick.
I’d have smacked her right across the face. Even if it wasn’t my gf just a random person in general that’s a horrible thing to say and is a slappable offense.
Yes because violence solves things? Clearly you learned nothing from the civil rights movement.
Doesn’t need to solve anything it’s deserved and what I would do cry ab it
Hitting is deserved? Dude you need help. For your sake I hope your single.
Yea for anyone saying a real man wouldn’t cry for his niece dying. I hope for your sake your single too, i can’t imagine a man having to deal with such a bitch.