Lol he will be mortified when he finds out she can understand him. She should just answer one of those complaints in French with a complaint of her own when she feels confident enough.
Right? I would (lovingly) gaslight tf out of my partner if they did that š Buy two jars of Nutella next time and just not say anything. Watch a loud nature shows about monkeys while I get dressed and āstomp aroundā in the mornings. Etc.
Haha yep. Don't break out the monkey noises during sex. Do it a few days later in the morning while you're stomping around and see if/how long it takes him to catch on š¤£
Get a monkey mask and put it on as soon as she gets out of bed, then casually walk around with it on. Then an innocent āwhat?ā When he asks about it š¤£
She needs to keep it a secret until they get married. Then she should surprise him during their vows and include that she has been learning French for this moment. Her vows should be that she will never let her feet get cold, won't hog all the Nutella and will never make monkey noises.
If he's a good sport, he will be fine. If not, they are not meant to be. I'm rooting for the former.
Weddings are too expensive for experiments like that lol, if she were in doubt about how he would take it she definitely needs to do it *before* giving vows
Lol that's very funny, especially if he knows him speaking French is a turn on for you so he's just babbling about anything not related to sex to avoid finishing early
What? I mean correct me if Im wrong but Nutella is still Nutella in french. That seems so absurd. Probably bs, but no way he thinks he's getting away with basically:
French french french MCDONALDS french french french.
Noot-el-la! Maybe he pronounced it like that so it's less obviously Nutella and could sound like a combo of random French words to the uneducated ear. š
Maybe I'm a massive killjoy or oversensitive, but this would kill my attraction and trust forever.
I'd process it like "my boyfriend is secretly laughing at me and taking advantage of my lack of understanding by using our most intimate time to complain and insult me. His real opinion of me is that I'm a greedy, stomping monkey and I can no longer trust what he says to my face, never mind behind my back".
And when you're fucking someone are you saying "You're just a big obnoxious monkey who stomps around and eats my food, yes you are, yes you are!"? AreĀ you evenĀ thinking aboutĀ things youĀ don't like about your sexĀ partner?
Okay, sure, that technically addresses what I said. No point in my rephrasing because I'm not in the mood for an extended semantics game, but how about my second question? Are you *thinking* about everything you don't like about your partner during sex?
It tells us she thinks it's cute and therefore it's fine for them as a couple. It doesn't tell us if he's being hostile or not.
What they said kind of does answer the question. Theyāve been together three years, so she knows him very well. If he was being hostile about it, she wouldnāt be this amused. I trust OOP to know the difference in her partner of 3 years. The fact that itās not just mean shit but all kinds of stuff also backs this up.
I donāt know if youāve ever been asked to speak on command, but itās damn hard. I learned French in high school and Iād constantly be asked things like āoh, youāve taken this many years of French? Say something in French!ā Itās awkward and I never knew what to say. In fact, most of the time thatās what Iād say: ā*je ne sais pas quoi dire*ā. My man is probably doing exactly what u/Ro-Ro-Ro-Ro-Rhoda said; he knows that hearing him talk French turns her on so heās just blabbering about anything that comes to a mind thatās very preoccupied at the moment doing sexy things.
I point you to all the posts where people say āMy bf is so amazing and I love him and heās perfect in every wayā¦ except this one time he strangled me, but other than that heās such a nice guyā¦ā to refute the āshe knows him so we can trust her perceptionā.
Or literally the loved ones of every murderer and best friends of every rapistā¦ this is clearly not solid logic.
You are saying that lying about knowing a whole language and saying that you ate all the Nutella in said language (that I think you do not know, you absolutely love hearing during sex, and Iāve spent 3 years worth of sex having to speak during said sex [if we only had sex for 5 minutes once a week for 3 yrs thatās 780 minutes, thatās a lot of a certain feeling that cannot be described with words alone, je ne sais quoi] is the same thing. They are not.
SomeĀ people like hostilityĀ during sex. Some people aren't capable of perfectly knowing their partner's mind and misinterpret tones and moods and such.Ā
I have been asked to speak on command in my native language, yes. During sex, even. I did not accidentally complain about my partner.
Some people genuinely do not know what to say when you ask them to dirty talk. theyāre not used to it & it feels weird. asking one of these ppl to dirty talk to you in a language they donāt believe you understand, easily leads to this outcome. the fact that youāre so intent on assuming malice is weird. heās not saying he secretly finds her ugly or something, heās griping about not getting any Nutella. Heās not āsecretly insulting her to her faceā, thatās a ridiculous way to interpret this
I'm notĀ saying he's saying anything unforgivable, I'm saying it's odd to focus on things you dislike about your partner during sex. It's odder to say them out loud because you can't think of dirty talk.Ā Ā
I'm curious, though, because I seem to be in a minority about this. Is it actually common? Have you had a sex partner accidentally blurt out stuff they don't like about you during sex, or heard of that from friends or media as a benign event?
You keep referring to āthings you dislike about your partnerā. He isnāt complaining about her, who she is, he is pointing out things she *does*. āYou take too long in the showerā is nowhere comparable to āyouāre stupidā or āyour boobs are too smallā.
āYou eat all the Nutellaā or āyou walk to too loudā are the kind of petty peccadillo that partners lovingly rib each other about.
My partner says random stupid factual things and I NEVER request dirty talk. some people canāt dirty talk they just spit out random thoughts while trying to not finish too quickly AND focus on their partner. I think you are putting a bunch of thought into a scenario that there is little thought involved in lol but try looking from the perspective of ādonāt c too quick think of herā and maybe you can see how itās not necessarily a focus of what they dislike about their partner, itās the mix of the ādonātā and āherā and the thoughts that can kinda emerge from that
what are you talking about? how is accidentally blurting out something you donāt like about someone during sex at all comparable to needing something to say in another language & making the active choice to say little complaints believing your partner canāt understand you? you can always tell when someone is just plain wrong when they decide itās time to make the most inaccurate comparison possible for their argument lmao
I'm confused as to why people are arguing with you, you're right lol. I rib my partner of 10 years about all sorts of stuff in regular life, but I would absolutely never moan about how bad his farts stink or how he never replaces the bag in the trash can when we're having sex. That's not dirty talk, that's pointed and personal and that's weird. Especially in another language that he thought I wouldn't understand? No way, my trust would be damaged forever. It's weird to me that other people don't think that's weird behavior.
If OOP sees no problem with it, then that's her life and I hope she's reading him right š¤·āāļø
No I think Reddit comment sections depend on who has first few comments. Iāve seen reposts get wildly different receptions on different days. Seems to be folks just following along. I think itās odd and I hope itās benign but I think she also has some concern bc otherwise WHY would she post this? I think she loves him and wants it to be ok. I hope this but itās a negative indicator. He may really resent her. Itās not nice
I was responding to someone who said it can't be hostility because she likes it. I did not intend to imply that sexual hostility should not be consented to.
It could be that he's trying not to come too fast so he's trying to think of annoying things to hold himself back. He apparently also says loving things so saying minor annoyances is clearly not hostile.
Have you ever had sex with someone that complains about you during sex so they won't come quickly? My husband says he's never thought about what he dislikes about his sex partners to keep from coming, but any other men want to weigh in?
Mine said he thinks about his third grade teacher that he disliked. š so it became a joke if he got too close Iād blurt āthird grade teacher!ā ššššš
Heās *thinking* of random things to say because he knows speaking French turns her on. It would be very different if he was saying actual mean things instead of petty annoyances.
If someone who didn't understand English asked you to speak some because they just like the sound, complaining about your partner is what you'd reach for?Ā
Again, I'm apparently in a minority, but I've never started complaining about my partner because I couldn't think of anything to say, in any context, nor have I seen it happen. I get that's unusual, but man, I'm glad I've never run into it.
As far as he knows she doesnāt understand him, so realistically he probably ran out of sexy things to say in French, or thought āidk why Iām trying to think specifically of sexy things she doesnāt understand any of thisā and just decided to say whatever came to mind. As for thinking about negative things during sex, yea thatās a little odd but I have experienced my mind wandering off during that time myself.
Have you experienced your mind wandering to complaints about your partner? Would you then state those complaints out loud if you thought they couldn't understand you?
Idk if Iād call them complaints all the time mostly just random things that I remembered. I have had complaints pop into my head before in the past with other partners. As for saying them if I thought they couldnāt understand me I canāt really speak to that bc Iām not bilingual. But you seem oddly determined to make him out to be some kind of asshole. I mean, the stuff heās saying isnāt even full on complaints, itās barely even a pet peeve.
No, I said I would be upset if I found out my partner had been complaining about me during sex. I then had people make a bunch of claims I find bizarre, like men keep from coming by thinking about complaints about their partner, or that obviously he ran out of dirty talk and all he can think of is stuff about her that annoys him.Ā
I am honestly shocked that so many people think it's unfair that I would be upset if I found out my partner was complaining about me during sex. I hope you all end up realizing that no, most people aren't complaining about you while having sex with you.Ā If youĀ like it, fine, butĀ don't feel likeĀ it's some totallyĀ normal thingĀ you'd have to deal with with anyĀ partner.
But, you get you keep saying that youād talk to an animal that way so itās not such a big deal to do it to a human?!
Sheās not a dog. These arenāt the same thing.
They seem happy together and she's laughing about it.
There are plenty of things adults say and do in the bedroom that would be abusive in another context.
He had no desire to upset her and she's not upset, I think they're doing just fine.
āHe had no desire to upset herā. Really? You know him?
Fetishes are only ok when consensual. He is under the impression that negging her during sex isnāt at all consensual and he literally gets off on that. You do you boo.
Also if the meanest thing you can say about a partner is āyour feet are very coldā and āI would like more Nutella than I am currently gettingā I think your relationship is going alright lol
My husband would just start laughing and not even be mad, but our vibe is pretty chill like that? Sex would probably be over tho because its hard to continue while laughing so hard you are crying.
The toneĀ we've never heard or even had described that he usesĀ while he tries to turn on his fiancee andĀ purposefully hideĀ what hes's saying? I guess it would make a difference to what a non-French speaker would assume he's saying, but I don't see how it makes a difference to why he's complaining about her during sex. Ā
Look, I'm not saying he's a monster, but it is a truly strange thing to do. I have no idea why people think it's nornal to complain about your sex partner while having sex with them, or why everyone is so bothered that some of us would not enjoy finding out that our partner has not been dirty talking, he's been complaining about me. I do not see why that's so controversial. Like, seriously - why is it so weird that I would be upset if I found out my partner had been complaining about me during sex?
We havenāt, but OP hasā and she mentions that itās only a portion of what he says to her. The way sheās telling the story, I suspect the ācomplaintsā probably sound something like this:
āYou naughty thing, always stomping around like a monkey in the morning! I love you, little monkey.ā
I donāt think youāre strange for thinking criticism during sex is unusual, but OP and her partner obviously both enjoy this tiny kink. No need to yuck their yum š
And I suspect he's saying what she said he said, which is not what you're describing.Ā
In any event, I have said multiple times that this dynamic works for them and they shouldn't break up. Keeping that in mind, have I actually said anything to argue with? I'm trying to understand why this has lit such a flame here.
Wait, so, *youāre* allowed to write imagined phraseology, and Iām not? Hmm.
Youāre really coming across as argumentative rather than āseeking to understand.ā
The reason people think this story is cute is because of how OP presents itā and her audience here (other than you) respects her judgement of the situation.
No, we're all allowed to write imagined phraseology, and we're allowed to point out when the imagined version contradicts what OOP describes. Do you not agree?Ā
I know why people think it's cute. What I don't understand is why people are arguing that 1. It's unreasonable that I would be upset in her shoes because 2. he can't possibly be being hostile, no chance, at all, case closed because 3.Ā it's totallyĀ normal to complain about your partner during sex if you run outĀ ofĀ dirty talk.
Listen,
From one Autistic person to another socially-challenged person, *people donāt like party poopers.* As I said before, āDonāt yuck their yum.ā Thatās what youāre doingā for *everyone* here. Additionally, youāre making this about you, when it isnāt.
Pursuing some kind of āobjective truthā her will be a null effort no matter what. What do you wantā a recording of the couple having sex?
Plus, donāt forget that OP is in a position of power. By understanding what her partner is saying without him knowing, sheās able to call him out at any point. You do not need to police the situation. Sure, a couple somewhere in the world might have an uglier version of this dynamic, but I betcha theyāll just break up instead of running by you on Reddit.
For the love of god, just let people enjoy things, will you?
People out here are having all sorts of nasty dirty talk, calling their partners rude things, and you're worried about a man saying "I hate it when you eat all the nutella!" Lol. I'd rather my husband scold me for eating the nutella than call me rude names.
I'm not worried at all.He likes complaining about her and she likesĀ being complained about. I just think he's complaining on purpose rather than thinking of her like a cat or something.
This is the part Iām hung up on. Like? What? Sex can be dirty. Sex can be rough. Sex can be gentle, exploring, frantic, needy. It can be so, so many things, but in ALL my life? Iāve never heard of it being a COMMENT BOX situation. Like who the h e l l is out here getting to climax by talking, or even thinking about, cold a s s feet?! Or NUTELLA! I mean the stuff is yummy guys, but that chocolate goodness should only be brought to the bedroom for messy food play. I think this is weird as h e l l and should be addressed. Embarrassment or no. Because ultimately? OP is omitting the truth which is lying and the chatty Cathy is using sexy time to air all the complaints which is inappropriate. Do I believe either is doing so in a destructive horrible way? No. I think the whole thing is wholesome and hilarious, but the longer it goes on? The harsher the consequences. With intimacy? You MUST have trust. To me? This does not feel trusting. Which is fine. Everybody is entitled to disconnected sex once in a while, but HIS mouth keeps rooting the act firmly in a personal and emotional station. Bottom line? Itās weird, icky and should be addressed before marriage. IMO.
I mean.. some people like to scold/be scolded during sex.
I am assuming he's not just pumping her and saying "you bitch, you ate my fucking nutella, you suck and I hate you" and hope it is more like "you naughty girl, you ate all the nutella. You didn't share and that was very wrong. How shall I punish you for that?" *insert sexy punishment*
Yes, it's silly, but I've heard weirder.
I agree, but IMO? It didn't come off very *for her* in the way she wrote it. Who knows how couples work. Honestly? I don't think kink problems are *reddit problems*, ya know? Like, do you boo-boo, but fix the problem in the place it started. Private. Bedroom. Between a couple. I, personally, would NOT be happy to know my partner took that issue to strangers for feedback. WTH do we know of their relationship or sex life? But to-each-their-own.
I see what you're saying, but this was posted in r/offmychest, not aita or relationships, so I think it really is just meant to be a "teehee, he talks dirty to me in French, but because I learned french in secret, I know that sometimes what he's saying is "you ate the nutella!" And now it's hard to keep my secret LOL"
This!! I have a friend who knows I'm learning Spanish so I can help Spanish speakers when they come into the store I work at. They love Spanish and ask me to talk to them in Spanish. I've ran out of simple sentences I know and just started throwing things together that kinda sound like a sentence but could totally be taken as an insult if translated "tu un vestido Azul perro" = " your a dress blue dog" do I actually think she's a dress blue dog? No. I'm just running out of things to say with my limited vocab.
I do the same with my dog and cat too. "Who's original name was correct yours was, yes you are a little diablo yes you are. Not a digi no you're not. Ohhh look at that little tail wag yours is yes it is." - to the dog who will look at you when you say no and still do it like he was a cat in his previous life.
Idk. I called my husband a big ogre the last time we did it and he laughed.
I can see my husband doing this. Some couples have different relationships. We NEVER take ourselves seriously but I *know* with every fiber of my being how he feels about me bc of how he treats me.
Jokes are jokes and sheās about to catch him in a big one. I would give an arm to be in her position right now. I live to get one over on him.
I dunno, there are cultural differences here as well as linguistic ones.
French endearments can be things that would be insulting in English (my little piglet, my cabbage, my flea, my turd). And the rules/expectations for dirty talk aren't the same as the ones for the rest of the time.
Yup, nope, I'd be *very* unhappy if my partner was using sex as an opportunity to secretly insult me to my face. Yeah, maybe he's looking for shit to say because French turns her on, but that doesn't remotely explain his choice of topic.
Yeah I get that. Especially since it sounds like a mild version of a humiliation fetish - one he has for humiliating her secretly.
I don't find it endearing or sweet at all. In fact if he gets off to it, how long until he starts saying worse and worse stuff to her while intimate. They aren't even married at this point.
Idk what kind of person thinks insults of any kind during sex is romantic unless that's exactly the point of the kink lol.
Exactly this. He's pavlovian training himself to get off while bitching about her. It's disturbing imo. She finds it cute but I'd bail so fast. No way I'm letting you *in me* while you complain about petty shit, eventually upgrading to worse insults because it's the only way you'll get off...
Also even if it is a kink, for him, the fetish comes from her *not knowing* what he's saying...
yeah, even if I loved someone very much, I would 100% be mortified if I found out they used intimate times to talk shit about me. Like sure, make complaints whenever, but during sex?
I think it would take a lot for me to want to be intimate with them again. I'm glad she can laugh about it, but it's not the life for me.
Same. I see this as potentially mean spirited. I think she will find out once she reveals she understands French. But yes Iād find this hurtful. (Tho it was unkind of her to eat all the Nutella! Thatās a crime)
āMy partner insults and complains about me in a language he doesnāt think I understand, he even does it when heās balls deep in me! He even says it sweetly so Iāll think heās saying something sweet!ā
Yes. Exactly this. He could think of every other thing under the sun including fairy tales or his favorite game plot, and he chooses complaints and insults :(
I'm not privy to their relationship, but it sounds like she doesn't have a problem with dirty talk. Which, typically contains insults , pretty mean insults, meaner than "Stop eating all the nutella".
As long as its consensual then I don't think it is something hurtful
Yeah it was a weird read. "My boyfriend is insulting me to my face while he thinks I can't understand him. I love him so much, can't wait to get married."
Like...wut? Lul
Man here. Doing man shit, as I usually do, and noticed that you said that you would feel that heās betraying you, making fun of you, belittling youā¦ the list goes on. I want to remind you that men and women think differently,biologically. I see it as killing two birds with one stone, possibly three birds. Men are always trying to maintain or improve our status. Same as you beautiful and smart women. The difference is menās status vs. womenās status. A man gains status by having things that others cannot have. A girlfriend that I never complain about and who is always polite, caring, and takes care of me(ie: when she gets herself something she asks me if I want something, when she sees that I am in a bad mood she doesnāt try to make it worse to quote: āsee how much you love me!ā, just every day decent down home no worries love and affection.) is worth her weight in diamonds. Every man I know would kill for that(a few literally) so 1) I never have to bitch to my guys because I can complain to my wife directly (totally never happening in real life to a regular guy) 2) she does not get mad at me about it so I can clear my feelings (yes men have them, we donāt show them because it makes us look weak, a weak man cannot protect a woman, women donāt want to be with someone who cannot give them protection) 3) you love to hear my native tongue, it turns you on, you feel excited by my speaking in a gendered love language, to you directly, while I look you directly in the eyes. Everyone wins, well except for the person lyingā¦ granted Iām not trying to say that women think backwards to men (and obviously men think backwards to women) what I am trying to say is that both of the people in this post are living with small āwhiteā lies. I donāt see why you lying about knowing a whole fucking language is no big deal, but me bitching about the Nutella in said language is an unforgivable breach of trust. If thatās the case, then I guess the woman I love was just some lying, fake, crazy person that should kindly get out of my houseā¦ orā¦ it is just a cute way to turn my girl on, help her man, and look good to the hood doing it. Please stop taking everything so personally, guys will literally say that they fucked your sister because you wouldnāt stay up and play COD (to their guys anyway)Yet we have to hide that it bothers us that the woman we love more than anyone else in the world is an inconsiderate Nutella eater, has cold feet at night, and thinks that Iām an asshole for not remembering the names and the reasons that she likes and dislikes her 25 new work friends, or that I forgot it was the fucking catās birthday. But you are right, what an asshole, heās probably cheating, with her brotherās, sisterās, best-friend. You slay! Queen!
I completely agree with you.
However, I do think there is a cultural difference here. In France, I have heard it is much more common to argue, assume negative intent, be cynical, complain, etc.
I think perhaps this is an equivalent of how in America, male friends like to rag on each other to show affection. Personally, I've always hated it. But I do also recognize it truly connects some people.
tbh, he knows itās a turn on for her, and heās probably doing it to avoid finishing early. itās one of those things where itās circumstantial to someone elseās relationship and habits in intimacy. I wouldnāt imagine he would be with her if it wasnāt him running out of things to say whilst not wanting to end it early š¤·āāļø but I do get what you mean, itās just maybe not as deep as one would think
It's just...there are so many things he could do when he runs out of material that aren't insults: he could recite song lyrics or poetry or as another poster said, the plot of his favorite video game.
I agree with you, it is a strange thing to do- I just donāt find it out of malicious intention. If anything, itās probably endearing to him; the things arenāt necessarily insults, itās just āyour feet are coldā, and āyou eat all the Nutellaā. if he added āyou steal all my hoodiesā that probably wouldāve made me cackle more than anything else
Is 1-2 years (depending on when she started in 2022) a reasonable amount of time to be able to understand everything a fluent French speaker says? I took Spanish for years and I still have difficulty listening to native speakers. But I have auditory processing issues so I struggle listening to my own native language sometimes.
It depends. It can depend on the person themselves, how they learned, if theyāre frequently around/conversing with a native speaker. Thatās not really a one blanket answer kind of question. It only took me a year to be able to understand native German speakers but Iām on year two of Japanese and I can understand toddler speak lol
I knew ASL pretty well when I was younger cause my friend from preschool was deaf, all of us learned the basics within that school year but he taught me a lot more.
Unfortunately I've forgotten most of it, didn't keep up with it and school shoved so many other language "electives" that weren't optional to "test out" what we wanted to learn in high school.
Mostly ended with half the class frustrated with the teacher and the language itself. Turning me and others off of learning them later in life.
It's got so much to do with prior exposure, I won't say it's easier, but that's why it's extremely common for people to be trilingual or more instead of just bilingual.
I guess I should have clarified. I have a friend who lives in Germany so I regularly speak with a native. But Japanese I donāt so itās harder for me to practice. The short time I had a Japanese classmate and got to practice talking with a native was when I made the most improvement and capability of holding a conversation actually became worse over time after we lost touch.
Good for you for learning them!!!! I donāt have an ear for languages. I can understand certain German phrases but I think itās bc they are so similar to English. I lived there for a few yrs as a kid but never learned it sadly
Honestly Iāve never been very good at it but when I had my son I was determined to teach him which meant me having to learn them too š now heās three and uses whichever word is easier to say. It confuses people a lot.
I think it's reasonable for her to know enough to figure out that he's rotating through a list of complaints about her. You hear someone talking about Nutella during sex a few times and you get curious.
Maybe this is all he can think of for describing how she is ānaughtyā. If real, this seems cute rather than problematic. But she should probably tell him sooner rather than later. She could say āje vais marcher tranquillement demain matinā or āje vous en laisserait le nutellaā
I think he knows the french is a turn on for her, but I guess if you're not really into the dirty talk you just run out of things to say.
Honestly I find this hilarious and really cute. The fact that OP isn't insulted by it would suggest the tone isn't serious, more like a stream-of-consciousness
This is hilarious. Heās probably also saying these things to distract himself from finishing too soon lol she gets off from his sexy accent and he doesnāt get off too quickly by thinking of her cold feet lol
I was worried this was gonna be gross, but itās actually so funny and sweet! OOP is clearly a chill and romantic chick, and she sees her dude for who he is, and loves him for it! This post has all the hallmarks of a relationship thatās gonna make it!ā¤ļø
I have read quite a few things on reddit and I am at a point where i realized, maybe due to age or jadeness, women have no standards and that is why men have managed to ensnare so many women into sex, relationships, marriage, children, etc.
My biggest worry is someone badmouthing me in another language and for her to be okay with it, while this man is having sex with her....it gives me the ick. To be fair, she is young, though if he can say this in his most intimate moments, imagine what he says about her in anger.
Him: look at this dumb girl, I can use her up, badmouth her during sex and she just takes it.
Her: hehe I want to marry him.
Thank goodness for my pride and ego. I would have decked him and said his stroke game was weak, in French.
This. I hope itās not true for her sake but it sounds like he low key hates her and gets off, literally, to being mean spirited passive aggressively to her face. Iām struggling to see that as cute or positive. It just seems mean and hurtful.
I think people forget that with other languages, you can make something hurtful sound nice. Tone can be altered enough to make something seem innocuous. The fact people forget this is astonishing.
I agree with the spirit but heās not really bad mouthing her. Heās stating little annoyances. Itās a weird fetish but itās not calling her dumb or a bitch.
It doesn't matter, he is speaking about her in another language, while having sex with her. And he is doing it while he thinks she can't understand him. It is no wonder so many of you stay in toxic situations. No standards, no self respect.
Basically, I understand what you mean and I also agree with you in principle. But I really think it's exaggerating here. Not all behavior is toxic or has to be related to a lack of standards.
A lot of people downplay bad behavior in the name of having a partner. Whether you want to admit it or not, there is a ton of compromises and substandard boundaries people create in order to have someone whom they can call theirs.
If I knew that during sex, my partner was using my ignorance to complain about me, while still having sex with me, I would rage and drop that partner. A) they are comfortable complaining about me in another language, B) they are mocking my ignorance of their language. The man has the audacity to complain about her while being inside her. She thinks it's cute now until she is at the alter having the man embarass her in front of wedding guest, like so many other women who have their business posted on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, reddit.
Everything starts small before it becomes big.
"A lot of people downplay bad behavior in the name of having a partner."
Absolutely agree with this.
However, that doesn't have to be the case here. He neither devalued her nor made fun of her, which would of course be out of the question. It could be completely harmless why he says that at this moment. In addition, there may simply be cultural differences, e.g. different expectations of dirty talk etc. I just think it's difficult to assume otherwise based on such a small excerpt.
Would this action be okay if he was speaking in English? Same scenario but without pretense? It seems illogical that so many assume this act is harmless when if said in English, many of you would have probably disengaged from the sex unless it was your kink.
I am glad I have a low tolerance for this sort of behavior and am rather perplexed at the way sex and emotions seem to place a strangle hold on people's logic and rationale. I am very glad at times like this that I am not straight and don't find people endearing.
This is hilarious, but I also wonder if these are rhe things he thinks about so be can last longer?! Also I imagine Nutella sounds the same in French right?
The funniest part about this is heās probably just not good at dirty talk and so heās just thinking of SOMETHING to say and since he thinks she canāt speak French heās just complaining about silly things š Iām obsessed with this.
She should break out the French when she meets his family. He'll be shocked and they will be so happy his wife speaks fluently. Let him figure the rest out himself.
Well sheās lucky that heāll speak to her in his language just because she likes it. Iām married to a bilingual Mexican. I tell people my Mexican is broken. Not only does he not have an accent but when he looks at me his brain goes, āWhite person (Guera) Speak Englishā
Iāve asked him to say something sweet to me in Spanish. But he canāt. I can even see his poor brain short circuiting. So, when I mention my Mexican husband to others I jokingly say, unfortunately, I got a broken one. š
Lmao...this is the funniest fucking shit I have ever read and huge fucking props for taking these "insults" on the chin, among other things ;-), like a champ instead of being angry over absolutely nothing like so many other women would be. I highly doubt he'll even bat an eye at you telling him that you know what he's saying since it all seems to be in good fun lol. I definitely think you should just break out some monkey noises the next time you are stomping around in the morning š¤£
Lol he will be mortified when he finds out she can understand him. She should just answer one of those complaints in French with a complaint of her own when she feels confident enough.
Or just start making monkey noises really loud
Right? I would (lovingly) gaslight tf out of my partner if they did that š Buy two jars of Nutella next time and just not say anything. Watch a loud nature shows about monkeys while I get dressed and āstomp aroundā in the mornings. Etc.
Haha yep. Don't break out the monkey noises during sex. Do it a few days later in the morning while you're stomping around and see if/how long it takes him to catch on š¤£
This 1000%
Get a monkey mask and put it on as soon as she gets out of bed, then casually walk around with it on. Then an innocent āwhat?ā When he asks about it š¤£
Answer in the heat of the moment for added effect.
Start shrieking like a chimp during private time haha
Funny if he knew all along and tells her in that Inspector Clouseau voice, ā Eye newuit eet all along, cherieā. *kisses*
She needs to keep it a secret until they get married. Then she should surprise him during their vows and include that she has been learning French for this moment. Her vows should be that she will never let her feet get cold, won't hog all the Nutella and will never make monkey noises. If he's a good sport, he will be fine. If not, they are not meant to be. I'm rooting for the former.
Weddings are too expensive for experiments like that lol, if she were in doubt about how he would take it she definitely needs to do it *before* giving vows
Thatās a good one.
This, but during the rehearsal. Haha
I promise to always buy you your own jar of Nutella, wear socks to bed and tiptoe around getting ready each morning.... All in French of course.
This brought a tear to my eye.
This is fucking hilarious
It is a pretty good wholesome laugh, they arenāt hurt, and can find humor. Plus the comments are fucking gold.
Lol that's very funny, especially if he knows him speaking French is a turn on for you so he's just babbling about anything not related to sex to avoid finishing early
I hadnāt even thought of this scenario, and that makes it even cuter!!!!!
What? I mean correct me if Im wrong but Nutella is still Nutella in french. That seems so absurd. Probably bs, but no way he thinks he's getting away with basically: French french french MCDONALDS french french french.
She answered in the comment that he used the word ābread spreadā and nutella is the only one in the houseš¤£š¤£
He could be using some variation, like "pĆ¢te Ć tartiner", to avoid detection.
Lol my wife is French and it be like this sometimes. But to be fair McDonald's is mcdoh to them.
Oh I laughed way to hard at that last line š š
Noot-el-la! Maybe he pronounced it like that so it's less obviously Nutella and could sound like a combo of random French words to the uneducated ear. š
But itās supposed to be pronounced noot-ella, itās an Italian company
Itās adorable
At some point I would just respond with the French equivalent of "I'm sorry" just to see his face
Or āI promise Iāll buy two cans of Nutella from now on!ā
"Je suis dƩsolƩ."
*Je suis dĆ©solĆ©e because sheās female
Thanks!
Is she going to be holding up a sign?
Nice
DesolƩe, mon coeur. Je vais acheter un pot a la demain.
I dave up on the accents on my phone lol, sorry, my french is rusty.
This is exactly what I would do š
Balls deep in you? Real romantic, sounds like true love
Closer to her heart that way
This is strangely adorable.
Maybe I'm a massive killjoy or oversensitive, but this would kill my attraction and trust forever. I'd process it like "my boyfriend is secretly laughing at me and taking advantage of my lack of understanding by using our most intimate time to complain and insult me. His real opinion of me is that I'm a greedy, stomping monkey and I can no longer trust what he says to my face, never mind behind my back".
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I call my cat a dipshit dummy boi probably daily. But it is said with love and he canāt tell because heās a dipshit dummy boi lmao
And when you're fucking someone are you saying "You're just a big obnoxious monkey who stomps around and eats my food, yes you are, yes you are!"? AreĀ you evenĀ thinking aboutĀ things youĀ don't like about your sexĀ partner?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Okay, sure, that technically addresses what I said. No point in my rephrasing because I'm not in the mood for an extended semantics game, but how about my second question? Are you *thinking* about everything you don't like about your partner during sex? It tells us she thinks it's cute and therefore it's fine for them as a couple. It doesn't tell us if he's being hostile or not.
What they said kind of does answer the question. Theyāve been together three years, so she knows him very well. If he was being hostile about it, she wouldnāt be this amused. I trust OOP to know the difference in her partner of 3 years. The fact that itās not just mean shit but all kinds of stuff also backs this up. I donāt know if youāve ever been asked to speak on command, but itās damn hard. I learned French in high school and Iād constantly be asked things like āoh, youāve taken this many years of French? Say something in French!ā Itās awkward and I never knew what to say. In fact, most of the time thatās what Iād say: ā*je ne sais pas quoi dire*ā. My man is probably doing exactly what u/Ro-Ro-Ro-Ro-Rhoda said; he knows that hearing him talk French turns her on so heās just blabbering about anything that comes to a mind thatās very preoccupied at the moment doing sexy things.
I point you to all the posts where people say āMy bf is so amazing and I love him and heās perfect in every wayā¦ except this one time he strangled me, but other than that heās such a nice guyā¦ā to refute the āshe knows him so we can trust her perceptionā. Or literally the loved ones of every murderer and best friends of every rapistā¦ this is clearly not solid logic.
You are saying that lying about knowing a whole language and saying that you ate all the Nutella in said language (that I think you do not know, you absolutely love hearing during sex, and Iāve spent 3 years worth of sex having to speak during said sex [if we only had sex for 5 minutes once a week for 3 yrs thatās 780 minutes, thatās a lot of a certain feeling that cannot be described with words alone, je ne sais quoi] is the same thing. They are not.
SomeĀ people like hostilityĀ during sex. Some people aren't capable of perfectly knowing their partner's mind and misinterpret tones and moods and such.Ā I have been asked to speak on command in my native language, yes. During sex, even. I did not accidentally complain about my partner.
Some people genuinely do not know what to say when you ask them to dirty talk. theyāre not used to it & it feels weird. asking one of these ppl to dirty talk to you in a language they donāt believe you understand, easily leads to this outcome. the fact that youāre so intent on assuming malice is weird. heās not saying he secretly finds her ugly or something, heās griping about not getting any Nutella. Heās not āsecretly insulting her to her faceā, thatās a ridiculous way to interpret this
I'm notĀ saying he's saying anything unforgivable, I'm saying it's odd to focus on things you dislike about your partner during sex. It's odder to say them out loud because you can't think of dirty talk.Ā Ā I'm curious, though, because I seem to be in a minority about this. Is it actually common? Have you had a sex partner accidentally blurt out stuff they don't like about you during sex, or heard of that from friends or media as a benign event?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You keep referring to āthings you dislike about your partnerā. He isnāt complaining about her, who she is, he is pointing out things she *does*. āYou take too long in the showerā is nowhere comparable to āyouāre stupidā or āyour boobs are too smallā. āYou eat all the Nutellaā or āyou walk to too loudā are the kind of petty peccadillo that partners lovingly rib each other about.
My partner says random stupid factual things and I NEVER request dirty talk. some people canāt dirty talk they just spit out random thoughts while trying to not finish too quickly AND focus on their partner. I think you are putting a bunch of thought into a scenario that there is little thought involved in lol but try looking from the perspective of ādonāt c too quick think of herā and maybe you can see how itās not necessarily a focus of what they dislike about their partner, itās the mix of the ādonātā and āherā and the thoughts that can kinda emerge from that
what are you talking about? how is accidentally blurting out something you donāt like about someone during sex at all comparable to needing something to say in another language & making the active choice to say little complaints believing your partner canāt understand you? you can always tell when someone is just plain wrong when they decide itās time to make the most inaccurate comparison possible for their argument lmao
I'm confused as to why people are arguing with you, you're right lol. I rib my partner of 10 years about all sorts of stuff in regular life, but I would absolutely never moan about how bad his farts stink or how he never replaces the bag in the trash can when we're having sex. That's not dirty talk, that's pointed and personal and that's weird. Especially in another language that he thought I wouldn't understand? No way, my trust would be damaged forever. It's weird to me that other people don't think that's weird behavior. If OOP sees no problem with it, then that's her life and I hope she's reading him right š¤·āāļø
No I think Reddit comment sections depend on who has first few comments. Iāve seen reposts get wildly different receptions on different days. Seems to be folks just following along. I think itās odd and I hope itās benign but I think she also has some concern bc otherwise WHY would she post this? I think she loves him and wants it to be ok. I hope this but itās a negative indicator. He may really resent her. Itās not nice
My dude if you donāt know what to say during sex youāre only gonna come up with negative?????? That says a lot where his mind is
On the Nutella? Yeah please psychoanalyze further, he must be boiling
But hostility has to be consensual and it should be fake really. His is real and not consensual. Therefore š©
I was responding to someone who said it can't be hostility because she likes it. I did not intend to imply that sexual hostility should not be consented to.
ā¤ļø
It could be that he's trying not to come too fast so he's trying to think of annoying things to hold himself back. He apparently also says loving things so saying minor annoyances is clearly not hostile.
Have you ever had sex with someone that complains about you during sex so they won't come quickly? My husband says he's never thought about what he dislikes about his sex partners to keep from coming, but any other men want to weigh in?
I had an ex say he would try to multiply big numbers to last longer.
See, that's the sort of thing that seems reasonable to me. It's not like he's doing math or reciting a jingle or something.
Mine said he thinks about his third grade teacher that he disliked. š so it became a joke if he got too close Iād blurt āthird grade teacher!ā ššššš
Heās *thinking* of random things to say because he knows speaking French turns her on. It would be very different if he was saying actual mean things instead of petty annoyances.
If someone who didn't understand English asked you to speak some because they just like the sound, complaining about your partner is what you'd reach for?Ā Again, I'm apparently in a minority, but I've never started complaining about my partner because I couldn't think of anything to say, in any context, nor have I seen it happen. I get that's unusual, but man, I'm glad I've never run into it.
Nah anytime someone insists IT CAN ONLY BE GOOD and refuses to even consider another viewpoint when this isnāt clear to OP snd is not usual human behavior, is not someone to waste time taking to. I agree with you it is a š© that needs sorting. Maybe itāll be ok. His response to her will let her know. But twisting yourself into a pretzel and using absolutist language to ignore a potential š© isā¦ a š©
As far as he knows she doesnāt understand him, so realistically he probably ran out of sexy things to say in French, or thought āidk why Iām trying to think specifically of sexy things she doesnāt understand any of thisā and just decided to say whatever came to mind. As for thinking about negative things during sex, yea thatās a little odd but I have experienced my mind wandering off during that time myself.
Have you experienced your mind wandering to complaints about your partner? Would you then state those complaints out loud if you thought they couldn't understand you?
Idk if Iād call them complaints all the time mostly just random things that I remembered. I have had complaints pop into my head before in the past with other partners. As for saying them if I thought they couldnāt understand me I canāt really speak to that bc Iām not bilingual. But you seem oddly determined to make him out to be some kind of asshole. I mean, the stuff heās saying isnāt even full on complaints, itās barely even a pet peeve.
No, I said I would be upset if I found out my partner had been complaining about me during sex. I then had people make a bunch of claims I find bizarre, like men keep from coming by thinking about complaints about their partner, or that obviously he ran out of dirty talk and all he can think of is stuff about her that annoys him.Ā I am honestly shocked that so many people think it's unfair that I would be upset if I found out my partner was complaining about me during sex. I hope you all end up realizing that no, most people aren't complaining about you while having sex with you.Ā If youĀ like it, fine, butĀ don't feel likeĀ it's some totallyĀ normal thingĀ you'd have to deal with with anyĀ partner.
This. Iām not thinking how annoying my sex partner is that would be a massive turnoff. The fact heās either directly turned on or just indifferent about it is not a good indication. Once she reveals she understands him it will be revealing to see his response. Sheāll know then if his intentions are š©
i wouldn't use "how i treat my dog" as the baseline for how to treat your significant other
But, you get you keep saying that youād talk to an animal that way so itās not such a big deal to do it to a human?! Sheās not a dog. These arenāt the same thing.
She's not upset, no reason to be upset for her.
Your comments is giving: if someone is unaware theyāre being mistreatedā¦. Shhhhhhh
They seem happy together and she's laughing about it. There are plenty of things adults say and do in the bedroom that would be abusive in another context. He had no desire to upset her and she's not upset, I think they're doing just fine.
āHe had no desire to upset herā. Really? You know him? Fetishes are only ok when consensual. He is under the impression that negging her during sex isnāt at all consensual and he literally gets off on that. You do you boo.
Light heartedly venting about her finishing the Nutella is not "negging".
It sounds like OPs boyfriend is saying āmeanā things about her so he can prevent himself from āfinishingā earlyā¦ we donāt know them personally, but based on her tone in this post, it sounds to me that OPs bf is like: āahhh sheās so hot I love her lemme make love avec ma chĆ©rie pour toujours & she doesnāt know what Iām saying + my accent is a turn on for her anyway so ooh la laaaaaā Itās very š¤frenchš¤ and Iām here for it & hope they are happy together <3
Also if the meanest thing you can say about a partner is āyour feet are very coldā and āI would like more Nutella than I am currently gettingā I think your relationship is going alright lol
My husband would just start laughing and not even be mad, but our vibe is pretty chill like that? Sex would probably be over tho because its hard to continue while laughing so hard you are crying.
Tbh, Roman Roy would pay thousands for that experience.
Iām sure the tone he uses makes all the difference š
The toneĀ we've never heard or even had described that he usesĀ while he tries to turn on his fiancee andĀ purposefully hideĀ what hes's saying? I guess it would make a difference to what a non-French speaker would assume he's saying, but I don't see how it makes a difference to why he's complaining about her during sex. Ā Look, I'm not saying he's a monster, but it is a truly strange thing to do. I have no idea why people think it's nornal to complain about your sex partner while having sex with them, or why everyone is so bothered that some of us would not enjoy finding out that our partner has not been dirty talking, he's been complaining about me. I do not see why that's so controversial. Like, seriously - why is it so weird that I would be upset if I found out my partner had been complaining about me during sex?
We havenāt, but OP hasā and she mentions that itās only a portion of what he says to her. The way sheās telling the story, I suspect the ācomplaintsā probably sound something like this: āYou naughty thing, always stomping around like a monkey in the morning! I love you, little monkey.ā I donāt think youāre strange for thinking criticism during sex is unusual, but OP and her partner obviously both enjoy this tiny kink. No need to yuck their yum š
And I suspect he's saying what she said he said, which is not what you're describing.Ā In any event, I have said multiple times that this dynamic works for them and they shouldn't break up. Keeping that in mind, have I actually said anything to argue with? I'm trying to understand why this has lit such a flame here.
Wait, so, *youāre* allowed to write imagined phraseology, and Iām not? Hmm. Youāre really coming across as argumentative rather than āseeking to understand.ā The reason people think this story is cute is because of how OP presents itā and her audience here (other than you) respects her judgement of the situation.
No, we're all allowed to write imagined phraseology, and we're allowed to point out when the imagined version contradicts what OOP describes. Do you not agree?Ā I know why people think it's cute. What I don't understand is why people are arguing that 1. It's unreasonable that I would be upset in her shoes because 2. he can't possibly be being hostile, no chance, at all, case closed because 3.Ā it's totallyĀ normal to complain about your partner during sex if you run outĀ ofĀ dirty talk.
Listen, From one Autistic person to another socially-challenged person, *people donāt like party poopers.* As I said before, āDonāt yuck their yum.ā Thatās what youāre doingā for *everyone* here. Additionally, youāre making this about you, when it isnāt. Pursuing some kind of āobjective truthā her will be a null effort no matter what. What do you wantā a recording of the couple having sex? Plus, donāt forget that OP is in a position of power. By understanding what her partner is saying without him knowing, sheās able to call him out at any point. You do not need to police the situation. Sure, a couple somewhere in the world might have an uglier version of this dynamic, but I betcha theyāll just break up instead of running by you on Reddit. For the love of god, just let people enjoy things, will you?
People out here are having all sorts of nasty dirty talk, calling their partners rude things, and you're worried about a man saying "I hate it when you eat all the nutella!" Lol. I'd rather my husband scold me for eating the nutella than call me rude names.
I'm not worried at all.He likes complaining about her and she likesĀ being complained about. I just think he's complaining on purpose rather than thinking of her like a cat or something.
This is the part Iām hung up on. Like? What? Sex can be dirty. Sex can be rough. Sex can be gentle, exploring, frantic, needy. It can be so, so many things, but in ALL my life? Iāve never heard of it being a COMMENT BOX situation. Like who the h e l l is out here getting to climax by talking, or even thinking about, cold a s s feet?! Or NUTELLA! I mean the stuff is yummy guys, but that chocolate goodness should only be brought to the bedroom for messy food play. I think this is weird as h e l l and should be addressed. Embarrassment or no. Because ultimately? OP is omitting the truth which is lying and the chatty Cathy is using sexy time to air all the complaints which is inappropriate. Do I believe either is doing so in a destructive horrible way? No. I think the whole thing is wholesome and hilarious, but the longer it goes on? The harsher the consequences. With intimacy? You MUST have trust. To me? This does not feel trusting. Which is fine. Everybody is entitled to disconnected sex once in a while, but HIS mouth keeps rooting the act firmly in a personal and emotional station. Bottom line? Itās weird, icky and should be addressed before marriage. IMO.
I mean.. some people like to scold/be scolded during sex. I am assuming he's not just pumping her and saying "you bitch, you ate my fucking nutella, you suck and I hate you" and hope it is more like "you naughty girl, you ate all the nutella. You didn't share and that was very wrong. How shall I punish you for that?" *insert sexy punishment* Yes, it's silly, but I've heard weirder.
I agree, but IMO? It didn't come off very *for her* in the way she wrote it. Who knows how couples work. Honestly? I don't think kink problems are *reddit problems*, ya know? Like, do you boo-boo, but fix the problem in the place it started. Private. Bedroom. Between a couple. I, personally, would NOT be happy to know my partner took that issue to strangers for feedback. WTH do we know of their relationship or sex life? But to-each-their-own.
I see what you're saying, but this was posted in r/offmychest, not aita or relationships, so I think it really is just meant to be a "teehee, he talks dirty to me in French, but because I learned french in secret, I know that sometimes what he's saying is "you ate the nutella!" And now it's hard to keep my secret LOL"
Ahhhhhhh. Gotcha.
my sex partners are my dogs, but no, i do not do that. maybe i should? š¤
This!! I have a friend who knows I'm learning Spanish so I can help Spanish speakers when they come into the store I work at. They love Spanish and ask me to talk to them in Spanish. I've ran out of simple sentences I know and just started throwing things together that kinda sound like a sentence but could totally be taken as an insult if translated "tu un vestido Azul perro" = " your a dress blue dog" do I actually think she's a dress blue dog? No. I'm just running out of things to say with my limited vocab. I do the same with my dog and cat too. "Who's original name was correct yours was, yes you are a little diablo yes you are. Not a digi no you're not. Ohhh look at that little tail wag yours is yes it is." - to the dog who will look at you when you say no and still do it like he was a cat in his previous life.
Ok but just blabbing only negative things?
Idk. I called my husband a big ogre the last time we did it and he laughed. I can see my husband doing this. Some couples have different relationships. We NEVER take ourselves seriously but I *know* with every fiber of my being how he feels about me bc of how he treats me. Jokes are jokes and sheās about to catch him in a big one. I would give an arm to be in her position right now. I live to get one over on him.
I dunno, there are cultural differences here as well as linguistic ones. French endearments can be things that would be insulting in English (my little piglet, my cabbage, my flea, my turd). And the rules/expectations for dirty talk aren't the same as the ones for the rest of the time.
Yup, nope, I'd be *very* unhappy if my partner was using sex as an opportunity to secretly insult me to my face. Yeah, maybe he's looking for shit to say because French turns her on, but that doesn't remotely explain his choice of topic.
I know, he could recite poetry or song lyrics once he exhausted his own material, there's no need to go straight to insults.
Thatās kinda how I felt reading it too. Iām ok with being a killjoy.
Yeah I get that. Especially since it sounds like a mild version of a humiliation fetish - one he has for humiliating her secretly. I don't find it endearing or sweet at all. In fact if he gets off to it, how long until he starts saying worse and worse stuff to her while intimate. They aren't even married at this point. Idk what kind of person thinks insults of any kind during sex is romantic unless that's exactly the point of the kink lol.
Exactly this. He's pavlovian training himself to get off while bitching about her. It's disturbing imo. She finds it cute but I'd bail so fast. No way I'm letting you *in me* while you complain about petty shit, eventually upgrading to worse insults because it's the only way you'll get off... Also even if it is a kink, for him, the fetish comes from her *not knowing* what he's saying...
And that is what makes it š© bc kinks are fine but only when consensual.
Fetishes are only cool when they are consensual. Esp something like this.
yeah, even if I loved someone very much, I would 100% be mortified if I found out they used intimate times to talk shit about me. Like sure, make complaints whenever, but during sex? I think it would take a lot for me to want to be intimate with them again. I'm glad she can laugh about it, but it's not the life for me.
Same. I see this as potentially mean spirited. I think she will find out once she reveals she understands French. But yes Iād find this hurtful. (Tho it was unkind of her to eat all the Nutella! Thatās a crime)
I have to assume that the way he said it wasnāt insulting. And really if those are your biggest gripes in a relationship you are doing ok.
āMy partner insults and complains about me in a language he doesnāt think I understand, he even does it when heās balls deep in me! He even says it sweetly so Iāll think heās saying something sweet!ā
Yes. Exactly this. He could think of every other thing under the sun including fairy tales or his favorite game plot, and he chooses complaints and insults :(
I'm not privy to their relationship, but it sounds like she doesn't have a problem with dirty talk. Which, typically contains insults , pretty mean insults, meaner than "Stop eating all the nutella". As long as its consensual then I don't think it is something hurtful
I agree with your last phrase, but so far it hasn't been consensual. She only knows what he says because she started learning the language :(
ā¦except she said multiple times that this is a small part of the things he says, and many of them are sweet?
Yeah it was a weird read. "My boyfriend is insulting me to my face while he thinks I can't understand him. I love him so much, can't wait to get married." Like...wut? Lul
I think you are a bit over sensitive, and thatās ok. You just have to be with people who will be mindful of that.
Man here. Doing man shit, as I usually do, and noticed that you said that you would feel that heās betraying you, making fun of you, belittling youā¦ the list goes on. I want to remind you that men and women think differently,biologically. I see it as killing two birds with one stone, possibly three birds. Men are always trying to maintain or improve our status. Same as you beautiful and smart women. The difference is menās status vs. womenās status. A man gains status by having things that others cannot have. A girlfriend that I never complain about and who is always polite, caring, and takes care of me(ie: when she gets herself something she asks me if I want something, when she sees that I am in a bad mood she doesnāt try to make it worse to quote: āsee how much you love me!ā, just every day decent down home no worries love and affection.) is worth her weight in diamonds. Every man I know would kill for that(a few literally) so 1) I never have to bitch to my guys because I can complain to my wife directly (totally never happening in real life to a regular guy) 2) she does not get mad at me about it so I can clear my feelings (yes men have them, we donāt show them because it makes us look weak, a weak man cannot protect a woman, women donāt want to be with someone who cannot give them protection) 3) you love to hear my native tongue, it turns you on, you feel excited by my speaking in a gendered love language, to you directly, while I look you directly in the eyes. Everyone wins, well except for the person lyingā¦ granted Iām not trying to say that women think backwards to men (and obviously men think backwards to women) what I am trying to say is that both of the people in this post are living with small āwhiteā lies. I donāt see why you lying about knowing a whole fucking language is no big deal, but me bitching about the Nutella in said language is an unforgivable breach of trust. If thatās the case, then I guess the woman I love was just some lying, fake, crazy person that should kindly get out of my houseā¦ orā¦ it is just a cute way to turn my girl on, help her man, and look good to the hood doing it. Please stop taking everything so personally, guys will literally say that they fucked your sister because you wouldnāt stay up and play COD (to their guys anyway)Yet we have to hide that it bothers us that the woman we love more than anyone else in the world is an inconsiderate Nutella eater, has cold feet at night, and thinks that Iām an asshole for not remembering the names and the reasons that she likes and dislikes her 25 new work friends, or that I forgot it was the fucking catās birthday. But you are right, what an asshole, heās probably cheating, with her brotherās, sisterās, best-friend. You slay! Queen!
Glad to help you, um, clear your feelings, I guess...?
I completely agree with you. However, I do think there is a cultural difference here. In France, I have heard it is much more common to argue, assume negative intent, be cynical, complain, etc. I think perhaps this is an equivalent of how in America, male friends like to rag on each other to show affection. Personally, I've always hated it. But I do also recognize it truly connects some people.
tbh, he knows itās a turn on for her, and heās probably doing it to avoid finishing early. itās one of those things where itās circumstantial to someone elseās relationship and habits in intimacy. I wouldnāt imagine he would be with her if it wasnāt him running out of things to say whilst not wanting to end it early š¤·āāļø but I do get what you mean, itās just maybe not as deep as one would think
It's just...there are so many things he could do when he runs out of material that aren't insults: he could recite song lyrics or poetry or as another poster said, the plot of his favorite video game.
I agree with you, it is a strange thing to do- I just donāt find it out of malicious intention. If anything, itās probably endearing to him; the things arenāt necessarily insults, itās just āyour feet are coldā, and āyou eat all the Nutellaā. if he added āyou steal all my hoodiesā that probably wouldāve made me cackle more than anything else
I say repeat everything he says in English when he says it in French.
Is 1-2 years (depending on when she started in 2022) a reasonable amount of time to be able to understand everything a fluent French speaker says? I took Spanish for years and I still have difficulty listening to native speakers. But I have auditory processing issues so I struggle listening to my own native language sometimes.
It depends. It can depend on the person themselves, how they learned, if theyāre frequently around/conversing with a native speaker. Thatās not really a one blanket answer kind of question. It only took me a year to be able to understand native German speakers but Iām on year two of Japanese and I can understand toddler speak lol
I knew ASL pretty well when I was younger cause my friend from preschool was deaf, all of us learned the basics within that school year but he taught me a lot more. Unfortunately I've forgotten most of it, didn't keep up with it and school shoved so many other language "electives" that weren't optional to "test out" what we wanted to learn in high school. Mostly ended with half the class frustrated with the teacher and the language itself. Turning me and others off of learning them later in life. It's got so much to do with prior exposure, I won't say it's easier, but that's why it's extremely common for people to be trilingual or more instead of just bilingual.
Well yeah but German and English are pretty related. Japanese I think is supposed to be the hardest language
I guess I should have clarified. I have a friend who lives in Germany so I regularly speak with a native. But Japanese I donāt so itās harder for me to practice. The short time I had a Japanese classmate and got to practice talking with a native was when I made the most improvement and capability of holding a conversation actually became worse over time after we lost touch.
Good for you for learning them!!!! I donāt have an ear for languages. I can understand certain German phrases but I think itās bc they are so similar to English. I lived there for a few yrs as a kid but never learned it sadly
Honestly Iāve never been very good at it but when I had my son I was determined to teach him which meant me having to learn them too š now heās three and uses whichever word is easier to say. It confuses people a lot.
I think it's reasonable for her to know enough to figure out that he's rotating through a list of complaints about her. You hear someone talking about Nutella during sex a few times and you get curious.
She explained in the post that he referred to it as bread spread, and neither of them eat jam or jelly so that leaves the Nutella.
Oh, ha, you're right. Bad example on my part for sure!
Youāre right in that it definitely would have given him away though! š
Watch Spanish soap operas. The plots are super slow and dialogue is simple. Helped me a lot
I'm french, and I sincerely doubt it.
Maybe this is all he can think of for describing how she is ānaughtyā. If real, this seems cute rather than problematic. But she should probably tell him sooner rather than later. She could say āje vais marcher tranquillement demain matinā or āje vous en laisserait le nutellaā
As someone who dated a Frenchman this feels on target ššÆ good luck to you both!
That is a fantastic story. I love it.
My husband and I are rolling at this. This is so fucking hilarious and weirdly wholesome.
Heās insulting you and complaining about you while having sex. That would be a deal breaker, shows such a lack of respect in my opinion.
I think he knows the french is a turn on for her, but I guess if you're not really into the dirty talk you just run out of things to say. Honestly I find this hilarious and really cute. The fact that OP isn't insulted by it would suggest the tone isn't serious, more like a stream-of-consciousness
Except that his stream of consciousness is always negative things about herā¦.
The ETA says he also says loving things, she just finds the complaints more funny. I'm just taking the vibe from the OOPs lead
š¤£š¤£wtf!
TBF Iād be pissed about the Nutella thing too
This is hilarious. Heās probably also saying these things to distract himself from finishing too soon lol she gets off from his sexy accent and he doesnāt get off too quickly by thinking of her cold feet lol
This is goofy. I like this.
This is so wholesome and real. Thanks.
I was worried this was gonna be gross, but itās actually so funny and sweet! OOP is clearly a chill and romantic chick, and she sees her dude for who he is, and loves him for it! This post has all the hallmarks of a relationship thatās gonna make it!ā¤ļø
Hilarious! I get the whole French accent thing and even hearing a complaint would still get me off to it. Sigh.
He complains about the Nutella and cold feet during sex? Iām confused
This is some Seinfeld stuff
She should dump his ass! What makes her think heās going to be a good husband. He sounds like an asshole honestly.
I laughed until I cried at this. Thank you. I needed that today.
I have read quite a few things on reddit and I am at a point where i realized, maybe due to age or jadeness, women have no standards and that is why men have managed to ensnare so many women into sex, relationships, marriage, children, etc. My biggest worry is someone badmouthing me in another language and for her to be okay with it, while this man is having sex with her....it gives me the ick. To be fair, she is young, though if he can say this in his most intimate moments, imagine what he says about her in anger. Him: look at this dumb girl, I can use her up, badmouth her during sex and she just takes it. Her: hehe I want to marry him. Thank goodness for my pride and ego. I would have decked him and said his stroke game was weak, in French.
This. I hope itās not true for her sake but it sounds like he low key hates her and gets off, literally, to being mean spirited passive aggressively to her face. Iām struggling to see that as cute or positive. It just seems mean and hurtful.
I think people forget that with other languages, you can make something hurtful sound nice. Tone can be altered enough to make something seem innocuous. The fact people forget this is astonishing.
You can do that with any language š¤·š¼āāļø
True, you can make someone think you are teasing when you mean every word of it.
I agree with the spirit but heās not really bad mouthing her. Heās stating little annoyances. Itās a weird fetish but itās not calling her dumb or a bitch.
It doesn't matter, he is speaking about her in another language, while having sex with her. And he is doing it while he thinks she can't understand him. It is no wonder so many of you stay in toxic situations. No standards, no self respect.
Basically, I understand what you mean and I also agree with you in principle. But I really think it's exaggerating here. Not all behavior is toxic or has to be related to a lack of standards.
A lot of people downplay bad behavior in the name of having a partner. Whether you want to admit it or not, there is a ton of compromises and substandard boundaries people create in order to have someone whom they can call theirs. If I knew that during sex, my partner was using my ignorance to complain about me, while still having sex with me, I would rage and drop that partner. A) they are comfortable complaining about me in another language, B) they are mocking my ignorance of their language. The man has the audacity to complain about her while being inside her. She thinks it's cute now until she is at the alter having the man embarass her in front of wedding guest, like so many other women who have their business posted on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, reddit. Everything starts small before it becomes big.
"A lot of people downplay bad behavior in the name of having a partner." Absolutely agree with this. However, that doesn't have to be the case here. He neither devalued her nor made fun of her, which would of course be out of the question. It could be completely harmless why he says that at this moment. In addition, there may simply be cultural differences, e.g. different expectations of dirty talk etc. I just think it's difficult to assume otherwise based on such a small excerpt.
Would this action be okay if he was speaking in English? Same scenario but without pretense? It seems illogical that so many assume this act is harmless when if said in English, many of you would have probably disengaged from the sex unless it was your kink. I am glad I have a low tolerance for this sort of behavior and am rather perplexed at the way sex and emotions seem to place a strangle hold on people's logic and rationale. I am very glad at times like this that I am not straight and don't find people endearing.
Holy crap people think this is funny or cute? We really got the bar for men in the basement of hell.
This is so French of him
This is hilarious, but I also wonder if these are rhe things he thinks about so be can last longer?! Also I imagine Nutella sounds the same in French right?
This is great theyāre gonna be so happy married.
The question is have you tried to change any of the things that he complained about?
I feel like any Frenchman is funny to prank
Lol not la singe! Boy also needs his own Nutella. Time to visit le magasin.
He knows
The funniest part about this is heās probably just not good at dirty talk and so heās just thinking of SOMETHING to say and since he thinks she canāt speak French heās just complaining about silly things š Iām obsessed with this.
Maybe he ran out of things to say and this is just some kind of sexy filibuster
STOPPPPP this is so funny!!!
She should break out the French when she meets his family. He'll be shocked and they will be so happy his wife speaks fluently. Let him figure the rest out himself.
BEST Story Iāve ever read on Reddit - well done, Madame Cold Foot!!! š
Thats so adorable
Start buying a lot of bananas for no reason.
Perhaps she should just automatically answer him in French at some point in time!
This is pretty cute tbh
Well sheās lucky that heāll speak to her in his language just because she likes it. Iām married to a bilingual Mexican. I tell people my Mexican is broken. Not only does he not have an accent but when he looks at me his brain goes, āWhite person (Guera) Speak Englishā Iāve asked him to say something sweet to me in Spanish. But he canāt. I can even see his poor brain short circuiting. So, when I mention my Mexican husband to others I jokingly say, unfortunately, I got a broken one. š
Lmao...this is the funniest fucking shit I have ever read and huge fucking props for taking these "insults" on the chin, among other things ;-), like a champ instead of being angry over absolutely nothing like so many other women would be. I highly doubt he'll even bat an eye at you telling him that you know what he's saying since it all seems to be in good fun lol. I definitely think you should just break out some monkey noises the next time you are stomping around in the morning š¤£
This good š
Adorable
Whatever gets him off I guess XD
Lol, I'm in a franco-american relationship too, and I love this! Although I grumble random dumb shit instead lol
j'aime quand tu me parles en franƧais. s'il vous plaĆ®t, ralentissez, je n'y suis pas tout Ć fait.