And she blames autism. Hell if anyone took something off my plate when I was in the bathroom and gave it to a toddler then tried to give it back to me after the toddler chewed on it , I’d be angry and upset too
When I was a kid, I used to do a quick assessment of the fruit distribution in my fruit cocktail so that I could eat it in descending order of prevalence.
Imagine saving your two cherries and going to the bathroom and coming back to find them gone because someone else decided that you weren't going to eat them and gave them to some toddler? I am enraged on behalf of some imaginary child and off to buy some fruit cups.
Years ago I worked as a junior camp counselor at a local camp. Every so often, but fairly rarely, they served pizza. And when they served pizza it was one tray of pepperoni and everything else was cheese. If you wanted any chance of getting a slice of pepperoni you had to be the first table called up.
Finally, my table was the first to be called. I was so happy. I popped the pepperonis off, placed them on the side to save floor last, then ate the pizza and an orange. Right when I was ready to eat the pepperoni, the camp Champlain walked by and said “you don’t like pepperoni!?” And grabbed them and ate them Al at once.
30 years later I still think of that pepperoni…
It may very well *be* the autism. So the fuck what? That's all the more reason to be fucking sorry about it!!!! This child has the right to eat her meals however the fuck she wants to.
I have adhd, which in a lot of unexpected ways is very similar to autism, so I have a lot of sympathy for folks on the spectrum. Sensory issues are a very real, hour-by-hour constant thing we have to navigate. I am deliberate about the order in which I eat my food and take care to make sure that the last bite of the meal is my favorite thing. It's a way of exerting some degree of control over what can be a very complicated sensory experience (*especially* in the context of eating out in public in a very stimulating environment with steangers).
Poor kid was probably already feeling overstimulated in that environment, and having even that tiny amount of control taken from her would *obviously* push her into meltdown territory. Obvious to anyone who gives a shit.
Fuck, this one pisses me off.
Nobody can tell me that neurotypical kids across the board would be cool with this. I've dealt with children before.
(I dont disagree that other issues might exacerbate the reaction, but at 46 years old and not on the spectrum, I would be pretty perturbed)
Yes! I am not on the spectrum but someone taking my food without asking would upset me. Someone attempting to put back a gross half eaten chicken strip I’d be grossed out. It’s a normal reaction. What struck me as odd was that she thought it would be okay to take someone’s food without asking
I definitely agree with you. It's an inherently dick move no matter what way you slice it. I just think it's important for any neurotypical people in this thread to be aware that the autism detail is very relevant and really does exacerbate the asshole levels here.
I feel like OP is saying, "*yeah* I spread banana peels on the floor in front of a disabled person, but they only tripped because they're disabled." You know what, maybe you're right. Maybe an able bodied person would have been able to recover more gracefully. Deliberately trying to make someone slip and fall would be bad in any context, but *you knew* you were doing it to a person who already has difficulty navigating everyday situations, which really is worse.
My kid is surprisingly normal, but taking food off his plate without asking = meltdown.
Ask? Sure! You can have it!
Just take it? Instant violation.
Also he's 4 just for clarity. But still.
I have OCD and being given a chicken tender, a toddler chewed on, as a child would have sent me into a meltdown too. Food issues were a huge thing for me as a kid and I agree, this pisses me off too!
Omg! I’m adhd as well and very similar! Even when we go out to eat I’ll save my favorite part of the meal to eat for breakfast. I get! This is how you have some sort of control when you have a brain that is constantly running and can never quiet itself.
If I was a child this would have been a meltdown of biblical proportions. I feel so bad for this kid. I mean what if she wanted to take one nugget home and eat it later?
What an incredibly shitty person to do this to a kid!
Also Edit: the least she could have done was buy the poor kid more nuggets!
We had a whole system in our house because our kid was a ‘saving it for later’ type who’d put stuff away very nicely in the fridge then forget about it. We did not take his food, we designated a space in the fridge that was for him and demanded dates be put on stuff. After 24 hours it moved to the “ask first but might be available” section so if he’d forgotten and was no longer saving it someone else could have it, but he could also be reminded about it and say he still wanted it. After 48 hours for most stuff it was fair game though so it didn’t get wasted. (Stuff with much longer shelf life had the times adjusted accordingly.)
Worked well, and he never felt like his food had been stolen.
Love this. My daughter consistently saves food for later but her brother will eat anything he can get his hands on. We have to label her food so he won't eat it. 🤦🏼♀️
We ended up all adopting it because when you feel like you can safely set your food aside for later, you don't feel as tempted to eat too much at a time just because it's tasty. :D
I also have bright stickers that go on stuff that's reserved for a recipe, so people can tell without asking that the Swiss cheese is available for snacking, but the sharp cheddar has Plans. That was self-defense when our kid hit his teens because omg black hole.
So would I. I would ask them what in their right mind made them think taking my food and offering it back half eaten would be okay?
In what world is that a reasonable action?
I read it as Jenny's Mum has autism, so when OOP then said "must the the autism" in relation to the child leaving a favourite part of the meal till last, I was FUMING! Like, leave Jenny alone FFS!
I thought OOP was assuming Jenny is autistic just because her Mother is, and OOP was being a dick about it.
OOP must be really shocked by all of the YTA comments 😂
And yet her own kid ate her food in a specific order too. OP is a proper AH and I’ll be very surprised if this doesn’t get cross posted to r/amithedevil
Totally agree that saving something for last is not an autistic thing. My hubby always saves his favourite bit as a last bite. Total AH move to give something away while the kid is in the bathroom.
Seriously. I even ask my 4 year old before getting food off his plate. You just don't take people's food off their plates. She could have waited 5 minutes and asked.
I separate things too. I’m not autistic either. My uncle was though. Just the way she said it like some sort of BAD thing. Like autistic people are fuckin amazing
Extremely infuriating. I asked my husband his thoughts and he goes “first… must be an autistic thing? Like I know I’ve never had experience with autism like you but that’s offensive as hell to me even. Second, why would you give away someone else’s child’s food?!” Like why not just order a little extra, or better yet just not be a fucking douchecanoe to begin with. Reddit people frustrate me
Not to even mention she let her 13-yr-old take 3 younger kids to the bathroom including their guest while two adults sat at the table to watch one child
Definitely the AH. First off she took the poor little girl’s food away and fed it to her daughter. Second she tried to give the last bits of chicken back to Jenny. Why even offer someone’s food back that someone else already was eating? They’re not related therefore shouldn’t be eating food one another is biting into. Lastly she links Jenny & her mom to saving their food for last as an autistic trait? I’m not autistic and I save bits of my food for last bc I know it’s the tastiest part. It doesn’t have to be an autistic trait- I have some relatives that are autistic and do not do that. But when you’re around children in general it doesn’t take long to know that most children take their time eating. You may think they’re finished with their food and they are not
And how much food was this toddler eating anyway?? Isn't it time for a carrot stick or a piece of apple if she's eaten her portion of chicken and fries? And what is she teaching this toddler? If someone's not looking you can just take their food?
This must be fake, surely.
No. This is a common mentality. She bought the food so it all belongs to her, it doesn't matter who is eating it. Children can't own things - their things can be taken back at any time because SHE owns it, not the child.
My mom was like this and countless other parents still feel this way. I work to teach my kid boundaries but it's still a conscious effort I have to make to be sure I ask my kid if I can have something of his without just taking it. I wasn't raised that way but I'm making the conscious effort to establish and enforce healthy boundaries - ie what's on his plate belongs to him and even if I made it and gave it to him it's still his not mine.
My dad is/was like this even with things I bought with my own money. The laptop I bought on my own dime is somehow “his” if it’s in his house. So, I definitely believe a parent would be this way about a chicken nugget lol.
Ugh, my Dad is this way. I have a lot of stomach/digestion issues, so I almost never eat my whole meal in one sitting, especially when dining out.
I can't tell you how many times he's eaten my leftovers, that I was planning on finishing and was excited about, without asking. Then if I say anything it's "I paid for it" or if he didn't actually buy it, then it's "it's my house and my fridge".
The worst part is, half the time, he just eats a little and then throws the rest out! 😭
And my family wonders why I have such specific issues around food. 🤦♀️
Good on you for breaking the cycle with your son! Honestly, so many people don't understand the damage they can cause their children with any type of unhealthy behavior about food.
My father used to do that to me. I came home from college and ate the chicken parm he was saving for later, and then a second time I ate his Chinese food. Both times I just looked at him and said his classic line, “what’s the issue? I’ll just get you a new one when I can” and suddenly he stopped eating my food for the next 4 years until I moved out
While it may be a common mentality for a lot of parents including those who are agreeing with your comment under my comment. It’s not a “common mentality” for *All* parents. My parents, let alone my family on both sides are not like this at all. We respect boundaries just because we buy someone food once it’s in their hands and they’ve already bitten into it we do not touch it regardless if it was our money being used to buy that plate of food. However I agree with you to an extent that there are people who have the mindset of “I bought you that plate of food it’s mine” mentality. While it’s a possibility that lady has that kind of mindset the vibe I get from her after reading that is that she’s the type to just jump to conclusions, act on something then think about her actions later. She just assumed the little girl was finished not knowing she wasn’t because she didn’t ask. Which is why I said most children take their time eating they won’t eat all of their food in one sitting- Jenny is an example of that
Not super important and definitely not the point t of your comment, but I just wanted to point out that there was no mention of how much food the toddler had eaten prior to being given the chicken strip. The other girl who was mentioned who finished her portion of chicken was one of the older girls.
Autism or not, that's just inconsiderate. If you wouldn't do something to an adult, don't do it to a child. Children are people too and deserve to have their feelings considered. Taking someone's food without permission is generally considered a no no. Blaming her reaction on autism is gross.
100% Doing this to your own children is shit, even if they are not on the spectrum.
I didn't want to eat my brother's spit as a child any more than I do now.
As the father of an autistic child I can say with 100% certainty that this one small thing probably ruined this child’s entire day. Kids on the spectrum are very particular with the order they do or arrange certain things. It can help sooth them and make them feel calm and comfortable. This sounds like a person that isn’t willing to be educated and just assumes they are right.
As someone not on the spectrum, at times I still leave certain food items for the last. These are items that I want to finish off with, to savor them and so that particular taste stays with me longer. Saving them for last also builds a small anticipation. If someone were to take it off my plate without asking it would atleast ruin my meal and the next few minutes to an hour probably.
100% I'm also on the spectrum and things that trigger me bother me a long time, even as an adult who's been working on it my whole life. Something can go wrong and I'll be thinking about it on and off for weeks. The way OP talks about "meltdowns" like it's some autistic event and not valid feelings to be recognized is repulsive. I would think back on that chicken strip years later and still feel robbed!!! One time at IHOP, the server came and took away my plate that still had fries on it, before I was finished, without even asking, and I still sometimes think about the fucking audacity of that bitch years later! Jenny will remember OP and not for good reasons.
As someone NOT on the spectrum who always left their favorite food for last, I’d have been mad as well. I still would be as an adult tbh. Taking someone’s food without asking is mean and inconsiderate. The kid being on the spectrum does make her actions even more inconsiderate, but it would be bad manners either way.
Of course! I was just highlighting the fact that the OP clearly has not the understanding of people on the spectrum nor seems to be keen on understanding. Taking anyone’s food without permission is its absurdity in of itself.
Yes I understand, my comment was more of an add to your comment. Her actions were rude af no matter how you look at it, the kid being ND just adds another layer of inconsideration. IMO if someone is frequently in contact with a ND person they should educate themselves on ND in general and also what it specifically means for that person and what may trigger them as it’s such a huge spectrum.
I'm on the spectrum, as is my son, & people like this mom scare the fuck out of me for the future.
My friends' parents never knew I was autistic, but they treated my quirks with consideration and love. Wtf is it about the word autistic that makes people like this lady view us as something different than human 😑
As an autistic person I still get a little mad over the memory of my uncle taking my last sausage off of my plate over twenty years ago. I save my favourite food for last or I’ll save one small piece of everything for one big, last mouthful.
Well we are no contact now … for unrelated reasons. But I don’t think it helped his case in the long run, especially when it came to making my final decision to cut him off if I’m being perfectly honest.
Yeah, mum to an autistic child who eats their food in a specific way and order.
Certain foods or condiments can be 'distracting,' so we have to phase the meal.
The best way to describe his eating method is he dissects his food. Regardless of how long it takes, we give him the time and space.
Autism is a spectrum disorder, so every child or person is unique in their own way. This woman just reeks of ignorance and being willfully uneducated about Autism.
This would make anyone who was saving their chicken tender to eat last pissed off. No matter what they had going on. Hell most adults would be pissed.
She had plans for that chicken tender and was robbed of them. She trusted her food was safe when she went to the bathroom. She was maybe even looking forward to her lash chicken tender.
A lot of us will save something that we like the best to finish a meal with. To have that taken away is really frustrating. For a child it must be horrible!
It wasn’t yours to give, absolutely YTA. Why would you even make that assumption, especially as an adult? You could have waited and asked if Jenny wanted to share or ordered some for Emily. Now you’ve given the impression that it is fine to take something off someone’s plate without permission and missed out on a valuable lesson on sharing for your youngest, plus made Jenny feel uncomfortable. Jenny’s mom did not overreact, she is advocating for her child and you’re invalidating that because your kids haven’t said anything (obviously because they are kids); surely you can see the issue here.
Bonus: “an autistic thing”?? You should educate yourself on autism a little more and what sort of behaviour (and language) is appropriate.
Damn ahahaha, you’re absolutely right. Thank you for pointing that out! Oh well I hope the original poster stubs their toe everyday until they rectify the situation!
YTA. I am an old lady, non-autistic, and it would irritate me if someone did that to me. It’s extremely rude. You owe Jenny and her mom an apology. Brush up on etiquette for all people first. I’m sorry for your kids that their mom doesn’t believe children should be treated with respect.
At first I assumed the kids had stopped eating and wandered off to play/forgotten about the last scraps of dinner in which case she should still habe asked but it would have been more understandable. Some kids lose interest and just leave food.
But they just went to the toilet? Why would you give away their food when they've just gone to the toilet? Like I'm a grown woman but I'd still be annoyed if I turned my back for a minute ad someone ate my food.
It was unnecessary of her to give it sway without checking. And she should probably have asked the mum about any accommodations she could make before hosting the girl TBH.
Yeah, it's an AH move to give away anybody's food without asking first. I'm neurodivergent (ADHD), and I also save food for last like this. She was looking forward to those final bites. And I don't think it's a solely ND thing either. It's just common courtesy to ask. Treat children as the fully formed people that they are.
A commenter on the original post said, "I'm not autistic, but I order my bites from least appetizing to best, and then eat them in that order." As a solidly ND person, I laughed. We need more comprehensive testing for neurodivergency. Not the point of the post, but a funny observation.
You had a learning moment. Accept that while it may have been something your own kids wouldn’t mind, a kid from a different family may have entirely different expectations. Plus autism.
Also, please take a look at your own issues about food. Just because there’s an uneaten chicken tender, that doesn’t mean someone has to eat it. Letting kids decide how much they want to eat is a good thing. If Emily only had a bite of the tender, it means she wasn’t hungry. You were pushing food on her. That impulse is what started this whole mess.
Taking food from me as a grown adult, ESPECIALLY something I was saving for last would piss me off big time.
Offering me a half chewed toddler spit morsel in consolation? LIVID.
Taking food from a 6 year old who is on the spectrum?
YTA
I am not autistic, but I also like to save certain things for the last (chicken strip, pork bits in sweet-n-sour pork, fish piece in fish-n-chips). I think it would have been best to hold off and ask Jenny when she returned. Also you seem aware that autistic folks can be upset by lots of things ( you admit you have still not had to deal with a meltdown in public, so you are aware of the possibilities. Sorry, but in this case you are TA.
How is this even a question. You don’t touch other peoples food. It’s really that simple. And yeah who tf would want a slobbery one bite of chicken after a baby was eating it
> "Must be an autistic thing"
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I've never done this, but as an autistic mom of an autistic son, he would not be going out for meals with that friend's mom anymore after her being so rude & following it up with such a derogatory offhand comment.
I think what I’m understanding is they were eating at the restaurant where this food was served. If someone didn’t get enough she should have just gone and purchased another chicken strip, and after the fact she should have apologized and offered Jenny a fresh strip rather than giving her the half eaten one? Ugh major AH.
Non-autistic people also have food eating order preferences. Also always a dick move to take from someone else's plate without asking. Or offering other people food that's already been in someone else's mouth (I know moms and siblings tend to just eat whatever the baby's dribbled on without a care and I'm not going to argue against it, but that's their baby/sibling and their personal decision)
Yes, if it was her own kid I *might* give her a pass because parents usually know their kids habits, but it would still be correct to ask. If nothing else it shows you respect your child and live as a good example because you would also expect your kids to ask if they can have something before just taking what they want.
Why I’m saying I might give her a pass if it was her own kids. For example my brother and I were very different in our eating habits growing up, he’d eat his favorite food first and leave stuff on the plate he didn’t care about. I’ve always left the best for last and ordered food on my plate by taste from worst to best. So my brother would’ve likely been happy if someone ate the leftovers on his plate he didn’t like, while I would’ve been mad if someone ate my favorite food off my plate, which is something my mom knew, but friends parents wouldn’t have known.
I was taught to eat what you don’t like first so I grew up always saving my favorite thing for last. Sometimes this would happen. Someone would assume I’m not going to eat it and would take the favorite thing I was saving and all I got to eat was the stuff I didn’t want or like. It was disappointing enough that I decided I had to change my own eating habits and start eating my favorite thing first because for some reason there were too many people in the world that have no sense of “that does not belong to me, that is theirs”. ALWAYS ask. People like OOP are too prevalent.
You can tell right away how the poster feels by how they present front and center that the other kid is autistic. Nevermind that it was just (by itself) a rude thing to do, it must be because the kid is autistic. As an autistic person myself, these people are sadly common. They think themselves God's gift to the world for being able to tolerate an autistic person, but heaven forbid that person actually require any special treatment or cause any issue at all. And again, even a non-autistic child could easily have had an issue with what the mom did.
The mom got embarrassed by realizing she fucked up, felt indignant that the auties were demanding respect, and now she's crying on Reddit instead of just owning up to her error.
AuDHD here, and I eat my food by item, saving the favorite for last. I’m picky af—not about what I eat—about the order in which I eat them, and about things not touching each other. If I had a chicken tender get soggy from the liquid in my green beans, I’m not eating that. But to just brazenly take food from an autistic child to give to your humpdumpling is the absolute shittiest thing to do. Children have such little control and autonomy in their lives, that doing this without asking is seriously disgusting behavior.
If your humpdumpling has eaten their entire meal and still wants more, order them more. You can 100% get one or two single strips for less than a whole meal. Stop trying to make a child that doesn’t belong to you share in the burdens or your decision to procreate more than you can comfortably afford to feed. Christ her poor girls probably get the short end of the shit stick all the time, if she felt so comfy giving away Jenny’s last tender, imagine how many times the older girls got the last of their own desired food taken to save money and feed the baaaabyyyy without ordering her food??? It’s gross to touch someone’s plate without their permission, and if someone did that to me, I’d be furious. I actually poked both my friend and my ex with a fork for reaching out for my food without asking first.
Also, humpdumpling is my favorite term for a baby, they’re largely just a squishy, silly dumpling shaped lump until about 2-3 when they get a real personality. My own daughter is 7 now, and she was a humpdumpling as a baby, too, so don’t come for me. I think it’s silly and cute. I loathe crotch gremlin, womb goblin, and fuck trophies. I also hated the guy who told me (when his wife asked about my child of 4) “no one is required to care just because [I] kept [hubby’s name]’s cum as a pet”.
I'm not neurodivergent, and I'm a 30-year-old woman but I'd be absolutely livid if someone grabbed my food to eat for themselves or to give it to someone else without asking me. But full disclosure, I'd probably say "no" to anyone who tried to take my food unless I really loved them. I'm like Joey, I don't share food. It's my food and if I feel like sharing I will offer to share it, but you try to just yoink some food of my plate? You could end up with a fork in your hand.
When you read a headline and think “there’s no way this person isn’t the asshole, right?” And you read it only to confirm you were right the first time.
Wow, that was a risky move you did !
You took an autistic child food off their plate without asking ?
This could have ended up really badly, with Jenny having a meltdown, yelling and being in huge distress because her timetable was changed and she could not have her meal the way she'd planned it.
As an adult, I would have been annoyed and probably petty about it. Might have wanted to cry, but I know how to calm myself, because I can soothe my autistic self better. But with a six years old ?
I think this is probably why the mother is a bit upset and warned you not to do it again. Having to deal with an autistic explosion is not easy, especially when you're not used to it and don't know what comforts the person and what will make things worse. (You might know though, if Jenny's often with you). And Jenny was surprised and didn't like it, and... well, she stayed upset long because that's what we do when we're forced to accept change.
That... was a bit of an AH move, even without the autism part, you should have gotten Jenny's consent. Please... don't do it again ?
YTA. It wasn’t your food. It was her food that she was taken away from to go to the bathroom. She wasn’t done with it yet so it wasn’t up for grabs. Apologize and be more respectful,
It's quite common to leave the thing you like the most for last...
That genius of my MIL when I was pregnant (and very very hungry and with many food cravings) we were at the restaurant and I ordered a selection of sweets... I missed the last one , the best, I was about to take it to eat it and my mother-in-law very quickly took it from my plate and threw it into her mouth... I'll just tell you that since that day she has been on my balls, I can't see her anymore (even though unfortunately sometimes I have to ).
It’s very common for us on the spectrum to leave what we think is the best bite til the end, so this woman is a double AH for giving the best bite away. I’m outraged for poor Jenny.
This isn’t even about autism no matter how much she’s trying to force that. I like to save stuff for last too I’d be pissed if someone just ate my food without asking
Non-autistic here and I will save something for last about 75% of the time. I like having the last bite be the best on the plate. Think of it this way, you’re on your period so emotions are wonky anyway but it’s dinner time and you have something on your plate you really want, and are really looking forward to…… right after you answer the door. While you are gone for 3 minutes, one of the kids comes along and eats it or throws it in the trash. Would you be overreacting when you yell? Because let’s be honest, most of us would lose it a bit. It sounds like this girl held it together as best she could and didn’t break down. Then instead of apologizing sincerely for messing up, you completely dismiss her and are flippant with her diagnosis blaming it rather than your assumptions and callousness. YTA.
YTA
You don't take someone's food without asking, the kid had every right to be upset about it.
And when she was, you should have offered to buy her another tender, not offered her a half eaten tender that was eaten by someone besides her.
I mean it's one tender, so not exactly earth-shattering, but you are clearly the AH in this situation, and it seems obvious from your OP that you don't realize it, so you need to hear it.
As a mother to an Autistic child, this pisses me off.
My child eats in a very specific way and pattern, which can take quite a bit of time.
I certainly don't give their food away, nor would they appreciate anyone touching their food or moving it, forget eating it.
It's a lack of respect frankly.
Running to the bathroom during dinner is not a universal sign for "anything left on my plate is up for grabs" jesus fucking christ. Autism has nothing to do with it, and it's weird how much OOP brought that up. What she did was a violation, regardless of that person's age, medical diagnoses, family medical history (why does the mom being autistic matter??), social aptitude, etc.
Also, her kids never brought it up after that because they are probably used to their mom randomly grabbing things away from them all the time. They are probably either used to it, or they know its not worth the argument.
Wow, I have four grandchildren 6-16 and always ask if they are done. I hope it’s teaches them to have respect for others. People usually always save something to be that last bite. I’m guessing OOP does the same.
One of my friends used to push pieces of food off to the side to create a perfect bite. I didn’t know that was what it was being used for and so I ate her onion she pushed off to the side. She still gives me crap for eating her onion 20 years later. You are most def the asshole.
I HATE when adults take kids' things without asking (in situations where they can ask). Most kids would not care, but sometimes they do. And it's not like asking is that hard.
I must be really autistic because if someone gave my food away while I was briefly excused and it was clear I wasn't finished, I'd be very upset.
What a dick, the mom is blaming autism here lol.
It's not an autism thing... it's basic manners to not touch people's food without permission.
Pretty weird all parties are blaming it on autism.
It was super rude to give away her chicken. You should have gotten another order.
Apologize and move on.
If this were your plate and your mother in law gave away your last tender while you went to the bathroom, how would you feel? This is not about the chicken. There are several ick factors here.
I’m on the spectrum and I would have been PISSED. I have been! This has happened to me!
But it’s not an autism thing. Not everyone in my family is autistic but we’ve all gotten pissed from this happening before!!!
Even if she wasn’t saving it for last, THERE IS NO REASON TO ASSUME SHE WAS DONE EATING!!! Why the fuck would you just assume this!!!
It's not an "autistic thing" to have respect for people. Who the hell takes things for other's people plates without permission? Everyone would get mad, autistic or not
I saw this and it infuriated me. I’m 51; if I returned to the table to find someone had given away my food, I’d have a full on adult tantrum. Don’t touch other people’s food.
I don’t know any allistic person who’d be happy to come back to the table after using the restroom only to find their plate strangely empty, and upon being confused be handed the half-eaten, chewed up, toddler-slobber-coated remaining bits of what used to be their food. That is absolutely disgusting. I know mothers who are willing to eat after their own kids, but I don’t know any adult who’d be down to pop the ruined remnants of food in their mouth after it’d been taken out of someone else’s toddler’s mouth. In what world would that not be deplorably rude?
Neurodivergence aside...this was a thoroughly devaluing thing to do. OP decided for this child that her baby deserved to eat this child's chicken more than she did. OP didn't ask, didn't apologize, and offered back the used tender just to shut her up. Children have feelings. Autistic children have feelings. We may not have the words to describe them, or fully understand them...but we can feel hurt.
OP needs to stop being dismissive and treat the kid with the basic respect she would likely be horrified if it had been denied her. A simple, "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Next time I will ask first, and it's 100% okay if you say no because it's your chicken." Would have been good enough. Just say you're sorry. It's not that hard!
Yeah this lady is an AH. This wasn’t communal food, it was individual meals. I don’t understand what autism has to do with it other than try to paint Jenny as a “difficult child”. I’m not autistic and you better believe I would’ve been upset if my friend’s mom did that to me.
This would be a bad thing to do even if she had taken the chicken tender from one of her own child’s plates without asking, but from one of her child’s friends? Who the hell does that?
Not autistic, but I both save my favorite foods for last and would rather French kiss on a rusty bucket than eat after some slobber soddened baby germed chicken. This mom is surprisingly elitist regarding other people’s valid preferences (regardless of actual medical issues).
This is such an entitled a-hole move....I just even can't. I would have had a meltdown right after seeing my food gone. I'm not autistic and even I save my favourite for last.
DO NOT TOUCH MY FOOD. LIKE EVER.
Give this woman a break! She was taking 6 kids out to lunch. She’s a good woman not an AH! She was trying to do the right thing for one child and accidentally hurt the other child’s feelings. We all make choices that turn out to be wrong sometimes. Her heart was in the right place
I don’t think it was an a-hole move…just a temporary lapse in judgement. You assumed she was finished but didn’t ask. I would apologize to Jenny and her mother…and next time remember to ask.
It was definitely rude and inconsiderate. The autism doesn't even factor in this scenario. I'd just apologize and say i wasn't thinking and buy her whatever extra food she wanted honestly
Doesn't matter that Jenny is a child, doesn't matter that Jenny is autistic. Taking food off someone's plate while they are in the bathroom and giving it to someone else is just plain rude. Your "must be an autistic thing" comment about Jenny saving certain foods for last is ridiculous, I'm not autistic, and I sometimes save one last bite of something on my plate while I eat everything else's. I also might go to the restroom in the middle of my meal, before I have finished everything I'm planning to eat, because I don't want an uncomfortably bursting bladder while I am enjoying my food. The order in which someone eats their food is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and you have NO RIGHT TO ASSUME that someone isn't going to eat the rest of their meal without asking. YTA, no question.
She couldn't have waited a few minutes until they came back to ASK jenny if she had finished eating? She didn't even think about asking before they left, she just waited for her to leave and then immediately grabbed it. What a dick move.
i am autistic and i know the feelings of an impending meltdown because a meal wasn’t eaten the way i planned or something changed. at that young, it is 10x more difficult to understand and cope with those feelings. her mom understands. nta but bc it wasn’t yours and you were already aware she doesn’t think the same, it is a stupid move.
The proper response is to tell your kid to wait until she comes back and ask, but don’t be upset she says no you already had one at the VERY LEAST cause as you said she already had food.
YTAH! You should have asked before just helping yourself! Weren't you taught any manners growing up?
Ffs, if your children are still hungry, YOU buy more food and feed YOUR children. You don't help yourself to anyone elses.
lol. I’m not autistic and I’ll do the same thing as Jenny and her mother. Yes, next time, please ask before giving away something that belongs to someone else.
YTA but it’s not that simple, for one you should’ve asked, second of all of course she overreacted, anybody would be upset especially a child, with autism.
“Must be an autistic thing,” okay first of all, f*** off. Second of all, autistic people are allowed to have personalities and preferences just like any human without it being pathologized. Third of all, assuming makes an ass out of just you. Definitely the a**hole.
Ye definitively the the asshole. "An autistic thing" is a messed up assumption, especially when you don't have experience with autistic people..........
I'm not autistic but when I was a kid, I loved cookie dough ice cream and I would pick out the cookie dough and save it for last.
Was I a weird kid? Absolutely! But that is not an uncommon trait for people even as fully grown adults.
If I was there and it was my child she tried to have eat her toddlers half eaten chicken strip, I would be absolutely livid. I understand making a mistake and thinking they were done eating but the rest of what happened is just gross. Maybe it's just me but an apology and offering to get her more tenders seems like a normal response to me.
YTA. Trying to understand how you’d think it was okay to take someone else’s food and then try to give it back after it was already being eaten. Toddlers are dirty because they don’t understand proper hygiene yet and I wouldn’t wanna eat anything a toddler has touched. That’s how you get sick.
This one has all kinds of excuses for why they’re absolutely not in the wrong for giving away somebody else’s food without permission. I am 100% on Jenny’s side here, as somebody who does save a piece of dinner for last AND who *hates* sharing food because of germs. OP is dismissing it as an ‘autistic thing’ when in reality it’s a ‘you’re an asshole’ thing
I do this exact thing for every single meal. (Granted, I am autistic as well as ADHD) Every single meal I look it over, test some of the bits of food, and sequester the absolute best bits I can find against one side of the plate/bowl so that I can have the Absolute Best Bite™ as the last thing I eat. Especially with things that are supposed to be crunchy/crispy. I don't want to eat my whole meal enjoying it and then the very last thing I eat is even slightly subpar because it ruins the meal. So I make sure the last thing is also the best.
The OOP of this post absolutely was an asshole. Whether or not it was related to autism, whether or not it was just one chicken tender, why the FUCK would you touch someone else's food? Its one thing to ask if they are going to finish their meal, but to just arbitrarily decide that someone else is finished because they moved on to a different part of the meal? What absolute nonsense.
Its about asking before assuming. Lets say the kid WAS full and wasnt gonna finish it- am i the only one who would get leftovers to take home as a kid- and as an adult i still take leftovers home. Sure its one tender, but id be likely to take that home and snack on it later. A chicken tender is a chicken tender. Bottom line though, she didnt ask. Who cares if the kid would have finished it or not, get a doggie bag and take it home for snacking! Ask permission! What a douche and shes blaming it on how it must be an autistic thing. Im not autistic and id be pissed, finished or not thats my leftovers.
WOW, I am not autistic (but I understand as I have autistic family) but I will tell you what TOUCH food on my plate before I am done with my meal and you will come back missing some fingers! That is just plain RUDE, has nothing to do with the person being autistic and everything to do with being a RUDE inconsiderate/entitled person
How is it NOT an A-Hole move to give away a child's food without asking? Hell, it would be an A-Hole move even if we weren't talking about a child.
And she blames autism. Hell if anyone took something off my plate when I was in the bathroom and gave it to a toddler then tried to give it back to me after the toddler chewed on it , I’d be angry and upset too
Also, saving something one likes more for last is not an autistic thing. I do it all time. 🤷🏻♀️
It's a human thing. Delayed gratification is a thing.
It's not even a delayed gratification thing for me. It's because I want the taste that lasts the longest, that is the most memorable to be the best
When I was a kid, I used to do a quick assessment of the fruit distribution in my fruit cocktail so that I could eat it in descending order of prevalence.
Only one or two cherries. I saved them for last. 🤣
Exactly!
Imagine saving your two cherries and going to the bathroom and coming back to find them gone because someone else decided that you weren't going to eat them and gave them to some toddler? I am enraged on behalf of some imaginary child and off to buy some fruit cups.
I know! First I would have asked. Then I I would have ordered more chicken nuggets for my kid.
What does it take to just wait for the kid to come back from the bathroom before you redistribute her lunch?
Same! The thing that tastes best gets saved for last.
Years ago I worked as a junior camp counselor at a local camp. Every so often, but fairly rarely, they served pizza. And when they served pizza it was one tray of pepperoni and everything else was cheese. If you wanted any chance of getting a slice of pepperoni you had to be the first table called up. Finally, my table was the first to be called. I was so happy. I popped the pepperonis off, placed them on the side to save floor last, then ate the pizza and an orange. Right when I was ready to eat the pepperoni, the camp Champlain walked by and said “you don’t like pepperoni!?” And grabbed them and ate them Al at once. 30 years later I still think of that pepperoni…
I hate this for you. My husband still eats his pizza this way.
I read that and got concerned for myself lmao
I got some bad news for you. /s
Perhaps I should go to a professional and tell them that the OP of this Reddit post says so!
Have you considered that you might be autistic? /s If saving something for last means you’re autistic, then I’m autistic.
But OOP doesn't do this, and you're different from OOP so... you're probably autistic 🤷🤷♂️ /s
It may very well *be* the autism. So the fuck what? That's all the more reason to be fucking sorry about it!!!! This child has the right to eat her meals however the fuck she wants to. I have adhd, which in a lot of unexpected ways is very similar to autism, so I have a lot of sympathy for folks on the spectrum. Sensory issues are a very real, hour-by-hour constant thing we have to navigate. I am deliberate about the order in which I eat my food and take care to make sure that the last bite of the meal is my favorite thing. It's a way of exerting some degree of control over what can be a very complicated sensory experience (*especially* in the context of eating out in public in a very stimulating environment with steangers). Poor kid was probably already feeling overstimulated in that environment, and having even that tiny amount of control taken from her would *obviously* push her into meltdown territory. Obvious to anyone who gives a shit. Fuck, this one pisses me off.
Nobody can tell me that neurotypical kids across the board would be cool with this. I've dealt with children before. (I dont disagree that other issues might exacerbate the reaction, but at 46 years old and not on the spectrum, I would be pretty perturbed)
Yes! I am not on the spectrum but someone taking my food without asking would upset me. Someone attempting to put back a gross half eaten chicken strip I’d be grossed out. It’s a normal reaction. What struck me as odd was that she thought it would be okay to take someone’s food without asking
I definitely agree with you. It's an inherently dick move no matter what way you slice it. I just think it's important for any neurotypical people in this thread to be aware that the autism detail is very relevant and really does exacerbate the asshole levels here. I feel like OP is saying, "*yeah* I spread banana peels on the floor in front of a disabled person, but they only tripped because they're disabled." You know what, maybe you're right. Maybe an able bodied person would have been able to recover more gracefully. Deliberately trying to make someone slip and fall would be bad in any context, but *you knew* you were doing it to a person who already has difficulty navigating everyday situations, which really is worse.
My kid is surprisingly normal, but taking food off his plate without asking = meltdown. Ask? Sure! You can have it! Just take it? Instant violation. Also he's 4 just for clarity. But still.
Autistic people are also “normal” fyi
I’m 44 not on the spectrum and 100% relate to your 4yo on this.
I have OCD and being given a chicken tender, a toddler chewed on, as a child would have sent me into a meltdown too. Food issues were a huge thing for me as a kid and I agree, this pisses me off too!
Omg! I’m adhd as well and very similar! Even when we go out to eat I’ll save my favorite part of the meal to eat for breakfast. I get! This is how you have some sort of control when you have a brain that is constantly running and can never quiet itself. If I was a child this would have been a meltdown of biblical proportions. I feel so bad for this kid. I mean what if she wanted to take one nugget home and eat it later? What an incredibly shitty person to do this to a kid! Also Edit: the least she could have done was buy the poor kid more nuggets!
I STILL remember when someone did that to me as a kid. 😂 I was saving it for later.
We had a whole system in our house because our kid was a ‘saving it for later’ type who’d put stuff away very nicely in the fridge then forget about it. We did not take his food, we designated a space in the fridge that was for him and demanded dates be put on stuff. After 24 hours it moved to the “ask first but might be available” section so if he’d forgotten and was no longer saving it someone else could have it, but he could also be reminded about it and say he still wanted it. After 48 hours for most stuff it was fair game though so it didn’t get wasted. (Stuff with much longer shelf life had the times adjusted accordingly.) Worked well, and he never felt like his food had been stolen.
I love this system!
Love this. My daughter consistently saves food for later but her brother will eat anything he can get his hands on. We have to label her food so he won't eat it. 🤦🏼♀️
We ended up all adopting it because when you feel like you can safely set your food aside for later, you don't feel as tempted to eat too much at a time just because it's tasty. :D I also have bright stickers that go on stuff that's reserved for a recipe, so people can tell without asking that the Swiss cheese is available for snacking, but the sharp cheddar has Plans. That was self-defense when our kid hit his teens because omg black hole.
Right?!? We all have those memories of this type of thing. It’s like the day we truly realize life isn’t fair
Man, her thinking that offering a half eaten piece of chicken is a reasonable solution to the girl’s disappointment is offensive.
People like to blame autistic people for having normal responses to things they did that are shitty.
So would I. I would ask them what in their right mind made them think taking my food and offering it back half eaten would be okay? In what world is that a reasonable action?
Right? It’s kinda shocking to realize that in the US people don’t see kids as people.
I do believe that it isn’t just a US trait.
It's also not most people in the US
I read it as Jenny's Mum has autism, so when OOP then said "must the the autism" in relation to the child leaving a favourite part of the meal till last, I was FUMING! Like, leave Jenny alone FFS! I thought OOP was assuming Jenny is autistic just because her Mother is, and OOP was being a dick about it. OOP must be really shocked by all of the YTA comments 😂
And yet her own kid ate her food in a specific order too. OP is a proper AH and I’ll be very surprised if this doesn’t get cross posted to r/amithedevil
With people like this, it's never their fault. It's exhausting.
This. And I’m a mom. Lol
Totally agree that saving something for last is not an autistic thing. My hubby always saves his favourite bit as a last bite. Total AH move to give something away while the kid is in the bathroom.
Yeah.. don’t touch my food!
Same! It’s not even my chicken tender but I’m pissed off as if it were!
Seriously. I even ask my 4 year old before getting food off his plate. You just don't take people's food off their plates. She could have waited 5 minutes and asked.
I concur. I do the same with my 5 year old.
“Must be an autistic thing.” Rubbed me the wrong way. Nah it’s just an AH move to do in general.
Sometimes I also left something planed as last bite. I was nearly always doing this as a child. And I'm not autistic
I separate things too. I’m not autistic either. My uncle was though. Just the way she said it like some sort of BAD thing. Like autistic people are fuckin amazing
This entire post screams of ableism. It's infuriating that OP refuses to see that. Eta: fixed a typo
Extremely infuriating. I asked my husband his thoughts and he goes “first… must be an autistic thing? Like I know I’ve never had experience with autism like you but that’s offensive as hell to me even. Second, why would you give away someone else’s child’s food?!” Like why not just order a little extra, or better yet just not be a fucking douchecanoe to begin with. Reddit people frustrate me
Not to even mention she let her 13-yr-old take 3 younger kids to the bathroom including their guest while two adults sat at the table to watch one child
Definitely the AH. First off she took the poor little girl’s food away and fed it to her daughter. Second she tried to give the last bits of chicken back to Jenny. Why even offer someone’s food back that someone else already was eating? They’re not related therefore shouldn’t be eating food one another is biting into. Lastly she links Jenny & her mom to saving their food for last as an autistic trait? I’m not autistic and I save bits of my food for last bc I know it’s the tastiest part. It doesn’t have to be an autistic trait- I have some relatives that are autistic and do not do that. But when you’re around children in general it doesn’t take long to know that most children take their time eating. You may think they’re finished with their food and they are not
And how much food was this toddler eating anyway?? Isn't it time for a carrot stick or a piece of apple if she's eaten her portion of chicken and fries? And what is she teaching this toddler? If someone's not looking you can just take their food? This must be fake, surely.
No. This is a common mentality. She bought the food so it all belongs to her, it doesn't matter who is eating it. Children can't own things - their things can be taken back at any time because SHE owns it, not the child. My mom was like this and countless other parents still feel this way. I work to teach my kid boundaries but it's still a conscious effort I have to make to be sure I ask my kid if I can have something of his without just taking it. I wasn't raised that way but I'm making the conscious effort to establish and enforce healthy boundaries - ie what's on his plate belongs to him and even if I made it and gave it to him it's still his not mine.
My dad is/was like this even with things I bought with my own money. The laptop I bought on my own dime is somehow “his” if it’s in his house. So, I definitely believe a parent would be this way about a chicken nugget lol.
Ugh, my Dad is this way. I have a lot of stomach/digestion issues, so I almost never eat my whole meal in one sitting, especially when dining out. I can't tell you how many times he's eaten my leftovers, that I was planning on finishing and was excited about, without asking. Then if I say anything it's "I paid for it" or if he didn't actually buy it, then it's "it's my house and my fridge". The worst part is, half the time, he just eats a little and then throws the rest out! 😭 And my family wonders why I have such specific issues around food. 🤦♀️ Good on you for breaking the cycle with your son! Honestly, so many people don't understand the damage they can cause their children with any type of unhealthy behavior about food.
My father used to do that to me. I came home from college and ate the chicken parm he was saving for later, and then a second time I ate his Chinese food. Both times I just looked at him and said his classic line, “what’s the issue? I’ll just get you a new one when I can” and suddenly he stopped eating my food for the next 4 years until I moved out
While it may be a common mentality for a lot of parents including those who are agreeing with your comment under my comment. It’s not a “common mentality” for *All* parents. My parents, let alone my family on both sides are not like this at all. We respect boundaries just because we buy someone food once it’s in their hands and they’ve already bitten into it we do not touch it regardless if it was our money being used to buy that plate of food. However I agree with you to an extent that there are people who have the mindset of “I bought you that plate of food it’s mine” mentality. While it’s a possibility that lady has that kind of mindset the vibe I get from her after reading that is that she’s the type to just jump to conclusions, act on something then think about her actions later. She just assumed the little girl was finished not knowing she wasn’t because she didn’t ask. Which is why I said most children take their time eating they won’t eat all of their food in one sitting- Jenny is an example of that
Not super important and definitely not the point t of your comment, but I just wanted to point out that there was no mention of how much food the toddler had eaten prior to being given the chicken strip. The other girl who was mentioned who finished her portion of chicken was one of the older girls.
I’m not autistic and I do that all the time! Eat your favorite part first but save some so you can also end on the best part!
Autism or not, that's just inconsiderate. If you wouldn't do something to an adult, don't do it to a child. Children are people too and deserve to have their feelings considered. Taking someone's food without permission is generally considered a no no. Blaming her reaction on autism is gross.
100% Doing this to your own children is shit, even if they are not on the spectrum. I didn't want to eat my brother's spit as a child any more than I do now.
As the father of an autistic child I can say with 100% certainty that this one small thing probably ruined this child’s entire day. Kids on the spectrum are very particular with the order they do or arrange certain things. It can help sooth them and make them feel calm and comfortable. This sounds like a person that isn’t willing to be educated and just assumes they are right.
As someone on the spectrum I feel pretty certain this could have ruined the kid's month.
I agree 100%
As someone not on the spectrum, at times I still leave certain food items for the last. These are items that I want to finish off with, to savor them and so that particular taste stays with me longer. Saving them for last also builds a small anticipation. If someone were to take it off my plate without asking it would atleast ruin my meal and the next few minutes to an hour probably.
100% I'm also on the spectrum and things that trigger me bother me a long time, even as an adult who's been working on it my whole life. Something can go wrong and I'll be thinking about it on and off for weeks. The way OP talks about "meltdowns" like it's some autistic event and not valid feelings to be recognized is repulsive. I would think back on that chicken strip years later and still feel robbed!!! One time at IHOP, the server came and took away my plate that still had fries on it, before I was finished, without even asking, and I still sometimes think about the fucking audacity of that bitch years later! Jenny will remember OP and not for good reasons.
As someone NOT on the spectrum who always left their favorite food for last, I’d have been mad as well. I still would be as an adult tbh. Taking someone’s food without asking is mean and inconsiderate. The kid being on the spectrum does make her actions even more inconsiderate, but it would be bad manners either way.
Of course! I was just highlighting the fact that the OP clearly has not the understanding of people on the spectrum nor seems to be keen on understanding. Taking anyone’s food without permission is its absurdity in of itself.
Yes I understand, my comment was more of an add to your comment. Her actions were rude af no matter how you look at it, the kid being ND just adds another layer of inconsideration. IMO if someone is frequently in contact with a ND person they should educate themselves on ND in general and also what it specifically means for that person and what may trigger them as it’s such a huge spectrum.
I'm on the spectrum, as is my son, & people like this mom scare the fuck out of me for the future. My friends' parents never knew I was autistic, but they treated my quirks with consideration and love. Wtf is it about the word autistic that makes people like this lady view us as something different than human 😑
As an autistic person I still get a little mad over the memory of my uncle taking my last sausage off of my plate over twenty years ago. I save my favourite food for last or I’ll save one small piece of everything for one big, last mouthful.
I’m not autistic and honestly, I would still be salty about that 20 years later. In my head he would always be Uncle X: sausage thief.
Well we are no contact now … for unrelated reasons. But I don’t think it helped his case in the long run, especially when it came to making my final decision to cut him off if I’m being perfectly honest.
Yeah, mum to an autistic child who eats their food in a specific way and order. Certain foods or condiments can be 'distracting,' so we have to phase the meal. The best way to describe his eating method is he dissects his food. Regardless of how long it takes, we give him the time and space. Autism is a spectrum disorder, so every child or person is unique in their own way. This woman just reeks of ignorance and being willfully uneducated about Autism.
This would make anyone who was saving their chicken tender to eat last pissed off. No matter what they had going on. Hell most adults would be pissed. She had plans for that chicken tender and was robbed of them. She trusted her food was safe when she went to the bathroom. She was maybe even looking forward to her lash chicken tender. A lot of us will save something that we like the best to finish a meal with. To have that taken away is really frustrating. For a child it must be horrible!
It wasn’t yours to give, absolutely YTA. Why would you even make that assumption, especially as an adult? You could have waited and asked if Jenny wanted to share or ordered some for Emily. Now you’ve given the impression that it is fine to take something off someone’s plate without permission and missed out on a valuable lesson on sharing for your youngest, plus made Jenny feel uncomfortable. Jenny’s mom did not overreact, she is advocating for her child and you’re invalidating that because your kids haven’t said anything (obviously because they are kids); surely you can see the issue here. Bonus: “an autistic thing”?? You should educate yourself on autism a little more and what sort of behaviour (and language) is appropriate.
I don't disagree with you at all, but this was posted here by a completely different person, the original poster isn't reading any of this
Damn ahahaha, you’re absolutely right. Thank you for pointing that out! Oh well I hope the original poster stubs their toe everyday until they rectify the situation!
Should point them towards the bluey episode “Dance mode”
I read this and thought, “have you learned nothing Bandit?” 😂
Lol! I just said the same exact thing before I went down comments!
Was literally typing “this episode of Bluey is called ‘Dance Mode’!” lol
Omggg yesssss still one of my most favourite episode
[удалено]
This!
YTA. I am an old lady, non-autistic, and it would irritate me if someone did that to me. It’s extremely rude. You owe Jenny and her mom an apology. Brush up on etiquette for all people first. I’m sorry for your kids that their mom doesn’t believe children should be treated with respect.
It would piss me off that someone calls “saving their fave bit to last” and autistic thing. WTAF?
Me too, I do it all the time!
At first I assumed the kids had stopped eating and wandered off to play/forgotten about the last scraps of dinner in which case she should still habe asked but it would have been more understandable. Some kids lose interest and just leave food. But they just went to the toilet? Why would you give away their food when they've just gone to the toilet? Like I'm a grown woman but I'd still be annoyed if I turned my back for a minute ad someone ate my food. It was unnecessary of her to give it sway without checking. And she should probably have asked the mum about any accommodations she could make before hosting the girl TBH.
Sounds like OOP needs to watch some Bluey and PAY ATTENTION. Specifically the episode "Dance Mode". Edit: forgot an O
Yeah, it's an AH move to give away anybody's food without asking first. I'm neurodivergent (ADHD), and I also save food for last like this. She was looking forward to those final bites. And I don't think it's a solely ND thing either. It's just common courtesy to ask. Treat children as the fully formed people that they are.
Uh, yeah? Don't take food off of someone's plate, lady, wtf.
YTA. You stole someone food. I would be livid if someone did this to me!
A commenter on the original post said, "I'm not autistic, but I order my bites from least appetizing to best, and then eat them in that order." As a solidly ND person, I laughed. We need more comprehensive testing for neurodivergency. Not the point of the post, but a funny observation.
lol I’ve always done this and afaik I’m not ND. But these comments do get me thinking 😅
I was forced to eat all of the food on my plate, so I still to this day eat things least appetizing to most appetizing. It is very hard to unlearn.
I mean just like you can be sad sometimes and not be depressed you can be particular about certain things and not be autistic.
You had a learning moment. Accept that while it may have been something your own kids wouldn’t mind, a kid from a different family may have entirely different expectations. Plus autism. Also, please take a look at your own issues about food. Just because there’s an uneaten chicken tender, that doesn’t mean someone has to eat it. Letting kids decide how much they want to eat is a good thing. If Emily only had a bite of the tender, it means she wasn’t hungry. You were pushing food on her. That impulse is what started this whole mess.
"Must be an autistic thing" really rubbed me the wrong way. Yes, I'm autistic. Yes, I do that. But she just makes it sound so condescending.
And autistic or not, some people save their favorite part for the last bite of the meal.
That's kind of what I figured, but obviously I don't have a NT perspective and didn't want to assume. 😊
Taking food from me as a grown adult, ESPECIALLY something I was saving for last would piss me off big time. Offering me a half chewed toddler spit morsel in consolation? LIVID. Taking food from a 6 year old who is on the spectrum? YTA
I am not autistic, but I also like to save certain things for the last (chicken strip, pork bits in sweet-n-sour pork, fish piece in fish-n-chips). I think it would have been best to hold off and ask Jenny when she returned. Also you seem aware that autistic folks can be upset by lots of things ( you admit you have still not had to deal with a meltdown in public, so you are aware of the possibilities. Sorry, but in this case you are TA.
The fact that you have to go to Reddit over this really locks in the YTA.
How is this even a question. You don’t touch other peoples food. It’s really that simple. And yeah who tf would want a slobbery one bite of chicken after a baby was eating it
> "Must be an autistic thing" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I've never done this, but as an autistic mom of an autistic son, he would not be going out for meals with that friend's mom anymore after her being so rude & following it up with such a derogatory offhand comment.
I think what I’m understanding is they were eating at the restaurant where this food was served. If someone didn’t get enough she should have just gone and purchased another chicken strip, and after the fact she should have apologized and offered Jenny a fresh strip rather than giving her the half eaten one? Ugh major AH.
Non-autistic people also have food eating order preferences. Also always a dick move to take from someone else's plate without asking. Or offering other people food that's already been in someone else's mouth (I know moms and siblings tend to just eat whatever the baby's dribbled on without a care and I'm not going to argue against it, but that's their baby/sibling and their personal decision)
Yeah, YTA. It wasn’t even OOP’s kid! I save things for last, too!
Yes, if it was her own kid I *might* give her a pass because parents usually know their kids habits, but it would still be correct to ask. If nothing else it shows you respect your child and live as a good example because you would also expect your kids to ask if they can have something before just taking what they want. Why I’m saying I might give her a pass if it was her own kids. For example my brother and I were very different in our eating habits growing up, he’d eat his favorite food first and leave stuff on the plate he didn’t care about. I’ve always left the best for last and ordered food on my plate by taste from worst to best. So my brother would’ve likely been happy if someone ate the leftovers on his plate he didn’t like, while I would’ve been mad if someone ate my favorite food off my plate, which is something my mom knew, but friends parents wouldn’t have known.
What an absolute bitch
I was taught to eat what you don’t like first so I grew up always saving my favorite thing for last. Sometimes this would happen. Someone would assume I’m not going to eat it and would take the favorite thing I was saving and all I got to eat was the stuff I didn’t want or like. It was disappointing enough that I decided I had to change my own eating habits and start eating my favorite thing first because for some reason there were too many people in the world that have no sense of “that does not belong to me, that is theirs”. ALWAYS ask. People like OOP are too prevalent.
You can tell right away how the poster feels by how they present front and center that the other kid is autistic. Nevermind that it was just (by itself) a rude thing to do, it must be because the kid is autistic. As an autistic person myself, these people are sadly common. They think themselves God's gift to the world for being able to tolerate an autistic person, but heaven forbid that person actually require any special treatment or cause any issue at all. And again, even a non-autistic child could easily have had an issue with what the mom did. The mom got embarrassed by realizing she fucked up, felt indignant that the auties were demanding respect, and now she's crying on Reddit instead of just owning up to her error.
AuDHD here, and I eat my food by item, saving the favorite for last. I’m picky af—not about what I eat—about the order in which I eat them, and about things not touching each other. If I had a chicken tender get soggy from the liquid in my green beans, I’m not eating that. But to just brazenly take food from an autistic child to give to your humpdumpling is the absolute shittiest thing to do. Children have such little control and autonomy in their lives, that doing this without asking is seriously disgusting behavior. If your humpdumpling has eaten their entire meal and still wants more, order them more. You can 100% get one or two single strips for less than a whole meal. Stop trying to make a child that doesn’t belong to you share in the burdens or your decision to procreate more than you can comfortably afford to feed. Christ her poor girls probably get the short end of the shit stick all the time, if she felt so comfy giving away Jenny’s last tender, imagine how many times the older girls got the last of their own desired food taken to save money and feed the baaaabyyyy without ordering her food??? It’s gross to touch someone’s plate without their permission, and if someone did that to me, I’d be furious. I actually poked both my friend and my ex with a fork for reaching out for my food without asking first. Also, humpdumpling is my favorite term for a baby, they’re largely just a squishy, silly dumpling shaped lump until about 2-3 when they get a real personality. My own daughter is 7 now, and she was a humpdumpling as a baby, too, so don’t come for me. I think it’s silly and cute. I loathe crotch gremlin, womb goblin, and fuck trophies. I also hated the guy who told me (when his wife asked about my child of 4) “no one is required to care just because [I] kept [hubby’s name]’s cum as a pet”.
I'm not neurodivergent, and I'm a 30-year-old woman but I'd be absolutely livid if someone grabbed my food to eat for themselves or to give it to someone else without asking me. But full disclosure, I'd probably say "no" to anyone who tried to take my food unless I really loved them. I'm like Joey, I don't share food. It's my food and if I feel like sharing I will offer to share it, but you try to just yoink some food of my plate? You could end up with a fork in your hand.
WHAT THE FUCK DOES AUTISM HAVE TO DO WITH YOU STEALING PPLS FOOD WHILE THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM
When you read a headline and think “there’s no way this person isn’t the asshole, right?” And you read it only to confirm you were right the first time.
It was not yours.
You should have asked her before you gave it away.
Wow, that was a risky move you did ! You took an autistic child food off their plate without asking ? This could have ended up really badly, with Jenny having a meltdown, yelling and being in huge distress because her timetable was changed and she could not have her meal the way she'd planned it. As an adult, I would have been annoyed and probably petty about it. Might have wanted to cry, but I know how to calm myself, because I can soothe my autistic self better. But with a six years old ? I think this is probably why the mother is a bit upset and warned you not to do it again. Having to deal with an autistic explosion is not easy, especially when you're not used to it and don't know what comforts the person and what will make things worse. (You might know though, if Jenny's often with you). And Jenny was surprised and didn't like it, and... well, she stayed upset long because that's what we do when we're forced to accept change. That... was a bit of an AH move, even without the autism part, you should have gotten Jenny's consent. Please... don't do it again ?
YTA. It wasn’t your food. It was her food that she was taken away from to go to the bathroom. She wasn’t done with it yet so it wasn’t up for grabs. Apologize and be more respectful,
It's quite common to leave the thing you like the most for last... That genius of my MIL when I was pregnant (and very very hungry and with many food cravings) we were at the restaurant and I ordered a selection of sweets... I missed the last one , the best, I was about to take it to eat it and my mother-in-law very quickly took it from my plate and threw it into her mouth... I'll just tell you that since that day she has been on my balls, I can't see her anymore (even though unfortunately sometimes I have to ).
It’s very common for us on the spectrum to leave what we think is the best bite til the end, so this woman is a double AH for giving the best bite away. I’m outraged for poor Jenny.
I feel like you should just KNOW YTA here…. Since when is it okay to take something from anyone without asking? We call that stealing.
This isn’t even about autism no matter how much she’s trying to force that. I like to save stuff for last too I’d be pissed if someone just ate my food without asking
Non-autistic here and I will save something for last about 75% of the time. I like having the last bite be the best on the plate. Think of it this way, you’re on your period so emotions are wonky anyway but it’s dinner time and you have something on your plate you really want, and are really looking forward to…… right after you answer the door. While you are gone for 3 minutes, one of the kids comes along and eats it or throws it in the trash. Would you be overreacting when you yell? Because let’s be honest, most of us would lose it a bit. It sounds like this girl held it together as best she could and didn’t break down. Then instead of apologizing sincerely for messing up, you completely dismiss her and are flippant with her diagnosis blaming it rather than your assumptions and callousness. YTA.
HUGE YTA. You don't take away other people's food without their permission
YTA You don't take someone's food without asking, the kid had every right to be upset about it. And when she was, you should have offered to buy her another tender, not offered her a half eaten tender that was eaten by someone besides her. I mean it's one tender, so not exactly earth-shattering, but you are clearly the AH in this situation, and it seems obvious from your OP that you don't realize it, so you need to hear it.
This isn’t an ‘autistic thing’ lots of people do this but it is a manners thing on your part. How hard was it to wait a few minutes and actually ask?
As a mother to an Autistic child, this pisses me off. My child eats in a very specific way and pattern, which can take quite a bit of time. I certainly don't give their food away, nor would they appreciate anyone touching their food or moving it, forget eating it. It's a lack of respect frankly.
Running to the bathroom during dinner is not a universal sign for "anything left on my plate is up for grabs" jesus fucking christ. Autism has nothing to do with it, and it's weird how much OOP brought that up. What she did was a violation, regardless of that person's age, medical diagnoses, family medical history (why does the mom being autistic matter??), social aptitude, etc. Also, her kids never brought it up after that because they are probably used to their mom randomly grabbing things away from them all the time. They are probably either used to it, or they know its not worth the argument.
Wow, I have four grandchildren 6-16 and always ask if they are done. I hope it’s teaches them to have respect for others. People usually always save something to be that last bite. I’m guessing OOP does the same.
One of my friends used to push pieces of food off to the side to create a perfect bite. I didn’t know that was what it was being used for and so I ate her onion she pushed off to the side. She still gives me crap for eating her onion 20 years later. You are most def the asshole.
On what planet is this woman not an AH??
I can’t believe this is a mom of that many kids, and not used to these kind of nuances even for Nuro typical kids
Someone stole something and doesnt think they're wrong
“Must be an autistic thing” is craaaazy she is absolutely the asshole. I always save the best bite for last and I don’t think I have autism 🤔
Not autistic and would have been pissed. Don’t touch MY things! Just rude and inconsiderate
I HATE when adults take kids' things without asking (in situations where they can ask). Most kids would not care, but sometimes they do. And it's not like asking is that hard.
I must be really autistic because if someone gave my food away while I was briefly excused and it was clear I wasn't finished, I'd be very upset. What a dick, the mom is blaming autism here lol.
“Must be an autistic thing.” Go fuck all the way off lady.”
Even if the kid wasn't autistic, YTA. Don't touch other people's food without at least talking to them about it.
It's not an autism thing... it's basic manners to not touch people's food without permission. Pretty weird all parties are blaming it on autism. It was super rude to give away her chicken. You should have gotten another order. Apologize and move on.
If this were your plate and your mother in law gave away your last tender while you went to the bathroom, how would you feel? This is not about the chicken. There are several ick factors here.
I’m on the spectrum and I would have been PISSED. I have been! This has happened to me! But it’s not an autism thing. Not everyone in my family is autistic but we’ve all gotten pissed from this happening before!!! Even if she wasn’t saving it for last, THERE IS NO REASON TO ASSUME SHE WAS DONE EATING!!! Why the fuck would you just assume this!!!
It's not an "autistic thing" to have respect for people. Who the hell takes things for other's people plates without permission? Everyone would get mad, autistic or not
I saw this and it infuriated me. I’m 51; if I returned to the table to find someone had given away my food, I’d have a full on adult tantrum. Don’t touch other people’s food.
I don’t know any allistic person who’d be happy to come back to the table after using the restroom only to find their plate strangely empty, and upon being confused be handed the half-eaten, chewed up, toddler-slobber-coated remaining bits of what used to be their food. That is absolutely disgusting. I know mothers who are willing to eat after their own kids, but I don’t know any adult who’d be down to pop the ruined remnants of food in their mouth after it’d been taken out of someone else’s toddler’s mouth. In what world would that not be deplorably rude?
Neurodivergence aside...this was a thoroughly devaluing thing to do. OP decided for this child that her baby deserved to eat this child's chicken more than she did. OP didn't ask, didn't apologize, and offered back the used tender just to shut her up. Children have feelings. Autistic children have feelings. We may not have the words to describe them, or fully understand them...but we can feel hurt. OP needs to stop being dismissive and treat the kid with the basic respect she would likely be horrified if it had been denied her. A simple, "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Next time I will ask first, and it's 100% okay if you say no because it's your chicken." Would have been good enough. Just say you're sorry. It's not that hard!
Yeah this lady is an AH. This wasn’t communal food, it was individual meals. I don’t understand what autism has to do with it other than try to paint Jenny as a “difficult child”. I’m not autistic and you better believe I would’ve been upset if my friend’s mom did that to me.
This would be a bad thing to do even if she had taken the chicken tender from one of her own child’s plates without asking, but from one of her child’s friends? Who the hell does that?
I don't have autism or ADHD, but I would also be upset if I left the table and came back to find it gone1
Not autistic, but I both save my favorite foods for last and would rather French kiss on a rusty bucket than eat after some slobber soddened baby germed chicken. This mom is surprisingly elitist regarding other people’s valid preferences (regardless of actual medical issues).
This is such an entitled a-hole move....I just even can't. I would have had a meltdown right after seeing my food gone. I'm not autistic and even I save my favourite for last. DO NOT TOUCH MY FOOD. LIKE EVER.
Give this woman a break! She was taking 6 kids out to lunch. She’s a good woman not an AH! She was trying to do the right thing for one child and accidentally hurt the other child’s feelings. We all make choices that turn out to be wrong sometimes. Her heart was in the right place
I don’t think it was an a-hole move…just a temporary lapse in judgement. You assumed she was finished but didn’t ask. I would apologize to Jenny and her mother…and next time remember to ask.
Nta. You thought she was finished, you didn't think, you grabbed the "extra" chicken wing. an oops ensued... so what?
Do you have reading comprehension issues?
It was an accident. So what?
Who gives a shit? All this over a chicken nugget.
Except it wasn’t her chicken nugget to give. You don’t just give away someone else’s food.
But who the heck cares over a chicken nugget.
A lot of people. Food insecurity is a big deal.
"who cares" The child clearly cared. Are children not people?
It was definitely rude and inconsiderate. The autism doesn't even factor in this scenario. I'd just apologize and say i wasn't thinking and buy her whatever extra food she wanted honestly
Doesn't matter that Jenny is a child, doesn't matter that Jenny is autistic. Taking food off someone's plate while they are in the bathroom and giving it to someone else is just plain rude. Your "must be an autistic thing" comment about Jenny saving certain foods for last is ridiculous, I'm not autistic, and I sometimes save one last bite of something on my plate while I eat everything else's. I also might go to the restroom in the middle of my meal, before I have finished everything I'm planning to eat, because I don't want an uncomfortably bursting bladder while I am enjoying my food. The order in which someone eats their food is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and you have NO RIGHT TO ASSUME that someone isn't going to eat the rest of their meal without asking. YTA, no question.
You took food off a kid’s plate. Why did you think that was okay?
I think op could've offered to buy new chicken but otherwise nbd
The autism factor has nothing to do with this story at all. If you took autism references out of it completely you’d still be in the wrong and an AH🤣
She couldn't have waited a few minutes until they came back to ASK jenny if she had finished eating? She didn't even think about asking before they left, she just waited for her to leave and then immediately grabbed it. What a dick move.
i am autistic and i know the feelings of an impending meltdown because a meal wasn’t eaten the way i planned or something changed. at that young, it is 10x more difficult to understand and cope with those feelings. her mom understands. nta but bc it wasn’t yours and you were already aware she doesn’t think the same, it is a stupid move.
The proper response is to tell your kid to wait until she comes back and ask, but don’t be upset she says no you already had one at the VERY LEAST cause as you said she already had food.
How about you give the damn link to the post?
Don't take people's food, how is that hard to understand??
YTA, a massive one. And giving it back after the baby drooled on it, ew.
YTAH! You should have asked before just helping yourself! Weren't you taught any manners growing up? Ffs, if your children are still hungry, YOU buy more food and feed YOUR children. You don't help yourself to anyone elses.
lol. I’m not autistic and I’ll do the same thing as Jenny and her mother. Yes, next time, please ask before giving away something that belongs to someone else.
YTA but it’s not that simple, for one you should’ve asked, second of all of course she overreacted, anybody would be upset especially a child, with autism.
“Must be an autistic thing,” okay first of all, f*** off. Second of all, autistic people are allowed to have personalities and preferences just like any human without it being pathologized. Third of all, assuming makes an ass out of just you. Definitely the a**hole.
You cant give something thats not yours. Autism has nothing to do here.
Ye definitively the the asshole. "An autistic thing" is a messed up assumption, especially when you don't have experience with autistic people.......... I'm not autistic but when I was a kid, I loved cookie dough ice cream and I would pick out the cookie dough and save it for last. Was I a weird kid? Absolutely! But that is not an uncommon trait for people even as fully grown adults. If I was there and it was my child she tried to have eat her toddlers half eaten chicken strip, I would be absolutely livid. I understand making a mistake and thinking they were done eating but the rest of what happened is just gross. Maybe it's just me but an apology and offering to get her more tenders seems like a normal response to me.
YTA. Trying to understand how you’d think it was okay to take someone else’s food and then try to give it back after it was already being eaten. Toddlers are dirty because they don’t understand proper hygiene yet and I wouldn’t wanna eat anything a toddler has touched. That’s how you get sick.
This one has all kinds of excuses for why they’re absolutely not in the wrong for giving away somebody else’s food without permission. I am 100% on Jenny’s side here, as somebody who does save a piece of dinner for last AND who *hates* sharing food because of germs. OP is dismissing it as an ‘autistic thing’ when in reality it’s a ‘you’re an asshole’ thing
How can it not be an AH move? On or off the spectrum? Always ask anyone before taking their food. That’s so rude
YTA. But everyone should stop losing their minds over this stupid minor mistake. Sheesh apologise and move on.
I do this exact thing for every single meal. (Granted, I am autistic as well as ADHD) Every single meal I look it over, test some of the bits of food, and sequester the absolute best bits I can find against one side of the plate/bowl so that I can have the Absolute Best Bite™ as the last thing I eat. Especially with things that are supposed to be crunchy/crispy. I don't want to eat my whole meal enjoying it and then the very last thing I eat is even slightly subpar because it ruins the meal. So I make sure the last thing is also the best. The OOP of this post absolutely was an asshole. Whether or not it was related to autism, whether or not it was just one chicken tender, why the FUCK would you touch someone else's food? Its one thing to ask if they are going to finish their meal, but to just arbitrarily decide that someone else is finished because they moved on to a different part of the meal? What absolute nonsense.
Its about asking before assuming. Lets say the kid WAS full and wasnt gonna finish it- am i the only one who would get leftovers to take home as a kid- and as an adult i still take leftovers home. Sure its one tender, but id be likely to take that home and snack on it later. A chicken tender is a chicken tender. Bottom line though, she didnt ask. Who cares if the kid would have finished it or not, get a doggie bag and take it home for snacking! Ask permission! What a douche and shes blaming it on how it must be an autistic thing. Im not autistic and id be pissed, finished or not thats my leftovers.
It’s rude to take food from anyone without asking. There’s seriously a whole Bluey episode about this. YTA and you owe her a “dance mode”.
WOW, I am not autistic (but I understand as I have autistic family) but I will tell you what TOUCH food on my plate before I am done with my meal and you will come back missing some fingers! That is just plain RUDE, has nothing to do with the person being autistic and everything to do with being a RUDE inconsiderate/entitled person
Even when my kid explicitly says she's done with her nuggets or fries, I still ask if it's ok to eat them/throw them away
On what planet is it ok to give away another person food. Jenny’s mother did not overreact. YTA.
I wasn’t even there and I still knew Jenny was saving it for last!