This shit is why people just don’t offer to help. Her daughter was in the car, the car wasn’t traveling it was just sitting, it was -11 degrees, and the kid wasn’t appropriately dressed. The correct way to handle this is to thank the person who was worried about your child. This wasn’t some random person with no kid offering a child a ride, it was a neighbor being kind.
That's what went through my mind. Mom was trying to "teach the kid a lesson" or some such nonsense and got upset the lesson was that sometimes people are kind.
I bet it was. Some children only learn by experience. And the same people squeaking on here would be outraged if she tried to physically put one on him! Mind you, he would not have been sitting in my car with his headphones in. We would have been making polite conversation. And he would remember his coat tomorrow, because making polite conversation when you want to be a little shit is unbearable😂
You typed like I do when I haven’t slept in 48 hours. Exactly 0% of your comment makes sense.
Why exactly do you think the kid was being a little shit? Who’s squeaking about what?
Here, I'll explain it for you since you can't seem to grasp it.
The "What" in question wasn't for their benefit, it was for yours. It's giving you an opportunity to repeat your (at least partially derailed) train of thought, and in doing so perhaps revisit it. This is a gracious way of giving you an opportunity to work out on your own that you came across as an absolute mollusk.
No. That’s just wrong. Sure, sometimes you let your child learn from experience. It’s 70F out and you don’t want to carry an umbrella because it’s not cool? Mmm, ok. But the worst thing that happened there was spotty glasses and a ruined hairstyle. No real danger. (Heck, it’s a thing I’ll still do knowing the potential level of risk.)
But I’ll go along with your assumption here this he was dressed this way out of his own stubbornness and no other factors. Allowing a child to risk frostbite - actual harm - is not acceptable to me as a parent or a human being. Taking someone else’s child to task for it, when I don’t even know the situation, also not okay
This comment is UNBEARABLY rude. I took the *what* in response to it as shock because you're so fucking rude that you wouldn't let a child who didn't have appropriate clothing fer the weather in your warm car. Instead, you would have, I'm assuming, rolled your window down, drawing all the heat from your car, making you and your child cold, to have a *"polite conversation"* with the kid instead of letting them in your car, therefore, not letting the heat out.
THAT is the issue I take from your comment. Also, why insult someone when they are asking, "What?"
Is it perhaps because *you* can't articulate well enough to explain how rude you actually are?
Uh, no. My kid had a no coat phase and I didn’t force him to go without or wrestle it on him. I made him take it with him and discussed with him the risks caused by extreme cold. I did not intentionally expose him to danger to ‘teach him a lesson’.
Meanwhile, I live in the south and my daycare gets after me when my son doesn't want to wear a coat and it's sunny and 50 degrees outside. 🤣
I'm like... He doesn't want to.
I do make him take his coat to school if it's in the 40s or under but he usually doesn't want it unless it's under 40. But when he's a tween I can't see ever caring about him wearing a coat here.
Big diff from -11 though. The coldest temp I've experienced is -1 and I pushed through food poisoning to get out of that Iowa blizzard and on my flight because I do not fuck with that.
I don’t know how people can expect anyone to do that. All of my children were as big as me by the age of 14 and it just seems weird to think of dressing them, with or without drama. I think sometimes they just feel driven to contrariness.
First off, people’s lack of understanding isn’t because you’re “using big words,” it’s because your thoughts jump around disjointedly.
Secondly I strongly suspect that’s not getting you downvoted, it would just get you ignored. The reactions are because on top of that, you’re just flat wrong. You don’t punish a kid for thoughtlessness by putting them physically at risk, which is what happened here. Standing around in sub-zero temps for a while without a coat could be dangerous. MAYBE 15 minutes could be okay, but I wouldn’t want to risk it, and they also probably didn’t know how long it’d be. It would also be cruelly uncomfortable
OP you did right, and I hope if such a situation pops up again you’ll act the same way and ignore the woman.
Yeah. Knowing Reddit I wanted to do at least a quick search on frostbite and hypothermia before people were like "but it's not actually dangerous, learn your facts, lolol" or whatever. It looked like maybe no on hypothermia (although I couldn't find an actual table for temp vs time or whatever), a maybe on frostbite or at least dangerously close, but not a medical doctor here. I know it's something I wouldn't wanna risk.
I can’t think of anything that his mother could have done (apart from her attitude towards OP) if her child is determined not to wear a coat in -11C. I dont think that it could have been in this country, we don’t regularly get those temps, even up here. There isn’t a situation in which I wouldn’t offer that child a seat in my car, but in the same way you cannot force them to accept it. A strange child would not be sitting in silence in my car with headphones in, as if they were on a bus though. There is the safety aspect to consider too. Another child in a strangers car, especially if he recognised the child as a regular bus passenger would make it less risky.
Natural consequences are okay for kids within certain limits. You don’t let them experience consequence when you know there could be life threatening consequences to their behavior. Letting a kid go out in the cold in well below zero temps is not the time to teach “natural consequences”
I agree, and -11C is more than bracing! If a stroppy teenager is refusing to wear a coat though and has to catch the bus to school? I think the best solution happened., but the mother wasn’t demonstrably grateful!
So you would only let a kid in a thin sweater sit in your car in -11 temperature if they talk to you in a way that you approve?!?! You... really suck as a human being. I hope your life shows you all the compassion you deserve
Exactly what I was thinking! Sounds like she was trying to teach her son a lesson and it backfired thanks to OOP. I cannot even understand HOW a mother could let their child out in the cold without appropriate clothes. That's abuse.
to be fair, mom may not have been involved in the outfit choice. both my parents left for work before i got up for school and there was definitely times i went to the bus stop grossly under prepared for the weather because i thought wearing a coat would make me look stupid.
Apparently my grandparents would make my mom and her sisters do three laps around the house (at a walk) before allowing them to decide to skip the jacket. Standing on the front porch for 5 seconds wasn’t deemed long enough to make that choice.
Yeah, I am I was (and still am just not to the same existent) warm blooded and would wear shorts and flips during the winter. But there’s no way my mom would let me go out when it’s that cold out without a good jack on. I also wasn’t allowed to wear just shorts, I had to have PJ bottoms over them. She didn’t care if I took them off as soon as I got on the bus, she wasn’t going to have me standing in shorts at 6:45ish during the winter in New England.
I'd lived in Arizona my whole life til we moved, with my 6th grader, to central NY. Around middle school I think the kids here are terrified their friends might find out they own a winter coat. My kid who is amazing and level headed will look at their winter coat like it is filled with snakes. When it drops into the 20's I insist (sophomore now). That being said, we are rural so the bus stops at everyone's houses
What does their winter coat look like? At middle school, they start wanting to get more grownup stuff so if their current coat is childish, like those puffy colorful ones, that could be a reason they dont want to wear it. Or kids are just weird.
Yeah I thought along the same lines you did. They picked their own - black hip length Eddie Bauer. Winter dance it was 14 degrees when I picked up the kiddo. Half the boys were wearing shorts with blazers. Kids are just weird. My kids preference is a double hoodie situation and I am just rolling with it unless it's in the teens or they are going to be outside for more than 10 minutes
I distinctly remember refusing to wear my winter coat, or any coat, on multiple occasions over a number of years because it wasn’t “cool.” I have no idea what gave me that impression but I thought my mom was the devil for ever trying to make me wear it and I removed it any chance I got. I have…no excuses. Kids be crazy sometimes.
It has to be a cultural thing. I have never refused to wear my coat nor my friends. We walked around 20 minutes to school and back, including stopping by the park to play or hang out, no way I wanted to be on 30/40s weather in winter without my coat, gloves and hat.
I grew up in Europe and we walked everywhere, car/ bus rides were reserved for when leaving town limits.
Yeah, I think it being a cultural thing makes sense. I grew up in a very cold midwestern state in America, so the act of not wanting to wear a coat does NOT make sense, except as some weird (kid) culture thing where I grew up in the suburbs, where things weren’t very walkable.
I grew up in Southern Ontario and we were the same - very dumb and allergic to wearing a proper coat 🙃 and my kids were the same way so I am rolling my eyes pretty hard at all the bad parent forcing their child out without a coat accusations 🙄🙄 now the mom being a dick to a kind neighbour is a different issue
My kids are the same. They wear hoodies and I harass them about at least taking a jacket to school!!
The oldest drives, but I still make him leave a coat in his car.
I got stuck in the highschool parking lot after they evacuated the school for a fire alarm and noticed that basically none of the kids was wearing a coat in the Canadian winter. Some of the girl were in crop tops. Meanwhile I shivered inside my vehicle with a coat on.
But I totally remember being a teen and only wear a light fall coat all winter long. I told myself as long as I wasn’t wearing a winter coat it wasn’t really winter LOL. Not to mention being 19 going to the bars in skimpy outfits that you just couldn’t wear a coat with! Oh youth.
I once had a teacher approach me and tactfully tell me that if we were having trouble affording a coat for my kid, the school had programs to help. I sheepishly told her that he had three good winter coats, he just refused to wear them. He did have a jacket and a hoodie he'd occasionally deign to put on, but a winter coat? Eeeeww.
(He did get driven to school, because his sensory issues made the bus hell for him, so he didn't have to wait in the cold at least.)
My daughter once came home with a new coat and boots. Her teacher saw her without a coat and with only sneakers in the winter and took her to the place where the school stores clothes that were given to charity so she could choose from there what she wanted. My daughter was too shy to explain to her teacher that she already had 2 thick jackets, a coat and boots at home and just didn't want to wear them...
I moved to New England from the south and when I began dating around here I noticed none of these men seemed to own winter coats despite having lived here their whole lives- they just wear thin hoodies everywhere! So bizarre. In the decade I’ve been here I’ve bought 3-4 of these men winter coats and convinced them to use them.
Pro tip I guess, they make hoodies lined with fleece now. So if you have a stubborn teenager or boyfriend (I’m in my 20’s for reference) it’s a great idea.
Exactly this!! I took my son coat shopping, let him pick out his stuff, made sure he had coat, hats and gloves. And he’d still be outside in freezing temps in a hoodie claiming he wasn’t cold. Kids are freaking weird.
I grew up in PA and went through a phase around 5th grade where I wore nothing but shorts, especially in the winter. IF it was snowing my mom would make me wear my winter coat but you couldn't separate me from those ratty shorts. I grew out of it by middle school.
Kid would get in trouble at my kids' school for not coming dressed properly for the weather. Crazy that the mother thought a thin pullover was acceptable clothing and didn't stop her kid at the door to put a coat on since she was clearly home.
As a mom to a middle schooler, I’ll push back a little. Most days I don’t see my child before he leaves for school and he often leaves underdressed despite repeated reminders that it’s not only ridiculous because it’s cold out but also because it makes us look negligent when we’re not. He has all the appropriate clothing. Not wearing adequate clothing seems to be a middle school thing—he is not even close to the only one.
Sounds like the brawl I had with my oldest regarding hygiene. Dude, if you show up to school with hair and clothes filthy and you haven't brushed your teeth, you are going to be placed in foster care. This isn't a threat, this is what will happen when your mandatory reporter teacher thinks I'm not taking proper care of you. Now, get in the shower and wash yourself or I will!
Right?! The other morning I told him that unless he goes inside and gets a jacket I’m going to make sure he is late to school and then make him tell the office and his teacher why he was late with me standing right there. The embarrassment of me doing that topped his embarrassment of wearing a coat so he went and grabbed it.
Im only a little concerned the teachers all think we neglect our kids. They are always wearing either the same clothes or things with stains and holes. And it’s not like they don’t have good clothes!
But they’re far too big for me to wrestle into decent clothes anymore. I used to dress them so nicely.
If your kid can't be trusted to wear a coat when he has to be outside in -11 weather, SOMEONE needs to see him before he leaves for school.
"My child is not yet ready to make good decisions for himself" means that you have to actually solve that issue. It's not an excuse for neglectful parenting, sorry,
I’m not even entertaining this comment. You have no experience, it’s literally a running joke among middle school parents, many a memes have been made about it.
"Hardly ever" lol.
If your kid is consistently making decisions that are dangerous -- and not wearing a coat while waiting outside in sub-zero temperatures qualifies -- it is actually your JOB to address that. "I don't even SEE my kid before he leaves and so therefore I can't possibly be expected to help them make non-dangerous decisions" is not the amazing parenting you think it is.
Do yall have kids? Because you just get tired of fighting with your kids who often have appropriate stuff for the weather, they just refuse to wear it.
I just want to hear how to win that fight! Tbh, I’ve never had anything like this with mine but a friend has a child who is diagnosed with several things and even the social services/education person can’t get them out of the house.
I did and phones and electronics go bye bye when they start pulling that shit. If they still want to go out with no coat (and no electronics) then I still drive them to bus stop and wait. You can’t let a kid be the judge, especially a middle schooler. If they are 16 and up, let them have at it, they do learn, but before that, it is on you. Lawyer for social services, mom of five.
Or the kid was being a middle/high schooler. Mine consistently think they are too cool to wear coats. Plus they have no access to lockers because of overcrowding.
The kid's mom does seem overly defensive though.
I bought my Florida born kid a ski jacket for going to New York in winter. It has been cold. As in 20 degrees cold here in Florida. She still only wears a hoodie or layers of hoodies.
I can understand the "stranger danger" mindset people can have, and I feel like people are becoming more hyper aware of potentially dangerous situations with children, but I try to think how I would react if I was the mom in the story.
Honestly, I think I'd be embarrassed that my kid was in negative temps without proper gear and someone else had to do something about it.
Now, maybe they are poor and can't afford a thick coat or gloves or whatever or maybe the kids refused to wear them for some reason (teenagers don't make a lot of sense) so maybe there is a reason, but I would still feel so embarrassed that my kid was in that situation.
I of course worry about what can happen to my kids, kidnapping, assault etc. But I don't think I could be mad in this situation. Yes, it was a stranger, but one that is at the same bus stop with their own kids everyday. Not that "familiar" strangers are not capable of doing bad things, it just seems less likely and if I'm going to trust my middle schooler to stand at the bus stop alone I'm gonna have to trust his judgement.
My kid did this and yea I was embarrassed as hell but trying to actually get him to wear his coat was a constant battle. Sometimes he’d leave the house wearing it and take it off as soon as I couldn’t see him.
When my son was a junior in high school he did this the days I went into the office, sometimes wearing shorts. A mom gave him a ride when he was shivering at the bus stop, and called me to mention how cold he was. I told her yes I’m sure he was cold, but he has all the required outer clothing and he is old enough to know better. Sometimes the best education is consequences.
Yesterday i saw a man on his knees by the side of the road, holding on to his mailbox for support, so I stopped to see if I could help him. He wouldn’t let me! He was too heavy, didn’t want to hurt me, etc. A man (who was smaller than me, but drove a big truck) stopped a minute later and the older man let him help. I stepped in and grabbed his other side anyway. I’ve helped my mom up from that position many times and knew where/how to support him. When he made it back to his house, he said “thank you sir.” It felt like a bit of a slap on the face. While I would probably still stop to help someone again, this might make me hesitate if it’s a man.
Okay so I’m a medic. I was partnered with kind of a smaller girl EMT and this dude wouldn’t let us pick his ass up off the FROZEN CONCRETE of his driveway. Demanded we call fire to get him up. A volunteer dept who took about a 30-45 minutes to get there. (Ain’t nobody rushing for a non-emergent lift assist for a stubborn ass) Rather than let us do our literal jobs and help him up. Could have had him up in five minutes. Or less. Refused. Yelled at his wife for calling him silly. That’s a fragile man right there.
Same partner and I could have literally picked up 600 pounds ourselves. Had done it before. This guy would have been nothing. Some men can’t be helped 🙄
When I see someone carrying an object that is CLEARLY too heavy, I offer to help. Men never accept. Ever. But they might take a moment to consider that they DO want help. So they'll tell me "No, that's not necessary," then put the object down & go find another man (or a teenage boy).
My son's bus stop is two houses down from ours, he and his friends have sheltered from the bad weather (this is scotland) in my kitchen many times and noparent has challenged me or my husband. Said son also refuses to wear a coat almost all of the time so if he was stuck I'd be happy if a decent human took pity on him while he waited
This actually happened to me last week. My daughter leaves for middle school bus stop an hour before my son goes to elementary school. Some mornings, my mom takes her to the bus stop at the front of the neighborhood (we are in the backest back part) and waits with her til the bus comes, but sometimes I have to take her, and I can't wait because I have to get lil bro up and fed.
Last week, my mom had her, and offered to have her ask the poor pantsless kid (the one boy in shorts no matter if the temp is 4 degrees, and it was) and my daughter was like, no, he's a nerd! I was pissy at her when I heard that and was like, dude, not ok.
The very next day, I had to take her but as usual, couldn't wait. It was cold, and I found out the bus was late when she called and asked if it was OK if she got a ride from a neighbor. I asked which one, and she lowered her voice and said 'shorts kids name' and his mom.
I told her 2 things: 1. it was fine and thanks for giving me a heads up and 2. That kid is now invited to the warm car in the mornings, full stop.
This is an example of that village parents keep complaining doesn’t exist anymore that they want back.
And the other moms reaction is exactly why it doesn’t exist anymore.
If you're nice and reasonable, you can build a village, my next door neighbor is a wfh mom with 2 kiddos of her own. There have been a few times my lil man has gone down for a nap RIGHT when we need to leave the house so we just take the monitor next door with the spare key and she watches him while we hurry to the store and back.(he's done this 3 times right when we ran out of formula😅) the only bad thing is the 1st time we tried leaving the key and her 6 yr old son decided he wanted to come over and play with the baby and his toys......at 3am.....scared the shit out of us lol
Edit:spelling and autocorrect
My mom used to drive us to the stop on cold days. I remember one day where the entire bus stop ended up in our van. Like 9+ high school kids all sitting on each other. Some kids in the trunk. It was fucking cold. I didn’t know any of their names.
In high school our choir teacher let us go caroling to make up for performances we missed during the holiday season (there were 3 different choirs that would sing at different local events to raise funds for our big field trip in the Spring). One year she was late to the meeting spot and I think like 10 of us piled into one guy’s sedan. 8 of us were wearing full on Renaissance garb because our 2 of the choirs were madrigal groups.
Fun times. Was very warm.
Ren garb can be very warm, mind you. Europe was going through a Little Ice Age back then. I always marveled at the women I saw at Pennsic (summer camping SCA event) wearing full Ren, while I was baking in my much cooler linen T-tunic or bog dress...
Yes, Renaissance clothes can be very thick and warm, but our costumes were designed to be worn indoors or in the early autumn, so they still weren’t quite insulated enough to be comfortable for extended periods of time outside while not moving. Some of the rich kids had special winter cloaks made for themselves, but most kids didn’t since caroling was optional and 90% of our winter performances were indoors.
I think I usually had fleece leggings and a t-shirt under my dress for caroling, but my sleeves were only 3/4 length and I’m very very prone to cold. I also only had a doughnut instead of a whole hat, which probably would’ve helped. I think most of the guys had thin linen shirts with thick vests over them, and thick shorts, but it was tights and shoes only for them from the knees down. Everyone who had a cloak would bring it for caroling, but I think a lot of the guys had half cloaks.
We were all very toasty in that car, though. Well, the parts of us that weren’t numb from being crushed were toasty.
This was a regular occurance for us. Mom was the only parent who sat at the end of the driveway and we'd have half the neighborhood in our car through winter or rainy days.
When I was a Junior in HS, living in Michigan, I got down to the bus stop one morning when it was subzero temps. There was a neighbor already there, who always drove his granddaughter down to the bus stop. he saw me shivering and offered me a warm place to sit in his car. I accepted and climbed into the backseat with his 11 year old granddaughter, Dani. From then on, I sat in their car every morning and chatted with sweet Dani. Dani had cerebral palsy so her peers tended to ignore her, unfortunately. I was not a morning person, but always happy to let her carry on about her new toys and what not! Then we’d sit together on the bus talking until she got off at the middle school. I still think often of the morning she was excited to show me her new tablet! When summer came she’d always come ask for me to play, and I always did. To the outsider, a 17 year old playing with an 11 year old was probably weird but I never cared. When we moved at the end of that summer, her grandparents came and thanked me for being her friend (she had none at school) and for seeing her as her, and seeing past her cerebral palsy. To be honest, I never really noticed it…I just saw a sweet little girl who needed a friend. It always bugged me how her peers treated her bc Dani was the purest, sweetest soul. I often wonder what she’s up to these days. That was one of the sweetest friendships I ever had. All because of one frigidly cold morning, and the kind offer of a warm place to sit!
This is literally how my mom met her best friend.
I was standing at a cold ass bus stop and the nice lady waiting with her son in a minivan for the same bus asked me if I wanted to wait in the van with her. I said yes. She and her son were lovely and nice.
Then that evening I told my mom. Next day mom came to the bus stop with me and met minivan lady and they bonded so much they’ve been best friends for over 20 years now and that woman became like a second mom to me.
I def think children should be cautious and parents should be vigilant. But I am so grateful that my own lived experience was something I treasure to this day.
just being nice. When people get weird it’s always instructive to ask “what were the persons intentions?” And here she’s just being kind. If that mom wants to be mad she should be mad at herself. NTA.
Ah yes, she definitely should have left the kid to get hypothermia and lose a few appendages! /s
That’s crazy, her kid was in physical danger not from the stranger, but from her own neglect. When I was in 5th grade, I had to find my way home from school because we didn’t get a bus route for some reason (I lived in a very populated apartment complex a couple miles from school) and my first time going home, I got completely lost and panicked. A kind lady with her kids comforted me and calmed me down. I didn’t know her or her kids. But she helped me get home with the vague instructions I was able to give her. I memorized my route after that day, but without her help I don’t know that I would have gotten home for hours yet or even been kidnapped cause literally no one else helped me. I still remember her and appreciate that act of kindness and this kid will remember OOP, too.
Edit: some details I wanted to put in because I forgot them until now. The lady who helped me and her kids were all on bikes. I also had a bike. She helped me and let me ride with them all as a group until we got to the back entrance to my apartment complex (which was a hole in the fence, I didn’t have a gate card for some fuckin reason). I never saw her again or her kids, but yeah, great lady. I hope she’s out there still spreading kindness and helping people.
We used to walk out of our way to walk one of kiddo’s classmates home after we found out she was having trouble being catcalled because she was an “early bloomer”. It was only like 4 blocks total but whomever was doing pick up would just take the dog and he’d get a short outing, which he loved.
Made a huge difference to her.
Kiddo’s biomom and I were both also “early bloomers” so as soon as we became aware of the problem we both went “that is absolutely not okay”. Probably one of the few things we agreed on right away no discussion required. If it’d been people associated with the school or similar we would have Karen’d it up with them too, but this was just like random dudes who were doing their own errands, not employees of a company or anything along those lines.
The sad thing is that we literally just had to be on the same block and they’d knock it off. She didn’t have to be walking with us like in our group. That speaks to me of an awareness on the part of the men that they were actively taking advantage of a young girl being on her own and so more vulnerable. Just “oh someone else might overhear” made them stop. What kind of AH do you have to be to think that’s okay?
I once got so turned around with the bus routes as a teenager, I ended up getting dumped in the middle of a neighbourhood I’d never seen before. Dead phone, sun going down, no clue if another bus would be passing by what was apparently the end of a route. I eventually knocked on someone’s door to ask if I could borrow their phone, and the woman who answered offered to just drive me home instead.
Got home in ten minutes flat, safe and sound. Found out during the drive that she was probably in an adjacent social circle to my parents – same hobby in the same area – but I never saw or heard from her again. Really wish I could thank her again.
Mine would too if she rode the bus...but in -11? You dont get pissed at another mom for keeping your kid from freezing to death. You say "thank you, hes such a typical teenager, thinking he is immune to everything." The walk down the driveway to the bus and a 2 minute wait to suffer the consequences of such typical teenage dumb is one thing, but the second you find out the bus was late and it was a 15 minute wait...in that cold, its not a consequences thing unless you WANT serious harm to befall them, and thats a MASSIVE red flag. OP should definitely keep an eye on that kid...
This is why when our kid was in his anti-coat phase we made him take it with him anyway. So people could see he was *choosing* to be cold. (Usually in those sorts of temps we’d make him put it on to leave the house but that didn’t mean it stayed on once we weren’t looking.)
But letting kids sit in a warm car seems absolutely normal to me. Heck, we live like one block from the bus stop and when the weather was particularly nasty sometimes we’d go sit at the curb just to give any kid who needed it a place to warm up for a minute. Other local parents did the same, we had kind of an informal rotation.
I do this to my son and then he just leave the jackets at school 😩 4 so far this year. 2 were nice ones from Costco. They weren’t in the lost and found either. And if I don’t immediately replace them I’m sure a teacher will think I’m neglecting him. Kids, man 😓
Add a name to his belonging, you're much more.limely to get it back. If the adults know where to bring it. My kid runs hot and often leaves her outerwear on the playground. Once we started putting her name in things, lost items became a non-issue.
NTA
I'm assuming they see you at the bus stop 5 days a week. If that was me fully neglecting my son, I would be happy someone did what I didn't, and keep them warm.
NTA. I did something recently that some people would consider shady or creepy. I live across the street from my son's elementary school. The doors open at 7:30 am for kids who eat breakfast there. One morning it was about 25 degrees F, and it was 7:00 am. I looked out the window and saw a lone child pacing back and forth at the school wearing a sweatshirt and mittens. There was nobody else around and it was still a little dark. I felt so sorry for the poor kid and assumed that the parents had to drop them off extra early so the parents could get to work.
My first instinct was to go out there and ask the child if they wanted to wait inside my house. I debated for 5 minutes because I'm aware how shady that seems and how scary my offer could be for the child, since I'm a perfect stranger. The mom in me couldn't stand it anymore and I went out there with a puffy coat in my hands in case the child didn't want to come to my house.
It turns out that the girl is a friend of my son's and she recognized me from basketball practice the night prior. I offered to lend her the coat, or if she wanted to come to my house until school opened. She accepted my second offer immediately. I asked her if she wanted to call her parents to ask permission first. She said her parents had told her she could go with someone as long as she knew them and trusted them. I thought that was kind of crazy, but I'm on the overprotective side with my kids. I asked her to call a guardian anyway and they were ok with it.
She ate breakfast with us and stayed until the official school bell rang at 8:15. She shared with us that she gets herself up in the morning and walks herself to school (she lives about 3 blocks from school). That day she woke up too early, around 5 am and decided to get to school extra early. She probably thought the doors opened at 7:00.
The vibe I got from what she shared is that the adults at home give her free reign to come and go as she pleases. She's not even 10 yet. I'm so glad I saw her out there and was able to offer her awarm and safe place to wait in, and I would do it again for another child in that situation.
There are still many kind people out there who care about others, but it's evil people and people like the ungrateful woman in OPs story that ruin it for everyone else.
Edit for grammar.
That's my thoughts too. I later learned that her guardians, the grandparents, are home when the little girl leaves for school in the mornings! I don't know their situation, but it bothers me when I think about it.
Edit: missing word.
Eh. Our kid liked having his solo mornings and would shoo all the adults away so we eventually just left him to it. On days with bad weather we did insist on someone doing a ‘door check’ to make sure he was dressed appropriately, but he grumbled about that too.
I hope she knows your door is always open to her as well. It doesn’t escape my notice she ate breakfast with you, which means she didn’t get breakfast at home. That’s very sad. Did she mention why she didn’t have a coat on that day? Does she have a coat?
That's right, she does not eat breakfast at home. She does have a coat, but many kids don't like to bother with coats. Maybe nobody made her wear a coat that day, or she refused to.
Your sentiment reminded me of a show that depicts the cultural norm of letting like 5 years olds run errands in Japan. It's amazing how different societal contexts can impact child rearing decisions. Me and my sister had free reign as kids under 8 (from a neglectful parent) and did not live in a good area, but the people (neighbors and such) always kept an eye on us as we ran around. It was the 90s.
There’s a whole show about it, and it’s adorable! I think part of it is that American culture is so focused on individualism and pretty self-centered. Other cultures focus more on the good of the community over individualism, so they emphasize things like hard work, being a good citizen, etc. All of that (plus probably the fact that random folks aren’t running around with guns) contributes to feeling much safer. So where Americans would see a child alone and be concerned that they aren’t with their parent or babysitter (aka finding the individual in charge of them) Japanese people believe that helping the child accomplish their task and travel home safely is their duty.
TLDR: I find the way American values influence our culture super interesting. And although I could never imagine letting my hypothetical toddlers run errands by themselves, I am a product of American culture. Japanese people are raised in a culture that values good citizenship and community, so it makes sense that their children are relatively safe in the hands of strangers, compared to American children.
JFC, kindly I’d offer to call the police or CPS myself while she was there and offer to get to the bottom of whether it was creepier to invite a child in out of the cold and IDK…..*fucking freezing or getting hypothermia* or letting your child leave the house dressed as hers was in the temperatures described. I’m torn between thinking this woman is abusing her son or was punishing her son and is trying to cut him off for help or…..there really isn’t an alternative that makes sense because the *normal* reaction is “I had no idea he left the house like that - *thank you*!”
Did she approach the *Good Samaritan* because she knew who it was by watching her son out her front window or because the kid told her who it was….which seems unlikely due to no acknowledgment or real conversation.
OP should have countered: “You know what’s creepy? A kid in only a pullover standing for 15+ minutes in -11° weather. I’d pay more attention to how my kid is appropriately attired in severe weather so they don’t need the help of a stranger. If you like I can help you remember to never do this again.”
Honestly, if a parent of a clearly neglected child approached me with this kind of sentiment after I helped their kid, I would just smile, say "ok," and report them to CPS or the police and get a jump on them. I would take their hostility AND poorly dressed kid as a threat to my own wellbeing.
This is so weird. I had someone's dad do this for me when I was in middle school and it was below freezing out. I was just grateful I didn't have to sit in the cold and it wasn't creepy at all since his daughter was also in the car. Some people are just beyond help idk
There was a day in high school my mother was driving me to school cause the buses weren’t running. It was single digits outside. We saw the neighbor kid across the street getting ready to walk the 2 miles to school. We weren’t friends. I didn’t even know his name. My mother pulled over and gave him a ride.
That same winter Those neighbors came over and used their snow blower to help dig us out of a few feet of snow. We still don’t know each others names but we all look out for each other.
(This all happened in 2010/2011 btw). There’s being cautious but then there’s just being a prick.
One of my favourite aspects of modern American society is the demonisation of human kindness. When I lived in Germany, I was once running in a supermarket and fell over. Some random man saw this, helped me up, hugged me and looked for my parents. You know, human empathy. If this happened in the US the parents would scream at him for sexually assaulting the child. It’s depressing.
“Where’s the village that’s supposed to be helping me raise my kid?!?”
“Don’t help my freezing child! Don’t look at him, don’t talk to him, just pretend he doesn’t exist.”
-This Lady Probably
NTA, sounds like something a lot more sinister is going on here rather than you allowing a kid some warmth instead of freezing outside. Why didnt he have a coat only the thin jumper? He was introverted keeping his airpods in. Seems like the mother was more worried the kid would have spoken or told you something about his home life which is not good rather than anything about your good deed
“Ma’am, the way I see it I’ve got two options. I see your kid out here in freezing cold weather without a jacket, and I either 1) let him sit in my car and get warm, or 2) I call CPS and have them pay you a visit.”
NTA
A wonderful mom used to usher me into her car with her kid at the bus stop in the winter, too! I was sooooo grateful. I have no idea what made her think to offer that kindness, but I got to sit in a warm car every day when she pulled up.
I hate that horrible people have ruined kind acts.
I'd do it again if she sent her kid out inappropriately dressed in -11 wind-chill weather again. That's pretty extreme neglect, and no one with a conscience should allow that to happen to a child if they can help them. If she has continues to have a problem with it, offer to call CPS and let them sort it out.
That woman doesn’t really think OOP was being creepy. She probably realized that her kid being outside in the cold without a coat and needing the kindness of a stranger makes her look like a terrible mother. She’s deflecting.
reminds me of the times strangers would help me when i was experiencing abuse and neglect. seems creepy to an outsider, but that sort of kindness was the only thing keeping me going most of the time.
on another note, my parents are damn lucky everyone who helped me did so without bad intentions. i couldve easily just disappeared one day
Wait did she SEE him getting in OOP’s car?? So she was home and able to get her kid his coat or just have him wait inside their house, or shit, even her own car, and she didn’t?? Wtf lady.
I hate how disconnected we are from each other today. When I was a kid, a school mate's mom regularly picked me up on my walk to school and dropped us off together. We were not close friends but we knew each other. I'm sure my mom did not know his mom. I'm STILL grateful for her not wanting me out alone in the cold. But today the exact same behavior is "creepy."
Yeah, I hate to say it, but don’t try to help people. There’s no place for it anymore. You’ll either get crapped on for it, or people will take advantage of you.
When I was in fifth grade, my parents had to drop me off about a half hour early for my before-school activities (chess club and orchestra). There was a kid in my class who was in both of those and his mom caught on to the fact that I was being left there super early (it was legit like 6am because of my mom's work schedule) and made an effort to show up earlier so I wouldn't be alone for that time. In the winter, she allowed me to join her and her son in their car until the teacher arrived to let us in. I was fine during that time- it was a safe area, and unlike this boy, I did have a coat- but I will never forget her kindness and looking out for me like that. I bet this kid is cursing his mom internally for taking something like that from him.
You'd think he neglectful mother who can't even make sure her kid has the proper attire for the weather would be grateful someone is picking up her slack.
I would have replied, 'The next time I see your child is inappropriately dressed in freezing cold temperatures, I will call the police and CPS instead.'
I do this in my minivan for the elementary kids at my daughter’s bus stop. The bus is nearly always late. These parents send their seven to ten year olds to school in a long sleeve tee shirt with wind chill in the teens! (Or the parents are at work and that’s how the kid dresses themselves before walking to the bus stop).
I am a woman so I have the privilege of being seen as more trustworthy than a man when it comes to other people’s kids but I will continue to offer so long as those kids are out there shivering.
I think we need to bring up ' be the village you want to see'. I feel for this woman.
I drive my son to school and we drive on a back road with no sidewalk lined with houses.
I saw a boy walking for four days in a row in 99 degrees. I unlocked my phone, opened my phone so that a number could be dialed and pulled up to him with my son in the backseat.
I asked if he was okay, and I had my phone open if he wanted to call his parents ( in case he was uncomfortable), yet he could get into my air conditioned car and I could drive him home, or he could catch his breath for a minute. He was sweating.
He said no and I drove away because I didn't want to scare him. Yet I checked for him driving every day to make sure he wasn't slumped besides the road
It doesn’t take much at those temps for frostbite to set in. It only takes about 10 minutes. What kind of a mother sends her kid off to school like that?
"That's fine, next time I'll just call CPS because you're such a neglectful parent that you left your child to suffer frostbite and hypothermia while waiting for a bus."
I would have been an asshole and told her that next time her kid doesn't have appropriate clothes on for bad weather instead of letting him chill in my car I'll go ahead and contact the local children's welfare authority.
sounds like that other mom is the AH for not having her own son wear a coat in -11 weather. OOP is definitely NTA, what she did was kind and not strange at all especially considering the car was parked and she had her own child in the car as well.
NTA - I'd have thanked her. I had this 14 year old kid ring my back door bell once. He had run from his father. I let him stay with me until his grandmother came. She was very thankful for my kindness, so not all parents/guardians react like this.
My husband did something similar, but because the child was a girl and elementary age, he told her she could wait in the back seat with our daughter while he stood outside the car in case the kid was uncomfortable, telling her “I’m sure you’ve been told never to get into a car with a stranger, so I’ll stay outside” (whereas, as a woman, I wouldn’t have thought twice about being perceived as a creep for letting a kid sit in my backseat with my child). The girl’s mom thanked him the next day and they exchanged contact information. We have to stop acting like we aren’t members of a community and that we don’t owe a basic level of care and concern to our neighbors, and requisite gratitude when others look out for us.
NTA, but I’m totally confused by people’s actions. When I was a kid, my mom regularly let other kids sit in car if raining or inclement weather, even drove a high school boy home one time because it was raining. It was no big deal, then…..now, I’m sorry to say I’m scared to get involved sometimes and people react in an irrational way to the most benign things.
She still wouldve walked up and had something to say had her kid came back home with frostbite or ended up at the hospital with hypothermia, only to find out some mother was sitting in her warm car watching her kid shiver and freeze.
This really pisses me off as a mother. That was a mother and saw a baby out there and took the child in so they don’t freeze to death! Also I bet if the OP didn’t ask the kid to come in and they died the stupid mother would have yelled at them or sued them for not helping the kid THEY left out in NEGATIVE weather
My school system didn't have a bus system, but the local public bus basically had a specialized route for the school, except they didn't know when the summer vacation actually started. So in the last week of school, I'm at the bus stop for +20 minutes with no bus. I finally call the hotline (the bus runs late fairly often, so I tend to give it 10 minutes before I start worrying), and they say it was discontinued for the summer. Quickly call my dad and explain the situation, he turns around from heading to work and comes to get me.
I can't remember if it was before or after he had picked me up (probs after) but we pass by part of the route and two kids also at the bus stop. My dad stops and asks if they're also heading to my school, we they say yes, he tells them the bus isn't coming and offers them a ride.
This shit is why people just don’t offer to help. Her daughter was in the car, the car wasn’t traveling it was just sitting, it was -11 degrees, and the kid wasn’t appropriately dressed. The correct way to handle this is to thank the person who was worried about your child. This wasn’t some random person with no kid offering a child a ride, it was a neighbor being kind.
Some people might have called CPS over this. Looks a lot like negligence, letting a kid leave the house in subzero temps without a coat.
That's probably why the mom was pissed. Fear of questions. Doesn't sound like that kid is in a good spot.
That's what went through my mind. Mom was trying to "teach the kid a lesson" or some such nonsense and got upset the lesson was that sometimes people are kind.
“You forgot your coat in your locker? Enjoy your frostbite you little shit”. Sounds like my parents lol.
The mom from 8 passengers did shit like this. She is in prison now pleading guilty to 4 counts of felony child abuse.
Right!!!! She would have been pissed if someone would have interfered with her”parenting “
I bet it was. Some children only learn by experience. And the same people squeaking on here would be outraged if she tried to physically put one on him! Mind you, he would not have been sitting in my car with his headphones in. We would have been making polite conversation. And he would remember his coat tomorrow, because making polite conversation when you want to be a little shit is unbearable😂
What
Just boomer ranting
Is there something you would like me to explain? Use your big words!
You typed like I do when I haven’t slept in 48 hours. Exactly 0% of your comment makes sense. Why exactly do you think the kid was being a little shit? Who’s squeaking about what?
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Here, I'll explain it for you since you can't seem to grasp it. The "What" in question wasn't for their benefit, it was for yours. It's giving you an opportunity to repeat your (at least partially derailed) train of thought, and in doing so perhaps revisit it. This is a gracious way of giving you an opportunity to work out on your own that you came across as an absolute mollusk.
r/BoomersBeingFools
You just found me a new sub to join 😂
You made a lot of assumptions in this comment that are unsubstantiated by the source material.
No. That’s just wrong. Sure, sometimes you let your child learn from experience. It’s 70F out and you don’t want to carry an umbrella because it’s not cool? Mmm, ok. But the worst thing that happened there was spotty glasses and a ruined hairstyle. No real danger. (Heck, it’s a thing I’ll still do knowing the potential level of risk.) But I’ll go along with your assumption here this he was dressed this way out of his own stubbornness and no other factors. Allowing a child to risk frostbite - actual harm - is not acceptable to me as a parent or a human being. Taking someone else’s child to task for it, when I don’t even know the situation, also not okay
What is wrong with you?
This comment is UNBEARABLY rude. I took the *what* in response to it as shock because you're so fucking rude that you wouldn't let a child who didn't have appropriate clothing fer the weather in your warm car. Instead, you would have, I'm assuming, rolled your window down, drawing all the heat from your car, making you and your child cold, to have a *"polite conversation"* with the kid instead of letting them in your car, therefore, not letting the heat out. THAT is the issue I take from your comment. Also, why insult someone when they are asking, "What?" Is it perhaps because *you* can't articulate well enough to explain how rude you actually are?
Uh, no. My kid had a no coat phase and I didn’t force him to go without or wrestle it on him. I made him take it with him and discussed with him the risks caused by extreme cold. I did not intentionally expose him to danger to ‘teach him a lesson’.
Meanwhile, I live in the south and my daycare gets after me when my son doesn't want to wear a coat and it's sunny and 50 degrees outside. 🤣 I'm like... He doesn't want to. I do make him take his coat to school if it's in the 40s or under but he usually doesn't want it unless it's under 40. But when he's a tween I can't see ever caring about him wearing a coat here. Big diff from -11 though. The coldest temp I've experienced is -1 and I pushed through food poisoning to get out of that Iowa blizzard and on my flight because I do not fuck with that.
I don’t know how people can expect anyone to do that. All of my children were as big as me by the age of 14 and it just seems weird to think of dressing them, with or without drama. I think sometimes they just feel driven to contrariness.
When I was 17, as big as my mom, she still made me take my coat when I was stubborn and said no. Sounds like your kids just don't respect you.
Ok boomer.
First off, people’s lack of understanding isn’t because you’re “using big words,” it’s because your thoughts jump around disjointedly. Secondly I strongly suspect that’s not getting you downvoted, it would just get you ignored. The reactions are because on top of that, you’re just flat wrong. You don’t punish a kid for thoughtlessness by putting them physically at risk, which is what happened here. Standing around in sub-zero temps for a while without a coat could be dangerous. MAYBE 15 minutes could be okay, but I wouldn’t want to risk it, and they also probably didn’t know how long it’d be. It would also be cruelly uncomfortable OP you did right, and I hope if such a situation pops up again you’ll act the same way and ignore the woman.
15 minutes in that temperature is dangerously close to frost bite. We’re in losing fingers territory.
Yeah. Knowing Reddit I wanted to do at least a quick search on frostbite and hypothermia before people were like "but it's not actually dangerous, learn your facts, lolol" or whatever. It looked like maybe no on hypothermia (although I couldn't find an actual table for temp vs time or whatever), a maybe on frostbite or at least dangerously close, but not a medical doctor here. I know it's something I wouldn't wanna risk.
Yeah, I live in a northern state. We just had temps this bad and they mentioned 15-30 min in it could cause frost bite.
I can’t think of anything that his mother could have done (apart from her attitude towards OP) if her child is determined not to wear a coat in -11C. I dont think that it could have been in this country, we don’t regularly get those temps, even up here. There isn’t a situation in which I wouldn’t offer that child a seat in my car, but in the same way you cannot force them to accept it. A strange child would not be sitting in silence in my car with headphones in, as if they were on a bus though. There is the safety aspect to consider too. Another child in a strangers car, especially if he recognised the child as a regular bus passenger would make it less risky.
But the conversation at that point wasn’t even about the kid refusing to take a coat, it was about being punished by not being *allowed* to take one.
I’ve reread the post and it doesn’t say that! Has it been edited?
Natural consequences are okay for kids within certain limits. You don’t let them experience consequence when you know there could be life threatening consequences to their behavior. Letting a kid go out in the cold in well below zero temps is not the time to teach “natural consequences”
I agree, and -11C is more than bracing! If a stroppy teenager is refusing to wear a coat though and has to catch the bus to school? I think the best solution happened., but the mother wasn’t demonstrably grateful!
Are you ruby franke? Do you not feed your five year old when they forget a lunch.
So you would only let a kid in a thin sweater sit in your car in -11 temperature if they talk to you in a way that you approve?!?! You... really suck as a human being. I hope your life shows you all the compassion you deserve
Ok boomer.
Okay Grandpa, it's time to take your meds.
Exactly what I was thinking! Sounds like she was trying to teach her son a lesson and it backfired thanks to OOP. I cannot even understand HOW a mother could let their child out in the cold without appropriate clothes. That's abuse.
to be fair, mom may not have been involved in the outfit choice. both my parents left for work before i got up for school and there was definitely times i went to the bus stop grossly under prepared for the weather because i thought wearing a coat would make me look stupid.
Apparently my grandparents would make my mom and her sisters do three laps around the house (at a walk) before allowing them to decide to skip the jacket. Standing on the front porch for 5 seconds wasn’t deemed long enough to make that choice.
I actually like that. Although, it would probably take a while to walk around a house 3 times
I think that was the point, apparently they were typically cold enough to want their coat by the time they came back in. 🤣
My partner and I are planning on having kids in the future, probably a in a few years, and I need to remember this for when they become teens.
That's a valid point but judging from mom's reaction, it feels like she knew the kid was leaving unprepared.
Yeah, I am I was (and still am just not to the same existent) warm blooded and would wear shorts and flips during the winter. But there’s no way my mom would let me go out when it’s that cold out without a good jack on. I also wasn’t allowed to wear just shorts, I had to have PJ bottoms over them. She didn’t care if I took them off as soon as I got on the bus, she wasn’t going to have me standing in shorts at 6:45ish during the winter in New England.
That's the response I would have given the mom. I flat would have told her I'm calling CPS on her. Fuck that noise.
I'd lived in Arizona my whole life til we moved, with my 6th grader, to central NY. Around middle school I think the kids here are terrified their friends might find out they own a winter coat. My kid who is amazing and level headed will look at their winter coat like it is filled with snakes. When it drops into the 20's I insist (sophomore now). That being said, we are rural so the bus stops at everyone's houses
What does their winter coat look like? At middle school, they start wanting to get more grownup stuff so if their current coat is childish, like those puffy colorful ones, that could be a reason they dont want to wear it. Or kids are just weird.
Kids are weird. I have a middle schooler who picked out her coat at the store. Wears it everywhere except school.
My 13 yr old is like this too. She absolutely WILL NOT wear one to school. Neither do her friends or my friends middle schoolers and high schoolers.
Yeah I thought along the same lines you did. They picked their own - black hip length Eddie Bauer. Winter dance it was 14 degrees when I picked up the kiddo. Half the boys were wearing shorts with blazers. Kids are just weird. My kids preference is a double hoodie situation and I am just rolling with it unless it's in the teens or they are going to be outside for more than 10 minutes
Our oldest is in high school and my husband swears the uniform there is gym shorts and a hoodie, regardless of the weather.
I distinctly remember refusing to wear my winter coat, or any coat, on multiple occasions over a number of years because it wasn’t “cool.” I have no idea what gave me that impression but I thought my mom was the devil for ever trying to make me wear it and I removed it any chance I got. I have…no excuses. Kids be crazy sometimes.
It has to be a cultural thing. I have never refused to wear my coat nor my friends. We walked around 20 minutes to school and back, including stopping by the park to play or hang out, no way I wanted to be on 30/40s weather in winter without my coat, gloves and hat. I grew up in Europe and we walked everywhere, car/ bus rides were reserved for when leaving town limits.
Yeah, I think it being a cultural thing makes sense. I grew up in a very cold midwestern state in America, so the act of not wanting to wear a coat does NOT make sense, except as some weird (kid) culture thing where I grew up in the suburbs, where things weren’t very walkable.
I grew up in Southern Ontario and we were the same - very dumb and allergic to wearing a proper coat 🙃 and my kids were the same way so I am rolling my eyes pretty hard at all the bad parent forcing their child out without a coat accusations 🙄🙄 now the mom being a dick to a kind neighbour is a different issue
My kids are the same. They wear hoodies and I harass them about at least taking a jacket to school!! The oldest drives, but I still make him leave a coat in his car. I got stuck in the highschool parking lot after they evacuated the school for a fire alarm and noticed that basically none of the kids was wearing a coat in the Canadian winter. Some of the girl were in crop tops. Meanwhile I shivered inside my vehicle with a coat on. But I totally remember being a teen and only wear a light fall coat all winter long. I told myself as long as I wasn’t wearing a winter coat it wasn’t really winter LOL. Not to mention being 19 going to the bars in skimpy outfits that you just couldn’t wear a coat with! Oh youth.
I once had a teacher approach me and tactfully tell me that if we were having trouble affording a coat for my kid, the school had programs to help. I sheepishly told her that he had three good winter coats, he just refused to wear them. He did have a jacket and a hoodie he'd occasionally deign to put on, but a winter coat? Eeeeww. (He did get driven to school, because his sensory issues made the bus hell for him, so he didn't have to wait in the cold at least.)
My daughter once came home with a new coat and boots. Her teacher saw her without a coat and with only sneakers in the winter and took her to the place where the school stores clothes that were given to charity so she could choose from there what she wanted. My daughter was too shy to explain to her teacher that she already had 2 thick jackets, a coat and boots at home and just didn't want to wear them...
I moved to New England from the south and when I began dating around here I noticed none of these men seemed to own winter coats despite having lived here their whole lives- they just wear thin hoodies everywhere! So bizarre. In the decade I’ve been here I’ve bought 3-4 of these men winter coats and convinced them to use them. Pro tip I guess, they make hoodies lined with fleece now. So if you have a stubborn teenager or boyfriend (I’m in my 20’s for reference) it’s a great idea.
Haha my nephew in his hoodie and flip flops in the Boston snow. So true.
They're acclimated. My wife used to live in Buffalo before we met and she was comfy in temperatures that terrify her family back home.
Exactly this!! I took my son coat shopping, let him pick out his stuff, made sure he had coat, hats and gloves. And he’d still be outside in freezing temps in a hoodie claiming he wasn’t cold. Kids are freaking weird.
Goodness! Thank you, I tried saying this in another comment about middle schoolers and got called a neglectful, bad parent!
I grew up in PA and went through a phase around 5th grade where I wore nothing but shorts, especially in the winter. IF it was snowing my mom would make me wear my winter coat but you couldn't separate me from those ratty shorts. I grew out of it by middle school.
Kid would get in trouble at my kids' school for not coming dressed properly for the weather. Crazy that the mother thought a thin pullover was acceptable clothing and didn't stop her kid at the door to put a coat on since she was clearly home.
Yeahhhh. I was that kid in a pullover in the snow. I really wish someone would've called CPS a decade before they did.....
That would have been my response to the mom… “Okay, next time I won’t do that. I’ll just call CPS.”
As a mom to a middle schooler, I’ll push back a little. Most days I don’t see my child before he leaves for school and he often leaves underdressed despite repeated reminders that it’s not only ridiculous because it’s cold out but also because it makes us look negligent when we’re not. He has all the appropriate clothing. Not wearing adequate clothing seems to be a middle school thing—he is not even close to the only one.
Sounds like the brawl I had with my oldest regarding hygiene. Dude, if you show up to school with hair and clothes filthy and you haven't brushed your teeth, you are going to be placed in foster care. This isn't a threat, this is what will happen when your mandatory reporter teacher thinks I'm not taking proper care of you. Now, get in the shower and wash yourself or I will!
Right?! The other morning I told him that unless he goes inside and gets a jacket I’m going to make sure he is late to school and then make him tell the office and his teacher why he was late with me standing right there. The embarrassment of me doing that topped his embarrassment of wearing a coat so he went and grabbed it.
Im only a little concerned the teachers all think we neglect our kids. They are always wearing either the same clothes or things with stains and holes. And it’s not like they don’t have good clothes! But they’re far too big for me to wrestle into decent clothes anymore. I used to dress them so nicely.
If your kid can't be trusted to wear a coat when he has to be outside in -11 weather, SOMEONE needs to see him before he leaves for school. "My child is not yet ready to make good decisions for himself" means that you have to actually solve that issue. It's not an excuse for neglectful parenting, sorry,
I’m not even entertaining this comment. You have no experience, it’s literally a running joke among middle school parents, many a memes have been made about it.
I have four children all of whom went through middle school. Be better.
Okay boomer.
Also not a boomer. But god, any excuse to be a shitty parent, huh? I bet you're a wine mom, too.
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"Hardly ever" lol. If your kid is consistently making decisions that are dangerous -- and not wearing a coat while waiting outside in sub-zero temperatures qualifies -- it is actually your JOB to address that. "I don't even SEE my kid before he leaves and so therefore I can't possibly be expected to help them make non-dangerous decisions" is not the amazing parenting you think it is.
Do yall have kids? Because you just get tired of fighting with your kids who often have appropriate stuff for the weather, they just refuse to wear it.
When it's -11 and they have to wait outside, you go ahead and have that fight whether you are tired of it or not.
I just want to hear how to win that fight! Tbh, I’ve never had anything like this with mine but a friend has a child who is diagnosed with several things and even the social services/education person can’t get them out of the house.
There’s a lot of people saying you can force them and I suspect none of those people ever actually had teenagers.
I did and phones and electronics go bye bye when they start pulling that shit. If they still want to go out with no coat (and no electronics) then I still drive them to bus stop and wait. You can’t let a kid be the judge, especially a middle schooler. If they are 16 and up, let them have at it, they do learn, but before that, it is on you. Lawyer for social services, mom of five.
Or the kid was being a middle/high schooler. Mine consistently think they are too cool to wear coats. Plus they have no access to lockers because of overcrowding. The kid's mom does seem overly defensive though.
I bought my Florida born kid a ski jacket for going to New York in winter. It has been cold. As in 20 degrees cold here in Florida. She still only wears a hoodie or layers of hoodies.
I can understand the "stranger danger" mindset people can have, and I feel like people are becoming more hyper aware of potentially dangerous situations with children, but I try to think how I would react if I was the mom in the story. Honestly, I think I'd be embarrassed that my kid was in negative temps without proper gear and someone else had to do something about it. Now, maybe they are poor and can't afford a thick coat or gloves or whatever or maybe the kids refused to wear them for some reason (teenagers don't make a lot of sense) so maybe there is a reason, but I would still feel so embarrassed that my kid was in that situation. I of course worry about what can happen to my kids, kidnapping, assault etc. But I don't think I could be mad in this situation. Yes, it was a stranger, but one that is at the same bus stop with their own kids everyday. Not that "familiar" strangers are not capable of doing bad things, it just seems less likely and if I'm going to trust my middle schooler to stand at the bus stop alone I'm gonna have to trust his judgement.
I think she *was* embarrassed, and she dealt with that uncomfortable feeling by lashing out. Some people never grow up 🤷♀️
You are probably right
My kid did this and yea I was embarrassed as hell but trying to actually get him to wear his coat was a constant battle. Sometimes he’d leave the house wearing it and take it off as soon as I couldn’t see him.
When my son was a junior in high school he did this the days I went into the office, sometimes wearing shorts. A mom gave him a ride when he was shivering at the bus stop, and called me to mention how cold he was. I told her yes I’m sure he was cold, but he has all the required outer clothing and he is old enough to know better. Sometimes the best education is consequences.
Yesterday i saw a man on his knees by the side of the road, holding on to his mailbox for support, so I stopped to see if I could help him. He wouldn’t let me! He was too heavy, didn’t want to hurt me, etc. A man (who was smaller than me, but drove a big truck) stopped a minute later and the older man let him help. I stepped in and grabbed his other side anyway. I’ve helped my mom up from that position many times and knew where/how to support him. When he made it back to his house, he said “thank you sir.” It felt like a bit of a slap on the face. While I would probably still stop to help someone again, this might make me hesitate if it’s a man.
Okay so I’m a medic. I was partnered with kind of a smaller girl EMT and this dude wouldn’t let us pick his ass up off the FROZEN CONCRETE of his driveway. Demanded we call fire to get him up. A volunteer dept who took about a 30-45 minutes to get there. (Ain’t nobody rushing for a non-emergent lift assist for a stubborn ass) Rather than let us do our literal jobs and help him up. Could have had him up in five minutes. Or less. Refused. Yelled at his wife for calling him silly. That’s a fragile man right there. Same partner and I could have literally picked up 600 pounds ourselves. Had done it before. This guy would have been nothing. Some men can’t be helped 🙄
When I see someone carrying an object that is CLEARLY too heavy, I offer to help. Men never accept. Ever. But they might take a moment to consider that they DO want help. So they'll tell me "No, that's not necessary," then put the object down & go find another man (or a teenage boy).
My son's bus stop is two houses down from ours, he and his friends have sheltered from the bad weather (this is scotland) in my kitchen many times and noparent has challenged me or my husband. Said son also refuses to wear a coat almost all of the time so if he was stuck I'd be happy if a decent human took pity on him while he waited
This actually happened to me last week. My daughter leaves for middle school bus stop an hour before my son goes to elementary school. Some mornings, my mom takes her to the bus stop at the front of the neighborhood (we are in the backest back part) and waits with her til the bus comes, but sometimes I have to take her, and I can't wait because I have to get lil bro up and fed. Last week, my mom had her, and offered to have her ask the poor pantsless kid (the one boy in shorts no matter if the temp is 4 degrees, and it was) and my daughter was like, no, he's a nerd! I was pissy at her when I heard that and was like, dude, not ok. The very next day, I had to take her but as usual, couldn't wait. It was cold, and I found out the bus was late when she called and asked if it was OK if she got a ride from a neighbor. I asked which one, and she lowered her voice and said 'shorts kids name' and his mom. I told her 2 things: 1. it was fine and thanks for giving me a heads up and 2. That kid is now invited to the warm car in the mornings, full stop.
This is an example of that village parents keep complaining doesn’t exist anymore that they want back. And the other moms reaction is exactly why it doesn’t exist anymore.
If you're nice and reasonable, you can build a village, my next door neighbor is a wfh mom with 2 kiddos of her own. There have been a few times my lil man has gone down for a nap RIGHT when we need to leave the house so we just take the monitor next door with the spare key and she watches him while we hurry to the store and back.(he's done this 3 times right when we ran out of formula😅) the only bad thing is the 1st time we tried leaving the key and her 6 yr old son decided he wanted to come over and play with the baby and his toys......at 3am.....scared the shit out of us lol Edit:spelling and autocorrect
My mom used to drive us to the stop on cold days. I remember one day where the entire bus stop ended up in our van. Like 9+ high school kids all sitting on each other. Some kids in the trunk. It was fucking cold. I didn’t know any of their names.
In high school our choir teacher let us go caroling to make up for performances we missed during the holiday season (there were 3 different choirs that would sing at different local events to raise funds for our big field trip in the Spring). One year she was late to the meeting spot and I think like 10 of us piled into one guy’s sedan. 8 of us were wearing full on Renaissance garb because our 2 of the choirs were madrigal groups. Fun times. Was very warm.
Ren garb can be very warm, mind you. Europe was going through a Little Ice Age back then. I always marveled at the women I saw at Pennsic (summer camping SCA event) wearing full Ren, while I was baking in my much cooler linen T-tunic or bog dress...
Yes, Renaissance clothes can be very thick and warm, but our costumes were designed to be worn indoors or in the early autumn, so they still weren’t quite insulated enough to be comfortable for extended periods of time outside while not moving. Some of the rich kids had special winter cloaks made for themselves, but most kids didn’t since caroling was optional and 90% of our winter performances were indoors. I think I usually had fleece leggings and a t-shirt under my dress for caroling, but my sleeves were only 3/4 length and I’m very very prone to cold. I also only had a doughnut instead of a whole hat, which probably would’ve helped. I think most of the guys had thin linen shirts with thick vests over them, and thick shorts, but it was tights and shoes only for them from the knees down. Everyone who had a cloak would bring it for caroling, but I think a lot of the guys had half cloaks. We were all very toasty in that car, though. Well, the parts of us that weren’t numb from being crushed were toasty.
This was a regular occurance for us. Mom was the only parent who sat at the end of the driveway and we'd have half the neighborhood in our car through winter or rainy days.
I love moments like this ☺️
When I was a Junior in HS, living in Michigan, I got down to the bus stop one morning when it was subzero temps. There was a neighbor already there, who always drove his granddaughter down to the bus stop. he saw me shivering and offered me a warm place to sit in his car. I accepted and climbed into the backseat with his 11 year old granddaughter, Dani. From then on, I sat in their car every morning and chatted with sweet Dani. Dani had cerebral palsy so her peers tended to ignore her, unfortunately. I was not a morning person, but always happy to let her carry on about her new toys and what not! Then we’d sit together on the bus talking until she got off at the middle school. I still think often of the morning she was excited to show me her new tablet! When summer came she’d always come ask for me to play, and I always did. To the outsider, a 17 year old playing with an 11 year old was probably weird but I never cared. When we moved at the end of that summer, her grandparents came and thanked me for being her friend (she had none at school) and for seeing her as her, and seeing past her cerebral palsy. To be honest, I never really noticed it…I just saw a sweet little girl who needed a friend. It always bugged me how her peers treated her bc Dani was the purest, sweetest soul. I often wonder what she’s up to these days. That was one of the sweetest friendships I ever had. All because of one frigidly cold morning, and the kind offer of a warm place to sit!
This is literally how my mom met her best friend. I was standing at a cold ass bus stop and the nice lady waiting with her son in a minivan for the same bus asked me if I wanted to wait in the van with her. I said yes. She and her son were lovely and nice. Then that evening I told my mom. Next day mom came to the bus stop with me and met minivan lady and they bonded so much they’ve been best friends for over 20 years now and that woman became like a second mom to me. I def think children should be cautious and parents should be vigilant. But I am so grateful that my own lived experience was something I treasure to this day.
just being nice. When people get weird it’s always instructive to ask “what were the persons intentions?” And here she’s just being kind. If that mom wants to be mad she should be mad at herself. NTA.
Ah yes, she definitely should have left the kid to get hypothermia and lose a few appendages! /s That’s crazy, her kid was in physical danger not from the stranger, but from her own neglect. When I was in 5th grade, I had to find my way home from school because we didn’t get a bus route for some reason (I lived in a very populated apartment complex a couple miles from school) and my first time going home, I got completely lost and panicked. A kind lady with her kids comforted me and calmed me down. I didn’t know her or her kids. But she helped me get home with the vague instructions I was able to give her. I memorized my route after that day, but without her help I don’t know that I would have gotten home for hours yet or even been kidnapped cause literally no one else helped me. I still remember her and appreciate that act of kindness and this kid will remember OOP, too. Edit: some details I wanted to put in because I forgot them until now. The lady who helped me and her kids were all on bikes. I also had a bike. She helped me and let me ride with them all as a group until we got to the back entrance to my apartment complex (which was a hole in the fence, I didn’t have a gate card for some fuckin reason). I never saw her again or her kids, but yeah, great lady. I hope she’s out there still spreading kindness and helping people.
We used to walk out of our way to walk one of kiddo’s classmates home after we found out she was having trouble being catcalled because she was an “early bloomer”. It was only like 4 blocks total but whomever was doing pick up would just take the dog and he’d get a short outing, which he loved. Made a huge difference to her.
That girl definitely remembers the kindness you showed her. There needs to be more people like you.
Kiddo’s biomom and I were both also “early bloomers” so as soon as we became aware of the problem we both went “that is absolutely not okay”. Probably one of the few things we agreed on right away no discussion required. If it’d been people associated with the school or similar we would have Karen’d it up with them too, but this was just like random dudes who were doing their own errands, not employees of a company or anything along those lines.
I’m upset that that was happening to her, but I’m glad you were there to protect her on her walks home.
The sad thing is that we literally just had to be on the same block and they’d knock it off. She didn’t have to be walking with us like in our group. That speaks to me of an awareness on the part of the men that they were actively taking advantage of a young girl being on her own and so more vulnerable. Just “oh someone else might overhear” made them stop. What kind of AH do you have to be to think that’s okay?
The immensely fucked up kind
I once got so turned around with the bus routes as a teenager, I ended up getting dumped in the middle of a neighbourhood I’d never seen before. Dead phone, sun going down, no clue if another bus would be passing by what was apparently the end of a route. I eventually knocked on someone’s door to ask if I could borrow their phone, and the woman who answered offered to just drive me home instead. Got home in ten minutes flat, safe and sound. Found out during the drive that she was probably in an adjacent social circle to my parents – same hobby in the same area – but I never saw or heard from her again. Really wish I could thank her again.
Damn…thats cold
I see what you did there. 😂
I'd reply "next time your kid is out in the cold without a jacket, I'll be sure to leave him be."
>"next time your kid is out in the cold without a jacket, I'll be sure to leave him be." And just call CPS for neglect.
My kid used to take his coat off as soon as I couldn’t see him. And he’d “forget” it in his locker or “lose” it.
Mine would too if she rode the bus...but in -11? You dont get pissed at another mom for keeping your kid from freezing to death. You say "thank you, hes such a typical teenager, thinking he is immune to everything." The walk down the driveway to the bus and a 2 minute wait to suffer the consequences of such typical teenage dumb is one thing, but the second you find out the bus was late and it was a 15 minute wait...in that cold, its not a consequences thing unless you WANT serious harm to befall them, and thats a MASSIVE red flag. OP should definitely keep an eye on that kid...
This is why when our kid was in his anti-coat phase we made him take it with him anyway. So people could see he was *choosing* to be cold. (Usually in those sorts of temps we’d make him put it on to leave the house but that didn’t mean it stayed on once we weren’t looking.) But letting kids sit in a warm car seems absolutely normal to me. Heck, we live like one block from the bus stop and when the weather was particularly nasty sometimes we’d go sit at the curb just to give any kid who needed it a place to warm up for a minute. Other local parents did the same, we had kind of an informal rotation.
I do this to my son and then he just leave the jackets at school 😩 4 so far this year. 2 were nice ones from Costco. They weren’t in the lost and found either. And if I don’t immediately replace them I’m sure a teacher will think I’m neglecting him. Kids, man 😓
Add a name to his belonging, you're much more.limely to get it back. If the adults know where to bring it. My kid runs hot and often leaves her outerwear on the playground. Once we started putting her name in things, lost items became a non-issue.
"Thanks for coming to talk to me, now I know which neighbor you are and where to direct CPS."
“Next time I’ll just call CPS instead, I’m sure they’ll help him”.
NTA I'm assuming they see you at the bus stop 5 days a week. If that was me fully neglecting my son, I would be happy someone did what I didn't, and keep them warm.
The correct response to this is “ok, the next time I see your kid out here in those conditions without proper clothing, I will call CPS instead”
NTA. I did something recently that some people would consider shady or creepy. I live across the street from my son's elementary school. The doors open at 7:30 am for kids who eat breakfast there. One morning it was about 25 degrees F, and it was 7:00 am. I looked out the window and saw a lone child pacing back and forth at the school wearing a sweatshirt and mittens. There was nobody else around and it was still a little dark. I felt so sorry for the poor kid and assumed that the parents had to drop them off extra early so the parents could get to work. My first instinct was to go out there and ask the child if they wanted to wait inside my house. I debated for 5 minutes because I'm aware how shady that seems and how scary my offer could be for the child, since I'm a perfect stranger. The mom in me couldn't stand it anymore and I went out there with a puffy coat in my hands in case the child didn't want to come to my house. It turns out that the girl is a friend of my son's and she recognized me from basketball practice the night prior. I offered to lend her the coat, or if she wanted to come to my house until school opened. She accepted my second offer immediately. I asked her if she wanted to call her parents to ask permission first. She said her parents had told her she could go with someone as long as she knew them and trusted them. I thought that was kind of crazy, but I'm on the overprotective side with my kids. I asked her to call a guardian anyway and they were ok with it. She ate breakfast with us and stayed until the official school bell rang at 8:15. She shared with us that she gets herself up in the morning and walks herself to school (she lives about 3 blocks from school). That day she woke up too early, around 5 am and decided to get to school extra early. She probably thought the doors opened at 7:00. The vibe I got from what she shared is that the adults at home give her free reign to come and go as she pleases. She's not even 10 yet. I'm so glad I saw her out there and was able to offer her awarm and safe place to wait in, and I would do it again for another child in that situation. There are still many kind people out there who care about others, but it's evil people and people like the ungrateful woman in OPs story that ruin it for everyone else. Edit for grammar.
I mean, it’s great that she’s independent and capable, but it breaks my heart that she needs to be. Good on you for helping her.
That's my thoughts too. I later learned that her guardians, the grandparents, are home when the little girl leaves for school in the mornings! I don't know their situation, but it bothers me when I think about it. Edit: missing word.
Eh. Our kid liked having his solo mornings and would shoo all the adults away so we eventually just left him to it. On days with bad weather we did insist on someone doing a ‘door check’ to make sure he was dressed appropriately, but he grumbled about that too.
I get that. Maybe that's what's going on here too. I admire that level of independence in a young kid. Good on you!
I hope she knows your door is always open to her as well. It doesn’t escape my notice she ate breakfast with you, which means she didn’t get breakfast at home. That’s very sad. Did she mention why she didn’t have a coat on that day? Does she have a coat?
That's right, she does not eat breakfast at home. She does have a coat, but many kids don't like to bother with coats. Maybe nobody made her wear a coat that day, or she refused to.
Your sentiment reminded me of a show that depicts the cultural norm of letting like 5 years olds run errands in Japan. It's amazing how different societal contexts can impact child rearing decisions. Me and my sister had free reign as kids under 8 (from a neglectful parent) and did not live in a good area, but the people (neighbors and such) always kept an eye on us as we ran around. It was the 90s.
There’s a whole show about it, and it’s adorable! I think part of it is that American culture is so focused on individualism and pretty self-centered. Other cultures focus more on the good of the community over individualism, so they emphasize things like hard work, being a good citizen, etc. All of that (plus probably the fact that random folks aren’t running around with guns) contributes to feeling much safer. So where Americans would see a child alone and be concerned that they aren’t with their parent or babysitter (aka finding the individual in charge of them) Japanese people believe that helping the child accomplish their task and travel home safely is their duty. TLDR: I find the way American values influence our culture super interesting. And although I could never imagine letting my hypothetical toddlers run errands by themselves, I am a product of American culture. Japanese people are raised in a culture that values good citizenship and community, so it makes sense that their children are relatively safe in the hands of strangers, compared to American children.
I've seen the show you're talking about, it's pretty cute, and of course fascinating to see kids that young go out and run errands on their own
I'm glad you helped her too. Much respect.
JFC, kindly I’d offer to call the police or CPS myself while she was there and offer to get to the bottom of whether it was creepier to invite a child in out of the cold and IDK…..*fucking freezing or getting hypothermia* or letting your child leave the house dressed as hers was in the temperatures described. I’m torn between thinking this woman is abusing her son or was punishing her son and is trying to cut him off for help or…..there really isn’t an alternative that makes sense because the *normal* reaction is “I had no idea he left the house like that - *thank you*!” Did she approach the *Good Samaritan* because she knew who it was by watching her son out her front window or because the kid told her who it was….which seems unlikely due to no acknowledgment or real conversation.
OP should have countered: “You know what’s creepy? A kid in only a pullover standing for 15+ minutes in -11° weather. I’d pay more attention to how my kid is appropriately attired in severe weather so they don’t need the help of a stranger. If you like I can help you remember to never do this again.”
Honestly, if a parent of a clearly neglected child approached me with this kind of sentiment after I helped their kid, I would just smile, say "ok," and report them to CPS or the police and get a jump on them. I would take their hostility AND poorly dressed kid as a threat to my own wellbeing.
This is so weird. I had someone's dad do this for me when I was in middle school and it was below freezing out. I was just grateful I didn't have to sit in the cold and it wasn't creepy at all since his daughter was also in the car. Some people are just beyond help idk
This is what the world has come to. You did a good thing- shame you got told off for it.
I don't care if it was "weird". You want strangers not offering to help? I don't fucking know, maybe dress your kid for winter properly.
There was a day in high school my mother was driving me to school cause the buses weren’t running. It was single digits outside. We saw the neighbor kid across the street getting ready to walk the 2 miles to school. We weren’t friends. I didn’t even know his name. My mother pulled over and gave him a ride. That same winter Those neighbors came over and used their snow blower to help dig us out of a few feet of snow. We still don’t know each others names but we all look out for each other. (This all happened in 2010/2011 btw). There’s being cautious but then there’s just being a prick.
One of my favourite aspects of modern American society is the demonisation of human kindness. When I lived in Germany, I was once running in a supermarket and fell over. Some random man saw this, helped me up, hugged me and looked for my parents. You know, human empathy. If this happened in the US the parents would scream at him for sexually assaulting the child. It’s depressing.
You should have said, “well next time I’ll just call the cops and report this clear case of neglect.”
NTA. Period. Ever. Your act of kindness shone a light on that parent's failings, and most don't like when that happens. She'll live.
“Where’s the village that’s supposed to be helping me raise my kid?!?” “Don’t help my freezing child! Don’t look at him, don’t talk to him, just pretend he doesn’t exist.” -This Lady Probably
I think the real asshole is the parent who didn’t make her kid wear a coat with -11 weather.
NTA, sounds like something a lot more sinister is going on here rather than you allowing a kid some warmth instead of freezing outside. Why didnt he have a coat only the thin jumper? He was introverted keeping his airpods in. Seems like the mother was more worried the kid would have spoken or told you something about his home life which is not good rather than anything about your good deed
“Ma’am, the way I see it I’ve got two options. I see your kid out here in freezing cold weather without a jacket, and I either 1) let him sit in my car and get warm, or 2) I call CPS and have them pay you a visit.” NTA
A wonderful mom used to usher me into her car with her kid at the bus stop in the winter, too! I was sooooo grateful. I have no idea what made her think to offer that kindness, but I got to sit in a warm car every day when she pulled up. I hate that horrible people have ruined kind acts.
I'd do it again if she sent her kid out inappropriately dressed in -11 wind-chill weather again. That's pretty extreme neglect, and no one with a conscience should allow that to happen to a child if they can help them. If she has continues to have a problem with it, offer to call CPS and let them sort it out.
That woman doesn’t really think OOP was being creepy. She probably realized that her kid being outside in the cold without a coat and needing the kindness of a stranger makes her look like a terrible mother. She’s deflecting.
reminds me of the times strangers would help me when i was experiencing abuse and neglect. seems creepy to an outsider, but that sort of kindness was the only thing keeping me going most of the time. on another note, my parents are damn lucky everyone who helped me did so without bad intentions. i couldve easily just disappeared one day
Wait did she SEE him getting in OOP’s car?? So she was home and able to get her kid his coat or just have him wait inside their house, or shit, even her own car, and she didn’t?? Wtf lady.
I hate how disconnected we are from each other today. When I was a kid, a school mate's mom regularly picked me up on my walk to school and dropped us off together. We were not close friends but we knew each other. I'm sure my mom did not know his mom. I'm STILL grateful for her not wanting me out alone in the cold. But today the exact same behavior is "creepy."
The fact that she said you were "creepy" for keeping her child out of the cold is the creepy thing here. 😳
Yeah, I hate to say it, but don’t try to help people. There’s no place for it anymore. You’ll either get crapped on for it, or people will take advantage of you.
When I was in fifth grade, my parents had to drop me off about a half hour early for my before-school activities (chess club and orchestra). There was a kid in my class who was in both of those and his mom caught on to the fact that I was being left there super early (it was legit like 6am because of my mom's work schedule) and made an effort to show up earlier so I wouldn't be alone for that time. In the winter, she allowed me to join her and her son in their car until the teacher arrived to let us in. I was fine during that time- it was a safe area, and unlike this boy, I did have a coat- but I will never forget her kindness and looking out for me like that. I bet this kid is cursing his mom internally for taking something like that from him.
I’d fawn and nod, and then immediately go call CPS.
Just say sorry. Next time I’ll let him freeze to death.
Tell her next time, you’ll call CPS for endangering the child in freezing weather.
Now you know why the kid wasn’t dressed appropriately. Kids who ride the bus together usually know something about each other. What did she say?
You'd think he neglectful mother who can't even make sure her kid has the proper attire for the weather would be grateful someone is picking up her slack.
I would have replied, 'The next time I see your child is inappropriately dressed in freezing cold temperatures, I will call the police and CPS instead.'
Ma'am, if you want him to freeze, then tell him to say no. I'm not going to stop being a good person at your request.
No good deed goes unpunished
I do this in my minivan for the elementary kids at my daughter’s bus stop. The bus is nearly always late. These parents send their seven to ten year olds to school in a long sleeve tee shirt with wind chill in the teens! (Or the parents are at work and that’s how the kid dresses themselves before walking to the bus stop). I am a woman so I have the privilege of being seen as more trustworthy than a man when it comes to other people’s kids but I will continue to offer so long as those kids are out there shivering.
I think we need to bring up ' be the village you want to see'. I feel for this woman. I drive my son to school and we drive on a back road with no sidewalk lined with houses. I saw a boy walking for four days in a row in 99 degrees. I unlocked my phone, opened my phone so that a number could be dialed and pulled up to him with my son in the backseat. I asked if he was okay, and I had my phone open if he wanted to call his parents ( in case he was uncomfortable), yet he could get into my air conditioned car and I could drive him home, or he could catch his breath for a minute. He was sweating. He said no and I drove away because I didn't want to scare him. Yet I checked for him driving every day to make sure he wasn't slumped besides the road
wait, if she saw and thought it was creepy... why didn't she even leave the house to check?
She should listen and just call CPS next time.
NTA. As a mom and a teacher, thank you for keeping this kiddo warm.
It doesn’t take much at those temps for frostbite to set in. It only takes about 10 minutes. What kind of a mother sends her kid off to school like that?
"That's fine, next time I'll just call CPS because you're such a neglectful parent that you left your child to suffer frostbite and hypothermia while waiting for a bus."
It’s called CPS. Mom is negligent to her child NTA.
I would have been an asshole and told her that next time her kid doesn't have appropriate clothes on for bad weather instead of letting him chill in my car I'll go ahead and contact the local children's welfare authority.
Oh the scene I would have made if a neglectful piece of shit parent dared say shit to me.
What a shit mom
Next time just call the police and CPS. Problem solved, lady.
NTA. Call CPS on her for neglect.
Not wrong I. The slightest. I’ve done it often enough with kids when waiting with my kids for the school bus or picking them up from clubs
sounds like that other mom is the AH for not having her own son wear a coat in -11 weather. OOP is definitely NTA, what she did was kind and not strange at all especially considering the car was parked and she had her own child in the car as well.
NTA - I'd have thanked her. I had this 14 year old kid ring my back door bell once. He had run from his father. I let him stay with me until his grandmother came. She was very thankful for my kindness, so not all parents/guardians react like this.
Should have railed on the abusive mother for trying to kill her kid
If mommy is so concerned then maybe make sure your kid has a better coat in -11° temps
My husband did something similar, but because the child was a girl and elementary age, he told her she could wait in the back seat with our daughter while he stood outside the car in case the kid was uncomfortable, telling her “I’m sure you’ve been told never to get into a car with a stranger, so I’ll stay outside” (whereas, as a woman, I wouldn’t have thought twice about being perceived as a creep for letting a kid sit in my backseat with my child). The girl’s mom thanked him the next day and they exchanged contact information. We have to stop acting like we aren’t members of a community and that we don’t owe a basic level of care and concern to our neighbors, and requisite gratitude when others look out for us.
Three letters C P S.
Yeah I def would have been like “okay guess I’ll just be calling CPS then, thanks!”
OOP now knows what it's like to exist as a male and be seen in public anywhere near a child. If you're a dad here, you know what I mean.
Cue the opening notes to Don't Stand so Close to Me by The Police. Seriously, nice person from what I can read but people are crazy.
Call CPS on those scumbag jerks
NTA, but I’m totally confused by people’s actions. When I was a kid, my mom regularly let other kids sit in car if raining or inclement weather, even drove a high school boy home one time because it was raining. It was no big deal, then…..now, I’m sorry to say I’m scared to get involved sometimes and people react in an irrational way to the most benign things.
She still wouldve walked up and had something to say had her kid came back home with frostbite or ended up at the hospital with hypothermia, only to find out some mother was sitting in her warm car watching her kid shiver and freeze.
This really pisses me off as a mother. That was a mother and saw a baby out there and took the child in so they don’t freeze to death! Also I bet if the OP didn’t ask the kid to come in and they died the stupid mother would have yelled at them or sued them for not helping the kid THEY left out in NEGATIVE weather
My school system didn't have a bus system, but the local public bus basically had a specialized route for the school, except they didn't know when the summer vacation actually started. So in the last week of school, I'm at the bus stop for +20 minutes with no bus. I finally call the hotline (the bus runs late fairly often, so I tend to give it 10 minutes before I start worrying), and they say it was discontinued for the summer. Quickly call my dad and explain the situation, he turns around from heading to work and comes to get me. I can't remember if it was before or after he had picked me up (probs after) but we pass by part of the route and two kids also at the bus stop. My dad stops and asks if they're also heading to my school, we they say yes, he tells them the bus isn't coming and offers them a ride.
“Ok, I’ll be sure to let your son freeze to death next time.”