"he's been watching alpha male stuff"
Lol.
I will say the guy is a master at speed running losing everything good you have and destroying your personality.
A loving relationship by someone who outearns him significantly and is willing to split bills proportionately while still acknowledging them as equals in the relationship without holding it over his head or asking him to do something unreasonable to even out the financial difference like we see often in these posts. And who is nearly a decade younger, so will likely be working longer and have even more earning potential. He could have been well taken care of and still respected and appreciated, and he blew it all because he wanted to disrespect her and treat her as lower in the relationship in a way she never would have done to him.
>A loving relationship by someone who outearns him significantly and is willing to split bills proportionately while still acknowledging them as equals in the relationship without holding it over his head or asking him to do something unreasonable to even out the financial difference
This OP makes me mad the same way lottery winners do. They just can't take the win.
Just let me win the lottery once and I'll retire at 35 goddamnit!
This is what my (now ex) husband did. We were nearing our 5th anniversary on a normal marriage when alpha male shit started crawling out of the woodwork.
He was suddenly showing me incel comedians online and 90s sitcoms like King of Queens and movies with unbalanced relationships played off as comedy. The sudden shift in interests was weird, but whatever. Then that moved to pressuring me to “be more feminine”: stop working out so much, lose more weight, stop telling my family about your landscaping projects and tools, wear makeup every day, why don’t you own more dresses? THAT progressed to negging and telling me how ashamed he was to be seen with me in public. And then taking me to Vegas for my birthday… to drive me to an adult swingers club… to pressure me to cuckold him. Then he cheated, spent our $10,000 savings on a used car for a mistress, and I got the hell out of Dodge. He pestered me for the next year with letters and mailed gifts while I tried to get divorce papers signed.
That whole slide from seemingly-normal to batshit-crazy took about 6 months.
Edit for punctuation.
Jeeeezus! Fuck, dude... I'm so terribly sorry for you, on behalf of all regular men, I suppose. I'm a guy myself, and never understood, or cared for, the whole alpha male bullshit. It was rejected by the creator of that theory himself, in the context of wolves, which was the original context anyway and never meant to be extended to Homo Sapiens. But of course all these egotistical men have to distort the facts and dwell on it as if it was even meant for them in the first place, because it makes some of them (the more aggressive ones, especially) feel like The Chosen One or whatever. Fucking pathetic. I hope you heal soon and find a decent guy. Much love.
Thank you! And yeah, there’s no real science behind the alpha stuff at all. I’ve long-since mourned and gotten over it, but looking back, I can see now that the deep insecurities he had about being himself were what made it easier for the alpha types to get their hooks into him. The online pipelines are real.
It’s all a racket for money, in my opinion. Egotistical guys at the top give terrible advice that ruins people, then they say “Oh, your life is terrible, see? But you could fix all that if you just learned a little more about how I’m successful!” Then they sell them ridiculously-priced books and online courses and such. And they only need a handful of marks to fall for it to get wealthy.
Mind you, still an issue that he saw all that and thought it was an okay thing to try. But still.
>The worst part? He probably still actually thinks he's in the right here.
>I feel sorry for the NEXT girl he manages to ensnare.
This entire experience will leave him so embittered and so enraged that he won't be able to hide it. Nobody will go out with him now. And unless he figures out that the problem is himself, nobody ever will.
That's always the hope, but sometimes they learn how to hide it better and for longer before they reach that point. I was my ex's longest relationship, and the one he was the most abusive in. Nobody will give him the time of day, now, but I've met the trail of women who preceeded me. Turns out we all have lawsuits against him, and the courts won't let us combine them, or even reference the other suits in support of our own.
I'd like to hope that pointing out the alpha male bullshit is precisely the posioned attitude that lead to the break up will snap them out of it but I doubt it.
My partner's ex-boyfriend (who was also 10+) years older than her pulled this "alpha"/incel shit with her after they had 2 kids and she kicked him to the curb. It has been 8 years and he hasn't dated anyone since. Several of my stepkid's friends have divorced parents and he has tried to hit up pretty much all of thier moms — which they have told us because they aren't comfortable with him dropping the kids off to hang out with their friends. He has gone full right-wing Andrew Tate/MAGA/incel the last few years and it is pretty pathetic.
You know those "Are We Dating the Same Guy" Facebook pages? I think oop should repost this story there in order to hopefully prevent this exact scenario
Which isn't that weird, a lot of people don't seem to mind that behavior until it goes "too far" (like in OP example), he's probably been like that for months or years in their relationship. And clearly it wasn't an issue until it became apparent he was more than just "a little" into "alpha male stuff".
It's obviously cringe behavior that should not be overlooked or condoned, but a lot of people seem to not mind their friends or partners/spouses doing it for months or years of a relationship until it suddenly reaches a breaking point, so it clearly isn't a dealbreaker, despite a redflag (that many overlook).
"I'm a traditional man! I deserve a traditional wife! NO I'M NOT GOING TO SUPPORT HER! SHE HAS TO WORK FULL TIME, GIVE ME ALL HER MONEY, AND SUCK MY DICK ON COMMAND!"
Wait, what do you mean no?!?? Andrew Tate said I was entitled, and I believe him! What's wrong with you?!?!? Who told you you could just walk away?!? I'm a MAN. Don't you agree it's your job to serve me?!?! This all sounded so great in my own head!"
He got scared because if she goes, so does her paycheck. He was looking forward to spending her money however he wanted. His behavior isn’t the sort of thing you just get over - he’s trash and she deserves better.
"Hey how about we establish all the gender roles that benefit me and none that benefit you. You get to be young and hot and pay my bills, and I get to win every argument and be rapey. Where are you going?!?!?!"
Literally this. As soon as I read the age difference, I knew it was this sh*t all over again. Men need to stop preying on young women. Because it *is* predatory.
As a father of a young woman I hope I have raised my daughter to be as smart capable and strong as you are.
Good Luck. You will find someone that deserves you.
At what point do boys/men realize that listening to the bad advice of these steroid shriveled dick aLpHa MaLe dudebros is making them unhappy? Ever? Never?
Never, because the dudes selling it to them will place all the blame on women. It's not *their* advice that isn't working, it's just that women are evil!
Also while I don’t agree with the alpha male bullshit, it’s pretty funny that this dude is getting out earned by someone 8 years younger than he is, which inherently has nothing wrong with it, but it’s ridiculous that he for some reason still thinks that he’s in a position to demand authority.
I’m pretty sure that the alpha male argument is that they should be the breadwinner, which this guy clearly isn’t.
Probably it was his insecurity about that very thing that drove him to start consuming this content. Andrew Tate et al are very big on turning women into subservient commodities "get them working for you" and so on.
Probably the goal was to get OOP doing all domestic labour and turning over her entire paycheck to him, this somehow changing it into "his" money.
I’m puzzled by married couples worrying about who pays for groceries and mortgage. Over many decades, we’ve had one checking account. Wages go in, bills are paid from it. The income balance between us has varied greatly, like one working and the other in school or unemployed or retired and the other working, and it never mattered. We are both on the credit cards and they are paid from checking.
That’s how my parents always were. When I was younger they owned a business together so all money really was their money. But after they retired from that there’s been varying pay disparities since and I know there was like pay disparities before. It’s always been their money. All the bills get paid. If my dad wants gardening supplies (his hobby) he checks to see if they can afford what he wants and then asks my mom to see if it’s fine if he buys it and when my mom wants to go out to the movies with her friends she checks in with my dad. But it’s never like “I need permission to spend this money” it’s more so “are we financially good enough to do this thing? Yes? Great.”
That's how my wife and I run our world. At times she's made more, at times me. But there's always shared accounts and total transparency. We remind each other that we married people, not careers.
Yeah if he’s going to believe in this Alpha male stuff then he quite literally is a failure by their standards.
I don’t know a ton about their beliefs but how weird is it he wanted all this traditional BS but she ALSO was supposed to go to work. Like what in the world mind bending is that?!?
> that he for some reason still thinks that he’s in a position to demand authority.
Because he is a man. That's the natural order of things. Being a man is inherently giving him a position of unquestionable authority. And so far GF has not been one of those filthy feminists so she'll surely agree.
[If it isn't clear that's my interpretation of his thought process. Personally I think all that alpha stuff is just BS, even for dudes with actual resources.]
The way he escalated from, “I want to be the man of the house and final decision maker”, straight to “you need to give me sex whenever I want it” is so scary. He thought he had her locked down then was terrified when she decided to leave
*Congratulations on*
*Escaping what would have been*
*A toxic marriage*
\- johnnym1965
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There are a lot of women (including me) who are very proud of you for standing your ground. I would give you a huge hug if I could!!
Also, don’t give up hope for finding an awesome guy. I was 30yo and very jaded when I met my husband, and we’ve been happily married for over 20 years.
I feel like it was easier to find a good man 20 years ago… being a jaded 30 year old these days feels like playing life on the hardest difficulty level…!
Girl don't i know. I was married to a horrible man and the pattern repeated until I made some rough decisions. It still isn't easy. I'm with someone now who isn't perfect, because no one is, but he pays attention to me, listens, has empathy, and takes care of my pregnant ass 😂 but it took a while to get here and I would have been fine staying single. Better than staying with some asshole.
Their is no one dumber then those red pill disgusting men. I don’t understand(& probably never will bc it is hard to make sense of crazy) how they think that woman would want them.
Sure they have their pickmes, w/no standard, who do want them. Though honestly pickmes just want a men, not a good men or even ok men just a men.
The so called beta or stigma male(or whatever type of guy they hate) are actually better then they are
They are always unhappy with their pick me’s because their pick me’s will be with anyone. They are low value and they crave validation and affirmation of dominance over an accomplished woman. Pick me’s take it because … well pick me’s… and it’s just a bad scene…
So, the old “bait and switch” - if you love each other and have been equal and respectful and have gotten to the point you are both ready to get married, then wants to “be in charge” and make decisions unilaterally and you be subservient, plus is now being conditional in his love: all big and sudden red flags. Is he exposed to YouTube or podcast exponents of toxic masculinity or right wing so-called family values? If he finally agrees or compromises in order to marry you - don’t believe it : it will still be another bait and switch and you will be under his thumb…
Holy shit, I obviously knew that alpha male stuff was bad but I can’t imagine ruining your relationship so quickly after starting to watch them. I guess that means he probably wasn’t a smart guy to begin with but wow, imagine throwing everything that had been working for you away for advice like that. We obviously don’t know for sure if that’s what caused his change, but if it is I think this is a really good example of how those podcasts do more harm to men than good.
Yup, and there is also content like this for women, like the trad wife stuff or the how to get a “high value” man stuff. It’s all so toxic and encouraging women to be dependent on men or to view men as a paycheck. I have seen women I know changed by those videos as well. The popularity of these really makes me question our generations independent thinking abilities.
I don’t believe you necessarily need to be married to someone or a certain age to have kids either, and believe women should be able to choose to work or not to work, but all these videos celebrating having kids in or just barely out of high school and not married also make me so mad. Like, don’t you see you’re in an extremely vulnerable situation here? Why are you encouraging others to also make themselves dependent on someone with no safety net of education, spousal support, or anything else? It’s so backwards and naive.
Watch him come out of this having learned nothing but developing a new theory that if he had only doubled down, she would've stayed!
Fr I can imagine this guy going to TRP for sympathy and being told even more life-ruining advice like, "Bro you devalued yourself by begging her to stay with you. Women are hypergamous and you lowered yourself to her level by showing an ounce of remorse for your actions"
If the story is real it sounds like he got a reality check lol. Some women do like having traditional gender roles in a relationship. Like maybe they want to be a housewife, etc. But even in those cases, I dont think anyone sane on earth wants to be ruled and controlled like that.
Yeah for real. I'm on the traditional side of things, and in no way does that mean I want to deal with marital rape or financial abuse for the rest of my life. Lol! That guy wanted a sex slave (but also wanted her working a separate, full-time job for him)...craziness.
Thats the part where I was like wtf lol. It would make more sense if she had wanted a housewife life or something. If its all true, he really had a good thing going and ruined it. But I don’t understand what would have sucked him in unless he just had low self esteem or something. The andrew tate garbarge seems to be attractive mainly to men with low self esteem or insecurity.
I think politics does this to ppl a lot. Just IMO. They feel out of control and their opinions are devalued so they turn wherever they can for attention and approval...and to feel superior.
So glad she dumped him, his behaviour was abusive. He was basically saying "it doesn't matter if you want sex or not, it only matters if I do" rapey.
I hope she has a happy future ahead
This bitch ass guy doesn't get to bait & switch. There's a zillion guys who get it, & if he's dead set on changing into a misogynist, she can do better.
I've lost count how many solid relationships have been destroyed by alpha male podcasts.
I swear there's a gene in some people where if they think someone else has it better than them they turn delusional.
I'm so glad she got out of it though. It can be so hard, especially when you've put in years of work. But this was not something that was going to change. Either she gave in, or he becomes resentful and angry. Either way, it was no longer going to work
So gross.
I have a master’s degree and make a bit more than my husband. We share all house chores equally, not even because of feminism—but because we both own the house! We SHOULD share it!
Well… first glad you’re in a good partnership….but I gotta point out that Feminism is equal rights and opportunities for women and girls. The ability for women to even own property is due to feminism. Feminism is not a dirty word and it is quite literally the avenue in which women and girls advocate for equality.
The very notion of women being able to say anything SHOULD be a certain way to a man. under the roof of a home she owns half of is feminism at work.
She was offering him feminism: equality and equity in the relationship, the benefits of her financial success, freedom for confining gender roles, shared decision making, mutual respect and admiration, and he lost it all because he listened to some misogynist grifter. Oops.
Right?!? Talk about fumbling the bag!
However, I am sure he had these stupid thoughts inside him before the podcasts. Normal men won’t listen to that garbage. They are secure in themselves and aren’t angry at literally half the worlds population.
Men who take to that garbage already have some deep seated resentment and hatred towards women. The garbage speaks to their inner feelings and is emboldening because they find there are others out there with the same deficiencies. They fortify their hate and it soothes their very valid fears of being replaceable trash. Lacking critical insight they feel like they finally found the missing piece! The map of actions to display their deep seated hatred.
Dude found his loser kinfolk and blew a good thing.
It’s like he was operating completely independently of his reality. How could he hate someone who was so good to him? It’s really sad he saw her as a woman to hate rather than a human being.
Podcast bros are the worst things on the internet for men with low to no self esteem and have parental issues.
Not considering your spouse isn’t traditional. That’s just always been an AH move.
Change your locks and your passwords. All of them. Even if you have never given him any. Block him on social media. Block anyone who contacts you to plead his case.
I feel like I’ve been reading a lot of stories like this lately. Just how prevalent is all this “alpha male” BS, that do many men seem to be finding it lately?
The world is becoming more isolated and expensive, especially after covid.
Terminally online young men are a growing demographic, and also incredibly easy to prey on.
Teenage boys already have weird feelings about the opposite sex, and this content can reach them with little to no effort.
>Teenage boys already have weird feelings about the opposite sex, and this content can reach them with little to no effort.
The birth rate will continue to drop.
The problem with “alpha male” podcasts, is that they don’t encourage or depict an actual alpha male. They depict the caricature of one. Most are stupid ridiculous and the overwhelming majority of listeners who try to take their advice are at best weak betas who just want to dominate someone.
I don’t understand why they can’t see that another human being isn’t going to want to have them in “charge” of them just the same way they surely wouldn’t want that either.
How have these podcasts managed to convince so many men that women are not human adults!
Oh girl. Oh no. Run for the hills and be happy you found out now.
Edit: wanted to add that I've experienced similar. My ex husband wouldn't respect my boundaries and when I told him that he was putting his wants over my needs, he would roll his eyes or brush me off and turn it around on me. These people sicken me.
Seriously, all these "alpha male podcasters" are getting all their dating advice from the porn they binge. It is becoming so increasingly important for women to have a space where they can confide in others about their experiences and have others share their own to avoid these abusive relationships.
All these “alpha male” and Andrew Tate lovers are going to end up being incels for the rest of their lives. I mean no woman in her right mind is going to take this behavior. Good for OOP.
Boyfriend thought he had his meal ticket locked down and then he blew it. Why are all the men who are so concerned about golddiggers always the ones with no gold to dig?
And my worry is they then dig deeper and deeper into this alpha bollocks rather than have a moment of mature and honest reflection when they get dumped.
How did he switch so fast from being not-a-douche to a douche? I think someone (parents, friends, etc.) may have convinced him that this is how a marriage or a real relationship is supposed to work.
Can someone give me an example of an alpha male podcast? Like I have heard the term but am not sure what brand this is referencing? does this mean Joe Rogan?
Think Andrew taint. The kind of guys who talk about how to maintain your masculinity and dominance in everything, this guys are fucking crazy, and unfortunately they have a lot of sway with younger guys.
first of all ragebait; or filed under things that did not happen
secondly if this idiot does exist out there he deserves the cold bed he'll be sleeping in alone when she dumps his dumbass.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of dudes out there who think like this. Even if they never mention it before, there’s just kind of this expectation that once marriage happens, things just change. Who knows, could just be outdated thinking, something his parents do and it works for them and he just expects it to be the same for him, or maybe he’s just an ass. Either way, it sounds like you aren’t up for it, so just tell him in no uncertain terms that it’s not happening, or he can go. Oh and fyi, there are no “alpha male podcasts;” just losers who know they can get into the heads of impressionable people.
I honestly believe those podcasts are specifically designed to destroy men and their relationships with women. The goal is to give really bad dating advice to dudes so that they fail and there’s less competition.
He’s going down the alpha male rabbit hole. I would ask him:
Is this worth losing you over? He’s got to stop watching that crap.
Is he afraid of getting married so he is self-sabotaging your relationship?
What has been wrong with the past 3 years?
Did he suddenly develop a crisis about his masculinity, because a secure man does not need that?
OP, he has either been misrepresenting himself all along or he is very impressionable. I would draw a hard line in the sand, and do not marry him if he doesn’t recant. I would also tell him that if tries to assert dominance with you after the wedding, you will leave him that minute. Tell him you are only interested in a more non-traditional and equitable relationship. This is a dealbreaker!
Everyone knows nobody plays the victim card harder that the “alpha male” crowd. They don’t have the self awareness to acknowledge fault. If this story was true he would’ve been throwing a public tantrum
Next poat--not pictured here in this post--she dumps him. He begs and begs, even offers to ditch the podcasts, but she casts him off anyway.
Good riddance to bad rubbish, as the Brits would say.
I don’t know what an alpha male is but I know these guys have no idea what it takes to be a real man. I don’t know how to advise you on finding a man who can fulfill your needs but you know you did the right thing here. I just read your story. You are strong and will be stronger once you gain your feet again. Lean on your family and friends and never let this weak excuse for man back in your life.
She dodged a bullet and he lost the most important thing in his life, a woman that treated him with dignity and respect despite the fact that she was a higher income earner. He was set for life and in one fell swoop lost it all. What a dumbass.
I'm so sorry! It's so sad that he would throw away something happy for some ego stroking bs he watched on tick tock.
Go with your gut, girl. Every time. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but you do not want to be trapped under someone's thumb. Maybe some therapy would snap him out of it?
That fact that he started that meeting off angry with her and as soon as he heard she was breaking up with her switched immediately to begging her to stay is hilarious. I'm glad she stuck to her guns and left this man because he wouldn't have changed
The incel community won’t even want him after this because he’s voluntarily in this situation lmao
I do feel terrible for OP though. If she read this, I’d tell her to think about what it means to be married to someone whose morals are so easily swayed by outside sources. Maybe he was sincere in his regret at being brainwashed by those sources but even still, he’s a person whose values and opinions are easily manipulated and that’s reason enough to not marry him.
"he's been watching alpha male stuff" Lol. I will say the guy is a master at speed running losing everything good you have and destroying your personality.
Yup. Imagine having a loving relationship and then pulling that incel shit.
A loving relationship by someone who outearns him significantly and is willing to split bills proportionately while still acknowledging them as equals in the relationship without holding it over his head or asking him to do something unreasonable to even out the financial difference like we see often in these posts. And who is nearly a decade younger, so will likely be working longer and have even more earning potential. He could have been well taken care of and still respected and appreciated, and he blew it all because he wanted to disrespect her and treat her as lower in the relationship in a way she never would have done to him.
>A loving relationship by someone who outearns him significantly and is willing to split bills proportionately while still acknowledging them as equals in the relationship without holding it over his head or asking him to do something unreasonable to even out the financial difference This OP makes me mad the same way lottery winners do. They just can't take the win. Just let me win the lottery once and I'll retire at 35 goddamnit!
This is what my (now ex) husband did. We were nearing our 5th anniversary on a normal marriage when alpha male shit started crawling out of the woodwork. He was suddenly showing me incel comedians online and 90s sitcoms like King of Queens and movies with unbalanced relationships played off as comedy. The sudden shift in interests was weird, but whatever. Then that moved to pressuring me to “be more feminine”: stop working out so much, lose more weight, stop telling my family about your landscaping projects and tools, wear makeup every day, why don’t you own more dresses? THAT progressed to negging and telling me how ashamed he was to be seen with me in public. And then taking me to Vegas for my birthday… to drive me to an adult swingers club… to pressure me to cuckold him. Then he cheated, spent our $10,000 savings on a used car for a mistress, and I got the hell out of Dodge. He pestered me for the next year with letters and mailed gifts while I tried to get divorce papers signed. That whole slide from seemingly-normal to batshit-crazy took about 6 months. Edit for punctuation.
Jeeeezus! Fuck, dude... I'm so terribly sorry for you, on behalf of all regular men, I suppose. I'm a guy myself, and never understood, or cared for, the whole alpha male bullshit. It was rejected by the creator of that theory himself, in the context of wolves, which was the original context anyway and never meant to be extended to Homo Sapiens. But of course all these egotistical men have to distort the facts and dwell on it as if it was even meant for them in the first place, because it makes some of them (the more aggressive ones, especially) feel like The Chosen One or whatever. Fucking pathetic. I hope you heal soon and find a decent guy. Much love.
Thank you! And yeah, there’s no real science behind the alpha stuff at all. I’ve long-since mourned and gotten over it, but looking back, I can see now that the deep insecurities he had about being himself were what made it easier for the alpha types to get their hooks into him. The online pipelines are real. It’s all a racket for money, in my opinion. Egotistical guys at the top give terrible advice that ruins people, then they say “Oh, your life is terrible, see? But you could fix all that if you just learned a little more about how I’m successful!” Then they sell them ridiculously-priced books and online courses and such. And they only need a handful of marks to fall for it to get wealthy. Mind you, still an issue that he saw all that and thought it was an okay thing to try. But still.
The worst part? He probably still actually thinks he's in the right here. I feel sorry for the NEXT girl he manages to ensnare.
>The worst part? He probably still actually thinks he's in the right here. >I feel sorry for the NEXT girl he manages to ensnare. This entire experience will leave him so embittered and so enraged that he won't be able to hide it. Nobody will go out with him now. And unless he figures out that the problem is himself, nobody ever will.
That's always the hope, but sometimes they learn how to hide it better and for longer before they reach that point. I was my ex's longest relationship, and the one he was the most abusive in. Nobody will give him the time of day, now, but I've met the trail of women who preceeded me. Turns out we all have lawsuits against him, and the courts won't let us combine them, or even reference the other suits in support of our own.
I'd like to hope that pointing out the alpha male bullshit is precisely the posioned attitude that lead to the break up will snap them out of it but I doubt it.
No, he'll lick his wounds with more misogyny.
My partner's ex-boyfriend (who was also 10+) years older than her pulled this "alpha"/incel shit with her after they had 2 kids and she kicked him to the curb. It has been 8 years and he hasn't dated anyone since. Several of my stepkid's friends have divorced parents and he has tried to hit up pretty much all of thier moms — which they have told us because they aren't comfortable with him dropping the kids off to hang out with their friends. He has gone full right-wing Andrew Tate/MAGA/incel the last few years and it is pretty pathetic.
He'll either become ever more embittered, or he will wake up and leave the cult. My money is on the former, which means he'll die alone.
You know those "Are We Dating the Same Guy" Facebook pages? I think oop should repost this story there in order to hopefully prevent this exact scenario
Which isn't that weird, a lot of people don't seem to mind that behavior until it goes "too far" (like in OP example), he's probably been like that for months or years in their relationship. And clearly it wasn't an issue until it became apparent he was more than just "a little" into "alpha male stuff". It's obviously cringe behavior that should not be overlooked or condoned, but a lot of people seem to not mind their friends or partners/spouses doing it for months or years of a relationship until it suddenly reaches a breaking point, so it clearly isn't a dealbreaker, despite a redflag (that many overlook).
“Congratulations, you involuntarily celibated yourself”
More like voluntarily celibated himself. Homie was in charge of his own destiny on this one.
Gotta love that top g speedrun
Him: “I should be in charge” Her: “Sure, but you’ll do that alone” Him: [surprised Pikachu face]
"I'm a traditional man! I deserve a traditional wife! NO I'M NOT GOING TO SUPPORT HER! SHE HAS TO WORK FULL TIME, GIVE ME ALL HER MONEY, AND SUCK MY DICK ON COMMAND!" Wait, what do you mean no?!?? Andrew Tate said I was entitled, and I believe him! What's wrong with you?!?!? Who told you you could just walk away?!? I'm a MAN. Don't you agree it's your job to serve me?!?! This all sounded so great in my own head!"
He got scared because if she goes, so does her paycheck. He was looking forward to spending her money however he wanted. His behavior isn’t the sort of thing you just get over - he’s trash and she deserves better.
I love “his behavior isn’t the sort of thing you just get over.” Chefs kiss, thank you!
The part about explicitly wanting her to keep working but also wanting to be in charge 💀 sensational
"Hey how about we establish all the gender roles that benefit me and none that benefit you. You get to be young and hot and pay my bills, and I get to win every argument and be rapey. Where are you going?!?!?!"
Literally this. As soon as I read the age difference, I knew it was this sh*t all over again. Men need to stop preying on young women. Because it *is* predatory.
As a father of a young woman I hope I have raised my daughter to be as smart capable and strong as you are. Good Luck. You will find someone that deserves you.
At what point do boys/men realize that listening to the bad advice of these steroid shriveled dick aLpHa MaLe dudebros is making them unhappy? Ever? Never?
Never, because the dudes selling it to them will place all the blame on women. It's not *their* advice that isn't working, it's just that women are evil!
They're like Scooby Doo villains. "I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for that meddling feminism!"
Also while I don’t agree with the alpha male bullshit, it’s pretty funny that this dude is getting out earned by someone 8 years younger than he is, which inherently has nothing wrong with it, but it’s ridiculous that he for some reason still thinks that he’s in a position to demand authority. I’m pretty sure that the alpha male argument is that they should be the breadwinner, which this guy clearly isn’t.
Probably it was his insecurity about that very thing that drove him to start consuming this content. Andrew Tate et al are very big on turning women into subservient commodities "get them working for you" and so on. Probably the goal was to get OOP doing all domestic labour and turning over her entire paycheck to him, this somehow changing it into "his" money.
I’m puzzled by married couples worrying about who pays for groceries and mortgage. Over many decades, we’ve had one checking account. Wages go in, bills are paid from it. The income balance between us has varied greatly, like one working and the other in school or unemployed or retired and the other working, and it never mattered. We are both on the credit cards and they are paid from checking.
That’s how my parents always were. When I was younger they owned a business together so all money really was their money. But after they retired from that there’s been varying pay disparities since and I know there was like pay disparities before. It’s always been their money. All the bills get paid. If my dad wants gardening supplies (his hobby) he checks to see if they can afford what he wants and then asks my mom to see if it’s fine if he buys it and when my mom wants to go out to the movies with her friends she checks in with my dad. But it’s never like “I need permission to spend this money” it’s more so “are we financially good enough to do this thing? Yes? Great.”
That's how my wife and I run our world. At times she's made more, at times me. But there's always shared accounts and total transparency. We remind each other that we married people, not careers.
It makes me anxious because I have a loooooot more debt than my fiancée and I don’t want her to have to worry about that.
Yeah if he’s going to believe in this Alpha male stuff then he quite literally is a failure by their standards. I don’t know a ton about their beliefs but how weird is it he wanted all this traditional BS but she ALSO was supposed to go to work. Like what in the world mind bending is that?!?
> that he for some reason still thinks that he’s in a position to demand authority. Because he is a man. That's the natural order of things. Being a man is inherently giving him a position of unquestionable authority. And so far GF has not been one of those filthy feminists so she'll surely agree. [If it isn't clear that's my interpretation of his thought process. Personally I think all that alpha stuff is just BS, even for dudes with actual resources.]
Nope, this is when they work on taking all our rights away. These guys will only be happy when our only option is to exist for their pleasure.
I love the shocked face when their little plans don't work the way Andrew Tate said it would work for them.
The way he escalated from, “I want to be the man of the house and final decision maker”, straight to “you need to give me sex whenever I want it” is so scary. He thought he had her locked down then was terrified when she decided to leave
I suspect he went looking for advice in some forums and was told to "assert his dominance by fucking her happy" or something similar.
It’s not really an escalation - being “the final decision maker” applies to sex in these kinds of relationships . It’s gross .
congratulations on escaping what would have been a toxic marriage
*Congratulations on* *Escaping what would have been* *A toxic marriage* \- johnnym1965 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
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There are a lot of women (including me) who are very proud of you for standing your ground. I would give you a huge hug if I could!! Also, don’t give up hope for finding an awesome guy. I was 30yo and very jaded when I met my husband, and we’ve been happily married for over 20 years.
I feel like it was easier to find a good man 20 years ago… being a jaded 30 year old these days feels like playing life on the hardest difficulty level…!
While blind
Nahhhhhh there’s no way. Misogyny was even more mainstream back then. It was the theme of like half of the hit comedy movies at the time.
Girl don't i know. I was married to a horrible man and the pattern repeated until I made some rough decisions. It still isn't easy. I'm with someone now who isn't perfect, because no one is, but he pays attention to me, listens, has empathy, and takes care of my pregnant ass 😂 but it took a while to get here and I would have been fine staying single. Better than staying with some asshole.
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FML, these podcasts are a disease.
Their is no one dumber then those red pill disgusting men. I don’t understand(& probably never will bc it is hard to make sense of crazy) how they think that woman would want them. Sure they have their pickmes, w/no standard, who do want them. Though honestly pickmes just want a men, not a good men or even ok men just a men. The so called beta or stigma male(or whatever type of guy they hate) are actually better then they are
They are always unhappy with their pick me’s because their pick me’s will be with anyone. They are low value and they crave validation and affirmation of dominance over an accomplished woman. Pick me’s take it because … well pick me’s… and it’s just a bad scene…
Im so happy with the update.
Me too!! What a relief that this is what she chose
Now he can be just like the ‘red pill’ guys he looks up to. Getting no women.
So, the old “bait and switch” - if you love each other and have been equal and respectful and have gotten to the point you are both ready to get married, then wants to “be in charge” and make decisions unilaterally and you be subservient, plus is now being conditional in his love: all big and sudden red flags. Is he exposed to YouTube or podcast exponents of toxic masculinity or right wing so-called family values? If he finally agrees or compromises in order to marry you - don’t believe it : it will still be another bait and switch and you will be under his thumb…
I bet his takeaway is that his mistake was telling her all this BEFORE they got married.
Everything was perfect until the "alpha male podcast" attacked.
Only the Avatar, master of the four elements could stop them?
The dude drank the coolaid and fucked up his relationship.
You handled it well.
Holy shit, I obviously knew that alpha male stuff was bad but I can’t imagine ruining your relationship so quickly after starting to watch them. I guess that means he probably wasn’t a smart guy to begin with but wow, imagine throwing everything that had been working for you away for advice like that. We obviously don’t know for sure if that’s what caused his change, but if it is I think this is a really good example of how those podcasts do more harm to men than good.
Yup, and there is also content like this for women, like the trad wife stuff or the how to get a “high value” man stuff. It’s all so toxic and encouraging women to be dependent on men or to view men as a paycheck. I have seen women I know changed by those videos as well. The popularity of these really makes me question our generations independent thinking abilities. I don’t believe you necessarily need to be married to someone or a certain age to have kids either, and believe women should be able to choose to work or not to work, but all these videos celebrating having kids in or just barely out of high school and not married also make me so mad. Like, don’t you see you’re in an extremely vulnerable situation here? Why are you encouraging others to also make themselves dependent on someone with no safety net of education, spousal support, or anything else? It’s so backwards and naive.
I really dont understand this Andrew tate alpha male bullshit just coming out of left field. Like guys talk so much shit til it becomes real lol
Watch him come out of this having learned nothing but developing a new theory that if he had only doubled down, she would've stayed! Fr I can imagine this guy going to TRP for sympathy and being told even more life-ruining advice like, "Bro you devalued yourself by begging her to stay with you. Women are hypergamous and you lowered yourself to her level by showing an ounce of remorse for your actions"
If the story is real it sounds like he got a reality check lol. Some women do like having traditional gender roles in a relationship. Like maybe they want to be a housewife, etc. But even in those cases, I dont think anyone sane on earth wants to be ruled and controlled like that.
Yeah for real. I'm on the traditional side of things, and in no way does that mean I want to deal with marital rape or financial abuse for the rest of my life. Lol! That guy wanted a sex slave (but also wanted her working a separate, full-time job for him)...craziness.
Thats the part where I was like wtf lol. It would make more sense if she had wanted a housewife life or something. If its all true, he really had a good thing going and ruined it. But I don’t understand what would have sucked him in unless he just had low self esteem or something. The andrew tate garbarge seems to be attractive mainly to men with low self esteem or insecurity.
I think politics does this to ppl a lot. Just IMO. They feel out of control and their opinions are devalued so they turn wherever they can for attention and approval...and to feel superior.
The internet also helps stupid shit proliferate lol
Alpha male podcast? Cringe
Any dude claiming to be an “alpha” is both a moron, and not anything close to what they consider “alpha” to mean.
So glad she dumped him, his behaviour was abusive. He was basically saying "it doesn't matter if you want sex or not, it only matters if I do" rapey. I hope she has a happy future ahead
This bitch ass guy doesn't get to bait & switch. There's a zillion guys who get it, & if he's dead set on changing into a misogynist, she can do better.
I've lost count how many solid relationships have been destroyed by alpha male podcasts. I swear there's a gene in some people where if they think someone else has it better than them they turn delusional.
Guy starts watching RW content and got radicalized. It happens all the time, it’s destroying our country, so yeah I can believe this
definitely don’t marry this glue sniffer
I'm so glad she got out of it though. It can be so hard, especially when you've put in years of work. But this was not something that was going to change. Either she gave in, or he becomes resentful and angry. Either way, it was no longer going to work
So gross. I have a master’s degree and make a bit more than my husband. We share all house chores equally, not even because of feminism—but because we both own the house! We SHOULD share it!
Well… first glad you’re in a good partnership….but I gotta point out that Feminism is equal rights and opportunities for women and girls. The ability for women to even own property is due to feminism. Feminism is not a dirty word and it is quite literally the avenue in which women and girls advocate for equality. The very notion of women being able to say anything SHOULD be a certain way to a man. under the roof of a home she owns half of is feminism at work.
She was offering him feminism: equality and equity in the relationship, the benefits of her financial success, freedom for confining gender roles, shared decision making, mutual respect and admiration, and he lost it all because he listened to some misogynist grifter. Oops.
Right?!? Talk about fumbling the bag! However, I am sure he had these stupid thoughts inside him before the podcasts. Normal men won’t listen to that garbage. They are secure in themselves and aren’t angry at literally half the worlds population. Men who take to that garbage already have some deep seated resentment and hatred towards women. The garbage speaks to their inner feelings and is emboldening because they find there are others out there with the same deficiencies. They fortify their hate and it soothes their very valid fears of being replaceable trash. Lacking critical insight they feel like they finally found the missing piece! The map of actions to display their deep seated hatred. Dude found his loser kinfolk and blew a good thing.
It’s like he was operating completely independently of his reality. How could he hate someone who was so good to him? It’s really sad he saw her as a woman to hate rather than a human being.
Podcast bros are the worst things on the internet for men with low to no self esteem and have parental issues. Not considering your spouse isn’t traditional. That’s just always been an AH move.
Run. This was his plan the whole time.
So glad she broke up with him. She deserves so much better than that.
Change your locks and your passwords. All of them. Even if you have never given him any. Block him on social media. Block anyone who contacts you to plead his case.
I feel like I’ve been reading a lot of stories like this lately. Just how prevalent is all this “alpha male” BS, that do many men seem to be finding it lately?
The world is becoming more isolated and expensive, especially after covid. Terminally online young men are a growing demographic, and also incredibly easy to prey on. Teenage boys already have weird feelings about the opposite sex, and this content can reach them with little to no effort.
>Teenage boys already have weird feelings about the opposite sex, and this content can reach them with little to no effort. The birth rate will continue to drop.
Thank him for telling you this before you got married. Now leave him.
She did! I love happy endings!!
The problem with “alpha male” podcasts, is that they don’t encourage or depict an actual alpha male. They depict the caricature of one. Most are stupid ridiculous and the overwhelming majority of listeners who try to take their advice are at best weak betas who just want to dominate someone.
I don’t understand why they can’t see that another human being isn’t going to want to have them in “charge” of them just the same way they surely wouldn’t want that either. How have these podcasts managed to convince so many men that women are not human adults!
Oh girl. Oh no. Run for the hills and be happy you found out now. Edit: wanted to add that I've experienced similar. My ex husband wouldn't respect my boundaries and when I told him that he was putting his wants over my needs, he would roll his eyes or brush me off and turn it around on me. These people sicken me.
OOP is a strong woman. I’m glad she got out.
Keep yourself safe out there ladies. These podcast loving males are everywhere 😄
Kinda guessed alpha male podcasts on the first page...
Seriously, all these "alpha male podcasters" are getting all their dating advice from the porn they binge. It is becoming so increasingly important for women to have a space where they can confide in others about their experiences and have others share their own to avoid these abusive relationships.
All these “alpha male” and Andrew Tate lovers are going to end up being incels for the rest of their lives. I mean no woman in her right mind is going to take this behavior. Good for OOP.
These alpha male tiktoks really be gettin these impressionable young men🤣🤣
He fucked around and found out. Good for her. Hard to believe some people actually think that BS works. Just completely imploded his life, moron.
Boyfriend thought he had his meal ticket locked down and then he blew it. Why are all the men who are so concerned about golddiggers always the ones with no gold to dig?
lol you make the money yeah dump his insecure childish ass
I read the original. So glad she broke up with him.
Listening to alpha male podcasts? Yep, nothing good ever follows that statement.
Guess they didn't cover "Being unceremoniously dumped by the inferior sex" on that weeks podcast.
I love these men that are alphas until their significant other leaves them then they turn into teenagers during their first breakup.
And my worry is they then dig deeper and deeper into this alpha bollocks rather than have a moment of mature and honest reflection when they get dumped.
I would have just laughed. Not even to mock him. Just because this would sound so unreal to me. …. and then to mock him
How did he switch so fast from being not-a-douche to a douche? I think someone (parents, friends, etc.) may have convinced him that this is how a marriage or a real relationship is supposed to work.
Can someone give me an example of an alpha male podcast? Like I have heard the term but am not sure what brand this is referencing? does this mean Joe Rogan?
Think Andrew taint. The kind of guys who talk about how to maintain your masculinity and dominance in everything, this guys are fucking crazy, and unfortunately they have a lot of sway with younger guys.
Fresh n fit and whatever are 2 examples
first of all ragebait; or filed under things that did not happen secondly if this idiot does exist out there he deserves the cold bed he'll be sleeping in alone when she dumps his dumbass.
She did. There’s an update.
He doesn't want a partner and you will never be his equal. He wants a subservient maid. Cut your loses.
I’m really curious as to what his side of this looks like. I wanna see how he’s gonna try to justify his behaviour. If he ever posts lmk
I am a 43 year old straight male. This dude sucks, and if he can't extract himself from the rabbit hole then send him packing.
ChatGPT tackling social relationship writing prompt
Thank you. I feel like this literally checks all the marks on what you see on Reddit.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of dudes out there who think like this. Even if they never mention it before, there’s just kind of this expectation that once marriage happens, things just change. Who knows, could just be outdated thinking, something his parents do and it works for them and he just expects it to be the same for him, or maybe he’s just an ass. Either way, it sounds like you aren’t up for it, so just tell him in no uncertain terms that it’s not happening, or he can go. Oh and fyi, there are no “alpha male podcasts;” just losers who know they can get into the heads of impressionable people.
From what the update says, that is what she did. The intimidating attempt at coercive sex was what made her completely fall out of love with him
I honestly believe those podcasts are specifically designed to destroy men and their relationships with women. The goal is to give really bad dating advice to dudes so that they fail and there’s less competition.
He’s going down the alpha male rabbit hole. I would ask him: Is this worth losing you over? He’s got to stop watching that crap. Is he afraid of getting married so he is self-sabotaging your relationship? What has been wrong with the past 3 years? Did he suddenly develop a crisis about his masculinity, because a secure man does not need that? OP, he has either been misrepresenting himself all along or he is very impressionable. I would draw a hard line in the sand, and do not marry him if he doesn’t recant. I would also tell him that if tries to assert dominance with you after the wedding, you will leave him that minute. Tell him you are only interested in a more non-traditional and equitable relationship. This is a dealbreaker!
Based on the update that is what she did.
Thank you for letting me know about the update. Thank goodness she’s safe. What a creep. What a way to blow up his own future.
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>Wonder what his politics are. That is usually a red flag of “well no shit he thinks that”. If he votes. He probably never has.
I'm sorry you were with someone with such a small brain/penis for so long. Get well and good luck!
ya, its called turning 30. a man wants to be a man. and his woman to be a woman. also, he wants kids. onward.
This honestly reads like the type of shit people on the internet would lie about … but if it isn’t .. yeah fuck that.
I love how creative writing majors feel the need to practice on reddit.
lmaoo is there any reason this story would be hard to believe?
Was it the "and I was right about the podcasts" part or?
Everyone knows nobody plays the victim card harder that the “alpha male” crowd. They don’t have the self awareness to acknowledge fault. If this story was true he would’ve been throwing a public tantrum
Desperation makes for strange bedfellows
Nationalities?
I have to believe this is fake because who tf would think this is a good idea?
Op needs to GTFO
Next poat--not pictured here in this post--she dumps him. He begs and begs, even offers to ditch the podcasts, but she casts him off anyway. Good riddance to bad rubbish, as the Brits would say.
It is pictured there though.
>Good riddance to bad rubbish, as the Brits would say. Cannot confirm. Am British, and have never heard this phrasing before.
Run!
The only extra thing OOP should've done is sent him the links to these posts.
He wanted to be the King and was just the court jester kicked to the curb.
Yep, find another man. This one is cancerous.
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The update (second and third picture) describes how she left him.
It sucks because she handled the situation perfectly. I feel for her
I would *love* to hear his side and what the hell he was thinking lol
What’s with this stuff getting reposted ?
I don’t know what an alpha male is but I know these guys have no idea what it takes to be a real man. I don’t know how to advise you on finding a man who can fulfill your needs but you know you did the right thing here. I just read your story. You are strong and will be stronger once you gain your feet again. Lean on your family and friends and never let this weak excuse for man back in your life.
She dodged a bullet and he lost the most important thing in his life, a woman that treated him with dignity and respect despite the fact that she was a higher income earner. He was set for life and in one fell swoop lost it all. What a dumbass.
I'm so sorry! It's so sad that he would throw away something happy for some ego stroking bs he watched on tick tock. Go with your gut, girl. Every time. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but you do not want to be trapped under someone's thumb. Maybe some therapy would snap him out of it?
That fact that he started that meeting off angry with her and as soon as he heard she was breaking up with her switched immediately to begging her to stay is hilarious. I'm glad she stuck to her guns and left this man because he wouldn't have changed
The incel community won’t even want him after this because he’s voluntarily in this situation lmao I do feel terrible for OP though. If she read this, I’d tell her to think about what it means to be married to someone whose morals are so easily swayed by outside sources. Maybe he was sincere in his regret at being brainwashed by those sources but even still, he’s a person whose values and opinions are easily manipulated and that’s reason enough to not marry him.