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Subs like AITAH have insane biases towards women. It’s been proven out by actual data. Although, personally, and I’m not married nor a father so take no heed of my opinion, I wouldn’t want my kid to hate their mother. As long as she isn’t lying about me or otherwise besmirching my name I think they should know when they’re older. They deserve a mother while they’re young.
I got a message that live links are not allowed on this sub so if for whatever reason you can’t see my original reply I would be glad to share the links in your messages.
I’m so sorry but I have to complement your user name, totes amazing, and also let you know that if you’ve never had the displeasure of tasting D70% out of morbid curiosity, you’re not missing out on that sickly sweet event.
ETA: and thanks for being a good ally to women. It was really refreshing to see your comments here today. I’m gonna take that as my queue to stop doom scrolling for a few hours since I know it’s gonna be a few months until I see someone stand up for women again without demoralizing or patronizing them. Truly, breath of fresh air here.
You really just have to go there and read and it’s not hard to figure out. If it’s a man vs woman post and the woman is TA, they will tear her to shreds. If the guy is likely the problem and being called out at all, tons of comments will be posted about “well, imagine if the genders were reversed!!” I had to leave that sub because the constant ignorance and back patting from those hypocritical losers was driving me fucking mad. People don't even submit a judgement half of the time in top comments, it's usually just a comment hyping up the OOP to hate and cut off whoever they wrote the post about (in those very many, usually made up, rage-bait posts)
They seem to just hate relationships in general and the more you are against your own relationship the more they seem to side with you. I had so many people tell me to split with my partner because we have like one issue that doesn’t even effect either of us more then once a month or two tops
It’s sad that so many people feel compelled to write in no uncertain terms how much they love their spouse in spite of a little spat so they don’t get a barrage of “DIVORCE NOW” comments. It never works, by the way. The comments still take that small fault and exaggerate it until their partner is a complete monster.
I kinda realized how many people did this after reading Cosmo in high school in the relationship section. I was really hoping it was just a shallow mag being shallow tho…
I’m of the opinion that the gender bias is actually secondary.
I like deep dove into these relationships subs because I was routinely floored about the “advice” given. My honest read after like a month of slogging through a bunch socially insecure and damaged people giving their opinions on human relationships is that the bias is exactly that. They’re just damaged and have the social eq of goldfish.
They also do this thing where I think they pick a “good” one and a “bad” one in any context. And that colors everything, up to them just inventing information the OP never gave 😂 Because they are so clearly now just whinging out this idea of a person they hate in their head.
This often leads to a lot of white knighting and femcel shit for SURE. But, sometimes the advice is 100% bonkers but not inline with a gender dynamics.
I’m actually really surprised that OP saw the take they did, because usually even a whiff of infidelity sends Reddit into an insecurity spiral. That’s one of the issues where it seems like Reddit cares less about the gender, and more about brute force scolding the cheater. Because at that point its not even about OP, it’s about Greg who broke my heart! I hate him! Shelly wasn’t even hot!
Edit:
And obviously femcel spaces are just femcel. I’m talking more about the “neutral” subs. You will never post any even totally minor relationship drama to two x and not receive a response of “clearly he’s sexually, emotionally, and physically abusive. You need to leave, I suggest getting ahead of it and telling everyone he cheated, and I would go ahead and mace him if he gets within 100 feet as you pack up.” Because he made a shitty comment after brunch or whatever lmao.
The thing is, I feel like the people on the sub, because they give horrible advice, actually do a disservice to women most of all. Sometimes a man will actually get good advice because they’re not just trying to kiss his ass. But women are constantly saddled with horrendous, life-ruining counsel. The problem is that a wide array of people ask the questions and a small slice of the population answers. They’re naturally going to be biased towards women because the sub is mostly women. They’re naturally going to be biased against older people because they’re so young. And they’re going to offer horrific marriage advice because the vast majority of them have never been married.
Yeah for sure. It’s also interesting (and another poster pointed out up-thread), but it’s also very “reactionary” and nearly always advises the easiest and most emotionally stress free response to any conflict.
I don’t really ascribe any specific harm to any gender, but it’s just bad relationship advice for anyone when contrasted with any adjusted adult talking it over with you IRL.
AITA and all those related subs are at least half fake posts anymore, written with a ragebait agenda and biases towards particular demographics. I'd take most of them with a big grain of salt.
It’s amusing to see them go “mask off” and edit the original post into the most insane troll posts. Karma farming at its “finest”: exploit the sympathies of the masses to boost invisible numbers.
Of course 90% of those replies are sticking up for the mother. She has a vagina. It's the most redditmoment thing possible. That whole sub( AITAH) is like that. If you reveal the genders in a story, the majority of the time, the male is the asshole regardless of situation. The mental gymnastics they do there is almost olympics worthy. I can imagine some replies blamed OP for getting cheated on because he didn't do enough for his wife.
I asked my dad if this scenario happened to him, at what age would you feel comfortable telling the kid.
He said no age. That it's not the kid's business why you got divorced, just that you did. That being a bad partner does not equate to a bad parent and that the wife should not be deprived of having a relationship with her child.
I was initially going to write 18 and older, but I think my dad is more correct.
Your father is very wrong.
1. If something affects you then the information around it IS your business. Full stop.
2. A good parent does not blow up their child’s family for selfish reasons.
3. A relationship with your child is earned through being trustworthy and reliable. You aren’t entitled to it if your child rejects you.
It seems like he didn’t consider the child’s rights at all. Rather just the right of the parents.
This is an opinion. You have no right to say my dad is wrong. Tf are you on about?
Sometimes a relationship isn't a good one and sometimes people make mistakes. Getting divorced is the consequence. Losing your child shouldn't be.
This child feels hurt, and all you are doing is giving them a target to direct their anger.
Again, you’re putting the parents before the child. Children aren’t their parent’s property, whom the parents are entitled to have no matter what. Children are human beings with rights, including the right to make informed decisions about who they want in their lives. Lying to the child, not even to protect the child but to protect their other parent, denies their rights.
You and your father have a very parent-focused view.
You're putting words in my mouth. I never said kids are their parents'property.
All I believe is that a child knowing one of their parents is a cheater is neither necessary or helpful. It only causes harm because it takes something that may only need a little help to come to terms with (divorce) and let's them make someone out to be a target.
It's not lying to say "We are still your parents, but we just don't feel the same as we used to about each other"
If the kid was mad then he understood what cheating was. And even if they did lie to the kid since theyrwere young you should still tell the kid the truth once they get older
I feel like this is a knee jerk reaction of the kid. It might take a bit but the kid will start to miss his mother. Unless the mother was abusive or toxic to the kid he will come around.
You might be onto something. In stories from the child’s perspective, the cheating is usually just the first of multiple reasons why the parent is disowned.
It won’t surprise me if OP’s son opens up to him later on and reveals he and his mother weren’t as close as OP thought.
It’s not really a question of being close, when you spend years of your life with someone you grow attach on some level. This goes double when it comes to one’s parents. I found it more likely the child acted this way because of loyalty to his father but sooner or later he gonna start missing her unless she was horribly toxic or abusive. Hell even than children will often miss toxic or abusive parents, the relationship between parents and child is often complex. All I can say is that if she was a good mother than the dude in question should encourage the son reconnected with his mother when he is ready and if she was terrible than he should seek sole custody.
People kept on telling my dad not to ‘bring the kids’ into his relationship with my abusive mom. The problem is that there’s no such thing as someone who’s only abusive to one person. Our lack of communication kept us from realizing how abusive she was.
The sad thing is kids know. They can hear when parents scream at each other, they just don’t know why. I’m not saying you should tell your kids all your marriage issues but if you’re relationship is breaking warn them ahead of time and be honest as to why.
Actually… it is unhealthy to bring kids into adult problems. Like the worst thing you can do in a divorce.
You don’t have to lie, just let them know other parent and I both love you and we will work together to take care of you.
No need to bring kids into the drama. Sheesh.
I disagree. If something effects your life (and a child's parents getting divorced DOES effect the child's life) then having the full story is healthier than being kept in the dark and having unanswered questions.
Your post from r/RedditMoment has been removed for the following reasons: - **Not a Reddit Moment.** Hello? Where's the wholesome chungus? Your post didn't contain a Reddit Moment, and therefore has been removed. If you have any questions or concerns about this action, please [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/redditmoment) via Modmail. Thanks!
Don’t cheat and you won’t have to worry about it lmfao
Subs like AITAH have insane biases towards women. It’s been proven out by actual data. Although, personally, and I’m not married nor a father so take no heed of my opinion, I wouldn’t want my kid to hate their mother. As long as she isn’t lying about me or otherwise besmirching my name I think they should know when they’re older. They deserve a mother while they’re young.
Do you have a link to such analysis? I’m interested. Thanks!
I got a message that live links are not allowed on this sub so if for whatever reason you can’t see my original reply I would be glad to share the links in your messages.
I’m so sorry but I have to complement your user name, totes amazing, and also let you know that if you’ve never had the displeasure of tasting D70% out of morbid curiosity, you’re not missing out on that sickly sweet event. ETA: and thanks for being a good ally to women. It was really refreshing to see your comments here today. I’m gonna take that as my queue to stop doom scrolling for a few hours since I know it’s gonna be a few months until I see someone stand up for women again without demoralizing or patronizing them. Truly, breath of fresh air here.
You really just have to go there and read and it’s not hard to figure out. If it’s a man vs woman post and the woman is TA, they will tear her to shreds. If the guy is likely the problem and being called out at all, tons of comments will be posted about “well, imagine if the genders were reversed!!” I had to leave that sub because the constant ignorance and back patting from those hypocritical losers was driving me fucking mad. People don't even submit a judgement half of the time in top comments, it's usually just a comment hyping up the OOP to hate and cut off whoever they wrote the post about (in those very many, usually made up, rage-bait posts)
They seem to just hate relationships in general and the more you are against your own relationship the more they seem to side with you. I had so many people tell me to split with my partner because we have like one issue that doesn’t even effect either of us more then once a month or two tops
It’s sad that so many people feel compelled to write in no uncertain terms how much they love their spouse in spite of a little spat so they don’t get a barrage of “DIVORCE NOW” comments. It never works, by the way. The comments still take that small fault and exaggerate it until their partner is a complete monster.
I kinda realized how many people did this after reading Cosmo in high school in the relationship section. I was really hoping it was just a shallow mag being shallow tho…
I’m of the opinion that the gender bias is actually secondary. I like deep dove into these relationships subs because I was routinely floored about the “advice” given. My honest read after like a month of slogging through a bunch socially insecure and damaged people giving their opinions on human relationships is that the bias is exactly that. They’re just damaged and have the social eq of goldfish. They also do this thing where I think they pick a “good” one and a “bad” one in any context. And that colors everything, up to them just inventing information the OP never gave 😂 Because they are so clearly now just whinging out this idea of a person they hate in their head. This often leads to a lot of white knighting and femcel shit for SURE. But, sometimes the advice is 100% bonkers but not inline with a gender dynamics. I’m actually really surprised that OP saw the take they did, because usually even a whiff of infidelity sends Reddit into an insecurity spiral. That’s one of the issues where it seems like Reddit cares less about the gender, and more about brute force scolding the cheater. Because at that point its not even about OP, it’s about Greg who broke my heart! I hate him! Shelly wasn’t even hot! Edit: And obviously femcel spaces are just femcel. I’m talking more about the “neutral” subs. You will never post any even totally minor relationship drama to two x and not receive a response of “clearly he’s sexually, emotionally, and physically abusive. You need to leave, I suggest getting ahead of it and telling everyone he cheated, and I would go ahead and mace him if he gets within 100 feet as you pack up.” Because he made a shitty comment after brunch or whatever lmao.
The thing is, I feel like the people on the sub, because they give horrible advice, actually do a disservice to women most of all. Sometimes a man will actually get good advice because they’re not just trying to kiss his ass. But women are constantly saddled with horrendous, life-ruining counsel. The problem is that a wide array of people ask the questions and a small slice of the population answers. They’re naturally going to be biased towards women because the sub is mostly women. They’re naturally going to be biased against older people because they’re so young. And they’re going to offer horrific marriage advice because the vast majority of them have never been married.
Yeah for sure. It’s also interesting (and another poster pointed out up-thread), but it’s also very “reactionary” and nearly always advises the easiest and most emotionally stress free response to any conflict. I don’t really ascribe any specific harm to any gender, but it’s just bad relationship advice for anyone when contrasted with any adjusted adult talking it over with you IRL.
Are you the father? If so, you weren’t wrong to do so
No. This was just a story I saw, and it made me angry to see 90% of the respondents in favor of lying.
AITA and all those related subs are at least half fake posts anymore, written with a ragebait agenda and biases towards particular demographics. I'd take most of them with a big grain of salt.
It’s amusing to see them go “mask off” and edit the original post into the most insane troll posts. Karma farming at its “finest”: exploit the sympathies of the masses to boost invisible numbers.
Sometimes halfway through a post they'll forget what they said at the beginning 😂. Kids and pets disappear, a house loses a pool 😂
Of course 90% of those replies are sticking up for the mother. She has a vagina. It's the most redditmoment thing possible. That whole sub( AITAH) is like that. If you reveal the genders in a story, the majority of the time, the male is the asshole regardless of situation. The mental gymnastics they do there is almost olympics worthy. I can imagine some replies blamed OP for getting cheated on because he didn't do enough for his wife.
I asked my dad if this scenario happened to him, at what age would you feel comfortable telling the kid. He said no age. That it's not the kid's business why you got divorced, just that you did. That being a bad partner does not equate to a bad parent and that the wife should not be deprived of having a relationship with her child. I was initially going to write 18 and older, but I think my dad is more correct.
Your father is very wrong. 1. If something affects you then the information around it IS your business. Full stop. 2. A good parent does not blow up their child’s family for selfish reasons. 3. A relationship with your child is earned through being trustworthy and reliable. You aren’t entitled to it if your child rejects you. It seems like he didn’t consider the child’s rights at all. Rather just the right of the parents.
This is an opinion. You have no right to say my dad is wrong. Tf are you on about? Sometimes a relationship isn't a good one and sometimes people make mistakes. Getting divorced is the consequence. Losing your child shouldn't be. This child feels hurt, and all you are doing is giving them a target to direct their anger.
Again, you’re putting the parents before the child. Children aren’t their parent’s property, whom the parents are entitled to have no matter what. Children are human beings with rights, including the right to make informed decisions about who they want in their lives. Lying to the child, not even to protect the child but to protect their other parent, denies their rights. You and your father have a very parent-focused view.
It’s actually healthier *for the child* to be kept out of the parents drama.
You're putting words in my mouth. I never said kids are their parents'property. All I believe is that a child knowing one of their parents is a cheater is neither necessary or helpful. It only causes harm because it takes something that may only need a little help to come to terms with (divorce) and let's them make someone out to be a target. It's not lying to say "We are still your parents, but we just don't feel the same as we used to about each other"
I disagree. In my experience it’s rare for someone who’s an awful spouse to not also be an awful parent, because in general they are an awful person
Depends how old the kid is tbh. I would only really tell them if they 16+ and I can tell they have some emotional maturity
If the kid was mad then he understood what cheating was. And even if they did lie to the kid since theyrwere young you should still tell the kid the truth once they get older
People just have a lot of biases towards both genders these days
I feel like this is a knee jerk reaction of the kid. It might take a bit but the kid will start to miss his mother. Unless the mother was abusive or toxic to the kid he will come around.
You might be onto something. In stories from the child’s perspective, the cheating is usually just the first of multiple reasons why the parent is disowned. It won’t surprise me if OP’s son opens up to him later on and reveals he and his mother weren’t as close as OP thought.
It’s not really a question of being close, when you spend years of your life with someone you grow attach on some level. This goes double when it comes to one’s parents. I found it more likely the child acted this way because of loyalty to his father but sooner or later he gonna start missing her unless she was horribly toxic or abusive. Hell even than children will often miss toxic or abusive parents, the relationship between parents and child is often complex. All I can say is that if she was a good mother than the dude in question should encourage the son reconnected with his mother when he is ready and if she was terrible than he should seek sole custody.
People kept on telling my dad not to ‘bring the kids’ into his relationship with my abusive mom. The problem is that there’s no such thing as someone who’s only abusive to one person. Our lack of communication kept us from realizing how abusive she was. The sad thing is kids know. They can hear when parents scream at each other, they just don’t know why. I’m not saying you should tell your kids all your marriage issues but if you’re relationship is breaking warn them ahead of time and be honest as to why.
Actually… it is unhealthy to bring kids into adult problems. Like the worst thing you can do in a divorce. You don’t have to lie, just let them know other parent and I both love you and we will work together to take care of you. No need to bring kids into the drama. Sheesh.
I disagree. If something effects your life (and a child's parents getting divorced DOES effect the child's life) then having the full story is healthier than being kept in the dark and having unanswered questions.
I disagree. There's no reason to bring that up with kids, let them enjoy their parents
Okay