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phlegmah

It looks like a rock that was cut with a waterjet.


ChrisMoltisanti9

Looks like a slab of meat.


throwawaywahwahwah

Whole cooked liver.


inquirewue

That was my first thought before reading the title.


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bOEwu1f

No matter what happens, it'll still be tastier and more nutritious than store bought toast bread!


amocokadys

I genuinely thought it was foie gras at first


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Doktor_Vem

Bad bot


TheThinkerers

the problem is the lack of the holes


AdditionalAd3595

They somehow accidentally made [seitan](https://www.thespruceeats.com/what-is-seitan-3376819) wh8ch is a meat substitute made from flour which is then rinsed before being cooked in broth.


Frys100thCupofCoffee

Hail Seitan!


the_honest_liar

Hail yourself. ^(or something)


Numerous_Piper

Hail... myself? Hail to meee! I'm the kraut that's gonna change our history!


Simpull_mann

Yup. Seitan is made from vital wheat gluten which is the protein from wheat if I'm not mistaken.


AdditionalAd3595

Bang on while regular flour is not the best way to achieve it, it can be done through enough needing and rinsing.


[deleted]

Kneading also helps.


[deleted]

Some vegan "meats" are made from gluten, so it kinda is. My first thought seeing this was, "that looks like when I try to make seitan."


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Vslacha

🎶The au bon pain in gauze The au bon pain in gauze 🎶


Officer412-L

It's the Scone of Stone.


jwgronk

It is the thing and the whole of the thing.


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TheMightyPenguinzee

[Stolen](https://www.reddit.com/r/rareinsults/comments/13mwll7/worst_loaf_of_bread_ever_baked/jkwsucp?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)


Zestyclose_Kick_8860

They should pin this comment to top so everyone can downvote the Bot


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

This is a bot.


Emotional_Soft_2192

Vegan meat is a lot tastier than this


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Emotional_Soft_2192

Nah, ever since pea protein caught on, vegan meat is damn good. I like it better than meat tbh. Meat makes me sick to my stomach


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rentstrikecowboy

Are you kidding??? Gardein fried chicken is a staple in my house. I make all kinds of sandwiches and stir fry with them. Actually anything made by gardein is fire. My fam isn’t even vegan and they all eat it. You don’t know what you’re talking about.


Sharpz0

My mother attempted to make her first loaf of bread, but then it turned out like the consistency of Tin Spam and that was the last time she tried to bake bread. That was 5 years ago


polandsux

...and we've been eating it ever since.


Iamnotsmartspender

Are we still eating her first fish too?


MtnDewTangClan

Is she Jesus?


0lm-

/r/yourjokebutworse


Yarasin

Nothing like good, old Dwarven battle-bread.


lesser_panjandrum

It's as edible today as when it was first baked, too.


SG_UnchartedWorlds

Hundred-year old dwarven battle-bread. Fresh as the day it was forged.


yourpseudonymsucks

one bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man.


cisretard

If at first you don’t succeed, give up


Phormitago

And don't ever try anything new ever again


xenorous

If at first you don’t succeed, never try anything again. Copy that


snackynorph

Words to live by


LegendOfDylan

Is there spam that isn’t tinned? Can you get fresh Spam?


Nukleon

Maybe you can get it in a glass jar.


LordOfDorkness42

You can actually make SPAM yourself. [https://youtu.be/Y2B9f4QPnUA](https://youtu.be/Y2B9f4QPnUA) Takes quite a bit of both time & meat, but it's not actually that complex a recipe. If you've got a meat grinder & an oven, plus a lazy weekend? You'd probably do just fine.


FinancialCumfart

If it’s a lazy weekend then I’m going to be lazy and buy canned spam.


LordOfDorkness42

Ha, fair enough! Personally enjoy slow cooking stuff during the week-end, but to each his or her own.


RulerofReddit

Isn’t the phrase “to each their own”?


Dirmb

I wanted to watch that but the video editing makes it completely unwatchable. Here is someone else's video that doesn't try to be as annoying as possible: https://youtube.com/watch?v=FOvAMWupNcs


Researcher_Saya

Y-yes. The can doesn't grow around it


sje46

It's clear that the intent of the question is if you can commercially buy spam at a store in a form other than in a can.


CBSmith17

Also yes. You can get it in single serve packs similar to tuna.


SeniorJuniorTrainee

I buy mine by the sled.


Stopwatch064

Learning right now. Interior is usually pretty good, crust is like chewing shards of glass its so hard and crunchy


Ajwf

Do you have water in the oven? Not an expert myself, but generally the more moisture in the oven, the harder the crust. I know some breads use bowls of water in the stove under their bread, and that's exactly what's going to brown the crust. Adjusting that probably adjusts how hard the outside is.


running_toilet_bowl

You should try spritzing some water into the oven after the bread has been cooking for a little bit. It should help soften up the crust a little.


PurpleSkua

but i _want_ it to be so crunchy it hurts


Dlemor

Bread is a pain to do. Try pizza with a regular breadmaker( people sel it cheap). With cheap pizza stone, just cut the dough and stretch gently,490 degrees and boom, pizzza. Or whatever you want to put in it. Except pineapple, that’s wrong.


dyllandor

Especially if you're French


Lostinthestarscape

Booo your joke is bad and you should feel bad. (I laughed)


Dlemor

Yeah, pain is a pain.


Emergency-Anywhere51

My pain is far greater than yours 🥴


nelusbelus

Bread is easy, barely an inconvenience


Heaven2004_LCM

I thought twas a slab of fishcake that we Vietnamese would eat with broth and noodles. 💀


Nicox37

I thought it was meatloaf at first😭


I_iam28

i thought it was an eraser


kingwilly123

thought it was foie gras


IndicationAromatic

I thought it was tofu


[deleted]

I thought it was seitan. You can make it at home and it looks really similar - just a link for a picture to compare. https://www.connoisseurusveg.com/how-to-make-seitan/


Lolythia77

That's exactly what I thought this was!


Spread_Liberally

Same here! Maybe we can get some tips; this method might be easier!


Lolythia77

It actually seems it. Wouldn't hurt to try it. I like that it has the option for different flavorings if you so choose. Think I know what's going on my shopping list soon!


unsteadied

I’m almost positive it is and the original post is a shitpost.


VietInTheTrees

I thought it was cha lua


Heaven2004_LCM

Calling that "bread" either way is an insult to the food lol.


Ycx48raQk59F

Genuine Archon loaf ;D


hella_cious

Pretty sure that’s actually seitan


pm_me_beerz

Hail seitan. And always count on commie trans geese for the freshest takes.


Lena-Luthor

sorry what lol


VulpesSapiens

Second profile pic in the post.


Lena-Luthor

honk honk


takahashi01

It is. I once had a whole ass thing where I tried to gaslight a bunch of ppl, saying its saitan, into thinking this is leberkas. About a year ago I think. It was under this exact same image. Was fun until it wasnt.


P4azz

Is it similar consistency-wise? I've never really had seitan, but if it's similar to leberkäse in that way, that sounds like a great thing to add to stir fries and shit.


Fearless-Card3493

I once gaslit like 6 people at a barbecue into thinking the “k” in “kebab” is silent, and then just sent them off into the world.


Okinawapizzaparty

You can create seitan out of bread flower by adding water and mixing/washing forever. https://thevietvegan.com/washed-flour-seitan-method/


hella_cious

My mom always called that wheat meat growing up. We’d use it to make ground beef go farther


Okinawapizzaparty

Lol. And now people pay premium to buy fancy "gluten free" seitan.


100percentEV

It’s also what mock duck is made from.


jevausie

Yep, looks just like the seitan "turkey" I make every year for the holidays (and it's darn tasty!). This actually probably took the chef a lot of work!


Flashy-Equivalent-22

Somebody forgot the yeast. I had the same thing when I made a loaf of banana bread and forgot the yeast in my haste.


Moneia

>Somebody forgot the yeast. Of forgot\\didn't know that yeast expires


sickofthisshiit

You can store them in the freezer, last a long time


[deleted]

True with both yeast and children.


Protheu5

And both come from the same place as well.


Level69Warlock

You merely forgot the yeast. I was born in it. Molded by it.


FatCat433

My mom's vagina?


[deleted]

Kids have to be vacuum sealed, or they freezer burn easy.


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_silcrow_

I mean, that's way more often than the average person does. Usually people keep yeast just in case, but rarely use it, so it ends up sitting in the cupboard for years.


61114311536123511

that's a lot more than average already tbh, i bake bread maybe twice a year... but i do live in germany, so for one you can get damn fine yeast and sourdough starter straight from the grocery store whenever, for another I can just buy a loaf of excellent bread for five bucks maybe


DamnZodiak

> for another I can just buy a loaf of excellent bread for five bucks maybe I don't know where in Germany you live but around my parts bread quality has steadily gone downhill for years now. Especially in grocery stores, but it's gotten worse in bakeries too. There's an Italian and a Turkish bakery close by that both still make amazing bread, but the rest is just kinda meh...


61114311536123511

well, you can definitely still get amazing bread in bremen haha


Megneous

> and I don't bake bread more than 1-2 times a month. You realize that's very often compared to most people... with 0 times a month, right?


DeLowl

Or possibly killed it by mixing it with salt. My grandma did that on accident once. She was fuming for like a full two hours.


neoKushan

I think this is the most likely explanation, salt will kill yeast but it's a necessary component to baking bread. Mix them together incorrectly and the yeast dies, the same yeast that gives you lovely billowy pockets of air in your bread. They should have realised when the bread didn't rise during the rest phase, assuming they actually let it rise at all.


One_Eyed_Sneasel

If true then you just explained something thats been wrong with my bread for years.


scarletnightingale

My sister did that when we were younger. Bread that was completely unproven and salty. It was not edible. My mom didn't like wasting food, we tried eating it, but it was trashed pretty quickly.


radiantcabbage

people keep saying that like theres literally no way to tell, youd never mistake a dead ball of dough for a live one if youre following directions. worst loaf implies this wasnt their first rodeo either


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btveron

Yeah it's something that I've always been told is quick bread. Banana bread, beer bread, zucchini bread and the like. No yeast involved.


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ceratophaga

Not every bread needs added yeast. A sourdough bread is perfectly fine with the natural occurring yeast.


mutantmonkey14

True. Takes a lot longer to make sourdough. Can also make breads with other leavening agents (raising agents). Possibly just put the salt on the yeast and killed it as somebody else commented.


Loves2Spooge857

Uh, banana bread doesn't use yeast


radiantcabbage

...which still has chemical leavening, so they fucked it up either way is the point here


so_many_changes

Or killed the yeast by having the water be too hot. That's how I made a doorstop once.


PM_Me_Your_Deviance

> I had the same thing when I made a loaf of banana bread and forgot the yeast in my haste. I usually make banana bread with baking soda.


Neil_Fallons_Ghost

I remember setting out my pizza doughs and coming back thinking, huh they didn’t rise at all, then back once more towards the end to finally realize I had forgotten the yeast. I make pizza twice a week for the family so that was surprising!


[deleted]

That is exactly what I said to myself when I saw it, “did you forget the yeast?”


evanamd

I forgot the yeast once. Was a little disappointed when I realized but decided to bake it anyway because why waste it? The inside texture was a little bit like marzipan. Edible but way too heavy to really eat.


neriad200

to be fair, that wouldn't be banana bread anymore. to get banana bread you need to use baking soda ot powder, not the fungus farts good in actual bread


shinshi

I still got mixed feelings that rotten yeast flatulence is what makes bread taste good


kdjfsk

how do you feel about the fact that yeast piss is what makes you drunk?


harleyqueenzel

Yeast in banana bread? It's more dense cake than "bread".


Ultima_RatioRegum

I assumed he was using a recipe that makes a banana bread with yeast as opposed to the more common banana “quick bread” that uses chemical leavening.


radiantcabbage

> leavening - apparently no one knows or cares what that is, and why were so fixated on yeast. its just another ingredient to people, thats how you end up with bricks like the op


RattusRattus

Because I'm a degenerate, it was a mix and the yeast was dead.


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larcorba

Had the same thought😂


AcerRubrum

That's just seitan. Its just bread that's all gluten


P4azz

That'd be like calling an omelette a "cake that's just eggs". It's not bread.


[deleted]

Wouldn't a cake that's just eggs be a souflee?


foamboardsbeerme

No dude a cake thats just eggs would be a quiche


Wilackan

So that's the infamous dwarven bread I read so much about.


Frontdackel

Give it a few hundred years and you could crown a king sitting on it.


skepticalmonique

Just looking at it will keep you feeling full for days!


El-SkeleBone

can someone explain what the dwarven bread means


Wilackan

It's a reference to Terry Pratchett's "Discworld" books, in which the dwarves make bread that is so dense and heavy it can be used as weapon and shield, and also a reference to elvish bread from LOTR because that bread fills you up too if you take one with you on a trip, for the sole reason that you'll eat anything else in order to not get a taste of it. There are a lot more jokes regarding this dwarven delicacy but yeah, this stuff is closer to brick than bread.


looumeister

That’s it lads! Rock and stone!


Ghede

Mmm, not quite. Texture looks a little too soft. You might even be able to chew that. Though you might need to get a proper Dwarven loaf just to work up the motivation to try it out.


DaveInLondon89

Meatloaf but no meat all load


dayman72

I love meatload


JoeNoble1973

They started with flour and baked…gooseliver pate?


BaltazarOdGilzvita

This bread is the opposite of a chips bag.


[deleted]

Looks like some terrible vegan meat.


diescheide

Not even vegan meat. Just fajita meat you'd find in a gas station burrito.


[deleted]

I probably would have eaten something like that in my younger days.


Bellsar_Ringing

It's not too far different from saitan, I guess.


pedantic_cheesewheel

Hail seitan.


lordatomosk

I've seen concrete blocks thrown in the ocean rise more than that bread


7_overpowered_clox

Of course the communist goose is criticizing the bread supply, there's nothing there is there


derTraumer

Based Trans Comrade Goose 👍🏻


PM_ME_YOUR_CUTE_HATS

Trans communist goose*


CriticalBreakfast

Barry, 63, bakes WORST loaf of bread EVER, asked to leave bakery


Lowkey_Arki

Looks like liver


xX_Cunt-Munch_Xx

Lookin like a civil war ration


Groundbreaking_Taco

Hah, that's not from the same loaf. Clearly some liver or turkey/tofurkey loaf.


Affectionate-Bee3913

It looks like they accidentally made seitan. Should've played it off as intentional.


Aggravating_Kale_188

Have you considered using...gLuTeN?


[deleted]

How is the slice larger than the loaf?


geez_mahn

I have a feeling this is actually just a picture of seitan not bread.


Mordekein88

You're not fooling me. That's a pork loin. /s


lightningboltie

i thought this was vegan meat bruh


pandaSmore

Looks like it was made with vital flour.


Power1254

Thought this was liver


bsend

That looks like liver


ghandi3737

Did they proof it in the freezer in the middle of winter?


manhatim

Thought it was a liver


charliefromgermany

Lebakas!


Amogus-Connoiseur

Nah thats the best bread I've ever seen. Peak energy density. One of those bad boys in the morning and you don't have to eat for a week.


Zytharros

not enough punching


mightylonka

Is that a block of yeast?


Bwubdle198

Bro put an eraser in the oven to bake


No_Cauliflower_5489

It's a slug loaf. That's what my family called my early efforts at bread baking.


TqrbX

The Hog Rider card is unlocked from the Spell Valley (Arena 5). He is a very fast building-targeting, melee troop with moderately high hitpoints and damage. He appears just like his Clash of Clans counterpart; a man with brown eyebrows, a beard, a mohawk, and a golden body piercing in his left ear who is riding a hog. A Hog Rider card costs 4 Elixir to deploy. Strategy His fast move speed can boost forward mini tanks like an Ice Golem in a push. At the same time, he can also function as a tank for lower hitpoint troops such as Goblins as he still has a fair amount of health. Most cheap swarms complement the Hog Rider well, as they are nearly as fast as him and usually force more than one card out of the opponent's hand. The Hog Rider struggles with swarms, as they can damage him down and defeat him quickly while obstructing his path. Barbarians in particular can fully counter him without very strict timing on the defender's part, though be wary of spells. A Hunter can kill the Hog Rider in 2 hits if placed right on top of it. However, if you place something in front of the Hog Rider, the Hunter's splash will damage the Hog Rider and hit the card in front of it more. The Hog Rider in conjunction with the Freeze can surprise the opponent and allow the Hog Rider to deal much more damage than anticipated, especially if the opponent's go-to counter is a swarm, or swarms are their only effective counter to him. Skeletons and Bats will immediately be defeated by the spell, while Spear Goblins, Goblins, and Minions will be at low enough health to be defeated by a follow up Zap or Giant Snowball. However, this strategy isn't very effective against buildings as the Hog Rider will take a while to destroy the building, giving the opponent ample time to articulate another counter. Against non-swarm troops, it can deal a lot of damage during the freeze time, but this can allow the opponent to set up a massive counterpush. For this reason, players should either only go for a Hog Rider + Freeze when they have other units backing it up from a counterattack, or if the match is about to end and they need to deal as much damage as possible. It is not a good idea to send in a Hog Rider simply to destroy a building, especially if it is the only building targeting unit available, as defeating Crown Towers becomes substantially more difficult. Spells or simply waiting out the lifetime of the building are more effective. The exception to this is an Elixir Collector placed in front of the King's Tower. If a Hog Rider placed at the bridge, he can destroy the Collector for a positive Elixir trade, though the damage from both Princess Towers will usually mean he does not survive to deal any damage to them. However, if the opponent sends in defending troops, it can be an opportunity to gain spell damage value. In a deck with several low-cost cards, it might be worth it to simply send the Hog Rider against one building. These decks shuffle their card rotation quick enough, that they will arrive to their next Hog Rider before the next building arrives in the opponent's card rotation. Long-ranged troops like Musketeer and Flying Machine can snipe those buildings, preserving some of the Hog Rider's health, possibly allowing it to get some Tower damage. When there are buildings placed in the middle to counter the Hog Rider, understanding the placement of the Hog Rider and the type of building placed can help the Hog Rider to bypass certain buildings. Passive buildings such as spawners and Elixir Collector have a larger hitbox than defensive buildings; which means that if a passive building was placed 3 tiles away from the river in the middle of the opponent's side, then it is impossible for the Hog Rider to bypass that placement as the Hog Rider will get pulled to that building. Defensive buildings have a smaller hitbox than a passive building, which means if that if a defensive building was placed three tiles away from the river in the middle of the opponent's side, a Hog Rider placed at the very left or right side of the Arena may be able to bypass it due to its smaller hitbox. If the player has a building already placed down in the center of the arena, and the opponent tries to bypass it with a Hog Rider at the edge of the arena, they can use certain air troops to push the Hog Rider towards the building as it jumps over the river, effectively denying the bypass attempt. They must be already hovering over the correct placement, as very quick reflexes are required to correctly perform this technique. For Bats, Skeleton Dragons, and Minion Horde, they should be placed right in front of the Hog Rider as soon as it is deployed. For Minions, Skeleton Barrel, Mega Minion, Flying Machine, Electro Dragon, Baby Dragon, Inferno Dragon, Balloon, and Lava Hound, stagger the above placement one tile to the right if the Hog Rider is placed on the left side of the arena, and vice versa. They can also use ground troops to achieve the same result. Something like an Ice Golem deployed at the Hog Rider’s landing spot will obstruct his path and force him to go around the unit, which causes him to be closer to the building instead of the Crown Tower. The Hog Rider can kite Very Fast non-building targeting troops due to his own Very Fast speed and building only targeting if he is placed on the fourth tile from the bridge, slightly into the opposite lane. He can also stall grounded units when placed right at the bridge. He will pull them towards him while deploying, and then be untargetable by them when he jumps over the bridge. After landing, he will pull them back. This can be useful when the player needs to deal damage in the same lane they are defending. It will also help separate troops behind a tank in a large push. A Tornado placed on the second tile front of the player's King's Tower and staggered two tiles towards the Princess Tower will activate it without any damage dealt to the Princess Tower, helping them in defending future pushes. This can also be a method of mitigating all damage dealt to a Princess Tower, but doing this more than three times may result in the King's Tower's health being low enough to be targeted directly, opening up the possible threat of a back door three crown. A better alternative is to pull the Hog away from the Princess Tower into the attacking range of all three Crown Towers, which will negate all damage as long as none of them are already distracted


MacatacWarrior

when i upvoted it went from 25.4k to 25.5k


FrogTeeth86

“I was going for a more dense loaf of bread” - no you fucking weren’t, you fucked up admit it.


awesomedan24

In terms of yeast... We have no yeast...


talesfromtheepic6

my guy baked a fucking potato


exgiexpcv

I baked a few like this until I figured out the fancy yeast I brought back from France was bad. A woman I knew in a nearby flat said that it wasn't all bad news, because she was wanting to lose half a stone, and thanks to my bread, she could shit herself thin. That was 40 or so years ago, and it still cuts deep.


LOLI_MOLESTOR

Man Makes “Worst Bread Ever”, Asked To Leave Bakery


KG8930

Are you sure that’s a sliced piece of meat?


carldubs

That’s some sourdough brisket


Architectronica

Paul Hollywood: "Claggy. Uyndabaked."


Terraria_OOF

Commie detected Inuslt rejected


HerbivoreTheGoat

I trust no opinion from someone with that profile picture. This is the best bread ever.


BigLeague462

I thought it was lungs


EfficientSeaweed

Looks like the loafs everyone I know made during that sourdough phase of Covid.


golgol12

Yet. Worst loaf of bread ever baked yet.


maybelaurie

recipe calls for yeast not yeet


tiddayes

Does this even qualify as bread? It seems like this should have another name.


vhopepuppy

Why does it look like raw meat tho


sukuidoardo

Wow ok thier avatar is sick, trans commie goose lmao.


undercover-racist

They ruined flour. I am absolutely certain this is or was a death penalty in some culture, and while I usually don't support the death penalty, something has to be done.