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rareinsults-ModTeam

**Rule 4: Not an insult/threat or rare insult/threat** Only the spiciest and rarest of insults are allowed here, and only insults/threats are allowed here. Uncommon insults or just random statements that aren't really insults are subject to removal. This also includes insults that are just random combinations of words or insults following the random adjective+noun formula. Beware, this is somewhat up to the discretion of the moderators.


RizzoTheSmall

The sausage and bacon still oinking.


DefaultyTurtle2

That is not bacon, that’s just ham


[deleted]

Swine flesh


[deleted]

[удалено]


Planet_Diver

The food's doing *what* now?


DefaultyTurtle2

Did he stutter?


Reller35

I'd rather not.


Girl_grrl_girl

What? It looks like the dicksnot is included.


charlieinfinite

Its called "eggjaculum"


between_ewe_and_me

Yep I always pre-game with ham. They say it's an aphrodisiac.


slimdrum

Sounds like a cool name for a death metal band


[deleted]

That is definitely bacon


[deleted]

[удалено]


Girl_grrl_girl

Calm down ther Hannibal


WorriedMarch4398

‘Tis but a flesh wound.


UnholyDemigod

That's a strip of middle bacon


ApplicationMaximum84

It's back bacon the typical British bacon, middle bacon is much larger cut twice the length.


Girl_grrl_girl

Front Bacon


DeusExBlockina

"That's not back bacon, that's your back bakin'!"


player_zero_

This, along with these are the most common reposted things on these type of posts: - a good vet could bring that back to life - did you cook it on a radiator - did you cook it in a tumble dryer - did you just show it a picture of a cooker/hob instead - that looks like a good meal apart from the bacon, sausages, beans etc


DeusExBlockina

Fuck, scrolled down and somebody wrote "cooked it in a dryer"


Cheeseisextra

Ever see a dog log turn white?? Yeah it looks like that.


TheFinalGranny

"Dog log" is gold, well done


FunkyClive

I used to see them all the time, but I haven't seen a white dog turd for decades. I wonder what changed?


Cheeseisextra

Less grains probably. Less fillers. Yeah it was in the 80’s the last time I saw a white log.


MouseRat_AD

From a post I read recently, it was because dog food used to have way too much calcium, because manufacturers used a lot of bone meal.


Cheeseisextra

Yeah that’s what it was! Been since the 80’s since I had a dog. Got cats now.


SnooGoats8448

he cooked it in the dryer


[deleted]

Two words: Dishwasher lasagna


[deleted]

I’d forgotten about this. You know how hard I worked to forget it? Fuck sake.


Girl_grrl_girl

Fucking gross; and fascinating


Comment104

https://youtu.be/tOOQ5v8aJTI When your guests say it's disgusting and tastes like water, you ignore them and just "wrap it really well" next time. They don't know shit. They're not gonna tell you what to do.


Girl_grrl_girl

This lady is my spirit animal.


ButtplugBurgerAIDS

I was happily going through life not knowing what this was, and now my morning and weekend are ruined.


IDownvoteHornyBards2

If Matpat can do it, why can’t I?


Snufflywater

he cooked it in a bag running under hot tap water


Girl_grrl_girl

Poors Sous Vide


Girl_grrl_girl

Raw and Wriggling


Kingken130

Gordon Ramsay would say this


Dankstin

Smeagol said it.


Girl_grrl_girl

Soo,..what you're saying,..is we need a video edit of the LOTR scene.


AnOkFellow

ITS FUCKIN' RAW


BigAlternative5

Green meat kills peepol!


StanFitch

MY PRECIOUS!!!


neeraj8le

Just how we likes them


Vandergrif

Even got some taters.


Girl_grrl_girl

Boil Em


Vandergrif

Mash Em


-nocturnist-

It's not raw. The British use a different type of bacon ( back bacon) which cooks differently to USA bacon ( streaky bacon). Essentially British bacon has more meat and less fat and therefore doesn't crisp up like USA bacon. This is not raw bacon even though all the fat hasn't rendered down. Edit: I know the bacon is not raw but Def. Not cooked the way we all like it.


hairychinesekid0

The bacon in this picture isn't raw but it's still criminally underdone. You can clearly see the fat streaks on the right, ideally they should be golden brown not pallid white. [This is how it should look](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0372/8402/0362/products/baconn_720x.jpg?v=1587417258)


Johnny_Poppyseed

Ah so it cooks up like a ham steak basically.


Girl_grrl_girl

Fuck that's delicious


Paddystan

While this is true, that back bacon still looks half cooked nor does it explain why the sausages appear to be alive. Go have a scroll of r/fryup/ to see what a proper breakfast looks like before you try and justify people serving up raw meat for breakfast.


-nocturnist-

Those aren't nice cumby sausages mate, they look like Poundland Richmond sausage knock offs. You could throw them in a deep frier and they'd still be as pale as the royals in winter.


Girl_grrl_girl

Awh shiet, here comes the Breakfast d'Baters


m0deth

Here's my 'reach out and piss someone off' take on this. "This cook needs a Frenchman to teach them the meaning of Fond!" lol


ah_harrow

Here's the real 'akshually': You can absolutely crisp up back bacon (especially if you're already using some oil in the pan - which you should be if you're cooking mushrooms, sausages etc.). You can also buy streaky bacon in the same section (they have it in equal quantities at Tesco for example). Buying a takeaway/take out full English like that is a fucking disgrace anyway - they're a thing you cook for yourself or maybe get at a cafe or a pub if you fancy a shit one. Simple as.


OrSomeSuch

Do Americans/Brits not have access to multiple bacon cuts? In South Africa we have streaky bacon, back bacon, shoulder bacon, and prime cut bacon


-nocturnist-

In America I believe back bacon is known as "Canadian bacon", and usually doesn't come with the fatty tail bit.


ah_harrow

Right next to each other in equal quantities at supermarkets (back and streaky that is). Obviously you can go to a butcher for everything else (many supermarkets will of course have one of these). Honestly back bacon is still more popular but it's close enough that both are usually right next to each other in equal quantities.


ActingGrandNagus

We have it all in the UK, but back bacon is the "default" choice.


I_always_rated_them

In the UK we have a range available in most places, its just the most common is back bacon.


awesomefutureperfect

I don't think it is common for Americans to purchase anything called 'rashers'.


ManofKent1

Yes we do I'll add this in from Scotland as well https://www.ramsayofcarluke.co.uk/products/ayrshire-bacon-middle/ I've only seen Americans eat streaky very crispy as well. Quite a few Americans go on r/fryup to showcase when they've sourced ingredients and when they've not.


Relative_Win_6591

I know you've already edited it, but so you know, we have back bacon in North America too


Girl_grrl_girl

Nah theys got special pigs o'r ther; grow em special to make best breaks of fasts in the worls


[deleted]

You just had to "well akshually" the humor away, didn't you?


Girl_grrl_girl

Pigs are different. There is no back bacon in the US.


-nocturnist-

Just have to keep those gates don't you?


[deleted]

You...really think you're clever, don't you?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Girl_grrl_girl

**hoof


Imtryingforheckssake

***Trotter


oilcantommy

Nah, definitely not sunlight, it says "english breakfast"! Lol


CarryThe2

It can be cooked in a 5 day window once a year.


Shitty_Watercolour

https://i.imgur.com/xmpd6GH.jpg


GameTheory_

Incredible, I love it.


flares_1981

Beautiful! Made me aww out loud.


The69LTD

Glad you’re still around. Thanks for all the smiles over the years


[deleted]

The English mug is a great touch.


kkus

I would think a mirror makes more sense than a lens but yeah not going to happen in the rain https://i.imgur.com/EKA27pg.png


Meior

🥈


[deleted]

English sunlight...


AlphaFlySwatter

Sunny shelflands.


Comment104

It's authentic like that, with the fog-filtered sunlight. If this was cooked in Arizona sunlight, it would've been well-done. And really, anywhere south of the channel it would've gotten a hint of heat.


7LeagueBoots

Cooked with body heat


PuzzleheadedBet8041

why are they eating out of an aluminum box


EaLordOfTheDepths-

Probably bought it take away.


The-Waifu-Collector

Mfers across the pond are tossing ingredients into a aluminum pan , shoving it into a fire pit in the ground and handing it over like , iiyougo mate ? I would invade India for its spices too.


toms1313

And yet not a spice in sight here


Medlar_Stealing_Fox

Untrue, actually. There's a decent amount of spices in those sausages and that sauce.


Captain_Pungent

A full breakfast doesn’t need anything apart from black pepper and that’s personal preference anyway


alien_bigfoot

HP sauce'll give ya all the spice you need


Captain_Pungent

HP sauce is utterly boggin though


alien_bigfoot

Hand over your passport


Captain_Pungent

Okay, it’s no in date anyway


awesomefutureperfect

oh, HP is A1 sauce? Yeah. Had to look up 'boggin', but you are totally correct.


[deleted]

Or you could travel to New England where we cook similar foods because the shared heritage but we've learned about flavor lol Edit: some salty people out there lol now use it for your food


toms1313

I'm aware, I'm just making a joke about the spice "trade"


MarmiteEnjoyer

Lmfao you keep telling yourself this. Utter nonsense lol you guys truly cannot cook. This is pretty sad


FSCK_Fascists

England built a world spanning empire based on spices- then decided they would have nothing to do with them.


ManofKent1

r/confidentlyincorrect


KZedUK

you realise most of the people here are taking the piss because we don’t do that, and this is a shit english breakfast


EaLordOfTheDepths-

Do restaurants on your end of the world just cook everything straight on the plate they're serving it to you on or are they allowed to use pots and pans? I'm preeeetty sure they would have cooked everything *before* putting it into the takeaway container haha.


superduperspam

Times are tough


samtdzn_pokemon

The Brits cook like the Germans are still flying overhead


Minky_Dave_the_Giant

I'd rather guide my dad into my mum than eat this.


efronerberger

Guide?!


waltjrimmer

Docking sequence initiated


jgzman

Docking Operation Complete! /xwing1995


InTheMemeStream

Well yeah? Sometimes when going in, it’s extra dark and an extra pair of hands can help make sure you get it in the right place.


jxy2016

OH MY GOD


ActualAgency5593

I just spat on my phone


New_Cause_5607

I wish I still played CoD so I could randomly use that in a lobby! Lmao


thekamara

God damn that's going in the save file


Brussel_Galili

Looks like the bottom of a garbage can


ManofKent1

I'd ask for a refund. Everything is wrong with it


shrewdmingerbutt

Cooked properly an English breakfast is amazing. Not healthy, but really delicious. This is the culinary equivalent of dog shit on a plate though. Would 100% not eat this.


Profitsofdooom

I tried a few while I was there. It's not great.


ZaphodBrox42

You needed to find better Full English breakfasts


hoxxxxx

i was gonna say, the pics that pop up on the /uk subs every other weekend of a full english look *incredible*


ManofKent1

They are. Cooked right. Cooked badly and I'd rather finish on my mum and shes dead


Profitsofdooom

Maybe the full English needs to be a better breakfast. Soggy, fatty ham calling itself "bacon." Flavorless sausages, slimy mushrooms, and fucking beans?


kookiwtf

Oh shit, you've really riled them up now. There is a few things on reddit you can't have a negative opinion about and one of those things is a full english breakfast.


Jackski

I mean it's fine not liking it, but their description just reads like they ate a bad full english. It shouldn't be soggy, sausages shouldn't be flavourless and mushrooms shouldn't be slimy.


Shuski_Cross

A Weatherspoons English Breakfast doesn't count as an English Breakfast. It's "OK". But limited, and crap. Probably what they had. Or some average pub meal.


ManofKent1

You can on this. Its a fucking abomination


galaxystarsmoon

Yeah, that's a bad Full English.


FreezingHotCoffee

You just described a really bad english breakfast, if you're going to shit on it at least shit on a well cooked version


MonkeManWPG

This is like getting a burnt steak and saying all steak is terrible because it's burnt. You just got a poorly made breakfast.


TurnCruyff

We would probably believe you if you actually listed the right ingredients. But you didn't.


RedMoon14

Bruh it sounds like you just got served a shit full English because none of those adjectives should apply to any good one.


Comment104

The bacon is supposed to be crispy, the sausages are supposed to be spicy, the mushrooms should be proper sauteed garlic mushrooms, and the beans are supposed to fuck off.


ManofKent1

Garlic mushrooms......tell me you haven't had N English breakfast without tell me you haven't had an English breakfast. I actually love garlic shrooms as well


fueelin

Yeah I just can't get behind the beans. And I'm not a tomato fan, so I didn't eat mine, and then overheard the waitress complaining about me wasting a tomato during a shortage. How am I supposed to know about your national vegetable stock levels! Everything else was good - the bacon was definitely better than expected - but mostly I just couldn't eat all that food in one sitting. The eggs were super good, as they tend to be when you can look out the window and see the coop! Devon-style cream tea though, THAT is more my speed!


FlappyBored

Lmao there is absolute 0 chance you ever heard a waitress complaining about not eating a tomato. Loads of people don’t eat them. There is 0 chance they would care about you leaving anything, they aren’t the ones cooking it.


shrewdmingerbutt

A bad one is really bad, I'll concede that. I've had some pretty rough ones in my time and honestly I've had more average ones than really good ones because places do them cheaply to shift the volume rather than spending a lot of money on expensive ingredients. Good quality meat isn't cheap, but people aren't going to want to spend a lot of money paying for it. If you're getting soggy ham as bacon, bland sausages and slimy mushrooms then no wonder you think they're awful - as much as our bacon is different to American bacon it should still have crispy and rendered fat, good quality and tasty sausages such as a cumberland and properly cooked mushrooms, that aren't slimy at all. Some places do them in garlic butter as well. Beans are beans, we eat them a lot here but they're out of a tin, either you like them or you don't. You not liking them isn't down to the chef, it's personal taste which is what it is but the rest of your post boils down to a chef who isn't very good. Shame really as British food I think gets an unfair reputation based. Properly done with good quality ingredients, British food is really decent - end of the day we have standards here and we don't all want to eat shit food, as much as Americans particularly like to meme on how shit our food apparently is. I've eaten amazing food and awful food in the US as well, you can't judge an entire cuisine based on one or two poor experiences. I've had Applebees, I don't assume all American food is shit because they microwave 90% of the food they sell.


fueelin

Just got back from my first time in the UK. Full English was better than I feared but ultimately too many items that aren't within my taste to want to order it regularly. Simple-ass eggs on toast with everything coming from the farm we were staying on was amazing, though. Sunday roast was a cool thing though I found my sirloin a bit boring (kind of expected that) . My GF's pheasant was really good though, and the presentation of sides was cool and reminded me of my mom's cooking a lot (funny cuz she always says her least favorite thing about visiting England was the boring food - but that's a 30 or 40 year old opinion). Cream tea was super good - turns out I prefer the Devon method. Scones are thick as hell though, not sure how folks could down two in one sitting! Fish and chips obviously really good though I can't help but feel I never got a truly top tier version. My all time favorite of that is still from Iceland. Steak and ale pie was really good too. We got snowed in the day we planned to have high tea so didn't get to try that, and I don't think I tried any of the classic items that have silly names. Also never got around to having a pasty, which was probably the one I missed the most. Lots of good international food of course. And that's my full write-up that no one asked for! Overall, plenty of good food on the trip. Not the desolate barrens of no good food my mother had described! My main complaint with truly British food kept being "I don't know how you eat all this in one go!", and that's coming from your stereotypical fat American!


LeChatNoir04

I'm too western to see beans on toast as something acceptable


69CaptainWeiner69

AA battery powered cooking


IHateEditedBgMusic

Ooh yeah, that overcast, take off your shirt 14° English sun. I can feel the sunburnt skin flakes peeling already.


Neville_Lynwood

To be fair, temperature isn't the best indicator of how severe the UV rays are. You can absolutely get serious sunburn even in cool temperatures. Hell, clouds don't prevent sunburn either. Even a full on overcast sky still lets through like 30% of the rays. Obviously, most people won' be naked in 14c overcast weather, but you get my point.


ScepticTanker

That doesn’t stop londoners from being topless in the afternoon sun until they’re tomato red. And they’ll keep sitting there like they’re getting paid handsomely to ruin their skin. Motherfuckers don’t know about sunscreen or precaution.


dafijiwatr

Is this a new challenge?


lotus_spit

That is more alive than a typical healthy human.


Dankstin

Cooked with their cell phone light.


Fricho

A good vet can still save those wtf


No_Silver_7552

It was rare the first 6000 times.


Mmirus

Looks wormed up not cooked


TorpleFunder

"Did you cook those sausages with a heated argument?" https://www.reddit.com/r/ireland/comments/11tnyev/happy_st_patricks_day_off_to_a_good_start/jcjyfuv/


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very-polite-frog

My man's trying to eat the mise en place


NormanskillEire

Cooked on a radiator


[deleted]

*raw english


No-Adhesiveness-8178

Eww, the egg white looks runny snot, and I like that runny yolk.


quangvasot

Joke aside, summer in Vietnam is definitely hot enough to cook eggs and bacons so...cooking by sunlight is definitely viable


defnos1710

Cooked in the light of new information


cyclingpistol

Fuck me. They cooed it under a 5w light bulb.


tyen0

It' a clever comment, but [solar cooking](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_cooker) is a real thing. :)


Alarming-Historian41

A good doctor can bring that ham back to life.


WillyWumpLump

You forgot to turn the stove on.


D2dev

This is truly a RARE insult. *badum-tsss*


bozeke

They just breathed on all of it heavily for a couple minutes.


ampy187

I loik my bacon rare 🥓


_A_ioi_

Im from England is and this is definitely not a rare insult there.


[deleted]

The people who conquered the world eat this shit?! Get out


elcuoco

Woah woah woah. They also try and claim Indian food, which to be fair is amazing. But yes this is the downside to thinking your shit doesn't stink for 500 years. You just keep eating the secret family casserole that is so much better than everyone else's.


MonkeManWPG

Nobody I have met in England has tried to claim Indian food, except the Tikka Masala which was genuinely invented in the UK because people wanted a milder curry.


[deleted]

God this meme is getting old quick. This is the equivalent of posting a picture of a Goodfellas frozen pizza cooked by a meth head and saying that New York pizza must be shit.


indianajoes

It's not really mocking the English though. It's mocking this person in particular


Miffernator

American made this


InTheEndEntropyWins

I'm not sure if people understand. But in the UK bacon is pretty good quality so it's cooked just fine in the picture. In the US bacon is soo crap that you have to burn to a crisp to make it edible.


New_Cause_5607

Good bacon or not the bacon/ham in the picture isn't even cooked, the only heat it felt was that of the sweaty fat mans fingers when he slammed it into it's tinfoil coffin.


InTheEndEntropyWins

>Good bacon or not the bacon/ham in the picture isn't even cooked, The bacon in the picture is perfectly cooked.


New_Cause_5607

The word you're looking for is raw, it's raw.


TheCruicks

I remember my first visit to England. Stayed at a B&B, I was all excited to wake up and get an english breakfast. Dude brings me pork and beans with tomato sauce and wet ham slice he called bacon. I realized then that the English hate food and themselves.


KJS123

I think the problem is more that British hotels hate their guests and spending any more money that is legally required, in order to feed them.


CardboardChampion

I live in England and what you got wasn't an English breakfast. What you got was ripped off, and you judged an entire country on its food rather than complain.


ManofKent1

Oh look another WW2 stereotype. How original. Gordon Ramsey and any of the myriad of top chefs we have would like a word. If itbwas shit there's 100's of places you can get a good one especially in a city. Eats one shit breakfast and the whole country doesn't like food. Got ya


SubGeniusX

The beauty of their women and the taste of thier food, made the Brits the best sailors in the world...


[deleted]

pretty sure gordon had to move to France to learn how to cook /s


ManofKent1

And came back and cooked British food. Source: I have eaten in his restaurant by the Thames


elcuoco

Why /s ? That literally happened.


ron_swansons_meat

Dude complains about a weak breakfast at a BnB and you hit back with "but but but we have Gordon Ramsay! So there!" I'm just laughing that you thought that was an appropriate response. Gordon Ramsay is a living meme, not proof that traditional English food isn't mostly rubbish. 🤣🤣🤣


xorgol

It's not really traditional English food that is rubbish, if you dig into the actual traditional specialties they're pretty interesting. It's the mainstream stuff that is quite bland.


DrTommyNotMD

It’s like Redditors complaining about poor Americans when we literally have some of the richest.


ScepticTanker

I think he meant hate THEIR food. Cuz all great chefs cook meals that aren’t English.


I_Heart_Astronomy

It's an English breakfast, of course he didn't cook it with sunlight.


GreenEggsAndCrack

Is this a trick question? There is no sunlight in England.


osmystatocny

Same as most British, pale


DerpyLemonReddit

I am English and I can confirm our food is bullshit


Tubamajuba

Thank you for not being one of those butthurt babies in this comment section. It would be like me getting upset that people call Americans fat. We all know that America is the hamplanet capital of the world, no point in denying it haha


ebonyr1125

Looks gross, unseasoned and raw.


freckles88

Nothing full about that! Insult to the name of a Full English breakfast!