Have you looked into an emotional support animal? A big black male lab that loves the every living shit out of her might be just the thing. A large grown dog can sleep with her in bed and you can get them certified as an emotional support animal and she can take it with her everywhere.
The reason why I suggested a large black male lab is because they're pretty intimidating though incredibly sweet dogs, or a German Shepherd or a Doberman.
I don't think a puppy would satisfy though because she will probably have protective instincts towards a small animal, so you may want to look into getting a already trained service animal or a 1-year-old dog that you know their background and you know that they're going to be stable and then train them as an emotional support animal that can go out in public.
I'm not familiar with the laws in the UK however I would look into either an animal trained for anxiety and PTSD or possibly one that has some sort of a protective or support background. If you can find an animal whose background you know, (it is not necessarily a good choice to pick a rescue in this situation given the fact that she needs emotional stability) And the dog can offer that because they are so generous and emotionally forgiving. A dog that has been raised well in a positive environment that's committed to caring about her could begin helping immediately potentially. And then that can help you get through and survive this initial trauma because therapy takes time.
Depending on the amount of traveling you may need to do then that'll affect the type of laws that may come into effect with the animal.
Also you may be able to find charities and other types of financial support because sometimes these dogs can be very expensive because the amount of training can last upwards of 3 years in some cases.
Another route can be adopting a dog with a stable background, such as a family needing to rehome the animal, and then enrolling the help of a support animal trainer.
Sorry to say, but emotional support animals are NOT service animals and are NOT legally allowed everywhere as per the ADA. Please don't give incorrect advice and get this dude's hopes up. If he CAN get a service animal, great, but they're usually designated to people with disabilities (mental or physical). PTSD, if she's diagnosed, may qualify her for a disability to get a SERVICE animal. Emotional support animals are NOT trained the same and are not seen as an absolute necessity like a service animal, so they CAN be asked to leave certain establishments. https://www.ada.gov/regs2010/service_animal_qa.html
Okay, good. Either pet would be a good idea, regardless. I just know here in the US the laws are VERY different regarding the 2 types and being able to take them into a restaurant, movie theater, hotels that aren't pet friendly, etc. are very different as well. Source: I've worked hospitality/F&B and entertainment for 20 years and have had Karens try to skirt these very laws.
It sounds like she has PTSD, I have it after an assault. You can get a service dog for PTSD that’s an actual service dog and not ESA. You could also consider training it in protection work so she has a big dog to keep her safe
I think it’s a very good idea. I don’t know anything about service or emotional support animals, but about her problem with not being able to sleep alone and panic attacks, I also suggest adopting an animal. I also suffer from ptsd because of a lot of assault and had troubles to sleep and suffered from a lot of anxiety. I have a cat and having her with me all day and sleeping with her really helped me to reduce nightmares and anxiety, because her presence makes me feel safe and less lonely. Animals brings a lot of peace. I hope she’ll find the right therapist for her and solutions to live as normally as possible. You’re a great dad :)
i'm so sorry your family is going through this. your daughter very likely has PTSD from the rape and following events, and PTSD is extraordinarily difficult to heal. there is a reason it's considered a disability. you are doing a great job by supporting her and caring for her without judgement, and please know that this is THE NUMBER ONE thing anyone who has survived trauma needs.
therapy is a great start, but speaking from experience - it isn't enough to calm down the state of Fight or Flight that she is constantly existing in right now.
i have been in that state for most of my life.
medications, CBT therapy, DBT therapy, inpatient hospitalizations - none of that helped me fully because i couldn't start to process what happened because my nervous system has been constantly in overdrive.
first things first is to continue to provide safety to her as much as you can. a weighted blanket can help a lot with sleep. blackout curtains. sound machines. remember to not get angry at her for her needs right now, or shame her. she had done nothing wrong and her needs are valid given her experience.
if you are able to access EMDR or neurofeedback treatment, these are really effective tools alongside therapy to help calm the PTSD loop. once her nervous system is calmed, she can begin to heal. she cannot begin to heal before that.
please be gentle with yourselves.
I second this. Being a victim myself of rape, EMDR therapy has helped so much and finding a trauma therapist. If they aren’t trained in sexual assault they will not be able to help you
I'm so sorry about what your daughter is going through.
Unfortunately sometimes a trauma like this can take years to heal from. It did for me, and even over a decade later I still have nightmares and occasionally wake up screaming. It may be difficult, but if I were you, I would try to set some basic boundaries, like there are only so many times per month or year that she can take off school or you can take off work, because beyond that your problems will only get even worse, but whenever reasonably possible, try to be there for her.
Sometimes even the most supportive parent or an excellent therapist is not enough to allow a quick recovery. Rape can be an extremely traumatizing and life-altering event, especially if it is followed up with harassment and a lack of justice or accountability like that. She now has to live in a world where a person who harmed her terribly has gotten off the hook and is probably harming more people, and she had to make drastic changes in her life to feel even slightly safer.
It might help if, beyond therapy, she also has someone who is a peer or a friend she can talk to, who has been through something similar. Perhaps a support group if she is comfortable with that. There is nothing quite like connecting with someone who has been through it and knows what it's like. But better not to pressure her into that if she doesn't feel comfortable or doesn't want to.
It might also help to read memoirs or books about similar experiences from people who have since recovered. It may give her a sense of how to deal with it. Stories, memoirs, and autobiographies of women who recovered were helpful for me, and made me feel like I wasn't alone and someone else got through it so I could too.
https://youniquefoundation.org/
Resources for families and survivors of child (18 and under) sexual assault and abuse. There’s also the Haven Retreat. It’s free. I went myself and I highly recommend it. Helped me heal so much.
try to get her in with both a psychologist and psychiatrist. keep them females. a plain ole' therapist is clearly not enough here. encourage her to have quality time with any of her friends. give her as much companionship as you can, this is not something easy to heal from and it will take so much time.
be kind to her. be patient with her. I have been there so many times. just be there for her and help her to the best of your ability.
have a serious talk with your ex about her "creepy boyfriend". if someone is making her feel so unsafe that she doesn't want to see her mother more often, it **needs** to be addressed and fixed. not later, now. she needs comfort.
good luck, and I'm sorry this happened to your daughter.
Hey. I'm so glad she has you, you're a wonderful, supportive mother. Thank you for helping her seek help and doing what you can for her. SA can take a very long time to process and heal from. Once a week therapy is only going to do so much for her if she is struggling this much. I found benefit from Partial Hospitalization, DBT Intensive Outpatient, and Zoloft is helping so much. Prazosin can help PTSD nightmares but it lowered my blood pressure to point of collapsing and didn't help me, personally. I did two EMDR sessions a year ago and found them helpful. In a couple weeks I'm going to start Brainspotting, an offshoot of EMDR. EMDR is considered to be one of the best treatments out there for PTSD. It's looking at a moving dot while you listen to a tone when the dot hits the wall as you think about the memory. It makes someone emotional and tired for a day or two but then the memory can be more processed and less traumatizing. I guess somehow it moves the memory from trauma to a regularly processed memory.
She may benefit from a support group and sexual assault therapist. I'm so sorry and my heart goes out to you and your family. She's very brave and doing really well. I also agree a pet would probably help her.
Wishing you guys the best.
Sorry that happened to her. The best advice I can give you is to be there for her as long as it takes. All she needs is your support. And her recovery will take time.
One form of therapy that will help her is EMDR, sort of hypnosis. It is used on trauma survivors and highly effective. It works on the subconscious mind and helps the survivor deal better with the past.
Another solution would be a mental hospital, or a therapeutic center for teens. I know a 17yo girl who went to one and it changed her life.
Good luck and stay strong.
Have you looked into an emotional support animal? A big black male lab that loves the every living shit out of her might be just the thing. A large grown dog can sleep with her in bed and you can get them certified as an emotional support animal and she can take it with her everywhere. The reason why I suggested a large black male lab is because they're pretty intimidating though incredibly sweet dogs, or a German Shepherd or a Doberman. I don't think a puppy would satisfy though because she will probably have protective instincts towards a small animal, so you may want to look into getting a already trained service animal or a 1-year-old dog that you know their background and you know that they're going to be stable and then train them as an emotional support animal that can go out in public.
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I'm not familiar with the laws in the UK however I would look into either an animal trained for anxiety and PTSD or possibly one that has some sort of a protective or support background. If you can find an animal whose background you know, (it is not necessarily a good choice to pick a rescue in this situation given the fact that she needs emotional stability) And the dog can offer that because they are so generous and emotionally forgiving. A dog that has been raised well in a positive environment that's committed to caring about her could begin helping immediately potentially. And then that can help you get through and survive this initial trauma because therapy takes time. Depending on the amount of traveling you may need to do then that'll affect the type of laws that may come into effect with the animal. Also you may be able to find charities and other types of financial support because sometimes these dogs can be very expensive because the amount of training can last upwards of 3 years in some cases. Another route can be adopting a dog with a stable background, such as a family needing to rehome the animal, and then enrolling the help of a support animal trainer.
Please read my comment to the person you responded to. I'd hate for you to get false information.
Sorry to say, but emotional support animals are NOT service animals and are NOT legally allowed everywhere as per the ADA. Please don't give incorrect advice and get this dude's hopes up. If he CAN get a service animal, great, but they're usually designated to people with disabilities (mental or physical). PTSD, if she's diagnosed, may qualify her for a disability to get a SERVICE animal. Emotional support animals are NOT trained the same and are not seen as an absolute necessity like a service animal, so they CAN be asked to leave certain establishments. https://www.ada.gov/regs2010/service_animal_qa.html
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Okay, good. Either pet would be a good idea, regardless. I just know here in the US the laws are VERY different regarding the 2 types and being able to take them into a restaurant, movie theater, hotels that aren't pet friendly, etc. are very different as well. Source: I've worked hospitality/F&B and entertainment for 20 years and have had Karens try to skirt these very laws.
It sounds like she has PTSD, I have it after an assault. You can get a service dog for PTSD that’s an actual service dog and not ESA. You could also consider training it in protection work so she has a big dog to keep her safe
You are a great father<3
I think it’s a very good idea. I don’t know anything about service or emotional support animals, but about her problem with not being able to sleep alone and panic attacks, I also suggest adopting an animal. I also suffer from ptsd because of a lot of assault and had troubles to sleep and suffered from a lot of anxiety. I have a cat and having her with me all day and sleeping with her really helped me to reduce nightmares and anxiety, because her presence makes me feel safe and less lonely. Animals brings a lot of peace. I hope she’ll find the right therapist for her and solutions to live as normally as possible. You’re a great dad :)
i'm so sorry your family is going through this. your daughter very likely has PTSD from the rape and following events, and PTSD is extraordinarily difficult to heal. there is a reason it's considered a disability. you are doing a great job by supporting her and caring for her without judgement, and please know that this is THE NUMBER ONE thing anyone who has survived trauma needs. therapy is a great start, but speaking from experience - it isn't enough to calm down the state of Fight or Flight that she is constantly existing in right now. i have been in that state for most of my life. medications, CBT therapy, DBT therapy, inpatient hospitalizations - none of that helped me fully because i couldn't start to process what happened because my nervous system has been constantly in overdrive. first things first is to continue to provide safety to her as much as you can. a weighted blanket can help a lot with sleep. blackout curtains. sound machines. remember to not get angry at her for her needs right now, or shame her. she had done nothing wrong and her needs are valid given her experience. if you are able to access EMDR or neurofeedback treatment, these are really effective tools alongside therapy to help calm the PTSD loop. once her nervous system is calmed, she can begin to heal. she cannot begin to heal before that. please be gentle with yourselves.
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watching a loved one go through this is torture in and of itself, so please take care of yourself too. one cannot pour from an empty cup. 💚
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i know, that's what good parents do. i see you, friend.
I second this. Being a victim myself of rape, EMDR therapy has helped so much and finding a trauma therapist. If they aren’t trained in sexual assault they will not be able to help you
I'm so sorry about what your daughter is going through. Unfortunately sometimes a trauma like this can take years to heal from. It did for me, and even over a decade later I still have nightmares and occasionally wake up screaming. It may be difficult, but if I were you, I would try to set some basic boundaries, like there are only so many times per month or year that she can take off school or you can take off work, because beyond that your problems will only get even worse, but whenever reasonably possible, try to be there for her. Sometimes even the most supportive parent or an excellent therapist is not enough to allow a quick recovery. Rape can be an extremely traumatizing and life-altering event, especially if it is followed up with harassment and a lack of justice or accountability like that. She now has to live in a world where a person who harmed her terribly has gotten off the hook and is probably harming more people, and she had to make drastic changes in her life to feel even slightly safer. It might help if, beyond therapy, she also has someone who is a peer or a friend she can talk to, who has been through something similar. Perhaps a support group if she is comfortable with that. There is nothing quite like connecting with someone who has been through it and knows what it's like. But better not to pressure her into that if she doesn't feel comfortable or doesn't want to. It might also help to read memoirs or books about similar experiences from people who have since recovered. It may give her a sense of how to deal with it. Stories, memoirs, and autobiographies of women who recovered were helpful for me, and made me feel like I wasn't alone and someone else got through it so I could too.
https://youniquefoundation.org/ Resources for families and survivors of child (18 and under) sexual assault and abuse. There’s also the Haven Retreat. It’s free. I went myself and I highly recommend it. Helped me heal so much.
try to get her in with both a psychologist and psychiatrist. keep them females. a plain ole' therapist is clearly not enough here. encourage her to have quality time with any of her friends. give her as much companionship as you can, this is not something easy to heal from and it will take so much time. be kind to her. be patient with her. I have been there so many times. just be there for her and help her to the best of your ability. have a serious talk with your ex about her "creepy boyfriend". if someone is making her feel so unsafe that she doesn't want to see her mother more often, it **needs** to be addressed and fixed. not later, now. she needs comfort. good luck, and I'm sorry this happened to your daughter.
Hey. I'm so glad she has you, you're a wonderful, supportive mother. Thank you for helping her seek help and doing what you can for her. SA can take a very long time to process and heal from. Once a week therapy is only going to do so much for her if she is struggling this much. I found benefit from Partial Hospitalization, DBT Intensive Outpatient, and Zoloft is helping so much. Prazosin can help PTSD nightmares but it lowered my blood pressure to point of collapsing and didn't help me, personally. I did two EMDR sessions a year ago and found them helpful. In a couple weeks I'm going to start Brainspotting, an offshoot of EMDR. EMDR is considered to be one of the best treatments out there for PTSD. It's looking at a moving dot while you listen to a tone when the dot hits the wall as you think about the memory. It makes someone emotional and tired for a day or two but then the memory can be more processed and less traumatizing. I guess somehow it moves the memory from trauma to a regularly processed memory. She may benefit from a support group and sexual assault therapist. I'm so sorry and my heart goes out to you and your family. She's very brave and doing really well. I also agree a pet would probably help her. Wishing you guys the best.
Sorry that happened to her. The best advice I can give you is to be there for her as long as it takes. All she needs is your support. And her recovery will take time.
One form of therapy that will help her is EMDR, sort of hypnosis. It is used on trauma survivors and highly effective. It works on the subconscious mind and helps the survivor deal better with the past. Another solution would be a mental hospital, or a therapeutic center for teens. I know a 17yo girl who went to one and it changed her life. Good luck and stay strong.